I know all about the hate of which Frank Bruni speaks. I'm Jewish, and a paste-up guy at a newspaper I worked at years ago sidled up to me once and said, "The Nazis should have killed all the Jews." And no, the publisher could not have cared less. And Republicans claim Democrats are filled with hate. That's actually the contempt we have for racists.
108
Frank—While I generally disagree with you politically, your piece excellently conveys what is no doubt a very troubling element that still resides in our culture. As an unapologetic conservative, who is no fan of Trump, there is clearly a disturbing undercurrent of racism in the Republican base. It should have no place in the Republican Party. With that being said, there is also an inexcusable level of hate from the left. I thoroughly disagree with most of the Times columnists, but I can recognize and respect that writers like you and Maureen Dowd have nothing but the best intentions and can assess issues with an open mind. The same can’t be said for all of your columnists. Writers like Gail Collins and Charles Blow, are just as hateful as your attackers. They don’t just hate Nazis, they hate republicans, they hate middle America, they hate anyone who disagree’s with them. You couldn’t have provided a better example to highlight the stark contrast in your thinking. While you opted to be charitable in dealing with that woman, I can’t help but thinking Charles Blow wouldn’t have been so forgiving. He doesn’t even need actual provocation. While you showed restraint when clearly having right on your side, he opted to take the life ruining tactic with a Yale security guard before, any facts had become clear. Blow, Colins, and others wield The Paper of Record like HUAC. To stop hate one must first clean up their own house.
18
It’s people like you Frank Bruni who make the world a better place.
173
I hated when you stopped being a food critic, because your columns were oh so delicious!
But I got over it when I read your op-ed columns. You’re even better at roasting “chickens”. I am sorry some of them squawked and showed their insensitivity in their bigoted comments. My momma always said “the bit dog barks first.”
Hang in there. You have thousands of admirers for every one of the haters.
146
I'm lucky. Gay people, blacks, Latinos, Muslims - none of them give me cooties or make my skin burn when they touch me. Many - most have been kind, generous, they've been inpspiring teachers, police officers I've known and friends.
Small minded people deny themselves a wealth of experience - so much more fun than going around planting cancerous growths.
84
As a gay person, I've only a few times come face-to-face with hate directly. I'm fortunate. But I've read the papers and the letters to the editor. I've tuned into shows and read how I was, for example, responsible for the downfall of society and several Gulf Coast hurricanes. It's been a pall over my entire life. It still is.
But I'm also aware of my hatred. I hate them back. Sometimes I crave revenge. I never take it. Sometimes my hatred is displaced, but in my mind it is mostly justified.
Such a stupid way to live.
41
In the case of the lady professor, she never said that she hated Frank Bruni. She just considered him either a sinner, leading a deviant lifestyle, or both.
A significant portion of the US population will never accept homosexuality. Gays should not harmed, discriminated against or publically vilified, but acceptance of a gays by a significant portion of society should not be expected.
6
Great column
35
How did your becoming blind in one eye, winds up being the fault of Trump?
I have nothing against gay people, they are not different from anybody else. I am against people who use every opportunity to smear Trump.
How did he influence a 20 year old man to kill Mexicans? Clearly the murderer was insane and used political beliefs as an excuse. All mass murderers are crazy by definition. Shame on you for making it a political issue
11
“Columns written by homosexuals inevitably have their own homosexual agenda and viewpoints and cannot be read with the belief that they are impartial.”
Seriously? Since when are op-ed columnists supposed to be impartial? And this woman teaches at a college and is absolutely clueless about the function of press editorial content?
You could — and should — say the same thing about, say, columns or programs by Fox News contributors: they have their own agenda and cannot be read with the belief that they are impartial. The main difference for them is that they also consistently lie as part of, and in support of, their lack of impartiality. That is, they know what conclusion they want to reach, and they create lies to support it. That stretches back to when they still claimed to be “fair and balanced”.
41
You know, of course, don't you Frank? that it is that reader who is living in flagrant violation of God's Law which is Love.
79
Sending love to you, Frank Bruni. It’s important that you wrote this, and I imagine it was difficult.
I simply cannot comprehend hating on LGBTQ people. What business is it of anybody’s who another person is attracted to or loves? They’re your siblings, cousins, friends and neighbors. All they want is to live full, good lives, like any straight person.
To the haters - it must be awful being you. Hate like yours is ugly and it festers. And, don’t talk to me about God’s law. You don’t speak for God. If there is God, God equals love. How sad for you that you can’t embody that.
70
Over years of reading NYT columnists they become almost like family. Keep at it Frank!
59
It concerns me that a professor could be so obtuse. You could swap out “homosexual” with any “label” and the statement could be true. Check it out: “Columns written by heterosexual white males inevitably have their own heterosexual white male agenda and viewpoints and cannot be read with the belief that they are impartial.” Now try it with “single parents”, or “professors”, or “purple people eaters”.
44
Complacency.
That's what got tRUMP elected. No one thought he could be elected, so many did not bother to vote. One silver lining in tRUMP's presidency, it has fired people up. I truly believe that he will lose re-election because Americans, who are mostly decent people, will get off their butts (as they did in the mid-terms) and vote against this racist president.
Keep up the fight against complacency, Mr. Bruni.
40
You are missing one crucial point. Trump is President of the United States. If I was filled with as much hate only my dog would know.
Hate and morals matter. Trump is full of hate and has no morals.
41
Dear Frank Bruni: I do not care at all that you are gay. All that matters to me is you are insightful, thoughtful and a good writer. I always appreciate your work.
71
Dear Frank Bruni
So many of us r hoping for a way to keep your eyesight and to keep encouraging u to understand that the majority of us forget to write and say thank u for ur wise words.
Stay well and keep writing
best
45
Sorry Frank. I found out just now that you're gay, and I've been reading your stuff for years. My opinion of you is the same as it was yesterday. You're thoughtful and decent, and that should be how you're measured.
BTW, if you have a secret "gay agenda", some sort of subliminal gay message, it's an epic fail.
78
Thank you for taking the high road and not dragging us back down into the gutter with these close-minded individuals....
25
I love you Frank Bruni and always love what you have t say.
From a white 73 year old woman
You are the BEST
43
My eyes are dry enough now to see the keyboard
28
So many people blaming "hate" and "racism" and the President. Trump is a buffoon and puts his foot in his mouth every time he speaks, but he is not the leader of the white power movement. Blaming anyone but the person that pulls the trigger minimizes the death of each innocent person that was stolen from the families. If my wife or loved one was murdered by someone in a mass shooting and you blame the President, or the gun, I would be furious. When the Oklahoma City bombing happened, no one blamed the fertilizer company that produced the main ingredient, they put Timothy McVeigh to death. If I hate you, is it OK because there is hate in the world? No that is ridiculous. People hate people kill people not concepts and not words. Hold people accountable, don't minimize their responsibility.
1
There will always be a certain amount of ignorant deplorables among us who are racist, sexist, xenophobic, homophobic and misanthropic....usually a solid 33% of the population.
Many Confederates justified slavery by quoting the Bible.
Religiousness is also a known IQ and empathy suppressant, so while religious people tend to say the most hurtful, ignorant and inhumane things....we can "forgive them, for they do not know what they are doing", as it ironically says in Luke 23:34.
Think about the complete lost souls who wrote to you about their obtuse disapproval of you; for them to have done so is for them to have learned absolutely nothing in life of humanity, morality or their fellow man; they are world champions of cluelessness and ignorance; there actions prove themselves barely human.
This heterosexual man supports you and champions you, Frank Bruni.
“No one is born hating another person because of the color of his skin, or his background, or his religion. People must learn to hate, and if they can learn to hate, they can be taught to love, for love comes more naturally to the human heart than its opposite.”
- Nelson Mandela
Those folks learned hatred somewhere - probably in the 'Holy Bible'.
They need to unlearn their irrational hate.
43
Frank, I look forward to your columns, and read each one with interest and with love. Your words never promote hate; quite the opposite. You're a beacon in the darkness that has blanketed our nation. To learn that you are the target of such ignorant vitriol is painful to read.
In my bubble, the belief is that hatred and bigotry could be overcome with education. Your professor pest is proof that that isn't necessarily the case. And, as the song goes, haters gonna hate. I hate that.
It isn't our collective imagination that it's gotten worse since, oh, 2015. It's as though a giant boulder has been overturned, and the maggots have come out in full force. I hope that we, armed with kindness and light, can kick that boulder back into place.
29
We can't afford Trump. His arrogance, bravado, remind me of Sinatra--he's Sinatra without the monumental talent. What is his talent? Usually a President has political talent honed. Not this one. He has hate honed. He's ignorant, brash, arrogant. Is America really better off than 3 years ago? Don't think so.......
9
The harsh criticism underlying some peoples' opinions about and action toward other peoples' beliefs and behaviors is often characterized as hate. That description seems justified, but what strikes me about those who spew hate is just how colossally dumb they are. Their assumptions about what someone's mother, or God, or society is going to think about or do to the "sinner" are breathtaking in their abject ignorance and/or stupidity.
10
Hate is mostly about the hater. They feel better about themselves by hating the other. In their minds, they themselves gain status by diminishing the other. They see no other way. It is a learned behavior passing from generation to generation like child abuse and sexual predation. And when hate moves to violence, it is the greatest thrill of all and often so great that it results in suicide.
13
With all of the hate in my face every day right now I sometimes forget about the hate that my favorite writers, columnists and op-ed writers may experience on a daily basis; let alone the ones that are gay or different in any way. This column reawakens me and I feel a deep sadness that this disgusting sensibility of hate is so “out”. If anything should go back into the closet it is hate not gay people. The hate will always be there. It never left and now the internet connects and supercharges haters just as if they are family members sharing pictures with friends and family. This is not merely a matter of free speech. This does not feel like freedom to me. this environment is a cancer that is suffocating me and I believe it is suffocating this entire country and making us weaker as a nation. Deplatform haters! Their contributions are poisoning this country and the information is useless to our progress as a nation.
8
The two "religious" persons, engineer and teacher, need to go to confession.
12
I have no doubt that you hold hate for some group in your heart Mr. Bruni. Humans are wired to hate the other. We are far too smart and stupid at the same time. The only way to overcome hate is through education on our cognitive biases. Good luck getting the world on board with that. We are doomed to hate each other into oblivion.
2
A bit eye opening, eh, Frank? They are still out there. They didn't go away. The Archie Bunkers of the world have not seen the light. The thing they have wanted all along has been for someone to come along and tell them they don't have to hide behind a mask any more. They can come right out and say :If I read a column by a gay journalist, I will be exposed to 'gayness' and could come down with it. And ole Donnie boy has given them the power to do so. They can 'come out of the closet ' again.. Your 'problem', Frank is you thought the world was becoming a better, more enlightened place. The mean, nasty, hate filled world is alive and well in America. And don't, not for one second, stop doing what you are doing. It is small consolation, I know, but when they reach the pearly gates, imagine the look on their faces when you are on the inside waving out at them as they are trying to explain why they should be allowed in. And your consolation will be being able to smile as you see that look of befudlement on their faces. You simply can't expect more from people who are want to find lots of wiggle room in "loving thy neighbor as thyself'.
4
Mr. Bruni, thank you, thank you, thank you for this column...for so many reasons. I am here trying to author a contribution, but Kris Kristofferson put it so well that, if the Times will indulge me, I will quote his lyrics:
"...most of us hate anything we don't understand.
'Cause everybody's got to have somebody to look down on,
who they can feel better than, any time they please.
Someone doin' something dirty decent folks can frown on.
If you can't find nobody else, help yourself to me."
The tag goes, "Help yourself, brother. Help yourself, Reverend."
Yep.
9
I live in a small mostly farming community. Our local newspaper has a readership of about eight thousand encompassing our rural areas and a few little 4 stop light towns. The newspaper is full of religion including an entire section of the paper on Fridays. Our pastors are a vocal bunch who routinely write articles and letters to the editor blaming gays for well, everything. Weather events, shootings, poverty...they say God has removed his hand of blessing over the country because of gay perversion.This garbage is taught at a young age, reinforced in schools and widely accepted among adults. Gay folks still must live in the shadows here in 2019. Just as with misogyny, gay hate comes directly from the pulpit. I'd be willing to bet the people who made those remarks to you had something in common, religion.
31
I hate what these people said to you so much, I signed up for your newsletter even though I already follow you on Twitter.
9
Every time I open the NYTimes web app I check to see if it contains one of your essays. If it does, I read it.
Every Sunday I walk down the long driveway on my farm and pick up the paper copy of the NYTimes. When I get back in, I sit down at my giant table with my breakfast and coffee, iced now that it is summer, and I read your column.
It has always been OK with me that you are gay.
BTY would it have been OK with you if the writer in your first example was a "fundamentalist preacher from a deep-red state''?
1
Rock on Frank, keep speaking truth to hate, it's the only way to push it back down the hole it came from. If anyone can't handle the truth, it's the haters.
8
Hate and bigotry are forever busy, and require constant attention and feeding. How much energy do the two people who wrote to you expend on their vile musings? How much energy do the others like them in the world waste? Why go out of their way to chastise a complete stranger? Hate is eating up not just their time, but their hearts and souls. It will leave cinders and ashes were their hearts used to be.
6
As a mother, a citizen of the USA and a grain of sand on this vast planet, I offer you my apologies for those who hate. And then I must look in the mirror. I will see a white woman who is also a grandmother and simply cannot understand how anyone can look at and listen to the sociopath who sits in the oval office and not have the hairs on their arms raise and terrifying thoughts run through their heads, if not for their sake, then for the sake of their children, grandchildren, and future of our planet. I must ask myself if I too am a hater. I am not but I am so alarmed sometimes it's difficult to tell the difference.
A short while ago I took the NYT quiz which was designed to be able to predict whether one is a Republican or Democrat. Because I am white, live in the south, and am not adverse to attending church (a protestant at that) etc., I was adjudged to be +41% Republican. Nothing could be further from the truth. I was not surprised by the results as I expected them and started the questions with a slight smile on my face. I must admit though that through my observances and interactions with those around me in this state, the Times quiz would hold water at least 75% of the time (my estimate).
So just for today Frank you continue to be the brilliant man you are and neither of us will hate. Tomorrow will be here soon enough and "may the force be with us!"
28
I recently came upon this quote from Mahatma Gandhi: “I like your Christ, I do not like your Christians. Your Christians are so unlike your Christ.”
44
And please don't forget the original hate -- misogyny.
23
But Trump knows how best to identify and use it.
4
Frank, this would win you the "Nobel Humanity Prize", if it was offered.
4
Frank, I wish you peace, love, happiness and health. If you believe in karma, as I do, you know that those who hate, along with their traitorous leaders, who seem bent on dragging our nation into civil war, will face a reckoning.
6
Your best piece yet Bruni. This is the most important article in the NYT in the last 2 years. IMO
7
I'm so sorry to hear of your eye disease, Mr. Bruni, and I hope that your condition does not worsen. And I understand how terribly distressing the mean emails are. But to bring it all back to Trump is just preposterous and beneath your high standards as a columnist. I just hope that you can someday break free of your Trump obsession.
4
Few people have trouble with love.
It is the sex part that trips them up.
4
My father also recently lost sight in one of his eyes due to cancer and he's not gay as far as I know.
14
Mr. Bruni, At a certain point in life we should accept who we are and if others don't like it, or even hate us because of who we are, but have no control over our lives they should simply be ignored -- or if you require some reaction, pity their stupidity.
You are a supremely successful opinion writer at the nation's (perhaps the world's) foremost newspaper, and I'm sure you are also financially successful, have countless close friends, and have the best possible housing , vacations and health care.
If pathetic hate letters touch you, one could (violating the Goldwater rule) opine that you have a self-esteem problem.
So many of us have been the object of bad words from strangers, teachers, employers, fellow workers, etc., etc. And not just the usual black, gay, Jewish, Muslim, etc. people, but also people (including many whites) with handicaps, people who are easily bullied, people who stutter, people who are very short, people who are poor, etc. Most of us who have been bullied and insulted have no recourse and we learn to live our lives despite being surrounded by stupidity.
4
Hate of others, "those not like us" was always present. The hate for a time was tempered and simmered just below the surface.
Trump, in his masterful means of hate, allowed the hate and the haters to boil over and legitimized hate and violence toward "those not like us".
Mr. Bruni will always have my respect as his columns are thought inspiring. Those who think less of him due to his sexuality are mentally and morally lost.
7
Just remember, the more religious a person is, the more hypocritical they are. People who believe that a fairy tale thing will solve the problems of human kind, are the weakest minds.
So stop listening to them
7
Hate crime murders are rare. The most recent FBI Hate Crime Report shows that in 2017 there were 15 hate crime murders committed by 14 offenders. Six of the murderers were white, seven were black and one offender's race is unknown.
https://ucr.fbi.gov/hate-crime/2017/topic-pages/tables/table-3.xls
Interracial murders make up a small permeant of murders.
The most recent FBI Uniform Crome Report shows in 2017 there were 694 white victims, 281 black victims and 107 “other race” victims of interracial murders.
It also shows that 336 whites, 611 blacks and 220 person of other races committed interracial murders.
Oddly, 211 Hispanics were killed by non-Hispanics while 211non-Hispanic were killed by Hispanics in 2017.
https://ucr.fbi.gov/crime-in-the-u.s/2017/crime-in-the-u.s.-2017/tables/expanded-homicide-data-table-6.xls
I miss the days when the ignorant were in the shadows but now, because of social media, they surround us and poison us with tribal and idiotic advice.
Sadly, people are under the impression that we should all have the same wants, desires, skin coloring and same number of brain cells.
People who think like this are people who are insecure, feel inferior and inadequate and feel threatened by people who are different. They feel empowered when they demean, disrespect and hate others.
They claim to be religious and messagers of God but their message is full of hatred, ignorance and moronic ideology.
We are individuals and all equipped with our own heart and feelings and individually know best what we want and how we feel. People who want to police other people’s thoughts would be better of policing their own first and find a way to surround themselves with robots they can program to their liking.
There is a saying that when God decides to punish someone, he makes him go crazy first. We are surrounded by a lot of crazies.
5
Mr Bruni
By naming names of those who hate you are not a McCarhithy-ite figure. Rather you are making people defend their ideas and their beliefs in sunlights Make them public. Make them defend themselves in the free market of ideas.
As country and vibrant democracy, themselves in the open.
For brilliance, we are happy to reward people with Noble Prizes, Genius grants and the like.
For ignorance, prejudice, and outright stupidity, we should let those ideas see the light of day too.
Every idea deserves its day in the sun.
Publish the letters.
Publish the names.
Let it all be transparent.
Let the community and the people judge people for whom they are.
By letting them hide in the shadows, you are complicit and abiding them.
Just let their words speak for themselves. No reporting them to Deans.
Just publish.
Let their ideas (with the names behind those ideas) be judged.
Anything less is a disservice to civil discourse
1
Personally, I question whether there is a God but, if there is, He/She created homosexuals as well as heterosexuals. Much of the hate directed at homosexuals originates in the Christian Bible. Leviticus imposes the death penalty on homosexuals. I have never understood why such intolerant nonsense continues to remain in a so-called holy book.
10
Every time I read about such hate,i check my calendar. It’s unbelievable that in 2019 we still have such ignorant people. Shame on them. And shame on Trump for emboldening them.
11
That addled professor is wrong in many ways.
A life of perversion can be wonderful.
4
Grateful for you. Horrific what you just endured. Your talent sustains.
5
There are haters and there are others who encourage hate. People who want haters to become angrier and angrier and more destructive. Trump is such a person.
3
If your mission in life is to make to turn humans into decent beings, you will sorely disappointed.
It is not gay people who are molesting women, deciding to massacre church goers and school children, nor are they generally Klu Klux clan members, or white supremacists. They are usually perfectly reasonable members of society. They are targeted because they represent a threat to those who target them. Not a physical threat, but a psychological one. These targeters have a very vulnerable side that is very reactive. Racism, homophobia, religious fanaticism and the like. Women and gays are easy targets because they are not generally dangerous at all. It tells you something about the perpetrator, but it is not really about the target. The target just got in the way. It is very unfortunate that cities are often places that harbor misfits, people that don't fit anywhere, and will use their misplaced anger to attack people.
5
You wrote her back!!!! If I write and say how much I love your.. write me back!!
6
I am more concerned about your vision problems than your sexuality. I am approaching 80 yrs of age and my vision is not so hot either, All the glasses in the world don't help. Take care of yourself. Your column is one of the highlights of my week.
14
Mind boggling that people who profess to be Christians are capable of judging other humans as harshly as the Romans judged the Christians in the Coliseum or Jesus on the cross.
5
Hey, Frank, sorry about the very unenlightened message from that wacko professor, but do you really have to revert to putting this all on the president? I really believe the country is weary of enduring this culture of victim hood. There always has been, is and will always be intolerance among us, someone who resents your beliefs, your habits, your sexual preference, your color, your tastes, etc. It’s got nothing to do with Trump, Frank! Please, spare us your own political intolerance.
1
This is so much bigger than Trump. Trump has only unleashed the unbridled, irrational, bigoted, and partisan hatred of white Americans. Where does it go from here? No one really knows, including Trump.
I will stay far away from the USA for the next 10 years and then re-evaluate....
5
Mr. Bruni,
I agree with you that this kind of hatred and prejudice has been below the surface for a long, long time. Probably forever. I could tell you a lot of stories about my parents' casual prejudices against everyone who wasn't straight and white, and Protestant. They didn't even really have a term for being gay. They said, "light in the loafers," "a pansy," etc. It was totally accepted in the cultural majority. These two ignorant, nasty people, who wrote to you, worship a nasty vengeful god, and are, I'm afraid, only a small representation of what many people actually think and feel, and now believe they have permission to speak openly again. My next door neighbor, who has adopted two children from Guatemala, hates Hispanics, and is very vocal about it. That's the contorted nature of prejudice and ignorance. Your column has helped to bring to the surface, the rot that is all too prevalent in our country.
6
Great work, Frank! Lovely piece. I too have encountered more than a few school marm types who have pierced my gay bubble with harsh judgements coupled with raised eyebrows. Sadly it's to be expected. But ya know what?... Nothing can take away my fabulousness! No word, no deed, no action. I'm fabulous, therefore I am! You're fabulous, therefore you are!
8
Well done, Sir. Recieving hateful mail must be very depressing. And perhaps horrifying.
The darkest thoughts I have about hate is the realization that haters do breed; oh, the poor children. Speaking of possible after-world consequences, I suspect those teaching hate to children get a very special treatment. One can only hope.
Personally, I find hate is the only thing I loathe more than wilful ignorance.
Good column!
5
I don’t see what was said so much as hate as ignorance and stupidity. Nevertheless hurtful.
Einstein said the difference between genius and stupidity is that genius has its limits.
It’s a teaching and learning problem. Children are not born saying hurtful things to others. It’s taught and learned.
Thanks for your columns and good luck with your eye problem.
5
Just one message for you, Frank: LOVE. My entire family loves you, loves your brilliant writing, and loves your deep humanity and compassion. We have to believe that hate is ultimately defeated by love. But in the meantime, use that spam filter to purge ignorant, hate-filled people from your consciousness.
5
The most chilling thing about hate is the irrationality of it all. It often seems to come out of nowhere, with no stimulus to prompt its expression; as if it were a chemical reflex, like the attack of some pradying mantis on a lacewing insect.
Like you, Mr. Bruni, I am gay. I'm not in the public eye and cannot imagine the vitriol that must occasionally find its way to your inbox. But your essay made me remember an incident from many years ago, when I lived in NYC and often attended the Metropolitan Opera. One evening, while chatting quietly with friends at an intermission, a well-dressed woman approached in a stole and a cloud of scent. She took one look at me and used a homophobic slur.
Loudly. Then, she smiled and passed on. I was floored. My friends rallied and joked me about it. "It must have been that unspeakable tie you're wearing," said one. We made light of it all and passed in to hear the second act.
However, it stuck with me and I remembered it this evening reading your good essay. You write of that professor, "she didn't do anyhing to me," Mr. Bruni. But she did; you remember her hatred. Those "tentacles" attached. For me, too.
15
Dear Mr. Bruni, it saddens to know of your current challenge with your sight. I do hope your second eye is spared from the others blindness. To read today that some ignorant fool would actually read all the marvelous columns you’ve written about your sight and others with lifelong blindness and be so cruel and share their perception that “God” is punishing you for being homosexual. What a small sad little life this person must lead. I’m not naive to think such people don’t exist but I’ll admit that I like to think that they are few and far between but these days they seem to be well...just everywhere. Trump has lowered the bar to the absolute bottom that everyday brings new horror and sadness to the country. Shame on all the haters and Trump who obviously is impervious to shame. I know you’re facing much more difficult challenges than some ridiculous hater who takes the time no less to write you to cause pain. Please know you have many readers who admire your writing and respect the person whom you’ve shared occasionally with your readers. I’m one and I’m quite sure there are countless others.
9
This gay Jewish guy, age 72 found your splendid essay today thoughtful, kind and wise. I often watch you on CNN, let alone read your opinion pieces in "New York Times". Please continue your wonderful contributions. I still remember when the "Times" refused to use the word gay and gave significant space to homophobes, especially in covering various cultural topics. We have made some progress albeit not enough!
