Yes, it's theft, and it's wrong. But it also makes me wonder why so many couples opt for a big wedding filled with people they don't even know. What happened to intimate? Why do you need more than 75 people at your wedding? Do you honestly have 250+ who are your real friends, or are weddings just like Facebook, where "friends" merits quotes?
2
I will never forget the dumb crashers at our corporate party. Three girls, standing by the bar. Two of my co-workers/friends approach them and we ask them if they work for our company (we knew they did not, but wanted to play along and have them fall flat on their faces), they said yes, we asked what department, they said HR, what they did not know is that one of the co-workers who approached them was head of the HR.
Needless to say, they were escorted out immediately, did not even get one drink.
5
These people are trespassing and theft of services. This is not the movies, this is someone's private and special day. The woman who thought "a buck for luck," made it all right is displaying disgusting behavior. In addition, when one of these rude, uninvited people slip on the dance from too much free wine, do they expect the family or the venue to pay their medical bills?
8
Ugh. Self-entitled, freeloading jerks. That they seem to think this is clever and cute makes them even more annoying.
16
This is totally creepy. If I felt like it was ok to 'crash' weddings or whatever, I would hope someone who loves me would intervene.
14
What has happened to basic manners?
Bottom line is - you weren’t invited!
Other people’s weddings are not an opportunity for the uninvited to indulge, chat, wear a tux, or create stories to showing how clever they are.
Geesh....have a little respect.
37
I crashed an open-house for NYU's Tandon School of Engineering by accident (no food or drink was served). I asked for directions to an exhibit and was misdirected. I followed potential students and their parents as the went from lab to lab to hear professors talk about their latest engineering projects. Ironically, the professors appreciated my presence since after they asked, "Are there any questions?" I was the only one asking questions! This happened at least three times. My advice to parents and students touring colleges: read up on the projects professors are working on so you can ask intelligent questions during college tours!
12
This is not funny, it's theft of services. What would happen if the univited were a stalker or former romantic interest of the couple? That first guy who crashed the Nye wedding, couldn't figure anything else to do on Nye? What a loser even though he left them $100! It's the plaza baby!
19
@robin s. - Seriously! It was New Year’s Eve in NYC. If this guy couldn’t find anything better to do on New Year’s Eve in NYC then crash a wedding, then the problem is definitely his.
On another note, I didn’t know people were still doing wedding websites. The last person I knew who did a website for her wedding got married 11 years ago. Wedding websites seem a little passé and, as this couple’s experience proves, if they’re not password protected they can be an invasion of privacy and open invitations for unwanted people. What if the uninvited person who shows up is an unhinged stranger who won’t leave when asked and then makes a huge scene? It’s your wedding. Forget the website. Do it the old fashioned way: send your guests an invitation and be done with it.
6
These wedding crashers are completely invasive and this article was quite troubling to me. If I wanted to invite you, wedding crasher, then I would have done so. So many brides and grooms have to limit their guest list in some way (whether no children, no relatives beyond first cousins, no work colleagues or otherwise) so to have wedding crashers take precedence over those who are known to the bride and groom but not invited is, to me, indicative of the most selfish behaviour. If I saw a wedding crashers at my wedding, I would have called security and had them tossed out.
34
On a trip to Cambodia several years ago, we came upon several weddings; they were all in semi-outdoor settings. Being curious about some of the customs, we walked up to observe. In all cases, we were then invited to the wedding.
10
@jill then you didn't crash. You were a late-invited guest. I was invited to a Bat Mitzvah in Florence because I just showed up in synagogue that morning. But I would not have gone to the kiddush without a specific invitation.
13
A number of years ago my wife and I were staying at the University Club in New York. Because we were staying at the club, we had access to almost all of the parts of the building. In one of the rooms on the main floor workers were getting everything ready for a wedding ceremony to take place that evening, and in the main dining room a florist and his assistants were preparing the most spectacular floral arrangements we had ever see. We talked with him a bit and then went to our room. After we had returned that night from a performance at the Metropolitan Opera, we stopped off on the seventh floor, where the main dining room is located. Even when it's empty, that room is surely one of the most beautiful rooms in New York. The band was playing, people were dancing, and it was a joyous scene! However, it never would have occurred to us to try to crash the party. We weren't invited, and to eat or drink anything would have been stealing! We took a quick look and got back on the elevator to go to our room.
26
The article donged a little bell in the back of my mind about a tale from long ago in which I'd been told that envelopes of cash gifts had been stolen at a wedding of people I didn't know. It never occurred to me that someone could have pretended to be an invited guest and walked off with it. Of course, leaving cash on a table anywhere but in a private home would be a terrible idea. But it was an awful story.
