My husband and I always lived ‘paycheck to paycheck’ But his mantra was “I truly am rich — I just wish that I had $200 ‘walking around money’ “ Rich indeed!
48
An essay on the virtues of the ordinary...I’d take it more seriously if it wasn’t from a professor at Princeton teaching perhaps, dare I say it, extraordinary students!
68
Buddhism does not encourage people to STRIVE to be ‘good enough’, only to be. The middle way is less about glorifying a boring middle class life than a method of living authentically through mindfulness. If someone’s pure being produces greatness, which often occurs when people are clear headed, then so be it. Was the Buddha not great?
109
I would love to see one of the candidates for the 2020 election counter Trump's MAGA slogan with a Make America Kind Again, or Make America Tolerant Again or Make America Beautiful Again. That'd be good enough for me. Greatness is not achievable for most folks. They'll kill themselves trying to get there and be very unhappy in the process. I'd prefer to Make America Happy Again.
202
Splendid essay!
75
The desire for greatness can be an obstacle to our own potential?
Rubbish. Only a mediocre person would say that. Furthermore, only a mediocre person would reject the idea that there are people of incredible talent, genius in fact, who are greatness only waiting to happen, if only they apply themselves to realizing themselves. If there is one great theme in human history which should make us take pause, it's the fact that average people in all times in all places have demonstrated the most incredible genius for subverting the best minds, the best characters, dragging them down to the common level.
It's as if the human race is subject to an ugly and glaring homeostatic process: No sooner does a genius in this or that field appear than somehow the genius is killed or exiled or turns to drugs or commits suicide or goes mad or is just whittled down to a frustrating nothingness. When geniuses do succeed it's a nightmare of having their patience tried, as they are hemmed in, coopted, chained to this or that stricture. After centuries of evidence one cannot help but conclude the human race is its own worst enemy. Constantly people of exceptional talent appear, people capable of changing things for the better, enlightening the human race, but the average mentality seemingly in a fit of pique would prefer no advance simply because it itself was not capable of bringing forth the new ideas, strategies, inventions, etc.
If you cannot be great yourself, at least promote greatness.
42
As is said - Don't let perfect be the enemy of the good.
134
David Brooks wrote about something similar in 2015: https://www.nytimes.com/2015/05/29/opinion/david-brooks-the-small-happy-life.html (These days I am not liking DB's columns with their overgeneralizations of entire groups' sins, and his bemoaning over what I think are exaggerated and not the real ills of today's society.) I actually read that column in hard copy (likely a Sunday Times) and it is posted on my fridge, yellowed paper now. It changed my life; I became much happier, warmer, loving and grateful - and way less stressed. I am ok with others pursuing greatness but it's not for everyone.
42
Make America Good Enough Again!
45
When you realize you have enough, you are truly rich.
184
If good enough would be the universal rule the world would be the poorer for it.
There would be no America (the pilgrims left Europe because the wanted better) there would no cars (horse and buggy is good enough).
Those who strive for better, are the ones who made our world the way it is.
Be the best you can be is what makes successful people, and a better world
21
father, husband, son, good guy and the most interesting man in the world..to my dog. that's "great" enough for me.
151
Great leaders need great followers.
And it all fits. Great philosophy for the leaders, but just something “good enough” for the followers. Why bother attempting to reach beyond your grasp if you have no heaven to aspire to?
3
Top 5 Reader Picks comments on this article are all by women. Or with female-sounding names. It is "good enough" for me today!
15
Much of the divisiveness we see in politics is caused by the interaction between personal ambition and the hegemony we grant the winning side (somewhat muted in countries with separate executives and legislatures). If only politicians could be better recognized for just serving well, no matter their prominence, and that losing sides were granted more influence.
13
Notwithstanding the influence of Messrs Winnicott and Bettelheim, is it not possible that this "middle path" - or middling path - is just the mediocrity that smug conventionalism attempts to enforce upon society at every opportunity?
The middle class, who should cleave to "the good enough," has been decimated as they struggle to adapt to and fit in with the insidious erosion of their standard of living over the last thirty years.
Vlad Putin opined recently - in the Age of Trump - that "American exceptionalism is finished" (if it ever existed in the first place). Who is responsible for the "insidious erosion" of our exceptionalism - which we accept so passively now - I will leave to the judgement of the reader...
7
I recently attended a dinner with old friends from high school. We are all in our mid-50's. They each had magnificent tales of their world travels, their children getting a full ride at Ivy League schools, their election to public office, etc. I was sincerely interested in their lives, but I had nothing similar to contribute. I realized in the course of the evening that my triumphs are internal. I faced down and healed a lifelong depression after being diagnosed with cancer. I live in joy each day, knowing that I am a unique expression of a dazzling universe that is replete with wonders. I have a job that hopefully helps some people, but there is nothing overtly magnificent about it. I am a truly ordinary person, but my heart is filled with gratitude. I'd call that a good-enough life, indeed.
559
The ancient poem On the Nature of Things by Lucretius also espouses this philosophy very eloquently.
18
"Being good enough is not easy. It takes a tremendous amount of work to smile purely while waiting, exhausted, in a grocery line. Or to be good enough to loved ones to both support them and allow them to experience frustration. And it remains to be seen if we as a society can establish a good-enough relation to one another, where individuals and nations do not strive for their unique greatness, but rather work together to create the conditions of decency necessary for all."
This--this is the world that I want to live in, where we all strive to be good enough to one another, rather than great for ourselves.
239
Wow. This needed to be said. It especially needed saying in a publication like this, which devotes so many column inches on the doings of the rich and powerful.
We have lost the truth that was self-evident to earlier generations: most of us are ordinary, all of us are human and none of us can do it alone.
237
Reading this article made me fervently wish that our Congress could change the rules so that bottom lines would not be the only focus of corporations - that, somehow, other factors had to be in the equation - be these decent wages and benefits, fixed and reliable hours, worker pay to CEO pay ratios, environmental impact, modest pension resumption, humane working conditions, or even gold watches at retirement. Currently, the system is designed so that only the shareholder is considered. No Middle way is possible in this scheme - no "good enough".
92
"And it remains to be seen if we as a society can establish a good-enough relation to one another, where individuals and nations do not strive for their unique greatness, but rather work together to create the conditions of decency necessary for all."
No, it does not remain to be seen.
It's a basic collective action problem. Human beings, being human, can be selfish and greedy. Should a "good-enough" ethos spread, some will inevitably realize that by promoting it within their workplaces, and obtaining buy-in from a large cohort,they can get ahead by doing just the incremental bit more (so 10% increased effort for, say 50% increased compensation). Recognition of this strategem by the rank and file will result in "unwinding" of the good-enough trend.
1
"In this life," reflected Sarah, Duchess of Marlborough in an eighteenth-century letter to her grand-daughter, "I am satisfied there is nothing to be done but to make the best of what cannot be helped, to act with reason oneself and with a good conscience. And though that will not give all the joys some people wish for, yet it will make one very quiet."
From the introduction to the Witter Bynner translation of the Tao Te Ching.
