I live two blocks from Javelina. I'll go against the grain here and tell you that Javelina has excellent food, a welcoming atmosphere, and a fun environment. For all the snarkiness, it's quite difficult to get a reservation. After 9 months of being open and a take-down review by the NYT, would it still be packed every night if it were as bad as Mr. Wells suggests? Maybe they've gained their footing finally, and the review was a wake-up call. In any event, I wouldn't let this review dissuade you from trying it. To be sure, I have no connection to the ownership or anyone who works there. In fact, it would be to my benefit if fewer people went here. But I disagree with Mr. Wells, I have been to Javelina many more times than he has, and I don't appreciate the "piling on" of people who haven't been to NYC in 20 years (or ever) and want to critique how this couldn't possibly be authentic "Tex-Mex" because it isn't served within 15 miles of the Texas border.
1
So this restaurant is ripping off Matt's El Rancho's Bob Armstrong dip as well as Magnolia Cafe's Mag Mud without even the courtesy of a name change, but not doing justice to the deliciousness of the dishes? Because here in Austin, those two loaded queso appetizers are seriously good, the kind of food that instills lifelong cravings, and a grateful heart that at least one of the restaurants selling them is open 24 hours a day.
1
Seriously? They have the nerve to hijack the Bob Armstrong from Matt's El Rancho?? Way to toss any credibility in the gutter, kids.
2
Best review I've read since "cat food wrapped in a noodle and welded to an ashtray."
4
If you like the flavor of NYT snark served cold you'll like these articles as well.
http://www.nytimes.com/2013/12/18/sports/olympics/got-a-light-olympic-to...
http://www.nytimes.com/2014/09/20/world/europe/mikheil-saakashvili-georg...
It's down to a 3 way race between Sarah Lyall, Jason Horowitz, and now Pete Wells, for the Snarkiest in Chief award.
They are all brilliant but at this point I think that Jason still has a slight edge. These three articles are a reminder of what the NYT is capable of when it lets its hair down and lets brilliant writers be themselves.
http://www.nytimes.com/2013/12/18/sports/olympics/got-a-light-olympic-to...
http://www.nytimes.com/2014/09/20/world/europe/mikheil-saakashvili-georg...
It's down to a 3 way race between Sarah Lyall, Jason Horowitz, and now Pete Wells, for the Snarkiest in Chief award.
They are all brilliant but at this point I think that Jason still has a slight edge. These three articles are a reminder of what the NYT is capable of when it lets its hair down and lets brilliant writers be themselves.
5
I now know that Bloomberg Business Week does at best a so-so job of vetting its beverage articles. Sitting right there in the upper left place of prominence in an article about tequila-based drinks on pp.81-2 of the May-18-24 issue is the Old Oaxacan Old Fashioned at (drum roll) Javelina. In fairness, the magazine would have been printed before this review and they don't give the restaurant's exact address. I only made the connection because I was behind in my BBW reading.
Any place that charges $14 for guac is NOT worth it!
1
Nicely witty takedown of this obvious pretender. It's unfortunate that Austin's Magnolia Cafe never trademarked "Mag Mud," one of its most legendary menu items, seeing as Javelina unapologetically appropriated its name (for what sounds like a vastly inferior dish).
As a former chef (14 years) who served Mexican dishes in Las Vegas for several years, (roughly 30% of the menu) I don't understand how anyone can open a restaurant in NYC that proclaims itself to be "real" Tex-Mex, yet serves food that seems barely better than the packages you find in your grocer's freezer aisles.
Almost anyone can learn basic cooking techniques. What separates mediocre food from delicious is the ingredients, the attention, and only then your skills. Javelina would seem to be missing at least one of the more important two, possibly both.
Almost anyone can learn basic cooking techniques. What separates mediocre food from delicious is the ingredients, the attention, and only then your skills. Javelina would seem to be missing at least one of the more important two, possibly both.
1
This review made me laugh with the excitement of anticipating going to Javelina; as a matter of fact, I enjoyed that sensation so much, I will never go, just so I can keep that feeling.
7
after reading this, I would want to go there. Can it really provide so much fun ! But while the NYT pays what Wells and palls eat, I suspect I and my guests might have a greater conversation with both bartender and waiter
I laughed out loud. What a wonderful piece. Thanks, Pete Wells!
3
I would rate this review higher it it were about a true "Mexican" restaurant. Expecting good Mexican food from a TexMex establishment is like going to a pizzeria for gourmet Italian.
1
I thought the author was quite clear that this was a TEX-MEX restaurant. Great review!
3
In case you did not know, Tex-Mex is not "true" Mexican. It is the food of Tejanos (Texans of Mexican descent). It is the fusion of traditional northern Mexican with mission-era Spanish and the cuisines of other immigrant groups. It is a distinct and separate cuisine from "true" Mexican.
I have never enjoyed Mr. Wells so much. I usually find his reviews a bit dry, but this one had me choking through laughter and reading it to friends. I do live in Colorado, but if in NYC, probably won't visit this particular queso-non-savvy place, haha.
1
The best part of these comments are all the Texans describing the "nuances" of Tex-Mex and how it's impossible to find, like hunting unicorns. Face it, Tex-Mex itself is just hype. I'll take real Mexican any day.
2
Bravo. At last a NY times restaurant reviewer with lacerating wit. Thank you. Let's face it, if you want to eat real Mexican food, come to the Southwest or go to Mexico.
1
Although this place doesn't sound good overall, I am happy to hear that there is somewhere in NYC with good homemade flour tortillas. I'm interested as to whether they sell them on their own if you just want to take them home.
As a native of San Antonio who lived for a time in NYC, I never missed the "authentic Tex-Mex" (I prefer interior Mexican by a mile), but I still have PTSD from the tortillas I came across in NYC. The only silver lining is that I was forced to learn how to make them myself.
As a native of San Antonio who lived for a time in NYC, I never missed the "authentic Tex-Mex" (I prefer interior Mexican by a mile), but I still have PTSD from the tortillas I came across in NYC. The only silver lining is that I was forced to learn how to make them myself.
1
Remember about 30 years ago when Cadillac Bar opened up on 21st
Street and brought their staff from Houston.
That was Tex Mex.
Street and brought their staff from Houston.
That was Tex Mex.
1
I never laughed so hard. Keep up the good work.
2
A word of explanation from a life-long, dyed-in-the-wool Texan. Here in the Lone Star State, we use "Tex-Mex" and "Mexican Food" interchangeably. When we say we are going to eat Mexican Food, we mean Tex-Mex. We don't say, "Let's go grab us some Tex-Mex." We say, "How about some Mexican Food tonight?" We understand that our Mexican Food is a 150 year mish-mash made-up concoction of tortillas, cheese & meat (preferably taco meat, in my case). We (sadly) know that if we go on down Mexico City way, Tex-Mex is not what we are going to get in a restaurant. So please stop lecturing about Tex-Mex not being Mexican Food. It's all one and the same here in the great state of Texas.
P.S. Do you know how to judge good Tex-Mex? By the orange grease ring left on the platter!!
P.S. Do you know how to judge good Tex-Mex? By the orange grease ring left on the platter!!
6
On point, thank you
It might be "one and the same" in Texas, but Tex-Mex and Mexican are not the same everywhere. And this is a restaurant in the great state of New York.
1
This is an awesome review. Seriously. Awesome.
3
Eating anywhere in Union Square is a nightmare.
Over-priced over-rated food, plus tourists, plus students newly arrived in NYC (tourists), plus snotty waiters...what is there to like again?
Over-priced over-rated food, plus tourists, plus students newly arrived in NYC (tourists), plus snotty waiters...what is there to like again?
I guess I get the sly put downs but not "Lucky for me, I have only good things to say about Javelina"
I guess we have to thank Javelina for being so horrible that Mr. Wells could write his devastatingly funny review.
3
Most enjoyable restaurant review read ever. Even if I may never go to Javelina :-)
1
It's reviews like this that make me happy to have moved out of this neighborhood. The only decent restaurant to occupy this space in the last 30 years was the original Sparks.
2
Sparks is still a good restaurant, but I did not realize it was ever in Union Square.
