Mr. Bruni, you raise a lot of good points. I for one do not care if Chasten appears to be playing a "traditional" role. Maybe for LGBTQ couples there is less investment in heteronormative ideas about what is progressive or not. Maybe these two have decided to switch off supporting each other's endeavors as they move forward in their lives. They are the real deal, regardless, and inspirational in their civility, humor, and dedication.
14
A woman friend of mine has been married for about 50 years to a man who stopped working outside the home once she graduated from law school and they had their first child. He stayed home with their four children and apparently has continued to stay home even after the kids were grown. This would not be my preference, but who am I to criticize what works for them. Ditto for the spouses of candidates, straight or gay.
3
Mr. Bruni, you should dive deeper into Chasten's Twitter feed. He's not all lightness and happiness. He highlights the importance of teachers, advocates for LGBTQ youth, speaks out against bullying, speaks of the ongoing LGBTQ struggle for equality, and yes, at times is witty, campy, and cheerleading for his husband. He is much more political than any previous presidential candidate's spouse has been. The substance of what he has to say is radical at times, quite apart from who he is and what he represents. And can you imagine how good life will be when his Twitter feed heralds the joys of raising the (fingers crossed) Buttibabies?! THAT will break the Internet. As a married gay guy, I'm thrilled with how far Mayor Pete has advanced and how visible his husband has been (aside from Kamala Harris's husband, I really have not seen much of the other candidates' spouses). Stylistically and substantively, Pete and Chasten are the only ones that I seriously can see vanquishing Trump. If Buttigieg makes it to the White House, his husband will modernize the role of presidential spouse in ways no other spouse has done. We'll all be better off.
220
@leearlva
So, I'm sorry, what about what you said points to that "He's not all lightness and happiness"??
I'm confused. He sounds pretty great!
4
@leearlva
I loved your comments! The idea of People magazine with a cover photo of Pete&Chasten with their new baby at the White House is pure joy.
Both Warren (a woman) and Buttigieg (a gay man) would obliterate Donald in a debate. Pete is as tough as they come, with a backbone that any republican man would envy.
20
@David Miles
Thanks for pointing out that Elizabeth Warren is a woman. Had not known that!
7
But can Buttigieg galvanize apathetic millennials to vote?
12
@Annabelle K.
Possibly more than an older candidate might, as most younger Democratic voters are not biased against gay people.
7
It’s all so precious!
1
With the police shooting this past week, It's Pete's fault, when you are a mayor out of town half of the time trying to not be the future mayor people take things into their own hands. He has absolutely zero/zippo state or federal level experience. Is not a lawyer, has not introduced any legislation state or national wide legislation for anybody or any cause. His own party did not want him as their party chairman last year and some in the media many who do not state they are gay and slant article to create a very misleading image of a slick sharp tongued politician who did not receive any combat medals while in Afghanistan , just sat for six months behind a desk. While candidates Tulsi Gabbard and Seth Moulton served at least two full tours in Iraq and they receive no press. Is not the first openly gay candidate, James Buchanan was as his love letters to William Rufus King have been openly available for any scholar or historian to read. Pete now has retracted that claim. He fired a black police chief then gave him a cash settlement, either the Chief was wrong or he was right, but for Pete it was how can I save my image so I can run for President in the future without telling anybody of my true intentions. He is misleading people , spoon fed Ivy League elitist just like the guy in office now, they will both lose in 2020. Wake up America, you are again being conned. By the way more residents have been murdered (67) in South Bend than US Troops in Afghanistan (50) since 2015.
4
Being from Mayor Pete's town & knowing him, is to know that what you see is what you get. Americans will be thrilled to have someone in office that has put task forces/think tanks together to tackle issues, while making sure that his high "data/results," bar is met. If it's not working, and gaining results, the strategy will change. I've watched it happen again, and again in our city, and can't wait for this honest, smart, issues/results driven man to win. This is from someone that is at the tail end of the baby boomers, and he's our guy - even my Republican husband is a BIG fan and voting for him.
I was certain I only wanted a woman, but I want the most prepared to lead our country and found it is Buttigieg. Look out Americans - the change and results we have been awaiting are in the wings, and you won't be disappointed in how it will positively impact your quality of life with Buttigieg. He's earned my trust.
66
And his book is fabulous too. Lucky you to live in a city headed by such a smart and moral man.
9
Live and let live; they're not hurting me.
1
You're right, Pete and Chasten probably won't inhabit the White House, but little by little this couple might just make it in say 10 years. I can certainly see Pete becoming governor of Indiana or perhaps senator in the next few years if he chooses to run for those offices. His knowledge of issues facing us and the mid-west in particular is evident on the presidential circuit. As a Rhodes scholar his command of the English language is wonderful to hear after the lack of scholarship emanating currently from the oval office. In 10 years he will still be in his 40s and have a few more years experience which will serve him well as commander in chief. I wish him and his husband well on their journey together.
5
But what does any of this have to do with political positions? What does Buttigieg stand for?
1
There are plenty of interviews on the web if you want to know. I'm personally looking forward to seeing him during the debates. He's a very interesting candidate.
7
I would love to see a President Buttigieg, but I fear the backlash from the right come 2024.
1
As a couple, in many ways, they remind me of my brother and my brother-in law, showing the world a committed loving relationship everyday.
3
Frank, such a happy and beautiful piece. Chasten Glezman Buttigieg and his husband, Pete, are true to themselves. Would that we all were. Their marriage is a human blessing. Perhaps not the triumph of hope over experience.
Stranger things could happen next year than a gay President and First Gentleman in our White House. Wasn't Trump's election in 2016, the strangest thing in American history since the Revolution, The Civil War and World War II?
7
I am shocked, daily, by how terrific Pete is, just a marvelous candidate, as calm and as unbelievably smart and centered as they come. Not sure I have ever heard a more articulate person in my life. We have been given a gift, we still have some very talented and kind Americans, let's make one our President.
I will vote for whomever the Dem. candidate is, without complaint and encouraging others to do the same, but Pete (or Warren) would just thrill me to no end. They are superb leaders, exquisite thinkers, energetic, and exceedingly capable. I am so tired and worn out over being down in the dumps with that mean little trump.
23
@moosemaps Exactly. I find myself these days envisioning a Liz/Pete partnership with Liz as POTUS and Pete as VP. They would rock (as the saying goes)!!
11
If Pete gets elected next year, one thing the Buttigiegs would bring back to the White House is a happy marriage. Well, and dogs.
18
What should we expect from a guy named "chasten?" That he should be subdued, humbled, deflated?
I well remember when gays and lesbians disparaged marriage as a traditional straight-jacket (!) that was "not for us."
But now that marriage is for everybody, we should expect everybody to play. Even people with traditional values.
1
As a person who lives in the middle, I'm doing my part to promote Major Pete. Everyone I know loves him. Very few gay, many older. They like his youth. They like his steady hand. They like his intelligent and reasoned discourse. They like his desire to unite rather than divide.
You might be surprised about this one. In another year, in another time maybe not. But the plague in the White House might make it exactly the correct year for Pete and Chasten Buttigieg.
91
If Peter and Chasten get along well, that's swell. But two men cannot create new life. A man and a woman can, and that's why their marriages are much more important.
1
@Beliavsky The creation of a new human life is the easy part; nurturing it takes commitment. Chasten and Pete have expressed interest in guiding a child toward adulthood. That's the laudable part, especially for a presidential candidate who seeks to guide a country toward its better self.
15
@Beliavsky
So if one or the other heterosexual spouse can't create new life, then their marriage isn't important? Nice.
18
@Beliavsky
And what about a couple who are unable to have kids but adopt? Or a couple who simply forgoes personal parenthood and chooses to adopt. Some might call such people’s marriage far more valuable and important in the community than a couple who simply —and some would argue selfishly—decide to have kids.
12
And thus the coalition of the fringes continues to splinter.
The black first wing has its reparations candidates. The socialists their Sanders and Warren. The women first crowd can have Gillibrand (or more likely compromise for Warren and Harris), and the open borders zealots get Castro or can compromise with Booker. And the old weary Obama worshippers, who just want to turn the clock back, get Biden.
So who do the corporate, striving, over eager, Pride crowd get? Pete and Chasten.
And how well will Pete and Chasten go over with the tired and weary Biden crowd, the legion of churchy black people who want their reparations, and the small but sizable minority of socially conservative immigrants from the global south who want open borders? Like a lead balloon.
Say what you will about the idiocy of America First, or the meanness of Trump’s “white supremacy.” But in a country where the vast majority of civic minded, regular voters happen to be older and white traditional Americans, if you’re going to go with identity based politics, this is the cohort you want. Against an array of disparate fringe groups, it can’t be beat.
