I think the lady in the article is concentrating only on the pain. There is so much beauty in life! Making love, having sex is wonderful. Ladies feel very happy when they become pregnant. It is beautiful to look at pregnant wife. Ladies feel happy to give birth to baby. Rearing children is very satisfying. Children are precious. and so on. When people ask questions, feel happy to answer one way or the other.
8
By the time I had the option of choosing an epidural, I was on my third pregnancy because the first two had ended in miscarriage. During the third one, just two days after we heard the heart beat at 12 weeks and had some assurance that things were going well, our house burned to the ground in a huge wildfire in Oakland and Berkeley, California. A few months later, we were in Lamaze class where I distinctly remember how all the couples were planning for that “natural” birth. Indeed, one husband was downright beaming about how “they” weren’t going to have any pain meds during the birth.
We on the other hand, had a new perspective. We sat there simply hoping we’d actually have a live and healthy baby and a roof over our heads to bring her home to. Funny how other kinds of pain have a way of putting minor things in perspective. Needless to say, I got the epidural. Twice in fact because we had two daughters. They are now 22 and 24 and no one knows or cares if I used pain meds. It’s a lot like your wedding. You make a big deal out of it as if the details of it even matter. But of course what really matters is the life that follows. I was glad for the epidurals, but I that in the vast scheme of life, they don’t matter one bit. So I say, if you want it, get the epidural! And don’t give it a second thought.
We on the other hand, had a new perspective. We sat there simply hoping we’d actually have a live and healthy baby and a roof over our heads to bring her home to. Funny how other kinds of pain have a way of putting minor things in perspective. Needless to say, I got the epidural. Twice in fact because we had two daughters. They are now 22 and 24 and no one knows or cares if I used pain meds. It’s a lot like your wedding. You make a big deal out of it as if the details of it even matter. But of course what really matters is the life that follows. I was glad for the epidurals, but I that in the vast scheme of life, they don’t matter one bit. So I say, if you want it, get the epidural! And don’t give it a second thought.
262
As an anesthesiologist who has been present for hundreds, if not thousands of deliveries, it never ceases to amaze me how many women are made to feel ashamed of asking for pain relief, or made to feel as though they've somehow failed as women if they end up with a Cesarean section, which is the outcome of approximately one third of American pregnancies. It then falls to me to reassure them that there's no "right" way to have a baby, that they can choose pain relief if they want it, or not, as the case may be, that no one gets to decide except them, and that the most important outcomes are healthy mother and baby.
I am, incidentally, the adoptive mother of two children who are not the same race as me. That people feel free to comment about your reproductive choices in this culture is a byproduct of being female, not necessarily a result of being pregnant., and it's a whole other conversation for another day.
I am, incidentally, the adoptive mother of two children who are not the same race as me. That people feel free to comment about your reproductive choices in this culture is a byproduct of being female, not necessarily a result of being pregnant., and it's a whole other conversation for another day.
215
I spent most of my professional career as a labor and delivery nurse. I have experienced childbirth personally 4 times. I had a spontaneous labor, an induced one and two c-sections. I saw many women labor long and painfully, believing the moral superiority of "natural childbirth." I saw women who thought they were failures for opting for epidurals. I have seen husbands who tried to talk their desperately exhausted wives out of choosing epidurals. And I saw women refused epidurals because they did not "prearrange" for one. Childbirth experiences vary as much as the personalities and looks of the babies and I endeavored to be supportive of the woman's choices. Some are quick, peaceful and uncomplicated. Some are prolonged and painful. The prize in the new baby. No one asked my husband if he wanted to "go natural" when he had his hernia repaired. A little over 100 years ago 1 in 4 women died giving birth. We have come a long way baby. Everyone can have an opinion. But like many things, most would be well served by keeping it to themselves.
273
I have given birth three times, had one episiotomy, one internal monitor and two tears: all without a single epidural. I bristle at this author's notion my choice was out of some hippie-New Age-millennial fad. Long before I became a mother, my own mother passed away from cancer. As the tumors ate away at her bone, her only complaint was that childbirth was nothing compared to cancer. My choice to have an unmedicated birth was to connect with the woman who never met her grandchildren; my choice was also to take a stance against a medical industry that offers us anesthesia for the short term pain of childbirth, but denies the dying ample opiates in their final months. My choice also reflects my personal philosophy that life is hard, and we must work hard and perservere. I am glad she got her epidural; I am glad she could afford a night nurse. As for me, a night nurse has never been in the budget, and the pain of three births is nothing compared to raising my children as a motherless mother.
97
I've had a medicated birth and a natural birth. Hands down I'd take the natural birth over the medicated one. If the baby is in the right spot and all is in order the pain isn't the same as other pain--both more intense and much more manageable. And the experience of being fully physically present is incredible. I also found the healing to be easier. However sometimes this can't happen. My first daughter required a lot of help and ultimately I needed a spinal and a c-section. I'm grateful that both are healthy wonderful kids but their births were very different. Both were magical because birth is magical but not equal. I'm glad we are all alive and well but if I had truly had the choice between a medicated or natural birth I'd pick the natural one every time. But that's me. What I don't understand is all the criticism of natural childbirth, the suggestions that it's barbaric or third world. Really? If someone wishes to experience the full range of their bodily and spiritual connection to birth why do folks feel called to condem her? What's up with that?
122
In italy just 20 % of women get the epidural, the culture of shaming for not having natural birth is very strong and in many hospital epidural is not guaranteed at all, it's actually very difficult getting one even if you planned in advance and agree with your doctor on having one.. I don't want to even get pregnant if I can't be sure that if I want one I can get one
42
Caring for your own baby is not about winning, it's about creating a bond a showing love that has benefits for both parties. Your baby needs your love and support, not just diaper changes and formula.
I mean, why ever care for your kids at all? If you can afford it, hire somebody to do everything. Forget dealing with anything hard, or ever providing maternal emotional comfort or support. I mean what are you trying to win right?
I mean, why ever care for your kids at all? If you can afford it, hire somebody to do everything. Forget dealing with anything hard, or ever providing maternal emotional comfort or support. I mean what are you trying to win right?
36
Such a complicated choice—and very much a woman's right to choose. I also have the sage experience of this columnist—having given birth once myself. Having listened to my four sisters' combined thirteen birth stories (12 natural, two emergency C sections), I decided I wanted to be fully conscious and aware and remember my son's birth. So I opted for a walking epidural, administered by an expert anesthesiologist who entered the room saying "Don't you women know childbirth is no longer painful?" After which I took a two hour nap, woke up and delivered a healthy baby. But the hurdles I had to go through to exercise this choice were astonishing. The inept woman who taught the hospital's childbirth class taught me absolutely nothing about giving birth and cautioned that all other patients in the hospital had priority over pregnant women vis a vis the anesthesiologist. My husband (more alert than me after 12 hours of labor) had to insist the attending nurse examine me only to determine that I was five cm dilated and ready for anesthesia (which she tried to talk me out of) and again at 10 cm when she had to call the doctor back to the hospital at midnight for the delivery. Even a woman giving birth for the first time, under a walking epidural, has some spot-on instincts when it comes to her own body. This is what a woman's right to choose is all about!
42
Pregnancy, childbirth, and pain medication (or not) during childbirth has increasingly become a subject that is almost impossible to discuss reasonably.
There are NO TWO WOMEN IN THE WORLD THAT ARE THE SAME. This means that there will never be two births that are the same. There will likely be a lot of common denominators between various women's birth experiences. But each birth is, was, and always will be unique TO THE WOMAN. Remember that when you're tempted to announce that because something worked for you, it should be the norm for every laboring woman.
How a woman chooses to give birth is NONE OF YOUR BUSINESS.
Ladies, when you're asked about how you gave birth, respond that it's a private matter, and say no more. That should be enough of a hint to the listener to not bring it up again. If it IS brought up again, simply repeat your previous answer. If it's brought up a third time, you know then that that person isn't interested in supporting you; they just want to judge your choices, whatever they are. You don't need these people in your life. Just stop seeing them.
Just because you think that you're going to have a natural birth, or go med-free, doesn't mean you actually will. Most of what happens in birth will be out of your control. You can choose how to react to what ultimately unfolds. But you CAN'T make those choices for another women. Just as they can't make them for YOU. Remember that the next time you want to dish out the same judgment you claim to abhor.
There are NO TWO WOMEN IN THE WORLD THAT ARE THE SAME. This means that there will never be two births that are the same. There will likely be a lot of common denominators between various women's birth experiences. But each birth is, was, and always will be unique TO THE WOMAN. Remember that when you're tempted to announce that because something worked for you, it should be the norm for every laboring woman.
How a woman chooses to give birth is NONE OF YOUR BUSINESS.
Ladies, when you're asked about how you gave birth, respond that it's a private matter, and say no more. That should be enough of a hint to the listener to not bring it up again. If it IS brought up again, simply repeat your previous answer. If it's brought up a third time, you know then that that person isn't interested in supporting you; they just want to judge your choices, whatever they are. You don't need these people in your life. Just stop seeing them.
Just because you think that you're going to have a natural birth, or go med-free, doesn't mean you actually will. Most of what happens in birth will be out of your control. You can choose how to react to what ultimately unfolds. But you CAN'T make those choices for another women. Just as they can't make them for YOU. Remember that the next time you want to dish out the same judgment you claim to abhor.
66
The old "pain is noble" is alive and well today. A carryover from the Middle Ages practice of flagellation perhaps?
40
This article is as infuriating to me as it would be if it advocated for nobody to ever get an epidural. Epidurals completely change the process of birth, sometimes in helpful but often in very unpredictable and unproductive ways and quite often incite a whole cascade of other interventions. If your body is without fear or tension it is perfectly possible for birth to be intense but not horribly painful- look at the feedback from women who use hypnosis for childbirth or watch the videos of women laughing as their babies are being born. Are you saying all of these women should have gotten an epidural? Speaking from personal experience here, my birth was perfect for me and I wouldn't want to change it.
71
I wish I had had one with my first, wanted to do it "natural," you know, being a nurse and all. Well, our daughter's fetal heartrate started to plummet near the end and the obstetrician was pulling form the vaginal area while the anesthesiologist was pushing on my abdomen. (I recall the anesthesiologist introduced himself to me and said "Oh, don't worry, I just here in case of emergency.") I heard the OB/GYN say to the anesthesiologist: "She's got a fourth, put her under." I was trying so hard to cooperate, he put a mask on my face and I tried to breathe deeply. I felt this horrible jabbing pain, the only was I could describe it is that it was worse than childbirth pain. It hurt so bad and I tried so hard to scream from the pain, but my mouth would not move. Mark said that he saw my whole body jump, like when they defibrillate you, then the OB yelled at the anesthesiologist. Mark said that a few seconds later, he saw my whole body jump again and this time the OB cursed at the anesthesiologist. Mark said that he felt like killing the anesthesiologist
31
Enjoyed this read and the Sedaris-like style. As an old(er) man reading about young women's unique experiences, I feel I'm not qualified to opine, other than to say, "Let each woman choose, and let her change her mind, too!"
61
Oh yes, childbirth is natural. It is also perfectly natural for some women to die in childbirth and some babies to die or being severely disabled.
45
I opted for a water birth at a really good birth center both times, it meant no epidural. It worked out well both times and I felt like a warrior, still do. For me "the pain" felt more like a bad case of diarrhea, uncomfortable but not "excruciating" and not long lasting at all. BTW-many places are ditching epidurals for self-administered laughing gas these days.
I also was surprised by the variety of opinions from the people around me, many vary close to me, who felt I was risking my baby's health. So yeah, you can't please anyone else regarding you birth decisions, so you really should please yourself.
I also was surprised by the variety of opinions from the people around me, many vary close to me, who felt I was risking my baby's health. So yeah, you can't please anyone else regarding you birth decisions, so you really should please yourself.
28
I was completely against "natural birth". No way was I going to suffer! Well, my water broke at 11:30pm and my contractions were instantly a minute apart. The car service (this is 1998 okay?) took forever to show up so I didn't get to the hospital until 2am. I could not speak during a contraction, I was shaking and shivering while signing the paperwork. The only thing that was getting me through each contraction was the fact that I was going to have an epidural as soon as they got me all hooked up in the delivery room. Wrong! By that point I was too far gone so it was no pain relief for me. I had back labor, so now I know what it feels like to be stretched on a rack. I started pushing at 4:05am and at 4:18am out popped my first born, so at least I didn't suffer too long.
The moral of this story? Have a plan, but keep a completely open mind because anything can happen. Oh, and don't skip the childbirth classes like I did (I wasn't going to have a natural birth so who needed them?) because neither my husband or I were prepared for what happened.
The moral of this story? Have a plan, but keep a completely open mind because anything can happen. Oh, and don't skip the childbirth classes like I did (I wasn't going to have a natural birth so who needed them?) because neither my husband or I were prepared for what happened.
69
I'm in my 70's and have learned the hard way that there are consequences to an epidural. It weakens the pelvic floor which supports the bladder, uterus, and colon. One in four women will eventually suffer from the prolapse of one or more of these organs due to a weakened pelvic floor. This can be a painful and distressing condition and is one, in my experience, not widely addressed by the medical community until symptoms have irreversibly progressed. I would avoid it unless deemed necessary.
35
The spectrum of birth experience is so broad it's impossible to have one right way to go about it. You can't stick to one "birth plan" for a 2hr labor and an 87hr labor (as I had). The plan should always be: discuss every possibility in advance with your doctor and midwife, keep an open mind, and leave the hospital with a healthy mom and baby. Childbirth is just like kids- you can't control them you can only prepare for them.
31
Sending Reiki healing energy, love and liquid light to this Sister who wiggles through the birth canal of her own mind to re-birth out of the Patriarchy. Bright blessings to her!
16
Sounds like you enjoy being annoyed. Days of annoyance over a supermarket conversation? There are far bigger issue in the world.
The analogies are meritless. The reason nobody has a natural vasectomy or root canal is because those things do not occur naturally. The reason it doesn't work is because there is a plausible theory that without an epidural, the newborn may experience fewer issues in birth and immediately after (I don't believe this but it is plausible and evidence is scarce). A better analogy would be something that does occur naturally - like passing a kidney stone. And yes men and women do that all the time.
You are right though that 'natural' anything is largely feel-good marketing and not a coherent worldview. That goes for food and clothing as much as birth.
The reasons natural birth is questionable is not because of expectations of others. It is because the natural way is associated with high rates of maternal and fetal mortality and morbidity.
The analogies are meritless. The reason nobody has a natural vasectomy or root canal is because those things do not occur naturally. The reason it doesn't work is because there is a plausible theory that without an epidural, the newborn may experience fewer issues in birth and immediately after (I don't believe this but it is plausible and evidence is scarce). A better analogy would be something that does occur naturally - like passing a kidney stone. And yes men and women do that all the time.
You are right though that 'natural' anything is largely feel-good marketing and not a coherent worldview. That goes for food and clothing as much as birth.
The reasons natural birth is questionable is not because of expectations of others. It is because the natural way is associated with high rates of maternal and fetal mortality and morbidity.
23
Age has a lot to do with these choices. I had a baby at 21 and felt more than equipped to handle the pain of natural childbirth. Now that I'm 41 I would not make the same choice. I simply don't feel strong enough to withstand hours and hours of excruciating pain the way I did at 21. Similarly, at 21 I did all the day and night care for my infant. It was challenging, yes, but it is a happy memory. If I was having a baby at 41, I would opt for a night nurse if I could afford one. I simply don't have the energy I had at 21.
There is nothing wrong with the epidural itself but once the epidural is in---you can't walk around which is supposed to help move labor along. Because of that you may require further interventions. As a low-income, young mother with HMO insurance, I was amazed at how much pressure the doctors and nurses put on me to speed my labor along through the use of interventions designed to do precisely that. Babies, not mothers, are the ones who send themselves into labor. I didn't want both of us to go through a series of shocks--here's the edema, here's the water being broken artificially---throughout labor as one intervention gave way to another.
One thing we can all agree on is that, as long as the choice won't harm herself or the baby, it is the individual mother who should make these judgments themselves.
There is nothing wrong with the epidural itself but once the epidural is in---you can't walk around which is supposed to help move labor along. Because of that you may require further interventions. As a low-income, young mother with HMO insurance, I was amazed at how much pressure the doctors and nurses put on me to speed my labor along through the use of interventions designed to do precisely that. Babies, not mothers, are the ones who send themselves into labor. I didn't want both of us to go through a series of shocks--here's the edema, here's the water being broken artificially---throughout labor as one intervention gave way to another.
One thing we can all agree on is that, as long as the choice won't harm herself or the baby, it is the individual mother who should make these judgments themselves.
31
As a certified nurse-midwife, my observation is that the birth environment can affect a woman's perception of pain. For those who are interested in birth without an epidural but who still want pain relief and support, I recommend a freestanding birth center. Or, if you decide to birth in a hospital, find one that has nurse-midwives on staff. For a list of accredited birth centers in your area, check out the American Association of Birth Centers website at birthcenters.org
40
Had the epidurals. had 2 C-sections for 2 kids. Didn't/Couldn't breast feed, Didn't blend cooked organic carrots but bought jars. One was born abroad, one in the US, both pregnancies and deliveries had complications, not due to any of the above. I got lots of righteousness and askance looks when I told my stories. They are now 20 and 16, healthy, smart, resilient, tall and strong. There's no right way. I loved the article.
68
I birthed my 10 lb son 27 years ago fully intending to utilize every comfort intervention available. Reluctant to accept an IV , I paced the hospital corridors relentlessly throughout the night to distract me from the contractions, which were little more than strong monthly cramps. The discomfort only really got out of control when I had to be still still during exams. By the time I delivered at 6, the whole region was numb from the pressure - I declined "last call" for epidural when I realized that it was the same pain I'd had for 20 years every month. I've had worse bowel movements. Ladies, make your own decisions - and don't take it lying down...
27
While I am shocked that a total stranger felt free to push her opinion on you in a supermarket line, I feel you just used a newspaper column to push your opinion on other confused vulnerable pregnant strangers. As someone who has done both- got a preplanned epidural with my first child and then very deliberately decided to go the "natural" route with her second delivery based on my less than positive experience with the epidural in the first one- I am going to say the obvious here, to each her own. Stop making an epidural or a natural birth a panacea for all. Do what feels right for your body in one of the most unique experiences you will go through in your life as a woman. And for goodness' sake, stop vilifying others who don't make the same choice as you.
67
couldn’t agree more with the core argument here: better respect the emotional needs and desires of women.
Unfortunately that isn’t the argument that this author is making. She suggests that what we support is the sending of women, unquestioning and unprepared, through a system and procedure that in this country, empirically, does not have a woman’s best interest at heart. Aside from the obvious problems with comparing a normal birth to an invasive surgery—a vasectomy—in the first place (one that happens to be the literal antitheses of birth), the subtext is that we support women continuing to make decisions about their health based on fear and misinformation. When the thing that "makes us happy" is conforming under pressure to a system that has one of the worst maternal mortality rates of all developed countries (yes, that’s the US)....No, I don’t think we should “just do the thing that makes us happy”.
If a woman wants an epidural and it enables her to have an experience that satisfies and ultimately empowers her, I’m for it. But we can’t ignore the fact that the way we treat women in labor is part of a larger conversation about the way we treat women, and what other people have told us we should and shouldn’t be able to do with our bodies, what we expect of ourselves and what we expect from our healthcare providers. It's part of a conversation about how we deserve, and sometimes need to demand, to be treated. Not fixed.
Unfortunately that isn’t the argument that this author is making. She suggests that what we support is the sending of women, unquestioning and unprepared, through a system and procedure that in this country, empirically, does not have a woman’s best interest at heart. Aside from the obvious problems with comparing a normal birth to an invasive surgery—a vasectomy—in the first place (one that happens to be the literal antitheses of birth), the subtext is that we support women continuing to make decisions about their health based on fear and misinformation. When the thing that "makes us happy" is conforming under pressure to a system that has one of the worst maternal mortality rates of all developed countries (yes, that’s the US)....No, I don’t think we should “just do the thing that makes us happy”.
If a woman wants an epidural and it enables her to have an experience that satisfies and ultimately empowers her, I’m for it. But we can’t ignore the fact that the way we treat women in labor is part of a larger conversation about the way we treat women, and what other people have told us we should and shouldn’t be able to do with our bodies, what we expect of ourselves and what we expect from our healthcare providers. It's part of a conversation about how we deserve, and sometimes need to demand, to be treated. Not fixed.
17
The critical comments regarding this op-ed are surprising to me since I feel like the author's ultimate message is one everyone can get behind: Women should not feel forced to do something they don't want to do.
I've given birth to two children and felt that enormous pressure to give birth "naturally." I went to many prenatal yoga classes where I was told how critically important it was to have a trial of labor, and I listened to the "dangers" of giving birth with -- horror! -- my body pumped full of drugs, which will probably (definitely) ruin my perfect child at the moment he enters the world.
When I ultimately had to give birth to my first child via C-section I struggled with feelings of failure (feelings that now seem silly after looking at my thriving 6-year-old). I had a VBac with my second, but opted for the epidural and have no regrets. That drug helped me switch from agony to peace, I still felt what was happening when I pushed, and the moment she was born and placed on my belly was just as special -- perhaps more so -- because I was not in horrific pain during labor (which, by the way, happened so quickly my OB thanked me for allowing him to be home in time for dinner).
I, I am guessing like the author, am not against "natural" birth. We are just against women feeling like they need to sacrifice their desires and comfort at all costs, and are against judging other women for their very personal choices.
I've given birth to two children and felt that enormous pressure to give birth "naturally." I went to many prenatal yoga classes where I was told how critically important it was to have a trial of labor, and I listened to the "dangers" of giving birth with -- horror! -- my body pumped full of drugs, which will probably (definitely) ruin my perfect child at the moment he enters the world.
When I ultimately had to give birth to my first child via C-section I struggled with feelings of failure (feelings that now seem silly after looking at my thriving 6-year-old). I had a VBac with my second, but opted for the epidural and have no regrets. That drug helped me switch from agony to peace, I still felt what was happening when I pushed, and the moment she was born and placed on my belly was just as special -- perhaps more so -- because I was not in horrific pain during labor (which, by the way, happened so quickly my OB thanked me for allowing him to be home in time for dinner).
I, I am guessing like the author, am not against "natural" birth. We are just against women feeling like they need to sacrifice their desires and comfort at all costs, and are against judging other women for their very personal choices.
40
I am not taking a position, pro or con, but having experienced natural childbirth, I can tell you that the brth itself is actually a relief after long and painful labor.
14
Men with an opinion on this are about as entitled to it as women are entitled to an opinion on circumcision.
20
I had an epidural for my first son and old fashioned "twilight sleep" for the second. Believe me, the first way was much better.
6
Preach.
7
This column made me really sad because it presents a false choice. I totally agree, if the choice is unbearable agony or the epidural, I would choose the epidural. In my first labor, years ago, I was self-trained in Lamaze and tried to have a contraction lying on my side and it did not work at all. I was stunned at the level of pain, like 10 horrible gas pains all at once. I did not know how I could live through it or face another. That is not Lamaze! I turned on my back again, and the pain never went over the threshold of what I could ride over...it went to that threshold but not over. I did not suffer. The work, on the other hand was mindboggling, like running around the block and knowing that in 45 seconds I was going to do it again and had no choice. What is missed here is that labor (or at least labor with training and support) is a spiritually transformative experience. A girl becomes a woman here because the intensity of the effort makes everything else go away. It is triumphant. And the pushing phase is much easier. The worst is over when that starts. I became a Lamaze teacher after that. I trained about 700 couples. 95% of the multips and 89% of the first time mothers went through with a natural delivery (sometimes with temporary epidural for back labor) because they were well trained with supportive doctors (or changed to them). So this is a sad false choice that winds up actually traumatizing women more and has resulted in our 30% c-section rate.
25
Who would have the nerve to give a stranger unsolicited medical advice?
Pregnant women aren't the only ones who suffer uninvited groping. I saw a woman snatch a baby out of its roller-thing and kiss it, and a group of us once ran into a woman who walked around a restaurant rubbing bald men's heads. Ugh.
Pregnant women aren't the only ones who suffer uninvited groping. I saw a woman snatch a baby out of its roller-thing and kiss it, and a group of us once ran into a woman who walked around a restaurant rubbing bald men's heads. Ugh.
6
This piece is more defensive than funny...and it's annoying in its own simplistic advice. I didn't learn until after my first baby was born that having an epidural would make him come out drugged up until the next day. That just seemed sad to me. As a culture, we need to be less fearful of pain so we can be more vigilant about all the consequences of alleviating it.
21
Men don't put this pressure on you. Women do. Please don't make this another issue where men are blamed.
6
Motherhood is meant to transform you, completely transform you. Let it. Feel the birth. Feel the "pain" of not fitting back into your clothes. Feel the night waking. In other words, feel the human being that is your child, your own flesh and blood, and what it means to be true to that person--and when you choose to do that you will find yourself transformed in a profoundly positive way.
8
The only 'NATURAL' childbirth choice would be to deliver safely and painlessly.
It is unfortunate that the term 'NATURAL' was co-opted to mean 'intervention less'
How to deliver safely and with minimal pain is a choice of the patient with her provider/doctor's expert guidance.
It is unfortunate that the term 'NATURAL' was co-opted to mean 'intervention less'
How to deliver safely and with minimal pain is a choice of the patient with her provider/doctor's expert guidance.
4
Great title! I laughed at the title of this article before even reading the story.
I so vividly remember telling my doctor *after* an epidural that "this isn't working." He kept wanting me to straighten my knees and I couldn't bc it hurt my back so much.....I ended up w general anesthesia and didn't see my son until he was 23 hours old.
I so vividly remember telling my doctor *after* an epidural that "this isn't working." He kept wanting me to straighten my knees and I couldn't bc it hurt my back so much.....I ended up w general anesthesia and didn't see my son until he was 23 hours old.
1
The over all philosophy is correct. For each of us 'our mileage may vary' for each event in life.
Relax, it is a journey best taken with humor and gentleness.
Relax, it is a journey best taken with humor and gentleness.
5
I have not yet had an encounter where a stranger comes up out of the blue and judges me so openly. But moments like the one described by the author make for a great story. Why do moments like these only happen to journalists writing stories like these. A well written article does not need to always rely on a hard to believe story that happened to the author.
8
The next time someone intrudes into your life and decisions ask her if she goes to the dentist and says "Drill me natural please". Take the epidural and relax. Sometimes modern medicine helps with things like childbirth, which used to routinely kill women. And if you cannot or decide not to breast feed, that is okay too.
Why do women feel the need to act as if child birth is an olympic event that one has to be the champion of? And purpose to judge a complete stranger on her decisions.
Why do women feel the need to act as if child birth is an olympic event that one has to be the champion of? And purpose to judge a complete stranger on her decisions.
13
we live in an over medicated society. my American wife gave birth to three children naturally in the Netherlands in the 1990's. she still talks fondly of the experience. in our opinion, epidural should be reserved for severe cases rather than as a routine child birthing procedure.
14
A few comments. The epidural is (mostly) the laboring mother's choice. Not her partner's, who says at 5 cm, "but, honey, WE weren't going to use pain meds!". Reflect on menstrual cramps. Some women never feel them. Others are debilitated for a few days every month for years. No reason to think that the pain perception during labor is any less variable. And lastly, the breathing and huffing taught during labor classes is, in. any regards, a form of self hypnosis. It is well known that some people are moresuccessful at that than others. Again, different capabilities, different brain wiring. So all this to say that, even as laboring women we are all different. Please, world, male and female, respect that.
17
This is a personal choice to say the least.
As for the effects? My wife was within about 15 minutes of giving birth to our first child when she had her epidural, and it definitely put an end to the urgency. It took many hours more than it otherwise would have taken. Nevertheless, everything turned out fine.
She took the epidural right away with the second child. Everything turned out great with that one also.
If it were my choice, I'd choose the epidural from the outset. I can't believe there's any redeeming quality of going through that kind of pain. Perhaps in prehistoric times it helped reduce the population growth because having children was a life-threatening, miserably painful experience. But today in the US having children is mostly a choice and the pain seems to be unnecessary to control the population as a result.
I'd encourage women to get the epidural also. I didn't like seeing my wife in the pain before she had it. That kind of traumatic pain is not necessary today.
As for the effects? My wife was within about 15 minutes of giving birth to our first child when she had her epidural, and it definitely put an end to the urgency. It took many hours more than it otherwise would have taken. Nevertheless, everything turned out fine.
She took the epidural right away with the second child. Everything turned out great with that one also.
If it were my choice, I'd choose the epidural from the outset. I can't believe there's any redeeming quality of going through that kind of pain. Perhaps in prehistoric times it helped reduce the population growth because having children was a life-threatening, miserably painful experience. But today in the US having children is mostly a choice and the pain seems to be unnecessary to control the population as a result.
I'd encourage women to get the epidural also. I didn't like seeing my wife in the pain before she had it. That kind of traumatic pain is not necessary today.
14
I think childbirth is both the most personal and the most universal experience a woman can have. I had both a fully medicated C-section and a midwife-assisted, unmedicated birth 3 years (to the day, as it turned out) later. For me there was an epidural "window" during the surgical procedure that required the docs to knock me out completely because the surgical pain was suddenly very real. A very comprehensive childbirth class made it possible to have a VBAC (vaginal birth after caesarean) with my second child. I was home 24 hours later, never having taken even a Tylenol. If I had it to do over again I'd have gone for "natural" with both babies. But I would never, ever tell another expectant mother how to manage her own childbirth.
17
Oh, for heck's sake: women should no more feel pressured into getting an epidural than they should be into going without it. Some women just don't need them: their labours are quick and easy. My four children were all born naturally because not only were pain relief drugs unnecessary, there wouldn't have been time for an epidural anyway. The medical professionals barely had time to catch the baby.
Bottom line is this: in childbirth, as in all parenting decisions, you have to let go of your expectations and just deal with the situation. And not judge those who dealt with different situations differently.
Bottom line is this: in childbirth, as in all parenting decisions, you have to let go of your expectations and just deal with the situation. And not judge those who dealt with different situations differently.
33
Sorry, this is just another "contrarian" article, which seems to be what sells. You can do it without the epidural. There are milder pain remedies, like a shot of Demerol or whatever they give now. The other extraneous comments such as about hairy legs are completely beside the point. Were you writing this to fund the night nurse? Because all this will pass and you can at least feel like you did it yourself, with your friends and family.
10
Spot on. Magnificent. True. There's nothing to win. There's just getting through it with a healthy mother and baby at the end.
16
im a purist too
i insisted on no anesthesia for my quadruple bypass, and it worked perfectly
i just chanted my mantra for 7 hours and didnt feel a thing
i insisted on no anesthesia for my quadruple bypass, and it worked perfectly
i just chanted my mantra for 7 hours and didnt feel a thing
33
One thing i know for sure--every woman who has had a baby has a story and an opinion. To be honest, none of them are very interesting or would ever change my mind on medical choices.