I don't think I've ever had such a good laugh over a restaurant review. Javelina is just "fair", but Pet Wells is great.
4
Sunset Park, people!
1
I know, right? Yes. It's true, for most of my 50 years, NY was seriously lacking in all of the varied Mexican regional cuisines (yes, folks Mexican is not just one thing). But, gee whiz, Mexican people have been coming here in huge numbers over at least the past decade and there's hundreds of absolutely authentic little spots all over the boros, not the least in Sunset Park and Bushwick. I'm sure they're in Queens, too, but I won't consider my ignorance of them to mean they don't exist. Sure seems like a lot of people can never even guess that things exist outside their experience.
Also, Tex-Mex, is good and fun, but really, is it just an older version of the generic American-Chinese lots of folks still think is the whole of Chinese cuisine?
Also, Tex-Mex, is good and fun, but really, is it just an older version of the generic American-Chinese lots of folks still think is the whole of Chinese cuisine?
best restaurant review I have ever read. really excellent writing. keep it up!
1
TWO colors of queso, you say? No wonder Ryan Gosling eats there.
5
I read it yesterday and was laughing out loud several times. Just now I decided I needed a laugh, read it again, and the magic worked just as well as before. This has got to be the funniest restaurant review ever.
4
The funniest review ever is Wells' review of Guy's American Kitchen, November 13, 2012.
I found Pete Wells review completely obnoxious. I've been to Javelina and it was a blast. The drinks were great, the food was awesome, and my group of 6 was totally satisfied at the end of the night, and with doggy bag in hand. I am not sure what Wells was expecting, but we were looking forward to great queso (it was), fresh tortillas and meats (try the meat platter, it's huge and delicious--great for sharing), and fun drinks (the Paloma wasn't my favorite, but the margaritas were). I would like some dessert options, but we were all so full, it didn't really matter.
If you're looking for a fun place to eat, you should totally check out Javelina. I think it will only get better in time. Let's remember they just opened a few weeks ago, and have been slammed every night. I can't wait to go back!
If you're looking for a fun place to eat, you should totally check out Javelina. I think it will only get better in time. Let's remember they just opened a few weeks ago, and have been slammed every night. I can't wait to go back!
I can't get over this review. I travel to NY constantly, and I have gone out of my way to go to Javelina's the last 4 times I've been in town. I love the place. Clearly, there are many others who feel the same way because it has been packed every time I have been there ... everyone with a smile on his/ her face. Unfortunately, Mr. Wells proves once again that some people have a need to tear down a good thing. The food is amazing, the drinks are phenomenal, and the staff was awesome- so what if you have to wait a little while... My wife was definitely was not served a different sized drink at the bar, but did say it was the best margueritta she's had in a very long time. Its sad that Wells can sit from his perch at the NY Times and throw lighting bolts at a new restaurant that is doing so great in the most competitive market in the country. Clearly, he came up with a sarcastic anti-texas angle for a piece that would hit the bull's eye with the regular reader of the NYT restaurant review section. Cuz how boring is a positive review and who is going to defend the Tex Mex restaurant in New York, right? I am sure Mr. Wells is so very proud of himself reading comments coming from people who read his work with blood lust for another sensational "trending" review. We need more restaurants like Javelina and less reviewers like Wells...
2
So, you don't think he went a number of times and reported his experiences honestly? You think the goal of restaurant reviewing is solely to take down a place most people would consider "amazing" and "phenomenal?" And said negative review reads to you as "anti-texas (sic)?" Huh? NY needs a lot LESS of these trendy, loud, crowd driven monstrosities. Maybe you oughta take a look at the majority of reviews herein and note that most are positive. Why would they waste space taking down every mediocre joint as opposed to pumping up the few that deserve praise?
3
Are you saying a reviewer should love everyone restaurant he goes to, or just every restaurant that you love? If you read Wells regularly, you'll see that he is not in the business of tearing restaurants down. So I'll give you both the benefit of the doubt and call it a difference of opinion.
1
An absolutely delightful review. Jonathon Swift would be proud!
6
tourist trap.
3
Delicious...review!
1
As transplanted Texan, who first experienced chiles delivered via mother's milk, I have rarely seen the pretensions of transplanted Tex-Mex food so aptly skewered. Thank you Mr. Wells. Thank you.
Here's the deal. Tex-Mex is NOT real Mexican food. It is, in it's down home, purest forms, the everyday food of everyday Texans who like chiles seasoning their foods. Some of it is good, most of it is cheap, spicy and filling. It is not and never has been, gourmet food. A bowl of chile con queso in Texas is simply a can of diced Rotel tomatoes with green chillies, in melted Velvetta or white American cheese. Served hot. With tortillas, chips or whole warmed soft, either flour or corn.
The indigenous foods of New Mexico, California and Arizona are different than Texas. They are not interchangeable just because they incorporate chiles as an ingredient. Any restaurant that mixes these cuisines up, in menus, could call themselves American Southwestern, but NOT Mexican or Tex-Mex. But even so, any Southwestern restaurant that is timid with spice and heat, should call themselves anything other than "authentic".
Here's the deal. Tex-Mex is NOT real Mexican food. It is, in it's down home, purest forms, the everyday food of everyday Texans who like chiles seasoning their foods. Some of it is good, most of it is cheap, spicy and filling. It is not and never has been, gourmet food. A bowl of chile con queso in Texas is simply a can of diced Rotel tomatoes with green chillies, in melted Velvetta or white American cheese. Served hot. With tortillas, chips or whole warmed soft, either flour or corn.
The indigenous foods of New Mexico, California and Arizona are different than Texas. They are not interchangeable just because they incorporate chiles as an ingredient. Any restaurant that mixes these cuisines up, in menus, could call themselves American Southwestern, but NOT Mexican or Tex-Mex. But even so, any Southwestern restaurant that is timid with spice and heat, should call themselves anything other than "authentic".
9
I was raised in Austin, so was eager to try the place and checked it out in the first week. Service was very creaky. To begin, they gave us another table's order, and then got my wife's order wrong not once but twice. When the correct dish finally arrived they forgot to give her corn tortillas instead of flour (she pointed out when ordering she was gluten-free). And then there was the expediter who dropped a salsa bowl, and then like dominoes the other bowls on his arm fell to the ground one by one. I assumed these issues would work themselves out once they got their sea legs and adjusted to the non-stop traffic. That doesn't appear to be the case.
6
Tex Mex is always a letdown. Even the best versions pale in comparison to real Mexican food. I get it. It's different. But it's still not nearly as good.
I laugh every time someone from Texas berates Mexican food in northern states. Yeah, it's better in Texas. But it's still a bastardized version of something far that's far superior.
I laugh every time someone from Texas berates Mexican food in northern states. Yeah, it's better in Texas. But it's still a bastardized version of something far that's far superior.
4
Being a native Texan, I am amused to hear all of these reviews and/or opinions about something you know nothing about. If you don't like the food, that's ok. But most of you guys are completely dismissing Tex Mex cuisine, which is very much loved by millions. It would be like me dismissing NY style pizza. Wouldn't that be ignorant? As far as Javelina goes, I've been there twice, and the food is spot on. The queso is about as good as it gets, the fajitas are full of flavor, and the fish entree is fantastic to name a few. Do yourselves a favor. Swallow your New York pride and go back to Javelina with an open mind. I think you'll be glad you did.
3
Hell, we even berate Mexican food from different parts of the state. For example, the enchilada sauce that I'm accustomed to, across the from central/eastern Chihuahua es de puros chiles, not watered down with tomatoes like you'll find in other parts of the state, including up the river in El Paso. But I don't complain about the enchiladas one finds in El Paso, at least they're served in a pool of sauce with queso de Chihuahua ( Mennonite cheese) or something similar, and not just painted tortillas with that horrible powdery cheese that you'll find in East Texas, or in the greater part of Mexico, for that matter. After years of disappointments, I gave up on finding a decent plate of enchiladas in D.F., other antojitos, yes, but enchiladas...no gue!
1
We Texans do love our Tex-Mex, and many of us will try it just about anywhere. I once had enchiladas at a Tex-Mex place in Reykjavik that were more properly described as cheese in hot dog buns with ketchup on top. The entire staff crowded around to see if the "heat" of the salsa would be too much for me, as it apparently was for many of their regulars. Thanks for the warning about Javelina.