5
I was reading about Stonewall in the Times this week and began wondering why -- of all the odd places in the world one could think of to stage a revolution in -- this one was destined to begin in a dingy Mafia bar.
But then I thought to myself, well revolutionaries can't be particular. They take what they can get.
A gay bar in 1969 was one of the few places in America that permitted gays the freedom to stage their revolution in. With very few exceptions, churches, synagogues and mosques didn’t.
Times have changed. Gays in America are now in places where few of us could have imagined they would be 50 years later.
What next for them?
As an outsider to gay culture who has long been sympathetic to their desire to be normal people in the world, I hope it will be the moderation of their drinking, particularly drinking in bars, which I don’t think of as good places for anybody to build a good life in and hope they will be patronizing less of as time moves on.
Go Buttigiegs!
https://www.advocate.com/commentary/2015/12/02/gay-men-we-have-drinking-problem
5
... I hope the future will bring about greater moderation in their drinking habits, particularly drinking in bars, which I don’t think of as good places for anybody to build a good life in.
1
Chasten is a refreshing contrast to the current first lady who appears to be a mannequin with no personality. Although, I am an Elizabeth Warren for President enthusiast, I do like the idea of a gay couple in the White House as an antidote to the current inhabitants. Perhaps a Warren/Pete B. ticket?
14
They’re the 2020 campaign’s most public love story, one that makes it difficult for even the most resistant Americans to see a same-sex relationship as some frivolous romp, freakish affront or carnal curiosity.
----
Oh please, get back to us when they've shared 40 or 50 years together, a lifetime, Frank...
Buttigeig young rise in politics seems anything but natural, not calculated. Perhaps his new husband signed up for the ride? Will they have a surrogate expecting before Nov. 2020?
We asked you, please, not to make this campaign about identity politics. But here you go... a whole column telling us Pete is gay, and married! Very committed relationship. Who cares?
His plans to run the country do not impress. He has checked all th right boxes: military, conservative, boyish, married, white male, etc. etc. but with the gay twist. Truth be told, without that, he'd just be a 30-something mayor celebrating his first anniversary with a new wife. We don't generally give awards for that -- get back to us when they've weathered some of life storms, and are still going strong at 25 or 50 years together, say.
5
A bit of a correction. Chasten Buttigieg works for the South Bend Civic Theater as a Curriculm Director. And the press release for his appointment is the very model of how the spouse of a public figure should be written about - as a professional in their own right. Regardless of politics, it’s worth the read. https://www.broadwayworld.com/south-bend/article/South-Bend-Civic-Theatre-Hires-Chasten-Buttigieg-And-Kristen-Campbell-For-Education-Department-Positions-20190109
2
To the author: Stick to what you know. There is no such thing as "spontaneous Yin" or "deliberate Yang", (and yes, they should both be capitalized as well), in classical Chnese medical and philosophical theory. Yin is cooling, downward in direction, stable, rooting and grounding in its' energy. It holds and stores. Yang is upward moving , active warming, dynamic,and changeable. In other words, just the opposite of what you wrote.
Again...Stick to what you know, or find out before you write it, if you are correct.
4
@susan paul there are man, me not among them, who seem not to be tuned in to Yin/Yang.
1
A heartwarming piece on two exceptional gentlemen.
4
i'm not american but if i was i'd have 'mayor pete' in my top 2-3 choices.
but i have a feeling that there will be resistance in the usa if he manages to win the democratic nomination.
i'd be interested to see how trump's hate and bile would come into play.....and that of his deplorables.
3
Go Pete, GO.!!!!
Liz Warren and Pete need to get together on this election.
7
I'm tired of people reducing Buttigieg to the low status of being a white man running for president. He is a GAY white man and that makes all the difference. As a gay woman of 65 years I really don't think most straight people understand the horrors of growing up in the closet. It leaves life-long scars. But it can also lead to profound empathy.
13
Tee-Hee. Mr Rodgers runs for President with his "cardigan" nearby. Precious. Absurdly so.
3
@O'Dell
THE absolute BEST post this rag has ever printed!!
Did you really want to give the impression that Chasten is an emotionally immature mental lightweight? After 33 years of in a heterosexual marriage, my main response was “oh grow up.” You do Pete a disservice
I think Buttigieg now needs a security detail. There are likely members of hate groups like atomwaffen who are thinking about killing him. I object to those who identify him as just another white man running for president. He is a gay white man which is very different.
1
This article proves my factual observation: If Mayor Pete weren’t gay, no one would know his name.
The only reason why he is running as a Dem for POTUS is because he fits in one of their identity politics box. He’s white, but, hey he’s gay.
5
@Cjmesq0
I disagree. Buttigieg has my interest because I chanced on a tv interview. He was asked a question—and here’s where my jaw dropped—he answered it. And then stopped and waited for another question, thought a moment, and answered it. It was the darndest thing! No basket of cliches and fence sitting hair splitting platitudes, but thoughtful answers.
True, I like the matchup of believable spousal affection from a combat vet against serial marrying President bone spurs, but Buttigieg is rising in the polls because of his ability to communicate ideas.
23
Excellent, Jennifer. Thank you.
1
One correction: Kamala Harris's husband Doug has a similar dynamic in terms of being a cheerleader for his wife. Doug deserves credit.
2
Pete and Chasten are adorable lovebirds. They remind me of my straight marriage 34 years ago. It seems to me that their relationship is not necessarily traditional with one dominant and the other nondominant. There are many pictures in which Chasten seems to be taking the lead and showing Pete things. Yet, we know Pete was the one who proposed the marriage. Yet, Pete's parents walked him down the aisle to Chasten. Chasten is sometimes the nurturer, doing Pete's cufflinks, teaching him how to dance, and straightening his collar. I think they just naturally fall into whatever "roles" they need at the moment. Witness Chasten taking over an appearance when Pete had to go back to South Bend.
8
Well we have a traditional marriage in the White House too: rich older guy marries pretty younger golddigger.
13
White European American Judeo-Christian LGTBQ man Pete Buttigieg was able to stay in his powerful privileged closet for most or his life.
Black African American Judeo-Christian LGTBQ men like the late Bayard Rustin can't hide their color aka race in any closet.
2
For some historic perspective, I recommend a rather humorous article Barney Frank's then-partner, Herb Moses, wrote in 1991. It's about being "the only member of the congressional gay spouse caucus". https://www.latimes.com/archives/la-xpm-1991-07-23-vw-49-story.html
1
It is fantastic that a gay couple might replace a moronic misogynist in the White House, but I would like to know what their opinions about the major issues are. What do they have to say about health care, gun violence, immigration reform, and America’s wars against Muslim countries? Reading this article gives the impression that gay people cannot have any original ideas that might improve the world.
1
@Robert Dole Uh, look at the lead story today - videos of all the candidates answering those such questions. And Pete's been all over the news, speaking everywhere about all that stuff as well.
4
I cringe to think of all the hate and filth that will spew from Donald Trump’s mouth concerning Pete Buttigieg, as this campaign progresses. It will be ignorance personified from this trashy and useless, failing charlatan of a president.
His evangelical base will be foaming at the mouth with all their religious drivel and bunkum.
What a horrible, pathetic little little man Donald Trump is.
12
I think they are great, too, and would be pleased to have them as my neighbors, but since Pete is running for office, I am much more interested in how he has done in his mayoral position. I have never thought about de Blasio's spouse. I don't even know if he is married. I don't care if he is or isn't. I want to know about life in Ft. Wayne. I have heard it has one of the highest crime rates in the country. I have heard that Pete spends a lot of time out of town. If I were a resident, I would be concerned about that. I would be proud that he has rich supporters in NYC and San Francisco, but that murder rate would be more important to me than how much he was able to get from David Geffen. He and his spouse seem to enjoy the air time. I don't remember a national politician enjoying so many romantic moments on the national stage. It's great, but I wonder if our dear mayor is remembering to do the job for which he was elected. I am just wondering.
11
@David You can begin by recognizing that Pete has nothing to do with Ft. Wayne, Indiana. If you read any one of many backgrounds on Pete Buttigieg, you would know that he is in his 8th year as mayor of South Bend, Indiana.
5
@David Pete's the mayor of South Bend, not Fort Wayne.
3
@David A well thought out response, but Mayor Pete, as he is affectionately called by his home town admirers of South Bend, Indiana, not Fort Wayne. Your statistics therefore may be very wrong. South Bend was home to the very well made automobile Studebaker until it was wiped out by the big three after world war II.
Mayor Blasio is married and to a professional woman who is African American.
3
Boomers were the generation of “don’t trust anyone over 30”. Not backing mayor Pete because he is too young!? Really?!
