I’m at that stage now with my 12 y/o Redbone Coonhound. She’s on pain medication so she can get up without yelping. She gets us up sometimes 2-3 times a night to go out. She still loves her food and laying in the sun.
I’m also hoping she’ll just go to sleep. But I know that won’t happen. She’ll always be a puppy to me
27
This article hit home for me. My dog Lucky wasn't acting normal so we brought him to the vet who saw a mass in the back of his mouth. We brought him to the animal hospital hoping a CT would show a benign tumor but it wasn't benign. The vet called me while Lucky was still asleep and told me the news. I asked if putting him down while he was still asleep was the least painful thing to do and she said yes, absolutely. I told her, I need to be with him, I'll be there in 30 minutes. My husband wanted to wake him up to say goodbye but I held my ground. Of course I wanted Lucky to know I was there with him and that I wouldn't leave him alone to die. It was the hardest decision I ever had to make. I hold alot of guilt for taking care of him this way and when the article talks about sedation before euthanasia I cried.
Lucky was amazing and I miss him everyday. He took a piece of my soul with him when he left this world.
36
Thank you for this article, and it seems that even using the assessment scale, we could allow our beloved pets to suffer needlessly because of our inability to let them go. I can attest to the pain threshhold being an inadequate indicator—we had a handsome terrier who escaped the yard and was hit by a car. The vet looked him over, poked, prodded and manipulated his legs only to find out after xray that his hip was broken in 6 places! And not a whimper out of him!! He lived to be 12, doted on until the end. If hand feeding and other unnatural measures required to extend life to spare your feelings a bit longer required, this is the time to be brave and let your animal go. There are vets who will visit your home to do this as well, so your pet is not only held in your arms, but in familiar and nurturing surroundings. Pace in requiem 🙏🏻
21
I just lucked up on this article and it helped me a lot. I recently (01-20-2020) had to put my loving puppy Lucy to sleep. She was diagnosed with tumors on her spleen and various other problems. She was twelve years old and was a Shepard lab mixed and she was present to my late husband when he became ill. And she was the best. Next to letting my husband go this was the hardest decision I had to make. But the Doctor (Vet) explained it to me and it hurt but I felt better not letting her suffer anymore .
18
my wife and I have fostered over a dozen Chesapeake Bay Retrievers over the past years, and these dogs are the princes of the breed.
We adopted two into our 'forever home' as our rescue volunteers call it. One pup lived to 11 years and his 'brother' remarkably is living his 18th year now. The time will come for taking him for his eternal sleep, and only when his mobility suffers to show us as much.
Our vet will be ready and this pup will hear the Aaronic Prayer sung as he passes. He'll deserve no less!
13
I feel it is Important to keep in mind that pets are physical beings. They don't have books, TV, movies, newspapers, etc. Once their physical becomes trying, it is time to say goodbye. Also, many older dogs live in fear, especially if their senses (eye sight, hearing) are compromised. Incontinence is more upsetting to them than you.
You owe it to them not to ever let them suffer.
37
@JJ Flowers it’s true that they’re physical beings, but they’re also deeply emotional and intelligent beings, and instead of tv, newspapers, etc, they have and treasure their loving relationship with you (and other family members and animal friends). I think it’s important to assess all of these components... a very elderly dog may not be able to get out much anymore and may need more help with things, but if he or she is happy snuggling up next to you on a rainy afternoon while you sit together by the fire or something, that is a lovely and worthwhile day on both sides.
27
If we could only be so kind to the people.
43
Just last Friday night we said goodbye to our dear 13 year old Boxer, Louie. He had degenerative myelopathy for about a year and over the last several weeks quickly become more disabled. Watching him stumble and fall was devastating and I tried to help in any possible way. Late Friday afternoon he was in the backyard, staring into the distance and so unsteady on his feet. He collapsed in my arms just an hour later and was unable to get up. We carried him to his favorite spot on "his" couch and I sat with him, trying to ease his trembling and rapid panting. Louie was telling us he had had enough. I wasn't with our first Boxer when he was put to sleep and wanted to be there for Louie when he died. I'm so glad I stayed with him, whispering to him how much he was loved. My heart is broken and I miss him so, the house is so quiet. Thinking back, he was often a cranky fella' and would sometimes actually turn his head away when I went to give him a kiss. That makes me smile. I do wonder, however, if we shouldn't have let him go sooner. It was just so hard to say goodbye to our best friend.
26
@smh you did everything right.
My bulldog also turns her head when I go to kiss her face.adorable.i just kiss her anyway.
I fear the day that will come as you have been through.
When my parents passed,I hurt greatly but then I felt better knowing they were not suffering anymore!
Thank you for sharing,it helps me when the time comes to be more prepared.
9
We are going through the “is it the time” process and it is so hard! Our wonderful 17 year old Shih tzu has been deaf for 2 years and has been losing his sight and now is blind. He has stopped playing with toys, no longer barks or does much tail wagging. His balance is off and his walks which he always loved are reduced to carrying him out and putting him in the grass and picking him up to go inside. He still eats and drinks. I took videos of him yesterday and realized I was being selfish. He bumps into walls and furniture, walks in circles and looks sad and confused. We have already lost him and don’t want to believe it.
31
My husband and I had to make the awful decision to let our sweet girl go 2 years ago. She was 11 and our special girl. She came to the humane society from a cruelty situation and she spent the next 2 years in the shelter. When we saw her picture and read her story we drove 5 hours to get her. The first day we brought her home (she was 4) we promised her we would never let anyone hurt her again. We ended our day like always. She was fine when we went to bed but we knew something was wrong the next morning. Sometime in the night she perforated her small intestine. The vet told us there was nothing they could do to save her. We brought her home and kissed and loved on her for 4 hours while we waited for the vet to come to our house to ease her passing. I miss her every day. I am so thankful there are services like the one described in this article where ur pet is in their home and surrounded by people who love them.
12
I always cry when I read these stories, it reminds me of every time I've had to tell my critters good bye, weigh my needs against theirs, and the awful pain of letting them go.
I've had them all cremated, and when I die, all of our ashes will be combined and sent to a place that will form us into a single diamond, which reflects our common love for each other. At least with a diamond, it won't get thrown away, and we will shine a bit in the light wherever we are.
32
@OLYPHD that is lovely.
6
I have lived the entirety of my adult life with dogs, bird dogs. But I have only had to have one euthanized. She was a Vizsla and just five months shy of her eighteenth birthday. One of the saddest days of my life. She was the only dog I had owned that was pictured in Gun Dog magazine.
I still have two of the same breed. One is now fifteen and the other is nine. Although both are still healthy, I fully realize the end will be coming in the not too distant future for Maggie, the elder of the two. Perhaps, it will be less emotional for me this time, but I doubt it.
Dogs give you unconditional love and loyalty and only asked to be petted, housed, and fed. While I have had a few regrets of some of my human relationships in my lifetime, I have never had regret of having owned a dog.
30
My almost 15 years dog Blu was getting more and more tired and on a Thursday he started vomiting heavily and with a brown dark colour. I kept an eye on him till Sunday when I decided to take him in for a check and they decided to keep him in cause he was in pain and dehydrated with liver failure and pancreatitis. Two days after I got him off the clinic to go home.i was hoping I could give him some palliative care at home but when we got in our garden his pain was so much with his constantly crying and barking and not calming down that I called my friend vet and asked her to administer euthanasia. I called my best friends who loved Blu so much...we cuddled him and gave him presence. With my head on his head and laying in our grass we first put him asleep and after a few moments we stopped his heart. My heart sunk with his last breath. I knew it would hurt but never imagined so much. Making the choice was confusing and hurtful but this article made me confirm that it was the right choice. I just hope we could have avoided the stress of the clinic although the doctors there are very careful and dedicated and ethical, I still think he should have stayed home and i wish we had avoided the extra examinations. But alas they wanted to understand what was happening.it has been pretty sudden. He left me in 6 days from a first vomit. He was then best part of me. I will miss him dearly. I wish you all lots of strength in embracing the end of our amazing pets.
17
@Francesca and Blu
I am so sorry for ur loss. We lost our sweet dog in 36 hours. She was fine at 9 pm when we went to bed and 36 hours later we took her home and the vet came to our house put her to sleep. Like u, I wish we did not wait an extra day. We first took her to our regular vet who tried some things. The next morning it was obvious we were losing her. We took her to the emergency vet's office where they told us she had perforated her small intestine. It breaks my heart knowing she suffered an additional 24 hours because I waited to see if she would get better the previous day. I miss Cassie everyday. I had no idea how much of a loss it would be without her. Thank u for sharing ur story.
5
A wise vet once told me, "Almost everyone waits too long to euthanize their terminally ill pet. Very few do it too soon." Don't be one of those waiting too long. This quality of life scale is helpful and I wish more people would use it and vets would talk about it. The last gift you can give an animal you love is a humane, peaceful death with you there. They are not afraid or dreading it - you are. It's not about you. Don't keep a suffering animal alive because you fear the loss. Be there to comfort the pet. I've done this with many dogs and cats over the years and it has always been peaceful. I want to know how it is and to be with my beloved pet at the end. More vets will make home visits to euthanize, which is a great boon for animals who are anxious about car rides or vet visits. It also allows other animals in the household to realize that the pet has died and not wonder why it disappeared. Animals handle this very well.
33
@Alice I've kept the pets at home for a few days afterward so the other critters recognize he's gone, give a final lick and watch them for awhile, before I take them to the vet to be cremated. It helps me say goodbye too.
8
@Alice thank you for your wise, compassionate post. I know it's a kindness, even though it hurts my heart. The 'right thing' is often hard and painful. But I hold in my heart that I am doing the kind thing. And they are not afraid as long as we are there with them. We owe them that.
8
@Alice. I agree, vets need to be more upfront with clients about when to say goodbye to their pets. My first cat suffered needlessly because my vet never dealt honestly with me about how he could suffer with late-stage kidney disease, and I regret it years later. I was told that some pet owners don't want to know the details, so I made sure to tell my next vet to please give it to me straight and tell me what I needed to know in order to never let another pet suffer again. Now after 2 more have passed I feel I'm getting better at determining "when" but it is still so hard.
14
Believe it or not, pets, like humans, can show a lot in their eyes. My cat that I mentioned below....who had a horrible cancer of the mouth...in her last few days, I relished our time together, knowing that I'd be putting her to sleep very soon. I took photos of us together, the two of us facing the camera. And later, in looking back at the photos, the look of sadness in her eyes was so utterly apparent...so painful to see. I absolutely did the right thing in putting her to sleep. She was simply not going to get better, and would only continue to suffer. Putting our pets to sleep at such times, is the most selfless demonstration of love we can show them.
Also, I can't say enough good things about petloss.com, a no-fee, no gimmick site for people with terminally-ill or recently-deceased pets. The best parts of the site imho? Their Discussion Boards (everyone is so understanding and helpful), their Tribute Pages (where you can write a note to your deceased pet..the note remaining on the site for perpetuity....and their weekly Monday Night Candlelight Ceremony...a virtual chat room event where furparents gather to honor their recently-deceased pets. This site has been a godsend to me, a number of times.
12
I've had to put a number of pets to sleep over the years. Never an easy decision, but in every instance when I looked back, I realized that I could not have picked a more 'perfect' time to put each of my pets to sleep,
I would never ever put my own needs/wants before my pet. When there is no chance for change or improvement in their condition, and they have more bad days than good, the time is near. I also consider the level of their discomfort or pain. So like I have one cat who has severe arthritis. He has difficulty getting up onto or down from the couch. Yet, he has an appetite. He sleeps soundly through the night. So for now, he's ok.
I had another cat who developed cancer of the mouth, a particular bad form of cancer. She could not eat or drink on her own. I had to feed her three times per day, a mix of baby food and water, with a syringe. Each feeding took about 20 minutes, and involved my having to space out each 'food injection', so that she'd have a chance to gingerly try and ingest the food. It would inevitably dribble all over her face, as her mouth cancer was such that she could barely hold the food in her mouth/swallow. I had a damp sponge at the ready, to wipe her face after each installment of food. Twenty minutes for each feeding, three times per day. Before I left for work, coming home on my lunch hour, and at night when I arrived home. This would be the form of her existence going forward. After about 10 days of this, I put her to sleep.
16
@Lisa it’s so hard to know, when you’re trying things that you think could help them. Sometimes you just can’t know right away, and in the time that you’re trying to help, I think you’re both also using that time in a way to express love and start saying goodbye to each other. Your love and caring for your friend shines through here, and I’m sure your cat understood how much you loved her and were trying to help. Kindest wishes to you.
5
I had to put my german shepherd to sleep two years ago. I arranged for euthanasia at home, and took the day off to spend with him. I fed him steak and ice-cream, and cuddled with him the whole day, and then he went to sleep forever.
He was almost 14 years old at the time - and his degenerative myelopathy had deteriorated very fast in the last month. He would keep falling down and not be able to walk, he was depressed and barking nonstop, he could not keep himself clean because he could get up to do his business. Losing him was incredibly painful and I still tear up every few days thinking about him - he was the most loving boy ever, and literally stayed by my side every moment. I used to call him my stalker:) Letting him go was very hard, but I did not want him to keep suffering.
23
Beautiful, thank you Tara. As my father Dr. John Pilley used to say, “if you bring a dog into your home, one day you will get a broken heart.” This was infinitely true with Chaser, and just like my father, until the end her mind was sharp and engaged, but the body that served her well, was just worn out. The past year, as Chaser lived with my sister Robin and my mother Sally, as her body slowed down they ensured that each day was filled with play inside and out, sitting in the sun, cooling down with the water hose, frequent walks around the neighborhood and expeditions around town to restaurants, bookstores and coffee shops where she loved to flirt and engage people with her blue ball. Seeing the light go out in her eyes on Tuesday July 23rd brought an unbearable grief, met with heaving sobs. Slowly, our bottled up sorrow quietly melted into a profound sense of relief that her spirit was free to frolic with joy as she had moved on to her next adventure, joining my father who was there to greet her with open arms. Yes, her life was short, but filled with joy and discovery, accomplishing more in her 15 years than most humans in a lifetime. Our dogs are magical creatures and their short lifespans teach us how to be in the moment, live joyfully and love unconditionally. I believe their fleeting lives are a wake-up call to humans, to live our own lives with their same depth of love, devotion and gratitude. And let’s not forget play.
24
@Pilley Bianchi The videos of your dad working with Chaser and the Nova episode with Neil Degrasse Tyson are so beautiful, remarkable and even magical, and I've watched them many times. Thank you to your family for providing her with love and happiness in her last year. I have an Aussie and have been playing the "go find" game with him in Chaser's honor.
3
@Pilley Bianchi I share your grief for Chaser. When I read that your father had died, I cried as if I had actually known him. Chaser was a most amazing being. I picture them together again, happily exploring the world of work, which seemed to be the most fun thing ever for her.
5
My beloved German Shepherd's passing was peaceful, thanks to our wonderful vet. She had lived a long and happy life, but eventually had inoperable cancer.
Now the house feels - wrong.
I wasn't close to my parents and although I was sad when they died, I didn't grieve as I have for my dear dog.
29
Wonderful, yet heartbreaking, article — thank you. I am currently struggling with what to do about Bailey, my beautiful 17yo tiger tabby. About a year ago he rapidly lost weight (though still ate ravenously legendary), started crying out with these yowls (he’s typical VERY quiet) and constantly wanted us to turn on the bathtub spigot so he could drink. Bloodwork from vet showed elevated liver enzymes, also With distressed pancreas and kidneys. Sonogram confirmed several cancer-like masses, including on his organs. He’s been on daily doses of liver meds and steroids for the cancer. For a while he pepped up m. However, 2-months in he seems forlorn, is again losing weight, breathing seems somewhat labored and he has a weird odor. He’s my first pet l, so its very hard to know what to do. My vet advocated for cancer treatment, but I ruled that out when I understood it was in multiple locations. I’ve run through the scale many times, and come up with different results as I second-guess or rationalize answers. My greatest fear is that he’s suffering in pain. He’s too much of a gentleman for that — he’s been the most trouble-free thing in my life for 17 years and I’m wracked with both doubt and guilt. Any advice?
13
You know your pet better then anyone. You will know when it is time.
6
My sweet one stopped eating. Tuesday morning he crawled into my lap, laid his head on my stomach and you are right, I just knew. Hardest thing I’ve ever done, but am at peace with that part. Missing him so much.
12
@M I agree with Robert, below. And add to that, listen closely to your pet. He will tell you when it's time.
5
I've had dogs for 35 years: one, two and three at a time. I can remember each one's death clearly. Only with my first did a "natural" death happen. He had congestive heart failure and I knew the time was at hand to let him go the next day when he couldn't sleep lying down because of all the fluid in his lungs. He died during the night, coughing, and I vowed no animal close to me would ever go through that again. Gently easing them out of this life is a loving gift we can give them.
After my last rescue dog died at 14-15, I went a year without a companion. I live alone and although the freedom was nice, the loneliness was too much. So, in January 2018 my local shelter put out a request for someone to adopt a senior dog. Boomer was 13 when he came to live with me. A pure Springer Spaniel, I think he was a field dog before his owner surrendered him.
He just turned 15 and with our recent move to Chicago, we are joyously exploring the city together. When the time comes for him to leave me, I'll once again give my love and affection to another dog that's been left behind by someone.
28
@Susan I had the same experience. My first cat was very ill and I had made the decision to put him to sleep but he died at home before I could. It was a horrible experience in the middle of the night, with long seizures and what seemed like a lot of pain. I was wracked with guilt for a long time after that, so when my other cat (who lived to 20!) finally got too tired to go on I scheduled a home visit and it was extremely peaceful for her. Of course it was still very upsetting, but not traumatic like it was the first time.
16
@Susan Senior dogs and cats are great, and hard to adopt. The shelter is always glad when I come for one. I'm now old too, we end up matching speeds now. The kittens & pups are cute, but the older guys have "soul".
11
This article and so many of the comments have been very helpful as we struggle to decide when to ease our dear, adorable, spunky, Buddy’s passing. He and our other dog, his half brother and our cat, are the best of friends. Buddy is only 9 but has congestive heart failure and is slowly getting worse with long bouts of coughing and wheezing as his lungs fill with fluid. This last day of August, with summer slipping into to fall, overcast skies and rain here in Minnesota, it’s time. I am overcome with grief as are our kids, but we do not want our sweet boy to suffer. Thanks all for sharing your experiences, thoughts and advice.
5
Evolution’s great mistake that these beloved and loving companions have such short life spans.
28
@Rami I think it's a good thing. It's painful to lose them, but it means there is room in your heart and home for another animal who needs you to give it a good life, and the supply is infinite of ones who need adoption.
6
Reading all your comments and crying still for my last dog who was eased from his suffering by a wonderful vet almost 8 years ago. I was with him and his head was in my lap ( he was a giant breed) at the end. I believe he knew and during the time we spent together in a quiet room before the procedure, with afternoon sun slanting through the blinds, he kept turning around to lick the tears running down my cheeks. He was my third dog ( all were given a good death and I was there) and my last. I’ve been unable to get another dog and go through the loss again. I miss my boy every day.
34
@Mossy Birth and death are both parts of the circle of life, as are joy and sorrow. Please don't forgo joy to avoid sorrow. Perhaps you could best honor the memory of your last dog by adopting a senior dog from the shelter. Senior dogs often have the sweetest disposition and they are the hardest to place into their forever home. Each of us must make their own best choice. I cry like a child every time a dog leaves our home, but I would not want to live without canine companionship. Best wishes to you.
10
I have owned dogs and cats all my life. I loved them all and my present dog is Newfoundland and adorable. Losing a pet, for me, is deeply upsetting.
12
NYT—never, ever take this article away. I will want to use it when I will need for my fur baby—a day that dread already and she is only 2 years old.
16
@PAW Ditto. My darling furbaby is 3 years old and healthy, and still this article makes me weep uncontrollably. My Cooper is at the park right now with my husband, frolicking in the sun and chasing after a squeaky Chuck-It. As a golden retriever, Cooper's chances of getting cancer are tragically high and we remind ourselves to enjoy each day of his happy, playful self. But the day we will have to let him go--hopefully years down the road--fills me anguish. My father died 20 years ago of a sudden, massive heart attack, and frankly, this will be even harder to process.
9
We kept our late cat Mario, alive too long and will never do this again. He had kidney disease and we could not bear to lose him. We administered subcutaneous fluids to him daily, he would vomit violently and cry out in pain, he had an “ammonia” type of order about him, he flooded the litter box with urine many times of day, and he lost so much weight, he became a bag of bones. The decision of putting him asleep threw us into a crisis of intense grief, but now that we are watching our latest cat who is also now aging, we have learned a valuable lesson about what will do when our latest friend enters the end of his life, we will euthanatize him quickly so he does not suffer. We were selfish before, we will no longer be selfish again.
29
@Nora
I think it is common to err at times on the side of "just a little longer," and I likewise have had the unhappy, dreadful experience of "too long." I have also had the experience of using a vet who was not sensitive to the end.
There have been a few times when it was well-timed on my end and well-handled by the vet, and to have the sadness without the pain, that is ideal but still so sad.
6
@Nora Everybody thinks there will be more time.
4
A scale can certainly help but there is nothing that can truly make this utterly painful decision any easier. One of the worst days of my life - no time ever feels like the right time, at least for me.
17
I had a Siamese cat from a kitten. In his youth, he had springs in his legs, jumping from stairway handrails to ledges inside the house. One of his favorite perches was on top of the kitchen cabinets, near the ceiling.
At around age 10, he started to get a little heavy. One day, his walking gait was not normal. Diagnosis, diabetes. Daily insulin shots. Then, he suffered constipation. Diagnosis, megacolon. Had to start mixing laxatives in his food. Then he started losing weight. Diagnosis, thyroid overactive. Somehow, I continued to manage these things. Then at age 19, he continued to lose weight, down to about 6 pounds, from 14 at his peak.
I agonized for months when it would be the end for him. Then one day, he walked up to me whimpering, and looking up into my eyes, as if he was asking for help. At that moment, I knew the time had come. I called the veterinarian, and Rufus left this world with no suffering or indignity. I can only wish for as much for myself when the time comes.
30
I reject the entire concept of some kind of numerical scale to make an extremely painful human judgement.
It undermines responsibility, trivializes serious issues, and provides a false cover to hide behind.
A decade ago, I put down my 14 year old female yellow lab after her kidneys failed. It was horrific and harder than losing my mother. I can still recall the look in her eyes as I held her as the vet injected her. I carried her body home and buried her in an old field, marked with stones.
11
When humans domesticated dogs, we took their freedom away- they did not give it away. We owe them at least an easy death for their sakes.
14
i have promised my beloved dog that he will not go one day sooner or last one day longer than he is supposed to...i hope i can keep that promise.