24
It’s true that our quest for greatness brings about its own costs. This is because of the high expectations that go along with all that we have and have built in this world. The problem philosophy of good enough is that everyone seems to think that we could do with a little less and everyone could have good enough. I disagree with this argument. The reality is that this middle ground rarely exists. Good enough is wishful thinking with no practical or functional application for the greater society. We can individually be good enough but a society that strives for good enough will never be that.
7
I remember reading an Art Buchwald column about 30 years ago. The details are sketchy, but the gist of the article - the sentiment - was similar to the one presented here: good enough can be great. In Buchwalds's article, he is riding in a taxi with a friend. He tells the story of two women driving their cars who get into an accident at an intersection. A fender bender. Both get out of their cars. They hug each other; ask each other if they are OK. Say, I'm sorry. Buchwald ruminates on what he saw. He asks his friend: can such small acts of understanding, kindness, generosity - be enough to change our harried, quest-for-greatness, winner take all lives? In the grand scheme of things, can small acts of kindness - saying good morning to the cafeteria worker, fist-bumping the attendant at the market, smiling in the serpentine line at the DMV, gifting, not grifting - make a difference? Possibly lead to fundamental changes in people, in our society? Inch us forward together? Or was that pie-in-the sky? Buchwald's friend was skeptical. Art not so much. He believed in what's possible, decent, honest, humane.... What's good enough. And that, to purloin Frost, may make all of the difference.
74
just shy of 60 ive had good decades and bad ones. and i find myself asking "Is this all there is?"
7
Most of us think in terms of undefined success and quote aphorisms of "good enough" without realizing it, all the while worrying that we will not be great.
4
Nice article, thought provoking. Once a level of maturity is reached, the definition of achievement changes... as it should! Hopefully in a way that refines our less reflective aspirations during our younger days to a more principled, informed and wiser use of our energies as we look through the tunnel of mortality. As it is true that perfection is a futile objective, it is also true that the striving that is life, along with the ideals that come along with them, should not be forfeited. Keeping the fire.. a fire of some sort in the belly is so important for a vital and meaningful life.
5
I agree. In my experience, pursuing greatness *may* help make you great, but it can also make you quite bad. Pursuing good-enoughness usually does make you good-enough, and it occasionally even makes you great.
23
Very good article. The quest for greatness can indeed steal from us the meaning and true purpose of our aims and endeavors, both as individuals and as society. If people could be taught to cherish the good and small instead of the ego driven and grandiose, then maybe billionaires would be happy being millionaires, all government parties would focus on real issues, and everyone could have a fair share of the pie. Nice, good and normal is good enough, and if maintained over time, greatness itself.
12
"Good-enoughness" is a noble goal, and one supported by the deepest thinking throughout the ages. It is definitely not the same as mediocrity. In fact, striving toward an impossible and only vaguely envisioned goal tends to be a recipe for anxiety, heartbreak, and a sense of having failed in some way.
The Bhagavad Gita advises us to act, but not to be attached to the fruits of our actions.
Candide ends up watching his garden grow.
The high path to realization is in being a householder.
The rabbi tells us, he is rich who is content with what he has.
How much do we miss of the moment we are living because we are consumed with dreams of what we "should be?"
Call it mindfulness.
Call it a balanced life.
It can be attained only by being present.
Allow our "greatness" to be assessed by others, only don't take them too seriously.
Be a leader.
Be a follower.
Take your own path.
48
The "desire for greatness." What does that even mean?
An ultimate... something? Akin to godhood?
Do you seek some sort of control? That's an illusion, ultimately.
And how can this desire be harmful, when it is the core of the impetus to suffer all the things required to live a life that tends towards "good enough?"
And what is the true reason for espousing this philosophy, in this place, at this point in time? Cynically, it could be nothing more than the powerful, once again, foisting an idea that will make you willingly accept your place in their world.
Go home and think.
2
Some time ago an art instructor advised his students ( me included) to forget about becoming the "great" artist. Rather, take the risk of being yourself as an artist.
I believe that the strain for "greatness" can take you away from your singular path. This path is not a goal, it's real life.
To me the greatest sin is to keep a person from their "way", whether by cultural attitude, oppression, hatred, arrogance. How many human begins are denied their "risk" . In this whole planet we frequently perceive accomplishments as "great" But what of the human heart the follows it's path through all joys and sorrows. That is great, that is audacious. And sometimes changes the world for the better.
22
We very much need to develop a culture and mindset that cultivates humility and respect for other life forms besides our own. If each of us just tried to live more simply and do as little harm as possible, we would help both ourselves and the planet.
17
Avi, excellent piece. Would LOVE to read more philosophical op-eds from you. You've somewhat pinpointed the reason why I began studying sitar, aside from the fact that I love the sound of the instrument. From the moment I began studying, I knew that at best, I could MAYBE someday qualify myself as good enough (for now, I'm just mediocre). There is zero desire for greatness. What an ecstatic and liberating state of mind. I finally found a pursuit I do not have to pursue. There is no way I will ever measure up to sitar luminaries Ravi Shankar or Vilayat Khan. I learn it for the love of learning. And yet, I try my best. My sitar study offers me relief from the Sisyphean ambitions that plague modern Western perfectionists.
And my sitar practice is the one place where it doesn’t matter if I’m great. The more I play, the more I see: As good as I can be is good enough. Now, if only I can start to apply this mindset to other areas of my life. Today, I offered to help someone who needed help. Maybe this isn't just ordinary. Maybe it's good enough, which is far better than some unattainable "great."
11
I learned to listen from my dad. He taught me to be kind to others, remember the people going up in your career,
they will catch you as you fall.
Let those who tell you different are not worth the effort.
Let your friends be your joy, your children be your lasting
effort and bring love and joy to those in your heart.
10
I was telling my high school age son something similar (though not as eloquently) just a couple of nights ago after one of his his classmates committed suicide this past weekend.
It’s ok to be who you are. You don’t have to be anything else.
50
But Middlemarch is said to be the greatest novel ever written, the point of greatest development in that particular literary form. This author’s essay on the other hand is merely good enough, sufficient for inclusion in today’s paper. Despite the validity of the author’s point the shortcomings of this stance is all too apparent.
5
@Chuffy
Nope.
Shortcomings only if you buy into Mother Culture's definition of greatness as superior, out of scale with the true needs of the Earth and those of us living on it.
5
I don’t know where the idea came from, but it’s not true that you can be whoever you want to be or do whatever you want to do. Or, that you can have it all. These are unrealistic expectations and are part of the reason that many people feel like they’re “not living up to their potential” as they used to say on school report cards.
There’s no right way to do life. Some people come into the world and have a pretty good idea of their life’s work from an early age. Some people get into relationship and then have the necessary grounding to find satisfying work. Some people have job success before they tackle relationship. Many people just work to make enough money to do something soul-satisfying in their spare time. Some are late-bloomers. Some take delight in their families; some never have children but have a life filled with travel, good friends, community and good deeds. And, the truth is, that there are those who, for any number of reasons, come into this life at a disadvantage from the get-go and experience a lot of struggle and hardship their entire lives. The soul’s journey is a mystery.