9
Mr. Bruni,
As usual, you've written an excellent and courageous column. It seems that racists and homophobic people are cut from the same cloth and sadly they are being emboldened by our current 'president.'
On another topic, I hope you are not like the stable genius and have evolved from your previous pro-fracking columns- especially at this time of the obvious existential threat to our planet from fossil fuel usage.
4
Beautiful.
1
As you can see Frank, the lack of knowledge is a heck of a thing.
I'm just glad you were lucky to be surrounded by individuals who knew better.
2
I am very sorry, Mr. Bruni. Your ocular condition has nothing to do with karma, comeupance, or divine retribution. Do not dote on the hate flung your way.
Hate's an essential part of the dark side of human nature. It is passionate love turned inward and projected outward. Hate may act out into violence but love overwhelms it finally.
I have had many friends who were gay. Some I actually watched change from hetero to homo before my eyes. One was so bound with me that we were blood brothers.
I told him one afternoon while he sat on the tiny kitchen counter in my upstairs apt in an old 50's house in our college town.
"Danny, you know I can't walk this path with you. I have Chris (soon married her). You're falling in love with James (a theater major and friend of Chris) and he won't stand by you long, you know. So Danny, you don't have to go this way. You know it will difficult. But I will always be your friend."
Danny still is my friend and yes the road was a long hard way. He never found his soul mate and fretted over HIV with me on the phone several times. He didn't get it but he worried.
So Frank, hate is lurking always over our left shoulder; ready to seize us and pull us down. Have a friend screen your inbox and give yourself a break.
The mere fact that Danny, yourself, and others I have known and loved can simply just be who they are is uplifting for everyone. Carry on keep writing with integrity and true spirit. You will be well recived after all. God Bless.
3
If you are left handed, or a homosexual, it is because you were born that way. IT is not a sin. I would bet that Jesus, a bachelor in his 30s, was also homosexual. The only god whose existence has been confirmed is Mother Nature. That said, I revere Jesus for his human wisdom.
1
If you are left handed, or a homosexual, it is because you were born that way. IT is not a sin. I would bet that Jesus, a bachelor in his 30s, was also homosexual. The only god whose existence has been confirmed is Mother Nature. That said, I revere Jesus for his human wisdom.
5
Thinking is out of style for so many.......
We need to revisit The Age of Reason.......
3
Frank, these stories about some of your readers are appalling! I am so sorry for you and have deep respect and affection for you (I've heard you speak several times in Silicon Valley).
There is one good aspect about the hateful readers sending you hateful emails: at least they are reading the NYTimes rather Breibart. If they have a shred of integrity and/or intelligence, maybe, just maybe, they will experience some kind of persecution which will make them eventually empathetic. At least, I hope for this.
5
Well said, Frank. Bravo.
3
Mr. Bruni,
Words cannot convey how very sorry I am to learn of your eyesight; needless to say, I sincerely hope that medical science will allow you to keep your remaining vision intact.
As for the vicious and nasty hatefulness directed at you, what immediately flashed in my mind was an essay that Albert Einstein wrote in 1936 entitled "Self-Portrait" —
"Of what is significant in one’s own existence one is hardly aware, and it certainly should not bother the other fellow. What does a fish know about the water in which he swims all his life?
The bitter and the sweet come from the outside, the hard from within, from one’s own efforts. For the most part I do the thing which my own nature drives to do. It is embarrassing to earn so much respect and love for it. Arrows of hate have been shot at me too; but they never hit me, because somehow they belonged to another world, with which I have no connection whatsoever."
From "Out of My Later Years" (The Philosophical Library, 1950)
Of course, homosexuality is a fact of nature — and ubiquitous amongst all higher animals, as discussed in the segment "The Nature of Sex," from the Canadian Broadcasting Corporation's award-winning weekly science program, "Quirks & Quarks" - http://www.cbc.ca/radio/quirks/quirks-quarks-for-jun-11-2016-1.3629207/the-nature-of-sex-1.3629362 (at 14:08 in the audio player).
Finally, it is the beliefs and teachings of ignorant and dogmatic religious zealots that are the "infamous crimes against nature".
4
Thank you Mr. Bruni. This is a thoughtful breath of fresh air. You see a problem but you engage with it in an intelligent manner. I'm grateful. If there is a "homosexual agenda" from what I can see it's to simply be good to one another and not hate each other. Oh, and I think your mother must be looking down on you now and be very, very, proud.
3
You are a lovely person, Mr. Bruni.
4
Dear Mr Bruni,
All I can offer is :
I don't know you beyond your writings, but I do know that I value you and appreciate you and recognize that America is a richer community with you in it.
7
Well, I love your articles, anyway. Very sorry about your eyes. Please do keep writing!
3
Hate and love are the yin and yang in our souls, both summonable if we choose. Love exists all around us via the hearts of kind people, but it’s quietly present. Hate is also all around us, and can be shocking in its effects. It’s disturbing but not surprising that ‘Christians’ will refer to a few indistinct passages in the Bible to defend their hate of homosexuals while ignoring many clearer and more persistent passages on topics like kindness and wealth. It’s not Christ’s hate, it’s the cowardly hater’s, who while hating isn’t strong enough to own the hate, they have to offload it and hide behind their God.
3
A wonderful column again Frank. I have so much enjoyed your compassionate, funny and smart ruminations over the years.
I hope that your experimental eye treatment saves the sight of your other eye. As a reader, my poor eyesight has been a bother, but it would be a real blow to be blind.
Best wishes.
4
i enjoyed your article- can you really imagine a teacher- a teacher in NYC is s superstitious and ill informed that she continues to regard homosexuality in medieval context. ?? information is the only defense we have against hate and ignorance. The people need to be exposed to non judgmental education- and they are not. The majority of white straight male wealthy legislators and business men and lobbyists that really run our country do no want that. money and power are seized in the disruption and chaos issuing now. the people need to get their power back- get it away from the haters.
2
Having Partyed with many substances ...now 2 and half years pure Sober and Loving it! ...it use to allways amaze me how Love could Overflow when your High and really Feeling Good/ I mean to the point of accectance and letting go of All your inhibitions...but yes drugs do not work in the long run and cause way more Pain and misery than they do good in the long run...at least most of the ones we have today....but it does go to show ...that this Hate is very Easily Overcome and is just as much chemical as it is thought programming...Great Article!
1
Love is bigger than anything in its way.
2
Dear Frank: You are one of my favorite columnists. You were before I knew you were gay and you are still. Sorry about your vision loss. I have a genetic disease that causes vision loss but mine is curable with corneal transplants. Don't think god has anything to do about anything except religion seems more an engine of hate these days than goodness. By the way, love you Frank.
3
Have the people who spew forth such righteousness by quoting the bible or their religion against other people actually read their bible? And I mean the New Testament, the actual words of Jesus and his life? My niece her wife and their baby want to live lives like everyone else. God made her the same as he made me.
I grow tired of arguing this point, and sometimes you can't argue with stupid. But we can continue to push back. The self righteousness folks are actually losing this battle, they know it, we just need to keep up our end and speak out against it. Thanks Frank.
4
I keep being surprised by the fact that religion is such a fertile soil for hate, as this column demonstrates. I'm an atheist myself, although I confess that I read Frank Bruni's columns religiously.
7
Mr. Frank Bruni:
I’m terribly sorry to hear that you have to interact with these people of hate just because of your sexual orientation. It should not be. However, obviously, it is. Stand strong. Know that many people in this world are with you in spirit. You are not alone.
Take care and above all, keep writing.
HATE HAS NO PLACE HERE.
2
After reading this column and shedding my tears, I am left with the thought: “If only, if only, if only” we could all rise to the level of Frank Bruni.
4
Mr. Bruni, I must be so naive! You say that all you NYT columnists get mail like that? Wow! I am just so grateful that you and all your rock star colleagues produce the food for thought for which we hunger. Thank you for sharing what those people said to you because, painful as if was, it penetrated my bubble and allowed me to see what can lurk in the minds of those who should know better. It does put the Trump kerfuffle in perspective , for when he is gone, the work will just have begun
1
That college professor's students won't complain. They'll be worried about their grades, and I'd not blame them. I've heard -- as both student and teacher -- many hateful comments in classrooms over the years. Racist, sexist, xenophobic, anti-you-name-it. When they came from students' mouths, I'd say something and bring the class into a discussion. When they came from professors, I chose safety. I'm sorry for that.
1
Hate is in all of us, it is an integral component of human psychic the same way as love and compassion, but as all things remaining equal when taken to extremes in people's minds then it is a disease.
A mental disease with guns, and vicious propaganda takes people to kill people and plant hate and chaos. All these actions are intended to benefit someone that is counting on this turmoil to profit.
Everybody hates Brussels Sprouts, yet you never heard of Brussels Sprouts being gun down or receiving hate email, so the issue with hate is that it is organized by those who profit from it, maybe the NRA, maybe FOX news, maybe the Christian Right, who knows.
1
Dear Frank,
Your columns have long-been must reads for me -- a white, straight, Catholic, conservative, Republican, Midwestern professor in his 50s -- with deepfelt fears and concerns about recent events in our country. For every shockingly rude and hateful email or letter you've ever received about who you are or what you write I can only respond by saying that hundreds of people like me wish they could have written warmly in support of you, as your column today has moved me to do. I stand with you.
7
Regan loves you and she is a far better judge of character than the two deplorables you cited.
I never thought to ask someone who is hated what it is like; perhaps this could be a running column...
Thanks to Frank, who is always interesting!
1
Is Bruni glad he gave Hillary NO benefit of the doubt and Trump ALL the benefit of the doubt? Let's not hate him for that. So did the rest of the Times but for Paul Krugman.
2
Frank, reading your book “Born Round, and reading your columns for all these years in the Times have been a balm for my soul.
To paraphrase Stuart Smalley, “You are good enough, you are smart enough, and gosh darn it, people like you!”
There is more love than hate in the world. You are proof of that.
4
Hate Is So Much Bigger Than Trump
---------------------------------------------
Very true, Mr. Bruni. But trump normalizes it like no other leader in my lifetime.
3
A wonderful column. Whether you realize it or not Frank, it largely refutes the op-Ed columns here that, for three years, excoriated Trump AND his supporters as nearly exclusive purveyors of hate & bigotry. Not all bigots are from south of the Mason Dixon line; a triumph of logic over emotion. Not all hateful bigots are on the right either.
My own views on homosexuality have softened over time. It’s not my place to judge someone’s personal sexual preferences. Being raised Catholic though, I can assure you that any devout Roman Catholic will have a hardline view on sexuality. They will not abandon their religion to accommodate secularism. So my advice is to not worry about them, they will not change their minds for you.
So we agree. Today’s societal hatred & bigotry are not all Trump’s fault. Such hatred might be softened though if the left recognized its own hatred. Since 2016, columns on these pages have heartily advanced the deplorables narrative. It’s been my experience though that you don’t win hearts & minds by consistently telling people you disagree with that they’re deplorable racists, bigots, xenophobes, & homophobes.
Maybe you’re on to something here Frank. Dialog is good. But just as you insist that people accept, respect, and perhaps even promote your views, so too should you respect the views of others.
Just for the record, I love you for your writing.
2
I think you you are making an error by not publishing these two letters. Like any other letters to the editor, they should appear to the public if deemed important. I would simply publish the two emails or letters unredacted and let them speak for themselves, so we can see the face of hate, allow these folks to “make themselves heard“. By the very act of writing you, they expressed this desire. So do not censor them, allow their free speech. By putting a spam filter on her, you are protecting her and yourself .... but not us. Please. Knowledge is our only weapon.
4
This one of the best opinion pieces published in the NYT this year.
2
@Gery Katona We need to look at more than the brain science of fear to explain hatred and bigotry in the U. S. The disciplines of social science and history are at least as useful. White supremacy, for example, has been in place since the nation's founding. Its original purpose was to justify the genocide and removal of indigenous people and the enslavement of Africans. The brutal exploitation and dehumanization of Native Americans and Blacks brought huge economic benefits. I doubt that if the brains of the thousands of slaveholders, Ku Klux Klan members, rapists, homophobic and transphobic murderers, white nationalists, and mass murderers could be examined they would all show enlarged amygdalas. Hate movements have social, economic, and political causes. This means that there are possible social, economic, and political solutions for eradicating them.
3
Or just look at the hatred that these opinion pieces inspire. They rally the troops to hate Trump and Republicans, to boycott their business and protest conservatives. If a person refused service to a black person it would be racist but to do it to a republican is somehow justice?
Hate is fear externalized.There will always be fear and there will
always be hate. I wish I could envision a society that removes all fear but it seems impossible. The next best thing is to remove the fear as best possible and try to contain hate with social and cultural pressure. The unreconstructed hate that can't be contained needs to be suppressed by legal action. I have no truck with unqualified freedom for anyone who is a actively threatening racist, misogynist, homophobe, or xenophobe.
1
As I've remarked elsewhere in today's edition, that these people are unable to think critically, or to learn anything that challenges the faulty thinking in which they were indoctrinated from birth, which of course includes humans' arrogant translation of the Bible, and their very questionable religious beliefs. I blame this lack of learning ability on the failure of our educational system, and the complacency of which we are all guilty.
3
Beautiful and generous column. Thank you.
2
Frank, may the glorious sun and gentle wind of today soothe you. Your enduring kindness in this cruel world must be exhausting. Carpe diem my friend and deep breaths in this hideous climate from the highest office of our government. It's their weather report, not ours.
3
This is a gorgeous, must read piece. Thank you, Mr. Bruni
4
It's frightening and depressing to realize that, over 50 years after Martin Luther King's "I have a dream" speech, we have a president, a party, and a rather large group of Americans who continue to believe that others should be judged by the color of their skin, their sexual preferences, their religion, and their economic status as well as their national origins. I wonder how they'd do if they were measured by the content of their character(s).
3
Frank,
I know that you must have searched for the best doctors. However, if you need another evaluation, I have a fabulous optometrist in Manhattan. When I needed specialized treatment, he sent me to probably the best - not only in NYC but perhaps in the country -
a clinician-scientist/ophthalmologist up at MEETH. If you would like the names, The Times has my contact. info.
All my best wishes.
1
Sigh, I am sad to say you have to add women to that list of the "others" subject to hate. The venom out there is toxic and widespread. So I empathize with you when these negative and hurtful missives hurl you way. Think of what they could be doing to make the world better instead of their nasty mind pollution.
The fear of blindness will sharpen your insights and drive. It did with me when so threatened and now facing unpredictable potentially sudden loss. Fate and genetics. People fear science so blame lifestyle.
2
Hate is simply the inborn fear of the other that is a survival trait in humans. Fear the other because they might be trying to hurt you.
Hate is magnified and becomes persistent, however, because it is of use to those who wish to increase their power by influencing others. Politicians and religious leaders are the two biggest offenders meeting this description.
When you can cause people to feel fear, you can offer yourself as the entity that can protect them from what you caused them to fear in the first place. This is a convenient and easily stoked cycle that creates a sense of dependence.
Thinking for yourself is a difficult challenge, but necessary. Many, maybe even most, will not even realize they aren’t thinking for themselves. Probably, to some degree, we are all susceptible to one degree or another to propaganda and fear mongering.
It is an age-old game.
2
Dear Mr Bruni,
I'm a 68 year old heterosexual male living in upstate NY. I just wanted to let you know that I love your kind, gracious and open hearted writing, and I have only love in my heart for you, along with deep sadness for what you have had to endure. I will hold a prayer for you, that your eyesight will improve... Your writing is a comfort to many of us in a world gone mad with hatred, greed and violence. I believe we are all created and part of the same divine spark, and in your writing, and your being, the divinity always shines through. Thank you, Ron
6
I do not understand why people hate as you have addressed. Often I think it may relate to projection- they hate others with differences they are not directly acquainted with because they hate themselves unconsciously. I may be wrong in thinking this and I am not a psychiartrist, it just seems logical to me. I for one think we need to embrace differences and I do not think God holds the kind of thing the examples you gave in your piece have said to you against you. If you are kind, honest, generous and loving (no matter who you love) I have a tendency to think you are more worthy than those people you cited in your inbox. I do agree with you that hate effects all sorts of people rich, poor, young and old, uneducated and highly educated. It is very difficult to understand because their lives would be much better if they did not hate. I can assure you that I am one person who will continue to read your columns !
2
Thank you for this column, Frank, and many others you’ve written. Hateful people are hard to reach because they don’t recognize their hate. They think it’s moral righteousness, their ticket to heaven, and by God, don’t anybody get in the way of that.
1
Dear Frank, I am sorry you are the target of so much vileness. I'm writing this to add my small voice to all of the other voices who appreciate your insights and op-ed column. Keep up the good work.
3
@C.L.S.
I don't know what is the point of making someone "go balistic". Like that is going to change anyone's mind? Changing thought is what is needed, not provoking anger. Otherwise, the cycle of hate continues to feed off of itself. Try some love and compassion in the face of hate and bigotry. It won't always make things better, but it certainly won't make it worse.
@C.L.S.
I don't know what is the point of making someone "go balistic". Like that is going to change anyone's mind? Changing thought is what is needed, not provoking anger. Otherwise, the cycle of hate continues to feed off of itself. Try some love and compassion in the face of hate and bigotry. It won't always make things better, but it certainly won't make it worse.
I am sorry you have a visual impairment in one eye.
But you eyesight and insight remain very sharp about situations and conditions in this nation. And for that, I am grateful. Keep up your good work.
1
Never give up on hope Mr. Bruni. We live in an age of modern miracles. Your eye problem may yet be cured. Your editorials inspire us to make a better world without the divisiveness of hate. And most importantly, never give up hope. For it is the audacity of hope Mr. Bruni which is the antidote to hate. Get well soon and may God bless you.
1
It's a matter of perception, & it is more difficult than ever to keep things in perspective in our rapidly changing world.
1. It's societal: The media & entertainment industry's presentations of life now take precedence over (boring) social and environmental sciences, facts, and reading. The media is much more likely to focus on what is: (1) bizarre, interesting, "newsworthy" rather than on what is "representative" of people's opinions and behavior; and (2) on conflict rather than on harmony in society.
Shock-jock Trump is bizarre, and entertaining, and certainly dominates the daily news coverage. But is he representative of what people want in a president? No, the man has never achieved a majority approval rating of 50% or more in the Gallup opinion polls, and his disapproval rating has always been higher than his approval rating.
As Frank also noted: A majority of Americans now endorse gay marriage. My theory is once gays proudly came out, many of us discovered they were some of the finest family members, neighbors, friends, and colleagues we knew as human beings. Love is deep & wide.
2. It's personal: I suspect Frank is highly conscientious & empathetic. In some of the finest, most accomplished people I know, no matter how positive an overwhelming number of people are about them, they will focus on one or a few negative comments, which truly disappoint and overshadow all the positive. It hurts
Why did these 2 emailers reach out & seek to hurt? Because they hurt
1
Frank,
Sometimes it’s incredibly hard to be the bigger person. Thanks for the powerful reminder of the importance of grace in the face of hate.
2
It is so very tiresome to see that some people just cannot live their own lives and let others live theirs. These people seem to think that they have the right to interfere in how other people live. And still they imagine themselves to be Christians. It clearly says in the Bible that you do not have the right to judge others.
Of course Christianity no long has any meaning.
3
Mr. Bruni,
I hope the response to your column, as reflected in your readers’ comments, heartens you. Just as I am shocked by the inhumanity of hatred displayed by the engineer, professor, (and others like them), I am awed by the humanity expressed by your readers. Their words are the feathers of Dickinson’s poetry.
That all of us remember the Golden Rule, and practice it every day: (paraphrased here) “treat others the way you would want them to treat you.” Age-old and simple, yet so forgotten in these ugly times.
2
From the polls, it seems that over 40% of Americans live by hate, intolerance, racism and the ludicrous acceptance of calling political opponents names. But that means that for every hateful American, there is another one that believes that Frank Bruni could be our son, brother and father. Eventually, the haters will lose, no matter how much gerrymandering they do. Frank, please ignore them and enjoy your life.
2
I love to read whatever you write, even when it is as somber as this column. There is no question that Trump, as well as the internet, has magnified the fear and confusion many people feel after being sucker-punched by the sudden Republican lurch to the far, far right -- to fascism, even.
One can only hope that the Democrats, or progressives, can find some way to rehabilitate our democracy, and to restore kindness and respect for everyone -- not just for the white, the rich, the male, and the straight.
2
I appreciate reading the bitter truth about America and its people, of its seething hatred of people of color and of “the other.” It’s difficult for me to admit that Frank is right, Trump is just tilling a garden that was already overflowing with racism and religious bigotry. And he is masterfully playing the fake right-wing extremist press and media, including right-wing hate radio, with their reality distortion chorus like an instrument. I never could have imagined it would ever be possible in America to once again openly express racist and religiously bigoted sentiments with no sanction. I was wrong. It is not only tolerated, it is rewarded.
3
Mr. Bruni, I am so sorry to hear of the hate you receive. Your piece is thoughtful and important. Your advice on the tenacity and wide spread reach of hate is spot on. Again, sorry for the hate and its background of fear that you receive in your in-box. John Hannon
2
The elephant in the room, which you somewhat obliquely touch upon is Religion and specifically evangelical christianity (although white catholics - my ex-religion - aren't much better). They make up the overwhelming majority of Trump's base and the overwhelming majority of homophobes and bigots of all flavors ( it's true but you really aren't allowed to mention this fact given the privileged position religion holds in America). Until the sane and decent Christians and people of all faiths directly confront them, nothing much will change ( when you raised the point of some people under 30 also being anti-gay, you'll find that almost all of them are evangelicals or catholics or muslims and - in their minds - have a faith-based reason for hating you). Yet rarely is this source of their hate ever addressed or even mentioned. We are supposed to pretend that this is just one of those things that we can't explain and are left to hoping it just goes away on its own over time. It Won't and non-believers like me pointing it out will have zero effect. It must be other christians, who currently, for the most part, just act embarrassed by them and keep their head in the sand.
4
Had to write. Hate is a nasty human trait, but as an old hippie I have seen love work it's power as well. Keep loving and teach people what you know to be true - the joy and fun of life.
Sorry about the bummers out there - don't let them bring you down. One hand for the ship and one hand for you, as the sailors say.
3
True!
Frank Bruni~You are kind, talented, intelligent and loved. So, at some level, I feel happy for you. Your beautiful writing gives you a way to express hurt.
I feel great sadness for the very young/teen members of the GLBTQ community who have not yet developed the maturity and moxy to rise above the ridicule and daily hateful looks and comments. I see and hear their cries and that of their parents for them.
Loving Grandparent
3
Thank you for this, Mr. Bruni. You're a patriot, in the truest sense.
I'm sorry for the hate people have for you simply for who you are. I'm happy that you had such a wonderful mother, but sorry that you lost her so early.
5
Homophobia is common in NYC, and everywhere, still. We do a great disservice to the people who are on the receiving end of that type of hatred and ignorance to pretend otherwise. It makes it difficult for victims of anti-LGBTQ discrimination to be heard or believed—after all, this is the City! I blame Hollywood and wishful thinking for this pervasive misconception. Thank you for your column, and I’m sorry people feel the need to project their own insecurities onto you.
Also, I’m extremely nearsighted and have been for my entire life. Perhaps I should repent for my sins and Jesus will make glasses and contacts unnecessary? That would be convenient!
1
Frank, so sorry to hear about your eyesight. A very hard thing to have to face. I will send you healing thoughts.
You are a beacon of light. Your words are filled with wisdom and your columns are uplifting. Without this newspaper sometimes I would be completely despairing. Your fight, through your writing, is noble and necessary.
As a straight, white, professional female who tries hard every day to have no hate in my heart for anyone, it is difficult not to demonize Trump and those around him, but I do not want to do this. It is all too easy to hate, as it is more or less mindless and fueled by mean, small, dark thoughts. The song from South Pacific, "You Have To Be Taught To Hate" is accurate. Babies don't hate.
When religion teaches love and forgiveness, understanding and compassion, it is useful, but when spews hate from the pulpit or the leaders it is tainted and carries harmful energy. Why do so few understand that? What if, instead of video games full of violence, there were games about how to be a better person? Ha! Who would buy them????
The world is living through a very dark time. As the "Aquarian Age" emerges all of that which must go rises to the surface for one last gasp. Like a boil that is festering it swells and becomes more painful before it erupts. So many people on this planet are hurting. Even the billionaire find reasons to feel sorry for themselves.
Thank you for your work. You are much appreciated. Corraggio!
4
The title of your column is true but does not tell the whole story. Hatred is bigger than Trump but I am probably not alone in pointing out that, when hatred--as with racism and xenophobia--is so explicitly and forcefully expressed by the President of the United States, it gives permission to others to not be ashamed of their gutter feelings and prejudices and to emerge fom their well-deserved obscurity. It gives them a waiver from civility tells them that sowing fear is acceptable.
3
intolerance always seems to be fueled by religion and hate seems to be the manifestation of an inability to tolerate the beauty of humans who are as diverse as raindrops...thank you for your column, I'm sure your mom loved your deeply
1
No coincidence that those "religious" people are quick to condemn you. Imagine what it must be like to believe that a book of allegories and fairy tales are the word of 'God." These folks who spew hatred and vitriol had better stop claiming that they are on "God's" side. When, in fact, they should be worried that God is on their side. Given their propensity to discuss "heaven," I implore them to consider how long eternity can be.