15
Abby, a beagle/Boston terrier mix, was adopted by my brother-in-law as a 1 1/2 yr. old. He shared our 2-family home in Brooklyn. Abby became ours when more than a year later. We took Abby to the vet for regular check-ups. She fooled us. As she got older no matter her ailments or procedures Abby healed faster than her vets, and us, expected. Abby's biggest issue was Cushing's disease, which produces more hormones and weakens the immune system. And she had mast cell tumors, twice, the last one being serious. She never complained. We moved to Florida and Abby, at 11 years old, liked our new home, got checked by a new vet and seemed to be fine. But after a couple of months Abby began limping. That went away with medication, but days after that she had little appetite. X-rays showed Cushing's got to her liver, which was enlarged. She got new medicine and food. After a few days the vet said it was okay to feed her boiled chicken. I took Abby for a walk and, when she got back, she sat down outside the front door looking forlorn. Soon after she threw up. We decided long before this we would not have her suffer for our sake. The vet sent over a colleague that performs euthanasia at home. put Abby on quilt she liked along with her favorite toy, kissed and comforted her. She was still as cute as ever, except for that sad face. It was the toughest thing we ever did. It is 9 months later and I'm writing this with tears in my eyes. But we did the right thing for our little girl.
16
Hooch was a tom cat that my daughter found in the park. He wasn't young, and had obviously had a difficult life- he only had half a tail, and was missing part of one ear, the result of fights with other males. He bit the vet on his first visit, and once leaped off the piano onto the back of my boyfriend's Labrador Retriever, claws extended. In time, Hooch became sweet and affectionate after neutering calmed his aggressive instincts. Daughters went on to college and life. Hooch became my cat. However his previous life as a semi-feral tomcat caught up with him eventually- he lost all but one of his teeth, and quit eating and drinking. My vet said he could give him fluids and keep him going for a while, but what quality of life would he have? He kindly said that if Hooch were his cat, he wouldn't do it, which helped me decide. It's so hard to part with our companions, but the time comes when it is the kindest thing we can do.
10
I just experienced the loss of an elderly kitty. It is hard. Three years ago, I have four older pets and am now down to one. This article has helped. Thank you for publishing it.
15
@Logical The shelter always has more senior cats, everyone wants puppies and kittens. They welcome someone who will love an older cat. Mine have lived for years.
3
It’s always important to remember that these loyal friends come into our lives, but only stay for a short time.
I have had to say goodbye to the most wonderful dogs over the decades, and with each euthanasia I wonder how much more I can stand.
But there’s always room for just one more rescue!
I made a decision recently, and I’ve drilled it into my adult children — when I finally croak, I want the ashes of all my dogs to be buried with me. Then I will have my old friends for eternity.
28
Thank you for the article as I am lost.
My beloved dog is now 15 years old. He is aged and slowed greatly but is still my "puppy."
I love him with all my heart but I can see that there will be a day where I must face a hard, heart decision.
I hope I can remain strong and this article give me some guidance.
With heavy heart, dread and anticipation.
40
Thank you NYT for such a beautiful article. We had to end the life of our 19 year old cat just over a week ago and it was truly one of the hardest things we have had to do. Jamie was a great little guy full of attitude and resilience over the years. It is true that pet owners lose sight of the fact that animals run out of steam for life but insist sometimes on keeping them going. If only we were as humane to our fellow human beings, by being able to fulfil their wishes when they are ready to leave this world, as we are with our pets.
26
My cat,from kitten to 23 year old, was my best buddy. She was my inspiration. When I had to bring her to the vet to end her suffering, blind and afraid, I was devastated. Still feel the pain. I couldn't bring myself to watch the anesthesia and final end. That is me but I appreciate being given that choice. These pets mean the world to us so we care. Thanks to the professional vets who are compassionate. I am moved by the directive to love my 13 year old dog every day I have her. I surely do.
17
The time came to put our dog to sleep four days ago. She could barely walk, could not hold down food or water down and was clearly wasting away. We are fortunate to have vet services available that perform euthanasia procedures in the home. Our beloved dog never experienced distress at any time during the procedure. She was able to go peacefully in her own bed with her humans all around her. The vet was kind, supportive and gentle. I cannot, and do not want to, imagine what her final days would have been like if we decided to wait for her to die "naturally". I am completely comfortable that the decision we made was the right decision. The alternative just struck me as subjecting a much loved dog to unnecessary suffering.
20
i wish i had come across this scale a week or more ago when i had to make the decision to put my sweet 19 year old cat down. when she stopped eating and drinking, i knew the end was coming but after watching that for two days, i had to take her to be put to sleep. i held her through the whole procedure and there was a terrible moment when she seemed to perk up and rubbed her head against mine and i almost changed my mind. the vet i choose did sedate her first and then she was gone. i have tortured myself for days thinking i could have had her a bit longer and maybe it wasn't as bad as i thought. this article has relieved my mind... she had lost her quality of life and to watch her starve herself and dehydrate further would have been unkind and ungenerous for a loving and loyal animal. thank you.
34
I came to the realization that it was time to say goodbye to my best buddy of nearly 14 years - we had been inseparable.
I took him to U of Penn Animal Hospital and sufferd through a rant from a PETA rep (rquired) then settled down with my guy, the attending technician and another human friend.
I held my guy in my arms while the tech administered the first anesthetic shot then nodded and the Tech administered the final shot.
I left feeling so very relieved and slept soundly.
But when I got up the next day and my guy wasn't there, it all sunk in.
I'm glad I did it that way - but it's definitely not for everybody...
17
@Robert Prince
You suffered through "a rant from a PETA rep" at VHUP and call it "(required)" - I've never heard of such a thing, and I've taken my pets there for years, in all stages of life including the end.
Was the PETA person advocating against euthanasia? Maybe it was someone who was there with their own pet, but who preyed on fellow patients in their hour of deepest distress? Please call the UPenn Vet Hospital and let them know the details about this. No one should be harassed at the moment they are about to say goodbye to a beloved friend.
36
@Robert Prince
You loved you pup and took care of him. That should never have happened to you. So sorry. Please do call Penn as suggested.
I’ve had a similar thing happen with a volunteer ranting at me at local SPCA about the danger I posed to to any cat I adopted because I told the truth that our cats go outside. Previous strays who we tried to keep inside and kids who don’t close the doors. She was furious that my family was already approved for a cat. I wish I had reported her. These are Abusive people who think they are doing God’s work so abusing others is A-ok.
Both acting like the anti-abortion movement and it’s cruel.
7
@Robert Prince I doubt it was a PETA rep decrying euthanasia--PETA workers euthanize many animals that they come across in desperate straits. They find "pets" in awful, awful conditions (starving, maggot-infested, 3+ broken legs) and will absolutely euthanize to prevent further suffering. Have whatever thoughts you want on PETA, but their stance is certainly not "keep a suffering animal alive at all costs."
5
Our beautiful Leonberger girl had been diagnosed with kidney disease/failure and we thought we were doing our best to manage her care at home. On the last day, this girl who was always so stoic and independent minded came over to us, her whole being pleading to us to release from her suffering. She was no longer enjoying life - she was quite clearly just staying alive to make us happy. We called our vet who said “bring her in”. We packed everyone up, got in the car, drove to the vet only to find them closed; their 24 hour emergency services had been the ones answering their phone, so back in the car for a further drive to the 24 hour vet we went. During that drive, Layla suffered so much: hyperventilating, drooling, spitting and for the first time in her life, crying. We had waited too long sometimes thinking that a natural death at home might be preferable to a clinical one but we were VERY wrong. It is not. She passed away in our car on the way there and it was very painful and hurtful to watch. They depend on us for many things in life but they give us so much more. We owe it to them to make their final voyage as easy and carefree as possible. We will never forgive ourselves for causing her unnecessary hurt.
41
My cat just turned 13 and I recently found out he has lung cancer. I am beyond heartbroken and confused as his blood work and physicals have always been perfect. I am just so heartbroken and the thought of saying goodbye feels unfair. He is my sweet baby boy. While this scale is helpful i still feel like I am guessing on many of them. He is eating — but only small amounts. I just wish he could tell me what to do.
7
@R Please do the right thing with your cat don't let him suffer. AND P.S. be on the prowl for another companion you will be lost start at the shelters they are putting them down by the handfuls I adopted my Benji after my girls min. Pins died (both) same year . He has filled my heart with love. Alot of animals are out there that need Love. I am truly sorry about your furbaby
17
Dear (R).... I recently went through the same experience with my 13 year-old Maine Coon; he had been diagnosed with terminal sarcoma. Despite serious weight loss (13 lbs at his peak, now down to 7) he was still eating and drinking, so kept telling myself he was fine. But his head hung down and his normally bright alert eyes were so sad...
After days of this, conversations with friends/family, and comparing his current state with pictures of him even two months ago I finally admitted I was keeping him with me for (embarrassingly) selfish reasons.... I called in a wonderful vet service that gently put him to sleep in his favorite spot next to my pillow. I cried for days and still miss him intensely, but he is no longer in pain.
Is there a service like this in your area? Please look for one; they are angels doing God’s work.
13
Excellent read. As empty nesters, our Raleigh was the center piece of my life especially, after retiring 7.5 years ago. He was the last remaining "child" from our 40's. Putting him down was the hardest thing I've ever done and the loss was equal to when my father passed.
25
The Ohio State University School of Veterinary Medicine also has an excellent on-line checklist regarding evaluating the quality of life for your companion animal when it comes time to make the heart wrenching decision as to whether it is time to euthanize. This checklist helped our family when making the tough decision to euthanize our beloved 13 year old rescued black lab. The checklist helped me to see her pain and suffering in a clearer light, allowing me to take a step back and view what she was experiencing from a more objective perspective. Often, we are so emotionally involved (understandably) we can't see that the pain and suffering have taken over the quality of life.
16
@Margaret
I was not able to find that checklist. Can you provide a link?
2
I'm watching with dread the approach of my beautiful Dozer, a 12.5 yr, Shepard mix last days. He's been with me since he was just a few weeks old and has been my constant companion. He's stood by me through my husbands' illness and passing and later through my own time of illness. We've camped and hiked much of Wa, and Or. always protecting, trusting and loving me with his entire soul. I have never had a better friend. My promise to myself and to Dozer is when the times comes his need will be met, as soon as I'm able I'll invite a shelter dog into my life. One who is grieving the loss of his/her humans and we'll grieve and heal together.
27
@Jackie I am so sorry for the loss of your husband and now the possible loss of your beloved pet, I have a Shepherd Husky mix myself who is beginning to age into his final years, and he means more to me than anybody in the world, I too have relied on him for emotional support over the years that I've had him as he was a rescue, but he really rescued me in so many ways, it's funny how dogs love so unconditionally yet people still haven't learned that art, maybe that's why dog spelled backwards is God. Prayers to you and Dozer, you're not alone in what you're going through, you have many people out here who are constant lovers of our four-legged friends and understand exactly what you're going through, God bless!
16
Our first Shepherd had an apparent heart attack and was “blue” by the time we could get her to the Emergency Vet.
Our second died at our University Vet School Hospital - without us - shortly after surgery to deal with Bloat.
Our third Shepherd and first Poodle were given their release in our Vet’s office on a stainless steel table.
Our last Shepherd and second Poodle departed in our own home, in our collective embrace, and on their own beds.
These ladies were all our “children” - ourcompanions - members of our “Pack” - and we, literally, suffered after each one left us. We’re getting better at this - - but letting go never gets any easier.
We are on our third Poodle now - and, in a couple of weeks, we’re taking her back for a visit her breeder - to see how she interacts with a brand new puppy.
We’re hoping she will be as delighted with the idea of a “sister” for her as we are. The very best palliative for the pain of losing a pet is to get another one as soon as there’s a “crack” in the grief. Better yet - - - have one “in reserve” to guard against total devestation.
15
I have put 6 pets down and one that my sister accidentally killed. My dogs gave me a look that said “this is not fun”. I hate wearing diapers and wearing a sling to go out because my legs wont work. I learned to sit and wait to say “Good doggy “ for such a long time...until my heart broke again and again. All done thru my great vet who let us have all the time we needed. My doggies have lived longer than my parents in my heart. My sister’s cat ran under her truck when she was in a hurry. A kid threw the carcass into a bag and tossed into a restaurant . I dumpster dived to retrieve the body. We put it into her favorite sweater and planted a tree on top. Our parents were not the best. But our pets were.
17
As a hospice nurse of many years I believe that the natural process of dying, hence the more comfortable, is not to use IV fluids. The body is already taxed and fluids can tax it more as kidneys and heart are weaker, and doing the work of shutting down. In the natural process we stop eating and drinking, bodies tend to die on the dehydrated side. IV ie: heparin lock for animals maybe, for needed comfort meds, but no extra fluids please. Thankyou for writing this, letting go is so difficult but such a kind thing to do sometimes.
14
@Victoria Wolf Thank you for sharing your insight. I'm struggling right now with my 16 year old cat, thinking that if he's not going to bounce back --and it seems this time he isn't-- that I need to stop artificially sustaining him with fluids and syringe feeding, and let him fade as he chooses. Thank you.
8
What I wish I’d had when I was a young adult and cat owner is greater courage to do the right thing for my cat when he became ill from kidney disease. My vet at the time, either out of inexperience or financial incentive, pressed me to force my cat to take fluids at home, purchase expensive foods and return for regular “retesting” of kidney values. The subcutaneous fluid process and visits were stressful for me and my cat, as well as my finances. After a few months, I realized this was not the right path for me and my cat, but I couldn’t bear to bring my cat to the vet to have him put to sleep. Out of that experience, I found a local visiting vet, my own “Dr. Death”, who put me at ease about my choice and put my cat to sleep at home in a gentle way. When the same thing happened to another cat a few years later, and a fresh young veterinarian insisted that my cat needed to be “hospitalized” immediately, I knew better. I kept him comfortable and happy at home for a few weeks more, and as his decline increased, I summoned Dr. Death again to do the merciful deed.
18
@KarenW
My vet suggested hospitalization as well. My girl had kidney and liver issues over the past year, but it was managed well. However she recently developed jaundice and has a swollen pancreas. My girls is a 13 year old border terrier, she no longer wants to take her meds or eat any dog food. She is still drinking water and eating crackers. I had a feeling the hospitalization route was a bit of a scam, as they keep saying they can't guarantee she will get better. We will keep our girl at home and keep her comfortable. If she starts to decline we will have someone come to our home and put her to sleep. It is too sad to think this day is coming so soon. But she is definitely happier at home than she would be if she were hospitalized.
10
@KarenW
Good on you for knowing what was right for your cats. My cat is 18 and has been on daily sub-Q fluids for 9 years (administered at home) since she first had to be hospitalized for kidney failure. It's been OK. I gave up the prescription diet since she wouldn't eat it and figured, hey let her eat what she wants. Since then she's gone on medication for high blood pressure and gets Pepcid for stomach upset along with B vitamins every day.
Recently, she's shown signs of dementia (sundowning) where she seems confused and panicked. Also issues with being able to regularly use her litter box.
So she has good days and bad days - and part of the calculus is how much I'm willing to take on. And that's the hardest part for me. If I come home from work and spend every evening administering her fluid, doing her meds, cleaning up after her - well, that's not a good quality of life for me even if it keeps her comfortable and even.
So I'm currently counting her bad days against the good and trying to decide where my needs come in - and it's really hard. I've looked up my local "Dr. Death" (i.e. Lap of Love who does home euthanasia) but haven't been able to pull the trigger yet.
2
I two days ago I had to
Put my little snoodle down. I have been stunned at how hard I’ve taiken it. She was such an important part
Of our lives. She was healthy until about three months ago. At the end, she had stomach cancer and I made the decision to spare her suffering. She had lost control of her functions and I think she was losing her dignity. She was a barker and the silence is already deafening. I will miss her and right now my heart is aching.
24
@Bill. so sorry. may your heartache soon heal.
14
@Bill Losing my pets was far harder than losing my parents. I think losing a child is harder -- much harder -- but the grief is similar. Our pets are our babies. We nurture and care for them like children. They are our constant companions, our sounding boards, our angels of mercy when we are in pain, and, sometimes our one and only source of unconditional love. Your grief is normal and appropriate. Just try to remember that it comes from the deep love you felt. Grief and love are flip sides of the same coin.
24
Looking back, my husband Jim and I followed Dr. Villalobos' indicators when our beloved Chow Chow-Samoyed mix Titus peacefully passed away in 2014 at nearly 14 1/2 years of age. Saying goodby to Titus was peaceful and compassionate; we knew it was the correct thing to do. However, dealing with the subsequent grief, and the loss of Titus' physical presence, was gut wrenching.
One thing - I would respectfully suggest adding one more H to the indicators: Humans. How are the humans in the family coping with stress associated with the pet's end-of-life care? For us, the final few days of Titus' life were stressful to the point both Jim and I couldn't sleep, and felt as if we had the stomach flu. This impact on our physical and mental health was an important consideration in making this very difficult decision.
19
My late father-in-law wisely remarked that, "Suffering is for people, and not for animals". If a treatment won't give them extra years of life, or it results in suffering for more than a day or two, then do the decent thing and end their suffering.
23
First, your pet usually tells YOU. They exhibit a lot of the behaviour mentioned, but mine also sought out corners/closets/bushes to hide in. I've always wondered if they know their vulnerable and seek a safe and quiet place.
And when they are younger, make a list of five or seven things that make their lives worth living. When they can't do most of them....start thinking about the next steps.
Just don't keep them alive because you can't say goodbye. The unqualified love you received deserves more.
36
I encourage everyone to accompany their pet at this final, sacred moment. To be with him at the end, as well as in the beginning, is to come full circle. Every pet I've accompanied and held in my arms as it passed on has understood and appreciated this.
38
@Rosalind I could not agree with you more, these poor creatures deserve nothing more than to at least have their owners present during the final moments of their life, as hard as it is to lose your baby, imagine how hard it is for the pet to be in a strange room with strange people in their final moments looking for their owner, please be responsible and compassionate and make sure you're there in the final moments of having to release your pet, it's truly the most Humane thing one can do.
26
@Rosalind
I absolutely agree and plan to do so.
It is promise I made when I got her as a baby.
16
It is extremely comforting to our wonderful friends to be there with them at the end of their quality lives. Their unconditional love for us deserves our efforts to be spare them unnecessary suffering.
It may sound scary to you, if you have never been with your friend during the procedure before, but it’s not, especially if you have the sedation first (maybe for you also), work with your regular compassionate vet (or for goodness sake, find one NOW), and, if possible, have it performed at home, so your friend is not as stressed.
If you wait for them to have a “natural” death that’s pain-free with no suffering (also convenient, free and when you’re emotionally ready to let go) - THIS DOES NOT EXIST. We have the ability to help our furry/feathered/scaled, etc. friends in terminal cases and/or the end of their lives to leave this life peacefully. They deserve that love from us.
7
Thank you for this. My wife and I just recently found out that my Cat, friend, and homie (bandit) was diagnosed with cancer 2 weeks ago. It is difficult but we are trying to remain present, compassionate and objective. We are currently treating him with anti-inflammatory medications and it is helping. It has helped so much so, that his old self has reappeared, giving us some time to spend with him, together, for a short period. Nevertheless, we keep grappling with when it is time for him to move on to the next journey, whatever that may be. I was pleased to find that after reading this has provided me with a better understanding of the signs and symptoms to be aware of in Bandit, to help us make an informed and ethical decision. Sorry for your loss.
10
What hypocrisy! It's OK (and desirable) to euthanize a pet based on a scale of suffering--but not a person.
Each of my parents was in increasing, inoperable pain. Even if they had lived in the few states that allowed assisted suicide, they wouldn't have qualified since they weren't guaranteed to die within six months.
So each of them did it themselves--at ages 90 and 97.
39
@bnyc
I am so sorry for the loss of your parents. And it is my hope that you feel some comfort that they took agency to end of their lives when they felt it was time themselves, rather than suffer at the hands of the medical establishment.
It is my hope that I have similar agency over the end of my own life and I worry that our current medical establishment will take over if I am not able to accomplish it before I am incapable of resisting.
2
We knew it was time to say goodbye to our 20.5 year old cat when he missed the litter box. He'd always been fastidious about the box so we knew that was the sign that he was old and he was done. We used a family friend who is a vet who makes house calls and she confirmed what we already knew. We were actually OK with the decision, no tears as we held him at the end, until we got the note from the local funeral home that did the cremation. Then the tears came. We miss him and his cantankerous ways every day and will get another pet eventually. Just not yet.
14
@Carrie People ask me why I (we) haven’t gotten another cat. How can we explain? My cat Missy was 3/4 Russian Blue, I called her the ‘Michael Jordan’ of cats. We were her 4th home. I promised her we would be her last home (and we were.) We adopted her when she was 3, she died when she was 15. She was a crazy cat who caught every toy and ball we threw to her. Reggie, a tiger cat, her adopted brother, loved her too, (not as agile.) I understand about “Just not yet.”
7
Our beloved German Shepherd, Blitz, was diagnosed with degenerative myelopathy at age 8, and we were devastated. We thought we'd have him with us for several more years. He lived for another 10 months, and we didn't need a scale to tell us when it was time - we just knew. One day he could no longer walk, even with support, he would not eat anything, and he just looked so sad. Our vet was fantastic - we spent some time with Blitz saying goodbye and telling him how much we loved him, and then the vet administered a drug that relaxed him so that he fell asleep, and then followed with the euthanasia shot. We had to be with him at the end, because he had always been there for us. The next day, a local florist delivered a single red rose in memory of Blitz, from the vet's office, and the next day we received a beautiful sympathy card from our vet with a copy of the "Rainbow Bridge" poem.
18
Our 14 year old dog got a blood clot near the shoulder of a front leg and it was very painful. They said that dogs can create new paths of blood circulation (or something like that). If that didn’t happen, they could amputate and would also need to figure out why the clot happened (so, more testing). We knew we didn’t want to put him through all that. During this time, they could not manage his pain. After 40 hours and one last attempt to address his pain that failed, we brought him to an emergency evening vet at midnight to end his pain. They had a softly lit, calm room and we held him in our arms. I wished we could have taken away those last 40 hours, but we know we had to see if he could heal. I think that very few people think that they let their animal go too soon when the animal is in pain. For a while, when I was saddened by the memory of his pain, I had to remember that he only had 40 hours of pain over 14 years and we did right by him.
11
This is a great article that brings awareness to a seldom thought about subject. Many of us have unknowingly caused our beloved pets immense suffering on their last days from the lack of knowledge on this issue. I was lucky enough to not be part of that.
The end for our cat came quickly. One day she was acting perfectly fine. The next day she just stopped eating completely. Since she was like a child to us, we spared no expenses. After spending $1,700 on just her diagnosis (cancer) with the best oncologist in the area; he told us that she literally had no hope for effective treatment. The best we could do was make her last days comfortable.
We asked how long she could have a comfortable quality of life. We wanted to spend much time as possible with her before she passed. In hindsight, that intention was clearly a mistake. He told us that we should let her go as soon as possible.
Still we tried to hold on to her as long as possible by using pain medication he prescribed. However, she barely ate and could barely move. We hoped to have her around for another week. However, by the 3rd day it was clear that it would be cruel to make her wait that long. So we scheduled a home euthanasia because she was terrified of going to the vet. We did not to cause her even a single more moment of pain than she was in. On her last day on earth she was surrounded by those she loved, completely relaxed, felt our love and gently passed away while laying in her favorite spot in out house.....