3
Interesting contrast indeed...by the time most men/women run for president, their spouses are pretty much over it...long hours, a spouse who's always working, life in the spotlight, kids at home...but here's a newlywed couple! Yes, they're gay but I can't recall a straight candidate with a new spouse next to them. It's refreshing and I'm glad they have their love to carry them through what must be a very tough two years on the trail...
8
Anyone been to South Bend lately? Lot of work to be done there. Kudos to this young couple, alone with hopes that they are still role models when (1) Pete actually has several years of meaningful experience under his belt, and (2) Chasten matures somewhat. Sorry, no 29 year old and 37 year old would-be "first couple" has any business in the White House no matter their sexual preferences.
4
@JPE there have been 9 First Ladies younger than Chasten is now and several just a bit older. JFK was 43, Pete would be only slightly younger. To say nothing of the founding generation of our country, many of whom were far younger. The Constitution says 35.
7
Great article but Chasten is not a woman. That’s the difference so I don’t get all the rhetorical wondering about “what it would be like if” doesn’t make sense to me. Chasten is defying gender norms. Together, they are doing nothing “traditional”.
4
Right Mr Bruni. Not to be cynical but beginnings are always full of wonder, gay or straight, one wants the world to know. I can’t even imagine what an aphrodisiac having a world stage must be. So thank you for having an open mind and questioning as you always do.
1
I am a long-time gay activist (a founder of Gay Liberation Front, 1969) and I don't care that Mayor Pete is gay. (Hey, Mary Cheney is gay.) What are their policies? If Wall Street loves Mayor Pete and he takes their money, that's a big red flag for me.
6
One of the major factors leading to the success of Barack Obama was the evident love he and Michelle shared with each other and with their children and no snide commentary regarding the make of boots she wears will ever denigrate them. It merely leads me to distrust the author.
4
Years ago Hillary Clinton shared with us that she would not stay home and bake cookies while her man was President.
Fast forward to today: Pete’s man may very well feel comfortable baking those cookies.
Different strokes for different folks, people. Different strokes.
9
It is time for a woman to lead this country. I am tired of men somehow being pushed ahead.
5
@Nelson
And if the Dem nominee happens to be male, will you disqualify him for that? Will you stay home on Election Day? Will you vote third party? What if someone else thinks we must elect a progressive? A centrist? Someone of color? Someone from the rust belt? Should they disqualify all candidates who don’t purely fit their desired mold?
If we do that, we are being as bigoted as many of those currently in power. If we do not stick together, we ensure more Trump.
If a woman is the Dem nominee, she gets my vote. If Pete is the nominee, he gets my vote. If Joe is the nominee, he gets my vote. Etc, etc.
14
@Franco51 Of course, any Democratic candidate will be a better President and I will vote for our candidate. I just see the media doing its thing again. Remember how much free air time Trump was given in the last election? If media exposure didn't influence outcomes, there would be no such thing as advertising.
2
I wonder is Bruni going to do a lovey dovey article about Elizabeth Warren & her husband; Bernie Sanders & his wife; Harris .. etc. I mean I know why he's doing it, I just don't think I like it or it's necessary. That's great, they have dogs & kiss & love each other. Bruni is treating this as though it is an aberration. And I think that is precisely what he's trying say it isn't, and it isn't. It's not that I don't care about the spouses, but as long as they are not criminals (you know what I mean), I don't care. Unless you are doing a series on spouses. I think most people don't... This reminds me if when I was living in San Francisco around 1979/80 my Grandmother & some family came to visit. We were by the Castro district ( heavily & openly Gay ) one day and my Grandmother was like oh look at that, how cute. .. You know I'd much rather hear about how Mayor Pete & Beto are really the only two candidates who have spoken up about the insane policy we have towards Iran.
4
I was sold on Mayor Pete and Chasten the moment I saw Buddy.
10
Frank, all the gay couples I know (and I don't suggest this is scientific, just anecdotal) live in extremely standard, traditional ways. That is, one of them is a primary breadwinner with a good paying job, and the other one is a "house spouse" (or has a lesser, lower paying job).
It's like June and Ward Cleaver on steroids. In fact, I can't think of a STRAIGHT couple I know that is as traditional as the gay ones, where the work (cooking, cleaning, pet care, child rearing) is so stratified. In many cases, the homemaking spouse has quit a job or career entirely to stay home.
I also refer you to prominent gay activist Dan Savage: he has written proudly and openly about how his partner Terry Miller is a "house husband" and Dan "the breadwinner" and Terry basically stayed home for 18+ years rearing their adopted son.
Relatively few straight couples are this retro anymore, yet gay & lesbian couples have picked up that mantle and run with it. BTW: if a straight female "housewife" was the spouse of traditional male candidate -- especially if conservative -- the lefty media would be mocking them for being so "unliberated" and predicting all kinds of woe for the wife if they ever divorced. Somehow, gay couples get a total pass on this.
4
Mayor Pete is my favorite candidate. He and Chasten are both smart, thoughtful, humble, and kind. Yikes, could we have people of admirable substance and character in the White House again?
29
Pete made history when he declared his run for the presidency. It was a moment of great pride for all gay Americans and should have been for all Americans. And, in the coming primary debates, he is the one to look out for because he is articulate and reasonable and a voice for our future, not our past and could be outmatched on all these counts by only Elizabeth Warren who ironically won't be pitted against him on the same night in the first of the debates. Bruni's thoughtful and compassionate assessment is deeply appreciated. But why, reading between the lines, do I sense that even Bruni suspects he cannot win as president? I think that Warren and Harris have more force and perhaps more awareness of our political system. But with either of them winning, wouldn't Pete be a superb running mate?
9
What we need is a qualified person to be President. Mayor Pete qualifies and he doesn't bring any excess baggage to the table, IMO. From what I read, he's still committed to running a city and running for POTUS which is more than I can say for those members of Congress running for POTUS.
17
Mayor Pete is the best person running for president.
The fact that we'd get Chasten as "first gentleman" in the White House if Pete wins is just gravy.
21
What is so maddening about Americans are the way they can be so stuck in irrational old dogma, often tainted by religious ideology and history of slavery, and yet can also be so creative, open and willing to challenge old taboos. Pete & Chasten are good example.
Truth be told: US is slower than Canada to change in many areas such as ending death penalty, legalized abortion, same-sex marriage, universal one-payer healthcare, metric system, etc. But Canada has not seen a gay couple in campaign for political office yet. Pete & Chasten are breaking new ground. So give a point to USA.
14
@Observer
kathleen wynne was premier of ontario. her wife was pretty visible.
3
@brupic Oh Yeah! How quickly we forget politicians, disposable, right? I'll still let Americans keep one point. Chasten & Pete look sweet & smart.
1
@Observer
right, but ontari ari ario has almost 40% of the country's population.
I, literally, bumped into wynne at Charles de gaulle airport after we checked in. she was very personable.
i've met a number of celebs, but she was the only one that seemed to be truly listening and answering.
dougie, mini trump, has already plummeted it took wynne years to reach.
he looked uncomfortable when the boos cascaded from the common folk at the raptors' love in.
one thing you can be sure of, is that if/when a woman becomes potus, it'll be like it's the first time in history there's been a woman as president/PM of a country.
chasten and pete seem very comfortable. i'm still doubtful being gay is a net gain when it comes to american politics especially in dixie.
1
The comments from some readers that homophobia or hatred of gay people is so resistant in some parts of the country that the voters there would never vote for Buttigieg. That may be true. Those same voters, though, would not vote for any Democrat. Trump is their man.
8
Patchwork is right. Women struggle to get healthcare and we're writing about Mayor Pete's nerdy husband.
5
@Pat thank you!
I agree with Pete, that it is almost guaranteed that he would not be the first gay president.
Just the first time we were forced to acknowledge it.
Until now, the presidency has been 'don't ask, don't tell.'
10
Hooray for Love! Just makes you smile.
But more seriously, for all those people who comment that Pete is not electable because he is gay, I think people who will vote against him for that, are already voting for Trump.
The bottom line is the world has changed. People said Obama was not electable because he was black too.
13
You don't need to wonder what would happen in a similar heterosexual marriage. There have been literally hundreds of recent male politicians in national races whose female spouses fit your profile. Not a one of them have been lampooned, scorned, or even particularly noted for it. Perhaps your studies in contrast would be more effective if you picked both sides from reality instead of politically convenient imagination.
7
Would Frank Bruni the food critic have given a restaurant three stars based on its decor?
Then why is he implicitly pushing for a candidate who has no recipes for policies?
If the restaurant owner had said « trust me, I’m a good cook, you don’t need to worry about the food », would Frank Bruni have given it rave reviews based on this promise?
4
Beautiful piece! Thank you Mr. Bruni.
