This man’s fixation on his daughter’s virginity is a symbol of everything wrong with men today.
27
Medically speaking, does “virginity” exist?
9
In the middle of the pushing phase of childbirth, my OB said “just a moment, your hymen is in the way...” Even in the pain, I sat up to say “what?!” As I was certain I had heard her incorrectly. I had not. My hymen was intact, and so tough it was blocking my daughter from coming down the birth canal. The doc snipped it (no, I didn’t feel that part) and my daughter was born shortly thereafter.
All that to say, no, I do not think that testing for an intact hymen is a good virginity test! No, I am not a religious figure (ha!); my daughter was conceived the usual way.
This guy is a fool with no understanding of anatomy or decency.
22
I feel badly for a child whose father is so backward. Love is trust, and if you dont trust their is no love. Someone needs to be in therapy and it is not the child.
People shouldn't buy any of his albums if he thinks so little of his daughter and of young men. There is no excuse for being an emotionally abusive parent. Maybe he should of used birth control himself if his mind was so small and thinks the worst about his daughter .
If he refuses to allow his daughter to be a separate human being who can make her own decisions, knows right from wrong and answers to herself then he is nothing but a fool as a parent who doesnt know right from wrong and thinks his child is ignorant.
He appears to be an abusive parent no different than Middle male culture.
Support women by boycotting his albums . He doesnt deserve our hard earned dollars. Women are not ignorant, we dont need any man to tell us how to act. No man has the right to tell women what to do with their bodies. This is not Saudi Arabia.
8
This story made me sick to my stomach. In so many ways we are going backwards, denying science and basic human rights. Any doctor who would perform such a test should have their license revoked.
15
T.I. is apparently competing with Stephen Miller for "Creep of the Year."
13
"Parents who want virginity tests are generally those who are deeply uncomfortable about their adolescent having sex, Dr. Potter said: 'It probably comes from a place of love and care, but a better strategy would be to create an open dialogue.'"
"Love and care"? Sounds more like control and fear to me!
12
This article reminds me of the final scene from The movie Scarface where the sister is standing up to her brother about not being allowed to be with any man. Remember that scene? Fathers, brothers, etc. should watch that scene and really think deeply about whether it is right to restrict a woman to the point of absurdity.
6
How absolutely humiliating (1) that her dad would do such a thing, and (2) that he would trumpet it to the world.
I feel so sorry for this young lady...
20
I am a grandfather and know my daughter who sought pregnancy as a teenager was driven by a biological need. I fought tooth and nail to prevent it. I lost. My grandkids bring me joy and satisfaction that I had never fathomed would improve my life. The control this guy seeks to assert over his daughter will bring damages to his life and hers.
6
Let's have boys tested for sexual activity and the results given to their moms. As long as we're wrecking people's sex lives before they start.
29
I don't understand why the author of this piece didn't reach out directly to T.I. for comment. Sure, he probably wouldn't have responded — or the response would have been, "no comment" — but she should have at least tried.
Someone needs to ask him: What would his response have been had she "failed" the test?
And if he's so concerned about morals, what about the morality of a father discussing the sexual history of his young adult daughter in such a public forum? Does he regret talking about it — and, if so, why?
His daughter certainly seems to regret it; she deleted her social media accounts over the weekend, but not before she "liked" a number of posts criticizing her father. The podcast hosts also apologized for the way they responded during the interview, and have removed the episode from their archives.
18
Where is the mother of the daughter?
At 18, he daughter is legally an adult and should not be subjected to any examinations at other people's request; including her unstable father.
Did a doctor actual comply with this? If so, the doctor should be brought before the medical board in their state.
This is a barbaric, third world belief and practice that a woman's sexuality is the property and rights of the father. What other abuse has he subjected his daughter to?
34
@Gus
I agree that this is horrible, but if the daughter requested her father's presence, shouldn't it be allowed? Granted, she may be under threat or other coercion. I can see where, under some circumstances, I would have wanted my mother in the examining room with me.