12
I didn’t find this amusing. Frankly, this sounds just like the people spotlighted for living “frugally” yet when you peel away the layers they are just living off of someone else’s dime.
32
@Carolee Mech
I am less than comfortable with crashing a wedding.
Of course there have been a few occasions when I had been walking through hotels and found neglected hors d'oeuvres very tempting.
On more than one occasion I succumbed to temptation.
5
Lighten up, detractors. There's a huge difference in the motive of crashers vs. thieves. The theft of valuable items can be made by those already invited to the wedding.
And when's the last time you attended a wedding where they ran out of food and drink? They have far more than enough food and drink for those invited, and many times food is thrown away.
5
@Jim Most venues charge per plate and per drink, so the cost of just one extra person can be significant. In addition, there may be an extra charge if the number of guests exceeds the number specified in the contract. So maybe there's one crasher — or maybe there are 10! — and the couple quickly goes over budget.
And you won't know until the very end whether food will be left over or not. If so, maybe the people who paid for it will want to take the extras home.
Eating food that someone else paid for without being invited is theft.
10
Most venues charge per plate, as well as for drinks, so the cost for even one extra person can be substantial. And do these people assume they're the only crashers? What if there are 10? Regardless, taking food that someone else paid for without their permission is theft.
3
@Jim you are seriously making this point? That there may be leftovers does not create an invitation for uninvited guests. Sorry, you're a boor if you do this. And yes, kind of a thief. Strong words but it's a very very bad act. It's not cute and although it might be fun for you, it could be a headache for the hosts. Behave yourself in the future.
5
This is definitely not amusing. At both my sisters wedding and my cousins wedding money and jewelry was stolen. We never found out whether it was wedding crashers, insiders who were working at the hotel, etc. but who knows they may have grabbed a plate of food, a glass of wine and some expensive jewelry on their way out. Unlike the wedding crashers in this article not all of them leave a note and a gift, some of them leave with your gifts!
33
I think there’s a big difference between grabbing a glass of champagne and some hors d’oeuvres and taking a wedding gift. If you read the other comments by those who have had their own weddings crashed, you’ll see that their reactions range from amusement to delight.
5
That response is the couple's prerogative. Not everyone will feel that way, and of course the crashers don't know in advance how the couple will feel -- because they don't ask.
9
@Sue - Sorry, but I would not be amused by wedding crashes in any capacity. I paid for that champagne and that food to be enjoyed by my guests, not by some weird stranger whom I’ve never seen before.
And yes, the people that do this are weird, I don’t care if they leave a monetary gift or behave themselves at the affair. If they can’t find anything better to do with their time than invade someone else’s event, then they definitely need to re-evaluate their lives. “Wedding Crashers” was a funny movie, but I don’t want some Vince Vaughn-type individual at my wedding, and I don’t know anyone else who would, either.
15
"Wedding crashing" is a euphemism for stealing, no matter how you romanticize it. Is that not obvious?
41
Once, I was going out for dinner with a friend to a particular restaurant but when we got there, a wedding was being held and the restaurant was closed to the public.
The idea crossed my mind to just go in and pretend to know the hosts, to be able to eat there that night. But I wasn't dressed up enough and didn't want to end up in a scene getting kicked out or yelled at by strangers.
But I am too responsible and honest. I thought at the time someone will think we are thieves (eating food paid for by the hosts) or my friend would think I've got questionable morals. So we ended up eating a few doors down, and it was a terrible meal, and we had a forgettable and dull evening.
I'm sorry I wasn't dressed up that evening, because I think if we had been adventurous and tried it, we could have had an outstanding memory and possible fun outcomes. (We pretend to be other people! we meet new people! we meet other future partners! ) And we might have stayed friends, encouraging each other to be adventurous.
Abbie Hoffman's book, "Steal This Book" (1971) provided some of the earliest (and funniest) public advice to hippies and radicals on how to pilfer food at a wedding, bar mitzvah, or other social event. Back then it was a way of surviving on the streets and thumbing the establishment, today it's more an expression of greed and disrespect.
10
@Michael. Thank you for reminding me. Went looking for my copy, and was surprised, well, that no one had lifted it from my bookshelf. Another helpful tidbit on Page 5: “A man and a woman can work this free-load better than a single person as they can chatter back and forth while stuffing themselves.”
