The Impact of Early Sexual Initiation on Boys

Male or female, children who start having sex early are children who are at risk in numerous ways. Substance abuse, STDs and pregnancy are just the beginning. These kids are very likely to be abused in some way, sexually or not. They are more likely to engage in other risky behavior. As the article says, the best approach is to talk about risky behavior, whether it's sexual or not.

Sex is a huge drive for boys and girls. Also myth of genetics and misunderstanding of average stress as only situational events also misses out on how sex like any drug/alcohol is used as an escape for persons in lower areas where there is sustained higher average stress with less income to use drugs/alcohol. We need to see average stress correctly as many maintained layers of mental work from many past present future - experiences fears anxieties needs preparation for defense especially for boys due to the much more allowed aggressive treatment toward them by parents teachers others. Try to picture an upright rectangle representing full mental energy. Then begin at bottom drawing in narrowly spaced horizontal lines representing many maintained layers of mental work. The space left over represents leftover mental energy for new mental work. When we have a new mental work or situation those layers go on top. Today the average person is just trying to survive creating many layers reaching toward the top of rectangle. This is creating psychological suffering and very short reflection time. For millions this creates drug/alcohol abuse/sex. The myth of genetics denying maintained layers in school/other creates feelings of hopelessness and many escapes including sex. We must see sex as a drug from which false genetics models hurts everyone. We must show how we are greatly affected by life. Learning theory provides way to reduce layers and adjust pace more permanently. all related

How mores have changed in 70 years. What I have seen & been part of would drive many of the professionals off a cliff. People are talking about 13 as being far too young, and they are right, but facts are out there of sex initiated at ages around 5-6 because it was done so many times in their environs. Kids will imitate what they see in real life more so than what they see on TV. In HS, a 10th grade jock had impregnated at least 4 girls that was widely known and yet the girls in 11th and 12th grade were getting into physical fights in vying for his affections, while knowing of the pregnant girls. Seeing 9-10 yo doing it on campus was not irregular. Having a known rich gay white male coming to black swim meets to scope all the young black swimmers in their before Speedo thin swim suits was also a known thing. Such is the diversity of acts across the spectrum of what is reality in our diverse community, and I have left out the really bad parts. The totality is much deeper than this and I promise that all of this is true. We DESPERATELY need better sex education in all grades of schools but straight parents should be allowed to have their kids go to classes for straights only without stigma to any group for the choice they make.

"Dr. Lee M. Sanders, the chief of the division of general pediatrics at Stanford, suggested that in some communities and neighborhoods, reporting early initiation may be a social expectation, while in others it may be loaded with stigma." And which communities and neighborhoods fall into which category? It would have been helpful to report that, if in fact it is documented, rather than conjectured. The word "may" is always problematic in allegedly scientific studies.

Thank you, 45, for giving me the push to discuss consent and unwanted touching with my then-prepubescent daughter who, at the time, couldn't understand why everyone was talking about grabbing a cat.

Traditional taboos in this culture continue to produce useless science about sex and young people. This article is objectively written, but empty of real knowledge. From many years of studies of other cultures, it is clear that "nature intended" children to be having intercourse long before puberty, as part of their emotional development. The particularly thorough classic study of the Trobriand Islanders by Malinowski reported that the average age of first intercourse was 6 for girls, 8 for boys--and he made a point of stressing their good mental health. (As did Danielsson regarding Polynesians--in whose old customs it was the duty of aunts and uncles to teach sexual techniques to small nieces and nephews to ensure full lifetime sexual fulfillment; a far cry from the anti-sexual indoctrination of Western culture.) The prevalence of sexually transmitted disease in the modern world of course makes a difference, as does our living in a society of strangers. But as long as we make our decisions about children--regarding any aspect of life--based on myths and ignorance, we can expect only harmful results.

I had just turned 13 when my godfather sexually abused me. I knew too little and was too guilt addled and ashamed to tell my parents until many years later. My father was angry; my mother continued to talk with my abuser as if nothing had happened. At 58, I've had hundreds of sexual partners, have moved around a lot and have had trust issues. Only when I turned 50 did I settle down. In retrospect, many of the relationships I had with these partners were simply to validate my heterosexuality and serve as proof points that what happened to me was not something I would have wanted. Later, I made a good living but didn't frame my life as being particularly good. Fear, in the form of relational and workplace pressures have been present the entire time and weighed heavily upon my mental state. I'm not alone - we are millions. Getting off the careerist rat-wheel helped. A low pressure job may mean less money most of the time, but it sure beats being miserable all of the time in a high pressure gig. Plus, it builds confidence: I don't feel coerced into sycophancy now that I've got nothing to lose. Never have I felt as psychologically crushed as I did the morning after the assault back in July of '73. Its taken a lifetime of trying to understand what happened without digging beyond my capacities at any one time - I only opened up to counseling about this decades later. I'm glad these doctors are doing this. I'm not religious, but bless them all the same.

