As an aging male I find the Tadich Grill a wonderful dining experience when in San Francisco. Take your book to the counter, be served a hearty pasta or calamari dish with sourdough bread by the attentive staff in trademark white coats, have a couple grasshoppers, then wander back to your hostel in North Beach, wondering how your life drifted into this flickering, isolated existence, still scraping by in the gig economy in the closing hours of the American empire (sorry, was that out loud?).
2
I just read this for the second time and it is still wonderful. When New York changed, as it always does, the restaurants became tiled, acoustically impossible, frantic, and the food so precious I couldn't stand it!
In my youth, restaurants I liked were dim, quiet, and served wonderful real food. It was a treat to go to the best ones, worth the expense because the food was amazing. Now as I read the menus in the restaurant reviews, I really don't care if i ever go to a hot new one. I fear I would spend the money and not like the food!
1
This was really good to read. I go lots to this Italian place that's nearby here in the Boston area. I am old (does 70 count?) and I really am fond of the barmaid (no designs) and the food they serve is GOOD. Of course the movers and shakers (read: the 1%ers) are there in their Mercedes' and Audis and BMWs and Teslas to impress (will they ever really grow up or will bling blind 'em and prevent that?). Carol's cool and filled with energy and skill and she's cool about being ordered around and the restaurant is cool. I always sit at the bar despIte the lack of lumbar support but I enjoy going there! And of course the food's really cool, too.
At 66, if you still want martinis, you're in big trouble, if you're still among the living.
1
“you can get anything you want at Alice's Restaurant”
what’ll it be? funny
you should ask.
in my 20’s: peace love trippy happiness
in my 60’s: the usual, thanks
79
[[If you’re under 50 and definitely if you’re under 40, you have yet to experience how you disappear over the years, especially if you’re not a looker and all the more so if you’re a woman. Sustained gazes, casual glances and solicitous words go disproportionately to the young.]]
Wait...I'm confused. So now it's ok to hit on a woman over 50 who just wanted to go out to dinner by herself? A woman alone is asking to be sexualized and "solicited"?
Please explain.
19
Kudos to Ben Wiseman's laugh aloud graphic to accompany Bruni's spot on essay. Both made my morning.
34
My husband and I are well into our silver years. The best we hope for when we frequent our usual 3 or 4 places for supper is that the music isn't too loud, the wait ain't too long, and we get our always excellent tasting grub faster than it took us to locate a parking spot.
75
A restaurant where the service is friendly, reservations can be had relatively easily, the food is delicious but not pretentious, and we don’t have scream at each other to make conversation—that’s a great one—and increasingly hard to find.
154
Great article. Let me add an experience my partner and I had a while back. We are both in our 6th decade and we do eat out often. We have our spots we go back to over and over where the owners or front of the house know us. Familiarity, certainly in this rapidly transforming city, is welcome and leaves one feeling cocooned. But we also enjoy trying new spots. About a year ago we went to a "of the moment" restaurant, reservation made. We were seated with no problems but then watched the waiter totally ignore us. It was not our imagination. He waited on 4 tables seated after us and never once even glanced our way despite our best efforts to politely get his attention. Thoroughly disgusted and losing patience I called out to him and he begrudgingly came to our table. I decided (much to my partner's horror) to call him out. I asked him, "why we were invisible to him?" "Could it be our age?" He stammered, stuttered and fled. The manager shortly appeared, apologized and acted as our server for the remainder of our meal. I do think this problem is worse for women than men as women, #MeToo notwithstanding, are so wholly judged by their looks, particularly in public spaced. But it is something everyone of a "certain age" will experience in our youth obsessed nation.
273
I loved this article. Thanks, Frank. My husband and I are in our late 40s now. At this point, we just want to go to restaurants where we'll get a decent table and a reliably tasty meal. We don't care about being cool or exclusive. When I was in my 20s, however, and living in New York City, it was the opposite. I scoured Time Out NY and the New York Times for the trendiest restaurants. I felt special when I tried new cuisines. On my 25th birthday, we went to Nobu and sat near Elle Macphereson and Veronica Webb (supermodels!) and on my 26th, we went to Alain Ducaisse. I was convinced this made me a baller! Now I'm too old to care. It's much better this way.
88
I'm 65, and all I want is blini, Frank. With pomegranate syrup and pepper, made with love by my beloved, or maybe with poached pear and cardamom (and pepper). The buckwheat is grown and milled on the Canadian Prairies, where the wind and the climate is bracing. Call it arrested development if you like, but you had me at blini.
30
Occasionally, my wife's -out-of-town friends, when they or their no-longer-children children are about to visit NYC, she is asked of 'ranking' NYC restaurants, and ... when my wife asks me … I say, "Are you kidding."
We don't even go 'out' anymore (we're 70 and 72) -- but it seems only 'yesterday' that I was too cool for restaurants 'above' Union Square (even though I've never lived below W. 76th or E. 77th since I moved from Brooklyn to Manhattan for' Fordham Law @ Lincoln Center in 1973).
15
I prefer tapas or small plate restaurants. Two or three plates and I’m full. A regular entree is way too much food. As for invisibility, pick one or two restaurants, go often and tip generously - voila, you will receive excellent service and treated like an old friend.
54
I agree, but I also like a slightly oversized entree so I can get 2 meals out of it. when it's not very cold out, I try to always have a thermal container or little color with blue ice in the car - handy for shopping or meal leftovers. Sorry, not a NYC kind of thing. Grew up in Westchester. Greatly prefer a more provincial yet cultured life "up here." Just culture on a smaller scale. 🙂
22
"At 54, I just want martinis, because I’m certain of what’s in them and of what that potion can do: blunt the day and polish the night." When words are just perfect, like the martini. Thank you.
226
Nailed it. Here in Portland where new restaurants come and go at warp speed I've learned that all I want is a steak (or a roast chicken) from The Ringside Grill.
26
My, how nice to see a big city panjandrum join the real world, and realize what many of us older (73 yo) folks have known for a very long time.
You and your companions/wife/whatever now want a quiet place that serves good tasting and well presented food at a reasonable price (it can be expensive if actually fine), and one that lacks loud, swinishly dressed, and commonly "alcoholed up" young people in bunches. Lack of live music is also very sought after.
Welcome to older age, sir (and you haven't even begun to enter such yet!)
50
My sentiments exactly, Frank. What I want most in a restaurant is an ample-sized table, room enough between me and the next table so that I and my party have privacy, a comfortable chair, and no loud noise. If you have those things along with a menu that features two or three entrees I like -- say, a couple of good fish dishes and a nice pasta -- and I'm yours. Alas, such places are scarce.
61
Yes, yes, and yes.
Lovely article and I was smiling the entire way through it. Something else that drives me nuts about the latest fab restaurant is the really ridiculous level of 10 things put together than have never been put together before. Who cares! I just want wonderful food, a lovely atmosphere, low sound level so we can talk, and respect from the establishment. We use to keep a list of all the great and new restaurants that we had to eat at, and we would try a new one about once a month. Now? I read the article, but rarely have any interest.
Maybe all of us enjoying the article should meet up and find a great place to have good dinner some time!
52
Amen, indeed, to Frank Bruni's observations--not just to his thoughts on the noise level of many restaurants but also to his comments on being "invisible."
Once a month I meet for lunch with a group of colleagues with whom I worked for 20+ years. After exploring many options, we have settled on a restaurant in a grandly restored building in our town. Yes, the menu offers interesting options but the main reason: we can converse, which is what we of a certain age (over 70) truly enjoy.
I do not need trendy in my life. I need connection.
80
Very nice piece, Frank. One of your best.
I am so close to 70 I just decided to say that I am. Getting used to it.
My wife and I life in a small high rise which has a couple of restaurants at ground level. The tapas cafe right under us is our favorite; great chef and staff; great food; nice wine.
When we take our walks to the park we usually pass their windows and they all wave and treat us like family.
We dine there a lot.
90
I've always shied away from what I call the "see and be seen" restaurants. They tend to be the newest, loudest, and most crowded. I could never understand why some people enjoy going out to eat if they can't hear their companions talk. I hope restaurant owners pay attention to the commenters here, like myself, who will only frequent a quiet restaurant. Thank you for this article.
42
@Elaine: "I could never understand why some people enjoy going out to eat if they can't hear their companions talk." Nor could I. Finally I came to the conclusion that people who enjoy loud restaurants don't have anything to say that's worth listening to in the first place.
77
Have lived all over, from Miami to many NE cities to LA. Don’t recall that yelling over the table to your dining companions was a feature when I was in my 20s and 30s. Bars and clubs, yes. Noise creates artificial excitement, but not what you’d call ambiance.
34
Frank Bruni, thank you for perfectly describing the effect of a good martini, as in they "blunt the day and polish the night." That's exactly what that magic elixir does.
For that phrase alone, you should be given some kind of award.
110
In an article some ten years ago, Frank Bruni was asked to say where he ate when he was not reviewing a restaurant. One of his top choices, Little Owl in the West village, has been our favorite go-to ever since precisely for the reasons in this article.
Thank you Frank
28
No and Yes.
No: I'm well into my 60s and still want to try the hot new place where the chef doing flavor combinations I've never tasted before. I don't want the same dish I ate last time I was here (unless it's that thin-crust pizza with the house-made sausage). I like being recognized, but prefer being tantalized.
Yes: I also hate communal tables, uncomfortable chairs, and designed-to-be-noisier-than-noisy sound ambience. And, most of the time, shared plates. But, then again, when I was 34 I mostly hated the same things -- or would have, if they'd been a thing back then. The only difference is that they weren't, so I didn't have to worry about running into them.
24
Also hate crowded, loud places where you can't have a conversation. Like a mix of new and familiar restaurants, a balance.
11
Nice article. Makes me feel better about going back to Prune over and over.
8
You hit the nail right on its head!!!
12
About one month ago I wrote an email to Starbucks with the subject line: A complaint from an old white guy. I proceeded to complain about the rap and hip hop music and the volume in "my" store. I love the employee but I no longer enjoy the experience. here is Pete's Coffee when you need it?
33
All I have to say is "amen!"
12
I am 46 and I already feel this way. Give me a dependable roast chicken and a glass of local red and the ability to hear my table mates and I am a happy camper.
25
Turn down the noise; please turn down the noise - that’s all I ask.
97
Thanks for hitting the nail on the head regarding restaurant dining in one's later years -- and at just 50 years, Frank, you still have so much to experience! I recently ate at Hanny's, a repurposed department store in Phoenix, now a hip bar and restaurant, and I defy anyone to locate the restrooms on their own, as adults are wont to do. My journey required stopping wait-staff on three separate occasions, disbelieving the directions they gave me, until nature required that I take the plunge and open an unmarked neon door sunk into the neon wall of an entirely neon hallway. Try that after a martini! I was grateful it wasn't pulsating. And ladies, god forbid you plan to touch up your make-up because -- you guessed it -- the interior of the bathroom is also neon. But what I really what to say, Frank, is thank you so much for writing an entire column that Republicans and Dems can both get behind; it is an increasingly rare skill.
62
Good article, but please lose the once-trendy-but-now-tired modifiers -- "famously," "wildly," and "go-to."
7
Felicitations to Mr. Bruni from the bottom of the heart and the marrow of the bones for reviving the link to his former career of restaurant reviewer. Ceterum censeo, I wish Mr. Bruni would analyse the connection, if there is any, between one's food preferences and political views.
"As soon as I got word that I could try the TAK Room, ... I went there, ... tasted its steak (and its martini), I wish I could afford it weekly". Oh, I would have much preferred Mr. Bruni's report on lobster thermidor, that I believe TAK Room serves.
3
Even when I was young, I rarely had patience to wait in a line. Which explains why I've never seen the Stones play. Wait in line at a restaurant? No a chance when there's a pizza place around the corner. And chef's, stop putting nearly raw eggs on all your dishes just to make them instgramable!
16
I eat at a five star restaurant seven nights a week. The food is beyond magnificent, the service so impeccable that I feel I must pitch in and help, and as a huge bonus the chef is smoking hot!
The name of this place? My dining room table. My wife is a gourmet cook. Half the time I have no idea what I am eating. I just know I love it...and my wife!
Yeah, I am one seriously lucky man.
88
It was always great when Frank Bruni was a restaurant critic for the Times, as is this piece.
16
I’m now 64, and the “best restaurant” for me has never changed. That’s because I’m one of a few people who lack “the cocktail-party effect.” That’s the actual name for a physiological/neurological mechanism that allows a listener to focus on — and to hear, clearly — ONE source of sound (like a dinner partner speaking to you) amid a crowded din of cacophony. For me, extremely noisy restaurants/bars are pure hell; I hear all the noise and none of the signal. No matter how loudly someone screams at me. I suspect it’s similar to what severe claustrophobics experience in stalled, sardine-canned subway cars. Needless to say, I wasn’t always in high demand, socially speaking.
But one thing did change as I got old: Aging friends caught up with me. Now they’re happy to go out to quieter, tamer establishments — MY kinds of places. I’m no longer the annoying killjoy! In honor of this wonderful article, I’m gonna attribute my happy ending to “the Bruni effect.”
43
Amen!
8
Coming up on age 80 I find noise to be a big problem.
If a place has sound reflective walls the din overwhelms
what my tablemates are saying.
Thus the very nice restaurant one block away is not a choice.
11
I'm older now, but if I make the choice to visit an exciting and lively new restaurant, I just figure the din is going to be part of the experience. I fully realize I'm traveling to the world of the trendy young, and I don't expect them to maintain monastery-like silence that we older folks might prefer. I remember what it's like to be hungry for new experiences, and it's fun to dip into that world. But having that older, quieter, go-to favorite restaurant as an option is a great thing too.
18
Absolutely spot on, Frank, on every point. When *did* they start making the print so small?! God forbid I go out to eat without my readers. Also, just went to Baran's last night! Very nice creative dishes, though a bit too 'Manhattan priced' for small plates in a shopping center next to the vape shop and alkaline water store.
12
Yes, Yes and Yes!
I was the child of a restaurant loving father with a beautiful charming wife (my mother) who knew how she liked her scotch but couldn't remember her most recent meal. I grew up at le Pavillion, and thought it was our local French restaurant.
Our family tradition was to celebrate my birthday at one or another fabulous restaurant to which I had never been. Although it got harder to do as I grew older, New York always cooperated and we always enjoyed a new (to me) place. Then there were places like Sammy's Romanian or Chantarelle or Giraffe or Felidia's and to think that Le Bernadin is still around. We weren't Le Cirque people.
Now I'm 67 living on the upper west side and will attend my high school's 50th reunion next week. Still love restaurants because they're the best theater and have food and drink to boot. But, I'm grateful that I don't have to dress, eat disgustingly early and just often enjoy the grilled fish with a really nice wine.OK, the bread too. Come to think of it the really great restaurants always served that if you asked.
11
? Who eats in restaurants - if you want good food? Cook it yourself.
Before retirement I traveled the world as part of my job and ate on the expense account - wouldn't go back for anything. I am a much better cook and the food is served hot.
20
At almost 52, I like modern places, I don’t care about hard floors, I’ll avoid a carpeted place because textile floor coverings creep me out. I can deal with noise at times, however, the hip hop or hyper trendy house music at Sunday brunch is ridiculous, what’s wrong with jazz? I can deal with inventive menus if the food is stellar.
What I can do without are the overcasual manners of the staff; for example the silly crass American habit of addressing everyone as ‘Guys’. JUST. STOP. SAYING. ‘Hey Guys’! to everyone who isnt, (I’m talking to YOU Miss Millennial Hostess/server/bartender) especially if the people you are addressing are old enough to be your elders, and are dressed to the nines for a nice dinner. You DO NOT ADDRESS public strangers like you do your friends, period.
And if I’m expected to spend more than a $100 dinner, those manners had better be on point.
There, I’m done with this...
50
Welcome to geezer-hood. In my 50s my younger adolescent-minded boss called me that. Luckily, in front of the Director of HR.
It is what you accomplish that counts and an age related worldview will help you continue.
9
Great article; now how about a frontal assault on motion picture theaters? All age levels know their snacks are overpriced, and the movie volume levels are usually deafening.
29
RE: “In fact, if the library opened a restaurant, I’d be first in line.” FYI: There is in a large bookstore in Brussels, with tables set up between long rows of bookshelves. We a had a quiet leisurely meal at "Cook & Book, Place du Temps Libre 1, 1200 Woluwe-Saint-Lambert, Belgium." Oh, I also browsed through the shelves and bought a couple of books. It's a two-fer. We are going back.
33
I'm renting the chair for however long it takes to complete dinner so please make it comfortable! if not, get me one that is or I'm outta here!! noise? what? hello I want to hear what my table mates are saying. finally, my father always said, "the best coming is at home" at least in our home!
7
Ahh to be older and invisible except to your favorite go to places is the best. So relaxing and wonderful to not have to “see and be seen”
I love the
Hello Mr and/or Mrs ... nice to see you. No loud music. Spaced tables, conversations possible, lovely service, no waiting, no rush, no hype, no hurting backs or tushies.
You won’t tell us yours but I’ll tell you mine: Cafe Boulud, Flora Bar, Pearl’s Oyster Bar, via carota
15
I'm 47 and have felt the same way for at least the last 5 years. I loathe loud restaurants--they are opposite of relaxing!
22
I, too, am in the Medicare set, and all that is missing from this article is: "And get off of my lawn."
9
Noise IN the restaurant? What about outside. The oh-so-hip Quality Eats on my block blasts their music from speakers on the building’s exterior. To whom? One wonders. I’ll never eat there.
14
Well... THAT was depressing. I feel myself fading away as I type this...
10
At this age, the food is one thing, the atmosphere is everything. And, yes old age isn’t it fun. (Or is it?) Someone once told me to ask for upgrades only if the opposite sex was behind the counter, she never told me it wouldn’t work when I was old. Now, they look at me with a, “what do you want old lady!” Oh, but the fun inside is wonderful!
6
Hear here.
My thoughts exactly.
3
The chapter on Explore/Exploit in the wonderful book Algorithms to Live By, by Brian Christian and Tom Griffiths, is a somewhat conceptual/mathematical gloss on this sentimental topic.
2
Frank, your time as restaurant critic gives you honorary industry status. What you’re experiencing at 50 happened to me at 40 after 20 years in fine dining. You’ve experienced the smoke, mirrors, and silliness at a demonstrably higher frequency than average diners. Your observations are very much on the mark. Welcome to the club my friend. What took you so long?
17
I agree with Frank Bruni "Life, it turns out, is hard. Restaurants shouldn't be." I'm profoundly hard of hearing and recommend an article with lots of tips on how to cope with noise in restaurants: http://chchearing.org/blog/noisy-restaurants-hearing-technology/ Readers will be interested in SoundPrint and iHEARu, two apps that identify the level of noise in restaurants.
11
...sometimes you want to go where everybody knows your name and they’re always glad you came...
Being recognized and welcomed makes the heart feel glad.
11
Amen! My feelings exactly. Thanks, Mr. Bruni.
1
I post comments about noise on sites that collect ratings about restaurants.
15
Great piece, nice to have a chat about other than the youngsters. I do take exception to one thing however: I've got 8 years on you Mr. Bruni, and my sleep and sex are just fine, thank you. Use it or lose it is my motto.
6
I am 55 and savored every word of this piece. NYT should give you additional gig of re-reviewing old favorites where us culinary codgers can find sanctuary. I miss your critiques.
17
I hope restauranteurs read your column and these comments.
22
I'm 79. Husband is 80. We're not inactive. He swims three times a week and jogs three times a week. I train at the gym three mornings a week. We've still got some brain power.
But for sustenance, I make soup: a big kettle of soup.
We eat it for three evenings in a row and the next evening he makes hamburgers. Restaurant food has to be very very good to top our quiet times at home.
Recipe for chicken soup: 2 lbs frozen organic boned chicken thighs. Cut it into small pieces while is is still frozen (much easier than chasing slimy thighs around the cutting board). Pull fresh thyme leaves off the stalks and stir into chicken pieces.
Thaw chicken and saute in olive oil on high heat. Use big enameled iron pot. Chop two large onions coarsely, Ditto 5 stalks of celery. Saute on high heat. Add Chicken broth, bay leaf, carrots, potatoes, salt and pepper. Bring to a simmer. Put in oven at 250 degrees for at least 3 hours. Eat happily. Put the big pot right in the refrigerator till next day and then right back on the stove. Better second day. Even better third day. Only one pot to wash.
And you are so virtuous that you can definitely go anywhere you please on day four.
(secret dessert: Stonyfield Farm frozen non-fat yoghurt, with maple syrup and walnuts.)
31
Frank, great article and insights, as always.
Yet you left out one additional correction to the one that made me, literally, laugh out loud at the very end: The correction of Sandra Bernhard's age from 65 (your original number) to 63.
You also should have changed your reference to "my friend Sandra Bernhard" to "Sandra Bernhard, who used to be a friend before I labeled her older than she really is!"
Ahh, the challenges as we age! :)
6
About Mo Rocca hankering for a restaurant with a library-like ambience: I remembered one in NYC, La Bibliotheque. Googled it. Sorry Mo; looks like the owners cooked the books in ‘83.
5
On a business trip to the UK, I took along my 14 yr old son. We hit great restaurants in London and up in Glasgow and Edinburgh and villages in between. One day in the Sterling area, we came upon a B&B-Deli-Post Office combined little place and took our sandwiches back to the car and it started to softly rain. My son and I were munching on the sandwiches and listening to the rain on the car and he looked at me and said: “Dad, I like this so much more than all those fancy restaurants. “ I’ll take that over any 5-star.
47
The best restaurants are the ones with enough noise that the people at the next table can’t hear every word you say but quiet enough that the people dining with you can. Having large table seating where you sit among strangers is an automatic no for me. And the house wine better be good!
Excellent article!
13
Great works such as this editorial appear to be about one small thing, but upon taking it all in come to be about everything.
Not every topic lends itself to this greatness, and in this case I'm using "great" literally, however, eating does because we do it to survive primarily physiologically and secondarily, psychologically. And the luckiest of us do it three or more times per day.
Eating is at the core of our culture and is inextricably linked with love -- when I cook food for myself and others, I want us all to live to the next day, and in my case, I really want to nourish them. I am the last person on earth to believe in hocus-pocus, yet even I believe I cook my love into my food.
Many others have extolled the virtues of why this editorial is so great, so I will not bother repeating what they have so eloquently said. Suffice to say I agree wholeheartedly. Let's all raise a glass to Frank Bruni.
19
What a wonderful column. I loved reading the comments too.
I'm a woman under 50, and I love eating out alone and do it frequently. I have my favorite local places which range from expensive to hole-in-the-wall, and I enjoy them for the quality of the food and the impeccable, friendly service.
I recently spent a week in Paris, where I ate breakfast at the same unpretentious bistro each morning and it was absolutely perfect. Each night I ate somewhere different, and met so many friendly locals and wonderful servers. I'm glad that I got over the self-consciousness of dining alone when I was in my twenties.