1
Spot on. I've lived on the block for the last twelve years and was cautiously optimistic when Javelina opened. Up until 2010 this space housed Los Dos Molinos, the best Mexican restaurant--by way of Arizona--in NYC. Los Dos was everything Javelina isn't: great food, friendly and attentive staff, the right vibe for the food and drinks being served, no reservations, amazing margaritas and, best of all, no PR machine behind it. The hopes of this living up to Los Dos Molinos were quickly dashed the first and only time I ventured into Javelina. So unfortunate. Hopefully Sandy comes back to reopen Los Dos in NYC sometime soon. The city needs it.
4
The tastiest restaurant review ever!
3
Pete, you made my day absolutely the funniest thing I have read in awhile. Thanks for the writing treat. The fact that the place is that bad and full all the time shows what silly sheep people are.
5
Dear NYTimes,
Please send Mr. Wells to a cruddy restaurant at least once a month. This is gold.
Please send Mr. Wells to a cruddy restaurant at least once a month. This is gold.
28
My hero, Pete Wells! Another exquisitely written review that had me laughing out loud. Thank you!
3
Well done, Mr. Wells.
That review had the perfect amount of peppers in it.
That review had the perfect amount of peppers in it.
5
"It always sounds as if somebody were telling a woman at the far end of the table that he had just found $1,000 under the menu, and the woman were shouting back that Ryan Gosling had just texted and he’s coming to the restaurant in, like, five minutes!" Why the h__ll would I ever want to be in such an acoustic environment and try to enjoy food and my dinner companions? Catch your breath, Mr. Wells.
2
What convinced you that Mr. Wells liked the place?
2
Sounds like the perfect place to take my mother-in-law. She hates spicy food, doesn't like to drink much (so the smaller glasses for women thing works) and likes dinner at 5'ish. Thanks for the heads up on the 3 things to order. I miss working with you.
4
Let's have a review of Nu-Mex food, too! Love them green chiles!
1
This review reminds me of the hysterical, snarky movie reviews that Janet Maslin used to write when she really disliked a film. They were a regular read-out-loud opportunity at our dinner table. Keep up the good work, NYT, and bring back Ms. Maslin!
3
Pete Wells is a national treasure, immune to hype. Have been to Texas many times and have loathed "Tex-Mex" food while loving barbecue and the new world class cuisine available in Houston and Austin. I am a resident of Santa Fe (aka "Green Chile Heaven"). Please visit and dine on celestial enchiladas, sopapillas, tamales, menudo, etc. For superb tortillas fresh from the tamal and great, forthright Mexican food visit Rosie's (just opened in the East Village). Yes, I have a special interest. It's owned by my daughter and her husband,
6
I recognize the location: it's where Los Dos Molinos was. We are still enjoying Los Dos Molinos in Arizona, especially the one in Mesa.
1
Tee hee. This review is...delicious.
2
While I enjoyed reading this bastion of facetiousness, I'm a little disappointed that out of 14 paragraphs, Pete dedicated a full 3 of them to the queso and 2 of them to the tortillas. I wish he had gone further, deeper and wider in his dish critiques because his descriptions are so delicious to read (or in this case, heinous) and conjure so many internal visualizations while I read them.
Houston for 20+ years - actually they have captured the Tex-Mex experience of a lot of the restaurants here in Houston (especially the chains). Spot on about the check appearing as soon as the last mouthful is lifted from the plate. Got to turn those tables. Also, it seems like there is a state law barring empty plates from sitting on a table for more than 30 seconds. Many, many times I have almost had to physically restrain the waiter from removing an "almost finished" plate from my table.
Great review!
Great review!
6
How clever!
3
I couldn't imagine why a review of a Tex-Mex restaurant would have over 200 reader comments, so I had to see for myself. Now I know. More, please.
15
I love this review. It's hilarious. Also - they obviously didn't recognize Pete Wells - most restaurants that he reviews recognize him during the review process, and it slants the review. This is 100% honest. Wonderful!
8
I read this entire review out loud to my sixth-grade son over breakfast. It's part of his education in how to be an enlightening, entertaining, and effective writer. Thank you, Pete Wells!
17
Just hopin' the first paragraph is as tongue-in-cheek as the rest.
Ah'm a Texan. Have been fer' 'bout 15 years now. Don't wear boots. Don't tame hostile landscapes.
Do run a purty' good theatre company.
Glad Ah' don't have to git' m'TexMex at Javelina.
Enjoyed yer' city when Ah' did m'graduate work at the Juilliard School, by the way.
Ah'm a Texan. Have been fer' 'bout 15 years now. Don't wear boots. Don't tame hostile landscapes.
Do run a purty' good theatre company.
Glad Ah' don't have to git' m'TexMex at Javelina.
Enjoyed yer' city when Ah' did m'graduate work at the Juilliard School, by the way.
3
Ex-NYer living in L.A.
I've been to Javelina in Sedona Arizona, and another in Lake Havasu.
At the time they told me they were the only 2, I'm wondering if this is part of the chain, or a one off with the same name. Both of the locations I went to were great. I'll have to give this one a try if I ever make it back to the City.
I've been to Javelina in Sedona Arizona, and another in Lake Havasu.
At the time they told me they were the only 2, I'm wondering if this is part of the chain, or a one off with the same name. Both of the locations I went to were great. I'll have to give this one a try if I ever make it back to the City.
nice throw on the shade, my friend!
5
This piece should be a case study in food journalism classes. Mr. Wells, you get an "A". One thing bothers me, however: I really want to go to Javelina just to experience tepid queso and sexually discriminatory drink servings (same cost: less booze. Isn't that what women have been fighting for?). I can't understand this feeling.
1
Thanks, Pete, for this marvelous example of backhanded compliment. The persistent crowds at this wannabe taco joint are proof positive that New Yorkers don't get Tex-Mex.
2
i loved this sarcastic review, what a riot.
3
Bob Armstrong queso is named after a former, and recently deceased, Texas Land Commissioner, and was developed and named by Matt Martinez whose family had/has lovely Julia Child-approved restaurants in Austin and Texas. I don't know if Matt ever copyrighted the Bob Armstrong name for his spicy beef queso, but this NYC restaurant is trespassing on a venerable Texas brand.
5
Magnolia Cafe in Austin is also the only other place I have seen Mag Mud (always served with the beans IN the queso, so they didn't even get it right), and I always assumed the Mag was short for Magnolia, so they are stepping on quite a few Texas toes here.
6
I agree with both Mary Ann and fritters. The Bob Armstrong queso and Mag Mud names are clearly stolen from Matt's El Rancho and Magnolia Cafe, respectively. I doubt that either name is trademarked, but isn't there any sort of code of restaurateur etiquette that this appropriation violates? It feels akin to a comedian stealing a joke.
2
Sounds good! I will definitely go. A real effort to offer Tex Mex in NYC.
Any cuisine involving Velveeta and Fritos is an abomination. I've had Tex-Mex in Texas and it was fatty, salty, flavorless there, too. When Operation Jade Helm is complete, we'll help Texas figure out how to eat.
7
I now live in New Delhi but when I lived in NY in the 1970s and 1980s there was a Tex-Mex near NYU called Caramba. At least I think it was Tex-Mex. Big helpings and generous margaritas. The owners were Indians, of all people. So I guess it was not that authentic.
3
enchiladas-Tex-Mex beef inside top with chili con carne and yellow cheese on top yum muy buenas
Great review!
2
A brilliant display of Texas-style wit. Recommendation: read this review out loud doing your best Ann Richards impression.
3
While I thoroughly enjoyed the review I was disappointed that you didn't review their napkins.
5
this reviewer is why I hate nyc now.
2
Then it worked.
OMG, I thought, like, the reviewer was being serious. I was so ready to just show up and flirt with the bartender, until my friend told me the reviewer was being all ironic. I thought, hey I loved GONE GIRL, especially the part where we don't get that she's evil. Now, I'm TOTALLY in on the joke, which makes me feel super smart, like I was born in New York, where they don't ever mean what they say. My friend told me to be super cool, I should actually mean what say. She called that post-ironic. So, I'm not ever going to this place because it sounds awful. Nailed it!
