Mr. Cohen makes his personal life public fodder, and then complains when people feel like they have a stake in it. I tried to watch CNN’s New Years Eve show, and had to turn off his blabbering drivel about his becoming a father. That’s his business - not mine or any of the millions of other strangers watching. But he insisted on making it everyone’s business.
Now he doesn’t like it when people give their opinions about his personal life. Boo hoo. Boo hoo.
110
I was chided about my baby's bare head by a guy who spent his nights in a cardboard box on the sidewalk. When you have a baby, everyone's a critic.
191
Let's face it, no-one likes to be TOLD how to do stuff very often.
Tips are great, but Andy's instinct will guide him.
31
You are no different than any new parent being “advised” by busybodies who think they know best. Say “thank you,” “that’s interesting, i’ll have to think about it,” or some other anodyne response.
And get over yourself.
246
All new parents, regardless of gender and sexual orientation, end up on the receiving end of unsolicited parenting advice. If you are in the limelight and post your child on social media, you can expect an over abundance of criticism and advice.
219
THE Andy Cohen??? The man who is the host of one of the most misogynist TV shows on air. Bravo's Housewives series?? The man who seems to revel ($$) in primitive caricatures of women? Even the title,,while trying to be ironic, is an overt nod to blatant sexism . So....take a little advice from women...it won't kill you.
223
Good heavens. Does anyone really care, one way or the other? Apparently so. Leave them be!
39
Two things I want to add to this conversation. First, I experience far fewer comments when my toddler's father is with me than when I am alone with her. Make what you will about the presence of a man to entice people to hold their tongues. Second, strangers regularly gush over my partner with our daughter in a way that reveals that people still think men who care for their children are unicorns. I think the fact that he is a black man plays into this even more, like black men are the demographic least likely to be taking good care of children. Its patronizing and it needs to stop. Children deserve to perceive equality in care taking by people of all genders, races, sexual orientations, and relationship/family roles.
145
After having fraternal boy/girl twins, it was just easier to tell the "momsplainers" they had separate fathers like some puppy litters, than go through the science.
44
Hooray for him! This world needs more dedicated and loving parents - no matter rich or poor, gay or straight, male or female. Lucky Benny!
45
Just remember this: everybody in the world can raise your child better than you can. And they will be very happy to let you know that.
98
Don’t worry Andy, momsplaining happens to straight men too.
We are all just SO helpless without a woman around to guide our parenting.
I guess it’s fair. I still think most women can’t drive terribly well. Ha!
33
Treating his baby like a new accessory and using him as part of a self-promotion strategy is distasteful at best. As is doubling down and whining when the feedback he’s received isn’t all positive.
122
I'm not sure how to respond to this. I raised two sons by myself. That's true, but it is also true that their father wasn't a presence in their lives, or in mine, for that matter. Although he did make a ton of money. What I want to say is once I decided to change my life, realizing as I did so that I was in a little boat with two little oars and two little boys who believed in and relied on me. During all the years I kept the boat afloat, I was warned my boys could turn into "sissy's", that once past a certain age, boys needed a father, on and on, even though I knew their father could care less. So, to Mr. Cohen, I would say, get over yourself and be happy. You have tons of money, and I'm sure many hands on deck, so why turn yourself into some kind of a victim when, in fact, the world is your oyster. Just get on with it, as so many single mothers have done, working, being there, doing everything always eternally possible for their children, sometimes with a bank balance of $15.00. Yes, you read that right. A ten and a five. Be happy and grateful!!!!!
212
Mothers get shamed in the same way all the time, too.
159
Oh, that poor child will never be able to utter the word ‘mamma’. So infinitely sad.
