The military, and the infantry in particular, doesn't hate homosexuality so much as they hate weakness. Anyone who has served in the infantry knows that it is probably the most homoerotic organization to ever exist...it's all in good fun...or is it. So whatever happened with this guy probably had more to do with what people thought about his character than what they thought about his inclinations.
1
Dude. Thankyou for your service.
3
Thank you for your service!
3
It is definitely not like this anymore. At least in the Navy there are plenty of openly gay Sailors and nobody cares. This kind of stuff would never ever be tolerated at my commands former or current.
19
You are a veteran whether you identify with it or not. You chose to wear the uniform that not everyone can endure to wear. You defended the Our Country in the face of adversity that not every soldier has to undergo. You defended Our Country identifying as your real identity. For that, the public admires you. Thank you for your service to Our Country.
21
Your second to last paragraph could have been written by me as well. I don't even know where to begin, and I am still unwrapping and realizing the damage serving during DADT caused me (US Army West Point cadet + MI officer 2002-2009). Your writing brought to mind my own struggles, the unimaginable pain and terror we LGBT folks faced, and the quiet, subversive comfort of my own "Friends of Dorothy" support group at each station. I am simultaneously overjoyed and proud of the growth the military has undergone in a few 'short' years, and filled with resentment and rage about how all that pain I and others went through was so needless.
But then, I am doing a lot of learning about grace, and forgiveness. Maybe one day...
9
I served in an era (Vietnam) of intolerance. That said, I would never have harassed any LGBT Marines. If you're brave enough to put you life on the line, even if you did not serve in a combat zone, you rate my respect. Sorry you had to deal with the oppression and harassment.
13
@Robert Kirk. Welcome home Robert.
1
April 17, 2019
The never ending warring of sexual politics and identity that has indeed improved and yet remains decidedly with challenges to all when expressing ones right to live free and with respect. Let's not have the battles define our love for the inclusive achievements but given Necko Fanning endeavor to be himself and enjoy sharing his openness is a winning spirit to allow sharing the grace the American dream in all its greatness ever truth.
4
I served in the U.S. Army in the early 90s and it was sheer hell being a closeted lesbian. The CID (an investigative unit in the U.S. Army) was actively sending out spies to ferret out gay soldiers and I didn't trust anyone in my battalion. For three long years I was mistreated by several male NCOs because I wouldn't have sex with them, while a young woman flirted with me and who I thought was a CID spy, trying to out me. Four gay people (2 men and 2 women) in my battalion were outed and received a general discharges. I left the military in a depressed and angry state, and look at the military as one of the worst places to be if you are gay. Even though its 'okay' to be gay in the military today, I wouldn't recommend any gay person serve in the U.S. military because of the rampant misogyny and homophobia.
23
Getting your job done in the face of prejudice is hard to do day after day. I salute you for making the effort.
25
Necko, I can't diagnose PTSD but what you've gone through and the anxiety that you retain five years later could have brought it on. There are treatments such as EMDR and ketamine infusion or inhalations. Take care of yourself.
10
God bless you, Mr. Fanning. Some condemn you. Some will debate the laws and whether or not they're fair.
But the bottom line is, for me, you volunteered to serve. And for me, that's the only thing that matters.
Alan Hays, MSgt (E-7), Retired, USAF
27
Seem to remember Roman Legions had encouraged gay recruits. They seemed to do quite well with this policy.
11
I have never served in the military, but it is a general awareness of the presence of this kind of bigotry, along with racism and misogyny, as a component of the culture of military life, that makes me question the default position so many people take as far as ‘honouring those who serve’. The human beings who join the armed forces vary. Some are noble, selfless heroes and deserve respect. Some are vile bigots. Some are violent thugs looking for an outlet. They don’t deserve automatic reverence because of their uniforms.
20
I don't understand people who elect to enter the lions' den, and then expect them to behave like vegans.
5
@Allen Why are you criticizing a man who wants to serve his country and NOT have death threats addressed to him?
45
@Allen I'm pretty sure that he entered the lions' den expecting to become one of the pride, not be attacked by it.
47
@Allen And I don't understand people who characterized bigotry, intimidation, and death threats as normal, but here we are.
52
As a military lawyer, I can confirm there's no shortage of people in the services who do stupid and offensive things. However, that said, the author only has the experience of being in the Army right during that awkward period of transition. He's been out for 5 years now, and I think if he were to come back to the Army today, he would see a lot different attitude from the average soldier.
14
@JAG
I can corroborate this. I was in an infantry officer until 2016 and even then we had openly gay Soldiers who nobody had issues with as far as I am aware.
8
Thank you for all your service to protect all of us in America. I don’t understand why there’s any issue with you being gay and I wish you love, peace and a sense of real honor and commitment.
You’re the best and bravest of all of us.
I can’t thank you enough on behalf of myself, my children, and my grandchildren.
38
One of these days a highly respected and decorated flag officer is going to come out, and that will be a great day.
11
@Equilibrium
There already are.
General Randy Taylor and General Tammy Smith.
20
@NYHUGUENOT
Thanks for reminding me of Gen Smith, I had not heard of Taylor.