One of the figures I value most in my travels is the easy-going bartender who is attentive without being intrusive, professional (not flirtatious but comfortably conversational), who tops up my drink without me asking, and who can make a Friday night dinner alone in a strange city into a really enjoyable experience.
44
I'm in my sixties, but I discovered one ago the benefits of being a regular at restaurants you really like. And tipping well makes the repeat experiences even better. I mean, where else can you make a relatively small investment that insures you'll get the best service? Where a table is discovered for you despite the line in front of you, where cocktails are sometimes free, where the music is actually turned down when you ask, and where your food is immaculately prepared and presented? When you're a regular, the staff always smiles when you come in.
21
Years and years ago, when I was in my 20's - even way back then, I hated bars and restaurants that were too loud. I didn't then, and I don't now understand why any place where people are supposed to gather, and maybe, like, have a conversation, has unbearable noise levels. Additionally, I usually found the chic and trendy places to be not where I wanted to be...but noisy was and is a deal breaker...
23
Why soundproof the restaurant or turn down the music when most if the clientele are looking at their iPhones?
17
Living in a university town -- 15 years here with CU, and 20 years in Austin TX with UT there -- I completely agree with all of this noise frustration.
Here in Boulder a new Italian restaurant opened a few years ago; born in Italy and with family I regularly visit there, the menu was enticing and the prices ($15-$22 for mains) were appropriate.
On my first try, the food was just right: Northern Italian, fine list of wines, sweet servers.
But the music was techno-pop! I asked the waitress if it were possible to turn it down a bit, and perhaps change to something more appropriate (and I wasn't implying "Torna a Sorrento"); she did turn it down a hair -- which level lasted about ten minutes before being turned back up -- but told me "the owners like that music."
Basta. Have grudgingly returned only twice in the more than two years since.
PS: Americans seeming inability to speak at levels that do not wash over every table within 20 feet is the reason we go to dinner at 5:30 or at 9 pm when the crowd has moved on.
32
I dislike the loud pop music at a lot of restaurants. They give me a headache and deters from the enjoyment of the food. I’m sure other diners regardless of age feels the same way. I heard restaurants do this to draw people out faster. Although I’m under 50, I have a group of places that I frequent. The staff gets knows you and the food is generally consistently good.
10
When the library opens a restaurant, I too will be there. Quiet- it's perhaps the ultimate urban commodity- and yet, newfangled restaurants choose to pack people in like sardines, with low back (uncomfortable) chairs, and open room formats where sounds ricochets off steel and glass and porcelain plates. Bring back the booth!
17
I agree with all the comments about noise level - I have to wonder if it’s the best way restaurants can drive diners away as soon as they (hurriedly) finish their meals.... But I want to put in a word about comfortable seating as well. The hip trend of stick furniture in bare spaces is one thing only : Cheap. And man, does it feel it. I’d love reviews to have a category for type of seating. I actually like going to different and new restaurants, but if they only have hard chairs, I don’t go back. And ugg, the communal table theme. Appropriate for dorms and some traveling situations, but I almost always go out to eat when I want to spend time with the person or people I go with, or for a special occasion, not to make small talk with strangers. Again, it’s for one purpose only - it’s Cheap!!
16
Funny. Your article took me back to when I was in my 20's, and my husband and I used to eat at a trattoria in Trastevere in Rome often twice a day. We were both working full time and had not time to cook. But around the corner was Augusto's, an old roman wine bar that had evolved into a restaurant with Augusto waiting tables and his wife, sora Leda in the kitchen. She cooked classica Roman fare but always fresh and very good. Not a lot of choice but everything on their menu was delicious.Their prices were very modest, good for the student, artist and low wage young community who frequented their establishment. When I was sick with the flu, sora Leda used to give my husband some soup to take home for me. They were family. We moved on to other countries and other experiences, but when back in Rome on home leave or whatever, we always went to Augusto's at least once. In time both Augusto and sora Leda left this earth but their son Sandro, who we had met at around age 9 when he helped his father wait tables had kept the place open and continued in this parents' tradition. I now live in Paris, but when I am in Rome, I still go to Augusto's in Piazza dei Renzi at least once to eat their healthy, earthy fare and kid around with Sandro.
37
I'm 70 and given my financial status or lack thereof my dining out experiences are a couple times a month to the local "Habit Burger". I always order the Santa Barbara Charburger or Portobello Mushroom Burger with fries and a sparkling water. I sit in the ambience of a plastic covered bench seat at a "booth" that I can assume was designed to be only tolerable for twenty to thirty minute tops so as to assure the patron moves on quickly. I wait for the little square electronic device on my table to light up, buzz and vibrate to announce that my burger is ready for pick up at the counter from a smiling high school kid whose face seems different every time I go there. Is this my comfort zone, not, and far from my experiences when I was younger and more affluent but it breaks the monotony of always eating at home some meal I do not prepare all that well for myself
My truly enjoyable dining experience is each Sunday dinner that I have with my adopted family. We cook together, eat dinner around an overcrowded table, drink some $3 buck chuck wine, laugh and tell our tales from the previous weeks experiences. It is like experiencing a warm group hug with a home cooked meal. That's my comfort zone, I wouldn't trade it for any restaurant experience.
32
I am female, 65 and enjoy going to different restaurants. But I would never go on opening night. I like to try new food, but don't enjoy a crowded chaotic atmosphere.
One of the reasons was touched on by the writer: we older ladies are invisible, and so getting service becomes much harder. I always dress nicely (somewhat conservatively), hair and makeup, etc, but often sense that my presence is not appreciated because the owner is after a younger crowd. Too many people my age, and the restaurant will not get the hip trendy reputation it craves.
I always tip very well, in my attempt to show that we have the spending power they should try to attract. And then regret it, because I know the server is not going to remember me anyway.
29
@chrisinroch My take on the invisibility of our senior years is that, nearing 70, I could shoplift a refrigerator out of Best Buy and not cause a stir, it's just an old lady with a refrigerator, nothing to see here!
45
There are spots that are the best of both worlds- crazy, frenetic out front with live bands, and quieter in the back for friends to eat, drink and linger. These are my very favorite - but they're few and far between.
7
Thanks for your spot-on observations. As a gay man over 60 (just over, OK?), I loved your observation about the loss of "sustained gazes, casual glances." Ouch, so true. Particularly for women and gay men, for whom physical appearance is paramount. So, might as well go eat at a place that you simply love rather than one which presents opportunities for your once 30-something self to bask in ogles.
12
I love to cook, and cook every day and every Sunday for a large crowd of family and friends, but once a month, my husband and I treat ourselves to the best our city has to offer. For me, the standard is that it must be a relaxing, environment and the food should be something that I don't normally or can't normally make at home. We have several good, French restaurants here and I love their varied sauces and exquisite desserts. Really though, once you get the knack of cooking, eating is so much better at home than at most restaurants, and of course, much healthier.
13
Like many, I used to go to and be dragged to many new places. Now the only time that happens with any regularity is at the insistence of my children, and in truth I go more for their company than the food.
4
Although I don't trust every Yelp review I do find their noise ratings useful when looking for a new place to try.
7
Thank you Frank!!! Thank you for so perfectly explaining what my husband and I in our late 50’s have been feeling for years! Now that I fully understand I will embrace this part of aging even more fully! He and I literally look through windows looking for clientele who look 40 . “Honey, tonight we’re going to the Greek place down the street!”
9
CUISINE BONNE FEMME If you ask famous chefs what they prefer to eat on their nights off, they'll tell you that they seek out "cuisine bonne femme." They want food that is like what their mother or wife cooks at home. So it's interesting to read Frank's description of how his dining preferences have changed with age. I've gotten to prefer very simple food prepared well. For example salmon filet cooked on one side with the skin crisped, accompanied by caramelized sauteed onions. That with a glass of white wine, some vegetable, perhaps a potato and a mixed salad with a simple vinaigrette, followed by some fresh fruit for dessert, perhaps accompanied by a piece of dark chocolate with hazelnuts. I prefer locavore homely classics to the froufrou of molecular cuisine. A dish with nearly microscopic greens, flowers and garnish placed with tweezers is wasted on me. I used to review restaurants for a national travel guide. It was grueling work running around, sampling very few meals. By the time I'd get home after checking out 10 walk-in refrigerators, I had no appetite. I guess I'm what you might call a comfy old shoe diner. Who must have a quiet place to enjoy a meal. One mistake that American servers make is that they believe that the music is there fore their entertainment, so they are territorial about turning it down. That's what blue tooth earpieces are for. The quickest way to get rid of me is to subject me to loud music. I salute la cuisine bonne femme!
13
While I have certainly eaten good or even great food in the United States, especially Indian cuisine, we especially love French food served in our little town in southwest France. And we certainly haven’t tried the Michelin starred restaurants if there are any near us. Good food depends on good ingredients and French food is great for that reason. One need only visit a local market to understand what I mean. And duck confit or confit de canard is served everywhere, a dish I will never tire of, especially at my young age of 77.
10
Being over 50 doesn’t mean depriving yourself of new, trendy places. The key is to come in or make a resy at “AARP” hours: 5:30pm, when you can have a soothing meal before the young boisterous, crowd comes in after 8pm.
17
I'll take a picnic table out in the national park and forests of Sequoia any day compared to the noise, congestion, and parking problems that come when going to a restaurant. Nothing beats a tranquil, heavy dose of nature and those homemade hamburgers over a crackling firepit. Heaven.
18
So true. And although I still like new and interesting takes on food while my husband likes to frequent the same places again and again, the deciders for us are always how noisy it is and how uncomfortable it is. A few days ago there was an article about how heavier people choose restaurants. Some people found bar stools with backs too confining and wanted backless ones. Those are absolute turn offs for us. We want comfortable seats and to talk to our friends when we go out to eat, not to shout at each other and still not hear what is being said.
7
As very much part of the over 50 crowd, if the meal is good, I do not care about the noise, table, chairs or any other "nuisances". You have to enjoy a great cook's creation even if the eating environment makes you uncomfortable. At my age, life is too short for a waiter to ask if I want the usual.
3
@C. Gibbons I'm glad your hearing and sight are still what they once were, but if you had spent lots of evenings out seeing your partner or friends struggle to hear a conversation or read the menu you might feel differently. To me, the atmosphere is part of the experience. That doesn't mean that I only want white tablecloth restaurants. Actually my favorites are usually not that sort of place at all. But when I am squeezed into a table (and no, I'm not big) so close to others that they bounce off of me as they pass and the noise level is at ear harming levels, I feel ripped off no matter how good the food is.
11
Interesting and so true. Recently, I told my wife that I wasn't interested in unique new food that much anymore. What I mainly wanted was competently made cheese enchiladas (my favorite place for this is Molina's, a Tex-Mex place near our home that has been making the same dish since 1946), and pepperoni pizza (my favorite place for this is Il Vicino in Albuquerque, NM near where we have a condo). I'd also add the bacon chili cheese burger at O'Neill's in Albuquerque and the Mama's meatloaf at Hungry's in the Village in Houston. Just plain food that's been well prepared.
10
I'm nearly 73 and enjoy eating out less and less: tables too close and too small for plates, glasses, cups, napkins, and cutlery; "music" too loud; high "industrial" ceilings with no sound dampening; oblivious parents of shrieking children; always one loud talker dominating the room; portions too large; food tortured to be "trendy" and the dining experience, "an adventure".
I now fondly remember Morrison Cafeterias in the Orlando of my youth and, later, Driftwood Cafeteria. No pizza, hamburger, or tacos as entree: they served a diner's choice of moderately-sized portions of what was once referred to as a "balanced meal" of a salad, vegetables, a starch, a meat/fish item, a bread item, beverage, and dessert.
A good business plan for some entrepreneur to revive.
14
In Portland, Maine - named recently by Bon Appetit Magazine as the #1 “Foodie Town” (or something) in the U.S., restaurants are increasingly not taking reservations. Prospective (supplicant?) diners sign up and are given beepers, then are sent out to wander the streets until they are summoned back at some indeterminate time in the future, presumably ecstatic that the Great Moment has arrived and the jammed restaurant with blaring “music” will then deign to serve them. That’s great if you’re 20-something; or if the weather cooperates; or if you aren’t celebrating a special occasion; or have tickets to an event; or simply like the old-fashioned custom of having dinner at a time you prefer. To me it signals that restaurant owners have entirely left out the customer in “customer service” - and maybe the “service” as well. Why bother?
28
That should read: ... if you *don’t* have tickets to an event or simply *don’t* like the old-fashioned custom ... “
4
It's the ear-splitting noise that puts me off the most -- the piped music (often cranked to the max), the cavernous ceilings (off which sound ricochets in sonic bullets), the tables squeezed together in such proximity that the clattering of cutlery puts one in mind of John Philip Sousa. It's the necessity of screaming at your dinner companion across a tiny table in order to attempt conversation. I don't care how great the food purportedly is -- if the ambience is cacophonous, I leave without glancing at a menu.
19
So limited and sheltered ,an empty glass of water,for an author of substance. At the age of seventy,I can only relate to at least having the experience of illustrious and magnificent cultural meals in many states.Places in Maine ,Texas, Louisiana and New Mexico ,where the food is so flavorful and well prepared that diners rarely are heard ,even in a full dining room.Meals you will never find in the east excepting a quality diner in New Jersey. fresh seafood from US waters and cajun seasonings ,smoked meat that doesn't need sauce southwestern flavors that completely hypnotize and diners so engrossed that loud conversations cease to exist.
5
I saw that headline and thought "...is a quiet one". Although, to be accurate, I've thought this way since I was in my early thirties and living in a town famous for its cuisine. Trendy restaurants with good-looking but inefficient waiting staff, elbow-to-elbow seating, iffy cooking and high decibel levels always left me cold. Give me a nice bistrot with good service, well-thought-out or traditional dishes and a noise level that permits thoughful conversations and I'm happy - and always was.
8
Having married young, restaurants were never a place to see and be seen. Never liked din, always care most that whatever food served is fresh and properly prepared. I love to try new things, but only if my other condition is met.
7
Another great article by Frank Bruni. I spend a lot of time asking for the “music” to be turned down almost everywhere I go these days in restaurants, shops, hair salons, etc. I sometimes wonder if people have lost their hearing due to the preponderance of high decibel noise pollution in public places. Coupled with the cookie-cutter auto-tuned dreck that is wildly popular, leaving the safety of one’s home can be an uncertain undertaking. The thing is I’m 60, and both a music lover and rock concert-goer. I have seen the likes Fleetwood Mac, the Eagles, the Police, Billy Joel, Oasis, Paul McCartney, Duran Duran and Elton John and enjoyed every minute spent in those crowded arenas. Hearing Prince in person in 2009 was an electrifying experience I’ll never forget. In my younger days I danced at nightclubs, the 80’s providing synth-pop and classic rock as a backdrop. And before that at university, disco had arrived and nightclubs and bars abounded with “Saturday night fever” which I loved! I love music but not at deafening levels in a restaurant or shop where it is nothing more than unpleasant, distracting, and soul-destroying. Now excuse me while I go listen to Nirvana, Journey, or the Rolling Stones in the car.
20
The sad thing is that many restaurant design consultants are hired to deliberately exclude people who want to linger over a multi-course meal and converse. They want people on their phones, eating an array of small plates, drinking liquor by the glass. It's usually easy to tell from the photos - I just never bother darkening the door of those places.
20
Great column, Frank. I will point out that as my wife and I have aged into our sixties, your new reality applies to more than just restaurants. Nothing against the youngs, but trendiness just seems like a form of desperation.
16
Bravo, Frank! The first thing my husband and I do when traveling is find the closest Panera, for us predictable and comforting. This chain is mysteriously absent in Salt Lake.
I've been going to the same two breakfast places in town for years and order my usual at both. No apologies! I turn 70 in May.
5
Best restaurant: my kitchen. Always was, always will be.
11
A lot of restaurants in NYC blast music. It's an assault on the senses. When it's dinner time, the lights are so dim I squint to make out what's on the plate. Between not being able to hear my companion and have meaningful conversation and not being able to see what I'm eating cause it's so dark as part of the ambience, I started cooking more at home.
7
I loved this column and all the enthusiastic responses from he over 50 crowd. But I would like to read more responses from younger diners, waitstaff, and restaurant owners. Why do they opt for the restaurant characteristics we older diners seem to hate?
10
The Food Network, followed by smart phones and social media, happened while my career as a chef was evolving. Those three things contributed a great deal to the overall atmospheres and experiences being provided today, IMHO.
10
Once again Frank Bruni's beautiful prose has held a mirror up to my soul and I thank him. As with his years past essay about staying on the Campo dei Fiori in Rome, he elevates (to borrow a millennial catchphrase) the commonplace to the main event, as with age it sublimely becomes. And with a nod to a prior commentator, "blunt the day and polish the night" is an exquisite turn of phrase.
6
Our favorite restaurant is our home. I love to cook. We eat quality food that is healthy, in sane portions. I get to dine with my favorite person for 40 years - my wife. No over salting, no irritating noise, no neighboring rude patrons or unresponsive wait staff. No pompous menus. I cook - my wife cleans up. She cooks - I clean up. We get to listen to music we love, surrounded by our beloved pets - our two dogs and two cats. In season, we can eat on the deck and listen to the birds, or view our gardens. We can hear each other talk. We treat breakfast, lunch and dinner like they are special events for us to connect with each other, relish our sustained friendship and love. And it doesn't cost us an arm and a leg!
26
So loved the comment about opening a restaurant in a library! Perfect: quiet and well lit. I am 62 and hubby is 53 but neither of us can see the menu in the "hot" restaurants! I want to hear the conversation. Thank you!
8
@Donna - A good friend of mine belongs to one of the best (most interesting-not social) clubs here in New York City. Part of the dining area is in the library. It's my favorite place to dine, especially foe lunch, whenever I'm invited.
4
Yes. Yes. Yes! When I was younger, trendy, noisy and ‘to see’ and ‘to be seen’ were critical considerations along with good food. Now, as my 70th birthday is just days away, I could care less about any of that except the food, the person(s) I’m with and being on a first name basis with the owner. Always happy to try new places but quality and quiet are the operative words. To be avoided at all costs: the noise, self-centeredness, preening and pretension. What a great article..!!
7
Just yesterday I tried talk to a friend about noise levels in restaurants but it was too noisy. A little research showed that in trying to find a place we could talk, we were at cross-purposes the restaurant. The owners wanted the place to be very loud and very thumpy, to make it appear busier.
As you say, time changes things. We learn that noise does not equal excitement and food so spicy it could burn a hole in a steel plate isn't necessarily world class cuisine.
11
This is so true. So why don't more restaurants cater to the over 50 crowd? There are lots of us and we dine out often. Would love to see some recommendations of some that fit the bill.
15
I may have aged to the point of wanting consistency, but find the hardest part of dining out is when the places who know you the best or have the best mix of quiet, comfort, competence and cleanliness are disappearing. In my bustling metropolis, the restaurant scene is constantly overturning due to higher rents, fickle patrons, the latest fads and inability to retain staff. I have lost 3 of my favorite places to dine in the last year due to these factors, and two of them were city institutions that included the first chain to not segregate during a time when that was dangerous in this part of the country! The search for new favorites continues but not at a pace equal to 20 years ago.
12
Fun observations and so true, thank you. Love your take on things.
4
Thank you, Thank you.
Frank it gets worse. I'm now over 80 and sound levels really do matter. What is the point of going to the latest "hot" venue if you have to shout to have a conversation?
I not so long ago on Yelp gave a highly rated West Village establishment only 3 stars because, the average noise level (as measured with my iPhone) was 90 dB. The low ceiling was tin, they had piped in music and the tables were close together. And yes, the food was excellent, but I couldn't wait to leave.
I was berated for taking away 3 stars based on noise. Well maybe I was being harsh, but it was only a three star experience.
12
Wonderful! I'm way past 50 and the notion of being able to hear my companion's conversation is right up there near the top for me. I may not even need food dipped in liquid nitrogen. That really good martini sounded delicious too.
9
Moved to a bigger city six months ago, one with lots more food options, variety of atmospheres, more diversity of population.
I really enjoy all of that, but man do I miss my old bartenders.
2
Dear Mr Bruni. As The Spring and Summertime arrives I count my blessings that I have a large private garden attached to my
Rent Stabilized East Side Flat. Here I can prepare dishes that I learned from my Roman
Nana to Julia Child Ada Boni And Jacques Pepin
Books and have all my close friends over where
I am Chef, Maitre d’hotel and eccentric NYer
I had a catering event planning business in
The 80’s & 90’s And also knew many owners
Of miscellaneous restaurants and a sister who
Was a Manager Of The Hotel Pierre so I am a
Bit jaded on trying new establishments.
However I still would love to squeeze in a late
Lunch at Le Bernardin one of these days.
David Stone
Manhattan
10
It is interesting that three people in the op ed and numerous comments mentioned one element: noise. Why are most restaurants so noisy? Diners are not as noisy as many of these restaurants. In Dallas, many the design of most restaurants amplifies noise with hard surfaces everywhere, especially in ceiling. Do chefs learn this idea at cooking school?
13
A “hard” (painted plaster or gypsum board) ceiling, preferred by most restauranteurs and interior designers who are looking for a clean, modern, minimalistic and non-panelized look, can be quite expensive if executed in a material that is also sound absorbing (sound absorbing plaster). When combined with a “hard” (not carpeted) floor and walls the result will be a very noisy room that just might suit the Owner...or they may simply not have the money and will simply overlook this detail.
Human bodies absorb sound and some acousticians have been known to place sound absorbing materials on undersides of tables and chairs. The bottom line is that you have to have enough of this material in the room for this to work and hitting that sweet spot takes expertise in acoustics, attention to detail and funds. If your business model is to focus on a younger crowd that purchases more liquor and doesn’t care so much about noise...you won’t bother.
7
@Michael Blazin Noise makes it more likely that people will eat quickly and move on if you are sitting to dine. If you are in the bar, it makes moving from one person to another easier. Great for assessing who you are interested in but lousy for the kinds of long conversations us geezers like.
3
I want a place somewhere between stodgy and trendy. I want a good, interesting meal that's probably more trouble to make than I would want to do at home. I want to be in a comfortable place where I don't have to strain to hear a conversation. And I don't care what my waitperson's name is.
24
Thank you for the article. I couldn’t agree more. At 75 I started giving up gourmet dinners for quiet places. We found that our hearing is not very sharp any more, and, talking above blasting music and noisy chatter takes the fun out of dinning out. Getting together with friends at home, and ordering take out, is becoming a better choice. Maybe restaurants could add “ more quiet areas”, without speakers for us old folks.