6
If you can't even forswear a shot of donkey hormones for your child at birth, you'll be looking for the easy way out all through motherhood.
6
June 1968. Heatwave. The old Boston Lying In Hospital. Right out of Dickens. No A/C. Sweaty women packed into the maternity ward, narrow beds separated by curtains. Clinic patients, all in various stages of labor or post delivery groans. Some shrieking. Nuns scurrying along tsk tsking while secretly thanking their lucky stars they joined the convent.
Remember the Summer of Love? That was the year before.....now there I was, mind blowing contractions without any relief on offer. Only when I started a non stop rant of profanity did they come scurrying to wheel me into delivery. That's all I remember until I woke up in a drugged stupor hours later. Men weren't allowed anywhere near the wards until post delivery so when my daughter's father arrived, he was a scared broke student as was I, I just looked at him & said "You're having the next one."
My daughter, an only child, has three kids, all delivered pain free. Her OB gives the epidural right after arrival at Cedars in L.A. (bless that place!) & my daughter happily conversed with all in attendance right up until she was fully dilated, when everyone but staff & my son-in-law were sent to the waiting room.
I might have had more kids if my experience 48 years ago in Boston were similar.
Remember the Summer of Love? That was the year before.....now there I was, mind blowing contractions without any relief on offer. Only when I started a non stop rant of profanity did they come scurrying to wheel me into delivery. That's all I remember until I woke up in a drugged stupor hours later. Men weren't allowed anywhere near the wards until post delivery so when my daughter's father arrived, he was a scared broke student as was I, I just looked at him & said "You're having the next one."
My daughter, an only child, has three kids, all delivered pain free. Her OB gives the epidural right after arrival at Cedars in L.A. (bless that place!) & my daughter happily conversed with all in attendance right up until she was fully dilated, when everyone but staff & my son-in-law were sent to the waiting room.
I might have had more kids if my experience 48 years ago in Boston were similar.
16
It is time to evaluate the things that you do to please others and decide if it's serving you.
4
"What are you trying to win?" Yes.
4
When one is asked uninvited questions or given unsolicited advice about pregnancy just say "I'm not pregnant" and look at them like they are crazy. End of conversation ;)
15
I don't think anyone cares nearly as much as you think they do.
When one keeps private things private, one doesn't get unsolicited advice or all this "pressure from society" that parents are constantly blathering about.
When one keeps private things private, one doesn't get unsolicited advice or all this "pressure from society" that parents are constantly blathering about.
10
I'm sure Oprah would get the epidural too.
8
Hear, hear! Ignore the intrusions of strangers in grocery store aisles commenting on your health care choices.
Consider the bottom line: the cost to insurance companies of a lifetime of payments for a child born with brain damage from poorly administered pain relief exceeds exponentially the one time settlement of a mere housewife's untimely suffering and death. It's all about the Benjamins to the insurance company.
And don't get me started on the anti-abortionists input, how sinning women deserves to bring forth her children in pain. We females listened to the snake, we ate the apple. We women get what we deserve, and deserve what we get.
Consider the bottom line: the cost to insurance companies of a lifetime of payments for a child born with brain damage from poorly administered pain relief exceeds exponentially the one time settlement of a mere housewife's untimely suffering and death. It's all about the Benjamins to the insurance company.
And don't get me started on the anti-abortionists input, how sinning women deserves to bring forth her children in pain. We females listened to the snake, we ate the apple. We women get what we deserve, and deserve what we get.
3
My wife just delivered our second child two weeks ago. Just like with the first she waited too long to ask for the injection and gave birth naturally. Although it was excruciating she is happy with the outcome especially given that only resident doctors were available - ideally you want someone with some experience sticking a needle in your spine. Our advice would be to ask early on if you have any intention in getting the drugs or epidural
6
You poor thing. Yes, None of your business is the best answer! Same for breast feeding harassment. Enjoy, best wishes for your little one and family.
6
Ask any nurse anesthetist with a busy OB practice and you will hear stories that are worthy of a best seller. Doulas (non-medically trained) giving false and dangerous information, birthing plans that are unsound and impractical and the last minute calls for an epidural. Too much family and outsider interference in a medical setting can lead to problems with the mother and child.
13
I had an epidural with both my children and I'm very glad that I did. The epidural caused no negative side effects and helped me to be able to breathe more easily and concentrate on pushing to aid both babies' deliveries. Life is hard .... childbirth is hard work........... Give yourself a break, GET THE EPIDURAL . You'll be glad you did.
13
Here's a bit of historical background, from someone whose 4 children were born in the 60's: once upon a time, during that era, there were some young men felt that they should have complete control of the pregnancies of the women in their lives.
And where a woman were allowed them to, they did control it all, from diet ("pregnant women don't need animal protein of any kind, there's lots of protein in vegetables"), to physical exercise ("it's good for pregnant women to wash clothes on a washboard and wring them out by hand"), to the birth process itself... "a real woman doesn't need a doctor, or a hospital, or pain drugs".
Did I fall for any of that? No, but a couple of the hippie chicks we knew, did. Once.
Like the author of this charming article, I had the epidural.
And where a woman were allowed them to, they did control it all, from diet ("pregnant women don't need animal protein of any kind, there's lots of protein in vegetables"), to physical exercise ("it's good for pregnant women to wash clothes on a washboard and wring them out by hand"), to the birth process itself... "a real woman doesn't need a doctor, or a hospital, or pain drugs".
Did I fall for any of that? No, but a couple of the hippie chicks we knew, did. Once.
Like the author of this charming article, I had the epidural.
11
I'm a hospital-based midwife who fully supports women's birth preferences, whether they have a strong desire for an unmedicated birth, plan to have an epidural as soon as possible, or take a "wait and see" approach. I understand that the term "natural birth" is problematic for many people. The term "physiologic birth" is a better description of a birth that progresses on its own without medical interventions or anesthesia.
Beyond that, I find this piece problematic for a few reasons:
1) As many readers have spoken to in the comments, it is at least as common for women to be told they are crazy for wanting an unmedicated birth. The real problem is strangers feeling free to pry into pregnant women's personal business. Women have the option of saying, "That's really personal, and something I only discuss with those closest to me."
2) The author implies that the only legitimate reason NOT to get an epidural is avoiding medical risk of the procedure, and therefore since complications are rare, there's no reason not to get it. This discounts the many other valid reasons women desire unmediated birth.
3) The author implies that women who choose or desire unmedicated birth do so because they have something to prove, or "win." That's insulting and dismissive.
4) While expressing irritation with people who tell women what they should do, she tells women what they should do.
Beyond that, I find this piece problematic for a few reasons:
1) As many readers have spoken to in the comments, it is at least as common for women to be told they are crazy for wanting an unmedicated birth. The real problem is strangers feeling free to pry into pregnant women's personal business. Women have the option of saying, "That's really personal, and something I only discuss with those closest to me."
2) The author implies that the only legitimate reason NOT to get an epidural is avoiding medical risk of the procedure, and therefore since complications are rare, there's no reason not to get it. This discounts the many other valid reasons women desire unmediated birth.
3) The author implies that women who choose or desire unmedicated birth do so because they have something to prove, or "win." That's insulting and dismissive.
4) While expressing irritation with people who tell women what they should do, she tells women what they should do.
57
We did the 'natural' Lamaze method and had no problems. Hey girls, try to have a nice natural birth. No, you do not need drugs unless you do not want to be conscious of you own child's birth. BTW, my wife was in labor and delivered in 45 minutes. Yeah for her!
8
The argument here boils down to: women need to buy artificial products and services in order to be beautiful, therefore women should get epidurals.
From a false premise, anything follows.
From a false premise, anything follows.
9
I love your piece. I love when people, especially women, point out the idiotic standards people are held to. I'm with you....do what makes you happy, as long as it's not hurting anyone else. And truly, there is absolutely nothing to win.
11
I'd want an epidural, and as much other sedation/anesthesia as I could have without putting the baby in danger or myself in a coffin. I've never understood why some women think "natural" childbirth is a "red badge of courage" (sorry).
10
Lilly Tomlin once recorded a comedy piece in which she was depicting a late-70's woman who was "politically correct" in every way, including child birth. Once she went into full-on labor, she yelled "Why did I pick a time like this to go off drugs?!!". This album was one of her best and I couldn't agree more with her portrayal of a woman in labor who refused an epidural or any drugs that may help her through the torturous event.
8
I chose an epidural with both my children, and I have no regrets. With my first, they ended up turning off the meds during the last hour because I couldn't feel enough to push, so I got to experience both the painless and painful experience of childbirth. My second was born very quickly, with one push. The only unpleasant part of the epidural was that after the second, I couldn't use my legs fully (lack of feeling) for a few hours after her birth.
The judgment of how women not only choose to give birth, but how they feed (breast or bottle), nurture and ultimately parent is very destructive, especially when it comes from other mothers. Parenting is difficult enough, but when a new mother is made to feel inadequate by others judging her decisions, we're all undermined. If you're bothered by mothers who don't share your opinions, maybe it's best not to ask.
The judgment of how women not only choose to give birth, but how they feed (breast or bottle), nurture and ultimately parent is very destructive, especially when it comes from other mothers. Parenting is difficult enough, but when a new mother is made to feel inadequate by others judging her decisions, we're all undermined. If you're bothered by mothers who don't share your opinions, maybe it's best not to ask.
8
I agree that it is a personal choice and people should keep their opinions to themselves.
What I found strange is the comparisons in the article.
'No one ever asks a man if he’s having a “natural root canal.” No one ever asks if a man is having a “natural vasectomy.”'
Neither of these are natural or are most minor surgeries.
What I found strange is the comparisons in the article.
'No one ever asks a man if he’s having a “natural root canal.” No one ever asks if a man is having a “natural vasectomy.”'
Neither of these are natural or are most minor surgeries.
9
I've done it both ways, with the epidural and without. For me, giving birth without the epidural was much less about the pain (and there was plenty), and more about feeling fully alive and present for one of the biggest events of my life. When it was over, I still draw on the strength of that experience. It was incredibly empowering in ways that you have to live through to understand. I grew ten feet that day, on the inside. The epidural and its dead numbness? Never again.
15
Agree or disagree with "natural" childbirth, this is worth reading for the witty writing style alone. Thanks for putting a smile on my face. I may reach for a piece of pie today.
6
I wanted childbirth to be intensely private. I did not want a doula--or anyone else other than me with opinions about how I should give birth. I used breathing in early labor and had an epidural with both births. I'm 5" tall and petite, and with my first daughter, it took 5 tries to get the epidural in--a miserable hour. But once the epidural worked, I found I could push without a frenzy of pain. With the second daughter, the first epidural put only one side to sleep. I still wanted an epidural. And privacy.
Everybody has an opinion about what you should do re: birth, breastfeeding, pumping, etc. The breast pump I tried practically gave me a radical mastectomy, and that was the end of pumping for me. But I found breast-feeding worked better for me--and the fact that it was better for the baby was a bonus.
Do what works best for you, and ignore the critics. The first few months after childbirth is a really difficult time--you're exhausted, your body hurts, and you're dealing with a hormonal storm. Others should be less critical and more helpful.
Everybody has an opinion about what you should do re: birth, breastfeeding, pumping, etc. The breast pump I tried practically gave me a radical mastectomy, and that was the end of pumping for me. But I found breast-feeding worked better for me--and the fact that it was better for the baby was a bonus.
Do what works best for you, and ignore the critics. The first few months after childbirth is a really difficult time--you're exhausted, your body hurts, and you're dealing with a hormonal storm. Others should be less critical and more helpful.
7
I get a gut-kick to the term "natural childbirth". All childbirth is natural, no matter what anesthesia you take or what it takes for you to give birth.
One of my three daughters had a botched epidural at the time of her childbirth and suffered from such an intense postpartum headache, she had to return (without her newborn) and be readmitted to the hospital. I had no epidural for my three childbirths. But I had three small infants and three relatively manageable labors.
What is most important I think, is what fits for the mother who is in the throes of nature with the added option and advantage of modern medicine. If your labor is manageable, opt out. If it isn't, get the epidural. Your body, your childbirth experience, your choice.
One of my three daughters had a botched epidural at the time of her childbirth and suffered from such an intense postpartum headache, she had to return (without her newborn) and be readmitted to the hospital. I had no epidural for my three childbirths. But I had three small infants and three relatively manageable labors.
What is most important I think, is what fits for the mother who is in the throes of nature with the added option and advantage of modern medicine. If your labor is manageable, opt out. If it isn't, get the epidural. Your body, your childbirth experience, your choice.
11
"But how often do people really want women to be or do anything 'natural'?"
Who are these "people" the author seems to be concerned about? When my wife was pregnant, she decided she wanted to give birth without any type of drugs, if at all possible. She had read books; we went to Lamaze classes together so I could learn to be her breathing coach. She didn't consult random "people," or care one whit for someone else's opinion. The two births, while uncomplicated, were surely not the most fun hours of her life. But she made it through, just fine, on her terms.
Why does the author feel the need to advocate for what other women "should" do?
Who are these "people" the author seems to be concerned about? When my wife was pregnant, she decided she wanted to give birth without any type of drugs, if at all possible. She had read books; we went to Lamaze classes together so I could learn to be her breathing coach. She didn't consult random "people," or care one whit for someone else's opinion. The two births, while uncomplicated, were surely not the most fun hours of her life. But she made it through, just fine, on her terms.
Why does the author feel the need to advocate for what other women "should" do?
14
For crying out loud... If you want to get an epidural, get one; if you don't, don't get one. And keep your nose (and judgment) out of other people's decisions.
(Personally, I had an epidural with my first and wish I hadn't, and didn't have an epidural with my second and wish I had - long story for both I won't get into.)
(Personally, I had an epidural with my first and wish I hadn't, and didn't have an epidural with my second and wish I had - long story for both I won't get into.)
24
Here's what's funny. First the author tells us that her pregnancy is nobody's business, and nobody's pregnancy is any business of other people, so stop judging. Then she writes, in The New York Times no less, all about her pregnancy and childbirth, and what kind of childbirth every other expectant mother ought to experience.
10
So Jesse Klein commits to he same offense that so upsets her when done to her. There has never been more information available about costs and benefits of interventions. Each woman has the right to choose what she wants, educate herself, or not! She also has the right to change her mind. The rest of us can mind our own business.
6
I had two births in hospitals ready to give me an epidural whenever I felt I needed it but I never did. I had praticed lamaze breathing techniques and they got me through the discomfort which was less than I have felt in other situations. There are some interesting non-painful sensations I would have been sorry not to experience. And I felt better not pumping powerful drugs into my babies. I think it was worth trying for drug free deliveries and would encourage other women to do so. But no shame in asking for an epidural if it is needed.
7
Quick historical note. First woman to use chloroform for childbirth was Queen Victoria for a later one of her 9 deliveries. Before, when it was suggested the male clergy quoted the biblical verses that say that "women bring forth their young amidst pain and suffering" Queen Victoria embrace of the new technology ended that!
12
Not only is each person different but so is each pregnancy, which is why choice is important. I had an epidural with my first of three and found it an anxious and difficult delivery because the baby's heart slowed and I nearly had a c section and because I couldn't feel enough to push so the baby was born in much worse shape than my other two. With my second two my body was better prepared and I was less anxious. I used the breathing techniques to manage the pain and the births were amazing and I felt much more well after than I had with the epidural. I totally agree with what the author says about getting help. Night nurse sounds great if you can. I breast fed for over a year with each but we did night bottles when I needed a break. I still remember all the great meals my mom froze for me. Good food for a new mother is a blessing.
7
Each woman chooses the child-bearing path that is right for her and her baby. Perhaps what is most needed is more real education around childbirth. Unlike the other surgeries mentioned, childbirth IS a completely natural process that women have been managing in large numbers, for thousands of years.
In our drive to control women we have medical ones this process and made it much harder for women and their newborns. Putting women in their back with feet up is NOT for the ease of the birthing process, rather it was begun so the male doctors could SEE better!!! Fighting gravity and your muscular system instead of working with the natural standing and squatting positions.
Medical birth causes much unnecessary pain and trauma to both mother and child. That pain you so fear is what creates a chemical that bonds you to your children and boosts their immune system. And breastfeeding is so much healthier for babies. But hey, it might "hurt"?
In our drive to control women we have medical ones this process and made it much harder for women and their newborns. Putting women in their back with feet up is NOT for the ease of the birthing process, rather it was begun so the male doctors could SEE better!!! Fighting gravity and your muscular system instead of working with the natural standing and squatting positions.
Medical birth causes much unnecessary pain and trauma to both mother and child. That pain you so fear is what creates a chemical that bonds you to your children and boosts their immune system. And breastfeeding is so much healthier for babies. But hey, it might "hurt"?
5
I understand how awful it was to be questioned by a stranger. This is a personal decision, totally up to the mom and should be free of all judgement. But I also think in trying to be funny you trivialize the option of natural childbirth. Perhaps we need a different term for it because natural is not right. But I had 3 children with an epidural and I do not think I suffered at all in all 3 births. I felt my body was completely ready to have my children. I was able to relax and breath and manage the sensations I felt. I find your tone a bit condescending maybe, as if you think your experience with an epidural was better. Like all matters health related it is a personal decision and is no one else's business to judge. A woman's body is designed for child birth. However she chooses to pursue is really up to her.
8
I have two beautiful littles ones. With my first born, I read a lot of books, went to classes, and watched a lot of documentaries on child birth. There was a bit of fear mongering on what happens when you get an epidural and petocin together. So I got a doula and made a birth plan to go natural. 15 hours in to my natural labor, I was exhausted, a zombie, fearful of more pain to come. I thought I was going to die, so I decided to just have the epidural. After they gave it, I had the chills and it felt a little artificial, but was relaxed, the baby came, and everything turned out fine--no c-section. I did for a moment feel I let the doula down and my husband, but then thought who cares, this is torture and why suffer. I think women who do it without the drugs are heroes and believe it can be a sort of rite of passage either way, natural or with drugs. With the second, I knew I wanted an epidural, but had a game plan. My doctor said about 5cm is a safe time to get it and not earlier, so I waited until then. When I arrived at the hospital they were already pushing petocin which is what I didn't want because I hadn't dilated much. I wanted to labor on my own for a little bit, walk around and get further along. I had to fight to have this happen since my doctor was not there and certain hospitals have a protocol and want you in and out. I agree this is a personal decision and women having been having babies forever. Get a good doctor and read up and see what works for you.
6
I loved reading this very well-written and funny/serious piece.
The question isn't epidural or no epidural. The question is why the decision whether or not you want one is anyone's business other than your own.
Both of my births more than 30 years ago were on the harder end of the scale: My first was with an epidural, but my own O.B. was off for the weekend and I wound up with a guy on call who, for a host of reasons, made me uncomfortable. The birth was a high forcepts birth, pretty awful. My baby was sturdy (as she has been her whole life), and we both survived it. My second was epidural and drug free and was painful and difficult, like giving birth to a bowling ball with her within-normal-limits large head.
I'm so glad I had them. I'm so glad they're now in their 30's and making the world a much better and more beautiful place.
The question isn't epidural or no epidural. The question is why the decision whether or not you want one is anyone's business other than your own.
Both of my births more than 30 years ago were on the harder end of the scale: My first was with an epidural, but my own O.B. was off for the weekend and I wound up with a guy on call who, for a host of reasons, made me uncomfortable. The birth was a high forcepts birth, pretty awful. My baby was sturdy (as she has been her whole life), and we both survived it. My second was epidural and drug free and was painful and difficult, like giving birth to a bowling ball with her within-normal-limits large head.
I'm so glad I had them. I'm so glad they're now in their 30's and making the world a much better and more beautiful place.
8
Well said. Our bodies are our own business--but just as with abortion, others with differing opinions feel it is their right to tell us what to do with them.
Thank you for speaking out.
Thank you for speaking out.
4
I love youl
5
Get the epidural. As the writer says, what other intensely painful (and believe me, it's a 10) procedure or operation for males or females is done without anesthetic? Women, take charge of yourselves. Stop letting doctors and the media and busybodies like the woman in the store dictate what we do with our bodies. What makes sense? What is comparatively safe? Find out for yourselves.
7
Bravo! I started reading some of the comments of women who had "natural" childbirth and got nauseous and repelled by the smugness.
19
Jessi...take it from a mother who did it the "natural" way:
Get the epidural!!
Get the epidural!!
7
I am a nurse and a mother of a toddler and newborn. The most traumatic birth stories I have heard among my closest friends are from those who refused to consider the epidural, at any cost. I have given birth three times: a stillbirth, a "natural" birth and a birth with an epidural (in that order). I told my OB that I didn't care how she got the last two out, as long as I was safe and the baby was safe. That being said, if I were to give birth again, I would absolutely opt for the epidural. It was wonderful. And it is, on the whole, a safe and well-understood means of controlling excruciating pain. Anyone who believes that enduring excruciating pain purely for the sake of enduring pain has a messed up idea of what courage and character are. And, ultimately, why do we care so much about someone else's decision regarding her own body and her own experience? If I had a headache, would a perfect stranger care so very much whether or not I chose to alleviate it with Advil? Absurd. If you are so fundamentalist as to insist on "natural," give up your smartphone, your latte, your comfy shoes and all your body products, while you're at it. We'll see how natural you like it after five days without toothpaste.
17
My OB shut me down so quickly when I even mentioned the idea of an unmedicated birth. (The NYT should add it to their style manual: all births are natural. Correct terms for this conversation might include unmedicated birth, vaginal birth or
Surgical birth in the case of cesarean.)
The idea of having a care provider not open to having a thoughtful, informed discussion about all options and pain management techniques available is one of the greatest failures of modern obstetric work. Of course most of our appointments were 6 minutes in length so how could she spend time discussing options?
Halfway through my pregnancy I found a great midwifery office that encourages patients to learn about the pros and cons to all options. Births are unique experiences and women are too often left uninformed about all the risks of epidurals.
I wanted an unmedicated birth using a birthing tub at a hospital but 15 hours in at 1 cm I opted for the epidural. I don't regret the epidural because I needed to rest, but I did end up in labor for 36 hours and by that point it was only intermittently functioning. The epidural makes you bed-bound and it slowed my birth down considerably. Being tethered to the bed i could not move to reposition the baby and since you can't feel your legs, are dependent on people to move and tell you when to push. Finished w/ episiotomy and vacuum extraction. It's not about feminism, it's about recognizing not everyone will be in the majority and problem free.
Surgical birth in the case of cesarean.)
The idea of having a care provider not open to having a thoughtful, informed discussion about all options and pain management techniques available is one of the greatest failures of modern obstetric work. Of course most of our appointments were 6 minutes in length so how could she spend time discussing options?
Halfway through my pregnancy I found a great midwifery office that encourages patients to learn about the pros and cons to all options. Births are unique experiences and women are too often left uninformed about all the risks of epidurals.
I wanted an unmedicated birth using a birthing tub at a hospital but 15 hours in at 1 cm I opted for the epidural. I don't regret the epidural because I needed to rest, but I did end up in labor for 36 hours and by that point it was only intermittently functioning. The epidural makes you bed-bound and it slowed my birth down considerably. Being tethered to the bed i could not move to reposition the baby and since you can't feel your legs, are dependent on people to move and tell you when to push. Finished w/ episiotomy and vacuum extraction. It's not about feminism, it's about recognizing not everyone will be in the majority and problem free.
12
My sister, a labor-and-delivery nurse, said an epidural would be a sensible choice if I didn't want to feel labor pains. But it only worked on the right side of my body. So for 11 hours I felt all the pains of labor on my left side, and then had a C-section anyway. But she was healthy, 7.3 lbs. We were lucky. I suppose no matter your choice, there's no predicting exactly how the labor and delivery will go.
4
Are there no limits today to people's sense of self- entitlement? What ever happened to respect for the privacy of others- what gives anyone, especially a perfect stranger, the right to intrude on the privacy of another in an area so obviously personal?
If anyone asked me that question, I would respond immediately with "Do I know you?" Then after a few second's pause: " Why would you think I would want to discuss this with you?"
If anyone asked me that question, I would respond immediately with "Do I know you?" Then after a few second's pause: " Why would you think I would want to discuss this with you?"
8
Great essay!
2
Right on!
3
My first childbirth instructor, in 1984, opened the first class session by announcing that this was a "C-section prevention class." I ended up writing a crisp little birth plan that demanded no interventions (I have always been an A student, and no way was I going to flunk childbirth).
On March 8, 1984, I went into labor, which progressed slowly. I was given pitocin to accelerate contractions, which the childbirth instructor had warned us was the beginning of the end for a "natural" birth, since the IV limited the mom's mobility. Once the contractions started in earnest, I reluctantly (and ashamedly) asked for an epidural. After 24 hours of labor, I was wheeled into the OR for a C-section.
Our son was healthy, whole, beautiful, as he is to this day.
But when the childbirth instructor called the next day to congratulate me, as she did for all her students, I burst into tears and told her what a failure I felt I was -- I had not been strong enough to resist the epidural, which in her instruction was absolutely to be shunned if one wanted a "natural" birth.
As I write this today, I feel a surge of anger toward her and her proscriptions. It was MY birth, not HERS. Yes, a C-section is a surgical procedure, and the recovery (with an infant to care for) was not easy. Was asking for an epidural partly responsible for my "unnatural" birth? Who knows, but five years later I had a healthy son via VBAC even though I had asked early on for an epidural.
On March 8, 1984, I went into labor, which progressed slowly. I was given pitocin to accelerate contractions, which the childbirth instructor had warned us was the beginning of the end for a "natural" birth, since the IV limited the mom's mobility. Once the contractions started in earnest, I reluctantly (and ashamedly) asked for an epidural. After 24 hours of labor, I was wheeled into the OR for a C-section.
Our son was healthy, whole, beautiful, as he is to this day.
But when the childbirth instructor called the next day to congratulate me, as she did for all her students, I burst into tears and told her what a failure I felt I was -- I had not been strong enough to resist the epidural, which in her instruction was absolutely to be shunned if one wanted a "natural" birth.
As I write this today, I feel a surge of anger toward her and her proscriptions. It was MY birth, not HERS. Yes, a C-section is a surgical procedure, and the recovery (with an infant to care for) was not easy. Was asking for an epidural partly responsible for my "unnatural" birth? Who knows, but five years later I had a healthy son via VBAC even though I had asked early on for an epidural.
5
Can't wait to read your book - might need to rush out to B&N today to buy it. Having had 2 c-sections (one spinal, one epidural) and one v-back, I feel like I have done it all and I definitely agree - have the epidural. Oh, and if they offer you Demerol, say "yes please!". Your baby will be fine!
2
Two of my friends and I all gave birth around the same time. We each entered with the same philosophy: lets see how it feels before we decide on whether to get the epidural or not. We all ended up requesting one.
What the "natural" childbirth movement fails to grasp is how many women and children around the world still die from "natural" childbirth. It is a dangerous, painful process. Natural does not mean safe. If you can get through the process without an epidural-- thats wonderful! But getting an epidural is a safe option too.
What the "natural" childbirth movement fails to grasp is how many women and children around the world still die from "natural" childbirth. It is a dangerous, painful process. Natural does not mean safe. If you can get through the process without an epidural-- thats wonderful! But getting an epidural is a safe option too.
9
Ms. Klein, Thank you for your opin. but it tends to butt into a woman's life. Trust me, I have suffered two broken backs and know pain; it is part of life. Birthing is very natural and yes, it brings pain - a catharsis of sorts.
Aside from the many risks of an epidural, giving birth is a powerful gift from nature; yes, I was there with my wife when she gave birth and saw the effort and pain. It was so quickly over though and it had no after effects. Instead, this natural process set the stage for such a beautiful completion. My son was born premature by the way but medical intervention saved his life and he is now an elementary school principal in Newtown, CT.
Aside from the many risks of an epidural, giving birth is a powerful gift from nature; yes, I was there with my wife when she gave birth and saw the effort and pain. It was so quickly over though and it had no after effects. Instead, this natural process set the stage for such a beautiful completion. My son was born premature by the way but medical intervention saved his life and he is now an elementary school principal in Newtown, CT.
6
How is she butting into anyone's life? Her point is that a woman should choose what's comfortable to her, whether it's an epidural or a natural birth, as your wife did. You're advocating for a natural birth, though, so how is that not butting in? And I'm happy it worked out for your family, but as a man, I'm pretty sure it's none of your business advocating for one thing or another, and until you go through your own pregnancy, I'm not going to take your word on any of this catharsis business!
5
I totally agree with the sentiment. I broke my leg two years ago, and at no point did anyone try to make me "breathe through the pain" or not accept the myriad of pain medications on offer because it wasn't "natural". But as soon as its child birth people get this weird idea that it should be as unmedicalised as possible, conveniently forgetting that "natural" births have been killing women and children for millennia. I had someone ask me the week before where I was having the baby, and when I said "in a hospital", she looked at me with pity and said "hopefully you can have the next one at home".
I decided to try and go the "breathe through it" gas and air version of child birth, but the pain was excruciating and the relief I got when they gave me the epidural for my emergency c section was incredible. I could finally focus on what was going on and enjoy the arrival of my child, rather than hallucinate from pain
I decided to try and go the "breathe through it" gas and air version of child birth, but the pain was excruciating and the relief I got when they gave me the epidural for my emergency c section was incredible. I could finally focus on what was going on and enjoy the arrival of my child, rather than hallucinate from pain
9
Please write a follow up on breastfeeding. I have never seen so many otherwise intelligent women retreat into a primitive, divisive psychosis as I have when it comes to HOW BRUTALLY IMPORTANT THAT JUNIOR WILL NEVER SUP FROM THE FORMULA CUP. NEVER!!
4
As an anesthesiologist with almost 30 years of experience, I would just like to forewarn those women who are determined to go with "natural" childbirth, that we have seen time and again women who just cannot push that baby out and require a c section, that would otherwise have enjoyed a relatively comfortable, uneventful vaginal delivery with an epidural administered at the appropriate time. By the time they "ask for anesthesia" they are just too worn out to push. Every medical procedure involves benefits and risks. Just make sure you know this going in. Good luck!
15
And, I hasten to add, I tried really hard with the "natural" route. I did pregnancy yoga up to a week before giving birth. I practised squatting to have an optimum birth position and to get the baby into the right position. I walked for an hour or two every day up to the day before I went into labour, and yet somehow my son was in a position that made vaginal birth impossible (it hasn't even been picked up by a scan two days before). So sometimes "natural" birth just isn't possible, despite how fabulous your intentions are
5
It's a choice as it should be. I didn't have an epidural with my third child. I didn't like it with the first and second and didn't want it and I will always be glad that I wasn't put through that again. But it is and should be an individual choice. Since it generally is, I'm not sure what the point of the column is. You don't need a doula to reject an epidural. You just say no.
