The kicker at the end was worth reading to the end of the article. That was the perfect ending.
38
This is a beautiful story. Kind of Philip Roth with less humor but better food. Thank you for sharing it with us.
15
Nice story. Now refurbish that relationship a. Bit more. When he's gone you'll miss more than the cooking and you'll regret it if you don't.
44
Mmm, this reminds me of my own relationship with my father, down to the food.
Still, I hope to repair it, one day.
Still, I hope to repair it, one day.
18
Please, in future, provide alerts to have tissues at hand before reading essays like this beautiful homage to his father, his mother, his homeland, his cuisine.
There are no words to express how bereft I feel because I have so few memories of food from my childhood: the chilled boxed vanilla pudding layered with vanilla wafers and fresh bananas; my dad's pan fried, oven-finished cornbread; a casserole consisting of Campbell's mushroom soup with frozen peas, tuna fish and egg noodles; my uncle's potato-leek soup made with fresh milk from his cows, which I only had once when I was 11 but which remains the standard by which I judge all potato-leek soups; the sandwiches made by a neighborhood mom who used Miracle Whip instead of the much less expensive mayonnaise.
There are no words to express how bereft I feel because I have so few memories of food from my childhood: the chilled boxed vanilla pudding layered with vanilla wafers and fresh bananas; my dad's pan fried, oven-finished cornbread; a casserole consisting of Campbell's mushroom soup with frozen peas, tuna fish and egg noodles; my uncle's potato-leek soup made with fresh milk from his cows, which I only had once when I was 11 but which remains the standard by which I judge all potato-leek soups; the sandwiches made by a neighborhood mom who used Miracle Whip instead of the much less expensive mayonnaise.
29
What a pleasure to read your writing again! I miss seeing you in the Tribune.
14
Wonderful story!! Thanks for sharing! Nice to read something good, about healing a rift, right now.
22
What a fantastic article. As a first generation South Indian, I related to every part of this story. My dad an I had a contentious relationship for a long time and only recently have reconciled and for the first time, been communicating well and over the shared love of business and education.
This article shows how great of a son you are and I'm sure your father thinks so as well. Thank you for writing and sharing your family's story.
This article shows how great of a son you are and I'm sure your father thinks so as well. Thank you for writing and sharing your family's story.
26
Brilliant initiative of your parents. It took following the link to the video for green onion pancake for me to appreciate how effective their idea is. My taste in food is quite different, but what I find in the video is love -- what an amazing force it is.
26
I can relate completely.
My father was a chef. Our family moved from Hong Kong to the U.S. when I was 8. It was difficult growing up in modern American with parents who stubbornly clung to the social value of Hong Kong in 1978. The only thing we could talk about amicably was food. It wasn't just sustenance. It wasn't just tasty. It was our religion.
My father passed away last December. Fortunately, he taught me how to cook; not only my favorite dishes, but pretty much everything he knew. He prepared me for the day when he was "no longer around". Still, if Dad didn't lose his eyesight years before, I think he would have enjoyed YouTube stardom.
My father was a chef. Our family moved from Hong Kong to the U.S. when I was 8. It was difficult growing up in modern American with parents who stubbornly clung to the social value of Hong Kong in 1978. The only thing we could talk about amicably was food. It wasn't just sustenance. It wasn't just tasty. It was our religion.
My father passed away last December. Fortunately, he taught me how to cook; not only my favorite dishes, but pretty much everything he knew. He prepared me for the day when he was "no longer around". Still, if Dad didn't lose his eyesight years before, I think he would have enjoyed YouTube stardom.
48
"We’re afraid that if you wanted to eat your childhood dishes, and one day we’re both no longer around, you wouldn’t know how to cook it."
Or how Asian parents say "I love you".
But seriously, this is a very heartwarming piece. Thank you for sharing.
Or how Asian parents say "I love you".
But seriously, this is a very heartwarming piece. Thank you for sharing.
87
i hope kevin grows up enough to appreciate his father before it is too late
12
This was so lovely. Very happy that the author and his dad were able to find some common ground. And what a legend his dad is!
16
I see this story as a deep and genuine appreciation by Kevin of his father.
26
Really touching. Made me think of all the food that I ate with my grandmother which, although I try hard to duplicate, I sometimes can't get to taste just right. How thoughtful of your dad and mom to remember what we do not pass on is often lost, and to do something about it.