7
As a 70-year-old, much of this struck home. The one thing I would add is that we also have to contend with change in the restaurants around us - they change management, they change chefs, they even close; so many times in the last 20 years our favorite restaurants have closed or gone downhill (as far as our preferences), so then we try to find another favorite. In practice that means that looking for new places does still happen for us. And having a friend recommend something new that we might like is also something we enjoy. But when we find a place that has food that we want, service that is good, and is relatively quiet (I vote for your library idea!), we go to it often.
5
There are also real changes to restaurants in the last decades. Expensive restaurants reliably provided an environment conducive to enjoying the company of one’s table. That’s no longer the case. Tables are tight, acoustics are poor and diners are loud. It seems the company is not an important variable of a restaurant experience. Hmmm.
12
Having the great good luck to be married to an excellent cook, I find that our friends beg us to prepare a rack of lamb and they will bring the dessert, salad, wine, apps, whatever. My husband and I dine out with friends within a 15 mile radius and even the tried-and-true favorites have succumbed to the loud music, hard tables and floors, TV in the bar, the blender whining incessantly in the open kitchen because they're "preparing the next day's soup," and ever-increasing prices for mediocre food and service. When I asked for a "quiet table" at a favorite restaurant, I was told "there isn't one." I'm with Mo.
14
Love this, Mr Frank. This is how we feel about Raymond’s in Montclair. We go there to be soothed by our usual Hostess, Waiters, Gluten-Free Soups and Roast Chicken. Life is simple if u submit to its Simplicity.
3
Mr. Bruni ---thanks for writing this---I thought I was going overboard with my introvert leanings by turning down dinner dates and selecting restaurants based on noise level and seat comfort. Eating out did come in handy when you are raising kids and working 12 hours a day---but, now, spending hours preparing a dinner with my wife, or sitting in the kitchens of my daughter or son, while they prepare meals, beats any night out...and with all kinds of streaming---ending the night watching a great movie with my wife in the family room---it doesn't get better than that.
5
The problem in NYC, however, is that many of the restaurants that we older people have appreciated are gone—rents were raised until they were no longer able to stay. It has become increasingly difficult to find places of the sort that Mr. Bruni and many of the commenters appreciate. We have actually a number of times eaten sandwiches in our car rather than venturing into the uncomfortable, blaring “atmosphere” of most restaurants.
11
Nice article.
Not to sound too geezerly but food preparation is also a big factor in the comfort level. My husband has to be careful with what he eats due to an autoimmune disease. And we’ve found places that let the food speak for itself without too much messing with it are our go to places.
For the most part we avoid chain restaurants as we’ve found the food is made using too much fats,salt or are infused with flavor boosters or are too over sauced.
We try to eat at locally owned restaurants and cafes and many locally source their foods, which I like. We have found we enjoy our meals more at those places and don’t mind getting our favorite items again and again.
And it’s too true about noise levels and dim lighting.
At one restaurant we couldn’t read the menu, I felt very old until the twenty somethings at the next table whipped out their phones to use the flashlights to see their menu.
4
My best dining experiences have been in Italy. Small restaurants, attentive staff and no rush to turn over tables. The sound level allowed for good conversation. And, there is the food.
I have one golden rule, as I hit the golden age, I never go back to a restaurant where the noise level is unbearable. One time and I am out and I don't hesitate to tell my friends to avoid the place.
26
Welcome to the over 50 crowd. When we go to a restaurant we expect to be able to hear what our companions across the table are saying without ambient noise and too loud music, and read the menu, and see the food. All we ask for is something we can't cook at home and actually tastes like something we can't cook at home. There are lots of lemmings in U.S. cities but as we age we seek comfort and leave false excitement to the kids who soon will learn where true enjoyment really exists.
P.S. Congratulations on now having a real opinion column instead of writing restaurant critiques for those who actually believe such things.
10
I will read all the 1116 comments (at this moment) when I have time , I apologize if I am repeating. Besides the hi noise/low light combo, I am so annoyed by adjective driven menus. If i trust a restaurant then I trust their choices. No need to offer up the pedigree of every veggie in the oup.
Great article. I am 68 and quite the adventurous eater, but not so much an adventurous restaurant goer anymore
7
In1999 my parents, for medical reasons in their 80's, could no longer abide their isolated rural home. So we moved them to our suburban town and found a very nice "senior residence" near our home. There is a diner two blocks from where they by then lived that became their absolute favorite place in the world to eat. I wasn't quite 50, I didn't understand that, and it kind of bugged me. Now 68 years old, I understand much better, and this editorial reassures me that this is normal and expected. I take great comfort in knowing that, truly.
22
Thanks for this piece, Mr. Bruni. As a man who's pushing 70, living in a town where food is overpriced, frequently awful, and most often served in cramped rooms full of madhouse noise, I find it's a real chore to find a place to eat that I'd want to revisit after the first time. Here at the end of the continent, it's almost always the simplest eateries--a Cuban spot situated literally in a hole in a wall on one side of a laundromat, for example--that I always find most inviting. As for the noise, does anyone really crave a sit-down meal situated in a place where you have to shout yourself hoarse to be heard by the person sitting next to you? I don't get it, and I don't want to get it.
As for the invisibility of being old, I used to struggle with it, but now I wear it like a comfortable full-length cloak. The more I see about me, the more I feel thankful for not being invited to participate in the fray.
16
Great piece!
One addition - I won't go anywhere that I have to wait for a table. It isn't worth it anymore.
Also, reading glasses needed for the small menu print (and I'm not 50 yet).
9
Last night made up for St. Paddy’s Day with a delicious Ruben sandwich (lunch or breakfast for dinner, the best) at a relatively new cafe that just started serving dinner - interesting menu, amuse bouche welcome, beautiful understated decor, mixed clientele incl behaved children, low volume nice jazz, byob = $50 savings. It’s owned by respected Jersey chef who owns a big ticket restaurant across the courtyard where friends laughing were recently shushed for being ‘too loud’ (by the somlescent, old, monied regulars).
This 70 year old can love ‘new’ when it’s the above and not the Instagram crowd and liquid nitrogen dishes...and will steer clear of ‘established’ where the curmudgeonly regulars are patronized and rule.
PS - and any Danny Meyer place is on my list esp Gramercy Tavern where I’ve been going since 1994.
5
Word !
5
I'm over 50 and I'm more inclined to cook at home these days.
After many horrific experiences in a variety of local restaurants, I just can't take listening to a bunch of hyenas in the table next to me, nor can I deal with parents who insist that it's OK that their young children run around all the tables screaming and yelling without any reprimand. And these aren't low end, family restaurants, These are restaurants that are at the mid- to upper-range venues.
22
Gee Frank, sorry to hear you’ve decided to get old and disappear. It doesn’t have to be that way, Frank. Trust me on that.
It sounds like the glory days of your 30s are a sad, fading memory. Did your coolness suddenly evaporate when you hit 44? It’s all been downhill from there, right? Too bad.
The gross ageist generalizations and mysogyny in this little rant are pretty insulting.
People simply are NOT as narrow as your imagination (or is it your milieu.), unless writing things like that makes you feel better.
Maybe you need to down a few of those craft cocktails to cheer you up… or numb you out!
2
@Mr.Reeee
The gross ageist generalizations and misogyny in this little rant are pretty insulting.
11
Looks like you hit a nerve Frank
8
https://www.soundprint.co/
Has lists of quiet restaurants, cafes, bars, etc. in major US cities.
Also, for those interested in noise pollution and its effects in general, check out the World Soundscape Project: https://www.sfu.ca/sonic-studio-webdav/WSP/index.html
7
Best column Mr. Bruni’s ever written. (Sorry...)
2
Wow, reading the comments, I sure would not want to be a typical 50+ American NYT reader. What a bunch of crabby crybabies - oh you want to go to a hip restaurant but can't stand the music? Well, first of all, what a ridiculous desire to begin with, I've never been to a hip trendy stylish restaurant and have no plans to ever visit one. You should go to a restaurant for good food, or even better, go to a real ethnic restaurant for the cultural experience (two of my favorite places are the Chorsu bazaar in Tashkent where a delicious bowl of pilaf and mutton icosts about 75 cents, and a local gostilna ten km outside Ljubljana, where bulls' testicles are a local favorite - good with extra ketchup by the way). And secondly, if the music doesn't suit your delicate ears, well, find a quiet restaurant playing Frank Sinatra or whatever. I actually am mystified by all the whinging, I've eaten in plenty of decent restaurants in the U.S., and none of them played loud music. That seems to be a feature perhaps of whatever are the hot, new trendy establishments, but as I said, those are places I myself would never set foot in.
2
The loudness more often comes from fellow diners. Because there’s a general breakdown of communal manners and because these people often think loud laughter signifies a good time, it’s often impossible to have a conversation with your own table mates.
19
Bravo Bruni
7
Nice
2
My husband and I have always loved dining out with our family or dear friends even when we were young. After years of dining in upscale, trendy restaurants, we are no longer impressed. Now that we are in our mid 60’s, we find ourselves enjoying small, local places where we’re greeted warmly and the food is locally sourced. Good food, a nice wine, great staff and simplicity are what we love most in a restaurant these days.
4
We are in our seventies. Loudness, portion sizes (too big), overcrowding with tables too close together, and cost. All reasons why we generally eat at home. That said I do not cook the wonderful cuisines of India, Thailand, Vietnam, and South America. So when we eat out those are the places we like to try. But around our home there is a tried and true restaurant that has a wonderful view of the river and an outdoor patio. Their menu almost never changes and has kept our favorites for years. We love to go there and take our out of town guests, too.
9
Gramercy Tavern. More than 20 years, living in the city or living away. Always in the tavern (ok some birthdays and anniversaries in the dining room). Every. Single. Time. Like we were welcomed home. Thank you Danny Myers and the chefs, managers, wait staff, front desk and bar for making it perfect. We’ve eaten all over the world and have lived in many places. Gramercy Tavern is always the touch stone.
7
Thank you for writing this column.
I'm in my 60s. For me dining out is an opportunity to enjoy conversation which is as important as the meal. I can do neither at a place which is built to enhance sound. I avoid such like the plague. I also don't give a rap for trends. (I'd put it more strongly but I want this comment to post.)
I have found some lovely restaurants in DC, Tucson, Bethesda and Bethany Beach and elsewhere. I know that I am going to get a fine meal, good service and a venue where I can enjoy the company of dear friends and family. That is what I look for and that is where I am will to spend.
4
This column captures my feelings about dining out exactly and yes I am in the target audience. But apparently I've always been in that group. I've never enjoyed the impossibly loud, jammed packed restaurants of the moment even when young in NYC.
I eat out to be pampered a bit, enjoy good conversation and hopefully great food that I didn't have to prepare. And I always have. Welcome to the club, Frank.
7
I would add another consideration to this wonderful article: As one over 75 with constant dental/denture problems, I look for menus that have softer, easier options (soup, pasta, mashed potatoes come to mind as does ice cream).
3
There is an iPhone app, SoundPrint, which was designed to focus on quiet restaurants. You can monitor the decibel level in a venue and submit a review. Unfortunately there are very few noted, in green, as quiet. Sadly, most ring up 85-95db, which is unbearable.
It can monitor sound anywhere. I tested the #1 train (90db), the Q (d80db), ambulances (85-100 dB), fire trucks (90-105db), even those awful sounds made by buses lowering their steps (90 dB). New York is a horribly noisy city and it’s no wonder so many of us suffer hearing loss.
5
As a critic who has been reviewing local restaurants for over 20 years and about to turn 62, thank you for putting into words what I've been thinking about a lot lately but hesitated to admit for fear of admitting that I may becoming, heaven forbid, a curmudgeon. I visit new restaurants every month and have noticed a certain sameness: high decibel dining, seductive (aka dim) lighting, increasingly aggressive pricing, and a focus on expensive "shareables," I don't want to share soup or a small plate of roasted seasonal greens at $12. Nor do I want to construct a meal from an array of small plates that can easily soar in price. I'm always surprised how many of the on-trend restaurants that cost a million or so to open fold within three years. A local restauranteur once said that restaurants all compete for the same 10% of the dining public.
13
Oh, this. This, this, this! At 56 everything Bruni writes here resonates with me especially the part about 'disappearing.' I'd much rather go to a 'pedestrian' eatery which has great comfort food and I'm treated like an old friend than some trendy upscale bistro where the staff looks at me like 'what the heck are YOU doing here old man?'
12
Oh yeah, couldn’t agree more. I found an iPhone app called Soundprint that allows you to search restaurants and other attractions by sound level based on user submissions. You can also measure the noise level and submit your own. I just can’t drop hundreds of dollars on a meal for 2 in which “buzz” (aka intolerable din) and “innovation” (aka self conscious attempts to impress people who don’t know any better). Like, I really just wanted basil and not basil foam on my caprese salad. I guess when it said “deconstructed” I should have read more closely.
4
Think back, if you’re fifty or older. Would your parents spend $100 on dinner? And it’s not even your BarMitzvah.
5
"At 54, I just want martinis, because I’m certain of what’s in them and of what that potion can do: blunt the day and polish the night."
An interesting statement. Blunt the day and polish the night is good, but certain of what's in them? I doubt it.
Out of a hundred bartenders, maybe five know how to make a perfect martini. The rest botch it unless they are told in meticulous detail what to do AND what to not do.
As an aside, it would be good to know what is in a liberal martini. Obama had them too. Were they the same as Bruni's? Inquiring minds want to know.
5
Just got home from my regular Sunday breakfast with a group of friends.
When our waiter came over and said, "The usual bagel sandwich for you? And are you having your veggie omelet? And your old-timer, sir? And ….." We all did. And I thought of Frank Bruni.
12
Thank you for this wonderful article--witty, wise, true--a conspiratorial chuckle for us 50-plussers!
5
Bravo Mr Bruni. I agree fully and as in life and love I linger and savor that which is known and delicious. Friends can’t imagine dining out at the same place continuously; yet quiet familiarity and belonging satisfy at “my age”. Giggle.
1
This is so true in many ways. I found myself saying "yes" over and over. I worked in restaurants for a while and it made me picky with high expectations. Now, I want to go somewhere where I can have a good conversation and reliably excellent food, but it doesn't need to be the newest thing. In fact, I want it not to be. I can do experimenting at home. When I go out, the focus is on my table partners and what we have to share.
3
All I ask from a "nice dinner" restaurant is that they can seat me somewhere that neither of us can see TV screen. And that is nearly impossible to find in the USA, Mexico or Europe.
6
The best restaurant when you are over 50 is your own cooking! Eating out is expensive, so I am not willing to part with my hard-earned dollars to eat and drink in a noisy, crowded eatery that overcharges, has tiny print on the menu, and long lines. Forget about it---those days are over, thankfully. Mr. Bruni, you hit the nail on the head.
8
Almost all the restaurants I loved go out of business at some point. I remember screaming Oh no as I passed the shuttered door of the one I liked the best. I feel anywhere close the ones that have closed. In addition they all are way to expensive. Which in fact is part of the reason I don't like them as much. But only part of the reason.
I was at a flea market visiting a freind who was selling his jewelry. Two people came by to set up their stand. They had been owners of a book store once. Like the restaurants their rent had been raised through the roof.
I said sorry you're closed. You sold things of mine. You treated writers and customers with great respect. You didn't overcharge. You were the greatest bookstore ever.
One answered laughingly, That's why we're doing this now.
12
Amused by the reference to classic cocktails in an era where “mixology” often seems like a journey through the bartender’s narcissism. So my joke for the day is this: What is the difference between an old school bartender and a mixologist? The answer: 20 minutes!
10
In my city, some guy dominates the restaurant scene. I’m told he fancies himself a concept designer. In one part of the city, you can visit three different concepts on the same block. I will never meet him and he doesn’t care about me. The turn over in his many restaurants guarantees I’ll never be known. Sometimes, he sells his “concept” to some other guy and you can watch the business change and the concept erode. People seem enamored with his next venture. Good for him but not for me.
I call it restaurant abuse.
8
Agreed! Restaurants shouldn’t be hard; therefore, all establishments must remove halogen spot lighting. Who wants a white beam shining in her eye while sipping that martini? Whether resting from a track on a rear wall or those infernal pendants dangling 6 inches from the top of one’s head - they’re awful. Good meal means warm lighting.
5
And does it make me really old if I long for white tablecloths and nice chairs when splurging for expensive meals out?
10
My late mother always told me: if the restaurant is dark, they are hiding dirt. I find nothing romantic about groping around in the dark to find utensils, condiments, etc.
10
Almost all the restaurants I loved go out of business at some point. I remember screaming Oh no as I passed the shuttered door of the one I liked the best. I don't feel anywhere near as close to the ones I go to now. In addition they all are way too expensive. Which in fact is part of the reason I don't like them as much. But only part of the reason.
I was at a flea market visiting a freind who was selling his jewelry. Two people came by to set up their stand. They had been owners of a book store once. Like the restaurants their rent had been raised through the roof.
I said sorry you're closed. You sold things of mine. You treated writers and customers with great respect. You didn't overcharge. You were the greatest bookstore ever.
One answered laughingly, That's why we're doing this now.
2
DITTO from a 72 year old San Franciscan over whelmed by trendy eating establishments that appear around every corner of the city.
5
A repeat customer, especially one who comes in the middle of the week and tips well, will be treated like gold... because they are!
5
I was momentarily petrified when I read the headline, but THANK YOU, Frank, for NOT mentioning the name of my "Best" in New York.
6
Over 50 and still able to order fried chicken? Three visits to Popeye's and I've gained at least five pounds.
1
Noise! Please find me a good one without the noise. I am getting older and can't stand the fact that trying to have a conversation is next to impossible.
10
Amen. Just get me my very dry martini, lemon twist, corn chowder, steak medium rare, au gratin potatoes and no dessert, thank you. Let me enjoy my dinner and conversation with my friends and that’s all I want and need.
5
I really don't think feeling invisible as people get older has anything to do with where they choose to dine...unless those people always dined at places where they felt they would be "seen". As an editor I do understand that, working under a deadline and needing to get an article out in time, you used a quick but fairly illogical fix to preface your point regarding the fact that diners over fifty seem to have their favorite restaurants where of course they would be familiar faces to the staff. It's an example of lazy thinking. I'm not sure if the point you are making has any basis in the reality of why people dine at familiar places. It's much more a case of "been there, done that" than it is of feeling invisible. Years ago I was sitting in a restaurant with my beautiful 62 year old mom who had a chronic illness and barely a year to live. Out of the blue a married couple came up to me and said "Is that your mom? She's so pretty."
4
Yes. Yes. And yes. As a veteran restaurant-goer I have been through this very phase. Living in the gastrohub heaven of France has not deterred my preference for the restaurant that loves me.
Strangely though, an unexpected version of this craving for known perfection has raised its curious head. In the middle of the genius of European tradition, I WANT an NYC Chinatown lunch and dinner — now! It’s the best, most dependably brilliant Asian food ever. (Do you current NYCers know what a treasure you’ve got?) Or is it that the French simply do not care to know what Chinese cuisine can be? Americans have taken that ball and have totally run with it. I fantasize about hoping a plane and spending a week “on Mott street in July.” Soon!
7
To paraphrase Pascal, “All of humanity's problems stem from man's inability to sit quietly in a restaurant alone.”
8
Great column! FB, good to see you back in the food world today. You might think about applying your considerable writing skills to more pieces like this and away from the usual political advocacy. This column reads with joy and self-discovery, not anger and unhappiness. Cheers!
5
Don't look now, but you were just charged $20 for that martini you thought you knew so well, and management added a 20% tip whether or not it's deserved.
8
I’m with ya! Age 61. When you’re in Brooklyn, go to Lot 2.
2
Lovely piece -- it made my day. I just sent it to my friends with whom I often have supper. Thank you, Frank Bruni!
4
I nominate the Dobbs Diner in Dobbs Ferry, NY. Used to live
near and it was as familiar as my kitchen. Gus always remembers us when we return to the area--and he knows we like to sit in the counter area where the booths are. The food in all American and all Greek and the bread pudding is to die for.
Most importantly the customers--from kids to elders--are treated like friends.
I am from a restaurant family and long ago realized that service is as important as the food. I have had the privilege of eating in fine restaurants around the world. And I value nonpretensious
food prepared like by grandmother would require served by
personal and nonintrusive folk who enjoy their work and value their customers.
5
If only some tech genius could come up with an active noise cancellation system that could be used to dial down the din at the tables where we well past age fifty people are sitting.
And why I find outdoor dining so pleasant - it rarely turns into an acoustical assault.
8
Eating out has very little to do with food at age fifty. It's an escape from the small children, teenagers and elderly parents at home. It's a chance to hold an uninterrupted conversation. If I want a good meal I stay home, The cooking is so much better.
7
We are in our late seventies and have experienced everything Frank Bruni writes about and are just as annoyed by it. I love good food, so I read lots of local restaurant reviews. It seems as if chefs outdo each other in the quest to be unique with elaborate concoctions and presentations. Having experienced these along with the crowds and the deafening noise, I’ve decided my interest in unique foods is best indulged in my own kitchen. If we go out, it has to be to a restaurant where we can talk to each other and where the food is reliably well cooked. I do wish my local paper would publish a list of quiet but good restaurants.
4
Thank you Mr. Bruni, for so eloquently expressing what I and my husband have thought for the last several years (we're both in our early 60s). The winning combination for us: good friends, a familiar menu, quiet surroundings and a staff who knows our names. That's dining perfection for us grey hairs !
Richard and Jeff
4
This piece was absolutely PERFECT!! My husband and I are 54 years old, and frequent the same three restaurants in our neighborhood each week. We order the same things almost every time...the servers and bartenders all know us by name...and we can walk home. We rarely want to try anyplace new because we know what we want! Bravo, Frank! Happy to see we are in good company.
6
The way I had heard the James Beard remark was when he was asked "What is the best restaurant in the world?" He answered - "The one where they know you."
3
Fantastic column that I'm sure resonates with millions. As a 54 year old conservative, I rarely agree with your opinions, but I agreed with every word in this one.
That's something!
3
Nice sentiments but...I’m getting up there but still liking new music, new bars, new restaurants, new recipes, new wines and craft beers, new people, new writers, new ideas and so forth. Gotta keep pushing the ball up the court!
2
You sound like a happy extrovert to me ;)
2
I'm 63 now, but I think I got older while I was younger, as I pretty much have always been like this. I go to a restaurant to relax (no cooking! no dishes!) and once I find that "relaxing" one, I go back again and again.
5
Thank you, thank you, thank you!
Dining with friends and having a conversation is that most impossible thing in the US. I loved restaurants in Torino and other Northern Italian locales where the space was divided into intimate, quiet sections and the music, if any, was soft and relaxing. We were greeted with a Prosecco and never hurried.
I can’t imagine what American restaurants think is enticing about 100 dB noise, “music” that is a constant thump, thump, surfaces that bounce sound and magnify the din. I have recently acquired hearing aids with features that are supposed to help, but most restaurants are loud enough to render them ineffective.
