More stories like this please!
16
This isn’t just a one-off tale. It’s a thing in Connecticut. Now there’s a state that knows how to celebrate its dead! Thanks for the article.
8
For somebody who did not want to go out in style, he certainly went out in style. And it was all well deserved. It only makes one look at one's own life and wonder, "Who will remember me when that time comes?"
13
Rest in peace, Joe, and thank you for passing your sunny disposition on to your daughters. The world can never have too many who understand the power of laughter.
24
This reminds me of a story I once heard on the BBC world service one night may years ago. The presenter, as the Brits call their DJs, had a jazz program and between discs he told a story he claimed the clarinetist Acker Bilke has once told him about a jazz fan who ordered that Count Basie's April in Paris be played as his coffin slid down the ramp to the oven. With the proviso that at the famous "Once more once" coda, the ramp would be put in reverse so that the coffin would disappear into the crematory maw on the recording's final sustained chord.
The best lives are those that end not tears but a smile.
8
Beeeeeeeeeutiful!! A great life lived.
5
Yes, but in these times, was old Mr. Heller a republican who liked president Trump or a Democrat who liked one of the many Democratic party presidential candidates. That answer would have made all the difference in his likeability.
2
@james - For God’s sake, the man is dead. It doesn’t matter now how he voted or for whom, and it certainly isn’t any of your business. And for the record, you aren’t coming in first in the likability races by making that sort of comment about a dead man. Have a little class.
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Thank you to Corey Kilgannon and especially to Ms. Heller and family for sharing this heartwarming slice of life. Joe's laughing, smiling and playing pranks puts a new meaning on a life well spent.
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“People like my dad are the backbone of this country,” she said, “and I think the world wants to hear their stories.’’
Ms. Heller you are correct.
Thank you.
I am sorry for your loss, but happy you have shared.
27
Thank you for an interesting look at an interesting character.
It reminded me of my father who also said often in some seriousnesss when the topic game up,"just dig a hole out back and throw me in. He lived in rural Maine and Connecticut and then Maine again . (No, we did not oblige him.)
7
What a great article! I've always felt that way. First, I tell my kids that they should tell me, while I'm healthy and alive, all the things they liked and disliked. I want a party beginning at a restaurant with great food and lots of wine. Afterward celebrate at a jazz club in Greenwich Village, replete with a blues singer and dancing. I don't want a memorial where I'm elevated to a saint. Last, dump my ashes in my beloved ocean so that I can be reincarnated as a beautiful shell. It's in my will.
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I've been working on an art project involving obits and found photos since fall 2015. I've read thousands (if not more). There are few that are as completely witty as Joe's—he was such a character. But, after birth and death dates, family and work details, there is often an anecdote or two about the deceased's character. These are just a few I recorded recently: "She will be remembered for her epic themed piano recitals." "He loved all things regarding UFO's and Godzilla." "He had a unique way of taming squirrels to eat peanuts right out of his pocket." The goal of my project, "Remember me: a collective narrative in found words and photographs," is to remind us that we are more alike than we are different in this increasingly contentious time. You can see more of the +750 I've made here: http://www.janedeschner.com/remember-me.html
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I loved the one about the nun. Hilarious!
1
@Jane Deschner beautiful!
2
Wow! At 80 I've been inspired and am now working on my Joe-bituary guidelines to be given to my children. As a daily reader of local paid obits for several decades I have never come across a "funny ha-ha" one. This needs to change and I intend to start the "paid obit revolution" in Oregon as soon as I'm gone. Thanks Joe Heller and RIP (rest in playfulness).
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I didn't know him. Seems to me, he gathered the greatest treasures possible. The ones you can not buy. The things family and friends have said about him prove his most prized possession. That he knew how everybody felt about him. You are your father's daughter. We lost the richest man in the world!
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In these humorless times what a delightful read. Thinking of this wonderful old man put a smile on my face. I'm still smiling. Thank you wonderful daughter for the refreshing send off that displayed both loving humor and the honoring of his service to this country.
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Thank you for publishing details on the background of this now-famous obituary. IMO, the best obituaries are like mini-biographies, and this is one of the best I have ever read. Mr. Heller has left his footprints in the sands of time.