I don’t recall the movie, but the young, male protagonist was asked by a medical professional about his sex life. “Terrific, wonderful, intense!” After a moment of introspection however, he said “Oh, wait! You mean with other people!”. No mention, unless I missed it, of the pervasive effects of pornography on developing young minds. Such implications need to be recognized and addressed with the target audience, especially the fact such videos are not training films.

Urban males volunteering the age when they 'got some' is the basis for a comedy sketch, not data for medical research.

As a gay man who came of age in the 1970s and who had a horrible first sexual experience at age 14, I gave my two, straight nephews the following advice on sex when they were each 13: Care about the person; don't give into pressure if you truly don't feel ready; and, protect yourself and your partner. Otherwise, enjoy and don't feel once whit of shame or guilt.

Interesting. It seems that the conservatives have decided that the sexual initiation should be at the end of your teenage years (and within marriage -what else), while the biological reality is considerably different. Personally, my initiation was long before I became a teenager, and it was a truly great experience. So not all kids are "pressured", "molested" and "prayed" upon. I wasn't.

As well as asking the questions listed, they should be also asking about first intercourse, "Did you enjoy it?" or "Did you feel good?" Sex is supposed to feel good for both people, and that assumption needs to be factored into discussions about sex at any age. When it doesn't feel good, then gently probing can lead to unspoken questions that need answering just as much as questions about STIs and pregnancy.

Sex Ed is not the government's responsibility. Surely, we could develop an individualized web-based teaching tool that parents could approve for their children.

I went to a suburban high school in the mid-to-late sixties --on the eve of the great "Sexual Revolution" - The school was in a supposedly "liberal" town in Westchester County - less than twenty miles from Times Square - considered to be the "Crossroads of the Universe" back then -- In high school - the boys and girls all went to the same classes - with one exception - The boys went to "Shop" - where we learned some basic skills on how to use woodworking tools, under the watchful eye of our shop teacher -- The girls, however, went to something euphemistically called "Health" class - and none of the boys really knew exactly what they learned there - but we assumed it was similar to "Home Economics" - where girls were taught how to sew and bake -- Then - every once in a while - one of our female teenaged classmates would suddenly disappear - the reason being that she was "Going to spend the semester living with her aunt in another state" - or - "Her parents had decided to send her to private school" -- Then - just as suddenly - our classmate would be back at school - no questions asked -- I should point out that none of my male classmates were ever sent to spend the semester living with their aunt in another state -- A very big part of the problem with sex education are the often confusing and troubling mixed messages transmitted by adults who have never really worked out their own sexual issues...

A lot of of boys are "initiated into sex" by older girls and women. In other words, the boys are sexually molested/assaulted by older girls and/or women. But this doesn't fit our narrative of narrative of young men as always desiring sex and young women as having to be saved from sexual predation. Parents need to talk early and often to their sons and daughters about "good" touches and "bad" touches, and bodily autonomy.

I'm a Grandma (72). I had my first sex freshman year in college at age 17. With a serious boyfriend who was kind and loving. (Thank you , Ken, wherever you are.) I strongly believe that open, honest conversations about sex with adults you trust are so important. Often this will NOT be the parents. Schools that abdicate this responsibility are not truly educating their students. Parents can always refuse to have their kids in the sex ed class, but at least their inevitable conversations with classmates about sex will include kids who did attend and have reliable information. Better than nothing.....

" It’s easy to look at girls as victims and boys as perpetrators." Oh, jeez. Isn't it about time for educators to become aware, and teach, that we are all individuals? Sensible, aware girls who will almost certainly never become victims are harmed when they are treated as fragile morons. Boys who would never think of "perpetrating" anything, are treated like hulking half-wit criminals- and we resent it; don't deserve it... It's not that difficult. Anybody could be a "bad actor", boy, girl, etc. Or, not. Yep, you have to learn how to tell the difference, and not take anything for granted. Teach that.

Oh come on. It's instinct to want to have sex. The main reason boys wait is lack of opportunity. My own father's 'birds and bees' talk was mostly to strike fear in my heart of being forced to provide financial support for any baby that might result.

