Lat all outrun each other and jump over the fence and only Bernie Sanders stands alone.
He is the One !
He is the One !
23
Thanks, Gail, I don't think I could get through this without you.
"Lindsey Graham: Senator from South Carolina. Besties with Senator John McCain. Once suggested he’d drown himself if Barack Obama took North Carolina, but failed to follow through."
If these righties keep promising to do something drastic every time they don't get their way, or when President Obama does, and then they never do anything how can we take anything they say seriously?
If these promises were worth the beans they were printed on Rush would be in exile somewhere, I forget where, Rick Santorum would be in a monastery, and Graham would, at least, have been committed.
Couldn't we expect that the fainting master would at least have to hold his breath until he turns blue?
"Lindsey Graham: Senator from South Carolina. Besties with Senator John McCain. Once suggested he’d drown himself if Barack Obama took North Carolina, but failed to follow through."
If these righties keep promising to do something drastic every time they don't get their way, or when President Obama does, and then they never do anything how can we take anything they say seriously?
If these promises were worth the beans they were printed on Rush would be in exile somewhere, I forget where, Rick Santorum would be in a monastery, and Graham would, at least, have been committed.
Couldn't we expect that the fainting master would at least have to hold his breath until he turns blue?
32
Ok Ok, it just dawned on me. I nominate Gail Collins for President of the U.S.A.
Her impish grin alone would be a balm to calm the ship of state!
Her impish grin alone would be a balm to calm the ship of state!
36
Very interesting but this group as a whole wouldn't have even a 48 IQ by test. A thought did occur to me regarding Rick Perry who is very fond of his lush head a hair. Perhaps Rand Paul could cut his hair and be his buddy. God know they both need someone. Pitiful bunch in the Republicans.
26
While I did have to get up very early this morning and therefore am very sleepy, I didn't make it past Santorum. Very somniferous, even soporific. Thank you Ms. Collins once again!
20
In case Jeb Bush fails to come to his senses and does declare he's a candidate, here are three+1 factoids from The Atlantic's profile on Columba Bush:
1. "Jeb had been known in school as a good tennis player, an indifferent student, a bit of a bully, and a toker, a guy whose room you could go to in order to get high."
2. "It was during Jeb Bush’s governing years that Columba let it slip to the press how her husband’s career had damaged their children, and that she reportedly told Jeb he had ruined her life."
3A. "Returning to the U.S. from a trip to Paris, Columba told customs officials that she’d spent $500 on overseas purchases. She was searched, however, and officials found receipts for $19,000 in clothes and jewelry."
3B: "The [Washington Post] reported that in 2000, less than a year after the customs fiasco, she’d taken out a loan to buy $42,311.70 worth of jewelry in a single day, and that she had spent at least $90,000 at a single South Florida chain store, Mayors Jewelers."
Oh, and Terri Schiavo. Can't mention Bush without mentioning Terri Schiavo.
1. "Jeb had been known in school as a good tennis player, an indifferent student, a bit of a bully, and a toker, a guy whose room you could go to in order to get high."
2. "It was during Jeb Bush’s governing years that Columba let it slip to the press how her husband’s career had damaged their children, and that she reportedly told Jeb he had ruined her life."
3A. "Returning to the U.S. from a trip to Paris, Columba told customs officials that she’d spent $500 on overseas purchases. She was searched, however, and officials found receipts for $19,000 in clothes and jewelry."
3B: "The [Washington Post] reported that in 2000, less than a year after the customs fiasco, she’d taken out a loan to buy $42,311.70 worth of jewelry in a single day, and that she had spent at least $90,000 at a single South Florida chain store, Mayors Jewelers."
Oh, and Terri Schiavo. Can't mention Bush without mentioning Terri Schiavo.
120
Fell asleep after the third paragraph of this column. Thanks Ms. Collins. I'm sure it will happen again.
12
Well, at least you acknowledged that Senator Sanders is a candidate.
41
Excellent work, Gail.
May I offer a suggestion for the theme of next week's report on the candidate population explosion. Perhaps something along the lines of "The Dirty Dozen" or "Cheaper By the Dozen?" I know: "A Banker's Dozen!"
Before this parade is finished, you'll be able to lead off your column with: "Four-score and seven hats ago..."
May I offer a suggestion for the theme of next week's report on the candidate population explosion. Perhaps something along the lines of "The Dirty Dozen" or "Cheaper By the Dozen?" I know: "A Banker's Dozen!"
Before this parade is finished, you'll be able to lead off your column with: "Four-score and seven hats ago..."
24
What was that about . . . "wrapped in a flag and carrying a Bible?" Oh yeah, the coming of corporatist control of America. This group of Republicans is simply trying to be elected to the Board of Directors.
24
No one would go to sleep about BERNIE SANDERS Gail. He's the only human in the race, and the only human in the entire Congress.
55
A circus show with so many clowns . I am waiting for the biggest clown DONALD TRUMP to enter the ring, then it will be really funny show. I wonder why Sarah Palin, Michelle Bachman and 9-9-9 Herman Cain are not running this time.
25
The ineptitude and clownishness of the GOP candidates has already stopped being funny, and is now just...sad.
36
Nice hatchet job on Bernie Sanders, Gail. Your bud Hillary must love you.
I see you omitted mentioning Hillary's false claim of dodging enemy sniper fire. You obviously would love to take Bernie down, but one thing he isn't is a liar.
I see you omitted mentioning Hillary's false claim of dodging enemy sniper fire. You obviously would love to take Bernie down, but one thing he isn't is a liar.
39
Save yourself the anxiety and take a sleeping pill.
3
And somewhere in this pile of lightweights we need to find Presidential timber? I just can't see it.
12
List is almost o.k. funny, except for inclusion of the elder Mr. Pataki. Vulnerable old and minor relatives of candidates are not fair game. Thanks for all else: GOP nightmares and sweet dreams of Bernie Sanders.
12
Meanwhile, one time GOP presidential wanna-be and now full time madman Sam Brownback has taken a chain saw to Kansas and put it in the popcorn popper to die a painful death. Tax cuts have gutted their economy and government furloughs are apparently right around the corner in Oz, the Koch lab experiment that all these republicans want to try on the rest of the country. Can you get fed help if your a political party IS the natural disaster?
We better wake up, not go to sleep again for a while.
We better wake up, not go to sleep again for a while.
47
The world laughs. Everyone is waiting for comic relief.
7
I already have nightmares, Gail.
18
I am afraid picturing all those Republicans doing anything before I went to sleep would give me nightmares. I already have nightmares just thinking about any of the Republicans actually becoming President!
Thanks for the laugh this morning Gail!!!!
Thanks for the laugh this morning Gail!!!!
28
Where did adults go? It's like a big high school. Boys. An ugly bunch.
23
I don't know...I read this but thought, no. The last thing I need to count or even contemplate as I try to wind down my mind at night is the 2016 campaign.
In fact thinking of the GOP cast of characters would ensure nightmares not restful sleep. Isn't it bad enough that we hear this stuff wide awake 18 hours of the day?
And the trials and travails of the Dems aren't much better.
I propose another solution for the sleep deprived who insist on focusing on something--anything--related to politics. Numbers can have a relaxing monotony proven to induce sleep. So how about counting electoral votes across all states in a fantasy game of "let's pick a president". That might just do it...unless ine channels Nate Sliver and decides to just open a window and jump at the result.
In fact thinking of the GOP cast of characters would ensure nightmares not restful sleep. Isn't it bad enough that we hear this stuff wide awake 18 hours of the day?
And the trials and travails of the Dems aren't much better.
I propose another solution for the sleep deprived who insist on focusing on something--anything--related to politics. Numbers can have a relaxing monotony proven to induce sleep. So how about counting electoral votes across all states in a fantasy game of "let's pick a president". That might just do it...unless ine channels Nate Sliver and decides to just open a window and jump at the result.
2
Surely, in all of America there is a Republican who is intelligent, fair minded, well educated, well rounded, of good character, willing to be a fair leader for all citizens, willing to compromise and negotiate, non-trash talking, willing to look at two sides to everything, willing to stray from the talking-points script, who could run for the presidency... And then again, maybe not. With qualifications like that, the big money would be gone, and the base would never vote for him/her.
15
Please don't malign the sheep. They have done a fine job for generations. They give us fleece instead of fleecing us. They provide useful training for dogs and shepherds. And, last but not least, their final act of mutton is a feast.
9
LET ME SLEEP ALREADY! When Gail Collins writes such uproarious articles, it's unfair for her to expect us to sleep after reading them. Spoofing the eminently spoofable candidates is a highly entertaining sport (that may even beget neologisms). It would be very helpful to know if there are any candidates out there who have moments when they do not send us off to dreamland? I think that the problem is that we're confusing political debate with soap operas. If campaigns are supposed to be about real-life problems and efficient management of them, somehow the message hasn't gotten through to the current bunch of clowns. Or at least it hasn't trickled down to be reflected in their dark-money-funded 24/7 cycle of negative ads. This article makes me want to ask myself, Who's going to lead us over the cliff this time? To some, I think, the moniker "no drama Obama" has been his downfall. Depriving the press of red meat is pardonable. But depriving it of puffery is a grievous flaw. But since he's already a lame duck, let's just let him quack his way into history, which will surely treat him better than have his contemporaries.
9
I was going to announce my candidacy for the America Rhythmic Gymnastics Team on the theory that the announcement alone would make me just a heart beat or two away from the Olympics; couldn't be more than a dozen people in America who do that sport. But now I'm reconsidering. If enough people are in this race, maybe it will come down to random ballot placement and luck. I could be president! As good a chance as Huckabee from the god squad anyway!
4
Reminds me of the black and white sitcom, "The Addam's Family." Instead of counting, I'm just imagining which candidate is Gomez, Morticia, Uncle Fester, Lurch, Grandmama, Wednesday, Pugsley, Cousin Itt & Thing.
The goth version of a bunch of wealthy, eccentric political wannabees who delight in the macabre & are enchantingly unaware, or do not care, that other people find them bizarre or frightening. If Mike Huckabee puts a light bulb in his mouth, he appears eerily like Uncle Fester having a "moment of eruditeness." When Carly Fiorina speaks of her days at Hewlett Packard, I imagine Cousine Itt's overabundance of blonde hair & garbled mouthing gibberish meant to indicate intelligence. The good natured Marco Rubio reminds me of a bit of Pugsley's prepubescent devious young genius nature, as he craftily fashions tiny guillotines out of his preprepared Koch speech writer's paper. Hillary Clinton could be Grandmama, busily stirring up potions & doing witchlike things like wrestling alligators & secretly blowing ambulents into the howling wind. Ted Cruz reminds me of Morticia in that he would make an excellent mortician or gravestone salesman. Governor Scott Walker could be Thing. He can be seen on a debate stage illuminated by Gaslight as just a giant white hand of the Koch Bros. with a black spider on it pointing to all of the shadows. Finally, the 2016 race slogan will be, "Sic gorgiamus allos subjectatos nunc (pseudo-Latin: "We gladly feast on those who would subdue us.").
The goth version of a bunch of wealthy, eccentric political wannabees who delight in the macabre & are enchantingly unaware, or do not care, that other people find them bizarre or frightening. If Mike Huckabee puts a light bulb in his mouth, he appears eerily like Uncle Fester having a "moment of eruditeness." When Carly Fiorina speaks of her days at Hewlett Packard, I imagine Cousine Itt's overabundance of blonde hair & garbled mouthing gibberish meant to indicate intelligence. The good natured Marco Rubio reminds me of a bit of Pugsley's prepubescent devious young genius nature, as he craftily fashions tiny guillotines out of his preprepared Koch speech writer's paper. Hillary Clinton could be Grandmama, busily stirring up potions & doing witchlike things like wrestling alligators & secretly blowing ambulents into the howling wind. Ted Cruz reminds me of Morticia in that he would make an excellent mortician or gravestone salesman. Governor Scott Walker could be Thing. He can be seen on a debate stage illuminated by Gaslight as just a giant white hand of the Koch Bros. with a black spider on it pointing to all of the shadows. Finally, the 2016 race slogan will be, "Sic gorgiamus allos subjectatos nunc (pseudo-Latin: "We gladly feast on those who would subdue us.").
8
Although most of these candidates are completely forgettable, except for their weird proclivities, "snarling, rabid otter" as a description for Lindsey Graham will stay with me for a long, long time! Thanks for making my day!
13
There is something bogus about the claim only three countries are not metric. In Great Britain quite a number of people will drive a mile (walk a furlong or a league) in order to get a pint of beer. When I was in Afghanistan the most common unit of weight was a "pow" which was typically indicated by one gear or another from a Bedford truck.
1
As always, Gail Collins is funny on the silly things politicians say. But how about a column that itemizes the candidates' actual accomplishments that have done actual good. Or bad. There's a list I'd like to read.
3
In my dream, we sent the entire flock of GOP candidates, in their fetching clown spacesuits, on a one-way mission to link with Rosetta on the Comet 67P, enabling them to probe the mysteries of the universe for eternity. Perhaps it would finally satisfy that probe-happy bunch of space invaders. I slept soundly as a result.
8
Well, now, there's an idea, we could put their faces on cereal boxes, or maybe Koch could do a Dixie paper plate package, with, what is it now, 10 designs? (I better shut up, I use and like Dixie paper plates!)
3
I can only think of one person who acted like a real president, after I find out someone was forcing a practical joke on me. But it was true: Ronald Reagan was going for the White House. A B-level actor as president? I still couldn't believe it. And then it came to me.
Of course. If the voters needed someone who could act like a real president....
But that was years ago. Not one of the runners loping toward the presidency nowadays happens to be a good actor casted for that role. Hollywood: what are you waiting for?
Of course. If the voters needed someone who could act like a real president....
But that was years ago. Not one of the runners loping toward the presidency nowadays happens to be a good actor casted for that role. Hollywood: what are you waiting for?
9
Of course, Bernie Sanders doesn't have a chance to be elected as president. He can't change his mind or his beliefs, depending on which state he happens to be visiting. Maybe he could be a vice-president selected by the winner, so only one person (the winner) would be blamed instead of voters or billionaires or political parties. Bernie in the White House also might upset the Supreme Court.
16
Gail, I may be cynical, but these men and women running for president - not necessarily Hillary Clinton - are gathering experiences for their resumes like college kids do to gain admittance to colleges or to get good jobs. Running for president is, in some circles, tantamount to a greater salary for what you are really after, consulting positions and influence peddling, now that's where the real money is. President? Why would anyone actually want to be one when just running and losing is more lucrative - and easier. Ah, America, the land of opportunity.
28
When are American voters finally stop considering who "looks" like a president (case in point, Romney...and even worse, Reagan), and how much money they raised from special interests? Not the public, the masses...but a few wealthy individuals and corporate sponsors.