6
I read this yesterday and I am still laughing about the congealed cheese providing an interesting contrast in textures. Perfect.
14
There is no such thing as "authentic" Tex-Mex food. It is by definition composed of bastardizations and improvisations. Sure, "Texas" chili is not supposed to have beans, and "Texas" BBQ is mostly brisket, etc., but it's not as if there are definitive recipes.
Ha. Very fun read.
Tex-Mex is only good for one thing: breakfast.
Everything else is a simplistic take on Mexican food (a friend of mine who used to work at a Tex-Mex joint put it best: Tex-Mex is the same four ingredients combined differently. A little reductive, but not far off the mark). Give authentic Mexican instead.
Except for breakfast...I'll give them that.
Tex-Mex is only good for one thing: breakfast.
Everything else is a simplistic take on Mexican food (a friend of mine who used to work at a Tex-Mex joint put it best: Tex-Mex is the same four ingredients combined differently. A little reductive, but not far off the mark). Give authentic Mexican instead.
Except for breakfast...I'll give them that.
4
Why would anyone bother with Tex-Mex when NYC now has real Mex? Might as well dine at Taco Bell.
In any case, do they feature peccary on the menu? If not, why call the restaurant "Javelina"? Why not "Coyote"? Or "Dead Dog in the Road"?
In any case, do they feature peccary on the menu? If not, why call the restaurant "Javelina"? Why not "Coyote"? Or "Dead Dog in the Road"?
Lived in Texas for three years back in the 80s. Had plenty of LOUSY "Tex Mex" food. Quizzed nearly every native Texan I met about the differences between the various dishes. None of them could tell me much at all. Maybe Javelina really is authentic.
4
Truly one of the funniest things I've ever read in The Times. Wells done!
8
As a New Mexican, it sounds like authentic Texan food to me.
13
This review lightened my heart. Thank you.
Pete Wells may be the "arch" deacon of restaurant critics.
3
Cleverest restaurant review ever!
1
This place doesn't sound at all authentic to this native Texan. In fact, it sounds definitely substandard. "Secret" queso recipes aren't a thing in Texas, either. It's ridiculously easy to make. I shudder to think of the abomination they claim are puffy tacos. Silly Yankees.
4
One more imaginary round of sopapillas to Wells for also goofing within the bottom-of-article info grid. As in this detail for example under Atmosphere: "Servers are as chipper as if it were their first day on the job, which it may well be."
8
Yes! And "The music is quiet. The tequila is not." Bravo!
Great writing and an important public service by Mr. Wells. It will save a LOT of wasted trips to this place. It shows you how insane and hot the Mexican market is now - which is a good thing in general - more to choose from.
My simple, yet excellent margarita recipe(the result of 10 years research and development!):
Equal half shots of tequila and triple sec in a pint glass full of ice cubes. Newman's Own Lemonade filled to the brim. Shake well with stainless steel shaker can or reasonable facsimile. Meet God.
My simple, yet excellent margarita recipe(the result of 10 years research and development!):
Equal half shots of tequila and triple sec in a pint glass full of ice cubes. Newman's Own Lemonade filled to the brim. Shake well with stainless steel shaker can or reasonable facsimile. Meet God.
2
Remember when there were no legit barbecue restaurants in NYC about 10 years ago, and now they're are about 20? That seems to be what's happening with Tex-Mex now. This place is not nearly as good as el Original, the other new tex-mex joint that just opened up in hell's kitchen. El original reminds me of what Blue Smoke was to the nyc bbq movement. They did it right and set the standard for all others that followed. Javelina is like the Virgil's; they cut corners, boiled their ribs and totally misrepresented the cuisine. I would suggest to new yorkers who are on the fence about Tex Mex to try both places and get a larger context. If this trend continues, it won't be long before Tex-mex joints start popping up in brooklyn. And no, Lobo's, you don't count.
2
But Lobo's blood orange margaritas are awesome! (Agreed that the food isn't so hot.)
I've been blogging about Mexican food in NYC for a few years now (http://nycmexfoodquest.blogspot.com/) and unfortunately I completely agree with this review. Being from Texas, I was excited about this restaurant - especially the QUESO. Hopefully, Javelina will improve and other Tex-Mex restaurants will start to open in NYC (have yet to try El Original). Until, the quest for good Mexican food continues!
3
Tex-Mex is not Mexican food! It's like saying the Olive Garden is Italian. Please don't confise the two, especially if you're blogging about it!
3
I am afraid Manhattan is becoming a victim of it's own success. The rents are so high here than most restaurants have to charge too high a price and scimp on the portions/ingredients/etc. to hope to make any profits. Queens and the other outer boroughs are the places to go for real food unfortunately.
4
Once you've had New Mex-Mex, you'll never eat Tex-Mex again.
12
It won't be long before Pete has a column in the moneymaker Opinion section.
1
Pete, the first clue is that it bills itself as "NY's first authentic Tex-Mex. With that opening you know it's going to be all downhill from there. The truth is that good food speaks for itself without the PR labels. If you want good Tex-Mex, as I do about once a year, hop on a plane and come down here where there's a lot of good Tex-Mex food at reasonable prices.
5
Cottonwood Cafe! Chicken-fried steak! Early 1980s. Northernmost Bleeker St.
6
Yes! And chicken fried chicken, mashed potatoes and pecan pie!
And oh, those margaritas...
And oh, those margaritas...
The fried okra was great!
Finally, something Chicago does better than New York: Mexican restaurants. Lots of them all over the city, with great food and the drinks are the same size regardless of gender.
4
there are many cusines done better in chicago. eastern european, affordable gourmet, mexican, im sure others...
From the title of the article, it appeared that New Yorkers had finally found a new and exciting twist on Tex-Mex, but alas, we Texans know one does not have to travel to NY to savor the mysterious experiences of which the reviewer speaks. We can opt for some of the pricier - and better - Interior-Mex places here, or just head down the road to Santa Fe and eat at Maria's. When New York discovers the delights of green and red chile over Velveeta, then I'll take my chances in your state.
Pete Wells is an artist.
6
Bravo Pete, keep them coming.
8
Brilliant review! Coming from California (Cal-Mex?), I have only experienced disappointment with Mex food in NYC--it always seem to lack what I appreciate most about Mexican cuisine here: super fresh ingredients, unpretentious dishes, bursts of flavors I don't make at home, and, practically above all, reasonable price. It took me a few paragraphs to see where you were going with the write-up, and then I savored every bite of it, happy to know I can avoid another disappointment checking out this place on my next visit.
2
Lots of Mexicans now live in New York. Go to Brooklyn or Queens. Of course, I can't tell you where to eat -- I live in NYC, so I don't want to spoil the good places.
9
Bob Armstrong?!?!? creation of Matt's El Rancho in Austin,TX. I do hope Javelina gives them the credit!
6
Bob Armstrong, RIP, created his locally famous dip at El Rancho's long-gone E. 1st St (now Cesar Chavez St) location where the Four Seasons now stands. A constant patron of the restaurant, he often hung out with the kitchen staff and he'd sometimes mix up his dip (chile con queso with a dip of guacamole and some picadillo [ground beef taco filling]). It was a snack enjoyed in the kitchen and not on the menu. At the new (30 years+) restaurant, it moved to the menu and the dining room, and many meals there begin with "a large Bob." Armstrong, a Democrat and environmentalist, served as Texas Land Commissioner for 12 years and doubled state park land during his tenure. He came to our table at El Rancho while we were enjoying a large Bob a couple of years ago to tell us the tale of his culinary coup in creating the dip. He passed away in March of this year at 82 years of age, but his dip lives on as do his many contributions to Texas and the US during a life of public service. RIP, you were a Large Bob, indeed. I hope the Gramercy park version of the dip is something like its namesake. Tex-Mex food is its own thing and it doesn't seem to travel well. When I lived in NYC from 1972-74, there was none available, good or bad. So I learned to love Indian food as a substitute. I expect Bob A would have approved.