As a NYC high school teacher, I noticed that the freshmen class often arrived with a few pregnant girls. It was usually an older teen or adult who was identified as the father. I always wondered if age appropriate sexual awareness classes in six grade or earlier when many young girls start their menstrual cycle wouldn’t be the best time to start. In addition, many NYC high schools do not program students until their senior year for the required health class in which sexual awareness is taught. There is some financial incentive to do this. By senior year, there are fewer students and less cost to a school budget. But there is also a reticence to teach sexual awareness earlier possibly based on the reluctance of adults to talk about sexual issues to younger students. I am impressed that the research also looked at socio-emotional outcomes for the students who reported having sex before the age of 13. It would be important to know the age and sex of the available sexual partners. This additional information could help health providers obtain a more accurate view of the prevalence of non-consensual sex and begin to create policies that would reduce the incidence of these events. The commenters also pointed out that the sexual experience of preteens was often with a friend. Once again the age of the friend is important. As a society, we need to acknowledge that children also have sexual feelings and may act them out with children of their own age.

Re: '...But kids who start having sex early are kids we should be worrying about, kids at risk..." I am a living survivor of the negativity associated with children and 'early sexual initiation', which IS a euphemism for sexual assault! I CAN'T take the adult, in question to criminal OR civil court because of the statuette 'O, limitations law...that same law which protects my rapist, (w/ a taste for pre-adolescent-males), and is being ferociously, protected by Cardinal Dolan, 'N, that ultimate example of pedo_protection...headquartered in the Vatican!

As a parent raising two children in San Francisco, all I can say is PHEW

My friends and I used to lie on these all the time. We were sex and coke fiends who used drugs before and after school. I always question the validity of self reported studies like this. I don’t excuse my behavior (although I was only 12) but I can’t imagine my friends and I were the only ones.

Correlation isn't causation. A more likely intuitive explanation....perhaps boys already at-risk for some reason are more likely to be involved in very early sexual activity. Just like girls. If you want better, earlier conversations with kids about sex....stop making it a hush-hush taboo, and using a fairytale/fable model for the conversation. Facts are what is needed, not mythology.

I live in a progressive town. In grade school, my 3 kids had excellent health and sex education an ER doc and a PA taught the 5th-grade sex education part. Now my son and daughter are in Middle School and the PE teacher teaches ”abstinence” and also discusses ”friendly looks and smiles” as a proper way to start dating. Many parents think the ”teaching abstinence” is great. I find it lazy and irresponsible. Knowledge of sex is not giving permission to have sex at a young age. Of course responsible parents want their kids to have a good and healthy sexual experience at an older age when they are mature enough to accept the physical and emotional responsibilities.

Good article and well written. I’m glad that data and research findings are being reported rather than the opinion laced with ideology or conjecture I am used to reading in most other NYT articles. For example, the author is responsible not to jump to conclusions or make assumptions about the girl=victim/boy=perpetrator narrative that gets constantly pushed around in various formats.

It might be dangerous for a physician to discuss sexual activity with a 12-year-old boy. In New York State, for example, doctors and nurses are required to report to legal or child protection services anything they learn in their professional capacity that gives them reasonable cause to believe that a child is "abused or maltreated". Doctor-patient confidentiality doesn't apply. The definition of "abused or maltreated" is very broad. So it seems that the boy could be removed from his parents by child protective services. Is that true?

I believe giving all young people an unbiased map and comprehensive discussion of the human sexuality would save a lot of people the pain and suffering that comes from blundering their way through that particularly treacherous darkness. Boys do not consciously decide they want to be rapists, sexual abusers and sexual harassers. Like most tragic choices, they fall into it because they don’t know the landscape. That some institutions have cruelly harden into patterns of abuse want to maintain and continue their destructive behaviour should not be allowed. I hope more and more people endorse early education of the human sexual landscape, so that every boy learns to navigate his own personal sexual landscape that promotes his own happiness and inner peace. Every boy deserves that.

To @Jojojo43, you absolutely need to be validated. And you are correct; when boys are the victims of sexual trauma/rape, they are no different than girls who are the victims. Except that the boys suffer in silence b/c our society doesn't give them the space to come forward or acknowledge that boys CAN be victimized. I have seen this in my work with psychiatric and addiction patients. We have enough data to show that much mental illness and addiction begins in ACES, Adverse Childhood Experiences. I hope you have been able to receive comprehensive and empathetic treatment.

"...other kinds of risk, like binge drinking or multiple sex partners." I understand how binge drinking is harmful, but someone is going to have to explain why having sex with more than just one other person in your life is "risky." It's also vital to gather information on how old the other person was, initiating sex with a 13 year old boy. A mutually eager 13 year old classmate would be one thing, a 37 year old adult would be another thing entirely.

The question is whether early sex initiation has a harmful (or even positive) effect. JAMA Pediatrics reported that all the studies are associational. So there is no science-based answer. When American doctors took a family history, patients would often report that their parents or grandparents married as young as 13 or 14.