I guess I am hoping for a member of the joint chiefs, or someone with equally high visibility to help knock down this bigotry.
9
@EquilibriumThe next Commander in Chief, Mayor Pete!
15
Above all else, the military is about conformity. Soldiers must act and think in unison. This is a requirement stipulated by the military leadership. The military is a totalitarian dictatorship. Soldiers are expected to follow orders, like when they were ordered to "Kill anything that moves" in the villages called My Lai in the area referred to as "Pinkville" during the Vietnem war.
Women in the military also threaten this conformity and they are attacked and harassed too. Get with the program, or else!
7
This kind of mentality may have worked centuries ago, but not anymore.
The U.S. military is now present even in countries where we are not at war. Democracy itself is in danger. The U.S. military is supposed to be a safe and stabilizing presence. Ideally, peace-keeping citizens of the world would be welcoming our presence, and today, when these soldiers will be encountering people of all colors of skin, religions, languages, and cultures, their sensitivity and tolerance of others is expected and essential.
I’d say if you can’t deal with homosexuality, you’re going to have a tough time convincing an international civilian that you’re prepared to understand their differences. So shape up, military, the world needs your tolerance and acceptance.
45
@RL
Nonsense. The military is not the State Department. Their purpose in life is not to represent the USA. There are about 800 American military bases scattered around the world. They are tools of violence to follow the orders of leaders projecting American power and protecting its interests around the globe.
Basic training is about 10 weeks for most recruits. They are trained and conditioned to kill and follow orders to kill. Even my fireman training with the New Orleans fire department lasted 16 weeks. We didn't have any sensitivity training on gays, women and skin color.
Everywhere there is a major military base there also is prostitution. That's hardly safe and stabilizing. Look at Okinawa. That's not an accident. Visiting forces agreements with foreign countries stipulate the provision and organization of prostitution near military bases for the benefit and recreation of American troops, couched in language not easily noticed by the average reader.
You seem to have a distorted, idealistic view of the purposes of the military.
7
The soldiers I know DO feel they represent the US when abroad, and they are proud of that. We hold soldiers to a higher standard than the average person in society for a reason. It’s honorable.
You make some good points about the historical purpose of the military. But I’m not so sure an increasingly globalized society with the EU, massive shifts in immigration, and climate change, will accept your myopic view.
I don’t have a crystal ball, but the role of the military is changing and will change.
29
I couldn't see well enough to serve in the military. But I always thought that sexual harassment of all kinds could be ended with a direct order from the unit commander and a zero tolerance policy.
In an environment where everybody obeys orders, why is this still a problem? Why was it ever?
27
Sadly this type of discrimination flourishes more when those at the top don't take a firm stand against that type of behavior. Necko should be praised for his courage, and gallant service. As a one of the first openly gay trailblazers in the US military, superiors should had openly encouraged and supported him, while sharply investigating and punishing those who discriminated against him. Unsurprisingly most of those actions never took place within the military. Gay bigotry definitely didn't originate within the military and certainly the military isn't unique in that type of behavior. However, ideally we should hold the military to a higher standard than other institutions.
21
One of the things that military service can instill in a person is
an instinct for battle strategy. Reading the "lay of the land",
establishing exits before you make entry. Shortly, it all becomes
"automatic", second nature. The approach that this individual decided upon is like shooting up double-star red Flares when your mission demands silence and stealth. That mistake can get you and your fellow soldiers "wiped out".
Some people are good military strategists, some people are
better employed in other activities.
7
@Nominae simply being yourself should not require a stealth strategy. Does being yourself as a heterosexual person require such a strategy? I understand that being openly gay might put a person at risk, but that shouldn't be on the individual; it should be on the people around them to change their attitudes and be more accepting. Having to disguise yourself throughout life is bad for mental health.
32
@Nominae nonsense. The problem is not his.
18
@Nominae Linking the author of this article's 'instinct for battle strategy' to his sexual preferences is a total non-sequitur. In fact, it's so completely disconnected and irrelevant, it's almost funny.
23
I have known many gay persons of both sexes and have found them to be moral citizens who are never going to be suspected of any crimes.Those who question them are simply uninformed.
19
As a Vietnam Vet, my platoon never really cared as long as you could shoot. I’m sure it occurred but not in my outfit. I think it depends on the Sargent and LT of the outfit. Mine were strick to the point of nasty. We didn’t care who was doing what, we just wanted to get back to base and survive the tour. We all had nicknames (bean) but they mainly settled on appearance. Your just their to do a job and hope most make it back stateside. Grow up, what people do to each other is none of my business as long as it doesn’t effect me and is between consenting adults. No wonder the military has recruitment issues.
36
@Stephen thanks much for your service! From a fellow Army veteran, your comments still ring true today. As long as people get the mission done we do not care about their orientation.
3
Truly, this is the type of service member we need. Someone who is so committed to the defense of our Republic that they would voluntarily tolerate such harassment and torture. I wish you the best and thank you for your service.
55
‘Be all that you can be’? Choose another career as the United States Army doesn’t want you. Their loss needn’t be yours.