Life is difficult. I think the point is to be connected and at some stage of happiness and peace so that when hard times come, there’s a support system in place to help you through it. We are relational beings and I believe we fare better when we’re connected to others. The last thing I’ll say is that money may make life easier, but it certainly can’t guarantee happiness!
36
I confess:
I want my surgeon to be absolutely perfect!
I want people who teach me skills to be above average.
I want my health and much of my material life to be good enough.
And I never, ever will tell my spouse he is just “good enough”—and he had better never say it to me!
196
@Jean
I had a rock star surgeon from a well regarded university hospital look at a stubborn, necrotizing wound on my leg. He brought his groupies in with him, he belittled me and did not provide very competent care (in fact, advice that spread the infection). Most people would assume he had achieved "greatness" by the place of his work, the vast amount of research he published, the doctors striving to learn from him, but his care was absolutely sub-par. I ended up getting the best care from a really competent surgeon at a community hospital who had no followers, no research I could find, but diagnosed and treated my leg so effectively. He was respectful, took time and had years of experience under his belt. He most likely would not be considered "great" within his profession, but his "good enough" status provided me WAY better care.
484
@Al
So your “rock star” surgeon definitely was NOT perfect!
So glad you found a surgeon who actually WAS a great clinician!
42
@Al
We used to have Primary Care doctors; what happened to them? Perhaps they have formed groups connected to hospital facilities? We used to have Community Health Centers, no longer funded; they served walk ins and gave good basic care. Reagan was the end of that in CA, and later in his WH administration. He was always a corporate tool; he was not a great Governor or a great President. He has been hyped by a GOP desperate to find some icon to replace Lincoln. The Democrats gave us FDR and Social Security; Truman and Medicare, LBJ got voting rights all citizens, including black citizens. Obama insured 22M people through the ACA, battled against the GOP to the SC where the GOP lost. They have not given up the fight, still bringing Hobby Lobby cases. Eisenhower gave us the inter-State hwy system. What would he think of Mitch McConnell et al who don't want to maintain it?
78
In its original vision, The American Dream closely paralleled this good enough ideal. Those willing to study and work hard would be rewarded with steady work, a home, a car, etc. It’s only recently that this Dream has been perverted into the quest for easy money, gold-plated excess and separation from our fellow citizens.
(Note: Many immigrants are living the “old” American Dream in the U.S. today by studying things such as science & engineering and occupying well-paying, good-enough jobs in those fields.)
20
In a conspicuous consumption society, there is much to be said for the “good enough” philosophy.
A moderately priced, durable brand of car—especially if one can buy with cash, not debt—should be “ good enough” for more of us.
More frequent home cooked meals, with good ingredients, should be “good enough”.
Classic clothes that will last for years should be “ good enough” to keep and not excessively add to. And some purchases at resale shops also help. ( “Reduce, reuse, recycle”).
35
@Jean if you have excellent credit there is no need to use your own money, and no down payment is required either. Many new cars can be purchased with zero percent interest under 3-4 year payments. Why take your own cash out of long term investments that appreciate in value (over the long haul) over a vehicle purchase that depreciates over time?
That is how I bought my own two new cars over the past 20 years.
1
Would it be a good enough maxim to say: “ Do enough, be enough, give enough” — rather than have more than enough.
19
I appreciated this essay, since from time to time I think about the issue of “greatness”.
In my opinion, greatness (at least in the conventional way of understanding it – extreme achievement, talent, fame, prestige, money) is an extreme and as such always comes at a cost. Greatness in one area often means deficit in another. A lot of our “strides forward” are made by people who sacrifice personally in other areas.
I think there is a lot to be said for an “average” life well-lived. A life lived responsibly, with kindness, where a person strives to be fair, work hard, and be considerate of others along the way.
I’ve often thought there should be a show which features people who have been good to others- not in any extraordinary way, but in a “real life”, everyday sort of way – a kind of “Local Hero” sort of show. So much of our media, particularly media directed at children and young people, seem to hold up examples of people who “win” by making a lot of money or becoming famous, without a lot of questions about the ethics involved or the quality of leading that kind of life day to day. Holding up more average people as heroes could go a long way towards sending the message that there is value or “greatness” in living a “good enough” life.
We are a country of such extremes! There is so much pressure on people to excel all the time. I think it’s quite worthwhile to explore the idea that being a decent, kind and responsible person is its’ own sort of greatness!
35
Hooray for school librarians!
12
Seems like the Scandinavians, and many countries in the EU, have already embraced this. What they seem to be collectively finding is that a “good enough” life across many areas is happier and more fulfilling than either narrow greatness or the constant struggle to be great in every domain. The words are anathema to the American ear, of course, but the underlying ideas are actually quite sensible.
48
Good essay. It's not the best ever written, but it's fine and it does the job.
26
Good comment! Very funny! Certainly not the best on the page but not bad.
16
Unfortunately the " good enough" world will not take hold until the " greatness" society crashes and burns. And at that point we will see if there is anything left to build the good enough world upon. There are too many nations with too much power that are built on a philosophy of " greatness", which is embedded in our religions, family structure, schooling etc. to allow the " good enough " world to succeed.
4
Part of the “good enough” life involves having the compassion to make simple statements of empathy to people we encounter.
For example: It is easy to notice and praise the checkout counter employee handling a huge rush of customers. A comment like “you seem so fast at your work, and so patient with customers.”
37
Do you remember Jack Nicholson’s comment in the movie of the same name:
“What if this is ‘as good as it gets’”
“What if” indeed.
It can be.
In the Yoga Sutras, one of the ethical foundations is “Santosha” (roughly, contentment - not the contentment of the grave, but the letting go of the need for more, the sense of contentment one feels when this moment is as full as it can possibly be - ‘as good as it gets.’
A friend of mine teaches “mini-meditations”- “glimpses” of such contentment.
One afternoon, a plumber came to his apartment. The plumber had been going through a particularly rough spell in his life. My friend led him through an exercise for just a few minutes, imagining what it would be like just to pretend, at that moment, he had no problems.
To truly imagine, “What would it be like, at this very moment, to let go, in my mind, of any sense of “problems to solved.”
Shortly after the “glimpse” exercise was over, the plumber was astonished - he felt better than he had in months. His “problems” weren’t “solved” - they were reimagined. This moment, in other words, was “good enough.”
And yes, that can be “as good as it gets.”
(Loch Kelly has a number of these “glimpse” exercises in his excellent book, “Shift Into Freedom” - and no, I don’t get anything - monetarily - from recommending this)
8
I've often attributed my happiness in life to the fact that I never wanted to be in the spotlight, nor to be the best, the headliner - I want to do a good job, to do what I can, but not to the point where it stops me from having a good life.
It's worked well. I've got a very good job, I actually do very much stand out in my work, work a bit too much, but mostly because I do enjoy much of my job. I don't expect to love all of it. And that balanced expectation, that desire to do what I can without measuring up to being "the best" really is a good thing. I'm still competitive, I love to win - when I can. But I don't expect to.
