The local senior centers are also able to respond to a report and to coordinate resources for a local resident.
17
Report what you have observed to the building management and also to the NYC Dept for the Aging, since this person may need support and an aide or for their kin to be notified of the current situation. If you have the affected person's name and address it helps. They will send one of their caseworkers or one from a local social service agency to evaluate whether help is needed.
It is one of these situations where being hands off is not same as being a "good neighbor".
It is one of these situations where being hands off is not same as being a "good neighbor".
44
By all means contact Adult Protective Services. Note, though, that is not a panacea. The situation described sounds very like one I deal with on a daily basis. I have consulted APS multiple times, and they have visited at least 4 times but found no need for assistance. I have tried vigorously to convince my friend to move to a memory care facility, but she refuses. I have consulted an elder care attorney, who told me getting a person declared incompetent by the courts is a risky, expensive process that may not work. I communicate with her doctor, a prominent neurologist, who states keeping her in the apartment is as good as moving to a facility, since the outcome will be the same. I have hired aides 5 days a week to assist. The building management is reluctant to communicate with me; when I visit, the super accuses me of stealing. List goes on and on.
17
Good Lord! Has it never occurred to the writer to help this woman herself!? To get to know her, ask about any family, calm her? A neighbor can accompany her to her apartment and help her find her purse, help her finish dressing, try to figure out what apartment she needed to find--to help restore her dignity and assuage her anxiety? Is no one free enough for this small kindness? Then be proactive, as a neighbor, as a human, to contact protective services? In my large Washington DC building, we have helped our fragile neighbors to the ER, to chemotherapy appointments, called in emergency services, checked in periodically and been caring. It sounds as if this poor woman needs serious intervention--I hope someone sees that it gets done.
116
Good comments, readers. And I would add that the Times should put together a public service story on what to do in such a situation. When my father started his decline into dementia, he reported getting lost in his own apartment building. It would have been nice if neighbors or management had reached out to his family.
57
If she's a long-term resident, some of your neighbors may know how to get in contact with her extended family. In a co-op building, someone on the Board may know (or know someone who knows).
12
I wrote to the NY Times public editor, the news editor and the metropolitan editor. I pray someone can find out where she lives and help her. The neighbors seem like every stereotype of New Yorkers we've heard about. Pray for her.
21
It's heartening to see the response to this MD but but but I hope that you sought help for this poor woman before this was published.
28
Some details below have already been mentioned but I wanted to add some content from the NYC APS website.
NYC Adult Protective Services (APS) is a state-mandated program that helps New Yorkers 18 years of age and older regardless of income who:
1. Are mentally and/or physically impaired; and
2. Due to these impairments, are unable to manage their own resources, carry out the activities of daily living, or protect themselves from abuse, neglect, exploitation or other hazardous situations without assistance from others; and
3. Have no one available who is willing and able to assist them responsibly.
In NYC there are four Ways to make a referral to APS either for yourself or someone else; you can:
1. Telephone the APS Central Intake Unit @ 212-630-1853 Monday through Friday, 9 a.m. to 5 p.m.
2. Call 311
3. Complete a web referral at: http://nyc.gov/apsrefer
4. Send an email to: [email protected]
NYC website:
http://www1.nyc.gov/site/hra/help/adult-protective-services.page
NYC Adult Protective Services (APS) is a state-mandated program that helps New Yorkers 18 years of age and older regardless of income who:
1. Are mentally and/or physically impaired; and
2. Due to these impairments, are unable to manage their own resources, carry out the activities of daily living, or protect themselves from abuse, neglect, exploitation or other hazardous situations without assistance from others; and
3. Have no one available who is willing and able to assist them responsibly.
In NYC there are four Ways to make a referral to APS either for yourself or someone else; you can:
1. Telephone the APS Central Intake Unit @ 212-630-1853 Monday through Friday, 9 a.m. to 5 p.m.
2. Call 311
3. Complete a web referral at: http://nyc.gov/apsrefer
4. Send an email to: [email protected]
NYC website:
http://www1.nyc.gov/site/hra/help/adult-protective-services.page
32
I can't imagine how anyone who might be related to this poor woman or offer help will know who or where she is unless the author provides some way to identify her. What is the point of a statement like this without that missing piece? As it was published, it's sort of a bleak, poetic comment about isolation and abandonment in the hustle and bustle of NYC. I don't get it.
37
please contact APS, as soon as possible, and/or call the police.
6
One of my building staff mentioned the woman sitting in the lobby on cold winter days had turned off her electricity and didn't appear to be eating, neighbors had told him. I brought bowls of hot oatmeal a few mornings and she reluctantly let me in. Her apt was freezing and she had no pots or pans or microwave, no food in frig, etc. The super and manager refused to get involved, citing reasons of privacy. I called Adult Protective Services and after making sure they don't break down the door and drag people out, gave them her name. The gentle, efficient social worker persuaded the woman to let her in to do her assessment. The woman was dehydrated and the SW arranged a bed for her in a nearby hospital and a psych. evaluation, and notified her daughter, who hadn't known how bad things were. When the woman did not respond to treatment after several tries, the concerned daughter took her mother to live with her. I remained angry with the building management and super for months, and they weren't too happy with me either, but the hard feelings dissipated over time. They have emergency contact numbers, and hopefully if there's a next time, this kind of thing will be considered an emergency!