7
I don't think women should judge one another about how they choose to give birth. It is a very personal and private decision. But I do think more women need to be educated about medical interventions in childbearing. One intervention often leads to another so there are some risks involved with medical intervention. (This might even include insisting that women be lying on their back to give birth).
I had three completely different experiences with childbirth. The first ended in a c-section due to multiple failed interventions to induce childbirth. The second was a home birth assisted by two midwives and a doula. The third was a hospital birth with minimal interference accept having lie on my back to give birth (much more painful) instead of squatting. In all cases, I had three health babies which I am grateful for.
But I do believe that women need to be educated of the risks of medical interventions during childbirth because often enough one leads to another and the end result can be a more risky outcome. With proper education, women can make good personal decisions about how they choose to have their baby.
I had three completely different experiences with childbirth. The first ended in a c-section due to multiple failed interventions to induce childbirth. The second was a home birth assisted by two midwives and a doula. The third was a hospital birth with minimal interference accept having lie on my back to give birth (much more painful) instead of squatting. In all cases, I had three health babies which I am grateful for.
But I do believe that women need to be educated of the risks of medical interventions during childbirth because often enough one leads to another and the end result can be a more risky outcome. With proper education, women can make good personal decisions about how they choose to have their baby.
10
I do not ask any woman to shave, put on make up, or have any specific medical procedure. In my life the babies born with least intervention were healthier and calmer at birth. For heavens sake, don't shave or wear make up if you don't want to.
2
Elizabeth Bing was my teacher for Lamaz classes. The Seven Lessons of Childbirth, a skinny paperback with a voice cassette in her voice came with the seven classes. In seven weeks, along with seven other couples, we learned about gravity(keep walking!) breathing, and relaxing. Of the 13 couples, there were ZERO epidurals or C sections. I walked, and walked, and walked in the halls of the hospital in Manhattan. when the nurse checked me, I was 9.5 cm dilated, and ready to give birth. I believe that because we so fully instructed and prepared as to the development of the labor process, and the benefits of gravity (WALK!) most of us felt less pain from the contractions. For myself, years of yoga classes had taught me to breathe properly, and I was unable to detect much pain at all. BUT, walking was my saving grace as well. When the nurses saw how much I was dilated, they ushered me off to the bathing chair. My son was born in six minutes, and an the second push. Elizabeth Bing was a Master teacher, who introduced Lamaz classes to the US. As for myself and my infant son, we were home by dinnertime. I believe every mother the right and responsibility to be fully informed and prepared for a safe childbirth. A pulmonary embolism from an epidural was fatal for my friend. She was 30 years old, with a one year old at home, and a newborn motherless son. It was the most tragic funeral of my lifetime, and it did not have to happen. Her children never knew their mother.
7
An epidural cannot directly cause a pulmonary embolism. Pregnant and post-partum women are at increased risk due to estrogen levels. I'm sorry to hear about your friend.
3
Ive done both, natural & epidural. Women need to do what makes sense for them in terms of their health and comfort. Women have no business judging other women's choices. Every woman is different and every delivery is different. My first was to be natural, but required an epi. My third was a planned epi, but was natural. There is no right or wrong, and deliveries (in my little world) are fluid.
2
Upon entering the hospital for the birth of my first son, I jokingly told everyone in a 10 mile radius, "I want an epidural!" By the time the anesthesiologist got there, it seemed like days had passed and I thought the pain would kill me. After several painful attempts, he couldn't administer it properly and had to call another doctor. Not the best experience, but you can bet I still got an epidural for baby number two (which went much more smoothly).
5
My 'natural birth' was the most powerful, affirming, and incredible experience of my entire life. I wouldn't trade those hours of 'pain' for the world, since they taught me more about myself and my relationship to my partner and my baby than anything else.
I'm glad you feel the same way about the birth you chose. Now you must follow your own advice and stay out of other women's decisions about their bodies.
I'm glad you feel the same way about the birth you chose. Now you must follow your own advice and stay out of other women's decisions about their bodies.
21
Writer doesn't like getting unsolicited advice, but feels free to give it. So here's mine. Childbirth can be one of the most empowering experiences of your life, or one of the most medicated and managed. Educate yourself and trust your body.
15
People use the term "natural", but it's just a euphemism to cover up the fact that they believe what St Paul said: "In pain and sorrow shalt thou bring forth children." St Paul was a misogynist. Do what feels right for **you**, regardless of what others say, but don't force what's right for you on any other woman. We are not one-size-fits-all cookie-cutter paper dolls, we are each unique individuals with unique chemistries.
7
I don't know about an epidural. I first read it as an episiotomy, which my ob/gyn gave me for my first child. The birth was normal; I had a beautiful 8 lb 0 oz. daughter. All I can say about the episiotomy is that sexual intercourse was painful for me for many years afterward, so I tried to avoid it. This fact may have contributed to my husband and me eventually getting a divorce.
5
My only quibble with this is the statement "And I’ve Googled the pros and cons extensively, which is very close to what a doctor would do".
Uhh, no. Doctors go to undergraduate liberal arts colleges (usually 4 years), medical school (4 years), and residency (3-7 years), and possibly fellowships (1-5 years) on top of that to learn the art and science of medicine. We do not "Google the pros and cons".
Uhh, no. Doctors go to undergraduate liberal arts colleges (usually 4 years), medical school (4 years), and residency (3-7 years), and possibly fellowships (1-5 years) on top of that to learn the art and science of medicine. We do not "Google the pros and cons".
36
Yeah we do. Via "Googling", one can find links to the latest peer reviewed research, and using Google Scholar eliminates at least some of the garbage results that one would otherwise encounter.
If you are a physician, and you don't ever "Google", it is time to retire.
If you are a physician, and you don't ever "Google", it is time to retire.
9
The epidural has so many pain relieving uses! I had them during childbirth, and I've had several in my damaged spine, top to bottom. GET THE EPIDURAL. You won't be sorry.
5
I get that this is a comedy piece, but I am so irritated with defensive insecure people trashing those who want to avoid the epidural. I hated the epidural. Hated it. Intervention filled nightmare delivery. Went without it for the next two and had amazing MUCH less miserable experiences.
I don't even believe this story anyway. Women don't attack women for having epidurals. The vast majority of women have them. The social pressure (in and out of the hospital) is not to avoid them but against women who desire to skip them. Nasty comments accusing me of wanting a medal and other nonsense.
So give me a break. Have the epidural if you want. But stop telling other women that they need a catheter in their spine to be normal. Be confident in your own choice.
I don't even believe this story anyway. Women don't attack women for having epidurals. The vast majority of women have them. The social pressure (in and out of the hospital) is not to avoid them but against women who desire to skip them. Nasty comments accusing me of wanting a medal and other nonsense.
So give me a break. Have the epidural if you want. But stop telling other women that they need a catheter in their spine to be normal. Be confident in your own choice.
18
I've had the opposite experience. There are plenty of women who blame other women, doctors, and hospitals for interventions around the time of childbirth.
5
I usually do the research and make up my own mind. Seems to work for me! In 1962, I had a spinal and gave birth to a healthy son. In addition, I breast fed my son in a time when breast feeding was considered most unnatural! I had to fight the doctor to do it, in fact. So gather your information from reliable sources, put your facts together, and draw your own conclusions. Then just do it and quit obsessing over the matter!
2
And what happened to the Lamaze method? For me it was a great help, natural or csection, you are in control.
3
You cannot predict when your labor will start and how long it will last. In my first pregnancy, my contractions were strong, yet never came at regular intervals, as taught in Lamaze class. My labor lasted 12 hours, at home. When I finally took a cab to the hospital two miles away, I nearly delivered in the back seat; the Lamaze breathing helped me keep focused until we arrived at the Emergency entrance. I was rushed upstairs and delivered my daughter while in my street clothes. No time for any preparations or drugs. In my second pregnancy, the doctor examined me at my regular check-up and said I was five centimeters dilated. I went directly to the hospital, where all the routine preparations were performed. The contractions were bearable. The doctor offered me pitocin, which I declined. I figured the baby would arrive soon. I was experienced. Less than one hour later, a second daughter. So don't make up your mind ahead of time that you want an epidural or a "natural" birth. You may not have time to decide. Let your body tell you what it needs. Then, enjoy the new person you have in your arms.
7
I got the epidural in the literal 11th hour of labor, after the first round of pain management had worn off, and promptly fell asleep. A nurse woke me up after 3 hours of sleep and told me to push, and voila! I could never have done 15 hours of labor without something to manage the pain. Pain is stressful, I'm glad I didn't feel stress during those hours.
4
I completely share the author's attitude: get the epidural if you want one. I certainly had one for the birth of my first child. It did take away the pain, but it also left me groggy and weak-kneed for three days afterward. Nevertheless, I planned on the same for my second child, but she came so fast there was no time for an epidural. So I had her "naturally" and felt a thousand times better in the recovery. Also, though I didn't choose it, I was glad to know what "natural" childbirth really felt like. So don't forego the pain medication because you have something to prove, but do consider the possibility that you might feel healthier or happier without it.
8
Sing it, sister! As my wonderful OB told me when discussing my birth plan, no one hands you a prize for not getting the epidural.
4
I had an epidural with my first, it was a big mistake. The recovery time is longer, you can't push during the birth, and you can't get out of bed or walk afterward for a longer time. This affects your recovery. And maybe it was just me, but I could feel the spot in my spine where they inserted the needle for a whole year. That was annoying.
With my next two, I had no epidural, just some local pain block (so not full natural birth), and the experiences were much, much better. Say no to the epidural.
With my next two, I had no epidural, just some local pain block (so not full natural birth), and the experiences were much, much better. Say no to the epidural.
7
If the epidural I received for my first child hadn't made me unable to feel my legs or push, I would have opted for epidurals for my second two. I went without for those last pregnancies, not because I felt morally superior or in an effort to be "earth mother" or "natural," but because I wanted to be able to push. The focus should be on what would be best for the baby at that point. All this handwringing about natural v non-natural puts the focus on the mom and incorrectly imposes a moral judgement on this decision. It's just about the baby, not the mom. Welcome to parenthood.
9
Is this supposed to be funny? If so, I don't get it. Why is it intrusive, pushy, and paternalistic if someone recommends natural childbirth, but not any of those things when someone recommends an epidural or other birth intervention?
11
Get the epidural. Forget the critics. It is your choice. Just remember not to lift your head off thr pillow immediately afterwards. It will cause the headache.
4
The pain of nursing? My wife seemed seemed to get great joy from it.
6
So many people seem to be under the impression that every woman in childbirth is allotted the same amount of pain. They aren't.
8
different strokes for different folks...but I remember the epidural, doctor, and hospital of my first as unpleasant and the midwife and natural home birth of my second as peaceful.
7
So true. And so well-written.
3
Did I have an epidural? You bet I did. I'm with the late Joan Rivers, who said, "Knock me out & wake me when the hairdresser arrives." Enduring excruciating pain when an anesthesiologist can alleviate all of it is a no-brainier. Suffering through the pain of childbirth does not earn you a badge of courage.
8
No, but it should.
1
Wait a minute - if you think it's nobody's business what choices you make in childbirth (and I agree!), then where do you get off characterizing other women's choices as smug, masochistic, scientifically unsound, and motivated by irrational guilt? Seems kind of hypocritical, no?
I've done childbirth both ways - "naturally" and with an epidural. They both have upsides and downsides. Neither way was pain free, though. Sorry. And neither was anyone else's business.
I've done childbirth both ways - "naturally" and with an epidural. They both have upsides and downsides. Neither way was pain free, though. Sorry. And neither was anyone else's business.
10
As a labor and delivery nurse I have observed that pain in childbirth varies dramatically. It depends on the anatomy of the pelvis ,the size and position of the baby, the woman's pain tolerance, and factors such as how long the labor lasts and whether induction is needed for prolonged ruptured membranes, etc. I had women come in with first pregnacies that were immediately sent from their prenatal visit with a slight backache who were 6-8 cm dilated and mothers on their 3rd pregnancy who were in excruciating pain at only 3 cm. As for myself, after a relatively easy birth, my next labor dragged on for over 24 hours with my baby wedged face up. I was in blinding pain and got an epidural late in the labor. Within 30 minutes the relaxed uterus and pelvis allowed the baby to rotate to face down and he slid right out shortly thereafter. No one way is sacred but intervention should be carefully considered for the sake of the mother and baby and not due to a doctor's impatience or standard routine as I saw from some physicians. No matter how they get here babies are miraculous and beautiful!
14
I have 2 children. The first I had with an epidural, the second without. So here goes: with the epidural, the doctor said "push" and I couldn't push, because I was numb! The delivery was protracted. The ob threatened to do a cesarian...he was in a hurry! In the end, forceps were used. It was awful, painful, and scary.
Second time around, on a Sunday morning, the anestheologist was called but he was out playing golf and I delivered the old fashioned way, without pain meds. In the middle of labor, they put oxygen on me, told me to push and I suddenly saw colors and felt pressure but no pain...I was in a trance of sorts. My delivery went fast...like a freight train. After it was over, I got up and peed and wow...I felt incredible! My baby was there, healthy and gorgeous. Mother Nature did the work!
Second time around, on a Sunday morning, the anestheologist was called but he was out playing golf and I delivered the old fashioned way, without pain meds. In the middle of labor, they put oxygen on me, told me to push and I suddenly saw colors and felt pressure but no pain...I was in a trance of sorts. My delivery went fast...like a freight train. After it was over, I got up and peed and wow...I felt incredible! My baby was there, healthy and gorgeous. Mother Nature did the work!
12
We had decided on a natural birth and, perhaps, because my baby was born a little early, he was smailler and I was able to go through it without much of a to do. I was 37 and my son is my only child. If I had had to do it again, I probably would try for a natural birth. I have to say that I felt proud of myself and, thereafter, whenever I have been in pain, I think about that birth and know if I could do that, I can endure a good deal of pain without drugging myself up.
5
I've often wondered if so much of today's tearing and trauma has to do with jumbo women producing jumbo babies. My 95lb mother had a 4hour labor with 4.5lb me, her firstborn. she was at the cottage in a French twist, movie-star sunglasses and a rather glamourous swimsuit a week later, per the my baby photos. Similar ease producing my sister two years later.
Other female relatives had similar no brainer births. Makes you wonder about all the angst and tales of woe that seem to be nonstop today.
Other female relatives had similar no brainer births. Makes you wonder about all the angst and tales of woe that seem to be nonstop today.
3
Yes ladies, get the epidural! I have given birth, vaginally and happily with an epidural. I can attest that labor in incredible painful, more than you can imagine if you haven't been through it. It is also very hard to push a baby out into the world through your vagina. Even with an epidural, which significantly reduced the actual pain, it was hours of labor. And by labor I mean sweat, tears, blood, hand holding and pushing with everything you have inside you.
I cannot agree more with the author's reference to other medical events in which people of course use pain medication, such as root canals. There is no reason for women to suffer (yes it is real suffering) through labor when there is a great, proven method to help with the pain.
As an additional aside, I know from experience that it is also hard on your loved ones when you insist on no epidural. My husband was more upset at my labor pains than I was and was relieved when the epidural kicked in and we could experience the rest of the labor coherently.
I cannot agree more with the author's reference to other medical events in which people of course use pain medication, such as root canals. There is no reason for women to suffer (yes it is real suffering) through labor when there is a great, proven method to help with the pain.
As an additional aside, I know from experience that it is also hard on your loved ones when you insist on no epidural. My husband was more upset at my labor pains than I was and was relieved when the epidural kicked in and we could experience the rest of the labor coherently.
8
Childbirth is an experience that is both universal and individual, so there really is no right or wrong way to do it. Mothers should be free to make the appropriate choices for their circumstances free of judgement and criticism.
5
Love it...I had two pain free caesareans... first was a must... second I chose... wonderful experience... two healthy babies... two best days of my life... lets celebrate life and motherhood however it comes or is chosen!
19
Childbirthing without medication is like a marathon that many American women are not prepared for (or care to be) due to our 'privileged' lifestyle.
If today's American toddlers were pillars of good health, then I wouldn't question the long term health effects of our high cesarean rate (at times brought on by the effects of medication) and medicated birth rate.
But when our very young children are plagued with all types of allergies, immunological, behavioral, & developmental issues, I am not buying our broken medical system's word that all is equal in childbirthing.
If today's American toddlers were pillars of good health, then I wouldn't question the long term health effects of our high cesarean rate (at times brought on by the effects of medication) and medicated birth rate.
But when our very young children are plagued with all types of allergies, immunological, behavioral, & developmental issues, I am not buying our broken medical system's word that all is equal in childbirthing.
5
I always thought home birthing was a ridiculous way to prove that you were a real natural woman. Hours of pain and a huge mess afterwards? No thanks and no way.
7
I'm a retired nurse midwife. Delivered close to a 1000 babies in a hospital setting before it was my turn to have a baby. Always coached my patients to "blow out the pain", but if that didn't work, they could try sitting in the shower, warm compresses, change positions, and yes, finally get an epidural if that's what they wanted. When it was MY turn to go into labor, my first thought was, "OWWW, this really hurts." I chose to sit in the labor room shower with warm water aimed right at my belly, throughout almost my entire labor ( a very good trick if your midwife or MD feels OK with it...they can still monitor your baby's heart rate) Didn't get an epidural, but that was my choice. Being informed about your options is most important. Very funny article, by the way...
7
I was next to my wife when she gave birth to our daughter. We had a doula and opted for a natural birth, but at some point her midwife suggested some minimal intervention. Not only do I think it's every woman's choice, but she should also feel perfectly free to change her mind at any point, for any reason. Have your baby your way. The worse experiences we have heard about are when the mother did not have a voice in the matter.
4
I am an anesthesiologist who has placed thousands of epidurals I have seen many woman in labor without epidurals who appear to have minimal pain. I have seen others who seem to have horrible pain. Perception of pain varies vastly amongst people and there is no "pain meter" to tell us how people perceive pain.
Denial of pain relief in a hospital because it is not "natural" makes no sense. Is it "natural" to be in a heated, artificially lit building with hot and cold running water? Is it "natural" to take antibiotics for an infection? Is it "natural" to have your cancer treated with surgery or chemotherapy?
Why is it only woman are condemned by some if they seek pain relief? Do we make people feel guilty if they have anesthesia to have a broken ankle fixed? Let women make their own decisions.
Denial of pain relief in a hospital because it is not "natural" makes no sense. Is it "natural" to be in a heated, artificially lit building with hot and cold running water? Is it "natural" to take antibiotics for an infection? Is it "natural" to have your cancer treated with surgery or chemotherapy?
Why is it only woman are condemned by some if they seek pain relief? Do we make people feel guilty if they have anesthesia to have a broken ankle fixed? Let women make their own decisions.
34
When I encounter a woman obsessed with her child-birthing experience, either prospectively or in the recent past, I automatically think that some 75 billion live births have occurred among our species. No woman now is going to be inventing anything or experiencing anything new. Occasionally, when the "I invented this" notion is too vocally dominant, I cite the 75 billion figure aloud.
4
Regarding what you perceive as strangers' intrusiveness: With all the horror in the world and the difficult challenges in all our lives, it makes people happy to see a pregnant woman and life coming into the world. What's so hard about smiling and saying yes, I'll try to do what's best for my baby? What's wrong with a little friendliness?
(Any by the way, some of us did it without the epidural and it wasn't really so hard - if you expect it to be, it will be.)
(Any by the way, some of us did it without the epidural and it wasn't really so hard - if you expect it to be, it will be.)
5
Of course you had your child naturally. What did she think you would do have it come out your nose? That should be the answer we all give. You just chose to manage your pain in the way you wanted to. No need to discuss it.
I for one loved my epidurals. It stopped the unbearable pain at 2.5 minutes a part. I slept for 2 hours woke up and pushed. Three hours in all for the first child. The second came 45 minutes after I was admitted.
They came out beautiful and are unconditionally loved, naturally.
I for one loved my epidurals. It stopped the unbearable pain at 2.5 minutes a part. I slept for 2 hours woke up and pushed. Three hours in all for the first child. The second came 45 minutes after I was admitted.
They came out beautiful and are unconditionally loved, naturally.
Both my children were born without epidurals because my labor was 5 hours for the first and 2 for the second. I wanted an epidural the first time around and couldn't get one. The second time, I knew I'd live through it.
I agree with the author. If you want an epidural and can have one, insist on it. If you want unmedicated labor, insist on that. If you want to change your mind partway through and can do so, do it. The main thing is not to let anyone make you feel guilty. It's YOUR decision, with the assistance of your doctor.
I agree with the author. If you want an epidural and can have one, insist on it. If you want unmedicated labor, insist on that. If you want to change your mind partway through and can do so, do it. The main thing is not to let anyone make you feel guilty. It's YOUR decision, with the assistance of your doctor.
6
Do what is right for you, but don't make natural childbirth sound so dire. I delivered by daughter in 1981, when natural childbirth was the gold standard. My husband and I attended Lamaze classes, so we had some tools to deal with the pain. (In fact, I still use them when faced with any painful medical procedure, and they still work!).
Yes, there was pain, but I could manage it, and that made me feel rather powerful. Since no drugs had crossed over to the placenta, my daughter was not impacted by them, and wasn't as lethargic as some newborns can be. But the best part was, once the birth was over I felt absolutely amazing! I had always heard about women in Asia giving birth and then going back out and working in the rice paddy and didn't believe it. But I had such a surge of energy, I felt like I could move a mountain! It does make sense when you consider our stone age ancestors. A woman had to give birth when the baby was ready and that may not have always been in the safest of places. She would have had to be ready to get up and get herself and her child to a safe shelter quickly.
Again, do what you feel you need to do, but I will be forever grateful I chose the natural method.
Yes, there was pain, but I could manage it, and that made me feel rather powerful. Since no drugs had crossed over to the placenta, my daughter was not impacted by them, and wasn't as lethargic as some newborns can be. But the best part was, once the birth was over I felt absolutely amazing! I had always heard about women in Asia giving birth and then going back out and working in the rice paddy and didn't believe it. But I had such a surge of energy, I felt like I could move a mountain! It does make sense when you consider our stone age ancestors. A woman had to give birth when the baby was ready and that may not have always been in the safest of places. She would have had to be ready to get up and get herself and her child to a safe shelter quickly.
Again, do what you feel you need to do, but I will be forever grateful I chose the natural method.
10
I always thought the definition of a "natural child birth" was going to the hospital without any make up on!
8
I hear you promoting maturity, not one method of childbirth over another. Thank you!
3
My second wife bore her three sons in short order w/o anesthetic, was joyful and excited to have her children and never considered pain relief.
My first wife, equally joyful, bore her son within a couple of hours of labor w/o any anesthetic and never had more children.
They both made their own choice.
My first wife, equally joyful, bore her son within a couple of hours of labor w/o any anesthetic and never had more children.
They both made their own choice.
4
I'm kinda offended by the way the author appeals to feminism in the article - I think she's dropping feminism carelessly. I consider myself a feminist and I based my decision to not get an epidural on the fact that I was having a fast labor and didn't want to resist my labor to wait 30 minutes for the anesthesiologist to arrive - did I abandon my feminist convictions in doing so?
9
Actually, the only "feminist" thing she says is "do what makes you happy"; you say delivering without epidural was your choice, and I assume that made you happy. Why not allow, even promote, the notion that people, women and men both, should not succumb to expectations of others?
2
It's really nobody's business but yours. Personally, I had horrors of a giant needle into my back, so didn't have it either time. My daughter had it 3 times and was glad she did. I have to admit that both of my births were easy- 20 mins for #1 , and a whopping 4 mins for # 2!
2
Natural, in the old days, resulted in one on three women dying in childbirth. Heck, in the sixties and seventies some doctors were still doing hysterectomies without antibiotics.
There are weird items that people don't know about childbirth. There are two hip types. If your mom comes from one group and your dad comes from the other you can end up with hips that won't let you deliver a baby. My mother was Magyar, my dad Celt. Four daughters delivered through C section. So it may be that the US, as the great melting pot of nations, is going to have higher C section rates, no matter what is done.
My mother, with ten children, never labored for more than three hours.
There are weird items that people don't know about childbirth. There are two hip types. If your mom comes from one group and your dad comes from the other you can end up with hips that won't let you deliver a baby. My mother was Magyar, my dad Celt. Four daughters delivered through C section. So it may be that the US, as the great melting pot of nations, is going to have higher C section rates, no matter what is done.
My mother, with ten children, never labored for more than three hours.
8
A long time ago- well, 30 years ago, I was pregnant and had a baby (with an epidural). I am so grateful that there was no internet then- no facebook, instagram, twitter, trolls, flaming, etc. I had Dr Spock's baby book, a cranky but experienced mother and mother-in-law, and Mother Nature. The whole process was mine. It never occurred to me to take advice from anyone other than qualified medical professionals (who were doing their best) and my family. I cannot imagine what it must be like to be pregnant in today's aggressive, no- boundaries-internet and public fishbowl.
24
I also live in Brooklyn, in neighborhood that rhymes with "bark mope" and is overrun with children. I'm always a bit baffled when women claim that they can't halt the tide of people lining up to comment on their pregnancy. I didn't have this experience at all. While I wouldn't go so far as to say women are inviting commentary, I do think it's possible to send people signals that you aren't open to this kind of commentary once you sense it may be happening.
I delivered my son at home three years ago with no pain medication. Labor was 27 hours long and it really sucked. BUT, I didn't feel at all groggy, physically beaten down or like I needed to stay in bed the next day. I have a hunch this is because I wasn't pumped full of drugs and got to do things on my own terms, in my own surroundings.
So why did I choose to endure a long, painful, natural birth? I can assure you it wasn't because I was trying to "win" anything, as your friend put it. I have always been fascinated with the idea that humans can endure much more pain and discomfort than we think we can by believing in our ability to do so. I like the idea of putting trust in the strength of my own body. Is this everyone's bag? Apparently not. But I do think when we push ourselves to do more than we instinctively think we can do, confidence and growth can be the result.
I delivered my son at home three years ago with no pain medication. Labor was 27 hours long and it really sucked. BUT, I didn't feel at all groggy, physically beaten down or like I needed to stay in bed the next day. I have a hunch this is because I wasn't pumped full of drugs and got to do things on my own terms, in my own surroundings.
So why did I choose to endure a long, painful, natural birth? I can assure you it wasn't because I was trying to "win" anything, as your friend put it. I have always been fascinated with the idea that humans can endure much more pain and discomfort than we think we can by believing in our ability to do so. I like the idea of putting trust in the strength of my own body. Is this everyone's bag? Apparently not. But I do think when we push ourselves to do more than we instinctively think we can do, confidence and growth can be the result.
6
There was a time when the epidural was a huge milestone for feminism. Somehow it has become a bad word. I'm sure the women who preach against it don't think about it like that, but I do often wonder how much the first and the second have in common.
8
As a young woman pregnant with my first child, I was "bullied" into believing that anything less than natural childbirth would produce an alien. 36 hours of painful labor steeled my resolve to "get the epidural" for my next pregnancy. Best. Decision. Ever. When men grow a uterus, they can opine on this, until then, keep your uninformed opinions to yourselves.
10
This from 2006 review in Canadian Family physician "Does Epidural Anesthesia increase the rate of C-section?"
"The 2000 Cochrane meta-analysis that compared Epidural Anesthesia (EA) with narcotics did NOT show increased rates of cesarean section (CS) associated with EA. For many practitioners this came as a surprise; in practice EA certainly seemed to increase rates of CS, especially when used before the active phase of labour. Earlier studies had shown a modest increase in rates of CS when EA was compared with other methods of analgesia."
I had my first child natural in 1997. Evidence at the time was that epidural increased C-section rate.
Worth it because my obstetrician was very happy with my hard work at "natural" labor. She had kindly agreed to take me at 37 weeks when we had a mind-blowingly bad experience with her partner, and came in on a Saturday off to do the delivery.
When I needed an emergency C-section in 1999, late in labor after trying again for "natural" delivery, I completely trusted her. No complications from C-section, healed quickly. I discovered later from a surgeon friend that many obstetricians don't sew up all the muscle layers cut in a C-section, but mine did. Not only was my obstetrician the best physician i ever saw, but she makes quilts as a hobby!
Epidural or no epidural, make sure you pick your obstetrician wisely. Ask a lot of questions. And read the evidence.
"Just sayin'."
"The 2000 Cochrane meta-analysis that compared Epidural Anesthesia (EA) with narcotics did NOT show increased rates of cesarean section (CS) associated with EA. For many practitioners this came as a surprise; in practice EA certainly seemed to increase rates of CS, especially when used before the active phase of labour. Earlier studies had shown a modest increase in rates of CS when EA was compared with other methods of analgesia."
I had my first child natural in 1997. Evidence at the time was that epidural increased C-section rate.
Worth it because my obstetrician was very happy with my hard work at "natural" labor. She had kindly agreed to take me at 37 weeks when we had a mind-blowingly bad experience with her partner, and came in on a Saturday off to do the delivery.
When I needed an emergency C-section in 1999, late in labor after trying again for "natural" delivery, I completely trusted her. No complications from C-section, healed quickly. I discovered later from a surgeon friend that many obstetricians don't sew up all the muscle layers cut in a C-section, but mine did. Not only was my obstetrician the best physician i ever saw, but she makes quilts as a hobby!
Epidural or no epidural, make sure you pick your obstetrician wisely. Ask a lot of questions. And read the evidence.
"Just sayin'."
2
Some people are way too nosy. But you never know in advance whether or not you will need an epidural. My first childbirth was extremely painful and the epidural provided wonderful relief. The second time around, there was little pain and absolutely no need for medication. Both children were alert and healthy.
Wait and see how much pain you're experiencing before automatically choosing the epidural.
Wait and see how much pain you're experiencing before automatically choosing the epidural.
3
Love this article.
3
First of, I love love love this article. And I completely agree with the sentiments. Being a new mom I want to add a few thoughts in case any pregnant ladies are reading and thinking about this crazy world of child birth and new parenthood! I had a natural birth and I'm glad I did. My first thought after giving birth was "why would anyone ever choose to do that again"! But the farther away I am from it the more I feel like if I could do that I could do anything! That being said there's no guarantee I wouldn't get an epidural for the second! My other comment is regarding the night nurse. This is an excellent idea in theory but in practice the mom needs to breastfeed around the clock in order to establish milk supply. I could never exclusively breastfeed (which in itself was heartbreaking probably due to societal pressures and my own expectations shaped by those pressures) so I'm not being judgmental at all, but if someone has the desire to go that route that's the unfortunate reality of it for most women.
2
As we feminists often say, if men gave birth, abortion would be a sacrament.
As with everything else women do, there are always others who know how we should do it "right."
I had the epidural. And it was the only time this old atheist thanked God.
As with everything else women do, there are always others who know how we should do it "right."
I had the epidural. And it was the only time this old atheist thanked God.
4
Thanks Ms. Klein for the laugh this morning. I appreciate the "point" of your essay, but really appreciate the humor.
And my personal view on the epidural debate...