30
Dude, you are not being "dad shamed". You are just being treated like a woman. Every Mom I know has a list as long as your arm of useless advice given by clueless strangers. Welcome to the club! If you refrain from punching nosy busybodies you get a medal. (Not really ;)
329
Mr. Cohen looks elated, but also visibly quite overwhelmed in these photos. He probably looks - to many people out there - like he's (unconsciously) crying out for help. And so - sorry to add to the list of suggestions, but I do hope there is an arrangement with the baby's mother to meet regularly, as happens in many cases. It seems sad that the child might have lost his mother completely, as well as stressful for the mother. And then - men can parent, of course, but there is no doubt that a nurturing woman will understand the needs of a tiny infant better than a man - especially if it's their mother.
18
@JCam What part of surrogacy do you not understand? The mother or mothers (egg donor plus gestational) have been paid. The gestational mom may remain friendly with Cohen but is not going to act as a mom.
74
"Some gay fathers say they often get unsolicited advice from strangers"- As a conventional, heterosexual married mother of two little kids, I have found receiving unsolicited advice from strangers is a hallmark of being a parent. Though I can't imagine what kind of "advice" gets showered on him- maybe its a right of passage preparing us for when they are teenagers and think they know best? TBD. But regardless he has a beautiful baby boy- congratulations to him and enjoy the ride!
85
Oh dear, I'm an old mother type and now a grandmother so I know there is a fine line between being helpful and being a pain when it comes to "helping" brand new parents. On the one hand, it is great for them to get support and love from people (and maybe get some sleep), but it can also be a bit too much! ( I think I've been too much a time or two.)
But the main thing I find is this: the babies are adorable and wonderful, but so are the new parents. It's great to see them in action, in full adoration mode of their baby. It's not easy taking care of an infant, I remember that functioning on little sleep, phew. So hats off to all the new Moms and Dads, including Andy Cohen (who sure has that blissed out happy and proud look!).
52
When our first child came home from the hospital, I had to teach my wife how to handle him. She was afraid she would "break" him.
I had 3 younger siblings, two when I was 9 and 11, and was taught by my mother how to care for them. This is not that unusual. Hospitals do a better job of teaching new mothers, but many husbands have had more experience with newborns.
27
Not really relevant in this specific case, but for us fathers who get to spend lots of time with our kids, this is a rare chance to "experience" what it must be like to be a woman in so many other contexts! I think (just like most mansplaining) the advice is well meant, and it doesn't bother me since (again, like most cases of mansplaining) I know that I know more about parenthood than the person giving the advice - since, knowing the expectations, I purposefully went out and learned about it.
But the main thing is: it's just wonderful! When your son or daughter is happy and healthy and laughing, who cares what anyone else thinks!
46
Mr. Cohen - If you’re reading this: Mazel tov! Wishing you lots of great memories yet to be made.
On a personal level I’m envious of the amount of hair Benjamin has. Wish I’d been blessed so.
32
“Why is Uncle Anderson wearing his NYC sneakers on the carpet that Benny will eventually crawl on?!”
Oh, I don't know. Maybe to introduce microbes to his environment so he doesn't wind up like countless kids in this country that die if they look at a peanut.
338
You go, guy!
23
It's called KARMA. Didn't he shame and gave "advice' to celebrities. Now he knows what it is to be a target.
48
Simple solution: stop posting pictures on Instagram and stop tweeting about your child. The kid's not a conversation starter.
Problem solved.
155
Ha! Of all people, Andy Cohen gets to be the one who raises our consciousness about people giving parents unsolicited advice and parent-shaming! Mazel!
17
If he doesn't have a mom to second guess him, or even if he does, plenty of other folks will be happy to chime in.
I agree that one of the few ways that sexism flips over is the number of women - and men - who seem to think that being a MOM is much more important, capable, and necessary than being a "dad". It's positively disgusting (and I am a woman).
Truth be told, yeah, a woman can nurse her kids, but other than that, a man can help his kids in any other way.
The only tragedy is that he feels the need to share the pictures with the unwashed masses, who are probably letting their kids run into the street while they are critiquing his parenting.
18
I wish I had a nickel for every side glance I got from other moms at the bus stop or whenever a person told me I could stay home if I really wanted to.
