There's something missing from this story. A man does not go swimming in a well-known gay hangout like Fort Lauderdale, come out of the water, start talking to a guy 50 years younger, and that's his first ever, ever, ever gay encounter. Not meaning to be cruel, but missing from this story are the previous 50 years of gay cruising and gay trysts while Harris was married to Clare. Clearly, he knew a thing or two about picking up guys. And as a gay man myself, I might have appreciated this story more if Mr. Wofford hadn't presented his sexuality as some sudden revelation finally disclosed to him on a beach at age 75. It's your story to tell, but I doubt it happened the way you say it did.
582
Human beings are complicated, confined, confirmed, confused, clear, cautious, controlled and chaotic. We only have to live with the consequences of our life choices no matter how careful or careless. Community is the nature of social beings. Casting the first stone of condemnation upon our fellows is beyond the moral authority of any flawed ordinary human primate ape. The Golden Rule of humility, compassion and empathy is the highest form of human love that can be expressed in action, inaction, silence and sound.
68
A couple of years before he died my brother wondered aloud why so many men he knew began relationships with other men after their wives died. I was, and am, curious about this. I know it's a small sample, but my brother was observant.
85
So much for not being able to change your sexuality.
And would The Times have run a piece from a man who was gay through age 70, met a woman and became heterosexual?
And would The Times have run a piece from a man who was gay through age 70, met a woman and became heterosexual?
152
Hmm, has anyone thought about whether the 25-year-old has a granddaddy complex? Didn't get enough attention from grandpa. perhaps? I'm kind of tired of society celebrating what is clearly an inappropriate relationship. What's next--Woody Allen's marriage is a "beautiful" thing too? I don't think so.
153
I can understand a person in love with another person despite difference in sex, age, culture etc. But I cannot understand how there can be equal sexual interest from both sides when there is such a huge age gap. Being in love and caring for someone does not need to be sexual People do not need to marry unless there is sexual relationship between them.
73
This is a terrible story. A 90 year old man should be loving Matthew as a son, not as a husband, given their 50 year age difference. If he married a man who was 75, it would have been a completely different story. Why would any human being marry someone 50 years older unless in exchange for wealth and security?
152
Ok I'm going to put this out there. It is no business of mine but Mr. Wofford did write this opinion piece and therefore invited comment on his personal life. I'm worried about this marriage and it has nothing to do with sexual preference. (Although I do believe it is likely that Mr. Wofford was aware of his sexual preference before the age of 75).
My concern is that a 90 year old individual is marrying someone 50 years younger. And the 90 year old is likely wealthy. I do hope that he has made legal arrangements to protect himself and his family. Other than that, I wish him all the best.
My concern is that a 90 year old individual is marrying someone 50 years younger. And the 90 year old is likely wealthy. I do hope that he has made legal arrangements to protect himself and his family. Other than that, I wish him all the best.
192
He was 70 when he fell in love with a 25year old. I hate to be a cynic, but the former senator is very wealthy, he can afford to believe what he wants. As for me, I believe the x-games contender needed a sponser and-----no it was not passionate preference on his part. That being said, I'm still glad they met. Who says the initial reasons for coming together have to be some sanitized ideal. This story is awesome, rare, and Mr.Wofford is a good guy. Their story inspires not to give up on love......whatever the reason that draws you together.
82
Bravo! It takes courage to own the complexity of experience. This essay out me into contact with so much internalized stigma and self-shaming- my own bi-phobia (even though I am bi), ageism, and sexism. I meditated on these points of contact, letting myself sit with these challenging feelings. I reflected on how I stopped talking to others about my sexual orientation, because it would inevitably end with, "well what are you really?" I invite all readers to move beyond the "was he gay or straight?" question (which is still somehow dominating the conversation about Bowie and Prince) and applaud the courage of someone who used his social status and reputation as an influential platform to help destigmatize non-heteronormative ways of loving.
54
what is difficult to process is
not a 90 year old marrying
a 40 year old, but the
reverse.
not a 90 year old marrying
a 40 year old, but the
reverse.
98
I find this story just too pat. There seems to be a lot unsaid about the years in between this rather dramatic transition. Is one's love interest transformed in the blink of an eye, or is there a more painful history, which has not been shared here?
105
I believe that living to 90 gives one the right to do as they please. The rest of us may watch slack jawed and rearrange our thoughts, but who are we to judge someone who has put so much work into this thing called life?
151
Once again, my friend Harris Wofford makes a bold move, as idea and fate meet in the creative hour.
In Kevin Spacey's recent CNN documentary "Road to the White House", a young actor plays Harris Wofford in 1960 as an eager 34 year old campaign staffer. With Sargent Shriver as his co-conspirator, Harris convinces his boss, Senator Kennedy, to call Coretta Scott King and express his concern for Dr. King's recent arrest. Robert Kennedy, the Senator's brother, is furious, since he had promised the mostly southern Democratic governors that JFK would not venture into civil rights. He tells Harris: You just lost the election for us. Instead, JFK's kindness (and Bobby's subsequent moves to spring Dr. King) bring a wave of unanticipated African American votes for JFK at the polls. Kennedy beats Nixon by an average margin of one vote per precinct nationwide.
To paraphrase Sinatra's ballad:
Who can say what brought you to this miracle you've found?
There are those who'll bet
Love comes but once, and yet
We're oh, so glad you met
The second time around.
I look forward to being at the ceremony next Saturday, with another good friend, Ryan Tisch, presiding.
In Kevin Spacey's recent CNN documentary "Road to the White House", a young actor plays Harris Wofford in 1960 as an eager 34 year old campaign staffer. With Sargent Shriver as his co-conspirator, Harris convinces his boss, Senator Kennedy, to call Coretta Scott King and express his concern for Dr. King's recent arrest. Robert Kennedy, the Senator's brother, is furious, since he had promised the mostly southern Democratic governors that JFK would not venture into civil rights. He tells Harris: You just lost the election for us. Instead, JFK's kindness (and Bobby's subsequent moves to spring Dr. King) bring a wave of unanticipated African American votes for JFK at the polls. Kennedy beats Nixon by an average margin of one vote per precinct nationwide.
To paraphrase Sinatra's ballad:
Who can say what brought you to this miracle you've found?
There are those who'll bet
Love comes but once, and yet
We're oh, so glad you met
The second time around.
I look forward to being at the ceremony next Saturday, with another good friend, Ryan Tisch, presiding.
119
I'm about to Google to see whether this guy is rich. I will be shocked if he isn't.
56
Dick Van Dyke, 91, is married to a lady who is early 40's so whats the diff ? Love is love
104
Many of the commenters seem to be missing the fact that their move to an intimate relationship was based on a friendship of 3 or 4 years, grounded in shared experiences and interests. It was not a hook-up, as is so common with young people these days, nor did Matthew "pick up someone on the beach" as one commenter stated. Gold diggers don't stick around, waiting for marriage or a financial payoff, for 15 years. It is one the mysteries of the universe: why do we have chemistry with some, and not others? Why do we love who we love? Although I've never had a same sex physical relationship, I can't discount the possibility in the future. Who can predict where love will take us?
267
Thank you for this beautiful story.
44
I am very pleased to see that the concept of marriage is expanding beyond traditional genetic fixations on bearing children, legalizing sexual favors and /or serving the economic well-being of couples and/or families (as in dynastic/political and business arrangements).
I think more and more folks are beginning to understand that love between two people is not necessarily dependent on gender. Sexual relations are, after all, only one aspect of a marriage and as lust evolves into love the sex part recedes in importance as well as in performance.
Love between two people is and should be the prime consideration between any two persons entering into holy matrimony - it is a blending of hearts not of bodies that makes a marriage meaningful.
I think more and more folks are beginning to understand that love between two people is not necessarily dependent on gender. Sexual relations are, after all, only one aspect of a marriage and as lust evolves into love the sex part recedes in importance as well as in performance.
Love between two people is and should be the prime consideration between any two persons entering into holy matrimony - it is a blending of hearts not of bodies that makes a marriage meaningful.
41
At nearly 60, I'm all but invisible to the younger men in the gay community here, so I find Sen. Wofford's story to be the exception rather than the rule.
However, I did meet a fascinating wonderful man on a Florida beach 20 years my senior about three years ago. I was too shy to pursue anything further than a nice conversation with him at the beach. We went our separate ways that afternoon.
Perhaps there's a lesson here.
However, I did meet a fascinating wonderful man on a Florida beach 20 years my senior about three years ago. I was too shy to pursue anything further than a nice conversation with him at the beach. We went our separate ways that afternoon.
Perhaps there's a lesson here.
56
Its good we live in a country where the principles of freedom and happiness are linked. This is a beautiful story of love found; even though it is not common to see a union with such a wide difference in age, it does confirms the fact that love is not confined by religious or custom. Any attraction that develops into love by two adults is something to be celebrated.
36
His poor children!
106
So we've arrived at a toxic moment in our culture and society when anyone who might find this relationship fundamentally troubling--let alone its being trumpeted in the Sunday NY Times, with a virtual parade of PC comments wishing the happy couple bliss--is automatically a "right-wing a**hole"? Initially, a 70 year-old man with a 25 year-old? While their gender is irrelevant to me, which perhaps saves me from the right-wing label, their galactic age difference is not irrelevant. As for "caring who falls in love with who", frankly I don't, until it shows up in the Sunday Times as some sort of testimonial to the infinite limits of romance, let alone gay romance. If one of my 20-something sons revealed to me he was in a relationship with a 70 year-old man, I might react with something other than blanket approval. And if this comment is published, I'll be equally stunned.
174
Good for you for trusting and following your gut. And even better, choosing to write about it. A great story...Have a wonderful wedding.
91
Wait, wait, wait. I thought sexual preference was hardwired at birth and cannot change?
Which is it?
Is it something that can change (is a choice) or hardwired (not a choice)?
Which is it?
Is it something that can change (is a choice) or hardwired (not a choice)?
33
What's the point of their marriage? Are there government benefits they wouldn't otherwise have? Is this easier than making a will?
I would be asking the same question about any 90 year old getting married, no matter what the age and sex of the other one was. Somebody please explain.
I would be asking the same question about any 90 year old getting married, no matter what the age and sex of the other one was. Somebody please explain.
30
What an absolutely BEAUTIFUL story!
21
Tacky and insensitive piece of non sense.
70 years old acting like his?
70 years old acting like his?
45
From news of the tautological: "Matthew is very different from Clare." Gee, you think? Poor, poor Clare. How embarrassing for her.
64
In which Fort Lauderdale beach was the skatebiarder watching old men swim, a beach where no one else swims but tan? Fort Lauderdale has a very high percentage of very wealthy gay seniors....
16
True love transcends sexual orientation. Is it why fundamentalists fight against same-sex relationship or marriage? It seems so. They just don't know about true love.
25
Awesome at one level, tough to swallow at another. Certainly love is love, and we are all somewhere on the Kinsey scale. A future study might show that our orientation is less fixed than it appears, and may wander over time.
But, this is a bit much. How about sex at 70, for starters? Then there is everything else, from money and power to common experiences. This could be more than a father-son relationship, but I sure hope they have been in couples therapy from the start.
But, this is a bit much. How about sex at 70, for starters? Then there is everything else, from money and power to common experiences. This could be more than a father-son relationship, but I sure hope they have been in couples therapy from the start.
18
Is there a prenuptial agreement? Is the 40-year-old self-supporting? If I had a 90-year-old parent marrying someone 50 years his or her junior, I would be concerned about competence and undue influence. If this marriage had happened before the SCOTUS decision on 6/26/15, it might have made a difference. How did Harris Llewellyn Wofford, Jr. contribute to that battle now that he is enjoying the results of the victory?
22
This story made me so happy.
I knew as a young teenager in the '80s that my attraction to others had nothing to do with gender. I fell in love with women just as wholly as men. But back then, especially by the time I got to my liberal women's college, bisexuality was seen as, at best, denial of my true self (straight or gay); at worst, treason. It took me a long time to realize that the politics of the movement for LGBT rights, as essential as they are, did not have anything to do with the workings of my heart.
I say this not to deny the pain of gay and lesbian people who grew up isolated and abused, and who still fight every day for acceptance, even in our rapidly changing society. This fight is not nearly done. But what Senator Wofford's story says to me is that we are working towards the possibility of love and sexuality unbound by the political. That means my bisexual sister, married beautifully in the eyes of her loved ones many years ago, is now also legally married. That means my 11-year-old daughter and her friends can easily laugh over crushes on boys AND girls, without worrying about what's normal, or feeling they have to choose a side.
We are not there yet, and the Senator's story, simply in its publication, is a political statement as well. But I'm heartened by the vast majority of comments that simply celebrate the love he found, without categorizing or judgment.
I knew as a young teenager in the '80s that my attraction to others had nothing to do with gender. I fell in love with women just as wholly as men. But back then, especially by the time I got to my liberal women's college, bisexuality was seen as, at best, denial of my true self (straight or gay); at worst, treason. It took me a long time to realize that the politics of the movement for LGBT rights, as essential as they are, did not have anything to do with the workings of my heart.
