Doofen_SmirtzMLN

Humongous Melonheads (1-2) visit the Reykjavik Valkyries (1-2)

Start Time: 1/17/2019, 12:00 EST

Comments
REK CF Henrik Omega
Well, it all comes down to this.. 2 outs, nobody on, bottom of the 6th down by 1 run.. It's all on the GM's shoulders here.
905
REK RF Hank Murphy
Now with one out there, Hank and the Valkyries are slowing running out of time... But Murphy has been perfect on the day.. Can Bedia stop him here?
It's a shame to ruin such a good day
328
REK 1B Devin Arianna
Devin is the first up here in the bottom of the 6th, and he's the one they want up right now. Needing 1 run to keep this game going, and 2 to win it, the Valkyries need to put up or shut up.
122
Looks like Carney's day is over, as Osmosis Jones is calling on Jay Bedia to close this game out.
HMH SS Skillz Simanek
With Karrik getting his first hit, he gives his now former teammate Skillz a chance for his, as a runner stands on second and there are 2 outs.. Any hit brings him home!
Skillz is ready and has cleared his mechanism! It is completely silent, no sound is heard while walking to the plate. It’s now Skillz and MacDonald! Skillz focuses in with deep concentration he has learned from Jose Canseco’s book called “Juiced!”
333
HMH LF Karrik Hammer
Still searching for his first hit of the day, Karrik comes up with 2 outs and nobody on in the top of the 6th for the Melonheads!
501
HMH CF Herrera O'Doubles
O'Doubles comes up now with 1 down in the 6th
I suspiciously walk up to the plate with a wooden bat. Yeah. It's a bat. No need to doubt it. Trust me. 350
HMH 3B Niamh Neo
Leading off the 6th for the BigHeads, and searching for some insurance is Niamh Neo.
Swing was submitted via DM and was 950
Niamh hits a hard comebacker right at MacDonald... And he wasn't able to get out of the way.. SMACK! It hits off his thigh HARD and flies over towards third base.. Where Alpha is waiting for the ball! He charges, barehands and throws over to first for the out
Swing: 950
Pitch: 654
Diff: 296
Result: GO
1 Out, Bases Empty
REK 3B Jack Alpha
Jack Alpha is normally the lead off man for the Valkyries but he comes up here with 2 on and 2 out, down by a run. Can he come through?
420
REK DF Woofie K9
K9 is up with the tying run on 1st and 4 outs left to score.
The swing was submitted via DM, and it was a swing of 789.
Woofie knows that the game could be on the line, and gets aggressive. Carney is mad about the walk and comes into the zone with a fastball and Woofie doesn't miss. The ball is into center field and Nelson moves to third.
Swing: 789
Pitch: 890
Diff: 101
Result: 1B
2 Outs, Runner on 1B 3B
REK LF Maud Nelson
Maud nelson provides the last chance effort for the Valkyries here in the 5th. Can they break through against Carney?
751
REK SS Rivka Morales
Looking to make up for her mistake last time, Rivka is up looking to get the wheels turning for the Valkyries
733
REK 2B Pretzels Poffenberger II
Poffenberger is up with his team now down late in this game. The Valkyries really need a spark here.
669
HMH 1B Stephen Sondheim
Sondheim comes up here after the RBI double from his GM, grinning from ear to ear. Finally someone has broken through in this game.. But the Melonheads might not be done here.. With a runner on 2nd and 2 outs, Stephen can bring in another run with just a single..
The Big Boy
1000
HMH 2B Osmosis Jones
Osmosis Jones comes up now to try and lead his team to a scoring way with a runner on first and 2 outs.
My mother always told me to dial 911 in case of emergency and if this isn’t an offensive emergency then I don’t know what is
HMH C Jerome Garcia
Big spot for Jerome here, as the Melonheads are starting to get rolling, having a runner on first and only one out.
Yuh yuh yeeeet 438
HMH DH Steve Hofbardozzi Jr.
Looking for any kind of spark here, the Melonheads DH is now up, as Hofbardozzi Jr. strides to the plate to face MacDonald
71
HMH RF Garrett Evans
Evans is leading off for the Melonheads in the top of the 5th with still no score between these two teams. Can the Melonheads be the first to break through?