1
Am 73 and thought gay people were psychologically impaired until I was about 40. Science is clear on this. Gays are normal. As normal as all the hets out there. I'm a skeptical agnostic and so don't have the nonsensical dogma baggage of born again. What I don't get is why people can't accept and live life free from such abuse and fear. Does it give meaning to otherwise empty lives? Enjoy your columns without remembering your sexual orientation. Which unless you raise it is of no moment.
1
As a supporter of our President please explain why is 24/7 hate of Donald Trump by the media since the day he won the office not considered hate?
I'm speculating, but I would be willing to bet those two folks who take issue with your sexuality identify as Christians. I'm always bemused by professed Christians who seem to have missed the entire new testament. To quote Ray Wylie Hubbard;
"Buddha was not a Christian, but Jesus woulda made a good buddist"
1
Your comments and appearances on TV provide opportunities for reflection. Sports "Winning" at all costs (my team), has traveled from the mid-east to Europe and now to the US to infect our thought processes. Skip a flat rock on the water and you see several circles. Society responds to the first circle when the third and fourth will have more impact in short time....but will we have that opportunity now that up is now down. Not sure 18 months ago and even less so every hour today but I am not telling you anything you don't know. Please continue.
Mr. Bruni: I am very sorry to hear about you eye problems. Please take comfort from the fact most of your readers know and appreciate —- your sight may be problematic, but your vision about what is happening in our country is 20/20.
1
Frank, I am so sorry that you have to deal with this. There is simply no excuse for this kind of behavior, and the cruelty of the professor's remarks to you is hard to believe. I hope you can take some comfort in the fact the vast majority of us couldn't care less about a person's sexual orientation. Hang in there, and keep writing your thoughtful columns (even the ones I disagree with and post snarky comments about).
1
In your list of certain categories — "black, brown, Jew, Muslim, gay, trans", you left off atheist. Any guess as to how much hate the engineer and teacher hold in their god-fearing hearts for atheists?
Thank you for the excellent and insightful article.
2
When while watching a basketball game on TV three co workers began mocking the black players, and I called them on it, they told me I didn't understand because I hadn't lived among blacks the way they had. In order to not reciprocate hostility, it's important to remember that people lack free will, and to truly pity ignorance. But yes, it must be awful to bear the brunt of it.
I understand your reasons for not naming these people but, oh, how I wish you would. Their hatred, and the fact that they made the effort to heap it on you, has earned them a good public shaming. I guess sometimes you do have to turn the other cheek. Slapping back would be more just. Sigh.
"If you live in a certain category — black, brown, Jew, Muslim, gay, trans — you know this, and you experience events like those of the past week not just as chilling reflections of the political moment but as sad testaments to human nature."
I regret that you omitted "female" in the above list of categories because society treats females as second class citizens in all areas of life, i.e. religion, culture, professions, socially, etc.
After all, we have a president who was "elected" (legitimately or not) by a sufficient number of voters who were not troubled by the Access Hollywood tape. Hopefully, the #MeToo movement and the revelations of the Jeffrey Epstein investigations will advance male attitudes somewhat, but such social progress is exceedingly slow.
2
I'm so sorry to hear about your vision problems. I can't imagine how scary that must be. It's good that you shared it. Maybe getting the word out will somehow shake loose some helpful ideas.
1
I feel sometimes as if some of Mr.Bruni's columns can
be as self righteous as the
columns of Jennifer Finney
Boyle. I understand that
gay and transgender rights
are important to people of
that orientation, but they
are a hard sell to people
who,for instance, watch
the gay pride parade and
see near naked men make
fun of cardinals and priests
or women dressed as men
on motorcycles. in any
society there must be norms which transcend
whatever certain groups
choose as their lifestyles.
moral relativism
tolerates,indeed encourages, doing away
with religion and God
himself without considering the effect of
that void on society. just
look the horrors which
AIDS has inflicted on our
society. I have absolutely
nothing against gay people,but they must also
realize that those who
don't understand every
aspect, in my case transgenders, of alternative llifestyles, are
not sexists,but people who
have grown up with certain
values, and imperfect as
we are,would like to preserve those values for
future generations.
1
Mr Bruni, I have been reading the Times for over 57 years. Your column today is the most illuminating and stimulating I have ever read.
P.S. - I also am reading it with my one good eye !
1
"Well, some people are beyond reaching and teaching."
I think that is what Hillary meant by deplorables.
This is bigger than Trump, but one thing has changed with him. Normally hate crimes have gone up in Democratic administrations and subsuded agaom when a Republican was in the White House. But under Trump they have instead seen an upsurge.
1
Obviously most everyone who makes any sense is becoming more and more depressed about this country being led by Donald J. Trump. It’s like a horrible bad dream that just won’t go away.
1
Never forget love is bigger than hate or Trump or the both of them. Much, much bigger. And there are more of us. And we know more, give more, help more than haters will ever know, give or help. We'll be happier, healthier and more fun. (Haters should come to our parties. They might find they're gay, too). For as fertile as hate's sick and shrinking garden, humanity's love grows greater in the soils of richness, with more vibrant rainbows of color, with deeper, more widespread roots, under a warmer, brighter sunlight. Oh, and you're over invited to real faith if you'd like. All are welcome. Including haters, who, if their fears dare come, will begin to see what you have and -will always see-, is the truth. Thank you for your gifted, insightful writing, may your God Bless you always and Happy Sunday
I have no reason to hate Jews, Mexicans or blacks. My surrogate mother was a wise and loving African-American woman. God bless her. A Jewish family semi-adopted me after I lost my own mother to cancer. I was a destitute college freshman. They fed me when I was hungry. God bless them. I worked for a Hispanic organization when I badly needed work and they trusted and helped me. God bless them. I am an old white guy looking back with humble gratitude on the diverse collection of strangers who helped a struggling young man. I am honored to have known all of them. I do not understand this hate thing.
1
Dear Mr. Bruni: you speak about all the hate you receive in your inbox with a certain resignation, but I imagine how painfun it must feel to read these comments. They are hurtful. You must put a brave and courageuos face, but it must be difficult to receive this hate for your mental health. I hope you are OK and have friends and a family to put your mind in. I understood what you wanted from this article, but try to not pay so much attention to these messages, but instead to the good you receive everyday. Thank you for your article. Very moving.
Beautiful. Thank you. “Hope is the thing with feathers”.
Thank you for who you are and all that you do.
1
Frank, very few people have the intelligence, honesty, integrity, and strength of character that you possess, and generously share with your readers.
If there were, the world would be a far better place in which to live.
I wish you the best of health and retention of your eye sight.
1
Using the word hate casually, as we often do, softens the cruel fact of organized hatred.
1
I am Jewish. Some people don't like me, or "hate" me simply because of that. Those who are gay. Same thing. Asian, black, brown, etc., etc. Same, same and same. Some people of ALL races, genders, religions, etc. hate and are hated (though, certainly, some more than others.)
I doubt there are any groups worldwide that are hated more than my fellow Jews. But do I care or spend time thinking about what anyone else thinks about me or the fact that I am Jewish? Not a bit. I don't understand why so many people seem to look for ways to be offended, to want to see themselves as victims
Certainly, if it's a matter of personal safety, discriminatory laws or practices in the workplace, even war or attacks, etc.,etc., fight back, defend yourself, seek equality. And, certainly, the president is despicable for spreading the messages he does. But, in general, other people's views, thoughts, opinions? Ignore them.
I am sorry about your partial loss of sight. Your admonition that we must not “lose sight” of evil people shows me that you have not lost your sense of humor.
I was born in the 1940s. In my lifetime, I believe society has made slow incremental progress. The world, however, moves now at warp speed. We have too many martyrs and too few leaders.
I am sorry for the vile and hateful mail you have received. You are an insightful and talented writer, and I always look forward to your columns. The ugliness our country is producing breaks my heart; as you say, I hoped we were moving forward with the administration we elected previous to today’s president (I hate to even write his name), but Obama’s election fueled a race hatred, and that emboldened hatred for anyone different from the white/male/ Christian trope. I am so over this. I am hoping our better angels will prevail, and the promise of our historical forefathers will prevail. If not, our amazing promise will fall, heartbreaking.
1
Mr. Bruni, you are a gem and role model for all of us.
3
What amazes me, is the blatant demonstration of profound ignorance by two presumably educated readers of your writings.
So much of the negativity is based on that tired and worn out falsehood that a person’s sexuality is a choice and not a genetically determined, biological assignment at the time of conception. Since the latter is the reality , and since God doesn’t make mistakes, then one can only come to the logical conclusion that you were made in his image and likeness. Therefore you are unique and perfect in His/Her eyes !
Sorry you have to deal with this nonsense all the time. You must get tired but don’t let it wear you down. Keep writing because that’s how you will enlighten the less informed and uninformed in our society.
You have probably had a million different opinions about your eye problem from the many excellent ophthalmologists in New York but if you were thinking of getting one more opinion , consider the Mass Eye and Ear here in Boston. They are superb.
Hatred of "the other" is the central theme of American history. And "the other," viewed empirically, is just about all of us. Too many of us have viewed American history through a fantasy lens, and too many have taught ad bought that imagined history. A nation of immigrants that hates immigrants, exterminated indigenous peoples and enslaved Africans needs to lose its grip on historical fantasy before it can gain a grip on reality.
2
In a violent species like ours, hatred leads to killing leads to resources appropriated from dead enemies leads to more opportunity for reproduction and evolutionary success. Hatred needs no further explanation. I'm surprised we so little of it.
2
Thank God for wonderful writers like you, Frank Bruni! It amazes me how many so-called Christians are eager to "cast the first stone," and completely ignore Christ's main message, which is to "love thy neighbor," period!
1
Please keep writing your beautiful intelligent thoughts for us all to absorb. You are wonderful. Ok, I don’t know if you are wonderful, since we haven’t met, but I do believe a meeting would confirm it. Statistically, there are (have got to be?) more people who love than are trolls. Believe it?! Let’s run some numbers!
Your mom is so proud of you.
1
Hate takes many forms. It's not all partisan political. It's not all religious, (false as some cults are). Indeed, there is a deep well of hatred based on ageism. I have known women who have such antipathy towards men that they cannot trust them. I know gay men who have such deep antipathy to women that like the most petty spurned lover, they spread gossip and weaponize the word "lesbian" to drive wedges between straights and gays. There are many forms of hate but the hate that encourages violence is the most insidious.
Frank Bruni is right : hate has tentacles and so does ignorance, so do hormones, so do thin, easy judgments. But then we go off the rails to insist that President Trump "counts on" people with hate.
Much of human wisdom teaches that each one of us carries the seeds of both hate and love within us.Bad judgment and error has no pedigree according to skin color or sexual preference. Using ONE-SIDED LABELS is not the answer. It' simply says, "not me." Which of course is untrue. It is each and all of us. We're in this together.
Religion strikes again...
3
You are a thoughtful, intelligent, and compassionate guy. The people that write you this hateful trash will hopefully be inspired by that to be better humans by your example. If not, they will be locked into their own personal downward spiral of misery brought on by their moral rot. Karma knows everyone’s address.
7
Anti-gay actions seem to come almost exclusively from people who are fervently fundamentalist Christians. The woman who wrote you probably truly believes that she personally will go to hell if she didn’t write you that hateful message. She thought she was being your savior and doing God’s will, and that she was doomed to external damnation if she didn’t do it. As long as we are fighting that kind of hateful behavior, we will have big problems, because it is not rational, and the hater sees you as an actual threat to his/her personal eternal salvation.
3
I have been gay for all of my 70 years, and I still don't know what the "gay agenda" is. I wish they'd send me a copy.
To quote Deborah Mathis in an essay that appeared in the Seattle Intelligencer in 1998, "Surely it wouldn't mean that gay Americans want to be treated like all Americans - or, shall I say, the way all Americans are supposed to be treated, given what the country says it is about.
"Because if that's what the gay agenda means, then hell, count us all in on the gay agenda."
7
I am an 80-year-old retired college music professor. A student that I only very dimly remembered, contacted me privately via internet to tell me that he had been raised in a right-wing evangelical household, where he was taught that having any contact whatever with homosexual people was evil and would place his soul in immortal danger. He told me that observing me was the first time that he realized this was not true. I was both touched and shocked. I never was a "crusader" of any sort. It was just that in my 40's, I stopped adopting the "cover" of pretending I was "straight" and lived my life openly.. bringing my partner to concerts, trips and social events. I never felt the need to explain anything. And, in classes, where crude and stupid homophobic jokes would surface (for instance, the name in some other languages for the instrument "bassoon", is "faggot") I decided to not let such things pass. So it startled me considerably that a student I didn't know I had in any way influenced had seen me as an example. He ended his note to me, saying , "As a result, I raised my own children differently." I was profoundly moved. I think this is how the world changes. And it was no "heroic act" on MY part. It was simply and honestly being myself.
8
“Well, some people are beyond reaching and teaching.” You can believe that and it may be true, but I choose (most days) to not believe that. I’m in my mid-50’s and a dyke, feminist, progressive, poly, atheist, and I choose, consciously, to not give up on people. Any individual is capable of changing their beliefs. I have witnessed such in my own life. Goodness can reach through, people can grow and heal. It is daunting with the current situation and very hard. To be clear, you deserve to feel embittered, deserve to just hate the haters, just hate-em back. But you don’t have to feel that way if you don’t want to. As a group, I hate haters. But individually, people I meet in my life? I believe that goodness and decently can prevail. It is a subtle difference, but its how I try (not always successful) to lead my life.
I met a White Het man in grad school, an ex-cop, a catholic. He told me one day that I had changed his mind regarding LGBTQI+. Many months later, I accidentally over-heard him talking to some clients, admonishing them for homophobic language. There was passion in his voice. He is a good man, a good father, a good therapist. I watched him go from hater to a defender. Change is possible. While I recognize and validate that somedays its hard. But try and have faith in people, even if you don’t in humanity.
2
From my moniker, you may safely assume I work in a religious setting. I, too, am appalled and perplexed by the insistent hatred of those who would happily condemn people to hellfire, people they don't know, people who have not harmed them, people I am convinced God loves unreservedly. I struggle with this because I also am convinced God loves the haters, too. So I worry about the damage to their spirits and souls, and I wonder how to reach them. One thing is sure, it can't be done at a distance, it can't be done by email or social network posts or letters to editors, or even brilliant, moving editorials. It can only be done in person, one on one. There is great fear behind the hate, and what they truly fear isn't you, or us, or some other "them." What they truly fear is that they themselves are not beloved of God. Years ago, when my brother was on the dark road brought on by sexual abuse, he hated everyone and everything. My mother said, I didn't have to love him just because he was my brother. I found that freeing at the time, because I no longer felt I needed to be on the front line. I could let God love where I could not. Later, we were reconciled, he said he was so sorry, and I said I know and it's okay now. And it was, really. He went through hell; we all went with him, and we all came out the other side, he died from cancer back in '06, and I miss him every day. Mr Bruni, you are stronger because you have weathered the storms. You are loved. Thank you for your words!
3
So as a gay man, I’m supposed to worry about my salvation because these simpletons' belief in their imaginary sky god tells them I’m a sinner, and a damned one at that? Mostly I’m just exhausted by this much ignorance, by people who think that God really cares more about the erotic company I keep than, say, global warming which bids fair to destroy all of us, saved and sinners alike. Don’t these folks have anything better to do with their time than hate people different from themselves? Why does pluralism frighten so many people? If you don’t like gays, leave us alone. I promise we won’t bother you either.
7
Your one reader must not be much of a professor if she hasn’t clued in that you’re gay. Your other reader’s telemedicine diagnostic powers gave me quite a good laugh with my morning coffee. ‘God hates fags’, is not very original, but is all too popular and convenient.
I trust the judgement of your dog Reagan about you over this lot. In my experience, if the dog doesn’t have a problem with you, it’s unlikely God does.
Mr. Bruni, I am a devoted fan. Your restaurant reviews were delightful. Your op- eds more so as they touch on life and death matters.
I could not give a tinker's damn about your sexuality. I suspect your societal battles have sharpened your observations, made you more empathetic to other's battles and I salute your courage in almost flaunting it in your effort to enlighten the bigots you quote in your article today.
The battle of good v. evil [i.e. straight v. gay] has been going on for centuries, Organized religion is its worst enemy, as it makes the distinctions for all the wrong reasons. Your efforts to expose it are be applauded, and i do so as loudly as I can.
4
How can these people have such a twisted understanding of what it means to be a good person? I don't get the impression that they want to inflict pain for pain's sake. They truly believe what they've been taught. I am Christian but am saddened to see how faith in Jesus, the first social justice warrior, has become so bastardized. If only someone could open their eyes.
3
I attended a street Salsa Dance yesterday evening in Hartford, Connecticut on Pratt Street and I was giddy with joy. Brown, black and white intermingled with and danced the salsa with one another with happy smiles upon their faces, and I thought to myself, “THIS is America.” I photographed these happy faces and am posting it in social media to show the world what true America is. I am very sorry you have had to deal with the element of hate in this country.
2
Thank you Frank for the courage to share. I would like to believe that for every bigot there are hundreds more who support you and every other individual who happens to be a different color or to love a member of one's own sex or to profess a lack of religious belief. Thank you for reminding us that we cannot remain silent.
5
I frequently wonder if these pious self righteous creeps do actually pray for people or if they just talk about it to be horrible. I just can’t really imagine the professor kneeing before an icon and praying for Frank. More likely she wishes him harm.
3
"[Obama] symbolized the possibility of hatred’s ebb. But it was biding its time, waiting its turn".
The problem, Mr. Bruni, is that just by being the first Black man occupying the highest position of the land at the White House, President Obama brought to the surface all the hatred and nastiness that had been dormant for a few decades in White America. Contrary to popular belief, the main representatives of these sentiments are not David Duke of the KKK and the likes of Breitbart (who are in the open) but the likes of Donald Trump, with his "birtherism," and Mitch McConnell, whom from the first day of Obama's Presidency made clear that he would sabotage every and any policy coming from the Executive branch stating that "The single most important thing we want to achieve is for President Obama to be a one-term president." As a descendant of slave-owners from Kentucky (his two great-great-grandfathers, James McConnell and Richard Daley), it was intolerable for McConnell to see a "boy" as the true leader, not only of the United States but also of the Free World.
1
Take heart, frank bruni. Those who deeply appreciate you and your writing outnumber the awful people who attack. Thanks for this column.
I cling to the hope that these terrible trump years will be followed by a resurgence of tolerance and love for humanity.
.
3
Somehow your piece sounds disingenuous and it seems you’re giving Trump a pass. Hate has been around since Cain and Abel, and will be around long after Trump. But right now Trump is everyone’s problem.
Hate will damage the hater much more than it will harm the anonymous victims of someone's hatred. Google "how does hate affect your health?" or "what does anger to do the body?" to see a list of potential ailments. One site says: "Research shows that hatred changes the chemistry in the brain as it stimulates the premotor cortex which is responsible for planning and execution of motion. This prepares us to act aggressively when feeling hateful, either to defend or as an attack . This activation also triggers the autonomic nervous system, creating 'fight or flight' responses, increasing cortisol and adrenalin. Both these hormones deplete the adrenals and contribute to weight gain, insomnia, anxiety, depression and chronic illness." The woman who hatefully attributes Mr. Bruni's partial blindness to his sexual orientation may need medical attention throughout her self-toxifying life. Unfortunately, she's probably not a Democrat.
1
I'm sorry that hate-filled trolls are wasting your time. I would like to point out however that among the oppressed groups you mentioned, you failed to mention the most oppressed group in the world, namely women. Sadly I find that gay men tend to be oblivious to misogyny, unless they are participating in it. The pornography industry is a major cause of the societal misogyny that has helped incite our recent mass shootings, as your newspaper documents. Even then it didn't occur to you to think about women when writing this essay.
I am hated and I am a white female. It seems in today's complex world everyone is hated for something. I am hated for my job and what it entails, hated by a high functioning sociopath I once loved, hated because I was adopted, and the list could go on and on. Putting politics aside, I am frightened by the huge amount of "hate" in the world today. How do we do a "global attitude shift"? Simple kindness and civil tolerance of all our differences is so eroded I want to cry.
2
Frank,
Thank you for your wise and generous columns. I wish you well and keep up the great work.
Kelly Work
1
Mr. Bruni, you are a fine writer. I try not to miss a thing that you pen.
Who you are is none of my business, nor is it of any relevance to
the intellectual dialogue. Your editorial contributions enrich our lives.
Carry on.
Thank you.
1
Human nature is a stubborn thing.
Thank you for all that you write.
2
Dear Mr. Bruni, count me as another who reads and always benefits from your columns. I hope and pray that you will not lose your sight. But I am confident that you never will lose your vision.
3
Several things came to my mind. Bruni here touched very important matters. Also sensitive. A lot to say on my part. But, I will economize my comment. The center of this column is, I found, the paragraph starting with “They’re strangers. They’ve never met me”. Which repeats in different ways all through the piece. Strangers, yet, can self-deteterminedly know you in their ways without knowing you. This fanaticism (my expression) on imposed-types (more than stereotypes, I guess) are also mentioned by Bruni. There, imaginary and preferences meet together to fit and fix into strangers’ prejudiced mental worlds, the tentacles of which extend to search and grab convenient targets. Unlike NYT columnists, regular people have much less exposure risks to be picked on as targets. Yes, this is my shift. However, social media’s eyes today might be millions of tentacles, ubiquitous and predatory for anyone, with no mercy at all. If moral reconstructions are possible, one way is such that anyone writes in one’s most suitable way, or raises one’s voice, against machinery demagogueries propagated on digital basis everyday. Feathers must make flights into freedom for all.
John 9:1-41
The story of Jesus healing the blind man. His disciples asked what sin or his parents had done to cause this. Jesus said neither, and healed the man.
Not once did Jesus ask if he was homosexual or heterosexual.
Any follower of Jesus who does ask and condemn is judging when their God's son did not. As the Bible says, Judge not, that ye be not judged. [2] For with what judgment ye judge, ye shall be judged:
That professor seems to not remember the words of the God she worshiped.
The titanic forces we live with are love and fear.
Love, and its many splendors, blooms brilliantly in contrast to the raspy ugliness of fear.
These United States of America are on fire from fear; mass murderers, racists, misogynists; the list of the fearful is long.
Too many of us don't open our hearts and practice love, even though we don't embrace, and resist, the fear that permeates our culture.
Silence isn't an option. Being blind to fear is not an option. Working harder isn't an option. Becoming distracted by the complexity of everything isn't an option.
We either love each other, each and everybody, or we don't.
Love. What a concept to make real in the face of Trump and his fear. Love. Against a nationalism based in a God that won't let too many white believe in brown people, or yellow people, or black people, love is better than any sermon from any pulpit. Love will allow us to embrace this planet and move us from the fear of scarcity into action on climate change.
Start small - love a little.
I hope that teacher and engineer read this column. Of course it won't change their minds. After this past week ending with an exclamation point of the photo with Trump with his thumbs up and Melania holding that orphaned baby, I feel hopeless and pray he doesn't get another term.
1
I agree with your premise that the hatred we are experiencing was there before Trump.
Sunlight is there too, but a magnifying glass can start a fire. The man is evil.
He too is beyond reaching. We simply need to vote him out and stand up to the other haters we cannot change.
1
I do not put Trump in the category of a true hater. Trump is amoral and transactional. He will take any position that he perceives will do him some good in the short run. His base, which he must keep happy, contains true haters so he just hates whatever they do. Once he is out of office he will change his opinions on what to hate based on his economic situation. That actually makes him more dangerous than true haters because you can never be sure what he will attack next. True haters are predictable and therefore easier to defend against. All that aside, Mr. Bruni, I am very sorry to learn of your medical problem. I pray the doctors can help you. One of you is worth more than 10,000 haters.
1
What a shame that those among us who are forever angry, fearful, hateful and hurtful are the ones who are totally blind without even realizing it while you, Mr. Bruni, have the strength to bear your own pain and theirs by your feelings. You're not alone. Sharing your life's story is a gift that few of us have the courage to do and more should.
Keep up the good work!
1
IF it helps at all, fundamentalists who try say you are going blind because you are doing something wrong in God's eyes - no matter how hateful - are believe it or not, in their own way, trying to help.
That is how they see it.
I was raised by a fundamentalist mother - who held me back and down my own life. And I wasn't gay, just not as judgemental as her. But it had deep side effects I only came to terms with in my 40's.
Thank your lucky stars the hate/judgement is just in your email and not raising you. And then be thankful that you are forced to have to tell people 'she thinks she is helping people....don't pay her any mind'.
Your moving essay"Hate is Bigger than Trump" moved me to write you. I agree and empathize with you. I am a gay Jewish man living with a gay European man who is a child of Holocaust survivors. Outsiders often experience big challenges in society. We also have huge responsibilities because our special lens on humanity enables us to shine light in the darkest of corners. You do this with sensitivity and compassion.
For every vocal hate, there is a vocal heart.
I applaud and support you sharing your personal struggle in order to shine light on the dark corners of hate in our society. It's redemptive for the mere fact that your words will probably reach someone in dire need of truth, honesty and compassion.