8
In order for the majority of voters to accept a gay candidate as President, he would have to be “ordinary”. Pete is a gifted person & right now has my vote but he could not exhibit outside the mainstream personal behavior & be elected.
I do wonder how that large portion of the world that still criminalizes homosexuality would react to a gay US President. Maybe we’ll find out.
5
Mr. Bruni’s column gave me something I haven’t had for quite a while. A sense of hopefulness.
14
What a relief it would be to have a couple in the White House who actually seem to like and communicate with each other. And, whatever creed, color or sexual orientation, a person who lands the most powerful job on the planet should have another person not just to confide in, but who also serves the role of bringing that person back down to earth if they start believing their own press. The Buttigiegs seem to embody the “family values” the Evangelicals are so fond of citing a heck of a lot more than the Trumps.
25
We will be a great country when we stop binning people by race, religion and gender. Many more women would stay home with their children if it were fiscally possible. Furthermore, doing so does not make her unambitious, lazy or politically conservative. The media needs to stop simplifying issues for the illiterate and start pointing out the grey areas. The entire foundation of this article is bogus. Chasten being a straight female shouldn’t make what he does any less acceptable or charming- it is nice to see any spouse supporting their significant other in politics.
1
It's about choice, isn't it? If Chasen freely chose to leave his career, then that's his choice. I'm 68 years old and I'm getting really tired of the debate about roles, regardless of sex or sexual orientation. Be a stay at home spouse or partner or don't ( and yes, I realize there are those who financially do not have that luxury). And realize the choices you make now are not immutable. I stayed at home with the kids for 5-6 years and still managed a long career afterwards.
6
Well spoken guy. A wanna-be military background. Doesn't have a chance.
1
@Donald And why, specifically, does he not have a chance Donald? From where I stand he has about as much chance as any of them right now.
1
There are lots of good reasons to vote for Pete Buttigieg, but I must admit that my principal one is that if he gets the nomination, I want to see him wipe the floor in the debates with the incumbent.
p.
25
@Jerry and Peter
Yes, but it won' matter. Our great leader will claim to have won the debate and his devoted followers will agree.
P.S. It would be fun to hear Mayor Pete call Trump an insane stupid disaster in any one of the seven languages he speaks. Would Trump understand even in English?
3
@jhbev Pete should just say gibberish is a language he doesn't speak.
2
All this fawning, and nary a sign of policy. The truth is, we shouldn't be worried about identities. We should be worried about the fact that block quotes about Michelle Obama's designer boots are being aired in the NYT.
Buttigieg is a corporate democrat, the zero that forms where opposing forces meet and where a skillful deal-maker can step in by saying just the right amount of nothingness in a pleasant way. It is sad to see that my fellow democrats are (apparently) blind to this.
6
Frank also softly touches on this question: if Buttigieg was straight, would he have any oxygen at all in the race? After all, a mayor of a small midwestern college town would be unlikely to get any press at all absent the fact that he was openly gay and married.
23
@Chris Buttigieg's rocket to the upper tier of candidates coincided with his televised town halls. His nuanced style, intellect, and depth of knowledge are what caught the voters' attention. His relationship with Chasten is icing on the cake.
43
@Chris
Buttigieg’s refreshing honesty, sincerity, intelligence and positive way of “uniting” rather than dividing was what caught my attention. The fact that he made me feel happy and proud of our nation compared to a lot of the other candidates, as well as trump, is why I’m supporting him. Him being gay has no relevance at all.
25
@John Wilkinson call it as it is his rise has been ambition like I’ve not seen except for Hillary and also from a very young age. And money. Large amounts from donors, gay and corporate and Wall Street to who he will be indebted to throughout his career. Meanwhile women’s issues continue to be pushed to the side as do racial and gender inequality. When will we stop looking for poster boys?
2
Love is love, and it is a wondrous thing to behold between a couple. When I look at Pete and Chasten, I do not think of two individuals of the same sex. Rather I think of my own husband of 52 years and how blessed we have been. I think of my nephew who after years of being "in the closet," unhappy, and unfulfilled, finally met and married a wonderful man. I so enjoy being around them...their youth and passion, their intelligence and high moral standards. Or my neighbor who just last year married another woman, and how they danced and celebrated their union at one of the most enjoyable wedding receptions I have been to in a long time. I do not know what is in Mr. Buttigieg's future when it is related to politics. But I would say that with a loving man always by his side his future is indeed an auspicious one.
123
Frank, you’re a true romantic.
I personally think it’s wonderful that Pete and Chasten have demonstrated what a loving gay relationship can be; that it isn’t fundamentally different than a straight marriage.
But voters weren’t even ready for a woman in 2016.
Do you really think that Rust Belt-Middle America-Texas are going to jump aboard the Pete & Chasten Bandwagon?
I doubt it. It would make a great tv series, though.
14
@David G.
That was my reaction too at first. And yet, the voters resoundingly voted for a black president in 2008. I guess one could have made the same argument as you have back then.
Let's keep in mind that Pete Buttigieg has been re-elected in a state that isn't exactly blue, or even purple. Mike Pence was its governor. Yikes.
Usually, after a disastrous presidency, the nation puts a person in the Oval Office with the opposite qualities. Mayor Pete fills that bill, and then some. Keep the faith David. And don't rule anything out.
30
@David G.
Voters were ready for a woman in 2016, David. They just weren't ready for Hillary, who seemingly possessed all the womanly qualities of Bella Abzug. (If you're too young for Bella, you'll never know what you missed, but just replace her with Joy Behar or Rosie O'Donnell and you'll get the gist of my message.)
10
@David G. writes: "But voters weren’t even ready for a woman in 2016."
Well, at the least the Electoral College wasn't. Voters preferred Mrs. Clinton.
25
Go pete! Am reading your book and like you, it is authentic. I like that. Ialso want a leader who is smarter than i am - that' s you. (And frank, you are the best writer at the nyt!)
10
My same sex partner and I often say we are like a couple from the 1950s but the BIG difference is we chose our respective roles of bread-winner and home-maker rather than being forced into them by societal norms and expectations. It seems so much easier and freer for gay men to make that choice, than for opposite sex couples. Let's hope that changes allowing for a properly free choice regardless of who fulfils any role.
11
Pete makes me, literally, breathe easier. I feel calmer and more at ease when I listen to him. I don't know why exactly that is, but it is my reaction to him - every single time. Chasten makes me laugh and though I pay no attention to Twitter, when I read his tweets in such articles as yours, Frank, I feel good, with little bubbles of laughter. And those dogs! As soon as I saw those dogs, I knew I would love to see them romping on the White House lawn. Right now we have a germaphobe insult machine in our White House and a 'mysterious' aloof First Lady who hides behind her sunglasses.
Pete and Chasten are whom I have fallen hard for. But I do very much worry about beating Trump. That truly is all I care about it right at this moment in time. I know that there are FOX watchers and Rush listeners who might (without ever admitting it) vote for Pete. But probably not enough. And that does worry me very much.
But, oh, I just think Chasten would be a wonderful First Gentleman. For one thing, he'd bring the arts back to the White House. And that, in itself, would thrill me. He and Pete are compassionate, kind, smart, gentle people.
And the fact that I want Pete is not misogynistic towards any of the women. When love hits it hits. and Pete is my choice because of him, not because of what the press is doing or not doing. Chasten is an added blessing.
76
Some years ago, in a NY Times Op-Ed, William Saffire got behind gay marriage. This is what it looks like. It’s no longer a threat to most Americans.
With remarkable equanimity, stability, and consistency, Buttigieg speaks to an eroding moral ecology infecting the country. He's challenging Democrats to own their values. He's slowly and thoughtfully crafting a vision for the country, which includes a bold plan for Black America. He moves in unpredictable, meticulous fashion...as we saw in a masterful, pre-debate foreign policy speech. Biden and the others won't keep up with him.
Buttigieg is a transformational figure. He radiates decency, a fitting counter-punch to Trump's indecency. He’s a steely Compassionist, ready to face the biggest bully we’ve ever known. He's compelled a swell of support by offering a compelling case for the end of The Reagan Era, An Era of Greed. He sometimes fails to connect all the dots, but as he evolves, he can define the Era by enumerating its [dreary] results: $22T in national debt; $1T in annual deficits; half of adults without $400 in savings; $1.5T in student debt; a quarter of the labor force stuck in a gig economy; crumbling infrastructure; immigrants held in dog cages. How fitting, that the final act of a four-decade play ends with the most corrupt cast of characters in history.
He shows solid judgment, an Achilles heel for Biden. Doubters, get on board! He has the intellectual, moral, ethical, and spiritual audacity to pull this off.
77
@eeny44
I love this! Thanks for taking the time and the thought to write it. Amen to every word.