19
@Lewis Sternberg Be all you can be. Straighten out.
1
@Tom Alciere that slogan (Be all you can be) is from the 70's. We care about the mission, not what religion, creed, race, orientation, etc. the soldier is.
5
I blame the Bible, religion and politics for intolerance. If we could eliminate those three vices we might have a better world to live in.
41
@Bill
Btw Bill, the Bible and religion are one of the same. And in the state of TX you could argue that politics is extremely closely aligned with religion.
8
@Bill - I think you can fault privileged and often oppressive GATEKEEPERS of Biblical meaning, religion, and politics for promoting intolerance, but as a progressive Christian I refuse to cede “scripture, religion, and politics” to bigots. In fact, I think those three things can and do promote tolerance in a powerful and effective way. Let’s fight intolerance using all the tools and partnerships at hand, and rightly criticize hateful religion and politics as warranted while affirming that which works toward the good.
7
@Bill those guys aren't real christians. anyone who reads the bible understands that we are all sinners, and that we should be kind to our neighbors, even our enemies, no ifs ands or buts. for example, samaritans and jews were bitter enemies, but jesus told the parable of the good samaritan to show that we are all capable of goodness, and that goodness is more universal than our petty differences. anyone who casts out people because they are is not "clean" is not behaving in the spirit of jesus. he associated with vagrants, beggars, and prostitutes. he forgave people. he told us that if we all owe a great debt to our master, and our master forgives us, we must also then forgive others in debt to us. nowhere did he say to condemn people or judge people. that's between them and god, and not for us to decide.
1
Thank you for your service!
18
I am sorry you had to deal with all that, regardless of personal feelings your CO should have stepped in and demanded professionalism
11
Mr. Fanning, your uncle sent you two mentors who tried to warn you what you were about to face and to help you deal with it, yet you write "for the next eight months, I virtually ignored their advice". Why, may I ask? The day after "don't ask, don't tell", you came out. I find it hard to believe that an intelligent young man, such as yourself, would automatically think the culture of the military would change overnight. I do not agree with that culture, but it is what it is. You placed yourself in that situation and chose a difficult way to deal with it. Why the need to announce to coworkers that you have a "boyfriend"? Have you never heard the mantra "never discuss religion, sex or politics"? It's nobody's business who you sleep with, so why bring it up? I think it's great that you wanted to serve our country but you went into that service with eyes wide open and chose to ignore good advice. Most people aren't interested in coworkers or casual acquaintances sexual proclivities. Not blaming the victim but you made your choices.
13
Oh but you are blaming the victim. Nowhere does Mr. Fanning say he shouting from the mountaintops about his homosexuality.
And concerning ignoring the advice: maybe living a day to day experience of making others “prove” your sexuality is tiresome. Maybe he didn’t feel like beating up his unit for harassing him. Did you think about that?
People like Mr Fanning are brave for entering the lions den and trying to change the culture with exposure. Comments here imply it’s easier to like a gay person if they’ve known them as a soldier, teacher, friend first. That’s literally prejudice. It should have no impact which came first.
54
@Western Gal The writer never said he was discussing sex or politics; he was simply mentioning his partner using the language that was accurate, calling his boyfriend his boyfriend. At every job where I have worked, people mention their significant others. Were he to call his boyfriend something other than his boyfriend, he would be dishonest. So do you recommend dishonesty in order to maintain the comfort of homophobic coworkers? It's not as if he were giving a play-by-play of his sex life, just sharing about his life in a very ordinary way. It is not the fault of Mr. Fanning for being himself, it is the fault of those who judged him, threatened him, and terrorized him as his workplace.
21
@Western Gal Never discussing 'religion, sex or politics' is indeed an advisable strategy for interacting with people in a work setting. Equating this situation to one where, as a male, you subtly refer to a boyfriend is telling about you though: I suspect you wouldn't also suggest that a straight male never tell a colleague about his (female) 'sweetheart' because it involves discussing 'religion, sex or politics'. The comparison you make says more about your own views, proclivities and prejudices than I suspect you realise - despite the fact you say you (allegeldy) do not agree with 'that culture'.
18
Tragic in a country and an institution that "fights for freedom", we deny it to so many.
21
I just wonder if the same people who support the rights of gay men to serve in the military would support the idea of a fully co-ed military, wherein men and women sleep in the same barracks, shower together, change together, are necessarily nude together on a regular basis. Obviously feelings of sexual arousal would occur; obviously they would cause problems. What is the difference when gay men are among other men in the same situations? None, I would argue. While I am in full support of gay rights, and feel for the author, I do not support gays in the military.
4
@APH one big difference is that gay men and women are far, far less likely to assault someone than heterosexual men, who seem to be the significant majority of those who have a problem with gays in the military. I don't think men and women need to be nude in front of each other, nor is it that way now, is it? Other countries have had gays in the military, and there doesn't seem to be a problem. The problem appears to be people like you, who think they shouldn't be there.
50
@APH You actually are not "in full support of gay rights," then.
36
@APH By your logic, gay men also shouldn't be allowed into any sort of locker room or public bathroom either. Do you also agree with that?