3
I'm sorry for those haters who lose the brightness of your prose, your insight, your humanity and the heart you wear on your sleeve. For the rest of us, we're lucky to know and read your unique take on the world. Peace and health to you, Frank.
1
Hi Frank,
Been reading you for a long time now and enjoying your insights on CNN periodically. I really admire your command of language and your clear expression of your opinions. So sorry to hear about your vision and I wish you all the best. Til this column, I was not aware that you are a gay man. I hope you are not offended when I tell you that I don’t care. Talent is talent and intelligence is intelligence regardless of orientation. You are a treasure to NYT and it’s readers. Thank you.
2
Yes, we get it Mr. Bruni, Donald Trump didn't invent hate and everyone who is different from a traditional white Christian heterosexual male is feared and hated. by folks incapable of more evolved thinking. Sorry that people who write national opinion columns like you are often hated for their opinions, too, especially if they look and love differently than a white Christian heterosexual male. Can we just focus on the much bigger clear and present danger of Donald Trump and his national megaphone of hate which inspires and emboldens armies of hate to take up arms to do his biding, instead of your inbox of offensive emails? In the meantime, we are sending our thoughts and prayers that Frank Bruni will be loved and respected by everyone, regardless of his opinions and sexual orientation.
2
Given his present position, Trump leads the pack when it comes to trash-talking, hate-filled rhetoric. Hearing him is so sickening it makes one loses sight of the underlying truth: he has a rather large and very appreciative audience. Calling them "deplorables" is actually an understatement.
Too bad Bernie was not the nominee -- he would have won. But the hate-filled audience would still been around, still looking for their autocrat ... the remnants of the birther movement ("my God, the President is black"). Truly ugly people.
The goodness of the American people must assert itself ... or our democracy will fail. The complete silence of the Republican (White nationalist) party in the face of Trump's publicly proclaimed immorality urges the decent among us to take action.
Let's see if we can find a way to lock-up the "lock her up" crowd.
Haters seeking elected office, must seek out and motivate as many haters as possible, to vote for them, and elect them.
1
So crazy, so disgusting that Mr. Bruni has to deal with this insanity. And yet just this week, I saw an NYT reader letter - from an African-American - saying he could never vote for Mayor Pete because of his personal life. I know - we’re supposed to be inured. But how can someone who has faced prejudice turn it towards another in this way? Much less the privileged voices that Mr. Bruni is dealing with so gracefully. Admiration to Frank. Can’t say I share his ability to be generous, but i admire it.
2
Dear Mr. Bruni:
I am an avid fan and regular reader of your columns. I have been distressed to hear about your visual problems and sincerely hope that they do not become worse.
However, I must take exception to your comment in today's piece regarding the professor who sent you hate mail because you are gay. It has nothing to do with being "thought police". She should be reported to her school administration for her bigotry, which she has acted upon by condemning and harassing you in writing. She may also influence young, impressionable minds and needs to be removed from her position of influence. You should know well enough that by saying nothing you are empowering her.
I shall continue to read your thought provoking and insightful columns and wish you all the best.
3
Dear Frank, yes hate will always be with us. Also, so will ambivalence. Ambivalence is what led to the triumph of hate with Trump’s election. So many voters using the excuse that Hilary was not up their liking used it as an excuse not to vote. Instead of realizing that with every election it is a choice of which candidate is better not which is perfect. Since then hate is now in the open and it’s religiously enlightened purveyors no longer hide their views. I actually am happy about this. This openness allows identification, debate and confrontation. I hope it also stimulates the ambivalent to vote. No more nonsense, foolish, immature declension of responsibility to vote by citizens. The choice is clear. Don’t vote and hate wins.
1
Mr Bruni:
You are an inspiration. I’m sorry your readers write horrible things to you caged in piety and religion.
I hope for your eyes’ recovery. You bring happiness and joy to me every time you write. I wish you many more healthy years.
Be well and be strong.
2
Mr. Bruni, you write of groups of people who undergo discrimination and hatred:
"If you live in a certain category — black, brown, Jew, Muslim, gay, trans — you know this, and you experience events like those of the past week not just as chilling reflections of the political moment but as sad testaments to human nature."
You left out the category of human that experiences the most hatred and violence of all: female (of whatever color and/or religion).
Women are still physically abused and even murdered by men in much larger numbers than are any other group. They experience harassment and misogyny in a thousand ways every single day. For that matter, see the article in today's times about mass shooters having one thing in common: hatred of women.
I am sorry you experience the abuse you do as a gay man. But please take your blinders off with regard to the daily abuse of women on an unfathomable scale.
1
Hate is internal misery finding its way out. Victims are many and diverse but the effect is the same- marginalize, belittle, try to shame, attempt limiting rights and freedoms and demoralize. Trump is a victim of some kind of hate- maybe a softer version than flat at abuse- ignored and ridiculed by a parent, who knows. Hate is the result of an individual being unable to explore/accept aspects of the self.
Why not write her again and pray for her to come out of her closet and learn to accept the gay woman inside? She is only afraid of her own sexuality. You might also remind the woman that God makes us all straight or gay. And God DOESN'T make mistakes. The bible and every xian preacher tells us so.
I am white, straight, male, and I am on your side, Frank. I will never submit to the atrocities of the right.
4
Frank, you're right. There are noxious little weeds in that soil. What we do is we pull them out one by one. The task never ends, but it becomes a life-affirming ritual nonetheless. In your case, you've got a whole bunch of friends wanting to help.
3
Throughout history, hate has been the lever that most tyrants have used to lead their people to utter destruction. Hate is exciting. It's addictive. Inside all of us is a sadist who enjoys watching the destruction of others, the competition. Human sacrifice is encoded into our DNA. Christianity is built on human sacrifice. Judaism is built on human sacrifice. We have rationalized human sacrifice to justify war and the death penalty. Frank Bruni knows that he has a target on his back and that someone could be authorized to pull the trigger under our current president. Trump's trip to El Paso was a victory lap. Malicious forgiveness may be how Christians respond when you know their names, but those same people are just fine with concentration camps for children on the Rio Grande. When people are terrorized by the state, they get relief in finding scapegoats for the murderous tyrant so that his lethal gaze is not on them. It's a game they think they can win. History shows that they can't. It will come for them someday.
there are biblical afflictions for the unrighteous. There is also a biblical balm in Gilead to make the spirit whole. Jesus never afflicted the afflicted. Those who do are neither biblical nor Christ like.
Hate has blinded this woman more surely than the loss of your vision in your right eye.
The clarity ofi your thinking and the power of your heart is needed now more than ever.
This woman seems oblivious to the fact that in the sacrament of baptism, you became God's beloved.
End of story but tragically, not the end of the tsunami of hate that has engulfed too many hearts.
1
More damage has been done to the human species in the name of God than can ever be repaired. Please take heart, Mr. Bruno, that you are being heard and we are with you.
2
There is hatred on all sides. People are very tribal. It hardly started with Trump.
Dear Frank, I am so very sorry that you received those awful emails. Please be comforted by knowing you have thousands and thousands of loyal readers who greatly appreciate your insightful writing. I wish we could all drown out the hateful emailers by sending you letters of support, love and appreciation (should we though? Maybe that would be too much!)
One teeny tiny quibble: it is not exactly ‘human nature’ to hate the perceived ‘other.’ It is a potential pathway in our brains, for sure. But the hateful prejudices you are describing were TAUGHT to those two creeps who emailed you.
2
What a sad commentary on the inability of humans to BE human. I'm so sorry that as a public columnist, you're exposed to this; shame on us.
2
Always love reading your columns. Let’s hope that feathers ultimately trounce tentacles.
1
Here's my way of reconciling haters.
It is obviously driven by their own chronic unhappiness; something they would never admit.
Genuinely joyful people are not hateful people.
Ergo: haters are chronically unhappy people.
Have a nice day haters! :)
Well Frank, I almost always enjoy your columns, and I do wish you all the best in keeping your eyesight. But a few things I have observed about people. Gay sex is not deviant, but it is a deviation from the (statistical) norm, that confuses and scares some people. Also, most societies demand assimilation, this is one reason for the persecution of Jews and Roma. And while liberal New Yorkers may rightfully scorn racist, reactionary Bible-thumping homophobic Southerners, as a socially liberal and cosmopolitan white male from a poor Southern family, I get plenty of scorn and hatred just because I am different. So things are a bit more complicated that just love versus hate.
I am angered by the discrimination that you, and many other minorities experience.
However, in these times, I need to point out that my own race is not excluded.
I'm Russian-American, 100% of each. I don't take offense at charges against the Russian government, but at slights or worse against us, Russians.
My complaint concerns the reflexive rolling eyes and "wouldn't you just know it", every time an accusation is made about yet another supposed Russian offense against decency. And it concerns much more, eg bigotry as the substratum of war propaganda.
Ninety percent (90%) of this ignorant racism comes from liberals and the Left. Their Russophobia is so deep, that leftists now hang on to and trumpet the words of their old lethal enemies, the FBI and CIA.
We Russians are not victims. We don't need pity, an apology, or a promise to knock it off. We're the alley cats of the world, and we can stand anything.
What is at issue is that the left and liberals should look at how they speak about us, and compare that with racism on the right.
The left is setting itself up for two possible disasters.
First, Russiagate is falling to pieces. I think the time will come when it is discarded as a fraud. Shame for the assault on us will then haunt the Russophobic mob who sustained it.
Second, the hysteria of these three years has brought the US most of the way to war with Russia.
So, you see, bigotry against us is more your problem than ours.
You should notice it.
For those readers that email you Frank and prompted today’s column:
“Nothing in the world is more dangerous than sincere ignorance and conscientious stupidity.”
Martin Luther King Jr.
1
I don’t understand why an adult who works for maybe the most prestigious papers in the world choices to read emails from hateful people & waste effort responding. There have been so many stories of writers, including NYT politics editor, who demanded an apology because of what someone said on Twitter by another writer. Of course there is hate in the country. But facing its digital form through emails sent to you that you don’t have to open or invest time & energy caring about. Most adults would be able to distinguish between a hateful email & hateful actions & deeds by I don’t know bosses & employers where you have no legal recourse—unless you have a lot of money. So maybe don’t open emails or waste time from people that are clearly idiots who aren’t going to be convinced by a response. This is a lesson that most teenagers learn over time. It is odd to read adults whining about mean things said by other people that they consciously choose to open and read and respond too.
Frank Bruni's column today discusses hate. In response to him, the remarkable comments from readers mostly contain love.
1
The professor's opinion that "perversion (sexual) can be no fun" is not just hateful and bigoted, it's wildly misinformed and brings to mind Woody Allen's response to being asked if he thought sex was dirty -"It is if you're doing it right." ;-)
1
“ hope is the thing with feathers “.
Fly, Frank, FLY.
I am a strong believer in equality and human rights - anti- "hate', "racism", "homophobia", "misogyny", etc.
However, I parenthesize those words to highlight their ubiquitousness. In my opinion, we are all so used to hearing and reading them that they have lost their punch. We're numb to them.
If those in the media (and the reset of us) want to continue to get their message across, they need to stop using those tired words over and over to describe everything from the most minor transgressions to the most heinous, violent acts. Stop being lazy; get creative; expand your vocabulary. I promise you, many of those who most need to listen, the "haters", tune out every time they hear those "woke" buzzwords.
In my opinion, all hate is essentially self hate.
Nikkos Kazansakis has it right in his classic tale of civil war in Greece, “ The Fratricides”.
We may fear the other, but the worst wars have tended to be civil wars. If the troll farms have their way, that may be the direction we are headed in.
1
I recently had to explain to my kind and beautiful 11 year-old daughter that some people — friends and strangers — were freaking out, signing petitions, and posting hateful comments online because Disney chose an actress who looked just like her to star in The Little Mermaid.
It would have been so easy for you to name the engineer and the professor in your column, but you didn’t and both can go on being anonymous hateful narrow-minded bullies.
I hope a doctor can figure out why you went blind in one eye and hope even more it doesn’t happen to the other one.
We love you, Frank! Don't let the haters get you down!
Even half-blind, you see more clearly than that professor or the engineer.
But please don't forget the ladies! In every category or demographic you mentioned, if you a female one of "those," you will have a double dose of hate. Another piece in today's Times studied the mass shooters (99% of whom are male). One thing they have in common: hatred and contempt for women.
The struggle for peace and justice will never end. We just have to keep fighting.
1
With time, these ideas of hatred and racism decline to an extent. In the 60’s my parents hated Homosexuals and Hippies and Lesbians. By the mid-90’s they had a outwardly thinking Gay son and by the millennium they had a Lesbian grand daughter. Just before they passed away a great grandchild was born of their grand daughter’s union with another woman! So yes- thinking or hating can change. But at the same time that love and understanding is approaching at a snail’s pace- hatred and racism are going the other direction at warp speed! Whom will overtake whom? Add a ton of guns and social media to the mix and the future starts to look dreadful!
1
I am so sorry you had to hear those horrible comments. I read your columns, read your restaurant reviews for years, and read your book, noting with each read what a smart, insightful, witty and kind-hearted person you seem to be. But yes, hate does seem to pop up, often where you least expect to find it. And somehow, that always seems to make it more shocking, doesn’t it - when you thought you were on safe ground and you had no time to prepare yourself, arm yourself to meet it. So if it helps, Mr. Bruni, know this: many, probably most of your readers love you. For all that you are.
1
I am so very sorry Frank for the vile cruelty you have experienced. Hate is no longer veiled since Trump took office, it has crawled out of the slime. To Trump's supporters, because of his unbridled hate-filled remarks at rallies, "make America great again" means they are free to give voice to their racist, homophobic, misogynistic, xenophobic thoughts. Hate has been unleashed. We are witnessing evangelical ministers spewing hate from pulpits, some even calling for homosexuals to be exterminated. Xenophobia is overt. In the words of the gunman who committed the massacre in El Paso, his rampage was directed "at Mexicans".
We are seeing a return to the America of the 1950's when Blacks, those who were LGBTQ, women, and immigrants were second class citizens. Abortions were illegal, Blacks were being lynched, and homosexuality was against the law as well. It took until 2003, for SCOTUS to finally strike down sodomy laws in the remaining 14 states which carried those laws on their books. 2003.
If Trump is not voted out of office in 2020, this country will sink into the miasmic swamp of hate and violence that we are already beginning to witness. How far we have fallen since 2016. It seems like eons ago now.
1
"...that hate has no particular profession, no education level, no ZIP code."
So very true. I'm a Jew, and my boss told me where I can go (a trap-door in the floor) "when the nazis come". Then recently, he used the phrase "the final solution" to refer to a technical issue in an email with several others on CC - none of whom remarked on it.
My company, located in a diverse part of our town, has no non-white people among its roughly 100 employees, except for the cleaning staff...lots of fertile soil here.
Frank, you are one of today's finest writers,
and you always stimulate deep thought and questioning.
I look forward to reading your columns because they are never rushed or predictable. Your love of writing is obvious, you treat it as a gift.
There will always be small and stupid people,
people who are afraid and need to attack others.
In the end, they mean nothing.
Thank you for giving, and hello to Regan.
1
As always, Mr. Bruni, your column is so well thought out and presented. How small minded and shameful it is that those people who spout their "holier than thou" beliefs have so many followers. How sad that Donald Trump and his ilk have drawn these small minded people out of their holes. Please keep up the fight. We are with you!!
1
The arrogance of people like those who tell Mr Bruni how he should live his life is remarkable. Who do they think they are to judge others?
2
As Jesmyn Ward beautifully wrote of Toni Morrison’s narrative, I would say to Mr. Bruni, “You are worthy to be seen. You are worthy to be heard. You are worthy to be sat with, to be walked beside. Even in your quietest moments, you are worthy of witness.”
2
The professor who offered to pray for you is at the root cause of the most vile source of such prejudice & hate: RELIGION. Christopher Hitchen said it best in his eye opening tome: religion poisons everything.
1
Mr. Bruni, thank you for your writing that helps protect our endangered democracy. I hope that your eyesight can be saved.
All over our country, all over the world, people are watching what Trump and the Republicans are doing, so rapidly, to destroy our Constitution and democracy. After last weekend’s two mass murders and then the ICE rampage in Mississippi, my friends and I are getting terrified that another Holocaust is going to happen - here (not that we haven’t been scared of that since November 9, 2016). My father and his brother fled Nazi Vienna during WW11; will my brother, my partner, my friend and I have to flee this country? Will all the people in the groups you mention have to flee or take up arms against the enemy within? During Trump’s 2016 campaign, it seemed ridiculous to equate Trump with Hitler. It no longer seems ridiculous. And though we will vote Blue, there’s the realistic fear that our votes won’t result in ousting Trump or at least some of the Republicans (McConnell, for one).
I have a lazy eye. Just one. Could a helpful Christian please tell me which "Law" I have violated... if you're on speaking terms... and they're listening?
1
We’re so sorry to hear you are losing your sight. The grave is that you haven’t lost your insight. Bless you Frank
1
You once again are right on target. There has always been a great deal of hate hidden just below the surface. Thankfully, there is so much more good. Unfortunately, our president’s words and actions have now encouraged them to come out of the closet and echo his hateful speech. It is time for the majority to put the genie back in the bottle and remove this hateful germ from office. Good will conquer hate!!!!
Frank Bruni, I read Jesmyn Ward’s column just before I read yours. There was only one Toni Morrison. Nevertheless, I quote her for you, “ we are here together, my Beloved.”
Know that you too are beloved, by many of us who only know you by your writing.
I wish you healing in your eyes.
1
Thank you for your thoughtful column.
There are tens of terms available to describe various human emotions, and in my view "hate/hatred" is the weakest, least descriptive and arguably, not even an emotion.
Yes, Bush 41 said he hated broccoli, but what he was really saying was that the sight or smell of broccoli aroused an emotion -- perhaps, "disgust" or remembering his Nanny forcing him to eat the stuff, perhaps, "anger" and "humiliation."
Did Hitler hate Jews or mental defectives? He told the story of seeing poor Galician Jews in unwashed gabardine walking about pre-war Vienna. His emotional response wasn't hatred; it was disgust.
I've never read Leviticus, but I suspect that most if not all of its list of unclean actions are based on human "disgust reaction." A "politics of disgust" (see, Martha Nussbaum) may be natural to human societies, but if we want a tolerant, humane society we have to remove it from public discourse.
But you can't remove something unless you first name it, and letting it be called something which applies to our feelings about broccoli is not productive.
1
So eloquently written, Mr. Bruni. I do ask you to consider, in any future column which addresses hatred, that ‘women’ should always be included in your list of those in a “certain category”. After all, on the very day your editorial was published, The New York Times also published a piece about the likelihood that misogyny has possibly driven many of the mass murderers we have seen since Richard Speck unleashed his demons in Texas over 50 years ago. What that article failed to include was the mass murder of only females in Jonesboro, Arkansas at an elementary or middle school some decades ago. Those two little monsters killed only girls and female teachers, and yet, no thought was ever given by the Federal government as to whether it was a hate crime. Women, although not in the minority, should always be included as one of the hated groups of people in this country.
2
Dear Mr. Bruni, how dreadful to receive such loathsome communications from complete strangers, and the fact that those who sent them are clearly ignorant, intolerant and fearful of “the other” does not make them any less hurtful. When I think of all those who now feel emboldened to pass judgement, religious or otherwise, on fellow humans who have done them no harm, it makes me physically sick. Stay strong, you are not alone.
1
Love is bigger than hate, and you have more of that coming your way from your dear Mother whose soul lives on in you, and from me, and I do not even know you personally. But, I know the lack of love that hurts people who are gay. I have seen it in my own family, and it is directed toward our dearest daughter. I think fear of the other and insecurity when it comes to that fear, is at the root of hate. Why do haters let that happen to themselves?
2
The hate has always been here, and it only tool a truly shameless and self-centered president to mine it for his own benefit. We have been fortunate in our history that until now, even our worst modern presidents had goals beyond self-aggrandizement. Unfortunately, we are now captives of the "Me, Me, Me" president who sees evil as just another tool to use for his benefit.
1
I hope you expected most of your readers to be flabbergasted by your column today. What you wrote does not square with what I experience. I am 50 years old. My grandparents were not anti-gay, so finding such shocking vestiges of ignorance and maliciousness among educated people is un-nerving.
Your words are always filled with grace and dignity.
Trump is like lighter fluid. He inspires those who want to express hatred. Sadly, I think those who are so full of hate lack self respect. For that reason, they hide behind intolerance. How very disconcerting.
Hate. Did I read that the writer knows what God would be able to do if you were not gay? What a concept. John Lennon said something like "God is a concept by which you measure your own pain". What pain does she have that she is measuring? Frank the only thing that we can do is let our actions and words speak for themselves. I read your column and yours do. And as an aside how in the world could someone teach in Manhattan and not encounter any gays? Outside of trying to help our neighbors so we have a strong and safe community maybe folks should just mind their own business and focus on their own lives.
1
Those two people who wrote you Frank suffer from a lack of empathy and a lack of understanding of their fellow humans. And your reaction to them is the same as their's was to you.
If there's one thing I've learned from the Trump years, it's empathy and an understanding of the people who voted for him. I have relatives who voted for him, but I never hated them for what they helped wrought upon this country. And I don't because I know they have redeeming qualities AND because I understand the thoughts they had when they pulled the lever for Trump. I'll gently chide them over Trump's stupidity and callousness or I might drop a factoid on them that refutes whatever recent lie he's told, but I never slot them as cruel idiots.
Their positions on race, ethnicity and politics are the result of what they learned from various elements of our society, whether it be parents, schools or churches. They weren't born with them. I see my duty being to fill in the gaps as best I can where they have been failed and I can't do that if I just dismiss them forever.
On the bright side I find more good floating around today than I've ever seen in my long lifetime. Who would have thought 50 years ago some of our most popular movies, books and plays would include people of color and LGBT's telling their stories from their own point of view much less seeing them get elected to political office including the highest in the land.
So, stay positive Frank. There's still work to be done.
1
Dear Sir,
I'm a 76 year old white male, Christian, straight, and a Democrat and I want you to know that I enjoy reading your work and appreciate you just the way you are - you are thoughtful and have many interesting things to say.
I am very sorry that your vision is impaired and distressed that ignorant people feel the need to make idiotic comments implying that they, and only they, know God's plans and desires. My own take is that God loves us all and that we should show kindness to others and try to live by the Golden Rule. Take care and be safe...
2
USA proves daily that HATE is much bigger than so- called love, and Hate is more fun!
Granted, America's demagogue in chief is not the root cause of the hate, but, in the minds of the haters, he has legitimized it and allowed it to emerge from the darkest shadows of bigotry into the mainstream. It's now before our eyes daily.
The dog whistle has been replaced by the presidency's enormous megaphone, primarily through Twitter rants and bund rallies. Charlottesville was just the tip of the iceberg, and the unprecedented upsurge in hate-fueled massacres of innocents is a logical, albeit unconscionable, extension.
Donald Trump is an arsonist with an unlimited supply of accelerants, spewing them with impunity. What he's doing is not unlike what occurred during the 1930s in Germany, where hate never reversed itself, but metastasized uncontrollably.
While such torrents of history can ultimately be beaten back, the longer they are allowed to rage, the worse the damage to humanity as a whole. And in this case, to the soul of our own country.
How much more of this do we intend to tolerate?
The genius of the period after the second world war until now was that hate became less and less polite. There were fewer and fewer models of hate and more and more models of tolerance. Possibly the worst part of Trump is that he has normalized hate and made it polite again. Here's hoping that simple, ordinary incompetence - rather than another world war -will be enough to make him and also hate impolite again.
The category you omitted--women--is the one that triggered most of the shooters. In addition to their irrational hatred for one of the certain categories, they hate women and have a history of domestic violence. (Love your column btw)
1
I remember my misery and torment as a gay boy (before I even knew what it was all about, sexually). As a result, in my old age,
I find most hetero males of my generation or somewhat younger, totally obnoxious. That may be unfair of me, but I really don't care. I find them loathsome creatures. The younger generation might be better, but I don't care about them either. It's too late
for me to become charitable. Please don't tell me it's not too late.
You are the voice of reason, Mr. Bruni, and you bring hope in times of despair. Thank you! and may you write many more such columns!
It cannot have escaped the readers that God is the problem here. God is the foremost agent of hate. God gives rise to the most viciously hateful fault lines anywhere. People all around the world kill one another because they are convinced that their God tells them to kill the followers of the other God:
Muslims vs Hindus in India and Pakistan
Shias vs Sunnis in the Middle East
Sinhalese (Buddhists) vs Tamils (Hindus) in Sri Lanka
Christians vs Muslims all over the world
Jews vs Muslims in the Levant
Catholics vs Protestants in Ireland
But most of all, all of the above stand united against those of us who say
In Reason We Trust.
Frank, your engineer buddy may be on to something. I've also lost vision in my right eye (a freak accident playing with the dog) and I'm gay. Very gay. So maybe there IS a connection.
In any case, I pray (in my own one-eyed flagrant gay way) for the health of our good left eyes and thank you for your always thoughtful and inspiring columns.
1
We humans have the dumb luck of being so smart. It of course is not without its limits.