1
So, when does HE get an I.Q. Test ?
Fool.
42
This is the most ignorant, unloving act from a father to his daughter, a parenting fail of enormous magnitude. Horribly controlling and invasive, it reveals deep psychological issues in T.I. that I cannot even begin to fathom. Unable or unwilling to confront his issues he has basically transferred them onto her. If love, safety and trust are the pillars of a strong relationship with one's children where do we go from here? Just awful.
30
As a father of a ten-year-old girl I am so angry and offended at this pig that words can hardly suffice. His acts surely border on sex abuse out of the Middle Ages. If this is public and what we know, one only wonder as to what other horrors are yet to be uncovered. The doctor who performed this geomancy dressed up as medicine should at a minimum be rebuked if not stripped of their medical license. My immediate thoughts are of the mass sexual abuser Nassar and all those poor young girls.
26
Ah...male terror in the face of feminine desire.
15
Disgusting and perverted
19
The best way to “protect” your daughter’s hymen:
- encourage responsible decision-making.
- talk about sex as natural, not taboo.
12
Did this really have to be published?
3
Grotesque.
23
I've never heard of this guy but using your child for publicity while invading their privacy is as gross as it gets.
41
This is sexual assault. I hope the daughter takes that pathetic excuse for a dad to court.
34
Ick, what a complete creep.
He sees his daughter's body as his own property, and on top of that, he violates her medical confidentiality by bragging about it.
It makes me wonder who is providing the medical care. Is it ethical to enable a father who acts this way?
58
He doesn't want his daughter getting pregnant at an early age. His tactics may be questionable but calling it violating a "woman's right" is absurd as she was either a girl under his custody or a woman allowed to say no.
@John Ho
If he cared one wit about his daughter, he wouldn't be publicly violating her medical confidentiality rights by putting her personal medical business out there as a point of his pride. Gross.
Moreover, how is this preventing pregnancy when her broken hymen would be discovered after the fact? Put her on the pill if you are that worried about it. Don't treat her like chattel.
66
@John Ho - You may not be aware, but there is this thing called "birth control" which can also prevent getting pregnant at a young age.
And "under his custody" in this situation sounds very scary indeed.
41
@John Ho
Even minor children have rights under the constitution. Even protection from their parents.
34
I am physician who has specialized in evaluation of child sexual abuse for over 30 years. I agree that this is absurd and that the gynecologist who participated in this sham should be re-educated if not disciplined by their respective board or licensing agency.
I will make some corrections for the record, and I have sent my comments to ACOG.
1) ALL normal females are born with a hymen. This was proven through 2 large studies in the 80s AND is supported in my clinical experience of over 25,000 sexual abuse evaluations as well as a parallel experience by my colleagues. ACOG get your facts straight.
2) The hymen is not torn or stretched in physical activity or sports. Never, ever. This is a myth also perpetuated by ACOG.
3) In a small percentage of patients we can tell there has been trauma to the hymen. This is very rare, and it is one way that we determine if a girl has been subject to penetration, as I said it is very, very RARE. However it is useful as a forensic indicator if it is there (unless there is previous sexual activity).
4) Some teens can have many sexual partners, give birth and the hymen remains normal and intact. Rarely a single episode of intercourse or assault may cause specific types of injury. It is extremely difficult to predict what will be seen on examination based upon the history that patient provider. A virginity examination is a nonsensical, abusive may be malpractice in the hands of a physician who is performing it at the behest of a father.
21
@Utahn
Funny how so many doctors do not agree with you
"It’s easy to imagine the hymen as a wall or a structure waiting to be broken, sort of like being the first one to cross the finish-line tape in a race. But — get ready for it — the hymen also has an opening in it, so that menstrual blood and other secretions can get out. Generally, that opening is crescent shaped, but it varies from woman to woman. Some have very small openings, and some even have multiple openings in the hymen. Two percent of all woman are born with a closed hymen, which is called “imperforate,” and that requires surgery to open up the hymen so period blood can flow through."