2
I was married in CT in October. In the middle of the reception, there was a guy walking around with a can of beer (a variety we were not serving at the open bar) and wearing a Boston Red Sox shirt. I was thinking, who is this guy...I asked him if he was having a good time. He said, heck yeah, gave me a high-five, and pounded some beer. I shook my head and laughed to myself. Definitely a crasher.
14
I barely want to go to the weddings I am invited to!
81
@MJ I'd enjoy myself more where I don't know anyone.
12
Ha! In our neck of the woods filled with the retired and elderly, we have funeral crashers. People who go to most funerals for people they don’t know to imbibe and enjoy a free meal afterwards.
Since many in the community know who these folks are, every funeral reception becomes a kind of a “Where’s Waldo” event. Where are they and how long will they stick around? Likely the deceased had even met them all at a previous gathering.
24
@LJB
I had a friend whose father (an alcoholic) attended more than his share of funerals.
My friend said his dad went for the booze.
Eventually the man went to AA and was sober for more than 20 years when he died.
He still went to plenty of funerals, but as a sober man his interest was in the food.
7
I would leave the city and drive around rural Northern Alberta to look for community centers lit up on Saturday night. That meant a wedding with Polka & Beer! Heck yeah I was a wedding crasher back in the day.
7
I must agree with the comments criticizing this sort of behavior.
This has nothing to do with humor and this is not a scene out of a humorous stage and screen script.
I assume that while most of these occurrences have played out innocently, or rather without incident, there may well have been other instances where professional party crashers with ill intent seek out opportunities to profit.
Consider stolen wallets, evening clutches and even "chance" meetings with prospective well heeled guests (for whatever questionable reason).
When the champagne and cocktails are flowing and the dance floor is swirling at a festive occasion, this is a perfect scenario for predatory individuals.
32
My husband and I had a very small wedding but larger reception at a restaurant in Houston. We both noticed 2 nicely dressed women enjoying themselves, eating and having a glass of wine. He thought they were my friends and I thought they were his friends. We didn’t discuss it until the pictures came back. We got a huge laugh out of it, it made for a great story and a great memory. Neither one of us knew them. My husband is now deceased but I still tell the story and laugh.
16
Hard to be mad when he's gracious enough to leave $100 and a card.
63
Sounds like these people are either cheap or have no real friends.
We had 'attempted crasher-abettors' who would have never defined themselves as such. The people who tell you how much their neighbors or Aunt Gertrude would enjoy coming, even though you've never heard of them. One couple brought their family after being told the (small) guest list could not be adjusted.
I've noticed that those lacking in manners are the first to be offended.
12
I find the idea of attending uninvited any private event, especially a memorable moment for people as their wedding, mingling with other people's loved one's, pretending to know the hosts very disturbing, creepy and invasive. I certainly would not have been amused. It borders in sociopatic behavior.
82
@Chatelet, nope, does not "border on." It's full-on theft. I was at a wedding some months ago where we were greeted first by a security detail. Now I know why. It seemed a little weird that they checked for our names on the guest list, but after reading this article, it seems to have been necessary.
5
This is just a privileged white collar crime.
27
If you have such a fancy wedding that people would want to crash AND so many guests, you don’t know who they are....then whatever. I’m pretty sure people having a NYE wedding or Plaza wedding are not hurting for money.
For everyone else, this is not ok. It’s as bad as guests who show up without RSVPing.
4
Why are you encouraging this? This is really theft from the wedding couple who have pored over every detail of their day, and paid good money for their chosen friends and family to share in their very special day. I'm absolutely sick that this article rationalizes this terrible "fun" that the crasher has. Awful, awful, awful. I hope people crash YOUR wedding and you'll see how it feels!
65
If you read the comments, you’ll see that many people who have had their own weddings crashed found the experience amusing.
2
@Sue
Not MANY - maybe a few.
6
Even today in places that aren’t New York, the wedding dance is often the place to include the community members you couldn’t afford to feed but could welcome to celebrate later in the evening...a toonie bar (that’s Canuck!) or BYOB depending on the venue. Word of mouth in the past....messaging now,
4
This story is appalling. There's nothing amusing or cool or even remotely acceptable about sneaking into a stranger's private celebration. Weddings are expensive, and the celebrants pay for it per plate. "Crashing" a wedding is no more appropriate than sneaking into a movie or running out of a restaurant without paying the bill, and in some ways it's worse because the "crashers" are inserting themselves into other people's intimate occasion.
Don't romanticize this deplorable behavior.
72
@Jay It looks like in both of these situations the crashers ducked out during dinner.
3
@Ally but they didn't mind helping themselves to drinks. Have you priced out how much you pay per bottle at a reception. This is stealing.
