Why Not Let Children Choose Their Own Names?

Why is this so hard? You are the parent. Give your baby a name.Tell him if he is a girl or boy. Why are people letting young children decide these things? He can change himself all he wants when he is an adult, but when he is in the crib, you handle things. He is way too busy blowing bubbles to have such responsibility.

This whole thing is insane. Fetuses and babies can't send signals about their names.That is a concept they can't get. I hate when parents think their children have these magical powers. The baby was reacting to the scent of the sage. It's his stage of development. Also, a child without a name will seem weird and different, something young children are keen to avoid. These parents know nothing about children.

When I changed my first name, my parents were horrified but sort of backed off when I pointed out that they would not have found it strange if I had gotten married and changed my last name. Then I got married...and did not change my last name.

I think the idea is ridiculous. If the parents give a baby life, why not its name?

Way back in the '60s, a distant cousin gave her daughters unusual first names and left the middle names blank, in case they wanted something more ordinary. I googled recently and saw they both still go by their distinctive first names.

Best to give your kids names that won't cause them to earn less or be bullied at school. So international old names that are accepted in multiple countries and religions work best. Eg: Anna, Catherine, Michael, William... Give them a long name and they have multiple choices of nicknames.

Ridiculousness. Are we to suppose that, if given the choice, they won't then change it again later? And again? At each stage of their sad little narcissistic lives, as they desperately look to redefine their personal "brand," like some wonky marketer looking for the Next Big Thing?

Your birth name is a given name. That's the whole point. I liken the distinction to the difference between baptism and confirmation. Your parents choose to raise you Christian. You don't have a choice in the matter. When you're old enough to know yourself, you promise to remain Christian. And in fact, you get to choose your own Christian name. At least that's true for Catholicism. Jewish people for instance aren't exactly baptized; they are born Jewish. Your given name is therefore your name. Period. Hindu and certain other religions are similarly inflexible. You are born into a caste. That's who you are. You don't get to choose. Is that right? I don't know. However, I'm reminded of the concept of "true" names from Ursula K. Le Guin. The idea has roots in folklore much older than the author. The concept is simple though. There's a name everyone calls you but there is also a name that speaks truly only of yourself. If you are smart enough to discover your own true name, it's not information you share with others lightly. To know someone's true name is to hold power over them. According to the story at least, learning the true name of things is the essence of magic. Whether bird or child, any animal must answer when their true name is called. Hence, you should keep your true name to yourself. Even when others guess at what your name might be.

If I had named my 2 kids before they were born, they would have been kicker and stretcher!

My six year old granddaughter insists that her name is not Danica Ray but Danica Rose.

We have entered the realm of ridiculousness

Lots of traditional cultures had (have?) customs where a child would go by one name early in life and another later in life, sometimes one chosen by the child himself or herself. You can change your name in America too if you want to, though the paperwork is somewhat onerous.

When I was a kid most of us got normal names, then acquired nicknames that suited us. If someone said 'Spider' I knew they were talking to me. But there was no way my parents would have saddled me with anything like that on my paperwork. One of my nephews was given a weird name nobody could spell, and hated it. He wanted to be John. When he reached 18 he was told he could change the name but he decided it wouldn't be convenient. But he had that choice.

These parents have it backwards. The most compassionate thing you can do is name your child something easy and relatively common. Then, if she wants call herself "Wish" or some other name that sets her apart, that's up to her.

I changed my name when I was an adult. Even as a young girl...let's say 7 or 8...I hated my given name, Ruth for 2 reasons. People would call me Ruthie and even back then I hated diminutives. Also...even at that young age...I was totally opposed to the biblical story of Ruth. "Wither thou goest, I will go." ABSOLUTELY NOT, I said. If you want to be me you will come with me; I'm not following you. I also wanted to honor my mother's family, so I kept my last name but included my mother's maiden name to hyphenate with my father's last name. Then I took her mother's maiden name, Riley, as my first name. The only downside to that is that some mail is addressed to Mr. If it's a solicitation, I toss it immediately since if you want money from me you better at least get my gender correct.

This is right out of Herb Gardner's brilliantly funny play, A Thousand Clowns. Life imitating art, and not in a good way. Children do not need a manufactured identity crisis.

Most people are not unhappy with the names their parents have given them. And they can choose nicknames. What is the problem to be solved here?

The idea makes particular sense, if your dad's name is Frank Zappa.