Be yourself Mr Cohen. Your son will love you no matter what
24
I was a stay at home dad with 2 boys, and it's funny how overlooked and misunderstood we are.
25
Hello! This happens to every parent! This dude is just being over-sensitive and believes everyone is treating him differently because he's different than most people, when in fact he's being treated just like every other parent who ever lived!
91
My sadness at this situation has nothing to do with this man’s sexual orientation. Rather, it is the fact that he has purposely severed this child from his mother—and even denied the child a mother to mourn, as in an adoption scenario, since he purchased eggs from one woman and rented the womb of another. This is profoundly selfish, and this child will suffer for it later in life as he processes being cut off from his lineage and extended family, having been conceived not in love but as a result of a financial transaction.
35
@Noelle
Having connection with your lineage and extended family does not guarantee a loving, good family upbringing. The child may not have been "conceived" in love as you say, but no doubt the child will be loved and cared for. That's what matters.
68
@Noelle, get over it. There's other things for you to obsess over.
42
@Noelle Children's lives are enriched -or not- by a myriad of different factors and being part of an entirely biological family is only one such factor. We don't know what will be important to any child as they mature. The fact that Mr. Cohen wanted a child and pursued that and now has a child he obviously loves and treasures is a pretty big positive.
48
I don’t know who this Cohen guy is, but welcome to the world. Grin and bear it!
15
Sorry, but this child just seems to me like an appendage to a monstrous ego.
69
I *am* a mom. If I had a nickel for every time I was told how to do or not to do something, or how end-of-the-world something was, I could retire. This is a thing people feel entitled to do to other people, whether you're a mom, a dad, on social media, not on social media. It's part of being a parent. Let it go.
112
@Catherine All parents suffer from unsolicited advice, but as a single dad I'm pretty sure it's different for men. The attitude I encounter is not simply that I'm doing it wrong, but more than I'm lacking -- I may be technically capable of taking care of my kid's necessities, but I'm fundamentally unable to provide the nurturing essence of motherhood. It is maddening. I understand that women encounter far, far more of this attitude, but this is one of the rare cases where it swings the other way.
23
@Catherine - So if a man does this to a woman, your advice to her would be the same - "Let it go." I just would like clarification on that...
6
@matsonjones
Of course it's the same advice. Stop bending over backwards looking for ways men are treated unfairly. Women are constantly critiqued for their maternal shortcomings. Obviously they have to learn to ignore the unwelcome advice, as do men who do the majority of the parenting. Unless you want to spend your whole life obsessing over the opinions of perfect strangers?
33
I don't think you can complain about people's comments when you are putting yourself and your baby onto social media and the cover of People magazine. If you don't want people to comment on your parenting, then do it in (relative) private. Sure, you'll still get advice, but nothing like what's happening now.
122
I wish someone had spoken up for me and my sisters when my mother carted us obviously miserable children through malls and grocery stores. Happy kids have smiles on their faces. A brat is crying over candy. An unhappy, abused child has a frown on their face as they trail behind their mother. We were neglected and sexually abused. If someone had only stopped to ask instead of labeling us as bad kids. Instead, the people who could have cared are wasting their letters on a man who wanted a child and is just getting started giving one the best life. Get perspective people. Look for the child in your own community that needs your help.
79
@Kristin Happy kids are not smiling all the time, nice kids have bad moments too, and abused children are not in a constantly frowning state.
It's unlikely a total stranger is going to get an abusive parent to change their ways. If only your teachers or neighbors had done reported the situation to the authorities...
23
@Shelly I think that's what she is driving at
18
This is exactly what happens when you court social media - even the most utter saints will experience backlash when they post.
33
I may be super jaded, but my first thought upon reading this was that Mr. Cohen found yet another way to stay in the press...
86
It happens to moms too. It's constant. It's not because you're a man or gay, it's because you are a parent, and everyone feels the need to tell parents what they are doing wrong, spread horror stories, and say what they are doing better than you.