I have "birthed" a natural kidney stone, and another one with the miracle of Demerol. My sacred and natural act of creating calcium oxalate crystals is a more humane and dignified experience with the aid of modern pharmaceutical medicine.
Most men do not have an opinion, (and are sometimes forbidden to have one), on the great question of "natural v. epidural." But when my partner was pregnant and she asked for my input, I responded, "Does this mean that we are going to live in a hut with no running water?"
And my personal view on the epidural debate...
I have "birthed" a natural kidney stone, and another one with the miracle of Demerol. My sacred and natural act of creating calcium oxalate crystals is a more humane and dignified experience with the aid of modern pharmaceutical medicine.
Most men do not have an opinion, (and are sometimes forbidden to have one), on the great question of "natural v. epidural." But when my partner was pregnant and she asked for my input, I responded, "Does this mean that we are going to live in a hut with no running water?"
9
It is the choice that matters, but, really, it's not like having your gallbladder removed without anesthesia - it's muscle contraction!! I had three children in the '80's and I wanted to be fully present in the process, not lying on my back, IV running, in an OR as a vessel from which a physician was going to "deliver" my baby to me. I was surrounded by my husband and nurse-midwives, in the hospital birthing room, people drinking coffee, coaching me, while I walked around, letting my body do what is natural.
My bicycling route is hilly - it's demanding and I'm breathing hard & my legs burn but the physical satisfaction of biking that route feels great. That's what natural childbirth is like - your body can do and you can do it and it's an achievement, not an illness!
My bicycling route is hilly - it's demanding and I'm breathing hard & my legs burn but the physical satisfaction of biking that route feels great. That's what natural childbirth is like - your body can do and you can do it and it's an achievement, not an illness!
5
More than ever we feel entitled to judge others even when their actions do not affect us. And we post our feelings to news media anonymously. Maybe we don't have enough to do?
This article is at best self-indulgent and at worst, grossly irresponsible. Women already suffer from a disturbing lack of evidence-based practices in their pre and post-natal care. Publishing one privileged woman's "feelings" about epidurals - which she admittedly gathered through searches on Google - does not advance a rational, loving, and feminist conversation around birth.
Women need and should feel empowered through childbirth, whatever way it happens. The author - in correlating the pain of birth with "the pain of not fitting into your maternity jeans" - seeks to minimize the importance and power of birth for her own selfish reasons.
Women need and should feel empowered through childbirth, whatever way it happens. The author - in correlating the pain of birth with "the pain of not fitting into your maternity jeans" - seeks to minimize the importance and power of birth for her own selfish reasons.
8
Natural root canal! Natural vasectomy! Made me laugh out loud.
1
As a medical student, the first birth I ever witnessed involved an episiotomy. The baby's head was crowning but not coming out and the doctor just took a pair of scissors and cut and right away the baby came out. He did this to prevent the mother from tearing but just think about having a pair of scissors cut you down there. With no anesthesia. The image haunted me for years. When I was pregnant with my son, I asked multiple times to get an epidural, and I'm so happy I did. When I had my daughter, this issue became even more important because her labor had to be converted to a c-section so I was very grateful my epidural was already in place. Both kids came out healthy and thrived and I'm pretty sure I don't love them less because I had an epidural. As Vicki Iovine said in the "Girlfriends' Guide to Pregnancy", there is no trophy for doing this without drugs.
3
I feel bad for my mother.
She's had 5 children- and with her last two they didn't give her the epidural in time- and in one of the cases they never even called the doctor.
She tried to explain to them the baby was coming- but the nurses belittled her saying "honey- you have a few more hours." My mom was frustrated since she knew her body well enough after so many children that she was ignored. In one of the cases she was given an epidural- but she gave birth 1 minute later- which was not enough time for it kick in.
In the other situation the nurses weren't even in the room with my mother even though my mom had been freaking out the previous 30 minutes saying they needed to bring the doctor and get her an epidural. She was screaming for help and no one came- I was in the room when the baby started coming out (I was 18 at the time) and was freaking out myself thinking I'd need to help- luckily a nurse came it at the last minute and basically caught my baby brother as he slid out- but it was a terrible experience. When the doctor arrived 30 minutes after the birth he was furious- he was at the hospital- but no one had even let him know my mother was there even though she had been in labor for hours.
When I have a child I will be getting an epidural- but after these experiences I witnessed first hand- where the nursing staff seemed unconcerned with whether my mother got an epidural or not- It makes me incredibly nervous.
She's had 5 children- and with her last two they didn't give her the epidural in time- and in one of the cases they never even called the doctor.
She tried to explain to them the baby was coming- but the nurses belittled her saying "honey- you have a few more hours." My mom was frustrated since she knew her body well enough after so many children that she was ignored. In one of the cases she was given an epidural- but she gave birth 1 minute later- which was not enough time for it kick in.
In the other situation the nurses weren't even in the room with my mother even though my mom had been freaking out the previous 30 minutes saying they needed to bring the doctor and get her an epidural. She was screaming for help and no one came- I was in the room when the baby started coming out (I was 18 at the time) and was freaking out myself thinking I'd need to help- luckily a nurse came it at the last minute and basically caught my baby brother as he slid out- but it was a terrible experience. When the doctor arrived 30 minutes after the birth he was furious- he was at the hospital- but no one had even let him know my mother was there even though she had been in labor for hours.
When I have a child I will be getting an epidural- but after these experiences I witnessed first hand- where the nursing staff seemed unconcerned with whether my mother got an epidural or not- It makes me incredibly nervous.
4
As I tell my boys now, (whose births are none of anyone's concern, except my Gyno! please) "Other people's business is none of your own" and "no one does anything because of you, put your head down and play ball/study/etc."
Best wishes on a good experience and thanks for the article.
Best wishes on a good experience and thanks for the article.
1
I liked your article, and I agree with you that a woman in labor has the right to decide how to experience it.
I had one child, and although I decided midway through the labor that I would like an epidural, it wasn't available to me, because the baby was in the breach position, and the obstetrician didn't want to slow down the labor.
I was knocked out for the delivery, and when I awoke, there was a small wrinkled child lying on my stomach. I was very nearsighted, and I couldn't see him very well, but I thought he was beautiful.
I was very lucky. I'm told that nowadays, a breach presentation is frequently delivery by c-section. Not a pleasant experience, I'm told, and you have almost no time to recover in the hospital. I remember almost every minute of the labor, and whatever discomfort I felt was worth it. Nevertheless, I would have been happy to get the epidural.
I had one child, and although I decided midway through the labor that I would like an epidural, it wasn't available to me, because the baby was in the breach position, and the obstetrician didn't want to slow down the labor.
I was knocked out for the delivery, and when I awoke, there was a small wrinkled child lying on my stomach. I was very nearsighted, and I couldn't see him very well, but I thought he was beautiful.
I was very lucky. I'm told that nowadays, a breach presentation is frequently delivery by c-section. Not a pleasant experience, I'm told, and you have almost no time to recover in the hospital. I remember almost every minute of the labor, and whatever discomfort I felt was worth it. Nevertheless, I would have been happy to get the epidural.
I highly recommend the epidural-I had two children and had wonderful experience with both. The point of the piece is that it's not for everyone but it's a personal choice-yes SOME people experience complications but most don't. Hospitals DO NOT push epidurals/it really seems like they discourage them.
2
Nice article.
As an anaesthesiogists I have preformed over 5000 labour epidurals.
Seeing the relief and enjoyment of the mother following an epidural makes the decision a no brainer. There are major benefits to baby, mom, desperate dad, the nurse and doctor.
As an anaesthesiogists I have preformed over 5000 labour epidurals.
Seeing the relief and enjoyment of the mother following an epidural makes the decision a no brainer. There are major benefits to baby, mom, desperate dad, the nurse and doctor.
3
I'm annoyed with you the same way you were annoyed with the lady at the grocery store.
I'm pregnant and planning on having an unmedicated birth because that's what I want to do, not because of some outside force or the expectations of anyone else. Instead of being told what to do, women have the right to educate themselves about the options during labor and then chose what's right for themselves. It's a personal choice that as you pointed out is really no one else's business. You're cheering for women to not fall prey to societal pressures, while at the same time telling us what we need to do.
I'm pregnant and planning on having an unmedicated birth because that's what I want to do, not because of some outside force or the expectations of anyone else. Instead of being told what to do, women have the right to educate themselves about the options during labor and then chose what's right for themselves. It's a personal choice that as you pointed out is really no one else's business. You're cheering for women to not fall prey to societal pressures, while at the same time telling us what we need to do.
10
This exactly. Thanks for succinctly articulating the reason this piece was so annoying to me.
Hey mom. The baby gets a hefty dose of the same powerful drugs you are receiving in the epidural. Apparently your pain is more important.
7
Haha and go for it. BTW.... two children, two epidurals and NO regrets!
1
This is very funny and makes some excellent points about being a woman. I love that we have options for medicated and unmedicated births. I'm planning on an unmedicated vaginal delivery for different reasons that make sense to me. 1. I'm curious, what are all these people talking about? 2. I want to experience being present in my body for the birth of my baby. 3. I'm learning to face my fears and be at peace, which has been a big part of my life pre-pregnancy anyway. I'm not going in empty handed: I have done a lot of meditation and breath work centered around birth over these months, completed the hypnobabies course, and have a supportive Doctor-Doula team. We'll see how it goes! It's good for all of us to have choices, and support each other as women making those choices, whatever they may be.
1
As a medical student, during the first birth I helped with, the Obstetrician asked the patient if she wanted an epidural, and the woman's response was to look up at her husband at the bedside, who shook his head "no." What followed has an excruciating and protracted labor where the woman was not in control of herself, screaming for the nurses to let her go because she was in so much pain, contributing to a large vaginal laceration that required extensive surgical repair. I guess this is natural, though? When it was all over I immediately phoned my mother to thank her for going through this for me.
In developing countries, as many as one in fifteen woman die giving birth. but modern medicine has made peripartum maternal mortality exceedingly rare in the US. I could not agree more with this authors points.
In developing countries, as many as one in fifteen woman die giving birth. but modern medicine has made peripartum maternal mortality exceedingly rare in the US. I could not agree more with this authors points.
3
as my OB/GYN said when I was feeling conflicted about getting an epidural,"You don't win an award for withstanding pain".
4
Get an epidural. Don't get an epidural. Do whatever feels right for you. We are fortunate to live in a time & society when women don't die as frequently from pregnancy and childbirth complications as they once did.
What I don't get is how some people ascribe a mystical aspect to pregnancy and birth. My pregnancy experiences were anything but magical.
I had C-sections with both of my kids. I knew a woman, who ultimately trained to become a doula. When she heard about my C-sections, she asked me, "don't you feel like you were cheated out of the experience of childbirth" or something to that effect. I told her that after 3 months of intense nausea, followed by three months of intense food cravings and aversions, and a final trimester where my feet were swollen to the size of Virginia hams and I was unable to sleep well for lack of any uncomfortable position, to say nothing of the gestational diabetes (where did THAT come from?!) & being big as a house in the hottest and most humid months of two Georgia summers -- that NO, I couldn't wait NOT to be pregnant and the faster the little buggers were out the happier I was going to be.
I sometimes think it would have been nice to have had a third baby -- as long as someone left it in a basket at my doorstep.
I got two wonderful healthy daughters out the misery, however, and that's what it's all about.
What I don't get is how some people ascribe a mystical aspect to pregnancy and birth. My pregnancy experiences were anything but magical.
I had C-sections with both of my kids. I knew a woman, who ultimately trained to become a doula. When she heard about my C-sections, she asked me, "don't you feel like you were cheated out of the experience of childbirth" or something to that effect. I told her that after 3 months of intense nausea, followed by three months of intense food cravings and aversions, and a final trimester where my feet were swollen to the size of Virginia hams and I was unable to sleep well for lack of any uncomfortable position, to say nothing of the gestational diabetes (where did THAT come from?!) & being big as a house in the hottest and most humid months of two Georgia summers -- that NO, I couldn't wait NOT to be pregnant and the faster the little buggers were out the happier I was going to be.
I sometimes think it would have been nice to have had a third baby -- as long as someone left it in a basket at my doorstep.
I got two wonderful healthy daughters out the misery, however, and that's what it's all about.
2
"Childbirth is not perfect. It is painful. It is so painful that I yelled out "this cannot be normal!""
Until the wonders of 20th century medicine, a very high percentage of women died in childbirth, and an equally high number of children didn't make it beyond their first couple of years. A testament to this astronomical mortality rate are the cemeteries in my New England town filled with women who died in their 20s and 30s, along with the little gravestones for the babies. That women are so readily willing to put their lives on the line to procreate under any circumstances reflects the intensely strong biological drive to reproduce. It's little wonder why epidurals became standard procedure in the last century.
"I don't know why people feel so free to ask personal questions of pregnant women."
Indeed, the fact that women somehow believe their pregnancy is a private matter and none of anyone else's business is a reason this planet is in such dire straits, and why there are now over 7 billion humans running roughshod over this planet and destroying its sensitive life-giving balance.
Until the wonders of 20th century medicine, a very high percentage of women died in childbirth, and an equally high number of children didn't make it beyond their first couple of years. A testament to this astronomical mortality rate are the cemeteries in my New England town filled with women who died in their 20s and 30s, along with the little gravestones for the babies. That women are so readily willing to put their lives on the line to procreate under any circumstances reflects the intensely strong biological drive to reproduce. It's little wonder why epidurals became standard procedure in the last century.
"I don't know why people feel so free to ask personal questions of pregnant women."
Indeed, the fact that women somehow believe their pregnancy is a private matter and none of anyone else's business is a reason this planet is in such dire straits, and why there are now over 7 billion humans running roughshod over this planet and destroying its sensitive life-giving balance.
To anyone inquiring about my "birth plan" I would have said, "I beg your pardon?". Full stop. This is not a matter for public debate. I had twins - no planning that birth!
And while we are on the topic, if you feel less tha "beautiful" and "radiant" while pregnant you are not alone! It's about time someone has the courage to speak up on these matters. Thanks for a great essay.
And while we are on the topic, if you feel less tha "beautiful" and "radiant" while pregnant you are not alone! It's about time someone has the courage to speak up on these matters. Thanks for a great essay.
1
When I had my babies in the late 70's, a friend advised me to take the LaMaze classes. She had never wanted a natural birth, but due to complications, was not able to have the medication she wanted until very late in her labor. She said that if she had only known how to help it would have made all the difference. Indeed. What LaMaze as it was taught in the 70's did was teach the woman to listen to her own body, and to assist the process of birth through relaxation and breathing techniques that allow you to relax and let your body do the work it was designed to do. My doctor husband had delivered a number of babies, but supporting a woman in labor was new. LaMaze takes education and practicing the techniques. It's work, and yes you do feel the contractions but they are not continuous. They wash over you in waves that you learn how to ride with your breathing and focus with the help of your coach. When it is time to push, you are able to effectively push- at this stage, the contractions are much more manageable; it actually felt good to do this work, and the atmosphere in the delivery room was like a celebration. Once the baby is delivered, you are ready to greet your new little one, feeling confident, un-tethered, without a headache. My youngest was born with the cord wrapped around her neck- I'll always be glad that there was no anesthesia used in the delivery that could have complicated her quick recovery. I will always be glad of my LaMaze deliveries.
3
Shall I laugh or shall I cry when reading the litany of indignities women are subjected to that are apparently non-negotiable? While this is not the main subject of the article, I find it interesting that the author accepts the slavery/free labor part of women's existence as unalterable.
Then - bling! the bright pearl of the one pain that be fixed!
However one may feel about the pros and cons of an epidural, or how one personally experiences pain does not seem to matter. What's important here is, that this is the one thing a woman can do to avoid guaranteed agonies, so she should. The very title of the article is a command, and thus lands squarely in the realm of yet again telling women what to do.
Then - bling! the bright pearl of the one pain that be fixed!
However one may feel about the pros and cons of an epidural, or how one personally experiences pain does not seem to matter. What's important here is, that this is the one thing a woman can do to avoid guaranteed agonies, so she should. The very title of the article is a command, and thus lands squarely in the realm of yet again telling women what to do.
2
Great piece. Even though I support and encourage natural birth (yes I've done it myself), I particularly liked "It’s interesting that no one cares very much about women doing anything “naturally” until it involves their being in excruciating pain." The one thing I would change is the last line -- since this is about doing things your own way and ignoring the unsolicited advice of strangers, instead of "get the epidural" perhaps it should have read, "make your own choice." Because telling other women to get the epidural is unsolicited advice.
1
I did it both ways, and Jessi is completely correct. You can either choose to take the ship out of the bottle without drugs, or you can make the whole experience reasonably tolerable. You choose......I'm just sayin'
1
You have a right to an epidural and no one should judge you for that, but you can't equate an elective medical procedure such as a vasectomy or even a non- elective one such as a root canal to birth. Birth is a natural process that all animals go through, and medical providers are assisting that process. Nonetheless, in our modern society women shouldn't have to justify these decisions to anyone.
4
I had two babies, 9 lbs 6 oz and 9 lbs 10 oz. I am 5'4" and weighed about 125 lbs at the time of each birth. I had both babies safely in birth centers with midwives and no drugs. I refuse to give an unsolicited opinion about what any other woman should do -- her body, her birth -- but, if asked, I would tell anyone that having those babies was such a personal achievement for me. Each time, I felt like I had run a marathon and proved to myself--a lifelong nerd, bad at sports, fearful of pain--that I could do something physically strenuous. I still count those births among my proudest accomplishments and am glad I had the choice to do it that way.
25
My ob-gyn was in his 80s when he cared for me through 2 healthy pregnancies and deliveries. In his long career he had seen it all.
When I asked him his thoughts about "natural birth", his response: If it comes out of your vagina it's a natural birth.
I appreciated the epidural.
When I asked him his thoughts about "natural birth", his response: If it comes out of your vagina it's a natural birth.
I appreciated the epidural.
19
There is something bizarre about how public a pregnant woman's body is - total strangers will want to touch you! But it is just this thing that is goes to the heart of why we might want to have an unmedicated birth. Women's bodies are always public property, just as the author says. We are told to look a certain way and act a certain way pretty much from birth. Having a baby without medication offers a woman an opportunity to experience the full power of her body. That thing you call pain? It's your power. It's the full-on strength of your body. That is no small thing.
My experience is that coming to understand that has been life-altering. And I have witnessed other women realize this too. It was almost immediately clear to me why men might want to steer women away from having this experience because, let's face it, once you know that you can push a nine-pound (or whatever) baby out of your body with such power, there are few things that are going to stand in your way in the future. If we started to talk about childbirth not in terms of pain but in terms of power, I wonder how the conversation might change around it.
And let's not forget that there is a whole lot of money to be made when you are medicated during birth...and not much when you deliver without it.
My experience is that coming to understand that has been life-altering. And I have witnessed other women realize this too. It was almost immediately clear to me why men might want to steer women away from having this experience because, let's face it, once you know that you can push a nine-pound (or whatever) baby out of your body with such power, there are few things that are going to stand in your way in the future. If we started to talk about childbirth not in terms of pain but in terms of power, I wonder how the conversation might change around it.
And let's not forget that there is a whole lot of money to be made when you are medicated during birth...and not much when you deliver without it.
12
"What are you trying to win?" Brilliant!
10
There is a lot to be said on the subject but people like this author have already closed their mind. Too bad. Rude of the stranger to enter this discussion at all, but to others who may not have closed their mind already, I can tell you from experience-- it is pretty great to be fully present for your baby's birth.
Giving birth is painful, but not that painful. You can start without pain relief and then, if you really can't bear it, ask for something. But there are negatives to having an epidural that this author may not be aware of of. Oh, well, the Mommy Wars continue, with so much misinformation and so many up on their high horses when they don't even know what they're talking about.
Giving birth is painful, but not that painful. You can start without pain relief and then, if you really can't bear it, ask for something. But there are negatives to having an epidural that this author may not be aware of of. Oh, well, the Mommy Wars continue, with so much misinformation and so many up on their high horses when they don't even know what they're talking about.
11
I opened the story thinking this was about numbing the pain of recent news stories, either about The Donald becoming president or the recent racial unrest. I was relieved when I started to chuckle. Thanks. And P.S. There certainly is enough pain to endure so please be your own best friend and show compassion to yourself when you can. P.S.S. That doesnt' mean it's ok to abuse substances to ease the pain of being human either.
3
I had a c-section because I had twins, both of them breech. I was very sad about this for about two minutes, During the delivery, my doctor said to me, "Fifty years ago we would have been planning a big funeral, because none of you would have made it. Well, maybe the first one." As it is, they just turned 22 and are both headed off to grad school in a few weeks.
34
Interesting essay. Having had both medicated and non medicated births, I don't really care about what other women choose. It's not a huge deal in the end whether you get the epi or not. But it is a weird place where women polarize.
But let's not forget the patriarchal roots of modern obstetric care. Most doctors take away or don't inform you that you have many choices when it comes to how your baby arrives.
Women are individuals and each birth is different. What bothers me is when women blindly "trust their doctors" and let the fear around childbirth decide their fate.
But let's not forget the patriarchal roots of modern obstetric care. Most doctors take away or don't inform you that you have many choices when it comes to how your baby arrives.
Women are individuals and each birth is different. What bothers me is when women blindly "trust their doctors" and let the fear around childbirth decide their fate.
10
That. Was. Marvellous. Thank you, Jessi Klein. Thank you.
2
Try telling a woman in labor that she can't have an epidural and see what happens (The hospital CEO will want to hear about it). Tell a woman at 10cm that it is already too late, that she missed the window of time to place an epidural. Or put in an epidural that doesn't work despite your best efforts or it only covers the left or right side. The agony I have witnessed is seared into my mind. Begone epidural critics. Go have your baby in a third world country. How dare you critics belittle the birth choice of any mother. My own wife would prefer to die rather than have another baby and she had wonderful epidurals.
4
I had a "natural" delivery with my first son and was given an epidural while birthing my second son. That was 25 years ago. I have been recommending epidurals ever since.
8
Thirty years ago today I gave birth to the first of my three children, and ultimately went with an epidural. That was the day I told my husband that natural childbirth struck me as akin to natural tooth extraction - of course it could be done, but why? I respect every woman's right to choose her path, but my three epidurals worked like magic. God gave us brains to make drugs. ;)
5
Have the epidural. As you raise your child (children) listen to trusted friend's advice, read what you find to be from reliable sources and apply it only as you see fit for YOUR child.
Best wishes and enjoy every minute of it all!
Best wishes and enjoy every minute of it all!
5
You know what else is "natural"? Dying. Dying is natural.
And sometimes you get drugs when you die because some deaths are excrutiatingly painful, just like some births. And this is not due to the fact that you didn't breathe right,or you weren't relaxed enough, or you didn't have a dying coach, or you weren't in the right position. It is due to the fact that the human body experiences pain. And guess what? That's "natural" too!
How about less pain and more tolerance?
Let's skip the judgement.
And sometimes you get drugs when you die because some deaths are excrutiatingly painful, just like some births. And this is not due to the fact that you didn't breathe right,or you weren't relaxed enough, or you didn't have a dying coach, or you weren't in the right position. It is due to the fact that the human body experiences pain. And guess what? That's "natural" too!
How about less pain and more tolerance?
Let's skip the judgement.
16
You are far too sensitive! People are being nice and sharing, even if they don't have anything to share; showing camaraderie. And you are telling all of us about the pain of pregnancy, and how already it is making you miserable! Lighten up we either all come from there or having experienced it as fathers, mothers and human beings!
General idea is that it is too important of an event and your community, without knowing how, wants to participate! Find away to hide your pregnancy if you don't want anyone take furtive glances to figure out if it is a pillow there, or the real thing. The real thing is the celebration that excites everybody! And they have to say something to show that they recognize your upcoming important milestone.
General idea is that it is too important of an event and your community, without knowing how, wants to participate! Find away to hide your pregnancy if you don't want anyone take furtive glances to figure out if it is a pillow there, or the real thing. The real thing is the celebration that excites everybody! And they have to say something to show that they recognize your upcoming important milestone.
9
As an Obstetric anesthesiologist, I can tell you two things : 1) in most cases we actually don't care if you get an epidural or not! We think epidural are great, but we want you to be happy. That means doing our best to give informed consent and letting you make your own decisions. 2) a very large percentage of patients who come in with a birthing ball, a dula, a birthing plan for a 'natural' childbirth with every intention of not getting and epidural still do end up getting one once their labor is in full effect.
56
First, why is a women's health so commonly considered public information to be judged and evaluated by complete strangers?
Second, having a kid and raising one is hard enough, why make your life harder doing it the "natural" way, as if it were unequivocally better?
Second, having a kid and raising one is hard enough, why make your life harder doing it the "natural" way, as if it were unequivocally better?
2
My generation was the first to experience epidurals. SO grateful it was available.
2
Oh, all the advice you will get! Here's mine (I've got three that are all grown up). Get the epidural, get all the help you can, get sleep. Love that baby but also take care of yourself. Good luck. Sounds like you are going to be a great mom!
5
I had my first child with an epidural (given to me at my insistence after 20 hours of labor), and my second, without (after my ill-considered planning for a "natural" birth, it was too late to get one after I decided that I REALLY REALLY needed one).
I pretty much had PTSD after the unmedicated birth. For months I couldn't even talk about it without shaking. It was that bad. (And believe me, I had assembled the whole natural childbirth team to get me through it--midwife, doula, loving and attentive husband. I even had a hot tub, people!) Take this writer's advice, ladies. Get the epidural!
I pretty much had PTSD after the unmedicated birth. For months I couldn't even talk about it without shaking. It was that bad. (And believe me, I had assembled the whole natural childbirth team to get me through it--midwife, doula, loving and attentive husband. I even had a hot tub, people!) Take this writer's advice, ladies. Get the epidural!
1
Yeah, for sure, women should follow their bliss on this. For me, that meant "Skip the epidural." Not cuz childbirth is sacred - I just hate meds. And my friends with kids hadn't had epidurals and didn't seem traumatized.
Lucky for me, both my labors were uneventful. Contractions felt like bad cramps, intense at the end, though always w/ breathers in between. I liked the simplicity of no meds - no prep beforehand and no need to wait for anything to wear off. But everyone is different. Maybe my body type made it easier for me (upside of wide hips), or I have a high pain threshold. To each her own.
One thing I'd advise anyone doing natural: if possible, let your water break on its own. My first labor proceeded slowly, and my doc sent me to the hospital barely dilated - later, to speed things up, he broke my water. That made my contractions much more intense, and I recall worrying "How bad can this get?" Fortunately, that was near the end, and soon all was great. My second labor, I dawdled at home with child #1, till contractions got pretty strong. I got to the hospital fully dilated, and my water broke on its own. That time, the labor never got that painful. I figured it must be because I'd had a baby before. But then I met a woman whose experience was the opposite of mine. Her first labor was gentler, while her second - when her doc broke her water - hurt much more. So, unless you're in a rush, don't let them break your water! :)
Lucky for me, both my labors were uneventful. Contractions felt like bad cramps, intense at the end, though always w/ breathers in between. I liked the simplicity of no meds - no prep beforehand and no need to wait for anything to wear off. But everyone is different. Maybe my body type made it easier for me (upside of wide hips), or I have a high pain threshold. To each her own.
One thing I'd advise anyone doing natural: if possible, let your water break on its own. My first labor proceeded slowly, and my doc sent me to the hospital barely dilated - later, to speed things up, he broke my water. That made my contractions much more intense, and I recall worrying "How bad can this get?" Fortunately, that was near the end, and soon all was great. My second labor, I dawdled at home with child #1, till contractions got pretty strong. I got to the hospital fully dilated, and my water broke on its own. That time, the labor never got that painful. I figured it must be because I'd had a baby before. But then I met a woman whose experience was the opposite of mine. Her first labor was gentler, while her second - when her doc broke her water - hurt much more. So, unless you're in a rush, don't let them break your water! :)
4
To which question I would answer: I am going to decide that depending on my level of pain when it comes to that point. Good grief! What is wrong with people?
You should have asked her if she was going to take care of her obvious gassiness by taking simethicone soon.
You should have asked her if she was going to take care of her obvious gassiness by taking simethicone soon.
1
I've been a labor and delivery RN for 17 years. I've seen it all. Well, mostly. I had natural childbirth first two children because there was not a epidural available back then in military hospitals. It was torture, and I was prepared after studying Lamaze. It still was torture! I'll never forget being in the middle of labor and hating the women who told me natural childbirth was the womanly thing to do, and that the male medical establishment was trying to control a natural female event that they had no business being involved in. Needless to say, when I was pregnant with number three, I made sure I was at a hospital with an epidural available. The difference was phenomenal! LOVE it! And let me share a insider secret: every physician I know gets one when pregnant, or their wife gets one. So, if u like the feeling of a sledgehammer being smashed into the base of your spine every two minutes for hours on end, go natural. If you don't, get the epidural. You can really only make the decision once you experienced real labor, so don't worry if you change your mind. 95 percent of my patients get it. The other five percent either deliver rapidly. Or are afraid of it. Once in a great great while, there is a patient who is prepared and goes natural. Their choice. Don't let anyone guilt you!
11
Epiudural block? We planned a “natural” La Maze Method home childbirth. But the contractions stopped. We decided to go to the UCLA Hospital, on the advice of our La Maze teacher. There my wife was registered with a neonatalist. They promised that 1) the baby would not be taken away from her (he was), 2) the three of us could leave the hospital immediately after birth (we could not: a 48-hour hospital stay was required, 3) breastfeeding with colostrum could start mmediately after birth (impossible because the newborn was placed in a nursery immediately, 4) we could take the baby home on our own (a wheelchair was required). The morning after the birth, my wife asked for her son. She was told, “We have'nt shown you how to breast feed.” My wife responded, “I think I can figure it out.” The nurse brought our son. I looked for a wheelchair. At the nurse’s station, there were nonel. “Sorry, sir, we’re out.” I went downstairs. They were out too. I found my wife’s clothing, she had the baby, she got dressed, we quietly crossed the hallway to the emergency stairs, went down to the first floor, outside, to get a taxi. No taxis. So we took the Number 1 bus back to Venice. The hospital called us, telling us they were sending an ambulance. “Don’t bother, we will be on a flight to Mexico in a half hour.” I said. My son is now 43, 6’ 4”, and has an ad agency in New York. I’m not opposed to epidural blocks. But I don’t like deceptive medical practices.
5
Nothing but horrible experiences at UCLA in every specialty. Lucky it ended ok!
1
On a personal level: "Ain't Nobody's Business [What You] Do."
On a professional level: You might want to check out a hospital that provides nitrous oxide (G&A/gas& air) as an alternative for pain relief. If you can't find a good one in NYC, consider giving birth in Canada or the UK. You'll have a nice getaway, fairly painless delivery; & your child will get an extra passport!
On a professional level: You might want to check out a hospital that provides nitrous oxide (G&A/gas& air) as an alternative for pain relief. If you can't find a good one in NYC, consider giving birth in Canada or the UK. You'll have a nice getaway, fairly painless delivery; & your child will get an extra passport!