17
I loved Oscar like my own child And agonized over WHEN. As his mobility started to decline, his cognition, his quality of life. And the time came.. we had someone come to our house to put him to rest and I lay there holding him.. comforting him. I held him on his dog bed until his body convulsed with its last breath...10 minutes before SHE arrived. Oscar died a peaceful death and now I feel that I am attuned to my pets needs..as should you. Trust yourself to do what’s right for your pets. You know better than anyone.
8
I remember her death so vividly. I came home for Christmas and my parents said she was sick. A few more days and the reality sank in for me. We gave her a bath so she would be nice and clean and pretty. My father and I took her to our vet’s small practice on 95th. It must have been after 9 at night. We were the only people there and the whole place was dim and quiet. My mother called my father, crying, and asked for a last-minute reprieve. But it was clear that she was only going to deteriorate. She sat with her front legs in my lap as always - still a big 85-pound wolfdog at 15 years old. I gave her lots of kisses on her head and told her how much I loved her. It was a miserable drive home.
She was my best friend. We were together from when I was 12 to when I was 27. It’s been eleven years. I miss my Dixiedog so very much.
25
If you get a pet, your heart will be broken. You will outlive all of them (but the last)
I once kept a cat alive long after I should have let hm go. I will never make that mistake again. And I will never allow 'heroic' efforts to heal them. A human understands they are undergoing pain in hopes of a better future; an animal only knows the person he depended on is now hurting him.
22
@sjs As a senior, I've decided that when the time comes and my big boy leaves I will adopt a grieving senior dog at the shelter. We will heal together and if I leave before s/he does I'll ask she go with me and we'll cross the bridge together. That is why I would choose a senior dog over a puppy, I don't want to leave a friend to an uncertain future without me.
15
I have always had animals, and have gone through this with dogs and cats. My last cat, who was about 10 years old, had hormonal problems that made him lose weight. His bones began to stick out, but otherwise he was the same old quiet cat... sleeping on his blanket in the sun on a window seat most days, but perking up and wanting to be petted when I came home. It was a really tough decision because he was not in pain, but I chose euthanasia over starvation. He ended his long life on his favorite blanket, very peacefully.
17
Another helpful book is The Spiritual Nature of Animals: A Country Vet Explores the Wisdom, Compassion, and Souls of Animals by Karlene Stange. It offers a passage on Buddhist teachings which was most helpful when it came to parting with a family pet. "The intention behind the action is what's important. Each person must trust the truth that is within and act to relieve suffering."
17
@Anne D. thx for the recommedation
2
It's not our choice, let them go as you would any other living being.
1
@Rod i agree but like the article said, it could be pain ful for the pet in the weeks before it dies
3
@Rod It IS our choice to spare them pain and panic. This is one of the hard responsibilities we owe them
11
@sharpshin I agree but how to tell friends when you see this situation.
1
Whats was missing from the article was the irresponsible business of large and expensive vetrinary hospitals. They offer extensive treatments like chemotherapy and invasive procedures on animals that clearly will not recover quality of life. I went thru this myself with my pet. It was after weeks of tourture and 10thousand $ later at the services of this "hospital" that a dedicated vetrinarian that worked there, told me "off the record" that I should not continue with their reccomended treatments and give my pet a peaceful end.
Their business model preys on our attachments and promotes a long and expensive outcome. Blue Pearl in new york city. All throughout, I was repeatedly contacted about billing and advance payments. Yet rarely about my pets welfare that was in their care IN their "hospital".
25
@Bern, Thanks for posting this. It's true. We were lured into 2 years of treatment for our Black Female Pug, Uma. It's not like you plan on spending $10K, or $20K or $30K for the last days of your loved one's life. They get you a few thousand at a time and never recommend putting them down until there's nothing left they can offer. The last year of Uma's life was absent of joy and she was in the hospital many times. We finally knew it was time when her trachea collapsed one Sunday night and it became impossible for her to breathe. It was the worst thing she or I ever experienced and still makes me incredibly sad 2 yrs after her passing. I'm glad I had the $ to spend, but we were doing it for ourselves, not Uma.
17
Thank you for that article. I'm struggling with those end of life decisions with my dog of 12 years. He's been a vital part of many my marriage, of my girls' lives, of my life. Thanks for taking the time to write this.
19
I, too, made the excruciating decision to put my beloved dog to sleep after 13.5 yrs of constant companionship. Her issues with arthritis and DM were worsening- she was having more days where she couldn't stay standing, she needed assistance getting up from a lying position, became more withdrawn, slept almost constantly. She had been a proud and independent dog, and now she would cry when she fell down. She couldn't clean herself anymore- I had to bathe her daily because she'd sometimes fall into her pee or poop after trying to squat. The mobile vet came and found a large anal gland carcinoma, in addition to everything else. A vicious and fast moving cancer that would soon block her ability to eliminate, as well as metastasize. Bloodwork confirmed. I chose to end her suffering, though it has been the hardest loss I've ever endured in my life.
What added to my grief and suffering, however, was the day the vet came. He gave her the 2 injection approach. The first injection,a sedative, didn't put her to sleep fully. When he put in the euthanasia drug, she sat upright and 'screamed', with a look of horror and fear and pain. After an excruciating min, she passed away. I will never ever forget that look of fear on my baby. Tore me apart with guilt.
It WAS the right time for her to go, but a horrible lesson that I learned: INSIST that your vet put your pet FULLY to sleep (no 'calming sedatives') BEFORE injecting the euthanasia drug, as they might still feel pain otherwise.
23
@Forest Flower
That is so awful I am so sorry. It is terrifying to imagine such a thing happening to my dogs. Thanks for the advice. I will be sure my pup is fully sleep before the final injection.
7
My family put one of our dogs down a couple years ago using a mobile vet and had www.ThePetLossCenter.com pick him up to be cremated. Losing Cooper was the worst, but the vet and Pet Loss Center made it as easy as they possible could. We'll always be appreciative of how respectful everyone was to us and our dog.
8
I would also add that when the time comes to not go to the vet by yourself like I did with my 18 year old dog. I could barely make it back home, it was tough. There are a lot of elderly people out there with elderly pets as well. If you have such a neighbor you might let them know you would be available to assist taking the to when it's time, then sitting with them for a while. Sending someone a condolence card is also a nice touch.
40
i remember asking my father how i would know when it was time for my dog and he said "You will know" - and sure enough one morning my poor sweet black lab was not able to make herself squat to be able to do her business - and I knew...
10
I could tell you about all of the situations mentioned here in this forum, however, I would merely be repeating what many others have recounted.
I too, had a very kind and gentle Vet who provided the required procedure. I was honoured to have the privilege of spending Suki's very last moments, in my arms.
What I remember most was his look of true and unconditional love, before he closed his eyes for the very last time. I could recount many moments of joy shared, however, it would be no different from all others who love their pets.
It has been a little under 1 1/2 yrs. since his passing and I am still inconsolable. It should be said that I have had the privilege of having 5 wonderful dogs before Suki. Needless to say, I cared for them all, very deeply as our bonds were strong. Suki and I, however, shared something so very different, I couldn't possibly begin to describe it. Perhaps, it is the number of my years which has scaled up my understanding of selfless love. Suki was a wonderful guide along this path....
I can still experience the joy I observe in seeing others enjoying the company of their pets.... it is then when I feel closest to Suki.
May the wonders of this universe continue to light up his gentle soul.
29
This scale helps.
For the first dog: A neighbor called to say "Your dog's down by the lake under a tree - been there since yesterday." He wouldn't come home when I called him. I put him in the wheelbarrow and took him home. He died an hour later. Wish I had just sat with him by the lake. I was a kid - didn't know any better.
For the second dog: My old school vet told me "When he stops doing his three favorite things (eating, going on walks, and sleeping) it's time. Sure enough, one day he laid down on a walk and wouldn't get up. Not for a long time. Next morning, he didn't eat. Completely out of character for this alpha eater. Then he laid down on my feet; I knew something was very wrong. We weren't about to put him in the car and go to the vet - which he hated - so they came to us. I had already made this plan in advance knowing it would be soon. Thank God.
For our last dog, we had the oracle of the internet: Google. Asked it: how do you know your dog is dying? Yes to 9 out of 10 questions. Eating:no. Breathing problems: yes. Blue gums: yes. Getting up: no. Walking: no. Going to bathroom: barely. Anxious look: yes. Drinking water: as much as he could/dehydrated. Trying to go to sleep: yes. Again, had pre-arranged at home euthanasia thank goodness. He lay in his favorite spot with us both by his side. He actually wagged his tail when the doctor came in and then gave us both a goodbye look before she administered the shots. I think he was thanking us before taking off.
35
Three years ago my family and I decided it was time to let our dog go. The alternative was invasive and expensive medical procedures with no assurance of success. We were pretty sure of our decision, but still the pain was unbelievable. Guides like Dr. Villalobos has provided are invaluable, so pet owners have some objective way to tell where their pet stands.
10
I inherited eight cats from a former roommate. One of them, Gizmo, developed what was likely cancer. I took him to the vet and was told they could try surgery -- remove part of his jaw, but the vet did not recommend it. His mouth was being disappeared bit by bit and eventually he looked like one of the living dead. He truly looked like something from a horror film but his personality never changed. He was the same lovable, playful, friendly guy I met when I moved in two years earlier.
Everyone who saw him said the same thing: You should have him put to sleep. But he wasn't suffering, he was in good spirits and although he was starting to smell a bit, beside the way he looked, he was the same cat we all knew and loved.
One day I noticed that some food was falling out of his face where his cheek used to be. I also thought that his brain could be eaten away and I decided that while he was in good spirits it was best for him to go out on top rather than wait for some terrible ending.
My neighbor drove us to the vet the next day and although I paid for a two shot ending, the first to put Gizmo to sleep, the second to kill him, the attending vet just gave him the one shot. I was really mad although Gizmo went out instantly.
They refunded the money for the shot that wasn't given, but I felt like I was in the equivalent of a fast food pet cemetery.
7
Thank you for this piece. I would amend the quality of life issue slightly but very importantly. Difficult or distressed respiration is an immediate emergency. Distressed breathing can spin out of control in minutes, as the animal will instinctively known when not getting enough oxygen, which can cause panic, which makes the breathing even more distressed .. and so on... leading to suffocation. You could never get your pet to ER fast enough, leading to horrific death.
14
Last March I had put to sleep my orange fluffy lion Simba after more than 13 years together. It was the hardest decision I've ever had to make but I couldn't watch him suffer anymore. The thing that surprised me the most was how utterly devastated I was and still am time to time when I think about him (just writing this is making me cry). I had to take an entire week off from work before I could manage a day without breaking down crying continously.
In my 32 years I've lost 3 of my grandparents as well as a few friends and while nothing will prepare you for the heartbreak in my experience the loss of my beloved cat was harder. I was with my maternal grandmother on the day she died spending what I thought would be a normal day with her and while I deeply loved her and mourned her long after she was gone it was harder grieving the loss of Simba. I've tried to understand it and at times feel ashamed that I'm more devastated by the loss of a pet but I think the reasoning behind it is I saw him everyday for 13 years and then he was just gone.
I don't have any children so I treat my pets as such, it's amazing how they quickly get into your heart and become such a cherished family member. I dread the day when I will lose my current twoncats but I think it's something only a pet owner can understand. Their unconditional love is something to be treasured for a lifetime as well as the memories made.
33
I’ve had to decide to say goodbye to two cats and two dogs over the past five years. I, too, imagined long lives for them in which they passed away naturally in their sleep but unfortunately that wasn’t the case.
In particular, I remember my Lab, previously athletic and rambunctious, looking up at me with relief as he no longer would deal with the pain from a tumor the size of a softball in his chest. Our sweet tuxedo cat began purring in my arms for the first time in weeks as the vet began the euthanization process; likely relieved she would no longer have repeated seizures due to a brain tumor.
Losing a pet is incredibly painful, but I wouldn’t change it for a life without animals. I am thankful to have known them and their memory lives on in our hearts, homes, and other pets.
Sending love and light to anyone grieving their beloved friend.
40
When we take these animals out of the wild, we take on the end of life responsibilities that Mother Nature would handle. Our dogs and cats look to us to make that decision.
As a pet guardian that's been through this many times, it's the most difficult thing we do for then, but the most important.
One other thing, animals are way more in tune with the fact that life involves death than we are. They know it's coming, but dogs especially will hang on to the bitter end just to be obedient. Once the decision is made, they are relieved and tend to rally a bit. It's totally normal.
Tara Parker-Pope, great column...as I've come.to expect.
22
The vet who came to my home to euthanize my buddy Cruz told me the only hard part of her job was when the pet guardian waited too long for a peaceful passing and the animal suffered needlessly.
It never gets easier but we owe our loved ones a good death.
22
Why does the Times post so many death stories about dogs? I am seriously tired of constantly reading how to kill, when to kill and how hard it is to part with a family dog. My dog is family. I prefer to focus on her living. Americans are preoccupied with staving off aging and death and then we want to pretend that old people and dogs have nothing in common. We allow humans who are in a vegetative state to linger for years and years, but oh, hurry up and kill your senior dog! This article is a disgrace and nothing but theory and one person's opinion. Thanks but I know what's best for my family.
6
@atb I agree with you and everything you said in your comment. We do everything we can to allow people to live longer even when it's clear they are suffering, but euthanasia is never an option. I worked in palliative care in both hospital and hospice settings, and have seen the extent to which a human being is kept alive even when they're in a lot of pain, immobile, doubly incontinent, or have no appetite- ie. have a very poor quality of life, but their family members do everything to prolong their lives, and never consider ending it prematurely. Yet when it comes to our senior dogs, euthanasia is always encouraged when it comes to their end of life. And if we choose otherwise, we are viewed as monsters cause we are prolonging their suffering. Why not encourage more focus and understanding on how to palliate a dying dog instead?
7
I am very sorry you are so angry. This article was very helpful to me and the only one I’ve ever read in the times about this subject.
25
So, you recommend avoiding end-of-life discussions because of your aversion to the subject? I sure as heck don’t want to live out my last days, months, years incontinent, enfeebled, bedridden, looking forward only to release from suffering. Do you? Then why condemn your dog to that fate?
37
The vets that I have had never want to euthanize my pet when it is clear they are sick and have a poor quality of life. just want to keep treating them even after I say I want to send them on. Just want to shaking that money tree.
5
@Gus Shop around.
6
Thank you for sharing. Bawling here. :(
16
Can we get an article like this for people?
36
One needs to communicate with their pet too. Make sure all has been resolved between you two. Read some books on the subject. Educate yourself. Your pet and you will have a much better experience. My last service dog knew exactly what was happenng and was ready for it. We did her bucket list and slept together until the last day. She walked into the Vet's office ready to move on to the afterlife. I was so proud of her.
12
If only we extended this kindness to himans “separating from the pack”.
21
They never live long enough, do they?
29
@Daisy22 Yes. My dog lived to 16 and was pretty healthy almost the whole way, but the last few years I just had this dread in the back of my mind of the end.
8
It always boggles my mind that as a society, we care more about our pets having a “well death” than we do our fellow humans....Try and give your terminal kid, spouse or parent a “well death” (even with their video and notarized consent), and you’re charged with first degree murder.....It’s a shame, a genuine shame, that Fluffy can be eased into death peacefully but our loved humans cannot.
31
@Lowell H, it's not clear to me that as a society we care more about our pets having a good death than we do about fellow humans having a good death. Instead, this is an area that has been coopted by some politicians and certain religious people and leaders, who have managed to equate a "good death" with murder.
8
@Lowell H
My SIL's brother went through a bad death with cystic fibrosis years ago. Not all that long ago her sister had as good a "well death" as could be provided. I hope I'm able to, also.
6
Good article except for one thing. A nonhuman animal is not an "it". Use a pronoun that respects the animal's sentience: he, she or they.
10
are you kidding me? it's an animal pet. yes we love them. but they are not human
@bored critic Try to remember that not everyone experiences life as you do. Some see the same nature in all living things. It's easiest to see in those creatures who share 85-95 percent of our DNA and much of the physiology of even the brain. Respect, please, might help others to respect you where you differ from them.
10
Incontinence should be one of the indicators.
6
@spoll Probably the most common cause of true urinary incontinence is an easily treated, hormone responsive, incontinence common in spayed female dogs. This form of incontinence should NOT be an indicator because it is usually so easy to treat and not terribly expensive.
Other causes of true urinary incontinence, as opposed to other problems like kidney failure, are much less common and should be investigated, if possible.
Fecal incontinence is a different story as it often reflects a degenerative process that is not treatable and can be a challenge to manage.
9
A puppy schedule and learning how to "express" a bladder does wonders to make this a manageable issue. That for when the incontinence is not a result of hormones and having been spayed. But at some point, I used this technique for my "leaky" girl dog, too. (with love and much relief)
1
One of our dogs died "naturally." It was horrible. She had cancer and slowed down drastically in her final month of life. Then she stopped eating and drinking and could no longer walk. We took turns sleeping with her on the floor. She died at about 4:30 a.m. after a night filled with labored breathing. I vowed not to put another animal through this. The next dog developed a tumor in her mouth. From the outside, she looked fine, but the tumor started to interfere with her ability to drink and eat. The veterinarian with the in-home euthanasia service said that the tumor was so large that it was almost blocking her breathing. But because I chose the date of death, she died at home, after having three walks, two (soft) meals, and without panic. I still should have had her euthanised sooner, though, because she was occasionally agitated and even distressed by the huge growth in her mouth. With the most recent dog, his cancer spread to his spine, where it suddenly caused a vertebra to break and left him unable to walk. The vet said there was only one choice, and I made it, with grief but relieved that he didn't suffer for more than a few hours.
22
When I knew my 15 year old Wheaten Terrier was approaching her last days I shopped around locally for euthanasia services, thinking that my regular large scale pet hospital would be the most expensive. Calling them last, they told me that they do not charge at all for euthanasia. The only charge would be for outside 3rd party services, such as cremation and return of ashes, if desired. I dont know how many other Vets offer this but the care and empathy they provided at no cost certainly will keep me a client for life. Seems like smart business to me. No one is more vulnerable than a grieving pet owner.
22
@Rob D
Our vet didn't charge either. He'd know Sam since puppyhood and mourned him a bit with us.
11
@Concerned Citizen Owners should ask.
1
I waited too long once. I could not bear to put my beloved kitty down so I made her stay alive longer than she wanted to. In retrospect, she clearly suffered towards the end. I will never do that again. I realize now that one of the ways I can love my pets is to allow them a peaceful release from suffering. I worry about euthanizing an animal too soon, but I think the reality for most animal lovers is that they wait too long.
27
At last count I have had 12 cats~currently have 4~all but 3 appeared in our back yard. All went to the vet, got tested for the usual cat diseases, fixed then they became part of family. These become indoor so I do not immunize, cannot afford it. This has been for the last 45 years. One just died overnight. Had been a bit sick, was doing better, then he died. The others went through various illnesses which I had vet care to the point of their final day there was a stroke, kidney failure, two old age~both 18~the others were just too sick for me to continue to spend what limited means I have to prolong the inevitable. I held them, cried with the vet and techs, while they slipped away.
We had 3 dogs over those years too. The 3rd one was the end for that heartbreak. Veterinarian care is almost a luxury for some of us. I do what I can to keep them healthy. But when there is an illness, based on the age, the overall health of its life and when it stops eating, then comes the stop drinking/a couple were vomiting/diarrhea continuously until I could not help any longer. This article makes those like me feel sad I cannot do what this is talking about. But I do know I have provided good lives for these cats. That is the best I can do.
16
@hj I have been there, and understand fully. I spent a lot on Veterinary care, paying for it with credit cards, for those that developed conditions which were manageable. At one point, I had four chronically ill pets at one time, a 100 pound dog and three cats. I am still paying off those bills years after they died. I have been going through a period recently, where every year I lose another one. It seems that a few cats that I adopted from outside were prone to maladies related to their previous semi-feral lives, which ended their lives quickly, such as congestive heart failure followed by stroke. i, too, have learned to focus on the fact that I have given them a much higher quality of life than they had without me. When they have a choice of staying outside or coming in with me when I go inside after spending time with my potted garden, they always beat me through the door. I'm sure all of your cats and dogs feel the same way. I think they picked you out as a potential good home, and that is why you had twelve.
5
I needed to read this article. I've promised my dog I wouldn't let him linger too long like I did with my other furry companions. I can tell he's hurting worse on some days because he won't eat, then he'll rebound and seem okay for another few days. Now I can use this assessment tool to help me decide when it's time. I don't want him to suffer.
18
What remains unsaid is that as medicine advances for pets there’s a whole range of choices for what one can and can’t do for a beloved pet. These get into a wider range of ethical decisions.
Does it make sense to put a dog through lengthy chemo, for example, when he or she neither understands nor desires it and in a natural world would have, as the article suggests, “gone under a bush to die” instead? At that point are we keeping the pet alive for our sake and not theirs? Ultimately the chemo is only going to prolong life anyway. The same thing might almost be said for my purchase of special food for my cat’s kidney stones. But like my friend and her dog with cancer, I buy it anyway.
Three weeks ago I had the difficult decision of putting down a very beloved dog. It’s been one of those “could he, would he, should I have” in the back of my mind ever since. This article has provided some clarity
I made the right choice.
19
@Ellen B, the three dogs I mentioned in my post all had cancer and we (mainly I) chose to not treat with chemotherapy or radiation. For one dog, I did opt for surgery (amputation of one leg) because I was told that if he kept the leg, it might break at any time, which would have resulted in intense pain and probably required immediate euthanasia. He lived six and a half months after the amputation. For the other dogs, surgery would have been possible but the financial cost and the risks clearly outweighed the benefits, in my mind and heart.
9
When you love an animal, you are choosing a finite relationship: it is the price we pay for the unconditional love they bring to our lives.
In a state of nature, an animal too frail or ill to feed or defend itself doesn't suffer for very long. Compare this to so many beloved pets who can be kept suffering indefinitely just to keep their owners happy. It's appalling to see how long some pet owners will allow their animal to go on, clearly suffering, just so they themselves won't have to make hard choices and face grieving.
If you love your animal, recogonize when it's time to say 'I love you' and let go.
19
I disagree somewhat on this. Many vets understand that euthanasia is far more about money than quality of life. I had a dog that had developed oral melanoma (stage 2) and lived over 2 years just with surgery and the immunotherapy vaccine, no pain, surgery was simple with clean margins, she died of something else and there was no sign of cancer although the vets all told us there likely was still cancer. But many people won't even spend $500 to save an elderly dog. I had a co-worker but down their cat because he was in kidney failure. Special food and the cat could have lived years but it was cheaper and easier to euthanize and get a new one. These kinds of articles just reinforce that attitude.