Increasingly, dining out is a last resort when I’m not near home. If I want to spend time dining with friends, I cook or order out. I can control my home environment. I avoid big bashes like the plague.
So here I am, eager to try new dishes, with the money to do it . . .but unwilling to subject myself to the noise and stress involved in American restaurants.
7
Is there any more ghastly a phrase than a restaurant touting itself as a "new concept in dining"?
Here in Hove, the most congenial have been around for ages, such as the wonderful Hove Tandoori opposite the Carnegie Library and Marrocco's on the seafront which always has a long queue outsaide for its home-made ice cream.
2
Some of us oldsters (73) really appreciate new flavors, even as the old sense of taste dies off. As to hot new restaurants, the new one in our area was so hot it had to abort its soft opening because of too many customers. I have already been there.
1
It's great to be recognized as a regular, and many other factors matter, but for me the big one is noise: loud music, often bad music, so detrimental to conversation, I'll often walk into a place, listen, and walk out without even getting seated.
10
Some restaurants understand that dining out is supposed to be enjoyable. There is a cadence to the meal that is conducive to conversation and digestion. One is allowed to linger over some Champagne or a glass of wine before being confronted with decision making. When done well, the entire experience is a joy.
Unfortunately, we live in the foothills of the Sierra where dining efficiency is more valued than pleasure. A server will ask for our order before we've even been served a glass of wine. The entrée is brought to the table before we are half finished with the salad. The check will arrive while we're still eating. I often wonder if the management rewards servers who turn their tables in the shortest time. It's often dreadful.
Should I have to spend a hundred dollars per head to dine at a restaurant that understands its basic purpose? Apparently so.
9
I couldn't agree more with every word, every sentence. I share all these feelings but was not aware of how strongly until I read Mr. Bruni's article. Across the street from my Jersey City apartment are two restaurants--one with fantastic barbecue and one with great hamburgers. They are comfortable, with reasonably low noise levels (I still want a little liveliness in my favorite spots) and remarkably consistent. Both have amazing and friendly servers, bartenders and managers. If we're not in one or the other for a week, someone from the restaurant will stop us as we're walking by and ask, "Where have you been?" I like that. I like it a lot.
9
I'm only 32, but Frank's current view is my own. Maybe it's the tinnitus. So much thought into menus and decor. Zero thought into sound engineering. Sometimes I think that, secretly, no one is these loud showy places is actually enjoying themselves.
11
Funny, last night we just went back to an upscale Mexican restaurant after a 16 year hiatus. 15 years ago it the IT place. It had been impossible to get seated there. Now it’s full of a older folks. Last night I was taken aback by all the old people. I wasn’t sure it was a good sign, but now after reading your article I think it could be a good sign. They have endured the test of time, and the glut of hipster restaurants in Oakland. Sadly, I almost pulled out my phone to read the menu but thankfully our teenage Children could read the menu for us.
6
I thought I was the only one.
When I was younger I used to have to entertain a lot as part of my job. I could take people to virtually any NYC restaurant and at the time it was pretty great.
Now it holds little appeal. All the pomp and circumstance, the four hour dinner hold little allure. I prefer cooking at home and when I go out, like the author, I am a creature of habit.
When we were invited to the employee Christmas party at one of our favorite spots we knew we were perhaps too deep into the "regular customer" thing.
10
Love this summary of eating older, or should I say wiser? There is a fabulous new technology available to create perfect sound conditions in busy restaurants. Meyers Sound, formally having done sound for the Grateful Dead, not older diners, has an amazing sound system for restaurants that make it possible to hear perfectly while listening to music and the buzz of a busy restaurant. All great establishments looking to get us “older and wiser” diners in regularly, should invest in this. You go Frank Bruni !! Love your thoughts.
7
In my 70s, I have started to prefer going out to a late lunch. Cheaper, less food and I can have anything I want because I have hours to digest it. How I looked down at those early diners in my youth. Then going out at 8:00 or later was in fashion. Now who cares about fashion in all senses of the word. We tend to go to small quiet restaurants and I order what I don't cook at home and no dishes to wash. If the food is really good, well that's a plus.
15
Yes, another issue is less food is needed.
6
I agree completely! My husband and I are in our seventies and we used to love going to restaurants. We live in Portland, Oregon, where there is supposed to be a fabulous restaurant scene, but lately we have found most restaurants unbearable, for the reasons you outline. I have concluded from our recent loud, crowded, noisey and rushed experiences that restaurants don't really want people like us, and we are happy to comply by staying away.
4
This hit home. Also getting a reservation for the new hot spots requires so much effort. I have set my alarm to remind me a month before to get a Resy only to be told I will be notified if something opens up. Give me my local french bistro any day.
5
re: being "invisible." This is not true in every part of the country. We certainly experienced this when living in the east, but after moving to New Mexico, we are visible and even respected!
6
"At 54, I just want martinis, because I’m certain of what’s in them and of what that potion can do: blunt the day and polish the night."
One of the best lines I've read in a long time. Thanks for the smile!
16
Great column. And yet, just ate at Waxman’s Barbuto last night. Great food, and spectacularly loud so as to make conversation just about impossible. Alas, we will not go again.
6
You certainly covered this topic very well, loved this column. And I can relate in my own way: single female, in my 7th decade, many friends gone before me. I eat out alone quite often, but I did when I was younger too. When I eat out with family or friends I'm happy to go wherever they want and I will enjoy completely.
Dietarily limited now due to a Tennessee tick bite (highly allergic to any meat that comes from a hoofed animal and this has evolved to a dairy allergy as well), I have to be creative about what, when, and where I eat. Happy hours offer some great deals, and I will happily suffer the backless stool at the bar, grateful I am still able to sit upright. If I'm eating a full meal out, I carry my own reusable container (save the planet for the grandkids) and put half my meal in it when served. My appetite is not what it used to be either. Waste not want not. And I am a good tipper, 20% minimum, more especially for Happy Hour prices. The times they have a changed and I know it's harder today. My entire working life I had jobs that provided health insurance and more stability than seems available today. And I could live on what I made.
Invisible? That's ok, it actually has some advantages. And sometimes you aren't. Last year I took little grandson out for a gigantic breakfast and when it was time for the bill the server said two men sitting at the counter had paid it. I was puzzled, but she said they thought we were "cute'.
Cheers and carry on.
13
Hit most of the “hot” spots in DC and NY when I was younger, now I’m much more concerned with a place that’s not too loud, with well seasoned clean food, a reasonable wine list with something that’s not in the grocery store, staff that are efficient and unobtrusive, close by so I’m not dropping more than $10 on an uber and, most importantly, a well made dirty martini.
2
Thank you, Frank Bruni, I couldn't agree more.
I don't want endless tasting menus, each course offering a few preciously-plated bites — what I enjoy most are endless conversations and a good, comforting meal in a friendly local establishment — preferably with friends who keep their phones out of sight. That is bliss.
10
Make no mistake: older men disappear just as much as older women do. But it’s more noticeable with women because in their youth, women get a lot of - both welcome and unwelcome - attention.
10
Welcome to our world, Frank. At age 64, I have been lamenting the state of the dining world for some time. Here in the SF Bay Area, restaurants that offer a classy, civilized, grown-up dining experience are difficult to find. Someone ought to publish a Grey Book, akin to the infamous Green Book, listing places that appeal to those of us who no longer wish to shout our way through a meal at yet another hard-edged, cold, “rustic modern” emporium.
13
RE eating out, my sole criterion is that the chef cooks better than me. Hard to surpass my Julia Child renditions, but a well-trained kid at a MacDonald's flat-grill and deep-fries basket has me beat hollow.
3
Wonderful read, Mr. Bruni. Thank you. Although truth be told I felt this way about restaurants in my forties. Now in my midfifties I like a bar/restaurant, as you describe, with a friendly diverse crowd. Organizing a rendezvous with friends in a big city is an ordeal in and of itself.
2
Add our voice to the clamor (so to speak) for the quiet restaurant. "Edgy" is so "not happ'nin'" for us. Some of the other issues mentioned here are lesser annoyances, but the noise factor is the deal-breaker for us. Noise is an environmental pollutant known to affect people's health.
8
As important as what one eats is when. Eat too late and you'll need that bottle of Tums.
But if I want a good martini, entertainment, fine food and complete control of my environment, I eat at home. Not only do I know the chef, but I know how the diner likes his steak.
1
Agreeing with all the other old people who read this article: thank you! Pieces like this are why we who read you, love you.
Here in Brooklyn Heights (land of us old people) we had a new branch of a well established Manhattan restaurant open a few years ago.
First time we walked in the two hosts fiddled with the computer screenthat shows the plan of tables but didn’t look up. After an uncomfortable pause, one said they were fully booked for the whole day.
Second time, in a half empty room, again no eye contact, then finally one looked up and said she’d have to check to see if they had a table. We walked out.
Restaurant closed fairly quickly, replaced by a “Cat Cafe”, where real live cats can be petted, for a fee, while you have coffee and pastry. I am not making this up.
It is fairly quiet inside, except for the occasionally squealing, which is not from the cats. No roast chicken, however.
12
Excellent article! As a 62 year-old, I was happy to find the Soundprint app (started by folks in NYC) where I can not only submit my own noise observations, but search out places based on noise level.
I go to DC for business and family visits a few times a year. That seems to be one of the worst for noise. I tell colleagues now that I won't meet them at certain places as you literally have to yell at each other, even if seated two feet apart, to be heard (i.e, Elephant and Castle, where both my colleague and I were hoarse after 1/2 hour of "conversation", we eschewed a second drink and food and went to another place that was quieter- Church Key). I hope restaurants take note of the lost business and those of us "voting with our feet"
I do make a special note on my reviews of restaurants that take sound into consideration, i.e., my recent meal at the Arrowleaf Cafe in Winthrop, WA. They have sound deadening panels in the ceiling, and even on a night where every seat is full, it's peaceful and you can talk with your spouse or friends in a normal voice level.
7
I am approaching 73, and my wife 72; we have a breakfast place we frequent. Every waitress knows us by name. The owners know us by name. They know our daughter and granddaughter by name. Service is always teriffic and the food is great but not fancy. Ocassionally we try a new restaurant, but always go back to our favorite, comfortable place.
4
While I can see where Frank Bruni is coming from, I don’t think this is an either-or proposition. Yes, having turned 50, I do like having a reservation rather than having to stand around waiting for a table. However, recently I went to Che Fico in San Francisco, where reservations are hard to get, and I showed up as a walk-in, without a reservation. We waited for an hour for seats at the bar and - you know what? - I loved the whole experience. I’d do it again. Maybe there’s a place for both a calm, soothing, restaurant experience and a trendy, buzzy experience, even for an over-50-year-old.
3
Thank you, Frank, for this excellent essay! I'm 59, single, a foodie (I guess...). You've put pen to paper & described exactly how I feel/see the dining exploration, experience, exercise. Some of your words hit me in the gut. The descriptions of getting older are on point, revealing, somewhat sad, humbling & priceless. Here I was, selfishly thinking that I was alone. Thank you, thank you. Let's all go out & eat! (In a quiet, regular joint with acceptable lighting, large fonts & very good martinis & Manhattans!) Peace.
5
I always chose, and still do, my dining experiences based on the food, or the expectations of same. I don't care if they're serving heavy water at the bar. To me, 'loud' restaurants are not restaurants at all, but gathering places for the dumb and dumber. Le Bernardin is never confused with a dance hall, and no restaurant should be. Katz's is great, and I can't pass it without going in, but we know and expect that kind of loud and delightful experience when there. Indeed, we do not want it to be otherwise. I discovered Indian food only in my mid-20s (a long time ago), and hit practically every Indian restaurant I could find (in those days, there weren't all that many; now, praise heaven, they are ubiquitous, even in North Brooklyn). Funny thing, though, I have never been in a loud Indian restaurant, although I'm sure they exist. Why is that? As for Indian bar experiences, they are nil, because I always drink beer, preferably but not too likely dark, with any Indian meal.
Anyway, this was a great little article, and I only wish Mr. Bruni would write more such and give less consequence to politics, which is a loud, crowded and semi-ridiculous subject under current conditions, and likely to remain so. Besides, I always disagree with him, and the constant din of the opinion page is such that all its contributors might benefit from hitting an Indian restaurant.
By the way, Frank, when you mention 'disappearing' after 50, just wait until you hit 80!
9
I'm not going to kill what I love, so I'm not going to say where I can be found every Thursday night. I hadn't really thought about it, but it does meet all the conditions: At this point, I know the owners, the chef, the sous chef, and all the waitstaff. I rarely see the dishwashers, and they turn over a lot anyway. I know all the Thursday night regulars. The food is vaguely French. The cocktail specials are modest. The entire Blue Note catalog plays softly in the background. Best of all, I can walk there.
8
Mr Bruno,
Perhaps you could suggest to your investigative colleagues a piece about the real health dangers of loud atmospheres, including loud music. Not dangerous for the customers - but for the workers.
A solid piece or series documenting the decibel level at hip, noisy spots, and the hearing loss I’m sure that could be measured in its workers, might get a passed similar to California’s restaurant smoking ban, which was built around protecting workers’ health.
11
I am not *that* old, but apparently I've always *been* old: I have never understood the need to play loud music in restaurants. I have never understood "eating at the bar," and I can't even begin to understand why you'd choose a restaurant because the servers were "hot."
Unfortunately (or fortunately?) my neighborhood has become a bastion of new and trendy restaurants. We can now be guaranteed a 90 minute wait (or longer.) It's made going out to eat more or less a drag. I find we simply stay home and order in. The food is never as good and the same four walls get boring, but at least I can hear. If only our absence had an effect on the restaurant's bottom line…
3
And how about how cold many restaurants are? I live in the Pacific NW and the heat is inadequate. It appears to be set for the comfort of the employees. Meanwhile, I, and everyone else, is swathed in coats and hats in the restaurant! If I could find one warm one I would go out more often. And spend more time in the restaurant (buying more food).
9
Frank, Frank, Frank....this article is a joy! Everything you mentioned is me @ 65: anti-trendy, anti-noisy, anti-foam food, anti-chemistry cocktail, anti-long waits, although I can still enjoy sitting at the bar. Just give me something I can see that's super flavorful, with delicious wine and I'm happy. In my case, I'm a pretty good cook, and most nights I am making dinner in my own small kitchen. So when we go out, which isn't that often, I want something I don't make myself. Last night we stumbled into a place in Mission Hills in San Diego, Fools and Kings, that we didn't know existed, even though it's been open 2 years (good sign). Tuna tartare was a revelation. Simple flatbread with chicken and chorizo was a flavor explosion. The wine was amazing. We were so delighted-I will write a yelp review today, which I never do. It restored my spirit. Marvelous. ;)
8
Four men in their thirties are close friends - but as career and family become more important - it becomes difficult for them to meet as often as they like -
They make a pact to meet once every ten years and have dinner together to celebrate their friendship --
Now in their forties - they're trying to pick a restaurant to suit everyone's taste -
One of them suggests a place called "Gut Essen" - and they all agree because the food is good and the waitresses are attractive --
Ten years later - now in their fifties - our friends meet again and trying to pick a place to eat, when one of them suggests a place called "Gut Essen" - and they all agree because it has an excellent wine list and knowledgeable waitstaff --
Another decade and - now in their sixties - the men are looking for a place to go when someone suggests "Gut Essen" - because it's quiet and has large-print menus --
Ten years later - maintaining their commitment into their seventies - the four men a trying to decide where to go, when someone suggests a place called "Gut Essen" - because they have ramps and for easy access, it's well-lit - and they have nice bathrooms --
And now - in their eighties - the four dear friends meet yet again for their anniversary dinner --
As they discuss their options for a place to dine - one of them suggests they gp to this place called "Gut Essen" --
And - upon discussion - they all agree it's a great idea - because none of them have ever been there before...
24
Bravo, Mr. Bruni.
You put it so beautifully. It's also so nice to be greeted with "Nice to see you again," at your favorite places.
8
I consider myself a youthful 50ish but the loud music is a deal breaker. It is my understanding that the loud music is purposeful, meant to limit the number of older people in favor of the young and hip. I feel like the restaurant is trying to drive me away but that’s too bad because I finally have the money to eat out and I love the art of food. If I go once and everything is great but the music is blaring, I will never go back again.
The small plates meant to be shared trend also leaves me feeling like I have adhd. I do not enjoy all the group decisions that need to be muddled through for all that sharing and ordering, and I cannot stand when people order for me and I feel like I don’t have a say.
13
Some restaurants keep the music et al loud to encourage rapid dining and table turnover.
It’s an established finding that loud venues encourage people to exit the noise more quickly than quieter places.
4
The problem that I have with most restaurants is that the people who WORK there are young. The "music" is for THEM. They like it to have booming bass beats and rappy rhythms, and to be loud, loud, loud, loud, LOUD. They have hard jobs, so they need super-stimulating entertainment--including loud TVs (in addition to the loud "music").
There are a few places where we live that keep the overhead speakers outside of certain areas, where the older people congregate. And luckily, the restaurant nearest to the retirement community where we live *never* plays *any* music whatsoever.
That restaurant is fairly large, yet it's always packed with grey-haired people who love the comfort food and the ability to hear each other speak.
Most people who work in restaurants don't care what you, the customer, want--if you can't conform to their entertainment standards, you're committing a cultural sin, so you and your uncool money aren't welcome there.
6
I think your presumption about who controls the music is incorrect in most instances. See the letter ahead of yours - it’s designed to attract younger people and repel older people.
1
The best meals and experience are were th food is fresh (locally souces if, if possible) attentive staff and quiet environs and low music, really people are there to talk not name that tune. Even though I live across the river from Manhattan, one of the best meals was in a Millinocket Maine restaurant where the size of the lobster was what was caught that day, which as memory serves was about 2.5 pounds and plenty if sides for $30 plus a healthy tip. Plus they were nice, go figure!
2
We love a small local French Moroccan bistro that is walking distance from our house. It is a perfect ambience with subtle background music. The food is some of the best I've ever had with tagines, pasta, and perfectly prepared salads. Once we waited a long time for our food because as the server told us the chicken we ordered wasn't perfect so the chef threw it out and started over. I told her we wouldn't have noticed it wasn't perfect but we appreciated his expertise and attention to detail. She gave us a complimentary bottle of wine. For a special occasion we won't go anywhere else.
3
Over many years, I have been lucky enough to dine at some of the great restaurants across America and on other continents. I’ve eaten at the establishments of several chefs mentioned by Frank Bruni in his column. In years past, my wife and I entertained famous chefs at our home with meals cooked on the spot by other famous chefs.
I am also 75 now. While I still experiment at restaurants with new dishes, I decline ordering those which sound merely gimmicky.
I know that every new restaurant hires a sound consultant to determine the volume and style of music which excites the clientele into drinking more and ordering more. The focus of trendy dining is on people less than half my age.
My peer group is unanimous about one thing: We like to converse while we eat and drink, and we cannot talk if we cannot hear.
7
The only time "loud" appeals to me now in my older years, and as always, is when I want to immerse myself in music, to "live in its sound" - its texture, beauty and soul - and to devote myself to that experience. "Loud" - or trendy - is not why I go to a restaurant; I want to be able to hear my dining companions over the background music and the ambient sounds of the other diners. More importantly, I want to enjoy choosing from a menu that first makes me wish I could order "one of everything," and then fulfills that promise when my food is served. This should not be too much to ask, but too often it is.
One more frustration, which has been true throughout my life: "fussy" foodie restaurants where the more persnickety and expensive the preparation, the smaller the portion. I eat because I'm hungry, and I'd rather eat well and with good quality ingredients, but I don't want to spend a hundred bucks or more and leave hungry. I'll take a better-quality chain outlet over one of those any day and have enough money left to go back again.
4
I love Frank Bruni's articles -- right on the mark! I can relate to the experiences to diners mentioned in his column (I turned 50 last year.) Last night, I went out to dinner with my family in a popular Lake Charles restaurant. As it was in the height of the prom season and baby shower/ family celebrations, the restaurant was very loud with a piano player playing in the central part. As I have a hearing aid and a cochlear implant, it was very difficult to carry a conversation and thus, I didn't have a good time, when I should be delighted to be with my family.
Sitting outside in the patio without surrounding music, eating early, i.e., before 6:00, and/or knowing the restaurant staff helps me enjoy good times with family/ friends. That's when I would walk out of a restaurant with a big smile.
3
This sounds to me like an essay from a 70-year-old. I'm the same age as you, but I still crave new and exciting experiences, and food is one of the few ways I can still have them. I'll never hike the Himalayas, never ski or ice skate again. I may never travel to Asia again. I have bad knees and a bad back. But I can still go to a restaurant. If you don't like restaurants at 50, my guess is you never really liked them; you just wanted to be seen. That passed for me when I was 25. A good restaurant, at an early hour, with a good friend, is the best thing in the world.
@Anne
Yikes. Kinda snide there. Frank didn't say he didn't like restaurants--just the noisy ones. And we gather that wanting to "be seen" passed for him in his thirties--men maturing a bit later than women, perhaps.
Seeing you in the rear-view mirror age-wise, but knees and back are fine, hope to hike out of Garmisch and up into the Alps again; we get the new and exciting experiences we crave when we travel, including trying the local cuisine--well, maybe no monkey brains so--but when we're at home, we have comfortable favorites, including Thursday Stammtisch at the Texican with Neighbor Sherry and Server Blue. To each his or her own, but your description of what you like--good food, quiet (because early), enjoyed with a dinner companion--sounds pretty much like what Frank is saying he likes, along with pretty much everybody who has commented.
4
It's so funny. Over the years of course I've been out for dinner or supper in many places. Been disappointed so very often. The years that have elapsed have made me a very good cook. Rarely if ever do I go out to eat. There is nothing better for me then cooking for family and friends. Years ago people went out to eat for special occasions. Now, people seemingly eat out three to five times a week just to do so.
2
The theme is a familiar one and can have many motivations and variables, but ultimately, the results are the same. I like my favorite place, a delicious Italian restaurant, La Strada of Merrick on the south shore of Long Island just two blocks north of the train station on Merrick Ave. Everyone knows my name after so many years and the proprietors and wait staff kiss me when I enter. The atmosphere is warm, I feel a sense of community and kinship with them and the food is the best, most flavorful as Mom used to cook and served in generous portions. For all these reasons, including soft noise level and roominess at the table and decor like a outdoor cafe in an enchanting town in Italy, La Strada of Merrick remains my choice that best fulfills my needs.
3
Thank you Frank!
This article was an island of wisdom is a sea of swirling Trump Hysteria. I too am over 50 and do I ever value quiet. I don't mind background music, so long as it's not obnoxious, i just want to be able to have pleasant conversation. And hope I leave feeling energized by my company and the food rather than more fatigued.