11
I grew up in New England and lived there mostly in Vermont and Maine for many years. Every small town had a Joe Heller. Go back to the great short stories of Ring Lardner and you'll find a few.
6
Funerals can matter. We sent my 98 year old mother off, on a cold, wet, Scottish, November morning. The family owned undertaker service provided a traditional Fife burial service, and for the service and grave-side eulogy, we dug her elderly retired minister out of mothballs. He spoke for twenty minutes, off the cuff, at both instances, recalling his discussions, political, spiritual, and theological.with Mum. The attending crowd of friends, children, nephews, nieces, and grandchildren, who had come from the four qyarters of the globe, laughed and cried.
Afterwards, with the onset of hypothermia imminent, the attendees set off over the hills and far away to a traditional country house hotel where my sister had arranged a traditional Scottish high tea of hot soup, sandwiches, scones, jam and cream, and an open bar. Four hours later the gathering wound up. Like Rabbit, I have a lot of friends and relations; I hope when the time comes, they can do as much for me.
13
I'm not sure this story captured my heart. He has a lot of red flags regarding his character in that story but "De mortuis nil nisi bonum".
Condolences to the family for their loss.
8
Honored that he lived in my home State! A true Yankee if ever there was one. Condolences on your loss. May he rest in peace or cause as much trouble as he wishes :)
11
RIP and condolences to the family .. your Dad sounds like one heck of character!
9
And if Joe did not vote for Hillary, I hope he wrote in George Carlin for president.
10
Great obit. (For a nano-second, I thought it was about Joseph Heller, the famed author of "Catch-22." But he's been gone for some time.)
4
not sure that mold was actually broken (given Monique)!
10
I laughed, I cried. I put on the most inappropriate tee shirt I could find.
Farewell, Joe. I suspect there's going to be a long line when it comes time to shake your hand -- and I suspect I'll find my dad somewhere near you, torturing everyone with his endless puns. . . assuming they allow puns up there.
17
@Art Likely Yes, there are puns 'up there'. Those who don't approve or appreciate will get infernal eternal pun-ishment.
8
Thank you Monique Heller for allowing your dad to "have the last laugh" and for bringing "fun" back into the funeral world.
Being able to shed some tears through laughter not only lifts one's heart and soul, but also helps give balance and foundation to a rich, long, and worthy life.
Thank you for sharing in print a plethora of qualities many of us (and our deceased loved ones) can attest to, in particular being "a consummate napper" and dropping a few F-bombs along the way.
Glad to read that something made me smile and laugh out loud, especially on a Monday.
Condolences to Mr. Heller's family, loved ones, citizens of Centerbrook and all the "dawgs" he helped rescue. A very kind and compassionate man on so many levels.
33
@Marge Keller Beautifully said. He did lead a rich, long and worthy life precisely because of his irreverence and a amazing sense of self. I'm going to spend the rest of my life trying to be more like Joe.
3
Which reminds me of the advice of an old friend on adjusting to small town life: "If people know your nuts, and you're honest about it, they don't care. They crucify hypocrites."
20
@John Serfustini -- I hate to nitpick, but it completely changes the story when you incorrectly use "your" in that sentence. Although I guess you could be talking about the plastic ones dangling from the rear bumper of Mr. Heller's roadster.
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This piece made me laugh out loud. Here in my small Colorado town there was a local paper that had the most interesting, character-driven obituaries. I remember my mom reading them every single week, even if she didn't read the articles.
Houstoun Waring was that editor, who wrote those obituaries for 50 years, and he is still remembered fondly in our community today.
24
Wildly wonderful - the story, the man, all of it.
18
“People like my dad are the backbone of this country,” she said, “and I think the world wants to hear their stories.’’ Amen & thank you NY Times for telling it.
37
What a sendoff for a truly inspiring character!
The wonderful obit written by his daughter is a keeper. My favorite part is when the doctor approaches the three daughters, saying: “your father is a very sick man” and they say in unison: “you have no idea!”
So long, Joe Heller, Jr. May you forever play practical jokes in heaven on any unsuspecting, self-righteous angels!