I say this not to deny the pain of gay and lesbian people who grew up isolated and abused, and who still fight every day for acceptance, even in our rapidly changing society. This fight is not nearly done. But what Senator Wofford's story says to me is that we are working towards the possibility of love and sexuality unbound by the political. That means my bisexual sister, married beautifully in the eyes of her loved ones many years ago, is now also legally married. That means my 11-year-old daughter and her friends can easily laugh over crushes on boys AND girls, without worrying about what's normal, or feeling they have to choose a side.
We are not there yet, and the Senator's story, simply in its publication, is a political statement as well. But I'm heartened by the vast majority of comments that simply celebrate the love he found, without categorizing or judgment.
41
It is hard for me to imagine that the parents of his young partner are truly pleased even if they seem "welcoming". As a parent of grown children I would not be very happy with this kind of age difference. As noted if it had been a 75 year old man approaching a 25 year old woman the comments would not have been so kind and admiring. Irrespective of gender - a 75 year old who finds companionship with a 25 year old has issues, even if he is an accomplished public servant. The political correctness of the NYT in publishing this as an OpEd is just nauseating - the same publication with its snide references to Sumner Redstone's personal life. The only difference is the gender of the young partner.
65
This belongs in the Modern Love section, not Opinion.
43
Such a very beautiful, moving, generous story of love. It takes great courage to step outside of the life one has known. I was married to a man and now, years later, I'm married to a woman. Both were true, beautiful loves. Life has fewer boundaries and definitions than most realize or experience. It's true- Love is the answer.
27
Prenup?
12
Good luck, go for it.
I find when you are AARP age, your sexuality for some reason becomes uninteresting and boring.
I find when you are AARP age, your sexuality for some reason becomes uninteresting and boring.
7
Although this story says a great deal about the fluidity of sexual orientation, I'm not precisely sure what it means or its implications for the LBGTQ community in general. Can it be saying - for instance - that our sexuality is dependent on meeting the right partner? Or that - depending on circumstances - our sexual orientation can go from straight to gay and, presumably vice-versa? The drumbeat over the last several decades has been that sexual orientation is something we are born with rather than a "lifestyle" as critics on the right are wont to pontificate over as they seek to marginalize the gay community. But I wonder why we get all up in the air about Christian's pushing "conversion" therapy - the so called "pray away the gay" intervention without batting an eye when being gay seems to be a choice in a NYT commentary when a handsome stranger shows up. Don't get me wrong here. I believe anyone should be perfectly happy and comfortable to do whatever, with whomever, whenever as long as both parties are capable of consent and do so willingly. But given our politics over the last few years, this story - beautiful as it feels to read - represents an enormous contradiction.
24
Dear Sir,
By all means, continue to live, love and laugh with your partner of the past 15 years, who, in fact, is young enough to be your grandson. But please: DO NOT MARRY! Think of your actual grandchildren, your children and perhaps your great-grandchildren: in marrying, you will be creating financial disaster and familial discord on a staggering level. And that's just for starters. At the age of 90, you've lived long enough to be familiar with the aphorism: "No fool like an old fool". Skip the wedding and revel in the time left to you and your second great love.
By all means, continue to live, love and laugh with your partner of the past 15 years, who, in fact, is young enough to be your grandson. But please: DO NOT MARRY! Think of your actual grandchildren, your children and perhaps your great-grandchildren: in marrying, you will be creating financial disaster and familial discord on a staggering level. And that's just for starters. At the age of 90, you've lived long enough to be familiar with the aphorism: "No fool like an old fool". Skip the wedding and revel in the time left to you and your second great love.
38
Pivate stuff!
10
hope there's a prenup for the children's sake....
33
Whatever their genders, a 90-year-old marrying a 40-year-old makes one or both seem delusional.
For his children's sake, I hope this guy has a water-tight pre-nup.
For his children's sake, I hope this guy has a water-tight pre-nup.
72
Life in Venice
9
I would have admiration for this piece if it were truthful in saying that the author always had feelings for other men but knew it would not be politically expedient to be openly gay or even single, and so took a wife. It's amazing that he could finally express himself honestly in his old age, and even more amazing frankly that he could find someone to be interested in him sexually. But for him to imply that he just "became" gay at 75 is complete bull and anyone that believes it just so gullible. The Times should not even print such an obvious reputation- burnishing lie, and the politician does his children, gay people, and all of the rest of us a disservice by not simply admitting that it would not have been possible as a homosexual man to have his chosen career or children in that era, so he took a wife as a way to address this problem. Tell the truth!
100
As a gay man, I'm willing to bet that younger-older pairings are more common in our community than for straight couples. But even so, this particular pairing (25 and 75!) stretches the imagination. If it were an older man and a younger woman with this age difference, people would probably be throwing around the word 'gold-digger'.
Anyway, cynical though I am I wish them all the best. Fifteen years is a long time to dig. Whatever the "end game" turns out to be, I wish them a happy life together.
Anyway, cynical though I am I wish them all the best. Fifteen years is a long time to dig. Whatever the "end game" turns out to be, I wish them a happy life together.
33
Humankind never ceases to amaze me!
3
This is an extraodinary story, sure to repel some and endear others. A very wise man with whom I studied psychology with (that of myself and others) taught me something I have carried for nearly fifty years: "The most difficult areas to enter in personal relationships are anger, sex and money." I must add, not necessarily in that order. Of course there are subtexts to that view.
In my sixty years of "loving" I have learned much - especially about judging others. I am grateful that besides "judgment" there exists a human endeavor that is "COURAGE." That comes in many forms.
In my sixty years of "loving" I have learned much - especially about judging others. I am grateful that besides "judgment" there exists a human endeavor that is "COURAGE." That comes in many forms.
23
This article, judging by the broad spectrum of judgement of the many blogs, strikes me as the latest in Rorschach testing. Perhaps should be used for CIA candidates doing work in so far never explored but questionable areas of the world.
6
So Mr. Wofford's new partner is 50 years younger and uninterested in the political causes that have dominated Mr. Wofford's life. I fear Mr. Wofford is being taken for a ride. His partner's gender is irrelevant, I worry about his partner's values.
61
Sort of tired with the prospect of an octogenarian can't marry with a junior. When it happen, most human brain in the hope of finding a meaning with the assistance of the person's mental picture, it finds the most common and the most logical cause (within his or her mental picture); money.
And I encourage you to widen your mental pictures if you happen to think merely that way.
And I encourage you to widen your mental pictures if you happen to think merely that way.
5
Love is about so much more that with whom you want to have intimate relations. Love is about who accompanies us and enriches throughout this strange journey called life.
It shouldn't really matter what that other person's genitals look like.
It shouldn't really matter what that other person's genitals look like.
15
If a 75 year old man, world weary and armed with a lifetime of experience as a political operative seduced my 25 year old daughter, I would be find it inappropriate and predatory and would worry that I had not provided my daughter with the emotional strength and decision making to make better judgement.
40
Don't take for granted love that people have for you- ever!
10
Try this on for size. Make a few changes and see if the story reads as wonderfully. A 75 YO man is picked up on a beach by lithe and athletic woman 1/3 his age. A 25 YO man picks up a 75 YO woman at the beach.
I must be a terrible person but the age difference and situation raises a question or two. There IS going to be a lot of money involved as well as true love - whatever that is.
I must be a terrible person but the age difference and situation raises a question or two. There IS going to be a lot of money involved as well as true love - whatever that is.
32
I feel so sad reading these comments. I want to shield Mr. Harris and his loved ones from them. But I suppose that he knew the range of responses people would have towards his soon-to-be-marriage, and is protected by his own sunny romanticism and perhaps the ultimate rank of having spent more time on this earth than have his critics.
14
This story would almost never have happened in the 1950s. Aren't we all lucky that our country has changed with less barriers to life and love. Congratulations Mr. Wofford and Matthew.
10
I thought being gay was a trait one was born with. Guess not.
15
If the 90-year-old were male and the 40-year-old were female, I would speculate that the 90-year-old was being taken advantage of in some way and the 40-year-old was a gold digger eager to inherit. Why should it be different simply because both parties are male? In my view, a couple is a couple. If I would not think that this is a beautiful story if the couple were heterosexual (and I would not), I should not think that this is a beautiful story when the couple both happen to be male.
28
LET FREEDOM RING Congratulations to Harris Wofford and Matthew Charlton on their developing a deep friendship and love. I wish them well as they marry. The world has changed so that more people can live their lives and love openly. Best wishes.
15
Thank you for articulating my own viewpoint that one's sexuality may be regarded as a continuum that ranges from the hardest-core heterosexual attraction to the most focused same-sex attraction. It all depends on how one is socialised. But many important studies have demonstrated that male arousal at the sight of another already-aroused male is a universal sexual stimulus, one that predates our contrived prohibitions to the contrary. Love is lovely. What else matters?
12
A brave piece, yet full of chasms in what is not said. What was it really like for Clare, married all those years to a man who could not possibly have loved her sexually? Why is a young man marrying a man fifty years his senior? Fifty. Not ten, not twenty, not thirty, not forty. Fifty. How are the children coping with the immensity of this discovery--that their father's relationship to their mother could not possibly have been what they thought it to be? I hope this couple will be happy together and I hope that the older man is not betraying the trust of his late wife that their children will be treated in an ethical manner when he dies.
47
Happy for you both. But I do wonder if you've the urge to change public restrooms?
3
Congratulations! What an exciting day for both of you. Wishing you much joy.
13
Congratulations Senator Wofford!!!
10
Wonderful story, thanks for your honesty and courage in sharing it. May it help people realise that sexuality can be way more fluid than has traditionally been thought.
13
For every mean there has to be an outlier. Somebody has to be in the 99.9 th percentile! Keep breaking those boundaries. Bless your lives together!
22
Live and let live. Nice story. At 90, still kicking, which is the best part.
26
Dear Harris,
My dear, dear old friend.
I have been blessed to know you for 30 years.
I recall vividly the night you defeated former PA Governor Dick Thornburgh in a special election to replace Senator John Heinz, who had died in a plane crash.
I held Clare's hand in your suite the Franklin Plaza in Philadelphia, when James Carville rushed into your hotel suite and almost knocked over our friend, Governor Robert P. Casey, as he screamed "It's a landslide, Harris. A 'bleeping' landslide."
And it was.
I remember sharing a drink that night with Senator Paul Wellstone, who soon would meet the same fate, in the same way, as Senator Heinz.
I remember answering the telephone when the late Senator Ted Kennedy called to congratulate you.
Imagine, a little boy from Ellwood City, talking on the phone with a Kennedy, celebrating history with a dear friend who walked with Kings.
I honor what you stand for. I thank you for teaching me that the key to serving people is loving them, listening to them, learning from them.
May the God who welcomed you when our dear friend Father Hesburgh baptized you a Catholic so many years ago, bless you and Matthew now.
Love is love, Harris.
I love you.
My dear, dear old friend.
I have been blessed to know you for 30 years.
I recall vividly the night you defeated former PA Governor Dick Thornburgh in a special election to replace Senator John Heinz, who had died in a plane crash.
I held Clare's hand in your suite the Franklin Plaza in Philadelphia, when James Carville rushed into your hotel suite and almost knocked over our friend, Governor Robert P. Casey, as he screamed "It's a landslide, Harris. A 'bleeping' landslide."
And it was.
I remember sharing a drink that night with Senator Paul Wellstone, who soon would meet the same fate, in the same way, as Senator Heinz.
I remember answering the telephone when the late Senator Ted Kennedy called to congratulate you.
Imagine, a little boy from Ellwood City, talking on the phone with a Kennedy, celebrating history with a dear friend who walked with Kings.
I honor what you stand for. I thank you for teaching me that the key to serving people is loving them, listening to them, learning from them.
May the God who welcomed you when our dear friend Father Hesburgh baptized you a Catholic so many years ago, bless you and Matthew now.
Love is love, Harris.
I love you.
74
This beautiful story happens frequently here in Fort Lauderdale where men who have completed other lives encounter those just starting out. Seriously, it is part of what makes life on this beach unique. As a local gay journalist I receive more of these stories than I could ever tell. If your father says he's moving to Lauderdale, asking him if he is gay would be a fair question.
36
People.... people who need people.....
Maybe this is a case of a 'father' needing a 'son', and visa versa....
Ultimately we must not judge.... but Mr. Wofford is inviting judgment, is he not ?
Was his wealth the attraction ? His comfie home ?
Was platonic friendship not an option ? But 'marriage' ? Most unusual... or is it ?
Maybe this is a case of a 'father' needing a 'son', and visa versa....
Ultimately we must not judge.... but Mr. Wofford is inviting judgment, is he not ?
Was his wealth the attraction ? His comfie home ?
Was platonic friendship not an option ? But 'marriage' ? Most unusual... or is it ?
8
This is an amazing story that probably deserves a more detailed telling. Lots of questions unanswered. Be that as it may, very uplifting. Makes me proud to be a gay Pennsylvanian. Congratulations senator!!!
12
I always knew 'boarders were lazy, but this guy is looking for some moolah, taken from the public coffers of a failed state worker.
11
Too strange for me. I wish people kept their sexual personna to themselves.
Normally I congratulate this newspaper for their articles. This belongs in the National Enquirer or as electronic fish wrap.
Normally I congratulate this newspaper for their articles. This belongs in the National Enquirer or as electronic fish wrap.
43
Never let anyone steal your joy.
May these two gentlemen share theirs in abundance.