4
Although, as my previous comment shows I totally resonate with all the insights of this great column, I am reminded of one of the most bizarre articles I’ve ever read. It was in the Washington Post this past week about a couple who go to the same restaurant at the same time every night and order the same thing... every night! Bizzz-arrre! The natural impulses of the human heart can at times get out of hand.
1
Thank you Frank! The first thing I ask a restaurant host is “can you please turn the music down.” Usually they are very obliging.
The second thing I ask is “could you kindly seat us away from parents with small children. I add that we love children and have raised several, but not when we are having our dinner out.”
Some restaurants are beginning to understand this need for older couples not to have to shout while eating.
But, I fear it’s the consultants they call in that say everyone wants a party and they now put the bar in the dining room rather than in a separate room as they used to do.
Almost everything in your column on this subject seems to be right on!
7
True words for those of us who eat at the same restaurants weekly with the same people In The same neighborhood we grew up in. While we love to try new places and travel to new destinations, nothing beats the friendly places who greet us with a kiss and know our favorite drink without asking!
6
So, in our 60s, we visited Pompeii and Herculaneum. We had a very nice small hotel. The first night, we walked out the front door, and around the corner saw a decent looking place. We went in and enjoyed a lovely, modestly priced dinner from the middle of the menu which ranged from very little to very lot! It was quiet enough, pleasant, homey. The next night, we walked out, and there it was, so we went again. Again a lovely evening. So, we went the next night. When we walked in, they had "our" table prepared for us. We were "regulars!" "Our" waiter came and took our order. We experimented from the menu, from pizza (very inexpensive) to the "fish you choose from those swimming in the tank" (very expensive indeed!). You can imagine that we went back twice more.
26
Dan, I can envision how delighted you were when you walked in that third night! It makes me happy just to think about it.
And with a little extra effort, the staff not only earned your loyalty, but helped their city and country’s reputation abroad. THAT is hospitality.
6
@Dan Moerman, What's the restaurant, please? Heading to Pompeii next month.
1
At 72, I just want something that will not give me an upset stomach. Or bust my retirement budget.
7
Boy o boy, this is true stuff! My husband and I are in our late 70's and love the love given to us at our 2 or 3 most frequented restaurants. Cooking at our age is a drag, so we'll eat out as long as we can afford it, and going to the same places over and over makes us stars in each of those local eateries. We actually get hugged! It's lovely.
6
I guess I've been eating like a 50 year old my entire adult life. I won't eat in an uncomfortable dining atmosphere. I'll socialize and drink with you. However, I'm not wasting a cherished activity, eating delicious food, on a hostile environment. I'll simply wait for food elsewhere.
I attribute this ability first to school cafeterias. If ever there was a place to make you disenjoy a meal, it's a school cafeteria. Early jobs too though. Most had extremely irregular schedules. If you work in a restaurant for instance, you don't eat when the customers eat. You have a snack between lunch and dinner and then caffeinate until you're done at midnight or so. You get used to shifting your dietary habits around.
As a result, I'd rather not eat unless I can sit down properly and enjoy my meal. That includes the company I'm with. Dinner is one of the best parts of the day. Why waste it sitting bunched up on a stool in a noisy restaurant? If you really want to try a chef's food, show up during off hours.
In all my travelling, I've learned to love the early dinner. As long as the restaurant will seat you, you're almost always guaranteed a pleasant dining experience. Pick a comfortable table and take your time. You'll be about ready to leave when the dinner rush starts fighting over bar seating.
16
@Andy
OMG, it is like the school cafeteria to sit in a noisy restaurant with hard surfaces. What an insight!
3
Mr. Bruni---- What a wonderful piece! I am 68, and Man, did this resonate. Absolutely dead-on true! A few years ago my partner & I went to San Francisco. Prior to our departure, I made a reservation at an Italian restaurant that looked fabulous on the internet, lots of 5 star ratings. It turned out to be a horrible experience--- LOUD, chaotic, we were kept waiting for 45 minutes past our rez. time. and the food was mediocre at best. Why the high ratings? Because young people, who wrote most of those reviews, thought it was SUCH a happening place. Now that we're geezers, we go to a few places where we're considered "regulars," and where we are welcomed with warmth, and where we find the food & drink to be consistently terrific. Thank you Frank Bruni.
13
We are fortunate to live within two blocks of lovely, independent restaurants with menus that include new items and our favorites. Our history with most of these restaurants is nearly twenty years now so recognition is rarely an issue. The gifted chefs have stayed for the lifestyle and the opportunity to be their own bosses.
As people (well!) over 50, we do make restaurant decisions based as much on ambiance--noise level, comfort of chairs and ease of parking as on food selection. This is our season to show off our weather to the visiting "snow birds" who must return to record snow which turns into record floods so lingering over coffee and dessert to talk is a highlight.
One additional concern in choosing a restaurant is how "wheelchair" friendly" the physical set-up is. I am still recovering so need a wheelchair sometimes. There are actually restaurants which are too crowded to accept wheelchairs and will say so when the reservation is made. There are restaurants with easy access through the same doors all patrons us. And there are restaurants with access ramps that go through busy server set-up areas. Many restaurants would have access if the thresholds were changed to "ADA" compliant ones. But restaurants choose their guests by how they furnish their facility.
7
Best restaurant is one where I don’t have to scream my order to the server and then sit mute at the table because I can’t hear my dinner companions and I’m already hoarse from screaming out my food order.
9
Loved this. An interesting companion piece would be an article from about 20 years ago that I recall (vaguely) from The New Yorker, by Robert Sapolsky. In it, he examined the way that we become less likely to try new things, including new types of food, as we age. The two articles seem to be traveling in the same direction.
3
Absolutely spot-on. May I add one thing? People of a certain age are no longer concerned about the sheer VOLUME of food on the plate in front of us -- we're not looking for a gargantuan meal. That fact, my wife and I have found, puts much more pressure on a restaurant, quickly separating the good chefs from the so-so ones. The so-so chef can find it much more difficult to produce dishes that emphasize taste, not quantity.
4
Thank you for this wonderful, thoughtful article. My wife and I often marvel when we venture into trendy Bay Area restaurants and notice that in a room of 200 shouting people there is not a single person older than 30 (we are just north of 60). In recent years we have dined in restaurants that were so loud that it left our ears literally ringing for an hour (not our choice of restaurants, these are places that youthful relatives want us to take them when we go out). Perhaps it's worth mentioning that the high noise levels in restaurants is likely an economic issue and not just a matter of younger people wanting a vibrant environment. That's at least what I have been told by a trusted friend in the restaurant industry --- the louder the restaurant the faster people eat --- the faster they can flip a table.
11
My wife and I are in our later 70s, and, yes, it's true. We don't go out much any more. A noisy restaurant might be visited once, but never again. Our favorite place, the Earle, is quiet, even though it has a jazz orchestra after about 9:00. A few weeks ago, a freezing, windy winter night, I asked the piano player if they could play "Summertime" for us. He smiled broadly, and the trio soon went into a long, extended, subtle, beautiful version, warming everyone in the place. And, order the duck breast, you won't be disappointed.
16
My Best Friend and I eat out regularly. We both can afford to eat where we want. We can choose a place that is trendy, overpriced, unbearably noisy, and very proud of its "artisanal" cocktails, while not knowing how to make a decent Margarita. Or, we can go to a small "Mom and Pop" Persian, Thai, Indian, Peruvian or Malaysian place where the noise level is tolerable, the food is great, the prices reasonable, and there are no "look at me" cocktails or frozen foams of this or that.
Guess where we go.
34
As we all get older along with the former hot restaurant where the food doesn't always live up the the hype surrounding it, and the noise level is piercing, I've come to understand that it's not always the quality of the food that really matters anymore, but the quality of ones family or friends sharing that food and time with me, be it at a restaurant or at home.
6
I had the best hamburger in Guanajuato, México. An unpretentious street stand. Carlos
and his wife Ana bbqing fresh meat with perfect
tomato and avacado (they laughed at the avacado toast sweeping the US) choices of
homemade sauces with perfect thick potato
fries. We sat on small stolls listening to
Dave Brubeck and Ana kept handing us napkins
I thought of the great Pulitzer prize food writer
Jonathan Gold (may he rest in peace) and realized how crazy and over the top the US
dining experience has become.
11
As you get older what you want more than anything else is to be known. When you find a restaurant that knows you and feeds you what you like you feel nurtured and known.
9
I was never the one in need of the trend. I did partake now and then, when friends insisted, and hopefully they knew someone on the staff so our appetizers would be gratis. But seeking out the glitz and latest and greatest? Nope.
I used to laugh at my parents limited, by choice, dining establishments, but then I realized I was dong it too! The only times I found newer places was when I moved and was forced to get a new Chinese, Italian, Sushi, Mexican, Indian, All-American places to dine, or take-out. Stick with what ya know, unless shown otherwise.
In my younger years of "going out to the City," or traveling, I always sought the hole in the wall. The places where the locals ate, and not where the trendy or tourists flocked to. I wanted a meal not a show. I wanted value, not an artistic plating. I wanted satiation, not having to sneak a slice in so not to be starving during the show...or be forced to eat the questionable offerings at the seedy down town club where the band was playing.
Food as part of an entertainment extravaganza is not for me. Yeah that "foam" of whatever on a piece of not all that much, looks cool, but it leaves me wanting. Makes me want to go to find a bowl of peasant fare. Where the bread is bread and always crusty, and the cook reminds me of the place the food originates.
3
Frank why not give us a guide to such places in NYC - we desperately need them.
16
One of the great advantages of retirement is being able to eat out during the week and to time your meals - a late breakfast and early dinner are fine and provide a better chance to avoid the crowds.
It's now rare to find a restaurant that believes in quiet dining enjoyment. For an interesting Times article on restaurant noise, see:
https://www.nytimes.com/2018/07/23/dining/restaurant-music-playlists-ryuichi-sakamoto.html. It's not just us, a lot of adults prefer quiet enjoyment of a meal. Now if only I could silence the barking dogs next door.....
5
"martinis...what that potion can do: blunt the day and polish the night."
Nice turn of phrase, sir.
22
Perhaps in 20 years, Mr. Bruni, when you are my age you will find more joy in preparing your own meals and avoiding restaurants altogether.
6
@Dr. OutreAmour..
But that wouldn't fit with Mr. Bruni's cruising lifestyle.
1
@Dr. OutreAmour why would someone who was a NY Times food critic avoid restaurants altogether? Even in 20 years?
Yes, yes, yes!
(age 64 and a long-time restaurant enthusiast)
Portland is a great restaurant town. Plenty of quality, diversity and always something new. But my wife and I like our favorite place and go there half of our dining outs. Why? Because we love it.
Experiencing new things is good, always chasing the next thing...pass.
3
surely there's a cover for "It was a very good year" here.
4
At last, an article from Frank that's not about politics and more about the polyps on our tongues.
Being "soothed" is good for all of us.
2
@Lake Woebegoner
taste buds
2
I was in the restaurant business for years and still enjoy trying new restaurants. However the criteria have changed for what I now consider good atmosphere - being able to hear my dinner companions outweighs cool vibe any day.
I love a good dinner party at someone’s home so much now - the times are more memorable and the conversation can flow.
Loved this Ina quote from the article so much:
“Being with people I don’t know and feel I have to entertain — I find that exhausting,” Garten told me. “But being with people I love? I have more energy after.” I’m with you Ina!
6
We “go to the same restaurant over and over again until we just can’t do it anymore, then we go to another restaurant over and over again until we just can’t do it anymore." Oh thank God. My wife and I are not the only oldsters who do this. Mr. Bruni, reading you is better than therapy -- and way cheaper.
6
We went for years for breakfast and lunch to the same fine "gold mine" of a restaurant with a beautiful view of a local march and a serviceable but rustic decor...We became good friends with the owner and staff over the years to the point where they were comfortable in teasing us for our consistent orders...Mine was the rare cheeseburger,
The owners decided to "monetize" their investment by turn into a "fine dining" destination
It may be as profitable, although it rarely is over 40% capacity, and the food is far from top quality
The real point, however, is that we won't go there again.
“In fact, if the library opened a restaurant, I’d be first in line.”
In fact the Boston Public Library has a dinning option. Don't tell anyone.
4
Doesn’t anybody use any of their fancy cookbooks at home anymore?
4
glad you finally grew up. me...I never liked noisy uncomfortable places to eat in. and this is not like some new thing you discovered as you got older. this noisy prestige frantic type place you used to get a rush from was only a trend ...and luckily a short one at that.
2
My goodness. Just cook for yourselves and your friends and family and dine at home. Most restaurant food pales to what my spouse and I put on the table every day. We control the ingredients, the quality, and the portions. We also control the music, lighting, and fellow diners. You will save lots of time and money and gain much good fellowship.
Don't believe me? You are holding in your hands a publication that can show you how, The New York Times. Start with Emily Weinstein's "Five Weeknight Dishes".
6
Frank, you nailed it! Here's to over-50 dining!
2
The food and wine in most restaurants in NYC is terrible. You can spend $200 on a simple dinner and be incredibly dissatisfied. It has nothing to do with age, noise, millennials etc. I would rather go to Europe every few months to have a great meal with fantastic wine than spend money on substandard meals in NYC.
I am by the way 56. A discussion with a sommelier in Rome a few weeks ago was enlightening, many of the Italian wines we get in the US are manufactured for export only, Italians do not drink them. Ever gotten a brutal headache from what you thought was a Provençal Rosé or an Italian Gavi?!?
French and Italians agree that you do not go to New York to eat, and it’s hard to find a good meal.
In Europe you see people of all ages in restaurants and cafes. There is no discrimination based on age or wearing the right outfit. Americans in Europe are loud and obnoxious and can ruin a perfect meal by their behavior. This meal is usually less than 1/2 of what it would cost in NYC.
Americans that do travel are usually over 50, and it may best for them to stay home with a martini and a predictable roasted chicken than ruin my experience. If the font on the menu is too small, maybe Mr. Bruni needs to schedule an eye exam.
6
@MV Of course the wine in France is excellent, but I recently visited Paris again and was disappointed by the food despite reading reviews and trying to find good restaurants. Maybe my standards have changed or time has warped my judgement, but it seemed easier in the past to find a simple restaurant in Paris and enjoy a wonderful meal. On this trip, I found the food middling in all except the most expensive restaurants. It made me realize that New York has a lot of nice neighborhood restaurants. As for Americans in Europe being loud and old, I can only cop to the latter!
3
@Kathyrn
Paris has some great neighborhood places too. In fact, when I go to Paris, I go to the same favorite restaurants. I try some new places too, when I'm in less familiar places but it can be disappointing. (Mediocre menu/food and too $$$$.) My favorites are small family owned places and they are reliably good.
My wife and I used to spend seven weeks/year in New York on business throughout the seasons...
New York is a collection of communities 10 blocks square, each with their own culture, their own food, their own ambiance. We frequently walked the avenues and streets to reading the menus and choosing where to dine that evening.
We found dozens of perfectly acceptable restaurants for dinner that allowed us to eat heartily with a bottle of wind for less than $50 for the evening. There were more than a few that we returned to week-after week, getting known by staffs and receiving excellent service and the more-than-just occasional extra that never made it to the tab.
One of the secrets of dining out to to treat your servers like human beings...simple things like saying "please" and "thank you", and not being the "ugly diner" that all waiter staff, bartenders, and floor managers love to hate. If you plan to come back, tipping the staff well is a good way of assuring that your next visit is more pleasant than the first.
No matter how stuffy the place, there is no excuse for treating the staff in a demeaning manner. The staff are there to serve you...let them do their jobs as they were trained to do them. If you have a complaint, take it up with the management, not the poor guy pouring the water clearing the mess that you have made in front of you because you're slob.
Good public behavior is often rewarded by friendly and superior service...And the kitchen knows about it.
5
"It's not just because we tend to have more money."
Sadly, there are millions of older people in America who are living on 65 cent pot pies from Aldi's and depending on Meals on Wheels (a program the Trump administration wanted to defund.) If you know somebody who can't afford to eat out, take them out, or better yet, make them a nice, nutritious homecooked meal.
9
You are the best! Thanks!
2
Saint Johns restaurant(s) in London has no music, so you can focus on the company and the food and your company, and it’s delightful.
1
So happy Mr. Bruni has articulated so wonderfully how those of us over 60 feel about dining out! Bravo!
4
I think of the much lamented Sazarac House on Hudson St.
1
Been there, done that, anywhere and everywhere.
What's the all-time best restaurant in the world? Home Sweet (Salty/Spicy/Saucy) Home. You always know what you're getting because you bought it from a place you trust, then prepared it with the quality ingredients you purchased yourself, then enjoyed it in the pleasure of your favorite room of your favorite place, with the ambience you curated yourself instead of being at the mercy of someone you've never met with absolutely no musical taste whatsoever. When finished, just blow out the candles and shuffle
to the dishwasher.
And don't forget to tip yourself.
3
Thanks Mr Bruni for an interesting article. If you ever ate at Lameloise in Chagny or Marc Meneau’s L’Esperance In Vezeley, you would know what a good restaurant is. No matter how old you are. Elegance is as important for the dining experience as much as the food is. The hip restaurants in New York, Los Angeles and San Francisco are just that. Hip. You go there to watch people, be watched by people, be uncomfortable with the noise, obnoxious waiters and supercilious maître d’s. I did not enjoy those when I was 30, 40 or 50.
Also, the martini you talk about belongs to a bar or an hotel lounge. A good restaurant has a wine list matching the quality of its food. Martini’s will probably kill the subtelty of any decent food except for green olives from Manzanilla!
The closest to “elegance meets culinary genius” I experienced in the US was Jody Adams’ Rialto in Cambridge. You could enjoy a superb Tuscan inspired cuisine and wines while sophisticated Harvard faculty and deans were enjoying a civilized experience called dining. Alas, it is closed now.
2
I feel the same way about cook books.
3
A delightful article, Frank, and one that all your readers of a certain age -- from the left or the right -- can agree on. It only gets worse --better?-- as you keep getting older. Why go to a restaurant with another couple if you will be utterly unable to converse over the background noise? Also, you find yourself salivating over remembered tastes from long ago that you had previously discarded as pedestrian. Salisbury steak anyone? Chicken pot pie?
2
Delightful. Thank you.
1
Makes me miss NoHo Star, which closed last yr
3
After reading many of the comments, it is clear that one of the benefits of getting older is you lose the nagging FOMO beast that chases younger folk around.
2
Just another Sunday Bruni read to solidfy his place as my favorite NYT columnist. Timothy Eagan coming in a close second.
I love Bruni’s Take on politics but especially love how he connects his topics to humanity and what really matters to us. Whether it’s cautioning us or reminding us how our feelings can be manipulated or how they can be something deeply held giving us immense pleasure, he brings something special week after week.
6
Where does Mo Rocca eat? Wait! wait, don’t tell me!
5
At 71 what I want when we go out with friends is to go to a restaurant where it is light enough to read the menu and quiet enough that at a minimum you can hear the people next to you, and even better, everyone at the table. The food has to be sufficiently good that I enjoy what I eat, but I have no need for the chef's crazy concoctions that the servers giggle over as they rattle them off.
1
What took you so long, Frank?
2
Wow, I’m not yet 40 and I can’t ever remember liking a loud restaurant. Who would? With appropriate sound dampening, a place can be full and vibrant while still letting you hear your dining companions.
1
There are restaurants my husband (69) and I (68) frequent several times a month or even more than once a week, where everyone knows us, our favorite drinks, and our sometimes idiosyncratic diet requirements. But I still want to try something new, especially if the reviews are raves, the chef a rising star or the owner at the helm of a string of top-drawer spots—and noise levels, tatted waitstaff and cooks, a mostly-millennial or even hipster clientele, music that doesn’t float my boat, and dim lighting bother me not one whit. (Exception: jackhammer EDM, with the emphasis on every beat). Before I had my cataract surgery and every smartphone had a flashlight, I even brought reading glasses with LEDs to read small print in too-faint ink on too-dark paper. It makes no difference to me that we’re often the oldest patrons in the room, sometimes by 20 years or more. Great food & drink are worth it.
1
Big thanks to you, Frank Bruni! And, yes!, to all commenters.
I echo the refrain I hear from all of you — as we age, we head for simplicity because we know very well there is so much complexity in everything. So, in restaurants, we want some basics for enjoying a meal whether alone or with others— food that we like to eat, a setting which allows us to enjoy the meal while Hearing what our table mates say or our own thoughts, servers who will serve us promptly and efficiently.
So, my friends and I mostly choose to eat out at lunchtime or, if dinner, then anywhere from 5-6 pm because there are fewer people then and it’s easier to digest food earlier rather than later.
This column should be required reading for anyone ambitious about having a successful restaurant business in a highly competitive area.
1
I am 63 and for the most part concur with Frank on the one but will say this: Wanting a restaurant where you can hear others at your table or read the menu isn’t necessarily the same as wanting familiar food done competently or consistently going to the same place(s) always. I still enjoy taking chances, going outside my familiar box and trying new stuff...primarily with cuisine. Some spots simply have lousy acoustic and lightning and the designers were careless. If you can’t read a menu...chances are the faces of others at your table aren’t lit in a flattering way either..a deficiency at any age. IMO, a primary goal of lighting at any restaurant, for people of all ages should be: People and food should LOOK GOOD...period!
I was first struck with the presence of louder-than-usual music while visiting Los Angeles for the first time 10 years ago. While sitting at Gjelina in Venice and straining a bit more than usual to hear others at my table I glanced at the next table and saw Max von Sydow there dining with 2 younger women and thought...okay, I get it. This may be sound/conversation masking for the simple reason that acoustic privacy may be a bigger and more important commodity in a town full of celebrities.
I’m 47 and all I want when I go out is to sit across from or next to my husband and hear each other speak in no more than a slightly raised tone in a busy restaurant while enjoying well prepared food and good wine. I will never sit at a communal table. The worst, absolute worst is when the communal table has bench seating. No thanks.
Now out with a group of friends then the place can be a bit more active but still no communal table sitting. That just needs to fade away.
3
noisy restaurants, the bane of my existence. if these restaurant operators were smart, the would divide the restaurants into a quiet side and a not-so-quiet side
1
Well, Frank, I still have lots of good ideas to make the place I'm employed at an environment that encourages learning. And I am thankful for the simple things; coming home to find my oldest son here.
Currently, I'm encouraging him like myself, to seek employment that is in walking distance because of the cost of vehicle ownership.
1
and when you're 65, as I am, you will be grateful to spend a quiet evening eating supper at home
1
“To age is to feel as if pieces of you are falling or fading away, so that you somehow take up less space in the world. So that you’re harder to see.”
This isn’t universal. In African societies age is highly respected. To be called “Grandfather” is a sign of great respect. Probably people should live in the US where youth is worshiped while they are young, and then move to Africa when they are older.
1
And the loud music,high ceilings prevent meaningful conversations. My biggest peeve is those lousy high top tables. I am 65 in good shape but I refuse to climb up to a chair at a restaurant. Who designed that awful concept?