24
Being a bit of an obituarist myself, I will certainly give Joe's obituary it's well derserved praise. My all time favorite was the obituary of Owsley Stanley that is still available in the Time's archives.
13
His obit definitely put the "fun" in funeral.
The apple obviously didn't fall from Joe's tree.
20
My hero...THIS is the way to be sent off..Complicit with the nature of life, putting the fun in funeral is crucial and with it an obit that turns 'tradition' on its ear. Here's the crazy ones..the misfits..the rebels..the troublemakers..the round pegs in the square holes..the ones who see things DIFFERENTLY!
12
And here I am, wondering if he was a Trump supporter.
12
@Linda L I speak out against Trump and his supporters on a daily basis, but what this man's political affiliation might have been never entered my mind while reading the article and complete obit. The need to interject politics into everything is not healthy.
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@kt we might not think the same on many things .......You are correct on this
3
@Linda L - Whatever for? I can’t stand Trump and look forward to the day when he scuttles back to Trump Tower and leaves us all in peace, but this is not about Trump. This is an article about an obituary for an elderly and yes, no doubt cantankerous, private citizen. His political affiliation in life, whatever it was, is none of your business and hardly matters now. Are you really that petty that you would give your assumptions pride of place here? A man died and, cantankerous or not, he has made an awful lot of people smile. Tell me the last time Trump did that.
6
Bless Joe. Too few people put the fun in funeral. Exit, laughing.
9
You did well, Ms. Heller.
19
Maybe Joe's daughter meant to portray her dad in a way that made him seem "authentic." But honestly, a lot of these anecdotes just make him sound like a mean jerk who relished making other people feel uncomfortable.
You can spend your life doing and saying things that people who aren't the target of them find funny. Or you can spend your life being kind, making people feel at ease and loved.
Perhaps Joe was the latter as well as the former. But none of that comes through here.
27
@JM I am so glad to read your remarks! I thought I might be the only persons in the country whose first (and second) thoughts were that perhaps *some* people thought his behavior was funny while others found it juvenile and annoying.
I didn't find any humor in his alleged "running of the auto tag" before a young man could pick up his daughter(s). Down here, and perhaps elsewhere, that's an illegal abuse of authority.
Perhaps his daughter embellished her dad's activities a bit. She writes well, and evidently speaks to folks with humor and grace. No matter what you and I think of it, her obituary for her beloved father seems to be a hit amongst many town folk, which is all that's necessary.
17
While I understand where you’re coming from, apparently the people in the small town loved him even if they were subject of his humor, so that seems to show his goodness.
13
@mamadillo Did you guys miss the part about he served in the navy, he served in the fire department, he served in the ambulance corps, plowed snow from the town's roads, helped bury deceased veterans, and from the sound of it, chipped in help the community in any other way he could??
37
I like his daughter’s sense of humour.
12
Kind of a Catch22. Joe Heller asks his family to “dig a hole in the backyard and just roll him in,” and instead ends up with nationwide attention.
16
@cross22 Yeah. I bet he's up in heaven laughing his head off.
3
@cross22 Ran right into the Streisand Effect,by golly. Wonder how he'd feel about that - perhaps simply joyful.
1
@cross22 -- Joe Heller. Catch 22. I see what you did there.
5
Too bad that the actual obit wasn't printed with the article - now I have to go look it up!
1
@lkg241 There's a link in the third paragraph of the article.
5
W a day brightener this article is.
3
Joe clearly was a “real mensch”! We need more persons like Joe to help us cope with the world. And clearly more than a little of Joe rubbed off on his daughter Monique to write this warm, heartfelt obituary about her father. This is humanity at its best.
15
This was a wonderful article - thank you! I only wish people would stop posting their comments on Mr. Heller's memorial page. It's not a facebook page to opine on the obituary or draw parallels to one's own parent. What they asked was for people to share their memories of Mr. Heller. I couldn't find any other stories of this much beloved man - which would have been wonderful to read.
11
The world needs to hear their stories so that more of us can be inspired to be our full, authentic, unvarnished selves. Joe managed to be a true individual, and to offer himself to a family and community that loved him for it. May his memory be eternal!