33
I think that instead of feeling any unwarranted guilt about your fellow service LGBT members who died, you should focus on insisting that everyone, everywhere - but especially the homophobes in office who want to institutionalize bigotry - understands that those service people died for the same reasons as their straight comrades - and that their blood, just like everyone else's, was red.
35
I don't understand what draws these people to the military. Is being a government employed criminal really that appealing? There hasn't been a just cause for the entire service since the first Gulf War. Everything since has been oppression, conquest and murder out of a religiously motivated hatred.
ICC just backed down from investigating the massacres perpetrated by these fiends and child-murderers in Afghanistan once the US government began threatening the court's employees with sanctions on a personal basis. This is what you represent now.
If there is a god, then you're all headed for an eternity of dealing with the consequences of your choices.
16
@Pete So what do you suggest- that every member of the US armed forces should walk off the job tomorrow? Despite your skepticism of recent deployments (shared by many current and former soldiers, including myself) the military has a vital role to perform and we want decent, thinking people like the author of this article filling its ranks. The people who I served with in Iraq joined for a lot of reasons, but "religiously motivated hatred" had nothing to do with it. Maybe, instead of insulting the millions of Americans who have actually served in our recent wars you would be better served by directing your criticism at the politicians who have led us into them and the public who doesn't care?
13
@Pete - You refer “these people” and by that term you refer to men and women who swear to protect you and yours? Men and women who will take a bullet or IED on foreign soil, in your stead, are “these people?”
3
@Pete Who do you mean by "these people"? LBGTQ people, which the story was about, or just anyone who enlists?
3
I worked for years with a gay man, who only gradually opened up about his sexuality after years of working with and feeling comfortable with his co-workers. Not only was his relationship accepted by even the most conservative in our office, I believe it contributed to changing the opinions of some regarding gay marriage. But I'm not sure if this would have been equally true if we had not come to know him first as a person (and a great guy) prior to thinking of him as a gay man.
27
@Jeanne Shows you how difficult it is to come out among people who are initially hostile to non-heterosexuals.
13
thank you for your courage. i wish you much luck in your life and wish you had never had those experiences.
28
As a gay man currently serving in an infantry battalion, I have not had a bad experience. I have had a lot of anxiety about what I assume fellow service members think about me, but no overt displays of homophobia. I recently brought my husband and 5-year-old son to a family event, and the commander and his wife sat with my husband and me. It was a symbolic display of acceptance. I definitely think things are getting better.
82
@Andrew Gray thats good to read. the conduct described in the article is both unprofessional and dishonorable. thank you for your service
21
@Andrew Gray
Served in 1-501. What battalion you in? Anyway, enjoy AK it's awesome.
1
A male friend who was gay came out to his community long ago by living with his boyfriend in his family home. All very gentle and reasonable. No incidents of trouble were ever discussed.
Eddie told us that he had enlisted in the U.S. Army during WW II.
He had a great sense of humor and his stories were charming. My husband asked him to dictate his war stories and then had them transcribed onto a computer disc. They were then lightly edited and published as "Blood and Candles" by Edward T. Richardson.
His experiences as a 5 foot 4 inch tall, 120 lb, gay male in WW II were amazing. He was well respected in his unit and was one of three to survive the Battle of the Bulge without injury or fatality.
I recommend reading this little book. YOu'll enjoy it.
34
Mr. Fanning - you are learning and will continue to learn to become your best man. Through the years observation and being my true self have shown me the way. Cast out those negative and bigoted individuals and embrace the good. If your commanding officer or boss is difficult, look beyond, it won’t last forever. Learn what you can from others and always be true to you. If someone has a problem, that speaks more of them, not you.
13
Although for Evangelicals it is based in religious teaching, for many hyper-masculine men homophobia is rooted in a deep seated fear of sexual aggression against their person. They deal with that fear by being physically aggressive toward gay men. Any gay man considering joining the military should be aware of this - and that it is doubtful any "policies" will change that fact. Be prepared to deal with it.
11
@RationalThinker9 Don't suppose you have any scientific studies backing those assertions?
2
@RationalThinker9 Due respect, studies measuring infinite changes in body temperature, arousal response, pupil dilation, etc are all very clear that those who express the highest levels of homophobia also experience the most titillation when exposed to same sex images. I encourage you to look it up.
What's happening on the outside isn't necessarily what's happening on the inside.
7
@RationalThinker9 I think hyper-masculine men have a deep seated fear of their own sexuality.
7
Bravo Mr. Fanning for sharing your story. Be strong and carry on knowing that most of your fellow countrymen and women do not carry the hatred, cruelty, misogeny, homophobia and stupidity of the person whose megaphone supporting a retreat from an open military and the irrelevance of one's sexuality, is so large: Donald Trump. He is not We.
21
I’ve worked in DOD healthcare for the past decade and I’ve known out service members personally. Their experience is variable but has generally improved over that time. The total story is neither ideal nor bleak.
6
Thank you for your service, Necko, and your testimony.
35
If you want to serve your country, be a firefighter, don’t go invading and destroying countries that don’t threaten us inspiring hatred and inviting blowback.