4
@Caroline, your privilege is showing. Not every loving pet owner HAS $500, or the ability to afford pricey prescriptive pet foods, for an ailing loved pet. In such cases, the decision is no less distressing. It's still a horrifying, heartbreaking decision, and your judgmental tone is both misguided and unnecessary.
23
@Caroline
Dear Ms. Caroline,
let us hope you and yours will have enough cash when you start to fail, and your special food fails. How many dollars will you require? Perhaps those you think love you will find a different, cheaper calculus. They may prefer a finer, less judgmental love, lo de las mascotas.
Marswolf
11
@Caroline You really think that being more concerned about quality of life than length of life is simply about money? I'm guessing you've never lived with a cat wasting away from kidney failure, or attempted repeatedly to administer subcutaneous fluids to a sick and frightened cat, or watched a cat hallucinate from acidosis. If you really think "saving" an elderly animal is always selfless and loving, I'd just ask: If the measures that extend the animal's life by a few weeks or months also make the animal frightened and miserable, who benefits? Who are these procedures really for? Choosing euthanasia is a sad, difficult decision, but it can often be the most selfless thing you can do for the animal you love.
10
All so true, and comforting to see these things confirmed. Surviving many such moments. Like many, I wish something of the kind were available to our loved ones, suffering bad deaths. The fentanyl opioid epidemic is horrendous in its toll on parents and loved ones, but I can’t help but politically incorrectly think that these comparatively good deaths are, if you like, unfairly distributed. Made use of by the wrong people, and denied the right ones. But I guess that’s a whole other issue
8
What was Fluffy's "condition"? She didn't have an illness or disease. She was just old. They didn't even test her to find out what her kidney values were. She might have been able to manage her kidney issues with fluids and medication, like I do for my 18 year old cat. I thought he might die in Oct. when he was diagnosed with CKD - it was scary for awhile there - but now he is fine - skinny, but the same cat on every way. I'm glad I didn't just think he was doomed and let him go. I'm glad I made sure I was fully informed and that opinions were backed up by facts. I'm glad I was vigilant and did all I could for him. Yes, letting a sick pet with a low quality of life go is good,but sometimes I think people jump the gun. Sorry,but there was nothing in that article that really convinced me it was Fluffy's time to go.
6
I let my best friend, a 15 year old Wheaten Terrier, go last month. Despite ongoing health issues, I struggled to find the "right" time to say goodbye. This scale mitigates the what-if guesswork and guilt that most of us struggle with as we try to navigate end-of-life issues for our pets. I plan to bookmark the site and share it with friends and family members who are also making this decision.
12
@ShallBe, I too, lost my Wheaten Terrier, 15 1/2 last October. It was agonizing for us, trying to decide when the time was right to let her go. As it was, she had become very arthritic along with almost complete hearing loss and significant sight loss. There came a point though, where I thought there was a change in her "happiness factor" and we knew it was time. I would rather be a bit too soon in making that decision than wait too long.
8
I now have three cats ranging in age from 3 to 15 and have had cats for the past 32 years. However I still think about my beloved little Schnauzer my late husband bought me. Fritz had a heart condition which we nursed for 4 or 5 years. 32 years ago my husband passed from lung Cancer at the same time Fritzie was in declining health. He was in the Vet hospital when my husband passed & I brought him home the day after his funeral. He was obviously not well & when I made the decision to help him cross the bridge, I took him into the Vet and told themI could not watch another loved one pass. To this day, I have regretted my decision not to stay with him & can still tear up thinking about him being without me. I have since helped 4 kitties cross the bridge & their ashes will one day be added to mine. I’m now 82 and have adopted my last cat. I hope to outlive my 10 and 15 y.o., but my daughter will probably need to raise my 3 y.o. Himalayan I rescued from Egypt.
16
This article does a great job of talking about a pet in a gradual decline. It does not address what to do when your pet is in an accident and your choice is to spend thousands of dollars for a surgery that may or may not fix the problem, or any illness that might prolong life for years even, but the cost of treatment could pay for a semester at university for your child. What is the ethical line between doing everything that can be done for your pet and spending many thousands of dollars on treatment that the family needs elsewhere? We all know when we get a pet that they will need continual care and upkeep, but the expectations have become enormous in what that entails. It is difficult to even bring the topic up, because there is judgement that one is a bad person if you don’t put your pet’s health issues on the same scale as those of your human family’s.
27
I lost my partner on July 7 last year ,after 11 1/2 years of years .
I was a different type of partner ,I felt he dedicated his life yo me I must be equally committed to him,so although he tried to avoid me,the fact he wouldnt come lay in his bed was a giveaway ,knowing animals ,I told him if this is his time, I love you but please don't hang on for me , and played with him holding his paws,sometimes in silence sometimes reassuring, but I never left his side,he never left me ,i would not leave him.
He was a divine accident ,I handed in my paper work,they gave me a socially history and cautioned it could be 3-5 years before a working dog could partner with me,after i turned in the social history and my lifesysle was reviewed,i got a call two days later,they said they had a trained certified service dog ,they thought "we will never find anybody this laid back" maybe we should adopt him out ? Right time right place , we set up a meet and greet for him and I , there was an amazing chemistry immediately. We pushed the bounds of known established teams and rewrote the rules of what was possible.As much as it hurts to have the huge whole in my life ,and as much as i felt guilty for doing the right thing for him when it needed to be,it also brought up the question if he hadn't of died suddenly ,would I have remained true to him if his needs changed or would I have denied and selfish ,i have casts of his paws and an urn of his ashes he will be buried with me.nothing changed.
14
@A.J. I so sorry for your loss. I wish I didn’t know how you feel. It’s been nine years and I still miss him. I do have a wonderful little girl now but even so , I do miss that face.
9
Very helpful piece. Also, the beautiful illustration broke my heart.
7
This article speaks of compassion for our beloved pets but I can't help but ask why are we reluctant to apply these principles to our beloved family member when the time comes when there is unbearable suffering? Not to make the decision for them but also not avoid honest discussions about the end of life.
23
People that love their animals know when their friends are suffering. I made the choice to put my childhood dog down two years ago (and was met with much resistance from my family, which I understand. It's a hard choice to make for someone you love). She had a brain tumor that was causing her to have severe and frequent seizures. I had a full time job and she was alone and scared for two of them, and it broke my heart. The medication gave her Ataxia, while still giving her facial ticks, and it was clear that there was no good choice. She was getting worse. I carried her to the vet, as she could no longer walk, and I held her as we put her to sleep. I had had her since I was 9, and I was devastated, but I would never ever let her suffer for my own fear of loss.
44
@Rachel, Totally agree. We owe it to our pets to be with them when they die, and not letting them pass alone
9
When I was struggling with this decision for a beloved dog I’d had for 15 years, a friend took me aside and said quietly, “Better a week too early than a week too late.”
47
Easing our pets way to the Rainbow Bridge is the final act of kindness that we can do for them. The decision must always be about them and their feelings and not about our emotions and our lack of courage to do what is best for them.
Be with them so that they see your face when they go to sleep for the last time, and know that they are blissfully pain free for the first time in a long time.
27
@TimInSEA
It is very hard but you finally realize that your pet deserves to be at peace. It has been two weeks since we said good bye to our dog and I still expect to see him when I come in the door. They are such a presence in your life and home. For fifteen years he was part of the family. It's a hard adjustment. My husband would like to take some time before we get another dog. I told him that was OK but if meet one and fall in love all bets are off!
7
This article just helped us make a tough decision. We have an older border collie inherited from my husband's dad who died almost four years ago. When we took her in she was feeble, slow and unsocial. We thought she might live for six months. Instead she has carried on in a slow decline ever since. She can't get on her feet without assistance, can't do stairs, and except for a very slow walk in the morning spends all her time sleeping. She has nasty skin problems and leaks small amounts of urine. Most sadly, she has never bonded with us. She's singularly unresponsive like a dementia patient. We suspect brain damage from abuse before Dad rescued her, perhaps exacerbated by old age. We've been waiting for a clear signal of "the end" for a long time, but it never seemed to come. Doing the assessment separately, my husband both scored her below 35. We realize we've been keeping her alive out of guilt more than anything. Now she will have a painless and dignified death, short of the bitter end, and we'll all be relieved.
30
"“bond-centered euthanasia,” which allows the pet owner to be present and play a comforting role during the procedure."
Did this but refused male tech, just the female vet, it was good on her favorite front window on her favorite pillow and view.
Totally the best way and right time. My cat was loving till end, and experienced no pain at all.
She was calm and happy to be with me throughout.
14
I would add to the list, for those of us in NYC, that it is better to have a pet euthanized when you think it might be a bit too soon than it is to wait, discover that you should have acted while your vet was available, and then have to go to one of the 24-hour emergency hospitals, such as the Animal Medical Center or Blue Pearl. They are rigid about euthanasia procedure, and their procedure may seriously upset your dying pet, at a time when there is no good reason to traumatize them.
They will take your pet off to a back room to insert a large catheter in your pet’s leg, then bring the pet back to the exam room where you are waiting. If your animal is frightened or hard to handle when taken away from you, this experience will be bad, perhaps very, very bad, and you will not be there to intervene. I have not been able to get over what was done to one of my cats at one of the two hospitals I mentioned. She had fluid in her chest, and was hypotension. The process of catheterizing her came close to killing her, judging by her poor little frail body lying limply on a table as she struggled desperately to breathe, uttering tiny, terrified cries, when they finally let me see her again, There was no medical necessity for the vet to have subjected her to this. He kept repeating that that was how they did it.
All of the vets I have dealt with outside of the big hospitals do a better and far more humane job of euthanizing a pet.
26
@Kat Jenkins thanks so much for writing this..my instinct was to avoid both those places, tho i had to wait a day for the vet to get here...still, worth it...xoxox
8
@Kat Jenkins I'm so sorry for your horrific experience. Forgive yourself. Just as in her life, your kitty knew where your heart was that day, and all that mattered is that you were with her as she passed. Try not to let those horrible memories overpower your knowledge if the caring mom that you were
10
I was washing the dishes late at night. I heard something behind me and turned. With her head hung low, panting loudly, Jang, 12 years old, was looking directly at me. As I sat with her, I asked her, "Honey, have you had enough?". She kept her eyes upon me and leaned her head toward me. As I cried, I said, "Can you give me another day?" She passed peacefully two days later with our remarkable vet, Dr. Boswell. It's the last loving thing I did for her.
31
I think our vet put it very well: We are responsible for their quality of life and so too, we are responsible for their quality of death.
30
Euthanasia translates to “good death.” It's part of the deal we make when we take them into our homes. The animal gives us their loyalty and unconditional love and we keep them fed and cared for and prevent them from suffering at the end of their lives.
The big downside of bringing animal companions into our homes is that most times, they die before we do. The loss of an animal can bring devastating grief. It pains me when I hear people say, “Never again. I couldn’t stand the grief of losing another animal.” In my case, I view adopting another one as a tribute to the one that went before. There is ALWAYS another precious animal, with their destinct little ways and quirks, that desperately needs a loving home.
I am deeply grateful for the many animals in my life. It’s impossible to know who rescued who.
44
I had Big Boy put down Wednesday. He had been with us since the Thomas Fire more than a year ago. He was a big (23 pounds) gray and black striped tabby...we laughed that he should have been named Big Baby--because he was afraid of everything--the other cats, us when we walked toward him too fast, etc. But he was so loving and affectionate. He would interact for as long as we would, in rubbing his head and belly.
I had just fed them his evening meal; with 6 cats, we do "head counts" often. I located the other 5 and went to find Big Boy. As I walked into the bedroom he a suddenly started distress crying and panting. It was too late for our local vet, so I got him into his carrier and in the car to go to the emergency vet. I went nearly 80, while he panted, cried, and his eyes were wide. When I got him to the hospital, he had no feeling in his back legs/tail, no sense of touch, and his breathing was raspy and labored. Apparently, he'd had a stroke, or heart attack or something. I called my housemates, and we agreed to put him to sleep. He barely recognized me. And in a few moments, it was over.
I am so thankful that I apparently was there to see it happen. Otherwise, he would have crawled under the bed and been there until he died. I had to dig him out from there when I came back with his carrier from the garage.
The house is so quiet; Big Boy was an amazing tabby -- our second large male who have given us so much.
I'll see you at the bridge, Big Boy.
20
This is a wonderful approach to take with old and ill pets. Comfort should be paramount. Unfortunately, it can be difficult to find a vet who will work with a pet owner so compassionately.
I have had some horrible experiences with vets. Some of them do a hard sell on procedures that enrich themselves rather than improve an animal’s life. I’ve had three dogs with cancer, and with the first one my (awful, greedy, egotistical) vet pushed me to do things to her that made her suffer. He considered her treatment a success because she lived maybe an extra year and a half. But she was miserable for much of that. If I could do that over — how I wish that I could! — I would spoil her, treat her pain, and euthanize before it got too bad. But you learn how to do the right thing, sometimes, by doing the wrong thing.
The last time I put a dog down, the vet treated me like I was a monster. My old dog was terrified because of the prickly, angry attitude of the vet staff. But I knew that dog for more than 14 years, and I knew she was dying. Her kidneys were failing, she was having trouble getting up, she was constantly dehydrated and peeing on herself. She had no good days. Yet the vet had to judge.
Expand “know when to say goodbye” to include “know when to say no to treatment for terminal pets.” It is unconscionable for vets to guilt dog owners into overtreating animals. I know a young woman went into more than $10k of debt for surgeries on a dog that was never going to make it.
24
@Passion for Peaches- dear friends were convinced by a vet to amputate a cancerous leg on their beloved greyhound. It was horrible to do that to a dog who was born to run! It also didn’t help as the dog died three months later of more cancer elsewhere in her body. They adored her so and I know they were well intentioned. I blame the vet who probably made a fortune. Each case is different and I know that cancer treatment works for some animals but this was a tragedy for all concerned.
10
@Kathryn, yes, the dog I was speaking of had a leg amputated, and a new, experimental, high-priced chemo treatment. Then she had to be given steroid for the rest of her life. And the (awful) vet gave me no choice about the amputation. He did a bone biopsy and told only after he’d done it that he’d been so sure it was osteosarcoma that he’d taken an extra-large sample of bone and the leg would not heal. So it would have to come off. And he did that...knowing I would have no choice. So my beloved dog was in pain and was miserable for the rest of her days, and the vet got to do the new chemo regime and buy another car with the proceeds. He even had the nerve to tell me he used my dog’s “success” as a selling point for pushing the same chemo on other dog owners. This was many years ago, and I still get furious over it.
15
This St. Patty's Day my grown children each sent me the same "Pugs and Kisses" card from opposite ends of the country. We put our 13 year old blind, deaf and diabetic dog to sleep ten years ago, and the memory of his big personality still brings joy.
As a single mother living in substandard artist housing with a huge hole in the ceiling that poured rain and rats for the months it took the landlord to fix, I invested in this little creature for my little kids to take their minds off our extreme situation. It worked! Happily he was our love and amusement till he became a fond and distant memory.
Shortly after he had died, however, as I lay waiting for help, literally on the verge of death from an intestinal blockage, I only thought of our dog's peaceful demise, and wished for the same if the excruciating pain could not be stopped. I lived, of course, and often think of the gracious and loving passing we honored our little pug with as opposed to the tortured, almost barbaric end of life travails of my own parents who were at full mercy of the present laws and out of our control.
R.i.P. Buster
17
I really resonate with your phrase of your parents being at the full mercy of the present laws. I experienced this in brutal, awful form with a parent. Deeply traumatic to watch my beloved dad suffer, while his body hung on. I'm so sorry you also experienced loss like that. Thank God we allow our vets to ease the transition for our dear pets, if for no one else.
6
Please reconsider chemotherapy for pets with cancers. There is no such thing as easy chemo and no way to explain a possibly cured future to a miserable and perpetual now.
22
Two additional thoughts to add to my prior comment, 1 philosophical, one practical:
Best diagnostic tool a pet owner can have for a cat or small dog - a baby scale. Weigh your cat twice a month and keep a log. This records the baseline. Then 2 losses in a row after that - no matter how small, even a couple of ounces - indicates a trend and a possible problem that would have remained invisible to the naked eye for some time. Then go to your vet.
“We who choose to surround ourselves
with lives even more temporary than our
own, live within a fragile circle;
easily and often breached.
Unable to accept its awful gaps,
we would still live no other way.
We cherish memory as the only
certain immortality, never fully
understanding the necessary plan.”
~~ Irving Townsend
13
I got two kittens within a month of each other when I graduated med school and the craziest years of my residency were behind me. Zena died unexpectedly after seven years or so. I found her outside in the middle of the day with flies buzzing around her. Previously she was in perfect health. No sign of trauma. I bawled like a baby, far more than when my mom had recently passed. My mom's death was a relief, she had a medical condition called superior vena cava syndrome that could have been truly gruesome to watch play out. Zena's death was completely out of the blue.
Jagger passed after eighteen years. Christmas day my dog Samba out in the yard with the cat started barking in a way I'd never heard her do before. I ran outside to see my beloved feline friend having grand mal seizures out of a cartoon, rhythmically or rather spasmodically jumping several feet in the air. I brought her inside, put her on a blanket and petted her. She was gone mere minutes later. She was also previously fine, no behavioral or appetite issues whatsoever. Natural death. Again I bawled like a baby. My father recently passed and that was a relief, with ugly Alzheimer's causing immobility, bed sores, and recurrent pneumonia due to regurgitation.
I've never had to take my own furry friends to the vet to put them out of their misery. But I cry every time I read about friends or strangers who's loved pets die, whether naturally or with our gentle assistance.
Rainbow bridge, guide Fluffy with your love.
19
It's ironic in a way, that we struggle to find the right way to end our pet's lives in a dignified and pain free way, but our society makes it difficult or impossible for us to do that for ourselves.
23
With to of our cats, it was clear to us when the time was nigh. One, a former feral, had gum disease, and when she tried to eat even pureed food it hurt her badly and she began to fear food. Removing all her teeth and healing the gums with antibiotics would have given her more time, but we did not know of that option and so we had to say goodbye. Another cat, a rescue from the streets who lived to 20, had successful thyroid treatment, but a few years later began to have modest seizures. Between seizures he was fine, but one day his seizure was worse and his spirit seemed broken, and we took him in. The third cat, only 13 years old but a rescue from abandonment, began to resist hugs on his abdomen. A faulty ultrasound revealed nothing, so a couple of months later we took him to a major animal hospital where he was diagnosed with a tumor. In every other respect he was fine: eating well, full mobility, happy and affectionate. The hospital suggested surgery, and if he was found to be inoperable in surgery, they would call during and ask if we chose to let him go while under anesthesia. We did, and I have regretted it ever since because he still had very good quality of life. We should have waited until he told us, as the others had done. As a loving pet parent, you know when the time is right.
9
@Iris - don’t beat yourself up. We do the best we can. Some animals are incredibly stoic, so you can’t always count on them to show pain and suffering until they have been sick for quite some time. You don’t know how your baby would have recovered from surgery or how long he would have lived. I had a friend in animal rescue who said about euthanizing one of my animals, “Better a week early than an hour too late.” That counsel has helped me so many times.
17
@Iris
I’m sure he is over the rainbow bridge with the other two smiling at you. Be at peace.
6
Very well written and poignant. I have been guilty of waiting too long and also now realize my old vet didn't know what he was doing. I will look at this again when the time is right and I have to make difficult decisions for Layla and José, my two sweet little rescue cats. As much as I love them I never want them to suffer because I am too selfish to make the right decision for them.
11
Very well-written article. I read an article recently that said it is better to make the euthanasia decision a little too soon, rather than too late. I waited too long with my ailing and elderly GSD mix. When my Chow mix was diagnosed with cancer (the vet also mentioned that her tumors could burst, causing her to bleed out) I decided to be more decisive. My husband and I took her for ice cream twice, fed her steak and she had a lovely walk on the beach. Although it was incredibly painful, we felt as though we had closure and it was comforting to look back on her last couple of days.
16
How timely. I took my aging chihuahua to the vet today after she had 3 grand mal seizures in less than 24 hours. She had another in the waiting room. Her late older stepbrother, also a chi mix, also developed seizures at about the same age, probably due to multiple brain tumors. Medication controlled his seizures for several months until he started getting seizure clusters. Since she's already there I am not very hopeful for months but maybe weeks. Although I'll miss her terribly I know what to expect and I will not let her suffer.
13
I had our beloved Rescue cat Katy put down in January. She was 17 and had been with us 14 years She'd been dx'd with heart murmur and then cardiomyopathy (2013) and I'd been medicating her by mouth twice a day since then. She thrived on the medication until one day she did not. It was very abrupt. She crumpled onto the floor in great distress. I brought her to a regional highly-accredited veterinary teaching hospital in emergency basis; called ahead to say we were coming, carried her in in my arms and a staffer, who'd been waiting for me, took her. The doctor on call came out of the exam room several times re: the prognosis, which wasn't good. He made the distinction of telling me that he hadn't said it would NOT work. But I told him I couldn't put an old cat through painful med procedures, that it was time to let her go, and I wanted to hold her thru the process. I did, telling her I loved her in case hearing was the last thing to go. This teaching hospital provides the three step euthanasia injection protocol, the most humane. The doctor explained each step. After she was gone, and I handed her body over, he asked if I was OK. 'I'm fine," I told him. "And I'm lying." The next day I got a followup call from a social worker at the hospital, which I thought was a quite compassionate protocol. This final treatment was expensive but I've been a (modest) donor supporter of the hospital for years because they do so much work for which they don't get compensated.
21
I learned the hard way that when we adopt our pet, we swear an oath to love and protect them. Our pets can't tell us when they are hurting, it's something we just have to know is going on when the animal obviously is laboring with normal things. In the case of my cat, about 2 months before he died I started noticing some behavioral changes. He always slept on a soft surface, either on the bed or on the carpet, and all if a sudden he would only sleep on the stone floor. This was weeks before any more obvious signs of disease became apparent. I knew I needed to put him down, but it was so final, so heartwrenching to make that decision and take him to the vet. I kept saying to myself, just one more day...
Finally, it got to that day and it was too late. By the time I took him to the vet, he passed minutes before the vet came in. I failed in my responsibility to protect him from needless pain, and it was agonizing. I know now what I must do out of love for my cat now, even if it means a few less times with her. She will be protected.
26
Every human has one final duty to a beloved animal: see that the animal's last moments are as peaceful, pain free and dignified as possible.
Follow the advice in this article on how to evaluate quality of life.
Then, insist that you be there throughout and your vet uses the method given here. No sterile line or catheter is needed to euthanize. It's cruel.
At all times, put your animal's needs above your own fear of pain and loss. You'll never be other than sad at the loss of a loved one. But it will be worse if you've taken advantage of an ailing animal's trust or willingness to please you and made them endure pain and suffering because you are scared. This decision isn't about the person. It's about the animal.
Be worthy of your animal companion to the end.
33
I've had more than my share of bad vet experiences related to a cat's imminent demise. Some too eager to continue treatment when it is too late and some too eager to do useless tests when a cat is terminal anyway. If a cat is in final stage of cancer, do we really need a $200 test to find out the type of cancer? I don't think so. At 72 and after using about 10 vets over the course of about 17 cats' lives, I've come to distrust them all. I do wish they'd been more focused on helping me let go than they were in collecting more fees for useless services.