2
My OB (a woman) called the epidural "childbirth with dignity." I called both of my deliveries with of both my daughters amazing! Both actually sped up my labors because I was able to relax according to the doctors. Maybe that's the reason - but they did.
Make sure to get Doctor to order IV right away - it takes at least an hour before you can have the epidural because of this - or this used to be the case. Why have hours of serious pain when God gave us relief?
Make sure to get Doctor to order IV right away - it takes at least an hour before you can have the epidural because of this - or this used to be the case. Why have hours of serious pain when God gave us relief?
2
Every anesthesiologist I know has an an epidural during childbirth (or their partners). No brainer.
3
Natural childbirth is painful because nature wants you to get a taste of what's to come. Parenthood in many ways is way more intense than when I was lying on my back yelling "just cut me open!" Do what you need to do to get your baby out healthy.
4
Birthing children and raising them is God's cruel little game. Our job is to keep the game going, keep the human race going, just like mosquitoes and monkeys and hornets have to keep their game going. Life can be painful, at the start, in the middle, at the end. We're here for a millisecond, and our job is to leave our DNA and get outta here. Buck the system. Get the epidural.
3
Beautifully written piece and truly insightful. Thanks.
2 hospital births with drugs. By the time the third came around and I had the choice of Stanford or Birth Center, it was a no-brainer. Birth Center it was and the difference in a birth with no drugs was phenomenal. The pain of labor was the same in both, but the ability to feel the birth in the third was not pain but awe. I remember calling out, "My baby, my baby, I can feel my baby." I was so excited. Drugged and not aware for the first two are regrets, but back then it was common to drug mom. I had 2 MD's a nurse, and a doula all to myself at the Birth Center - amazing care! And cost less than a Stanford drugged birth. We got there at 4 am he was born at 6 am and we were home at 9:30 am. We wanted to leave, could have stayed but we were anxious to get home. It was simply a wonderful experience. And so has raising him. I wish I had known that feeling a baby being born is such a gift. And labor hurts, even if they are giving you drugs, they can't start too soon so you have to go through pain anyway. But the last part of birth was just awesome without drugs.
9
Right on sister!
2
I just figured out why I never wanted children and have avoided marriage: the degree to which people tell you you're doing it wrong — and tell you how to do it better. If you can tolerate these constant affronts, more power to you.
3
I have two grown children, both doing well thank you, and I had the epidural during labor with both of them (births in mid-1980s and early 1990s).
To anyone who asked me for birth details, I always said things went well, but I always knew the really hard part would be raising them for the next 18 years. In other words, if I had spent those pregnancies obsessing over the perfect birth, it would have taken time away from thinking about the much more important topic of doing the best for them once they arrived.
By the way, the same type of people who will harangue you about "natural" childbirth will also want to know later why your baby isn't walking yet, because their baby started walking at 7 months.
I always reply that I didn't start walking until I was 15 months old, but I walk just fine now. It's especially good if you can say this to the annoying questioner, and then walk away at a brisk clip.
To anyone who asked me for birth details, I always said things went well, but I always knew the really hard part would be raising them for the next 18 years. In other words, if I had spent those pregnancies obsessing over the perfect birth, it would have taken time away from thinking about the much more important topic of doing the best for them once they arrived.
By the way, the same type of people who will harangue you about "natural" childbirth will also want to know later why your baby isn't walking yet, because their baby started walking at 7 months.
I always reply that I didn't start walking until I was 15 months old, but I walk just fine now. It's especially good if you can say this to the annoying questioner, and then walk away at a brisk clip.
2
In the late 19th and early 20th centuries, some male doctors withheld pain medication from women in childbirth labor because the bible said women will suffer in childbirth because of Eve' s transgression. Thankfully, that attitude is gone. Why suffer if you don't have to? Physical pain can delay healing, too.
6
I am glad a woman asked her the question. God knows what rocket launch we would have seen if it was a man. Basically Ms. Klein is overthinking what, in the old days, would have simply been called rudeness. One does not ask a complete stranger about their medical plans. Imagine if someone saw a person with a badly deformed limb and said, "Are you thinking of cutting that off?" It is a similar level of rudeness, to which the proper response is an icy stare and silence, or, if you feel up to it, "I am sorry, but I grew up believing it is rude for stranger to ask about personal medical issues." Its your pregnancy and baby. Short of doing something illegal, do whatever you want.
3
Jessi Klein, you haven't done your research. An epidural can have serious consequences. And those of you who are tempted to do epidural without being informed of its downside, check it out and have in-depth discussion with your obstetrician.
7
If the writer is so concerned about other people asking 'birth' questions, then why is she writing this op-ed and exposing herself to 'birth' question from commentators like myself.
My advice- stop talking about how you intend to give birth. I am sure that many others like myself, could care less about your issue.
My advice- stop talking about how you intend to give birth. I am sure that many others like myself, could care less about your issue.
3
I had the epidural. Twice. No apologies either. Nobody tells me how to conduct my life.
2
Do what is right for you! I have two teenagers and had two epidurals. The anaesthesiologist that came at 3am the first time was like an angel that took away my pain and fear. I wanted to bake her a cake but was too busy with the new baby! The very best birth is the one where you get a healthy baby! You will have some recovery and things will be a bit of a mess below the waist any way it goes. Enjoy and be safe that's all!
4
IF you ever find that full parenting book on the internet where you were searching for epidural advice please publish the link here! The rest of us who are still looking for the 'best wat to raise our children' without all the pain will surely read it! Otherwise, we will continue to just do our best while living, learning, loving, and laughing! There will always be pain with parenting, one way or another, its just how you handling it! Keep searching fo the book!
My OB/GYN, a mother herself, gave me two really, really great pieces of personal advice.
The first was to get the epidural. "Suffering," she told me,"does not make you a better mother. It just hurts."
The second was, "You need to relax. Type-A and motherhood are a really bad mix." Words to live by.
Natural childbirth was the primary route every mother took, up until the relatively recent past. A lot of them died. I'll go high-tech, thank you.
So here is my unasked for advice, Ms Klein, mother to mother-to-be: Do what works for you, what you need to be able to be healthy and rested and ready to take on the most underappreciated job ever. (When your child has her or his own, you'll get kudos.) Your baby will be different from other babies; You are different from other mothers. You family is unlike other families. Your job, the requirements on you specifically are different too.
So when the natural zealots, and the breast feeding zealots, and the solid food zealots, and the vaccine zealots, and all the rest of the zealots who will have an opinion on everything from diapers to daycare chime in, smile at them, and mentally condemn them to some place in perdition where they are surrounded by people just like themselves.
And enjoy the miracle of your baby instead.
The first was to get the epidural. "Suffering," she told me,"does not make you a better mother. It just hurts."
The second was, "You need to relax. Type-A and motherhood are a really bad mix." Words to live by.
Natural childbirth was the primary route every mother took, up until the relatively recent past. A lot of them died. I'll go high-tech, thank you.
So here is my unasked for advice, Ms Klein, mother to mother-to-be: Do what works for you, what you need to be able to be healthy and rested and ready to take on the most underappreciated job ever. (When your child has her or his own, you'll get kudos.) Your baby will be different from other babies; You are different from other mothers. You family is unlike other families. Your job, the requirements on you specifically are different too.
So when the natural zealots, and the breast feeding zealots, and the solid food zealots, and the vaccine zealots, and all the rest of the zealots who will have an opinion on everything from diapers to daycare chime in, smile at them, and mentally condemn them to some place in perdition where they are surrounded by people just like themselves.
And enjoy the miracle of your baby instead.
157
I loved this piece. It gave me hope again for the future after reading through so much bleak and worse news in the past week. Yes definitely get the epidural and enjoy your baby. and to heck with medical advice offered from strangers at the grocery store!
1
The pain and speed of giving birth naturally traumatized me and I finally recovered from being upset with how it went down about 7 months later. I will get an epidural if I have another. By the way, advice from midwife that really helped: If baby cries, boob in mouth.
That stranger shouldn't have asked Ms. Klein whether she was having a natural childbirth, and Ms. Klein shouldn't be telling other women to get an epidural. Make up your own minds and stop trying to influence other mothers! Jeez, who knows what is right? I skipped the epidural twice, because the thought of someone sticking a needle in my spine made me queasy, not because I thought it would make me a better mother. Never spoke to anyone else about it, much less suggested it was the better way. There's way too much discussion of what should be private decisions these days.
3
When my now ex-wife and I went to pre-natal class they asked us to estimate her pain tolerance on a scale of 1 to 10, with 10 being high tolerance. I said 7, she said 3 and she ended up being a 1.
During the labor, they gave her nitrous oxide and she tried to get off the table and escape but whatever it was going to be was going with her. We asked for the epidural but the doctor didn't place it right. They kept pumping in the pain killer but it wasn't working. Finally, they reset the epidural and that finally worked. But by that time, she had swelling and the delivery took much much longer. I'll spare you the details but both daughter and mom turned out okay (after 8 days in the hospital and some world-class hemmorhoids).
Moral of the story? Guys take more charge. I wish I had. If your wife is nervous and wants an epidural, fight like crazy to get that for her. Don't take no for an answer. Be alert during the labor and step in. You might also videotape some aspects of the doctor's work during the delivery. They're doctors but they're not infallible. Knowing they're being recorded will encourage them to do their best work for your wife and child.
During the labor, they gave her nitrous oxide and she tried to get off the table and escape but whatever it was going to be was going with her. We asked for the epidural but the doctor didn't place it right. They kept pumping in the pain killer but it wasn't working. Finally, they reset the epidural and that finally worked. But by that time, she had swelling and the delivery took much much longer. I'll spare you the details but both daughter and mom turned out okay (after 8 days in the hospital and some world-class hemmorhoids).
Moral of the story? Guys take more charge. I wish I had. If your wife is nervous and wants an epidural, fight like crazy to get that for her. Don't take no for an answer. Be alert during the labor and step in. You might also videotape some aspects of the doctor's work during the delivery. They're doctors but they're not infallible. Knowing they're being recorded will encourage them to do their best work for your wife and child.
You can lie when people are rude and intrusive.
Women will even come up to you and tell you terrible stories, of babies born deformed. The quickest way to end this is to say something like, "I always wonder why women say such terrible things to pregnant women. It must be some kind of initiation thing."
Women will even come up to you and tell you terrible stories, of babies born deformed. The quickest way to end this is to say something like, "I always wonder why women say such terrible things to pregnant women. It must be some kind of initiation thing."
2
Gimme a break. Forget epidural! Pregnancy is "naturally" dangerous and damaging and painful. If ectogenesis existed today I would gladly "have" a baby but no way would I put myself through actual pregnancy. Never!
I wish I had read this 25 years ago when I was pregnant. Oh my gosh how I obsessed about every little thing! I thought I was a failure when I went late and had to induce, and then like more of a failure when a narrowly missed a c-section because the induction went so long. I went for the epidural after hours of labor. Ironically, it wore off for the delivery and wasn't topped up because a lady down the hall was having a c-section and the anesthesiologist was too busy!
I felt horrible that my "perfect" birth plan was hijacked.
Seriously, dump the guilt, do what works best for you, move on. If you can get through the delivery without feeling like a superfluous piece of meat you are one step ahead. If you can do it without the aid of a doctor who isn't condescending, you are very much ahead.
The author is right. There will be a lot more challenges to come. You will do some things right, and some things will go badly regardless of your best effort. Don't waste energy in advance worrying over it, it will never be perfect!
(The child is healthy, alive, in graduate school and a contributing member of society. That is a win. How we got to that point is a bumpy road that is just part of "natural" life.)
I felt horrible that my "perfect" birth plan was hijacked.
Seriously, dump the guilt, do what works best for you, move on. If you can get through the delivery without feeling like a superfluous piece of meat you are one step ahead. If you can do it without the aid of a doctor who isn't condescending, you are very much ahead.
The author is right. There will be a lot more challenges to come. You will do some things right, and some things will go badly regardless of your best effort. Don't waste energy in advance worrying over it, it will never be perfect!
(The child is healthy, alive, in graduate school and a contributing member of society. That is a win. How we got to that point is a bumpy road that is just part of "natural" life.)
My wife just had a natural childbirth. We had to contend with the wide-eyed looks and, "You mean you are not giving birth is a hospital? Is that safe!?! What if something went wrong!?! Are you sure you want to do that?."
Here's an instruction guide for anyone thinking of adding their opinion on another's birth plan: 1) duct tape mouth, 2) you're done.
Here's an instruction guide for anyone thinking of adding their opinion on another's birth plan: 1) duct tape mouth, 2) you're done.
4
The writer doesn't like it when others suggest she skip the epidural, but then she goes on the NYT to tell others to get the epidural.
6
The point was that a stranger decided that Ms. Klein's medical decisions were her business, which, of course, they weren't.
But if you've spent any time walking in public while visibly pregnant, you know that pregnant belly = irresistible unsolicited advice target for way too many busybodies out there. You can't have a treat without "Is that a good food for the baby?" in a really condescending tone.
I really think you missed the point if you think this brilliant humor piece was literally telling women to get epidurals.
But if you've spent any time walking in public while visibly pregnant, you know that pregnant belly = irresistible unsolicited advice target for way too many busybodies out there. You can't have a treat without "Is that a good food for the baby?" in a really condescending tone.
I really think you missed the point if you think this brilliant humor piece was literally telling women to get epidurals.
One thing I have learned in giving birth to 4 kids with several different doctors and hospitals when we moved around is that, when you are in labor, the docs and nurses will say do you want this intervention or not? Should we do this or that? It's like installing in a PC from the nineties, there's no easy set of Mac defaults during the install. So, make sure you are educated well before you get close to the due date, because otherwise in both the normal uncomplicated childbirth, and in the special case childbirth when things go wrong, it's still the twenty questions game. Know the science, and when the interventions are recommended or not. When is a C section the less risky medical option? What are the risks and benefits of the epidural? What are the pros and cons of induced labor or breaking the water artificially? What are forceps and are they a good idea or not? Do your homework beforehand. And if possible make sure your partner during childbirth has a trusted friend or relative with medical training (ex. Doctor or nurse) so if it's an unusual question, you can get an educated opinion.
2
I had two sons and two epidurals. Giving birth was the best experience of my life and it felt natural enough for me! And no after effects for anyone, even 43 years later.
Funny how most people feel they have the right to give unsollicited advice to women as if women were kids or in need of constant grooming. Men are not treated that way.
1
We all know that there are terrible people out there who wish us nothing but very bad things.
Other than those people, everyone loves pregnant women. Especially pregnant women who write very well and make us laugh.
Other than those people, everyone loves pregnant women. Especially pregnant women who write very well and make us laugh.
This is hilarious, and so true true true! Thank You for those nuggets of society's expectations and vagaries of medical 'science.'
Not okay about the night nurse though. There are too many irrefutable reasons why nursing an infant should not be optional. And even the fractured sleeping routine is a window into your little one's world and instructive on how to cope with your new normal. Good luck!
Not okay about the night nurse though. There are too many irrefutable reasons why nursing an infant should not be optional. And even the fractured sleeping routine is a window into your little one's world and instructive on how to cope with your new normal. Good luck!
2
I adore you. Thank you. I got two.
1
Thank you thank you Jesse! This is a wonderful bit of advice about a lot of different things in women's lives, not just childbirth. It isn't just that every millimeter of women's bodies are considered fair game for invasion, inspection, and criticism never experienced by men, it is that our brains are considered entirely subject to similar inspection as well. We are interrogated about choices in ways that men never are and it is time to stop. "Take the epidural" should be the new meme about women taking charge of their lives.
4
Having just had a baby in April, I have come to realize the tie two most acceptable people to judge in our culture are pregnant women and mothers.
She's healthy and so am I. She would not be here without modern medicine.
My husband's approach to the random advice from anyone- including his mother - is to nod and do exactly what we were going to do, anyway.
How right you are . . . Women are never expected to do natural at any other time.
She's healthy and so am I. She would not be here without modern medicine.
My husband's approach to the random advice from anyone- including his mother - is to nod and do exactly what we were going to do, anyway.
How right you are . . . Women are never expected to do natural at any other time.
3
I gave 2 births, the first with an epidural, and the second without. Both were excruciating. But the second one was easier for me because without an epidural, and with the support of my midwife, I was able to move around while in labor. Moving, walking, and changing positions helped me speed the labor along. The first time, when I opted for an epidural, I was hooked up to an IV and an array or sensors, which kept me pretty much trapped on the hospital bed. That did not work well for me, especially since the epidural took only partially, and getting the epidural itself is no walk in the park by a long shot.
Every labor is different for every woman, but for me having no epidural was way better. Good luck with your labor, do what you feel is best!
Every labor is different for every woman, but for me having no epidural was way better. Good luck with your labor, do what you feel is best!
3
Great info! Moving around IS important . I had four including twins without meds. I had pain but was able with breathing to focus on the goal so at the end I loved the entire experience of feeling every moment. Everyone experiences things differently and respect any decision. Luckily we have choices!
Lol -- Have your epidural -- with my admiration! Best wishes.
1
I have a problem about this part though "There are so many debates in this life in which there is some evidence of one thing and also some evidence of the other. At such a point, you just have to decide to believe in and do what is best for you. So here’s a radical idea: Why not do the thing that makes you happy?"
No, no, no, no, no! This is how people choose not to believe in things like climate change for example. They don't fully get it or it makes them uncomfortable so then let's ignore the facts or choose the ones that make us happy. No, I'm sorry, you need to dig in some more.
No, no, no, no, no! This is how people choose not to believe in things like climate change for example. They don't fully get it or it makes them uncomfortable so then let's ignore the facts or choose the ones that make us happy. No, I'm sorry, you need to dig in some more.
2
This was as funny as it is true!!! Amen, sister!
2
" the epidural is your friend" said the nurse teaching the birthing class I was in 23 years ago. And it was a good friend to me. Pain, like happiness, is over rated.
1
So as teenage boys running cross-country we thought we were tough. After seeing The Marathon Man with the infamous dentist scene we decided that the next teammate to get a cavity filled would do it without Novocaine. Well I won! My dentist was curious but obliging. WOW!!!!!!
Let's just say that it can be done but having been done once it need not be done again. When it came time for my wife to have children we insisted on drugs but the anesthesiologist was nowhere to be found and after the pitocin kicked in my wife spent 2 miserable hours before she got her epidural. We have two wonderful grown children now and can laugh about my stupidity and my wife's misfortune but seriously why suffer?
Let's just say that it can be done but having been done once it need not be done again. When it came time for my wife to have children we insisted on drugs but the anesthesiologist was nowhere to be found and after the pitocin kicked in my wife spent 2 miserable hours before she got her epidural. We have two wonderful grown children now and can laugh about my stupidity and my wife's misfortune but seriously why suffer?
2
Or don't get the epidural. Nobody should get a voice in that choice other than the woman giving birth. That said, I don't remember the pain of labor - just the incredible feeling of power and strength that giving birth without medical assistance gave me. For the first time, I truly felt that my body was something productive and not just decorative.
100
I have have more than one friend who felt terrible when she "couldn't" have a "natural" childbirth but instead had to have a caesarian.
Here's another fact about natural childbirth: a great many women and children died from it.
The natural world has it all--good and bad. Do whatever is actually *good* for the human beings (and other living beings) involved, whether it's natural or not.
Here's another fact about natural childbirth: a great many women and children died from it.
The natural world has it all--good and bad. Do whatever is actually *good* for the human beings (and other living beings) involved, whether it's natural or not.
1
my male ob/gyn, when I asked him his opinion on my having an epidural (late 1990s), replied with a droll, "well you could go to the dentist and not get novacaine, but why would you want to do that?". I'd never had a cavity filled but I quickly got his point. like the author, the epidural was only one part of my drug cocktail during labor!
2
I read all the way through this great essay because I was sure it would tell me what I already knew but hadn't articulated--that I would need an epidural to vote this year.
8
So well said! Childbirth is excruciatingly painful. Epidurals made it actually FUN to give birth! Get one. And get it early enough to spare yourself as much pain as possible , according to your doctor's recommendation.
2
This is such an great and crisp article, with its slight feminist commentary and intelligent insight! Good luck for your delivery!
1
So, so, so true! I always knew I was going to get the epidural, even though I live in San Fran and everyone I know is hippy dippy and would never get the epidural. It always seemed crazy to me NOT to get something that could make the experience of childbirth so much more enjoyable. And I was right. I had my baby last year, and the pre-epidural part of labor was just a haze of mind-blowing pain, while the post-epidural phase was happy and present. Getting the epidural was one of the easiest and best decisions I ever made.
1
Evolution favors the largest babies that can survive childbirth without killing their mother. Modern agricultural means plentiful food and even bigger babies. Unless you go on a calorie restricted, hunter-gatherer diet in order to have an underweight baby ( I don't recommend it), you are not "natural". Instead, do the best you can for you and your baby, using the best that human intelligence can offer. And really, that is the most natural thing for modern humans.
1
You can't even handle the "pain" of a person in public disagreeing with you - you've carried this burden with you for, what, weeks? Months after it happened? Yes, life has pain, and it is unavoidable. But nearly all the pains you listed at the end are not pains, but sufferings created by attachments to being correct, pretty, proper. The long-term pain of these experiences would go away, just like the pain of encountering a disagreeing woman you will never meet again, as soon as you let go of being right, of being the right kind of pretty, of being the parent you think you're supposed to be. And then you'd be free to deal with your relationship to the actual pains we all face in life. The best we can do is create a relationship with pain that works for us in the long run.
I'm not saying getting an epidural is wrong - the puritanical obsession with enduring pain finally seems to be coming to an end, with pain care being addressed anew in healthcare. However, I find your particular reasoning to be faulty and likely to only cause you more suffering, especially if the only tools you have in the face of pain are epidurals and cookies.
I'm not saying getting an epidural is wrong - the puritanical obsession with enduring pain finally seems to be coming to an end, with pain care being addressed anew in healthcare. However, I find your particular reasoning to be faulty and likely to only cause you more suffering, especially if the only tools you have in the face of pain are epidurals and cookies.
8
I totally agree with you. I begged for an epidural after the pain became so bad I couldn't see straight. I was a lot calmer when I didn't feel overwhelming pain and was able to focus on delivering my child.
1
A few years ago a good friend made a firm commitment to deliver her firstborn au natural. We didn't discuss her decision, because I didn't have children, and my opinion would have been completely uninformed. But shortly after her labor began, she said "I'll take one of everything you've got". Good thing she was in a hospital and not at home with some midwife.
Giving birth "at home with some midwife" is the right choice for many people. Why so negative?
2
Read Grant Dick-Reed's books on natural childbirth...no pain if you relax.
6
Why the pressure on women about everything? Because of original sin. We will never be forgiven for Eve, the apple and must keep paying for Adam being a wuss. Never mind that it's make belief, punishment is our burden to bear. Get that epidural girlfriend, science is the ultimate revenge on make belief.
2
Really? I'm a little confused by this piece. Despite it's slot as an opinion piece I think it's subjectivity lands in the realm of the uninformed. Since I am a man I won't go into my personal opinion. However I have had an epidural and can attest to the fact that having someone put a needle in your lumbar spine isn't the greatest option. And, for instance, if you get a cerebrospinal fluid leak as a result of the epidural, you are in for an extremely lengthy and potentially regressive challenging lifestyle. Not good.
5
Yet to discover a pain free orbit before or after my married life. The day i find one, i will become an indolent lotus-eater!
"people constantly feel as if they have the right to talk to pregnant women about their pregnancy"
And as it turns out, they do! People, in fact, have the right to talk to anyone about anything. Whether or not they should is another matter.
And as it turns out, they do! People, in fact, have the right to talk to anyone about anything. Whether or not they should is another matter.
3
This is a rather flippant article.
The remarkable epidural, yes. But its use and timing and dosage and effects are complex.
A physician MD
The remarkable epidural, yes. But its use and timing and dosage and effects are complex.
A physician MD
9
Are we really still putting mothers through this guilt trip? I gave birth to my wonderful sons in 1986 and 1988. 1988 was a VBAC --pretty edgy back then but 1986 was an emergency c-section so I wanted to experience natural childbirth with my second child. But during a 26-hr labor that was stalled in park I had fortunately chosen an epidural beforehand should it become necessary. And it was. And my sons are now 28 and 30 and they are HEALTHY and FINE. Stop the guilt and let mothers choose what is best for them.
2
Enjoy your baby.
1
So true. I had my first two children "naturally," but not intentionally so. I had my third child with an epidural, and what a difference! So worth it! Do the epidural. Why experience the excruciating pain if you don't have to? Makes childbirth so much easier and joyous. Also, breastfeed as long as you can. Whether you have an epidural or not makes no difference whatsoever to the child -- it's everything you do in the following 18+ years that count.
I guiltily tried to hide the preemie bottle I was giving my preemie when I was in a park in a so-groovy hippie upstate New York small city...getting those quizzical looks that I internalized as judgement. That was silly on my part. Please! I was so grateful he was alive and is now my pride and joy.
Or don't. Isn't the point the author is trying to make to do whatever seems right for you? I like to do things the harder way--it just happens to be my personality. My decision to not have epidurals had nothing to do with what anyone thought of me or what I thought I was supposed to do--it was all about what I felt I was up for. Two healthy kids, no regrets, no advice and no judgement.
76
When I was pregnant, I thought having an unmedicated childbirth was crucially important. I had an unmedicated childbirth, complete with midwife and a water birth and it was amazing. I felt powerful--like running a marathon but with a noisy, wet, demanding prize at the end. I am still thrilled I did it and still hugely proud of the accomplishment.
But I don't think it's for everyone anymore. Maybe you fear pain or have a tricky birth. Maybe you simply aren't inspired by the idea of that experience. Cool, take the drugs. The risks are pretty small and you'll still have a fabulous baby.
But, hey, you can acknowledge that an unmedicated childbirth is still an awesome achievement. It is, to many of us, a profound connection to something primal and important. It isn't just about the pain.
So if I give you the respect to say your epidural worked for you and therefore was the right choice, please don't snark at my unmedicated childbirth and tell me it was meaningless pain. Babies are tough enough without mothers being tough on each other.
But I don't think it's for everyone anymore. Maybe you fear pain or have a tricky birth. Maybe you simply aren't inspired by the idea of that experience. Cool, take the drugs. The risks are pretty small and you'll still have a fabulous baby.
But, hey, you can acknowledge that an unmedicated childbirth is still an awesome achievement. It is, to many of us, a profound connection to something primal and important. It isn't just about the pain.
So if I give you the respect to say your epidural worked for you and therefore was the right choice, please don't snark at my unmedicated childbirth and tell me it was meaningless pain. Babies are tough enough without mothers being tough on each other.
235
Thanks especially for your third paragraph. My sister and I have been having this conversation of late as my niece is expecting her first momentarily, and we've both been dismayed at the "get the epidural" which seems the norm these days when we both had our children without drugs and agree that this experience was about so much more than just the pain. I was trying to formulate how I could express that thought here without sounding flakey. And you have done that very nicely. Appreciate your insight and facility of expression.
This article frustrates me on so many levels. You begin by being annoyed by a stranger telling you what you should do, then you go on to tell every woman reading this article to "get the epidural" . That's hypocrisy. You also compare childbirth to root canals and vasectomies. Childbirth is a natural function of the female body. Surgeries are not. How a woman births is a very personal choice. Nobody should be telling any woman what to do at one of the most important and vulnerable moments of her life.
12
So I agree that no one should come up to you and ask what kind of birth you are going to have. And I decline to call it "natural" birth. It is anything but natural. But I do think that there are benefits to unmedicated childbirth. Primarily, as the mother you retain more control over the situation. And you can move in response to the situation. Babies that are born to mothers who have had epidurals tend to have more difficulty nursing. Probably there are docs you can find on the internet that contradict each of these points. But there is significant evidence that every obstetric intervention is a sort of slippery slope leading to an insanely high rate of surgical birth at many hospitals. This is a known systemic problem. It might not affect you and you will then think of your "choice" of an epidural as a completely individual decision. Or it might lead you to a surgical birth that occurred because you agreed to the epidural.
Childbirth is incredibly painful. I did it twice without medications. I am not saying this to brag. It's possible and those of us who do it on purpose have our own reasons. At the same time that it's improper to suggest that all women should want this it is improper to suggest that the epidural is appropriate to all women.
Childbirth is incredibly painful. I did it twice without medications. I am not saying this to brag. It's possible and those of us who do it on purpose have our own reasons. At the same time that it's improper to suggest that all women should want this it is improper to suggest that the epidural is appropriate to all women.
4
A friend told me about the condescending reaction she got from other women because she was not 'heroic' enough to give birth without an epidural
Amen to Healthy child and mama both. My emergency C-section, performed under general anesthesia because of my son's wonky heartbeat and the fact that I hadn't opted for a epidermal, ended up saving my life. My beloved obgyn noticed something suspicious on an ovary, so she took the cancerous ovary out after delivering the baby. Thank you thank you thank you Dr Heidi Heck.
1
Great essay! I would only like to add, that husband-coached childbirth ain't all it's cracked up to be. While you're planning on an epidural, for God's sake, hire a doula.
1
Thank you! This needs to be said more often. Amazing how we continue to guilt women into doing insane things.
Unmedicated childbirth isn't "insane." It's simply an option that many women choose, for a variety of reasons.
I was in labor and it was so painful. Then I got the epidural and the pain was gone. Nuf said.
1
This author just became one of my absolute favorite humans. It is definitely true that if we met we would become best friends.
My epidural didn't work. That could happen, too.
There can be a domino effect to using drugs in labor. Take pitocin to induce labor. Have wild contractions. Take epidural for wild contractions. Epidural slows you down as the pain killer sometimes makes women fall asleep. Give the woman more pitocin. Uh oh. Baby's heart rate is speeding up because of all the drugs you're pumping in. Time for a csection. Csection is painful and is often traumatic.
The effort to go natural is an effort to reclaim one's voice in the madness in delivery rooms that is beeping machines, heart monitors across belly, OB rushing to get you done so s/he can get to dinner on time...
There can be a domino effect to using drugs in labor. Take pitocin to induce labor. Have wild contractions. Take epidural for wild contractions. Epidural slows you down as the pain killer sometimes makes women fall asleep. Give the woman more pitocin. Uh oh. Baby's heart rate is speeding up because of all the drugs you're pumping in. Time for a csection. Csection is painful and is often traumatic.
The effort to go natural is an effort to reclaim one's voice in the madness in delivery rooms that is beeping machines, heart monitors across belly, OB rushing to get you done so s/he can get to dinner on time...
5
Excellent Comment! And happens more than we realize!
Medically, there is risk associated with manipulation of the spinal fluid. Complications are quite rare, but if it happens to you, "rare" doesn't matter much. I watched my wife develop spinal meningitis after the baby was born - caused by a poorly performed procedure.
4
You had me laughing through this whole piece, right up until the last paragraph, when you had me crying.