1
After hip surgery, high tops are a blessing. Aging does change your view of things.
Touche', Frank!! My and my husband's sentiments exactly.
1
At 58, I feel this way but I have always felt this way. The most expensive restaurants are usually hushed. It drives me crazy that a diner has to pay for quiet. Even at airports. you have to afford the fancy lounge to get away from the din of TV's. It's all part of the dumbing down of America.
4
Articles like this really make me miss Jonathan Gold. He never cared about trends or the latest hot restaurant. He cared about good food. So his suggestions were as likely to be a mom & pop operation or a food truck as a haute cuisine noisefest.
1
After reading this, I feel so much better about spending half my disposable income at Mioposto, the restaurant a block from my house in Mt. Baker where the bartender starts my martini when he sees me opening the door.
1
Thanks to Mr Bruni for another wonderful Op-Ed.
Being an epicurean of Hindu descent with a global mindset, I would like to add a few more points about different types of food and restaurants. I like different types of cuisine but I’m not a fan of “Fusion Restaurants”.
My food habits are not restricted by my Hindu background (most Hindus tend to be vegetarians). I’m a fanatical aficionado of “Cheeseburgers” to the point of being a “Purist”. I like old fashioned cheeseburgers with Lettuce, Tomato, raw onions, a dash of mayo and a thick slice of cheddar (don’t like other types of cheese or condiments period). The bread must not fall apart half way through the meal and the beef patty (not the low fat type) should be medium rare. One pickle on the side and fries - absolutely don’t like other kinds of fusion oriented experimentations with Cheeseburgers.
I’m obsessed by thin crust pizza with anchovies - followed by a cannoli and a glass of sambuca in form of post-prandial libation. Can’t stand pizza with pineapples. Similarly, I love sashimi (at times I put too much wasabi and regret it) but can’t tolerate sashimi with avocado. I dream of plain (not toasted) bagel with cream cheese and lox but will never eat “everything bagels”.
Notwithstanding the above, from time to time I long for and feast on traditional vegetarian Indian meal of “Daal” (Indian Lentil soup) white basmati rice, spinach curry and fried lentil wafers (Papadam).
I’m set in my ways - not a kid anymore - lol
2
I loved this piece. I moved to NYC at 21, and find myself a very disposable, unwelcome guest at 55.
You wrote: “To age is to feel as if pieces of you are falling or fading away, so that you somehow take up less space in the world. So that you’re harder to see.”
Yes. You nailed it. This piece is so much more than a column about dining.
6
Surely: “if the library opened a restaurant, I’d be first ... “ to book.
5
The best place to eat if you are over 50?
Your kitchen table with take out from the trendy restaurant.
Why do New Yorkers love to pay for blue sky?
Who needs a culinary tour of “my gap year and my return to privilege”? A good chef’s menu always read more like “you’ll love this, I do, and my grandmother would approve.”
All this table talk really seems a pleasant synecdoche for our time. Some things just work, and at a certain point in life you just know that.
In food, in governance, in business...
1
Thanks Mr Bruni for this interesting article If you ever ate at Lameloise in Chagny or Marc Meneau’s L’Esperance In Vezeley, you would know what a good restaurant is. No matter how old you are. Elegance is as important for the dining experience as much as the food is. The hip restaurants in New York, Los Angeles and San Francisco are just that. Hip. You go there to watch people, be watched by people, be uncomfortable with the noise, obnoxious waiters and supercilious maître d’s. I did not enjoy those when I was 30, 40 or 50.
Also, the martini you talk about belongs to a bar or an hotel lounge. A good restaurant has a wine list matching the quality of its food. Martini’s will probably kill the subtelty of any decent food except for green olives from Manzanilla!
The closest to “elegance meets culinary genius” I experienced in the US was Jody Adams’ Rialto in Cambridge. You could enjoy a superb Tuscan inspired cuisine and wines while sophisticated Harvard faculty and deans were enjoying a civilized experience called dining. Alas, it is closed now.
2
@Blunt ~ Lameloise is the best restaurant I've ever experienced, even with a 10 year gap between visits. Sublime.
3
Simply a great piece. Thanks
2
The real pro tip is to go to a five star restaurant for lunch.
1
I'm 68, and you are speaking for me here.
1
We lost our daughter and my career cratered. We have not eaten our in 10 years. But I recommend Vetri highly before you go from 1% to SNAP
4
Poignant and gracious.
Thank you.
3
As a so-called Baby Boomer, my gold standard for a restaurant is the old-fashioned supper club or old-line fine dining establishment----plenty of quiet, a reasonably darkened atmosphere, candlelight, linen tablecloths, silver, china and crystal. And carpet! Wood floors, especially that awful looking fake-wood style you see in restaurants nowadays is as unsightly as it is noisy.
As for the menu, absolutely nothing 'trendy', 'gossip worthy' or 'chef-centric'. Just a solid menu with the basics: your basic meat entree's, your basic seafood entree's, and your basic, albeit somewhat complicated, desserts (anything flambe'd). And baked potatoes! Why has the baked potato has disappeared from American menus?? If I wanted some precious New Age version of mashed potatoes with my filet mignon, I wouldn't be here.
And all but gone from the American landscape are places where you actually dress up (!) to go out to dinner. An old favorite adage, now long since abandoned: Never go anywhere where the staff is better dressed than you.
And if they serve tomato juice as an appetizer, maybe even relish trays and 'palette fresheners', they'll have my unfailing loyalty forever.
6
Before a pallet of bricks rain down on me from fellow Times readers, it is 'palate', of course. Not that freshening up the palette of restaurants might not prove fun, even tasteful, it would hardly be tasty (unless, of course, you're dining at Willy Wonka's)
2
The evolution of the immaturity of an American diner. All in one article
1
If you're over 50 and want sex and sleep to be good, don't dine out or drink alcohol. I go out for an aged strip, once a week. Once a week I have trout or swordfish. The rest of the time I live on yogurt, sushi, oatmeal, vegetables, and beans. I'm 49. people seem to think I'm 35. People ask my "secret." I reply, "two hours of fitness a day and no booze." They hate that answer. I'm at the point at which I believe that alcohol poisons the body. At 49, my ambition is to sleep with 29 yr old women.
1
Now you've done it, Frank. Soon the kids will all be crowding into the little neighborhood places looking for "authentic" quiet, friendliness and trustworthy cooking.
Let them wear themselves out chasing their tails. Hopefully they'll fall asleep and the rest of us can have some quiet time.
3
And I thought your college columns were aces...just turned 50 and will toast you with my next martini...
4
I want comfortable chairs to sit in. The trend is hard wood chairs that are hard on the body. What ever happened to cushions?
4
What about the horrible seating? I won't eat at a high top table. I know many other people--some even young who won't. Who thought it was a great idea to have to scramble up to your seat unless you are at least 6 feet tall. It is hard for women wearing skirts and/or heels, hard for children, hard for anyone who was disabled, hard for the elderly etc. If someone in your party is in a wheelchair, they are sitting below the table--how is that supposed to work?
There was a very popular restaurant (popular with all ages) in our area that changed hands. They did a big renovation and put in all these high top tables. They put in a new menu that had nothing in common with the old menu.
Within a month , this once thriving restaurant with tables and chairs became a ghost town. It went out of business in a few short months.
1
A “library restaurant” !! I would love that. People speaking in hushed tones... But only if it were 15 minutes or less from my home.
2
I’ve never heard a martini descrbed better, as having the magic to “blunt the day and polish the night”.
Perfect!
Thank you, Frank.
6
The theme of the piece is spot on.
But I’m 72 and it’s too long.
I don’t have enough time left to spend any on articles that could make the point just as well in 25% of the length!
What’s unsettling about this article is that Mr. Bruni claims he is writing about aging but he’s actually only talking about white or white-passing aging (his, Mr. Meyer, Ms. Bernard, etc with Mr. Rocca being the only POC as the child of immigrants). It would be interesting to hear the POV of older non white diners and hear if this trend is the same for them. Lord knows there are many notable chefs and personalities of all races over the age of 50 last I checked. Same for non-wealthy older diners. Not all old people who eat out are white or white passing, Frank!
This is simply a wonderful article. Thank you. The line about sex and sleep is priceless. There are several more which are worthy of praise. You brought a smile to my face many times.
Yes, I am part of the target market for what you've written here and have a relevant personal experience just over twelve hours ago. Last night I walked into one of my two local favorite haunts for dinner. Being a single male who will turn 62 in a few weeks (Social Security if I want it!), I am always sitting at the bar. Things were busy when I arrived, and the young host told me there was a wait. Fortunately the manager, who just also happens to be the waiter at the bar (there is not a specified bartender), saw me and I was immediately seated.
As I looked up at the specials board, I was happy to note my favorite halibut had returned after a winter hiatus. I'm embarrassed to admit how many times I've ordered that over the years, yet it just always makes me feel good. Upon my departure I thanked the familiar staff, then leaned over to the young, first timer couple who had just sat next to me and I proclaimed, "Order the halibut. You won't be disappointed."
775
@Atthelake
I always order the halibut, too!
15
@Atthelake - go for the Social Security. You won't be disappointed.
53
I've worked in several restaurants, back in the kitchen, and out front, as a waitress. I've also dined in a few. I never understood why, if you're investing large amounts of money into one, wouldn't you sound proof it? Going to a restaurant to stare across the table at your friends, cupping your hand around your ear, and having the "what I can't hear you" conversation is at best annoying and worst angering. Why not stay home? The ambience is usually a lot better and sometimes the food is too.
1677
@Hopie
I have read this is deliberate, to create that feeling of excitement, youth, trendiness, of being "where things are happening", etc.. that the happening crowd wants..
Quiet and comfort are for old people...
They may have a point. It sure keeps older people away...
110
@Hopie I have read that research shows people eat more, drink more and leave sooner when it's loud. (I would.) So, more money.
92
@Hopie It is absolutely deliberate and the owners will not deny it. I see so many restaurants where there are nothing but hard, reflective surfaces and not so much as a single drape to absorb any sound. As I noted in another post, they are primarily in attracting the young as they drink more and the mark up on liquor is really where the money is.
If you want quiet ambience, be prepared to pay for it!
In more th
67
Wow. This is so true. I'm 58 and for about 15 years I feel the same way. Whenever we want to go out I always default to the Mooring in Newport. It's is predictable and good (except when they changed the Pasta and Seafood dish). And for my friends in Providence and points north, it is Oberlin (Thank you Pete Wells for the review that forced me to go over a bridge and into Providence.) During my four tours in Iraq and Manhattan was my Home of Record, I would always beg everyone to go to Gramercy Tavern when I was home on leave. I still go there every time I am back in Manhattan. I love what I get there; the food, the cocktails and the exceptional service. Especially their love for my Black Lab service dog Quinn. Once, one of the servers screamed on at the top of his lungs when he accidentally stepped on Quinn. That resulted in a free round of cocktails. Now, that's service!
7
I used to go to restaurants more when I was younger, but even when I was in my 20's, I didn't like to go to restaurants that were loud, or where I had to wait in line. I always hated sharing my food, too. So I guess I knew early on what I liked. I don't go to restaurants as much any more because they just aren't that good, sadly. I am a good cook and can usually do better for cheaper. So now I save my restaurant visits for ethnic places that offer food that I don't know how to cook, or to meet with friends.
3
Mr. Bruni, your comments are spot on and I truly enjoyed your opinion article. The only difference between you and me is that I never wanted a communal and loud experience at the dinner table with strangers. As long as I can remember enjoying food I would much rather appreciate a gentle atmosphere with good friends, excellent and unpretentiously prepared sustenance, perhaps some soft jazz in the background and most importantly where I can hear said friends’ conversation rather than a circus disguising the fact that a herd of animals is feeding. Bone appetite!
2
Frank, this morning you spoke to my soul. I had just finished my breakfast at my favorite “go to” restaurant having had my usual eggs and toast (over easy, lightly buttered toast) with good friends at a place that gave us big smiles when we entered. Now that is living.
3
My sentiments exactly. In my 70s now and my favorite place to eat is my kitchen, where the food is prepared exactly as I like and is never over-salted. I pour the exact amount of wine I want. Half glass of red and a half glass of white over ice. The only sound is that of my dog snoring next to me. Ah heaven.
3
Oh dear. I'm getting close to 70, and still love to try new foods, new restaurants, have new experiences. Trying new foods and discovering new places, new cultures, etc., is a major reason I travel. Not for me the luxury cruise, either. I want to try the little mom and pop restaurants and the street food.
My main problem is I have to do that on my own or with strangers, because the people I know aren't interested. Like you, they want the familiar...
5
@AG
Oh, I should add though that it is the new foods and experiences I crave, not the trendiness or glamour. Couldn't care less about that.
And I do consider the noise level and discomfort of the "trendy" restaurants a turnoff, I do wish quiet and comfort became trendy again.
5
Funny, I never cared about the scene, only about the food. Always hated loud restaurants, self-conscious (good choice of adjective) chefs, trendiness. And always went over and over to the restaurants, high or low, that provided what I consider the holy grail in dining out: consistency. Guess I've always been older.
5
Frank, it’s clear you’ve hit a home run with this piece. You should bask in the glow of the comments. They are all our very dear friends, and we could have written almost every one. This piece (and the responses) are too good to hide in the NYT. It is deserving of a special pedestal for all to learn from and enjoy.
Also, thank you for producing something that has nothing to do with politics (Aaaarrrrrgggggghhhh!)
8
I totally agree with your opinion. At 69 I seek simple dining, good fellowship.... and quiet. I highly recommend the app called “Sound Print”. It is s crowd sourcing app for determining where to find the quietest restaurants.
5
Why is 50 the number already? If you are ready for peace and quiet at this tender age well kisd it all goodbye. Article was depressing
@Carmen: IMHO. 50 is the new 30. I’m 68—and my foodie instincts still outrank any need for comfort and consistency. (The latter is boring, which is why I still travel as much as I can afford).
Besides “Restaurants only get worse”, one of my other maxims is “The least important aspect of gastronomy today is gastronomy “. Frank Bruni is on the money here. A related phenomenon is age discrimination by the “circus”, i.e. the Michelin Guides, World’s 50 Best Restaurants, etc of chefs over, say, 55-60. Young, underwear model types are getting most of the ink these days. At least veteran diners mostly care about what goes into our mouths rather than the personalities of the people who prepare it.
3
I am of the same vintage as Frank Bruni and relished his restaurant reviews for The NY Times. Would love the Times to create a bimonthly Dining Out for the Over 50 crowd authored by Frank. Old school is entertaining with Frank’s observations!
7
Yes, I too don't need "NEW! NOW! NEXT!" when I dine out. Nor do I need a "circus" environment. This is probably why I go to trusted Diners, Steak Houses of considerable history, or as one comment states, my kitchen.
Reminded me of a Jona Lewie lyric from the Seventies: "You'll always find me in the kitchen at parties."
3
Amazing how first world problems are still problems.
4
Dear "Culinary Curmudgeon", Thanks for your wonderful explanation of why dining out isn't great when you're over 50, and can't hear your tablemates speak in a hip restaurant jammed with loud Gen Xers. Boomers are shut-ins and early birds these days. They don't want to eat in restaurants that are packed to the gills with people who are strangers to them.
Peace and contentment while dining is gone with the wind. Loud talk and canned music and being bathed in excessive A/C drafts in restaurants is doleful when you're over the hill. And why wait in line to be seated for more than 10 minutes? Except in the old New York Restaurant Associates gorgeous eating palaces in the 1960s or an intimate Cafe Nicholson sort of hideaway.
Distance lends enchantment and foodies in the 60s shared their learning like James Beard and Julia Child. Social media didn't exist. Darth Vader rectangular smartphones, are ubiquitous today. Oh heck, Frank, you're not a curmudgeon. You're just getting on a bit, and appreciating the comforts of older age. All of us humans are on the same ladder, we eat to live, foodwise, and comfort food and comfortable seating are our go-tos. Why pay a fortune for a sometimes mediocre meal? Sometimes a take-out Big Whopper hits the spot. BTW, Ben Wiseman's great illustration of you with your hands over your face in today's busy restaurant echos the hallowed work of Jacob Lawrence in The Harlem Renaissance of the 1940s ("Bar and Grill", etc.).
4
@Nan Socolow FYI Frank is a Gen Xer, I think you mean Millenial or Gen Z.
Another good example from the New York Times of its homage to the privileged life. Most Americans in their 50’s are worrying about how they are going to save for their retirement versus the very different reality of the 5% who have chosen to move into the “slow lane” and settle for steak au poivre a couple times a week at their favourite restaurant.
4
Even if it’s only once a month, this essay is right on!
1
@Stephen Lahn I agree, and people need to stop making sitcoms and enjoyable music too! Heavy sarcasm intended.
I'm tired of getting a gimlet every time I order a Gibson. Now, I ask if they have pickled onions to which I get a quizzical look. I'm tired of asking a concierge where's a good place to eat and end up at a "see and be seen" place where the food is secondary and usually mediocre when all I really want is a perfectly cooked double cut lamb chop, a rare strip steak or a crispy half duck (when was the last time you saw that on a menu?). I'm 65 and fed up. I'd much rather have simple food cooked well than fret about what's seasonal in a bowl and that's saying something from a woman who spent 20 years of her life selling food to chefs at high end restaurants back when nouvelle cuisine was in its fetal stages. Jacques Pepin is one of my heroes. He may be old school but he can make something out of nothing and it's always delicious.
5
Really? I've got a lyric for you.....(sung by a different Frank)
For it's hard, you will find
To be narrow of mind if you're young at heart
My goodness....This is still a city to have a great time in at any age!
3
Wow, what a bunch of cranky old people here, complaining that the world doesn't cater to them. I'm over fifty and would love to be able to afford to eat out -- anywhere!
6
This rings do true!! Went to Zahav with an old friend that I do not see much. Food was great
Impossible to have a conversation..
3
Restaurants…some to be seen at…others to see who visits them…others to brag about having been there...others to eat and drink…others to enjoy life with friends…others to throw money away...others to avoid.
1
Oh, Frank, just wait until you are over 70!
"When I was seventeen, it was a very good year ..." --Sinatra
1
"At my age, food has replaced sex completely. The other day my kid walked in the room. I grabbed a napkin and covered my main dish."
-- Rodney Dangerfield
15
I wd have preferred just a readable list than wandering this l-o-n-g
article which I didn't finish.
1
I hate having people’s cell phone flash lights burning my retinas. It is painful. Happened in Scottsdale recently. We were near the end of our meal and a bunch of Xers came in from the sunlight and immediately started hurting our eyes. No thought for others.
1
@Brenda Pawloski
Sunglasses!
Just turned 60, totally agree.
But how does one 'curate' one's identity? Puh-leeze.
It’s not the place where you go after 50, it’s who you’re with.
Don’t you think as we age, we get more specific and choosy about who we want to spend time with? You know, tick tock, tick tock......
The food tastes better, too, when we’re with people we love and cherish - no matter where the food is served, what it looks like, or even what it tastes like.
Sorry, chefs. Nothing to do with you.
4
Our cosmic connection is complete, Mr Bruni. I recently ditched my favorite Mexican restaurant because their newfangled urban farmhouse chairs are not quite as (ahem) accommodating as the wooden chairs that did just fine for 30 years. My husband said “you should tell them.” At 54, I don’t have time for that.
2
“I’m not so concerned about curating my identity when I go out to eat,” she said. This bizarre, memoir-ish essay is a catalogue of a superficial lifestyle. “I’m in my fifties and this is what’s going on in my life now - can you relate?”, is what Mr. Bruni seems to be saying. I have great respect for the reporting done in the Times (for example, today’s article about Russian assassinations), but the kind of self-indulgent nonsense is a satire of what the right would assume one would find in the Times. Will this essay be deemed successful if it gets a lot of clicks? I’m in my fifties, too, and even in my twenties I preferred to eat in a restaurant where I sat with people I cared about and I could hear what they were saying. It took you thirty years and declining physical abilities to figure that out? If the article had been a confessional about the recognition of the superficial pursuits of so many educated, intelligent, and prominent people of our generation, their wasted opportunities to take care of the planet and better our society rather than prioritizing their restaurant experiences, and the rise of the current wave of young progressives filling the leadership void left by their older colleagues, then you would have been onto something. But the revelation that people in their fifties prefer quiet restaurants - and now you happen to be one of them - this is somehow relevant? You have valuable real estate in the paper of record. Please use it wisely.
1
Aah, yes; and may I remind all my good fellow-readers here of the classic 2001 piece by Garrison Keillor in [the defunct] Gourmet, that was called "And God Created Waiters". It started with:
"My wife and I are still mourning the loss of La Réserve, the elegant restaurant across from Rockefeller Center and the skating rink. The place had high ceilings and lovely murals of a lake and waterfowl, and it was never crowded, and you could sit and converse softly, as one likes to do with a loved one. "
An a little later, he gets right down to the miserable yahoo ways of contemporary restaurants:
" We’re not good at service. Even in upscale restaurants you tend to get a waiter who greets you as if you had come to Le Restaurant to meet HIM. “Good evening! My name is Chad and I’ll be your waiter tonight! How are you folks doing?”
This is disgusting. A waiter has no business striking up a conversation.[...]"
Google it if you have a moment, it is worth the nostalgia!
3
“In fact, if the library opened a restaurant, I’d be first in line.”
The library in lil, ol' Garfield, Texas once had a cafe'.
It was so successful that it closed... evidently, somebody forgot to pay the sales tax bill.
Most days, dinner was SRO.
(Down here, that's the noon meal.)
NFE
I think Bruni skipped over one of the more important requirements demanded by the older set: price.
Maybe seniors cherish, as much as familiarity, conviviality, and comfort, the assurance of knowing a good meal, with company of your choosing in a welcoming venue that won't blast your eardrums--and best of all, won't break your personal bank.
1
Yes and no about pricing.
Yes, we appreciate a less costly restaurant experience—but only if the food is good. And that is not often the case.
In this Florida community with an abundance of restaurants for the many retirees hereabouts the modestly priced menus often bring only modestly interesting, flavorful, or imaginative food.
We’ve found that it is worth patronizing the few finer dining establishments with higher prices but distinctive food, perhaps eating out less frequently, but enjoying the experience fully.
Mediocre food can be found as takeout in the supermarket. Really good food is worth paying for.
Particularly dislike those deuces with other diners less than 2 feet away on left and right. Just last week insisted on a larger table at Benjamin Steak House. Wanted to enjoy my guest's conversation and my steak. Not asking too much.
Spot on, spot on, spot on. My wife and I just celebrated our birthdays with dinner at our old standby, Union Square Cafe. We are both in our sixties and have been going to that restaurant since we met in our thirties. Our children, in their twenties are always looking for the next hot thing in restaurants, chefs etc. Craft cocktails be dammed give me a really good Martini.
3
Usually I appreciate Frank's columns. I couldn't even get through this. Who has the money to go out to eat? Not me.