55
Yes, absolutely! I was about to write the same and I’m a straight mother of two. They are both alive and healthy despite all the crazy remarks I ignored.
20
#NotAllMoms!
It's stunning how many people think they are entitled to give unsolicited parenting advice to others. Mind your own business, people!
13
"... a bitter streak of unsolicited advice and judge-y critiques...?" What is this author talking about? This is a man who makes his living peddling GOSSIP! A celebrity who posts on Twitter and then is perplexed about the comments he receives? WHAT is this world coming to, ladies and gentlemen! Maybe he should start a new #MeToo just for dads who solicit unwanted advice on Twitter.
64
Easy solution: Don't post on social media.
95
Most Americans, esp. women, are tired of Andy Cohen.
73
I'm a stay-at-home dad of 4 kids in a neighborhood of immigrants. Even more than other stay-at-home dads, I get a lof of unsolicited advice, and scolding-disguised as advice. (To be fair, I also get a lot of overcompensatory kudos.)
But what I get is NOTHING compared to what my wife gets. She is out with the kids less frequently than I am, but she probably gets twice as many strangers commenting on the kids' clothes/behavior/education/WHATEVER. This article is framing the issue in a very backwards way.
81
Honestly - and this is not usually the side I take in this debate - this sounds to me like men who are for the first time in their lives being subject to unwanted and intrusive "advice" about how to live their lives - something women get used to from childhood.
I don't think this is momsplaining and something particular to men so much as it's because child-rearing is traditionally something women do, it is an area where it's open season to criticize other people for how they do it. It's not like society doesn't do the exact same thing to moms.
154
Yup. People are quick to pipe in when one is holding a baby. I can remember lots of unsolicited 'advice' - many times delivered in disapproving tones.
One of the most common, usually sentimental in tone - Enjoy it. It goes fast. So, so true!
19
Congratulations on your new baby Mr. Cohen! ...And welcome to parenthood. You will find this a time of massive life change and tremendous personal growth. Many parts will be hard but more than likely you'll find yourself willing to take on the difficulties as you fall in love with your little guy.
The endless unsolicited advice and judgement and criticism is unfortunately pretty common. It may come to you in the "momsplaining" voice but I assure you mothers, and to a lesser degree fathers, everywhere encounter the same stuff everyday. Some of it is well meant and some is not. In the US, it's open season on judgement as soon as you become a parent. And in general men get cut far more slack than women. There are many studies that compare how people judge parental care less harshly if they think a parent is male as apposed to female. However, I suspect a gay male dad gets thrown under the bus like many mothers do by the judgmental crowd. Hopefully, as a public figure you've already grown some thick skin.
I also want to express gratitude to surrogates and donors. My own children were conceived with an egg donor after 5 years of fertility treatments. Surrogacy and egg/sperm donation are a tremendous gift of life. Yes there is compensation for what a woman has to go thru to bring this life gift into the world. But, in this country, you don't go thru this kind of thing without love in your heart.
57
@kathleen
Amazing response, Kathleen. Thanks for your words. It was a pleasure to read.
13
One of the hard lessons of being a new parent is discovering that you have no privacy when you're out in public with your baby. People will criticize the way the baby is dressed, either the child is not dressed warmly enough or dressed too warmly. If you feed them in public, more criticism. It goes on all the way to their adulthood. Look at the way parents of millennials are blamed for being helicopter parents. It's unending.
28
@msd
Thanks! People assume the worst in others...and it did not used to be this way. It is ridiculous and corrosive.
6
Here's some more unsolicited advice (that I wish someone had told me): banana stains black if you don't wash it out immediately. I ruined a couple shirts that way.
74
In my own experience, the most unwelcome advice comes from people who have never had children. For some reason, an awful lot of them consider themselves to be experts on the subject of child-rearing.
Momsplainers can be tiresome, if not downright irritating, but I believe that most of the time they are genuinely concerned about the well-being of my children (and may be attempting to atone for what they perceive to be their own shortcomings as a parent).