Dr. Bell is misinformed. A child's doctor will most likely not get a straight answer from the child. The child doesn't trust him. To find the beginning of the "sexual push", Dr. Bell should examine middle school (11-14 years) where social pressure tells a girl that she needs "a man" and he has needs that have to be fulfilled sexually. High school societal pressure re-enforces this belief, and unless the student has a strong sense of self and morality, he/she will concede to the behavior.

I'm not sure that this survey should be called a "study" much less an observational study. Calling this "science" is an extreme overreach.

I can't imagine the data are very accurate. At 12 or 13 years old, I'm not sure I could have answered Dr. Sanders' questions honestly. If they happened to be accurate, that would have been an accident. I would just say no to everything and move on. Hopefully quickly. Asking what happened when I was 12 or 13 when I was 18 or 19 wouldn't help much. I'd probably be more honest but I can't imagine ever agreeing to get interviewed about the subject willingly. The doctor asking whether you are sexually active is one thing. Asking when you lost your virginity is something else. I also find it rather odd the conversation is so gender specific. Were doctors asking girls about sex and sex-ed at 12 but not boys? That makes no sense at all. To have an entire field of study assume gender stereotypes in ALL research seems unbelievable to me. As for sex-ed, I think we're overstating the significance. By a strange set of coincidences, I attended no less than 4 sex-ed classes between elementary and high school. Only one ever offered any meaningful advice. A visiting teacher demonstrated how easily STDs spread using colored index cards. The lesson took all of 30 minutes. Everything else could have been covered with a TV documentary and even that doesn't provide much applied knowledge. The biology of sex is different from sexuality. The culture of sex is learned behavior. How does anyone learn a culture? Let's put it this way: You're not going to find the answer in a junior high classroom.

Yet again, as has been seen in numerous other studies published in recent years, we see a NEED for comprehensive, medically accurate, non-judgmental sex education, that includes all forms of 'consent', starting at ages 9 or 10, and perhaps younger. Others have noted impediments here such as religion, the impact of racism, schools, and parents. One missing here is the constructions of masculinity and femininity which vary by ethnicity, culture, geography, etc. which can and do impact 'choices' of sexual activity. I highlight 'choices' because of the cited percentage reporting "I really didn't want it to happen..." which tells us there was no active 'choice'. Parents remain the strongest impediment to comprehensive, medically accurate, sex education. In CA, the number of parents opting out of sex education because CA now mandates that LGBTQ sex education be included in curriculum. Iowa recently saw push back as well. What this article points out, as so many others have also done, is that this is something the children of all genders NEED, for their current well being, for them to make informed choices, and for their futures. It is time to get over our collective squeamishness of and about sex.

It is dismaying that we still must talk about boys being perpetrators and girls being victims. This goes hand in hand with the notion that, if boys are "initiated" by older females, they have somehow "gotten lucky." Mickey mantle, the hall-of-fame baseball player, was serially abused by his older half sister. His widow reported that mantle felt his alcoholism and other self-destructive behavior was directly linked to these attacks. He surely had not "gotten lucky". I am also such a victim, having been regularly attacked by my aunt when i was very young. When I have shared about this with METOO women, they have shouted me down as having "tried to steal a women's issue." Studies show that such boys are scarred just as are young girls who are abused by older males. Would we even contemplate using the term "initiated" in these cases of older males and younger females? of course not. A related study, of male juveniles in the detention system, shows that, of young males who are sexually abused while in detention, over 80% report their attackers as being female. Where is the outcry about this horror? These are rapes.

Bluntly, the removal of belief - largely religion - from education, science, and government would do us all a world of good. Belief of any kind as reason enough for the basis of law, regulation, and policy, or the objection to such, is simply very bad policy. Particularly since there are multiple belief systems that do not agree in many ways, e.g., your beliefs could easily be trumped. Trumpled? Well, here we are regardless.

The “striking geographic variation” is really a comment about race. The cities cited a problematic, Memphis, Milwaukee and Chicago are 62 percent, 40 percent and 33 percent Black. The city you cite as virtuous, San Francisco, is only 4 percent Black. This article isn’t just about early sexual experiences, it’s about racism.

Parents should access, indeed prioritize, their school choices by the quality and extent of health education and comprehensive sex ed. Too many private, religious and charter schools fall down on this subject. Too many public schools that serve the lowest income children focus on abstinence.

This article presents a nuanced view of early sexual initiation, including that gray area of mixed feelings about the acts. Missing, here, is information about the age of the people who these children had sex with. Are we talking about similar aged peers? Adult caretakers such as teachers, family members, scout troop leaders or neighbors? Older teens? And what were the contexts--at parties while inebriated, being taken to sex workers by a father, cuddling with beloved friends? It is also worth noting that the rising age for first intercourse correlates with Obama's push for comprehensive sex education in schools. These achievements can easily be reversed.