Why aren't people thinking about the reasons for such large campaign donations? Do they think the Kochs are spending $900 million because they care about the fate of ordinary Americans, or may more likely lax regulations so they can wallow in even more riches? How about Adelson...all he cares about is the fate of Israel. And Clinton's foundation donations and $250,000 speeches. What can anyone say in a couple hours that is worth that much ? That cash is just advance payments for expected future favors. Also, printing out hand-picked emails that will take forever to review (and deleting the rest of the evidence) instead of delivering them electronically just reeks of deception.
I'm voting for Senator Sanders no matter what come election day, even though I have had replies before that I'd be wasting my vote and maybe allowing the GOP to win. Wel, this is the first time in 42 years of voting that I can actually vote for someone principled. I don't want to hold my nose while pulling the lever for a suspect Hillary Clinton !!
Why aren't people thinking about the reasons for such large campaign donations? Do they think the Kochs are spending $900 million because they care about the fate of ordinary Americans, or may more likely lax regulations so they can wallow in even more riches? How about Adelson...all he cares about is the fate of Israel. And Clinton's foundation donations and $250,000 speeches. What can anyone say in a couple hours that is worth that much ? That cash is just advance payments for expected future favors. Also, printing out hand-picked emails that will take forever to review (and deleting the rest of the evidence) instead of delivering them electronically just reeks of deception.
I'm voting for Senator Sanders no matter what come election day, even though I have had replies before that I'd be wasting my vote and maybe allowing the GOP to win. Wel, this is the first time in 42 years of voting that I can actually vote for someone principled. I don't want to hold my nose while pulling the lever for a suspect Hillary Clinton !!
38
While fully cognizant that the word "factoid" has entered the lexicon meaning small fact or unimportant fact, it just has an awkward feel given that the suffix "-oid" has traditionally been used to signify "like" or "similar to". Gail, in the future you might want to consider using the more suitable constructions "factling" or "factlet".
As far as the pretenders to the throne are concerned, they do make for some good punchlines, but I prefer to ignore them for as long as possible.
As far as the pretenders to the throne are concerned, they do make for some good punchlines, but I prefer to ignore them for as long as possible.
7
I wish that listing candidates for 2016 presidential nominees would be sleep-inducing, Ms. Collins. It is, however, the stuff of nightmares. How is it that these are the best our country can do? What is it about our current political system that produces only the recycled, the weird or the too dull-to-inspire candidates we have now?
Don't get me wrong, I fully expect to vote for Mrs. Clinton. At my age I am no longer a Democrat who expects to "fall in love" with a candidate either for her carefully-vetted center-right agenda or his endearingly progressive ideas. I will settle for an historic known quantity sure to choose competent justices, staff and cabinet members--as I did in the last two presidential elections.
Writing as someone with both a Jesse Ventura action figure doll and a pink boa (although my vote went to his exceedingly dull, but safe opponent), I am long past needing or expecting thrills on any election night. And, of course, living in the state that somehow elected Rick Scott twice, my increasingly desperate wish will be not to cringe at election results. The stuff of nightmares indeed.
Don't get me wrong, I fully expect to vote for Mrs. Clinton. At my age I am no longer a Democrat who expects to "fall in love" with a candidate either for her carefully-vetted center-right agenda or his endearingly progressive ideas. I will settle for an historic known quantity sure to choose competent justices, staff and cabinet members--as I did in the last two presidential elections.
Writing as someone with both a Jesse Ventura action figure doll and a pink boa (although my vote went to his exceedingly dull, but safe opponent), I am long past needing or expecting thrills on any election night. And, of course, living in the state that somehow elected Rick Scott twice, my increasingly desperate wish will be not to cringe at election results. The stuff of nightmares indeed.
37
"When you get weary and you can’t sleep, count the candidates instead of sheep." The only problem is that one of these Republicans could actually become president.
And that definitely keeps me up at night.
And that definitely keeps me up at night.
110
The system is broken beyond repair and humour is hard to come by when the only two candidates that would make me consider American citizenship are a considered longshot vying for the Democratic nomination Bernie Sanders and a conservative businessman and international expert Republican who considered far too left wing for today's neo-Fascists, Jon Huntsman.
It is 35 years after Reagan and neither American political party seems to acknowledge we are in the 21st century. Maybe instead of worrying about Iran's nuclear development program maybe we should decide who might be entrusted to destroying America's weapons of mass destruction.
Sleep does not come easily to those of us with two feet planted in reality.
I cannot help but think that the next election in the most powerful nation on Earth will be about how to suppress the vote and how to register everybody for voting in the the age of tablets and smartphones.
Sleep? What is that?
It is 35 years after Reagan and neither American political party seems to acknowledge we are in the 21st century. Maybe instead of worrying about Iran's nuclear development program maybe we should decide who might be entrusted to destroying America's weapons of mass destruction.
Sleep does not come easily to those of us with two feet planted in reality.
I cannot help but think that the next election in the most powerful nation on Earth will be about how to suppress the vote and how to register everybody for voting in the the age of tablets and smartphones.
Sleep? What is that?
54
We seem to have two football teams.
VARSITY PLAYERS: Jeb Bush Ben Carson Ted Cruz Carly Fiorina Lindsey Graham Mike Huckabee George Pataki Rand Paul Rick Perry Marco Rubio Rick Santorum
TALENT SCOUT: Only Jeb, Lindsey and George can actually play with other people. Ted and Ben keep lining up out of bounds on the right. Marco is playing with rules from 1959. Florina denies ever having lost a single game despite being 0 for 3. Mike eats too many grits before practice. Rick can't remember the plays.
SECOND STRINGERS: Kelly Ayotte Chris Christie Mitch Daniels Nikki Haley Bobby Jindal John Kasich Peter King Susana Martinez Mike Pence Brian Sandoval Scott Walker
TALENT REVIEW: Kelly, Susana and Nicki have more natural talent than Carly. but they realize how low this bar is set. Mitch and John are not sure they are on the right team. Mike will play with gays once he finds out how everyone else feels. Scott refuses to join the players union.
VARSITY PLAYERS: Jeb Bush Ben Carson Ted Cruz Carly Fiorina Lindsey Graham Mike Huckabee George Pataki Rand Paul Rick Perry Marco Rubio Rick Santorum
TALENT SCOUT: Only Jeb, Lindsey and George can actually play with other people. Ted and Ben keep lining up out of bounds on the right. Marco is playing with rules from 1959. Florina denies ever having lost a single game despite being 0 for 3. Mike eats too many grits before practice. Rick can't remember the plays.
SECOND STRINGERS: Kelly Ayotte Chris Christie Mitch Daniels Nikki Haley Bobby Jindal John Kasich Peter King Susana Martinez Mike Pence Brian Sandoval Scott Walker
TALENT REVIEW: Kelly, Susana and Nicki have more natural talent than Carly. but they realize how low this bar is set. Mitch and John are not sure they are on the right team. Mike will play with gays once he finds out how everyone else feels. Scott refuses to join the players union.
30
they are all, bar none, buffoons and cretins.
3
You appear to enjoy a very, very odd sense of what the word "varsity," means.
Did you watch "Dumb and dummer? Enough said.
22
Ted Cruz - born in Canada? How soes he qualify for the position as President of the United States?. John McCain, born in Panama, was at least born on what was US territory at the time. Except for the surname "Cruz" I also fail to see how Ted cruz qualifies as hispanic. Is he Catholic? Does he speak Spanish? Is he in favor of immigration reform? Does he eat ropa vieja or pour rum over his Wheaties in the morning? (Maybe a little rum might help.)
Who let him into this country?
Who let him into this country?
66
He was born to US citizen parents. That makes him a US citizen. Too bad!
3
Forget the fence, Gail, I have them jumping out of the clown car and then off a cliff as I happily doze off for a peaceful night's sleep. Something hard to find for this 61 year old!
38
I fell asleep halfway through Ben Carson’s paranoia.
34
Well, there is at least one candidate with a good idea that he is willing to put out there. Lincoln Chafee.
Of course, Chafee will never make it, since he has the REASONABLE idea of switching to the metric system. Only 3 countries in the world are not on the metric system in our global age: Liberia, Myanmar, and of course, the exceptional USA.
Switching to the metric system--probably slowly--would be very helpful to scientists and anyone doing business and traveling abroad. But Republicans don't like scientists unless they can be paid to lie, and they don't show signs of enjoying international travel, other cultures and peoples, or countries that have a lower GDP but a higher Gini Index (measures the distribution of income in a country from 0-1 for equality to inequality where US ranks poorly relative to advanced nations), and better quality of life than the U.S. (see OECD Quality of Life Index http://www.oecdbetterlifeindex.org/#/11111111111).
Plus, lots of parents these days don't like new ideas replacing what they learned. A woman was telling me yesterday that she is baffled by the math they are teaching in school--nothing like what she learned--so she told her 3 boys that she couldn't help them because she had no idea what they were supposed to learn. She complained to the school. I know she loves her children very much and is well intentioned, but it won't do those boys any harm to learn math on their own, or get help from the teacher.
Viva la metric system!
Of course, Chafee will never make it, since he has the REASONABLE idea of switching to the metric system. Only 3 countries in the world are not on the metric system in our global age: Liberia, Myanmar, and of course, the exceptional USA.
Switching to the metric system--probably slowly--would be very helpful to scientists and anyone doing business and traveling abroad. But Republicans don't like scientists unless they can be paid to lie, and they don't show signs of enjoying international travel, other cultures and peoples, or countries that have a lower GDP but a higher Gini Index (measures the distribution of income in a country from 0-1 for equality to inequality where US ranks poorly relative to advanced nations), and better quality of life than the U.S. (see OECD Quality of Life Index http://www.oecdbetterlifeindex.org/#/11111111111).
Plus, lots of parents these days don't like new ideas replacing what they learned. A woman was telling me yesterday that she is baffled by the math they are teaching in school--nothing like what she learned--so she told her 3 boys that she couldn't help them because she had no idea what they were supposed to learn. She complained to the school. I know she loves her children very much and is well intentioned, but it won't do those boys any harm to learn math on their own, or get help from the teacher.
Viva la metric system!
28
Scientists already use the metric system in the U.S., otherwise they couldn't communicate with the rest of the world. The rest, well, we play 'possum'.
3
We tried it. I remember learning it in grade school.
Well, I know that when I am weary and cannot sleep, I always count the demon sheep! With blazing red eyes. And then, for some reason, I start dream about hell, and all the cast of characters are there - Huckabee frying the poor, little squirrels, Lindsey is screaming at Sanders that we're all going to die (even though they're all already dead) and Sanders is chasing Hillary around saying "What to play pinochle?" over and over and she is throwing back shots and just trying to get away from him, Marin O'Malley has morphed into the lead dancer from River Dancing and is clogging away.....and, oh, I'm so sleepy. Thanks, Carly, for the demon sheep. They always put me to sleep.
10
I'm a little tired of people quoting the Bernie Sanders thing out of context. It's easy to go to Google and just read it. And anyone who was around back in the 70s will remember that there were plenty of magazine articles with women talking about having rape fantasies as we still see in the popularity of the book "Fifty Shades of Grey." Anyone will also notice if you google the article that he begins by discussing men's fantasies but that doesn't get pulled out of context. He says he was talking about stereotypes and that's what it is doing.
40
I agree. At least once a year I stumble across an article about female sexuality and fantasies and/or porn watching habits. Lots of women think about or watch things they would never actually do or want in real life. That's why they're called fantasies.
2
Bless you. However, I fear you may be wasting your breath trying to mount any sort of defensive attitude-correction in the Times. Not gonna happen. Recommend switching to the USA edition of the Guardian for a less-biased perspective on Bernie.
2
Actually, I was fine with Gail's list for these Republican candidates (is that an oxymoron too?) jumping over a fence, until I imagined Governor Christy making the attempt to jump over that fence still dressed in his baseball uniform. Shouldn't one of his advisors told him that pinstripes just may have made him look a tiny little bit slimmer?
I was wide awake after that, thinking of him jumping. A truly unfortunate photo moment for him, and for us.
I was wide awake after that, thinking of him jumping. A truly unfortunate photo moment for him, and for us.
22
Tweedledum and Tweedledee came to my mind, as I'm sure it did to many others. His grandchildren will really get a kick out of that picture some day.
Yup. GOP Gallery. Fired CEO carly. Brainless surgeon ben. Carnival cruz. Sweaty rube. Pastor huckster. Sanctimonious saintorum. Libertarian pall. Lindsey hawk. No name pat. Oops perry. That's only ten. Five more ready to join the fractured fray. On the left? H-Rod. Uncle bernie. Metric lincoln. Wired o'malley.
The only answer? President Mike! A guy who actually ran stuff well and got things done. Public sector. Private Sector. Could spend his own bucks. No need for fundraisers. Beholden to neither K Street nor Wall Street. But. Would middle America vote for a short billionaire Jew from New York?! They should.
The only answer? President Mike! A guy who actually ran stuff well and got things done. Public sector. Private Sector. Could spend his own bucks. No need for fundraisers. Beholden to neither K Street nor Wall Street. But. Would middle America vote for a short billionaire Jew from New York?! They should.
14
Lindseys Grahm's home state of South Carolina ranks high in domestic abuse,low in education and road conditions,provides low paying benefitless work, has rejected federal medicaid funds and is a welfare queen as it takes more money from the federal government then it pays in. When interviewed on the PBS news hour concerning his presidential bid and saber rattling the interviewer neglected to ask him how his brand of miltary intervention would yield different results than those of Mr Bush and how he might justify the death of a serviceman or woman to their families? Thank you once again Ms. Collins for your ability to see the humor in this pathetic media and political environment.
67
I knew how stupid this country would get from the Reagan Revolution when that fatuous fool took the solar panels off the White House and nixed the Metric converson law passed under the Carter Administration.
176
I hate to tell you this Gail, but falling to sleep with your method won't work for me: I feel suicidal, not sleepy.
63
The problem with dozing off to this cast of characters is the nightmares it induces.
23
Rand Paul cuts his hair? You mean while it's on his head?
19
There was a time when Italian-style politics was an international laughing stock. But today it's becoming the norm with every passing election cycle. Just a matter of time before we have our very own congressman "Cicciolina". We've already got Silvio Berlusconi in the form of Chris Christie. And if it weren't for the separation of powers, like Italy presidential administrations here would come and go with every change in the barometric pressure.
In spite of all the seeming chaos of Italian politics, governance never really changes. The policies replicate from government to government just like ours. We elected our first Puritan president to restore nation's moral center. Almost six years later we still have the same lousy wars, the same lousy economic policies and trade agreements, same torture by proxy, same failing infrastructure and the same snivellery in the face of plutocratic wealth. Happily our current president can string together a grammatically correct sentence, even if it means absolutely nothing.
I hope Fiorina gets the nomination. It'll be interesting to see how the Plutocrats spin a three time failure who happens to be one of their own as an example of the great "success" of American Capitalism.