Hate is bigger than Trump and even bigger than those random strangers so overcome they take time to voice it to someone they’ve never even met.
My husband and I are heavily involved with a local charity that supports LGBTQ children who have been thrown out of their own homes by their own parents. The stories break your heart with such overwhelming pain. While the goal is find homes for these homeless kids, some of our charity dollars go to blankets and tents so they can camp more safely away from adult populations where they are frequently raped.
Blood may be thicker than water but it is not always thicker than hate.
You say that the 37% of Americans who do not approve off same sex marriage " cannot bear the likes of me" , In other words, people who believe { as it has been since the beginning of time) that marriage is between a man and a woman are hateful people. This attitude is quite typical of many gay people : they do not look for equality ( which they have every right to expect) but for approval . They are essentially saying : if you don't approve of my behavior you hate me . This is the stuff autocratic regimes are made of
When a person looks in the mirror, what do they see? Either love or hatred looks back. This happens every day to all of us.
Your professor certainly did profess. Her god tells her what to think, and what to teach. She judges. She thinks she tells you the truth out of love. Alas, it’s not love. Oops. Sorry. I’m dropping her class.
Your engineer thinks he has solved a problem. Unfortunately for him, he has wasted his time and energy trying to solve a non-problem. I’m looking for a real engineer; this guy’s a fraud.
What is this hatred and what does it create? Only a line on the ground. They tell us we are to stand on one side or the other. Arbitrary, arrogant, and in the end, just plain mean. Forget you and your forsaken line.
These people are mean. And in their minds, that meanness is necessary, but it’s not clear at all why they think that. They can’t explain it without resorting to a story about Jesus that they have misinterpreted for their own selfish purposes. These people’ thoughts are so weak-minded that their words are not worth hearing. They will be much sadder if they ever realize their error. Who knows, maybe then they will “come to Jesus.”
That’s the trouble with “free will”: people are free to mess it up and hurt others.
1
Truly don't care if you are gay. I don't care if anyone is gay. I've had good friends who were gay or bi.
No, it's not your sexual orientation that I dislike, it's the way that you and most of the Times writers leave out inconvenient facts if they disagree with whatever the ongoing narrative is.
For example, you want to equate hate with mass killings and you cite El Paso and Pittsburgh. However, you should analyze mass murders. Of the top 25 deadliest mass shootings in our history, only two were motivated by what would qualify as White hatred -- El Paso and Pittsburgh although the press has tried to paint mass shootings as primarily the work of crazy White supremacists. But the other 23 shootings have a range of motives and races. For some like Las Vegas, we don't know the motive and while the shooter was white it seems unlikely that a white supremacist would shoot at a mostly white country and western crowd. Many of the top 25 weren't driven by hate but by psychological problems. Asians, Blacks, Muslims account for 8 of the top 25.
Trump had nothing to do with El Paso. That's a partisan narrative from the left who couldn't make the Russian conspiracy narrative work. So now Trump is a racist who appeals to those who hate, but there is no evidence for that. You don't know what makes a mass killer tick (no one does) or what sets them off.
And I think i is a mischaracterization to suggest a lot of Americans are haters.
These hateful people are NOT followers of Jesus who taught to judge not, who taught: In EVERYTHING do unto others as you would have them do unto you.
God is Love, and the God who became incarnate in humanity in the person of Rabbi Jesus and in ALL of us who follow his teachings loves the world. No exceptions.
Know that God loves you.
Frank, your column is a painful lesson for all for what it states and for what you chose to not say i.e. that religious beliefs are most often behind the bigotry. The intolerant absolve themselves by claiming it’s God’s word, not their own.
Your article was a breath of fresh air. Thank you for the grace and courage with which you addressed these pesky tentacles of hate.
How pathetic that this professor seeks you out to express her judgment and hatred, antithetical to her purported faith. Bigotry cloaked in religion is a segment of the population Trump relies upon. Keep on loving, loudly, Mr. Bruni — it's the best medicine to counter those hypocrites, so intent on crushing the hopes and constitutional rights of their neighbors.
Love is love.
I love your writing. I look for you daily and almost never miss your column. You help assuage some of the horror of life in America today. And help put some of my thoughts and feelings into words.
I am sad to hear that your inbox can be filled with hateful, ignorant words.
I hope you continue to write your column and I wish you the best in your health, your work and in life.
I feel sorry for the children of this professor. Having a heartless mother willing to cause pain rather than sooth must be psychologically crippling for them.
1
Hatred is in the fabric of this nation, America thrives on hatred and profit from it greatly. There has never been a time in our country young history where America (White) wasn't hating others (usually Black Americans) or at war with others. American White hatred is the foundation and connector to the group who identify with the White American group.
No other group on this soil has demonstrated hatred as much as the majority group. I am not saying all White people are hateful or racist but as a group they are . Also no other group can solve White racism, that is the task of non racist to do. Hatred and racism predates the founding of America. Modern day police are modeled after Slave Patrols.
If only this were heaven instead of earth; why is it always depicted as having a leftward tilt? Maybe heaven would be a place where people earn their own keep and don't burden their neighbors with high taxes to pay their way for them? Or, where people reform their own societies instead of swarming across the U.S. border where they're allegedly so poorly treated that they can't wait to get in? And on and on. Come on, leftists, face reality, maybe heaven isn't the place of self-responsibility-transfer you hope it is, and it certainly doesn't exist down here on earth.
The real perversion is: hate is presented proudly as taking a stand for virtue.
1
This is my first time ever writing something, I luv ur column you are one my favourite ny times writer I’m gay im brown and I feel afraid not all the time but with him in office I do, I never taught I could feel like this in America, but I do now I hope all of these goes away, thanks for being here, you’re strong and keep going, we need more guys like you to represent us, just to know we can be and we are here to stay.
“ Hope is the thing with feathers “. Fly, Frank, Fly.
Some of us have long recognized your tremendous talent and seen your generous heart. Please ignore the bigots, they are but fleas on a gorgeous, magnificent, prize winning Dog.
I don't read The Bible let alone thump it, but is it too cynical to think that there's no room room left anymore to "Love your enemies and pray for those who persecute you.” I think John Lennon may have come closer to the truth when he sang "Christ you know it ain't easy. You know how hard it can be. The way things are going. They're gonna crucify me."
The person who sent you the email stating that God could not help you because you are gay is likely sitting in church this morning. He or she probably has a well -thumbed Bible and may have attended Bible study one evening this past week. I am sure the community recognizes this person as a solid citizen. But the hatred this person holds deep in his or her soul is at the same level of hatred held by the El Paso shooter. It just has not completely bubbled up to the surface yet.
1
Hi Frank,
You're dearly loved by many of your readers. Don't forget it.
Dawn
Today is my last day of a 10 day vacation in Germany. I write from Hamburg, but I just came back from a week on the North Sea coast.
Even in Hamburg the people seem happy enough.
The problem in the U.S. is that things were too easy for too long. The problems started at the end of World War II.
People became arrogant. And now the truth about their world is being revealed. Their affluence was not based on superiority, but on the safety provided by two oceans, the Atlantic and the Pacific.
The rest of the world was more willing to work hard for less pay than the Americans were.
And the arrogant people are falling behind, and they have become angry and hateful.
does it really say in the bible that homosexuality is against god's laws, or is it an interpretation? and wasn't the bible written a couple hundred years after jesus? hmmm....
It’s unfortunate when people use religion to justify such bold verbal and emotionally abusive language to attack, hurt, and eviscerate someone’s very core of who they ARE. Then move on to their Mother! It’s the height of, well, I think that’s HATE. And HATEFUL. If a person felt any Empathy, they would not do or say these things...
" They’ve never met me, never taken the measure of my generosity, kindness, loyalty or lack thereof. For them I exist in a category, as a type. That type is all they see, and that type is contemptible."
This is what identity politics is about. "Identity" used to mean what was unique about an individual; nowadays it means what group somebody belongs to, and the knowing the group supposedly tells people everything about you. For example, I'm white, a religious believer, and a Southerner, and you can guess all the stereotypes I hear about myself.
13
Excellent piece. When we are children we are told that each of us is unique, and we nod agreeably without really understanding the depth of the words.
7
Thank you for pointing your eloquent pen at this truth.
I have worked as a psychiatrist for over 30 years, in many settings - prison, juvenile detention, hospitals, home visits, and the office, and I am always amazed at the breadth of human behavior. At the beauty, creativity, gentleness, and joy we are capable of expressing; but also at the ugliness, destructiveness, and cruelty that we can be capable of showing.
Trump was built over decades by the darker forces of our politics and culture, but he remains responsible for his perverse delight in making everything worse. Hate is endemic, pervasive, persistent, and becomes bolder when allowed or encouraged.
This is not a struggle that will soon, or ever. Your essay reminds us all of our duty.
23
It's not often that an op-ed brings me to tears...
Mr. Bruni, you've long been one of my favorite NYT columnists because your honesty and decency shine through your words. This makes me feel like I know you, even though I don't. I know, for example, that you are a vastly better, more "Godly" person than these small-minded, hateful people who write to you. I'm so sorry that you've been a victim of such hate, and I was very sorry to hear about the frightening vision issue you're facing.
While it's true that hate is bigger (and older) than Trump, he certainly feeds the hate, and feeds off of it. I want desperately to believe that, come 2020, love and compassion and empathy will triumph. Please keep writing your beautiful, honest, decent words, Mr. Bruni, and help make this happen.
29
Beautifully written, thoughtfully composed...and oh so disheartening. Maybe Frank Bruni is right, and at the very least I agree that to believe that “love conquers hate” is the end of the discussion is obviously not enough...
But I do think that we as a society can pair the belief that deep loving relationship changes the world with the knowledge that the world is vast and there will always be a place for the darkness to hide. May be double think...but an optimistic kind, and one that I imagine many in our nation who fight bigotry and hate must have to relentlessly combat the darkness around us
5
This is a beautifully thought-out and beautifully written piece. Mr Bruni, thank you for your courage. You are right. We all need more self-examination. But that’s much harder than pointing the finger elsewhere. It requires our stepping out of “safe spaces” and judgement zones.
7
Yes Mr. Bruni hate is a powerful weapon and often love is not always enough to counteract its effects. I think however that Truth can. Thats why, to my mind, it's so important to not become discouraged or intimidated by individuals or groups who wish to use hate and misplaced anger to try and distort or shout down the Truth.
And yes Mr. Bruni, I'm writing this after having returned from supporting my little communities efforts here in western Oregon to recognize the value of diversity in society, by helping to celebrate Pride Day. And yes Frank it was all the more important that the community show up for this particular Pride Day because this year a large contingent of gun fanatics, closet White Supremacists and openly hostile Trump supporters had planned a counter demonstration just across the street to the Pride Day festivities.
So, even though many, many of the counterter demonstrators (who, in fact, were organized and came from all over Oregon were armed with guns and numbered 100-200) did their best to keep the Pride Day festivities to the minimum, they were far and away outnumbered by the 1000's of the areas citizens and LBGTQ participants in the festivities. And I am proud to say this Pride Day was the largest and probably the most successful Pride Day in the history of the event in our city.
Yes Mr. Bruni,hate is a powerful weapon but I think love combined with the a strong dedication to the truth is more powerful and effective over the long run.
9
Thank you, yet again, Mr. Bruni for your remarkable openness and honesty. You and your thoughts and insights are a bright beacon in a terribly dark world, made darker by the current leadership of our country.
You are who you are, singular. You couldn't write so openly about yourself unless you were proud of who you are, glad of who you are, and I'm delighted you regard yourself with pride, as you should.
Know that I hold you in high regard, read your intelligent, insightful and sometimes passionate columns (like this one) and newsletter with a great deal of admiration and respect for who you are and for the wisdom you impart. And I worry about your eyesight, wishing you the strength to overcome the adversity.
Keep writing, Mr. Bruni. We need you.
13
I am always genuinely surprised by the lengths people are willing to go to just to be mean to someone.
Why would anyone feel compelled to write an email to a complete stranger just to tell them that God didn’t love them and wished them to be blind. The hatred expressed is revolting, but the compulsion to express it seems bizarre to me.
22
A third to forty percent of adults keep guns and respect their obligations to not allow them to be used to do harm to the rest of humanity unlawfully. Tens of millions of these people own guns like the AR-15.
Rifles can produce a recoil like a strong punch which raises up the gun when fired, and it takes time to recover the aim at the target. How about a mechanism to reduce the recoil so that it is much less? Easier to shoot gun which is easier to keep aimed at a target.
Guns all have to be reloaded. In many movies, the gun play is never interrupted for reloading. But when shooting one must reload repeatedly. Well a hundred and fifty years ago there were guns produced which reloaded automatically. The bullets were loaded from replaceable magazines. The shooter could shoot shot after shot without reloading and without have to re-aim at the target. Easier to shoot and to remain aimed at the target.
Rifle bullets are the same for hunting and for weapons of war. They shoot many hundreds of yards, accurately and with lots of power.
These are what makes the AR-15 so deadly. They also make it a popular gun for shooting as well as extremely dangerous when used criminally. The risk of harm by likelihood is rare but the significance of harm is great.
There are many things I am uncomfortable with and many people I would prefer not to be around however, I always try to live by the golden rule and treat all people with dignity and respect. It is disappointing and frustrating that the simplest concept of courtesy and respect is so difficult for my fellow humans to grasp and practice. In my humble opinion Frank showed empathy and respect and the professor did not. I don’t have to like or understand you or you me but is really that hard to be civil?
7
This essay is the kind of poignant, poetic prose we've come to expect from Frank Bruni. He writes so well. The style appears effortless--which makes me realize all the more how much time he must have spent polishing it.
I always look forward to reading his columns; they brighten my mood in these often depressing times we live in now.
16
This. I appreciate that you’ve written, shared and published this. We have a history of learning from storytelling so I’m grateful that you’re shared some of your experiences. Life is about empathy. The more we inform each other, the less space hate has to take hold.
7
Very poignant and perceptive. Hate stems from fear and self-protection, and it’s a very basic human trait. Love for “the other” is a more abstract and higher order concept that is less easy to tap into and spread around. It definitely takes more thought and energy to keep “love thy neighbor” circulating than it does “send her home.”
6
Thank you for your compelling, personal words today. Some people will never, ever change their views; others are open to change. I haven’t been able to figure out what makes people go in either of these directions, except that maybe the “closed” people haven’t had a life-altering experience that forces them to take a deeper look at themselves. I try to associate with people who are open to change, and the other people get to stew in their constricted juices.
3
After several decades of teaching, I can say that there are simply some students that I come across that are impervious to my teaching about equality. Time after time after time, despite examples throughout history, students simply look at the present and think its OK to continue to think with their own brand of 'logic'. Luckily, they are few and far between.
In the meantime, thank you for what you do and your honesty in your writing. Although cliche, there are many more people out here reading your columns and appreciating your insight, honesty, and skill as a writer and commentator. We always need more of that in our news and in our society. Thank you!
7
I’m losing all hope. Your “what if” paragraph brings to mind “Imagine”, my New Year’s Eve anthem, watching CNN for that moment, always in tears as I sing along.
I had dinner last night with a new friend. It was a moving discussion about the death of her mother and strained relations with her siblings. We began to talk about last week’s tragic shootings and our differences became clear. Her thoughts on gun policy (we should all carry as she is licensed to),
there are fewer white supremacicts (straight from Tucker Carlson) and how it’s the news media fanning the hate and the President is doing a good job trying to bring us together. Even that the Clintons have a hand in the Epstein case. How is it possible for decent people to see this so differently? I fear our society’s divisions are irreparable and the civil war never really ended.
16
Beautiful. I will share these thoughts with many.
3
I for one sir am someone who likes you for who you are. You are a thoughtful person , learned and with interesting insights who happen to have a gift for expressing yourself in words that resound with unaffected elegance. I look forward to your writings and am never disappointed by your prose.
In addition you are a person. I am sure you are different from me in many regards. Your life and world is different but so is the landscape of life and the landscape itself! The pithy aphorism “Life is hard and then you die” is often foretelling and I, for one appreciate others’ struggles as well as triumphs. Yours are in full display on these pages.
5
I still have hope. Watching the kids playing at my grandkids school. And the kids playing at the school bus stop in front of my house
Just kids No colors. No races (except to see who is faster)
I hope this will continue all their lives and we will be OK
7
Ditto the multitude of others in this OpEdit forum who bear witness that you are loved and appreciated.
Keep up the great thought leadership and writing, and stay safe and healthy.
14
Nothing but love for you from the PNW. I read every column you write. I appreciate your candor, fairness, and passion for our country. You write because you care. We celebrate you. Keep doing and being you. We need you in your role now more than ever.
14
Mr. Bruni: I am sorry that this has happened to you. Experiencing hate is always difficult; even if one is prepared. Please know that for all the haters, there are also those of us who appreciate your insights, even if we may not always agree with them.
7
Well, Frank, you are revealing great patience, but clearly with a tinge of despair. I agree that, for whatever reason, there will always be hateful people, people who have been carefully taught to hate and then go on to be the teachers. But on the issue of sexual orientation, perhaps part of the condemning mail about your orientation may be reflect religious orthodoxy presented, not in hatefulness but rather as judgement. That judgement can change as compassion leads to greater understanding, as more and more people slip out of the the grip of tight-hearted orthodoxy, however slowly. I take great comfort from the evidence that Pinker and others offer that the arc of history is bending toward understanding. Herb Stein said "Things that can't go on forever, don't". Of course the Davies corollary remains intact; "Things that can't go on forever can go on much longer than you think". We remain vigilant with you, saddened by what you and others like you endure, but optimistic that we as a people can and will do better.
10
Like almost every other famous document of faith, the Bible can be used to justify just about anything. Ask the Jews of Europe through all time since Christianity became widespread, the Aztec and the Inca, Native Americans, slaves in the old south; just to name a very few. Yes, great good has been done in it's name as well. That's the thing about people. We ourselves are the epitome of the two-edged sword. Ever since "the kingship descended from heaven" in ancient Sumer (and probably a good bit before that) men and women have used the concept of god to provide some of the greatest good the world has known, and some of its greatest evil as well. The problem is not god or faith; the problem is the many and varied ways in which people use and misuse god and faith. Whenever someone decides he or she can easily read the mind of god, particularly in terms of who's right and who's wrong, we know we are likely in for a rough ride. It seems Mr. Bruni's sense fo himself is strong enough to deal with the words of those who profess to understand and to pass on the wrath of god as they, not god, choose.
11
Love is fiction, as you say confined to movies, songs and greeting cards. Hate is real. Love requires nurturing. Hate grows on its own and requires a lot of effort to curb. Love requires work. Hate grows if no effort is made to curb it. It is far easier to hate the other and it requires a real effort to love the other.
2
Fear and hate are stronger, more intense, and more powerful in the short term than love. But neither hate nor fear last as long as love. Compassion and cooperation makes up most of human history, but hatred and fear are immensely powerful and destructive in the short periods in which they are the dominant impulse. It's actually part of our biology and our survival mechanisms. So this will period of societal anger will pass, but it will likely hurt many before it does. (Though we'll be lucky if that hurt is relegated to just feelings.)
2
Frank, Wishing you well.
Your thinking is profound
and kind. Thank you for
being open about personal
issues. Indeed, it is difficult
to understand what drives
people towards hate and severe
judgement of others. I read
your words and resolve to
always work towards being
a good human...better today
than yesterday.
20
The hate is easy to understand. It's simply people who want to feel better about themselves by putting other people down. Somehow they feel this elevates their own status.
7
Thank you for sharing your personal stories with us. How sad that some feel the need to reach out and judge you for how your Creator made you. My hope is that someday being gay will be treated the same way as having red hair. Not everyone has red hair, but so what...
As for those who take no issue with the people who tell you that you have no right to be married -
I have friends in successful marriages for whom their marriage is one of the greatest sources of joy in their lives. How dare anyone say, especially in the name of religion, that you don’t deserve to have that same joy in your life.
To me, that is a form of not just discrimination, but in some cases blatant hatred. Shame on them. We need to call this out for what it is - bigotry and hypocrisy.
Life, liberty and the pursuit of happiness is for all
7
One of the big stories of the current decade is the normalization of hatred of whites, men, heterosexuals, and so forth in the prestige press. The social scientists Zach Goldberg and David Rozado have each been documenting the growth of anti-straight white male animus in media, with an inflection point upward around 2013, long before Trump.
2
Throwing off the shackles of straight, white, Christian male rule is not hate, its freedom. Losing power will always be confusing and difficult, but you’ll get used to it.
2
One of the facts of life is that a person opposed to what someone says or does or IS is much more likely to express their opinion than someone who supports that person. I'm sure you've learned by now that the number of negative letters or tweets you get doesn't usually represent what all of your readers think about what you said or who you are. I, for one, read your columns regularly and your sexual orientation has nothing to do with my opinion of what you write. In fact, I can't remember a time when I didn't agree with you. Just keep in mind that this world is full of prejudiced people, and keep up the good fight for equality and fairness.
4
Your heartfelt column and the moving comments from your readers remind me that the best way for us to get through this dark period is to be kind to one another.
5
If only “kindness” were universally understood to be the compassionate response many of us practice in our daily interactions. I’m sure the person gently admonishing Mr. Bruni (with their interpretation of their god’s judgment) thought they were being “kind” in their view, to save a soul from damnation. Long ago I abandoned the idea of a reward or punishment in the afterlife. I treat others the way I wish to be treated, in the here and now, because we need each other as we navigate this sometimes cruel and often joyous existence. Thank you, Mr. Bruni, for sharing your truth. Stay strong and keep writing.
"If you live in a certain category — black, brown, Jew, Muslim, gay, trans... "
Add female. I remember as an undergraduate in the 1950s reading INVISIBLE MAN. Revelation! I told my mother: "I am invisible!" to which she replied "nonsense" and she was right until I married, at which point I became indeed invisible.
5
I'm none of the categories on that list, but have experienced plenty of hate and hardship. Boo Hoo. Check your identity privlege. Check your narcicism. This is why I'll be voting Trump this time instead of dem as in the past.
Yes, Trump is wreaking havoc, but our biggest threat is the ignorance that gives birth to hatred. Different constituencies may have elected Trump for their own valid reasons, but among them are those stoked and manipulated, and emboldened by him to express hatred and intolerance. Mr. Bruni exhibits just the opposite.
I have watched as politicians harbor prejudice, and apparently hatred in their policies. My hope is that this will pass along with them. If we could just hate ignorance rather than people. I look to young people to help us evolve.
I always value your opinions, and appreciate your viewpoints. I didn't know you were gay, that info someone went right over my head, perhaps because it doesn't matter to me. It doesn't change who you are to me. I am saddened that there are people living among us here in NY who are so fearful, so small-minded that who you love matters to them. We are proudly diverse here in NY, America's Melting Pot and I can only hope those two and others like them will one day also celebrate our diversity instead of sitting in judgment against those different to themselves.
6
It's not psychological rocket science to propose that you can't hate someone who has never hurt you, has never hurt anyone else, and who has never promoted hurting anyone. This would certainly include Mr. Bruni and countless other people who can be conceived as members of categories. So -- what do these people actually hate? They have taken their own pain, long embedded in them, and have turned it into hatred that must find safe targets. The real target would always be their past, and would likely be their caregivers. As it would feel too unsafe to hate them, projection comes to the rescue and directs the hatred outward. So, Mr. Bruni -- These people don't hate you. They just hate.
6
Our parents had a front row seat to the global organization and dissemination of hate in the last century. They saw, firsthand, the heinous death and destruction it wrought. After the war, after hate’s atrocities were laid bare in their most unvarnished form, America became a
symbol for diversity and tolerance.
And, as she struggles to continue along this enlightened path, most Americans increasingly embrace these ideals. Those who don’t, those who feel the need to judge and condemn others for being who the were born to be, are a decaying, albeit often vocal, strain of bigots who grievously detract from America’s great potential. They are free to have their prejudices, but they should know that they’re wrong and they’re patently unAmerican.
9
Maybe there are a few saints among us who harbour no stereotypes and never have any prejudiced thoughts at all, but most of us succumb to the foible of bias at times. What I've never understood, however, is how anyone at all would want to dwell in that world of bias. In fact, what could be more boring than to surround yourself with people who in every way are just like you? Variety is the spice of life. Vive la difference!
1
In the name of Abrahamic religion, gays can be targeted and stoned, women are the property of their father and their husband and can be stoned, slavery is permitted and killing slaves is permitted, males are supreme, this life is a prelude to paradise or to eternal damnation. This is the underpinning of our Abrahamic religions. Each age cherry picks those most divisive foci that favors the privileged and condemns targets that distract from the abusers among the privileged. Sexual orientation is like evolution and climate change. Denying the science behind each is a cultural suicide pact. That we can ignore the evidence that sexual orientation is not a choice, that race is a continuum and distinctions in physical appearance are driven by proximity to the equator, that climate change is a catastrophe for all of life are contradicted by those who use their privilege to incite the believers and the emotionally fraught to direct their fear at the “others.
Until the “establishment clause” restrictions are enforced we are condemned to be hounded and killed by the religions who each claim exclusive rights on the truth and condemn all others. “Congress shall make no law respecting an establishment of religion, or prohibiting the free exercise thereof;” cannot mean that our laws can be directed against any citizen because of the beliefs of any other citizen or faith. Until America recognizes the danger of granting religion “moral authority” in law, we have sharia law.