14
Yesterday morning I woke up to discover that my sweet 8 year old Airedale girl had died im her sleep. We suspect a heart attack as she had not shown any evidence of pain or illness. There was absolutely no wsrning Thursday night that she wouldn't be prancing around the house Friday morning. I'm sad because I didnt get an opportunity to say goodbye, or to comfort her. I'm also still in shock as I anticipated that very soon she and I would be a one-dog family. That's because I have a 12 year old male Airedale as well. He seems happy & healthy, but is definitely slowing down.
I have had to make the decision before and while it is not easy it does allow both man & beast to control what is an inextricably painful process.
Now with a understanding of the differences between a decision & a discovery, I hope that I and my pets are always able to make the decision. I'm so glad that my girl didn't suffer, but I'm equally glad that my son didn't discover her.
None of this is easy but I think our furry family members look to us to make these painful calls. There is nothing I could have done for Joy, but the most important lesson I learned this week is not take any day for granted--don't live life assuming that you will always get an opportunity to say goodbye. But if you are given that opportunity, embrace that gift.
15
Manny has been my best cat friend for 14 1/2 years. Ava and Simon (cats as well) for 13 1/2. I know I am in for a few rough years. They are all still well over 35, but I see them slowing down as the months go by. I will be heartbroken. I'm relying on my two youngsters (Walter and Harry) to help me out. And when I retire in 4 years I plan on fostering kittens.
Thank you for this...I'm going to need it.
20
I am not sure if I have a soul or that any of us do. My agnosticism has been challenged every time I have had to euthanize one of my friends as I feel diminished as if a part of me has gone someplace else. I find it fleetingly in memories or dreams. I am 60 and quite fit and have two dogs now. I can see one more after this and perhaps when I go I will find my soul waiting for me in the form of my friends. I could spend eternity with them quite happily.
42
I share your agnosticism Robert. At the same time, I’m convinced that all sentient beings have souls (or spirits) that are above mortality. Whenever someone or something passes, we are all enriched because their spirit becomes a part of all of us.
As for what comes when it’s our turn? I hope you’re right. I believe you are.
19
@Robert I think we humans are pretty self-righteous when we hypothesize so learnedly that only humans have souls. My own view is that these creatures who have offered us so much have as much claim on heaven as we do. As another pastor has said: If our pets can't go to heaven, I don't want to go, either.
One of the most comforting hopes that I have for the cats and dogs who have brought to much love and joy to the family, is that of the "Rainbow Bridge" (https://www.rainbowsbridge.com/Poem.htm
).
I fully expect to see them all again there. Especially today, 3 days after I had to put Big Boy down.
8
My wife and I have shared six German Shepards and several cats over the course of 45 years. We have always lived in rural settings. They were our pets but also were working animals. The cats were mousers, sorry about the birds. The dogs kept the varmints away from the chickens and rabbits or treed them for my disposal. The bears and elk were kept away from the gardens and orchards. We staggered the dogs so an older dog would raise up a younger dog in the ways of land. One dog would die but there was always one left to carry on.
The end for a working animal comes when they lose their mobility and it was my call when that line was crossed. As I got older I kept pushing that line further back but never to the point of suffering. You can see it in their eyes. Step one was the shovel and hole big enough. We had a great traveling large animal vet who also cared for dogs and cats. All of these animals were euthanized except for a couple of accidents.
I don't keep pets anymore. Don't like the idea of leaving an animal behind and I'm not up to digging a hole that big and deep.
15
@richard wiesner I feel sad reading this. I took in one rescue Rottie who survived after being left crated for 10 days when her owner died suddenly and made no provision for her dogs.
There are many wonderful animals looking for homes and you sound like such a good person. Not all relationships with animals have to be life long. I now have two formerly feral field dogs found wandering in NC. I took them in at 2.5 and 5 years. Both were sick and one was injured. Every minute with me is one they wouldn't have otherwise have. It's amazing to watch how they've both blossomed with care, love and training into happy, wonderful companions.
Foster. Take in someone who is in desperate need of a home who will be endlessly grateful to you for whatever time you can give them. There are organizations that are desperate for initial care and training of German Shepard, Lab and Golden seeing eye and assistance dogs.
20
@richard wiesner - Dear Richard, please adopt an older animal. Not one on his or her last legs, but a middle aged one. Older animals are harder to place and should live out their lives being loved and doted on. You sound like too good a dog dad and an animal may help YOU live longer. Make a provision in your will that should you predecease your dog, there is someone willing to take them in or make sure the dog goes to a rescue organization to be re-homed. Maybe I’m projecting but I just wouldn’t want to live very long without an animal companion!
10
You are a very good person, Richard. Very compassionate.
4
I had a most wonderful dog, Thomas, who I founding abandoned one day, and had intended to rescue and give to our local SPCA, but my kids kiboshed that idea. He was with us for 15 years, and he was so loyal and undemanding. Simply "there". He got us through a nasty divorce and the aftermath that affected my children so deeply. I think he saved the lives of a couple of us, giving us something to connect with then everything else had turned to ashes.
When he was 15, after a prolonged period of being a frail elderly dog, and after some intrusive treatments, my oldest daughter rang the vet and made arrangements to have him euthanised and then told me it was happening. I was incapable of driving because of the grief; and I hadn't been capable of making that decision for myself. He went so quickly, held in our arms, that the vet said he was more than ready.
I decided once the grief had subsided, that I will not allow another animal to deteriorate so much in the future. My pets will have "well deaths" when they start getting to the point where they lose their ability to function at a certain level. Thomas suffered needlessly, and only because I couldn't bear to make that decision. I won't let that happen again. For their sake, not mine.
52
It took you great courage to write this comment. Thank you, from the bottom of my heart, for your honesty, and your compassion.
21
Hello. When you say that your dog was “frail and elderly,” what do you mean? Did he have specific illnesses/conditions? How had he “deteriorated”? Just growing old and experiencing all that can occur with increased age or was he growing sick?
I have two female canines aged 10 and 13. These shelter pets are an integral part of my life. Recently they became ill and the local vet group couldn't help them. My vet referred us to board certified vets in Atlanta who could and did help. It was very expensive, $3000 to treat each dog. I'm fortunate to have been able to afford the treatments prolonging their lives and the joy they give me. I would encourage all first time pet owners with young animals to start saving their money now or get pet insurance. It's hard enough to watch a pet decline and harder still not to be able to afford the care they need and the joy you receive from them. Some might say to put them down and get another shelter pet. Fair retort I suppose, but I'm the master here and I'll take care of them until I can't.
14
Our miniature schnauzer was such a little trooper, even after being diagnosed with melanoma of the jaw. I kept wanting to believe he was okay, even though he wagged his tail and wanted to go for walks. But giving him soft food didn’t help, and removing part of his jaw wasn’t an option. We took him to our vet, hugged and kissed him, and were all there to say goodbye. It was peaceful - and he was surrounded by the family that adored him.
15
God bless you Leigh.
3
We literally have an appointment today at noon for a home visit to put our sweet 15 year old dog down. She scores 35 in my view, so on the bubble really. I see her withdrawn and just wanting to be on her bed and looking sad, but she also still eats and for the most part does her business where she is supposed to. However, she has a degenerated spine and walks with some difficulty and can't go down stairs at all. We are so sad, but yes, I hope that we are sparing her further decline and discomfort. This is so so hard.....
26
Having been there more times than I wish to think of, my heart is with you.
19
@Claire I had to make that same decision seven years ago for my 15-year-old Boston. His spine was degenerating. He could walk, but not jump, and was losing control control of his bladder. He slept all the time and had lost that sparkle in his eyes. My vet assured me the issue would only get worse and more painful for him. I chose an at-home euthanasia and he passed so peacefully on our bed while I held him. It is so hard to make that call, but dogs know you are helping them. Dogs are amazing like that. Thinking of you today.
8
@Claire
I’m so sorry you’re going through this. I have a pup who’ll turn 16 in 2 weeks, and she’s still doing well, but I’m not naive about the near future. I wish your dog comfort and you peace today.
7
I have the deepest respect for all the vets who help people and our beloved pets through this most difficult process. They are the unsung heroes. I don't know what I would have done without my remarkable vet who has helped us care for our 13 year old dog her whole life. I feel comfort in knowing he will also be there at the end.
23
I said goodbye to my loving poodle Gracie who was my companion and friend for almost 19 years. Gracie was a very smart and friendly poodle to all family and friends included. Gracie was my sixth poodle and she lived the longest of all , but I said that I would never let any of them suffer because I couldn’t or wouldn’t let go. I was lucky to have a Vet that helped her and me through several months of decline even when she rallied a bit. I was also lucky to be able to hold her in my arms as we said goodbye and her gentle soul breathed her last breath. Pet owners are special people and having and loving these special creatures is a blessing.
19
I found it hard to judge when my dog with cancer had gone on long enough. The vet helped me along and so did office of the vet who came to my home to euthanize my pet. It was hard and sad. But I had to put my dog’s well being before mine.
16
Bogey, our Lab Shepard mix, was 14.5 years old when we let him go. We had raised him from a pup. He weighed 75 pounds and was starting to decline overall. He collapsed one day and never got up. I agonized for years later if I had made the decision too soon. He was alert but clearly confused about not being mobile. It was very hard but I think sooner might be a bit "better" rather than too late. I have seen some owners prolong the dog's suffering and procrastinate. Very hard on all involved.
26
We do allow more kindness and compassion to our pets than we do to our fellow humans at the end of life.
32
Everyone caring for a loved human should also use this scale to help think about the direction and goals of care.
28
@Read EXACTLY what I was thinking!! I think the scale applies to both humans and pets. I am saving this article and may actually print it to use for a talk with friends and family. Having this written out seems very helpful, and comforting to those who find themselves in a position to make the final and very final decisions.
17
@Tricia
Oh stop. That kind of immature hyperbole is pointless.
The human race and the world are comprised of complexity. You know what makes it even more complicated - careless breeding that erodes quality of life and then quality of death. Humans have doubled their numbers just since the 1960s and while destroying many of Earth's species we've also carelessly irresponsibly failed to control the breeding of the cats, dogs and other animals we domesticated to serve and please us.
Some mammals have a better life and an easier death than others. It's always been this way since the beginning of time. The best way to insure quality is to limit the quantity.
1
I agree with and empathize with so many of these comments. My cat Horatio is 19. He has thyroid and inflammatory bowel diseases, both of which are well managed with medication. He has had stage three kidney disease for about five years. There’s no cure for this but by keeping his thyroid and gastrointestinal system healthy we’ve managed to stabilize his kidneys. A wet food diet has really helped. Cats evolved from desert felines. As such they are obligate carnivores who should get a large portion of their water intake from the foods they eat. I take Horatio to a cat-only vet every six months for lab work and a general check up.
Some of the comments on this article make it seem like intervention and treatment prolong suffering. This isn’t always the case. Many conditions that occur as a natural part of the aging process can be managed to the point where your pet’s quality of life remains good. Horatio looks like an old man cat. His eyes are a little cloudy. He sleeps most of the day. He has a bit of stiffness in his spine from the beginnings of arthritis. But Horatio is fully ambulatory, well nourished, and absolutely adores me as I do him. Just because your pet looks old it doesn’t mean they’re at the end of their life. Nearing perhaps, but not there quite yet.
27
@Neverdoubt
All the best to Horatio. At 19, he's nearly 100 in human years. Seems the lucky fellow has had a wonderful life, the most open hearted love and care from his humans, whom he adores. Still, there is no way to prepare for loss.
Every one of our cats was a foundling welcomed into our home from various backgrounds, each as different as different could be and each as loved and medically cared for to the utmost. (Some even feral, which is another story, others came with siblings.) Nearly all lived to a long indoor life of 18+. I've learned to administer fluids, every kind of medication, delivered hospice care to several. Having held and softly spoken to all ours at the end, as they pass into a sleepy journey across the rainbow bridge, there's the heartbreak of wanting more time, of tempus fugit. But our feline board certified vet always stressed the HHHHHMM, kitten or grimalkin, along with lifelong preventive care.
Nearly all small felines eventually suffer from kidney disease; too many hardworking small organs inside a small body. Thyroid disease is now common when it was once rare. (It has reached near epidemic proportions in just 20 years. Environmental causes - probably.) Daily prednisone and cosequin provide temporary relief where there is no cure for arthritis. The depth and breadth of love is magnified by their years. Life would be profoundly less without them for however long we have them. Indeed, decline is measured in years and even decades, not moments.
13
The gist I’m getting from a majority of these comments is that pet parents “knew” it was time to euthanize when they saw their pet experiencing aspects of the aging process. Let’s face it: the aging process isn’t pretty. Many mammals have creaky joints, move slower, have more sensitive stomachs, begin to lose hearing and eyesight and even their continence. We may begin a neurological decline as well.
The sense I’m getting from the comments is that when a pet starts to look a certain way — when it starts to deteriorate physically and it’s hard for us to look at it because it’s not the vibrant thing it once was — we project our own discomfort onto our animal. This makes me sad. When I am old and ugly and require additional care, I certainly hope my loved ones will look at me fondly instead of with sadness. I hope they’ll help me live.
That being said, I recently had to say goodbye to my fourteen year old cat. She had kidney disease due to a congenital defect. I was able to successfully treat the disease for many years. Eventually I had to let her go because her quality of life was poor. But I am so glad I kept going with her. She lived a good life until the last day.
10
@Vina I don't see anyone saying they are euthanizing animals just because they're old or looking to put an otherwise healthy and sound animal to death.
We fail to respect age across the board in this country.
I do adult and elder dog rescue. And make it a point to say hello, pet and admire every older dog I meet. We all age.
I've nursed a 2.5 year old rescue who came with her 7 year old companion through 3 surgeries for a leg that couldn't be saved. Thanks to pet insurance and great care that didn't bankrupt me, my new tripod is happily running, jumping, doing stairs. Amputation isn't pretty at all. The stares, screams from children, judgmental comments from strangers are unbelievable. I can't imagine what parents of disabled or disfigured kids endure.
Her older sister is gray around the muzzle and eyes and her velvety coat is damaged in places from malnourishment.
They will have long and happy lives with me and the best and most peaceful endings when it's time. Not because they aren't perfect, youthful or in their prime.
You seem to be making assumptions about people you are only getting a glimpse of. It reminds me of the people who point and stare at my tripod.
9
Tara, my condolences. What a brave and loving thing to do for Fluffy. Thank you for sharing the expert's advice. Tough stuff, but necessary.
17
Losing a pet is always anguishing, whether it’s the first time or several. If it’s any help, we might adopt the frame of mind that one of the reasons we are here is to be our animals’ caregivers. Humankind’s lifespan is several times theirs, so it’s practically inevitable that they will leave us first. Our story is your story. We lost one of many cats and our third greyhound at the start of this year. In most animals’ natural environment, their lives often are much shorter, and death is quick and brutish or long and painful. Our care extends their quality of life and extends their happiness. What comes will inevitably come, but if we have provided comfort instead of suffering, then we can take consolation in giving them lives well-lived. Recognizing that prepares us to take future pets into our lives, treating it as one way of honoring the memory of those who have gone before.
25
My dog Pepper died last July at age 12 years, 6 months. She was an Italian Greyhound. During these years we had jogged and walked some 6 thousand plus miles. She was truly my companion. I raised her, played with her, raced and ran with her, and when it came to leaving her at home whenever we went on vacation, I agonized. I wouldn't let anyone watch her except our most trusted and dog-loving friends who would come to our home to watch her. Even then, it sounds crazy, I longed to come home as soon as possible, and be with her. And when I came home she went, for lack of a better word, crazy seeing me. And me too.
Her last checkup showed that she had cancer all over her stomach. I had noticed she had been a bit lethargic lately. Her health declined rapidly. A dog renowned for her jumping ability, she couldn't jump over our bed. Gradually, she stopped eating and drinking and lost her weight rapidly. She was a 10-pound bundle of energy to begin with, but when she began to lose weight, ribs and bone became prominent.
With great sadness, I had to let her go.
But she is in my memory. And I know she would like me to continue with what we did together: go outside, jog, run, enjoy life. It took me more than six months to recuperate from the loss.
Sometimes I think may be I will get another dog just like her, if only I could know the place of her reincarnation!
I call her name all the time, for she had many: Pepper, Pepsi, Payperview, Pepe.
58
@Uday Mg name is Erica and my dog’s name is Lilly. Lilly is a miniature pinscher who has been part of our family for 12 years now. Lilly was dx with breast cancer a year ago. Lilly’s appointment 3 weeks ago @ the vet was told she now has the tumors all in her lungs. They stated that 3/4 of her body is covered with tumors. The vet suggested that I might want to start looking at putting Lilly down, so she wouldn’t be in pain. However; at the same time they were extremely shocked to hear that Lilly was still eating and playing around with the other dogs we have. The only thing I have noticed differently about Lilly is that she does sleep a little more then usual, but then we recently moved to a bigger house with a bigger yard 3 weeks ago as well, so all the dogs seem like they are sleeping more to me. She does lick her tumors now which the vet says that indicates she is in pain, but now that she has been placed on tramadol for pain, she has stopped.
I don’t want her to be in pain; but if she is eating, walking, playing and wagging her tail like normal, should I really put her down? Would you mind giving me your opinion?
Thank you in advance,
Erica
As pet owners, we have a responsibility to make the best decision we can for our companions and that includes knowing what life-extension treatments they can tolerate as well as when to let them go. As an example, I have had several cats experience kidney failure - each in their own way.
Winston slipped out of the house and disappeared for a couple of days before returning home, barely alive. I nursed him through the night and he was diagnosed the next morning. Our vet recommended giving him fluids for a couple of weeks to see if he regained any kidney function. When it was clear he would not, he was euthanized.
Missy (13) was treated at home with subcutaneous fluids every other day which she tolerated (with some fussing). This gave her an additional year of good quality life before she took a downward turn that told us it was her time.
Jasmine (13) concealed her illness until it was in the final stages. We didn’t even try the subcutaneous fluids with her because I knew she wouldn’t tolerate the treatment. As she wasn’t suffering, the vet advised us to take her home and give the best final week we could. She didn’t make her euthanasia appointment, passing in her sleep six days later.
11
My housemate's mom died of cancer when she was a young teenager, and she inherited her mom's dog. They bonded, and the dog was some small comfort in those tough times. Fast forward 7 years and now she's a young adult, and the dog is dying of cancer. Understandably this was very hard for her, she'd spend some nights cradling the dog and crying. As the dog's heath got worse and worse, it was clearly time to have it put to sleep, but given the situation neither I nor her siblings could tell her what to do. Indeed, a natural death is not pretty, and certainly not pleasant for the dog. Having witnessed this first hand, when my own dog was diagnosed with untreatable cancer it was much easier for me to make that call to the vet... but it was still very hard. I had a lot of guilt. What got me though it was recalling my housemate's dog, and I came to see it as my last act of kindness.
27
What would have happened if instead of adopting a kitten, or a puppy, they adopted the neighbor or the neighbor's kid? These days pet ownership is so expensive that it is mostly the upper classes that have pets. All the time and money spent on pets is time and money diverted from children and lonely people. Chances are if you make a human friend, you will have a relationship that lasts more than 10 or 12 years.
1
@Kay Sieverding
I am a vet in a rural county where nearly 20% of the people are below the poverty line. This does not preclude them from having companion animals nor does it preclude them from being good neighbors and being generous to a fault.
Befriending humans vs companion animals is not a zero sum game.
122
@Kay Sieverding I have had cats for decades and while I'm not rich, I also donate to human-oriented charities. A good friend, also a cat lover, lived on a very limited income and still found a few dollars here and there to donate to a variety of good causes. There's enough generosity and empathy to go around. It doesn't have to be rationed. It's not either/or.
75
@Kay Sieverding Are you serious?! That is one ignorant and selfish comment. It is true that the pet care industry and veterinary medicine has changed &/ exploded in services and price, but how is that different than any other aspect of our society at this point? Besides, how is that even relevant to this article in the first place?!
Regardless, this is another issue altogether, and unquestionably does not negate the value of animal human bond nor humanity’s responsibility to look after and care for them!
Veterans, blind and physically disabled people, people with mental illness, emotional issues or learning disabilities, children, the homeless, the elderly, lonely souls, the grieving or broken-hearted, and everyday people would disagree with the underlying message of your comment: people are more important than animals. Inexcusable.
It sounds to me like you would benefit from the unconditional love of an animal in your life! As I face this decision in the near future and feel an indescribable grief over the loss of my dog, I appreciate this article (and obviously, so do many others NYT readers, as it’s #1 in popularity today.) I reflect on how much I have learned and gained from this relationship and that with my first dog. In no way would I ever be the person I am, nor would I be able to contribute in this world and my community if I had these dogs in my life. And I DO NOT have much money at all.
13
The deepest grief i have experienced this lifetime is losing my dog(s). It is murder. Inconsolable for a long time. In a way it is the death of innocence....my own included. My mind tortures me every time i have to make the decision, but have learned not to listen. In the end, euthanasia was always the right and merciful thing to do for my best friends. The level of pain at the loss only reflects the depth of my love. I'll take the trade off any day.
Harsh as it is, separation is the law.
41
“Hawk’s ashes weighed more than those of my mother or my father. We all end up alone, don’t we, honey, I said.
And then, in time, my little dream.
Hawk and I are walking among a crowd in near darkness. I am a little concerned for him because I want him to be good. He can hardly move among the people in the crowd but he pays them no attention. He is close to me, he is calm, utterly familiar, he is my handsome boy, my good boy, my love. Then, of course, I realize that these are the dead and we are both newly among them.”
Hawk
Joy Williams
26
nice piece. and while I've had multiple critters all my life from dogs to snakes to an injured wild rabbit who adopted me and lived for almost 2 years after recovering, none of their passing was ever easy.
but if this makes sense for animals as the right thing to do for them and in their best interest to minimize pain and suffering, why does the same logic not apply to people?
you dont have to be put on a hunk of ice and set adrift. but even do-not-resuscitate seems like maybe a little late. as I will face my own death sometime in the too near future how to handle "your final destination" as george carlin put it needs to be talked about and dealt with sooner rather than later before the 80% of total lifetime health costs that are incurred in the last 6 months of the average persons life bankrupts whats left of the bloated medical system in this country.
29
@sam Once at a medical conference, I sat opposite a MD couple (both doctors) from Denmark and had a pleasant, extended conversation. One of the most interesting points they brought up, was that Denmark’s government has set the maximum amount to be spent on medical care: 5% of the GDP. That has at least two effects, the first being that doctors seek less expensive options for care; another being that it recognizes there is a limit to what can/should be spent on prolonging any individual’s life in relation to the money available to the entire population. Of course, some rich individuals circumvent this, but overall it reflects the mindset of a nation that is consistently rated as one of the happiest in the world.