15
@MaggieDot
you're welcome and I think he's worth the time!
4
I think Mayor Pete, whose sole and very modest governmental experience is serving as mayor of tiny South Bend, Indiana, the 301st largest city in the US, is quite a stretch as far as qualifying for Presidential candidate is concerned.
Also, while his being gay is a non-issue as far as so many of us urban and Democratic voters are concerned, it may be a significant negative among non-urban and non-Democratic voters. (Not to mention the inevitable and distracting media chatter over whether Mayor Pete's husband should be called "First Husband" or "First Spouse.")
The NYT's earlier opinion piece on whether Pete is "gay enough" was too subtle a point for many; that he is gay at all, complete with husband, may be too much for many voters in fly-over land.
If Mayor Pete can successfully run for House or Senate or governor of his state, that will bolster his credentials and make him a plausible candidate in a later run for President.
I am a life-long Democrat and I sincerely hope the grown-ups in the party can take charge and find an electable candidate who will appeal to the great majority of American voters, especially those who felt their needs were ignored in 2016. Failure to do so will inevitably lead to four more years of Trump.
11
@Mon Ray
I like Pete, and much of what you say about his electability also applied to Candidate Obama, but I do think that the Dem objective must be to find the candidate who can win back the center, both of the country and the political spectrum.
If Pete is the guy to do that, great! I think any God worth worshipping would enthusiastically endorse any marriage between two people who are so clearly devoted to one another.
I will be voting for the Dem candidate, whoever that is. There is much to like about many of the candidates, and if my favorite is not the nominee, I won’t childishly sulk or stay home or vote third party.
35
Sounding like a true Bernie bro
1
@Mon Ray
To dwell on Pete’s qualifications to run against an incumbent who had zero elected offices held, multiple bankruptcies, three failed/failing marriages, thousands of lawsuits, a track record of cheating employees, abusing tenants and skirting tax law legality—with a side of lying and bragging about exploiting women—makes me wonder about you.
Listen to the novelty of an articulate politician who didn’t pick up the Bible only when he needed a campaign prop.
2
All the first ladies you mentioned had kids to take care of in addition to being their husbands’ cheerleaders. I appreciate this well-thought-out op-ed.
5
@Lambnoe: pretty much all the First Ladies were extremely well to do, and had servants and nannies. But yes, they had kids.
I'm trying to think of a President who had NO children. I can't think of any.
1
@Concerned Citizen
Buchanan, maybe?
The sad truth is that many voters who otherwise would shy away from an openly gay candidate are likely still to choose Pete over any more qualified, experienced woman. That also goes for many who don't much care about the sexual orientation of their candidates.
The media, including the NYT, feed this deep-seated misogyny, as was crystal clear to anyone paying attention during the last election. Let us not forget that far more negative stories were published about Clinton than Trump. As we have since learned, there was a LOT of negative news about Trump that voters should have been informed of prior to the election. (Would that investigation into the Trump family's tax history have made a difference, for example? Who knows, but it certainly would have informed us better than yet more hand-wringing over his latest tweet).
I haven't yet decided who I will vote for. I need more information. I have been a bit surprised and encouraged by the reaction Warren is receiving on the campaign trail because the pundits have been pretty underwhelmed by her supposed chances of winning. And yet out there on the road, she's been killing it.
I would love to be able to depend on the NYT to cover this story of the anti-Wall St policy wonk successfully selling her ideas to evenTrump supporters, because even if she doesnt win the nomination, such discussions can help to shape the race. Alas that ain't happening.
34
@censored Couldn’t agree more.
2
The ONLY goal is beating Trump.
Can Pete win in the states that are crucial for victory? Can Pete win the Catholic vote in PA? Can he win North Carolina? Can he steal votes in center - center right districts in the battleground states? Can he make Texas, South Carolina, Georgia, Florida and Ohio competitive?
I do not believe the current iteration of the USA is going to elect an openly LGBT person for President. It would be like a black man winning in 1964. I think 2024/28 it will be possible, but not now. There are too many states with openly hostile anti-LGBT laws enthusiastically supported by their residents.
Doesn’t make it right. This election is far too risky to put a transformation candidate who could get wiped out in our current country. If the Republicans weren’t off the rails and Trump the opponent, I would not worry as much about a transformative candidate in the race.
23
@Practical Thoughts
I believe that
Yes he can win the Catholic vote in PA
Yes he can win North Carolina
Yes he can steal votes in the center
Yes he can win center right districts in the battleground states
And finally, yes he can make TX, SC, GA, FL and OH competitive.
There has never in my lifetime been a candidate for president like him. He is a true original, like Obama, and has the greatest rhetorical powers I have heard since JFK. So to all the Pete naysayers I say this: In 2008 millions thought a black man could not be elected president. In 1960 millions thought a Catholic could not be elected president. Pete can win.
6
"I do not believe the current iteration of the USA is going to elect an openly LGBT person for President. It would be like a black man winning in......[2008*]." *my insert. Think about it.
Frank, I love your work. I also think your optimism is wonderful. However, when I am not traveling, I live in the Great basin west.
I am sad to have to tell you that these guys are not the warm vision of a proper couple as you might hope in these very angry and homophobic parts. There are places out here where Pete and Chasten would have to be careful for their safety. They'd be warmly received in Salt Lake City. But they'd have to lay low in Garfield County.
Unfortunately, they are still ahead of their time in much of Trump country.
41
@John Harrington
Good point.
Pete said, In Indiana there are over 90 counties. in order to win the state you must go to every one and really meet people and talk with them.
My strategy is to get those who hate me to dislike me. Get those who dislike me to be neutral. Get those who are neutral to support me.
That is how you win.
6
@John Harrington...
Or... perhaps Trump county simply happens to be behind their time.
4
The theme of this piece seems to be that Pete and Chasten are the most traditional couple on the campaign trail and that they are being embraced by America. They clearly take traditional roles. All power to them, whatever roles they take. It is good for America to see a functional, apparently happy gay relationship. However, I do not agree with Bruni's sanguine assessment that "it is difficult for even the most hardened Americans" not to think that they are just great. Homophobia is alive, well, and widespread in America, Frank. The media and liberal Democrats are eating this up, but I fear that Pete and Chasten's relationship makes many Americans very uncomfortable -- so uncomfortable that they wouldn't even consider voting for Pete. The Democratic nominee has to appeal not just to the liberal Democratic base, but to pull in all kinds of swing voters, traditional voters, older people, disaffected Trump voters, religious voters. Should Democrats risk putting their eggs in this basket? I don't think so, no matter how much they like Pete.
Bruni is right about the double standard, at least in the media. Think how Amy and Beto O'Rourke were made fun of, just because she sat beside him and smiled when he was making the announcement of his candidacy. That was called out, to use Frank's words, as "strangely retro", or worse. Chasten can do the same thing and it's all great. It's hard not to agree with Frank's concluding remark -- let people be true to themselves.
23
@Joe Langford -- Very good point, about the contrasting treatment of Chasten's spousal role with that of Beto's wife. A paradigm example of political correctness run amok. In this case, Beto & his spouse are treated unfairly just because they are a hetero couple.
I don't say this to demean Mayor Pete & his spouse. Rather's it's a criticism of the author: His politically correct line is that a spouse playing a secondary, supporting role is cool if it's a gay guy, but oppressive if it's a woman.
9
@Joe Upon rereading the column, I realize that I misread some things, and I retract the above. I think Bruni was correct in asking the questions that he did at the end of the column.
9
And Beto was trashed roundly when he said that Amy was as doing most of the child-rearing while he’s on the campaign trail.
I look forward to the day we just let people have the relationships that work for them - all of them, not just the ones that look like our relationship.
50
@leearlva - excellent contribution to this discussion…and I agree wholeheartedly.
4
Pete and Chasten have found a great love that's solid and real, just like their - yes, their - service to our country.
Let's not pick it apart, and 'let people be true to themselves — no matter how daring, no matter how quaint' because genuine anything is in ridiculously short supply in Washington these days. We'd do well to have this fine couple lead the way restoring both morality and class in the White House and beyond.
50
This is a nice article about two good people in love. There is nothing about policies that might convince anyone to vote for Pete Buttigieg. I am sorry but I don't believe an openly gay man running for president can currently win. Yes, we would be better off than with four more years of Trump. A nice story about a gay couple but I don't believe it translates in to a presidency or vice-presidency.
18
@hd
Currently polling to beat "trump", but I know, that doesn't matter.
6
@hd
I disagree. Same thing could have been said (and was) about Obama. Mayor Pete just has that "It" factor. I saw it the first time I saw him and heard him talk. Of course this may not be his time, but he has a future. He seems very naturally gifted.