Sure the peccary wasn't a javelina?
2
I was wondering how Mr. Wells could top his review of Guy Fierie's restaurant -- but he just did it. Beautifully written and crystal clear in its ability to deliver information. Loved EVERY WORD.
18
Pete Wells absolutely nailed it: after reading this article, one feels as though she has suffered through the three grueling meals he was obligated to eat at Javelina, and has come away with a series of fun new descriptors for highly mediocre wanna-be TexMex. Cocktails the temperature of a freshly killed snake? Trendy! Processed, lukewarm queso, minus flavor, plus latex-like film? Formula for winning! The only way I’ll show up is if Ryan Gosling texts me and is coming to the restaurant in, like, five minutes.
20
Hate to read your review when you don"t like the place
4
The joke is on anyone who names their restaurant after a wild pig, which typically moves in groups and does a lot of damage wherever the group goes. Loved the review, biting and refreshing!
8
A New Yorker getting excited about Tex=Mex. Funny. And even funnier, more words about queso than anything else.
2
Like reading a review by Ring Lardner. Thank you!
6
Very funny and well written review! Don't worry New Yorkers, most of the Tex-Mex restaurants here aren't much different than this one reviewed here so you're not missing anything.
2
It's quite preposterous and eccentric, to say the least; to claim to be the first, one, and only Tex-Mex greasy joint in the Huge*Apple. Please!
2
This is a master class in shade. Well done sir, well done!
22
I'm picking up what you're putting down, Petey.
3
You have tried to rip off our barbeque, now Tex-Mex? The only two types of restaurants I avoid when in the City for work are barbeque and Mexican. I'm going to stick to that mantra.
4
There really are a few places with BBQ probably as nearly authentic as is possible given the required smoke suppression in NYC. It's a long way from what it was when this Texan first came here in 1966. Then the only authentic Tex-Mex I found was the Texas Chili Parlor in the West Village, followed by the same owner with Casa Laredo or Cafe Laredo -- I forget which.
The review, read aloud by my Brooklyn-born-and-raised daughter before I found it on-line, was a high point of the day and of NYT reviews for years; indeed, Molly Ivins would have been proud to have written it.
The review, read aloud by my Brooklyn-born-and-raised daughter before I found it on-line, was a high point of the day and of NYT reviews for years; indeed, Molly Ivins would have been proud to have written it.
Based on my one visit to Javelina, I think Pete Wells is spot on.
Some don't appreciate his tone, but I give him credit for wit and humor. He gives credit where it's due (flour tortillas mainly) and calls it as he sees it. Actually makes me want to eat a meal with him.
Some don't appreciate his tone, but I give him credit for wit and humor. He gives credit where it's due (flour tortillas mainly) and calls it as he sees it. Actually makes me want to eat a meal with him.
13
Since this review was compared often with Pete's review of Guy Fieri's review, I went back and read that. This review is much funnier and subtle. I would say that Pete's style has evolved a lot. Amazing and poetic back-handedness.
19
But do they serve javelina?
"I also stayed alert and sober when faced with the Tijuana Manhattan, made with tequila in the place of whiskey and served in a rocks glass with no ice at all, even though it was the temperature of a freshly killed snake."
Only time I have ever laughed out loud reading a restaurant review.
Only time I have ever laughed out loud reading a restaurant review.
21
Truly funny review! Loved it! I would go to this restaurant just to more fully appreciate the dry biting humor of this article.
2
Diners get the restaurants they deserve...the jokes therefore are on them! Bravo Señor Wells.
2
What's up with this restaurant ripping off Matt's and Magnolia (two of my favorite queso in the southsideATX). Please don't copy our breakfast tacos!
9
And the Bob Armstrong queso!
2
Nicely said... As a ex-pat 3rd-gen LA guy (stuck in Omaha for the last 8 years), who travels the country, finding good Tex-Mex, even in Texas, can be a challenge. There are a few, far between. Share when you discover, please. My personal favorite, today, is Mula in Omaha. The others, like this, only lower the bar on what can be a fine dining experience. Thanks for steering me somewhere else.
3
Perfect name for a restaurant this hilariously bad. Ever smell a herd of javelinas? Or hear them? Stinky and noisy. Thanks, Pete.
2
You can blame Texas for all your other problems, NYC, but we're not taking the fall for this restaurant. I'm guessing those bartenders in the picture are about as Texan as Woody Allen.
10
I couldn't imagine why NYT was reviewing a mediocre restaurant until I read the review -- thank you. At NYT, it's not about the restaurants, it's about the reviews. At least we got that much straight!
7
They 'd better hope ravenous tourists in the Union Square area who haven't read the NY Times go there. Taco Bell anyone?
4
I respect how quick they are to stick up for their state and its culture. In fact, I may be slightly afraid of Texans. I have no desire to mess with them. I can read the bumper stickers.
Pete, for your information, the bumper sticker refers to an antilittering campaign.
You've obviously never been to the real Texas. If you had, you'd never write this ludicrous nonsense.
Pete, for your information, the bumper sticker refers to an antilittering campaign.
You've obviously never been to the real Texas. If you had, you'd never write this ludicrous nonsense.
1
Waco is part of "the real Texas," yes? Eat friendly, y'all.
2
It was humor.
7
Um . . . I think he knows what the bumper sticker means. That's what makes it f u n n y.
4
I'll be reading Pete Wells reviews from now on.
19
So the reason there was no dessert is because the sopaipilla IS the desert. That's why it was served with honey. It was served with honey, right? God forbid it didn't come with honey.
4
Three things:
1. Hilarious
2. I would say this accurately describes Tex Mex.
3. As a native of New Mexico, I would argue we make the best Mexican food of any state (certainly the best red/green chile), but I've found all "authentic" Mexican restaurants east of, well, New Mexico, are just interpretations of Mexican food. Some do a nice job, but it never tastes like home.
1. Hilarious
2. I would say this accurately describes Tex Mex.
3. As a native of New Mexico, I would argue we make the best Mexican food of any state (certainly the best red/green chile), but I've found all "authentic" Mexican restaurants east of, well, New Mexico, are just interpretations of Mexican food. Some do a nice job, but it never tastes like home.
20
Please, New Mexican food is bland, cheese-doused blandness smothered with your touted red/green chile sauce, which is prevalent everywhere, including McDonalds. Sorry, but Texas calls your bluff. Stay away. (Well, you can go to El Paso, which is more New Mexico than Texas anyway).
1
LA and Chicago are widely agreed to have the most authentic Mexican with the two largest Mexican populations and Chicago's world famous tortillerias. I've never even seen NM referenced in regards to Mexican food articles.
As someone who eats Tex Mex in Texas regularly, it sounds to me like Javelina has captured all of the essential features of an authentic Tex Mex eatery.
21
For a more authentic experience, try Crema or Loteria in NYC.
Real Mexican restaurants.
saludos
Real Mexican restaurants.
saludos
2
Tex-Mex buddy. There is a big difference.
6
Not as good as the Guy Fieri review, but still really amusing. Much more subtle. Very well done, Mr. Wells.
34
Way to respect the rule that if you can't say something nice...
I am glad that I didn't stop reading the review when you wrote that you had nothing but good things to say about Javelina.
Others have said it, but I will, too: this review was hilarious.
I am glad that I didn't stop reading the review when you wrote that you had nothing but good things to say about Javelina.
Others have said it, but I will, too: this review was hilarious.
47
Hilarious review, Pete. In the 12 years I lived in ny I never had good texmex. I guess it hasn't changed. It's good, plentiful and inexpensive here in San Antonio.
1
Wonderfully funny and sarcastic review. Had not heard of it before but I cannot imagine going there now. And from the sound of it, it may not last long, although there is no accounting for taste.
3
"How anybody gets drunk enough to act this way is one of several fun Javelina mysteries to keep you entertained." Sounds like some new fresh Hell for people who just want to eat.
8
Funny Review. If Pete Wells isn't careful, he's going to get typecast as a guy to send to places with premixed cocktails and bartenders in STAFF shirts just because he skewers them so well.