What's in a name? A Rose by any other name would smell as sweet.

Can we think of a better way to confirm that Jason, Jeremy, Jared or Jonah is the center of the world? I know some 20th c. name-changers who did and are.

I absolutely, enjoyed this article. I am in favor of giving children the option to chane their names. I did, but it took me years to do so. When I became a professional, started making money, I legally changed my name to Kenya!!! My parents gave me a name that I detested. I had such strong negative feelings toward the name I was given, even at an early age, I started calling myself "nick names." ( And the name given to me at birth was simple but long, folks spelled it incorrectly, pronounced it incorrectly and at times, on school documents, it was spelled incorrectly and sometimes shorten. As a teenager, in addition to negotiating physical and emotional changes, I had to constantly correct people on the correct pronuncation of my name. I had had had enough. I am happy to say, amazingly the transcation to my "new name" was not that difficulty or costly. I changed all legal documents, sent letters to family and friends and bravo!!!! I became Kenya, an easy five letter name and a five letter middle name! that is me, totally!!! I love my names!! Because to my delight, and surprise, I met a man, I loved an married and his last name also became my last name my "total" name consist of 15 letters, Kenya, a five letter middle name and a five letter last name, that is so easy to spell, to pronounce, to remember and to recognize. My self-esteem jumped sky high.!!! Yes!!! Don't like the name you have, was born with , what ever, chane it!!! Go for it!!

What a great idea for further destroying the family (no more naming a child after a respected relative). In fact, why bother parenting at all. Surely the child always knows what best for him/her/it.

No one is naming themselves by sending subliminal messages from the womb or through random gestures in early infancy. The thing about parenting is that you can never know in advance what your child will want. I have friends who love their given name and others who legally changed their name they hated it so much. Either way, its not that big a deal and something that can be easily managed. Don’t over think it and be ready to roll with whatever.

Right. We can let them choose their own genders and whether or not to greet their relatives politely. We can let them leave the family dinner table whenever they wish without asking permission or even waving goodbye, and we can let them run between tables at restaurants (because they want to) and disturb people who are paying for nice meals. We can let them choose when to stop sleeping with Daddy and Mommy. Eleven years old and won't sleep alone? It's okay. We can let them choose to do homework or not and complain that the teacher, who "doesn't get" them, has not motivated them. We can certainly let them choose their names. That's probably the least of it. We can allow them to run their own lives from babyhood on, but let's not be surprised when children who haven't been taught manners, self-control, and self-sufficiency have problems later on.

My kids have less common names that reflect their family heritage. Not weird, just not common. When one as a child was a little bothered by people mispronouncing it or asking how the name is spelled, I suggested he choose a more common name to use at summer camp where no one knew him. So he was “Jack” for a week, came back, and happily returned to his own name. I don’t recall any further worries on his part about his name.

My legal first name is Theodore, although I have been known as Ted since birth. I dislike Theodore because it's cumbersome and pretentious-- it's Greek for "God's gift." I find the notion that I am God's gift more than a little arrogant; and I don't even believe in a god that gives gifts. Unfortunately, the computer systems of government agencies, schools, banks, and health care insist on using my legal first name. It's one thing to get notices from the DMV and IRS. It's quite another to be called Theodore every time I go to the doctor or pharmacy, or receive "friendly" fund raisers for my alma maters. The designers of their computer systems apparently never even considered that a patient or alumnus might dislike their legal first name, or prefer something else (maybe a middle name). At least most people pronounce my name correctly. If I make the mistake of identifying myself as Ted, the various employees either can't find me in their systems or "correct" me. One pharmacy clerk even got angry and admonished me to either give up and just call myself Theodore, or legally change my name. I told him the system should accommodate people's preferences rather than the other way around. The irony is that I was named for my grandfather, who was originally named Isaac. That somehow turned into Isidore when he emigrated to the US. He hated that name. When he was naturalized he legally changed his name to Theodore, possibly after President Roosevelt. But he went by Ted.

Super! Next, we can ask our two-year-olds where we should live, and what we should do to earn money. Then, when they are ten, we can ask them if we should stay married or separate to go find our true loves elsewhere. And when they turn 15, we'll turn to them for decisions on our spiritual activities and retirement plans. Growing up is unnecessary. We can just let the kids decide everything. After all, the worst -- the very worst -- thing an adult can do is "impose" her knowledge and experience and rational judgment on a child, right?