21
My mom made the best beef scallion pancake, by the time we cared to cook ourselves, she had passed. I can totally understand why Mr. Pang want to make these videos for his son.
18
This was a really touching story; my eyes are sweating now. Thank you for writing, Kevin. And thank you, Mr. Pang and Mrs. Chen, for those videos! I always wondered how to make congyoubing. 非常感谢你们!
Also, I know that there are probably a lot of words unspoken between the two of you--maybe they need to be said, maybe not, maybe it takes time and a special window of opportunity. Sometimes I feel it's doubly hard for second generation children and parents to communicate, since we have not only a generational gap but also a cultural gap to cross.
But instead of searching for what words to say to your Dad, maybe you could just spend more time with each other. No need to hash things out straight away, right? When family members are so far away from one another, time together is a real and all too rare comfort. And maybe even through shared quiet moments over time, you can learn to understand each other on your own terms. (And maybe make a tasty dish or two while you're at it!)
Also, I know that there are probably a lot of words unspoken between the two of you--maybe they need to be said, maybe not, maybe it takes time and a special window of opportunity. Sometimes I feel it's doubly hard for second generation children and parents to communicate, since we have not only a generational gap but also a cultural gap to cross.
But instead of searching for what words to say to your Dad, maybe you could just spend more time with each other. No need to hash things out straight away, right? When family members are so far away from one another, time together is a real and all too rare comfort. And maybe even through shared quiet moments over time, you can learn to understand each other on your own terms. (And maybe make a tasty dish or two while you're at it!)
46
This is great. It's so honest and personal. That really makes it compelling.
20
Now Mr Pang is famous all over the world! Such a great story and wonderful videos!
16
good story, did you call your Dad?
21
Really enjoyed this essay.
12
A wonderful story and enjoyed watching your parents' cooking show. Wish I could have had some recipes of my Mom's dishes. Now I can only search for the taste from my memories.
7
Thanks for sharing your story. Hope your Dad enjoying what he is doing .
7
Wow, I've made any Asian dishes, Mr./Mrs. Pang made it look so easy... My dad passed away in his early 80's from Parkinson's.... Growing up, he was busy building his insurance/real estate company then he remarried while I was in college to a woman who didn't want myself and my sister in his life... Oh she was cordial but that's all... By then, I was out of college, in another city working on a Master's degree, then back to hometown but really didn't see my dad all that much, then married and out to CA... I miss him so very much, feel that I didn't have enough time w/him...
Maybe in my next life...
Maybe in my next life...
16
I have bookmarked your parent's youtube channel and I just watched the Pork Ribs video. Can't wait to make it! I am from Asia and understand the dynamics. Thank you for writing a gentle story that made me chuckle but also made me miss my parents.
22
Love and food, how they intertwined. Thank you for such a heart-warming story and the links to your dad's videos...yummy for my tummy.
15
Beautiful story! My son also laughed at me and that his friends thought I was weird sending my son emails, especially when these emails are mostly NY Times articles that I want him to read!
This is how Asian parents express their love, in their own and often different ways. Whether or not you accept it, the love is there for you to discover and receive, any time you are ready. Eating is the most important activity in the Chinese society, and so I found it so touching that this is what they worry about for you and want you to be taken care of, food-wise, when they are gone. Such precious gifts from your parents, and all of us can benefit from their love for you as well. Thank you for writing it.
This is how Asian parents express their love, in their own and often different ways. Whether or not you accept it, the love is there for you to discover and receive, any time you are ready. Eating is the most important activity in the Chinese society, and so I found it so touching that this is what they worry about for you and want you to be taken care of, food-wise, when they are gone. Such precious gifts from your parents, and all of us can benefit from their love for you as well. Thank you for writing it.
20
Thank you so much for sharing this.