3
@sjs they all have hymens. Various configurations as you describe.The doctors who disagree with me do not know the studies regarding this, and do not have the depth of clinical experience that I have along with my colleagues of similar expertise.
1
Who is the doctor that performed a "virginity test"? That doctor's license should be revoked immediately.
45
This guy needs to go to a psychiatrist. And the daughter needs to get protected from him.
59
Young men are expected to brag about having sex, whether they have ever had any or not, while young women are often expected to claim the opposite.
18
You've got to wonder what sort of Doctor would do this test
31
Nassar
5
WT...... madness ensues and we, as women, are and always have been 1 step away from handmaids horror.
24
This sick pup is guilty of abusing his daughter. Time to boycott every thing this controlling psycho tries to produce.
48
What a gross and inappropriate father. If you were the doctor, would you have any part in this? A quick referral to a psychiatrist is what's needed here for daddy!
32
Does this poor girl have a mother? Why would she allow this or is she so cowed by this brute that she lets him do as he pleases. Good grief! Where are we and in what year that this goes on? Maybe this jerk is concerned that he might be accused of sexually molesting his daughter and in this way he proves that he did not.
18
The daughter doesn’t need a doctor. She needs a psychotherapist, an attorney, a protection order and a body guard.
156
This ties directly in with our culture's obsession with calling girls "princesses," purity pledges, absurdly young marriages to "do the right thing," and purity culture in all its disgusting manifestations. Is anyone shocked that TI's daughter refers to herself as "basically a princess" on social media? She's a princess alright, in the sense that she's being bred to be someone's prized possession. What makes it even worse it her new owner-husband will have the approval of TI, and so is guaranteed to be just as dumb as he is.
63
Incredulous, this rapper and actor, so called, has benefited from protections that come from living in a "free" country but then abuses such freedoms by disallowing equivalent freedoms that must exist for girls and women, the right to privacy and determination concerning their own bodies. What a hypocrite!
50
Sounds like Gilead, or Iran.
35
Where is her MOTHER in all of this? I don't understand why only her father is marching her off to a gyn appointment.
This man is beyond disgusting, and IMO his 'concern' for his daughter reflects what he likely has done to other women himself.
102
Because rappers are known for their prim, reserved and traditional approach to sexuality. Right.
Not that similar actions by, say, a Hassid, would be acceptable, but the disconnect between the conventional rap narrative and T.I.'s expectations for his daughter adds breathtaking hypocrisy to the mix.
This is a disgrace! I'd say 'cancel him', but that's problematic too. No one feels accountable any more, even for basic consistency or decency.
20
How sickening! I believe it’s a form of sexual abuse to force one’s daughter to have virginity exams.
Also, what message does this send to the daughter? How will she be able to relax and enjoy sex after these outrageous experiences?
76
I'm surprised he doesn't make her wear a chastity belt. The man is disgusting.
82
Any physician who participates in a "virginity exam" should have his (or her) license revoked.
170
I have to wonder if the doctor just lies to him. “Oh, yes, sir, I looked, everything is intact.” What’s he going to do, check?
4
The American College of Gynecology should condemn the practice of Virginity tests if it hasn't already and any Physician performing them "on demand" should be reported to the Medical Board in their State.
102
Wait... what happened? Did I just wake up in 1619?
64
Yeah, a father used to get more money from a man who wanted to marry his daughter if she is a virgin. I wonder how much money Mr. T.I. expects to get if he raffles off his daughter as a virgin. Too bad there isn't a virginity test for men too. But then, more importantly, we need a stupidity test for prospective fathers.
71
This man is a child abuser, not because of the nature of this "test" but the facts that he asked her, she consented AND the he publicized it, which actually casts doubt that any of it happened. These celebrities, as in the college bribing scandal, are using their children as fodder for their publicity departments!!!