15
I'm so thankful you published this article. It was the best news piece I've read in ages.
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@Robert Schechtman. I agree. It is the closest thing to the kinds of people Joseph Mitchell memorialized in books like, Up In The Old Hotel. Truly wonderful!
6
What a wonderful story of individuality, humanity, community, authentic living, and family. Thank you.
32
“People like my dad are the backbone of this country,” she said, “and I think the world wants to hear their stories.’’
With all due respect to Joe Heller's daughter, Monique, I think the world NEEDS to hear these stories.
There is something refreshing, reassuring, and relaxing in reading an obit which tells of honest, down to earth and rich truths about someone and his/her life.
For the longest time, I thought when someone included the names of their dogs or cats which either proceeded the individual in death or was considered a survivor was being pretty brazen and bold.
My mother always told me that she did not want folks crying at her wake or funeral, but rather to have folks gather and laugh and tell stories about her. And we did. I recall standing at the front door of the funeral home, just listening to the commotion inside - hundreds of folks WERE laughing and sharing stories while drinking wine (which she insisted there be plenty of).
She always said a big reason folks cry at funerals is because they feel guilty for not calling, visiting, meeting for lunch more often and for always putting off seeing someone until it was too late.
This extremely funny yet poignant obit and article is a fantastic reminder to call that loved one or friend instead of putting it off until tomorrow . . . and to laugh and live and love like tomorrow may be too late.
Fantastic article. I am sure the residents of Centerbrook lost a unique and beloved pal. Sincere condolences.
59
What a fine person. My sincere condolences to the family of this very wonderful person, whose memory is already a blessing.
21
I can't give a citation, but I once saw an hilarious obituary, written by the decedent, in which she poured it all out like a celebrity tell-all memoire. The complaints about the ex-husband, etc. It was a masterpiece. People were phoning friends and loved ones to read the thing out loud.
33
All of us face the big dark oblivion and wonder if somehow, what we did mattered; to family, friends, the world - anything to mark "I was here". Time of course, doesn't care. We are literally made out of stars that were born and died so our own sun could shine one day. Thus the best we can ever do is to achieve that greatest of ambitions, from kings and conquerors to ordinary people like Joe: make a difference. If we can't change the course of history, maybe just bend things a little.
Joe has clearly made a difference. I hope he is remembered for a long, long time.
90
Joe got it right...his wealth came from his family, neighbors and community - and no amount of money buys that - and there are plenty of people with money who will never have that and are, in fact, miserable! Joe, you truly lived your best (______expletive of your choice!) life - and are probably making everyone roll with laughter in the beyond.
Condolences to your family, Joe - and a legacy of "Joe stories" passed on from generation to generation. It doesn't get better than that! Rest in peace...or should I say, laughter!
41
Good journey, Joe!
21
“People like my dad are the backbone of this country,” she said, “and I think the world wants to hear their stories.’’
I agree wholeheartedly and thank you for sharing!
82
Well, Joe got a "Joe-bituary" in the New York Times, the paper of record, which was well deserved--Joe was an uncommon common man and proud to be himself and to brighten his and others' lives with his self-deprecating humor. Thanks, Joe, and thank you, Ms. Heller, for sharing your father's legacy.
98
My best regards and congratulations to JOES Family. However, the absolute BEST Obituary has yet to be written. To paraphrase Mark Twain, I shall read it with the greatest pleasure. And a very nice bottle of Wine, AND a Cake with Ice Cream. Two scoops.
Seriously.
52
@Phyliss Dalmatian
Count me in PD - I'll even bring the whipped cream and cherries for the topping (although I never touch that stuff myself).
5
It’s clear that Mr. Heller’s humor was his signature, the way he signed his daily deeds, both great and small. How wonderful that his daughter has reminded all of us that for us to truly remember someone, we must hear them as they were heard every living day. I love this tribute to personhood. Thanks.
63
"Joe-bituaries" - I love it. When our Mother passed away my Dad had us insert "She dabbled in housework" in her obit. Mr. Heller takes the cake though: many thanks to Ms. Heller and Mr. Kilgannon for publishing.
88
Thank you for printing this..
What a lovely man, family, town, world.
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