36
I've had many dogs, mostly rescues all filling our home with joy. Every one has had a difficult old age and I've learned difficult lessons about when it's time to let them go gently. Home euthanasia has always seemed best, and I feel it's also best for the other dogs in my home to know why one has gone away. I always keep the other dogs away when the vet arrives, but when done the rest of the pack stops for a sniff and then moves on to play. I find that's much better than having one of the pack suddenly disappear by going to the vet's office, much less upsetting for us all.
52
@Will
Completely agree and we do the same with ours.
7
I euthanized my beloved kitty Nico (age 17.5) last month, hiring a mobile vet to come to my house so she didn't have to endure a terrifying last trip to the vet. I looked at two different vets, and they each had proposed a pet quality-of-life scale to reference. It seems to be a common approach, although each scale is a bit different, and I haven't seen any supporting data or validity measures.
Nonetheless, the scales were helpful, because it was a decision I struggled with for a couple months. First, Nico went blind, but she was still jumping up on my bed and moving about the apartment and enjoyed affection and food. She seemed to be fine for a couple months. Then she started to get frailer, but still got around and jumped up and down and had a good appetite. She never seemed to be in pain and was scoring okay on the scales. But when her back legs gave out on her one night, she laid on her side on the kitchen floor and basically said, "I'm ready." I made the appointment for the next day. My heart is more than a bit broken.
She was an excellent kitty.
119
My last retired racing greyhound was nothing short of a saint in a fur coat, who was at my side for some of the most difficult periods in my life. Following my father’s death, Brick was the presence and source of perspective that prevented me from taking my own life- this is no exaggeration. As such, when his spine began failing and signs of incontinence began, our vet initially spoke of regular pain medication, which would ease his discomfort, but put him in a mental fog with no improvement to his physical ailment. I scheduled an at-home euthanasia for the following day, unwilling to subject him to further indignity or any chance of breakthrough pain. Friends came by to say farewell, and his passing was profoundly calm and easy. I cannot recommend this service strongly enough.
Most importantly, I implore pet owners to keep a close, objective eye on their wards, at all stages of life. And the scale mentioned in this wonderful article is spot on, helping us to remember that our pets’ quality of life is far more important than our attachment. Honor their autonomy, and when faced with a difficult decision, give them the gift of dignity and kindness, in a peaceful death.
59
@Danielle And though you didn’t ask for it, you received a gift as well through your wisdom and compassion in making the choice that Brick could not make for hemself. You have been given peace without regret.
4
Greyhounds are the most wonderful pets. Gorgeous, lazy, and loving.
1
Our first dog, a lab, experienced a tear in his gastroc tendon, a rare issue that took very long to diagnose. He had 2 surgeries to repair the tendon. Both failed. His vet said it was time.At 10 years old, he was still full of life but unable to walk. Prosthetics were not readily available to help, but I found another vet who develop a clam shell device that would provide him with the ability to walk, albeit slow. I had to learn to change the bandages and care for the pressure sores he developed. Months later, he developed other problems from the additional pressure applied to his other limbs. He was still so full of life, so I bought him a wagon. Instead of walks, he got rides in the park. He took to it immediately and loved it. It bought me 6 months more time. My neighbors thought I was crazy. In the end, I recognized that he was having difficulty sleeping - he moved constantly to adjust position. It was then that I saw with clarity that it was time. We made the hard decision to put him down, but on our own time line. He got to go for one last ride in the wagon, say goodbye in a peaceful environment and then brought him to the vet. I would not have wanted it any other way.
My advice to pet owners is "you will know when it's time". Trust your instincts.
20
My family said goodbye to our beloved calico cat last month. She was a part of our family for 12 years, and we miss her greatly: she had a sweet, friendly, loving presence. She was a timid, gentle soul who loved everyone. Her purring episodes were legendary. On her last morning she trotted, weakly, to greet my dad as she did every day, but she was up for nothing beyond that. She had stopped eating and was barely drinking, was having a hard time sleeping and seemed generally unwell. The end was here and, with the vet’s help, we got her through it gently, just as she had lived. She was not afraid, which is what we wanted for her most of all.
Pets let you know when it’s time, but it’s never easy. They trust us, as one of my mom’s co-workers once said, “to do the right thing”. Our calico will always be missed. They take part of your heart when they go.
63
Three years ago we had two 19-year-old cats that we had euthanized within two months of each other. Squeakers had a thyroid condition and completely quit eating in her last days. We were able to make end-of-life decisions for her at the right times. Her brother, Spot, developed kidney failure a month after she passed, and we were still so grief-stricken about Squeakers that we were determined to do anything to prolong Spot's life. We hand-fed him. Gave him subcutaneous fluids. Gave him special vitamins and a heating pad. We slept near him. By the time we made the decision to let him go, he was exhausted and obviously ready. We spent one last day with him and let him sit in the sunshine and watch birds. Looking back, we waited too long and we were selfish. Dr. Villalobos's scale would've been helpful to have.
We never thought we would be able to love another cat again like we'd loved those two. 19 years is a long time! But then came Emi a few months later, and in another year her sister Dot joined us. We didn't know we had any room left in our hearts but sure enough, we did.
72
@Shelly Good for you! People who claim to have loved an animal so much that they could never suffer by having another drive me crazy. There are so many wonderful animals out there who need homes and love. I think the best way of honoring the memory of beloved pets is to open your heart to new ones.
11
Now if only we could give ourselves a quick exit when appropriate.
156
I was blessed that my 13 year old cat, Snowball, told me when it was time. He had stopped eating and drinking and the vets had done all they could. He had a feeding tube to try to get him over the hump, but it needed to be replaced and in the face of his lack of improvement I could not put him through any more. We had a wonderful last morning together and as I sat on the floor with him, urging him to eat one more time, he turned his head and just put his paw in my hand. We just sat there, paw in hand. It was time. It still brings me to tears and it's been almost 12 years. Thanks for the unconditional love.
158
@Lana - brings tears to my eyes , too. Same with our dog Mac, those final days where he refused even water, turned his head and put his paw in mine.
9
@Lana Your comment reminded me of my cat, Norman. After 17 good years followed by a long decline in his health, it was time. As we spent a few last minutes at home I put my hand in the carrier and he "hugged" me with his head just as he had in the animal shelter when I put my hand under the cage door. Norman was euthanized 25 years ago. Now I'm crying again.
13
It’s not just dogs and cats. I had an Arabian stallion for 33 happy years, from birth to death. When his last day came my vet sedated him before administering the euthanasia dosage out in his pasture, with me stroking his neck. One of the hardest things I’ve ever had to go through.
120
This was very good. Brought a tear to my eye thinking about my old dog who passed away about fourteen years ago and my current dog who is approaching twelve years and has gone blind. It's difficult to say goodbye to a true friend who loves you no matter what you look like or what your personality might be.
64
How about a blind (cataracts) Fox Terrier over 14 years old and otherwise healthy.......not a good quality of life?
4
Many dogs that have cataracts can see light and dark or basic shapes can make up their loss of sight with other senses and still live relatively happy lives.
They might not be able to run around outside without a leash but can do well in a fenced in yard or apartment/house.
I wouldn’t consider euthanasia for an animal with limited sight unless there were other health issues and the pet was in pain or discomfort.
31
My dog went blind and mapped the house water bowl food dish and dog door in a few wks time. He jumped up on my lap like always.
Smell is a dogs most important way to interact and sense the world not sight.
Beware not to project what would be upsetting to a human such as going blind on a dog My other dog is now mostly paralyzed but still has a very engaged quality of life but does take some amount of nursing care on my part which I am glad to do.
22
@Jerry.
My family had a cat named Tangerine that went blind at fourteen from cataracts. He continued to live an active life, including going outside with supervision (he had been an outdoor cat in Alaska when he was younger). He developed a loud “meow” that seemed to act like a form of sonar for him. He did get ‘lost’ once when guests let him out a different door by himself - a man who lived several blocks away, past a construction zone, called to ask my mother if she was missing a “large, orange, blind cat” who was wandering in circles in his front yard and meowing.
Tangerine lived five more years - he was 19 when he had a disabling stroke and the vet said it was time for him to go.
16
Saying goodbye never gets easier, only more familiar.
46
@Marge Keller
It’s been 13 months since my dog was walking with me.
Every day I miss her.
4
A friend once told me that your dog or cat will tell you when it's time to go. Princess Sophie was a stray beagle who had wandered down my driveway one day to join my pet family. One morning she looked at me, and I knew: she was ready. She made the choice for me. All I had to do was listen. The same with my cat Lulu. Miss them both.
41
Even when you do the right thing and let the pet go, even when you are 100% sure it was the right time, even when you feel the pet loves you and is at peace and is happy to go, even then, it still rips your heart out.
332
@The Poet McTeagle
We had a wolf dog for fourteen years. He was the most self-aware four foot I ever met. He made it plain when he was ready to go, though he was also the most robust animal I had ever had in my home. We had the vet come out to the house. He sniffed her and said, "I am ready." We went out to the shade of his favorite apple tree and sent him on his way. 100% sure it was the right thing to do, and I went inside my house when it was done and howled in pain. I knew I owed it to him, because quality was more important to him than quantity. But still.
22
@The Poet McTeagle
True but I try to recall what I learned from a past vet that it is always better to be a little too soon than a bit too late with the difficult deed.
14
As with Ms. Parker-Pope and several others here, the last time I had to have a beloved pet euthanized, I had it done at home. My dear clown of a grey tabby was diagnosed with lung cancer that had spread to his shoulder, which he had been concealing with no apparent symptoms for God knows how long, and from the time of diagnosis to letting him go, it was less than a month. I wasn't even aware home euthanasia was an option until, in his final days, Luka went to hide on a corner and I thought "I can't put him through the torture of another car ride to the vet's." (He was one of those cats who would go into full meltdown upon being placed in his carrier and brought down to the car.) I began searching online and discovered that there are quite a few vets who make such house calls. The woman I found was a godsend. We took it slowly and then, after Luka was gone, she asked if I wanted a shaving of his fur to keep. Initially I thought it was an odd idea, but I said "Sure." (He did have a beautiful coat.) I appreciated the vet's presence of mind to offer that, when of course I was numb with the grief and not thinking straight. It was such a gift and such a comfort to be able to spare Luka that terror of a final car ride and the stress from the foreign smells and sounds of the vet's office, and allow him to be released from his pain and illness while laying on the sofa. I can't recommend this option enough.
50
@EmGee I had the same experience. At-home euthanasia is a wonderful option. But I have found that saying goodbye does not get easier no matter how it happens.
22
@EmGee
I agree and that was my choice for my cat too.
But I rejected the male tech; only the female vet, because my cat was always scared of men unless she knew them. Calm and peaceful in her favorite spot.
14
@EmGee It took a while for me to figure this out but sometimes there are differences in vet/pet chemistry or even the tech can make a difference. It has also varied from cat to cat but a change of vets can make a fearful or hostile less anxious. A vet that might be great for one cat would terrify another. One cat had to be sedated every time she went. A change of bedside manner put an end to that.
5
There are a few comments on here asking why is it we're ok with euthanizing pets, but not people. As far as I know, it's illegal in this country. And the law says so (e.g., Jack Kevorkian). Compassion for pets, but not for people? Does it stem from our religious upbringing, that basically gives the responsibility for death to God? Why can't we apply these acts of compassion to people?
53
@Steve Some states do. But what is remarkable is that with hospice care, few need it. Although euthanasia is illegal most places, hospice care has the legal latitude to relieve pain and even respiratory discomfort even if the medicine needed to do that might hasten death. Those who have lost someone tell me hospice was wonderful and they should have gotten support for the dying process earlier. It supports both the dying person and the family. And you can graduate from hospice if there is improvement or a reason to try treating again.
10
@Steve
Not illegal in CA or OR and possibly WA state and HI
1
@Deborah
and for those that don't yet qualify for hospice, its cousin, palliative care, is a big help to those suffering and their loved ones.
1
Some pet owners tie themselves in knots throughout the arc of life of such charges, to particularly include end point issues. At the other end is the “they shoot horses” approach.
This commentary might assist those needing “fair and balanced” perspective in doing the sad deed.
4
I dog and house sit. Right now some of my friends call me the Death Doula for pets. Which is not something I want to be called. In the last year I have had 4 dogs pass away with me. 1 dog I sat with I sat with for over 12 years. When the family goes away, the dog sees me and it knows now it is time for their vacation also. It makes me very happy to see them also. As I am retired I spend a lot of time with them. Having them pass really effects me also. Some just have gone to sleep, while others have suffered. I see their suffering as I love them differently than the owners. I keep my mouth shut and do not say anything. But I too am greatly affected. I feel in some cases they have allowed their pets to suffer, and tremendously. Bloody stool, no urine, blind, deaf, can't use their hind legs, will only eat treats. But I still sit with them on the floor petting them, placing them on the bed with me at night and making sure they are backed up against me so they know I am there, talking to them. I have been there with the Vert for "that" home visit. I have called the family. I die a little each time. Even at the end some dogs will not show you how much they hurt and are uncomfortable. But as a visitor, I see this. And it breaks my heart. I also remember them running and playing. Please do not wait to long, do not let them suffer. As a single person with no family I also do not want to suffer in my own death, sooner is better than later.
37
@PerAxel
So beautifully expressed...
5
A few years ago, our beloved Norwegian Forest Cat Max was nearing the end of his very long, loved/loving life and after a couple of pretty serious health scares, we were having "the talk" with our Vet who cared for the big guy (and trust me, Max was huge even by Weggie standards) as much as we did. I'll never forget Dr. Miller's words to us "..you know you'll do the right thing for Max as it's about his life". We had a quiet discussion while His Highness contentedly purred on the exam table and all agreed on when would be the right and respectful time to allow Max to go.
A few weeks later, after a couple of really bad nights for him, I called Dr. Miller and told him it was time. I could see the pain in his clouded eyes, he'd stopped eating and grooming and he told us if Max hadn't "gone home" by the end of the day, he'd stop by on the way home and we'd help him. Thankfully, a few hours later, he passed in my arms looking up at me.
It's very hard to make the decision at the right time but it has to be about the quality of their lives which every pet owner dreads but it is part of the circle of life which began when you looked into those big baby eyes (hopefully) many joyous years before.
We still miss you Max!
25
Relieving the suffering of a beloved pet is the caretaker’s last act of love. I botched it the first time around - let our dear eldest dog suffer too long. The second time went better. This article will help with the inevitable, since we have two more dogs now.
As much as it bereaves us to lose them, my wife and I can’t imagine life without dogs. This is the problem with loving other beings: figuring out how to lose them.
33
I still agonize over the decision to euthanize my cat nine years ago. She had undiagnosed hyperthyroidism, which progressed to heart and kidney problems.
Treating her for one would contradict the treatment for the other and time was running out.
Given the news that the vet had done all she could, the choice was to go to a heart specialist while Mystery was now in serious condition, with an unknown outcome for treatment and a potential cost that could rise beyond my ability to afford, or to euthanize her.
It is torment to go back and revisit the decision I made because she was fully terrified and strong enough to jump down and run away from the examining room, but had labored breathing without a constant flow of oxygen.
The trauma was such for me that I fell into an extended period of depression for several years, and although treatment has helped I still wonder about the road not taken and miss her so very much.
16
@New Senior If it helps, please know you are not alone. These decisions are fraught with uncertainties and often, the heart and the mind do not feel as one. I have had a cat with hyperthyroidism, it is very hard on their heart even when given medication it seems. I doubt you could have done much to change your baby's outcome.
13
@New Senior I understand the great sadness. It's such a wonderful thing to love an animal and be loved in return, and it hurts so much to lose that. It sounds like you did everything that could be done for your kitty friend and gave her the best ending possible. I hope you find peace and come to enjoy memories of her without the pain.
12
@New Senior, that is not something to punish yourself over. You did the right thing for your cat. If the vet did not make that clear to you at the time, that is the failure of the vet.
3
It’s very hard, because pets really don’t complain. A vet told us that most people should let go of their pets about a week earlier than they do. Rule of thumb. This chart is excellent. Am going to keep a copy for next time. Lost four elderly dogs over a short time. There’s a learning curve to pet hospice.
21
I struggled for several months with the decision to put Roxie, my 13 year old shepherd mix to sleep. I adopted her after my father passed away and always thought she had my father’s soul.
She had a degenerative spinal condition which limited her mobility. I took her to the vet the first time in October to see if it was time. We both cried and Roxie came home. A month later, we went back and she again had a reprieve for Christmas. Finally I brought her back in January and she was put to sleep on my father’s birthday. It was a very difficult decision but was the right one.
18
I had to put my sweet 11 yr old Cavalier King Charles Spaniel down two months ago. She was such a long goodbye. After two years surviving congestive heart failure,and all the typical heart meds she took,she was beating the odds.
She slept with me, and I used to pat her on her head each night,tell her I loved her,say good night,not know if she would be alive the next morning. But there she was,tail wagging,in typical cavalier fashion,both of us overjoyed to see each other.
We were always at the vet keeping a close watch on her and had lengthy discussions when the time came how it would be handled.I knew what to look for and expect,such as labored breathing that eventually my dog experienced. Her lungs were filling up with fluid and she was getting weaker. Then she stopped eating and had such a wistful look in her eyes, I think she sensed how sick she was. And in my heart I knew it was time.
We made an appointment with our vet.She handled it beautifully, and gave us the time we needed before and after. It was not rushed or frantic,my pup was surrounded by love in the room,my husband, myself and the vet showed her. We said goodbye for the last time,she closed her eyes and peacefully drifted away.It was a such a bittersweet and most precious moment for me and I will cherish it forever.
She was my loyal,beloved friend, always at my side and devoted till the end. I am so broken hearted and shall miss her forever.
23
Three years ago, I had to put my 13 year old Australian Terrier down. He had congestive heart failure and with the medications was kept alive for 18 months. The literature says 6-9 months.
We had a tremendous medical team at Tufts.
When the realization was that even adjusting the medication slightly would not help, it was time.
Our vet put him to sleep. It was very peaceful.
His half sister was very confused when he was no longer in the house.
It took us a long time to grieve. Every now and then we remember an incident which will bring tears and laughter. He was our heart and know he is no longer suffering.
15
I have two dogs and they're both 28 yrs old (in dog years), but I have no doubt that the day will come when I have to make this difficult decision. What's funny is that I intially never wanted a dog as viewed dogs as a nuisance, well few years later I have grown to be done of dogs and I will surely miss my dogs when they're time comes
6
*fond , not done
1
The compassion of good vets for owners and their pets is a remarkable gift. Upon examining my 17 year old Tonkinese, Spirit, my vet agreed that it was time. She advised me to take her home, let her spend a day curled up in her favorite sunny spot and bring her in to be euthanized the next afternoon. Just before I was to bring her in, the vet called. She had a barking dog in her office and was afraid that if the dog wasn’t gone before we arrived it would be frightening to my kitty. She would call when the dog was gone. She did, and Spirit died a peaceful death on my lap, still warm from the afternoon sun.
22
The comments here are so heartfelt. I’ve always been the one to take our dogs and cats for their final vet visit. Some were young, very sick and needed us to help them find peace. Some were old and had lived full lives. It’s the obligation of everyone who truly loves and respects their pet to recognize that probably an owners greatest gift is to know they will inevitably be the one to decide when that pup or kitten you have loved and cared for needs you one last time to make the decision that shows, despite the tears, you loved them.
36
I have four pets--three cats and one dog--and a hospice vet on call for the oldest cat (who will turn 18 next month). She handled the end with my previous cat (also 18) and on her first home visit went through a check list much like this to help me trust myself and my judgment. When the time came, the cat was relaxed and died without struggle in my arms. She took him away in a basket and later returned the ashes to me, which I've since spread in the garden he loved. Having a qualified vet is essential to making these decisions; having one specially trained in hospice is even better, because I know my animal (and my grieving self) will have handled with kindness and dignity. It is one last thing I owe them after a lifetime of their gifts. That, and not to lose heart, and go on to love another pet someday if I choose that.
13
So much sympathy for all the readers who are struggling with this...my darling re-homed dogs are 12 and 13 now. Last August an xray and biopsy showed a slow growing malignant mass in my female dog's lung. The pathologist said 3-6 months. My vet said she could last longer. So far there are no signs of her imminent death but each day, it is in the forefront of my mind. As of now, she scored 69 on the checklist. I take both my dogs in for a wellness check every 2-3 months to keep an eye on things. Her mate will be devastated by the loss of his lifelong companion. If you have more than one pet, let them see their deceased friend so they will know and understand instead of wondering why they disappeared. Like all the other readers, I am crying reading the comments.
27
@Eli, we let dog partners see their loved ones after death. Didn’t really work, they are used to a partner being gone for a little while, to the vet or elsewhere. About a month afterward, they begin strongly grieving and it’s obvious they understand then. They’ll let you know. They rely heavily on their human loved ones for about a year for comfort, and if they don’t get a new friend, they’ll never be quite the same. Just like people.
13
@Eli I showed my cat Nico to her sister Maizey after death, and Maizey seemed to take note. But a week or so later, Maizey started calling for her with the special sound that means "Nico." It was so sad. She did it for about five minutes straight, looking back and forth at the doors to the room to see if Nico was coming in. Then I let Maizey sniff the fur clipping we took of Nico after she was euthanized. Maizey's whole body stiffened and she stopped calling Nico and buried her nose in the clipping like she couldn't get enough of the scent. We did this a few times over the next few weeks as the reality sunk in for us both.
3
Every single time I've had to let a pet go, later when I've looked at pictures of them from shortly before they died - and in the immediate aftermath, one invariably spends a lot of time looking at their pictures - I've realized there was pain there I wasn't willing to see.
It's VERY hard to be objective with the animals we love so much.
49
@DW This really struck a chord with me. I had a beautiful rescue Springer that was in pain, but I just couldn't seem to see how much until I videoed her walking. It stunned me when I watched it, and I immediately knew that I had let her go too long. I had watched her carefully, I thought, but there was something about seeing the video that let me see it differently. I made arrangements with my vet that afternoon to let my dear girl go.
14
@DW I had the same experience.
3
I read that the suicide rate among vets is high, because of the pain they feel when they put Fluffys down. It is too bad that companion animals live much shorter lives than we do.
I am entering my 80's and will not adopt another cat, when our wonderful Lilly goes.
14
This is the last, greatest, responsibility to our pets that we have: to give them a gentle, pain-free, fear-free death. We humans tend to selfishly focus on what our pets do for us and keep them going long past time in order to avoid our own pain at their loss. Giving my animals a kind goodbye has been the hardest collection of actions I've done in my life. It's what we owe them in part payment for the joy, laughter, compassion, and companionship they've given us.
45
smh
NJ
My best friend, Buster, was only 8 when I made the agonizing decision to “put him to sleep” as he suffered from degenerative myelopathy. He was a handsome, funny, and loving Boxer who helped get me through my son’s illnesses and hospitalizations. I would come home from a horrible day and wrap myself around my wonderful and non-judgemental friend.