16
"other life forms, each seeking its own path toward good-enoughness."
How exactly dogs, lions and flowers are seeking their own paths toward good-enoughness? How do we know that they choose good-enoughness over seeking greatness in their lives? Are there studies on the subject?
Beautiful essay, and very wise.
thank you Avram, the essay judges, and the Times.
4
One of my favorite quotes is from a Lousie Penny novel in which Gamache is looking at a grave marker which states simply "He led a small, simple life" I strive to achieve such a life daily and am quite happy doing so. Many times the "sidekick" or secoond in command is the true hero.
3
In my 6th decade I find myself to be a radical "middle-of-the-roader". I'm glad to see that there are some philosophical underpinnings for my tendency to stay away from the extreme. More knowledge, more skepticism.
7
"Shoot for the moon, even missed you'll land among the stars."
Without average how to identify great?
" Some are born great, some achieve greatness, and some have greatness thrust upon them."
"D"s get degrees.
I'm so average that I have to try for perfection to obtain GE.
1
That’s a good enough approach to life once you’ve reached your sixties.
8
If one wants to be truly noble, he/she should strive for greatness yet remain satisfied with the good-enough life if greatness is never achieved. To never even try to be great is an easy cop-out.
7
Our world and its language is predominantly dichotomous: A this but not that proposition. From childhood were confronted with the dilemma of achieving greatness. When it comes to the contest between adequate and great, we engage in the dangerous need of personal superiority. The first step is to exclude love, the first casualty of a competitive society: Even if you, by nature, don't aspire to greatness, how will you avoid being lorded over by those who do?
3
Let's cut through the verbiage and call it what it is: "let's aspire to mediocrity."
1
At some point in your life, in having “greatness” as your Muse, have you had to admit that “enough is enough” and still felt fulfilled and satisfied?
3
This is the best thing I've read in the NYT Opinion pages in years. I honestly don't have anything specific to add or point to, mostly just publicly appreciating it.
I will mention that most criticism seems to be knee-jerk responses that have more to do with the modern obsession with success and winning than the actual article at hand. I don't see any evidence the author doesn't want people to try to do things well. (He entered the essay into a contest, after all, presumably in the hopes he'd win.)
58
Well said, Shirley!
7
Please share this with contemporary young editors in the whiz-bang publishing world and the even more frantic universe of internet "written content". Even better, bring Saul Alinsky, Peter Marin and Dorothy Day back from the dead - at least in our hearts and actions.
4
Tricky to live in an "enough" state... squeezed middle class, for one. If you're not aspiring to "be rich" or the best of the best, you're "a loser." Over several decades and now generations, we've become a society of extremes, haves-haven'ts, rich-poor, smartest-dumbest, winners-losers. Sad. Time for changes.
2
Seek not to be great but seek the great. The difference lies in rejecting a solipsistic striving and the love contained in the maxim: Anyone who wants to be first must be the very last, and the servant of all.
On the human level, if Beethoven Mozart and Einstein sought “enough,” we’d all be the poorer.
Or who was that bloke early hunter who, sick of dragging his slain mamoth parts across the ground, thought of the WHEEL?
3
Lovely piece. But I find the last paragraph muddy. Try diagramming those sentences.....I know, I know, nobody diagrams anymore, but still....I was brought up short in that concluding paragraph.
2
superb
2
I’m Nobody! Who are you?
Are you – Nobody – too?
Then there’s a pair of us!
Don’t tell! they’d advertise – you know!
How dreary – to be – Somebody!
How public – like a Frog –
To tell one’s name – the livelong June –
To an admiring Bog!
Emily Dickinson (1830-1886)
https://www.poets.org/poetsorg/poem/im-nobody-who-are-you-260
41
Unless you can say, "I have enough," you're not free. Another point I've considered since retirement has made me free of clocks: How do you fill all the time in a day? How much of our Western civilization has been the result of people just finding something to do to fill time once their basic survival is assured?
12
Greatness is often used loosely in our daily chats, but if the author means perfection by it, then it's better to leave it as an attribute of God alone( as in the Islamic chant Allahu Akbar, meaning God Is Great).
Or if you are a secular person like me, you might find support in the long-cultivated Japanese aesthetic concepts called wabi and sabi. Shaped by Zen Buddhism, they refer to cherishing the old, worn out, shabby, illformed, chipped, asymmetrical and incomplete things as a conscious reminder in our lives that no matter what we strive for , perfection is impossible, and so it's better to work steadily and diligently for experiences of satisfaction. In the process , we might actually end up creating things of beauty that others might even start calling great.
The 13th-century Zen aesthete Yoshida Kenko articulated the idea best by asserting that the partially hidden moon is more beautiful than the full one, a frayed fabric( precursor to our contemporary ripped jeans?), is more beautiful than one intact, and that an encyclopedia set with a missing volume is more valuable than the full series.
Japanese society surely knows a thing or two about producing "great" things, not in spite of such teachings but perhaps because of them.
14
To settle. To strive for good enough, relax, and be happy with what you have. Why is that frowned on, treated as bad, even unamerican ? Other than the creature and his Collaborators, I have few real complaints. Maybe I’m just tired and finally getting older, but enough Drama. It’s almost spring.
Here Comes The Sun. Amen.
22
@Phyliss Dalmatian
You are describing someone who knows how to experience “contentment”.
Personally, I think ability to recognize when one can and is content=one of the secrets to happiness in life.
10
"Greatness" is a very subjective concept. Everyone should strive to be a decent human being. Wouldn't that be great?
32
Rarely do I encounter ideas that are novel and unique. This is one.
What we are all after is happiness. Money, sex, achievement and acclaim--all are simply means to being happy. Rather than saying more of x will make me happy, a greater acceptance of what we might already we have, gratitude, is a truer path to happiness than more of x. It's not to say we can't strive to achieve, but it's the notion of balancing achievement and wanting more with acceptance and gratitude.
19
"To laugh often and much; to win the respect of intelligent people and affection of children; to learn the appreciation of honest critics and endure the betrayal of false friends; to appreciate beauty; to find the best in others; to leave the world a little bit better, whether by a healthy child, a garden patch, or a redeemed social condition; to know even one life has breathed easier because you have lived. This is to have succeeded."
(Attributed variously to Ralph Waldo Emerson or Bessie Stanley.)
Often attributed to Ralph Waldo Emerson, it is an adaptation of a poem published in 1905 by Bessie Stanley.
12
Ironically, I often answer "good enough" the question "how are you?" It's just how I feel; no philosophy involved. And yes, I have ambitions but I'm also realistic. When I moved to US, I was almost shocked that people asked me "how are you" while passing me by before I opened my mouth. I even asked my boss not to ask me this.
"Why?" He wondered.
"Because I tell," was my answer.
