How to Hold a Stranger’s Baby

Consider how we, as human beings, are primed for life. From the moment of conception until shortly after birth we are bathed not only in all the usual biologics, the fluids and such, but also in the immense presence of Mom and all the sounds and substances of her environment. We spend the first 9 months of our existence inhabiting that raucous Universe. If you can put yourself (back) in that place you realize that Universe was your totality. Then you are born and that Universe is ripped asunder. I've got to think that moment, and for some time thereafter, is juuuust a bit......disconcerting? To say nothing of alarming? So you look for the presence signified by that original time; the comfort of it. Discerning adults can recognize and sooth you, but it takes an effort, a certain touch. In any case so you are launched onto your journey; one you come to call your Life. And yet through it all you'll always yearn for the resurrection of that intimate touch, that first 9 months. It's why we reach out to each other as we age and mature. It is, in a fashion, who we are.

John~
American Net'Zen

Bless you Pat Rice.

And, I would argue there's no such thing as a stranger's baby. All babies, and children for that matter, are the responsibility and the gift of the adults in the human family.

I'm single, never married, with no children. I have never held a baby in my arms, and I suspect that doing so might make me a better person. But I have no hope of ever doing so.

Ironically, I get along very well with small children. Maybe it's because I've perfected my chicken, duck, sheep and kitty sounds—all of which have proven useful in many situations, not just with kids.

I'm getting orientation at my local hospital to become a "cuddler" in the maternity ward (not NICU). Just for the record, my go-to baby calming song is "You Are My Sunshine."

Here's my baby on a plane disaster. I'm a mom of 4 and my baby is now in grade school, so when I found myself next to a mom and her cute 9 month old, I made immediately set out to make friends. We played peek a boo, I showed her my iPhone and then she wanted to come sit on my lap.

Great! Except when I lifted her I grossly overestimated the amount of force it would take to pick her up (I must have fed my kids lead--she was feather light). My arms flew up and I banged this adorable child's head on the very low ceiling that was actually only inches above my head.

Of course the little girl cried and went straight back to her mother...and was watched me fearfully the rest of the flight. My popularity with my seatmates also declined although the mother was gracious.

I think it was a 90 minute flight but it felt like 5 years.

The thought of human (or any mamilian) infants all alone fills me with cortisol, and the image painted here, of the soothing power of touch, sends forth cascades of oxytocin. Tears well up in my eyes, and my breasts swell with milk. It's nothing other than biology stripped bare of its cultural narratives.

i would spend my days holding all the babies, though I do find myself surpressing the warning that I may lactate all over the place!

When my daughter was born, she had a slight fever and was sent to the ICU. My wife wanted to hold her newborn, but was not permitted until after extremely heated arguments during which the doctor admitted that the risk was very low and that our daughter was in the ICU largely for reasons of legal liability.

My point is that we are very attuned to low probability, high liability events but tend to ignore high probability longer term impacts which affect emotional and physical health.

As a grandma of three, I have enjoyed many hours of cuddling, carrying and rocking chair time with babies. Now the grandkids are school age. I still get hugs and kisses, but I miss that extended time I spent focusing on baby happiness. Just love, love, love.

We're expecting our first in March. I'm 38 and I've never held a baby. This was a great read. Thank you very, very much.

Some spiritual traditions use the metaphor of an infant ceasing its crying in the presence of a comforting adult for the reaching of a certain stage of spiritual development. But it's a metaphor, it doesn't mean God or any other spiritual entity is a parent. And in my understanding of it, there is less of a sense of touching, more of just a sense of a presence whose rhythm and calmness one eventually matches. On the other hand, the metaphor uses a powerful experience humans can relate to in order to understand that our own kind of (adult) dysregulation can be resolved, and some people do talk about feeling held.

How does one become a volunteer infant cuddler in an NICU? May I present myself to the volunteer coordinator at a local hospital and express interest? This sounds like a position for which there would be a long line of waiting volunteers.

I was taught, as a nursing major, to teach new moms to match the baby's breaths. Looking into their eyes. as if they are one. Symbiosis. Then to take a big sigh eliciting the baby to sigh. It provides gaseous exchange; take in oxygen and blow out CO2. It is lovely to watch; but I must not do a "performance" with the newborn. I must coach the mom to do it. The parents are nervous; they are not taking time to sigh. Even a ventilator has a sigh phase. I wish I could recall the origin of this teaching. It works with NBs who are "tightly" muscled; arching their back. Unable to self-soothe. Gas is a whole different presentation.

Here's a recent moving story about a kind, generous woman holding a stranger's baby on an airplane. This woman knows how . . . .

http://www.mlive.com/news/kalamazoo/index.ssf/2015/09/crying_baby_from_k...

I have found that I have to be totally relaxed if I want to sooth an infant.

There is nothing better than feeling that beautiful little person loosen their muscles and relax into your care and hopefully fall asleep.

This article concentrates on the effects of the holding on the babies, but parallel physiological changes are also occurring in the adults.

Thanks for the timely and much needed advice.

I prefer to sing Lithium, Black Hole Sun and especially Bad Attitude to infants. It comports with the reality of the world around them and as such is quite comforting, and the little ones can understand the lyrics just as readily as they can the phrase "You’re O.K. It’s going to be all right."

Coochie, coochie, coo!

Lovely and sweet; just right. Although I admit I tend to favor back rubbing as much as butt patting. Nothing in the world feels as beautiful as a little baby.

When my son, who is now past 50, was just a few days old and crying for no apparent reason, I placed him on my chest as I was lying down and began gently patting his behind. He stopped crying almost immediately. After a while I stopped patting. He immediately started wriggling his little behind and didn't stop until I started patting it again. We went through this little dance several times. I have never forgotten his first "communication" to me.

It takes a village....

The Pope seemed to have a gentle touch with babies. The same can't be said for his security guards who did an arm's length snatch and run. Comical, anyway.

I am a grandpa.
This is a beautiful little story.

I'd love to have the job of baby cuddler again. My two grandkids here both suffered colicky episodes for months. I used to bring them home on weekends to give their parents a rest. I must have rocked miles in our rocking chair at home and at their house when I took care of them. Nothing better than that "new baby" smell of the top of their heads! Now they're both teenagers who will soon be towering over me. What a role reversal. ;)

My son ended up in NICU for a few hours after he was born until they could get his breathing settled. I remember one of the questions we had to answer when admitting him was if we'd allow for the Baby Cuddlers to hold him. As it was, it was a non-issue because he was out that same evening but it was sweet to us to think of these surrogate grandparents loving on our baby if need be.