May these two gentlemen share theirs in abundance.
26
If Sen. Wofford and Matthew have been together for 15 years, it would seem that age has made little difference in their affection and love. Let's be open about age as well.
25
I envy you... from now on, I'll be looking out for creative hours when idea and fate meet in my life. I sure don't want to miss them.
12
Power and Money
I can't imagine Matthew writing this story, describing for all the world his great love from age 25 with a 70 year-old man. Once you peel away the same-sex angle, this article contains little more than boasting of having conquered a trophy boy now clearly on display. I suggest that before Mr. Wofford throws off his mortal coil (Of course, I wish him a long, happy life), he read "the Death of Artemio Cruz," which touches upon a similar relationship with regard to age differential. All I can say is that I hope Mr. Wofford's ability to grow and be flexible contains room to allow Mathew to engage in sexually fulfilling relationships with others at the same time that he shares this relationship with Mr. Wofford. Monogomy under these circumstances would be cruel indeed.
I can't imagine Matthew writing this story, describing for all the world his great love from age 25 with a 70 year-old man. Once you peel away the same-sex angle, this article contains little more than boasting of having conquered a trophy boy now clearly on display. I suggest that before Mr. Wofford throws off his mortal coil (Of course, I wish him a long, happy life), he read "the Death of Artemio Cruz," which touches upon a similar relationship with regard to age differential. All I can say is that I hope Mr. Wofford's ability to grow and be flexible contains room to allow Mathew to engage in sexually fulfilling relationships with others at the same time that he shares this relationship with Mr. Wofford. Monogomy under these circumstances would be cruel indeed.
8
To each his own, we live in a free country. There is a growing community of people who are vocal here:
goo.gl/0tdkQz
goo.gl/0tdkQz
4
Love is in the air...
Admirable to read this love story, and the clear ideas of an old man. I wish many young people would be capable to see the whole picture like this man.
It made me think in Oliver Saks, whom by his last days shared with us about his loved partner.
In this days full of bad news, stories like this help to rethink the kind of society is needed: a more tolerant, fully inclusive, self-critical and re-shepable.
Admirable to read this love story, and the clear ideas of an old man. I wish many young people would be capable to see the whole picture like this man.
It made me think in Oliver Saks, whom by his last days shared with us about his loved partner.
In this days full of bad news, stories like this help to rethink the kind of society is needed: a more tolerant, fully inclusive, self-critical and re-shepable.
18
Absolutely lovely. Hope springs eternal! And blessings on both your heads.
15
Congratulations to Mr. Wofford and his husband.
There is no reason to doubt anything he writes, but it seems he left much unaddressed and deliberately so. He certainly doesn't need my approbation, nor that of any other Times reader, but I think Times editors owe us more.
What about sex?
Is this a platonic relationship?
Either way, I really am glad for Mr. Wofford. It sounds like he deserves happiness and companionship. The younger man may be something of a golddigger, but there are worse sins. We all bring different contributions to the table.
But to shy away from even an allusion to sex seems more than coy. Being sexually attracted to someone 25 is, let's be honest, far more likely than to be attracted to a 70y.o.
My guess, and of course it is just that, is that the author has probably had same sex attractions, and also wasn't same sex celibate.
He is entitled to some discretion, and we don't require intimate details. The old grey lady wouldn't oblige, anyway.
But, get real, dude, to use your husband's age appropriate lingo, don't have the reticence imposed on convent school girls regarding YOU KNOW WHAT.
I feel somewhat cheated here. Good liberals are obviously expected to applaud, and i do, but I would have appreciated more forthrightness.
What was probably omitted isn't shameful, and avoiding that obvious issue implies that it is.
There is no reason to doubt anything he writes, but it seems he left much unaddressed and deliberately so. He certainly doesn't need my approbation, nor that of any other Times reader, but I think Times editors owe us more.
What about sex?
Is this a platonic relationship?
Either way, I really am glad for Mr. Wofford. It sounds like he deserves happiness and companionship. The younger man may be something of a golddigger, but there are worse sins. We all bring different contributions to the table.
But to shy away from even an allusion to sex seems more than coy. Being sexually attracted to someone 25 is, let's be honest, far more likely than to be attracted to a 70y.o.
My guess, and of course it is just that, is that the author has probably had same sex attractions, and also wasn't same sex celibate.
He is entitled to some discretion, and we don't require intimate details. The old grey lady wouldn't oblige, anyway.
But, get real, dude, to use your husband's age appropriate lingo, don't have the reticence imposed on convent school girls regarding YOU KNOW WHAT.
I feel somewhat cheated here. Good liberals are obviously expected to applaud, and i do, but I would have appreciated more forthrightness.
What was probably omitted isn't shameful, and avoiding that obvious issue implies that it is.
14
"the greatest thing you'll ever learn, is just to love and be loved in return".
final line in nat 'king' cole's standard 'nature boy'. the song was written by eden ahbez for mr. cole.
final line in nat 'king' cole's standard 'nature boy'. the song was written by eden ahbez for mr. cole.
8
A positive story in the sunday New York Times. Wonderful!
4
There is such a gender disparity among supporters of this article and gay marriage in general. Without exception, whenever someone declaims " love us love" it is a woman.
4
Oh Boy! I suddenly doubt my liberal self.
8
Eternal love,it's a story of two hearts that flutter in tandem.A rare celestial event.
A once in a life time bond.True love has no gender.
Very nice,wish you all the happiness for years to come.
A once in a life time bond.True love has no gender.
Very nice,wish you all the happiness for years to come.
9
Dear Mr. Wofford:
I am from PA and remember you very well. In addition, I have also had the pleasure of finding the love of which you speak with a man as well as a woman. I am so very very happy for you. I wish you all the happiness in the world. Thank you for writing such a moving and loving story... and thereby continuing to add to our progress and march to freedom!
I am from PA and remember you very well. In addition, I have also had the pleasure of finding the love of which you speak with a man as well as a woman. I am so very very happy for you. I wish you all the happiness in the world. Thank you for writing such a moving and loving story... and thereby continuing to add to our progress and march to freedom!
21
Thank you.
4
This paper has some communist type of comment filtration. Please respect 1st amendment right starting here. What a communist paper.
4
Simply lovely. Blessings.
12
"Anyone who arbitrarily leaves out half of the human race in their quest for love is a fool." This from my favorite Catholic uncle 50 years ago as he helped me to trust my choices. Welcome to the B group Harris!
11
Would that the world would change so dramatically and embrace all love.
9
Very odd story, but what is even odder is, why is the NY Times is running it? This belongs in a magazine, not the newspaper of record.
As a liberal and supporter of gay rights, I cannot stand your newspaper's crude attempts are social engineering. Stick to what you do best, reporting the news.
As a liberal and supporter of gay rights, I cannot stand your newspaper's crude attempts are social engineering. Stick to what you do best, reporting the news.
25
I am too joyously moved to speak.
8
Beautiful. My best wishes for the grooms.
5
Congratulations on your genuine love together, and on your extraordinary bravery in writing this astoundingly tender piece. For LGBT folks who harshly judge this man based on cruel ageism, for homophobic straight folks terrified of witnessing their heterosexist cultural privileges steadily erode, and for anyone else who gives themselves free reign to scrutinize this couple, I have a question: If your reaction is indeed disproportionate to the event (viz., two consenting adults' relationship), what does that say about your humanity?
10
It's not the gender issue.
It is that inter-generational romantic/sex relationships are inherently destabilizing to a society if they become more common.
It is that inter-generational romantic/sex relationships are inherently destabilizing to a society if they become more common.
5
So, what happened to national service?
I'm afraid my reactions to this are not of the 'how lovely' stripe.
I find the age difference creepy. If one of my 20-something children brought home a 75- year- old, I would doubt my own child's motives ($?) and would think the older person something of a fool.
I find the need to tell this 'story' sad and immature. 'I met someone' is news we all like to share. But no one cares except our friends and families.
Unless we can make the I met someone story interesting, which this piece fails to do.The philosophical and world peace stuff is not in any way connected to the 'story' and so the piece certainly does not hold together as an essay. Or even a piece.
Which brings me to finding the publication of this by the NYT a disappointing exercise in political correctness.
I wish we could get national service in place-- no matter the sex lives of the policy makers.
I'm afraid my reactions to this are not of the 'how lovely' stripe.
I find the age difference creepy. If one of my 20-something children brought home a 75- year- old, I would doubt my own child's motives ($?) and would think the older person something of a fool.
I find the need to tell this 'story' sad and immature. 'I met someone' is news we all like to share. But no one cares except our friends and families.
Unless we can make the I met someone story interesting, which this piece fails to do.The philosophical and world peace stuff is not in any way connected to the 'story' and so the piece certainly does not hold together as an essay. Or even a piece.
Which brings me to finding the publication of this by the NYT a disappointing exercise in political correctness.
I wish we could get national service in place-- no matter the sex lives of the policy makers.
13
It is great that if you change your mind about sexual orientation then it is straight forward to have a relationship and marry. There is an age difference but they are adults and know the future problems.
3
A truly lovely story. Being open to those 'creative hours' is a wonderful thing; and I would guess, that same openness leads to an everyday sort of felicity.
All the best to you both!
(PS: the illustration is striking)
All the best to you both!
(PS: the illustration is striking)
3
It is of some comfort to know that despite all the backwards regression at the state level in regards to women's health, unequal pay, disenfranchisement, disability and gender issues that at the very least, two financially comfortable white dudes with a half century age difference can marry without anyone saying boo. Meanwhile women wait their turn to be placed on the back of a dime bag currency note.
9
bravo
5
Same sex relationships are not at all about sex, they are about psychological needs. Psychologically we ALWAYS look for in others what we think we lack, what we think we do not have.
5
Two thoughts occurred to me as I read this piece.
First, Harris Wofford, sadly, never will be able to run for the U.S. Senate from Pennsylvania again.
Second is that while I understand the need for role models, I must wonder whether anything is private anymore in our America. Must we "share" EVERYTHING?
First, Harris Wofford, sadly, never will be able to run for the U.S. Senate from Pennsylvania again.
Second is that while I understand the need for role models, I must wonder whether anything is private anymore in our America. Must we "share" EVERYTHING?
20
Richard, which part of his story should be "private"... the straight marriage or the same sex marriage? These stories need to be told.....suppressing these stories is a thing of the past.
6
Congratulations to you and Matthew! Thanks for having the kind of courage and honesty that is needed to share a life well lived. But above all, thanks for sharing your beautiful journey with Clare and Matthew and teach us all that living fully never stops. With sincere gratitude,
13
I suspect the first part of this op-ed was more to your liking than the second.
4
It is all so hard to fathom, but my very best wishes men. Enjoy!
2
Harris, what a beautiful and uplifting story. You just never know where life is going to take you. I have a feeling that I will remember your story for the rest of my life. Thank you so much for sharing. Congratulations to you and Matthew.
23
a stunning story of love and courage. thank you so much for sharing.
17
I wish you both great happiness..........you are right.....marriage is about love.
19
Congratulations, Mr. Wofford! Your life has been so rich and inspiring. You didn't mention the Planting Fields college which later became SUNY Old Westbury, nor Peace Corps, both of which you and I have in common. To me, what's most interesting about you is your example of a lifetime of openness to growth and personal evolution. You are a true inspiration to me. I wish you the best.
27
This is nothing but a lot of schmaltz. I almost gagged reading it.
33
Same sex couples have actually had a right to separate-but-equal marriage since 2000. Vermont's Supreme Court ordered marriage or its equivalent, and its legislature, to avoid religious objections to complete equality, gave gay marriage a different name. Many are we who trekked to Vermont from all corners of the country to take the same vows and assume the same obligations as married couples, with full knowledge that our unions could only be severed by a year's residency in Vermont. Yet today, our Federal Government refuses to recognize these unions because they were separate-but-equal. Would it refuse to recognize degrees from Howard University from the days when it was separate-but-equal?
2
When one brings the state into their relationship via a marriage license, one is taking a step beyond love to say this other person and I want our finances to be governed by marriage law upon death or divorce. if you want to marry solely for love, then presumably you have a lengthy prenuptial agreement that takes care of the assets and inheritance so that your estate is
14
Umm..really. Whatever, you're 50 years older and NOW you're gay? Go ahead and get married, it's just a piece of paper, senator. I'm also glad your children are not mortified, I would be.
22
I suppose such a thing is possible. But, I would wonder how wealthy Harris is and how well off the 40 year old is. Or, will be when Harris departs the pattern.
40
Questioning nothing I say the best of everything to you and your partner and soon husband. You are a lucky man to have found love again. Go for it.
27
"Too often, our society seeks to label people by pinning them on the wall — straight, gay or in between. I don’t categorize myself based on the gender of those I love."
Thank you, Mr. Wofford, for saying this, for giving voice to my reality.
And thank you opening my heart to the possibility that, at 52, I may yet love again--and that age need not be a barrier of any sort.
All blessings to you and your beloved!
Thank you, Mr. Wofford, for saying this, for giving voice to my reality.
And thank you opening my heart to the possibility that, at 52, I may yet love again--and that age need not be a barrier of any sort.
All blessings to you and your beloved!
31
What normal 25 year old is attracted to a 70 year old? Seriously. This story is weird and gross. I can't even imagine how his adult children REALLY felt when he busted out the photo album filled with pictures of all the fun times with this kid almost half their age.