6
I FIND IT SURPRISING And gratifying that Avram Alpert has alluded to he psychoanalytic theory of Winnicott whose work has to do with how humans achieve attachment to each other. Then to apply Winnicott's theory to the character of a culture, thereby attaching to it philosophical stature, is a startling, yet fascinating happenstance. You see, psychoanalysis had been discarded by the US in favor of rat and pigeon training psychology, a la BF Skinner. It is a relief to see human learning differentiated from that of other species that cannot be described as "sapiens" or wise. What I find missing is a bit of 60s hippy philosophy about the yin and the yang, the balance sought in Buddhist beliefs. Especially the feature of the yin yang symbol where there is a dot of black in the white part and a dot of white in the black part. About the just good enough society, I think that we fail miserably in the US, since what we politically are forced to accept that a toxic environment that is slaughtering the planet is good for humans. The denial of global change by science deniers, who echo the philosophy if the KKK, will prove to be our undoing, if not the end of living organisms on planet Earth. From our vantage point as the #2 global polluter, we'd better struggle to achieve a good enough environmental policy that will permit humans to continue to survive as a species. In this situation, the philosophical takes us to the realm of the existential: the being of life on planet Earth!
5
Time for a new slogan: Make America Adequate Again.
12
If you run, you’ve got my vote.
4
I recently looked at the crypt of a very accomplished professor at Cambridge (England). After a typical listing of his academic achievements was carved, highlighted in red: “A magnanimous man”.
The relationship between goodness and greatness is inconsistent at best. This has never been clearer than during the last two years, when we went from a plainly good man in the White House to the sociopath, bigot, and sex offender who now resides there.
I will never achieve greatness in any form, but as I have reminded myself almost daily since seeing that crypt, I can be a magnanimous man.
962
@Richard Williams MD
I don’t know what specialty you practice.
But if you are a good and accurate physician, if you see patients quickly when they have emergencies, if you communicate clearly and respectfully to the entire family of patients: Then you are a GREAT person for your patients and relatives to have in their lives.
86
Mr. Alpert: I take it you're not a big fan of the movie "Whiplash": "There are no two words in the English language more harmful than 'good job'."
1
@Jay Orchard
The idea that there is anything wrong with doing things "good enough" has given us record levels of mood disorders (anxiety, depression), skyrocketing ADHD diagnoses (and the consequent prescriptions, seen by too many parents and students as necessary to keep up with the other kid with the fraudulent diagnoses the next desk over).
Meanwhile, we're so besotted with our own awesomeness as a culture that we can't wrap our heads around the fact that something bigger than us (the global climate) is revolting, and we need to change our behaviors, and get used to "enough" for awhile, to have any hope of getting through it with anything resembling a society remaining.
10
If you look at life as a progression you have to be good enough before you become great.
3
All I could think of, when I read this story, was Barack Obama. Hope and change. My interpretation has always been, if you hope really hard, you will have change.
Why didn't he say, "Work for change." My answer would be, if you work hard to better to better yourself and persevere, you will be better. That of course, limits the involvement of the government. That would be antithetical to liberals and socialists.
I agree, perfect is the enemy of good. However, when I think of what America has accomplished, sometimes, good enough is not good enough. If Apollo 11 had landed on the Moon, but failed to return the astronauts, would it be good enough? If the D-Day invasion only landed half of the 157,000 allied troops, would that have been good enough?
Perfect is rarely achieved on the first go. Perfect is like building a house. What ever the first step is, it can't be the last. You can stand on a piece of land, building permit in hand and say, "That's good enough". No roof. No utilities. No big screen tv.
In widely-cited studies by Economics Nobel Laureates Daniel Kahneman and Angus Deaton, it was reported that happiness leveled off beyond a salary of $75.000. We may quibble about the exact figure of $75K but it is true that beyond a "good-enough" salary, all we end up doing is accumulate stuff we don't need to impress people we don't even like. Yes, we must strive but within reason and proportion by focusing on those values that mean most to us. In the Islamic tradition, we believe that smiling at strangers is charity, a belief undoubtedly shared by others. One way to achieve the "good-enough" life is to rid ourselves of the addiction to the small screen and take joy in such "ordinary" events as birdsongs and the wind whispering through the willows.
61
This is lovely. Thank you.
5
I appreciated this wonderful essay. Many in this culture strive for "greatness" which in this culture, seems to mean having more than others or being famous. Money and fame do not bring happiness; happiness comes from contributing to the world. That can come from starting a business, raising a child, doing the best job that you can, making someone smile, easing someone's burden, making a wonderful piece of art, or starting a foundation. The idea of "greatness" inevitably depends on other people thinking that you are "great". Depending on others' opinions for happiness is a recipe for misery.
16
In the various upscale supermarkets people even there are rushing around, charging with their carts like madmen. People are charging ahead to get in lines for the cashier.
Why the rush, to go where, why can't people enjoy shopping for food, it is a great experience, and a great honor to have the money and the choice of fine foods.
An agitated woman waiting behind me on a very long slow line asked me if I was a doctor, I said, no but I do have a lot of patience.
48
"Via media." How wonderful and healthy that would be for this nation now to live by as a general rule instead of, by and large, polarized extremism and excess as a measure of success. How weary and unsettled we've become as a result ... domestically and in the world! Trusting there's enough to go around rather than in the bother of scarcity ... an effective fear tactic ... and the lie of having to dominate probably are at the root of this middle way of "good enough" for the "good life." And to deny this: Oh how awful it is, we are often told and tell our children, to be average and satisfied with that.
The comments and wonderful insight here by Alpert couldn't be more timely. As is said, "A word to the wise should be sufficient."
5
A Chinese friend of mine gave me a bar of soap as a gift a few years back. Stamped into it was one of the definitions for happiness............three symbols meaning.........a little land to work, something to wear and something to eat.
The requirements for happiness are so simple.
33
To quote Harry Lime: "In Italy for thirty years under the Borgias, they had warfare, terror, murder, bloodshed – they produced Michelangelo, Leonardo da Vinci and the Renaissance.
In Switzerland they had brotherly love, five hundred years of democracy and peace – and what did that produce…? The cuckoo clock."
5
@mijosc
And yet which society is happier and healthier today? Which country would you rather your children be born in?
9
@mijosc
I'll take a decent society for the vast majority of citizens over war and "innovation" any day.
5
Kudos. Your column wasn't great but it was good enough.
15
The American zeitgeist is the antithesis of that put forth in Mr. Alpert's column. We are a nation of moderately-depressed zombie consumers, brainwashed by the advertising, entertainment and fashion industries - to name a few - into thinking that life is nothing without endless acquisition, achievement and accolade.
37
@thebigmancat
Hmmm, when my TV died 2 years ago I never replaced it. I have Netflix, Amazon Prime, Acorn, BritBox and HBO. ALL without commercials.
I read more and watch what I want, when I want.
Life is better without advertising.
11
Voltaire: "Le mieux est l'ennemi du bien"
"The perfect is the enemy of the good."
32
I've started applying this philosophy to parenting. When I was a new parent, I was obsessed with getting everything perfect, and it was exhausting and stressful, and frankly worked against what I was ultimately trying to achieve (a good life for my kid).
I send my kids to a "good enough" school. We considered some elite private ones, but the expense and immense time commitment was very stressful to take on.
They do "enough" activities, which means they don't do everything I'm tempted to sign them up for.