In spite of all the seeming chaos of Italian politics, governance never really changes. The policies replicate from government to government just like ours. We elected our first Puritan president to restore nation's moral center. Almost six years later we still have the same lousy wars, the same lousy economic policies and trade agreements, same torture by proxy, same failing infrastructure and the same snivellery in the face of plutocratic wealth. Happily our current president can string together a grammatically correct sentence, even if it means absolutely nothing.
I hope Fiorina gets the nomination. It'll be interesting to see how the Plutocrats spin a three time failure who happens to be one of their own as an example of the great "success" of American Capitalism.
16
For many of these politicians, the depth of their self involvement is superseded only by their lack of common sense. Some of them wouldn't get one percent of the vote.
7
These sociopaths are focused solely on the 0.1% vote and 0.1% 'public policy', Rob Z.
The election-day voting of regular Americans is a minor hurdle to be worked out down the road with a massive 0.1%, right-wing 2016 disinformation campaign.
The election-day voting of regular Americans is a minor hurdle to be worked out down the road with a massive 0.1%, right-wing 2016 disinformation campaign.
Rob,
Sadly that STILL amounts to millions of people who will agree with any or all of them. Millions!
Sadly that STILL amounts to millions of people who will agree with any or all of them. Millions!
I like this one, especially the ending line about imagining them all jumping over a fence. Applied to the Republican candidates, in my dream they would all stumble and none of them could get over the fence. They are all clowns--gun enthusiasts, climate change deniers, and closet racists. Some white men can jump, but not these morons.
12
Rather than imagining these candidates lined up jumping a fence in some bucolic setting, it would set my mind at rest seeing most of them behind a fence with razor wire on top wearing straight jackets and muzzles. I know Bernie Sanders is a thinking man because his brain is vibrating so much it constantly sends electrical charges through his hair. Bernie is the only straight shooter of the bunch and the only one who I can imagine will pull us out of our dark ages and into another enlightenment. I sleep easily imagining him giving someone hell from the oval office.
19
Gail Collins was likely very much a "mean girl" in her youth. If she is still making fun of middle names and attacking parents in order to humiliate her targets at her age, one can only feel sorry for her early classmates who must have be the subject of even lower attacks. This isn't journalism. It is just grade school nastiness provided as red meat for the fervent partisans.
1
You want to talk about mean? Let's talk about politicians who are more than happy to ruin lives and in some cases cost people their lives. Collins shows a great deal of restraint when she takes these people to task.
No, Gail was the class clown that everyone, including her teachers, loved. Maureen Dowd was the mean girl.
8
. . . . but she gives us a few chuckles while we're forced to muddle thru another boring election cycle. Wish someone beside Bernie and Hillary would start discussing issues. Cable news has to talk election 2016 for 24/7 - and they wonder why people get so tired that they don't vote!!
1
I closed my eyes and visualized a fence - the fence - on the South Rim of the Grand Canyon. This felt very good and I slept soundly.
7
Notice that every comment that made it past the NYT censors shares Gail's partisan hatred for Republicans.
This is why the NYT comment thread is the most boring echo chamber on the web: the moderators like it that way.
This is why the NYT comment thread is the most boring echo chamber on the web: the moderators like it that way.
2
One can sum up the typical right wing posting here in the words "They did it first!"
2
Yours got printed which kind of destroys your argument
I'm a little hung up on Pataki - one of the "factoids" is not about him, but about his dad. What gives?
5
Gail that list is way too long. By the time you get half way through your sleep would be destroyed by either laughter or by frightening yourself into a state of anxiety.
If you are going insist on the sheep counting mode, try these:
Name all the ways that the Republicans have made life better for Americans who work for a living. Okay that isn’t fair you can’t count what does not exist.
List which billionaires own which presidential contenders.
List Republican politicians who have a sense of humor. By the time you run that negative brain search you may be fast asleep.
If you are in for a real bout of insomnia:
List the candidates who told the most lies or who have the most billionaires who will be making demands on them.
Count the states where the rich run the show where the poor are punished, women’s rights are trampled and voting are suppressed to combat non-existent voter fraud. Then list how many are controlled by Republicans and how many by Democrats.
List by party, which politicians in Congress cheat on their spouses, use prostitutes, are against abortion while demanding that their wives or girl friends have them or refuse to pay child support.
Or you could try a warm cup of malt flavored Oveltine right before bed. Or could leave the TV on with the sound off tuned to TCM.
If you are going insist on the sheep counting mode, try these:
Name all the ways that the Republicans have made life better for Americans who work for a living. Okay that isn’t fair you can’t count what does not exist.
List which billionaires own which presidential contenders.
List Republican politicians who have a sense of humor. By the time you run that negative brain search you may be fast asleep.
If you are in for a real bout of insomnia:
List the candidates who told the most lies or who have the most billionaires who will be making demands on them.
Count the states where the rich run the show where the poor are punished, women’s rights are trampled and voting are suppressed to combat non-existent voter fraud. Then list how many are controlled by Republicans and how many by Democrats.
List by party, which politicians in Congress cheat on their spouses, use prostitutes, are against abortion while demanding that their wives or girl friends have them or refuse to pay child support.
Or you could try a warm cup of malt flavored Oveltine right before bed. Or could leave the TV on with the sound off tuned to TCM.
19
Gail, thank you once again for a good belly-laugh on a dreary, rainy day in the Midwest. It's tough living in conservative flyover country after decades in California, so your columns are like a fresh breeze. They take my mind off the dourness of our neighbors in Kansas and all their shenanigans.
12
Thinking about these clowns before you go to sleep might help to induce a nightmare but that's about it.
10
Trump won't run because he doesn't want to release any financial information (how many bankruptcies?).
Plus, the neon TRUMP on the side of the White House would be an issue...
Plus, the neon TRUMP on the side of the White House would be an issue...
19
I think it might be an interesting and sleep-inducing exercise to think about how the candidates would interact, all of them trying to fit into the clown car. Makes for an amusing mental picture, you can sleep with a smile on your face.
4
The intellectual mass of the current crop would easily fit in the glove compartment of the clown car. Sadly, the totality of their collective integrity would fit in that small cavity left when the cigarette lighter is removed.
No matter how it turns out, we're gonna have the best government money can buy. Wouldn't that just suit the founders fancies? Please remind me. What was it so many of them they gave their lives for?
No matter how it turns out, we're gonna have the best government money can buy. Wouldn't that just suit the founders fancies? Please remind me. What was it so many of them they gave their lives for?
1
Don't worry, Jim Webb is coming. Annapolis grad. Marine Corps officer awarded a Bronze Star and Navy Cross. Former Secretary of the Navy and all around true man of the people. Better still he doesn't brag about it. He just did it.
Time for a wake up call folks.
Time for a wake up call folks.
22
I once liked Webb but he only got elected because of the "Macaca" debacle on the part of his opponent. Was not happy when he chickened out of the senate after only one term!
Trying to fall asleep, what works for me is reciting the states in alphabetical order and then backwards in alphabetical order. If I'm still awake, I'll recite the state capitals in the their respective states alphabetical order. I rarely make it through Boise, Idaho. If none of that works i'll go to the 1960 Pittsburgh Pirates roster. Now who was the right hand hitting part of the centerfield platoon with Bill Virdon? Oh yeah, Gino Cimoli. zzzzzzz.
5
what matters most are the people these candidates will surround themselves with after the election. Who are their friends? Their advisors? We can tolerate (and may have to) any of these people as president depending on who is advising them.
8
We already know who Bush's advisers will be, and we know how well that turned out for us.
For the rest, can't you guess? Bolton for Sec'y of State, Ailes for Communications Director, and pick any defense hawk for Secretary of Defense. Maybe Cheney, the younger or the zombie older one, whatever. The rest, who cares. Those departments will be gone, anyway.
For the rest, can't you guess? Bolton for Sec'y of State, Ailes for Communications Director, and pick any defense hawk for Secretary of Defense. Maybe Cheney, the younger or the zombie older one, whatever. The rest, who cares. Those departments will be gone, anyway.
I like Rick Santorum. He talks much about his grandfather who was a coal miner, but never mentions his parents who were government employees working for a government run health care system, the Veterans Administration.
25
Just nit-picking among the GOP/Tea Party sheep declared and still undeclared wannabe POTUS candidates (19 in all now?) - but how could you omit Chris Christie from your rockabye-baby counting sheep to go to sleep list, Gail? Did you see the photo of the orange traffic-cone NJ Guv pitching softball in his NYPD baseball togs at Yankee Stadium last night? Your tart and funny listicle of those who are running to replace President Barack Hussein Obama reminds me of the Caribbean's tall coconut trees in hurricane season - 1 June through 30 November. Swaying with the wind, the clusters of coconuts must be hacked down before storms as each heavy green coconut becomes a cannonball, a destructive missile, when hurled about by the winds of the season. Not to put too fine a point on it, a coconut is a coconut is a coconut, as Gertrude Stein would have said if she had encountered coconuts instead of roses.
4
There is a line in the German film about the Stasi era, The Life of Others, said by the protagonist to a big apparatchik he runs into, after the fall of the Wall. It goes something like this: And to think that people like you once ruled this country, These words come to mind when I look at this gaggle of clowns aspiring to the presidency of this great country. Is there a cancer in the electoral process?
10
Please share the responses of these candidates to Ebola and ISIS and maybe include their take on the deficit and job creators.
4
Yes Gail, all these candidates have a silly, chuckle-worthy weirdness about them that may or may not haunt the dark night of our slumber. But, the reality is that once we wake up one of these zombies, especially the Republican variety, in sheep's clothing could actually be President. And that is as friend of mine, a Holocaust survivor, once quipped, "It's not the nightmares that bother me, it's the day-mares!"
12
What about the Louisiana Governor Bobby Jindal? He started out being a moderate policy wonk who warned his fellow Republicans against becoming "the party of Stupid." Well, guess what? Stupid sells! Our Bobby quickly figured out which way the wind was blowing, aligned himself with the Tea Partiers and evangelicals, and now espouses every weirdo policy that comes down the pike.
The one thing all these candidates have in common is their groveling fealty to the ultra conservative billionaires -- Adelson, Koch, etc. -- who set the pro-business/crush the poor and middle class agenda. They are the actual candidates in 2016 so we should just skip the primaries and put these guys on the Presidential ballot. Save us all a lot of time and money. And Gail could get back to the more serious issues facing the nation: Caitlin Jenner's re-assignment surgery and the name for Kim and Kanye's new baby.
The one thing all these candidates have in common is their groveling fealty to the ultra conservative billionaires -- Adelson, Koch, etc. -- who set the pro-business/crush the poor and middle class agenda. They are the actual candidates in 2016 so we should just skip the primaries and put these guys on the Presidential ballot. Save us all a lot of time and money. And Gail could get back to the more serious issues facing the nation: Caitlin Jenner's re-assignment surgery and the name for Kim and Kanye's new baby.
10
This piece made me watch the "demon sheep" ad for the first time. I'll never sleep again! And the demon sheep isn't the scary part...it's the tax pledge by the successful businesswoman who is lurking offscreen; you have to imagine her with glowing red eyes.
If you haven't seen it, watch it; it's priceless.
If you haven't seen it, watch it; it's priceless.
12
Is this the best the Koch brothers have to offer?
11
depends on what the brothers mean by "best" which really means "worst" for the country.
The Kochs really need to set higher standards for their HR Dept.
1
Unfortunately, it may be all they need.
The Tea Party-ers seem to think that "born is Canada" is OK but suspected to be "born in Kenya," the contrary proof notwithstanding, not OK---indeed unconstitutional. Huh?
15
Keeping in mind that Obama was botn in Hawaii (US) while Cruz was born in Alberta (Canada).
1
Instead of falling asleep the list is going to keep me awake all night.
4
Thinking about the current field of presidential wannabes can put me to sleep at night...I just don't want to get up the next morning.
Sometimes I look at the old front pages of NYT. What strikes me is how much more sophisticated the language was back then. How much more lyrical. As if whomever wrote it really cared about what they wrote and who read it.
The fact that we have these morons and crooks as our tour guides for the quadrennial presidential trip is because that's what we allow. We don't really care, do we? We're all so busy trying to look busy, living moment to moment, that we don't even take the time to correct spelling errors when we write comments and the errors are underlined for us. We are moved only by winning, and not what has to come afterwards. The candidates are simply taking advantage of the situation. Only those brazen enough to think they can outsmart or manipulate the media are out there. With all that's already been uncovered, does HRC really think she can get away with it for another 16 months? Does Rick Perry? Does Mike Huckabee? , In the end we will have to choose, again, the least offensive rather than the best candidate. And then what..."Hope and Change"? Show me how.
So the next time you can't sleep, instead of thinking of ways to give the current crop more publicity, try coming up with names of potential candidates that noone has mentioned yet.
Sometimes I look at the old front pages of NYT. What strikes me is how much more sophisticated the language was back then. How much more lyrical. As if whomever wrote it really cared about what they wrote and who read it.
The fact that we have these morons and crooks as our tour guides for the quadrennial presidential trip is because that's what we allow. We don't really care, do we? We're all so busy trying to look busy, living moment to moment, that we don't even take the time to correct spelling errors when we write comments and the errors are underlined for us. We are moved only by winning, and not what has to come afterwards. The candidates are simply taking advantage of the situation. Only those brazen enough to think they can outsmart or manipulate the media are out there. With all that's already been uncovered, does HRC really think she can get away with it for another 16 months? Does Rick Perry? Does Mike Huckabee? , In the end we will have to choose, again, the least offensive rather than the best candidate. And then what..."Hope and Change"? Show me how.
So the next time you can't sleep, instead of thinking of ways to give the current crop more publicity, try coming up with names of potential candidates that noone has mentioned yet.
The media "in the interest of fairness" has to show both sides no matter how absurd that is. People believing the world is round arguing with people insisting the earth is flat (sigh - i guess it helps the ratings). That's why Bernie Sanders has no business being in this list. A man consistent with his beliefs and actions his whole life. The ONLY candidate that's speaking about and involved in the issues facing this nation today.
Jerry Willard
NYC
Jerry Willard
NYC
14
The sheer number of presidential pretenders might be enough to put one to sleep. Honestly, though, with the exception of Bernie Sanders and possibly Hillary Clinton, if I have the misfortune to think about any of these candidates while I am trying to go to sleep, I end up with insomnia from worrying about their shocking lack of qualifications.
10
Lulling myself to sleep with lists of ridiculous candidates, I'm startled awake with the nightmare image of the Supreme Court appointing one of them to be our President.
10
The Supremes might just do that - they did it in 2000.
1
This cast of characters reads like something out of Sinclair Lewis.
It brings to mind his ploddingly dystopian It Can't Happen Here, a clumsy screed, but still fascinating, especially for people who want to know for just how long America has been the way it is, and how close we always seem to be to taking the next, awful step into outright fascism.