You are so, so, right.
I haven't had a baby, but I did have a miscarriage once and the pain was so heinous I couldn't believe it. That made up my mind that if I ever gave birth it was going be me and Mr. Epidural all night long. Thank you for writing this.
Hilarious! I love the idea of asking a guy if he's having a "natural" vasectomy!
That rude question deserved an answer like "why do you ask?" Reminds me of a mother of one of my son's friends who upon seeing me pregnant with my third child had the chutzpah to ask me how long it took me to get pregnant. Somehow, I had the presence of mind to answer her with clarity and honesty: "about 3 minutes".
1
Congratulations on your pregnancy! We are so fortunate to live in a time and place where we mothers can have choices in what kind of births we would like to have, as well as the medical science to save lives if it doesn't go the way we'd hoped. Its a shame that someone judged you for your choice. So long as safety is the first priority, we should certainly respect our different choices.
Oh for the love.....just do whatever feels right for you!!!! Seriously, EVERYONE needs to stop worrying about other people's wombs. And yes, I've had a baby, and it's none of your business how she entered this world; It was perfect for me. I'm sick and tired of all of these commentaries, from both sides....
3
Natural things are way over hyped.
I had a philosophy prof who said that this belief, that natural things are superior, is the result of the teachings of St. Thomas Aquinas:
He said:
1) G-d made the natural world (I delete the "o" in accord with Jewish tradition)
2) G-d is good
3) Therefore the natural world is good.
Of course this is poppycock. Polio is natural. But I don't think you want to munch on polio viruses for breakfast.
I had a philosophy prof who said that this belief, that natural things are superior, is the result of the teachings of St. Thomas Aquinas:
He said:
1) G-d made the natural world (I delete the "o" in accord with Jewish tradition)
2) G-d is good
3) Therefore the natural world is good.
Of course this is poppycock. Polio is natural. But I don't think you want to munch on polio viruses for breakfast.
1
Go to childbirth education. Make your own choice about whether you need/want an epidural, don't feel you need to decide until you are ready, and feel free to not answer such rude people -- a raised eyebrow and a stare is a great way to respond. But, seriously, do take childbirth education. Ask anyone who delivers babies and they'll tell you that there is a night and day difference between the experience of mothers who had the education and those who did not. Understanding exactly what is happening can be very helpful for anyone having a baby.
9
Each woman should do the research and make her own decision. I had long labor, big babies, no epidurals, no regrets. Ignore crazy strangers but don't let an op-ed looking for a laugh make up your mind
10
Go with the epidural, it means that you are present for the birth without the completely useless distraction of pain. And if something does go wrong and you need to make a decision you can actually think.
2
"Without the completely useless distraction of pain"
In reality, pain is a useful (and necessary) part of our physical being. The idea that the pain experienced in childbirth serves no purpose is simply uninformed.
In reality, pain is a useful (and necessary) part of our physical being. The idea that the pain experienced in childbirth serves no purpose is simply uninformed.
In nature, lots of women die even before childbirth, and a flipton of men die before they're 30.
So unless you're cheerfully volunteering to throw over the last six thousand or so years of actual progress and be first out the mortal door, lemme suggest...
And oh, by the way, the cheerful disdain for pain, infection and death is largely a privilege of the privileged.
Ask, say, your average near-term woman way up in northern Pakistan about this, and there is a distinct chance you'd get punched in the mouth.
Hey, I know....let's start a Natural Vasectomy movement.
So unless you're cheerfully volunteering to throw over the last six thousand or so years of actual progress and be first out the mortal door, lemme suggest...
And oh, by the way, the cheerful disdain for pain, infection and death is largely a privilege of the privileged.
Ask, say, your average near-term woman way up in northern Pakistan about this, and there is a distinct chance you'd get punched in the mouth.
Hey, I know....let's start a Natural Vasectomy movement.
I really think it is so strange that people ask these things. I myself wanted and enjoyed 4 natural births. When people asked me what I was planning they said things like "eww, gross", or "sure you will, you'll be screaming for meds like the rest of them". So basically people are just rude and you should ignore them.
109
I am always amazed how complete strangers feel free to give pregnant women unsolicited advice at the grocery store-or even worse tell them horror stories about THEIR delivery. As an obstetrical anesthesiologist I frequently get invited to the Lamaze class to discuss epidurals with the expectant couples. I like doing it because I like them to know what the facts are about epidurals before they get to the hospital. I tell them there is no pressure on them to decide one way or the other. I do tell them that childbirth doesn't necessarily follow their birth plan and they should keep an open mind. That way they can think about it more rationally rather than in midst of contractions where they just want the pain to stop and all they can think about are the horrible things the woman in the grocery store(or their best friend's cousin, etc.) said would happen if they got an epidural. There are risks to epidurals as there are to anything you have done. There are also risks to not having an epidural. If you need a very urgent cesarean section and you have an epidural, it is usually possible to still be awake for the delivery of your child whereas if you have no epidural you almost definitely will have general anesthesia which is certainly less preferable. I could go on for several more pages but the bottom line is- Ms. Klein is correct, don't let anyone make you feel guilty about choosing whether you want an epidural or not.
To all you lovers of natural birth: you are ignorant. The most deadly single day of everyone's life is the day of your birth. If you are a woman, the second most deadly day of your life is the day you give birth to your first child. In 2016 many countries have maternal mortality rates greater than 1 maternal death per 100 births. Two hundred years ago, in this country, it was worse. So just be grateful you live in this time and this place, where we have access to anesthesia, antisepsis, antibiotics, cesarean sections, blood transfusions, treatments for preeclampsia, and great newborn care for premies. Oh, and epidurals.
2
I think the real issue here is a woman's agency to make her own decisions. No woman should let anyone guilt or scare her into not getting an epidural OR into getting one. Unfortunately our culture doesn't fully support a woman's agency yet, but we can continue to make "baby steps" with empowered women who make their own decisions anyway.
As a retired anesthesiologist, who did a lot of epidurals, I can tell you the risk of complications from an epidural are fairly slight and short lasting, normally. Counteracting these small risks is the evidence that many babies actually do better when the mother gets an epidural, as there are less stress hormones circulating through the mother and the baby. Do whatever you feel comfortable doing.
2
I DID GET the epidural although I had tried very hard not to, believing it was "bad" somehow. As soon as the drug kicked in, I didn't care in the least what anybody said. It was wonderful! Seven hours of peaceful labor! And I would have had it anyway, as a C-section was needed for my beautiful 9 pounds-4 ounces baby boy to make his entrance into the world. I whole-heartedly recommend it!
Is it the 90s still; I thought we were beyond this debate about what a women should or shouldn't do when it comes to childbirth. I guess not.
1
I'm a man, so I didn't have to decide whether or not to have one...but my wife did, and I so much supported her in that decision. Just get the baby born, healthy! And there's no extra points for enduring pain in doing so. The baby is the baby, regardless (and they were all 3 good!)
1
As an anesthesiologist I assure you an Epidural is as safe as getting pregnant in the first place.
I got the epidural in the parking lot. (not really, but almost) because I was in no pain, childbirth was actually fun. Yes, fun. Talked about pastries with my OB between pushes. Still had to push, but I could be calm because I felt no pain. Be good to yourself, people!
Why would the Times publish one person's attempt to convince herself that she did the right thing? So you got the epidural. Good for you. But don't try to convince anyone else that it's right for them just because you plainly still feel guilty about it. You sound exactly like the evangelists for natural child birth, only in reverse. Makes for a boring and solipsistic piece.
4
Childbirth number one: tried to tough out the "discomfort' until I couldn't any more; had the shot, and then felt "Now I can be here, too, now that the pain has subsided." Childbirth number two: tried the unusual method of yelling and screaming that I'd read about somewhere; hospital staff definitely disapproved, while the baby and I had a much better time of it, with no added drugs needed (it also was the second birth, of course). Also didn't have to 'go out like a light" for hours after the first birth from what may have been too much medication, or just my reaction to it. Surely every mother will be different. One thing: believe what the NURSE says about how much longer it will be until the baby actually is born : 20 minutes is not the same as several more hours when you are at the peak of the pain. You will decide and be glad either way, I hope.
2
Duh. You get the epidural. You use disposable diapers. Say yes to a pacifier. And if breast feeding doesn't work go ahead and use formula without shame. You don't need to suffer and neither does your baby.
2
Lol...
I HATE the term "natural birth". When someone says it in my presence, I respond "are you asking whether or not I had an epidural?" An unnatural birth would be the one in which the baby is delivered to the hospital by the stork.
I say all this as someone who didn't have an epidural either time I gave birth. Not because I wasn't open to it but for a number of complicated personal reasons. I hate to even admit that I didn't have an epidural in conversations with someone who uses the term "natural birth" because I do not want the approval of the kind of person who uses such a loaded and, in my opinion, judgemental, term.
I HATE the term "natural birth". When someone says it in my presence, I respond "are you asking whether or not I had an epidural?" An unnatural birth would be the one in which the baby is delivered to the hospital by the stork.
I say all this as someone who didn't have an epidural either time I gave birth. Not because I wasn't open to it but for a number of complicated personal reasons. I hate to even admit that I didn't have an epidural in conversations with someone who uses the term "natural birth" because I do not want the approval of the kind of person who uses such a loaded and, in my opinion, judgemental, term.
1
There's no medal for being a martyr. Get it!
I've never met you, but I believe if we met we would be best friends.
I hope your epidural was everything you hoped for (mine was great!) and your little one is exceedingly healthy and happy.
I hope your epidural was everything you hoped for (mine was great!) and your little one is exceedingly healthy and happy.
3
You got annoyed by someone giving you advice...and then ended your column by giving some advice ("Just get the epidural") about something you do not yet know anything about! I have been a labor and delivery nurse, and am mother of three. I have given birth both with an epidural (to twins) and all natural to one. It is an individual decision that should be made in consultation with her family/partner and provider - just like all other medical decisions! There is no right or wrong. It depends on many factors about you - and your baby. I would personally not give up the memory of my natural childbirth for anything. I love the memory dearly. Birth (and parenting) are hard....but, all you need is love.
2
Maybe "I prefer not to discuss my personal plans with a stranger" sounds a little better than "MYOB" but it comes down to the same thing.
Get the epidural. Get the baby nurse. Get all the help you can.
I don't believe in God but if there is one He must really hate women. Giving birth (without an epidural, the "natural" and only way for thousands of years) is incredibly painful. I know this because my wife told me. She couldn't get an epidural for our first child (doctor was late), but fortunately she got one for our second (different doctor).
After the long and painful event of giving birth to this little helpless being, this miracle whose life is in your hands (and if it's your first you have no idea what to do yet the hospital practically shoves you out the door), you are still in pain and now you don't get any sleep - right when you need it most! (Whoever designed this system of perpetuating the species was a sadist.)
So definitely get the epi, hire a doula, get as much help as possible. And if a stranger asks personal questions, tell her it's none of your business.
I don't believe in God but if there is one He must really hate women. Giving birth (without an epidural, the "natural" and only way for thousands of years) is incredibly painful. I know this because my wife told me. She couldn't get an epidural for our first child (doctor was late), but fortunately she got one for our second (different doctor).
After the long and painful event of giving birth to this little helpless being, this miracle whose life is in your hands (and if it's your first you have no idea what to do yet the hospital practically shoves you out the door), you are still in pain and now you don't get any sleep - right when you need it most! (Whoever designed this system of perpetuating the species was a sadist.)
So definitely get the epi, hire a doula, get as much help as possible. And if a stranger asks personal questions, tell her it's none of your business.
1
I have no opinion on whether or not you should have an epidural, and really, no one else should either. It should be your decision. What I don’t understand about this (and so many other things) is why anyone thinks it is any of their business.
1
I had both and the "unmedicated" was quicker and better recovery-wise although it surely did hurt. My unasked for two cents.
But if L/D questions are annoying you, just wait for the breastfeeding ones.
But if L/D questions are annoying you, just wait for the breastfeeding ones.
1
I love this article! I have always said nothing more natural than using the epidural space to make childbirth bearable.
2
When my wife gave birth to my daughter, I had no idea how much guilt was involved with this issue. Maybe this is a situation where ignorance is bliss, but it still boggles my mind that having an epidural is somehow controversial. No judgement if you want to go "au natural", but good god: mothers, if you are giving other mothers grief, please back off. At the risk of mansplaining, I've never gone under the knife without being properly numbed and I know of no other of my gender who would do the same. This is a female-inflicted wound...... Please, live and let live.
2
I just wonder if the axis around which so many women's lives revolve has more to do with being women, or more to do with being in the 99%. I mean we can complain about how it hard it is to be a woman, or we can take half the 1%'s money and give it to women to make their lives a little easier. Sound good?
Brava!!!
Funny how narcissistic young women sound today. When I gave birth in the 80s natural was in, no judgement about those for whom it did not work out, but it thrilled our mothers who were often knocked out for the whole birth. Why so defensive? Why not wait to see how it is? Why not consider natural? Who knows, you may not even make it to the hospital! There is too much drama about something women around the world do every day; of course, I respect every woman's right to choose for herself, but I don't believe that that makes her decision defensible.
1
Every mother-to-be should do what's best for them. That said, I enjoyed feeling my baby being born and I wouldn't have with an epidural. But, and I stress again, every person is different.
1
"We have all sufficient strength to support the misfortunes of others." La Rochefoucauld
Arthur Taub, MD PhD
Arthur Taub, MD PhD
Save your strength for the pain of parenting (of which there is plenty). But mostly, do what feels right for ypu.
You are embarking on an incredible journey involving a lot of people's opinions. If at the end of the journey (20+ years hence) you have a good, honorable, productive member of society you win!! Don't sweat the small stuff, stay focused on the goal!
I had two C-sections.. one medically required, one by choice. I remember getting BOTH my epidurals...the second from the Dean of Harvard Medical School.... I nursed, some...an area also fraught with other people's opiions...did what I could but the kids' welfare came first.
Long game, Mom. Focus on the end goal.....always.
You are embarking on an incredible journey involving a lot of people's opinions. If at the end of the journey (20+ years hence) you have a good, honorable, productive member of society you win!! Don't sweat the small stuff, stay focused on the goal!
I had two C-sections.. one medically required, one by choice. I remember getting BOTH my epidurals...the second from the Dean of Harvard Medical School.... I nursed, some...an area also fraught with other people's opiions...did what I could but the kids' welfare came first.
Long game, Mom. Focus on the end goal.....always.
2
As a woman, a mother, and a great admirer of common sense, I loved this article. Your insights about society pressuring women not to do anything natural with their bodies unless it involves excruciating pain really resonates. Thank you, Ms. Klein, for your much-needed and multi-faceted perspective. Especially as it's infused with such refreshing humor and honesty, it is a joy to read!
3
If I met this woman, we would be fast friends. Her, me and Oprah.
YES! I tell this to every pregnant woman who will listen- In 1985 Manhattan you were told to attend Lamaze classes and have natural childbirth, so I did. My 17 hour labor was hideous and the doctor wound up pulling my baby out with forceps- a total nightmare. Fast forward 4 years- I am again pregnant but now living in California. When i tell my obgyn of my fear, he replies "This is L.A.- we don't do pain", explains the epidural to me, and I have it. The baby glided out in the most mellow manner possible. Get the epidural!!
"And I’ve Googled the pros and cons extensively, which is very close to what a doctor would do." Man, I feel so much better about the 12 years of training, when I could have just stuck to...
The greatest confidence builder I ever experienced, was giving birth without any drugs! If I can do that, I can do anything! Highly recommended!
1
Hahah. You can kid yourself all you want about the other pains you've had in the past and will have in the future. Not getting the epidural is for the baby silly. You are doing another sacrifice like you have already done (being pregnant, giving up wine, giving up your sexy body) and will do in the future (not having sex with your husband, tormenting yourself about where you live, how you live, people cursing in front of your children, not drinking too much wine at a friend's party so you can get you and your baby home safely). Oh yeah you can't drink wine because you are breast feeding. I'm sorry to break the news but your entire life the way you knew it is over. And that includes being selfish. You can't be selfish anymore. What? Nobody told you that. Well here's a news flash. Your baby will be better without the epidural. Want an episiotomy? Get the epidural. Want a druggy baby who will have trouble latching on? Get the epidural. Want huge engorged painful breasts because your baby is all drugged out and won't latch on because you're stomping your feet and crossing your arms and saying I'm getting the epidural, I googled it! Hahah go ahead, get the epidural. I hope after recovering from surgery (c-section) when you can't walk or hold your baby or do anything you want for a week or more you'll think maybe in the future, I should listen to people with more experience.
1
My OB/GYN offered me an epidural when I was only 1 cm dilated and I took it. She said if she were in my shoes, she would have done the same.
1
Next time someone asks you about your pregnancy-lean forward, slowly rubbing your belly, whisper " you mean, this Vampire?" and then gently hiss at them.
2
No not getting the epidural was one of my worst decisions. The pain is indescribable- I was actually hallucinating by transition. Get the epidural!
2
Yes! Yes! Yes! My 9lb, 8oz son was born 13 years ago without even a Tylenol to assist me. I had a written birth plan, complements of brainwashing "Bradley Method" classes. I have regretted it ever since. No woman in the 21st century should go through this kind of pain. It's just indescribable, and people who scorn women who chose to avail themselves of modern medicine's gifts ought to be ashamed.
2
Amen sister, amen.
2
No one climbs Everest because it's easy.
2
After the birth, get ready for more nosiness, such as do you plan to stay home or work? use cloth or disposable diapers? Ugh. The good thing is that you don't have to care the tiniest bit what they all think. : )
My mother had five children. She was out like a light for each one of us. That was in the late '40's and '50's. And I feel that was very sad for her.
When I had my one and only child I only saw a midwife and was determined to do it naturally. But after 20 hours, it wasn't to be and it was decided a C-section was in order. And then everybody left - the midwives, my husband. I remember a very young nurse with very long, red nails. She was sweet but not very helpful. I had been given pitocin in one last try to avert a C-section and oh, that was bad. I couldn't stay on top of the contractions, was so exhausted I would fall asleep and then 'wake up' with another contraction and not able to deal with it. After a couple hours of that, they finally wheeled me into surgery. I was vomiting, crying, a horrible mess. Because I had a history of migraine headaches they said I wasn't a good candidate for an epidural and they'd put me 'out' - just like my mother! I said absolutely not, I want to be awake for my child's birth. And when they gave me that shot....it felt ssssooooo good just to have the pain gone.
I don't know how an epidural affects the baby and pushing, etc. since I knew I never wanted to have one. But I know I really didn't benefit from those many hours of very difficult pain. And my daughter wasn't harmed in any way by that epidural. And I was lucky to be in a hospital where the surgeon put her on my chest immediately and she nursed.
Happy birthing!
When I had my one and only child I only saw a midwife and was determined to do it naturally. But after 20 hours, it wasn't to be and it was decided a C-section was in order. And then everybody left - the midwives, my husband. I remember a very young nurse with very long, red nails. She was sweet but not very helpful. I had been given pitocin in one last try to avert a C-section and oh, that was bad. I couldn't stay on top of the contractions, was so exhausted I would fall asleep and then 'wake up' with another contraction and not able to deal with it. After a couple hours of that, they finally wheeled me into surgery. I was vomiting, crying, a horrible mess. Because I had a history of migraine headaches they said I wasn't a good candidate for an epidural and they'd put me 'out' - just like my mother! I said absolutely not, I want to be awake for my child's birth. And when they gave me that shot....it felt ssssooooo good just to have the pain gone.
I don't know how an epidural affects the baby and pushing, etc. since I knew I never wanted to have one. But I know I really didn't benefit from those many hours of very difficult pain. And my daughter wasn't harmed in any way by that epidural. And I was lucky to be in a hospital where the surgeon put her on my chest immediately and she nursed.
Happy birthing!
1
"As long as society rejects everything natural about women, I might as well reject something natural about myself." You make me sad. "As long as we are oppressed, I might as well oppress myself." You seem to simply react to oppressive influence rather than being able to rise above them.
What an odd comment. I've been at a birth and my friend did not experience getting pain relief as oppression. Not. One. Bit.
Is anyone going to discuss the effect of epidural on the baby?
4
Are the enforcers primarily male or primarily female? If there is a difference, why?
These women who shun you for not having a natural birth obviously don't have teenagers. Think of an epidural as that shot of whiskey the soldiers toss back for courage before heading to the front. Get the epidural and start the 20 year slog strong. (I love my kids.)
93
I have no judgement about what others choose. 3 of my 4 births were " natural". I just found I preferred having my babies at home. I will say this though. I was one of the small percentage that got the migraine from the epidural. Its caused from an air bubble getting trapped where they put the needle in your spine. It's no small headache. The only way(at least then) to make the pain go away was to go back in and patch the bubble with blood. I didn't last long with breast feeding, though. I'm a strong believer in doing what you need to do!
1
No, Jessi, you get the epidural. I think you are funny and I love your writing. I don't think you need to convince other women of what to do. It feels like the very thing that you were initially silently rebelling against.
Whenever possible, I say no to needles being placed in my spine. And it's not always possible to say no. After a lumbar puncture (I have multiple sclerosis, it's part of the diagnosis), I was incapacitated for a week due to the dreaded "spinal headache." I would never voluntarily do it again. Had two babies with no painkillers and I learned a lot from it. We have both been lucky - you had a problem-free epidural, I had very fast deliveries without one. However you do it, best wishes for your next child.
Whenever possible, I say no to needles being placed in my spine. And it's not always possible to say no. After a lumbar puncture (I have multiple sclerosis, it's part of the diagnosis), I was incapacitated for a week due to the dreaded "spinal headache." I would never voluntarily do it again. Had two babies with no painkillers and I learned a lot from it. We have both been lucky - you had a problem-free epidural, I had very fast deliveries without one. However you do it, best wishes for your next child.
1
"It’s interesting that no one cares very much about women doing anything 'naturally' until it involves their being in excruciating pain."
Yes. This. Feminism 101.
Yes. This. Feminism 101.
2
So, you think being a doctor largely involves Googling stuff? I wonder why you didn't find the sources that indicate your baby will be born sedated and thus may have trouble latching on to breastfeed. Maybe breastfeeding isn't your choice, though. Look, if you want to have an epidural, have the epidural, but please spare us your privileged rationalization about it. Also, since you've never had a so-called "natural" birth, you don't have any idea how much pain is involved. I suppose this piece was supposed to entertain; it failed miserably.
2
As Lilly Tomlin once said, "There is nothing natural about natural childbirth." If modern medicine can transplant a liver, they can eliminate the pain of childbirth. Had my oldest daughter without an epidural. Not recommended. Youngest daughter, well, I wanted to kiss the anesthesiologist. Repeat after me: My body, my rules.
Yes to everything in this article. Everything. I'm due to give birth in a week, and I'd start the epidural now if I could. Hooray for being born in the 20th century.
Thanks A LOT for this. Extremely important reflection...
Good for you! As a physician, my experience has shown me how epidurals have helped many women safely deliver. There is no "right" or "wrong" way of childbirth, as is all too frequently touted by people who support a natural delivery. All you should care about is getting that kid out safely for both you and the baby- isn't that, really, all that matters?
Personally, if I could, I'm getting an epidural at the moment of conception. ;)
Personally, if I could, I'm getting an epidural at the moment of conception. ;)
I always felt like the annoying know it all busy bodies that plagued me while pregnant were good preparation for the annoying know it all busy bodies who feel compelled to critique my parenting on a daily basis.
2
After 14 or so hours of labor for my first child, the contractions were relentless and exhausting . In comes the anesthesiologist .
He knows I'm questioning whether to have the epidural. He looks at me worn out and says, "Do you want to be a hero or a super hero? "
I took the epidural. It allowed me to get a chance for some needed rest.
By the 18th hour re energized, I was able to push out a beautiful baby girl.
I had two more children; one without an epidural ( 4 hour labor! ), the other with (long enough!).
Being a hero suits me fine!
He knows I'm questioning whether to have the epidural. He looks at me worn out and says, "Do you want to be a hero or a super hero? "
I took the epidural. It allowed me to get a chance for some needed rest.
By the 18th hour re energized, I was able to push out a beautiful baby girl.
I had two more children; one without an epidural ( 4 hour labor! ), the other with (long enough!).
Being a hero suits me fine!
1
This entire article really just sounds like a rant attempting to justify one woman's use of an epidural. It is personal choice, and it's unfortunate that anyone would feel they were being judged either way.
1
Funny, I was told many times that I was crazy and couldn't handle an I medicated birth. The judgment cuts both ways, but the difference is that a woman who chooses an epidural free birth must navigate a hospital system that does not support or even believe her.
Today's labor and delivery wards are designed for epidural births, and the vast majority of women in labor receive them.
The title of this piece 'Get the epidural' is a bit of a poke in the eye to those of us who feel like it is already an uphill battle to labor and birth in a hospital without the epidural.
Today's labor and delivery wards are designed for epidural births, and the vast majority of women in labor receive them.
The title of this piece 'Get the epidural' is a bit of a poke in the eye to those of us who feel like it is already an uphill battle to labor and birth in a hospital without the epidural.
5
I gotta tell you, having the epidural made childbirth with my son a wonderful experience. I joked with the anesthesiologist, laughed with the nurses and smiled at my husband through out. For me, it made the experience unforgettable.
Ok. Sure. We could look at this pressure to have a natural birth as anti-feminist. And I do agree that the choice to accept (or not accept) medical interventions during childbirth is just that - an individual woman's choice. As in not anybody else's business.
BUT: "Well, again, I am not a doctor, but I do have the internet. And I’ve Googled the pros and cons extensively, which is very close to what a doctor would do."
Come on.
BUT: "Well, again, I am not a doctor, but I do have the internet. And I’ve Googled the pros and cons extensively, which is very close to what a doctor would do."
Come on.
2
This article does not resonate with me at all.
I delivered my son in 2014 without an epidural NOT because of any silly reason but because I didn't need it. He was born in under 5hrs (so almost but not quite a precipitous labour) & I simply never got to the point where I needed one. End of.
To imply women are opting out of epidurals to "win" some goal is beyond ridiculous, naive & plain annoying. I am now pregnant with #2 & as with my first I am open to anything that ensures I have a healthy baby. If that means a non-medicated birth, all-the-drugs or a c-section then so be it.
Also, can we please stop propagating the idea that everything about birth is painful, as per your comment below!? Recovery was swift. I fit into my old clothes on leaving the hospital. My & many other friends' post-partum experiences were NOT all doom & gloom. Our voices never seem to come to the front, it's the most negative experiences that abound it seems :-/
"The pain of recovery, no matter how you give birth. The pain of nursing. The pain of not fitting into any of your old clothes. The pain of not fitting into even your maternity jeans"
I delivered my son in 2014 without an epidural NOT because of any silly reason but because I didn't need it. He was born in under 5hrs (so almost but not quite a precipitous labour) & I simply never got to the point where I needed one. End of.
To imply women are opting out of epidurals to "win" some goal is beyond ridiculous, naive & plain annoying. I am now pregnant with #2 & as with my first I am open to anything that ensures I have a healthy baby. If that means a non-medicated birth, all-the-drugs or a c-section then so be it.
Also, can we please stop propagating the idea that everything about birth is painful, as per your comment below!? Recovery was swift. I fit into my old clothes on leaving the hospital. My & many other friends' post-partum experiences were NOT all doom & gloom. Our voices never seem to come to the front, it's the most negative experiences that abound it seems :-/
"The pain of recovery, no matter how you give birth. The pain of nursing. The pain of not fitting into any of your old clothes. The pain of not fitting into even your maternity jeans"
5
I'm happy you had so much luck. And I don't mean that sarcastically. I fell at the other of the pain spectrum and I was in labor for 24 hours and was only 1cm dilated in excruciating pain. I took the epidural even though I had prepared for a natural birth. I did feel judged as do many others. This time I will take the epidural as soon as possible as I am terrified of feeling that level of pain again. The point is -- everyone is different. The author is simply making the point that there is no need to unnecessarily suffer when pain relief is safe and available. And choosing pain relief shouldn't be seen as a source of shame.
2
Don't forget, "Are you breastfeeding?"
There is a lot of shaming around using formula which is necessary and valuable for so many women. Although it costs more and might not give as many nutrients (or immunoglobulins) to the baby, using "the bottle" is another way we shame women into feeling that they are deficient moms.
There is a lot of shaming around using formula which is necessary and valuable for so many women. Although it costs more and might not give as many nutrients (or immunoglobulins) to the baby, using "the bottle" is another way we shame women into feeling that they are deficient moms.
2
Yes, get that epidural. I did 21 years ago and I did just fine (as did my son who has grown into a healthy, intelligent young man). I have found that when someone asks a personal question, a good response is "Why would you ask that?" and look them right in the eye. This puts them on the spot and they usually shut up. People, men and women, will stop asking such personal questions when women stop answering them. Draw a line and don't move it.
2
Well written and though as a father my opinion is moot I back your play whichever way you decide to go it is your right and basically none of our business period.
2
Have you considered the risk that your baby will bond with the nurse instead of you? This was the basis of Mary Poppins' popularity with the kids she nannied. Something else to think about.
Really? What does the nurse have to do with getting an epidural? You give birth, baby is placed on mom-- same as without the epidural. In any event, the baby will be bonding with the mother its entire lifetime. No one remembers the nurse that delivered them. What an off comment seemed to have no other purpose than trying to create unnecessary guilt.
1
Never even thought of natural childbirth, after three children, living in a very granola state; I have second guessed that decision. I've hardly met any moms here who haven't at least attempted natural birth, then planted a rose bush or tree over the placenta. I really didn't know or think of saving placentas but it's a lovely idea for some people...who are not me. No problem with any woman's choice about birth, except to make sure and get a true licensed nurse midwife if she chooses home birth, and not one of the fake ones Oregon allows to practice here, (thank you for that recent article regarding home births and infant/mother mortality rates NYTimes). To the author: thank you giving women permission to have a pain managed birth, being a feminist, and hilarious to boot! I'm going to eat some cookies. I'll be your best friend if Oprah's too busy.
1
"at the least!" a perfect reply.
The author of this piece should work on some snappy comebacks.
"When are you due?"
"Due what?"
"No, when is your baby due?"
"My baby does what?"
"Your due date."
"Oh, I'm not dating now."
"When are you due?"
"Due what?"
"No, when is your baby due?"
"My baby does what?"
"Your due date."
"Oh, I'm not dating now."
1
gosh America, stop competing about everything, stop judging everything and being judged, stop thinking you must conform to a norm, stop sending tweet and telling people what they should be and do. Work on your own happiness.
don't get the epidural. it doesn't help with any of that other stuff at all.
Hope for a beautiful experience, but settle for a beautiful baby.
64
I had a epidural. I'm okay. The birth was beautiful and pain free. My son is now 21, healthy and happy. Oh, and I didn't nurse him either (gasp) and he's perfect. So, yes, get the epidural if that's what you want. Follow your heart. :D
1
In medicine the closest that a man can experience the pain of “natural” childbirth is passing a kidney stone.