86
First, you misread the article. He referred to the man's 25-year-old-spirit, who was actually 40 years of age.
The wired and gross about this beautiful story is, your response.
1
too bad that you don't believe in real love - it doesn't have age/sex/appearance aspects - it is the meeting of two brains who are attracted - and could happen to anyone who is open to life
3
Thank you, Harris, your piece is delightful. I lost my wife to cancer two years ago, and my first realization was that I didn't think love was likely to happen again to an over-60 guy like me.
Your story reminds me that love can happen at any time, even under complicated circumstances.
Thank you for stepping forward. It helped me remember that hope springs eternal, even among us mortals.
Your story reminds me that love can happen at any time, even under complicated circumstances.
Thank you for stepping forward. It helped me remember that hope springs eternal, even among us mortals.
42
90 - 40 = 50
I wish you the best.
I wish for many good things, like peace on planet earth, that global warming can be restrained, and exotic species like the rhino survive.
I wish you the best.
I wish for many good things, like peace on planet earth, that global warming can be restrained, and exotic species like the rhino survive.
8
Its remarkable the Senator was never, ever attracted to men until that spark on the beach with Mr. Charlton........
30
But he wasn't attracted to "men"; he was attracted to a PERSON who turned out to BE a man.
6
I don't believe he was never before attracted to men. He was a senator who was in denial.
11
Lovely. Thank you.
12
Beautiful story thank you. This is the reason I have fought all my life for the rights of other people. The pursuit of happiness should be America's number one Right!
23
If this was a 75-year-old guy telling his story about finding love with a 25-year-old girl, how many of the swooning commenters in this section would still be swooning?
218
I had a problem with the age thing too, so I don't think it is swoon worthy. But I will grant it occasionally happens in either case.
5
Goethe did very nearly that in 1823 with Ulrike von Levetzow, 55 years his junior. Although he was the greatest European intellectual of the day, this made him the object of ridicule, not praise.
6
From some of the comments I've seen here, there seems to be an assumption that same-gender love between two men must necessarily involve a sexual component. Is that necessarily so? I see no hint of that in Mr. Wofford's essay, and whether it's so or not is of no consequence.
The key to it is that love has no boundaries other than those imposed by cultural imperatives. A man may say "I love my dog," and no one thinks anything of it. Is he speaking of bestiality? Of course not! He simply love his dog.
But one may excite an excess of curiosity if he were to pronounce "I love my old friend Sam". What does he mean !?!
I'm in my mid-seventies how, and an old friend - dating back to high school and college - wrote that he loved me. He of course meant that in a platonic sense because we were never lovers nor even thought about it. Still, his expression of love warmed my heart as little else could. He meant love in its utmost expression: admiration, respect and a sense of human fellowship and bonding that goes far deeper than the merely physical. A man may love a man.
Few things in my life have touched me more deeply, and if he weren't already conventionally married (as am I), the prospect of "sharing rooms" together as Holmes and Watson would be of the greatest delight.
A man may love a man in many ways, and if Mr. Wofford's love has an erotic element to it, all the better. I would neither approve nor disapprove. That would be none of my business anyway.
The key to it is that love has no boundaries other than those imposed by cultural imperatives. A man may say "I love my dog," and no one thinks anything of it. Is he speaking of bestiality? Of course not! He simply love his dog.
But one may excite an excess of curiosity if he were to pronounce "I love my old friend Sam". What does he mean !?!
I'm in my mid-seventies how, and an old friend - dating back to high school and college - wrote that he loved me. He of course meant that in a platonic sense because we were never lovers nor even thought about it. Still, his expression of love warmed my heart as little else could. He meant love in its utmost expression: admiration, respect and a sense of human fellowship and bonding that goes far deeper than the merely physical. A man may love a man.
Few things in my life have touched me more deeply, and if he weren't already conventionally married (as am I), the prospect of "sharing rooms" together as Holmes and Watson would be of the greatest delight.
A man may love a man in many ways, and if Mr. Wofford's love has an erotic element to it, all the better. I would neither approve nor disapprove. That would be none of my business anyway.
214
I would not discount the sexual aspect of this relationship. it would have been unseemly to reference intimacy in an article about finding love later in life.
If Matthew were a woman sex would be a given.
If Matthew were a woman sex would be a given.
3
What a beautiful story! Congratulations on finding love twice in a lifetime, and being open enough to accept it in all its varieties.
9
Congrats!
5
When people get as old as Harris Wofford, the prime consideration in a relationship is companionship. All the other stuff of youth -- sex, children, future -- becomes of secondary consideration. I think this is the case for Sen. Wofford. The motivation of his friend is not clear in this piece.
At any rate, Wofford's story reminded me of the unorthodox poem of Walt Whitman, "When I Heard at the Close of the Day." The narrator keenly details his anticipation over reuniting with the person he loves at the end of the day. It's only in the final stanza that he reveals the person is a man:
"For the one I love most lay sleeping by me under the same cover in the cool night/In the stillness in the autumn moonbeams his face was inclined toward me/And his arm lay lightly around my breast – and that night I was happy."
Good luck Sen. Wofford.
At any rate, Wofford's story reminded me of the unorthodox poem of Walt Whitman, "When I Heard at the Close of the Day." The narrator keenly details his anticipation over reuniting with the person he loves at the end of the day. It's only in the final stanza that he reveals the person is a man:
"For the one I love most lay sleeping by me under the same cover in the cool night/In the stillness in the autumn moonbeams his face was inclined toward me/And his arm lay lightly around my breast – and that night I was happy."
Good luck Sen. Wofford.
21
I am not often startled when reading an article. I thought Matthew was going to introduce him to his mother--or maybe even his father. My goodness!
4
What a beautiful and heartwarming story . Congratulations .
5
I am glad to hear of Senator Wofford's happiness in recent years. I hadn't known much about him after he served in the Senate. His story serves as much to show the development of a loving partnership in one's senior years as it does the opportunity to more easily find love in a same-gender relationship today. There's always hope for a new love, even at age 75 or older, and it can be with a person of any age or gender. How nice.
5
I love this story, at a time when good news is hard to come by. May you and Matthew be happy.
5
Mazel Tov!
6
So, this man decided to get out of the closet in his late 80's? preposterous!!
15
It has been said we are all bisexual. Only culture and religion prevent us from admitting it.
4
And to think that when I was 49 I asked out a 34 yr old that was horrified that someone my age was interested in her.
12
Harris. You are a brave man. Thank you for sharing your life with us. Best wishes in your life with Matthew. And thanks for your service to our country.
9
Thank you Harris, for sharing your moving story, thank you to the editors of the New York Times for publishing it. The courage, wisdom, and depth of humanity in Harris' words are truly inspiring. I am moved to tears. The takeaway here is that if we stop putting labels on ourselves and each other, when we remove the fear of intimacy, when we free ourselves to love and live with courage and honesty, then life surprises us with joy and love. In the end, we are only humans after all with a great need for love and validation from that special person who will walk with us in the journey of life. Harris had Clare, and now, Matthew. These are the two greatest loves of his life, worthy to be celebrated. It's never too late to find love, and how wonderful that life gives us new chances to do so. Congratulations, Harris and Matthew!
16
It would seem that there's more to this story than Mr. Wofford presents. Regarding the age difference, I would be curious to know if Mr. Wofford is well off.
13
You know the country's come a long way when the surprising part of the story is the age difference
20
Best wishes to you on your wedding day!
14
Senator Wofford,
I urge you to follow your heart. I admit to having some misgivings about the 50 year age difference between you and your fiancé. But as long as you both are equal partners in the relationship, perhaps that age gap doesn't really matter.
I urge you to follow your heart. I admit to having some misgivings about the 50 year age difference between you and your fiancé. But as long as you both are equal partners in the relationship, perhaps that age gap doesn't really matter.
5
I'm all for true love (regardless of age,) and equality and all, but there's a 50 year age difference here. That's a lot. I really hope there's a prenup...and that his kids will look out for him.
28
Mr. Wofford,
Please get a pre-nup.
Please get a pre-nup.
31
Harris, I always admired you greatly. I am familiar with your sterling history of national service.
But I wonder: You are 90 and he is 40. If I were in your position, I would feel somewhat guilty. Love is not something that only resides in books and poems and high and noble thoughts. We are human. We are corporeal. We are men. And love isn't being experienced in its fullest dimension if the desperate embraces, wettest kisses and swelling organs aren't there. Perhaps your lover is running away from life, from what he can do with his relative youth. I mean he's not exactly a churchman who ran into a convent or an abbey to run away from life, but it appears that instead of living in the world that is really alive he opted for custodial work with a senior citizen. I think both of you ought to examine your feelings more closely. You are a great champion on civil rights
But I wonder: You are 90 and he is 40. If I were in your position, I would feel somewhat guilty. Love is not something that only resides in books and poems and high and noble thoughts. We are human. We are corporeal. We are men. And love isn't being experienced in its fullest dimension if the desperate embraces, wettest kisses and swelling organs aren't there. Perhaps your lover is running away from life, from what he can do with his relative youth. I mean he's not exactly a churchman who ran into a convent or an abbey to run away from life, but it appears that instead of living in the world that is really alive he opted for custodial work with a senior citizen. I think both of you ought to examine your feelings more closely. You are a great champion on civil rights
13
You are a Romantic! What a great love stories....you lucky guy!
14
Oh, this is so beautiful I can't stand it.
12
only in the New York Times!
9
What an extraordinary story. Would that every man and woman, no matter their age, were as able to sense their own creative hour and seize upon it. Clearly Mr. Wofford you remain the optimistic romantic, and I can't helping wondering if Matthew is your counterbalancing realist. But no matter. What a rich life you have had...some people just get younger as they get older.
12
A fortunate man to have found two such "loves of his life." I've never felt it was anyone else's business who one dates or marries. Why, then, am I so curious . . . about the age difference in this relationship?!
7
Goethe, arguably Europe's greatest intellectual, wanted to marry Ulrike von Levetzow, in 1823. He was born in 1749 and she in 1804, so it was a similar age difference. Goethe had been a widower since 1816, which adds an additional parallel.
8
Dear Sir,
By all means, continue to live, love and laugh with your partner of the past 20 years, who, in fact, is young enough to be your grandson. But please: DO NOT MARRY! Think of your actual grandchildren, your children and perhaps your great-grandchildren: in marrying, you will be creating financial disaster and familial discord on a staggering level. And that's just for starters. At the age of 90 years, you've lived long enough to be familiar with the aphorism: "No fool like an old fool". Skip the wedding and revel in the time left to you and your second great love.
By all means, continue to live, love and laugh with your partner of the past 20 years, who, in fact, is young enough to be your grandson. But please: DO NOT MARRY! Think of your actual grandchildren, your children and perhaps your great-grandchildren: in marrying, you will be creating financial disaster and familial discord on a staggering level. And that's just for starters. At the age of 90 years, you've lived long enough to be familiar with the aphorism: "No fool like an old fool". Skip the wedding and revel in the time left to you and your second great love.
45
True love never ceases to amaze me. Best wishes.
5
Well, uh, thanks for sharing, old sport...
12
Beautiful and hopeful.
9
Wow. Beautiful. God be with you.
10
Dear Senator: I'm very happy for you & Matthew & hope that your years to come are as wonderful as the 15 years you've shared so far. Congratulations! : )
10
Congratulations - such a beautiful life you have lead!!! May the sun shine upon your marriage to Matthew (I would offer to be the flower girl but I suspect you have one already!)
LOVE all around!!!
LOVE all around!!!
12
I am so happy that you found the love of your life, twice. That is absolutely wonderful. And while I inderstand why you don't want to label yourself, I would do it anyway, to preempt others from doing the same and trap you in that label. It also makes you seem less than happpy about what you are, which I know is not the case. I do not mean any of this to be mean. I just don't want to see anything ugly and homophobic happen to you and your partner.
2
Bill Clinton, Martin Buber, Martin Luther King, Jr. -- this guy's a bit of a name-dropper, isn't he?
I am entirely for same-sex marriage and campaigned for it for years, and I believe I voted for HW when I lived in Pennsylvania. But is it really necessary to advertise one's proximity to celebrities so insistently? This would read better without such heavily-dropped names.
I am entirely for same-sex marriage and campaigned for it for years, and I believe I voted for HW when I lived in Pennsylvania. But is it really necessary to advertise one's proximity to celebrities so insistently? This would read better without such heavily-dropped names.
23
My only concern would be the age discrepancy...but love, is love.
2
Delusional:50 year age difference with a 25 year old is a relationship of equals
25
"recognizing that matrimony is not based on anyone’s sexual nature, choices or dreams. It is based on love" ... "at ages 90 and 40"
No, it is not about sex, choices or dreams, it is about transferring large assets from one person to another tax-free. And why not?
No, it is not about sex, choices or dreams, it is about transferring large assets from one person to another tax-free. And why not?
21
Robert Duvall married Luciana Pedraza in 2005 when he was 74 and she was 33, and they're still married. One of many such stories all aropund us.
3
This is a truly remarkable and touching story! It shows that even great differences in age need not be a barrier when people's minds and hearts are deeply connected. I'm reminded of the case of Oliver Sacks, the brilliant neurologist and popular author, who at seventy-five met and eventually entered a committed long-term partnership with a much younger man. Here's wishing Harris and Matthew a happy and fulfilling marriage!