We feed them food that is "healthy" enough. Making everything from scratch ended up being untenable in our busy lives.
And so on.
The trade off is that mom and dad are way less stressed out then they used to be--and hence ultimately better parents. My kids have enough downtime to not be stressed or anxious. Moreover, we have enough time in our day to teach kids about being good community members, instilling ethics, taking joy in the moment, learning to do things for themselves. Before, it used to be rush rush rush rush to everything and we didn't have time for the little lessons in life or letting kids take 15 min to puzzle through a minor problem on their own.
My friends are still on the fast track with their kids. The kids are "exceptional" in their early accomplishments, I guess. However, their behavior and sense of being a contributing member to a family or community are lacking.
60
@Itsy
I have a number of friends with kids, and I'm starting to see a definite trend that the ones who were pushed to be "great" and "never settle" are the ones who tend to be on psych meds by sometime in high school at the latest, suffering from various combinations of anxiety, depression, and ADHD.
There are exceptions, and this is my own purely anecdotal experience, of course, but I suspect it's not pure coincidence. It's almost like our primary goal as a society is to create the market for the drugs we've discovered the past few decades.
17
@Shirley0401 Agreed. And sometimes it feels to me that our primary goal of parenting has morphed into creating kids that excel at all costs, with "community" being there to serve them; rather than trying to raise happy and productive members of society that take seriously their role in contributing to a community.
19
@Itsy I feel you 100% here! I have two younger kids and really try to apply this philosophy to parenting. I have three goals I would like for my kids: For them to be honest, hard working and kind. That is it. Whatever they end up doing with their lives, if they are those things, I will be so proud.
22
Obtaining fulfillment through living the good-enough life is a worthy goal but it's hard to imagine how any greatness can be achieved if there is no desire to do so. Unless of course you are suggesting that not achieving greatness is the price we should all be willing to pay in order for us to become a society where all of us "work together to create the conditions of decency necessary for all." If you are, please remember that "creating the conditions of decency necessary for all" itself requires greatness by some, e.g. finding cures and vaccinations for diseases.
2
@Jay Orchard
Your assumption seems to be that no intellectual, technological, or social advancement is possible without individual or collective striving for greatness. But this is an ideological position, and one that there is little in the historical record to support this notion.
Many of the world's most significant (and indeed, "greatest") achievements have been made by people not at all aiming for greatness, but rather for marginal improvement, or even from accidents that happened as a matter of routine course or while pursuing a different outcome. While there have always been some who strove to upend the world and change everything, many more people focused on solving small, immediate problems and mysteries, and changed history as an unintended consequence.
Indeed, many of the people we hold out as great in history were of the opinion that striving for such greatness was detrimental to accomplishing anything and recommended humility and a focus on the immediate elements of life.
We bestow on them and their achievements greatness in retrospect as we enjoy the downstream benefits, but striving for greatness more frequently than not had nothing at all to do with it.
8
@Jay Orchard
Einstein, who merits consideration as one of the "greatest" minds of the 20th century, is attributed as suggesting we “strive not to be a success, but rather to be of value.” I'm with him.
7
@Cormac
Yes! A corollary to life is what happens when you are busy making other plans. "Greatness" itself cannot be a goal unto itself... It's like being famous for being famous.
Not that everyone who is seen to have achieved greatness arrived there by their own legitimate accomplishments (e.g. Edison vs. Tesla), but a goal of greatness sounds more like megalomania than anything else.
Beautiful article.
2
My mom has always said she wants written on her tombstone "Good Enough" and I used to really judge her for settling for good enough, but as I've gotten older and, maybe, a little wiser I've started to understand the beauty in this concept. It doesn't mean settling, it's more like an acknowledgement that perfection is unattainable and subjective.
24
When visiting Sweden years ago, I learned that a concept called lagom was central to their culture. The word can be translated as “good enough,” “just enough,” or “the right or appropriate amount,” and the concept is about seeking things in moderation, avoiding excess, and exercising self-restraint but not sacrifice, denial, or deprivation.
I have sometimes pondered how much of a role this notion, particularly when combined with other cultural ideas about sharing (like allemansrätten, the notion that people have a right to access exterior private property as long as they don’t disturb or destroy anything), played in their transformation from a marginal, impoverished backwater to one of the most civil and comfortable societies in the world in the space of a century or two.
Indeed, it seems to me that one way of viewing contemporary societal anxiety in Sweden (low compared to most countries, but higher than in the past) is that there came a point in which their success was so celebrated as an achievement of greatness that they began to see change as a fall from grace and fear it. Concepts of greatness always seem to rely on a certain nostalgia for a mythic once and future existence—a kind of determination to redeem past sorrow or restore lost glory. Even young people dreaming of greatness are fired by this need to reverse parental or peer judgements (real and imagined) or restore family fortunes and honor.
4
During my thirties I underwent a mid-life crisis related to feeling like I wasn't good enough. This led me -- just as the article teaches -- to seek personal value from the approval of others rather than in the internal world of self-satisfactions. Once I realized that I was fine just the way I was, then I could get down to the ordinary business of "good enough" self-improvement.
9
@Kip Leitner
"This led me -- just as the article teaches -- to seek personal value from the approval of others rather than in the internal world of self-satisfactions."
I really don't think Mr. Alpert said or recommended that. Seeking connection is not the same as tying estimation of your value to the approval of others. Indeed, the unquenchable need for the approval of others is precisely what drives many, of not most, obsessions with achieving greatness.
4
How to rid humans of equating the acquisition of too much personal wealth with personal worth...maybe some things like these: (a highly simplistic synopsis, for sure)
Few of us need as much as we have--of food, clothing, furniture, jewels, children, books, vehicles, toys, and on and on; you get the picture.
A (para) phrase from the play "Hair" provides succinct guidance: Be honest, be free, just try not to hurt anybody.
An idea whose time has come: Universal Guaranteed Basic Income for all.
5
If humanity can manage to be good enough to come together, each and every human being, to save the only home we have as the human race, and to save it for every other living thing as well, that would paradoxically become the greatest achievement of humankind.
But whether we are good enough to put aside our selfish obsessions with achieving individual or national "greatness"--in whatever form they may take--is highly questionable.
Time will tell.
9
@Jan
>>
But whether we are good enough to put aside our selfish obsessions with achieving individual or national "greatness"--in whatever form they may take--is highly questionable.
>>
I couldn't agree more. Sadly, I have to admit I don't like our chances.
Excellent piece. Mr Alpert shows the wisdom of a modern-day philosopher - and he has expert writing craft to explain his thinking in a thoughtful yet interesting way to others.
I hope to see more, because, as an advocate for common sense, I find myself often battling for the middle way (and yes, battling for peace can be very confusing and solitary-feeling!)
7
The insistence on perfection and excellence only was one reason we finally left the SF Bay Area. “Good enough-ness” was not allowed or even recognized. If you wanted to live in the “middle lane,” you were considered a failure. As we did not work in tech and we were not under the age of 30, and since we didn’t own a house and could never buy one, it was easy to decide to get out and do it. We were living under those imperatives but found there was no reason to keep torturing ourselves with comparisons, hopes and dreams we didn’t share, and snide criticism and shame heaped on us by professional colleagues - many of whom who were in tech and under 30. It was possible to be good to good-enough some 30 years ago when we both moved to the Bay Area. Today? Impossible. Happy to no longer be there under that pressure, being compelled to keep playing that game.