18
Absolutely unacceptable how Necko was treated.
Had I been in his chain of command, no way would I have tolerated any homophobia.
15
30 years with the military. Nothing good to say about most of them. Heroes — not. We need to dismantle the entire military industrial complex. Go back to a draft if we need them.
44
Heroes are everywhere to be found and I'm sure there are plenty who have served who can justifiably be called such. Politicians in particular love the word, namely because they can hide behind a show of tribute to young soldiers while continuing to back disastrous and criminal foreign policies. However, a draft will never happen. Because there's not a senator alive who wants his kid in the army, waging what all of them know good and well serve only to permanently impair or destroy young lives, while putting obscene profits in the hands of a very few.
31
@DC
The children of politicians and the wealthy need not be in danger of being drafted as long as someone will diagnose them as having "bone spurs."
2
@DC Although Trump Snr must have been delighted when Donny avoided the draft because of his 'bone spurs'. The dubious non-participance in the Vietnam War by the progeny of the wealthy tells you all you need to know about money in the US.
2
It's ironic that some military commenters downplay Mr. Fanning's experiences or conclude that just because they didn't see the abuse, it didn't happen or believe if their one gay colleague was fine, everyone else was. Don't they realize they are exhibit A for the homophobia and the backwards attitudes of the military?
48
Mr. Fanning, you have been victimized by repeated hate crimes, and you deserved to be part of the support group.
Please don't criticize yourself for getting support you needed.
Thank you for your service. I wish you a happy and fulfilling future.
73
I continue to not adequately understand the motivations of gay men and women joining the military-whose culture aims to normalize killing, encourage extreme machismo, the subjugation of young minds, the enlistment of young, often poor, bodies to fight old (wealthy) men's wars. The Army seems like precisely the last place on earth any gay person in their right mind would desire to inhabit.
I'm sure someone will chime in to educate me that the pressures driving lower-class people into the military are the same for straights as they are for gays, but I'd still be unconvinced. Surely there must be easier routes. The military, for "good" reason, strikes me as the very last place to find the compassion and understanding that young gay people need in spades.
25
@DC Or perhaps people are not quite as simply categorized as you believe. Humans can be complicated you know.
1
@DC
From what I understand, people who volunteer to serve in the military generally do it because they see it as service to the nation.
No doubt there are other reasons as well, but I can’t speak to them.
Obviously, the draft for the Vietnam war affected various groups of people in different ways. This was well known at the time.
A person's sexuality has absolutely no detrimental effect on how they can do their job and the armed forces is no exception. People of differing sexualities bring to any job a breadth of understanding and empathy that is a positive advantage in jobs that require these qualities such as the military. It is not all about wars and killing.
20
The conventional premise of gays is that they lack the backbone, resolve, bravura, guts, idealogical strength and ruthlessness that is required if men in the fields of action.
Being perceived as lightweights, nonconfrontational, defensive not offensive, decisive not ambiguous and peaceniks are traits that have labelled gay men and forged the attitudes for and against them.
Faced with uncertainty on the fields of combat where having ones back is paramount, one moment of insecurity or doubt can mean life, death or worse remains a very interesting predicament for our armed forces.
As for the earnest gays, it is a label and challenge that will not be easily overcome so long as steroids and macho males abound. Clearly they represent the majority of the male populace, at least for now.
2
@Nick DiAmante
Change gays to black and you're back in the 40's, 50's or 60's. But that changed in the military, to a significant extent. Hopefully it will progress again.
11
Mr Fanning has much to contribute to our society, just as he doubtless contributed much to the Army in his work as an intelligence analyst. It's wonderful to read that he has followed military service with education at one of the country's finest universities. Bravo, all around.
49
I can't imagine how anyone might have thought that he end of 'Don't Ask, Don't Tell' somehow meant an instant change in the culture of the armed forces. The statutory end of Jim Crow didn't make it suddenly safe for a black man to go into any random bar in Montgomery, Alabama and ask for a beer. The six or seven years 2008-2015 brought incredibly rapid change to federal law with respect to the civil rights of people who are gay or transgender but, however a positive a development that was, we ignore the immediate previous histiory at our great peril, personal and societal. Just recall for a moment that in 2008 that in California, that now 'blue-est ' of states, the voters approved a ballot measure to ban gay marriage. Give people, however you might condemn their views, time to come around by not throwing in their faces your personal choices, whatever they are.
22
@richard ... of the west
So much to address. But in short. Noone should have to squelch their identity and curb living their lives as ordinarily as everyone else does for the purpose of making other people feel comfortable.
It never ceases to amaze me how entitled some people feel to dictate how other individuals and group should manage their lives and to what extent they can live it fully.
"Give people ... time to come around without throwing in their faces your personal choices (sigh), whatever they are."
In many regards, we'd be in the proverbial social stone ages if we waited for the dominant social group in this country to "come around." That is not how social advancement has worked.
To be clear, it is not man who endows another with the ability to breathe and live. In that same vein, man should assume no authority over the freedom of another to live and breathe in their unique identity.
Sincerely,
45
@Richard
It wasn't an instant change - because gays were always in the military.