17
My partner, my 2nd wife, is in many ways one of the most difficult persons I've ever spent an extended period of my life with, which is now 15 years with 2 kids, and I love her dearly. She's not my best friend or soul mate, she's the love of my life.
Props to Harris who has found the special bond of love again. I just want to offer that so many stories of bonding are about the romance of finding ones soulmate, like this one, while, in general we give short shrift to bonds of love that grow through the battles of disagreement between 2 dynamic personalities that frequently find themselves throwing the proverbial pots and pans at each other.
Obviously there is a very unique angle to this story, which is redefining the definition of what is a loving monogamous relationship. That said, the 60 year difference between the 2 of them is, diplomatically speaking, uncomfortable.
Props to Harris who has found the special bond of love again. I just want to offer that so many stories of bonding are about the romance of finding ones soulmate, like this one, while, in general we give short shrift to bonds of love that grow through the battles of disagreement between 2 dynamic personalities that frequently find themselves throwing the proverbial pots and pans at each other.
Obviously there is a very unique angle to this story, which is redefining the definition of what is a loving monogamous relationship. That said, the 60 year difference between the 2 of them is, diplomatically speaking, uncomfortable.
10
Brava. Be well.
11
I have a vague recollection of Harris Wofford. He was working for civil rights with JFK, when I was moving into my early teens. I was in awe of him and others who had dedicated their lives to a cause that is bigger than themselves. I believe it helped me develop the altruism and open-mindedness I embrace to this very day.
I'm thrilled that Mr. Wofford has found love again. I do believe his darling Clare would want him to be happy, to not live his last days alone. Mazeltov!
I'm thrilled that Mr. Wofford has found love again. I do believe his darling Clare would want him to be happy, to not live his last days alone. Mazeltov!
15
It is so wonderful that your life is having this amazing second act. Christopher Isherwood at 56 met Don Bacardy on the Beach and he was 18. They stayed together for thirty years until Chris was 86 and passed. Don at 70 is a consummate artist in New York and is one of the most respected gay celebrities in New York. They had a wonderful life together and I know yours will be the same. May I live long enough to have what you have now. My husband and I have been together for 40 years. Not all peaches and cream, but it has been a blast.
14
This is a very moving story. Too many of us go through life denying or not seeing the "creative hours" Wofford so beautifully describes. Harris and Matthew had the courage to follow their hearts. Congratulations.
6
All the best, Harris and Matthew. May your days ahead be filled with all that bring you joy!
4
Love is all you need. Love is all you need. Love is all you need.
All you need is love and a thick skin.
All you need is love and a thick skin.
4
And what is this an "opinion" about.
20
I am overwhelmed. Wishing you and Matthew much happiness, Mr. Wofford.
9
Love is love..two consenting adults--why should anyone be surprised?
4
As I get ready to celebrate my father and his husband's 85th birthdays, and 40 years together, all I can say is: what a beautiful love story.
23
A great story. I applaud you both on living your lives on your own terms.
9
Though perhaps not the typical path to love, if genuine for you both, more power to you. May you have a happy marriage and may you both live long and prosper!
6
Seriously? This is just tripe. I doubt the Times would have published this if the author's soon-to-be was a woman.
34
Thank you for sharing this lovely and personal story, and congratulations on your marriage. I believe that most of us would fall in love with people, not with genders, if we were open to that possibility.
4
Prenup?
18
What a brave man you are to share your surprising personal story, clearly in the hopes that it will help others live more comfortably with unconventional relationships. The fact that the only comment at the time I read your article was "OMG" with 176 recommends shows how much we need to open our narrow minds.
14
So happy for you.
Thank you for all you have done for this country to help end discrimination.
"If I can stop one heart from breaking
or cool one pain
or help one robin into his nest again
I shall not live in vain."
Emily Dickinson
Thank you for all you have done for this country to help end discrimination.
"If I can stop one heart from breaking
or cool one pain
or help one robin into his nest again
I shall not live in vain."
Emily Dickinson
8
Clare is rolling over in her grave, no doubt.
39
And thank heavens she's not here to see it!
4
Despite our human ability to express enormous variability in mate selection, we are still drawn to accept the universality of what we describe as love. We accept great diversity in philosophy, religion, politics, arts... but we need to believe in one common vanilla love.
6
"It is based on love"...yep, of money. This is why the rich will never be rich enough nor the young poor enough to satisfy and submit to the whims of the exploiters.
11
The emerging recognition of the fluidity of sexuality gives us hope that we are moving from tolerance to acceptance and perhaps even to celebration of the loves being lived. This beautiful narrative speaks to anyone who is experiencing a relationship that thrives somewhere along the spectrum beyond the traditional man-woman pairing. Thank you for recognizing the importance of this essay to so many of us.
9
thank you for sharing this story of hope
5
If a woman wrote that at age 90 she was marrying a 40 year old she would be dismissed as delusional.
Don't confuse my comment as being pro-fifty year age differences.
Don't confuse my comment as being pro-fifty year age differences.
167
Love to be at his house during Christmas when the grand kids show up.
5
Congratulations!
2
Love rules!
9
I am torn between shock at the unusual nature of your relationship and delight that it worked out so beautifully.
You spin a good tale, but the Fates spin an even better one.
You spin a good tale, but the Fates spin an even better one.
5
Sugar daddy realness
11
Judge not!!
3
Beautiful. Thank you for sharing.
3
Wow, NYT, thank you for this uplifting and encouraging story! It's so sophisticated. I feel humbled by your nuanced take on love and marriage. Too bad I'm stuck here in the hinterland where we're brainwashed with the horrible ideas that pee-pee's evolved for vajayjay's and that a person's outlook (which includes love) should accept and make an attempt to work with reality.
3
Wonderful !
2
Mazel tov!
3
The only two people who can judge a relationship are the two in it. 50 years does seem like a lot of years difference, but if it works for them, no one else needs to worry themselves about it. It sounds like they are together for the right reasons and they nourish the parts of each other that benefit from their being together. Now that we hear recent studies show half of young people don't want to be characterized as either straight or gay, but to maintain a fluid sexual identity, I think we should give kudos to someone who thought of himself as straight for so many years, and at his rather advanced age was able to re-imagine himself in order to be fulfilled.
11
This is a very moving story. Too many of us go through life not seeing or denying the "creative moments" that Wofford so beautifully describes. Congratulations to Harris and Matthew.
5
I am so happy that you have found love and happiness again. And as an RPCV-- I thank you for your lifetime of public service.
5
Congratulations Mr Wofford and fiance Matthew. I learned in a similar way, one's heart loves who it is meant to love
12
Good for them! (i should be so lucky!).
12
Mazel Tov!
3
Mr. Wofford, you and your soon to be spouse, are exceptional persons. Thank you for telling your story.
Josefina Alvarez
Santa Fe, New Mexico
Josefina Alvarez
Santa Fe, New Mexico
14
I hope they share a wedding photo! Best wishes!
5
What a lovely story of serendipitous renewal. I cannot help but think that Clare would bless this marriage.
11
Men are so darned lucky. At age 75, they can easily find a partner - male or female - fifty years younger. Examples abound. At my advanced age, 73, the only comfort I can find is my cat, who is two!
84
A lot of name-dropping and little else.
9
How strange, yet wonderful, is the human heart! Congratulations on your good fortune to have found love twice! Love wins.
5
I have heard it all now. But I wish you the best.
2
Congratulations and may you have many happy years together. I loved your story!
3
God and Goddess bless...
Lovely.
2
This is something you felt you needed to publish? Why? When you are ninety, if you get there, what do you believe your health status will be?
3
Well, my aunt lived to be 104 and rode a bike (not a stationary one) every day of her life including the day before she died. She was never sick a day in her life. I'm not clear why you someone at 90-year would necessarily be ill.
5
The surprising thing to me here is the age difference.
4
Best Wishes, Harris, from a Bryn Mawr alum who warmly remembers you and Clare from your time as president of the college. This is a wonderful story of life and love, and I wish you and Matthew every happiness.
9
This article is less about sexual fluidity than it is about a very powerful man's relationship with another person 50 years his junior. As such, it is not inspiring. It's rather irresponsible.
The New Republic magazine has this to say about the former senator from Pennsylvania: "Pick pretty much any other major chapter from the last 80 or so years of the American political story, and there’s a shockingly good chance that Wofford played a role—tangential or central, onstage or off, but always, somehow or some way, in it."
The New Republic magazine has this to say about the former senator from Pennsylvania: "Pick pretty much any other major chapter from the last 80 or so years of the American political story, and there’s a shockingly good chance that Wofford played a role—tangential or central, onstage or off, but always, somehow or some way, in it."
16
Thank you Mr. Wofford for sharing your inspiring, charming Love Story, and your zest for life. Congratulation to you and Matthew on your upcoming wedding!
3
It might have been a better idea to get a dog... better for Matthew
11
Everyone deserves happiness. Congratulations and I hope your marriage is everything you have dreamed it will be.
5
Bravo!
I am inspired to stay hopeful, thanks to this moving piece.
All best wishes.
I am inspired to stay hopeful, thanks to this moving piece.
All best wishes.
5
There is no surprise that in love borders are scarce.
"Hope has two beautiful daughters. Their names are anger and courage; anger at the way things are, and courage to see that they do not remain the way they are." Augustine of Hippo
"Hope has two beautiful daughters. Their names are anger and courage; anger at the way things are, and courage to see that they do not remain the way they are." Augustine of Hippo
8
I wish them happiness, more happiness. It is hard to find love 2 times in a row and Harris did. However, I can't stop thinking that they met 15 years ago and Matthew was 25. It would have been the same I would have thought about 70 year old guy with a 25 year old woman. Am I really too traditional for thinking that 2 grown ups can't fall in love despite the age difference? I might. To transcend that as a couple is admirable and I admire even more their families.
Other than that, I wish them the best and many more years of love and understanding.
Other than that, I wish them the best and many more years of love and understanding.
3
good luck. some people never manage to find love even once. and u are fortunate to have found it twice.
8
Twice in my lifetime as well. Twenty-three years with the Mother of my children, and now twenty-five years with a man. At age 75, I fully recognize, and all of society will one day thoroughly appreciate, that the 'force' which brings people together has nothing to do with ".... anyone’s sexual nature, choices or dreams. It is based on love." Therefore, I celebrate the fact that the Supreme Court has rightfully declared marriage should not be reserved for persons of opposite gender and the bond of love is to be equally dignified throughout the Land. Peter Lopez
15
As many know, the heart is not dictated by the head. Even if the ending is in pain, the richness remains.
5
I am 36 year old gay male and all my life I dated men who were at least twice older than I am. I felt ashamed of myself for dating older men only . I am out to most of my family and friends but I do not have courage to let them meet my boyfriend. I am afraid that people will laugh at me.
Reading this beautiful story gives me hope and courage.
I need to share openly who I love and not feel to be answerable to people for my liking and disliking.
Reading this beautiful story gives me hope and courage.
I need to share openly who I love and not feel to be answerable to people for my liking and disliking.
205
Hassan, be true to yourself.....you are doing nothing wrong......I wish you and your partner all the best & a long loving relationship.
7
Thank you for sharing this story of the strength of love.
12
Beautiful story.
Love comes in so many ways.
Love comes in so many ways.
8
All the best happiness in your continued life together.
10
Congratulations, Senator Wofford! You should invite Senator Santorum, who narrowly defeated you in the 1994 PA Senate race to your wedding.
33
Love conquers all.
12
I wish I lived in that parallel universe. From what I see love is awesome but it certainly meets roadblocks that it cannot move.
To each his own...
17
A 90 year old marrying a 40 year old is a little disturbing, whatever the gender.
275
What a blessing we find when we find love. It enriches the rest of the world and imspires faith in others that they, too, will find their lasting love.
12
I feel very sorry for Mr. Wofford's children. Not because of the shock of realizing that their father is gay, but because of the shame of seeing him demonstrate so vividly that there is no fool like an old fool. Surely this December May marriage has serious negative financial repercussions for them.
205
I wouldn't want to speculate about something about which I know nothing.
4
[[Hard Choices connecticut
I feel very sorry for Mr. Wofford's children. Surely this December May marriage has serious negative financial repercussions for them.]]
That was my first thought, the money. But then again the one child who I could find online, Dan, got his B.A. in 1977, so he'd be about 60 years old by my math. If you're 60 and still eyeing the family money, then you haven't lived your own life. That's not to say the son IS eyeing dad's loot.
And the boyfriend has put in 15 years, which is worth something.
I feel very sorry for Mr. Wofford's children. Surely this December May marriage has serious negative financial repercussions for them.]]
That was my first thought, the money. But then again the one child who I could find online, Dan, got his B.A. in 1977, so he'd be about 60 years old by my math. If you're 60 and still eyeing the family money, then you haven't lived your own life. That's not to say the son IS eyeing dad's loot.
And the boyfriend has put in 15 years, which is worth something.
3
What a nasty comment! Surely Mr. Wofford's financial assets, whatever they may be, are his to use as he chooses. After all, his children are not "children" and must surely be able to take care of themselves.
8
Wonderful. Congratulations!