Bye.
3
So for one day you are the Times' restaurant critic again. Splendid column!
1
Besides “Restaurants only get worse”, another of my
"They keep their smartphone flashlights at the ready, in case the same dimness that’s such a kindness to wrinkles renders those letters on the menu — when did they get so tiny? — illegible" Oh my God, Frank! Were you sitting next to me in Bernard's in Tyler, Texas last week?
Thanks for a Sunday morning laugh. You are absolutely correct!
1
Miss your restaurant reviews. Would you consider reviewing just your favorites? The ones you go to for two years?
1
Very wise piece.
1
Dear Mr. Bruni,
There was a lot packed in that column.
I'm 74 and I thought you were writing about me.
Thank you for confirming my biases.
gdubdub
3
At 78, the first thing I check in a restaurant, is the seating. If it's all wood, it's going to be torture no matter how soft the music and good the food.
The saying that "the way to man's heart is through his stomach" is nonsense. The way to a (older)man's heart is by cuddling his bottom.
Thanks for your always interesting, well written columns.
"If you’re under 50, you have yet to experience how you disappear over the years."
Wow, is that true! In fact, try searching for a job at 62: you become absolutely invisible.
4
Frank, I am in my 60s. I repeatedly nodded in agreement and smiled in enjoyment as I read your column. It made my Sunday morning. Thank you.
and why are menus (and some magazines of late) printed in light grey ink and 6 pitch type on a matching color background? nice looking. not functional.
It’s still fun at 65 to try different restaurants while traveling. We’re in Tupelo MS for a Jason Isbel concert and last night had a spectacular meal down the street from our hotel. It was youngish in crowd but what really grabbed me were the two huge tables of family celebrations. We were lucky to get bar stools since all tables were reserved. It was heartwarming to her the laughter and applause for a birthday and an engagement celebrated by very diverse groups. The meals were fantastic and watching the bartenders mix all these exotic cocktails and infusions was entertaining!
At home, we’re pretty much in the mode of maybe 3 local restaurants, none of which are open on Sunday. They know my cocktail without asking, the menus rarely change, and the owners are on site. And they are somewhat quiet, a conversation may be had.
Great piece Frank. Thank you. Diners who because of the high levels of music and hard surfaces that amplify noise, have to talk louder and laugh loudly to be heard raising the decibels, often making the experience of dining out not the pleasant experience it should be. This is why dining at home with good friends is often a better option.
1
Spot on!
Dining preferences change with age. Walking into a place for the first time a quick eyeball survey of the clientele tells you what to expect. Many new upscale urban restaurants these days appear to be for the younger (25-45) demographic. Understandable, because they are the frequent diners. Interestingly, many of those new trendy places are not in business a year or two later. That younger demographic is fickle, looking for the newest experience.
The long established favorites seem to have determined their niche and cultivate their chosen clientele carefully. Menu offerings, service training, and overall ambience/decor are targeted to that guest type. In particular, the noise levels and table spacing sends a message. Restaurateurs will tell you the younger folks have little problem with, and often prefer, a lot of background noise, hard surfaces echoing conversations, closely placed seating, laughter, music etc. Older patrons with aging hearing deliberately avoid such establishments, and prefer a bit of spacing and privacy with their seating (especially so for a luncheon business clientele).
So much of this reflects human nature—learning, exploring, seeking new experiences in our youthful years, then finding and enjoying our preferences as we settle into our lives. Successful restaurateurs choose where on this spectrum they want to locate, then curate the offerings, food, service, ambience, to the selected clientele.
Enjoy the experience!
1
I think this is the first column by Frank Bruni with which I have ever identified; admitedly, I haven't read them all as they're usually about politics and I have a hard time getting through to the end. Mr. Bruni I am well over 50 everything you described in this article I have experienced myself. I hope you continue writing about daily life and minimize your political opinions as you seem to be good writer and observant about life.
4
Although I still like to explore the local cuisine (there is plenty) my favorite restaurant is part of a chain. I'm not so fond of that chain as I am of the fact that they will know my name when I get there and I will know exactly what I want to eat and drink. Certainly there are fancier places in my town; this one feels like home.
A. I did not know you were a food critic in your earlier life
B. You pegged it right with the over 50 crowd.
Thanks for the good thought
1
Lots of writing for nothing. One thing is right : Americans are so loud and noisy at the table. Most restaurants , it is difficult to have a conversation within the space of your table, because people around shout so much that it seems they want the whole restaurant to hear them.And it would really be better not to understand what they are talking about ...In France, we have a discretion sense that is natural, which is that the other diners should not be able to understand what you are talking about. Many times in Paris, I heard Americans talk like if they did not care about the others around and it made me uneasy to be half part of that culture . The worst is those high pitched American women's voices where the heady sounds shrieks out of a head who has suppressed sexually the lower part of the body to the limit of the diaphragm.
9
With all that is going in the world, with all that is going on in this country--and with the strong probability that unless drastic change occurs to our environmental, health care and social policies, our long term survival is unlikely--why is Bruni wasting our time with this fluff? Shouldn't someone with a large and important platform such as Times Op-Ed space be spending time on something a bit more significant? Let's not fiddle. Rome is aflame.
4
@Xfarmerlaura
You might say the downgrading of the average restaurant experience reflects the crass mediocrity of our public discourse.
6
There was a moving and very disturbing article in the U.S. section about prison violence in America. And another piece in the Europe section about Russia's assassins in Ukraine. Surely Frank, you can think of something more urgent and important to write about than your fading desire for "bling" restaurant experiences. Color me disappointed.
3
Not everything in the world is dire. Thankfully.
8
I’m not sure that trendy loud restaurants and bars want people with graying temples like mine. They are throwing a party and I feel aa if I’m crashing it.
Just give me a table where I can hear what my companion is saying and niobody else can.
6
An ode to Andy Rooney, by Frank Bruni.
9
Peace and quiet, decent food, and a good whiskey sour = nirvana.
4
Great column, Frank. Being in your company via NYT is almost as good as a meal with a close friend.
7
I have yet to read about Washington fascism this Sunday. My loss? I reread this column and its intelligent, discriminating commenters, bless all. During years I have been reading the Times, comments have self-divided. Mr. Bruni’s commenters, excluding myself, are toppers, whether one agrees with them or not.
3
Frank, you haven’t hit 65 yet. Ones tolerance for thumping music, newly invented, incongruous flavors, and waiters who barely serve you is at an end.
But wait! Here’s the kicker; you are ignored. You have grey hair, perhaps a bit stooped. You are an old person. You are now given a sub-prime seat with a waiter who condescends.
Let’s revisit this in ten years. You will be 65 and I hope that I will be around to read your column.
2
Tiresome. Yet another Times article pandering to their aged base, beckoning the Luddites to get the rid of their cellphones and computers, drive stick shifts and forgo loud music.
1
Once again, Frank Bruni nails it for this 62 year old.
1
Thank you, Mr. Bruni! You prove once more that you are NYT's most senior-sympathetic columnist.
1
Oh Frank, you old fogey....50's, the prime of life, enjoy!
2
So what you're saying, Mr. Bruni, is:
Sometimes you want to go
Where everybody knows your name
And they're always glad you came?
Well, I'll drink to that. Cheers!
3
I never would have guessed...Can I just say, Mr. Bruni, you look mahvelous!
4
Mr. Bruni, you are a kick in the pants.
I felt like I was reading Mark Twain, raised-up unto the present, and funny in countless ways. Good stuff.
8
“how you disappear over the years” ......... so heartbreakingly true! While the meal must be excellent, someone knowing your name is priceless!
3
It’s just incredible that I had this experience yesterday ! A friend I haven’t seen in years connected with me and we decided to go to Red 36 in Mystic CT. Pretty spot and good food. Holy cow ! It seems it’s become THE SPOT , long wait , loud , everyone checking each other out, and the atmosphere was hardly soothing. I had 20 minutes to sit and wait for my friend, and as I people watched, I just saw nervous energy everywhere. Waiters and waitresses freaking out, patrons anxious about being seated , seated patrons anxious about getting their waiter’s attention, and of course, everyone looking around to eye who might also be at the restaurant. Thankfully the food was tasty, nope we didn’t get a prime seat, but we were allowed to sit and talk for as long as we liked ( however I am hoarse today from shouting for 2 1/2 hours ). As we left, my friend commented that next time we need to pick a restaurant that doesn’t tweak her lumbar.
3
Such a disappointing article. The headline led me to believe he was going to name an adult restaurant in nyc where I could go with friends and have a conversation.
1
You one classic mistake when dealing with seniors.
Your article is too long.
I lost interest in it halfway through.
3
For hose of you who hate loud eateries: there's an app for that! You can find out which restaurants are loud. In addition, you can measure the decibels wherever you go and add your findings to their database. https://www.soundprint.co/.
Let's help each other compile and benefit from this information.
3
Great standards. Be the change you want to dine with. Let’s form a national committee to launch the Bruni Awards.
1
Everything you write is just so spot on.
“...strenuous inventiveness”—once again Mr Bruni finds the most entertainingly apt description for those enigmatic concotions (is this what I ordered?) that chef’s like to send to your table these days. I’m sure Anthony Bourdain would’ve agreed.
3
Frank have always enjoyed your work.
Esp your food writing years at NYT. Hope someday though you would come down to Nashville and do a piece on the Fried Hot Chicken phenomena in Nashville!
1
OMG I (age 59) could have sworn I wrote this instead of Frank!
1
@Brian You got that right! Age 61.
Nothing is sweeter or more satisfying than the server asking “the usual?”
587
@Raymond
As long as you remember seeing that server before.
11
@Raymond, this is the absolute truth! And the corollary WORST thing to hear from a server -- which I hear more and more often these days -- is "Have you been here before?" It's especially galling when it's from a server at a restaurant where I've dined no fewer than a dozen times ... in the past year! But gall aside, the question itself is abjectly unnecessary and simply pointless. I wish servers would stop asking it.
30
Nothing?
8
I find dining in most restaurants even more distasteful and uncomfortable than I find air travel. Both of which I remember enjoying as a young woman; I am 75. Since you and many of your friends and colleagues feel the same, you can perform a very valuable service by publishing separate restaurant reviews for the 50+ crowd. This would include all the issues you mention in your column: lighting, noise, comfort and of course, food that is good and not merely a flight of some chef's imagination. Right now finding restaurants with an over 50+ ambience is more difficult than hunting for truffles.
9
Another creature of habit here: my wife and I have been going to the same busy Chinese restaurant in Düsseldorf for at least thirty years. It’s had its ups and downs over the years, of course; then again, so have we.
By the same token, when we’re exploring a new city for a week, we often go back to a restaurant we like twice or even three times.
2
Then of course there’s the price of mediocre wine. $20/btle in any wine store wine costs $60 in a restaurant. In NJ, bring your own. I feel much better.
Demographic and income stratification results as big cities like SF, NYC, Boston are transformed by hyper- gentrification/luxurification.
Authentic neighborhoods and communities are destroyed, including neighborhood restaurants where in the past all were welcome.
The East Village is such an example - longtime restaurants forced out due to rent increases.
The replacement restaurants - lots of liquor, noise, aimed at affluent millennials - churn in and out...
3
As someone who is introverted, I've never enjoyed crowded or noisy restaurants. I hated all those crowded and noisy bars I was supposed to want to go to in my college days. So, I never went. But many young introverts do go even if they're miserable.
There is great pressure in America for introverts to try to be more extraverted. Extraversion is so idealized in American culture that many introverts try their best to appear extraverted. Maybe that is why introverts go to crowded and noisy restaurants in their twenties and thirties. By 50, we should have all embraced our true selves and ignore the societal pressures to be like the extraverts.
15
yay! finally...could not have said it better. thanks frank.
also, i am going to co-opt the martini line, because, well, its perfect and comfortable.
3
We occasionally enjoy going to a mediocre Italian restaurant. Not for the food, though they do have a full bar. But because they have an unchanged-by-decades interior.
Large, plump booths about four feet high and long heavy drapes covering the walls. Carpeted floors - not trendy bare cement. So it is Quiet! You can hear your dining partners talk - what a concept. And the waiters promptly see to your wishes!
I purposely seek out quieter restaurants. So many people have hearing loss. Plus who wants to spend their entertainment money to compete with the dining environment - it is supposed to be relaxing.
It’s past time for restaurants to consider where the money is and stop the loud and bare IKEA store look in their restaurants. They are at least ten years late on this.
12
Thank You!
2
Amen brother.
1
Thank God for a NY Times opinion column that gives the anti - Trump hate a rest. The opinion columnists of the Times should follow Mr Bruni's lead and write more columns that are " bipartisan " and non- political , so that we can enjoy this newspaper again.
4
Give me a good Jersey diner.
2
@directr1, growing up, we often went to Jim's Country Diner for Salisbury steak or open-face turkey sandwiches. Tony Cal's restaurant had delicious manicotti, and those wine bottles wrapped in straw for candle holders. :)
Nice of you to shake off your self-absorption, Frank, and wake up to the dreadful tyranny of catering to the young. The thing is, when you were in your thirties and gorging on bling, there were people in their 60s and 70s then, too, who would have liked to find a quiet place to eat; your columns for the Times had nothing useful to say to that cohort. Now that you're joining the sad march toward the exit, you've found religion. It would be nice, though, if instead of young reviewers hyping the very places you've decided you no longer need, the Times incorporated your newly discovered values into all of its writing on dining out. Because as it stands now, restaurant reviews in the Times focus exclusively on the very places and experiences you’ve now decided you’re enervated by.
8
This article is everything. It's blunting my day and polishing my night.
6
I hate when a server asks, “ Are you still working on it?” I didn’t think I was working. The remark reminds me of Charlie Chaplain eating his shoe.
14
@DavidJ or a server who clears before everyone is done. you will know when we are done, we sit back, fork turned up on each plate. yes, now we are sated, now you may clear.
2
You gotta love Frank Bruni.
Absolutely you look for restaurants where you can talk and not those that are to “being seen”. That said, you have always been on a different track. I grew up in Greenwich Village, so my perspective has always been different. You were heralding restaurants in the NYT, that were out of the price range for regular people.
I hung out with graffiti artists, musicians, artists, writers, some of whom became famous, others not. We ate at places the Times never covered, Veselka, Sammy’s Romanian, Shopsin, Gene’s, Peter Lugars, and Daves on Canal. My fave Shopsin story is we took a friend of ours there, he was a top executive at Sony records international. After the meal he asked for their card and proudly announced that he would make the place famous. Eve, the co owner, grabbed the card back, ripped it up in his face and told him to get the F out. Kenny came out with an industrial ladle. We were told by both of them that if we brought anyone else who wanted to make them famous, we were not welcomed anymore. They knew us. They knew our kid. They would make us anything. Ergo the original Beard quote is, the best restaurant in the world is where you know you.
5
You’re hysterical. Thank you.
One of the simple pleasures of living in France, is that restaurants sound like restaurants; the hum of conversations at discrete levels among patrons enjoying their meals, and NO music.
Why do restaurants in the U.S. feel the need to turn a dining experience into a party? Americans tend to be loud to start with, and will not hesitate to raise their voices over loud music or other patrons shouting to be heard over the loud music and other patrons also shouting to be heard over....... Until in the end, practically everyone in the restaurant is shouting and what should have been a lovely meal out has turned into a little be of hell on earth. Check please.
32
Amen.
2
Amen.
2
Amen, brother!
1
Jesus Christ, you want a great meal for 2? Go to Chinatown and pay $30-$40 bucks., maybe less. It's fresh with no pretension and "plaiting of obscure miniature unidentifiable things, or hire a Dominican woman to cook for you.
1
Amen.
2
The three things my husband and I look for in a restaurant are comfortable seats, relaxed, quiet atmosphere, and good food, in that order. If your butt hurts and you cannot hear, it doesn't matter how good the food is!
7
Frank Bruni at his best: the intersection of restaurant critic and life critic. Why did he ever desert his true calling to write about boring politics instead?
3
@Troglotia DuBoeuf
He was awful as a restaurant critic. Seems better as a life critic.
1
Yes, Mr. Bruni. At nearly seventy I no longer need to be seen; actually I enjoy my invisibility. I suspect I am much less recognizable than you are. Many times I am put in a restaurant's "less visible" seat, unless I am with my gorgeous daughter who is certainly window seat worthy.
Being invisible takes a lot of the pressure off! And somehow the food tastes better.
Adam Platt's incisive article "Why Restaurants Are Louder Than Ever" appeared in New York Magazine a while back. He credits Mario Battali for moving the noise blaring in the kitchen to the front of the house. Loud noise apparently makes people eat faster and drink more.
Now that Chef Battali is retiring from the food scene, perhaps we will be able to enjoy the joyous bustle of fellow diners enjoying others company and a shared meal, without the amped-up canned playlist from frat party hell.
8
I'm 68 years old. I stopped eating out when cell phones and noisy kids became excessive. Food quality declined but the prices increased. Today, if I eat it's only for breakfast. It's really hard to screw up eggs.
Frank, I was with you throughout the article, but this quote captured my feelings exactly:
“I used to care about being entertained, and now being soothed feels more important. Life, it turns out, is hard.”
2
Great piece. It applies, too, to any age, with Bruni's line: "(I don't want) to submit to cooking that’s about a self-conscious chef’s strenuous inventiveness as much as our simple pleasure." Andre Soltner said to his inventive cooks: "Guys, there's one way to roast a chicken: The right way." Ken Aretsky of Patroon said: "You can get away with bad service, but you can't get away with bad food." Danny Meyer, noted in the article, nails both service and food. Maybe culinary schools and critics ought to reward simplicity and focus, and emphasize service: Treat the customer the way you might if he or she was in your home.
4
@scott Ken's quote should read: Ken Aretsky of Patroon said: "You can get away with bad food, but you can't get away with bad service."
It's good to remember that going to a restaurant isn't a competition, isn't an event, it's just going out for dinner. It's just what life is, outside New York, Washington, San Francisco et al.
Being a regular, wherever, is so much better than being a review-chaser.
1
I must have an old soul because that is what I have always wanted from a restaurant: good food and a chance to talk to someone. I will not go to places where I can't hear the person next to me.
6
This volume problem is becoming true for bars as well. I used to hang out (i.e. drink) in a cool old-timer's saloon in Hollywood, California called Boardner's. Unfortunately it was discovered by the hipster cognoscenti (not the same as hip). A new owner took it over and I went back with friends. I expect music in bars -- even loud music -- but this was ear-splitting and we had to yell in each other's ears. I said something about it to the bartender and after he said "What?" three times, he told me the owner instructed him to play music at deafening levels so that "a man and a woman would be forced to get physically closer."
And presumably spend their lives reminiscing about the place where they fell in lust and lost their hearing.
12
I would love to dine out more but the noise is unbearable. Two weeks ago met a friend at an ordinary American “bistro” as it calls itself. We were one of three filled tables on a Monday night but the techno dance music was blaring so loudly we couldn’t hear ourselves talk.
I can grill a filet and bake potatoes and entertain at home by the fireplace for a fraction of the price, and more enjoyable evening.
It’s not just eateries. Yesterday I was trying to think through a complicated project at the hardware store; some pounding hip-hop music was blasting and I finally gave up. Ditto at the garden center except the music was screeching caterwauling pop.
I’m no old biddy who wants them to play Lawrence Welk — was listening to AC/DC, Van Halen, Led Zeppelin and the Clash in the car between errands — but there is a time and place.
Why don’t you ask retailers and restaurant operators WHY they do it?
12
Always looking for a new hotter, trendier restaurant? Sure sign of ADHD, and lack of taste buds.
4
Thank you, Mr. Bruni, for sharing these thoughts - I really enjoyed this piece!
3
When are restaurants going to make it attractive for single people so they dont feel like they are sticking out like a sore thumb?
5
@drsolo, back when I traveled a lot for work, I had to eat out on my own pretty often. So, now I actually enjoy it.
When I arrive, I just say, cheerfully, "Just one, please!" This prevents any embarrassment of the host asking me "Just one?" with a certain tone of voice. :)
I'm most comfortable in restaurants with a lot of small tables, preferably with a view out a window, in a busy part of town where other people are dining on their own. I bring something to read, and only go out to lunch on my own -- never dinner, when I might feel a bit awkward.
Also, I always decline to sit at the bar. While I don't mind those long "communal" tables that some places have, I prefer having my own little table. Sidewalk tables are ideal.
Anyway, food for thought! :)
4
Frank, not mentioned are iPhones and chairs you need a ladder to mount. When I walk into a restaurant I think, am I going to be comfortable eating. So many times it’s obvious one way or another. All the surfaces are hard, and someone in the fire department was paid off. Why? There are five more tables than legally allowed. The servers do calisthenics to get to your table, and you do the same getting to a restroom.
5
Hi Frank:
I’m 68.
Ditto about the Martini.
Ditto about loud noise and trendiness.
When in NYC we always go to JG Melons after a day at the Met:
Scotch, cheeseburger, and standing around waiting on a table with a bunch of people like my wife and me who could care less about impressing anyone.
Best place to ear in Durham, NC: my house, cause my wife can cook like Franey when she feels like it.
Frank, wait until you turn 60. Then you will realize that no restaurant can compare to the pleasures of eating at home or at a friend's house.
5
As a non kitchen goddess/invisible female in expensive, trendy, noisy San Francisco, where the menus are often unreadable, eating out solo is also a challenge.
4
delicious writing, almost a meal!
4
Yes, and please spare me the frantic sharing of dishes, the compulsion to order everything and sample it all. It’s exhausting. When I’m at a hot new place with friends, I’m the curmudgeon who says, “let’s just each get our own meal, ok?”
I want what I want, and leave me alone to tuck into it in peace.
6
My favorite “go to restaurant” is a diner with plexiglass walls between the booths. The food is simple but honest and the walls allow me to hear whomever it is I am with. And that is the whole point of eating out with friends, being able to hear the conversation.
5
“I have no problem saying that I’d rather eat at a place that’s more like the library.”
Evidentally Mo Rocca hasn't been in a library lately. They have turned into a community center. When the mahjong players show up, my library is as noisy as a new restaurant.
3
By far the best restaurant is my own sumptuous dining room within our National Historic Trust registered property built by none other than Alphonse Capone. The pretentious overbearing screaming and petty place-seeking that are on display in the "big" restaurants of Chicago, Philly, DC or Paris is not worth the admission price. Nor is the preciously portioned food and obscenely overpriced potations. Learn to cook at an early age, as I did, and perfect your skills with the years and you will not miss any of those plastic scenes.
3
You are so right. What you want to eat and do changes as you grow older, and we have found that it's so much easier to bake a potato, white or sweet, steam some asparagus or zuchinni, and toss a green salad.....easy to fix and clean up, and so much better for you than eating out and not knowing exactly what it is that you are eating, folks! Keep it simple and whole foods....that's the answer to even many of our health problems, too!