Nearly every day in the ER, a man slowly walks in, bent over, moaning in pain, belt unbuckled, zipper down, grasping his side. It’s so classic that an RN has an IV ready to insert with 4 mg of Morphine sulfate ready to give. As soon as we determine the man is not allergic to morphine, the IV is inserted and the morphine is given...resulting in relief. And we just keep giving that morphine as long as he has pain.
In 47 years I have NEVER seen a woman come in that way as she passes a kidney stone causing that terrible pain.
Actually I will see a slight smile on the faces of women nurses and us women MDs--“So now YOU have some idea how much childbirth hurts!” Yet we have perfected the intervention of helping folks pass kidney stones with as much relief as we quickly can muster.
No one has ever said “Would like to pass that stone naturally? Would you prefer that we NOT give you pain medication?”
But we women do this to ourselves. Instead of howling “Give me an epidural NOW or I will throttle you!” We sigh, smile sweetly and say "I think I can hold on a little longer!”
And the male doctors say “That’s my girl!!”
We should be SCREAMING for days off when PMS is so severe we should be clawing holes in the bedposts. Instead we allow men to decide what level of pain is necessary before getting any relief.
Ladies! NO MORE PAIN!! Who CARES what the menfolk say?
Nearly every day in the ER, a man slowly walks in, bent over, moaning in pain, belt unbuckled, zipper down, grasping his side. It’s so classic that an RN has an IV ready to insert with 4 mg of Morphine sulfate ready to give. As soon as we determine the man is not allergic to morphine, the IV is inserted and the morphine is given...resulting in relief. And we just keep giving that morphine as long as he has pain.
In 47 years I have NEVER seen a woman come in that way as she passes a kidney stone causing that terrible pain.
Actually I will see a slight smile on the faces of women nurses and us women MDs--“So now YOU have some idea how much childbirth hurts!” Yet we have perfected the intervention of helping folks pass kidney stones with as much relief as we quickly can muster.
No one has ever said “Would like to pass that stone naturally? Would you prefer that we NOT give you pain medication?”
But we women do this to ourselves. Instead of howling “Give me an epidural NOW or I will throttle you!” We sigh, smile sweetly and say "I think I can hold on a little longer!”
And the male doctors say “That’s my girl!!”
We should be SCREAMING for days off when PMS is so severe we should be clawing holes in the bedposts. Instead we allow men to decide what level of pain is necessary before getting any relief.
Ladies! NO MORE PAIN!! Who CARES what the menfolk say?
344
Haha. I am a perhaps rare individual who has had 3 childbirths and two very painful events with kidney stones. The kidney stone pain was worse. Of course, with childbirth the pain started slowly and came in waves and I knew it would end with the birth of the baby. With kidney stones, sometimes they insist that you pass it, other times the may remove it or them. It is excruciating pain!
Guess what? This is not about you. It's about what is best for your baby.
4
Really? It's about both of them.
3
And what is best for the baby, that the author isn't doing, in your opinion?
5
As I said when asked such questions, "My eye is on the prize."
4
Love the "natural root canal" comparison. Good luck with the birth and the rest of your entire life with your child!
5
As a man who will never get a natural root canal, vasectomy, or sinus headache for that matter I applaud you!
I would never give birth. So the human race goes extinct? Tough luck.
You want me to go through THAT? You'd best make it tolerable for me.
I would never give birth. So the human race goes extinct? Tough luck.
You want me to go through THAT? You'd best make it tolerable for me.
1
Every baby has its own way of being born. Unfortunately, we don't know what it will be in advance, so once labor starts, all bets are off.
3
I'd encourage all expectant moms and dads to keep an open mind and to make decisions as the delivery unfolds. Not every delivery is a horror show. I delivered both in less than 9 hours start to finish and my pain was never all that bad. I did not need an epidural. I needed a very low dose of Fentanyl? Demerol? I can't even remember.... It was not the worst pain of my life. My worst pain was a laser treatment to the face. NEVER AGAIN!!!
Your best answer is, "I'm going to see how the delivery unfolds."
Your best answer is, "I'm going to see how the delivery unfolds."
3
I had a "natural" childbirth, without the epidural because that's just what felt right to me and it's how it happened. I always knew I had the option of the epidural should I want one, and a team of midwives, doctors, and my husband who would support me no matter what I chose. But I will say that I credit not having the epidural and truly feeling what my body was doing and telling me with not needing one stitch. I took my time with the pushing because I felt my body needed the time to relax and open. I was able to walk myself to my room, pee on my own and have a shower by myself just moments after giving birth. My "recovery" was a non issue, since there was little to recover from. I don't think it's for everyone, and it's no ones place to make a woman feel like she needs to do or be one thing or another. But your whole "get the epidural" sounds just as condescending as the other messages women hear all the time. These choices are best left up to the woman and no one else. Those around her should support whatever she feels like she needs to or wants to do.
5
I understand your point, agree it's a personal decision, and that it's nobody's business but your own. However, speaking from personal experience, if you are having twins, I do not recommend an epidural, as it slows down the labor process. Because I did not know this, my twins were born hours apart, instead of what is typically minutes. I wish someone had told me what I am telling you.
1
There's too much bitterness and sarcasm here to read this as an advice piece. It's for the author's benefit and belongs in her private journal. Get the epidural and the night nurse and stop worrying about how other people feel about your decision.
6
Studies have shown children who were born "naturally" love and respect their parents more. JUST KIDDING! my definition of a successful birth plan is one where the baby enters the world safely and mom stays healthy. Nothing else matters.
251
Maybe every moment of pregnancy and birth is not a joy of wonderful feelings but this article focus so much on the negative and the avoidance. Yeah, get a shot of painkiller or not ...but that is not at all the issue. Please, focus on more the more important decisions.
1
I opted out of the wonder of natural childbirth, when it felt like I was being stabbed every 40 seconds.
4
If there is a myth that there is the perfect way to give birth which must go along with the perfect way to get pregnant I want to know them both.
1
Now that my children are 26 and 28, I chuckle when I see parents get all worked up about the type of birth (In water! With candles! No drugs!), or, Heaven Forbid, the child doesn't get in the Right Preschool. The hard part of parenting is when they are teenagers. They naturally turn away from mom and dad and look to their friends for guidance. It's hard to let them go and make mistakes, and learn from those mistakes, but we must.
My advice is....never use the word, "should"---during pregnancy and for the rest of your life. Do what your intuition tells you to do, not what others, even well-meaning family members, tell you. You know your body best.
My advice is....never use the word, "should"---during pregnancy and for the rest of your life. Do what your intuition tells you to do, not what others, even well-meaning family members, tell you. You know your body best.
122
When I was a little girl, my mother taught me the magic response to any unwelcome nosy question:
"Why do you ask?"
(Direct eye contact and lack of smile essential. I was taught this as a defense to the intrusive question I heard most often: "Where is your father?")
"Why do you ask?" almost always leads to confused stammering and a hasty retreat.
If it doesn't, and the busybody persists, just follow up with:
"It's so odd that you would be asking about that. Interesting."
Then walk away.
"Why do you ask?"
(Direct eye contact and lack of smile essential. I was taught this as a defense to the intrusive question I heard most often: "Where is your father?")
"Why do you ask?" almost always leads to confused stammering and a hasty retreat.
If it doesn't, and the busybody persists, just follow up with:
"It's so odd that you would be asking about that. Interesting."
Then walk away.
6
Actually ... speaking of "natural" root canals ... I haven't had anesthesia for the last few root canals. I also don't use it for drilling on dead teeth or shallow cavities on live teeth. No one believes me, because few people dare to try it, but as long as the tooth is dead, there's not much feeling there. It almost feels worse to get the anesthesia injection, and there's more chance of accidentally injuring yourself when you're numb. The dentist can also work much faster if she doesn't have to wait for the painkiller to kick in.
I did, however, have an epidural after the first few serious contractions. It was no contest.
I did, however, have an epidural after the first few serious contractions. It was no contest.
3
While I think women should do what they feel is right for them when it comes to pain management during birth, I also understand the author's indignation at all the chatter. I'm a 40 year old mother of two...I didn't have an epidural during their births and this was correct for me. I was only able to breastfeed each of them for a few months, also correct for me (though I fully understood the benefits of breastfeeding longer). The list goes on and on of the ways we can be optimal women and mothers and also manage to keep ourselves perky and hairless, blah blah blah, but as I have gotten older I've understood this: My girls don't know or care whether I had an epidural or how long I breastfed. I held them a lot when they were babies, I hug them as often as they'll let me now that they're older, I listen to them and I talk to them. I make mistakes, of course, but I'm fairly consistent and I pay attention. Everyone do yourselves a favor, put down the parenting magazines and just wing it. Once you're confident in whatever decision you've made, the chatter tends to just bounce off you.
89
Is there something resembling an epidural for being the mother of teenaged daughters? Really, the epidural was very effective during their births, and I just need a little something every now and then when they decide I'm dumb (oh, and yes that's all the time). Never mind, I just remembered, it's called a glass of wine! To be used judiciously only once a day, sadly.
8
Such a first world problem . . . Imagine all the women around the world who have no access to so much that we have: good pre-natal care, modern birthing centers, c-sections that are so "slam-dunk" they can be scheduled, episiotomies that don't cause fistulas, lactation specialists, and all sorts of other help. And as a result our children SURVIVE! Rare indeed is the first world woman who deals with losing most of her children by age 1! So many women in other countries would LOVE to have an epidural (or even just a little oral painkiller) in the final push to the finish line. Get the epidural.
My first child was born in 1986, under the care of a doctor/midwife team in a hospital. You were supposed to write out a "birth plan," in which you'd decide beforehand which procedures you'd prefer or be more comfortable with.
One issue was episiotomies (Google it if you don't know what it is), a truly grim consideration in birth. Cut it? Massage it? Risk letting it tear?
I can't even remember what I "planned." All I remember is the midwife saying she was going to make a "little incision." WHATEVER! Just get the kid out already!
So I had an episiotomy. Whatever, indeed. Moments later, my daughter was born, and I can still remember the magic and joy of holding her for the first time.
Bottom line: Most pregnancies (in wealthier societies) will end with a healthy child and happy mother. The paths to that moment are varied, and none is "better" or "more natural."
One issue was episiotomies (Google it if you don't know what it is), a truly grim consideration in birth. Cut it? Massage it? Risk letting it tear?
I can't even remember what I "planned." All I remember is the midwife saying she was going to make a "little incision." WHATEVER! Just get the kid out already!
So I had an episiotomy. Whatever, indeed. Moments later, my daughter was born, and I can still remember the magic and joy of holding her for the first time.
Bottom line: Most pregnancies (in wealthier societies) will end with a healthy child and happy mother. The paths to that moment are varied, and none is "better" or "more natural."
2
From a mother with 2 kids, I had it after hours of yelling, and I would get the epidural again in a heartbeat- enjoy your baby's birth day!
I guess, it requires a comedian to spell out some simple truths!
Every woman should be allowed to make their own choice in all aspects of their pregnancy. But of course everyone has their own ideas what's best...and some just feel compelled to tell you.
You obviously had your mind made up way before your labor. The answer to the question: "What are you trying to win" is: Your trying to have the healthiest baby YOU can. An epidural separates you from the experience, just as a night nurse separated you from your newborn. Everything has its time.
Childbirth is an extremely difficult, painful and intense experience. As the baby moves down your canal your body reacts and knows when to push. There are all sorts of complications when you are numbed (given an epidural). Complications like tearing because you're pushing against your body's
impulses; complications for the baby as well. Now, if you are aware of all of this, and you choose to have an epidural, then, go ahead. It's not my or anyone else's business. (Can't believe a stranger asked you that!) But don't recommend that others follow your lead, because your belief is that "childbirth doesn't have to be 'natural'". Each of us mothers wants to do what's best for us and our babies. It's a personal choice. For the record, I had 4 "natural" childbirths- but, the first time, my pain was so unbearable I was yelling for an epidural! (If there had been time, I could have offered a comparison here!)
Childbirth is an extremely difficult, painful and intense experience. As the baby moves down your canal your body reacts and knows when to push. There are all sorts of complications when you are numbed (given an epidural). Complications like tearing because you're pushing against your body's
impulses; complications for the baby as well. Now, if you are aware of all of this, and you choose to have an epidural, then, go ahead. It's not my or anyone else's business. (Can't believe a stranger asked you that!) But don't recommend that others follow your lead, because your belief is that "childbirth doesn't have to be 'natural'". Each of us mothers wants to do what's best for us and our babies. It's a personal choice. For the record, I had 4 "natural" childbirths- but, the first time, my pain was so unbearable I was yelling for an epidural! (If there had been time, I could have offered a comparison here!)
4
Yeah Jessi!
Suffering and enduring pain unnecessarily is some sort of (religious?) badge of honor. Many of the same moms who opted for "natural" childbirth also had baby son circumscribed.
Suffering and enduring pain unnecessarily is some sort of (religious?) badge of honor. Many of the same moms who opted for "natural" childbirth also had baby son circumscribed.
Circumscribed? Autocorrect leads to some funny writing. : )
1
Hey, Babe, when you're pushing that critter out, you make the calls that work for you. And nobody should be telling you what to do. For me, with one kid, getting the epi stopped labor and lead to a c-section. With the other, after 30 some hours of labor, it gave me a rest and let me manage a v-bad, though it made it harder to push, I can tell you!
Just wait until you have the infant and total strangers ask you things like, "How long are you planning to nurse?" And "Is he a good baby?" (Like, what's a good baby?) I always said, holding my one (two, three) month-old in my arms "Well, mostly, although I caught him smoking a joint and boosting cars last week." But then, I prefer strange looks to intrusive comments.
Just wait until you have the infant and total strangers ask you things like, "How long are you planning to nurse?" And "Is he a good baby?" (Like, what's a good baby?) I always said, holding my one (two, three) month-old in my arms "Well, mostly, although I caught him smoking a joint and boosting cars last week." But then, I prefer strange looks to intrusive comments.
1
This is the most reasonable essay I have ever read on this topic. If you are always this reasonable, you are going to be an excellent parent.
I think I would have liked my babies a lot more if epidurals had been available when they were born. The pain of childbirth did nothing to improve my character, so yes, get the epidural.
111
I planned on a "natural" birth and ended up giving birth in the backseat of a 1979 Ford Granada, speeding to the hospital. It was "natural" and NOT fun. Fortunately, everything turned out alright and I am now a Gramma.
Get the epidural.
Get the epidural.
2
Many of your points are valid and I am glad your choice worked out for you I think it is ironic that you are complaining about nosey strangers telling you what to do yet command others to make the same choice. There are plenty of reasons why an epidural is neither necessary nor desirable. I did not have an epidural despite nosey strangers telling me I should and I do not regret it!
4
I would highly recommend skipping the Lamaze classes as well. Go out for a nice dinner instead. At least that's what my wife and I did and everything worked out just fine.
1
It is so rude to question strangers about their pregnancy. Perhaps, saying sweetly " My pregnancy is none of your business" with a big smile on your face will shock the questioner into silence. If not, you have my permission to slap her.
1
Re the night nurse: Think of her as a rent-a-granny. Moms used to have Grandma or Aunt Betty come over to help out and nobody thought they were selfish. That's what you were supposed to do. Granted it had its ups and downs--you had people in your business like it or not--but there wasn't social obligation to self-imposed martyrdom that we have now.
114
There are still grandmothers and MILs who will offer. It depends on the family if this is what they want but definitely mom needs support and help after getting home. My old-fashioned doctor (1977) told my husband I was not to cook, clean, do laundry, shop, or anything except care for the baby for at least six weeks. Bless her. He took that seriously. His mother came over daily and he shopped and cooked, if somewhat incompetently, for that time. I had had a rough delivery but I had a full recovery quickly because of her advice. Doctors ought know their patients home situations and what they need and can get as far as help after the baby is born. New mothers need respect and care, IMHO.
2
When did that happen- Grandma or Aunt Betty ? Not often in my family or the history of women here in US. where many have left that communal society behind. Another myth perpetuated without factual basis. Would have been nice to have such a tradition .
1
Amen, sister. Epidurals are evidence of a benevolent force in the Universe--especially when you have back labor!
3
My response to anyone asking if I plan on having a natural childbirth is "yes, I'm a human woman having a child." Epidural or a not a woman having a child is as natural as life gets!
1
It never stops...then you get into the discussion of breast feeding.
2
The best answer to a weird, inappropriate question is another question, such as "Why do you ask?" or "What do you mean by 'natural'?" Maybe the woman asking you the question was pregnant herself and looking for guidance...but you'll never know. I had epidurals with both my kids, and it was wonderful. (I asked for a "light" epidural so I could still feel when to push -- amazing!) That said, this article is just as defensive, pushy and preachy as the people who contend that un-medicated childbirth is somehow superior -- give it a rest everyone! Mothers in this country should be banding together to demand paid family leave, not sniping at each other over childbirth procedures.
160
But with the epidural, how will you be able to play "can you top my pain and birth story" with other new moms?
146
Have an epidural. Or don't. It depends on your pain tolerance and the way your birth plays out. I had a birth without an epidural and there was never a point where I felt out of control or that I regretted the choice. Currently living through kidney stones and I take the drugs when an attack hits. Also had an ER visit where I had a shot of morphine as it was so bad. It all depends. Not worth writing an article about. No need to justify your choice.
Not sure which is worse - the pain from childbirth or from kidney stones!
A very sweet and sensible essay. And I agree with Catherine (below).
I can tell you are very young in your thinking. Throughout your growth all your answers will become clear. This life is no longer about you, you have new life to consider. This is a toxic world and its your job to protect your unborn and new life. All the best in your journey.
1
I was a man at the side of my wife through two pregnancies. I was astonished at the pressure sent her way to "do it the natural way."
I've had this kind of pressure before. It's called machismo. Be tough, act like pain doesn't hurt, get up when you're knocked down and don't complain. Doesn't it seem ridiculous that women in labor pain have to ask themselves if they're sufficiently macho?
I watched my wife in agony before the epidural and then relatively able to manage after it. It was the most obvious choice ever. Then the second labor went too quickly for the epidural -- I don't think you want to know how that went in terms of pain.
Sure, there are risks in getting epidurals. There are also risks to not getting the epidural, and when driving the baby home. (Our kids and mother were all very healthy, let us note.)
By the way, this whole "natural way" thing is absurd. You know what "natural" has been for most of human history? No hospital, no doctor, no anaesthetics, little hygeine, questionable expertise, and very very high percentages of mother and infant mortality. Natural is going into the birth tent with the old wise tribal grandmothers and lots of germs and some herbs from the meadow and hoping you and the baby don't die.
Get the epidural.
I've had this kind of pressure before. It's called machismo. Be tough, act like pain doesn't hurt, get up when you're knocked down and don't complain. Doesn't it seem ridiculous that women in labor pain have to ask themselves if they're sufficiently macho?
I watched my wife in agony before the epidural and then relatively able to manage after it. It was the most obvious choice ever. Then the second labor went too quickly for the epidural -- I don't think you want to know how that went in terms of pain.
Sure, there are risks in getting epidurals. There are also risks to not getting the epidural, and when driving the baby home. (Our kids and mother were all very healthy, let us note.)
By the way, this whole "natural way" thing is absurd. You know what "natural" has been for most of human history? No hospital, no doctor, no anaesthetics, little hygeine, questionable expertise, and very very high percentages of mother and infant mortality. Natural is going into the birth tent with the old wise tribal grandmothers and lots of germs and some herbs from the meadow and hoping you and the baby don't die.
Get the epidural.
350
Thanks for your comment. It's the first time I've heard the idea that birthing women are pressured to be more macho. I get it. I found a book, written by a man, entitled "Child Birth without Pain." He eschewed all medications during childbirth (easy for him to say) and believed it was the woman's attitude that could overcome pain. I laughed and laughed. You sound like a great husband. Bravo.
We all come into this world by being born of a woman. It's amazing there are so many firm opinions foisted on mothers at that time. Epidural, c-section, unmedicated, etc. are sometimes personal choices and sometimes out of our control. I have friends whose babies came in parking lots and hallways. No choices were possible.
We all come into this world by being born of a woman. It's amazing there are so many firm opinions foisted on mothers at that time. Epidural, c-section, unmedicated, etc. are sometimes personal choices and sometimes out of our control. I have friends whose babies came in parking lots and hallways. No choices were possible.
4
I understand what you mean about "machismo," and the general American expectation that we "suck up" our pain and don't complain too much. I would argue that women are every bit as capable of judging and pressuring expectant mothers. There are Birthing Police and Breastfeeding Police around every corner, and they are not inclined towards open-mindedness.
5
When people ask personal questions like "are you having natural childbirth?" the right answer is "why do you ask?" or even "I beg your pardon?"
271
Also effective: look the grocery store commenter head to toe, then say "Thanks for the input, I'll give that the consideration it merits." Anyone crass enough to give their opinion about heath care choices to strangers won't understand the irony.
4
I had one with and one without the epidural. Epidural for the win!
2
having experienced three births close hand, but not being the woman giving birth, I found most of this silly, however the primary consideration once again is that this is no one's business but her own. She could simply read Elisabeth Badinter and I'm sure she'll feel fine. And she could answer anyone asking her due date: sometime in the future...
Had an epidural 57 years ago with my 3rd child. It was great. On the phone to my Mom minutes later to announce the arrival of the new grandson. Much better than the 2 previous births. Why would anyone not do it?
Why should women deliver babies the way they did 200 years ago in the name of "natural birth"? I don't get it.
1
Really LOVE this. With humor you point out everything that we women have to put up with - and you didn't even mention that in 5 hours you need to be back to your pre-baby weight and then go climb Everest, all while pumping because you must breast feed for at least a year and obviously you will go back to work in 2 weeks because the US has the most antiquated maternal/paternal leave policies in the Modern Western Industrialized World.
BTW - I had the epidural which was recharged 2x because I was in labor for 28 hours with 4 hours of pushing. On my right side the whole time because every time I rolled to my back the baby's heart rate plummeted. Only then did we go for the C-Section because my boy wouldn't come out. I could have done a hallelujah dance (if only I could have moved my epidural-paralyzed legs) and kissed the doctor when he said C-Section. End result? Beautiful baby boy, totally thrashed mom who could barely leave the house for 6 weeks. And I worked out daily before the birth!
Childbirth should be awesome and wonderful but sometimes it is not. Just like parenthood! Do what is right for YOU.
BTW - I had the epidural which was recharged 2x because I was in labor for 28 hours with 4 hours of pushing. On my right side the whole time because every time I rolled to my back the baby's heart rate plummeted. Only then did we go for the C-Section because my boy wouldn't come out. I could have done a hallelujah dance (if only I could have moved my epidural-paralyzed legs) and kissed the doctor when he said C-Section. End result? Beautiful baby boy, totally thrashed mom who could barely leave the house for 6 weeks. And I worked out daily before the birth!
Childbirth should be awesome and wonderful but sometimes it is not. Just like parenthood! Do what is right for YOU.
195
You lost me at "night nurse." Much easier to be casually jokey about women's rights with the privileges of money and a full night's sleep.
3
Until you go through the experience both ways you will not know what is best for you, you can only Google guess. I did it both ways, 1st epidural, 2-4 natural. Do what you feel is right and relax. People ask because they care about you and your child, yes even strangers! It all will seem like a blur in a few years. Good Luck.
1
1000% get the epidural.
1
While I agree with the general point, there is an overlooked point of view here. Just like you don't need to want to go through the pain, you also don't need the epidural.... if that's what you want. If you, for your own comfort, think that the pain isn't enough to justify calling an anesthesiologist and having a catheter placed in your spinal column--go right ahead! But it should be about what YOU want. If you're one of the lucky women who just doesn't find labor to be all that terrible, or hate being numb, those are perfectly valid reasons. What is wrong is that there is something inherently valuable about forgoing pain medication.
1
I had natural childbirth with my two children about 40 years ago and my advice, the advice I gave my daughter and daughter in law, GET THE EPIDURAL!!!
2
You should not do anything. If you want an epidural, get one. If you, for whatever reason, don’t want an epidural, don’t have one... How hard can it be... Both sides of this “natural birth debate” are equaly anoying and both sides believe they are right and the others are wrong. However a woman decides to give birth it’s her choice and hers alone (and her partners ofcourse). Breastfeeding vs bottle feeding is the same. Don’t people have better things to do??
1
Absolutely get it. I had four kids, one natural because the anesthesiologist was playing golf and cell phones weren't invented yet. Hurt like hell! Women all around me were moaning and screaming. With the fourth child I had that headache you mentioned. The anesthesiologist pierced the dura. When I sat up afterwards the top of my head rang like a very painful bell (think fairground). I had to have fluid injected into my spine to take the headache away. It was still better than the "natural" birth though. The doctor said the same guy was going to "fix it" with the fluid injection, but for once in my life I put my foot down. I should have driven out to the golf course and got that first doctor as well. Am I the only mother who did what the doctor told me to?
1
If the anesthesiologist was out playing golf and you needed a C-section, did the hospital expect that to be done without anesthesia as well??
I wanted an epidural, but the nurse told me the anesthesiologist wouldn't come to the hospital after 10PM. It was 11PM. Luckily it was a short easy labor.
As my doctor said, "You will not get a medal for refusing the epidural."
1
Thank you Jessi Klein.
There is nothing quite so boring as the topic of deliveries.
The lady in the supermarket line was intrusive.
I elected scopolamine in the 60's when "natural" was at the height of it's popularity.
I was not "present" at my delivery 'cause I was essentially "non compos mentis".
Fifty years later, I'd do the same.
There is nothing quite so boring as the topic of deliveries.
The lady in the supermarket line was intrusive.
I elected scopolamine in the 60's when "natural" was at the height of it's popularity.
I was not "present" at my delivery 'cause I was essentially "non compos mentis".
Fifty years later, I'd do the same.
1
How ironic that in response to a stranger having a different opinion, the author gives advice to all women to use an epidural.
A real feminist would say that each woman should choose her birth plan, and every new mother should be told that she made the right choices. None of us needs more guilt about what we are doing and why.
I chose natural childbirth with a CNM, and it worked great for m. I never suggest someone else should choose what I did. I had my reasons, they have theirs. If someone asks for advice, I will explain why I chose as I did, but I will end with saying that they need to make their choice of what works for them.
Similarly, I don't care whether you breast feed or not, whether you have a night nurse, a nanny, or whatever.
So really, choose what is best for you and reassure other women that their choices are good for them.
A real feminist would say that each woman should choose her birth plan, and every new mother should be told that she made the right choices. None of us needs more guilt about what we are doing and why.
I chose natural childbirth with a CNM, and it worked great for m. I never suggest someone else should choose what I did. I had my reasons, they have theirs. If someone asks for advice, I will explain why I chose as I did, but I will end with saying that they need to make their choice of what works for them.
Similarly, I don't care whether you breast feed or not, whether you have a night nurse, a nanny, or whatever.
So really, choose what is best for you and reassure other women that their choices are good for them.
1
I realise this woman is a comedian so writes in an amusing fashion, but really google and her opinion does not make a useful contribution to physiological facts. I am not an Earth Goddess, but I am a mother of three (one birth involved an epidural) and a midwife (for over 20 years working in the hospital system), plus a researcher in drug/hormone interactions and I say if you make an informed choice to have an epidural, good for you, but if you are just trying to avoid any pain during labour, but don't realise the trade off (which is not all positive) then you are being very short sighted. Those chemicals enter your baby as well as you and can have unintended effects that you may have to deal with later. Epidurals in their place can be a good thing, but most women have no idea what they are getting when they request one. The well known Cascade of Interventions can affect your (and your baby's) health for the rest of your lives. You might not think it's so funny then.
1
I advise people to think hard about their own drug reactions and personal physiological histories, as there are many variables at play. I had severe adverse reactions to spinals (one emergency spinal epidural administered so I could undergo an appendectomy while I was 21.5 weeks pregnant; the other, for a c-section for my second child, who was breech). The first time, my BP was 40 over 20, and I was deathly ill. There was NO WAY I was going to have an epidural for the birth of that baby if I could help it, and although I had to have pitocin, I came through it. That said, having dodged a nearly lethal bullet for both myself and baby, I was prepared to do whatever I had to to have a positive *living* outcome--including a needle in my back, if necessary. Unfortunately, I had PTSD from the appendectomy/spinal experience, thus lived in fear that I would have to undergo a c-section with my second pregnancy, and when an inexperienced tech recklessly informed me at 30 weeks + that my baby was breech (it turns out it he actually wasn't), I went crazy. The fear actually caused me to become overwrought; I underwent aversion therapy, swam laps and did flip turns, and my water broke at 33 weeks. After a two week reprieve of magnesium, etc., I had the section, and couldn't move my head for 12 hours. My team actually presumed I had COPD, as I continually stopped breathing, and had to be alarmed, among other things. In short, really, no, don't blithely "get the epidural."
If you want an epidural, by all means get one. If you don't, then don't. However, I also think it is good to keep in mind that not every woman experiences birth as an excruciating event.
The world is full of crazy people who have zero reasoning ability.
Get the epidural.
Signed, a father who's wife never considered not getting the epidural.
Get the epidural.
Signed, a father who's wife never considered not getting the epidural.
But wait. You're irked at everybody giving you their opinions, then you end with, "But really, get the epidural"??? I'm confused.
1
I wish everyone around me was as realistic as this author. She comes out, guns blazing, and hammers home the point. We put ourselves under too much scrutiny as is, why take on the burden of pleasing strangers.
As a person of Indian origin, I have had to endure the monologues (from strangers) of how India is the best country there is, with the smartest people, the best cuisine, the best religion, the best society yada yada yada. When they are done, I look them in the eye and say "I am an American."
If they are pleased or displeased, I care not. If the entire schtick was mean to uplift me, please spare me!
As a person of Indian origin, I have had to endure the monologues (from strangers) of how India is the best country there is, with the smartest people, the best cuisine, the best religion, the best society yada yada yada. When they are done, I look them in the eye and say "I am an American."
If they are pleased or displeased, I care not. If the entire schtick was mean to uplift me, please spare me!
2
It's none of my business what you do, but hiring a night nurse did sound pretty weird. Maybe because I'm from the midwest. And I'm not rich.
1
Absolutely! Enduring pain because it's "natural" is like getting a tooth worked on without anesthesia. Would you call that "natural"? Anesthesia is a blessing if used judiciously: Take it and be grateful it exists.
3
my thoughts exactly
2
Oh goodness! I loved my epidural!
1
Have the epidural - it is the last chance you will have to control the pain your children inflict on you!
316
You get my vote, both for your advice but more, for your sense of humor. The essential ingredient in life.
1
Or better yet... wait and see how your labor goes. Some people are actually able to manage labor without pain medication. Every birth is different.
How about we quit policing childbirth one way or the other?
How about we quit policing childbirth one way or the other?