8
Take it from someone who has been to every Mexican State and feasted on all of Mexico's wonderful regional cuisines. "Tex-Mex" is to authentic Mexican cooking what canned Chef Boyardee spaghetti is to the cuisine of Florence.
78
Thank you for sharing. I'm sure you meant well. Bless your heaert.
15
You are incorrect, sir! Tex-Mex is not trying to be authentic Mexican food but is in fact a regional hybrid that can be wonderful (or, terrible, as in Javelina).
10
I've been to Arizona plenty of times and your Mexican cuisine is terrible.
4
Probably the best ever NYT restaurant review. It not only skewers the reviewed restaurant in exquisite fashion, but also implicitly skewers the foodie-pretentiousness of so many Manhattanites, a pretentiousness that unfortunately has often seeped into some past NYT reviews. Indeed, Mr. Wells, not one use of "infusion" in the entire review. Very refreshing.
113
And what's with "West Texas Stacked Enchiladas with pork"? Folks eat stacked enchiladas (made with blue corn tortillas incidentally) in a little place called New Mexico - which does try to stay well west of Texas .....
11
This review is second only to the one of Guy Fieri's restaurant some time ago. Hilarious! Keep it up NYT.
63
Pete Wells should try El Original (http://eloriginaltxmx.com) instead. Opened around the same time, but is actually authentic Tex Mex in New York City. The queso and tortillas were better than many I have had in Texas, and the sour cream chicken enchiladas were to die for. I had been wondering about whether I should try Javelina, now I will just head back to El Original!
3
Really silly to recommend that because Texas native here and El Original was the worst restaurant experience food and service wise I have ever experienced here in NYC.. He would rip that place apart.
'"disappear with my credit card for another 20"
check your credit card account for unauthorized expenditures.
check your credit card account for unauthorized expenditures.
9
Well that's a shame. I have yet to find a good, authentic Tex-Mex restaurant in New York. I have to recall my El Paso days by making it myself. If anyone knows where to find a great chile relleno and a lovingly made tamale in NYC I'd love to know where. Thanks for saving me from more disappointment.
4
This review is hilarious! I have been plotting my escape from the Don't Mess With state for a long time. One of the very few things I will miss, at least in Dallas, is the Mexican food. I would guess there are as many Tex/Mex and authentic Mex places here as there are pizza places in New York. Plus, I have probably had a bad meal 5 times in 30 years. Since you like us, come down for a tortilla/taco/tamale filled weekend. You will leave full and completely satisified...until you sit in traffic for as long as you sat at your table!!
3
Bob Armstrong queso originated in Austin, at Matt's El Rancho. Had it there many a time (when I still ate meat) and it was very, very good. Wonder how they get away with taking the name. http://austin.eater.com/2015/1/30/7952139/the-history-of-bob-armstrong-d...
17
the "Bob Armstrong" is a specialty at Matt's El Rancho here in Austin,TX. And the "Mag Mud" is one at Magnolia Cafe. Both unique names, although the recipes are done elsewhere in town. Does this place even acknowledge the sources of these names?
32
No Javelina NYC doesn't- theres also a bar in Austin called Javelina. I smell a lawsuit coming on
Wow. The things people will push onto diners desperately searching for "authentic" cuisine. Nothing, save for maybe the flour tortillas and the puffy tacos, sounds remotely like true Tex-Mex cuisine. But as there are no photos of those two items - just mostly hots of the restaurant itself, always a bad sign - I only begrudgingly offer up the possibility they got something right. Reading between the lines, doesn't sound like they did either in the mind of the critic. Other than achieving room temperature for their food. I grew up in the land of Tex-Mex, San Antonio, with a detour for a few years over to Houston - where we experienced the ratcheting up of Mexican food by the famed Ninfa Laurenzo and her incredible carnitas and tacos al carbon. The food is incredible. I mourn the poor diners of NYC and other major northern cities looking for authentic Tex-Mex and Mexican food. It still appears to be a land barren of barbacoa wrapped in a nice, warm flour tortilla with a Big Red to wash it down, let alone finding a good cheese enchilada, rice and beans platter. As for you, Chris, eating elephant ears for all those years has devastated your taste buds. Go get a slice.....
8
This guy and I have the same pedigree. He's right on all counts. Some food just has terroir; you can't reproduce it outside its geography. Try to find a lobster roll in Houston, for example. Ain't gonna happen.
6
Or a decent slice of NY pizza. Close, maybe, but not authentic.
1
Maine-ly sandwiches on Shepherd
This has got to be the best restaurant review I ever read! I'll guess that this restaurant is probably review-proof, so it won't matter at all.
16
This is a great review, but Mr. Wells should have at least mentioned in passing what a javelina is, since it's possible that's what the cook was serving:
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Peccary
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Peccary
5
Thank goodness it's not named Armadillo. As in roadkill. Which you can find on any Farm to Market road in Texas.
4
The restaurant can't have been serving peccaries, since our Board of Health requires that all restaurant customers be people. Evidently, this is not the case in Texas.
1
Don't mess with Tex-Mex outside of Texas and don't mess with Texas just to get the Tex-Mex.
2
Hilarious review. I just wanted to add that they borrowed the "Mag Mud" and "Bob Armstrong" queso names from restaurants here in Austin. I guess that's why they put them in quotes, but seems like a bit of a rip-off.
16
To clarify, Mag Mud and Bob Armstrong are names of special queso dishes at 2 restaurants in Austin. Those aren't the name of the restaurants.
6
Really good authentic Tex/Mex:
El Rio Grande, 38th and 3rd, most if not all kitchen staff are from Puebla, THE best margharitas for the buck.
El Rio Grande, 38th and 3rd, most if not all kitchen staff are from Puebla, THE best margharitas for the buck.
5
As noted above, go hungry and thirsty. You'll not be disappointed.
1
Those margaritas at Rio Grande are made with grain alcohol, which is why you're hammered after 2. No thanks.
A bit off topic, but....
I'm wondering if any Texans have tried Hill Country - the dry-rub BBQ place on W 26th street. I've eaten in a few BBQ joints in TX and this one seems authentic. Curious what you think.
I'm wondering if any Texans have tried Hill Country - the dry-rub BBQ place on W 26th street. I've eaten in a few BBQ joints in TX and this one seems authentic. Curious what you think.
Common Sense, if it approaches anything served at Kreuze Market, for sausage links and brisket, and Black's BBQ for everything BBQ, both in Lockhart, Tex. then maybe a miracle has happened. Good BBQ is hard to find.
1
I'm not a Texan, but Hill Country serves Kreuze Market sausages. The fatty brisket and pork ribs are excellent in my opinion. The sides are very good.
I'm sure the place is legitimately hideous (and at $$$, it's expensively hideous!), and the review is funny. But, I'm actually put off by the snarky tone. I'm sure the article will get a lot of hits, but just like the review of Fieri's place, it's because it's a hit job. The Grey Lady shouldn't lower itself (herself?) to get a few cheap laughs.
7
Sometimes a writer has to use satire or sarcasm simply because, otherwise, no reader would believe how bad the restaurant really was.
6
Lighten up, will ya?!
1
Wonderful review! Bravo!
2
There is nothing that I like better that seeing waiters with tattoos serving me food.
6
preferably Texas biker tattoos
2
Yes, isn't that a 'bandito' tattoo?
1
Why? They aren't contagious?
3
Thanks for saving me $100.00. Please let me know of a good charity I can give my savings to?
Gracious.
Gracious.
2
This place sounds about as attractive as Texas itself.
105
Unfortunately it's not ugly enough to stop a large part of your state from moving here.
1
Ok tell me again why I should eat here. I'll pass thank you kindly, I don't appreciate Texans' shot at humor.
1
this restaurant, like the people who eat there, won't be in nyc in a year. good riddance.
7
Bless your hearts. You might do better at _Los Dos Molinos_ which has actual chile - and where the cheese doesn't come out of a box.
5
GWPDA, you're years too late. Javelina is located where Los Dos Molinos once was. (Another restaurant even came and went in between.)
1
It's new! The service sucks! Few items are any good! I love it! Positivity will fill you up!
2
"Positivity will fill you up!"
only in america!
only in america!
i don't know about the restaurant, but this review is a work of art.