9
Exactly! My wife and I have that reliable go-to place, and we always ask for that quiet booth in the corner. It is never in dispute, if I say “how about the 301?” she’s getting her coat on.
Restaurants could try putting a soft cloth canopy over each table, to muffle out all the din, like a private little room. Anything to get rid of all that noise. Eating a meal is just the pretext, we really want to talk, listen, and hear! and relax. Delicious food is just the prerequisite.
2
“I’m not so concerned about curating my identity when I go out to eat,” she said...."
Gee I am glad to hear that. I was afraid that my indifference to curating my identity might be a problem, it is good not to be alone in that.
“There definitely used to be several factors in choosing where I wanted to eat, but all of them pale now in comparison to quiet,” said Mo Rocca, the actor, TV journalist and host of the CBS News podcast “Mobituaries.” He proudly turned 50 two months ago. “I have no problem saying that I’d rather eat at a place that’s more like the library,” he told me. “In fact, if the library opened a restaurant, I’d be first in line.”
One does not have to be over 50 for this. During my undergraduate years in the US, I did eat in the library, usually lunch, sometimes dinner, smuggling in food, so as not to waste library and study time. In graduate school in Israel, I ate in the library cafeteria. That was as close as I could get to eating in the library as security prevented, inter alia, sneaking in food which the libarians in any case, perhaps correctly considered also to be dangerous.
Having a quiet and peaceful meal, with friends (human or book) is not just an over 50 phenomenon.
Cicero in de Senectute (on Old Age) reminds us that people's characters are the same young and old. In the case of the old though, some characterisitcs might be accentuated.
6
I'm 55, reading this and nodding in agreement whilst the magic of Pink Floyd's "Pulse" weaves into the moment. Life is good--live it intentionally.
1
noise has never been a favorite here, clatter or babble, at least not at dinnertime...suggest you/we/us who are, of necessity or habit, patrons, find places where the chef has concerns similar to one's own and is accessible for a few words now and then...and of course, at 50 plus its time to give up the steak and try the meatloaf...your digestive apparatus will be grateful.
Here’s the irony of having to put up with conversation killing loud so called “music.” When you go to the gym to work off whatever excesses you engaged in at the restaurant, you’re confronted again with a barrage of noise, er . . music. We don’t need cacophony in either venue. It’s what I’m subjected to at Planet Fitness.
3
I never eat at restaurants anymore. Why? The noise. Whenever I complained, the owners said “The kids love it.” Well, I guess you don’t need me, then. And guess what? I don’t need you. With so many gourmet and exotic take-outs in my area, I don’t have to submit to eardrum torture, and I can hear conversations at home.
Same thing for movies.
2
Say that you are someone who has always appreciated quiet, serene environments.
One of the (many) great things about being over 50 is that it is now much more acceptable to be such a person.
Www.RememberToBreathe.org
1
And we don't want big portions of rich food late in the day.
Our dining room at home seats only six comfortably. So we entertain twice weekly, and rotate through our old friends at a reasonable pace. A simple, well prepared meal at home is infinitely more relaxing (we choose the food, wine, and music) and healthful, and a fraction of the cost. (Grilled salmon, risotto, a vegetable with a salad, and some non-fussy appetizers takes less than an hour to prepare.)
If we’re feeling adventurous and the weather is nice, we’ll walk over to the village for a nightcap or dessert. Otherwise, there’s a crackling fire (or bed, just upstairs!).
1
My partner & I are in our mid 80's. We are usually the oldest patrons in the restaurant. I wear hearing aids. The noise level in the restaurants near us can be unbelievable. Hard walls and ridiculous "music." Unless we are going to a movie first, we usually go to dinner early, before the crowd. The younger crowd start to come in after 6:30, when we are finishing up. Worst is when a large table is put together for eight or more and they must shout from one end to another. No respect for adjacent tables. At our favorite restaurant our names are known and we reserve a particular table in the corner, far from the maddening crowd.
456
Love this article . One of the common threads is the level of noise that makes it hard to hear the people at my same table !
40
We travel a lot and have learned the trick of dining in the same restaurant most nights while we are in a city. Lunch is the time to experiment. As far as being invisible, it is your responsibility to make eye contact, smile, take the reins and ask your young servers how it’s going. Recognition is a two way street.
2
When I was a college student in the 70s, I worked summers at a country club that had a restaurant, snack bar, pool bar and cocktail bar. As a server, I came to know all the members' preferences. Whether young or old, people rarely strayed far from their go-to dishes and cocktails. In fact, we usually made their drinks as soon as we saw them approaching and served them as they were sitting down at 'their' tables. This type of personal service was much appreciated by everyone, but particularly by the older members who showed their pleasure by tipping generously at the end of the season. I was able to earn enough for my tuition, room and board and gas money too. Now older and having lived in France for the past 40 years, my husband and I seek that same personal service and recognition whether in a local bistro or a restaurant with Michelin stars. The concession we have made to age is that we lunch more often than going out to dinner.
638
@Leslie Jane -- Bravo! I've always held that lunch is much more fabulous than dinner.
36
I got out to dinnered out in my late 40s (now 64).
As a single woman pushing 70 who occasionally eats out alone, there are additional advantages in frequenting the same restaurant. When the host recognizes you and the servers know you tip well, you don't get seated at the table near the bathroom or the kitchen door, even though the restaurant is only half full. Your server shows up within a minute of you sitting down not ten minutes later. Familiarity makes you visible; and valued.
1185
@Mary Ann: Why should a restaurant not value all it's customers? When I was in college, years ago, I would sometimes go to a museum on Saturday mornings. I liked to stop at a fancy hotel across the street for coffee and a croissant or two. I wasn't dressed particularly well, and didn't spend a lot. Their service was the same as for their other patrons - courteous, attentive, and professional. That is true class.
113
@Frank O I don't know Frank, that is a question for the restaurants, not for me. But maybe you got a decent table and attentive service because you are a guy? Do a survey of your women friends and ask them if they get better service if they go out with a guy, a woman friend, or by themselves.
151
@Mary Ann Of course we get ignored and snubbed while the men get attention. My most recent experience here in France. Two oldish ladies half an hour early for our lunch with a third older more physically challenged lady. 10 min to 12, the Brasserie was still empty. We were going to sit down and start drinking :-D while waiting for the third. But they wanted to put us at a little table with only room for 3 chairs wedged in a corner between two empty tables for 4, that they wanted to save for a party of 4. And of course we were speaking our native language together even though we both speak French. So we said "non merci", and wandered off in search of a more congenial place, where we got a larger table for 4 in a quiet corner. Called Ms. Three and had a quiet, great meal for the same price, where we could actually get caught up on three years of news.
83
We have noticed for some time now that conversation is near impossible in many restaurants due to high ceilings, wood floors, tables pushed too close together and music turned up loud. I have just turned 70. My husband is 67 and most of our friends are in their late 60s. All of us agree that dining out is not as much fun as it used to be. It is almost as if restauranters have decided that they don’t want affluent retired people spending money in their restaurants anymore.
6
This column feels like comfort food.
At age 73, I want consistency not newness.
I can cook better than most restaurants, so when we go out, which is often, I want quality, but also competency in service and repast. The Manhattan has to be great, the food superb, and the service flawless.
I don't care about the server's name or their likes on the menu, or their families, or their career plans. I just want my food and drink brought so as not to interfere with my conversation and eating.
It is not too much to ask.
618
My wife and I only go to restaurants that can prepare a meal better than we can. These places run the gamut from diners to fine dining. Bless them all.
103
@Art Seaman
Servers are people sir, and they have human flaws just like everyone else.
31
@Art Seaman Professional waiters are a thing of the past. Now it's like they want to sit down and have dinner with you. If you are ever in San Francisco, go to Sam's Grill on Pine and Kearney or Tadich Grill on California St. downtown for a fine meal, quiet place and professional service.
51
So true! While good food is a primary driver of our choices, it is most important that we enjoy one another's company. In retirement, it is such a joy to have the time to enjoy leisurely conversation with friends over dinner. But hearing that conversation has become increasingly difficult, and we find ourselves picking our destinations and dining times based on noise level as well as food. As an audiologist for many years, the #1 complaint I heard from my patients over 50 was about restaurant noise. Some had simply stopped being able to enjoy dining out because of it. Restaurants have recently been designed for maximum noise - large, open spaces, huge hard surfaces (brick walls, concrete floors, giant windows), and constant music. Why must we have music on top of the bar and table conversation? It's the experience most likely to keep us away. I'd like to see restaurant ratings include comments on noise/ability to converse as well as food. Thanks for your comments. They certainly match our experience.
844
@P Toro Good news for you! I was very happy to discover this app as well as I hate noisy restaurants. The app is SoundPrint. (I don’t work for them or receive any compensation in any form.) Users of the app can take decibel readings at the restaurant, bar, or cafe and post them on the SoundPrint site, so you can take that into account when you’re deciding where to dine. We use it all the time.
64
@P Toro...
There is a major difference between energy in a restaurant and noise...
The one's with energy are the ones where the patrons are enjoying themselves and their tablemates while the ones filled with noise are well...just...noise.
39
@P Toro There was at least one restaurant reviewer in either Le Monde or le Figaro in France a few years ago that included the noise level in its reviews. That may still exist.
17
Well done, Frank!
Thanks for writing this one!
2
We spent a few days at The Borgata in Atlantic City last year. Had a wonderful anniversary dinner at Bobby Flay's steak house. Flay's restaurants tend to be relatively quiet, never rushed, very nicely decorated, and the food is always incredible. The server was attentive, but not intrusive. I am well over 50 and found it a most inviting evening.
For those of us who are retired and don’t have access to big city restaurants, the best restaurants are those close to home that are comfortable, not noisy, and have a reliable menu with a few good dishes that taste the same every time we order them. It’s not so much the food we are going out for but the respite from cooking, the ease of getting there, and the comfortable ambience of the place. I don’t care if it’s Italian or Thai—which happen to be the two places 10 minutes or less from my home.
501
I haven't been to a sit-down restaurant in recent memory, but I rarely eat at home. I will go to a place like Whole Foods and make my own meal. Everyone knows me. it's a social event, akin to an eternal college dining hall. The only heat source is a microwave oven. But that works for chicken tenders, soup, and even shaved steak. It also works for french fries/tater tots. I buy all my veggies and make a salad myself. There's free filtered water to drink. I can also make my own tea. And oatmeal. I can poach eggs in the microwave. Salmon can be microwaved in a matter of minutes, tastes delicious with nothing added, and the container I cooked it in gets thrown in the trash, so no cleanup mess. I can also get pizza or other inexpensive prepared food. There's cheese and crackers I can make. I can nuke a potato and add cheese on top to melt. There's plenty of fruit to eat. I can wash off fruit and vegetables in available disposable containers. Disposable utensils and napkins are available and can be recycled right there. Now I know this lifestyle doesn't appeal to many people, and microwaving food may be anathema to you, but I have had no problems. I can control my ingredients and how they are cooked. And I save a lot of money while still getting lots of contact with people at meals. I feel like I'm giving away a huge secret and was reluctant to post this comment, but here it is, for what it's worth. Restore my spirit? I do it every day. And I do it my way.
4
There is no such thing as a quiet restaurant for those of us who have hearing loss and hearing aids. So many restaurants have hard floors, walls of glass windows, high ceilings, etc. Then there is the blaring music...ugh! It is hard to explain, but all the noise comes into my head at equal levels - plates and silverware clinking, people walking on wood floors, coughing, laughing, talking, etc., and it drowns out conversation at my table. I'm with Mo! Let's eat at the library!
672
@Shirley Reynolds Why is it that the kids who wait the tables get to choose the music customers have to listen to?
92
@Shirley Reynolds: I know exactly what you mean. It's as though every sound in the restaurant is amplified to the same punishing decibel. Sometimes I find I can hear my companions better if I simply remove my hearing aids. I guess this works because my friends are having to speak loudly anyway to make themselves heard over the racket. But all in all, I mostly stopped going out to dine. Not worth the trouble, eh?
45
@Linda - Amen to that! I'm an adventurous eater but I've pretty much given up going to new places for all the reason's FB enumerates, but principally the insane cacophony that floods my very expensive hearing aids. I prefer to seek out the known quiet corners, featuring good food and avoiding peak hours.
47
MY husband and I are in our 60's. We go to the same 5 restaurants because we can walk from our home. That way we can order that extra glass of wine. We go early because it's quieter and usually don't need a reservation. Around 6:00. My husband has a more varied palate than I do. He's always asking me why I order the same things all the time. I answer him the same way all the time. Life is too short to eat something I don't absolutely love.
799
Our little circle has been dining together from our 40s and now into our 50s and 60s. Mr Bruni nailed us. Except for the craft cocktail lists. We still love an inventive cocktail. Although we’ll still fall back on our Manhattans and G&Ts if nothing on the list appeals. Last new restaurant we dined at lost us when the barkeep topped our Manhattans off with a splash of club soda. Thought he was being enlightened somehow. We had to set him straight.
1
Deliciously insightful. Thank you.
2
At age 65 I feel precisely the same way. On my birthday I recently tried a new French place. It was expensive, loud and underwhelming. Oh, and way too expensive. Oh, and we both got sick later that night. Oh...
Adding to our desire to only try the "tired and true" is the lingering reality that the meals we prepare at home are on par with, or better than, what we get out. I'm guessing I'm not the only one that feels that way.
Finally, as we get older the wait staff generally is getting younger, so you lose the ability to connect with them on any meaningful level. All those 20-somethings with their little girl voices full of vocal fry aren't my cuppa tea.
And, by the way, the phrase "blunt the day and polish the night" is sheer poetry!
1124
@Clyde
My husband is an excellent cook and grill master. I will tackle the cleanup to have food prepared exactly as I like it, perfect martinis, wonderful wine selection, jazz music, etc. at our favorite dining spot - home!
50
@Clyde
Oh, please! "tired and true" ? Doesn't anyone read what they write anymore?
24
@Clyde
Yes that blunt/polish comment is truly exquisite. Thank you Frank.
24
Since my work took me to 22 different cities with stops on the way annually for 4-5 days at a time, I had little choice but to find different restaurants. Some were happy finds; most were too crowded and way too noisy--high ceilings, all hard surfaces where noise just bounced and reverberated. You couldn't hear yourself think much less converse with your tablemates. Often the food was mediocre and overpriced.
So yes, Frank, spot on. And boy, that disappearing act as you age is so so true. Even in my own family. When the kids invite me to do something with their younger friends, I'm pretty much treated as if I weren't there.
2
So many times we have been seated and then left a restaurant because it's too loud, too chaotic, too much TV flashing in my eyes. Quiet matters. A chance to talk without distraction. And yes, we keep returning to our favorite restaurant a block from our home where the waiter asks before I look at the menu, "Gnocchi with pomodoro?"
2
I am in the travel business and I have the opportunity to eat at some very nice restaurants all over the world. I go for the food, the wine and the experience of what the chef has created for his or her diners.
I totally agree with Mr Bruni regarding noise levels. If I was hanging out with my friends, noise levels dont concern me. But for business meals or when I am out with my wife and at times, children, I want to be able to hear what they have to say. In other words, I want to have an adult conversation.
A few weeks ago I had a business lunch at Scotto's in NYC. I had never eaten there before and was invited by one of my hoteliers. Scotto's consists of the power lunch crowd where the guests crane their necks to people watch and see who is eating near them.
The food was good, but the place was incredibly loud, noisy and I could barely hear my host above the din of the dining room clatter. I had a flatbread pizza, a glass of wine. My host had the fish special and iced tea. The bill, without tip, came to $136! $136. They are out of their mind. The food was good, not mindblowing, the service was good, but after 90 minutes of conversation, I probably heard 50% of what was being said.
I'll stick with the tried and true, places where prices are of this earth and I can actually hear the people I'm with.
16
Pulsating music competing with blaring TVs tuned to multiple sporting events, including MMA fights, screaming children, crudely dressed patrons, bartenders who acted like they were giving drinks away free and waitstaff who knew how to snatch partially finished plates of food but who could not be induced to produce a glass of water, all that and people lined up outside the doors to get in! We were invited to a party for an old friend but I was amazed at the number of people who were there voluntarily. We fled when the live band began to set up.
3
Why oh why are so many restaurants noisy and poorly lit? These are places with “buzz” and astronomical prices to match. Yet the only people who can afford these places can no longer see without reading glasses supplemented with bright lights, and can no longer hear their dinner companions above the din. In our mid-sixties, my husband and I stick to the few restaurants where we can actually hear the waiter’s recitation of the nightly specials and can decipher the words on the menu. Bon Appetit!
3
There was a restaurant in New Jersey named the Harbor that catered to an older crowd. It was always welcoming. The owner would greet everyone as you entered and the hostess was a pleasant conversationalist who had an exceptional memory of everyones name and background. Although the food was not exceptional the hospitality was first rate. Going there approximately once a month it was noticeable you'd see familiar faces and you would nod or engage in pleasantries.
It was taken over by new ownership. The hostess was fired, the menu changed, and friendliness was replaced by efficiency.
It closed within a year.
6
I'm reserved by nature, thus I've always preferred quieter spaces; age has nothing to do with it for me. The current restaurant trend to create deafeningly loud, hard edged, crowded spaces is confounding and enraging. My response is to avoid them entirely. I have one or two restaurants that I will go to and the rest I have no use for. French restaurants tend to be quieter but where I live they are not many. My very favorite local restaurant was French; the food and service were spectacular but what made it shine was its acoustics-I could hear my table mates but barely no one else-ultimately relaxing, refined and civilized. Sadly, the owner sold and went South.
4
Yes.
My grandfather liked to take the family out for Sunday dinner. During my first 14 or 15 years he always chose the same restaurant, where he ordered the same meal (steak). That restaurant closed, and over the next two or three years he tried out and rejected two and settled on a third, to which he went till he died.
When I had a few years of college behind me I felt way more sophisticated than my grandfather. I asked why he didn't take advantage of the choices available when eating out. Why not go to different restaurants and order different dishes? He looked at me as if I was crazy and said, "Why should I change when I've found the one I like best?
At age 82 I can't say that I'm glad I'm not younger. But there are some consolations...
5
Really enjoyed reading this Op-Ed. It really hit home. I am a couple of decades past 50 and when I go out to eat I want less of a dining "experience" and more of a quiet place to enjoy a good meal and good conversation with my table mates, without having to make a reservation six months in advance.
A few years ago I went to a restaurant in Boston that had great reviews on Yelp, the food was spectacular the reviews said, but the place is small and only limited to ten tables in close proximity to one another.
Yikes. My girlfriend and I found that in order to have a somewhat private conversation between just the two of us it would have been good if we knew sign language. The tables, practically touching one another, were not much larger than the nightstand by one's bed.
I ordered the Bouillabaisse for $30 (this was about 7 years ago) and was aghast to find that it contained two small pieces of fish, some vegetables, one shrimp and a hardened biscuit about the size of a deck of cards. (This was a main entree, not an appetizer).
I complained to the head waiter - something I have never done before (and haven't had to since) - and he was rather snarky in his response.
My revenge was to write my own review on Yelp and, of course, never to frequent that place again. But it amazed me to realize that people flock to restaurants like that one because of the "atmosphere."
Live and learn.
7
Perfect Frank. My wife and I often discuss precisely this. Just perfect!
Thank You!
8
Wow, how refreshing to find that I'm not the only one that feels this way! Bring on the quiet and some soul food.
8
We drive out to Colorado several times a year. On every trip we stop in Kearney, Nebraska - it's a real town! We eat at the Alley Rose, a sort of all American steakhouse with a salad bar and on our way home we eat at Jaipur outside Omaha. When people visit Chicago and ask us where to eat, I am at a loss. We have our favorite French place on Taylor Street, Italian in Bridgeport and Chinese in China Town. Our son talked us into a splurge at Charlie Trotter's before it closed, all we though about afterwards is the number of good meals that we could have had at other places for the price.
1
Please name your favorite place on Taylor St....Chinatown...what was the last one? We’re always looking for good places to try.
Lovely and very true. May I share my shorthand version of this? If a restaurant brags about using special foams, which always manage to look like spit, or other esoteric form of molecular gastronomy--avoid that restaurant. It's too young, too self-conscious and likely too loud.
9
Yes, all of this is true and you are spot on in your criticism. Those of us past 50 have known this for a long time. However, there exists one fly in the ointment of your theory. While older patrons take comfort going to a familiar restaurant, some of us are actually—and intentionally—denied this. Maybe you experienced this as a restaurant critic on the occasions when you dined alone (if you ever did). In my experience from coast to coast, restaurants hate the one-top—industry lingo for the dreaded single patron. (Cruise lines are even worse; they actually punish people monetarily if you want to go solo; don't get me started on those thieves.)
I cannot tell you the number of times I've been denied service as a one-top; given the option to "sit at the bar" (which is noisy) because only two or more patrons were entitled to a table; and twice told mid-meal I would have to move because a group wanted my table (I opted to leave instead then blasted the establishments on Yelp; both are now out of business, too). I've been asked by a greeter, "Don't you want to wait for the rest of your party?" when I said I was alone. If these places depend on repeat business (which I'd gladly give), stop treating me like a pariah.
I've also learned the trendier (and noisier) the place, the more likely I'm told I won't be served because I'm alone (star chef places the worst). At those times, Yelp is my friend and I've been known to blast a restaurant for its attitude toward one-top patrons.
13
I can really identify with this article. It's about time someone pointed these things out. My husband and I are over 50 and we do eat at the same restaurants over and over. We even request the same seats and order the same food. Our criteria is finding a place where we can actually hear a conversation. It's not easy to find these days. We like our tables a certain distance from each other as well. We don't mind paying any price for what we need. When we visit NYC we stay in the same hotel room also. When you frequent a place on a regular basis you do develop a relationship with the staff as well.
3
Like those of us already well past 50, I predict Mr. Bruni will increasingly favour comfort over adventure in all parts of his life.
Sports will be better enjoyed on TV.
Sleeping on the ground in a sleeping bag will be a thing of the past.
Hotels will be selected on the basis of quiet and the quality of the beds.
Minimizing the number of airports you pass through will be a big part of travel planning.
Quality food will prevail over trendy food.
7
My sweetie and I regularly eat at a restaurant in Portland. One staff member knew us well. When she moved on to a new restaurant, we followed her, and became regulars there, too. Despite how loud it was. When she moved on again, so did we.
Sometimes, one kind, generous, and thoughtful person can make the difference. I'm forever thankful to this woman, who served us so many wonderful meals, and made multiple restaurants 'favorites.'
But the truth is, it was her kindness and gentle care that we favored, not the establishments she worked for. She knew, after many meals, what we'd enjoy and what we'd only pick around the edges, and she cared that we enjoyed the meal.
If you have staff like this, treat them well. If you find a wait staff like this, tip them well. And thank them profusely for their care and hard work.
9