18
The American dream is basically "good enough." Owning a modest house, living in a safe neighborhood, having a decent job, able to send kids to decent schools, and a modest vacation once a year is all most people want. We all don't need a mercedes or yacht, but there are so many people who are willing to deny us this "Good enough" life.
58
@cheddarcheese
Sadly, I am not convinced that what you describe is what most people envision as the American dream today. Most people I meet describe the American dream as becoming a mogul, complete with private jets, private islands, celebrity friends, cutting edge tech toys, endless fit romantic partners, etc. Perverse and debased? Perhaps, but what so many today fill their dreams with.
7
@Cormac there is plenty of research out there to tell us what the American dream is to those 18 years and older. And it is NOT what you said, it is not materialistic. Here are some links, and only the beginning of what is available to read about the American Dream:
https://www.resilience.org/stories/2014-07-02/what-does-the-american-dream-mean-today/
http://www.pewresearch.org/fact-tank/2018/09/11/latinos-are-more-likely-to-believe-in-the-american-dream-but-most-say-it-is-hard-to-achieve/
https://www.businessinsider.com/millennials-baby-boomers-gen-x-define-the-american-dream-2018-7
It is what chedddarcheese said.
6
Maximization, along with tribalization (another conversation) is one of the human traits which may lead to our demise as a species if we are not careful. As economic conservatives are quick to point out, capitalism has lifted more people out of poverty than any other economic system ever. That's fine as far as it goes, but everything comes at a cost, in the case of unrestrained capitalism, environmental degradation and extreme income inequality can lead to catastrophic results in the long term. Capitalism as we know it, based on infinite growth and resource consumption is obviously unsustainable. In the words of the late, great Edward Abbey, “Growth for the sake of growth is the ideology of the cancer cell.”
27
My mom was a good-enough mother. In the '60s and '70s, as a single mom of four children, she worked as a secretary and held us together. She never felt heroic. And she was not merely great, but The Greatest. Edythe Bernath Ogg, 1927-2000.
58
The problem here is of confusing ideals and expectations. "Those who work in the world cannot do so without standards and rules...skilled craftsmen are able to comply with these standards naturally; unskilled craftsmen, even if they are unable to comply with them naturally, will still surpass themselves if they follow them in their work." --Mozi
Standards, or models, should be as flawless as possible. And inevitably they will not be matched perfectly. We are discomforted by the expectation, not by the striving.
3
A good essay to live a life without the fear of not becoming good enough. It must be clear that we should live the roles we have in the planet and do it consciously for the greater good. Materialism drives us into paths that lead people to think that billionaires are better than middle class people. It is our duty to alienate from such ideas so we can live every day enjoying the role we have, all are equally important.
5
If I had to choose a symbol for this it would be the bell curve.
1
This “good enough” approach to life was presented to me by a counselor long ago when he was explaining to me the reason why my late husband was driven to suicide. The striving for greatness and being exceptional that drives so many in our society is a recipe for unhappiness and suffering. Buddha had it right when he taught about “The Middle Way”. The elevation of the individual at the expense of the many, the insatiable quest for “more” (power, money, fame) keeps us from being content,makes us crazy and contributes to social inequality.
1092
I like this essay because it provides a target that is achievable by most of us rather than one that may be more inspiring but doomed to disappointment. For me being successful is a desire to keep learning and improving throughout your life. Perfection is unachievable. Being a bit better, learning from our failures and successes and trying to improve, is achievable. And our society benefits as well.
536
@Fred Van Deusen
Well said - when we had religion, we were told that perfection is an aspect of the Divine. We were told to aspire to be better; but to have the humility to accept that we are human.
We have lost sight of that.
48
@NameNotFound I don't mean to undercut your point (truly), but this is exactly why I became disillusioned with religion: congregants were encouraged to aspire to be better but once outside the church doors were all too willing to accept being human without such aspiration (or humility).
15
My husband and I have been trying to live by this sentiment for the past 20 years. We call it "enoughing". it is not antithetical to ambition. Matter of fact, if your ambition it to be your best self, or to make a meaningful contribution to society, then enoughing and ambition are pieces of the same whole. One caveat however, is that we often feel we are swimming against the stream of modern society. Sometimes this can be exhilarating, but sometimes it is flat out exhausting. Otherwise, it has been a guiding principle for our life choices, and one I can highly recommend.
581
@Mary Jo Hoffman
Your comment reminded me of a story of two men who graduated from the same high school. One of them went to college and graduate school and became a professor, making a professor's salary. The other went out and became a billionaire in the business world.
At a reunion, the two got together, and the billionaire was boasting about all the things he had accomplished and was able to buy with his billions. The professor said, "I have something that you will never have." The billionaire said, "How can that be? I can buy anything with the money I have. What do you have that I will never have?" The professor answered, "I have enough."
405
@Mary Jo Hoffman
Good for you and your husband!
That's how I've lived my life too. I never had a name for it -" enoughing" is a good one. Others have tried to insinuate that I wasn't as ambitious as " I should be". Should be by their standards not mine.
I've made enough money to satisfy both my needs and my caprices and I've enjoyed and am still enjoying my life.
If anyone gets too insistent or strident that I should live my life to suit them - out they go from my life.
But it's nice to read some of these comments too.
60
@Mary Jo Hoffman
I strongly agree.
When I was in my 20s, I used to hike with an older friend who often took our walks as an opportunity for more or less philosophical discussions. One day he asked what I thought I'd have to have in order to think I had "made it" in life. I thought for a bit and told him I didn't think what I had would mark whether I'd made it, but what I was doing--for a living, in my life, etc. (My first wife, the MBA, hated this story.)
34
Having millions of dollars is not good enough for some people - they need billions. Capitalism is not the problem; greedy capitalism is. If billionaires like Bezos and Schultz paid their employees a living wage so that they could afford to take out a mortgage for a home, etc, we would all be in a good enough place.
632
@DA Mann
When the Paris accords were signed, those present realized that if the goals were met, there would not be enough resources on this planet to meet all countries' development goals. For both, 4 or 5 planets would be needed, and there is only one. We must learn what a sustainable planet requires of us, so that each being will have "enough." At the least, it will appear to radically lower the "standard of living" for some. "Enough" for all who live will be a retrenchment - but an achievement that can truly be called "great."
75
@DA Mann, both Liz warren and Bernie Sanders are striving to do just that - giving employees a living wage so that they can afford a home.... We have to give them a chance. It is time.
49
@DA Mann I think Schultz has tried to give his employees good benefits. I include part-time employees. It's a common practice now to have businesses and colleges/universities use part-time employees and independent contractors, often using this as a basis for not giving them benefits. I believe Schultz has eschewed this in favor of treating employees with due respect. I give him credit for treating his employees equitably.