The novel is chockful of characters with names like Berzelius Windrip and General Dewey Haik, populist fascists, contemptuous of democracy, quite power-mad, who fatten without scruple on the suasibility of ordinary people. They present themselves (quite shamelessly) as Real Americans taking a stand against radicals and non-whites and intellectuals and other such public menaces.
It's badly written enough that a few chapters--maybe even just paragraphs--will put you right to sleep; and in print, at least, it all seems so improbable, the idea that some gormless hack could take power and shred what's left of the American experiment down to its original atoms. In this respect fiction seems far more reassuring than the real thing.
Meanwhile, the Republicans are conjuring up plots and casts of characters that no respectable publisher would put into print. Not even as pure fiction.
It brings to mind his ploddingly dystopian It Can't Happen Here, a clumsy screed, but still fascinating, especially for people who want to know for just how long America has been the way it is, and how close we always seem to be to taking the next, awful step into outright fascism.
The novel is chockful of characters with names like Berzelius Windrip and General Dewey Haik, populist fascists, contemptuous of democracy, quite power-mad, who fatten without scruple on the suasibility of ordinary people. They present themselves (quite shamelessly) as Real Americans taking a stand against radicals and non-whites and intellectuals and other such public menaces.
It's badly written enough that a few chapters--maybe even just paragraphs--will put you right to sleep; and in print, at least, it all seems so improbable, the idea that some gormless hack could take power and shred what's left of the American experiment down to its original atoms. In this respect fiction seems far more reassuring than the real thing.
Meanwhile, the Republicans are conjuring up plots and casts of characters that no respectable publisher would put into print. Not even as pure fiction.
20
At least it's an improvement over 1998, when all the characters' names seemed to be straight outta Dickens: Hyde, Tripp, Starr, DeLay.
No Bobby Jindal? He now has grounds to campaign on the theme that the liberal New York media is purposefully not mentioning him as a way to prevent his fledgling campaign from receiving free publicity that he so desperately needs in order to line up a cushy high-paying gig on Fox as part of that network's diversity effort.
14
Oh Gail. You describe Graham coming out of the gate like a snarling otter. Still trying to control my laughter. BUT you do serious, and I mean serious disservice to otters. Just observed four of them in the lake behind my house and
1. They are really, really cute- Graham not so much
2. They are playful - Graham with his drum beat about war not so much
3. Yeah they really get mean when fighting for the same fish BUT still look cute - Graham and the Repubs in their need to slash funds for the less fortunate are totally the opposite of cute
4. They seem really, really loving with their mate - ok don't know anything about Graham's mate.
1. They are really, really cute- Graham not so much
2. They are playful - Graham with his drum beat about war not so much
3. Yeah they really get mean when fighting for the same fish BUT still look cute - Graham and the Repubs in their need to slash funds for the less fortunate are totally the opposite of cute
4. They seem really, really loving with their mate - ok don't know anything about Graham's mate.
18
What mate? Graham has remained a bachelor for his entire life. Perhaps if he had someone to love, he wouldn't be quite so snarly.
He doesn't have one; never has.
One reason people run for president is to enhance their view of themselves as reflected by the nation at large. Almost every politician who first runs for a minor office thinks "What if...someday...I could actually try for it?" What if they could be at least a small part of the future history books studied by school children and remembered as someone who was an important part of their times?
With so many people running this year and into next (some of them won't make it that far, of course), many of those running will actually be diminished for having tried. A few years from now, they will be seen as having been part of a band of jokers, a band of pretenders who had no chance.
In a way, it is like cutting a record or taking a starring role in a movie. This is what we are all about in varying ways in America, the big chance, the major opportunity and attendant risk. At least, you can say you did it. You didn't sit back and just complain, you didn't wait for opportunity to come and scoop you up, you went for it all, win or lose.
Even now, the crowded field looks like a losers Hall of Fame in the making. Will Rick Perry retire to the plush inner city suburbs of Dallas, like Bush before him, having not even this time round risen into the top tier? Lindsey Graham will retreat to South Carolina with more wounds to lick than a Confederate soldier. Will Ben Carson be remembered as nothing more than this seasons Herman Cain? The obits for most could be written today.
12
How can I fall asleep? I'm laughing too hard; but then it's either laugh or cry. In any case, thinking about the upcoming presidential election does not cause me to rest easy.
The GOP candidates each seem to be testing material for an SNL skit. The Democrats have only one strong candidate; Hilary Clinton. I like Bernie Sanders' ideas, but I don't think he has the skill or experience to lead. I expect he will influence matters as the campaign develops, but I don't see him as a successful candidate.
The GOP candidates each seem to be testing material for an SNL skit. The Democrats have only one strong candidate; Hilary Clinton. I like Bernie Sanders' ideas, but I don't think he has the skill or experience to lead. I expect he will influence matters as the campaign develops, but I don't see him as a successful candidate.
6
George Pataki let his father die in a nursing home for indigent firefighters!?Beware America. This is what the Repubs want to do to all of us!
19
Stick with counting sheep, these guys will give you nightmares.
11
I always read the intrepid Ms. Collins so I may always learn something new. I didn't know that Scott Walker is a "college dropout". I also didn't know that being a college graduate was a qualification for being President of the United States. Maybe you people should revise your Constitution.
"You people"? Look, dude, if you came on to scold other people, you are in the wrong place. washingtonpost.com is thataway.
Bless your heart.
Bless your heart.
And yet the memory that George Bush was "elected" twice still keeps me awake.
44
Look at that demented smile on Lindsey Graham's campaign photo and the word psychological,when referring to him,can be shortened to psycho,because I'm convince he's completely out his mind.If it ever looks like he has any chance of winning,I'll have lots of sleepless nights!
15
Journalists and media-types are sittin' pretty for AT LEAST the next 18 months. And that's just with the Republican candidates. Throw in Lincoln Chafee with the metric system and things are really rolling! The grist will be overflowing at the mill. I heard the economy got a bump just from the durable goods, like high-end autos, jewelry, and appliances that journalists everywhere have bought with their anticipated windfall of lunacy.
6
Perhaps the Republican Party should shift its focus away from voter suppression to Republican presidential candidate suppression.
22
I count gas stations, up to 93 im my very conservative town. I could count churches but that would make me more upset!
14
That's all you can come up with for Hilary? I think you've forgotten some pretty key items. Perhaps you are channeling your own inner Rick Perry.
1
The lack of diversity of opinions on the NYT Opinion page is "slumber-inducing".
Why are conservative NYT opinion articles virtually non-existent?
Are they feared?
Is repeating liberal mantra considered politically effective like propaganda?
An exchange of differing opinions would be thought provoking and stimulating rather than Sominex-like.
Why are conservative NYT opinion articles virtually non-existent?
Are they feared?
Is repeating liberal mantra considered politically effective like propaganda?
An exchange of differing opinions would be thought provoking and stimulating rather than Sominex-like.
1
Conservatives who conserve nothing are schizoid phonies. There is nothing to respect in the whole rotten to the core collection of Republican political hacks.
9
I guess jck never heard of David Brooks
3
Um, you seem to have missed Doutthat and Brooks who appear regularly in the NYT and of course if you're longing for conservative opinions Fox News can give them to you 24/7 and then there's the WSJ.
1
A funny thing happened in the voting booth: Americans dozed off and it was a 30-way tie--the hilariously defective candidates voted for themselves, so the Koch Brothers bought out the Electoral College and crowned themselves CEO & CFO of the United Corporations of America.
15
If you want to sleep through the campaign, Ms. Collins, I'd suggest you also cease to comment on the campaign.
3
you're a big stick-in-the- mud, Robert!
2
Sorry--I hit Recommend in error. I do not mean that!
What I do mean is to tell Gail to keep it up throughout the campaign. Really, you do have to look at the Republican candidates in the way she does to keep sane. And I love beginning Thursdays and Saturdays with her columns and a laugh.
What I do mean is to tell Gail to keep it up throughout the campaign. Really, you do have to look at the Republican candidates in the way she does to keep sane. And I love beginning Thursdays and Saturdays with her columns and a laugh.
1
When I can't sleep, I get up and read the New York Times and write a comment or two. I just did that. Now I feel relaxed and will go back to bed. Thinking about the Presidential candidates will give me nightmares. Accomplishing something useful relaxes me.
12
A Republican President would be a dream come true.
As Christian Shariah law replaced that pesky civil-rights based Constitutional law, we could once and for all put those sinful homosexuals right back in the back of the bus where they belong...along with certain pigmentally challenged Americans.
All voter registration will now be faith-based and the registration process shifted to churches.
All votes will be counted by right-wing, DIEBOLD, automated, black-box voting machines with no paper trails and no accountability.
The harmful minimum wage will finally be replaced free slave labor in line with America's rich, historic traditions.
The unfair estate tax for multimillionaires and billionaires will finally be eliminated to relieve the economic persecution of the 0.1% and their millions.
Environmental regulations will be fully relaxed so average Americans can finally get the polluted air, water, earth and cooked atmosphere that peasants deserve.
The Department of Education will be eliminated; the savings will be transferred to the Department of Neo-Con Wars For A Better Tomorrow.
Secretary of State Sarah Palin negotiates with Vladimir Putin to make the Arctic Circle a giant Lukoil gas station.
Secretary of Energy Rick Perry's eyeglasses fall off as he outlaws solar energy production in the interest of 'freedom'.
Secretary of the Treasury Paul Ryan declares Social Security insolvent and passes the savings onto 64 billionaires.
Bring on the Republican 'end times'.
As Christian Shariah law replaced that pesky civil-rights based Constitutional law, we could once and for all put those sinful homosexuals right back in the back of the bus where they belong...along with certain pigmentally challenged Americans.
All voter registration will now be faith-based and the registration process shifted to churches.
All votes will be counted by right-wing, DIEBOLD, automated, black-box voting machines with no paper trails and no accountability.
The harmful minimum wage will finally be replaced free slave labor in line with America's rich, historic traditions.
The unfair estate tax for multimillionaires and billionaires will finally be eliminated to relieve the economic persecution of the 0.1% and their millions.
Environmental regulations will be fully relaxed so average Americans can finally get the polluted air, water, earth and cooked atmosphere that peasants deserve.
The Department of Education will be eliminated; the savings will be transferred to the Department of Neo-Con Wars For A Better Tomorrow.
Secretary of State Sarah Palin negotiates with Vladimir Putin to make the Arctic Circle a giant Lukoil gas station.
Secretary of Energy Rick Perry's eyeglasses fall off as he outlaws solar energy production in the interest of 'freedom'.
Secretary of the Treasury Paul Ryan declares Social Security insolvent and passes the savings onto 64 billionaires.
Bring on the Republican 'end times'.
181
Brilliant, and while I chuckled a bit, the truth is that that scenario is not far from sad reality.
4
Soc, I think you meant to say the "pigmentally" over-endowed.
I like to do lists of federal agencies I will eliminate when elected. But I can never get past the second one before I fall asleep.
Rick
Rick
12
Sorry, this sorry lot is more of an inducement for nightmares. Mind you I'd love to see Bernie Sanders win and there's a few others who don't scare me to death but as for the rest, I might as well watch Psycho and then take a nice relaxing shower to get myself to sleep.
10
Notice the author left out Hillary Clinton: Crony-capitalist, thief, fraud, serial-liar, ethically-challenged dunce. Married to a sexual predator.
Back in the day, I didn't think Clinton should have been been impeached. I was wrong. If Clinton were impeached, he and his wife wouldn't have done the things they have done since he left office.
Back in the day, I didn't think Clinton should have been been impeached. I was wrong. If Clinton were impeached, he and his wife wouldn't have done the things they have done since he left office.
1
Clearly you did not read the article. The Clinton Foundation has accomplished really important charitable work.
She didn't leave out Hillary Clinton. You really need to read the piece before commenting. You wouldn't want to look foolish now, would you?
1
It just dawned on me that Lindsey graham must think all those movies are real, while someone getting shot and killed while at the bus stop waiting to go home after work in Washington dc is not real.
14
Discouraging, isn't it. And I couldn't help but be struck by Lindsay Graham's nightmare scenarios of disasters unleashing gangs of roving predators. You know, I've been in some earthquakes - Newhall 1971; Loma Prieta in 1989 and, of all things, the Virginia earthquake in 2011 (and I thought we had left that all behind in California, but no!). The Loma Prieta brought down a portion of a double decker highway in a rather sketchy area of town. People came running with their own ladders to climb up into that tangle of steel and concrete to dig around and try to rescue people. I also didn't notice mass looting and murder in New York after 9/11; just people lining up at blood banks to give donations. Sometimes disasters actually bring out the best in people.
35
I just wish the disaster of the bush ii presidency had brought out the best in people. In the gop it just brought out the maggots who feast on the carcass of US all.
1
Do you really think that because George Pataki is a presidential candidate, his father can be scoffed at for being poor when he died?
5
I think you might have missed the point there.
1
Gail Collins was certainly NOT scoffing at the father - the comment was supposed to be relevant to the son -
2
I think Gail was suggesting that Mr. Pataki might have had sufficient resources to support his father in his later years. In 1994 when this story broke, Pataki had a net worth of about $1 million.
http://www.nytimes.com/1994/08/18/nyregion/pataki-attacked-over-arrangem...
http://www.nytimes.com/1994/08/18/nyregion/pataki-attacked-over-arrangem...
3
Seems like a formula for nightmares.
1
Thanks for catching the Lindsey Graham entry for what it was. John Chafee was no doubt spinning in his grave at many kilometers per second. Your next article on this topic may need to be on parallel universes, and how confusing it's becoming for voters to recognize reality.
2
Oh, Gail, I had forgotten that Huckabee fried squirrels in a popcorn popper! Now I'll never sleep again!
6
It will make for a great campaign slogan "a squirrel in every popper."
3
Ted Cruz born in Canada and Bernie Sanders wrote rape fantasies? Gail out did herself writing this funny brand of sominex and an even handed piece on counting presidential candidates as sheep in order to fall asleep. I think to get through this season's herd of sheep we better have a sense of humour and certainly the sheep themselves will provide it directly to us. I think we are still waiting for those 2 golden sheep that will outrun this group and that's what the campaign season is all about, hoping that those dark sheep come out of the meadows to give us hope that we have good sheep to lead the pack.
1
Ms. Collins, you are in high dudgeon for waking this American again. Lists of Vice-Presidents and contestants of 'The Amazing Race' would require the mental strength of the implausibility of gnus here on a typed roster, in bold print to read out loud, let alone sleep.
Diligent, I plan to read of Schuyler Colfax and learn something new. More important, eyes wide-open, thanks for providing this list of presidential hopefuls which is being posted on my empty fridge door.
1) Rick Perry is under indictment while target-practice shooting?
2) Lindsey Graham sounds soggy after his near attempt to drown and crackers; bonkers, one might add.