12
God bless and Mazel Tov. Wishing you both continued happiness and love.
18
My concern for this marriage is not the same gender, but the vast age difference.
118
In the immortal words of Alvy Singer, "What is it your business"?
3
And why is this a concern of yours? Your concern is of no concern.
As Ann Landers would have said, "MYOB"
As Ann Landers would have said, "MYOB"
2
So? Big(non)deal.
2
Beautiful!
16
You are, indeed, a most fortunate man, Mr. Wofford.
Congratulations to you and your Matthew. Share your wonder.
Congratulations to you and your Matthew. Share your wonder.
14
Congratulations, Mr. Wofford. This story proves again, that love knows no boundaries and is eternal.
What a beautiful love story.
What a beautiful love story.
16
Beautiful story.
21
A 25-year-old male athlete approaching and picking up a total stranger on the beach - and the stranger happens to be a 75-year-old straight man. And now they're getting married. I'm all for LGBT rights and unique pairings, but this is truly bizarre..
278
Of course if it wasn't sui generis, it wouldn't be in the Sunday NYT.
Happen to have a same sex attraction myself - therefore I'm gay. I find this bizarre as well. I had very very mixed feelings reading this piece. I'd probably be flattered having a 25-year-old athlete approaching me at that age but that's about it..................
3
There's a reason why this little story is so hard for you to believe and that's because it's a lie. The 75 year old wasn't straight at all. Just another gay man who had a wife and family because homosexuality wasn't accepted in his day. Too bad that at 90 he still feels the need to cover up instead of educating people with the truth.
15
Probably the age difference raises more eyebrows than the same sex relationship, but bottom line is if it works and is sincere hallelujah, and maybe just maybe when the high school kids of today, the great majority who are uninterested in who is and isn't gay, are themselves old and gray differences of any kind will cease to matter and what a wonderful world it will be.
43
My surface reading of this piece was a heartfelt, from the gut expression of a complicated and interesting life. After reading it again and remembering Wofford from late 80's/early 90's Pennsylvania, it strikes me more and more as a thick layer of veneer to create a legacy. Wofford always felt like an opportunist in the politics days (or NGO days to draw a check), and this feels, sadly, like an attempt to create the appearance of someone who was deeply thoughtful and spiritual. I imagine 99% of the public will experience the snap reaction I did, but when looking back at the political opportunism (especially in the race vs. Thornburg), many will see a crude artist attempting one last blast disguised as "modern art."
42
Maybe I'm naive, but I'll take the writer at his word. Why, at 90, would he bother to try to appear to be other than what he is, and to show the public what he could just have kept silent? If he says he loves, by me, he loves.
1
Your Point?
1
So was he born gay and lived 70 years happily in "the closet" or was he born heterosexual and lived 70 years happily and because of what is considered "normal" in society today decided to be gay? Logically are there any other explanations?
63
Unfortunately, logic appears to play very little role in your argument-- latter term used loosely.
2
Are those the only options for how people can experience love? You have just dismissed the experience of every bi-sexual. Yes it is common to love both genders in a life time.
3
Bisexual.
While I appreciate Mr. Wofford's testimony and respect his belief that "gay" and "straight" are just labels that serve no purpose besides categorizing and limiting people, the truth is that, for most self-identifying gay men and women, our sexuality isn't fluid but immutably fixed towards the same sex. Even those of us who were lucky enough to have discovered this about ourselves at an early age and privileged enough to have grown up in accepting, supportive communities still faced the years of profound isolation that come with being part of a tiny minority forming just 3% of the population. I can't put into words how lonely it was, despite my loving family and uber-liberal suburb, to be the only gay kid in my class and for miles around me.
I proudly call myself a gay man. It's more than just a label: it's an identity I forged from a quirk of genetics in a society structured around the (accurate!) presumption that the vast majority of its members will happily lead heterosexual lives, and it's one of the (near) universal characteristics of the gay experience that allows us to speak of ourselves as a community as opposed to just a group of people who happen to date the same sex.
I proudly call myself a gay man. It's more than just a label: it's an identity I forged from a quirk of genetics in a society structured around the (accurate!) presumption that the vast majority of its members will happily lead heterosexual lives, and it's one of the (near) universal characteristics of the gay experience that allows us to speak of ourselves as a community as opposed to just a group of people who happen to date the same sex.
123
In reply to August, as a Gay man who also apreciates the belongingness of Gay community and its deversity I think there is some need for factual information here. I am not aware of any genetic link to being gay, straight or bi. Is this something new within the past 10 years?
For the past 50 years I've marveled at the sexual object choice scale that Kindsey and Pommeroy devised showing a continuum in the human population going from gay to straight and every spot in-inbetween.
I know someone who was married and straight for decades until his wife died and who is now married and gay in his present relationship and also several people who are in-between, married in one orientation relationship and dilly-dallies in another orientation.
For the past 50 years I've marveled at the sexual object choice scale that Kindsey and Pommeroy devised showing a continuum in the human population going from gay to straight and every spot in-inbetween.
I know someone who was married and straight for decades until his wife died and who is now married and gay in his present relationship and also several people who are in-between, married in one orientation relationship and dilly-dallies in another orientation.
1
Gay Movement is Political. The writer herein is a Politician. Enough Said?
1
My warmest congratulations to you both.
9
This is such a powerful story of love!
I have known Harris for his powerful vision and leadership for national service. He is one of the few former US senators, I'm quite sure, who graciously introduces himself without any expectation that you will know who he is or how historic his life and leadership have been. In reality, he's an icon of American history.
I had no idea that his life included such remarkable loves. I'm happy for him, and so very glad that he shared this with the world. Everyone should have the freedom and support to love whomever they want.
Wishing you all the best, Harris. You deserve it.
I have known Harris for his powerful vision and leadership for national service. He is one of the few former US senators, I'm quite sure, who graciously introduces himself without any expectation that you will know who he is or how historic his life and leadership have been. In reality, he's an icon of American history.
I had no idea that his life included such remarkable loves. I'm happy for him, and so very glad that he shared this with the world. Everyone should have the freedom and support to love whomever they want.
Wishing you all the best, Harris. You deserve it.
15
Am I the only one disappointed by the Senator? Forgive me for calling out such a distinguished civil rights fighter on his privilege, but not all of us get the convenience of a December marriage disengaged from the fight for LGBT economic justice, the battle to end LGBT youth (and other) homelessness, or the obvious current battles in Mississippi and North Carolina.
Though such political engagement does not require an LGBT identity (thank you, allies) it would be refreshing if one of our country's distinguished elder politicians would embrace and engage with the communities that created the marriage rights and rites he now celebrates and invokes.
I'm sorry, Senator, but the one thing we LGBT people and our allies learned from the AIDS epidemic and from the entire arc of LGBT liberation is that the personal is political-- so your private marriage and the benefits it conveys to you bear a responsibility beyond your marriage alone.
Whether you call yourself gay, bisexual, or an identity-less man who has happened to fall in love with a man, I hope to see you taking a stand for us beyond a sweet story about romance on the beach. I acknowledge you come from a generation that often was uncomfortable with being political about sexual orientation and gender identity, but we hold you to a higher standard because of your lifetime of civil rights activism.
<>
Though such political engagement does not require an LGBT identity (thank you, allies) it would be refreshing if one of our country's distinguished elder politicians would embrace and engage with the communities that created the marriage rights and rites he now celebrates and invokes.
I'm sorry, Senator, but the one thing we LGBT people and our allies learned from the AIDS epidemic and from the entire arc of LGBT liberation is that the personal is political-- so your private marriage and the benefits it conveys to you bear a responsibility beyond your marriage alone.
Whether you call yourself gay, bisexual, or an identity-less man who has happened to fall in love with a man, I hope to see you taking a stand for us beyond a sweet story about romance on the beach. I acknowledge you come from a generation that often was uncomfortable with being political about sexual orientation and gender identity, but we hold you to a higher standard because of your lifetime of civil rights activism.
<>
21
I think the essay is in the NYT is a start for an elderly person
1
Two souls meeting each other and ignoring the troublesome human parts.
4
What what a thought-provoking piece. Perhaps it is sign of the times, that I am completely unfazed by the same-sex aspect of the story, but that my jaw dropped at the age difference.
27
What an unusual and beautiful story. I wish you and Matthew a happy marriage!
5
Best wishes and happy trails to you and Matthew, Sir!
3
This does sound a bit like something out of ancient Rome. before everyone applauds, we may want to ask ourselves: Would you be applauding if Mr. Wofford was announcing to the world that at age 75, he had met a 25 year old woman, and then chose to marry her after fifteen years?
43
I think the key is the fact that is has been a fifteen year relationship. Whether it were with a male or female, this second love has stood the test of quite a bit of time.
4
if if if. If my aunt had balls she'd be my uncle
1
What a beautiful story! Thank you for sharing,
9
I find the age difference more 'noticeable' than the same-sex relationship. This is a good reminder that love comes in many unexpected forms. Whatever works for the two individuals involved. Blessings and happiness.
And I love the Buber quote.
And I love the Buber quote.
5
This is a fascinating, well written column ; I've never read anything quite like it. It sounds true and honest. I would like to say that I wish you both the best. Love has many forms: Here's to Love!!!
10
Good God
18
This is a story worth hearing. It will expand some minds and needs telling. Thank you.
10
Very best wishes to a former president of Bryn Mawr College and former PA senator.
5
As I am sure many will be, I am quite surprised. But I am also equally delighted. The courage to be oneself is indeed a great kind of courage. Congratulations!
13
Congratulations to you both.
4
incredible and heart-warming story! Losing one's spouse is of course like a first death in your life but to find love --such unconventional love-- at 90 is another birth. Bravo Sen. Wofford!
9
Courageous
16
This is quite possibly the most amazing piece in the last 35 years that I' ve been reading the NYT
19
Love is love. We should all be so lucky and happy.
22
I think I am having a harder time with the author's marrying a person 50 years their junior, than whether or not he is gay.
If he had fallen in love (at 75) with a 25 year old woman....would people react the same? Or do gay relationships now get approval simply for being gay (or lesbian)?
Also: we are told continually for many decades now that being gay is something hardwired in your brain, present at birth -- and immutable to change. (Therefore, "gay re-education" is a farce and even cruel.) However, Mr. Wolford clearly changed and very late in life (75?) after 48 years of a marriage that I assume was not a farce (at least, that is not how he portrays it here). He doesn't say he was repressed, miserable, smothering his truest self. He sounds enormously happy in his marriage. Was this just extreme loneliness?
I've known a lot of men in my life (though I am a woman) and the straight men would be utterly horrified at having a homosexual relationship. So is Mr. Wolford therefore bisexual? DId he have gay affairs throughout his marriage? before his marriage? If he did, he certainly doesn't show it here.
BTW: marriage really IS based on sexual nature, biology, family and kinship relations. No SCOTUS decision will ever rewrite 100,000 years of human history.
Lastly: if my 90 year old father wanted to marry a 40 year old (male or female), my first thoughts would be "gold digger" and "get a prenup". Honestly folks: tell me what is in it for the 40 year old if not wealth?
If he had fallen in love (at 75) with a 25 year old woman....would people react the same? Or do gay relationships now get approval simply for being gay (or lesbian)?
Also: we are told continually for many decades now that being gay is something hardwired in your brain, present at birth -- and immutable to change. (Therefore, "gay re-education" is a farce and even cruel.) However, Mr. Wolford clearly changed and very late in life (75?) after 48 years of a marriage that I assume was not a farce (at least, that is not how he portrays it here). He doesn't say he was repressed, miserable, smothering his truest self. He sounds enormously happy in his marriage. Was this just extreme loneliness?
I've known a lot of men in my life (though I am a woman) and the straight men would be utterly horrified at having a homosexual relationship. So is Mr. Wolford therefore bisexual? DId he have gay affairs throughout his marriage? before his marriage? If he did, he certainly doesn't show it here.
BTW: marriage really IS based on sexual nature, biology, family and kinship relations. No SCOTUS decision will ever rewrite 100,000 years of human history.
Lastly: if my 90 year old father wanted to marry a 40 year old (male or female), my first thoughts would be "gold digger" and "get a prenup". Honestly folks: tell me what is in it for the 40 year old if not wealth?
310
Your cavalierly tossed "BTW" is no such thing. Simply framing it in such an off-hand manner does not imbue it with truth. Indeed, family, kinship and sexuality play a role in straight and gay marriages.
2
Sad that you think your Dad (in this hypothetical) can't have an innate/intrinsic appeal beyond financial support.
4
How about intimacy, compassion, intellectual companionship and probably some good sex. If it was just money the 40 year old would not have been around 15 years waiting for a payday. Check your realism.
8
This is beautiful. Best of everything to you both.
23
In how many ways are you lucky? We may never know.
12
in at least 50 ways
1
Just this afternoon I was feeling overwhelmed by disgust with my fellow humans, the hate and bigotry and small mindedness, the rise once again of anti-semitism in the world and here at home, the repeated ability of people to kill and excuse their acts by religious beliefs, I could go on.
Then this column comes along and I am once again uplifted by the love and poetry and awesome power of the human mind to be able to walk through the imaginary solidity of the walls of prejudice.
Then this column comes along and I am once again uplifted by the love and poetry and awesome power of the human mind to be able to walk through the imaginary solidity of the walls of prejudice.