I'm straight, served in the military, 30+ years ago, medical branch. I was amazed at how many gay people were in, some as a career. Nobody threw it in your face; it was just something that was there.
Their "personal choices" were no different than anyone else who saw the military as their best opportunity: get out of poverty, get out of small towns, learn skills, the GI bill, adventure.
11
@Dr. M The "Nobody threw it in your face" comment is unfortunate, and shows that even people who think they're tolerant consider themselves the normal ones. It also indicates that the feelings of heterosexuals must be prioritized.
2
LGBTQ people are still discriminated against in today's America. I'm not willing to be open about my sexuality at work or to acquaintances. If someone says something to me I might correct their misapprehensions about being gay or lesbian but it depends. As a lesbian I've had straight people, even in this day and age, say things to me like this: you just never found the right man or how do you know unless you try both? Huh?
I've heard all the misconceptions too. No, I'm not a lesbian because someone recruited me. I'm not a lesbian because I hate men. I never joined the armed forces because of their attitudes towards women in general but I would have liked to.
What a person does in bed has no bearing on how well they do the job in the armed forces or anywhere else. Straight people have more problems with LGBTQ people than vice versa. Being LGBTQ is NOT a handicap or something that can be changed by therapy. It's not a reason to discriminate either. It's a difference like being left handed, blonde, or extremely tall.
Besides, in the services what does one's sexual preference have to do with getting the job done, being trustworthy and having your comrade in arms back, or executing a battle plan?
90
It is interesting that homosexuality in the militaries of ancient Greece was regarded as contributing to morale. The primary example is the Sacred Band of Thebes, which was made up of same-sex couples. They were great warriors.
What military and non military citizens need to remember is that ones performance and competence in ones job is what all Americans need to care about. Thank you for your service.
90
@Purity of Only because Philip II and Alexander had the better strategy over their Theban counterparts...
1
Why aren't the perpetrators of this harassment being prosecuted?
36
@David Booth
Women and racial minorities, including native Americans, have been asking that question for centuries.
16
@David Booth for the same reason that people who lynched blacks weren't prosecuted. Their lives aren't viewed as valuable.
8
Why oh why can’t people just mind their own business and leave others alone? As parents and grandparents I think we should be pressing that issue.
No one should have to feel shame and guilt for who they are - whether race, gender preference, religion, culture, economic status, education, any of that.
Why do people get off on being cruel?
136
@MIMA Isn't this idea paradoxical considering that some (many) cultures and religions reject homosexuality wholesale? On the contrary, it's important to call out people on the beliefs they can change. The rejection of homophobia even at the risk of offending others is in fact a cultural stand that I encourage people to make.
1
I remember trying to talk to an officer where I worked about a study by the RAND Corporation on "gays in the military" and how the conclusion was basically that it wasn't in and of itself an issue. The Army said thanks for the study and came up with "don't ask don't tell". This one officer at least was still incensed that he might have to serve with anybody who was not hetero, and no amount of talking to him could get him to understand any other point of view. That was 15 years ago and it wouldn't surprise me one bit to find that some would still think that. Old attitudes die hard. I don't know Fanning (we were at the same location one year but paths never crossed), but this account seems very credible. People who say they were in the Army and never witnessed this kind of behavior, well, if you didn't that's great, but perhaps you saw only what you wanted to see. It's right up there with the guys saying they never see any of the women being harassed. Right.
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The needs of the many outweigh the needs of the few.
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That's why the marginal tax rate for annual income (including capital gains) should be 75%. Right?
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@Lord Snooty, so we should abolish the U.S. senate and govern strictly according to proportionate representation in congress. Oh, and abolish the electoral college too.
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@M. Johnson. Yes.
I was a gay soldier in the Army from 1991-1995. Part of this time was under Don't Ask Don't Tell. In 1999, gay soldier, Barry Winchell, was beat to death. There is still some intolerance in the military, but not as bad as before.
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I just read in the Times about the military continuing to fall short in recruitment, and having to continually up its bonuses and benefits.
Perhaps if all the brass in the military were told that if they tolerated any harassment of Gays or Lesbians, they would be punished, we might be able to get more Lesbians and Gays to enlist.
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What kind of personal history creates a mind that thinks it's OK to threaten someone else just for being gay? Unfortunately, by now we know that a fair number of the most anti-gay people are, themselves, gay. We've particularly seen this in the Catholic Church and Evangelical hierarchies, but religion doesn't have a corner on this strange kind of displacement behavior. Of course the majority of anti-gay people are not themselves gay, but you just wonder, why do they care so very, very much about someone else's sexuality if it doesn't haven't anything to do with their own?
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@Bob G.
"Not minding your own business" is one of the main problems in our society. Social media has exacerbated it.
I feel most sane when I am keeping the focus on my own life, shortcomings and problems.
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You have every right to call yourself a veteran soldier. Those who treated you with such venom belong to an Army and indeed a society long passed. And, by the way, Intelligence plays a vital role in the Army and throughout the Department of Defense. I know. I spent 22 years in MI at all levels.