3) George Pataki will always be remembered as 'The Invisible Governor' to this voter during his term.
4) Rick Santorum is in need of coal props and sweater vests?
5) Lincoln Chafee is an advocate of the Nation's use of the metric system.
6) Martin O'Malley is well tuned and modeled as an Irish-American professional.
7) I am feeling drowsy now, glazed to the honest and sleepy.
8) Bernie Sanders was once an author of bodice-ripper fantasies?
9) Hillary Clinton is raised on pinochle and the American Dream, which sounds right. Disney is now in trouble, and was my idea of 'America' when raised as a child in Europe.
10) As for the remainder of this deceit of lapwings listed here, I am about to lose heart and return to bed, wondering how you manage to keep on writing.
Thank you, Ms. Collins for your latest update.
Diligent, I plan to read of Schuyler Colfax and learn something new. More important, eyes wide-open, thanks for providing this list of presidential hopefuls which is being posted on my empty fridge door.
1) Rick Perry is under indictment while target-practice shooting?
2) Lindsey Graham sounds soggy after his near attempt to drown and crackers; bonkers, one might add.
3) George Pataki will always be remembered as 'The Invisible Governor' to this voter during his term.
4) Rick Santorum is in need of coal props and sweater vests?
5) Lincoln Chafee is an advocate of the Nation's use of the metric system.
6) Martin O'Malley is well tuned and modeled as an Irish-American professional.
7) I am feeling drowsy now, glazed to the honest and sleepy.
8) Bernie Sanders was once an author of bodice-ripper fantasies?
9) Hillary Clinton is raised on pinochle and the American Dream, which sounds right. Disney is now in trouble, and was my idea of 'America' when raised as a child in Europe.
10) As for the remainder of this deceit of lapwings listed here, I am about to lose heart and return to bed, wondering how you manage to keep on writing.
Thank you, Ms. Collins for your latest update.
2
You can probably include Jeb Bush, who is raising $100 million of Super Pac money from secret donors which will be used to support his Presidential campaign, even as he repeatedly says he has not yet made up his mind about running. He says he hopes he does, but hasn't decided as of now.
I doubt that he will go against his hopes and refuse to run. If he did, Job would have to return all the monies. As a candidate for President, the toughest job in the world, surely he has thought all this through.
I doubt that he will go against his hopes and refuse to run. If he did, Job would have to return all the monies. As a candidate for President, the toughest job in the world, surely he has thought all this through.
6
Is it me or do I see the GOP candidates as borer line crazy? They use to call it Potomac fever but this bunch suffers from some sort of mental fever brought on by the crazies they are trying to appeal to for votes. If you look at the Dems, they may be quirky but not goofy. Bernie says what 90% of us are in favor.
11
They are all auditioning for a role, any role, in the upcoming billion dollar election bidness. And it's not the voters they are auditioning before, but the donors and PACs. The Republicans, additionally, are auditioning for Fox, who gives decent off year gigs to those who had good schticks, but didn't make the big money cut.
A dollar makes 'em holler.
A dollar makes 'em holler.
15
239 years may not be long enough for our fledgling democracy to produce people of character, leadership and intelligence. Nobody can accuse this herd of candidates of having savoir faire. Anyway, who wants a leader who can actually lead? Even at the local level the cast of characters reads like something out of a comic book. Stop for a moment and imagine what our world would be like if we all owned rifles. Would one guess that the murder and killing rate would go up or down? But that's arithmetic which is well beyond the competence of the far sighted electorate. Think about issues. There are no issues which the ordinary man can fully comprehend because it too would require skills including arithmetic. Go to any shop in America and ask the clerk how much change one would get from a 20 dollar bill if the cost of an item were $17.76. Right you are. A blank stare would bedim the visage of said clerk. And this represents a majority of voters. And that may be the reason we no longer count sheep. It involves arithmetic!
9
Could I vote for the Demon Sheep?
10
Thank you! The Perry portion is positively hysterical. Reminds me of pooch on the roof. Do continue!
2
To some extent, the Clown Car full of conservative candidates is an attempt to distract us from the real issues, the important ones. And those are issues of money and power, certainly not global warming or population growth.
The most important one is the factor that keeps the economic divide alive and growing. That is inheritance of large fortunes, the only major economic factor that Thomas Jefferson outlawed as governor of Virginia. It is also the first factor that the conservatives acted to legislate on when they took over the Congress last month.
The Comedy Party advocates eliminating all inheritance over $1 million, and sharing that wealth equally among all residents. All our kids should be trust fund babies. Lets straighten the starting line while we level the playing field.
To see this and other good ideas, go to You Tube and watch Comedy Party Platform (2 min 9 sec). Then invite me to speak to your group. Thank you.
The most important one is the factor that keeps the economic divide alive and growing. That is inheritance of large fortunes, the only major economic factor that Thomas Jefferson outlawed as governor of Virginia. It is also the first factor that the conservatives acted to legislate on when they took over the Congress last month.
The Comedy Party advocates eliminating all inheritance over $1 million, and sharing that wealth equally among all residents. All our kids should be trust fund babies. Lets straighten the starting line while we level the playing field.
To see this and other good ideas, go to You Tube and watch Comedy Party Platform (2 min 9 sec). Then invite me to speak to your group. Thank you.
2
I resent Jeb Bush for scaring Mittens off the owlhoot trail. I'm going into withdrawal without my dog-on-the-roof hit.
1
.
.
I would never send Gail a video of a 5-year-old doing something better than she can!
Information about geese? Okay, I sent her that. But I wouldn't want to make her feel bad.
That's why I hate to disagree with her, even on small points.
Gail, I know Scott Walker didn't get a degree. But isn't a partial Marquette education more valuable than the degrees Carly Fiorina has?
And Rand Paul. When a candidate is named "Rand", shouldn't we mention that he made his official candidacy announcement in one a Louisville hotel named GALT House?
Besides, I believe you unfairly disregarded impeachment trivia! Hillary Rodham served on the staff of a special House Committee looking into Richard Nixon's misdeeds. It closed up shop when the House Judiciary Committee agreed to consider Articles of Impeachment. Lindsey Graham? Member of the House Judiciary Committee that voted out 4 Articles of Impeachment against President Clinton! And, one of the "Managers" who stood in front of the Senate and presented the pro-impeachment case (on only 2 articles of impeachment, because Newt Gingrich couldn't get the other 2 passed).
Of course, one of the other managers was Henry Hyde. He turned out to have committed some sexual improprieties. Newt Gingrich? He left the House; sexual improprieties. Bob Livingston of Louisiana? Resigned from the House; sexual improprieties.
Lucky for the Republicans they found a Speaker they could agree on: that old wrestler, Coach Denny Hastert!
Oh.
.
I would never send Gail a video of a 5-year-old doing something better than she can!
Information about geese? Okay, I sent her that. But I wouldn't want to make her feel bad.
That's why I hate to disagree with her, even on small points.
Gail, I know Scott Walker didn't get a degree. But isn't a partial Marquette education more valuable than the degrees Carly Fiorina has?
And Rand Paul. When a candidate is named "Rand", shouldn't we mention that he made his official candidacy announcement in one a Louisville hotel named GALT House?
Besides, I believe you unfairly disregarded impeachment trivia! Hillary Rodham served on the staff of a special House Committee looking into Richard Nixon's misdeeds. It closed up shop when the House Judiciary Committee agreed to consider Articles of Impeachment. Lindsey Graham? Member of the House Judiciary Committee that voted out 4 Articles of Impeachment against President Clinton! And, one of the "Managers" who stood in front of the Senate and presented the pro-impeachment case (on only 2 articles of impeachment, because Newt Gingrich couldn't get the other 2 passed).
Of course, one of the other managers was Henry Hyde. He turned out to have committed some sexual improprieties. Newt Gingrich? He left the House; sexual improprieties. Bob Livingston of Louisiana? Resigned from the House; sexual improprieties.
Lucky for the Republicans they found a Speaker they could agree on: that old wrestler, Coach Denny Hastert!
Oh.
20
Given we all know Jeb is "in" but wants to hold off announcing until he can get a camera crew in place to capture the fever-pitch-teenage-screaming-and-crying-at-the-airport-fence his return from Lower Slabovia will generate, let's all speculate on what the three (or four) factoids of his candidacy should be.
OK....I'll go first: [1] he's gone positively incontinent thanks to his protégée Rubio's siphoning off a goodly amount of his top contributors. Now Y'ALL chip in: click the "reply" button below and chip in.
Oh....and Rand Paul cuts his own hair? Really??? Which one?
OK....I'll go first: [1] he's gone positively incontinent thanks to his protégée Rubio's siphoning off a goodly amount of his top contributors. Now Y'ALL chip in: click the "reply" button below and chip in.
Oh....and Rand Paul cuts his own hair? Really??? Which one?
6
I've always admired Rand's hair: carefully contrived to appear carelessly tousled.
Is there anyone of true presidential material in the whole bunch of them?
No one, except Hillary Clinton and Martin O'Malley, has pushed enough buttons on the climb toward higher office to be considered serious contenders.
Lincoln Chafee (who is Lincoln Chafee?) has been out of office for "awhile" and has changed parties two times. He's out.
Rick Perry got fried last time around in the white hot heat of being a leading contender and his song ain't hitting the pop charts this time around. Besides, all he wants America to do is become like Texas, in which case Texas wouldn't be able to steal away jobs and corporations from other states with lower taxes and slush fund payments.
Rick Santorum is a cultural warrior just when it looks like his side, those in the the far right, deeply conservative religionist group, has lost the battle.
Lindsey Graham would be a good candidate for the presidency of the Confederate States of America.
George Pataki had his moment to be considered a serious presidential contender, but it passed before he noticed, years ago.
Marco Rubio has enough experience now to run for US senator in a few years.
Rand Paul? No one who cuts his own hair can be elected president in the 21st century.
Ted Cruz occasionally scares Texans.
Ben Carson scares everyone.
Donald Trump is just pretending to be thinking about running, because that's what he does.
I'm getting sleepy. O'Bernie Sanders may yet make a real run for it. Trust me.
No one, except Hillary Clinton and Martin O'Malley, has pushed enough buttons on the climb toward higher office to be considered serious contenders.
Lincoln Chafee (who is Lincoln Chafee?) has been out of office for "awhile" and has changed parties two times. He's out.
Rick Perry got fried last time around in the white hot heat of being a leading contender and his song ain't hitting the pop charts this time around. Besides, all he wants America to do is become like Texas, in which case Texas wouldn't be able to steal away jobs and corporations from other states with lower taxes and slush fund payments.
Rick Santorum is a cultural warrior just when it looks like his side, those in the the far right, deeply conservative religionist group, has lost the battle.
Lindsey Graham would be a good candidate for the presidency of the Confederate States of America.
George Pataki had his moment to be considered a serious presidential contender, but it passed before he noticed, years ago.
Marco Rubio has enough experience now to run for US senator in a few years.
Rand Paul? No one who cuts his own hair can be elected president in the 21st century.
Ted Cruz occasionally scares Texans.
Ben Carson scares everyone.
Donald Trump is just pretending to be thinking about running, because that's what he does.
I'm getting sleepy. O'Bernie Sanders may yet make a real run for it. Trust me.
34
Gail, what works for me between now and the primaries is to imagine the debates and the issues selected by the media moderators to pose to the candidates. I can promise you, from what I have imagined thus far, it will be dull, duller, and dullest. Republicans will all be running to the right and the freedom, liberty, Ronald Reagan, and founding the Fathers will be invoked quite often.
Democrats may be a little more interesting but I imagine there will be a lot if discussion of their plans for the Supreme Court and would they consider a appointing a transgender lawyer to the bench, and their restoration of 19th Century immigration policies. Anyhow, they will be all sleepers. I can wait for the Presidential debates between Bernie Sanders and the GOP primary victor and to read your column about the debates, I have assumed three. One on domestic policy, immigration, etc., one on foreign policy, Iran nukes, one on global issues trade and global warming. Are you asleep yet?
Democrats may be a little more interesting but I imagine there will be a lot if discussion of their plans for the Supreme Court and would they consider a appointing a transgender lawyer to the bench, and their restoration of 19th Century immigration policies. Anyhow, they will be all sleepers. I can wait for the Presidential debates between Bernie Sanders and the GOP primary victor and to read your column about the debates, I have assumed three. One on domestic policy, immigration, etc., one on foreign policy, Iran nukes, one on global issues trade and global warming. Are you asleep yet?
2
When I think about going to sleep, I hope to be able during my hours of slumber to be able to rest. To let the troubles, hardships, even joys and triumph slip away and have some time for mind and body to rejuvenate and help me to be ready for another day, where I might find myself at one or more of the 4 diferent jobs I have, not to mention taking care of chores on the home front.
Nothing and no one you have mentioned is worth waisting my time and restful moments over. They are all, to varying degrees a source of worry and consternation. Not anything I wish to think about while trying to get to sleep.
Gail, put on some nice music, or read a bit and go to sleep. Leave these living nightmares out of it.
Nothing and no one you have mentioned is worth waisting my time and restful moments over. They are all, to varying degrees a source of worry and consternation. Not anything I wish to think about while trying to get to sleep.
Gail, put on some nice music, or read a bit and go to sleep. Leave these living nightmares out of it.
10
Hollywood and the celebrity world might dry up and die if they became stable and, to use 14-year-olds' favorite word, ''bo-o-o-o-rin-n-n-n-ng.'' However, a democratic republic operating under a Constitutional system SHOULD be as predictable and boring as humanly possible.
A chief executive trainee changing the established law of the land every two weeks is tragic and scary, but letting the people's elected representative do it the right way is exactly right. Anything else recalls the way Russia won the basketball gold medal at Munich in 1972.
So, Sominex works for any representative democracy. Those who detest such stability are urged to search for alternatives before the time to enjoy life gets away from them.
A chief executive trainee changing the established law of the land every two weeks is tragic and scary, but letting the people's elected representative do it the right way is exactly right. Anything else recalls the way Russia won the basketball gold medal at Munich in 1972.
So, Sominex works for any representative democracy. Those who detest such stability are urged to search for alternatives before the time to enjoy life gets away from them.
As a college dropout, college dropout is not an ender but Scooter Walker is, not for college but for policy.
11
A poor Pol struts his life upon the stage:
Full of sound and fury, signifying nothing.
Fie, O Fiorina: Get thee away to a start-up.
Graham hoists himself into a hurricanoe.
Blow, Winds!
Let thunder rumble! Let lightning spit fire!
Wit fails Perry the Crony, all wisdom far afield.
The High Court hunts for malfeasance under law.
Coyotes hunger for the taste of sweet justice.
Lady Hillary reworks her worthy book for our times:
It Takes a Woman to Raze a Right-Wing Conspiracy;
The People Will Restore Our Democratic Village.
Out, Out Brief Candidates !