67
"What to do? Where is a loved one or anyone who knows this woman? She should not be alone at this time in her life."
Well, she's got you and your neighbors. But it doesn't sound like you're stepping up to the plate, most likely because you're scared, although you would probably say it's because you are very busy or late for work or have other responsibilities or don't have the proper training - something like that. When confronted with a distressing reality, it's not uncommon to look around for someone else to do something to make us feel better about that other person's suffering. From the comments so far, it sounds like a common malady. And that's why the world is such a mess.
There is no one else. It's up to you. But don't worry, you can do this.
One day, you could be that woman. None of us knows what the future holds. People we love die or leave, our health or mental faculties fail, jobs disappear, bank accounts vanish (anybody remember Mr. Madoff's Ponzi scheme?).
The next time you see her, stop for a few minutes and talk. (You can be a few minutes late for work every once in awhile; at the end of your life, it won't matter. Trust me. I'm a hospice volunteer. At the end no one ever wishes they spent more time at the office.) Get to know her a little. Learn her name. Maybe she does have family or friends who can help. But you're the human being who's right there meeting the other human being who's right in front of you. This is it.
You can do it.
Well, she's got you and your neighbors. But it doesn't sound like you're stepping up to the plate, most likely because you're scared, although you would probably say it's because you are very busy or late for work or have other responsibilities or don't have the proper training - something like that. When confronted with a distressing reality, it's not uncommon to look around for someone else to do something to make us feel better about that other person's suffering. From the comments so far, it sounds like a common malady. And that's why the world is such a mess.
There is no one else. It's up to you. But don't worry, you can do this.
One day, you could be that woman. None of us knows what the future holds. People we love die or leave, our health or mental faculties fail, jobs disappear, bank accounts vanish (anybody remember Mr. Madoff's Ponzi scheme?).
The next time you see her, stop for a few minutes and talk. (You can be a few minutes late for work every once in awhile; at the end of your life, it won't matter. Trust me. I'm a hospice volunteer. At the end no one ever wishes they spent more time at the office.) Get to know her a little. Learn her name. Maybe she does have family or friends who can help. But you're the human being who's right there meeting the other human being who's right in front of you. This is it.
You can do it.
101
I volunteer with a wonderful organization called Dorot, dedicated to helping elderly people who live alone. Contact them at
Dorotusa.org
Dorotusa.org
30
Do something about it !
21
Contact CaringKind in NYC who deal with dementias and Alzheimers. We have this situation in our neighborhood, though fortunately we knew this person before he was diagnosed with Alzheimer's and we have a team of 11 people helping - but even we cannot keep this up forever. We need nursing homes staffed by trained caregivers because we are heading into an epidemic of dementia - Alzheimer's in particular. Demand that your Council Members and Mayor preserve, fund, maintain, and train staff of nursing homes in NYC. Due to Real estate pressures, bad political and insurance policy we have lost nursing homes in NYC. Every week I get notified about 'vulnerable adults' gone missing. that is part of the fight for Rivington House is about - it was sold out from under the same struggling population as your neighbor. But the building could rally to help - it will be among the best things you can do in life. NYers have to care about one another - even if the electeds fail us.
18
Please please find her family or friends even. Do not call Protective Services. I know this sounds horrible, but unless you have personal experience dealing with them, then you have no way of knowing what a cruel and inhumane organization this is. My Unvles long term companion had slight impairment and people like you, who believed they were helping, alerted APS. Her pride kept her from letting those who truly cared for her know what was happening. By the time we found out, she was a ward of the state and held against her will in a most awful, god awful hell of a nursing home. I went to court and tried to gain custody to get her home and restore her dignity. The process was unduly long and meanwhile we were forced to beg the court appointed social worker for mercy. I low paid, low educated and callous individual. Susan died of starvation just as I was finally being awarded custody. I am haunted by what I learned of APS and the knowledge that so many elders are stripped of their rights, dignity and ultimately, their lives, by this government organization. Please, contact someone who cares for her. I beg you.
27
Jeez....and i thought NYC was supposed to be such a caring thoughtful place under it's hard exterior. Apparently not. This would never have happened on my block, or on anyone else's that i know, here in the hinterlands. No, we don't have public social services to take care of such people, we just take it upon ourselves to do so.
15
A few quick things that might help:
a. NYC has an adult protective services --- call them.
b. Notify the superintendent of the building. Do this in a way that expresses concern. The super may have family contacts you are unaware of (perhaps a lease co-signer). Somebody is clearly paying the rent or the condo payment.
c. If there are local churches about, see if any of them offer a frail elderly services program (sometimes called CHORE) and Meals on Wheels. This is not a substitute for step A (listed above), but it may provide stopgap help until the city can take over.