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Oh, Mr. Fanning, you are NOT alone. I work at a VA and we have an active LGBT committee for veterans and staff. We see that the powers that be do not always "get it." You were so brave in your service, and it is a complete mind mess that you have to tolerate abuse from the very people you depend on side by side. It's trauma. And you empathize with women who have endured worse. Your character is something to admire. You are perfect just as you are.
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@J. M. Sorrell
Well spoken.
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One has to wonder if, and when, the human race will outgrow it's adolescents. If, and when, issues like race and sexuality will finally take their appropriate place in the "who cares" bin of history.
I often wonder what it would be like if a bunch of Vulcans from Star Trek were to come down here from space and look around, what they would think? Like me, they would probably rolls their eyes, and let out a deep sigh as their moral and intellectual senses were taxed by the inanity of all the willful, and not so willful, ignorance and small mindedness of the human race today.
I do know one thing with absolute certainty, and that is that Mr. Fanning is far superior to those who denigrated him. He is smarter, kinder, more compassionate, more honest, and most importantly in this context, far stronger and braver then any of those who mistakenly thought that they were looking down upon someone whom they assumed they were better than. Someone who was, in fact, their superior in every way.
Standing up for what is right and true - That is the heart and soul of a real soldier.
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For anyone doubting that homophobia exists in the military, homophobia exists everywhere. As does racism and misogyny. Just because others commenting didn't see it doesn't mean it didn't happen. Sure, we've become more progressive as a whole in this country but there are plenty of immature people who don't like it.
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@LambnoeA
I agree. You forgot ageism! Rampant in these days of 30-year-olds getting regular botox treatments.
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I hope Mr. Fanning has disclosed the PTSD he is experiencing as a result of his service to this country and the threats he received as a gay member of the military. He deserves compensation for it. No one deserves such bad and disrespectful treatment while serving in the military.
Best of luck to Mr. Fanning in the future.
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And I used to believe the LGBT by and large were against violence. But like they say in the army, "wake up and smell the coffee". Why would anyone believe the rank and file in the armed forces, institutions with a long history and tradition of intolerance, accept people who openly express her/his preferences? Sadly, only those who believe in the demagoguery of the politicians who pander to progressive, but ineffective constituencies, and pay lip service to gender preference diversity. Or someone willing to prove a point. In both cases, it is an exercise in self delusion.
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@George Hawkeye
You're right, people were routinely called these things 30 years ago when I served, and this was against those who were heterosexual. There is still a fine line to walk about being "out" in the military. If you are troubled by being targeted, it's perhaps best to keep your private life as private as possible, but if you are brave and upfront about it like this soldier, then you should expect this type of abuse.
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@George Hawkeye prejudice and intolerance may have a long history and tradition in the armed forces. But it's 2019. Anyone thinking along those lines today needs to grow up and stop thinking their way is is the only way.
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I am a little shocked about this young man's story. I do believe these things happen and not blind to how some are not treated equal because they are different. I am shocked because I was in the same army unit he is referencing for many years. We definitely had more than one openly gay man I our unit during a time ofngsrrison and a time of deployment. I happened to be really good friends with one of these open gay man. His over 4 years in unit, he never told me of any harrassment due to his sexuality. I know alot of that leadership and find it very hard to believe they would have acted that way.
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@Chuck
When people dislike someone, especially in a locker room kind of situation, they'll use anything they can against you.
I think while not exactly human nature, it is social dynamics in these settings
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I spent a long time in the Army, in evert type of unit imaginable, all over the world and never ONCE saw a gay Soldier treated in this manner. Now I’m sure it has happened, but I find this person’s claims to be exaggerated and phony. Just seeking sympathy for his failure as a Soldier I assume. The contrived nature of the notes and death threats doesn’t add up. No Soldier I ever served with was bothered by a gay Soldier, in the don’t ask days and beyond. This story just serves to perpetuate a stereotype. I think most Soldiers could see through it.
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@Manero Sadly, as women in the military have also found, those who are not subject to this behaviour don't often see it, and don't know about it. Please don't discount others' experiences based on your (naturally limited) observations.
And yes, I too speak from long military experience.
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@Manero right, I'm sure he's making this up for the fun of it.
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@Minz Exactly. As a woman in a federal agency I was subject to some vile sexual harassment by a man in another office. I stopped telling people about it because they didn't believe me. Thankfully, my boss did.
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Hey Mr. Fanning: Thank you for your service!
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Seems to me those who left the hated-filled homophobic notes and urinated message for Mr. Fanning are the true enemies of military unit cohesiveness and of the U.S. military. The reason they did it is irrelevant: they are causing dysfunction and inefficiency in our armed forces. They, not gay/lesbian soldiers such as Mr. Fanning (or to go back far back, Grethe Cammermeyer, for instance) they are the enemies "...domestic or foreign" of the U.S.
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I am glad the author has a future to look forward while being his true self.