277
I was one of the lucky ones who went through 17 hours of labor feeling only something like fairly strong menstrual cramps. Having heard terms like "pain" up until then, I had no idea that the experience could be less than excruciating -- a nice surprise for me.
1
Have the epidural. I had two fairly easy "natural" births when it was thought that epidurals might harm the baby, slow the delivery, whatever.
When I heard the news that it is now considered safe to have the epidural, I was delighted for today's mothers. And, envious. Very envious.
When I heard the news that it is now considered safe to have the epidural, I was delighted for today's mothers. And, envious. Very envious.
13
I certainly took the epidural. Between the doctors breaking my water and then pushing Pitocin into me so that I wouldn't take too long to deliver, all I remember are the waves of pain that completely blurred my mind. Until the epidural. So now I also remember the births of my two beautiful daughters. We all get to choose.
9
Having had both the epidural for my first two kids and "natural" for my last (he came too quick for drugs), I can confidently say the epidurals were the right choice for us. For my first two my spouse and were in it together the whole labor and delivery talking excitedly about everything. For my last, I was out of my head with pain -- the tired sitcom cliche cursing at the doctors.
9
My wife endured childbirth four times. Four times she received an epidural. Her response to receiving an epidural vs natural childbirth questioning: "I don't love my children any less."
11
I guess this is a piece of a comedy routine, so I'm taking it as such and not taking offense. Do what you want. Having had two unmedicated childbirths, I can tell you it wan't that big of a deal in my case and I didn't do it for anyone else. But, I would never refer to my birth plan as "natural." It was in a hospital, with all kinds of medical equipment and doctors. All childbirth is natural. Some if it is unmedicated. All of it is personal and it is just rude to ask a stranger such a personal question.
75
The prevailing opinion of the townspeople where I used to live seemed to be that women should suffer as much as possible "because of the sins of Eve." Hard to put a good spin on that.
31
Eve was framed.
1
Crossing some of the streets of Manhattan with two way bike riders (some going on motorized bikes against traffic) is probably more dangerous than an epidural. furthermore, why do so many strangers feel that it is their inalienable right to ask such personal questions!
27
I have to say that not every woman who chooses to have the procedure is able to have it. And this can come as a nasty surprise during childbirth, as it did to my wife, twice. Anesthetists are literally unable to thread the needle on some occasions.
7
When people challenged my choice (which in the end delivering preemie twins via C-section wasn't a choice anyway) to have an epidural, I simply asked them if they liked flush toilets, air conditioning, penicillin! Thank you modern advancements in health care and comfort!
38
Um, I'm deadly allergic to penicillin and some other antibiotics that I'm aware of. That experience has made me prefer to avoid medicine unless it's really really needed. I thank god for the miracle of modern medicine, but I still try to avoid taking medicine if I can help it. Had a non medicated delivery, but it's not bc I'm some dark ages person.
1
Very, very good advice - have the epidural. I tried and failed to do it "natural" with my first, (after the doctors "unnaturally" forced me to lay flat in bed and therefore couldn't cope "naturally") and all i got was a shot of demerol. After hours of excruciating pain, when my son was finally born, my pupils were so dilated from the drugs that I couldn't really even open my eyes to look at him.
Needless to say, I got an epidural with the other two, and was much happier.
Needless to say, I got an epidural with the other two, and was much happier.
9
There are pros and cons for natural vs epidural. My wife and I did the Bradley method and had a natural childbirth. The pain was manageable if you prepare. I think people should research each option and choose what's best for them. Saying "just get the epidural" ignores the increased risks of c-section.
39
LOVE that the dad is the one saying the pain was manageable. Glad it worked out for you!
3
And what part of the pain did you experience?
3
Yes, we will note the writer is a man
Just have to say that natural childbirth is the right and happy choice for some people - me and my beautiful infant son, for instance.
It was not about living up to someone else's idea of what the "correct" birth should be, but about being fully present in mind and body for the incredible experience of childbirth, about not wanting to pathologize labor and delivery and about wanting to know that I could rely on my internal strength throughout. I wanted to be in on the secret of childbirth.
For what it's worth, I wouldn't describe it as the excruciating pain you feared so much as being deep in the thrall of the most intense and terrifying energy surging through my body.
Being able to "surf" these waves of energy allowed me to realize tremenous strength and actively direct my progress (no one had to tell me when to push). I wouldn't want to do it any other way.
Of course I wouldn't tell another woman she has to do it this way but I also wouldn't tell her to just get an epidural. Do what is right for you.
It was not about living up to someone else's idea of what the "correct" birth should be, but about being fully present in mind and body for the incredible experience of childbirth, about not wanting to pathologize labor and delivery and about wanting to know that I could rely on my internal strength throughout. I wanted to be in on the secret of childbirth.
For what it's worth, I wouldn't describe it as the excruciating pain you feared so much as being deep in the thrall of the most intense and terrifying energy surging through my body.
Being able to "surf" these waves of energy allowed me to realize tremenous strength and actively direct my progress (no one had to tell me when to push). I wouldn't want to do it any other way.
Of course I wouldn't tell another woman she has to do it this way but I also wouldn't tell her to just get an epidural. Do what is right for you.
64
I just want to point out to anyone reading this that an epidural blocks feeling from your waist down, it doesn't knock you out. One is fully present in mind with an epidural, you just can't feel contractions or pain.
1
I would still probably be in labor, 23 years later now we're it not for the blessed epidural. It turned an excruciatingly painful and stressful labor into something I could actually participate in, and moved the birth right along. I feel the same reverse snobbery at this point about doulas and home births. Give me all the backup equipment we may need and a full team. And don't get me started about what the doulas call "Satan's brew"--formula. The horror!!
22
Sounds like there are some unprofessional doulas in your area. Epidurals are a tool to use in labor and any well trained doula fully supports their clients using one. And understands the need or choice to use formula. Good grief, it's 2016!
As an obstetrician I always smile when a woman in her first pregnancy arrives in labor with a lengthy, written "birth plan" which generally requires avoiding an epidural, c-section, etc. I've never had a patient delivering a second or subsequent child arrive with a birth plan. They seem to know that you can't plan these things.
53
This comment seems kinda smug, which is a common complaint patients have of DRs generally!!!
My OB office took the approach of writing an office-wide birth plan which was given to me at my very first OB appointment. That way, I didn't have to create one from scratch or plan long conversations with my OB about issues. It was easy for me to know where they stood on lots of issues. If I had wanted to tweak their standard plan with my preferences, I could have (patients were encouraged to do so), but I found my OB office had written a great, well-thought out plan and I was happy to go with it!
My OB office took the approach of writing an office-wide birth plan which was given to me at my very first OB appointment. That way, I didn't have to create one from scratch or plan long conversations with my OB about issues. It was easy for me to know where they stood on lots of issues. If I had wanted to tweak their standard plan with my preferences, I could have (patients were encouraged to do so), but I found my OB office had written a great, well-thought out plan and I was happy to go with it!
I read recently that vaginal birth provides to the borning child an extraordinary benefit, which is the encounter with a swath of bacteria that assists the son or daughter in immediate and long-term ways. Just sayin'.
11
Which is however irrelevant to the whole question of an epidural...
3
Peter, she is talking about an epidural, not a caesarian section.
2
True. And to help the mom survive the pain of that beneficial vaginal passage of her baby, she should get the epidural if she wants it. It will save her from the pain of episiotomy too, in case her vaginal wall needs to be cut (episiotomy) to make room for the baby's head. Anything to make the experience less traumatic is a plus.
2
This made me chuckle. I refused to take any drugs at all, not even an aspirin, and after suffering through 20 hours of labor, was so exhausted the doctors had to give me Pitocin in the end anyway; and the baby was affected, too, a bit blue. Would not recommend what I did. That was in '82, when natural birth and breastfeeding was the new rage. My daughter had epidurals, and my grandkids were born just fine!
28
I'm English, lived in the US for almost twenty years. American women like to tell each other what to do and I find it very rude. If I had had an epidural, I would have ended up with a Caesarian because my baby's heart rate declined when I labored in almost any position, except when I was laboring on all-fours. I also want to point out that I was molested as a child and my one fear was of being paralyzed (even temporarily) by an epidural or caesarian. The physical paralysis would have reminded me too much of being molested as a child. What I'm saying is, as much as I like the author's message of 'do what makes you happy,' that is very much an individual choice. I recently put on my bikini without a cover up at the beach. I did this because my seven year old daughter had started telling me that she thought she was fat and needed a cover up. After I wore my bikini without a cover up, my daughter seemed to have more confidence to not wear a cover up too. But you should have seen the judgmental looks of people on that beach. After that trip to the beach, my daughter gained confidence wearing her bikini. Be brave. Especially as a mother, there will always be someone out there to knock you down and judge you. That's why the feminists in this country historically never fought particularly hard for paid parental leave, because American feminists never cared about mothers' interests the way other countries' feminists did.
57
Thank you for writing this. I got the epidural four times. For me, childbirth was not a sacred experience to savor (though once I had pain relief, it was pretty cool). Instead, it was just the messy, painful admission price to the genuinely miraculous experience of being a parent.
38
I'm a physician and in my enthusiasm for my first child, I too thought I would have a "natural" birth. Of course my son was two weeks late, and ultimately required induction. With the first contraction I was suddenly very aware that I needed an anesthesiologist! My OB/GYN wanted to rupture membranes and then do the epidural and I told the nurse "patient refuses". I got my epidural for him and subsequent babies and never looked back.aren't we blessed by science and progress!
42
Maybe the problem is lack of confidence in the authors personal choices. Nothing to do with the "epidural". It's Clearly in the majority in NYC to give birth assisted with epidural pain relief.
The author is in the majority with close to 75% epidural use
in NYC and 34% of of birth is by cesarean section .
Not exactly "natural" gone wild how women give birth.
The author is in the majority with close to 75% epidural use
in NYC and 34% of of birth is by cesarean section .
Not exactly "natural" gone wild how women give birth.
12
Another important point made by the author is the intrusiveness of strangers. I consider myself an introvert and am good about sending out "leave me alone" vibes, but when I was pregnant I might have well had a sign around my neck that said, "Please touch me and ask me inappropriately personal questions". I was not prepared to say "that's none of your business" for my first pregnancy, but learned for my second. What I observed was that, rather than respecting me, people felt I had been rude. Can anyone tell me why women are considered everyone else's personal property, particularly when pregnant? Suggestion to all readers: if you have to say anything at all to a pregnant women, just wish her and her family well. And unless she needs CPR, keep your hands to yourself.
63
This is, at a minimum, at least as judgmental as the woman who gave her the look at the store. I had two babies, without drugs, and have no regrets. It wasn't society foisting its expectations on me, but my decision to avoid unnecessary interventions. I had to defend the choice to forgo the epidural to dozens of people. One helpful nurse told me it was inhumane to not have drugs. Many told me I'd be sorry. But, I am thrilled that I could feel the exact moment my body told me to push, and that I could feel my legs, and that the second that baby was out, nothing hurt. Seriously. Just like no one should be bothering you about your impending birth, you shouldn't be bothering anyone else. The last thing a pregnant woman needs is one more person telling her what to do, right?
403
I found her article pretty offensive, too, actually. I get that she's a comedian and trying to be funny but I've had lots of people tell me I should "just get the epidural." Why? It's my medical choice to labor as i see fit. Also, her suggestion that women are only encouraged to do things naturally when it puts them in pain is quite frankly, laughable and post-feminism run amuck.
3
Agreed. I think out bodies are designed to do this. In the U.S. Where overmedicating is the norm, Few people bother to ask real questions about the risk to the baby. People can do what they want, but I agree that the writer is just as judge mental if not more.
Mom with one c-section and one vbac.
Mom with one c-section and one vbac.
3
I don't think she is judging-she's saying do what works for you and don't judge-she recommends the epidural-that's her opinion without judgement
5
Both my children were born during before the time that epidural pain relief was not available, and it was most certainly not a walk in the park anyone would look forward to.
Years later, after a ski accident, I needed knee surgery during which I stayed awake with the help of epidural, being able to communicate with my physicians.
But why is it always other women who tell their 'sisters' what to do and judge them?
Having been fairly skinny all my life, a quite overweight woman told me at a private party in from of many others that 'now' I was really too skinny.
And no, I didn't fall to her level and told her that she gained even more weight since I last saw her.
Women publicly criticizing others always seemed to a uniquely American past-time to me, a naturalized citizen from Europe.
Years later, after a ski accident, I needed knee surgery during which I stayed awake with the help of epidural, being able to communicate with my physicians.
But why is it always other women who tell their 'sisters' what to do and judge them?
Having been fairly skinny all my life, a quite overweight woman told me at a private party in from of many others that 'now' I was really too skinny.
And no, I didn't fall to her level and told her that she gained even more weight since I last saw her.
Women publicly criticizing others always seemed to a uniquely American past-time to me, a naturalized citizen from Europe.
21
This is not a new article or sentiment. I get it. I had one kid who's a teenager now. For lots of reasons I knew I was having one. I wanted to experience childbirth in a more primal way if I could - meaning the baby wasn't breech and I didn't need a C-section. Everyone's health was paramount. I went without an epidural and it's one of the greatest, uncontrolled experiences of my life. And I'm a hyper-educated white chick. Stop downplaying all that is possible.
3
I had an epidural with both of my children and each time the birth was a peaceful and joyful experience. In fact, the only thing that clouded the moment was listening to the screams of the women in other rooms who had chosen to give birth "naturally."
7
I agree with Klein that "skipping the pain of childbirth" doesn't mean "you're somehow cheating." But not everyone can afford to.
Early in my pregnancy with my first baby, I went for prenatal care. I learned, during the review of my insurance, that my grad student policy from UCLA covered $1250 per pregnancy. (I had thought the "care is covered at 100% as long as you get it at the UCLA medical center" provision applied to labor, delivery, and newborn care.) I opted for a $20 class in "natural childbirth" in hopes that I would not need the services of an anesthesiologist.
My daughter was OP and labor was 22 hours. The amount I charged to the credit card was smaller, though, than it would have been with an epidural.
Early in my pregnancy with my first baby, I went for prenatal care. I learned, during the review of my insurance, that my grad student policy from UCLA covered $1250 per pregnancy. (I had thought the "care is covered at 100% as long as you get it at the UCLA medical center" provision applied to labor, delivery, and newborn care.) I opted for a $20 class in "natural childbirth" in hopes that I would not need the services of an anesthesiologist.
My daughter was OP and labor was 22 hours. The amount I charged to the credit card was smaller, though, than it would have been with an epidural.
7
Right on. Women should make their own decisions about their own bodies and lives. One of the best answers I have found to nosy questions is, "why do you ask?" This puts the question right back onto the person, usually ending the discussion altogether, without being obviously rude. Very satisfying to watch them squirm!
4
There is nothing wrong going either way. Some women feel more comfortable with the epidural, some feel better going naturally. There are pros and cons to each, so the key is be informed and make the decision that is right for you.
My wife and I have two children, both born "naturally". I was a little shocked, to say the least, when my wife first told me that she wanted to have a drug free birth but once she gave me her reasons it made perfect sense for our family and how we live our life. She prepared extensively for the birth and she didn't think it was excruciating because she was relaxed. She even says that she felt like she was on drugs, given her body's rush of endorphins.
So, the moral of the story is not "have the epidural". It's to be informed, listen to your doctor, other women and midwives. Prepare yourself physically and mentally, and In the end do what's right for you and your family.
My wife and I have two children, both born "naturally". I was a little shocked, to say the least, when my wife first told me that she wanted to have a drug free birth but once she gave me her reasons it made perfect sense for our family and how we live our life. She prepared extensively for the birth and she didn't think it was excruciating because she was relaxed. She even says that she felt like she was on drugs, given her body's rush of endorphins.
So, the moral of the story is not "have the epidural". It's to be informed, listen to your doctor, other women and midwives. Prepare yourself physically and mentally, and In the end do what's right for you and your family.
24
"...people constantly feel as if they have the right to talk to pregnant women about their pregnancy."
if it's any condolence, people offer unsolicited--often ill-informed--advice to others all of the time about personal and private matters. and it often seems that we assume that activities that are good for me must be good for you.
the line between the private and the public is never exactly clear, but in general, our bodies, ourselves.
if it's any condolence, people offer unsolicited--often ill-informed--advice to others all of the time about personal and private matters. and it often seems that we assume that activities that are good for me must be good for you.
the line between the private and the public is never exactly clear, but in general, our bodies, ourselves.
1
When it was time to deliver my fourth child we arrived at the hospital too late to get my usual epidural. The pain was tremendous, and I vividly recall screaming "this is absolutely excruciating"
as the maternity ward tour passed my door.
While I enjoyed my epidural-calmed labors, I appreciate having experienced birth both ways. If I were to have a fifth, though, I'd try to get to the hospital a little earlier.
as the maternity ward tour passed my door.
While I enjoyed my epidural-calmed labors, I appreciate having experienced birth both ways. If I were to have a fifth, though, I'd try to get to the hospital a little earlier.
2
The criticism from other people - sadly enough, other parents in particular - never ends. I was unable to breastfeed my son, and endured what seemed like endless disapproving glares when buying formula. (My mother couldn't, either - my brother, my son and I are nonetheless both healthy and intelligent.) With high school, the non-requested criticism just seems to expand. I just focus on the old adage, "Free advice is worth exactly what you paid for it!"
4
Unfortunately, Ms. Klein makes the same error in assuming that she knows what's best for women that the woman in the store who bothered her so much made: she's absolutely certain she knows best. But what if "the thing that makes you happy" is a birth without an epidural? Why does she automatically assume that she knows what makes a woman happy, and that that experience would be the same for all? The argument that there is no "natural" root canal or vasectomy doesn't work because of course there isn't. Only a doctor or dentist can make these things happen. However, complications notwithstanding and recognizing that safety is paramount, with or without a doctor birth will happen and can be entirely "natural." It does not need to be a medical event. Personally, I couldn't care less whether a woman has an epidural or not. If that's what makes you feel happy, comfortable, supported, safe, or simply able to watch Grey's Anatomy during labor, go to it. Neither your decision or your reasons for your decision are any of my concern. But if I choose (as I did 12 years ago) to go without because I want to experience labor and delivery my own way and I am willing to endure the pain, a woman telling me I won't be happy without an epidural is equally offensive and intrusive as the stranger who told Ms. Klein to go natural. This editorial makes her no better than the woman in the grocery store.
34
A close friend hardly remembers the pain of childbirth and never needed an epidural, but man I did. After 36 hours of contractions that eventually came to feel like an earthquake tearing through me I was more than ready. I can't begin to describe the blissful relief that washed over me once the pain faded away. Years later just thinking of it still makes me relax!
2
I think this is good advice; however, women pregnant with their first child really don't want anyone's advice. You didn't want it from the woman in line, and they won't want it from you. You really have to experience things firsthand to know what's what.
I told everyone I would get an epidural if I needed it, but wouldn't request it off the bat. About a few weeks before my due date, I read a personal story by a woman who had 4 pregnancies. 1 c-section, 1 natural, 1 homebirth and 1 epidural. She said hands down the epidural was the best experience. This read planted the seeds of doubt in my head.
When I went into the hospital after being in pre-labor for 2 days, I chose the epidural. It was the right decision.
I told everyone I would get an epidural if I needed it, but wouldn't request it off the bat. About a few weeks before my due date, I read a personal story by a woman who had 4 pregnancies. 1 c-section, 1 natural, 1 homebirth and 1 epidural. She said hands down the epidural was the best experience. This read planted the seeds of doubt in my head.
When I went into the hospital after being in pre-labor for 2 days, I chose the epidural. It was the right decision.
4
I didn't have one with my first pregnancy because I bought into it the idea that it would make it harder to push. I got through it but the pain was awful. Second baby was pain free, spent the day reading the Sunday Times, and delivered her with 3 pushes while laughing. My epidural allowed me to feel in control, empowered, alert, and comfortable. I'm a big fan.
22
I have no opinion about epidurals. My wife wanted a natural home birth and she had one. But there is so much else in this essay about what other people expect from the writer, as though the will to ignore those expectations was out of the writer's control. I have learned about the phenomenon of internalized sexism, but really, at the end of the day, women like this writer don't need men to oppress them, they do a great job of it themselves.
9
My job requires me to be in the public eye all the time. I could write a book of all the insensitive but well-meaning comments directed towards my pregnant belly, my baby, then toddler, now tween sons' appearance and behavior. I like to think I have mastered the art of the "non-answer answer." How much weight have I gained? Am I breastfeeding exclusively, even at work? Do I sleep? Does he sleep? How do I do it all? Do I want to "try for a girl" after two boys? Sometimes I give a polite stare, a smile and a nicely awkward silence follows before they change the subject. Sometimes I respond, "everything is where needs to be right now and/or "Thanks so much for asking."
5
No thank you. To share a different experience, I've had two unmedicated childbirths and definitely preferred to have the ability to listen to my body and my baby during labor and respond to the cues accordingly - to get up and move, walk around, and change positions. I am grateful for the opportunity to have experienced this fully, rather than lying drugged and numb in a hospital bed.
29
Believe it or not, there are some things in life that individuals are capable of figuring out and deciding upon on their own, or in consultation with a relevant specialist (such as a doctor) and with advice and support from close family and friends. Every semi-major decision in life does not have to be vetted in public, blasted across social media, googled to the max, hyper-microanalyzed in news paper op-eds, etc.
11
Funny, funny essay and I could not agree more. I went into my first delivery mouthing what I thought I was supposed to say which is "I'd like to try to go natural" but very quickly (not ashamed) changed my mind. I have never loved a doctor so much as the one who stuck that needle in my back and eased my deep agony. I swear the recovery for me was infinitely better because I could relax a little more and was therefore not as exhausted by the end as I would have been.
I had no delusions the second time around. I made it clear from the start I wanted that lovely epidural.
I had no delusions the second time around. I made it clear from the start I wanted that lovely epidural.
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Very true and very humorous writing. I also looked forward to and planned on having an epidural, or anything that would make giving birth as pain free as possible. But as luck would have it, my labor proceed too fast. I will never forget the words, 'It's too late for an epidural.' the rest was several hours of pain that I cannot describe. I was no earth mother. I cursed, kicked, pulled down curtains and even bit someone passing by.
I was no earth mother.
My point is this, 30 years later I still have a good laugh, and if given the opportunity, (thanks) to relate the story will gladly do so.
The other point is it's no ones decision, including a woman's partner, how she decides to give birth.
I was no earth mother.
My point is this, 30 years later I still have a good laugh, and if given the opportunity, (thanks) to relate the story will gladly do so.
The other point is it's no ones decision, including a woman's partner, how she decides to give birth.
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Yes this is an endless debate, and yes strangers are very intrusive when you're pregnant, which sucks. Just a couple of thoughts:
Sometimes babies come so fast there's no time for an epidural so it helps to be mentally prepared for going natural.
The C Section rate in this country is much higher than every other country in the world. A high C Section rate is actually a public health problem. This rate has something to do with our use of epidurals, though there is so much debate as to the exact relationship. Many countries use laughing gas to manage labor pain, which to me sounds much more fun and easier than a giant needle!
I agree that there are so many more pains to as a parent that our judgement of this particular pain is not helpful, yet we live in a healthcare system that does a poor job of giving us the best childbirth options and that's where all of that nosy stranger's outrage should be directed.
Sometimes babies come so fast there's no time for an epidural so it helps to be mentally prepared for going natural.
The C Section rate in this country is much higher than every other country in the world. A high C Section rate is actually a public health problem. This rate has something to do with our use of epidurals, though there is so much debate as to the exact relationship. Many countries use laughing gas to manage labor pain, which to me sounds much more fun and easier than a giant needle!
I agree that there are so many more pains to as a parent that our judgement of this particular pain is not helpful, yet we live in a healthcare system that does a poor job of giving us the best childbirth options and that's where all of that nosy stranger's outrage should be directed.
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If one reads the anesthesia and OB literature, you will find no association between epidurals and c-section.
The
Also, there is little, if any, actual data to support your contention that the US has the highest rate in the world.
The
Also, there is little, if any, actual data to support your contention that the US has the highest rate in the world.
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I don't believe there is evidence that allows you to make the causal inference of epidurals leading to higher csection rates. The author discusses that in these situations when you have evidence (and people ) on both sides, to do what makes sense for a you. I had an epidural and had an awesome and perfect childbirth. I would much rather local anesthesia than systemic drugs like laughing gas or morphine that makes me loopy for the process and the baby.
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'It’s interesting that no one cares very much about women doing anything “naturally” until it involves their being in excruciating pain.'
Agree 100%. This pernicious term 'natural' birth needs to be scrapped. There is almost nothing natural about our modern way of life and yet we all thriving as a species. There are 7 billion people on the planet, growing by the minute. Medical technology has enabled this. Anyone eschewing medical technology just to prove some point to themselves about being more in touch with nature than others should at least be consistent. Eschew vaccines and antibiotics and blood transfusions and pain relief of all sorts too. Have a natural death as well as a natural birth.
Agree 100%. This pernicious term 'natural' birth needs to be scrapped. There is almost nothing natural about our modern way of life and yet we all thriving as a species. There are 7 billion people on the planet, growing by the minute. Medical technology has enabled this. Anyone eschewing medical technology just to prove some point to themselves about being more in touch with nature than others should at least be consistent. Eschew vaccines and antibiotics and blood transfusions and pain relief of all sorts too. Have a natural death as well as a natural birth.
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My daughter, to whom I just emailed this column, was born ten weeks premature and a whooping 2lbs 4oz. A total emergency that came close to killing child and mother. So really, what is all the fuss people make about "natural." In the natural land, pre-eclampsia would have destroyed us both. Take advantage of that which science can provide that has been proven safe (I'm not advocating thalidomide, here). I would have been over the moon to have reached term and had an epidural. Which is exactly what happened when my second child was born. And the epidural seemed a lot more "natural" to me than my first delivery. People need to have some perspective out there.
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Every woman has the choice of how she wants to give birth. Some, like the author, know they want an epidural. Of course she has the right to make that decision, but other women, who prefer to have their babies without drugs, anesthetics or other medical interventions, also have the right to choose that method. What is disturbing about this op-ed is the militancy expressed by the author, that someone with different preferences than hers is judged negatively for not wanting all the medical interventions a hospital can provide. And comparing natural childbirth to other "requirements" of being a "good" female like being anorexic, or shaving legs and armpits, is pretty ridiculous, as well as her analogy of "natural root canals" and vasectomies.
It's wonderful that you had the kind of birth you wanted. Why do you have to denigrate women who take a different path?
It's wonderful that you had the kind of birth you wanted. Why do you have to denigrate women who take a different path?
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This almost sounds like the abortion debate. I think the decision should be between the mother and her doctor. It's no one else's business.
The author is a (comedy) writer. There's more than a grain of truth to those comparisons. It's called humor or, if you prefer, astute cultural analysis.
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Amen
The prevalence of medical intervention before and during childbirth bewilders me. In my experience healthier outcomes have been the result of common sense, knowledge and hard work not fear based assumptions. Prepare yourself for a healthy, confident, productive experience. Accept that assistance is sometimes necessary. Attention to my prenatal heath was a factor in my two speedy natural births and a lifelong confidence in my ability to achieve my goals. Relax. Be here now. Be grateful and fully experience the miracles that are your life.
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This is a wonderful essay on why women should have at least the option of getting an epidural. Having the option when being in labor is what it's all about having your baby in the hospital.
Having the option to get excellent neonatal support. Having the option to get blood if you need it. Having the option to have a cesarean if necessary such as when the baby is in trouble. Quickly. And, finally, having the option to get an epidural.
Hospital birth: Many options.
Home birth: Much, much fewer options.
Have a safer delivery and have more options.
Having the option to get excellent neonatal support. Having the option to get blood if you need it. Having the option to have a cesarean if necessary such as when the baby is in trouble. Quickly. And, finally, having the option to get an epidural.
Hospital birth: Many options.
Home birth: Much, much fewer options.
Have a safer delivery and have more options.
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As the husband of a woman who has delivered 3 children naturally, I'd say it is the ultimate form of "female empowerment". Any difficult situation that comes up now, my wife will often say something along the lines of "If I can deliver my kid without an epidural, I can get through this."
In a society so bent on self-medication, it helps restore that notion of inner strength so many seem to be lacking nowadays.
In a society so bent on self-medication, it helps restore that notion of inner strength so many seem to be lacking nowadays.
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Amen. I had my first child "naturally" and it was excruciatingly awful. I felt very guilty afterwards because I couldn't handle the pain with supposed grace and calm. Being a first child and so indoctrinated, I was insistent on sticking to my birth plan until it was too late for any relief. My second with an epidural was not a breeze but I was able to be aware of the moment instead of in a haze of intense pain. Both kids were equally healthy, all that matters.
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I disagree. Childbirth is a natural thing and unless you are ill, why not experience it fully? And preferably not in a hospital, which just makes the hole process much worse and joyless. I had both my children with no drugs and I was well over 40 for the second birth when I had to insist that the nurse let me be and stop coming after me with a syringe. Sure it was hard but I never felt as completely myself and totally in the experience in touch fully with my instincts.
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With my first pregnancy, I asked every woman who had children about their birthing experience. I was looking for advise and an experience that would mimic mine; none did. Loved the epidurals. A good response to noisy people might be; thank for asking but it's a secret.
Well, as a doctor, I certainly do not use "dr Google" for my information. If a woman opts for the epidural she is ultimately choosing less pain in exchange for the significantly higher risk of emergency c-section
or other complications.
or other complications.
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If one reads modern OB/anesthesia literature, you will find no association between epidurals and emergency c-sections. None.
Even the association between epidurals and low forceps delivery rates is tenuous at best.
Speaking as an anesthesiologist who has read some modern literature.
Even the association between epidurals and low forceps delivery rates is tenuous at best.
Speaking as an anesthesiologist who has read some modern literature.
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Hopefully women reading this are wise enough to know this is an opinion piece and NOT medical advice. If not, it can be harmful for women to read articles like this and think epidurals, or any medication or procedure, are perfectly safe. Women and their partners should do their own evidence based research on epidurals, and decide if the benefits outweigh the risks in their circumstances. Keep in mind, it's not just whether or not to get an epidural, but the timing of when the epidural is placed that is very important.
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I assume you mean consult Dr. Google ? For each woman to perform epidemiological evidence based research would be beyond the pay grade of the average individual .
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The pendulum keeps on swinging to no ones advantage. Each person experiences pain in their own way. Expecting it to be unbearable will make it so. Preparing with mental, physical, and social tools will help you to meet the pain. Doula are an important way to receive support during labor.
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The movement for natural childbirth was originally intended to counteract the way women during the 50's and 60's were so heavily drugged during childbirth by predominantly male obstetricians whether they wanted to be or not. It has gradually evolved from women wanting to consciously experience their child being born to a narrative of pain and self-sacrifice. It isn't good for either the mother or the infant if the mother is in excruciating pain.
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