55
He should be investigated for abuse.
84
@monty
He should be CHARGED with abuse.
25
The fact that the daughter didn't murder her father by now is a sad sign that her personhood barely has a pulse anymore. That man should be in prison for sexual abuse.
23
As an OBGYN I am appalled. This is what I wrote on my IG page about women’s health topics. @the.modern.mujer
"We have yearly trips to the gynecologist to check her hymen."🤦🏽♀️
If he would have come into my office asking for this I would have laughed in his face. But seriously, there are a lot of people that don't know that you actually can't tell if a woman is a virgin or not just based on an exam. It just doesn't exist.❌
When a dad puts their daughter in this predicament then she can't trust him. He is humiliating her and possibly making her hide things behind his back. In this case it is making his daughter and other women believe that sex is bad and is not healthy. Her outlook on sex is totally different now and possibly gives her a subconscious thought to thinking that controlling her is ok. She also will possibly view going to the gynecologist or any doctor for that matter as a bad experience, and that could potentially have health consequences for her future.
So how do we tell if someone is a virgin or not?
You ask them! 👄
That's it.
Plan and simple.
Communication is key as a human being, between friends, between father and daughter, mother and son, doctor and patient.🙌🏼
FYI, In October 2018, the UN Human Rights, UN Women and the World Health Organization (WHO) stated that virginity testing must end as it is a painful, humiliating and traumatic practice, constituting violence against women. Let’s end this violence! Keeping it real! Dr. E
90
What role is her obgyn playing in this story? It takes two to tango...
4
There is no way that this is not the prize winner for Creepiest Dad of the Year. Actually for the decade. The image of T.I sitting in the waiting room is wrong on sooooooo many levels. Why is his daughter doing this? Why is she still talking to him?
84
If love cold be some how confused with domination.
T. I. should be father of the year.
10
This is exceedingly creepy. Not making any accusations, but this is absolutely Incest adjacent.
Grotesque.
129
@Phyliss Dalmatian It is creepy, I would have been appalled if my father had done something like that, and I’m 79.
16
T.I. Leave your daughter alone... The real issue here is what would you do to her if you found out she wasn’t a virgin?
42
New flash to all fathers out there. You don't own your daughter. This invasion of this young woman's privacy was and is beyond despicable. How would you feel if you were treated in this manner? A parent's job is to support, educate and guide their daughter. It is not to police her body and invade her privacy. Shame on you.
68
By forcing his daughter to have this "virginity test" and then sharing her personal gynecological/medical information with the world on a podcast, T.I. is telling his daughter that her body and her sexuality do not belong to her. To men like T.I., a girl/woman is just a piece of property first belonging to her father and then her husband. It is despicable that an American man in the 21st century still holds these beliefs.
171
I can’t believe this. The poor girl—I hope she is friends or other adults in her life explaining to her that what her dad did was wrong. The article focuses on the impracticalness of the “virginity check” rather than why this Man’s behavior is outrageous and a violation to his daughter.
Classic example of a man thinking he owns and controls the women in his life.
49
What would TI have done to his daughter if the doctor had said she wasn't a virgin?
Why is the virginity of his four sons not of equal concern to him?
Is he patrolling the virginity of his daughter so that no man does to her what he has done to other women (impregnate them casually, outside of committed relationships)?
He was born in 1980 and grew up during a time of unprecedented freedom and independence for women; what's his rational for being a sexist throwback?
Given his fondness for turning back the clock on women's freedom and independence, how does he feel about white people turning back the clock on POC's freedom and independence?
51
@Doro Wynant: And which white people are "turning back the clock"? That's just more fake victimization.
3
The mind just boggles. I suspect he's holding her college funding hostage on her agreement to undergo this travesty.
29
How could a health professional let this happen? The Puritan spirit is alive and well.