847
REK C Famous Anus
The Valkyrie catcher is up now in this important spot, runner on second and 2 outs. He pats his GM on the back, reassuring him that it's the Anus' time to shine.. Lerouix is standing on the mound oozing confidence.. Something has to give here.
I want to let you all know that right now I'm on the toilet in a store. The stall is so widely spaced, you can stick a fist between the door and the wall. If I wasn't about ready to ruin my pants, I would have walked right out. So I sat down and locked the door. I hung my coat up and positioned it to block the view of me pinching a loaf.
The door opened a few seconds ago. A man walked in obviously also in a hurry. He sat in the stall kitty corner from me. He sat down and it sounded like he was practicing the tuba in a pool. We both looked up, and we can stare right at each other. He's looking at me right now. Mid 50s, thin, greying hair. Glasses.
I am in distress.
Anus swings a 602.
REK CF Henrik Omega
Well, here we are again... Another big spot for Henrik Omega.. Last time he had runners on the corners and only one out, but made two outs... This time he has a runner on second and only one out.. What does he do here..
I won't get fooled again.
555
REK RF Hank Murphy
The man with the single in the first, Hank Murphy, is up now looking to spark something (please not another groundball.. Please)
900
REK 1B Devin Arianna
The Valkyrie with the largest hit of the day is back up here facing Carney, and that is Dev Arianna. He doubled back in the first, but his team was unable to bring him home... Let's see what he can do here.
625
HMH SS Skillz Simanek
Runner on third here and the Melonheads only have one out left in the inning... And Skills Simanek is the person called upon to do the job.
Skillz decided to go back to his hero and watching his YouTube videos. His hero Domingo Ayala has god given talent for the game of baseball. He has shown Skillz the way of the chosen ones to play America’s greatest game. He called him in the on-deck circle and left The one message that sticks to him from the talk is “ Heroes get remembered but Legends never die, so this is no Sunday league bro, now go hit and remember to pop the Chain!”
587
HMH LF Karrik Hammer
Karrik has the biggest spot of the game arguably for the Melonheads, as O'Doubles leads off second with only one out now.
301
HMH CF Herrera O'Doubles
Herrera is back up now, with 1 away. He struck out his last AB, and he isn't the only one struggling against MacDonald.. Who has now sat down 9 of the first 10 batters he has faced..
I took the umps word’s to heart last at bat. Maybe I should use a bat... I come up to the plate with
HMH 3B Niamh Neo
Neo is the first ma up here in the 4th for the Melonheads who are looking to break through against MacDonald.
420
REK 3B Jack Alpha
Alpha is up here with 2 outs and the need to get something going here for his team.
711
REK DF Woofie K9
1 out here for K9, as Lerouix is easily matching MacDonald's stellar pitching so far.
K9 tried his best here, literally swings with all his might, and with the precision of a laser... but alas the curse of the Groundout continues, as K9 sends one right back up the middle under th glove of Carney.. And into the waiting glove of Simanek who ranges to his right and throws him out.
Swing: 852
Pitch: 211
Diff: 359
Result: GO
2 Outs, Bases Empty
REK LF Maud Nelson
Leading off the bottom of the third for the Valkyries is Maud Nelson, looking to get another spark and hopefully stay on base here.
603
HMH 1B Stephen Sondheim
Coming up for his second AB now is Sondheim, as he cheers his GM on from the on deck circle, he strides to the plate with some bolstered confidence.
666
As the first pitch comes in from Brian, OJ is just off on first movement... Anus receives the pitch, a ball, and just nonchalantly throws it back to the pitcher.. Turns out, he had his airpods in and couldn't hear anyone yelling that he was going.
Steal Number: 102
Catcher's Number: 49
Diff: 53, Runners Safe
HMH 2B Osmosis Jones
The man with the GM patch on his sleeve is now up.. If anyone is going to get something started for the Melonheads, surely it will be the GM!
Jay-Z don't fail me now
444
HMH C Jerome Garcia
Jerome comes up now on an absolute mission.. GET ON BASE!
770 yeeeet
HMH DH Steve Hofbardozzi Jr.
Top of the third here and we are locked in a pitchers duel. While the Valkyries have had runners on, both have been eliminated by double plays.. The Melonheads are still looking for one, as they send Hofbardozzi to the plate to lead it off.
627
REK SS Rivka Morales
2 outs now after the double play and Rivka stands in to hit against Lerouix
Ah well, Rivka seems to be frozen over and unable to bat.
