A record to be proud of...

Hopefully when I come to heaven, there are some game stats available for me.
Record for: "most times ignored someone's obvious advances because thought they were just being nice"
I’ve always wanted to be able to see stats like this but even for mundane things. Number of steps taken. Average travel speed. Meal eaten most. Total caloric intake. The kinds of things you see on a GTA stats page. And a heat map like we used to get on bungie.net.
Fingers crossed! I think about this stuff all the time and it drives me mad. Someone has sneezed more times than anyone else in the world. Who?? Someone has accumulated more hours of sleep. Someone has said the word ‘potato’ more often than anyone else. Someone has said the words ‘more than anyone else’ more than anyone else. Someone has spent the most time on the toilet. Someone has the highest number of hairs. Someone has dropped the tv remote more times than anyone else in the world AND THEY WILL NEVER KNOW, AAREGGHHHH
I need a stat for my largest shit taken.
I think about this every time I do a menial task. Like how many individual Coco pops I've eaten in my lifetime.
When I was a kid I thought that's how it worked. Including god showing you where you left things where you lost, because my mum (who is not religious) would reply "only God knows" when I was looking for the lost thing.
I’ve decided I’m willing to follow any religion that promises this in their afterlife. Life stats would be so awesome to see.
or hell
You know for a fact you’re not in anyone’s top score, unless you go very deep into lie saying “longest person to sit on my chair” then you get all the rewards you want.
I want that just to know if I ever was the best at something or if I really was just nobody
I’m sure he’s aware
Yeah, I mean... if someone eats like 50 jumbo packs per day, I’m sure this could have crossed his mind as a possibility
I'm pretty sure it's a she. And her name is
In America they're called chips, and that only matters because I can guarantee that the person that has eaten the most is American as well.
I think you underestimate the amount of crisps consumed in Scottish pubs
Yea the record holder as without a doubt been featured on My 600lb Life.
or in any british pub you could find a man who would be a likely contender
[posts photo of fat fuck in tactical gear and rifle at the 2A rally]
Washed down with Mt dew
I don't know... i was raised in Mexico and i know people who are a bottomless pit for hot cheetos.
Y'all are fat, Americans
You severely underestimate the amount of crisps we eat in the UK.
My Dad ran a crisp factory and I used to work in it as a teenager. I held the Scottish record during those years. A black bin bag placed over the outlet of the flavouring drums was quickly filled...must have eaten thousands of packets.
Is your dad the crisp version of willy wonka
I met a person who is vegan but doesn’t like vegetables. When I asked her what she eats she said “mostly just crisps”
So she might be a good contender.
Yeah, there's lots of unhealthy vegan foods, even oreos are vegan. People like that tend to have become vegan for ethical reasons, without really being concerned about dietary health. Hopefully they at least take a multivitamin, things like vitamin B12 deficiency are pretty serious issues.
That's me. I shall await my medals.
Liar, it's my nan
Gotta love it when you call me BFFFRPHWIWAH BFfBFfHUHBRFWIWAH
Ate 7 packs one night when I was a teenager. Life’s been downhill since then.
7 full size packs? I’m a teenager and you’ve just given me a new goal to achieve
Of course I know him, he's me
Michelle McManus said she ate 14 packets of Doritos a night
I wonder who could eat more crisps her or Rick Waller
Whose Michelle McManus? Ur mum?
He probably knows
Or him
Whoever they are, they prob don't call em crisps
Its Gary Linekar
Fucking crisp pervert
someone link to his segment on brass Eye
100% gary linekar
Even stranger, given the food item specified, their propensity towards overeating, and to gorge on junk, there is a nearly 100% chance that whomever that person is, that it will be an American. As such, he hasn't actually eaten a single "crisp" because he calls them "potato chips" not "crisps".
We’re actually tied with France.
When I was a kid after playing the game Fable I always needed mental stats😂
I bet I've eaten the most sandwhiches.
Bold claim
I bet I ate the most candy canes in the world for today
How many candy canes did you eat today?
They don’t do it for the fame or the fortune. They do it for the crisps. A true hero needs no recognition.
Well of course I know him, he's me
They could narrow the search to 6 million people by looking only at those people that live north of Berwick in the UK.
Congratulations, your prize is a lifetime supply of type 2 diabetes.
TIL that eating crisps affects the amount of insulin produced by my pancreas
Believe me I know
SMDH why can't Guinness focus on the real achievements
Oh, i know.
I have a feeling they have a decent idea that they’re at least in the running.
Well if you're eating crisps it's not like you'd hear the announcement
I feel like they might have an idea if they're eating that many.
They probably have a fair idea to be honest.
Cuz they’re dead
I think they know
However, I bet their cardiologist does.
Fifty bucks says I do
The trick is to eat a lot, but pace it out so heart failure comes later in the game. Remember, it's a marathon, not a sprint
Oh, they know.