50
@Linda M Agree totally. And why does everybody commenting seem to forget that Pete won by 70% in Pence's state, then came out gay in the middle of his second campaign for office, and yet won by 80%! It's time to stop underestimating voters' ability to perceive quality as the most important feature of leadership.
28
It’s simply wonderful to see Pete and Chasten together as their bond is clearly authentic and that is what makes me happy. I don’t care if it’s “old fashioned “ or anything else, but when Pete speaks about his husband he says exactly the same words I use with my own man. Pete is as sharp as a razor’s edge, incredibly intelligent and absolutely the real deal. He won’t slip up on the campaign trail because he says what he FEELS and BELIEVES, and I admire him most sincerely for showing the world how meaningful and deeply loving a same-sex marriage is. IF he has a negative it’s that some unfortunate straight marriages might look on with envy, but that’s through no fault of his. I’m not sure we’re ready to elect him president but the country would never get a better one than President Buttigieg.
102
@ManhattanWilliam Sorry to be cynical, but I think one year after marriage and three years after meeting is probably too soon to cast a long-term verdict on any relationship. The reality, as we have witnessed time after time from people in the public eye (as well as people out of the public eye) is that what one sees of a relationship (one way or another) does not always match the reality. I hope the Buttigiegs remain as happy together as they appear to me but I think any public fixation of their relationship is probably irrelevant to the question of qualification for being President. Moreover, public fixation their relationship could force them into solidifying certain behaviours at a time when they are still developing as a partnership.
As to "showing the world how meaningful and deeply loving a same-sex marriage is" -- I assume you meant to say "can be", as "meaningful and deeply loving" does not characterize all marriages, whether homosexual or heterosexual.
2
@LD Cynical indeed. I hope that when the vows that Pete Buttigieg and his husband took to spend their lives devoted to each other were spoken, as they were for me and my husband, were actually MEANT. Of course people break their vows and marry the wrong people all the time, leading to divorce, but I hardly think it's appropriate to conclude that "it's too soon" to believe that theirs is a lasting relationship because it's only been a year - where does that come from? No one, of course, can foresee the future but my INSTINCT tells me quite assuredly that their marriage IS entirely sincere and until and unless proven otherwise, I think it's perfectly appropriate to admire and congratulate them for having found one another. Moreover, being happily married DOES translate into how one conducts oneself in the public realm. When Pete said falling in love changed him because he realized that he would put someone before himself after finding love DOES change a person's outlook no matter how much we might choose to deny it. Lonely and bitter people rarely make good politicians. As I see you're in London, I would direct you to Ted Heath, a bitter and uncaring man whose politics in many ways reflected his unhappy personal life. While private lives are private, when I see a happy private life I can sense the positive energy in their conduct and demeanor and I believe these qualities are very important in what I would consider the type of leader I wish to have.
7
@ManhattanWilliam...
Yet... lets not be fooled.
The only reason why Mr. Buttigieg is not recieving more homophobia from the Democratic party... is simply because he presents as the ultimate Heterosexual male ideal.
He is 3OO% gender-conformist.
If there were any aspect to him which reminded anyone anywhere of the brilliant Randy Rainbow... his numbers in the White Democratic party would be as low as those in the Black Democratic party.
The reason why they don't mind that he is Gay... is because he presents as Straight... like them.
Interesting to be sure, but in the end, unelectable at the presidential level.
9
@Objectivist
Okay. I admit I doubt that Mayor Pete can win the primary or the presidency. But there are a whole list of people running who could have a fantastic future in the US Senate - and then we’ll see what happens. We need them all.
14
@Objectivist That’s what people used to say about Obama before he was elected.
1
That's exactly so many people said about Barack Hussein Obama.
1
For us Canadians who despair for what the U.S. has become, this story offers a glimmer of hope for what it might become again. No matter what happens in the 2020 election, Pete and Chasten have warmed and cheered our hearts on a very cold night.
166
I just like Mayor Pete. He will do right by us. And help us evolve as he has evolved.
112
He is everything we long for, the same way we now long for Obama, and more; he is a veteran, a literate, educated man who seems to say the correct thing every time he speaks. I gave him money before he declared his run.
But there are women who also are veterans, professors, senators, leaders who are snubbed because of their gender. I also gave to one, before she announced her run.
Why is it that men always trump women? Just maybe this election will forever change our stereotypes.
61
@Anonymous
I think Pete is quite exceptional which is why he has surpassed most all the female and male candidates. There are definitely qualified women that would make just as good a president as most any man running, including all the women running now. Unfortunately presidential elections becomes a pageantry of personality, charisma, emotions, fantasy and hope. The more women keep rising in politics, the more charismatic, natural leaders we'll see. I've already seen some representatives and even women mayors that have strong, charismatic personalities that are forces of nature.
20
Two of my favorite candidates are Warren and Harris. I think both women are more electable based on their experience in and out of government than Pete is. He’s a great story and interesting, but I think we have imminently more qualified Dem candidates. A few of whom are women.
15
This a very thoughtful addition to a commentary landscape that seems to exist only in binary. In one where Pete and Chasten are the best thing going. In the other where they are not gay or queer enough. It is complicated. Fortunately, most people can understand complication.
14
@Matt "...Fortunately, most people can understand complication."
We can only hope.
Oh Frank, you just wish you were in one of their place, and I don’t blame you. A good love story. But please, for the sake of the Democratic Party, stop pushing Pete as a viable candidate. He really is not.
18
Huh? And why specifically is he not a viable candidate?
11
@MPM. But he will be some day. That's the hope of many of us, for the future.
5
@MPM
Viable? The antithesis of Trump in every respect.
You are probably right. Too much smarts and integrity to be appealing.
2
I think the (obvious) point you are missing is that Chasten is a white male. That alone makes his choice to take a "traditional" spouse role different from a woman doing the same.
10
@Judeb
Wow. Makes no sense at all.
1
When people move from abstractions to flesh and blood humans, things change. These are just people, living their lives -- not monsters out to corrupt evangelical kids or sinners violating biblical law. Compare their honest natural affection to images of the President's wife recoiling from him, refusing to even hold his hand. To anyone not drunk on ideology the contrast is clear as day. There is hope, there is simple goodness. Whether Mayor Pete goes to the White House or not he has reminded us that there is good in the world. Most essential in these dark times.
137
Mr. Buttigieg is an intelligent man, comfortable in his skin, and respectful of others. It would be a dream to have him as President.
206
Yes, Pete and Chasten.
Just your average, boring, newly married gay couple. With concerns, dynamics, inside jokes, and cuteness similar to any other newlywed couple
And it's a measure of how far we've come that I can write that.
53
This is what is both terrible and terrifying.
We are suffering under arguably the worst president in American history.
We have a full class of candidates who want to defeat him.
Each of them have unique qualifications...but we care most about defeating Trump...and we don't know which one can do it...and that's all we think about...forgetting their unique qualifications.
15
@bnyc
The candidates can not defeat Trump without the collective Dem. voters. We ask too much of these terrific candidates. Let's remember it is we the Voters who make the candidate beat Trump. Not the other way around as seen in '16.
27
Interesting observations, Frank Bruni. That somehow the lesser role played by the traditional political wife to a male candidate is being played by the gay stay at home with the dogs husband.
It's not extraordinary, and yet it is, because this might likely be the most intimate portrait America has ever seen of a gay couple.
I think the more people appreciate the Buttigiegs' normalcy, the less they might be afraid of something so demonized (which still is, if you listen to that crazy "pastor" down in Tennesee who said all gays should die).
One can hope. As one movie reviewer put it, in reviewing "American Beauty" which was novel for its time in the 90s, isn't it refreshing to see that the only normal, loving, and healthy relationship in the film were the gay neighbors that drove the lead character--whose marriage was dead and who lusted after his teen daughter's best friend-- out of his mind?
23
This articulates exactly something I have been feeling for awhile now -- not just with respect to the Buttigieges, but in my own life as well. Behavior that is seen as progressive and cool for a man is often deemed retrograde and lame for a woman. Something to think about.
40
@Bubbles
Exactly right.
You won't see Frank Bruni writing any paeons to, say, the Pence's longstanding marriage of mutual support, love and loyalty.
Either we stay out of the candidates' bedrooms, or we compare the quality of their relationships, and judge them as important considerations for office. Which is it again?
7
@Bubbles
Sadly, I had the same thought. It's not that gays have progressed farther than women - it's that men,
gay or straight, are judged as more appealing and competent than women.
I totally like and respect Mayor Pete, and hope that someday he will be President.
I can only imagine the vitriol given to a female spouse,
who openly embraces mindfulness tweets, is childless, therefore meaningless, and chooses to stays home to take care of dogs (although we know Chasten or our theoretical spouse does much more, and it's none of our business anyway).