6
Occasionally, I've been told by Christians that "I'll pray for you" which I consider more of a threat than anything close to an expression of caring or love.
13
You have given so much good to your readers -- on politics, school admissions, life. It really is sustaining to open this paper (virtually) and find a voice as humane and intelligent as yours. Thank you.
4
People who are plain mean use religion as an excuse to inflict pain on others. Nothing will change them except intensive therapy or Jesus calling them home.
I think the religious true believers have a different problem. Living in a world that is changing with incredible speed, they cannot adapt. They cling to guns and religion. (Obama had that right.)
When I was a boy, I was taught that my church was infallible. To deny any of its teachings was to reject the church entirely. For you to be both good and gay means the priest was wrong, the preacher was wrong, and if he was wrong about that, what else could he be wrong about? The better you are, the worse the cognitive dissonance.
Frank, your existence is subversive. Good for you.
I hope you do not lose your sight. If you do, I think you will prove far more adaptable than your critics, and we won't lose your ideas and insights.
5
This is one of the saddest articles I’ve read. I’m straight. I feel love for you. That’s all
4
Frank, I'm a gay man from the same generation as you. And like you, I have been on the receiving end of hateful homophobic comments. They're almost always from people with a narrow, heteronormative mindset, who can't possibly imagine or condone anyone who doesn't fit into this category. But their hatred is irrational and indefensible. If I'm told that the Bible condemns my behavior, my response is that my God (or Goddess) is merciful and loves all people (and creatures) because of --- not in spite of --- their differences. It's hard to remain hopeful or positive at this time in history, with hate crimes on the rise and a national leader who vilifies minorities. But my advice, Frank, is to seek sustenance from those who love and care about you, and to ignore those who don't.
2
Hate is the thing with tentacles and talons that can pull love from the sky and throw her to the ground leaving nothing but scattered entrails.
By nature she loves her enemies and does not fight back.
Those who love must try harder, for hate seems to be growing stronger. Hate wants to turn us from love to hate. We must resist that so love isn't subsumed into hate.
Good luck, we need it in these days.
2
First of all, my heart goes to you, Mr. Bruni, for your health problem and the vile abuse your being gay subjects you to. I agree that Donald Trump is more a symptom than a cause. Sure, he artfully stokes the hatred that all too many of our compatriots are eager to vent, but, in doing so, he forces us to face reality. Not the reality we dreamed of, the night of President Obama first election, but the reality we must face, examine and develop strategies to deal with. Yes, racism prejudice and homophobia are with us and no amount of speak police can change that. As a 74 year old man, I will admit that I do not know how to deal with these dark parts of the human mind, but there are many people who are much brighter than I am and can help. In the meantime, let’s be realistic, as your column suggests.
2
i can’t think of anyone who more ‘perfectly’ captures the essence of hatred, and indifference, for that matter, than Donald J Trump. He has struck the rich sap in the branch.
2
Love binds. I am your brother as you are mine.
5
Frank,
Thank you for your words, your wisdom and your courage.
1
This, from a non-medically qualified lay person: Check out your blood glucose and insulin resistance numbers. God bless.
I think we need to call out the haters. I think their names should have been included with the quotes from their emails.
1
The opposite of love is not hate. The opposite of love is fear. When confronted with someone who appears to hate you, do not ask, "Why does this person hate me?" Instead, ask, "Why is this person afraid of me?" You'll probably not learn the answer, but it is still the right question.
5
Like Yoda said “Fear (or hate) is the path to the dark side”. And, like he also said, it’s quicker.
3
Who cares what part of your body or reproductive equipment you want to rub against another human being’s non-reproductive or other reproductive parts of their body? This is only a small part of what it means to be a human being. The true measure of a human being should be how much kindness a person can show towards others, and how much suffering one can alleviate others from in their life’s.
1
This column confirms why you are my favorite Times writer. I’m a 63 years old guy and your piece brought tears to my eyes. The teacher and engineer fail to see that their hate is incompatible with the teachings of Jesus, in whom they claim to believe. Their lives must be so sad.
4
I hope these hateful messengers read this column, and even more importantly read the comments from hundreds of tolerant and kind loving people who took the time to praise your writings and your thoughts as well as your personal choices.
And I hope they come to understand how intolerant and hateful they are. But I am not counting on it. Not when they have the backing of their religious organizations, the president of the USA and an entire mainstream political party.
Love Trumps Hate.
I wish you good health and that you solve the mystery of your condition. Keep spreading your love.
3
I love the way you write. You shouldn’t have to muddle through, I’m sorry for that. Remember, there are many more good people in the world than bad.
As one of Donald Trump's "hated groups" (bi-racial Black), I can assure you that I've felt the sting of prejudice and bigotry all along.
Something many people are finally beginning to realize is so widespread now.
And unlike my LGBTQ brothers and sisters, one cannot so easily discount one's skin color -- which ultimately makes one an open, if unwilling target of ignorance and hate.
There's no doubt that hate is so much bigger than Trump, because it usually spares no one.
But that's little comfort when the leader of one of the most diverse countries on the planet does nothing to expound what a blessing it is to be as diverse as we are.
Granted, racism in America has been around since the first Europeans landed on these shores, and even some of our Founding Fathers were owners of plantations and slaves as well.
So in a way, what's happening now is nothing new because it's all ingrained in this country's history and in its DNA.
And Donald Trump is part of that.
The venal hatred he has of just about everything and everyone that doesn't fit inside his idea of world order has been palpable long before he ever got into the White House. But it was Americans who put him there, and that's an even larger part of the problem.
Obama tried and failed to coax us all into seeing ourselves as a "post-racial society".
But throughout all the senseless mass-shootings and attacks on innocent civilians, let us never lose sight of HOPE.
It always dies last.
2
I’m so sorry for the hate you have received. Thank you for your wonderful words. You are an incredible writer.
I appreciate your courage in sharing this. No one should have to put up with such odious attacks.
Of course it is bigger than Trump, that is incredibly obvious. But Trump is the President of the United States and his hate carries a huge amount of weight because of his prominent position. And his hate encourages and inflames the hatred of others. So what is your point?
I am a white, heterosexual male in his 70s, well-educated, married with grandchildren and a long-ago lapsed Catholic. I remember having friends since college who were gay, and I suppose that I had gay male friends even earlier and did not realize it. Today, my wife and I have many gay friends -- both male and female.
I took the liberty of writing the preceding paragraph of personal information, because Frank Bruni writes movingly today of his experience with readers who express hatred of him because of his homosexuality.
Some years ago, I had occasion to have lunch and drinks with a small group of business colleagues, one of whom voiced his disgust with a gay man known to all of us, but not present at the lunch. I said, “I like him and admire the quality of his work. Do you realize that gay people don’t choose to be gay? Only a fool would choose to be gay and having to deal with people like you.”
After that, I avoided as much as possible the fellow who hated gay men and ruined our lunch.
6
Mr. Bruno, your article points out why, unfortunately, Mayor Pete wouldn’t stand a chance of beating Trump.
Too many headwinds.
I like the man, but beating Trump is everything.
2
You know what else is bigger than Trump? Love, Tolerance, Acceptance, Diversity and Resilience in the face of hatred. And you, Mr. Bruni, are also bigger for being vulnerable but strong and understanding that hate is learned, a demon we allow inside. I've long thought the issues we face today has more to do with the 50+ million people who voted for Trump, his hatred and bigotry on full display during the election for any voter to see as they walked into the ballot box.
Mr. Bruni, thank you for your column on 'hate'.
I am 56 years old. I am a white married man with two children. Both my wife and myself have very nice jobs. This just to paint a picture.
I really do not care about what another person wants to do in a bedroom (as long as no kids or animals are involved and as long as whatever happens is with consent of all parties involved). And when 'love' is involved I'm even more happy.
I still don't understand some people's issue with the sexuality of others. It is basically not their business.
And people calling themselves 'christian' should know that their God loves all people. I can't believe that me as an atheist has to inform these so called 'christians' about their religion. Same goes for muslims, jews, hindus and all other 'real' religions.
Then there is hate of the race. For me the most dangerous one. As a small boy I spent a lot of time in South Africa, at the time of 'apartheid'. Please do not come and talk to me about one skin colour being superior to another skin colour. I know my history and as far as I am concerned, the white 'race' caused mayhem throughout history based on the ludicrous idea that having a white skin means that you are superiorand can do whatever pleases you.
In short, people who 'hate' have sad lives.
Hi Frank -- good column, important perspective.
How thin the veneer of civilization...
There is something most fundamental beneath this hate, a basic driving feature of being human and saddled (and blessed...) with this horrifically frightening thing called "awareness".
We have no idea where it came from, where it goes after we die, and as infants and children no way to process everything we perceive from it.
So, our subscious compassionately builds reflexes to "protect" us from utter confusion and paralysis just as it creates a muscle reflex to withdraw from a hot burner.
And those reflexes are stories about the world, and people in it, and how we fit in.
The best way to get someone to hate you is to puncture their story about themselves and the world. The hate is needed to patch over the holes you punched in their image of themselves.
We all have these stories, some of us courageously and valliently attempt to keep themselves open to the world "as it is", and others...not so much.
For those who need to live in certainty, regardless of contrary input, well, hatred is the most useful of tools.
And collective hatred toward a common evil...well that is the best going.
1
Thank you so very much for this thoughtful column. People never cease to amaze me, so certain in their superficial judgements and righteousness. We all need to open our hearts and our minds, realize we are not the center of any universe, and accept one another, warts and all. Goodness knows I have more warts than I can count, and I suspect these folks who write these hateful messages do, too. Hang in there!
Short of the hatred of the religious fanatics of the Middle East that are regularly killing each other over some nonsense, I would say there is probably no other country that has as much inter-society hatred as the USA.
Sometimes it almost seems as though we hate each other over politics, religion, skin color, or just because a person my live in the City rather than in the hinterlands. And then there is all the hate built up over gun legislation which is much needed.
Maybe it's our Anglo-Saxon, Germanic heritage which so many of us share.
Love your neighbor ?
Beautiful! Thank you.
Yes, the hatred is there and, as Christ said of the poor, will always be with us. They are the poor of heart. So how survive? First, make sure not to permit the great haters to have power. Vote them out and don’t vote them in to begin with. They make hate appear acceptable and it is not. Second, find the good people and make them your world. Leave the haters to each other and if the haters intrude on your world, do exactly what you did. Let them know politely that they will not be heard or heeded. And if they try to harm you physically, report them to the authorities; they belong off the streets. Finally, do whatever we can to educate people about the causes of hatred, especially in child-rearing. We’ll never get rid of all hate, but we may lessen it.
It seems to me that religion has been used to spread hate in many parts of the world and has caused tremendous pain and suffering. We often can hear hateful rhetoric in the name of god. Just take a look at the global conflicts and we can see the religion plays a role in many of them.
2
Yes hate has been around long before Trump, however Trump manages to produce more then most because he fails to educate himself on things, he just goes with a gut feeling or with what FOX News is broadcasting.
Most people hate something because they don't understand it, fear and ignorance go hand in hand.
We need to take more time learning about something before we decide to love it or hate it.
Thank you Frank and to all the people offering their support. I'm comforted by all your thoughtful and intelligent comments. Too often, the comments sections all over the web, are filled with sniping, bile and ignorance. Much of it would stop if people had to use their real names. In your case, the slanderers made their identities known. Yet, I've always felt that cowardice hides behind anonymity.
This is a heartbreaking column at the end of a heartbreaking week. Hatred and bigotry have risen and been nurtured in Trump's America. That some hide behind their twisted ideas of religion for their hatred is nothing new, but is one of the oldest forms of bigotry. True Christianity like the other great religions is about love and kindness and generosity and hope and mercy not about condemnation, cruelty and bigotry.
Families have been targeted and some have empty chairs in their homes now. Hundreds more children are losing their parents.
It is hard to forgive the Trump supporters who chant bigotry like "Send her back!" with glee, or those who justify massacres by reusing Trump's incendiary terms like "invasion", or Trump proudly claiming that sweeping up several hundred parents and leaving those weeping children on their first days of school was a deterrent while ignoring that the real crime was committed by wealthy employers wanting cheap labor.
Trump has emboldened hatred and bigotry. Barack Obama left a legacy of kindness and joy. Looking at his photographs, especially interacting with children or with those in grief as in Charleston, show the better angels of our nature. This too will pass.
Especially if everyone votes against Republicans. They've been poisoned.
Really sorry to hear about your vision challenges. Life is messy and rain falls on the just. Good to have hope.
If the Lord lets you suffer more because you broke a rule, I am in for a truly serious and tragic future.
Outside of the basic believe-or-not decision all of us are faced with, Heaven quit punishing the rulebreakers during THIS life a long time ago.
Even the Assyrians lived it up in front of their recently acquired chattle from Jerusalem once.
The mail Frank gets is a ringing reminder that the people whose lives are being turned around by organized religion are still error-prone human beings taking their own sweet time changing how they behave.
Frank, you are wrong. Class, to a very large extent determines our attitude. The University teacher was an exception. Universities, by nature, are liberal institutions. I was in the academia for over forty years. Please keep writing. Love you and lover your work.
Ranjan Roy
University of Manitoba,
Winnipeg
Canada
2
“…We must punish acts of hate fiercely, not just to declare our values but also to make the haters think twice and to keep them in my inbox, armed with only words, and not in your child’s high school, armed with an assault rifle…
If only life were this simple, Frank…
We could just build a wall, and keep things safely apart on each side…
But what about those in the workplace, armed with organizational clout or those on the sidewalk, armed with fists – or shoves onto subway tracks…
Or those in the pulpit, who rain down on their own – for the sin of being LGBT…
That’s not just words – that’s religion…
Or those on a tenure-track or partner-track – who rain down on pregnant women in the workplace…
That’s not just words – that’s gossip…
And how would we get through the day, without religion or gossip…
Probably why we cling to them…
Owning a gun – on the other hand – is clearly a life-style choice…
1
I don't know Frank but maybe it was awful for the professor's Mom to know that her daughter was a judgmental, unloving, cold, mean individual who enjoyed inflicting hurt and spewing hate. And, yes, I believe she should not have been shielded.
As for the other individual, just an ignoramous.
I think they both should know what others think of them. Not sure that it would matter to them.
I am truly sorry that you had to be the recipient of such awful comments. I just wanted to cry.
1
Frank, in your list of categories of people who are targets of hate you omitted one important one: women.
It seems there's no single better predictor of who will turn into a mass killer than misogyny, especially when the misogynist has already inflicted violence on a woman or women in his circle.
This doesn't minimize by any means the awfulness of all the other hates out there. It's hurtful to read the comments people send you. But the attacks on women -- and African-Americans, immigrants, and other categories -- are systemic. While progress has been made on LGBTQ rights, women's control of their bodies has eroded, African-Americans' right to vote has been slashed, immigrants are rounded up and caged, their children left to weep on the doorsteps of empty houses. These acts, committed by our government ostensibly on behalf of us all, tell the haters not only that their hate is justified, but that the state approves.
It's time for straight white people, like me, to get over ourselves. We have had every advantage in life due to an accident of our births. We didn't do anything to be white or straight, and yet we have reaped huge rewards for it. I look forward to a world where advantages will be bestowed on those who are given equal opportunities and work for their success, rather than those people who would keep them down through a completely unwarranted delusion of superiority.
2
I am sorry for the pain being afflicted upon you, and upon so many people and institutions in this country. If there is a silver lining in this pernicious cloud, it is that now all of you know. The gap between factions in this country is so great that most progressIves donor appreciate how much prejudice, ignorance, anger, and sheer hatred there is out there. This reality must be recognized in full if progress can be made. And now you know.
Frank, hate has no tentacles, it is but an absence. We can't fight hate, anymore than we can remove darkness from a dark room with a bucket. We can only bring in the light: garner love, kindness and generosity. I know it isn't easy to ignore ignoramuses, but we are only responsible for ourselves. You are a great writer with a big heart.
Over twenty years ago, I drove the "getaway car" for a dear friend when she came out to her abusive alcoholic father and the rest of her nuclear family.
I waited in the car just down the street ... reading the NYT.
Half an hour later she emerged from the house smiling and I knew things would be OK, not perfect, but OK.
When my marriage [straight] came apart, my friend and her lesbian sports buddies supported me when I needed support.
I am very thankful for their support.
All these years later, my friend has a wife and she enjoys a "normal" life.
Frank, your article resonates very deeply for me.
BTW ... I am 79 years old.
2
I am so sorry there is so much hate in the world. No one should have to tolerate this, stay strong!
Reading your column brought tears to my eyes. I am so sad that you were on the receiving end of this hateful attack. You write so beautifully and thoughtfully, and I find your words to be comforting and clarifying. It is such a depressing and hopeless time. I agree with your assessment that Trump has merely exploited and magnified the hatred, bigotry and ignorance of so many Americans that was latent. That is what truly alarms me. We can hopefully one day be rid of him, but what about all these hateful others. Is this what we have become as a society and a country? We are living through a truly frightening time.
First, any column that quotes Emily Dickinson is by definition a great column.
Second, humans are not born with hate, it has to be ingrained, instilled, incubated and nurtured. And the source of that process in almost all cases begins with theocracy. Theocracy is the wellspring or foundation of hate, and this column is loaded with examples of theocratic driven hate.
Don’t hate the hater, instead, hate the theocracy.
We desperately need this conversation....however, as long as words are angry instead of thoughtful, those who prefer violence will answer them with violence. Thank you so much for such a thoughtful piece, and thank you for resisting the urge to out those who cannot tolerate diversity, or challenges to their sense of entitlement. They are best put into the spam file.
4
To my enduring shame, I was once like that professor and that engineer. What changed me was the realization that I had very little empathy for others, for blacks, for gays, for many people not like me. I was not loving my neighbor as myself, I was not pulling the log out of my own eye before I pointed out the speck in another's eye, I was not seeking to walk humbly before my God, nor seeking justice for others, nor trying to grow in understanding of others, rejecting the sin of callousness and embracing sensitivity, empathy, forgiveness, mercy, and love, towards the poor, toward refugees, toward widows and orphans, toward my fellow men and women. What changed me was going to church, the very kind of evangelical church now apparently dominated by Trump supporters. Their cognitive dissonance must be astonishingly great, and that saddens me more than I can express.
770
@Michael Ando "Enduring shame?" You should embrace your illumination and change! What a great story: a bright, reflective person realizes that hate and bigotry must be discarded -- whether from your Christian faith or a simple act of logic and love, it's heart warming. And I hope you are a beacon to others!
155
It breaks my heart and makes me angry to see our president, time and again, encouraging this hatred against “the other”. It feeds people’s anxiety, fear and prejudice rather than the love, compassion and inclusiveness that lies in our hearts.
But while this discrimination needs to be called out and condemned over and over again, I don’t think punishment is the answer because I don’t think that people who think like Trump are yet capable of understanding and being inclusive. Somehow, we need to include them in our worldview, hard as it may be, and find ways to break down their fear and resistance. Hatred begets hatred. Fierce compassion and speaking the truth is needed here. Thanks for your words reminding us of how painful it is to be labeled “the other” by those who falsely believe their view should be imposed on others.
2
We have been together for sixty five years. We have shared this great adventure together though some wonderful times and though fear and disappointment. Both at ninety, we are in the last of the adventure, still loving life and each other. She is partially disabled now and it is an honor to to be able to help her as she helped for so many years.
This partnership is more important than gender, race, color or religion.
These partnerships " Ain't nobodies business but their own",
Every person deserves a partner.
7
Heartbreaking column. I’m so sorry you have to put up with this.
4
Frank
Forgive my informality but I feel like you are more than Mr Bruni, as I have faithfully read your column for years.
You are a beacon of truth in a world gone mad!
First, I am so sorry to hear about your eyesight.
But in your heart and soul you will always be able to see the truth - not that it’s any comfort when you are losing your eyesight but I hope you can take some comfort from that.
Second - my son is gay and this mother couldn’t be more proud of him. Not because he is gay but because of the wonderful man he is. His being gay doesn’t define him, it’s just who he is.
It is not awful to have a homosexual son - it’s absolutely terrific to have a son who is kind and smart and compassionate - who happens to be gay.
You put yourself on the line every week , telling all of us things some may not want to hear but are so necessary.
Don’t ever stop! Others have said this more eloquently in previous comments.
It’s easy for me to say to not let the haters get to you.
But you are not alone and we need people like you more than ever.
You are a wonderful man and give so many of us hope that sanity may someday return.
Thank you
1480
@Vicki B
Such nice comments, it brought tears to my eyes.
75
I believe religion could take a much more positive role in America. My wife and I go to Catholic mass many times a week in different Churcher's because she sings. They never speak about current events or the concept of loving all types of people, the only current topic is anti abortion. When I watch some of these mega church evangelists on TV I am shocked how much hate they preach against people of different beliefs. I believe every place of any kind of worship should promote a steady stream of love thy neighbor.
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@Thomas Renner
I think you're right about religion as a potential force for good.
My mother was a life-long church-goer (Congregational) and over a very long life had been required to face the prejudices she had acquired back in the 20's and 30's. She lived in Massachusetts, where gay marriage was first made legal, but that was for years a bridge too far. She believed in "Adam and Eve" and knew what was "right," so when one day she said she wanted to tell me what she thought about all this (again), I said let's not. But she plowed ahead, about what she'd been hearing on the weekly taped sermons (she couldn't hear them any longer at the church) about God making us all in his image and loving all his children - and something had clicked. She had turned to a great reader of novels in her old age, and I really think you have to give those interminable family sagas some credit for treating a wider range of characters as normal, but an authoritative statement of what God wanted from her was probably necessary for her to take the last step. Unfortunately, such authoritative statements these days tend to do more to spread hatred than understanding among those committed in advance to believing them.
24
@Thomas Renner You are absolutely correct and I think those mega church evangelists you allude to are doing much more harm than good to the Christian faith!
22
@Thomas Renner
Maybe its time to look elsewhere to go on Sundays. Not all Roman Catholic Churches are mired in old style fire and brimstone Catholism. And there are many other churches where love is the only value and no one is a sinner because of their color, beliefs, sexual orientation, or backgrounds. That has worked very well for me.
Give it a thought.
25
Keep hope alive Frank. Most of us are decent and tolerant and we all need to express those traits as we also fight for right. You do that in every column you write. Wishing you the best in the challenges you face.
3
I just want you to know Frank, when you shared the problems with your sight, my husband was having problems also. It was helpful for us to know someone else was experiencing something they didn't have answers for. We want you to know that "Your doing a Great Job."
2
Lot of child molesters have been molested themselves as children. To help them fight the trauma, they assimilate that this is normal practice. Thankfully all molested children don't become child molesters.
I believe it is the same with hate. Obviously some play it for personal gains, but others have it built deep within their psyche, and your column illustrates this perfectly. Unfortunately there is not a lot that we can do to help them, but we can certainly protect ourselves, and must protect the children.
2
"...some people are beyond reaching and teaching. Some are hardened, not softened, by exposure to diversity. As best I can tell, a few of these gunmen were plenty exposed. It didn’t dim their righteousness or dissuade them of their rightness."
Amen. This reality has to be part of the public discourse. Its a reality. A hard-fact, that regretfully is basically ignored by the US culture. We're so obsessed with the belief (its a national cultural religious belief at this point) that we can solve every problem by "educating, by exposing" those with recalcitrant ideologies to factual contrary information.
Its simply not so! There are many, more then we care to acknowledge, who have no desire to change their opinions. They are resoundingly resistant to even listening to contrary information, or meeting and listening to those people they believe are the true causes of their problems, or the nation.
They prefer the simple answers. They prefer to have easy to point at "objects" of their derision. Like Mr Bruni. Its so much easier to blame people like him for not only his own problems, but by extension every thing else they deem "others" faults.
Because the alternative demands looking at and seriously dealing with the person in the mirror! Not something Americans aspire to. Introspection is not a thing Americans do. We have no tradition with it. Even our Xtian Religious traditions lack true practices of introspection. Its not the believers fault, but its The World around them!
1
Frank,
As a 73-year old gay author, I have been moved by your contribution to the lives of my LGBTQ sisters and brothers. I still have my students read your June 25, 2011 essay in the NYTimes, "To Know Us is to Let Us Love." It has prompted me to be out and open, way back in 2011. You wrote:
"Over the last quarter-century the love that dared not speak its name turned into a veritable motor mouth, to a point where the average American, according to an astonishing Gallup Poll last month, thinks that about 25 percent of the population is homosexual. Hardly. But that perception underscores how visible gay people have become. And familiarity changes everything."
Today, you offer a more sobering observation. Frank, I would not give up, I think the journey will be long and complex. Somehow, I am still moved by what you wrote nearly a decade ago. Except, it is clear that there is more to the story.
Jonathan
381
It was sad to read your article this morning and learn what you have had to deal with .
I am a 70 year old woman and was raised to love and respect all. I raised my children with the same faith. They were NEVER allowed to use the word HATE when talking about a human being. Two, who have children, are raising them in the same manner, for which I am most proud!