161
Very sweet story.
11
I support same-sex marriage but a marriage relationship between a 40-year-old and a 90-year-old must have a power imbalance that's off the charts.
70
Why? It is not as if the younger man is the older man's employee.
10
Viscerally, I find the age difference creepy, along with the name and resume dropping. On the other hand, modern, western view of marriage as a partnership between equals isn't the only one that can lead to happiness. If nobody is coerced or harmed, then a power difference, an age difference or a gender difference doesn't make a marriage better or worse.
2
No, the older man is in the youngest one's thrall.
3
Beautiful.
6
Congratulations on finding another soul mate! You've found genuine love again, which is all that counts.
8
The power of love. Congratulations!
8
You are truly blessed
10
How amazing to have two great loves in one's life. Bravo!
10
Nice story!
4
Beautifully said. You give hope to all romantics. I wish you both much happiness.
13
What a beautiful surprise. Congratulations, gentlemen. A lifetime of happiness.
11
Marvelous article. Life does provide second (and even third chances), if only we can recognize them...and take them.
14
Congratulations in you up coming union.
3
ditto. go for it dude.
5
I served in the first Peace Corps project in Ethiopia under Harris Wofford, who was President Kennedy's Special Peace Corps Representative in Africa. As a leader, Harris set a wonderful example with his sunny optimism, sweet, open nature, and clear conviction that all of us - 270-plus American teachers - were making an important difference in a strange, beautiful country. How amazing to learn of the turn his long, distinguished life has taken with his marriage to Matthew, and what a profile in courage (the JFK influence) he has shown in writing about it in the Times. Congratulations, Harris!
302
I wish I could recommend this comment many times over !!!!!
7
Love is love. Thanks for sharing your story. Wishing you mush happiness--and thanks for making me continue to be suprised by the many beautiful forms love takes.
13
Congratulations, Mr. Wofford, to you and Mr. Charlton. My partner of 36 years and husband for three are very happy for you both.
14
What a brave article.
9
Soon to be a cable documentary or mini-series.
10
Congratulations to you sirs Senator Harris Wofford and Mr. Matthew Charlton!!!
10
That's just lovely!
6
Dear Senator Wofford,
I am very pleased to hear of your love and marriage and second time around. The heart knows no bounds! I hope you have made sound financial decisions for your children and your new spouse is able to support himself free of your wealth.
I am very pleased to hear of your love and marriage and second time around. The heart knows no bounds! I hope you have made sound financial decisions for your children and your new spouse is able to support himself free of your wealth.
12
I love this story. I don't define myself by the gender I'm attracted to. I love it This guy is quite possibly the coolest Man I have ever heard a story from. I mean, this guy got to experience like every side of life, and is still rocking it at the age of 90. You are an American hero sir, and I support you!
20
A beautiful story from a great public servant.
9
It is really hard to take this any more seriously than if he were marrying a woman 50 years younger.
54
A 40-year-old committing to a 90-year-old. How long could this "committment" possibly last?
40
It has already lasted 15 years...
3
Until the will is read.
6
This is a lovely story. Over my admittedly shorter life, I've seen time and again that love comes in many shapes and sizes. I've learned not to judge based on society's usual benchmarks (like age), but instead on how the couple affect one another--do they bring each other joy, stability, peace, or do they bring strife, disharmony, anger. It sounds very much like you've been twice blessed in your loves, that your relationships help both yourself and your love to grow and blossom. May you and Matthew have many happy years together.
14
Congratulations on your marriage and on your courage.
8
What an incredibly moving and loving story!
3
This just busts my heart open.
8
I must admit that I was more than a little surprised to read about how Senator Wolford's life has unfolded. Love is the most precious commodity we can ever hope to find. If a person can hold on to it for even a short time, they are fortunate beyond expectation. One who is granted second chance to share their life with another, and explore the intimate experiences unique to individuals willing to give a part of themselves is blessed. Love is ageless. Society is not.
8
Congratulations! Best wishes and good health to you both. Idea and fate meeting in a creative hour cannot compare to the power of love and courage meeting.
4
Absolutely amazing. Thank you for sharing your story and I wish you and Matthew so much happiness and love.
14
I wish them happiness and love for as many years as they are given. And I also hope Matthew, who most probably will live longer, will be fortunate to be given a second time around too.
13
Mazel tov!
9
What a wonderful mind, heart, and soul you must have to recognize love in whatever form it appears and from wherever it comes.
Congratulations on your upcoming ceremony!
Congratulations on your upcoming ceremony!
12
Mr. Wofford, you have most certainly lived a long and interesting life, and the adventures keep happening. Your story is not what I expected at all, and I am glad to see how the world is changing and boundaries expanding...love it is! I wish you and Matthew continued happiness.
16
Surely an extraordinary story. My best wishes to both of you.
8
of course I know love is strange, but I really couldn't imagine having a partner 50 years my junior. maybe it's my suspicious nature, but if Matthew had been a 25 yr. old woman, I would've immediately labeled her a gold-digger or someone with major daddy issues, but hey, what do I know. after fifteen years together, they certainly don't need my opinion! mazel tov...
49
I am grateful, for Harris and Matthew both, that marriage equality was achieved while they are both still here to see it. In fact, the part of this story I find most unsettling is that they didn't get married on June 27th, 2015. At the age of 90, waiting 10 months to do ANYTHING that is important to you and the person you love feels like a gamble. I am very glad it paid off. Mazel tov to the happy couple!
9
I served on the Pennsylvania Humanities Council in the 1980s with Harris Wofford and found him a generous, helpful senior colleague. I'm so happy for him, that he's had the love he deserves throughout his life. And how generous of him to say so publicly.
26
I appreciate this writer and his courage. It doesn't matter what sex his new love is, just that he continues to be able to love. I congratulate him, and wish others in his situation felt society gave them permission to be that open and alive.
13
Good luck Harris....you love who you love.
13
I'm skeptical of the fact that he never had sex with another man till such a late age.
78
Many people come out very late in life. There's even a documentary about it. As the saying goes, it's never too late.
1
"I'm skeptical of the fact that he never had sex with another man till such a late age."
I think he was rather explicit that there is no sex involved, so the "till such a late age" is redundant.
I think he was rather explicit that there is no sex involved, so the "till such a late age" is redundant.
1
My husband--my love of 53 years--died mid-summer of 2015. Our family provided hospice care here at home and it was, in many ways, as good as it could be.
Throughout our shared lives, in our many conversations about life and death, we made the promise to each other--that we would not let life slip away if the other died first. Moving beyond a traditional marriage, ours was one in which we pursued our passions and came together at the end of the day to make our experiences part of our life's fabric. I worked for marriage equality in Maine, understanding that beyond the legal reasons people join there lives, who we love, regardless of age, is a powerful witness to life.
Soon after my husband's death, I came across this piece of dialogue from the movie "Shall We Dance." It's one woman's passionate defense of marriage:
We need a witness to our lives. There's a billion people on the planet...
I mean, what does any one life really mean? But in a marriage, you're promising to care about everything.
The good things, the bad things, the terrible things, the mundane things... all of it, all of the time, every day.
You're saying 'Your life will not go unnoticed because I will notice it.
Your life will not go un-witnessed because I will be your witness.
Blessings as you continue your lives together. - Allison Keef
Throughout our shared lives, in our many conversations about life and death, we made the promise to each other--that we would not let life slip away if the other died first. Moving beyond a traditional marriage, ours was one in which we pursued our passions and came together at the end of the day to make our experiences part of our life's fabric. I worked for marriage equality in Maine, understanding that beyond the legal reasons people join there lives, who we love, regardless of age, is a powerful witness to life.
Soon after my husband's death, I came across this piece of dialogue from the movie "Shall We Dance." It's one woman's passionate defense of marriage:
We need a witness to our lives. There's a billion people on the planet...
I mean, what does any one life really mean? But in a marriage, you're promising to care about everything.
The good things, the bad things, the terrible things, the mundane things... all of it, all of the time, every day.
You're saying 'Your life will not go unnoticed because I will notice it.
Your life will not go un-witnessed because I will be your witness.
Blessings as you continue your lives together. - Allison Keef
92
Mariner-too, you are a fine enlightened soul amid all the drift who have littered this comments section. Continued blessings to you.
4
Love knows no bounds. How very fortunate you are, lightening struck twice! May you know nothing but happiness.
10
Good for you!
11
Ain't love grand, Senator? And for you twice. All the best to you both.
11
Absolutely beautiful. You are lucky to find love twice, and even luckier to have appreciated it both times.
9
Harris Woford! Oh my goodness! Here I am at 72, ready to celebrate 21 years with my husband of nearly 11 of those years! I was legally married 32 years to the Mother of my three incredible daughters. I too sir, have been fortunate to know the freedom of both sides of marriage! My Mother, Sister and Brother in Laws have all been so generous and wonderful. My three daughters and husbands are all in their 40's, careers, businesses, high school and college graduations coming next month as well. They one more to go for them. We hope to spend more family time one day soon.. we all remember those mid-life years.. the changes. . the stress .. but they always find the time to touch base.. Congratulations to you two!. How lucky to know of another man with the luck to fall in love twice.. to know that feeling, really the same feeling, twice! This is good stuff!
Jim Ellis
Jim Ellis
44
Wow. both fortunate enough to have two great loves as a part of this lifetime and the intelligence and understanding to know it when you see it.
21
I just have to wonder if this story ended with a 75 year old man finding his second love with a 25 year old woman if it would have ended up in the Times.
308
Although technically correct, your point adds little to the discussion.
The point is that if you are receptive to it, a second chance can reveal itself when you least expect it, and indeed when you have given up. Whether this is a 70-year-old woman meeting at 25-year-old man, or a rich man meeting a poor woman, it is neither for us to judge or pretend that we understand.
The point is that if you are receptive to it, a second chance can reveal itself when you least expect it, and indeed when you have given up. Whether this is a 70-year-old woman meeting at 25-year-old man, or a rich man meeting a poor woman, it is neither for us to judge or pretend that we understand.
1
No, I don't think it would. Because many 75-year-old men have found their second, third, fourth, etc. loves with much younger women. It's fairly common place in heterosexual culture. But gay and straight dynamics are different, because the dynamics between men and women - and men and men - are so different. That's why this story is so unusual - and so touching.
Would that be news?
1
Life is really simple: if you really connect with someone, nurture the connection. Things like age, gender, etc, are details that do not need to get in the way.
65
What an amazing journey of love--the most creative force that unites us all no matter what "the hour." Clearly, the "idea and fate" came for former Sen. Wofford when he had the wisdom and open heart to embrace it. We need more such open hearts that are essential in "finding love again" for one another no matter our differences. For it is love that is the eternal force that can never be bound by bigotry.
18
Beautiful and brave. God bless you both.
16
I wish Sen. Wofford and Mr. Charlton many years of happiness. The article was very brave. I can't help but be astonished at the age difference--50 years! I like to tell people about my father marrying on his 91st birthday last year (to a woman, age 73, which seemed relatively young), but your story certainly beats that.
27
Unbelievable! Not the same sex marriage, but the age difference. Your partner is very brave man. He will have a long time to be alone. I hope you appreciate that quality within him. Congratulations. We all deserve all the love we can find.
18
He won't be alone. He will have plenty of time to marry again given his young age.
2
Just beautiful.
25
Only good will come when people start thinking out of the box. Too much has been wasted and suffered.
28
"Only good will come when people start thinking out of the box. Too much has been wasted and suffered."
Only good will come when people start thinking with their brains instead of their hearts. If this was a story about a 90 years old man marrying a 40 years old woman there will be a lot more skepticism and critical questions asked.
Only good will come when people start thinking with their brains instead of their hearts. If this was a story about a 90 years old man marrying a 40 years old woman there will be a lot more skepticism and critical questions asked.
1
"All this is on my mind as Matthew and I prepare for our marriage ceremony. On April 30, at ages 90 and 40, we will join hands, vowing to be bound together: to have and to hold, for better for worse, for richer for poorer, in sickness and in health, to love and to cherish, until death do us part."
What an inspiring story about our natural ability to find love at any age. My best wishes to you both!
What an inspiring story about our natural ability to find love at any age. My best wishes to you both!
31
This piece brought tears. Thank you for writing it.
23
Oh my! One hardly knows what to say. As a 73 yr old and widow for nearly 11 years, I am sometimes lonely but I cannot imagine ever marrying again or living with someone...of either sex! It would be lovely to have a companion with which to travel, go out to dinner etc, but since Viagra, men in my age group are dating women in their 40's and 50's!
I can't help but think that any grown children would find this difficult for any number of reasons, even if they appear to be supportive of their father's happiness. It's not easy to see a beloved parent "replaced" by another, especially another who is so much younger - again regardless of sexual orientation. One can't help bit wonder if the wallet/power of the older person is not a powerful aphrodisiac and worry about a parent being taken in by someone with false feelings. I've seen friends of my own children go through this and while they loved their father dearly and wanted happiness for him, felt deeply torn.
And then we add in the change of sexual orientation. That sure would have been a big shocker for me when one of my parents died! In my experience, children just want their parents to behave in an age--appropriate manner, this being defined by THEM, not us.
I can't help but wonder why there was a need to put this info on the front page of the NYTimes. As a child, for me that would be crossing a line that was totally unnecessary to cross. Perhaps a bit narcissistic?