18
@Midway
Pence’s wife was married before and then divorced. And the Pences do not believe Pete and Chasten should have the right to marry in the US. They are not role models or people to emulate or admire. They are bonded by beliefs that seek to discriminate against those that are not straight.
60
The specter of one man kissing or holding hands with another man will be a bridge too far for too many in the next election. Yes, that fact alone matters that much to the homophobe, and there are many around us. So I don't think Pete will get there in 2020. Having said that, I think Pete is a breath of fresh air, and I would vote for him in a heart beat.
60
I like the fact that Elizabeth Warren talks about the issues so much.
58
@Eric Me, too. But, I also feel the same about Sen. Sanders. I'm an Illinois native, & my appreciation of Bernie goes back to learning of him when I went off to grad school at UNC. He was an undergrad in poli. sci. at the U. of Chicago then, an organizer for civil rights, economic rights, housing rights, ETC. (credited w/ heading the 1st sit-in in the North), An activist with CORE & SNCC (founded in Raleigh). Arrested--a skinny kid who'd been a long distance runner in h.s. in his native Brooklyn. I loved the photo of that (Chicago Trib maybe) then & am glad that it's recirculating now. He was an authentic role model for me then as N.C. (Etc.) was going thru a challenging time to gain civil rights for all, & he's remained consistent w/ his life's work. I hope you'll check him out, too!
1
@Virginia I don't know how the glitch happened so my comment got printed twice...but it was absolutely NOT my doing.
@Eric - Warren/Buttigieg 2020!!!
I wish them every happiness in the world...
But, Pete, all the money in the world from the wealthy, A-gay set isn’t going to get you elected - if fact, it may actually hurt you.
Gay, straight, undecided, it doesn’t matter. Until you are able to reach the core of the common people in this country, politically, you’ll reman nothing but a novelty....
Bless you both - all the best!
8
Let us remind ourselves, William B., that based on his first term record as mayor, Pete was elected with 80% of the vote for his second term. We're not talking about a city like San Francisco here! We're talkin' about South Bend, Ind. If that's not reaching "the core of the common people in this country", then I'm not sure what is! Think about it.
36
@kim mills: it is also a very small city, and it seems Mayor Pete spent most of his first term as Mayor in Iraq as a reservist, and then most of his SECOND term running for President.
The reason having a gay mayor does not matter, is the mayor of a tiny city does not set policy or make laws. He just runs the day-to-day operations of the city.
If someone can do that well....I don't care if they are gay or straight, or a Satan-worshipper.
However: the PRESIDENT represents the entire nation and has a lot more responsibilities than a MAYOR.
2
I guess I’m an old GenX curmudgeon, because frankly, I don’t care about the candidates’ spouses at all, and I REALLY don’t care about these identity-politics thought experiments. I just want a sane, thoughtful president. Is that so much to ask?
75
@FlipFlop
Indeed. And you do understand Mr. Buttigieg and his husband are human beings and not an "identity-politics thought experiment", correct?
8
TO: NYT Staff
FROM: Your current and future readership
Please do us all a favor and reprint this article 10 years from now to see how far we all have come as individuals and as a nation from where we were yesterday to where we should be tomorrow.
Vote. And never ever be ashamed about it.
39
I really like what Buttigieg has to say even though I don't agree with all of his positions (he's not strong enough on restoring economic fairness like Sanders and Warren), but while the progressive media seems to fully accept his being gay, this isn't going to play well in most parts of the country. That might not be the politically correct thing to say, but it's the truth.
That said, he might be accepted as a V.P. candidate, and if his ticket wins, his sexual orientation will lessen as an issue. He might be the balance that Biden needs to offset his own liabilities.
I just can't see Americans voting to make a gay man President before they make a woman one.
31
I think I agree. Sorry to say, because he most sincerely speaks to my concerns and aspirations for the country.
15
@Kingfish52 this op-ed is speaking to his marriage, but there are many other facets to the man. A recent veteran, son of an immigrant, mayor of his hometown...... showing the qualities we are looking for in a leader now. I like Warren, but doubt this country is looking for a policy wonk any more than they may be willing to elect a person who's gay. Pete's uncomplicated in the best ways, unless one considers marrying the person you love a complication.
13
@Tkeennj Study after study shows that people underestimate others’ willingness to accept new things (like a gay president). And I don’t just mean other individuals—people underestimate the % of a group that will accept new things. Trying to game the risk is exactly how we slow down progress. Everyone I know (including myself at one point) said the same thing about Obama that you did about Pete. Basically “He’s my ideal candidate but there’s no way he can win. Other people aren’t progressive enough.” People tend to erroneously see themselves as ahead of the curve when it comes to these things. Right now, Pete still has low name recognition, and yet he is ALREADY beating Trump in head-to-head polls! Not only do I have no doubt that he can beat Trump, I think he is the most capable of doing so.
(As a side note, Democrats have never been more motivated than now to vote against the opposing candidate. I think *anyone* we nominate will win, which makes it the BEST time to put forward a ground-breaker, whether that means Pete Buttigieg or Kamala Harris or any other candidate who isn’t a straight white male.) Anyway, I think it’s a tragedy whenever someone finds a candidate they truly believe in but votes for someone else. Personally, I have no intention of letting homophobes scare me away from voting for the person I believe is the best presidential candidate of my long lifetime.
17
Our next President should be able to
1) Realign our lost allies
2) Reassure us (the public), as FDR did
3) Fix the infrastructure, as FDR did (WPA)
4) Solve (or intelligently address) the immigrant "problem"
5) Attempt to stop Congress from robbing the SSI trust
I think Pete is intelligent and capable enough to do these, and also has that "calmness" which would be most advantageous in these stressful times.
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@Doug Neely
6) Do something about the 50%+ Americans living paycheck to paycheck?
Or is that not "middle class" enough?
Well, thank you Mr. Bruni for putting words to my thoughts after I read your first 2 paragraphs.
Frankly, a couple who celebrates a ONE year wedding anniversary, gets my good wishes for a long and peaceful union. I wish that to all couples really, officially married or not.
But let's be real for a moment.
And read the rest of Mr Bruni's column - people of color? lesbians? latinos lesbian or gays? transgender? even if personalities were as appealing as Pete's (the one running).
Women? of any color? Please!
Held to a much higher standard. In the workplace, or running for political office. Criticized for being "emotional" (? Pete and Chase ring a bell?) Criticized for being strong leaders (Pelosi?) Criticized for just plain smarts (Warren?)
Yes, we have come a long way, still we fall so short of equality for all.
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A heartwarming column with a salient point: we must stop projecting our personal views about gender roles onto the lives of others. He's right that hetero partners would be judged harshly for making the kinds of perfectly reasonable life choices the members of this family have chosen to make.
Live and let live!
22
It's nice to see a couple on the campaign trail who truly care for each other as Pete and Chasten do. I like watching Bernie with his wife, and Liz with her husband....both are clearly close couples as well. But when I go to vote, it will be the candidate's policies I pay most attention to - and Mayor Pete is a favorite of Wall Street donors - so that's a no go for me.
16
@Ellen. But, do you know his policy positions, or are you just assuming that because Wall Street likes him then he must be no good? Are we going to start defining candidates solely by who likes them?
I do hope, regardless, that if he is the Democratic nominee that you won't refuse to vote for him. A non-vote for the Democratic nominee is an effective vote for Trump.
54
good point but too bad
3
@Barry Short
I am aware that he met with Nancy Pelosi to talk about how to stop Medicare for All. And an article here in the NYT the other day talked about how Mayor Pete and two other Democratic candidates were making the rounds of Wall Street to solicit corporate campaign donations. That was enough for me.
7
What’s refreshing about the Buttigiegs is how much they’re like everyone else. They are everyone’s sons or brothers or work colleagues or neighbors. They break the stereotype mold. They are middle class all American, in the best sense of the word.
Spouses of non traditional elected officials or candidates can’t and shouldn’t be compared with traditional stereotypes by definition. One looks at PM Teresa Mays’s husband or the late Baroness Thatcher’s late husband or NZ’s PM Jacinda Ardern’s husband Clarke Gayford (see his photo holding their brand new baby) and you see that the world is changing and adapting to it. Let’s hope that Chasen isn’t expected to sing show tunes to children.
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@Ted
While I agree that Chasten shouldn’t be *expected* to sing show tunes to children, I suspect he’d be happy to do so, and that he’d be great at it and would easily get them all to sing along!
5
@Ted
What "stereotype mold"? We are human beings.
How utterly bizarre to tag on the "show tunes" comment.
Some folks just can't help themselves but to show who they are. It's the old adage "With friends like you...."