Good luck!
a. NYC has an adult protective services --- call them.
b. Notify the superintendent of the building. Do this in a way that expresses concern. The super may have family contacts you are unaware of (perhaps a lease co-signer). Somebody is clearly paying the rent or the condo payment.
c. If there are local churches about, see if any of them offer a frail elderly services program (sometimes called CHORE) and Meals on Wheels. This is not a substitute for step A (listed above), but it may provide stopgap help until the city can take over.
Good luck!
4
We had a very similar experience with my aunt who was 85, never partnered or married, no children and living alone three thousand miles from her nearest family. We checked in weekly on the phone and she always said she was doing just fine. At our last visit in August of 2010 she seemed all together mentally albeit with early signs of bladder incontinence only in hindsight. All through the first half of 2011 the phone calls continued although I had made plans to visit her at home in California in June 2011 after she asked me to be her executor. One month before my trip my Mother, her younger sister got a call from one of my aunt's neighbors to say that things were not "just fine" as she had been telling us. She had advanced frontal lobe atrophy with symptoms such as a complete unawareness of the need to bathe, her complete urinary incontinence and a host of other judgement issues. Oh, and the stack of summonses and unpaid tickets indicated that she was still driving. The pile of seven years' unopened Mail on her dining room table had resulted in an IRS lien on her home. We had gotten the call just in time. Why not sooner? "Oh we didn't want to violate her privacy." "She might have been angry with us." This is what her close friends said. It was the next door neighbor who she had always hated and insulted who called my Mother to voice her concern.
49
Please forgive me as I sputter with outrage.
Clearly I was not "there," but it is difficult to imagine how or why a person of able body and mind wouldn't immediately attempt to provide support to a person in the condition you describe. Also, from your description, this individual is not remotely physically threatening; so your neighbor's admonition to "go back and dress yourself" seems pretty harsh and cold.
recap: Little old lady seems confused and appears increasingly fragile. Neighbors repeatedly tell her to go back to her place. Nobody calls protective services or even the closest neighborhood center. WHAT?
Please, people who are raising or influencing children, please coach them on how to handle situations such as this.
Love thy neighbor, indeed.
Clearly I was not "there," but it is difficult to imagine how or why a person of able body and mind wouldn't immediately attempt to provide support to a person in the condition you describe. Also, from your description, this individual is not remotely physically threatening; so your neighbor's admonition to "go back and dress yourself" seems pretty harsh and cold.
recap: Little old lady seems confused and appears increasingly fragile. Neighbors repeatedly tell her to go back to her place. Nobody calls protective services or even the closest neighborhood center. WHAT?
Please, people who are raising or influencing children, please coach them on how to handle situations such as this.
Love thy neighbor, indeed.
71
Please let everyone know when this is resolved. It is terrible to think of this happening to this poor woman over & over again.
64
74
it is horrible to think that whomever allowed your story to be printed in the times has not contacted you to help you help this poor woman!!
90
Maybe someone at The Times has contacted the writer. But shouldn't an adult know how to help in this situation? I think he should -- But I thank LL for providing the help line!
Maybe it's time we stop trying to push problems on other people and take care of our business, or enlist the help of friends and family to help us.
I know that the professional journalists at The Times have education and important experience but I never knew they were social workers!
Maybe it's time we stop trying to push problems on other people and take care of our business, or enlist the help of friends and family to help us.
I know that the professional journalists at The Times have education and important experience but I never knew they were social workers!
4
Maybe someone has contacted the writer.
1
Call Adult Protective Services or the equivalent. Go and be with her. Don't just send her away. She may not even know where her apartment is. A police officer with Crisis Intervention Team training could be helpful. She's still there even when you and your neighbors don't see her. She is desperately in need of help.
156
Speak to building management. They might have an emergency contact. Or you can call the police. She clearly needs help.
64
Agreed. The landlord may have next of kin information or other information obtained from the lease application that would help in tracking family down.
5
Do something! Call a mental help line. She is not alone; she has people like you in her building who care about her. Maybe her family doesn't know; maybe she has no family. I urge you to help her get the help she needs. Obviously you cared enough to write about her.
73
Contact 311. They have protocols for when someone appears to be in danger. And, this woman is in danger as she can not take care of herself. 311 is not always the greatest, but it is a start and a way into the system. It should get a city agency looking into her situation. It is so sad to age alone. And, you are a good neighbor to care.
93
I had a like situation with a elderly lady across the street
From me .... Husband died years ago and she desperately wanted to stay in her home ..,,
No relatives ... I finally called Broward County Eldercare
Services .... Once the Social Worker arrived on the scene
... Wheels were in motion and she ended up in a Medicare Nursing Home... I Want to give credit to all
The Social Workers out there who are worth their weight
In gold ... They don't get paid nearly enough
From me .... Husband died years ago and she desperately wanted to stay in her home ..,,
No relatives ... I finally called Broward County Eldercare
Services .... Once the Social Worker arrived on the scene
... Wheels were in motion and she ended up in a Medicare Nursing Home... I Want to give credit to all
The Social Workers out there who are worth their weight
In gold ... They don't get paid nearly enough
19