As the DM progressed and he would stumble and drag his back legs, I would tell him “gotcha’ your back” and mean it. I became his back legs for as long as I could. I struggled for a long time with the decision to let him go and our vet tech told me many times that I would know when it was time. When my husband and I took Buster to the vet to be put to sleep, it was the worst day of my life, even worse than the day my father died (and I had a wonderful father). I mourned my best friend for so, so long. Most of the people I knew didn’t understand my overwhelming grief. They were generally people who didn’t share their lives with dogs and cats.
82
Many of the letter writers here describe how they found out about their pet's deteriorating condition during a routine vet visit.
I shudder to think of all the pet owners who rarely or never bring their pets to the doctor and how those animals must suffer as they enter their twilight years.
19
A call out to the loving and movingly appropriate illustration by Fabio Consoli. I spent a good minute gazing at the art before going into the article. The little dog, excited, running into the light. The collar laying on the ground. Perfect.
83
I have a 17 year old cat (who will turn eighteen on May 1st) with a thyroid condition. Tomorrow he is due for his six month checkup. The vet says this condition causes no pain but can bring on kidney failure. His appetite is good but lately he sometimes seems disoriented and acts fearful of me. Senility? I hope to get answers regarding this tomorrow. Hope this is much ado about nothing because I love the little guy.
25
@susan Maybe his vision is going? In any case, you love him, and I wish you both the best.
9
@susan How did it go with the vet? I ask because I have a nineteen year old cat who takes medication for his thyroid. He has kidney disease as well; there’s no cure for the kidney disease and he will always have it but fortunately his kidneys have remained stable for many years. My cat is strong and healthy. He is, however, developing a bit of senility that manifests itself in occasional late night howling. Anyway, I’d love an update on your cat. All the best to you.
1
@Neverdoubt - His appointment is at 12:30 today. When the vet checked his kidney function 6 months ago he didn't find any issues. My cat is a howler in the morning. Maybe because his dose of meds is due around that time. Thanks for the good wishes!!
2
My son and daughter in law have a relatively young Bengal named Abaddon. They have just recently found out that he has kidney disease and most likely will die in the next few months. I have at different times had to make that decision to euthanize my dog Max and my 16 year old cat Cosmo. Reading this article and these comments brought the tears and the memories of those painful days. One of my dogs, Sheba was hit by a car. I thought that was difficult but she was returning from swimming in her favorite watering hole and enjoyed a full and happy life. Making the decision for euthanasia is heartbreaking. Those decisions are being made when our pets are no longer happy or healthy. I thought that losing Sheba was the worst pain I would ever feel. But watching my Max and my Cosmo suffer blindness and old age was even more excruciating. When I took Cosmo, the people in my vets office were wonderful. And when they administered the first shot that relaxed him and diminished his pain, I realized that I had waited too long. For the last couple of weeks of Cosmo's life, I was unable to pet him. He wasn't comfortable with my touching him; I didn't realize his pain. In that 25 minutes after he received the first shot, my Cosmo relaxed, I held him and petted him and for the last time listened to his purr. That was years ago. I can still hear him and I still see the look of gratitude in his eyes as he crossed the rainbow bridge. Euthanasia is merciful, do it for your beloved pet.
35
My dog died in the humane way described in the article, at home, surrounded by loved ones. It was the hardest thing I’ve ever done, and I’d do it again in a heartbeat. Thanks for this.
32
Over the past 50+ years, I've had to make this decision more times than I care to remember, but I DO remember. It's never easy - it should NOT be easy.
In most cases, an animal will tell it's owner when it is "time". But an owner should also be having blood work done on an elderly dog twice yearly. The kidneys and liver don't just suddenly fail - it is usually a gradual process. A blood tests is not "invasive" for a pet. There is also a wonderful drug that works very well for dogs and cats for kidney failure even if they have only 10% kidney function. Calcitriol can be a wonder drug for such pets, as well as a prescription diet. I'm talking about adding a year or more to their life - a GOOD life.
I could never put down a pet that was still eating, interacting with me and a dog wagon his tail or a cat purring. They are still enjoying their diminished life.
They do tell us eventually. And in the end, my vet says the "right time" to do this is the morning one wakes up and realizes that it should have been done yesterday. No regrets that way. No second guessing. It should also be as hard for your vet as it is for you. One of my dogs is nearly 13. I'm hoping for another couple of years with her. Time will tell.
16
@India a blood test most certainly IS invasive if you've got an anxious pet. The stress of bringing my anxious cat near the carrier was enough too have him hide for half a day afterwards. And this testing can frequently be out of affordable range for many. Both the privilege and judgment you show in your assumptions is unnecessary.
I've witnessed more than one friend's pet cat or dog suffer through appalling last days because their owner could not face losing them. When the desire to hang onto every last minute of an animal's companionship takes over, animals pay a steep price.
If you really love a cat or dog, you'll let go of them when it's time for them to go. Even if you're not ready to lose them.
40
@Oriole
True, except that with animals or humans, 100 years or 10 seconds; we are never 'ready.' You can't wait for a moment that never comes, only when They are ready.
12
Over the past two years I have had to put down my beloved Quincy - a Maine coon cat and his sidekick forever, Madeleine, a calico. Both were 16 years old and cremated. Both had kidney failure and that is always the marker for me as it is irreversible and I will not extend their pain to accommodate my sadness. They brought decades of love to me and anyone who interacted with them - but most of all to each other. When Quincy died, Madeleine would run to the front door at 2 or 3 in the morning and howl for the first couple of months because she was missing him. It was heartbreaking and she was inconsolable. I have their ashes and both will be buried in their respective boxes - next to each other in May. In September I am planning on adopting two kittens and begin the circle of life once again. And while I know I am a good and responsible pet owner I miss them terribly. And not a day goes by when I don't think of them. They will always have a special place in my heart.
52
Over the past 3-4 yrs we have lost 2 cats. Audrey had an abdominal mass found and after additional evaluation by an vet who specialized in oncology, we decided to keep her comfortable and at home. I believe, and have for some years, that you will know when it is time to "let go". Just last we had to do the same for our sweet Maggie who had an oral cancer. Again, keeping her comfort in mind was of greatest import. After a few short weeks, Maggie let me know it was time. Audrey had done the same, letting us know when it was time. Fortunately, we too have Lap of Love in our area and we will be forever grateful to them for helping us make the journey for Maggie and Audrey as easy as it could be. I think people are afraid that they won't know when the time is right or live by old beliefs that allowing a close friend to pass quietly. Both are incorrect. You will know when and as this article points out animals do suffer pain and anxiety when serious illness strikes. It is not kind to allow the suffering and anxiety to continue. In home euthanasia provides a comforting, supportive and calm end of life for a beloved family member. I will always believe we owe them that because they have comforted us in many dark hours and provided great joy and friendship. All my four legged family members have been adopted from a shelter or feral that chose to stay with us after adapting to us.
14
Our beloved lab is 11 going on 12. He is good health, still active, still happy, but with the beginnings of "stuff": fatty tumors, blocked tear ducts, joint stiffness and Cushing Disease.
I have never had a pet before him. I certainly have never had a pet that I loved as much as this one..... He joined our family when my kids were little and now they are teens.
I am petrified of what is coming. Just petrified.
That is all.
42
I just had to say goodbye to my beloved and best dog Indigo who was 16. She had Cushing’s and degenerative arthritis and finally became unable to get up and out if her own way. I was fortunate to have a kind vet willing to come to my home to euthanize her and it was calm and quick. It is not a decision I felt comfortable with nor should we feel comfortable but I did feel it was the right time for her and the right time for me to say goodbye. I believe the depth of our grief is the inverse proportion of our joy and she gave me so much joy. I do hope to see her someday again as any afterlife with no animals is no afterlife for me. Your Life is colored and enriched but the relationship you have with your beloved pet. Trust that relationship and know that you will make the right choices for the both of you.
22
@Gwe
It will be hard and gut-wrenching. You will grieve and your heart will ache. Try to keep in mind that life is a cycle, and you loved your pet well and gave him a happy life. Think of how he loved you and know that you'll do the right thing when the time comes. I lost both my babies within months of each - each almost 15 years old. With my vet I made the decision to euthanize because they were suffering, and each time it was an act of love.
30
@Gwe Two years ago, my beloved companion needed to be freed from his frail, painful old body. A friend told me that euthanasia is when we love them enough to take away their pain and trade it for our own.
That helped me to set him free, after I stayed all night on the floor beside him while he fitfully slept.
There are still teary times, but I also still know that I did the right thing.
23
There is also be a tremendous emotional toll borne by veterinarians who have to deal with these dying pets and their grieving owners every day. In December, the CDC reported that "Female veterinarians were 3.5 times as likely, and male veterinarians were 2.1 times as likely, to die from suicide as the general population. Seventy-five percent of the veterinarians who died by suicide worked in a small animal practice." Contributing factors were high student debt-to-income ratio and access to euthanasia solutions. I hope plenty of veterinarians read this article too; grief counselor may not be the role they anticipated, but it is a big part of their practice. Having the HHHHHMM tool may be good for the veterinarians as well as the pet owners.
18
@Robert
.....hate to say this, but something to keep in mind as we consider these solutions for us humans. The physicians who treat us have their own emotional journeys to traverse.
13
@Gwe
Not the physicians I know.
3
How I wish I had had this information when our cat began to decline from diabetes. I mistakenly believed that dying at home would be less stressful than another trip to the vet. It took several days and my husband says he will never forget that last look that Tom gave him. Now there is a wonderful in-home veterinary hospice service called Lap of Love in our area that people swear by. At least this article will help others.
11
@Trish I used Lap of Love last month, and it was an excellent decision. Spared my dear kitty a trip to the vet, which she always hated and feared. She got to die peacefully in my lap in our bed at home, and I am very grateful for that. It was easier on me too, as I didn't have to drive while upset or worry about ugly crying in front of everyone at the vet's office.
3
One of the saddest things to me is the owner who puts their aging pet through the suffering of tests, surgeries, treatments because they can't let go.
They trust us with their lives and we must not be selfish when they are clearly at the end of their days. This article was meaningful to me as I watch my 19.5 year old Bengal age gracefully. Yes, she doesn't hear anymore (mostly) and she can be a little stiff sometimes but she still plays, runs ! and is in good health. But she's not going to live forever and while I'm hoping she'll just 'go to sleep' on her own this article makes it pretty clear that she probably won't.
And yes, it make me cry just to think about it. I had to put down her cousin 8 years ago. It was heartbreaking to me but the worst was the vet who did it - kind, but a stranger. Her Day came on the day my own vet was out. But Kasha told me it was time and so I let her go. She had some growth inside that was growing rapidly and to this day I don't know what it was. I don't believe in extreme measures for our pets. Just becasue you can doesn't mean you should.
14
I will keep this checklist in mind in the future (I hope, a long time into the future). I had to let my Snacky-cat go last year. He had a tumor in his nasal cavity that made it increasingly difficult for him to breathe. Except for the difficulty breathing, he appeared completely fine; appetite strong, got around as well as he usually did being nearly 14, happy with me and life otherwise seemed good. Because of that, I have had trouble wondering (heavy with guilt) if I made the call too soon, but this checklist helps remind me that I probably actually waited a week too long and that I finally did the right thing. In his case, all the other checkpoints didn't matter; all that mattered was the answer to the first one, "Hurt: is it breathing with ease or distress?" Every single breath was almost impossible and nothing at all could help. I hope he understands I did what I thought was best for him. I still miss that good, sweet orange boy every day. Every day.
20
@crusher: You have to trust and know that you DID do the right thing for your sweet Snacky! And, if he was suffering with difficult breathing, you were not too soon.
I've been in that situation with my own pets over the years, and the responsibility of deciding on euthanasia is truly awe-some (in the actual meaning of being awed at having the power of life/death). Often the only and the best thing we can do for our pets at that point is to free them from suffering & from the bonds of this life - even though we mourn them in our hearts forever. As I said, it is an awe-some responsibility.
I feel sure that Snacky knew that everything you did for him, you did out of love and for his best care. You were entrusted with his life, and you didn't let him down at all. I wish you peace & many happy memories of your sweet boy.
16
We adopt them, feed them, train them, doctor them, play with them, and sometimes even sleep with and dress them. All in love. The responsibility of helping them pass, while hard, is just so necessary. It's a responsibility that causes utter soul devastation. Thank heavens for a tool to help us get through such a sad time.
32
Our beloved nine year old fawn female Pug, Zoe, was healthy, other than going blind last year due to SARDS - a common affliction for Pugs. Last Tues., she started hacking and honking. We thot it might be kennel cough, even though she was not around other dogs. Got into the vet on Wed., 3/20, and she immediately determined it was a collapsed trachea - also a common affliction for Pugs. A subsequent x-ray confirmed it. Our poor baby was simply gasping for air. She was oxygenated, then intubated, with the plan to later implant a stent in her trachea to widen it. She continued to decline and the vet said even if she rebounded for the implant, at best her chances of recovery from the surgery would be less than 40%. Not wanting to put her through the physical trauma for our own selfish reasons, we reluctantly decided to let her peacefully go. Not the outcome we were expecting. It's not been two days and I am still broken up. God, I loved her so much. Luckily, we have another younger dog at home. She was just a doll.
28
Thanks, very timely as I just had to make that decision this week for our nineteen year old cat ... a few months after making that same decision for her brother.
We loved them both so much. It doesn't help much to know this is built-in from the beginning - the lives of the pets we love are almost always shorter than ours, and so the end times are almost always very hard.
They both had cancer (different types) and at the end, they both followed us as much as they could, looking (I think) for help, for an end to the suffering, for whatever comfort we could provide. It was really, really hard, but I think a 'good death' was the only thing left that we could do, and it was the right thing to do.
12
I was a small animal veterinarian for 49 years. Over that time I euthanized probably 2000 + pets.
Clients would ask me for advice. There are many considerations. But perhaps the first determination that had to be made, which would set the atmosphere for all future discussion, was;
If I treat am I “prolonging living, or, prolonging dying?”
It’s one thing to treat and give the pet some quality of life ....real living. It quite another thing to extend the pain, nausea, vomiting, paralysis etc of a dying patient who has no chance of ever getting better. ...prolonging dying.
The other thing that I had to do was bring very emotional clients back to reality. I’d have pets who were terminal and were absolutely miserable. The clients loved their pet and wanted to try anything to keep their beloved pet alive. Very admirable. But in the cases where the pet was really, REALLY suffering, I’d have to gently inform them that I understand why they are doing this BUT, the PET is the one who has to “live” with that decision. And the pet was often laying there, gasping for breath. All I could do is drag out the dying if the owners still wanted to treat. Most, after a few minutes/hours would come to me and tell me that after thinking about what I said, they agreed that we should be merciful and not drag out a miserable dying process.
There are other considerations but these two are really the heart of the matter.
166
@SAH
Thank you!
9
This checklist is welcome; it would have supported our painful conclusion, consistent with the article, that our Tim was better off with euthanasia rather than continued suffering. We stumbled upon several of the factors mentioned. It was heart-breaking when I realized he could not get to the litter box on his own but desperately wanted to go there, because he was so fastidious.
15
What beautiful and compassionate comments. I am tearing up right here on the train platform, thinking of dogs earlier in my life, and our 11-year-old 95 pound dog now. This is great advice.
22
We had to have Archie (a big orange tabby Maine Coon mix who resembled Puss in Boots from the “Shrek” movies) euthanized a few weeks ago; he was a month shy of 15. He had cancer for some months, but until the last two days he was enjoying life. Then everything went downhill FAST and we did not want him to suffer. We have three remaining cats, but our much-loved “dog-cat” (very people-friendly and even did the “gimme paw” trick) is missed a LOT. Rest In Peace, furry friend.
21
I've had so many dogs and cats grace my many years, I've lost count. I think the low end estimate is close to 75. But during all of the 75 or so lives, not one of my beloved four-legged kids ever died in their sleep. Every one of them had some kind of tumor, cancer, diabetes which ultimately lead to their demise. I used to scream at God and beg why I had to be the one to end their suffering. I used to yell at him "you brought them into this world, why is it my job to take them out? That's your job." And then I would cry for hours over the realization that my sweetheart of a pal needed to leave this world for a better place.
When our perfect chocolate lab, Aberdeen, was nearing the point of no return, I mentioned to my husband that she would be going to a better place. One of the only times I ever saw him get angry at me, he lashed out "What better place is there than our home where she is loved and needed and cared for? There is no better place than our home." But he was right there by my side when we said good bye for the last time.
All I ever wanted for any of my animals was to go to bed at night and die in their sleep, ever so peacefully. I think that's a myth, at least it is in my house.
Each time a neglected, abused or abandoned little one shows up at our backdoor, I remind myself one day I will have to say good bye. . . then I open the door and the little sweetheart takes over the house. I would want it no other way.
I miss you Aberdeen.
248
@Marge Keller - Hey, Marge! My family’s beloved calico passed away last month. We had her for 12 years, although the vet estimated she was older than that by a few years. She showed up on our back porch one day and never left. My dad built her an insulated cat house on the porch. Eventually she worked her way into the house (and our hearts).
She was so loved. She was the gentlest cat I’ve ever known. If an animal can be kind, she was kind.
I know she is in that better place. I hope she sees your Aberdeen there. (Our calico startles easily, so please tell Aberdeen to be patient.) She was so gentle and kind, and was our good and cherished friend. We miss her so.
22
@Marge Keller
Passing away peacefully at home can happen - I had a cat named Marie Antoinette (13) who developed severe arthritis. As arthritis was thought to be rare in cats at the time (it is now believed that they just conceal it better than dogs), there hadn’t been much research on treating them. My vet kept searching for treatments to help with her pain. We were looking for Marie to take her to the vet for yet another visit when we found her behind a chair - she had died, probably from a stroke, just minutes before. It was such a blessing to know she was no longer in pain as both we and the vet had been struggling with the choice between treatment and euthanasia.
11
@Wendy Sparkman
Happy to read that Marie probably passed away peacefully and neither you or her or your vet had to go through that painful process of saying goodbye.
One of my older brother's dog had something similar occur. Tyler always slept on the floor, next to his bed. In the morning, when Tyler wasn't there, he looked for him and found him in the basement, lying peacefully and running freely in that better place. As devastated and shocked as my brother was, he was so relieved and grateful that Tyler slipped away in his slip.
I do know that cats and dogs die in their sleep or peacefully at home. None of my pets nor I have been afforded that gift.
As a friend of mine told me long ago, in your case Marie "made her own choice" so neither you nor your vet had to choose between treatment and euthanasia. These animals of ours are pretty sharp cookies.
Thanks for sharing your comforting and heartfelt comment. Much appreciated.
7
I bet I'm not the only one who couldn't get through most of these comments without crying.
282
@DW: You're right; I think most of us are going through a lot of tissues right now.
I'm grateful to read about all the wonderful pets who are being mentioned in the comments, and my heart goes out to each and every person who is missing their special pal(s).
26
@DW Yes, you are correct. Our dog left us in the same state. After more than 10 months I still cry.
14
@DW Indeed. It's been cathartic, though. You know how you sometimes think you're over the acute, crying phase of grief, but then, as the weeks go by, you realize you're not and have lots more to cry out? Yeah.
13
Fantastic illustration by Fabio Consoli.
It reminds me of how our old, sickly dog left us.
He walked off just as night was falling, through the field toward the woods, amidst hundreds of fireflies. He stopped and looked back at us once, and then kept on walking.
He knew and we knew.
We found him dead the next day. It was bittersweet, but probably the best way to finally go.
35
@John that is a beautiful story. Our neighbors had a dog and when it came time they knew and started digging a grave in the back of the house. The dog was still alive at that time. They couldn't find him one evening and they found him out next to the whole sleeping/still alive but yes, as if he knew. Heart-breaking but beautiful at the same time, as is your story too.
12
My first, perfect, dog, Zooey, lived to be 18. She was healthy up until the last 2 weeks of her life, when she was clearly unwell. Because it was sudden, It was so hard to consider ending her life. She had been with us so long, and always bounced back. But I knew there was not a great road for her ahead. Talking to my vet, she explained that my dog would likely experience kidney failure- which would not be a pleasant end for any of us.
We found a wonderful traveling vet who met us on the beach. Zooey greeted her as a friend and was sleeping before the final drug was administered. As awful as it was to feel like I killed my best friend, I also knew it was such a gift. In fact, my father in law had terminal cancer at the time. The family didnt get to choose the goodbye and he just waited to die. And did so in a much less peacful setting.
The contrast of these endings has been very important. And while I wont go in to 'right to die' here, I will say, the contrast made me see what a gift it was to get to say goodbye to my dearest dog on our own terms. For anyone facing the hard decision, please remember we are their family, their stewards... a peaceful death, is an amazing act of love.
31
@nicole: you did not kill your Zooey….you released her from pain and her failing old body, so she can run free at the Rainbow bridge.
This image has comforted me, and many thousands of others.
18 years is a wonderful long life for a dog; none of mine came remotely close to this.
Treat your years together as a great treasure and gift you have received from a loving soul who is now free in the universe.
In time, you will remember only the good times and the love. May her memory be a blessing to you.
4
Well, I knew I wouldn't get through this article without tears, and I was right.
Saying goodbye, even when you know it's in the best interest to end suffering, isn't easy. It's never easy. It's a call I've had to make more than once. I'm still in the grieving process for Ms. Kate, whom I had to make the call for eight months ago. It was the right decision to end her suffering, but that doesn't mean that my suffering ended. Sometimes it's hard for a heart to heal.
36
I've owned cats for the better part of my life, over 45 years, and saying goodbye has never gotten easier. I let one of my cats suffer longer than necessary simply because I couldn't accept losing him, I wanted just one more day. I couldn't see how far I'd let him go until I saw pictures of him and his decline was so obvious to me now. Never again. When another cat developed cancer a few years ago, I vowed that this time it would be all about easing her suffering and not my desire to have her here with me longer. Why would I want to wait until she had no desire to eat or couldn't walk, or was howling in pain? Why would I do that to her? I tried my best to give her a good life and her last days should be as happy and pain free as any other day. I couldn't rationalize another week with her if it meant she would be in pain. We can understand pain and suffering, they cannot.
I think we often have the misconception that our pets die peacefully if they die naturally or go away to die under a bush, or that they know the end is near and will let us know when it's time by giving us a 'look,' sadly a look that's usually pain and despair, nothing more. Terminal illness in humans can be painful near end of life, there is no reason to believe it is less painful for animals. It is always a difficult decision to euthanize because we feel we are ending their life. Old age and disease is ending their life; we are helping to ease their suffering. That is the best last gift we can give them.
58
We have had to say goodbye to 3 dogs and one cat in the last 10 years - the last dog about 3 weeks ago. It is always heartbreaking, but our vets have always been very compassionate. We held our all our pets as they crossed the rainbow bridge. We waited too long for all but the last dog - I guess it was denial. Our vet gave us a list to review for the end of life signals and options and that helped us to understand that our Daisy had no quality of life left. We will bury her ashes with the others under a cairn to the hill in our back yard.