I can't help but think that any grown children would find this difficult for any number of reasons, even if they appear to be supportive of their father's happiness. It's not easy to see a beloved parent "replaced" by another, especially another who is so much younger - again regardless of sexual orientation. One can't help bit wonder if the wallet/power of the older person is not a powerful aphrodisiac and worry about a parent being taken in by someone with false feelings. I've seen friends of my own children go through this and while they loved their father dearly and wanted happiness for him, felt deeply torn.
And then we add in the change of sexual orientation. That sure would have been a big shocker for me when one of my parents died! In my experience, children just want their parents to behave in an age--appropriate manner, this being defined by THEM, not us.
I can't help but wonder why there was a need to put this info on the front page of the NYTimes. As a child, for me that would be crossing a line that was totally unnecessary to cross. Perhaps a bit narcissistic?
231
Your comment comes across as a child rebuking a parent, in a manner that indicates the child's opinions have more moral and emotional weight than his or her parents.
I find that reasoning very sad. When my parents divorced when I was 16, all I cared about is that I wanted them both to be happy. Almost 50 years later I've never changed my mind about that, and I was blessed that their next marriages were to people they loved for the rest of their lives.
You're entitled to live your own life, but that doesn't mean you have any right to live someone elses life - and that certainly includes the lives your parents choose.
I find that reasoning very sad. When my parents divorced when I was 16, all I cared about is that I wanted them both to be happy. Almost 50 years later I've never changed my mind about that, and I was blessed that their next marriages were to people they loved for the rest of their lives.
You're entitled to live your own life, but that doesn't mean you have any right to live someone elses life - and that certainly includes the lives your parents choose.
5
Or...maybe his children were simply open-minded and happy to see their father in a loving, committed relationship.
8
It's a bit shallow isn't it
Stupefying, and there is no accounting for how the human mind works.
20
appropriate adverb...
1
Great anecdote. Would love to read the entire story.
5
What a beautiful and inspiring story! I wish you and Matthew all the best.
27
Oh my goodness, thank you. There are so many tragic events in the world it becomes easy to miss moments of grace, like this, that demonstrate love is gift. The gift of pure joy, for those who experience love and those of us who are fortunate enough to witness love. Love, grace, and joy.
38
In my experience, for every thousand personal essays such as this, one is worth reading.
Thank you for this one.
Thank you for this one.
39
I too found a love that -- by the age difference -- may look strange to others -- and I am so happily married
34
Mr. Wofford,
Truly you are blessed.
Your story is one of great hope for many of us.
Cheers! and Congratulations!
Truly you are blessed.
Your story is one of great hope for many of us.
Cheers! and Congratulations!
30
You say that sexual orientation is not the point. OK, but is this a romantic (sexual) relationship of not? If not, it is more akin to adoption. I could of course understand many practical reasons why you would want to marry someone you love in a platonic way -- the benefits, that is.
26
Sex equals love? No sex means no love? Without sex there is only convenience?
1
It's clear that this is a relationship based on mutual consenting love. There is nothing parental at all in the author's telling of it and their sexual relationship is really not part of anyone's - or any institution's - business.
4
Wait... You require evidence that they have had sex to take them seriously?
How weird.
How weird.
3
This oped is shocking in the best way. It is painful and full of hope. A bittersweetness that I find deeply touching. It gives me hope that one day in my lifetime we will see openly queer people in the highest offices of government in this country.
47
What an extraordinary story. When I read stories like this, I realize how we should never rule out that the most remarkably beautiful and incredibly unlikely events may well come our way.
68
Life is short. Good for you. I wish you and Matthew the very best.
16
My worry is not that this man first loved and lived with a woman and then loved and lived with a man. Our culture has advanced far enough to allow that. What worries me is that we are still not able to accept that a much older person can have a loving relationship with a much younger person, irrespective of gender. Especially in the case of men. I wish that it was not a worry: I welcome it but it is still a worry.
19
Love is crafted in unique and beautiful ways. You've been blessed to experience a bounty of joy and you have my deep respect and admiration for appreciating the exultation of life itself.
10
Cynics may call it what they like, but to me, the only words are brave and beautiful.
11
Holy cow! What a wonderful story! Congratulations!
10
Wow! Wishing Senator Wofford and Mr. Charlton the very, very best. Imho, he was a wonderful Senator.
11
Good luck to you both.
9
Forget the same sex angle. Let me know next time a 90 year old woman marries a 40 year old guy, and its all a la de da isn't love wonderful occurrence. Mmmm, what do you think ?
288
"Forget the same sex angle. Let me know next time a 90 year old woman marries a 40 year old guy, and its all a la de da isn't love wonderful occurrence."
Do you know another way of transferring a vast fortune tax-free? I don't.
Do you know another way of transferring a vast fortune tax-free? I don't.
4
Sadly I agree but that doesn't dim the brightness of this relationship.
Forget that - just imagine if it were a 90 year old man and a 40 year old woman - how quickly would the gold-digger comments descend?
4
How wonderful that Mr. Wofford found love again. Congratulations from a former Pennsylvanian!
12
This was such a touching and beautiful read and I feel privileged to have come across this.
I did not read any of the negative comments, as I do not enjoy meaningless and heartless comments from negative and narrow minded people, who really do not know what they are talking about!
This is about love, and yes there's a big age gap, but it just means one has been here longer than the other, and to the happy couple it is not a problem, so why should it concern anybody else, especially people who do not know them!
Today more than ever before, there are sooo many negative and narrow minded comments flying about, right left and centre, but this not about me, nor is it about anybody out there, it is about those two people.
I hope their day next week, will be a happy and sunny day, in fact I am sure it will be, as they will be surrounded with caring and a loving family and friends and that is just what anybodys special day is about.
I wish them wonderful and happy time together...❤️
I did not read any of the negative comments, as I do not enjoy meaningless and heartless comments from negative and narrow minded people, who really do not know what they are talking about!
This is about love, and yes there's a big age gap, but it just means one has been here longer than the other, and to the happy couple it is not a problem, so why should it concern anybody else, especially people who do not know them!
Today more than ever before, there are sooo many negative and narrow minded comments flying about, right left and centre, but this not about me, nor is it about anybody out there, it is about those two people.
I hope their day next week, will be a happy and sunny day, in fact I am sure it will be, as they will be surrounded with caring and a loving family and friends and that is just what anybodys special day is about.
I wish them wonderful and happy time together...❤️
23
I wish Sen. Wofford and Matthew happiness. However, I bristle at the air of self-satisfied superiority in the statement, "I don’t categorize myself based on the gender of those I love." If Senator Wofford had not arrived at his happy ending so recently, in relative terms, and after a life of heterosexual bliss, he might understand that few of us would have categorized ourselves based on the gender of those we love, had we not been born into a world in which such categories were already firmly in place to categorize us. Crying "I don't categorize myself by the gender of the people I love!" never stopped anyone from being evicted from their apartment or fired from their job for being gay. Hopefully he recognizes the debt he owes to those who claimed ownership of those labels and caused the change that now allows him to marry his beloved.
220
Faith, Hope and Love. Sometimes we neglect the Hope part but I think I will hang onto it for a while longer after reading this.
11
I have always felt that love is about a connection that you feel towards someone,
male or female. There is no to need to label anyone or yourself gay or lesbian.
I wish you and Matthew much happiness and find yor story inspiring.
male or female. There is no to need to label anyone or yourself gay or lesbian.
I wish you and Matthew much happiness and find yor story inspiring.
17
Beautiful story.
13
Congratulations, and all best wishes!
6
Congratulations Harris! You and Matthew have my very best wishes.
10
Good luck, sir.. Most all of us here are happy for you both.
Love is where you find it.
Love is where you find it.
18
Yes! I will raise a glass to you both on April 30. Live long and prosper.
11
I dont know what to do with this story.
135
Appreciate it.
3
Well, you could try basking in the love that is obviously emanating from it.
3
Not sure what to do with this story? May I suggest one of the following? Read (or re-read) it. Save it or wrap fish in it. If you throw it out, be sure to re-cycle.
Do you ever get the impression that having a blackmailable secret is an asset in American politics? It's almost as if big donors like a man they can trust because they can ruin him if he tries to doublecross them?
3
Life is too short, and there's too little love in the world. My heartfelt wishes to you for many more happy days together!
50
Thank you for sharing your story. It is nice to see someone talk about how labels don't matter so much as some people want them to matter. Sexuality is fluid and us humans should be allowed to go with the flow and not worry so much about how some feelings affect our supposed identities.
21
What a beautiful tribute not just to two great loves but to love itself. What matters is not who one loves but that there is love. You are very fortunate, and so are we that you have written your story so beautifully.
43
What an amazing love story. I'm not surprised that Sen. Wofford had mentors like Martin Luther King and Martin Buber. They both knew a thing or two about the possibilities of love.
23
Congratulations on finding love twice, Senator Wofford. I am very happy for you and Matthew and I wish you both the very best.
14
All I can say is WOW. How lucky you are two have know great love twice.
16
Mr. Wofford, you are a very fortunate man.
15
This is a beautiful story Harris, thank you for sharing.
9
i knew mr Wofford's career, but not his personal life. amazing story. what else can you say!?
11
Wow! Incredible. Love wins out, and you are blessed. Many people don't understand, yet we only have today , here and now, to live our truth. Best wishes!
14
Mr. Wofford, I was so touched and moved by your piece. What a brave and interesting man you are. I only wish I could have the opportunity to be in your devine presence. I wish you and your husband to be, a most joyous marriage.
11
Beautiful story. Wish I could attend the ceremony. Best wishes Harris and Matthew!
6
Simply lovey!
8
What a beautiful narrative. He is indeed fortunate to have found two such strong, binding loves with two very different people. Would that we all could see others as individuals worthy of love rather than demonizing them for pre-conceived notions. Even if not sexual, everybody is deserving of respect.
14
Heartwarming. Any time two people can form a lasting, intimate bond is cause for celebration. Congratulations and best of luck.
13
Enjoyed reading this. Thank you.
8
Wow Simply wow. Life can take remarkable turns.
9
Mr. Wofford,
Love can be a strong magical magnet. Love is so difficult to define . With the great age difference, perhaps there will not be enough time to change from newly weds to friends to care- givers. May the glow of what you have each found, go gently to the bliss of the blending of two human beings. May you share many things together, as you both deserve this and more.
Love can be a strong magical magnet. Love is so difficult to define . With the great age difference, perhaps there will not be enough time to change from newly weds to friends to care- givers. May the glow of what you have each found, go gently to the bliss of the blending of two human beings. May you share many things together, as you both deserve this and more.
3
This will be a story fuelling some incendiary Tweets by Ted Cruz.
6
Wow. What a wonderful story. What a wonderful life. Carpe diem Matthew and Harris.
10
At the end of the day love is love. Congratulations and best of luck to you both.
17
Wonderfully written, this piece conveys much truth about the primacy of love and the spectrum along which we might find it. It is an important contribution to the public conversation around these issues.
16
I suspect you only laud this type of thing when it promotes "public conversation " in a direction you find agreeable. I am not the first person to note the gender disparity among supporters of this .
1
Who are any of us to say love is only for this time, this place, this gender, this age, this group - and none other? Congratulations to you both...
25
Congratulations, Harris!
Tom Pepper
Tom Pepper
11
Beautiful story, and thank you for sharing this. The swap in gender of mutual desire and the two generational age difference indicate to me that some inestimable longing outwith the protoplasm we reside in, perforce unites two people irrespective of volition or paraphernalia.
Love moves in mysterious ways.
Love moves in mysterious ways.
15
Mr. Wofford´s account of a second love is enchanting and I am happy to have read about his second love. Truely love has nothing to do with gender and humans are capable many loves throughout their lives. And when it clicks you had better be ready to grab ahold. I envy you, Mr. Wofford and I am happy for you both.
17
How remarkable. I am happy for you, Mr. Wofford. Congratulations to you and Matthew.
8
Lovely story. Thank you.
9
Good fortune to you, Senator. Your sensitivity and honesty speak well of you and I wish you nothing but more happiness.
10
Harris, you give me hope indeed. I lost the great love of my life more than eight years ago and have been alone ever since. I've changed my life (completely) moved (and moved on), recovered from a mysterious medical malady thanks to living in the desert, have made lots of new friends, retired, and yet I'm still here by myself. If you can find love (and marriage) at age 90, then at the mere age of 62, this young whippersnapper should be able to do likewise. In the interim, my heartiest best wishes to you and Matthew on your upcoming marriage. That you two found each other, as they say in my tribe, is a true mitzvah. Mazel tov!
173
Maybe all you need to do is change your sexual orientation, so you find a whole new slew of potential mates.
"In Breaking News"...it is apparently no longer true that "sexual orientation is hard wired at birth and cannot be changed".
"In Breaking News"...it is apparently no longer true that "sexual orientation is hard wired at birth and cannot be changed".
Congratulations on your ability to truly and openly love those you love. If more people felt empowered to do that, the world would be a much happier place. I wish you and your betrothed the very best.
259
Congratulations!
4
OMG
496
Carol...thank you for volunteering to be the maid of honor at the wedding.
81
Uhmmm, this is the NY Times?
11
EEK!
9