18
All I can think of, reading this, is when openly patriarchal society considered the females in a family to be property, like sheep and goats. The Roman paterfamilias commonly wielded this kind of control over the other members of the family...because that social structure was kept in place by the males who stood to benefit from it. Sorry, the level of entitlement displayed here is off the scale. That the dadster made this public indicates that he doesn't even realize his views are extreme -- or he does realize, and feels proud of his display of power. Either way, what a dumpster fire of a parent. If that now publicly humiliated daughter is smart she will move half the world away, make a life for herself, and seek out a good therapist so she can understand boundaries and where her father does not belong in her life.
31
So I’m old enough to talk about this.
I think I would have failed this ‘virginity test’ very early on, as there was no pain or bleeding during my first sexual experience.
The test is not only bogus, but totally outrageous. What was this father thinking?
20
Unfortunately this father is imposing his own degrading attitudes towards women in general upon his daughter. This has a very serious potential in negatively effecting his daughter's image of herself as a mature female adult. Many have equated this as a misogynist attitude based on fear and hatred of women.
27
I would expect this type of behavior from Mike Pence, if he was allowed to be alone with another woman. Also, and I’m being specific to T.I., the misogynistic lyrics of music - I also read that he would never vote for a woman, but that was a quote from an article not the NYT — may not be artistic license. If your art characterizes women as objects, maybe he writes what he believes.
26
Any physician conducting such an investigation should be thrown out of the profession. There is no medical need.
Any parent seeking a procedure not medically necessary should be reported to social services.
Daughters are people. Humans. They deserve respect.
46
Other than the bizarre lack of boundaries between father and child, I would say that it is not the role of the medical profession to serve as a tattletale. Healthcare and parental discipline should be treated as unrelated issues.
For example, we don't expect the family dentist to help you safeguard the Halloween candy stash.
13
I am still outraged about this type of treatment by the child's father. I am equally disturbed by the mother's failure to prevent this cruelty...
30
@Christine Chitsaz Not to mention the doctor's complicity! (as described by T.I. in his own words, as I've read in other articles)
5
Each year, when my teen daughter visits her MD for her annual checkup, it includes time when the MD asks the parent to leave the treatment room. I both support and applaud the MD for following this best practice, and I never attempt to find out the details of what is discussed between my daughter and her MD (who has cared for her since she was a baby).
Further, since my daughter was 12, I have always asked her what her preference is during her annual checkup.... Dad or Mom in the room with her, or wait for her in the waiting area.
I respect my daughters privacy, both at home and when visiting the MD. Of course I love her and have concerns about her well being at a time of volatility that is so common with teens.... but I have to repsect her as a human being and give her approproate space and privacy.
So.... to say I am appalled at what T.I. has conducted here.. with what appears to be the tacit agreement of a medical professional no less... would be an gross understatement.
80
How invasive of his daughter's life and undermining of her confidence can any man get? Now we know. Another example of how the control of women by the patriarchy, that we so often instead equate with non-Western countries, is very much alive and well right here in the US.
137
it's surprising that this situation developed at all.
The physician performing the exam(s) should have informed his clients that this sort of evaluation just is NOT medically possible.
110
@StatBoy
Nor is it ethically acceptable.
25
T.I. was clearly bugging. I hope he takes time to process this episode and understands that what he did was wrong. I also feel for the daughter who has had her private life laid bare before the entire country. None of this is a good look for them and it must feel even worse. I hope these two can reconcile and emerge stronger, as a family, with their love for each other reaffirmed. And that T.I. learns newfound respect for his now adult daughter's body and autonomy.
43
@R.J.
I don't think you get it, actually. She should not be expected to "reconcile" with her father. Her father is a monster. She would be justified in cutting him out of her life and never looking back. You don't "reaffirm your love" with someone who treats you this way. You get a restraining order.
4
“It probably comes from a place of love and care" LOL.
It comes from a desire for power over women's bodies.
Give the father a dirt bag test--he'll pass 100%.
300