My mother died suddenly in 2006, when I was 23. She was an amazing cook as well (she was born in Shanghai but moved to Taiwan at a young age - so her food was a nice fusion of Shanghainese and Taiwanese - meaning full flavors, but less oily :) ) I wished I had learned how to cook from her before she passed. I also wish, beyond her recipes, I had her stories and memories, somehow archived - in words or video or anything. So now I've found myself in the last few years obsessively video recording conversations with my dad -trying to capture the stories he has about his childhood in Taiwan, our family, his philosophies on things. I am so glad you will have not just these recipes, but these sweet videos of your parents to watch forever. What a blessing it is :)
My mother died suddenly in 2006, when I was 23. She was an amazing cook as well (she was born in Shanghai but moved to Taiwan at a young age - so her food was a nice fusion of Shanghainese and Taiwanese - meaning full flavors, but less oily :) ) I wished I had learned how to cook from her before she passed. I also wish, beyond her recipes, I had her stories and memories, somehow archived - in words or video or anything. So now I've found myself in the last few years obsessively video recording conversations with my dad -trying to capture the stories he has about his childhood in Taiwan, our family, his philosophies on things. I am so glad you will have not just these recipes, but these sweet videos of your parents to watch forever. What a blessing it is :)
13
I think it's sad that the US is such an ageist country. Young people have always rebelled but now we have everyone segregating themselves with people their own age and people experiencing the same life stage for their whole lives. The author is a member of a large generational cohort so naturally has the feeling that only the values of his generation are important. I'll be watching all of dad's videos and probably making a lot of the recipes.
10
Somehow I think that your dad's little cooking show is going to get a lot bigger now! I hope so, this is an awesome story.
45
As a fellow Asian-American with a far less communicative father, this story certainly resonated with me. Thanks for writing it.
Perhaps if you can't bring yourself to sit down with your dad, you could reach out in the same way that he did: start a YouTube channel! In each video, you could post a request, like, "Hey dad, I really loved it when you and mom would cook X. Can you post a video on how to do that?", or do videos of you actually following his instructions and show how they turned out. Be sure to ask about the weather and their weekend plans in the closing segment.
Man, those noodles look good.
Perhaps if you can't bring yourself to sit down with your dad, you could reach out in the same way that he did: start a YouTube channel! In each video, you could post a request, like, "Hey dad, I really loved it when you and mom would cook X. Can you post a video on how to do that?", or do videos of you actually following his instructions and show how they turned out. Be sure to ask about the weather and their weekend plans in the closing segment.
Man, those noodles look good.
29
Wonderful story, low-key reconciliation at the end. Was dreading the end, thought the father might pass before it happened !
8
Loved this. And then I watched the scallion pancake video and had a small epiphany: it's really powerful to watch the cooking process without any speaking. It allows me to focus completely on what the cook is doing, and to synthesize what's happening, using my own brain, without the distraction of all the chatter that is generally considered necessary in a cooking video. It also reminds me of what it's like to try to communicate intuitively when you are speaking to someone with whom you don't have a common language. And perhaps because they aren't speaking here, it seems that a little more time is spent really showing the process (it feels more focused and less abridged than the visuals in cooking shows, which have to worry more about dazzling us with stylish details). Of course the written instructions (given at the beginning) are necessary too, but I liked taking in the detailed imagery with just the accompaniment of that oddly moving piano soundtrack (not sure if I would have experienced it as so nostalgic without reading this piece, but in light of the piece the music feels genuinely moving!)
34
This article that hits really close to home. Parents (especially Asian parents who are known to be "distant" and "uncommunicative") show express their love in very different ways — like sending a million links to videos that we sometimes forget to open — and this sweet story really touched my heart :")
26
Having kids allowed me to realize, to my core, that I revolve around them. That they occupy my thoughts and I want so much for them to be happy and do well.
And it very quickly dawned on me that this is probably what happened to my folks when they had my brother and I.
Immigrant parents take that extra, massive step for their kids, leaving their homeland and coming to a place where they will never fully fit in, their foreign accent will never disappear, where their kids will take up mannerisms and some values that the parents will find foreign.
Going thru the time and trouble to create videos to pass on info to their kid is but another small example, though beautiful, of the devotion that these parents have for the writer. Thanks for sharing
And it very quickly dawned on me that this is probably what happened to my folks when they had my brother and I.
Immigrant parents take that extra, massive step for their kids, leaving their homeland and coming to a place where they will never fully fit in, their foreign accent will never disappear, where their kids will take up mannerisms and some values that the parents will find foreign.
Going thru the time and trouble to create videos to pass on info to their kid is but another small example, though beautiful, of the devotion that these parents have for the writer. Thanks for sharing
14
Really, we should all read the emails our parents send. Think about how you'd feel if the shoe was on the other foot.