1
Bruni makes no mention of the fact that Pete and Chasten got married in an Episcopal church and Pete is quite observant. Pete found Anglicanism as an adult - he did not grow up with it. I don’t see any of the other candidates identifying with any faith tradition.
That makes them radical and traditional at the same time!
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@Cousy
Corey Booker is African Methodist Episcopalian. Elizabeth Warren is Methodist. Kamala Harris is Baptist. Julián Castro, Joe Biden, Tim Ryan & Beto O’Rourke are Catholic. Bernie Sanders is Jewish. Tulsi Gabbard is Hindu. Marianne Williamson talks about her (New Age) spirituality almost constantly.
There are too many candidates to list, and I don’t know all of their religious backgrounds or practices, but Pete is definitely not the only candidate identifying with a faith tradition or speaking about it enthusiastically.
That said, I *think* he is the first among the 2020 contenders to consistently speak about “representing people of all religions or no religion” and affirming the importance of the separation of church and state *every single time* he speaks about his own religion as a candidate. (I could be wrong about that, but I’ve been paying close attention, and I don’t think I am.)
15
@Just Saying
I shouldn’t have used the word “identify”, because almost all candidates will claim some sort of affiliation. But Pete is the only one who goes to church regularly. And yes, he advocates for folks with no faith as well, which is good and appropriate. Biden identifies as a Catholic - unfortunately using that to oppose abortion rights. But there’s no evidence that he has an active Catholic life.
6
@Just Saying: I very much appreciate Pete's speaking of his faith. I do not believe Jesus was divine but I certainly believe that as a teacher we should follow his good advice. Pete obviously does that. But the freedom to follow no religion and the separation of church and state is absolutely primary for me. Pete reassures me on that point, too. To hear a Democrat speak about faith as he does is wonderful and spot on.
8
Right on Frank Bruni. Thank you for your thoughtful and thought provoking observations.
35
A mash-up Of Ward and June Cleaver (Leave it to Beaver) and Felix and Oscar (The Odd Couple ). Wholesome, innocent, lovable, but slightly quirky and relatable. And Dogs- if you don’t like Dogs, you are very strange indeed. This is one of the best things to happen for gay acceptance, without Court involvement.
I’m IN, Liz and Pete, in that order.
159
Aw, I like your comparison to earlier TV couples--the best I could come up with was adorkable, but among the smartest folks in the room! (And can't we use that now!) And I'm with you--Liz and Pete, in that order. Cheers!
@Phyliss Dalmatian
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@MB
Thanks. I freely admit to being a TV addict, especially when younger. Now I use it as background noise, while reading/writing NYTs
Comments. My number ONE Hobby.
9
@Phyliss Dalmatian - As an 86 year old white woman, at this point my vote is for Buttigieg as President, not VP. I would switch your preference to Buttigieg as President, and Elizabeth Warren as VP.
Buttigieg is the epitome of what a President should be: integrity, thoughtful opinions, calm, brilliant. Warren is outstanding on policies.
8
When I need some grounding, when I want to feel good, I go online and watch Pete on youtube.
He has this preternatural calmness.
His funny comments, zingers make me laugh out loud.
This is something I really crave these days with the Grinch that Stole Democracy wrecking havoc.
I met him recently at a DC fundraiser ( the first I ever attended and I am 70 and have seen it all). After the crowd had thinned and he was about to leave the room, I tapped him on the shoulder and said, Hi! When you were 5 years old my husband and I came to South Bend. I did an internship at South Bend Osteopathic Hospital delivering babies, helping with surgery and practicing medicine. It was wonderful and helped me to become the caring doc that I am.
The osteopathic physicians there started our own hospital, I told him, because the MDs would not allow us on the staffs of their hospitals.
Rather than get frustrated we did something positive for our patients and the community.
He was silent and looked directly into my eyes the whole time, never once averting his gaze.
I felt heard, acknowledged.
Then I gave him a gift, Father Joe, the man who saved my soul, a book I treasure and which has gotten me through some really hard times.
I signed it Shalom Peace Love ( from a gay orthodox Jewish osteopath - like him I have many hyphens).
We spent 5 minutes chatting.
I have never been so excited by a candidate for any office.
President Buttigieg.
What a nice sound it has.
327
@simon sez: A heart-warming reminiscence. I don't doubt Mr. Buttigieg's sincerity, attention and respectful courtesy when another is talking. It's what presidents are supposed to do--listen. When you said he looked you in the eye, I tried to imagine Donald Trump doing that. I can't. Thanks for the story!
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Thank you for your admission of your ‘Pete on Youtube’ viewing habits. When taking a break from work recently to sit down for a ‘Pete Break’ in order to watch a two month old speech he gave to the ‘Asian and Latino Coalition’, I wondered to myself if I was developing a bit of a problem. But watching this guy just makes me feel good about the world again, and so I will not be ashamed!
89
@Jennifer
I notice that you’re in Canada. On Twitter I see so many people from all over the world who are rooting for Pete! I’m sure some of the other candidates have international followings, too, and I wonder if anyone has done any international polls to find out who is most admired *outside* the US. I would be so thrilled to have a president who inspires respect in the international community again! My personal opinion is that Pete Buttigieg would do best of all the candidates on the international stage. I think he would be the most adept at repairing our ally relationships as well as the most skillful at managing our adversarial ones. I think several of our Democratic candidates would do those things very well, but Buttigieg had convinced me he would excel the most even before his outstanding foreign policy speech last week. As far as I know, no other candidate has yet given an hour-long speech dedicated to a single topic. Pete was the first, and he chose foreign policy. And then he ACED IT!
22
We are currently awash in rainbows for Pride month as everyone (well, ok, not everyone) seeks to join the LGBTQ parade. Marriage equality played a significant role in changing hearts and minds. So it makes sense that that the first serious openly gay presidential contender would be married to a terrific and supportive husband.
I would like to see President Pete and First Gentleman Chasten in the White House, but even if that doesn't happen, his historic campaign paves the way for other LGBTQ candidates.
130
I look at the Buttigieg couple in the photograph. I am not in the least surprised or astonished or offended by the genuine glow of love here, one man for his husband.
And, all down the long vista of my life following politics and presidential campaigns and deep runs at one of the two major party’s nominations, it’s always been a man, his wife and their children. And I recall the major storm that broke up Edmund Muskie’s 1972 campaign when he wept, in Manchester, New Hampshire, after (a Nixon dirty tricks operative planted a baiting letter in the Manchester Union Leader) an insult to his wife.
I seriously doubt that Americans have “evolved”—to quote a recent president—to the extent that they would almost accept, with indifference, references to the “first gentleman” or the “first husband.”
Although the South Bend mayor isn’t quite the polling threat to Joseph Biden or Elizabeth Warren, the laughing husband—gaily I might add without a wag—is quite the refreshing sight. Republicans would sooner jump out of an airplane minus the parachute than see a gay man and his loving spouse inhabit the White House.
It probably won’t happen. But why not? We’re certainly doing poorly with the current occupant, whose spouse, I cannot let go without comment, rarely appears with her husband. And when she does, she is far from pleased; a rabbit surrounded by foxes.
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@Red Sox, ‘04, ‘07, ‘13, ‘18
Beautifully written.
If I might add, Republicans are still smarting from how adored and revered the Obama family was and is. The GOP just hates it when their caricatures get unmasked for the hateful froth their stereotypes are. Imagine what would happen to their back looking agenda if a prominent gay couple somehow did not make the world end...
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@Red Sox, ‘04, ‘07, ‘13, ‘18
Well, how many of us thought that the American electorate would elect a black man to lead the nation?
Many people say what you say, I like him and would vote for him but I doubt others would due to his being gay.
Many of those you doubt would vote for him are saying the same thing and I am pretty sure that we will all be surprised by how people can just go with the best, most comfortable candidate.
It is a popularity contest and Pete is great at helping us feel comfortable.
153
@Red Sox, ‘04, ‘07, ‘13, ‘18
So many people were saying back in ‘08 that this country would never elect a Black president. Pete might surprise you. His political talents are right up there with Kennedy, Bill Clinton and Obama, but without any of the baggage of the first two and a more perceptive view of the political landscape here and abroad than Obama.
56
Sorry, but watching any couple beyond the age of reason play house, regardless of sexual orientation, is to me bizarre and a waste of time.
15
@JAS3rd What does that even mean? What is "the age of reason"? And what age is "beyond" that? What do you mean by "playing house"?
@JAS3rd
Uh, they're Married. That's like saying that Barbara Bush and hubby were "playing house,"with praise of each other, while on the campaign trail.
@JAS3rd is it possible that they are simply completely authentic and "playing house" is your own projection?
1
I couldn’t care less about the demographics or traditional mores of any couple. How they make a relationship work is between them. What counts is simply that they respect and support one another.
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