A Queen WIll Be Crowned !
(All Praise to the Bard: MacBeth, Hamlet, King Lear. Shakespeare Lives -- Long Live the Bard)
Full of sound and fury, signifying nothing.
Fie, O Fiorina: Get thee away to a start-up.
Graham hoists himself into a hurricanoe.
Blow, Winds!
Let thunder rumble! Let lightning spit fire!
Wit fails Perry the Crony, all wisdom far afield.
The High Court hunts for malfeasance under law.
Coyotes hunger for the taste of sweet justice.
Lady Hillary reworks her worthy book for our times:
It Takes a Woman to Raze a Right-Wing Conspiracy;
The People Will Restore Our Democratic Village.
Out, Out Brief Candidates !
A Queen WIll Be Crowned !
(All Praise to the Bard: MacBeth, Hamlet, King Lear. Shakespeare Lives -- Long Live the Bard)
18
I find Collins' column could have the opposite effect. I get insomnia thinking of the nightmarish possibilities that any one of the Republican slate could become our next president.
24
The final image of the candidates jumping over a fence requires that Chris Christie be added to the list, except that Christie would run through the fence, like the Incredible Hulk, fists swinging and angry look on his mug.
I just heard Christie assert, for national broadcast, that we have a lot of vote fraud in New Jersey, making his case that we should not have more early voting. Of course, the two are not related and, more importantly, there is almost none of the vote fraud that voter ID laws are designed to stop. Last August, the Washington Post found 31 documented allegations, one in New Jersey, in the more than 1 billion votes cast since 2000. http://wapo.st/1G1BZNR
Chis Christie is angry and wants us all to know about it. He is angry about things that he makes up and things that he has learned to be angry about from the billionaire backers who follow his rants on YouTube. Recalling details about Christie will keep us up at night, not lull us to sleep.
I just heard Christie assert, for national broadcast, that we have a lot of vote fraud in New Jersey, making his case that we should not have more early voting. Of course, the two are not related and, more importantly, there is almost none of the vote fraud that voter ID laws are designed to stop. Last August, the Washington Post found 31 documented allegations, one in New Jersey, in the more than 1 billion votes cast since 2000. http://wapo.st/1G1BZNR
Chis Christie is angry and wants us all to know about it. He is angry about things that he makes up and things that he has learned to be angry about from the billionaire backers who follow his rants on YouTube. Recalling details about Christie will keep us up at night, not lull us to sleep.
15
In 2000, the last time the Republicans put a new President into office, the arcade spit out George W. Bush, the former Texas Governor who had a checkered personal and business history but seemed like the sort of person with whom one might like to drink beer, clearly the most salient characteristic any nation should value when asked to choose its leader.
That year, Governor Bush discussed his plans for a humble foreign policy and my favorite, compassionate conservatism, thus impressing English scholars who search high and low for the perfect oxymoron.
In retrospect, this New England Yalie playing Hayseed seems, well, Presidential when compared to his drooling, sweating, Vote for Ignorance and Bigotry successors. Indeed, I imagine that he's keeping his distance from Walker to avoid losing even more IQ points.
Gail, you left out my favorite candidate of all: Bobby "Bobby" Jindal, the only Governor other than Sam Brownback to run a state into the ground and then brag about it, thus reminding us that Republican voters resemble nothing so much as the little child who, when given a roomful of horse manure for Christmas, dances joyfully and proclaims, "There has to be a pony in there somewhere!"
As for the evolution of the Republican Party, "In September 1999, when GOP budget hawks tried to cut the earned-income tax credit, the Texas governor declared, 'I don't think they ought to balance their budget on the backs of the poor.'”
It's unlikely he'd win any debates with that line.
That year, Governor Bush discussed his plans for a humble foreign policy and my favorite, compassionate conservatism, thus impressing English scholars who search high and low for the perfect oxymoron.
In retrospect, this New England Yalie playing Hayseed seems, well, Presidential when compared to his drooling, sweating, Vote for Ignorance and Bigotry successors. Indeed, I imagine that he's keeping his distance from Walker to avoid losing even more IQ points.
Gail, you left out my favorite candidate of all: Bobby "Bobby" Jindal, the only Governor other than Sam Brownback to run a state into the ground and then brag about it, thus reminding us that Republican voters resemble nothing so much as the little child who, when given a roomful of horse manure for Christmas, dances joyfully and proclaims, "There has to be a pony in there somewhere!"
As for the evolution of the Republican Party, "In September 1999, when GOP budget hawks tried to cut the earned-income tax credit, the Texas governor declared, 'I don't think they ought to balance their budget on the backs of the poor.'”
It's unlikely he'd win any debates with that line.
100
It is interesting which factoids induce restful sleepiness for Ms. Collins this am. Depending on who you are and what opinions you hold they will shake you stark awake. It probably would have been a better pill to swallow if her list consisted of First Ladies. I think the latter are much better suited to getting proper repose than their ever tested spouses. At least I never heard of any of them suffering from insomnia. Maybe Mary Todd Lincoln, but she had much to overcome as the wife of a controversial President.
Oh well there are some 30 or 40 others to choose from. There were 6 Presidents who entered office without spouses. Some were widowers, one never married(Buchanan), and the rest married in office.
I've done my sleep work. My 3 factoids are done.
Oh well there are some 30 or 40 others to choose from. There were 6 Presidents who entered office without spouses. Some were widowers, one never married(Buchanan), and the rest married in office.
I've done my sleep work. My 3 factoids are done.
3
Nope, not drowsy, but just popped a Xanax.
19
You could always try to fall asleep with the image of Chris Christie jumping the fence in his softball uniform.
http://deadspin.com/here-are-some-photos-of-chris-christie-playing-softb...
http://deadspin.com/here-are-some-photos-of-chris-christie-playing-softb...
37
That image of Chris Christie would keep me awake all night!
2
The only thing potentially worse than your "parade of horribles" is the thought that my party of choice would be so challenged as to all-but-nominate Hillary Clinton as our candidate without a challenge.
One thing you can say for the Republican field. Like a broad gene pool, it is more likely to nominate a broadly-electable candidate than a coronation. And, as Americans, our shared goal should be to find a widely-appealing leader in a time of unremitting challenges.
Or we can double down on a lying, political operative who is great at political theater and victimization.
The choice is ours. Personally, I vote both sides of the ticket. And it is shameful that the media has shut down the Democratic nomination process so early in the process.
But here is hoping we have 10 Democrats to ogle after by Labor Day.
This isn't the Koch brothers' fault, although somehow HRC, the conspiracy theorist, might make that assertion.
One thing you can say for the Republican field. Like a broad gene pool, it is more likely to nominate a broadly-electable candidate than a coronation. And, as Americans, our shared goal should be to find a widely-appealing leader in a time of unremitting challenges.
Or we can double down on a lying, political operative who is great at political theater and victimization.
The choice is ours. Personally, I vote both sides of the ticket. And it is shameful that the media has shut down the Democratic nomination process so early in the process.
But here is hoping we have 10 Democrats to ogle after by Labor Day.
This isn't the Koch brothers' fault, although somehow HRC, the conspiracy theorist, might make that assertion.
10
An egregious and insulting summery of the candidates for the next president of our great nation whose judgement will be invoked in the appointment of at least two supreme court justices, whose wisdom will lead this nation through the turbulent waters of a dozen surging international crises, whose hand will weigh heavily on our nation's economy and recovery and whose finger will be fixed firmly on the nuclear trigger.
Now try to sleep.
Now try to sleep.
103
Exactly, and on purpose! The fact that Ben Carson referred to Barack Obama as a "psychopath" isn't a policy position, but something worth knowing. Clearly not what anyone would (should) want as a president.
7
This is not an insulting summary. On the contrary, it is a wake up call. Better to know the worst now then to find out when it is too late.
3
You've described what worries me, John - someone whose finger will be on the nuclear trigger, and the surging international crises. I am scared of candidates who think that more war in the Middle East, involving at least 10,000 "boots on the ground", will somehow solve the schismatic and political problems of that troubled area. Do you really want a Rick Perry, who can't remember the third government agency he would attempt to abolish, with his finger on any trigger? Or persons who glory in knowing nothing about science? Or, even worse, those who persist in denying that our invasion of Iraq was a mistake?
I certainly don't.
I certainly don't.
9
Like a bazaar beauty contest, these candidates are vying for the role of the next commander in chief of our unfolding American tragedy..the new age of total global fascism, brought to you by the TTP and the European Partnership and their corporate owners. The only one on your list that is not in support of these anti-democratic agreements is Bernie Sanders. Why tickle around the edges, Gail? Why not go right to the point? We are being forced to entertain a gang of nut jobs, all crazy for power, and behaving like clowns in the warm up for the three ring circus our nation has become.
151
And bizarre, too!
2
I think you mean bizarre.
1
Let me tell you why these jesters are running for president. It's to sucker their weak minded base through lucrative speaker fees, book contracts and TV shows obtained through their ethereal fame. Bottom line they are snake oil salespeople playing to the rubes.
222
Thank you Michael. I was wondering what this parade of losers get out of putting themselves on the presidential candidate market. What a bunch of pandering, incompetent, soulless, insulting charlatans.
We could do better, why don't we? Count the ways, then end Citizens United for starts.
We could do better, why don't we? Count the ways, then end Citizens United for starts.
1
Michael Boyajian, Bernie Sanders earnings from speaker fees last year was $1800, basically travel expense reimbursements. Hillary charges $250,000 to $500,000 a speech.
2
Unless it's simply Ms Collins' preferred (and facile) modus operandi, can't imagine why any of this is viewed as humorous rather than tragic.
10
Vishmael in Madison - you do get that Gail Collins is a humorist?
52
I think it is both humorous and sadly, tragic. Gail is not making this up. In fact you can't make this stuff up.
15
vishmael,
Of course it's tragic! Gail is just doing the best she can with a basketful of lemons.
Of course it's tragic! Gail is just doing the best she can with a basketful of lemons.
13
Can hardly wait for a GOP debate. Could end up like a baseball game, everyone leaving to get to metro in the 7th inning due to the length of the game. Then have the home team pul it out in the 9th and you are half way home. Don't think this bunch will come anywhere close to such excitement, but just thinking. On the Dems side. More substance, but trust me on this one, the roads are horrible in Md.. Would never vote for a guy whose #1 priority should be safe and smooth roads. Clinton has been picked to death and Chaffee, at least he ran and one as an independent. Bernie is the man, passionate, clever, well spoken, and lots of experience. So Sanders-Biden in 2016, that way we don't have to move the furniture in Joes pad, and besides, of all the VP's I know of, he might be the best.
90
The idea that a Biden/Sanders ticket can win is simply not realistic. Look at the Electoral map (remember that we do not elect Presidents, Electors do) and try to find any key States that will lead to 270 Electors.
Also, let us let Joe Biden mourn in peace. May his son rest in peace.
Also, let us let Joe Biden mourn in peace. May his son rest in peace.
1
Biden is a funny, self deprecating guy with extraordinary insight. Democrats would be foolish to write him off. Bernie is great but can't be elected. Joe Biden could be elected especially if Jeb wins the Republican nomination.
1
Is that fence on the edge of a cliff? That would really work for me...
42
Thank you, Paulo Ferreira, for that sweet picture - and for making me laugh out loud in front of my screen -
Wonderful list. But for Ted Cruz, I would've chosen: "Openly mocked Joe Biden while the Vice-President's son's body was lying in state awaiting burial."
309
At least he didn't serve his wife with divorce papers while she was dying in the hospital from cancer.
Gail, THANK YOU. I've been up all night, but finally I can get some sleep.
PS I once saw Bernie Sanders on the bike path near my house.
PS I once saw Bernie Sanders on the bike path near my house.
22
Happy to imagine them jumping over a fence, as long as it's a fence beside a really deep gorge, say the Grand Canyon!
30
Don't hold your breath for that Grand Canyon fence, by the time the election is here congress will have sold the canyon to the highest foreign bidder!!
Gail, while the Republican candidates may lull you to sleep, I find they give me such heartburn that peaceful slumber is impossible! There must be a super PAC out there somewhere, perhaps one of Jeb's, that is representative of a large personal products corporation that expects to see an increase in quarterly profits in the sale of heartburn products. Gotta love predatory capitalism...
35
Marco Rubio shares these qualities with his wife: can't manage household money and keeps needing a bailout from their billionaire sugar daddy; keeps getting traffic tickets - 17 between them - and lately, so "above the law" they manage to avoid the consequences.
Ok, I'm gonna cheat. (In my dissertation I learned older folks with expertise in their field, feel free to break the rules set up in your dissertation protocol.)
Scott Walker left college his senior year, BUT really lacked enough credits to actually graduate with his class on time anyway, possibly not even really qualifying as an actual senior that year; now engaged in "blowing up" important Wisconsin cultural institutions, eroding qualifications to teach, eliminating university tenure; springs such slash and burn projects on voters only AFTER elections, never before; reminds me of terrorists destroying cultural antiquities in the Middle East.
Sorry, I'm tired now...
Ok, I'm gonna cheat. (In my dissertation I learned older folks with expertise in their field, feel free to break the rules set up in your dissertation protocol.)
Scott Walker left college his senior year, BUT really lacked enough credits to actually graduate with his class on time anyway, possibly not even really qualifying as an actual senior that year; now engaged in "blowing up" important Wisconsin cultural institutions, eroding qualifications to teach, eliminating university tenure; springs such slash and burn projects on voters only AFTER elections, never before; reminds me of terrorists destroying cultural antiquities in the Middle East.
Sorry, I'm tired now...
294
Pretenders who so richly deserve to be skewered, meet Gail Collins. Life is good!
75
Gail, Why not try reading a truly well written book. This might
be more inspiring and have a better impact on the quality
of your writing and depth of your thinking.
Just a suggestion!
be more inspiring and have a better impact on the quality
of your writing and depth of your thinking.
Just a suggestion!
5
Gail Collins certainly has read numerous books that enhance her editorials. Curiously, what would you suggest she read?
I'm pretty sure I would rather have a beer with Gail Collins than with you, and I am a many decades teetotaler.
It has become impossible to imagine a Saturday without this column.
82
Dear Gail- I've always enjoyed making lists too to help me fall asleep-names of trees is my current favorite. However, far from sending me into dreamland, thinking about the GOP presidential wannabes and the possibility that any of them might get anywhere near the White House would be guaranteed to keep me up all night with the heeby-jeebies. I'll stick to trees.
11
Three more for Her Worship, La Fiorina: 4) First HP CEO to lay off employees - about 30000 in the first pass, complete with boxes of Kleenex in the rooms where people were fired; 5) Announced Windows-only HP iPod at Consumer Electronics Show in Jan 2004; 6) Made a mess at Alcatel-Lucent as warmup for her gig at HP
113
Dear Gail- I've always made lists too to help me fall asleep- names of trees is my current favorite. However, far from sending me into dreamland, thinking about the GOP presidential wannabes and the possibility of any of them getting near the White House, would be guaranteed to keep me up all night with the heeby- jeebies. I'll stick to trees.