10
As a reverse perspective based on my personal experience, the most judgment I’ve received about raising children (specifically, my lack thereof, stepson notwithstanding) is from biological mothers who take my lack of fertility (not that they’ve asked) as a personal affront as well as a reflection of my character.
10
Oh, Andy. The unsolicited advice never, never stops, no matter how old your child gets. I highly recommend learning how to nod and smile, say "hey, thanks for the tip!" and then go about your merry way. There is not one thing I have done with my son since his birth 12 1/2 years ago that someone hasn't had an opinion about. Eventually you do learn to tune it out. My theory: there are a lot of insecure folks out there who have no achievements to their name other than the fact that they have had children; they latch onto that fact and use it like a cudgel to attempt to gain superiority over others. They aren't worth your attention. Congrats on the new baby; he is adorable.
42
@A. When I was pregnant with my first child, a friend taught me this response "I'm glad that worked for you..." with a genuine smile. It works like a charm. I then did whatever I thought best for my family and circumstances at the time. I have teens now and the criticism/suggestions have slowed but not ceased. I still respond the same way...
54
Good Lord,leave the poor guy alone !!! It’s none of your business !! Congratulations Andy,you look like you’re already savoring the joys and wonders of being a parent. God Bless.
34
One of my favorite mementos is a picture of me going home from the hospital in February, 1945, in Nome, Alaska. The temperature was probably close to zero degrees F and I'm in a dog sled. They only hitched up 3 dogs because they didn't want to risk the team running away with the sled. In Nome in 1945, unless you knew someone in the Army with access to a jeep, the options were walking or a dog sled and I was too young to walk.
Somehow I survived and I suspect Mr. Cohen's kid will too.
153
The rich can now buy a baby through a surrogate. It's nice that the 1% can buy human beings now. Of course the mother, who takes on great risk to her body by taking fertility drugs and going into labor, is compensated a tiny little bit of money while her progeny is sold to the highest bitter.
42
@me Speaking of bitter...
The surrogate knew what she had agreed to and set the terms of the agreement herself.
As someone who's had experience with infertility myself, I know all too well the lengths to which people will go to have a baby.
While we ultimately didn't need to use a surrogate, knowing that option was available was a comfort.
And we are far, far away from being members of the 1%.
60
That actually isn’t how it works. It isn’t eBay, And the word is ‘bidder’.
18
@Susan So I am bitter because I think surrogacy is wrong, immoral, and should be illegal (like it is in many states). The majority of people in the U.S. agree that surrogacy should be against the law as it is akin to selling an organ.
22
I wish I could give an ounce of energy to considering the opinions of faceless no ones on the Internet for a second. I seldom care what anyone thinks about me. I guess his publicity stunt came with unintended baggage. Here’s a thought; get off the internet and raise your kid as you see fit. Stop being victims.
23
Mr. Cohen is going to get unsolicited child-rearing advice for the next 20-odd years. It comes along as an add-on when you choose to become a parent! Just keep repeating to yourself, “not your kid, not your problem.”
35
maybe he should keep his parenting life off Instagram. Then no one would know what he does. Many of us do.
100
Spare me. People like Cohen and their ilk make me ill.
25
@Steve Beck
“Their ilk?” What “ilk” are you referring to?
15
Moms get momsplained /parentsplained all the time...but it is news if a man is...
394
@NT Right? Now that a dude is complaining, it's something for women to reflect on...
30
It’s the mother of this child who needs support now. She’s only referred to as a surrogate, but she is a mother who just gave birth and lost her baby to a celebrity on the other side of the country. She will rarely if ever be in the same room her child. She’ll watch him grow up on social media. Imagine how she might feel.
Don’t bother @-ing me with “it’s her choice.”
26
Surrogacy using one’s own eggs is no longer allowed in the US after some sticky legal cases. In gestational surrogacy, the person carrying the fetus has no genetic relation to the fetus. IVF with a donor egg is used. So this person did not “lose her baby to a celebrity”. Being a gestational surrogate, paid or not, is an enormous gift and people on this journey do not enter into it lightly.