15
These comments bring tears to my eyes and a catch in my throat. Taking a pet is such a serious responsibility. We’ve had 3 dogs pass and now have 2. Our Rocky was a14 year old rescue we’d adopted when he was about 8 weeks old. We belonged to him more than the reverse which made letting go so very heartbreaking. But it was obvious he was in constant pain and eventually could not get up on his own. It was time for us to step up and we did, for him. He was given pain meds, a sedative, and a cardiac drug while we held him just this past December. We’re going tomorrow to choose a Japanese maple under which we will place his ashes in our yard. We are still his as we are with the younger 2. Our bonds with these dogs are rewarding in both directions, I just wish they lived much, much longer!
52
@Schimsa: the idea of the Japanese maple is very lovely and I think I will borrow it!
2
I have hard time thinking of the Pawspice as an honest enterprise, but rather a way to speculate on people. My experience in several part of the world is this: the poorest the country, the more natural the approach, the richest (USA) the more artificial and expensive, very expensive and very little compassion. Vets here were very practical and business oriented.
Euthanasia should really be extrema ratio.
3
@Patrizia Filippi: I have no idea why you think we in the USA have "little compassion" for our pets; if you read most of these comments, you will see that you are wrong!
FWIW, what you call the "natural approach" is often very painful for the animal.
17
I appreciate this piece very much. I had to put my beloved cat down over New Years and it was one of the saddest things I have ever done. I know it was the right thing ultimately, but I have found myself riddled with guilt over the fact that since I spent a few days wishing she would pass away naturally, I prolonged her suffering, which was very obvious.
15
@S. Carlson
I'm so sorry. Let go of the guilt. It is totally natural to want to extend time with a beloved pet; I've done it, I suspect almost everyone who has ever loved an animal has done it.
17
@S. Carlson I'm so sorry to hear of your loss. I had to make the same decision about my Kate eight months ago. I kept thinking that surely she would pass soon, and it would mean that the decision would be taken out of my hands. I realized that she needed me to make this decision, even though it felt like it was the wrong one, I know it was the only one that was humane.
I would tell my kids when they were young that sometimes all the options suck. This is one of those times that even the "best" option still sucks.
10
@DW: You are absolutely right about that.
5
I have lost beloved people and I have lost beloved pups.
Losing the pups was hardest.
53
@bearsrus
Crazy isn't it? But so true.
21
I've had 19 dogs. It's always hard.
25
Sadly the vet on-call refused to come to my home and I had to take my sick girl to the office when she didn't want to leave her home. Although he gave her sedation twice, she still reacted, lifting her head when she experienced the needle stick injecting the heart-stopping drugs. I will never forgive that vet for his behavior towards a dying animal. More needs to be done to educate vets about caring for terminally ill animals and how to ease their transition from this world. If this was my experience with a private vet, I hate to think what shelter dogs and cats may be experiencing.
36
@Mary Anne I expect more housed animals suffer at the end from owners (like the ones described here by one vet and one pet sitter) who value their own feelings more than they value their pets. A friend asked me to visit her dog at the vet. He was caged, IV, soiled, miserable, limp and whining. I told her I'd never look her in the eye again if she didn't do the right thing that very minute. She declined.
Haven't spoken to her since.
I thought I knew how to handle a "well end" having done the right thing by 3 prior dogs. Instead of waiting for my regular vet to make a house call, I rushed my Lily to a for-profit hospital. The police were almost called when they insisted on trying to take Lily away from me to administer a catheter. I've witnessed many dogs and horses put down and no vet insists on a sterile line to euthanize an animal. I finally relented but insisted that whatever they did would be in my presence with Lily in my arms. It was the most horrible experience I've ever had. She was weak, couldn't stand but struggled and fought nonetheless. It took multiple attempts to insert the line and what should have been a kindness was a nightmare for all of us. Complete indifference by the staff, emergency DVM.
No dog of mine will ever end life anywhere other than in my house with my trusted vet and loved ones there.
I will never set foot again in a for-profit animal hospital for any reason.
4
Our animals don’t think about the future only today and when today is bad their world is bad. It’s our job to think about their future and whether that bad day is just one of many in the future for them. If it is, we should give them the final gift we can bestow. There are essentially 3 outcomes, euthanize too soon, right on time or too late. Getting it right on time is very hard. Too many people in order to avoid doing it too soon end up doing it too late.
Look at your cat or dog’s eyes. They will tell you a lot. If it had that distant gaze it’s time. Look at how the animal postures. Is it’s body tense, hunched or “frozen”? Is the animal losing dignity?
Again our pets don’t know about tomorrow. If you end it a little early, they don’t know that and you’ve spared them discomfort. Doing it too late will always weigh heavily. Be generous with that final gift.
307
Beautifully stated, Stephen of New York City; thank you. At age 11, one of our cats was exhibiting some odd symptoms but I thought it was something temporary, mostly because she didn't seem to be in pain. Finally, after several weeks, I realized something was truly wrong and that we needed to have her put down, because whatever it was, it was NOT going to get better. I was horrified when the vet said that our kitty probably had some kind of GI cancer. She said this in a nonjudgmental way, which was very kind of her. I certainly was judging myself for being so blind and stupid in not realizing how very sick and almost certainly in pain our poor Shadow was; I feel bad about it still. Shadow's companion is now 16 and I watch him carefully; the mistake of waiting too long is one I don't want to repeat.
27
Animals can be very stoic. Our older dog barely shows pain yet if you give her an arthritis medication you notice a near immediate improvement in mood and mobility. Pets seem to hide pain as part of the primal instinct to show no weakness to any predators. Know that you did the best you could and your pet would have had no doubt of your love.
40
@Stephen
I struggled last December with everything you write about here. Geddy, our 14 yo Shipoo, my children's best friend, had that look in his eyes. I struggled with the decision. Thank you for easing my pain.
27
Having had at least 1 dog for 60 yrs I've buried 12 in the front pasture so far. A natural death is preferable but if they are in pain I euthanize them myself. Burying them is a family affair. Couldn't bear having them euthanized on a sterile table and 'disposed' of. My vet doesn't encourage drastic end of life attempts as some vets who profit from this. Letting them die a natural death just seems right.
6
@Lane
Presumably you have the skills to do this, but I don't think you should be encouraging do-it-yourself pet euthanasia as a general thing. Getting it wrong could be ghastly for the pet.
There is really no way around the sadness of the event, but it's not helpful to guilt-trip people for taking their pet to the vet to be euthanized. We lost a beloved cat last year, and she was euthanized at the vet's office. She was not on a "sterile table," she was wrapped in blankets in my lap and the vet was very soothing and as kind to both of us as she could possibly be.
If the vet can come to your house, even better - but please don't advocate people euthanize their pets themselves, that's just got disaster written all over it.
36
Years ago, when I was nursing a 16 year old cat through multiple health issues, I friend of mine gave me a different method. She was the wife of a vet and had had many pets. She said," Talk to your cat and tell her you want her to give you a sign when she's ready to have you help her let go." She gave me an example of a dog she had that just colapsed at her feet one day. Yeah, I felt stupid talking to my cat. But one day, I came home and my cat had lost the ability to move her back legs, and I knew that was it. I had an in-house euthanasia. Several friends came over to be with me and say goodbye. It's hard to be with a pet at that moment, but I don't regret being with them in their final moments.
39
@PLS
Thank you for this. I had a long talk with my beloved Samoyed as she was failing with cancer. She understood everything and when she hit the wall, she made it very clear to us that now was the time. Our vet came to our home and made the procedure very gentle and loving.
22
My 15 and 16 year old pugs are going strong. The 15 year old has some mobility issues, but appetites are good, tails wag, they get groomed once a month, and sure, they need a little help going up the front steps, help that I'm happy to provide.
I cannot imagine separating them from the radiant panel space heater they love, nor our little "pack". I have put down one animal in my life, and I will NEVER do it again. Even now, they are burbling in slumber next to me.
4
@Susan Read the comments of the vets here. If you had a bad experience with one vet and euthanasia, find another. But you're not being kind to your adored dogs insisting that you'll never spare them pain or misery. And perhaps you shouldn't have more pets if you're too concerned about your own feelings to recognize their best interests?
2
I kept my first cat alive with medication for her kidney disease long after I should have. She was suffering, but I couldn't let her go. Finally, she crawled under my neighbor's bush and died peacefully. She was 20 1/2.
My second cat was 17 1/2 when she developed kidney disease. The vet told us he couldn't do anything further for her, and that we should put her to sleep. I held her in my arms as we drove to the vet, as well as when he gave her the fatal injections. I cried and cried, and it took me a long time to get over it. But I know it was the best thing for her.
97
@connecticut yankee: you did the right thing, likely in both cases. We live and learn. I know at least in one case, I "waited too long" but it was out of love. (That cat also ran off -- having brightened up that last day and begged to go outside as she so adored to do! -- and died under a neighbor's bush. I am not so sure that dying outdoors, in the place she loved so, was a bad death after all.)
In time....you remember the happiness and good times far more than the end, however it comes. I hope their memories are a blessing to you.
4
I wish my regular vet and also my home hospice vet had used this scale. Most important, It would have prevented the last horrible days when my two cats went from walking around to active dying and suffering so much. In one case, it happened so fast the hospice vet was unable to make it back in time. Even days earlier would have made a difference and had we used this scale, they would have left planet earth in comfort. Now I know for my old gal who is still here. Thank you for this info.
23
Thanks for this, as it will be a widely useful insight for many who've never been through this with a pet. It should help many of us who've been through this before, as it lays out the factors one should consider clearly.
We've owned many cats and only one had anything close to a peaceful death on its own, that is without a vet's intervention. The one who did had been frail for a long time and just started sleeping more and more. We took care of his needs and the other cats helped gently. He did pass away in his sleep.
It was certainly the exception to the rule. The guidelines here could allow that to happen if it will naturally, but I think they're important because most are not so blessed.
28
@Mike: out of the 9 cats I have owned….one very elderly cat died on his own, at home.
He was at least 18 but maybe more like 20. I had gotten him as an adult stray.
He developed kidney failure at 16ish and I tried the subcutaneous fluids thing, and he hated it and ran from me, so I gave it up.
He still lived at least 2.5 years after, mostly OK though drinking a lot and very skinny. He did not appear to be in pain.
The last day, he jumped up on the table to eat and I noticed the food was just falling out of his mouth. When he went to jump down….he just collapsed. I believe he had had a stroke.
I had to go to work, so I made him a comfortable bed in a crate and kept him warm and & safe. That evening, he was just purring and laying quietly.
During the night, I found him cold and stiff. We took him to be cremated. I still have his ashes.
Looking back, that was a good death. He did not suffer, even at the end I think he had no pain. At most, he had a bad half-day or so….after a very long life of happiness, play, hunting outdoors and so on.
Sadly, none of the others -- I've had 9 cats, and two are living -- were this lucky.
2
It's a tough decision to make but the best one for our best friends. I have done this for all of my pets. I miss them all terribly but could not stand to see them suffer. We should do the same for humans. We just don't get it do we?
85
This scale is a good idea. Knowing that my dog was very old, I asked my vet to tell me when it was time to end her life. I made this request because I loved my dog, didn’t want her to suffer, and didn’t trust myself to know when—I loved that dog so much and dreaded losing her. The vet promised me that I could count on her to let me know when it was time. Wrong. The vet encouraged force feeding, and wanted to take an expensive test even though there was no other treatment. A few days later, I looked at my little sweetie who didn’t seem to know where she was, and had stopped eating, and had her put to sleep at home while I held her in my arms. I have felt awful that I waited too long. I had asked for help to know when it was time, and I feel the vet let me down. I have a new dog now and a new vet. If I ever feel that I can’t trust her to advise me in such a situation, I will find another vet immediately.
90
@Meryl g I have come to the conclusion that many vets don't have the skill set to have the necessary conversations with pet parents. They need to hire social workers or someone when they can't do it. I was at the vet 5 days before my girl had seizures and I asked if her deterioration was neurological and was told no. My girl was let down by 3 different vets in her illness and last days. I am devastated that I wasn't able to get her better care and give her a better ending.
10
@Meryl g: I'm sorry your vet fell so far short on this.
7
@Meryl g Your story is similar to mine. Two of my neighbors are vets who teach at a prestigious vet school. Both are lovely people who took the time to stop by and visit my older, failing dog. Both of them recommended keeping her going. After I had been away for the weekend after a death in the family, I returned home to find her in very bad shape. Having worked in a hospice, I thought it was probably time to let her go and I let the vets know I would rather say goodbye to her than have her continue suffering. However, her usual vet, and a vet hospital with a good reputation for more complex cases, recommended she undergo treatment for poorly controlled diabetes and kidney failure. She was a very closely bonded creature, who hated to be away from me. The hospitalization, which ended up costing us $4000, was heartbreaking for her - and for me. When I went to pick her up (they would have kept her if I'd approved it, although she wasn't getting any better), her eyes were dull and she showed no pleasure in seeing me. She was not a very forgiving soul! We had one day at home before a vet could come to the house to release her from her suffering. I'm grateful for that day and for the very kind care we all received from the vet at home. I am heartbroken that the system didn't listen to me, and that I allowed them to keep our girl away from us during the last days of her life.
10
Our beloved wire fox terrier took ill while my husband and I were traveling. His trusted caretakers took him to the vet who told me it was terminal....and swift. We moved heaven and earth to get back to him in time but he had other plans. He spared me the decision of what to do "next" yet I often wonder if I was wrong in not telling the vet to "let him to gently into the night" while we were en route or if I was selfish in wanting to get to him while he was still alive. It's been almost two years and I still shed a tear for that sweet dog who had been my constant companion.
39
The very difficult decision of just when is the "right" time to put down a beloved pet is never easy. Through my 81 years it is always hard, but I have concluded that it is the last good and kind thing I can do for one of my best friends.
210
@babaD
Yes, babaD, I agree. The unconditional love and devotion your pet gives must be repaid with the humbling decision to do the right and kind thing.
To hold your pet, stroking it, speaking softly to it, as they are put down is hard but one owes it to their furry friend to be there with them to the very end.
29
Sigh. This past summer I spent 3 weeks house and pet sitting for my sister and her family. My charges were a border collie and an 18 year old cat. The cat was not well when I arrived, and proceeded to go into decline, start to lose the ability to move around and exhibited neurological issues with his hind legs and bowels. After many conversations with their vet, and with the family (12 hour time difference) I made the very difficult decision to put this cat to sleep. They wanted me to wait one week until they could come home to say goodbye, but I could not.
The vet was kind enough to refer an in-home euthanasia vet who I contacted immediately. She drove from Sandy, Utah to the home in SLC, arrived late in the evening. We had music playing, he was in his bed, had been fed and watered, petted for days and loved to death by a perfect stranger. Here is the remarkable thing: 3 shots were given. The first was for pain relief. When this happened, the cat let out the most remarkable sound I have ever heard. I asked the vet what it was. She said " He is pain-free. That was his purr."
As we both had tears in our eyes, he was given the second shot which was anesthesia and then the third to stop his heart. I'm tearing up now as I type this because it was a pure gesture of love from someone who was just so in touch with death and the pain of this completely strange cat. My god, how we bond....godspeed to all pets who are loved.
437
Why didn't your sister's family make it a priority to be there for their frail cat? They chose to let you, a stranger, do the final care and good-byes. Inexcusable. We are supposed to treat animals with the exact same consideration and love and attention as we treat our own human family members. And be there for them!
17
We had to face this decision with a very beloved goldendoodle who was only 2, but suffering from a congenital kidney condition, and then a year later with a very beloved cat, who was 18 and suffering from plain old age. In both cases, we trusted the advice of the vets who, based on their assessments, concluded that the animals' quality of life was poor and no amount of medical intervention would reverse that (I am very glad that in our emotional states - especially with the goldendoodle - they didn't try to convince us to undertake extensive and costly procedures that would only delay the inevitable). Both animals were gently sedated, in my arms, before the final injection, and both slipped away quietly and peacefully, surrounded by the people they loved and who loved them, and an empathetic and caring vet (in both cases, the vets joined us in our tears). I don't know if the vets had a similar scale, but they certainly seemed to use similar criteria -- and for that I am grateful.
40
I am baffled by how easily we accept putting a beloved animal down when it becomes clear that the animal is suffering and has no hope of recovering, while the concept of doing or allowing the same for a beloved family member is taboo. I spent six weeks, along with my siblings, watching our Mother slowly die of stage 4 uterine cancer, which had metastasized into her lungs and beyond. Utilizing the HHHHHMM scale, I know I, and firmly believe my Mother, would have preferred to have foregone the last week or two.
462
Totally with you there, this should be the ultimate human dignity. Instead such a service is unavailable for fear others will take advantage of it or the service happen in error. I fear of dying in a hospital, would far prefer an accidental passing.
35
Same here. I had to let my beloved cat go last month and it was hard. But it was much harder watching my beloved mother suffer for three years from cancer, and die in a hospital when she was out of her mind due to prescribed painkillers that didn’t help at all. My cat recognized me right up to the end, and I believe it comforted her that I held her and stroked her and spoke to her as she died. My mother, on the other hand, had long since stop recognizing me because of the side effects from the pain medication. I think my cat had a much better death than my mother did. I hope I die quickly, and my son doesn’t have to go through what I went through when my mother died
69
@jwwjr1953
Saying good bye never gets easier, only more familiar.
20
I’ve said goodbye to 2 beloved mutts in the past two years, 18 and 14 years old. I held on to them as the kindly vet administered the drug that ended their lives. I’ve never cried so hard. I’m 63. Never. Looking back I know I waited too long with both of them. When you love a pet and see them deteriorating you look for any reason to wait one more day, because you love them and you know those dogs love you. It’s easy, and hard, to grasp at any sign that indicates that maybe, just maybe, you can pet them one more day. That vet told me that he has seen people bring their pet in for euthanizing because they simply don’t want the still healthy pet any longer. I appreciate what the author of the scale is trying to do but it’s trying to bring a logical conclusion to an emotional time. I’ll take waiting a little too long.
12
Having had a number of wonderful doggies over the many years and having had to take each of them in to the vet at the very end of their long and loving lives to be gently helped to their final reward my only question is why do we not offer the same dignity and compassion to humans when they reach the same stage.
283
@Tony Francis - A fellow islander agrees with you completely.
4
Thank you. We have an aging bloodhound (she’s 12) who was diagnosed stage 3 oral melanoma a couple of months ago. The good news is that while the tumor is very large and fast growing, it hasn’t metastasized, but it is inoperable. She is getting immunotherapy and radiation and except for swelling from the tumor - she is happy and hungry and active.
But we know that this is likely terminal...and our thoughts on when to let go are close to the scale...loss of mobility is a key issue given her size...For now we cherish each day and if she’s happy, we’re happy.
23
@37Rubydog good luck with your final weeks/months with her. The anticipatory grief can be quite hard to deal with. We just went through something similar with our cat.
4
It's so much better when a pet can make that passing at home, surrounded by the sights and smells with which they are familiar. I'm happy to see that there are services to help ease this transition for pets and pet parents with humane euthanasia.
54
@Nancy
Not always. My dogs love visiting the vet for their checkups, pats and treats.
Still working on how to manage the experience for the surviving pet though.
We had to say goodbye to our sweet 16 year old Havanese last month, and while we were aware of the approaching decision, it did nothing to ease the pain and disruption to our household when the time came. I wish I had had this scale then as it would have eased our minds as to whether it was too early or too late. In the end, we made the best decision possible, and are gladdened to think of her romping and playing pain-free! I'll definitely share this scale with our vet to help others when the time comes.
13
I have been in that situation multiple times, as a cat and dog owner for many years. It hurts me every time, no matter how prepared I am through multiple experiences. These animals are part of my family, so I love them and want the best for them. The best for them is not suffering, so from the moment I notice that all the comfort I can give them will not give relief, I opt for euthanasia. I cuddle them in my arms while the vet gives the drugs, and they go peacefully. All of my pets are in my mind forever and I want to make sure in their last moments they feel all my love for them, making their suffering stop.
When I know that they can benefit from veterinary treatment and our love and care I go all the way. But when they need to rest, I make sure that is what is done.
133
@CoquiCoqui Same. I've been through this more times than I care to count over the years, but I am always in that room with them, with the pet on my lap as we say goodbye. The decision never gets easier, the moment itself never gets easier, but I'm glad to be able to give this one final act of love to my pet, and I'll do it as many times as I can before my own time is up.
As I remind myself and anyone else who goes through it, this one really, really, REALLY bad day doesn't negate the (hopefully) many years of love and devotion I got from my pet.
68
As I look back on a beloved cat who died at nineteen--hours before a vet friend was coming to euthanize him--I feel that my spouse and I may have waited too long. Our friend, who had visited the day or two before, said it was time. Many of us humans are more worried about the process of death than of the fact of death itself. I'd like to have pain-free quality of life as long as possible, and I'd like to slip away fast. As I get older and closer to that time, I will apply the same thinking to the equally beloved cat that later came into our life. This is a very useful article.
42
Two weeks ago we put down our Toby. He was a shelter dog who picked me as I walked past his cage. We had 15 years with this pup whose antics, kisses, and cuddling enriched our lives. It was a very difficult decision but he deserved to be at peace. Oh how we miss him.
258
This article is so timely, just this morning I was wondering whether I was unnecessarily keeping my cat alive just so that I could have him one more day, or week, or month. I did call my vet to ask if she had any recommendations about how to keep my pet comfortable in his condition, but I never heard back. Maybe this scale will aid veterinarians as well.
22
We had to put down our beautiful 4-year-old German Shepherd a few years ago, and my only regret is that we didn't do it sooner. She came down with a mysterious illness that 4 vets and a well-respected veterinary hospital couldn't solve. We did absolutely everything to save her -- over $6000 in vet bills, sleeping next to her every night, giving injections, etc. We finally gave up and brought her home, so thin, barely standing, yet all she wanted was to be out of that hospital and home again. We had a semblance of her for one last weekend.
For our current dog, we will rely on our trusted local vet. When he says time is up, that's it. No more veterinary hospitals for my babies.
34
@Eddie it's so very hard. Your dog was young, and if you hadn't tried to save her, you might have regrets that you gave up too soon. I'm glad she was able to come back home with you and have one last weekend.
5
My dog of 17 years was put to sleep just 2 weeks ago. When we went to the vets they didn’t realize the reason for our visit and started to intervene but we quickly said to stop and asked to ease her suffering. She met every one of your criteria which came on very quickly over a weekend. Reading this article reassured us that we made the right choice. Thank you.
176
@Dawn
Vets are generally great, and generally realistic. But they sometimes do tend to go into "modern medicine" mode. At end of life with pets this is tricky. I always took the stance that my pets couldn't comprehend the treatment and thus there was no benefit to it but for my selfish need to keep them around longer. Keeping that in mind is key. Humans can make the decision to go through complex, difficult, often painful and compromising medical procedures in some pursuit of more days, but pets can't. No needless suffering. You were a great dog companion.
19
Thank you for this piece. Nine years ago I euthanized a cat I was especially attached to, and for nine years I've wondered if I waited too long. The scale is comforting -- Leo lived well until the last few days, and if I'd had the scale then, I wouldn't have changed a thing.
65