When I visited my son's family who live in Philadelphia, a few years ago, there was a sign in my son's front yard.....NO HATE LIVES HERE. I was so proud of them it brought me to tears. It had a heart made of stars and stripes and the statement in multiple languages. I had my daughter-in -law get one for me......which proudly "resides" in my front yard.
I must tell you, Mr.Bruni, that when I open the NYT on my computer, your articles are the FIRST I look for.
Thank you for your wonderful, meaningful and poignant articles.
.
617
Most days, actually all days, my view of the physical world, that which I can touch, feel, see, and talk to is, just wonderful. Our friends, straight and LGBT, and strangers at the stores and markets all special, all polite, all just making their way through life. Then I read articles like this, or the one by Charles Blow just a short while ago, and I just cannot comprehend how minds can be so twisted, that they would say and write what they do.
I know there is bigotry and hatred out there, but I want to believe there is greater good than evil. I have to, its a matter of survival.
It's so important to vote next year, 76 years old, a crusty old buzzard from 35 years in the heavy construction industry, and I am frightened now for our country.
Please, please vote.
626
@cherrylog754 It's not going to make you feel better but as one of your peers (78) I am convinced the voting will be rigged, disavowed or somehow not legitimized in a few key states and boy do i want to be wrong, becuse we don't have "any" checks to be enforced.
46
I am very sorry to hear about your vision. I selfishly hope it does not affect your voice. Your columns are thoughtful and intelligent, thank you for them. May your joys outweigh your sorrows.
Perhaps we can return to that more hopeful time very soon. Until then, best of luck with your medical problems.
Sincerely,
J.R. Chappell
4
As so many contributors have said, this is a very moving article.
It is also an up-close-and-personal glimpse into what so much research has been saying for some time: people often hold beliefs based on emotion, and no evidence or rational discussion will cause them to re-examine those beliefs. Indeed, strong counter-arguments often make them double down.
And as Frank's exchange with the bigoted professor shows, having a lot of education doesn't automatically mean having an open mind -- though, fortunately, there is generally a relationship between level of education and open-mindedness.
226
@Steve
A look at history provides ample evidence that hatred is not based solely on emotion, cf the murderous aftermath of, say, the French Revolution of 1789, the Russian and Chinese Revolutions during the 20th century. How do you distinguish hatred from intense emotions such as that of loathing, aversion to some particular individual, group, ideology, lifestyle? To say that the former unlike the later is unreasonable is glib, superficial. Many. perhaps even most sources of conflict or animosity is primarily based on conflicting values. Even a superficial reading of the NYT's op-ed columns on Trump and their reader comments about these articles clearly indicates that visceral loathing of Trump is very widespread. Is that reaction to be dismissed as lacking evidence, or based merely on emotion? Clearly not. So there is a spectrum of intensely negative emotions. Don't people cherry pick which intense negative emotions they at least temporarily approve of and those which they don't? That surely is self evidently true. My criterion for distinguishing tolerating the expression of negative emotions and unacceptable forms of hatred is the overall cost versus benefit to society of allowing the latter to fester and proliferate.
Are people who firmly advocate having an open mind on anything typically consistent? Not really. I was part of a generation that heatedly protested the Viet Nam War. A person who has an open mind on anything, if such be possible, has no moral values,
5
@Steve
It's not just a matter of having an open mind. Once one is ensnared by, as Frank says "tentacles of hate", there is a great deal of damage to be unwound. And unwinding it takes volumes of introspection and reason, generally far more than has been rationed out by dubious belief systems of those so sadly trapped by those tentacles.
17
@Steve--A quality education should be a liberal education, with exposure to all sides of every issue, and every kind of valid opinion.
17
According to the FBI, 80% of domestic terrorism is right wing based and 3% left wing based.
Maybe if op-ed writers (not here, this time) stopped engaging in the "both sides do it" false equivalency to show they are "fair and balanced" we might do better zeroing in on the real causes and effects of hatred by not letting the perpetrators slip the noose with their sophistry.
339
Mr. Bruni, in your heart breaking list of targets, don't forget women. As The Times has just reported, the hatred that seems to cross all ideological and national and demographic borders is--hatred of women. I think Clinton's candidacy made this very clear: the bedrock hatred for right wing extremists is hatred of women. I dread having it on display again if the democrat's candidate is a woman.
506
@teach Yes, thank you for adding this. Women for these people are only ok when they can be used as objects (primarily during their childbearing years) and servants. Hillary was hated and dehumanized as a person, not for her politics. Now that she has no significant power, they are turning the bulk of their wrath to "the squad." These are terrible times. I hope the future is brighter. My fear in this era of hatred is that hate could be an inescapable human condition. I hope I live long enough to see a happy ending to the current state of affairs.
69
Bravo— gay men are still essentially men.
16
I agree with you that hate is so much bigger than Trump. I think that, just like Trump, our digital age has allowed the expression of that hate to be magnified and the haters to have an unprecedented degree of anonymity. Toxic people attract toxic people. It’s always easier to be negative. More people will express their negativity than will express their gratitude for the people and things they appreciate. So what do we do, those of us who believe the world should be caring, inclusive and fair? We need to raise our voices for those who cannot raise theirs. This is something that you do with your columns which I find to be thoughtful and eloquent. We need to never give up on the capacity of people to choose love over hate. Mr Rogers said when something bad happens look for the helpers. I find that there are more of them than there are hurters. It’s just that those who choose to hate can be louder and so the rest of us need to speak up. Not necessarily to be as loud but loud enough to say to the world that that we are here and you are not alone and we will will not give up on you. What that woman said about your mother was wicked. So I hope you don’t mind if I say thank you to your mother for giving us her thoughtful, kind, talented son who makes the world a better place and that through his words makes us all think and makes us better too.
773
@Patricia McNamee
Yes, there are more helpers than hurters. Unfortunately, hurters can hurt faster than helpers can help. Hurters can hurt more people than helpers, who generally have to go one-on-one.
54
@Patricia McNamee
ABC nightly news often ends its' broadcast with "America Strong"- a segment that highlights helpers, heroes, survivors of some life trauma or illness, or basically just people who are generous of spirit.
It uplifts me and some may criticize devoting a segment like this in what is 22 minutes of news.I say we need more of this.
I remember many years ago seeing a similar segment about a business man who walked to work daily and passed many homeless people on his morning walk. He made sandwiches, simple white bread and lunchmeat,and delivered them to everyone along his route. That story has stuck with me for many years. A simple gesture by a man who walked the walk regardless of what higher power he may have spoken to..
Just beautiful..
81
@Bruce Pettit Your analogy of "Helpers" and "Hurters" reminded me of a theory I developed during my 36 years as an elementary school teacher. I called it the Sandbox Theory of human behavior. There are many children quietly and contentedly building castles in the sandbox. Then along come one or two others who delight in stomping on the work of others. I never had much luck in correcting the behavior of the "Stompers."
61
So very sorry Mr. Bruni. Sometimes I feel so hopeless about these things. I am a child of the 60's when we fought so hard for equality, relief from poverty and acceptance of all. It saddens me to see us go backwards. I always thought that we had done it.....changed into a better world. I was wrong.
3
Thank you for sharing this, Mr. Bruni. I'm so sorry that you have been the target of hatred. Hate is destroying our country and it doesn't help that we have a President whose cowardly default is to strike out, to strike back.
When I think of hatred - if I try to deconstruct it to its lowest common denominator - what comes to me is: fear. Many fear what they do not know, therefore there is separation: them and us.
The only thing to combat fear is love. Love wins every time. Kindness can disarm.
120
If only kindness were able to disarm - disarm literally, when the haters are aiming their guns at the ones whom they hate. Tell the millions who were slaughtered by implacable haters that “kindness will disarm” (well, tell their ancestors, since it’s too late to tell them).
7
@East Ender Amen!
2
Frank,you’ve always observed the world and it’s foibles in a new light for me. I am grateful for your words and look forward to many more columns. I have never met you but it’s clear that’s you have honor,character and nobility. If it’s at all possible try to ignore the cruel and misguided words from people who have nothing else to do. Stay well and I’m sure you’re eyesight will not disappear entirely. Trust me.
3
Frank, Keep doing what you are doing and saying what you are saying. Grace always wins out over crude hate. I have straight children and grandchildren and also a wife of over 40 years. But I would adopt you if I could. We all should hold close to our hearts those who teach us empathy, kindness, and how to see the world as it should be.
4
I went blind in my right eye over 35 years ago. Short story, my eye is now fine. The right eye is associated with the liver. My liver was overloaded at the time, supposedly from swimming indoors at the Y in a chlorinated pool. After being treated by an ophthalmologist at the Scripps Clinic here in San Diego, I was only slightly better. I sought out an alternative care doctor who said I needed to go on a water fast. Ugh... and had to stop nursing my baby because my milt was tainted with chlorine. He told me to express some milk and it would be tinged with green from the chlorine. And it was! Ugh! After a water fast, and very careful attention to my diet, my vision was completely restored. I am not recommending this. I offer you this info so you might be able to have your liver checked and get help if needed that would be appropriate.
48
Just read an article in the Atlantic re studies from the early 2000's that posit a tendency to authoritarianism (a precondition to racism in that it's a passion for imposing sameness and order with total disgust for individual differences) exists and has specific physical and brain markers in a specific percentage of the population, just as a predilection for novelty exists as its mirror image in a similar percentage. That made me wonder: are these authoritarians born with these markers and traits or were they "carefully taught/to hate and fear" as the song from South Pacific laments? My whole family are ruggedly diverse novelty seekers--were we born this way genetically? Or were the children taught the preferences of the parents and the brains then adapted? My guess is we're taught because I've never seen a diverse, creative family with one member running around trying to line everyone up, though maybe they're just screaming on the inside.
My point is that I hope these deep preferences ARE just taught, for then authoritarian bullies can be changed if caught early enough.
And, not to try for the Mary Tyler Moore show title of "The Most Miserable", but I believe women were and still remain the most hated, legislated-against, hyper-controlled, loathed, feared, burned-at-the-stake, killed, raped, maimed, beaten, enslaved, and discriminated-against group out there. If you haven't lived as an intelligent young woman, you haven't truly experienced insult.
2
Another voice from the midwest applauding and appreciating your words, Frank Bruni. This round from the hometown of the current secretary of education. Your willingness to be vulnerable is a model for all of your readers. Thank you.
5
Your honesty and commitment to equality is a model we could wish for everyone. It's deeply disturbing that some religions, some institutions, some countries hate individuals for any reason. I admire your journalistic skill and your willingness to articulate painful events in your life. Thank you for that willingness and I personally will continue to work for the equality and justice you and we all seek. Keep the faith, there are many who join you.
1
A Twitter user posed this question: Which is worse, the white supremacist groups the streets or the ones hidden in suits? The answer is the ones in suits. Every time.
I worked as a personal chef in Charlotte NC and found it thriving in the fancy houses of the richest clients. It was disheartening.
One woman had emergency surgery for a burst appendix. My service was a gift from her husband's workplace. She'd gone to the ER and was sent home, only to have to return by ambulance a few hours later. In recounting the events, she said, "I don't understand how a white person would go to an ER and be sent home. I'm mean, I'm WHITE, for Pete's sake.
From my perspective people become hateful and twisted when they are no longer listened to for ______ reason. For example, I was outspoken about how opioids were being prescribed opposed to actually addressing the cause of the pain in the first place. I was labeled an "abusive" patient. I was absolutely right but because I'm not on tv or one of our vile politicians I'm simply not believed and must be punished. In fact a poor person can tell you accurately if the sun is out but our gov't won't allow that unless one of "them" declares it so.
As just a "regular" citizen I'm not allowed to file criminal charges if I'm assaulted, stolen from, nor am I allowed to report blatant tax payer fraud because I'm nor more than a "person". I found out that the other two credit bureaus were hacked but failed to report the hack which is a felony be itself but there is NO way to report this crime unless I'm rich and powerful. In fact in my state Colorado no one can effectively complain about any company or institution regardless of the crimes they commit but you can bet if you do report them you will be the one who gets punished for being the victim. I'm sure it's like this for everyone under a certain income we become the "new tax" that's "safe" for our rotten politicians.
Christ said, “by their fruits ye shall know them” and I’ve read your column enough to feel I understand your humanity and goodness. The letter writers will meet their own rewards for making the unrighteousness judgements Jesus also warned against. It’s odd how many good Christian people overlook that one. I hope all will be well with you, and am so sorry for this terrible trial in your life.
3
Mr. Bruni,
Hate may be a four-letter word but it is also a powerful emotion that I must use to power myself through each and every day. To be clear, I hate inequity, intolerance, and indifference in all of their forms and admittedly cast a baleful eye on practitioners of these philosophies. Perhaps, I would be better served using love, another four-letter word, and powerful emotion? Instead, I should love inequity, intolerance, and intolerance? I think, sir, that you are a tolerable word-smith who should know that complex issues concerning our species gestalt cannot be reduced to any one four-letter word.
This, Frank, is precisely why I announce that I'm gay (and Jewish) to every single class I teach here in Southern California. The late Harvey Milk was correct about coming out, and I'm very pleased that a skilled writer like you represents the gay community to the readers of this newspaper.
1
There is a simple but brilliant scene in Terrence Malick’s film of the evolution of the human spirit, “The Tree of Life,” where a healthy vigorous dinosaur, on discovering a wounded dinosaur, stomps on the wounded creature’s head. There is no reason for this malice. The wounded dinosaur is too weak to attack. It is dying. It is stomped on for the pure pleasure of the stomping.
Homo sapiens are like Malick’s dinosaur. We hate for no particular reason. Our hate is grounded in us; it is a flaw of evolution. We are vile. We can’t stop ourselves. Thousands of years of religion haven’t been able to eradicate our hatred and its tinctures of evil. We pretend to love, to say we are good people, yet we regularly hate. We espouse the Golden Rule and hourly defy it.
Humans are animals. We are controlled by our animal instincts. We cannot override our instinctual desire to use hatred so that we can keep it all for ourselves. It will take eons of geologic time, if we survive, which is in doubt, to have this evil softened, mutated, evolved out of us, so that we can become the kind and gentle and loving people we erroneously now claim to be.
For the time being, it is good to strive to love but it is also good to know hatred will often, for no good reason, come along with it.
1
Well done, as usual. I am one of a perhaps "quiet majority" of people who read your writing and benefit from its wisdom but then don't say anything about it. Squeaky-wheel haters shouldn't drown us out. So: thank you.
3
thank you frank for you being you. remember to hold fast to faith, hope and love.
1
so sorry about your failing eyesight, Frank. My father suffered with glaucoma for the last 25 yrs of his life. I'm also sad but not surprised to hear of the hatefilled letters you receive. Yes, even highly educated people can be bigots. One's level of education has little to do with a person's moral compass. MLK, so eloquently said that we should be judged by the content of our character, I think these people, the engineer and the professor, should be more worried about their own hateful souls and quit pointing the judgemental finger at yours.
3
@gabe. What is really sad about this pair of so-called educated people who made such nasty remarks to Frank is that the Bible says, very specifically, “judge not, lest you be judged.” They obviously missed that lesson. As I was taught long ago, when confronted with such nasty remarks, CONSIDER THE SOURCE...
1
Sometimes I find myself wishing I believed there really was a God. I would like to see his reaction, on judgement day, to these people that blame "him" for their hate. The commandment says love thy neighbor, not love thy straight neighbor.
4
Mr Bruni: Please know that many more readers love you and value your thoughtful words. I still believe that goodness will prevail.
4
You’ve contributed more good through your columns than those who have malice towards you will ever achieve. For that, you should take comfort in a life well-lived. My sincere wish that you retain your vision and that you continue sharing your thoughtful opinions.
3
My experience is that I am an Earthling, and that sometimes embarrasses me as when I read a column such as this one.
1
Frank, the behavior of the two individuals who e-mailed you is inexcusable. They obviously resented your occasional airing of your sexuality as an Op-Ed columnist.
It is important to distinguish the etiology of hatreds. They are not all the same.
Homophobia is often generational, most visible in older people who identify themselves as Christian. It is also more palpable among men, in whom homosexuality stimulates the desire to assert their virility.
Women and the educated--your tormentor excluded--generally tend to be more tolerant. And there is the cliché that for many women, a gay man is their best friend.
For many, homophobia is rooted in the intolerable thought of sex acts between men, however decent the men and however consenting. The idea of sex acts between consenting women is less offputting.
I am as liberal as they come, but I am not completely convinced that gay marriage was necessarily a good development. Gay couples and domestic partners should enjoy the same benefits as married heterosexual couples, but marriage, traditionally conceived, is about procreation and the shared—legal—obligations of childrearing.
Then again, I am someone who finds public displays of intimacy, whether gay or heterosexual, rather distasteful.
Love your columns. Keep fighting the good fight.
3
Yes, Frank, love endures, but hate endures just as long. Consider that a significant core of Southerners have never accepted the defeat of the Confederacy, and worse, their offspring, multiple generations begat, have spread beyond Old Dixie and live in every corner of the United States, nurturing their hate and fear. It was this core that seceded from the Democratic Party when the party pushed civil rights and equality, and subsequently were welcomed with open arms by Nixon and his successors. My guess is that about a third of Americans identify with the values of the Old South, even if their ancestors didn't fight under the Rebel flag. And all of these are hardened Republicans and die hard Trumpists, There is no hope of ever converting them, even if they attend church every Sunday - to them Jesus's command that love is the most important thing is merely a mild suggestion, if they even hear it at all.
Sadly, it not just Republicans and Trumpists who are anti-gay. A fair number of "moderate" Democrats would not vote for Buttigieg if he were to win the nomination. Imagine that! Given a choice between the miserable excuse for a President that Trump is, and an extremely bright and gifted gay man, many would either vote for Trump or stay home, perhaps ensuring his re-election! That's why I think the Dems trying to appeal to these voters is a fool's errand. Let them dwell in their fear and ignorance.
But there is hope. Love is bigger than hate.
1
I took a several courses in college that did, intellectually, teach me that we humans are capable of doing pretty terrible things to other humans. At the same time, in other college courses, I believed that education, especially courses in the liberal arts could tame our baser instincts. Trump, along with a number of my Republican neighbors, have dashed my youthful idealism---which I held now into my retirement years. There is no grey area with Trump---he is my any civilized standard--an really awful person---and yet, like other civilized nations during WW II, entire enlightened populations allowed thugs to run their country and murder their neighbors.
1
Very sorry to read about the negative progression of your eyesight. I hope it ok that you will be in my prayers.
2
The Obama years certainly convinced me that we were on the right track toward a more inclusive and caring society. I am really praying that we, as a country, learn from this current dark time in our history. Trump and his ilk, as Bruni points out, didn't appear out of nowhere; hate is woven into humanity and must be battled at all times. Now that we are fully aware that the cancer is present, we can shrink it and possibly keep it at bey.
1
This column was heartbreaking. I am a devout orthodox Christian believer. The Gospel I read and hear every week offers the revolutionary idea that love is stronger than death, stronger than hate. Love is the most powerful force in the universe. Love created and continues to create the universe. Mr. Bruno, please don’t despair. Trumpism, racism, homophobia, and other evils will be ultimately be swept away. As Saint Julian of Norwich once said, “all will be well, and all will be well, and every manner of being will be well.”
2
Frank, you are a great columnist. but even you apparently don't see one group that suffers bigotry and hatred in this country. Even you don't see us fit to be included.
The number one cause of death on the job, for us is homicide.
Mass shooters have a common history of online hatred of us.
We are afraid to report severe assaults, due to lack of belief
or support by law enforcement.
Punishment for reported offenders is very low, anyway.
Reporting harassment at work can result in losing a job or destruction of an entire career.
Harassment on the street is open and common.
Entire states want to restrict our choices in health care and punish us for making them.
One last clue: the number one cause of death during pregnancy is homicide.
We deserve inclusion, Frank.
2
If any good at all has come from the emergence of Trump, it is that he has brought much of America’s bigotry out of the woodwork so we can confront it. The unfortunate truth is that about four in 10 citizens still support this vile man, either because he feeds their prejudices or their wallets, or both.
The good news is that the country is changing rapidly enough to the point where it will be almost impossible to subjugate an increasingly diverse majority. But I wonder how much anxiety and damage our nation will suffer in the next few decades until the dust settles. I sometimes think we are on the road to another civil war, especially when I read about the arsenals that white supremacists have amassed.
2
Frank, you are very special. I’m always glad to read your column and when I see you on TV I remember to say one for you and your eyes.
Many better sighted people can’t hold a candle to your insight. Thank you for being you.
Every blessing!
4
Yes, and in the meantime, please just keep writing. I think that the best thing we can do in the face of this sort of ignorance is to not let it set the parameters of our lives. Oftentimes easier said than done, but when the narrow minded get me to respond, then they have won.
Frank,
I cried when I read your column. Your sight and insight is so much more than your eyes.
Although I am not a religious historian, I believe in the time of Christ it was thought that a person was blind because of some sin committed in his/her family. Then Jesus mixed his saliva with earth, smeared it on the blind man's eyes, and when he washed with water he could see. So this dispels any connection with sin, eyesight, and judgment, and by extension an invitation for us to see beyond appearances.
I do believe love is stronger than hate and worth fighting for.
Thank you for being you.
2
This column broke my heart! I weep.
2
every country has some horrid people.
however, in my heart of hearts, i believe the usa has more in real numbers and per capita than any other country that counts itself as a democracy.
it's probably not a coincidence that it's the most ostentatiously christian country of the lot.
and the most unchristian.
2
I am a committed Christian and will be going to Mass later this morning. On the July 4 weekend our deacon gave a pro life, pro American sermon. I wanted to stand up and shout: WE ARE A SECULAR NATION, but stayed quiet. I want to encourage you and let you know that a minority of us in those pews have your back.
4
@Bob Valentine If you stay silent in the pews, you don't have Frank's or anybody's back. If you had stood up and shouted "We are a secular nation" your deacon would have gotten a valuable bit of feedback. He'd think twice before going down that road again. OR, he and your church would make clear their true nature and that you are not welcome and you'd finally get out of an inappropriate environment. As it is, your silence supported and reinforced the deacon's sermon.
I am sorry that you have to read personal hate mail every day. I am glad that you are able to let it roll off.
I lament the place we were getting to under President Obama where there was thoughtful consideration of values related to LGBTQ. I did not think it was "complacency." I thought we were finally realizing that we are all the same humans. Distressingly, the current occupant of our White House, picked at that almost healed scab and reopened the wound. And the really disturbing part is that he probably doesn't really care about the issue one way or the other - he just likes the hurtful conflict it incites. I wish we could all direct him to our spam folder.
1
This is beautiful writing on an ugly topic. I found myself wanting to save a number of lines from this article, e.g. "We must punish acts of hate fiercely, not just to declare our values but also to make the haters think twice and to keep them in my inbox, armed with only words, and not in your child’s high school, armed with an assault rifle" and "Emily Dickinson wrote, gorgeously, that “hope is the thing with feathers.” Well, hate is the thing with tentacles. It holds people tight ..." With regard to primitive underpinnings, I often think of Desmond Morris's book "The Human Zoo."
2
Yes, we have the voice of God to contend with as Americans who care for all of our fellow humans, not just the select few, but now we also have the voice of Donald Trump.
In my part of the world that means a man took Trump's advice and assaulted a 13 year old boy who did not remove his hat during the national anthem.
According to the man's lawyer, "His commander in chief is telling people that if they kneel, they should be fired, or if they burn a flag, they should be punished." His client "didn't understand it was a crime."
He "grabbed the boy by the throat, lifted him into the air and slammed the boy on the ground," leaving the boy with a fractured skull and a concussion, bad enough that he had to be airlifted out of state for care.
Trump told him to do it. The ultimate "Twinkie defense."
3
Your column made me cry. I’m sorry that hate can find words to hurt. Even more sorry that it so often wraps itself with religious self-righteousness.
Good luck to you. I hope doctors can find the cause and treatment for your eye and you are able to continue writing. I look for your columns when I ‘open’ the Times.
1
If this expression represents your reality, who could contest it? If it does not, there would be those who would have been let down in a variety of ways. This hazard ought to inhibit hatred [that is the word, I think, not 'hate']. but hatred is the amoral science. It usually does inhibit writing. Good thing, it didn't here.
Mr. Bruni, As a retired educator and mother of four, including two gay sons, let me say that your mother and myself, are especially blessed to have sexual diversity in our offspring. It has been a joy and a privilege to love each of my adult children, and I am horrified that a fellow teacher is so ignorant and cruel. Keep writing your truth and good luck with finding help for your eye condition.
2
I do not feel that hate speech should be suppressed. Hate outs itself. That there are those who find support and comfort in hate speech is a poor reason to suppress it, since being exposed to it causes thinking people, a majority, to identify it; kind of an inoculation. That the hate ranters find support amongst each each other, is unavoidable. They spend a tremendous amount of effort speaking to each other desperately looking for affirmation. Away their soap boxes will not quest them, but rather push them underground. However one of the best antibacterials is sunlight. I would suspect, without any firm evidence, that more unaligned people are turned away from hate by exposure to hate speech than are recruited. But perhaps I’m a true conservative as a free speech optimist.
Mr. Bruni, thank you for this moving essay. I hope you will be spared total blindness and that we may look forward to reading your column for many years to come.
1
It takes great courage and dedication to write the way you do. Your clarity, your compassion, and you humanity give me hope - you bring decency to the communal discourse.