32
This is lovely, and a much needed sleep-aid as well as presidential primer! I only wonder whether all these people running for president are in it only for the money they will certainly raise by being a candidate and not having to account for it. Why not you and me? And where is Stephen Colbeard when you need him?
8
How can anyone sleep when all of this seems like such a nightmare? All those smiling faces trying to be president while the Super Pacs stuff money in their pockets.
22
Hillary Clinton: Once claimed, in a 2008 campaign ad, that she was “raised on pinochle and the American Dream.”
I was also raised on pinochle and the American Dream.
When I was a kid, every week my Great Aunt Laura would host a Pinochle Party and she would make High Balls which I would carefully serve to her friends making sure each one also received a paper doily napkin. While they got sloshed I watched them play and I would scarf down all the chocolate orange sticks that I could manage.
If that's not the American dream I don't know what is.
I was also raised on pinochle and the American Dream.
When I was a kid, every week my Great Aunt Laura would host a Pinochle Party and she would make High Balls which I would carefully serve to her friends making sure each one also received a paper doily napkin. While they got sloshed I watched them play and I would scarf down all the chocolate orange sticks that I could manage.
If that's not the American dream I don't know what is.
88
My favorite is listing the number of Republican nominees who say evolution is fake, and people rode on dinosaurs 6,000 years ago. Or who have responded to questions about the climate change crisis with "Hey, I'm not a scientist."
I fall asleep chuckling. Ok, sometimes crying.
www.newyorkgritty.net
I fall asleep chuckling. Ok, sometimes crying.
www.newyorkgritty.net
147
The one who really keeps me awake and grinding my teeth is the one who thinks the Pope should leave science to the scientists.
1
It's a drinking game, if you have a cast-iron liver...
1
Ah, Gail should have included Rick Santorum telling the Pope to "leave climate change to the scientists." You know, the Pope who has a degree in chemistry
4
Regarding Collins statement regarding Lindsey Graham who, "Once suggested he'd drown himself if Barack Obama took North Carolina, but failed to follow through." Somehow (hmmmmm!) it reminded me of Pat Boone who, in the way back when he was at the top of the pop charts, announced he would shoot his daughters if he thought the commies were taking over America.
More weird, however, is that the ad fed to me when I opened this column by Gail COLLINS was an ad to buy or rent a place called Three Hundred COLLINS in Florida. I suggest Three Hundred Collins demand reimbursement for whatever they paid for the ad. The 17-year old kid in Bangalore, Riga, or Cupertino who came up with the algorithm that targeted me with this one should clearly go back to video games.
More weird, however, is that the ad fed to me when I opened this column by Gail COLLINS was an ad to buy or rent a place called Three Hundred COLLINS in Florida. I suggest Three Hundred Collins demand reimbursement for whatever they paid for the ad. The 17-year old kid in Bangalore, Riga, or Cupertino who came up with the algorithm that targeted me with this one should clearly go back to video games.
13
The republican flock of candidate sheep gives me nightmares even during waking hours. Carly Fiorina's demon sheep flesh out my fears.
Bernie Sanders' rants about the plutocracy and Hillary's lectures on voting rights are the lullabies of a hopeful rest. Sweet dreams.
Bernie Sanders' rants about the plutocracy and Hillary's lectures on voting rights are the lullabies of a hopeful rest. Sweet dreams.
22
If you want to wake up I suggest you read how American workers are fired and replaced with cheaper foreign workers on H-1B visas at the Magic Kingdom of Disney.
http://www.nytimes.com/2015/06/04/us/last-task-after-layoff-at-disney-tr...
The liveliest moment in the campaign might have been when non-candidate Scott Walker suggested that maybe we should consider American wages too when deciding how many immigrants to admit, and pundits of both left and right descended on him screaming like banshees for daring to disturb the sacred cow of limitless immigration. The Davos megabillionaires who run and fund 'This Town' would not be pleased with his sentiment.
Carly Fiorina was a great firer at Hewlett-Packard before she herself was fired, with a $50 million severance package to ease the pain, coincidentally her current net worth. It was reported in a computer trade journal at the time that H-P employees were observed skipping in the halls, singing 'Ding Dong, the Witch is Dead.'
http://www.nytimes.com/2015/06/04/us/last-task-after-layoff-at-disney-tr...
The liveliest moment in the campaign might have been when non-candidate Scott Walker suggested that maybe we should consider American wages too when deciding how many immigrants to admit, and pundits of both left and right descended on him screaming like banshees for daring to disturb the sacred cow of limitless immigration. The Davos megabillionaires who run and fund 'This Town' would not be pleased with his sentiment.
Carly Fiorina was a great firer at Hewlett-Packard before she herself was fired, with a $50 million severance package to ease the pain, coincidentally her current net worth. It was reported in a computer trade journal at the time that H-P employees were observed skipping in the halls, singing 'Ding Dong, the Witch is Dead.'
42
12:52 AM. Followed all the suggestions. Still awake. We need more candidates.
67
Folks like to use late-night comedy talk shows to lighten the load for a good night's sleep. Who needs Letterman for laughs when you have a large roster of conservative presidential wanna-bes? The waning of the center-right provides a comical right-wing gift to the somnambulant (and to everyone). I can now sleep soundly.
6
Great column. You could write for the comment section. Clear,concise and comical. Sometimes, I must insist that you take a bow. Great column.
6
When I can’t sleep I read the HuffPost and drink aged Macallan scotch. These days, when the op-eds appear early enough in the NYT, I’ll also take a whack at ‘em. The scotch helps with the HuffPost.
But the last thing I’ll likely do is count presidential candidates and try to remember three interesting factoids about each one. I’d rather do something useful, like drink scotch, rather than waste my time with yet another primary season when we all know how it’s going to end: the Hillster vs. the Jebster, as I predicted just after the 2012 election, after I got over Romney’s brilliant speech on the “47%” that lost him the election by about three votes.
But for those who can’t see angles, and who don’t drink scotch, they might consider as alternative to Gail’s method reciting a litany of Hillary’s scandals and triangulations since 1992, serially, and try to calculate how many votes each will lose her as the Republicans (and the Democrats during the primaries) open each sore yet again and examine the extent of the infection.
You should be snoring within five minutes at the outside.
But the last thing I’ll likely do is count presidential candidates and try to remember three interesting factoids about each one. I’d rather do something useful, like drink scotch, rather than waste my time with yet another primary season when we all know how it’s going to end: the Hillster vs. the Jebster, as I predicted just after the 2012 election, after I got over Romney’s brilliant speech on the “47%” that lost him the election by about three votes.
But for those who can’t see angles, and who don’t drink scotch, they might consider as alternative to Gail’s method reciting a litany of Hillary’s scandals and triangulations since 1992, serially, and try to calculate how many votes each will lose her as the Republicans (and the Democrats during the primaries) open each sore yet again and examine the extent of the infection.
You should be snoring within five minutes at the outside.
That could be a new party game. Have each team take a side (Hillary vs Jeb) and come up with scandals and missteps for each of them. Jeb has his own list and could probably match Hillary nicely.
2
Dear Gail,
Well, it's 11:15 p.m. as I finish your column and, much as I love your pithy candidate descriptions, I'm far from restful now. The thought that any of those Republican punchlines, with their overall narratives of love for warfare (save Paul) and unregulated commerce, plus a shared penchant for blaming on President Obama all problems short of gum on sidewalks, might lead the US, or even set the tone for the national campaigns, makes me crave Alka Seltzer and aspirin. The GOP primaries should be a boon for pharmaceutical companies, if no one else.
Well, it's 11:15 p.m. as I finish your column and, much as I love your pithy candidate descriptions, I'm far from restful now. The thought that any of those Republican punchlines, with their overall narratives of love for warfare (save Paul) and unregulated commerce, plus a shared penchant for blaming on President Obama all problems short of gum on sidewalks, might lead the US, or even set the tone for the national campaigns, makes me crave Alka Seltzer and aspirin. The GOP primaries should be a boon for pharmaceutical companies, if no one else.
22
I didn't think of them that way, but you're right. These folks can make sex, drugs and rock'n roll seem, depressing.
Speaking of substance abuse, they are the ultimate abusers. Not a single one of them has any substance all! They make you think that Nihilism is all the rage.
Speaking of substance abuse, they are the ultimate abusers. Not a single one of them has any substance all! They make you think that Nihilism is all the rage.
22
"If it hasn’t worked by now, try imagining them all jumping over a fence." And into a lake. Sink or swim.
4
Gail Collins should moderate the initial debate between the two dozen or so Republican contenders. First, she could ask each for their favorite tidbit about one of the obscure presidents and veeps (no making stuff up with her). Then, Gail could have all of them to describe a story with a family pet that would be a memorable byline. Any candidate who did not have a good one would be eliminated on the spot. That's much better than the Republican party's way of handling the debates!
21
Lincoln Chafee's reference to our unit of measurements should have been presented as a rebuke to the efficacy of our legislation. The Metric Conversion Act was written before I was even born and this long-dormant dream probably will not be realized in my lifetime. Maybe practicing units of the metric system will be an even better sedative than counting candidates. One reason for citizens to push for it!
9
I cannot imagine being engaged in any of this before February, 2016 (or later), except that Gail keeps me in giggles about all these fools. Thank you.
17
So far the republicans auditioning for their desired future Faux Noise gigs differ not that much from the same auditions for 2012.
Which, at the time, were described by a very astute, long time student of American politics this way:
"The selection of a republican candidate for the Presidency of the United States is, and I mean this seriously, the greatest competition of idiocy and ignorance that has ever been".
Fidel Castro
Which, at the time, were described by a very astute, long time student of American politics this way:
"The selection of a republican candidate for the Presidency of the United States is, and I mean this seriously, the greatest competition of idiocy and ignorance that has ever been".
Fidel Castro
196
The way 2016 is shaping up, Fidel and the rest of us "ain't seen nothing yet."
11
The Gail Collins sleep-induction method has drawbacks when using current presidential candidates in place of fence-jumping sheep. There is a tendency for deep depression to precede drowsiness and actually prevent sleep or even peace of mind for the foreseeable future.
If the Collins method were a drug, the FDA would be seeking a court injunction
If the Collins method were a drug, the FDA would be seeking a court injunction
30
There's a large measure of irony in the analogy, as most of these candidates are more like wolves in sheep's clothing, trying to pull the wool over our eyes. The current and long standing mascots, donkey and elephant, have become obsolete, the parties should re-energize their brands with newer and more contemporary icons. There are a god number of species left, and even the extinct ones might work, like the woolly mammoth or saber toothed tiger. 3rd party candidates might choose endangered species like the spotted owl or one of the newly discovered tiny frogs. Marco Rubio could claim the Burmese Python, Rick Perry the Armadillo, and Mike Huckabee, of course, the squirrel. Chris Christie would have to think long and hard before choosing between the Hippo, the Rhino or Tyrannosaurus Rex. Sarah Palin will vacillate bewteen the Polar bear and the Russian Bear, both of which she can see from there. Republicans will call dems Meerkats but mispronunciate it as Meek-rats, and the dems will counter with 3 toed Sloths.
Whatever happens, rest assure that all they want nothing from us is to behave like lemmings, which leaves me feeling like a rat on a sinking ship.
Whatever happens, rest assure that all they want nothing from us is to behave like lemmings, which leaves me feeling like a rat on a sinking ship.
3
Love the animal parallels, EricR. The possibilities are endless, and some are a little scary. Maybe it would be better for Gail Collins to reconsider her resistance to wakefulness. In the words of W.C. Fields, “The best cure for insomnia is to get a lot of sleep.”
You forgot about Chris Christie. Signed into law a bill that set a minimum level of annual State contribution to the Public Employee Pension fund. Bragged about it as a major achievement during his re-election campaign. Then violated the law by not making the required minimum contribution.
And when he was sued in court for violating his own law, his State lawyers argued that the requirement that the State make a minimum contribution was unconstitutional. That takes real chutzpah, brag about a law you signed, then violate it, and then argue that the law is unconstitutional.
And when he was sued in court for violating his own law, his State lawyers argued that the requirement that the State make a minimum contribution was unconstitutional. That takes real chutzpah, brag about a law you signed, then violate it, and then argue that the law is unconstitutional.
291
Of course, M. Christie is not yet a declared candidate. We might be spared.
5
All the faith based legislation these people enact for magic tricks from God is unconstitutional, so they pack the courts with abject fools blind to it.
3
Not that I would ever vote for a Republican, but Lincoln Chafee is on to something in promoting the metric system. The US is the only country in the world that still uses the English system of measurement, which even the English don't use much anymore. Visitors to the US are totally mystified by it. Our elementary school teachers spend many weeks teaching about these strange units of measure when they could be teaching something that would help our kids to succeed in the modern world. It's enough to turn many kids off from math forever. I can buy a 2-liter bottle of Coke, but only a 1.893-liter container of milk. Whoever wins, let's say goodbye to pecks, bushels, feet, gallons, teaspoons, and ounces, and bring on the kilos and liters.
131
As a member of the over 70's I would truly regret such homogenization. It's so boring.
Like English spelling, these oddities do wonders for promoting mental agility.
Admittedly it can become obsessive. I can't drive pass a gas station without mentally calculating the price of a gallon (double points for simultaneously converting from euros to dollars, triple if you can get the imperial gallon price).
Since the UK metricised the currency (supposedly because IBM was threatening to remove the 12 carry from their machines), it's really the only fun left.
Like English spelling, these oddities do wonders for promoting mental agility.
Admittedly it can become obsessive. I can't drive pass a gas station without mentally calculating the price of a gallon (double points for simultaneously converting from euros to dollars, triple if you can get the imperial gallon price).
Since the UK metricised the currency (supposedly because IBM was threatening to remove the 12 carry from their machines), it's really the only fun left.
12
If you want to add to the mental math, remember that in France gas "mileage" is measured by NOT how many miles to the gallon but how many liters it takes to go 100 kilometers. My parents used to visit me in France and my father would ask me questions about my new car and I'd try to do the calculations as we were speeding down the autoroute. At the end of one of their stays, someone asked me how old I was and I started to try to convert US years into French years.
7
There is a problem with the metric system if you play golf. I can hit a driver 250 yards but that is only 230 meters. So I automatically get less distance off the tee if we switch to the metric system. I'm against that.
7
As you say Gail, a pretty boring bunch, what's to get excited about?
The GOP zombies will vote for one of them eventually, just because they have always voted Republican, not for any rational reason.
We already know what they are against, just about anything that makes life fun.
I can not recall any one of them making some humorous statement that will be repeated years from now, or even a serious one for that matter.