317
Seldom have I seen satire done as cleverly. It took me a few lines to start wondering, but I soon realized that Wells was going for the jugular, tongue firmly tucked in cheek. Whatever happened to him at Javelina, he got back in spades!
Well done, Wells!
Well done, Wells!
186
Yup, linked from MetaFilter, I think it was pretty amazingly executed.
There was actually a lot of sincerity buried in there with some positive words of encouragement, and they earned the whole lot of good and bad. It was a huge play on "damning with faint praise that isn't even praise at all, just kind of sympathetic and gently mocking." They have potential, they just need to take this "jokey review" as a sincere attempt at open communication. Or something
There was actually a lot of sincerity buried in there with some positive words of encouragement, and they earned the whole lot of good and bad. It was a huge play on "damning with faint praise that isn't even praise at all, just kind of sympathetic and gently mocking." They have potential, they just need to take this "jokey review" as a sincere attempt at open communication. Or something
Oh, I am so happy to see this review. It is not often that I hope for bad ratings, but this place was just terrible when I went. Awful service and food that was mindblowingly overpriced. NYC struggles with Mexican food and Tex-Mex sometimes, but this is certainly not doing anything to solve that problem.
53
First Tex-Mex in NYC? Hardly. Crummy Tex-Mex joints have been passing off their "drowned in cheese" and "margueritas will kill what you are about to eat" as authentic Mexican cuisine for years. Now that the real deal is here, this place seems especially anachronistic and avoidable.
4
Hilarious review - how many times did you have to subject yourself to this place to get complete coverage? Only one obvious factoid was missing from your article: did you end up paying te $14 for the guacamole that went AWOL?
3
Oh my. Where to start? I'll leave out the jabs about Mexican food (no one calls it Tex-Mex, it's Mexican food. Actual Mexican food is called real Mexican food) and New York. Queso is not short for chile con queso. It's Spanish for cheese. Neither chile peppers nor poblanos are spicy. Guacamole doesn't go in the queso either. Ever. That's just gross. And black beans are not supposed to be in the queso, they are served with the queso, as in next it. In future, remember, we in Texas do not try to critique whatever gruel y'all serve as comfort food. It was a valiant effort. And I'm sorry you had to go through that, there is nothing worse than bad Mexican food. Here's a pro tip. I can make good queso in my microwave. If the queso sucks, nothing that comes after it going to be better. Just cut your losses and walk.
50
"queso" is both Spanish for cheese as well as an abbreviation of "chile con queso." Growing up in San Antonio in the 60s and 70s, we called the dish "con queso."
4
You are so wrong I don't know where to begin. Of course it's called Tex-Mex, to differentiate it from actual Mexican food. One of the most popular quesos in Austin (Kerbey Lane) has guacamole in it. Another popular queso (Magnolia Cafe) has black beans AND avocado. That said, Javelina sounds dreadful.
4
uh, no. In Dallas, and Austin, everyone knows what Tex-Mex means. It is distinct from "real" Mexican food, whatever that may be. But we don't say "Tex-Mex". It is just understood that nearly every Mexican food restaurant in town, and there is one on every other corner, is Tex-Mex. Flour tortillas, I love them, but they signify one ting : "Tex-Mex".
Queso is short for chile con queso.
Queso is short for chile con queso.
2
All that sarcasm, wit and playfulness in the review of an establishment that clearly offers an atrocious dining experience, and you end up with 'Fair'?? Let down on that side.
5
Fair is the middle level of a Zero Star review. Satisfactory, Fair and Poor are the three Zero Star possibilities. The flour tortillas saved them!
This may be one of the best NYT restaurant reviews ever.
14
Perhaps you missed this gem.
http://www.nytimes.com/2012/11/14/dining/reviews/restaurant-review-guys-...
http://www.nytimes.com/2012/11/14/dining/reviews/restaurant-review-guys-...
I'm amazed that this place could be so popular if it is really as bad as this review makes it out to be. Something must be off. Are people just going for drinks and skipping the food? Or is time for a new Times critic?
Maybe we'll see a review of El Original soon to compare? Its TexMex roots are deep and come naturally.
1
Now we know why Texas encourages its citizens to carry concealed firearms: to discourage accurate restaurant reviews!
10
I predict Millennials will read the review and say: "This place sounds fantastic!"
22
Ageism if fun; why don't we all play!?
1
Irrelevant because most of us terrible millennials can afford to eat at a restaurant, good or bad, at a pricepoint like this, since your generation (and I'm assuming, from the crotchety "git off my lawn" tone here, it IS your generation) wrecked the economy and created a system that will have us buried under student loan debt until we retire.
2
How are those student loan bills that haven't been paid yet? Perhaps with your spendable $$$ you'll be paying them off in due time yes? Or would you like them to be forgiven? So you can frequent places like this fine establishment.
1
"A godsend." "Refreshingly free." "Something to think about."
-- Pete Wells, The New York Times
-- Pete Wells, The New York Times
53
Message to Javelina: Don't anger Pete Wells. I'll bet the restaurant is surprised to find their review on the front page of the Times! They might be closed by the weekend.
1
Entertaining!
1
great review! lots of interesting positive reviews on yelp by TRUE texans lol. wonder why the discrepancy
1
Are "true" Texans on Yelp? For that matter, are true foodies on Yelp? I don't think so...
1
Wow, that stings. Remind me to never ask Pete Wells to say nice things about me! It's up there with a review of Guy Fieri's restaurant.
3
Thanks for the laughs. Now, let's hear from the Texans.
3
A masterful use of language! I had to hold my sides laughing.
5
Have you read Moby Dick? Or Paradise Lost?
After reading this as well as the other 'authentic' Tex Mex snoozer, El Original, it begs the fundamental question... is Tex Mex (authentic or not) a fundamentally good cuisine? Do they utilize techniques and ingredients that are truly delicious? Are they as culinarily enlightened as say.. the French, the Japanese or even their neighbors in Louisiana?
Not to offend Texans, but there are plenty of foods that we grow up with that hold a personal flavor memory, but to an outsider, are objectively not that great. Having grown up in Indiana, I fondly remember mushroom soup laden casseroles, massive disks of pounded pork sandwiched between minuscule buns, greasy 'elephant ears'. All were great growing up, but having eaten around the world and spent enough time in NYC, I now recognize those foods as being the garbage that they are.
Not to offend Texans, but there are plenty of foods that we grow up with that hold a personal flavor memory, but to an outsider, are objectively not that great. Having grown up in Indiana, I fondly remember mushroom soup laden casseroles, massive disks of pounded pork sandwiched between minuscule buns, greasy 'elephant ears'. All were great growing up, but having eaten around the world and spent enough time in NYC, I now recognize those foods as being the garbage that they are.
11
Authentic Texas Queso is easy to make, you just have to get your hands on Velveeta and Ro-Tel Diced Tomatoes and Green Chiles. Both of these are increasingly hard to find in the artisanal groceries of the Coasts, but no substitution is allowed. Every Texan is required to master the recipe as a requirement for graduation from sixth grade.
99
who moved my queso?!
Shop-rite supermarket, Ave. I & McDonald Ave. in Brooklyn (F-train) has these items most of the time.
Yes, exactly!! My fellow Texan received exactly those ingredients in a care package from home when we were in Italy for our semester abroad. The local Italians claimed (correctly, of course) that this Velveeta thing was not real cheese, but they still enjoyed the queso we made.
Several other comments have mentioned the salsa - and that is the one thing that is missing from this review. At REAL Tex-Mex joints in the Lower Rio Grande Valley of South Texas, the standard is that the server brings you glasses of ice water along with your first free basket of chips and salsa. The salsa is deemed good by the table if has froth on top coming fresh from the blender and is tasty as well.
Several other comments have mentioned the salsa - and that is the one thing that is missing from this review. At REAL Tex-Mex joints in the Lower Rio Grande Valley of South Texas, the standard is that the server brings you glasses of ice water along with your first free basket of chips and salsa. The salsa is deemed good by the table if has froth on top coming fresh from the blender and is tasty as well.