Auto-K.
REK 2B Pretzels Poffenberger II
Runner on first here in the form of Anus for Pretzels, as he looks to continue this ball rolling for the Valkyries.
504
REK C Famous Anus
The most famous booty in the world in now coming up, Famous Anus... Knowing this, It seems like Lerouix has changed his outfit.. No more chaps for the lad as he now had on a full ski set, The glove, the helmet, the visor, the snowpants, the winter jacket.. ALL OF IT.
SIX ONE SIX I SWEAR TO GOD IF I DON'T FUCKING HIT I'M MURDERING SOMEONE.
HMH RF Garrett Evans
Also searching for his first hit is Garrett Evans, who now comes up against the absolutely on fire MacDonald with 2 outs.
982
HMH SS Skillz Simanek
Don't let Skillz's average fool you, he has some serious pop. His hit this year came in the form of a long ball, and he really needs to get something going here for the Melonheads.
Skillz was at home watching a love story called “ A league of their own” last night with his girl. He had an emotional time watching it and his favorite quote came on from the coach saying “ there is no crying in baseball”. He immediately stopped and realize that he was right and decided to open his eyes and go to the cages he built outside. Right there and then he heard a voice saying “if you buy it, he will come”! Skillz about freaked out and thought it was the TV or something on blast. He walked outside and heard it yet again and saw a been of light flash on his backyard. It was literally a design of a KEG! So he went to get a keg and brought it home to the cages. Within minutes a man walks out from the shadows by the trees. It was fricken Samuel L Jackson! Damn that fool is in every mother fucking movie and vision out there! He gave the best advice and said, bro just swing it and it will fly, if not you can play small roles in movies and make a shit load of money!!!! Cheers!
838
HMH LF Karrik Hammer
Hammer is leading off this inning after the bizarre display put on by his pitcher. He's still a little confused and sad that MacDonald isn't returning the favor.
487
REK CF Henrik Omega
Well here we are, the first real chance of the game falls on the shoulders of the GM himself, Henrik Omega. Lerouix now has sweat dripping off his cheeks as he stands on the mound creating a puddle where he stands. He gets set and ready to deal
Omega is looking to make a big impact against his former team here.
969
REK RF Hank Murphy
The Valkyries have a runner on second, and up comes the struggling right fielder Hank Murphy. Looking for his first hit this year, what better time than to give your team an early lead here.
Confused by the lucky ritual, Hank kisses Dev then swings 149
REK 1B Devin Arianna
Devin Arianna is the next man to the plate and as he's walking up he sees Carney strutting his stuff on the mound towards second and gets a full view of the glorious back side of Carney.
Devin gets to the box in sort of a trance as he is looking towards the mound...
Devin kisses the ump on the cheek and swings a 250
REK 3B Jack Alpha
As the home team heads into the dugout, the Melonheads send Carney Lerouix out to the mound to pitch today... For some reason he has foregone the uniform for the day, and decided he would like to pitch in ass-less chaps for the ladies in attendance. Every pitch he throws, you can see his cheeks flex as he raises his leg... anyways, Jack Alpha leads it off here for the Valkyries.
Trying his hardest to ignore the flexing of cheeks Alpha swings a 949
HMH CF Herrera O'Doubles
The best hitter on this Melonheads team, and thats without a doubt, is now up in the form of Herrera O'Doubles. He is sporting a disgusting .625 avg as he faced MacDonald here with 2 outs.
To intimidate MacDonald I approach the plate with a Golden Arch and swing 740
HMH 3B Niamh Neo
Neo steps in and gives a tap to the ump on the shoe and nods, then does the same to Anus and settles into the box.
100
I think there are people too young to be hearing about what is being done to Anus.
WELCOME ALL TO ANOTHER EDITION OF MLN!
This broadcast is brought to you by delicious mac and cheese! Go bug Dom and tell him how good it is!
Anyway...
This is a battle between the Humongous Melonheads and the Reykjavik Valkyries! Both teams are 1-2 heading here into the 4th game of the season and trying to get back to .500
MacDonald finishes his warm up pitches and signals to Doofen Smirtz that he is ready to go.
HMH 1B Stephen Sondheim
Sondheim steps in to lead things off for the Melonheads. He has had a solid start to the season and would like to provide a spark and set the tempo for this game here.
979