I changed my legal name in my 40s. It took courage as not everyone was accepting of my decision. I spent so much time managing other people’s feelings that I forgot to pay attention to my own. It was a painful process but it opened up a new life for me.

When we were looking at buying our first home, I told my husband and our realtor that the only style I would not entertain was a true split-level. You come home and open the door at the end of the day and immediately face a decision: go up, or go down. It just seemed like if I could eliminate one decision every day, I’d be happier. Just sayin.

I love this idea. I can't think of a compelling reason why not to allow kids to name themselves.

I never cared for my given name (which is not June3). My name was just weird. It was from the wrong generation, and just too European in a world of Carols, Lisas and Barbaras. I asked my parents if we could change it. Or if I could have a normal middle name. They said no. Of course. Now that I am older, I have grown into my strange name. I have learned to pronounce it with a lilt on the first syllable, sounds better all around. Given everything, it's not the worst thing.

Maybe we should have naming ceremonies like some fictional societies do. Call the kid something innocuous until it's, say, 10 yrs old, then give it a proper name in a ceremony where you invite friends and family. It would give the new name weight and not feel like something you could change on a whim. A name needs to feel permanent to mean anything.

One of the first major responsibilities of becoming a parent is to choose a name for a brand new human being. If you can’t bring yourself to do that, under the guise it’s better for the child, you’re in for a very rocky road. Parenthood requires making a lot of incredibly important decisions that should not be delegated to the child - who needs you to be a loving but firm grown up. If you navigate that fairly well, they will accept their name - or not- and in that case, they will feel free to change it without too much angst because they will know that you’ve always got their back.

Both of my kids prefer the other name my husband and I considered giving them. I'm sure if we wrote that other name on their birth certificates they would prefer the names they have now.

Give our 2 boys choice of carrots or candy 100% of the time they pick candy. Had they chosen their own names they would be Hulk and Captain Underpants.

I would have changed my mind 36 times in the first 18 years. Is this all a big conspiracy to keep grandparents confused?

I’ve often thought that every child should be offered / allowed an easy mechanism to change their name once they reach a certain age (12?) I knew a woman who suffered into her twenties with the appendage of a truly unflattering name - even while using a nickname she herself chose since her teens. (Having to enter a proper name on every official document was like having to look into a mirror and seeing the reminder of an ugly scar). She eventually shed her birth name, made her nickname official and held a “coming lout party”. Some parents are completely clueless. Google “Dick Bohner”. Perhaps people with names like that do not mind, but I would not want to carry that around with me all my life.

I never liked my given name, Barbara, because that's what my mother called me when she was angry with me. Otherwise, she'd call me "Barb." But if I had chosen another name, she'd call me that when she was angry at me so I wouldn't like it either.

Failing to name your child is cruel and crazy, imho. Withholding the first gift you should give her/him. If you want your child to choose a name, let it be the middle name. Lots of people went by middle names in days of yore, including both my parents. Just give your child a first and a last name. Let him/her add a middle name if/when s/he wants one.

I'm 67 and changed my name completely - first, middle and last - in 2000. It was the best thing I ever did for myself, to drop my given name. I recommend it (self-naming) very much to anyone who is thinking about self-naming. By the way, 'Sophia' is not my name. It is Sofia, pronounced with a long 'i'. The NY Times made a mistake way back when I first signed up, ten years ago, and I never corrected it. A lot of people will immediately write 'Sophia' when I've told them and pronounced it for them. But, nope, it comes out 'Sophia'. Kind of funny, actually. I gave myself the middle name of 'Patience' so I could say to myself when needed, "Patience is my middle name, Patience is my middle name". It's actually helpful to me, a naturally impatient person! Oh, and my daughter was born Anna Carol and that's what I always called her. When she was three she suddenly announced, "My name is Ahna and I don't want to be called Carol any more". As she grew up people would mispronounce her first name (A as in bat) so she started spelling it Ahna so they'd know, which I thought was great. Names are so personal. They should be what we want not what anybody else - including parents - want.

In the early 1980’s I served as a Peace Corps volunteer in the Samoan Islands. It was common there to just call infants ‘the baby’ for the first several months or longer, until something about the child - a preference, resemblance, or habit for example - suggested a name.

I can't take it anymore. I have always considered myself a very open-minded person, but my tolerance is wavering. If this is the way it's going to continue to go, I'm going to name my next born, "Doctor," so whatever gender the child identifies with won't have to go to to med school or worry about their first name.