As someone who lived in Texas for more than twenty years - and someone who dearly misses the food - based on the review, and a quick glance of their menu, I have to say this restaurant doesn't seem very 'authentic' to me. That being said, seeing as how in New York is full of sub-par Mexican or Tex-Mex restaurants, I'm willing to give this place a shot. Most restaurants who bill themselves as such in this city can't even make a decent salsa. They're just mixing diced tomatoes with water and oil and calling it a dip. For Texans, it's a joke. Nothing has spice, everything comes out bland, you have to season everything yourself to make it the least bit flavorful. So yeah - I'm willing to try yet another Tex-Mex restaurant in the hopes of at least one not being completely disappointing. But based on my experience with other joints in this city... I'll keep my hopes to a minimum.
14
Maybe you should try reading the review again.
3
Keep those hopes minimal, Eric --- another long-time Texan here who was underwhelmed with the food at Javelina. Spice is essential, not optional, in Tex-Mex cuisine, folks!
You do realize the review panned the restaurant, don't you?
1
Pete - Loved your way of NOT messing with Texas and how you turned ALL those negatives into positives. Especially "...a wonderful way for Mexican cooking teachers to show students what happens when you try to toast dried chiles and end up burning them instead."
Would also love it if you brought back the old "Price" system of giving the price range of entrees and starters. The dollar signs are a little too abstract.
Would also love it if you brought back the old "Price" system of giving the price range of entrees and starters. The dollar signs are a little too abstract.
22
Complete menu and prices here (note the $14 guacamole):
http://javelinatexmex.com/wp-content/uploads/2015/05/Javelina-Dinner_8.5...
http://javelinatexmex.com/wp-content/uploads/2015/05/Javelina-Dinner_8.5...
This has to be one of the best restaurant reviews I've ever read. Kudos to the author.
144
This place sounds perfectly hideous. Thanks for the warning, I'll stay far away!
32
This one goes down in the annals of snark alongside the review of Guy Fieri's place. Never change, Pete Wells! If I ever end up at Javelina, I'll look forward to the puffy tacos with a side of plain flour tortillas.
204
Exactly what I was thinking!
Guy Fieri review still numero uno, though!
Guy Fieri review still numero uno, though!
Thank you for this was a very funny review! (But I bet the owners of Javelina are not laughing.)
10
Excellent review! Thank you for a hearty chuckle.
11
Lukewarm queso ? This is fundamental. Major fail.
12
Ouch. But that was funny.
58
I love reviews of bad restaurants. This is fantastic.
79
This place was doomed to fail; foodies and reservations are the antithesis of good Tex Mex.
27
Hilarious! Well-done. I hope for your sake Texans don't get the joke.
11
Trustme. texans get the joke…the review and the restaurant.
2
I get the sense that the restaurant's tongue-in-cheek is worth ordering, but not much else is.
Thanks for the heads-up, Pete.
Thanks for the heads-up, Pete.
8
What a snide and sarcastic review this is. Having said that, New York has to be the absolute worst big city in the country for either authentic regional Mexican or Tex-Mex. The very worst Mexican joint in E LA kicks the butt of the best Mexican restaurants in NYC.
12
So you decided to counter his sarcasm with your own dose of heavy snark about the supposed superiority of Mexican food in L.A.? There is plenty of good Mexican food in and around NY - you just have to know where to go.
11
Clearly you have never been to Queens where there is plenty of authentic Mexican food along with tens of thousands of Mexicans who eat it every day.
9
In NYC we have sarcasm. In LA you have hot tubs. I'll take NY.
By the way, if you really want to sound like you know what you're talking about, you should know that NYC includes boroughs besides Manhattan. Queens has some excellent, authentic Mexican restaurants where you can find regional variations. You have to know where to look.
By the way, if you really want to sound like you know what you're talking about, you should know that NYC includes boroughs besides Manhattan. Queens has some excellent, authentic Mexican restaurants where you can find regional variations. You have to know where to look.
6
Great review
3
Funny review!
2
Spot on, Mr. Wells. We had the same experience. Lukewarm food, ordered items that never arrived and no dessert. One difference: we had the added excitement of trying to get our check for 20 minutes only to have the waitress disappear with my credit card for another 20. Don't get the hype, won't be back.
95
Tejas, not Texas, is the name of the state given by Mexico where it belongs to. The word Tejas refers to the shingles (tejas) on the roofs of the buildings. Tejas was and still is territory of Mexico stolen by the USA following plans of Aaron Burr and others, and no TV series or food articles will change that.
4
Relevance?
5
Could we give it back? Please oh please?
7
I won't comment on your views of who or what Texas belonged to, as they seem to originate from somewhere south of the Rio Grande, but your first comment is right yet completely wrong . . . Tejas is indeed a spanish word for shingles, but it was also a Native American word for "friend" or "friendship", which is where Texas got its name.
5
Lol. Nicely done.
So your regular style NY Mexican joint?
2
NY Mexican has come a long, long way in the past decade. Mexicans are the fastest growing immigrant group and one of the 10 largest, and good Mexican restaurants are no longer difficult to find, especially in Queens (the most ethnically diverse county in the country). So, you really can stop that snobbery now.
1
You needn't have worried about angering Texans. There's little we like more than reading about a bad attempt to mimic our national cuisine in the frozen North. (That would be anything north of Round Rock.) I once ate at a "Tex-Mex" cantina in Toronto simply for the novelty value of seeing how bad it could be. (It was bad.)
74
National cuisine?
1
Thank you and muchisimas gracias...I live down the street from Javelina and was thinking of giving them a try, but your descriptions are so vivid that I feel full from reading them, and all without waiting for a table. And a little tipsy too, even though I only got the small glass.
143
The map was not needed but thanks anyway!
2
As a transplanted Austinite, I can tell you that the first (at least the first I was aware of) authentic Tex-Mex restaurant in New York was Tortilla Flats, a swinging place at 12th and 12th I believe, around till the early 90's I think. First went there with three other expat Texans; we took one bite, and we were home. And the real bowl of red served at the old Lone Star Cafe deserves mention as well.
54
Tortilla Flats. Yum. Great Margaritas too. I miss the 20th Century when a pitcher of Sangria at Cafe Life was 7.50.
Yes R Marks Tortilla Flats was super. Lots of fun with great food, music and stunning margaritas.
also, aye carumba! on lower broadway way back in the 80's was also tex mex.
This review reminds me of a place in San Francisco where the waiters used to bring you whatever they felt like serving, regardless of what you actually ordered. If you complained, they would say, "Did you try it? You'll probably like it if you try it" and they were usually right.
There was also a bar here with a bartender named Bruno who only liked to serve martinis and would argue with you if you ordered anything else....
Some people like these kind of situations. I don't. But some think it's funny...
There was also a bar here with a bartender named Bruno who only liked to serve martinis and would argue with you if you ordered anything else....
Some people like these kind of situations. I don't. But some think it's funny...
27
I think you mean Caffe Sport in S.F. Quite an experience. Haven't eaten there recently, but in the past the food has been good, home-style Sicilian -- even if the waiter convinced you that you really didn't want what you ordered.
This review, by the way, was a riot. Nothing bad to say ... LOL!
This review, by the way, was a riot. Nothing bad to say ... LOL!
1
Ah, the Persian Aub Zam Zam Room....
This review seems like a case of grade inflation: Javelina gets a "Fair" when, for all intents and purposes, it is a "Poor".
On a serious note, all it takes for a restaurant to get a "buzz" is a well-paid publicist. Javelina has been hyped on every food site dedicated to informing the legions of young "foodies" searching for the next can't-miss restaurant. Most reviewers have panned it. Still, it's crowded and noisy. Meanwhile, some of New York's finest and underrecognized restaurants are struggling and closing. Go figure.
On a serious note, all it takes for a restaurant to get a "buzz" is a well-paid publicist. Javelina has been hyped on every food site dedicated to informing the legions of young "foodies" searching for the next can't-miss restaurant. Most reviewers have panned it. Still, it's crowded and noisy. Meanwhile, some of New York's finest and underrecognized restaurants are struggling and closing. Go figure.
88
Silly reviewer - it's not about the quality of the food but the quality of the hype. Just drink the foodie Kool-Aid, go on Yelp, and give it 5 stars already.
4