There's nothing more to add
Good point, Olympic event in the future
It could very well be me. But honestly, it's a record I'd be fine with not knowing.
I know
They know
They wouldn't know for sure, but they would suspect they might hold the record
Oh they know.
Me an mah doctor ken...
Ooh... I think he might be me.
But I am proud of it
Couldn’t find the most eaten of all time, but
It was me and I do know it
Fucking 2x 6 packets of walkers a day and maybe a bag of doritos if I'm feeling brave...
Could be dead too
They might not have the crown but I’m betting they know they are on the short list.
Oh they do
I would say that award should go to an ex work colleague who ate roughly 50 packets of crisps a day at his desk. Loudly. Shudder.
Did they bring in more than one multipack or something?!
Could be me
same with the biggest shit
Anything that causes someone to be arrested
Weird how the current record holder has a mortality rate 9 times higher than the average person, no matter who the holder is.
It could be me
I wonder who has the ass eating achievement.
Thats because they're dead lol.
Oh I know, I know....
They probably have an idea.
No I don’t
If they're able to even move
A surprise, to be that young and invincible
Is a same as you don’t know how many porn moves you Watches and how many times you jerked off
Oh they know all right. They fucking know.
There is someone who has eaten the most people and knows it.
I hope it's me.
Or there health
I reckon their doctor will know.
I'm certain that person must know they're close to the top at least.
Probably that one kid that went blind from malnutrition
It could be me.
shoutout to Travis Mizejewski
Man I was really proud of their ingenuity.
I don't know, but I have my suspicions.
Nah they probably know, it’s gotta be one of the worlds heaviest people
My nan's defo a contender, she can polish off a 24 multi pack before shes even put the shopping away
i wonder if he's eating crisps right now
There's literally a documentary on a woman who only eats 3 bags of monster munch every day and nothing else. That's commitment.
Mental breakdown? That’ll be worth the effort!
But... I bet they have like some idea.
It's me : )
I can't imagine they have no idea, I bet the top 50 all think they're number one.
Are we talking fries, crisps or computer?
Its me
It’s ok, unfortunately I do know. 😬😬😬 18for a light snack..before dinner. That doesn’t include days when I have them FOR dinner. I need to sort myself out.
They probably have a vague idea
Not all hero's wear capes
I have probably eaten the most sandwiches.
Or do I.
SPT is the gift that keeps on giving.
Here I am... I want my medal
Mental how often I see this everywhere.
If you are that person you certainly at least know you are in the running.
Imagine if it was actually currently a draw between two people though
I reckon the person holding that achievement is already made aware of achievements such as fattest person alive.
I mean they might have an idea at that point.
I imagine the person who has the record probably knows they are close.
you must be wrong”
Always wondered if there was something I haven't done yet that I would be the best in the world at. Ehh prolly not I'll just stick with video games and weed.
My mum got an email from Sainsburys to tell her she was 2019's top buyer of Skips for all of East Kilbride 💀
Somebody has taken the biggest shit and has no idea.....
Being in flavour country is reward enough
the record probably get's broken all the time with the holder dying shortly thereafter...
Oh I'm sure they know
Oh...I know!
Weird. I have to be
I mean a lot of “black MIDI” tracks
Oh I know I won... not a problem
I'm not ashamed of myself
They have an inflated sense of self.
What if there are two people going back and forth, unseating the other as world champion over and over again
They probly have a some idea.....
Ta ded
Fuck this is mental
if you eat enough crips as to earn the achievent of "most crisps eaten in the world" you sure as fuck know you eat a lot fucking crisps.
Click for the full record incoming
Don't worry, I'm well aware.
Fuck. Just realised this legit could be me, no bull.
I'm guessing they wouldn't be all that surprised to get that award
I think he would know because hed be the size of a fucking roundabout
They can probably guess tbh
I wonder who had the most perfectly round crisp ever produced and didn't know it?
Damn thats so deep
Not even kidding, I regularly go to asda and buy 3 multipacks of McCoy's for £3.50 and sit and eat them all in one go. And then if I'm super hungry I'll grab a multipacks of chipsticks and frazzles and nail them as well.
I also complained to golden wonder once because I found a hard thing in one of their crisp packs, and they sent me a box with about 100 packs in of all varieties. They were also gone in around 3 days.
Might have a problem, definitely have crippling heartburn every morning.
Oh trust me, I know.
Nah I definitely do.
Of courses I know him. He’s me.
Ummm, Mr.Tayto, obviously.
wtf are crisps
English potato chips
Well of course I know him, he's me!
I used to work with a guy who had a drawer full of crisps in his desk. He'd refill it every few days and they were mostly steak flavour.
u have fanny baws
Could be me tbh
Of course I know him he’s me