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You and I were on Fort Drum at the same time - I got to Drum a year before you and left a year after you. Frankly, 2-87 had a reputation as a unit that was very homophobic - it's something in the culture of that battalion, I think. I'm terribly sorry that that was your experience, and there is absolutely no excuse for it. I can say that that was not necessarily uniform across post - I was in Sustainment Brigade at the time, and the STB was a very inclusive battalion (at least three members of the battalion and brigade staff were openly gay even before repeal, so it was understood there, at least, that homophobia was not tolerated). I wish you could have been assigned to a unit like that.
I'm still in the military myself, and I make absolutely certain that my Soldiers understand that their sexual orientation is not only something they can be comfortable sharing with me, I will not tolerate anyone harassing them about it - and that their choice to share it, or not, is theirs. Being straight, I do check with fellow Soldiers who are gay whether or not harassment is an issue, because I know I might not necessarily see it. They have indicated that it is rare now, thankfully.
Thank you for sharing; I will be more conscientious about watching for this kind of discrimination in the future. I will always do everything in my power to make sure none of my Soldiers have to endure what you did, and I will never tolerate any fellow NCO who behaves as that SHARP rep did.
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Honestly I'm not surprised. I'm currently a reservist in the army and also gay but feel that I NEED to live a closeted life because of my unit. This has caused so much depression and anxiety that whenever I am on my way up to drill I often contemplate just ending it and becoming one of those 22 a day that kill themselves. What makes it worse is that as a joke one guy downloaded Grindr and found my profile, to which point he then proceeded to share it with the unit but thank god I had my face covered. But to prevent myself from outing myself I just took it.
Now only a couple of trusted sergeants know that I'm gay because of one mental breakdown I had where I showed up to drill with scars from cutting my wrists were still visible.
But that took 4 years to open up to just a couple of people. And with only 1 year left in my contract, it's a battle to see if I can last that long before either falling to my depression, coming out, or just enduring the pain until after my contract.
Granted I know that even with those few in my corner it's still going to be an uphill battle. Mostly because my unit is very keen to make fun of me for any reason, and I know for a fact that they're looking for ammo to use against me.
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@Joe I'm terribly sorry that that's been your experience. Is it possible for you to request a transfer to a different unit? If there's another one in Philly, it should just be a matter of submitting a DA Form 4187. Alternatively, you could try requesting to make up all of your drill dates in one shot, working full-time at the armory for two or three weeks and then be done for the year. It would be stressful during that period, but then you'd never have to go back - and the drilling troops wouldn't even be around, just the full-time staff.
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@Joe Your story should be told to every gay man thinking about signing up. It's no good for you and the situation you make is no good for your unit. Stick out the year if you can. Get what you earned. But share your story and speak the truth: the army is just not where you belong.
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@Joe
Sorry to hear of what you are going through. Your life has value and you matter. Please take care and I hope that you can find the support you need. We need you on this earth. You are cared about and deserve to see better days. Please don't be afraid to seek help and someone to talk to.
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So beautifully written. Thank you for the strength you have in sharing this story. To see you now reflecting on this expirence and working everyday to change the world to a more accepting and loving place is a privilege I am thankful to have.
You are nothing but classy and intilligent. Cannot wait to see what you tackle in the future!
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Is anyone surprised? We have savagely anti-gay VP (Pence), and a president who probably thinks urinating profanity on a car windshield is “locker room play.”
A military should be about unity, not divided with a fear of death threats from each other. Gay or transgender people aren’t the enemy. Don’t fall for the trap---it’s a divide and conquer strategy, and it’s working.
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@RL I don't believe the events of this piece happened during the current administration.
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True, but the climate that elected this administration was certainly brewing during those years.
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@Kyle I believe you are correct about when those actions occurred. I also believe the events mentioned in this piece are not limited only to former administrations. There has been a spike in hate crimes reported since Mr. Trump became President and has openly and fully refused to recognize the harm and damage these kind of bigots are doing to us all - review his rhetoric after Charlottesvile about there being 'good people on both sides'. Anti-gay acts have increased not only in general society but also within the Army, Navy, Air Force, Marines and Coast Guard since 2017. Sadly, just changing administrations hasn't changed attitudes....yet.
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In many key ways, America remains in its Puritan past of the 1690s, complete with witch-burnings and public exhortations to a mythical morality that no one practices. Our manichean world view reflects this imprint from those times: good/bad, black/white, straight/gay...we only see things in a childish simple dichotomy. Because nuance, you see, is too complex for us to grasp. The very idea of pigeonholing ourselves and others according to an arousal phenomenon, this is the quintessential triumph of puritan prudery in our midst and is more pervasive now than in the 1860s Civil War era, despite our much-vaunted intellectual advancement.
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Every time I read about a story like Mr. Fanning's, I continue to marvel at how people raised in the same country I was have little appreciation for what I was thought and believe is this country's strength: we are all created equal and many make one. We are bound by a commitment to ensure freedom and the pursuit of happiness to all because not to do so threatens groups of citizens, or individuals. Yes, some would call the expression of these principals platitudes to be ignored. It seems the repetition of these principals alone does not bring about understanding of them among people who should know better.
It is stories like yours that might just influence someone into recognizing the value of protecting the other, i.e. the different from themselves. I hope I am right unbelieving things are getting better, but they still not easy.
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