41
@PurestRobin I will @-you and say, this is really none of your business, and I'm always puzzled by people who get so emotionally invested in the private choices of others - especially when those choices don't affect them personally.
37
@PurestRobin
It's her choice.
She made it. Not you. She didn't have to. And yes, she is only a surrogate.
13
It must be such a surprise to someone who became a celebrity doing celebrity gossip to realize that some people are snarky . . . . Yet still, this gained him good press. And even serious investigation of the fact that people often give unsolicited advice to him - - along with other parents.
Congratulations. Now, get the baby out of the spotlight, like, for the next 18 years.
70
This “People do not think that men can parent” is a bit ridiculous. Who thinks that??? Every parent - mom or dad - gets ridiculous amounts of uninvited (and often plain wrong) advice. This guy just has millions of people doing it (that’s kind of what happens when you’re literally the front page of People magazine.) Lucky him.
28
@Jennifer: Well, almost 68 years ago my dad was told he couldn’t parent. I was born early, because my Mom had double pneumonia(guess I thought it was too hot in there, still hate heat). So I was ready to go home well before her. Of course she wasn’t nursing. Dad & my big brother, 8 at the time, took spendiferous care of me. When she came home Dad still had most of my care, as she was so tired. Then at 6 months old I caught chicken pox. The family came together, I wasn’t put down, except to change diapers, as long as I was sick & pocked. Always someone holding, rocking, walking me. I have one scar, just one, in a place no one can see, even me. But, I can feel it. Most kids back then had at least a few visible pock marks. Even when their parents kept mitts & booties on them, so they couldn’t scratch. Not me. I had a Mom, Dad, & 8 year old brother (that’s 2 guys & a gal) tending me. Anyone can be a parent, if willing to put in the time necessary. Oh Dad was the youngest in his family, so had to learn to diaper after he got me home. No one at the hospital bothered to teach. Dads are as magnificent as Moms. No matter what people without kids say. Oh, my hubby & I never had kids, but, I’ve never forgotten being one, with 2 parents who loved me, & being started out with 1. Now about burping. Dad would walk & pat me for an hour after I ate. Until HE burped. I never did. Now old I have never burped easily, & hardly ever at all, even when it would make me feel better now.
16
Pre-social media, I was told not to work by dozens of women and that I was a neglectful, terrible mother. My now grown children turned out to be amazing, smart, empathetic, women.
35
He needs to put down the bottle and pay more attention to the baby bottle!!
9
Welcome to the world, kid! Andy, remember, it’s a baby and a person and not just a prop for your ego and career. That said, enjoy each other and bets of luck to you both.
26
Scruff/Grindr. "Looking for love in all the wrong places..."
I caution all single people who have failed at finding a life-partner, that "having" a baby is not an opportunity for increasing the attention (and in Mr. Cohen's case, publicity) one lacks and longs for, although it is preferred to manufacturing one's own hate-crime to achieve the same result.
Furthermore, I inquire, is wearing one's new baby the latest accessory for Spring?
16
People to do this to moms ALL THE TIME.
271
Indeed. He is just missing out on pregnancy and breastfeeding advice, and competitions over the birth experience.
49
I remember none of this shaming and correcting when my kids were little, in the 1970's. Perhaps an outcome of two generations being told that they are special and that they know everything? Mothers of the wife and husband (me) certainly helped and suggested, but not strangers.
Am I the only one who sees a lot of "Be afraid, be very afraid..." in most of those scoldings? Be afraid of airplanes, dirt, chilly air. And, oh, those nasty germs that your son needs to develop anti-bodies.
When my sister was a week old (1953), our family went out on our sailboat just like any other Sunday in late May. We happened to pass by Mom's OB/GYN on his boat. He asked, "Where's the baby?" Mom reached down to the cockpit floor and lifted her up for him to see! As my parents were rather on the protective side of child rearing, even they saw you keep living life. Robustly, not in fear.