Well, I too know what is wrong with the country, we have to many refugees from the neolithic like this bunch of pretenders to the crown.
They are so monotonous that as you say, they put you to sleep. They are all so devoid of any character, that I can not even think of something humorous to say about them. The GOP has become the party of the dull and insipid.
One might hope they will bore each other to death as the saying goes.
The GOP zombies will vote for one of them eventually, just because they have always voted Republican, not for any rational reason.
We already know what they are against, just about anything that makes life fun.
I can not recall any one of them making some humorous statement that will be repeated years from now, or even a serious one for that matter.
Well, I too know what is wrong with the country, we have to many refugees from the neolithic like this bunch of pretenders to the crown.
They are so monotonous that as you say, they put you to sleep. They are all so devoid of any character, that I can not even think of something humorous to say about them. The GOP has become the party of the dull and insipid.
One might hope they will bore each other to death as the saying goes.
47
I just can not figure which of these great pretenders will get the most public support.
Which one will grab the public's attention as someone they really think could lead the country. Their primary spiel is how bad Obama has been, and why in their opinion, he has ruined the country. That, despite the fact that Obama will not be there to run against. We see the GOP gearing up to attack Clinton, but not quite a shrill. I think Clinton will give as much back as she gets.
I would not be surprised to see Sanders treated lightly, and some favorable views come from GOP related groups, that can not be identified as such. It would be a way to undermine her.
It still looks to me like Bush will lead the pack when he steps in. The rest of them do not seem to have a large core of avid supporters, except for Paul. Going trough the list, it is hard to see anything approaching some kind of exciting campaign. Just a litany of tired worn out arguments against big government, and for lower taxes, and in order to get the things done that taxes have paid for, for many years, privatization.
We can point out, yes privatization saves money, and it does so by cutting costs, leaving the public with substandard products, and services.
Which one will grab the public's attention as someone they really think could lead the country. Their primary spiel is how bad Obama has been, and why in their opinion, he has ruined the country. That, despite the fact that Obama will not be there to run against. We see the GOP gearing up to attack Clinton, but not quite a shrill. I think Clinton will give as much back as she gets.
I would not be surprised to see Sanders treated lightly, and some favorable views come from GOP related groups, that can not be identified as such. It would be a way to undermine her.
It still looks to me like Bush will lead the pack when he steps in. The rest of them do not seem to have a large core of avid supporters, except for Paul. Going trough the list, it is hard to see anything approaching some kind of exciting campaign. Just a litany of tired worn out arguments against big government, and for lower taxes, and in order to get the things done that taxes have paid for, for many years, privatization.
We can point out, yes privatization saves money, and it does so by cutting costs, leaving the public with substandard products, and services.
56
Yet Galveston TX privatized its Social Security system back when variations were acceptable - and those people will be forever grateful. Hating private initiative makes you look funny when you realize every the G does is by contracting to private entities of some sort.
@David Underwood I agree, more or less. Bush doesn't seem a likely standard-bearer (if anything he's probably even less electable than Romney) but among the current field he's the only plausible nominee (except maybe Fiorina, who could benefit considerably from just being female in this race though she would have to get really good at campaigning, really fast). Paul has a sizable devoted fan club but he horrifies the foreign policy establishment to the extent where I suspect most of them would prefer Clinton if it came to that. Expect a ferocious pushback effort from the party elite if he gets real traction in the early states.
David Underwood
Neither Ross Perot nor Bernie Sanders are pretenders, and the latter is now causing a notable divide in the Democratic Party. It would come as no surprise if the Campaign Managers for Mr. Sanders and Mrs. Clinton are about to have exchanges. Jeb Bush keeps popping up, while behind him stands the tall dark and looming shadow of the tragedy of Iraq, which this American cannot forget.
Neither Ross Perot nor Bernie Sanders are pretenders, and the latter is now causing a notable divide in the Democratic Party. It would come as no surprise if the Campaign Managers for Mr. Sanders and Mrs. Clinton are about to have exchanges. Jeb Bush keeps popping up, while behind him stands the tall dark and looming shadow of the tragedy of Iraq, which this American cannot forget.
6
We should only talk about the ones who deserve to be talked about.
Jumping up and down and saying really stupid things to get attention doesn't count as deserving to be talked about.
We should talk about only those who say smart things that are worth discussing, only those who have done something worthwhile and admirable.
That would be sleep inducing, because there aren't any.
Okay, maybe Bernie Sanders. So one. Easy count, then go to sleep.
Jumping up and down and saying really stupid things to get attention doesn't count as deserving to be talked about.
We should talk about only those who say smart things that are worth discussing, only those who have done something worthwhile and admirable.
That would be sleep inducing, because there aren't any.
Okay, maybe Bernie Sanders. So one. Easy count, then go to sleep.
198
No lone wolf can change anything in Washington. It would be nice to see someone actually transform the Democratic shell into a real political party before taking on the presidency.
3
Counting candidates: insomnia inducing, even if you can get them to jump.
19
Ms. Collins somehow neglected to mention Chris Krispiecreme so I'm going to try to imagine HIM jumping over a fence. Nope; I'm still awake (and chuckling). So now let me try to imagine lifelong bachelor (with-no-record-of- prior-girlfriends) Lindsey Graham seeking the nomination from the Party that scorns gay rights. No; still chucking. Okay, how about Donald Trump interrupting his reign on America's Biggest Loser (or is it some other lame reality show?) to run for commander in chief? No; just can't stop cackling. Aw, heck, send in the sheep! (Either that or hand me the latest op/ed piece by David Brooks.)
305
RE Lindsey Graham, I meant "chuckling" not "chucking" but either one makes sense.
40
Did you see the pictures of Christie in his softball uniform?
http://deadspin.com/here-are-some-photos-of-chris-christie-playing-softb...
http://deadspin.com/here-are-some-photos-of-chris-christie-playing-softb...
25
Yes, I did. I'll be trying to forget that "marshmallow bowling pin with pig's head on top" image for as long as I live.
9
Not that I would ever defend some of these pandering clowns, but you have to remember that these candidates are being put in the unenviable position of trying to get the attention of the American voter.
Candidates who might not be crazy if you met them on the street can devolve into whack-o nut-jobs when they're trying to resonate with simpletons who don't know the difference between Democrats and Republicans. It's like jingling your car keys to get the attention of a disinterested toddler. It's not about making sense as much as making noise.
OK, Santorum is probably equally crazy on the street as he is on the campaign trail. And Cruz. Can't forget Cruz. Ben Carson's right up there, and Carly Fiorina's a bit off, and Huckabee definitely has a few screws that could use a snug.
Rand Paul and Marco Rubio don't appear to be crazy, but merely duplicitous opportunists. You've gotta respect that in a candidate.
So America gets to pick it's dream date from these suitors, although none of them are a catch. There's no good choice. Like the aftermath of bad potato salad, it's really just a process of elimination.
Candidates who might not be crazy if you met them on the street can devolve into whack-o nut-jobs when they're trying to resonate with simpletons who don't know the difference between Democrats and Republicans. It's like jingling your car keys to get the attention of a disinterested toddler. It's not about making sense as much as making noise.
OK, Santorum is probably equally crazy on the street as he is on the campaign trail. And Cruz. Can't forget Cruz. Ben Carson's right up there, and Carly Fiorina's a bit off, and Huckabee definitely has a few screws that could use a snug.
Rand Paul and Marco Rubio don't appear to be crazy, but merely duplicitous opportunists. You've gotta respect that in a candidate.
So America gets to pick it's dream date from these suitors, although none of them are a catch. There's no good choice. Like the aftermath of bad potato salad, it's really just a process of elimination.
408
It's all those "simpletons who don't know the difference between Democrats and Republicans" whom Hillary's policy preferences wish would vote in greater numbers. I wonder why. It's probably because governance becomes more legitimate in a democratic framework when it's voted in by the largest numbers of simpletons. And that all those simpletons tend to vote Democratic ... or at least that's the hubris.
.
@ gemli
There is a time-honored way to avoid descending into craziness during Presidential campaign season. Avoid pandering. Avoid tap-dancing for the media.
Users of this time-honored method include -- bipartisan spirit here -- Senate President Pro Tem Orrin Hatch, former Senate President Pro Tem Patrick Leahy, former House Speaker Nancy Pelosi, former Senator Sam J. Ervin, and former Hawaii Governor Linda Lingle.
The method to which I refer is something I like to call "NOT TRYING TO WIN A PRESIDENTIAL NOMINATION."
@ gemli
There is a time-honored way to avoid descending into craziness during Presidential campaign season. Avoid pandering. Avoid tap-dancing for the media.
Users of this time-honored method include -- bipartisan spirit here -- Senate President Pro Tem Orrin Hatch, former Senate President Pro Tem Patrick Leahy, former House Speaker Nancy Pelosi, former Senator Sam J. Ervin, and former Hawaii Governor Linda Lingle.
The method to which I refer is something I like to call "NOT TRYING TO WIN A PRESIDENTIAL NOMINATION."
4
Gemli,
Curiosity killed the cat, information brought him back, and satisfaction made him fat. Now while this is a low-fat bill of fare on offer when it comes to these average presidential candidates who sound like a float of crocodiles, I am taking the liberty of playing a parlor game in determining whom you would expect to come for dinner at your invitation.
In the meantime, our neighbor Fred is coming for a meal here, a stir-about and pot luck, while late as usual, this reader is beginning to finally understand there appears to be a difference between political donkeys and elephants in many ways. A reminder to get a new pair of affordable eye-glasses.
Curiosity killed the cat, information brought him back, and satisfaction made him fat. Now while this is a low-fat bill of fare on offer when it comes to these average presidential candidates who sound like a float of crocodiles, I am taking the liberty of playing a parlor game in determining whom you would expect to come for dinner at your invitation.
In the meantime, our neighbor Fred is coming for a meal here, a stir-about and pot luck, while late as usual, this reader is beginning to finally understand there appears to be a difference between political donkeys and elephants in many ways. A reminder to get a new pair of affordable eye-glasses.
6
To count those would be nominees?
A chore that would make my blood freeze!
But Billionaire counting
Has my spirits mounting
With endless inequalities.
But counting Progressives, I find,
Infuses manna to my mind,
There's Warren, a blessing,
Bernie, I'm confessing
Is one for whom my brain's designed!
A chore that would make my blood freeze!
But Billionaire counting
Has my spirits mounting
With endless inequalities.
But counting Progressives, I find,
Infuses manna to my mind,
There's Warren, a blessing,
Bernie, I'm confessing
Is one for whom my brain's designed!
185
.
From Chafee to Sanders to Rodham,
Dems draw from the top, not the bottom!
O'Malley and Webb?
Far better than "Jeb"!
You want candidates: Dems have got 'em.
Republicans? Don't even ask!
In their light, you won't want to bask
With Carly or Rand,
Pataki, Trump, and
Ted Cruz (who was born up in ... Sask.?).
From Chafee to Sanders to Rodham,
Dems draw from the top, not the bottom!
O'Malley and Webb?
Far better than "Jeb"!
You want candidates: Dems have got 'em.
Republicans? Don't even ask!
In their light, you won't want to bask
With Carly or Rand,
Pataki, Trump, and
Ted Cruz (who was born up in ... Sask.?).
12
Bernie Sanders: The candidate who does not take corporate money and super PAC money, and will not appoint Wall Street cronies and corporate lobbyists.
The candidate who will represent the 99%, seek the support of the American people to advance a progressive agenda, and address climate change in a bold way. And if elected president, he will have a litmus test for Supreme Court nominees who will say, “We are going to overturn Citizens United because that decision is undermining American democracy. I do not believe that billionaires should be able to buy politicians.”
The candidate who supports strengthening financial regulation, breaking up the big banks, cracking down on offshore tax shelters, returning to progressive taxation, eliminating corporate tax loopholes, rewriting our disastrous trade agreements, and investing in our crumbling infrastructure.
The candidate who will fight to bring health care to all and supports strengthening labor legislation, raising the minimum wage to a $15 living wage, pay equity for women, strengthening the social safety net, and making public colleges free/low cost once again.
The candidate who supports cutting the bloated military budget, reining in the NSA, net neutrality and GMO labeling; and voted against the repeal of Glass-Steagall, the Iraq War, the Patriot Act and its reauthorization.
Grassroots for Sanders:
Bernie Sanders - The President We Need
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=C7L9V7oGRv8
Join the political revolution.
The candidate who will represent the 99%, seek the support of the American people to advance a progressive agenda, and address climate change in a bold way. And if elected president, he will have a litmus test for Supreme Court nominees who will say, “We are going to overturn Citizens United because that decision is undermining American democracy. I do not believe that billionaires should be able to buy politicians.”
The candidate who supports strengthening financial regulation, breaking up the big banks, cracking down on offshore tax shelters, returning to progressive taxation, eliminating corporate tax loopholes, rewriting our disastrous trade agreements, and investing in our crumbling infrastructure.
The candidate who will fight to bring health care to all and supports strengthening labor legislation, raising the minimum wage to a $15 living wage, pay equity for women, strengthening the social safety net, and making public colleges free/low cost once again.
The candidate who supports cutting the bloated military budget, reining in the NSA, net neutrality and GMO labeling; and voted against the repeal of Glass-Steagall, the Iraq War, the Patriot Act and its reauthorization.
Grassroots for Sanders:
Bernie Sanders - The President We Need
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=C7L9V7oGRv8
Join the political revolution.
639
Here's an opinion piece about Bernie Sanders we'll probably never see in the NY Times. It shows how a leader dedicated to progressive values can transform a city by focusing on building coalitions that will last long after he has left office. His commitment to shared prosperity, quality of life, those in the middle class and below and a vibrant economy built the enduring legacy he left to the citizens of Burlington, VT. As mayor his door was open to everyone, from business leaders to every citizen, as long as shared prosperity was the ultimate goal. The programs he initiated over 30 years ago continue to thrive today, growth has been phenomenal and the city has one of the lowest unemployment rates in the country. Bernie Sanders is a brilliant organizer who knows how to run a government.
This column is worth a read - quite amazing, in many ways:
http://talkingpointsmemo.com/cafe/what-kind-of-mayor-was-bernie-sanders
Thanks RLS, for demonstrating again that the presidential candidate most closely aligned with many policies that polls show a majority of Americans support is Bernie Sanders.
This column is worth a read - quite amazing, in many ways:
http://talkingpointsmemo.com/cafe/what-kind-of-mayor-was-bernie-sanders
Thanks RLS, for demonstrating again that the presidential candidate most closely aligned with many policies that polls show a majority of Americans support is Bernie Sanders.
342
I expect that soon a 'Grassroots for Clinton - The Family that We Need' will be announced.
I thought you were going to end with "the candidate who can never be elected in America today."
4
The scariest part of this is that those people take themselves seriously ... they actually think they are wise, far-sighted, leaders who know the directions in which our nation must move.
Good grief!