10
@Ally Of course. They had the drinks and appetizers which are often more tasty than the main course. Then they went back to dance and possibly have cake. They did all the best stuff; dinner is just something to do between the cocktail hour and the fun dancing.
3
Big weddings are stupid and a waste of money. Anyone who puts on a lavish wedding with expensive accouterments of ice sculptures, flowers and decorations, who forces bridesmaids to blow money they don't have on useless custom dresses they will never wear again, deserves wedding crashers.
Weddings are so overloaded with the accumulation of phony traditions why not one more, wedding crashers. It could be a game to figure out who are the genuine guests and who are the crashers. As long as they pitch in with making it a fun affair, who cares? It's all a titanic waste. Why be so serious about it.
9
@J.I.M. Add birthdays, Halloween, graduations to that list... and pretty soon nothing to celebrate or get together with friends. Never mind.
3
The King and Queen of gate crashers are Tareq and Michaele Salahi, who crashed the Obama's first state dinner in honor of Indian Prime Minister Manmohan Singh by getting past the secret service and being greeted by the Obamas without anybody realizing they were imposters.
https://www.nytimes.com/2009/11/28/us/politics/28crasher.html
15
@Rahul
Now, they were real pros.
The obvious security breach aside, one would hope they enjoyed themselves.
2
@Rahul
I worked for Reston Limo in Sterling, Virginia.
Those Salahis owed the company a lot of money.
Don't know if they ever paid it.
7
@jbartelloni
Whadda surprised?
1
In the 1960s, my parents lived in a house in Summit NJ across from a fine hotel where wedding receptions took place on Saturdays. For entertainment, my parents would put on fancy clothes and go over to enjoy the cake and champagne, commenting on the beautiful bride. They were well received.
21
@Anne Russell Seems harmless enough to me but have you read the comments? Wow, people are so harsh about something that is supposed to be fun and joyous. Thieves. Theft of service. It's all about money. So much for love.
9
@Anne Russell The Grand Summit Hotel! It's still in business.
5
@FLF That's it. Wow! I remember it well.
5
My 60 years old mother, in the UK, around 1960, crashed a wedding. Needing a restroom, my father stopped the car outside a hotel, as he and my brothers sat outside. She was gone a much-longer-than-possible time and we were about to go search, when she reappeared, very cheerful. Going through the doors, she looked lost and a helpful hotel staff said "In there.." and in she went. Given a glass of champagne, she talked to complete strangers and had another glass and then remembered we were out there. My father was upset that she did not come to get him.
38
@Tim I love this story! Thanks for sharing.
5
@Tim lol what a wonderful story! great family lore...
2
It had not occurred to me that we would need to password protect our wedding website, but after reading this article, we will! Luckily, we are just about to print the invitation and make the website live. The idea that random people out there are scanning various wedding websites looking for good parties with attractive guests to possibly date really gave me the creeps. Also, it's upsetting that random people would think it's OK to crash when we can't afford to invite extended family and friends due to our limited budget. Even though the article tried to make wedding crashers sound charming, thanks for the warning NYT.
61
You can make light of it, but aren't wedding crashers essentially thieves ?
73
When he played for the Red Sox, Manny Ramirez lived in a suite at one of the top hotels in Boston. Several times a year he’d ‘crash’ the wedding being held in the main ballroom.
4
@Bascom Hill
Manny Ramirez being Manny Ramirez, he was probably very welcome.
Now A-Rod?
Don't think so.
6
I don't understand why the media continues to treat this phenomenon like an amusing, harmless little laugh. People like the Snows are just schnorrers in nice clothes. If I went to a bar and spent the evening drinking then tried to walk out on the tab, I would be arrested. But when some family is footing the bill, it's suddenly ok?
Families often stretch to pay for these parties, and make tough decisions about who to invite and who not to, almost always because of cost considerations. Please call wedding crashing what it is: classless, rude, intrusive, and wrong.
117
@Ted Dwyser
To those non-Yiddish speakers; "schnorrers"=beggers, free-loaders.
1
How is the word "thief" nowhere in this story? Somebody is paying for the food and drink, and it's not the crashers.
80
funny until someone's purse is stolen, cellphone snatched, gift envelopes taken, or something happens that isn't quite so cute. i was at a wedding in a lovely hotel setting when 6 guys in bathrobes came in soaking wet from the hot tub, insisting (drunkish) that the hotel was public property, private party notwithstanding. when asked to leave they went around to a path outside the giant windows and continued to act up. time to call security.
33
Dress it up. Put lipstick on it. It's still theft of service.
81
Did I just read several somewhat amusing confessions of larceny?
39