And "reproductive psychologist?" Really? How did our species get along without them?
23
My advice to new parents is not to take advice...
15
@East/West
Yes! I always tell new parents that they know their babe better than anyone, so follow your instincts. There will be a million people telling you are doing it wrong but they never met your baby!
Feel free to listen if you want to, you might pick up some tips, but you can ignore them too.
And you won’t be perfect, forgive yourself if you make a mistake, because you will.
8
There are at least a couple of studies showing that children raised in a household with pets, especially dogs, are less likely to suffer from asthma or upper respiratory infections as adults.
Never underestimate the role of dog cooties in developing a robust immune system.
69
@Anthony Knox
Amen! Ditto for farm kids. In fact, it was observed for years that farm kids generally didn't get polio or smallpox, I think it was. At least dying from them.
It was the improved public sanitation in cities that allowed the polio virus to spread. People were not getting "inoculated" on the farms anymore.
9
@Jus' Me, NYT
Sorry, but NO. I was sent the family Bible of a great aunt and the back was full of death notices from the 1920s - 1940s. Most of them were children and most of them dies of infections diseases, including polio.
11
My brother-in-law does the cooking and food shopping for his family. He gets infuriated when he has his children with him in the store and well-meaning people comment "oh, that's so great you are giving your wife a break!" No, he is just living his normal life.
In fact, less parenting comments all around is the way to go. It is hard to raise kids-- can't we give each other a break?
68
@Hazel, Are you my sister-in-law? I got it all the time. "Oh are you babysitting today?"
- "Nope, just parenting."
As a half Black man, a lot of people didn't know what to make of my blond baby. (He looks exactly like my German mother.)
31
Perhaps if he didn’t live his life on Instagram, people wouldn’t be so quick to offer unsolicited advice. If we invite the public into almost every portion of our lives (might not the moment with “Uncle Anderson” have been kept private) we shouldn’t be surprised when they feel warranted, and perhaps encouraged, to participate. This is an unfortunate side effect of building a personal brand.
109
Let's bottom line it re parenting and the sexes, what history has taught us that should not be inferred with.
Most men need to work and leave the majority of parenting to the wife or the nanny or others. However some men can perfectly play the role of the traditional mother.
Similar with women, most women want or need to work and will leave the majority of parenting to the nanny, mother or somebody else. However a minority of them need to be the traditional mother.
Any attempt to try and social engineer this will identity obsessed views on either side will end up in resentment by many people both male and female.
5
Complex where I live (brooklyn, ny) there are quite a few couples that take turn with raising their kids. Mom or Dad works during the day the other parent works at night, giving each equal time with raising child & I so admire it and have so much respect for the families.
9
@Mellonie Kirby-Thank you for your reply. Nothing wrong with what you printed. I am sure there are many couples that do that.
The point of my post is to do what is best for the children and best for the parents. There is no one right way but the worst way to do it is to social engineer it where all women are kept in the bedroom and kitchen or the opposite extreme where all women must work and be equal/dominant financial providers.
Due to the nature of today's economy it is very difficult to be a stay at home mom or dad but there is nothing wrong with it, if the other partner can financial provide everything.
3
Always amazed at advice from so many, even strangers. The best advice I got as a new mom was "It is never to early to start making dinner." This is the only advice I ever pass along.
64
@Pj: Wasn’t until I got my first gray hair that people stopped telling me to get pregnant. Which is the first step to telling us how to parent. Never had kids. Was good for us. So, except when someone, now, asks me if I don’t wish I had had a child, so I could be a grandparent, I say, but, I am. A young couple in Louisiana have adopted me as their grandmother. I’m thrilled. I have 2 grandchildren, & 2 grand kitties. (I’m allergic, so only way I can have them.)
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The best thing to hear as a new parent? “Congratulations!”