22
Funny how each party in situations like this thinks that the other one is uncommunicative.
A good and true story, yes.
A good and true story, yes.
28
I'm the number one son of a Cantonese father who never forgot his roots as much as I never had any interest in mine - until he died suddenly when I was 19. We had similar communication issues, and he never got to see me become a man I've always hoped he'd be proud of.
As I matured and became interested in my culture I regret I missed the opportunity to learn directly from him. I'm glad you've had the chance to do so now - better late than never. My eyes got teary when I read your father's email to you; I can hear my dad's voice saying the same to me.
Thanks for sharing.
As I matured and became interested in my culture I regret I missed the opportunity to learn directly from him. I'm glad you've had the chance to do so now - better late than never. My eyes got teary when I read your father's email to you; I can hear my dad's voice saying the same to me.
Thanks for sharing.
71
This is terrific -- fit for a Modern Love Sunday story even! I'll be tuning in to his videos!
31
I was very touched by the story. The author is fortunate to have found a channel—no pun intended!—for communicating with his father. Like his, my father was a great cook, but alas he died without leaving us any of his recipes. Like the author, I also had a difficult relationship with my dad who was brooding and uncommunicative, and I failed to reach out to him to reconcile our differences. I hope the author cherishes what his parents bestow on him with their videos, which I will look up soon and hopefully learn cooking from. I am also Cantonese Chinese from Hong Kong, incidentally.
28
what a great story. thank you. i am visiting dad's channel as soon as i finish here. my father didn't have a lot to offer as far as kitchen skills, other than building one. his favorite snack late at night was white bread ripped into shreds into a bowl of milk. a Depression thing i guess.
11
Lovely story! You must both be so proud of each other. I saw that your dad has a recipe for Filipino lumpia or spring rolls on his channel. I am sure he makes a mean version!
18
Often the young rejects the culture of the old, especially with an immigrant's desire to be accepted by the new homeland. It takes maturity and growing self worth to appreciate the wider world. So glad the talented and devoted parents lived long enough to read this beautiful piece.
39
Your funny sweet story has me misty-eyed. It so resonates with me having spent 30 years living with my Cantonese husband. I'm glad you mentioned the Cantonese for "How are you?" I thought that was so cool when my husband first taught me that phrase. Today our messy sunny kitchen is a place of lively discussions about ingredients, mostly Chinese and Italian. Your Dad's video is fab. Only I wish your parents would speak. All accents are like music and their Cantonese accent would add flavor to the video. Please, tell them they have one more visitor who is happy to contribute to their lunch outings. Cheers. diane cooper-wu
14
I don't think you have a battle between two headstrong males. I see that you're a reporter at the chicago tribune. You're just wrong and your father is right.
20
This is a lovely article, Mr. Pang. I hope you and your father are able to forge a closer relationship. It might be worth the squirming and you'll definitely get some great cooking ideas out of it.
18
Recipe for ribs looks delicious. It would help if list of ingredients were left on the screen a little longer so we could copy it.
6
Roberta, just pause any video for as long as you need in order to read or copy something, then restart.
13
I loved loved your article. I and my husband both came from Hong Kong and my husband passed 3 yrs ago. We have 2 kids who also were like you who did not wish to speak Cantonese. One passed and graduated from our Cleveland Chinese Saturday school and the other one refuse to grad as her badge of honor. Till today ( she is 30 yrs old , ) I still yell at her that she did not learn Chinese and I cannot imagine after all those years of dropping her off for her sat Chinese school to meet other Chinese kids that she did not grad. My husband loved to cook and he watched your dad's videos and loved the one about the chicken from Macau w coconut. He would boast that he cooked it and he bettered it w another ingredient which of course he kept secret. Love your article. Keep writing and make your parents proud. Totally resonate w me.
11
I am fortunate to have a warm and close relationship with my parents. But while a visit from me makes them happy, a visit where I stay for dinner is even better. They don't roll out traditional Italian meals; mostly it's just regular fare. But to them nurturing the body is part of nurturing the heart and soul. It's a way of showing love. And eating with them brings me back to many happy family meals with my three sisters and I at the table with my parents, talking about everything. Now those family meals happen less frequently, usually at the holidays, but with a much bigger family. The food brings us together, but the company is what gives us joy.
Looking forward to trying those Green Onion Pancakes!