Thank you for what you do so well. With profound gratitude and best wishes,
Mariaesther Moro-Garcia
6
Mr. Bruni, I must thank you for this important contribution to my all-too-customary and all-too-asphixiating perspective on the world and others. I more consciously suffer from anger than from hate but I strongly suspect that my conscious anger is fuelled by unconscious hatred.
Hatred seems like a strategy that allows us to get out in front of world that we’ve long concluded is hostile and toxic. It serves to protect us from new forces that we have come to pre-judge as threatening or those that have been viscerally embedded from our youth. Whatever the genesis of hatred, it has us in its maw, shakes us into a stupor, and lets us loose upon the world where we get busy making victims of each other.
As the years have gone by - and as your column here has served to remind me - my perception that I belong to hatred and must do its bidding seems somehow less convincing than hatred and anger are both in my possession and their deployment is my choice. I really should be able to learn (or rather teach myself) that the world, while not a safe place, is at least safe enough for me to lead with love and acceptance rather than with hatred.
Finally, it should be said that I have made two mistakes on this front: the first mistake was in concluding that the world is just not safe enough for me to live unconditionally. But the second mistake has been the investment in hatred as a strategy to protect myself. It turns out I would have been much safer to have invested in love.
6
Frank, what a beautiful, heartfelt column. I am so, so sorry to hear about what is going on with your eyesight, but you can certainly see (and write) better than most of us.
5
I can't agree that hate is stronger, more durable than love. Although I see why it's an easy observation to make. But we are born with love, it's innate, not learned. We are taught to hate, it is behavior gained from observation or indoctrination. I believe love wins that battle. I have to.
2
My mother was a gregarious woman, a woman who was always interested in the people around her. She would ask questions, where are you from, etc. and always showed delight in meeting people from different countries, people who looked different, and people of color. She passed some of that along to me, and me to my two daughters. I guess you either have this open quality or you don't. I delight in seeing all kinds of people around me, women with hijabs, black women wearing clothes with beautiful fabrics, fabulous headscarves, etc. My children have had many queer friends and friends of color, with no distinction at all. It is possible. I can't imagine looking at people with hate and distaste. I can't imagine not having compassion for families coming across the border. Why wouldn't you want to help them? I lack an answer. All I know is that it is possible to have empathy and compassion, but if you don't have it, I'm not sure it can be learned.
3
Thanks for another thoughtful and informative column. Hate is powerful and destructive and I regret that you or any of us has occasion to experience it. Yet, I believe love is more powerful and I thank you for your many columns that are clearly grounded in love. I do pray, and I pray now that medical science find a solution that preserves your vision. We need it! - a play on words, but surely true.
3
It's important to be reminded that hate is as important and compelling a force for humans as love. This doesn't mean we can't use love to counter hate and it's certainly no commendation of our humanity. But love conquers hate? Not really. The stakes are too high for soporific balms, the wounds cut deeply, the facts tell us otherwise. No one likes to hear this, especially those doused in religions that claim otherwise. But if we are in denial we put ourselves in no position to do what we must to survive, flourish, and create a better world. Humans learn to hate, we know that too. Teach your children well.
2
For what it is worth Mr. Bruni, I got a NYT subscription after the election of Trump because of you. I visited NYC recently and went by the Times office. I took a moment to take in this awesome building which is quite literally a beacon of hope. Your column has been a lifeline for those struggling to understand what is happening to your county. You take the chaos and confusion and mould it into impossibly elegant prose and moral clarity. I can’t imagine the spiritual cost of such hate or the courage it takes to keep going. But I want you to know, you give hope that decency and humanity is not lost, and I thank you.
46
Thanks for your many thoughtful columns. I am a college professor who sees students working against this hate every day, and, for this reason, I have much hope for our future -- even as we all struggle with those tentacles of hate every day.
11
I attended a college in the 60's that was mostly male. Some of my best friends were gay but were afraid to come out. Trump is so destructive to this country that I am glad I am in my 70's and will not live to see the civil war that will happen. The Electoral College elected Trump, not the people. Perhaps it is time to get rid of the EC. I was also unaware of some of my friends prejudices. This has opened my eyes. And I am so sorry my eyes were opened. I marched for gay rights. We are going backwards. I adore your writings, Mr. Bruni. Please keep up the good work. You are one of the reasons I subscribe to the NYT.
12
It was sobering and enlightening to read this. Thank you and be well.
13
I am so sorry this happened/s to you. Mostly, though, I am grateful to you and other brave members of the LGBTQ community for opening eyes of one straight old woman. Your courage and persistence have made it possible for me to share in the joy of two young mothers welcoming their new baby, to witness the once unimaginable marriage of my dear friend and his husband, and to respond with love and encouragement when my granddaughter happily came out to our family. My life and the lives of countless other has been made infinitely richer thanks to your willingness to confront hate. Your mother would be awed with the way you have lived your life.
15
I take your point on complacency. Sad to say, but we can never relax and let bigotry breathe in our country. Obama's election seemed to be the dawn of a new era of tolerance. Instead, it was the beginning of a racist backlash that grew via the Tea Party into a mission to confront the black man in the White House at every turn, and was fully unleashed when Trump ran for president. There was insufficient pushback. Now we join the fight again. May we never take progress for granted again.
285
@George S. I think we all thought there was progress but what happened was that President Obama's election brought out the "crazies" plus the fact that the internet and twitter have become ways to spew hate from the faceless.
15
Sending you all the best, Mr Bruni, and much gratitude and respect for your work all these years. As a woman, I've been shocked these past few years to realize the hate toward females as well. The Kavanaugh hearings were the turning point for me. Many of us feel unsafe here, on so many levels. But I think it's all just part of a divide and conquer strategy, so that the old white guard can hold onto their power. Decency, love, humanity, solidarity -- these are the real strengths we have and we will prevail...
8
As you have implicitly noted, forgiveness feels so much better.
Thanks for your thoughtful comments.
7
Thank you for this piece. It astounds me that hatred is growing world wide. After years of reminders of the holocaust and what could happen when people ignore hatred, it is back full force. I can feel the anger growing in this country even while driving in my car with people tail gating and passing with aggression. I wonder if part of this anger is the helplessness people feel with our congress and where nothing is ever accomplished and the two political sides barely tolerate the others opinion. With all the issues we face including environmental disaster, gun control, and health care the hatred is even more frightening. If people can no longer come together and be a unified team, we are all in trouble.
9
Thank you Mr. Bruni. Dispiriting as it is, it is important to recognize that hate extends beyond red state boundaries. Even more depressing given that in New York we are exposed to, and enriched by, so much diversity and still there are some who find the room and the need to hate.
6
Over 50, under 30. Therein lies a trend based in reason, empathy, experience. My parents held mild prejudice against black people to whom they had little exposure. Yet my mother repetitively taught me "to walk a mile in the shoes" of someone else. I was the first in my family to attend college. There I saw intelligence above mine in a diverse array of people and learned to respect people for who they might be not who they might be presumed to be. With each generation our view becomes wider and we evolve. Let us become "data based" and prejudice will recede.
6
I was disappointed with this article.
One of the worst things about living in America today is the completely infantile process of dividing people into those who love and those who hate, or binary, lowest common denominator forms of psychologizing such as being forced to either like or dislike something which shows up on your computer.
This leads to a world in which people are quick to paint anything they perceive against themselves as hatred and that they themselves are on the side of love. It's grotesque whether you are a loving Christian against gay people or a gay person seeing hatred all around you and opposed to your loving nature. I don't think it's possible at all to reason with people who have their lives reduced to this love/hate dichotomy, this world of pure feeling, people who go about their days either liking or disliking things and nothing in between.
It's brainwashing. It's the destruction of language skills and math and logic reduced to simple binaries. It's just crowd herding at the lowest level, a forcing of people into being unable to think and act except in only two ways and then herding them through this door or that. I don't see how anyone can love that except power controlling society, masses of people.
In other words, can there really be love at all, love worthy of the name, not to mention success of culture, civilization, when people are forced every day into either loving or hating, liking or disliking this or that and nothing in-between?
74
@Daniel12. Interesting. Thanks.
Though I do respect expression of pain...
2
@Daniel12
I think yours is a valuable reminder that people who hold prejudiced beliefs should not be reduced to and judged solely on that one belief. He does seem to be writing off the 1/3 of the population that doesn't support gay marriage. But I think you're giving short shrift to the fact that Bruni acknowledges that he doesn't know these letter writers' backgrounds or circumstances and deems it inappropriate to pass final judgment; he doesn't see things in black and white and believes that people change. A large proportion of us gay people see that since we've all experienced this huge sea change in public opinion about sexuality over this last generation. That said, there are still people out there who feel so motivated as to write Bruni a letter condemning him for his sexuality. Abject intolerance does exist and has existed, and it's useful to point out its deep-rooted nature.
66
@Daniel12
I'm wondering if you know what it's like to be the target of hate. There is no "in-between" when most of the people you meet in the world hate you for what you cannot change, do not want to change. It isn't "logical," it's pure hate for hate's sake.
108
The question I get from this is: why are some people hardened by exposure to others who are different?
Then I try to intuit the answer. Some people are insecure of their place, enough that outsiders are seen as a threat of displacement.
Hatred comes from fear and insecurity, plus, as you said, a tangle of cultural and religious influences that cause people to promote their hate instead of channeling the tension in some positive way (like learning about the new people, and negotiating a new secure balance.)
5
@Kevin L.
It is more "knowing" their place than it is being "insecure" about it. People who hate have to believe someone else is beneath them. Otherwise, they are at the bottom; and they will take the full load of all the hate there is.
Just for once in my life I'd like someone to give me a compelling reason for discrimination against LGBTQ people. It's not contagious. They're not trying to convince the world that their way is the only way to live. They just want to live their lives in peace and without harassment and discrimination like the rest of us. And they deserve equal protection under the law just like everyone else. If we could just learn to live and let live the world would be a much better place.
20
Thanks for the reality check. I came out to my mother more than thirty years ago and she still hasn't accepted me. Nonetheless, I've built a good life by learning to love myself and putting my energy into relationships with people who are able to embrace me for who I am. Although hated minorities should never stop aspiring to realize Dr. King's "dream" for America, it's more important for our survival that we follow Malcolm X's advice to celebrate ourselves and take care of each other.
11
Yes, there is still too much hate, and some of it among younger people. However, my twenty-year old daughter and her friends, and also many of my students, give me hope. Most of them are much more enlightened and tolerant than I was (and my friends were) at that age.
I have hope.
13
I hope they vote, and vote Blue!
A wise friend once told me that when a person has a personal story to tell one need not edit, analyze or contribute. One need only listen. I have listened and wish you only the best. You are a good man.
64
Thank you for this column and sharing your pain. The reaction of educated people in NYC to you is stunning but unfortunately not surprising. I remember in college at the University of Michigan I casually mentioned to a friend that my uncle was gay. His laughter and mockery is with me to this day -- over 25 years later. Your column is a reminder that prejudice and hatred like the kind Trump mines and stirs is not limited to uneducated Americans in "red states" and must be addressed everywhere, root and branch.
18
I have to admit that a dozen or so years ago, I was hesitant to accept same sex marriage, but my wife and I saw two women walk out of a chapel after their wedding ceremony with such an overwhelming look of joy and happiness that I turned to my wife and said “oh, I’m okay with this”. Similar to the conclusions Obama came to a few years later in his first term.
I’m not a particularly religious person, but I accept that God loves all people, no exceptions (I draw the line on people who harm others) , and I wonder why others are not as accepting.
I don’t understand hate, and feel that we as a people are becoming more tolerant even as we see all the turmoil around us.
Please keep up the good work Mr. Bruni.
19
@Pragmatist
To many religious people, gays are despicable. I had an office when I worked for a non-profit in the building occupied by the local Salvation Army folks. One Sunday, when I was doing catch-up work, I caught a bit of the sermon act. Heard "homosexuality is an abomination." I took my work home to finish.
1
Muddle through. That's the heartbreaking part. We go back to the well and figure out how to deal with other's hatred and figure out a way to move forward. Always expected. We don't have a choice. Hate hidden behind any God is the worst. Depression is creeping in very day for me. I don't understand what we want from this life -peace, love, friendship, compassion?? Doesn't everyone just want to live their life with that?? The effort that hate takes - the damage it does to our mind and body - to invoke someone's Mother?? I'm sorry this happened.
13
@Maryrose
I agree "hate hidden behind any God is the worst". The engineer that sent the email stating God could not help Frank Bruni because he is gay might consider himself a good Christian and a good person. But his or her level of hate is at the same level of the El Paso shooter. It is just buried deeper in his or her soul,
As always, thank you for you honesty and openness. I'm moved by this piece but saddened by the truth of what it says about the world we live in.
41
@RB
Hate is bigger than Donald Trump. The history of the United States, as a whole, makes that painfully obvious. The ascendency of Donald Trump into the Oval Office was a long time coming, unfortunately.
Mr. Bruni, I think I understand where your heart is on this, but for what it's worth, I believe that with privilege, status and public stature comes great responsibility. I say name names.
Thank you for sharing this and offering some much needed perspective on the multidimensional complexity of who and what America really is. It is painful to face, but so incredibly necessary.
12
Dear Mr.Bruni, thank you for sharing your precious voice of humanity and dignity in your column today. A beacon for all of us in these dark times. Keep on writing.
32
@Chi Gordy
I agree, Mr. Gordy. Why should these hate filled people be protected by the object of their hatred? They were willing to share their views via email and shouldn’t expect secrecy. Let Mr. Bruni simply forward their emails to their employers, particularly in the case of the teacher. No more need be said.
Thank you, Mr. Bruni, for your fine work.
7
@Dottie Potts. Perhaps Mr. Bruni’s refusal to name his haters is an act of love and protection; to spare them the self-righteous rage he experiences daily. The parasitic emotional rot of hatred consumes the host. “The quality of mercy is not strained...”
A quote from e. e. cummings comes to mind as I read your latest essay: "Once we believe in ourselves, we can risk curiosity, wonder, spontaneous delight, or any experience that reveals the human spirit." Frank, no one can destroy your power or your ability to believe in yourself. Diversity is the gift of nature and as humans, it is imperative that we honor and celebrate diversity. Keep writing. Loss of vision didn't stop Helen Keller and it needn't hinder you from owning and utilizing the gifts you have been blessed with. Above all, do not let others define you. Embrace your humanity and share your vision and your perspectives with the world.
46
Mr. Bruni, Thank you for sharing your thoughts! Lately I’ve been stunned and speechless by the depth of cruelty and hatred we’re seeing in our public sphere. I’m sad to hear how much has been directed at you!
I wish you all the best with your health and thank you for the thoughtful and enlightening perspectives you share in your columns.
43
I try to imagine hatred so deep you kill others to satisfy your desire to see only a reflection of yourself in the mirror, yet the El Paso killer did just that. Where is this rooted, are people raised to hate, to rage against people who happen to be different from themselves? If so, it is ignorance, hiding behind a bible, or a flag that delivers a singular message, this is the the way, there is only one belief, one flag, which is meant for me alone, and all others must go.
Trump did not invent hate, but he has provided a razor sharp template for it though, and as he watches it percolate he knew it would rise. He has put a target on the back of every marginalized person in America and is waiting for it to abrupt in his favour in 2020, and I fear the worst is yet to come.
I sat with friends yesterday and although we live north of you in Canada, this sense of dread is drifting over us all as we witness what is happening in our world. Yes Frank, hatred is everywhere
but good hearts and minds will prevail and I count myself as someone who will always support rather than tear anyone down because they differ from me or how I live my life.
Thank you for your grace, your courage and your will to continue to bring us your beautiful words shining light on this darkening world. I would be proud to have you as my son.
25
Your pain was palpable today.
I live in constant awe of people with strong and unwavering belief systems. How empowering it must be for those people to never feel the need to self reflect, to never doubt, to never question. I can only imagine how blissfully they must sleep at night, knowing that their truths are absolute.
Their “truth” gives them a hall pass to hurt, denigrate, and victimize “others”.
Is it based on religion, a baked in family belief system or a cultural thing based on an accumulation of prior life experiences, a combination of all three....
Whatever it is, it sure is powerful and hurtful.
So sorry.
36
@Leslie: "Congress shall make no law respecting an establishment of religion" is the most seriously neglected law in this inmate-run madhouse.
"...The possibility of hatred's ebb.", wonderfully put, Frank. The adherence to democratic principle hand in hand with the embrace of humanistic ideals and an appeal ever constant to mankind's intrinsic goodness places in perpetual check, a sort of chemotherapy, the metastatic growth of that hostility and detestation many of us have witnessed with dismay and horror since 2016. And, as Toni Morrison recognized, venomous language spewed from the bully pulpit or published through social media, think Twitter, is a primary carcinogen spurring that growth.
To quote her, "Oppresive language does more than represent violence. It is violence." El Paso, Dayton, Charlottesville.
13
Another excellent column Mr. Bruni. Thank you. This morning I have found many of the comments to be almost as moving as your column itself. There seems to be a thread of sadness in many of the words that are written here, and even I -- a normally happy, optimistic person -- feel it too. For those of us for whom love and kindness is normally the first response, these are jarring, difficult times. We feel battered and bewildered by the anger and hatred all around us -- much of it emanating from our nation's leadership -- and it disheartens us. Your column provides some perspective but sadly, not a solution. You are correct in saying "hate is the thing with tentacles" and I'm afraid many of us are now in its grip. As always, thank you for your efforts.
28
Another excellent essay Mr. Bruni. It started me thinking. I'll always remember the day after Barak Obama was elected. A few of my well-heeled co-executives working in Manhattan revealed their latent racism through expressions of disbelief and disapproval that America had a black president. To me it felt like we'd reached a pinnacle of success after hard fought battles for equality and civil rights. As a gay man, the future never looked brighter - the minority became the majority. To them, white men in their mid 50s, it represented the inconcieveable. The future suddenly looked uncertain - the majority became the minority.
It seems that this maybe an inevitable backlash against too much change too fast. Women only had to fight men to gain equality, and that took a century. The rest of us have a much broader base of resistance - religious, ideological and cultural. A more complex base of prejudice to overcome. But we will get there. Eventually.
11
I have a slight, and I do mean slight, physical handicap. The worst result from it came from my own consciousness of it and I feel that is the biggest handicap of having my phyical impairment.
I got over this problem in my late 50's and I am in my mid seventies. I now realize that my handcap played a major role in having the gift of being sensitive to others emotions and feelings. I suspect the same gift was given to many who are gay. Perhaps in your case being gay played a major role in your writing and empathy skills.
I would say good luck to you, but I am going to save it for someone who needs it.
8
I too was brought to tears after reading this. What is wrong with this world? It is awful to read about hate in all forms. It is so depressing. I am a student of history and this is not new. What this man in the White House spews is not new. It ebbs and flows throughout the history of the world. We must, as has been done before us, stand and rise up against all hate. This is imperative if we are going to keep moving forward and not backward.
23
Mr. Bruni,
Your article brought tears to my eyes. How any person, especially a religious person, can hate others for loving someone of their gender is beyond my comprehension. Aren't Christians taught by their "savior" to LOVE ONE ANOTHER and TO JUDGE NOT LEST YOU BE JUDGED?
I think you are a wonderful writer and I always look forward to reading your columns. I'm so sorry that there are people who would dismiss your thoughtful and intelligent opinions because of who you love.
53
Frank, do not despair. To love another requires one be filled with love and a desire to share it. to express hatred toward another is a sharing, or perhaps an off-loading, of the self-loathing that inhabits the heart of the hater. To paraphrase Frank Sinatra, "we feel sorry for people who don't love (Frank said 'drink'), because when they wake up in the morning it's as good as they are going to feel for the rest of the day."
6
I largely agree with your assertions in this thoughtful column, Mr. Bruni, but I worry that labeling any form of intolerance or disapproval as hatred ignores the nuances of such points of view and lumps all those of narrower mind together. There is a difference between someone whose religious beliefs lead them to denounce members of the LGBT community and someone who angrily wishes harm upon or engages in violence towards that group. I may not care for any such views but to hold them to be equivalent contributes to the unhealthy tribalism with which this country and many others are afflicted. When disagreement—even strong disagreement—becomes dismissiveness, a wall is erected. We do not need more walls.
3
@David J. The difference between "denouncing because of religious beliefs" and "hating" has no practical effect. It's all the same to those who are being denounced, or denied acknowledgement of their humanity because of someone's religious beliefs. Sure, it's much more benign than outright violence, but it's on the same continuum.
30
@HumplePi
Thanks for this rebuttal.
As a Jew in his 70's I have at one time our another experienced discrimination--told by Christians that I had "missed the boat," that I needed to "wake up and smell the coffee," that I would not be admitted into heaven. And so on. The "benign" remarks about "jewing" someone down in a business transaction...
And then there were the college fraternities, at a college founded on Christian principles no less, which would not admit any Jew (or Black or Asian, etc.). The country clubs that admitted no Jewish members. The businesses and corporations which did not hire Jews.
And then more recently, since 2016, awakening to front page stories that the cemetery where all of my elders are buried had been vandalized, that a shooter had murdered Jews in their synagogue.
As you note, there's no difference between "denouncing because of religious beliefs" and "hating." It is indeed "on the same continuum."
As another reader noted, experiencing prejudice may provide one "the gift of being sensitive to others emotions and feelings." Sadly, I have known Jews who missed that "gift," who spoke and acted with similar disdain and prejudice against people different from themselves.
"The thing with tentacles," indeed.
12
@HumplePi: I don't respect people who believe that the universe was created by a superhuman immortal, and I don't accept being governed by delusional people motivated by belief that their legislation will make death a better place for themselves.
1
I was so saddened and moved by your article. My mind knows that everything you said is true. My heart breaks over and over even thinking about it.
23
Unfortunately, this article will not be required reading at the meetings of cable news directors who thrive on the kind of dismissive, hateful creation of "news" that perpetuates hate. They were at it before Trump and they will be at it after Trump. We have this awful symbiosis of a human frailty and the technology and media that keep hatred alive and well. It's a pity.
I’ve always found you impressive for your carefully thought out and eloquently worded writing. Now I’m equally impressed for the grace you are exhibiting in dealing with the hate being sent your way. I wish I didn’t have to be, but I applaud you nevertheless.
I’m sorry about your health problems, and I hope sincerely that a cure will be found for you.
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Love also knows no bounds. I am a religious, gun-owning, white person, and 7th generation Louisianian, but I agree almost totally with every word you write, Mr. Bruni. I tried to teach my students that love is greater than hate; hope is greater than fear. However, each generation has had to fight fear and hate and will always. Just know that successes is in the trying.
44
Wow! Thank you for an eye-opening, moving, and eloquent essay. Yours is one of the handful of columns that I always look for and usually find enlightening. This one is no exception.
If good wishes are any deterrent to your perhaps becoming blind, I send you several bushels full of them.
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I am deeply saddened, Mr. Bruni, that you receive such hatred directed at you personally, and I just want to tell you that there are many of us out here that don't care about others' sexuality or sexual practices in the least. This is a personal matter entirely (so long, of course, as everone involved is a consenting adult.) One's religion, or lack thereof, is a personal matter entirely as well, and I strongly take issue with the proselytizing aspects of the many versions of Christianity, American evangelicals in particular. Many do not seem to know or care that this country was founded on a freedom of religion basis (for everyone, not just them) and on the separation of Church and State---the latter concept a necessity in enabling the former.
While I don't agree with all of your views, I am grateful for your courage in continuing to write and share them with the world.
One area in which I take issue with you is that in my life, at least, I have much more frequently witnessed steady love conquering over hate in the long run, rather than the opposite. I still find this outcome somewhat surprising, but it does appear to be the case when that love is strong and unflagging over time, no matter what else happens.
4
@Albans: The difference is that love is quiet, compasionate, tolerant, private, unflashy, and gentle. Hate is the opposite of all these and it manifests itself in crude and cruel e-mails, the inciting violence through speeches, and of course, in real flesh and blood slaughter.
I don't always agree with Mr. Bruni either but the guy has real guts. Perhaps he can take solace in the idea that his sexual orientation causes his blindness in the same way Ohio state representative Candice Keller names Obama for causing mass shootings. Yes, "hate holds people tight and refuses to let go" but only because those people relish and wallow in the emotional dopamine of hatred. They could shake it off but then they wouldn't be "special." Jesus wouldn't love them anymore.
Every person on the earth is equal in the eyes of God. There are so many people who find fault with anyone that is not like they are. Every column that you write is looked for, read and appreciated.
24
Hate For No Reason is humanity's greatest problem. It's the cause of ALL pain and suffering. It's why the simple yet hard to accomplish phrase Love Thy Neighbor As Thyself is the spiritual foundation for billions of people. (Perhaps no coincidence, this calendar day is the day we focus on this subject: look it up to discover my spiritual practice) And it is Not naturally occuring. It is taught and learned. Which should make us optimistic. and should cause each of us to make it out life's work. It can end.
7
Very eloquent and very sad. Even as an atheist, I tremble for my country when I reflect that god is just, as Jefferson wrote.
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@Deutschmann
I don't know whether I'm an atheist or an agnostic, which I guess is why I prefer to write "gawd" when speaking of that which others call "god."