Second best? “You will sleep again.”
Congratulations, Andy! Wishes of health and happiness for you and your baby.
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I am a mother to 3 children. I’ve had a man come up and tell me to “use a bottle in public” while I was nursing my daughter (I was covered up too), a lady told me my daughter would be kidnapped bc I wasn’t paying attention to her in the store (my daughter was right next to me in the cart) and a lady came up to my husband and told him he shouldn’t bring a baby out in the cold (it was in Los Angeles and 70 degrees). The “advice” will continue until college. Mute these people Andy Cohen! I’m a fan. Enjoy your baby boy. Nobody knows better than you what your baby needs. It’s intuitive :)
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@Lambnoe
I remember living in LA and how the cold stored furs would come out at, as you note, at 70 degrees!
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I don't think Andy Cohen would be in this situation if he didn't feel he had to constantly post photos of his child on social media. Celebrities seem to have a lot of trouble understanding that when they use their children as props in photos, other people are going to comment on their parenting. You can't have it both ways.
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He could also just turn the comments off. Why let random strangers comment on your baby?
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Sorry, but I dont know a single mother of any sexual orientation who doesn't have dozens of similar examples of people being intrusive about their parenting. The only thing new here is privileged (mostly) white males are not so accustomed to having strangers publically comment on and judge their actions.
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Go get 'em Andy!!!
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I mean come on... what about the full-time live-in nanny?
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@Firemonkey yeah, I figured she’s lurking behind the scenes somewhere when I saw photos of Andy out to dinner with Uncle Anderson, and all those other events Andy posted on Instagram. Behind every good man....
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Very trendy vocabulary; the writer must be very wise: "... it subverts preconceptions about parenting and gender stereotypes."
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As a male who raised my son by myself I was once chastised in a grocery store by a mother. Went like this as I was buying my son a coke.
-Boy of mother standing next to me and my son at check out: mommy, why does that boy get a coke and I don’t?
-Mother of boy: because coke is not good for you and his dad is being a bad parent.
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@Prudence Spencer
Lord, people are horrible.
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"While the advice may be well intentioned"
C'mon...we all know it mostly was about "You mere man, you couldn't possibly know as much as I do about your child."
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@Jojojo
Actually, as a pre-Twitter mom (of a now high school senior), I received huge amounts of similar unsolicited "well intentioned" advice - in the grocery store or library, on the street, at "mom groups," during visits from friends and family - even from people without kids.
Welcome to parenthood, Andy! I think you'll do just great!
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@L Wolf
I'm sure you did. I am also sure--as you are if you admit it-- that Andy's gender provoked much of what was aimed at him.
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@Jojojo
Respectfully, I have to disagree with you. I believe that these criticisms would have been leveled at Mr. Cohen had he been a woman.
Speaking from my personal experience, I have been criticized in public by strangers, friends, and family for almost every "infraction" listed in this article: using a baby carrier that would supposedly suffocate my baby, taking an newborn out in public, taking an infant on an airplane trip, allowing dogs (and cats!) to interact with my babies, dating when having an infant, allowing people to wear shoes indoors, and the list goes on. I have also discovered that it doesn't matter if it is your first child or your nth child... there are a lot of busybodies out there (male and female) to tell you--quite loudly--how you're doing it wrong.
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There’s a simple solution: stop merchandising your child and keep his photos off social media.
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I would not necessarily attribute the unsolicited advice to his gender or occupation. I am female; when I brought my infant/toddler daughter outside with me 20 years ago, I would get a stream of unsolicited advice from other parents ("She should be wearing a jacket!" in 70º weather). I would have to agree that this all came from other women, but hey, it takes a village, right? I took it as an attempt to share wisdom, not as an attack on my parenting skills. Well, maybe not in the moment....
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@Rebecca L
"I would have to agree that this all came from other women"
What a total shock!
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@Rebecca L
Hahaha. I always wear a jacket in 70 degree weather. It's chilly! Especially in the shade. ;)
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