26
"neither too materialistic nor too ascetic" resonated and helped me envision the good enough "middle path". I enjoyed the essay, and its reinforcement that we can be each be empowered, by taking small actions, to improve our society. A personal goal/guidance I've been trying to live up to is to each day do at least one completely unnecessary kind act for a stranger (see the smile in the grocery line). Im not there yet - but when I meet the goal, it sure feels good.
325
@Ken Bariahtaris: A quote I like, "Happiness is the place between too much and too little." I've found this to be true.
29
Thoughtful and inspiring article. Greatness is not just a subjective concept; when applied to the individual, it is a recipe for never-ending anxiety. But a smile for a stranger; an encouraging word to a co-worker; a simple act of selflessness and courtesy giving up one’s seat on a bus...these are all, in the moment, intensely generous and humane acts. In the aggregate, they are the stuff that makes society civil. It is these acts, not our “achievements”, that we become part of something bigger and better than ourselves, and most certainly, make life good enough for us all.
819
@Sarah Hurman. Agree. One of my favorite quotes is, "Enough is as good as any feast."
41
@Anne. I carry a bag that says "gratitude turns what we have into enough." I've always had the niggling feeling I hadn't lived up to my "potential" but I've come to realize that my acts of kindness and recognizing the value of others has put me into the only club I want to be a member of - a club of the compassionate.
62
Thank you for this TLDR version, which may be better than he actual article.
13
Thanks for this fine essay.
The constant search for greatness is the source of our greatest social ills such as climate change and income inequality. It leads to a world out of balance, a world where those seeking to lead just and human lives are not valued.
Balance is the Buddhist way, a life of honoring ourselves and others and treasuring the world not as something to exploit, but a valuable treasure just as it is. Mr. Rogers said it best in his key note, 'I love you just the way you are'. How great it would be if our children and we ourselves could live the life of balance which is actually the true life of freedom.
22
I know this article was written about "society", but it also aptly applies to individuals. I meet too many people who aspire to greatness--but in the process, fall down in their role as partners, parents, and community members.
I used to want to be "great" and looked down my nose at boring suburban life. Now, nearing middle age and a parent and spouse, I don't expect to ever be famous or legendary, but am really proud of all that I do. I'm raising 3 young people to be good and productive citizens. I support my spouse and my extended family in ways that range from emotional support to helping them through medical crises. I volunteer my time and money in my community and am doing my part to forge a strong community in my neighborhood to support neighbors.
I used to think this all was mundane and worthless. I know see these sort of things as an important fundamental building block to our community.
35
@Itsy Your description of your accomplishments is an example of the life well lived.
6
A favorite aphorism of mine: “The idea of perfection is the enemy of excellence,”
11
Actually good enough is the easiest most simple most straightforward thing to do.
“There’s a well-known story about a sitar player (in some versions, it’s a lute player) who was discouraged with his meditation practice and went to the Buddha to ask for instruction.
“What happens when you tune your instrument too tightly?” the Buddha asked.
“The strings break,” the musician replied.
“And what happens when you string it too loosely?”
“When it’s too loose, no sound comes out,” the musician answered. “The string that produces a tuneful sound is not too tight and not too loose.”
“That,” said the Buddha, “is how to practice: not too tight and not too loose.”
61
@petey tonei
I often express the same sentiment this way: In whitewater rafting, you learn very quickly the following lesson - hold on too tight or too loose when you hit the rapids and you will fall out of the vessel. If you hold on but not tightly, you will be able to rid with and through the waves.
7
Good-enough? Practice compassion, empathy, forbearance, also virtue. Smile, be cheerful. Such daily practices make such behaviour second nature, and happiness is thereby rendered not only to yourself but to others as well. Don't believe me? Check out Aristotle's recipe for happiness in "Eudaimonia." Too esoteric? Try "Song of Myself" (1855 ed.) by Walt Whitman.
Lastly, I quote Virginia Woolf: "No need to hurry. No need to sparkle. No need to be anybody but oneself." (May I rephrase that? "NO NEED TO BE ANYBODY BUT YOUR OWN BEST SELF.")
4
With some exceptions, most of the basic and most important work is done by people who are not overly wealthy.
Think ... Marie Curie the French physicist who discovered radium through great physical and intellectual labor. She gave the world this knowledge for free. She never became wealthy. Others who had done much less became very wealthy from her discovery.
The internet, transistor, laser, insulin, music, MRI imaging, etc... Most of these people never became wealthy and some them ended up poor.
Herbert Boyer who discovered how to make synthetic insulin gave this knowledge to the world for free. Now we have people who have done very little, grossly overcharging people for this life saving medicine.
It is truly a blessing, to have enough, to be able to do your work.
83
Philosophers going back to the Greeks of the Golden Mean have recommended a good-enough life. Our hero in Daniel Defoe’s 17th century novel Robinson Crusoe has his father cast pearls of wisdom before the swine: “He bid me observe it, and I should always find, that the calamities of life were shared among the upper and lower part of mankind; but that the middle station had fewer disasters and was not expos’d to so many vicissitudes as the higher or lower part of mankind.”
But moderation isn’t always right. “I would remind you that extremism in the defense of liberty is no vice,” said Arizona’s most famous liberal Barry Goldwater in a speech that was much criticized. “And let me remind you also that moderation in the pursuit of justice is no virtue.” That this was said at the high noon of the Cold War set off four-station alarm bells. But I think the basic proposition is beyond reproach. There are times when mediocrity and moderation is unethical for indifferent people are mediocre moderates. So, above all, we need to question authority and the state, question ourselves, and think for ourselves.
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@Philip
Barry G's statements set off other alarms: they could be interpreted by the civil rights movement as a call to (real) arms...
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Pretty good essay.
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“Buddhism offers a criticism of the caste system and the idea that some people have to live lives of servitude in order to ensure the greatness of others.”
To paraphrase Friedrich Nietzsche, “Buddhism promises nothing, and delivers.”
Nietzsche also happened to write what is arguably the most conclusive body of epistemology to exist. It seems a shame that the work of such a brilliant mind would be so widely ignored, for the simple fact that his understanding of Christianity came from the ‘unadulterated’ text.
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The question is whether Nietzsche was being ironic or not. The recognition that all forms are “empty” — or have no inherent value — is fundamental to Buddhism. The meaning we place upon objects and experiences, and the stories we tell ourselves about them, are what create our reality.
So yes, Buddhism does promise nothing, in the best possible way.
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Brings to mind Wordsworth's description of "that best portion of a good man's life; [h]is little, nameless, unremembered acts [o]f kindness and of love."
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Much of this is summed up in the phrase, “Do not let perfect be the enemy of good.” And I believe in living that sort lifestyle, which is awfully close to what Professor Alpert is recommending. To back this up, I left a very well paying job as a computer programmer to become a public high school history teacher, in a low performing school. I had made enough money to be relatively comfortable through the rest of my life and it was time to pay society back a bit for my success.
However, not all romantics were for just-good-enough. Beethoven crafted his music with the idea of greatness, not just-good-enough (just look at theee symphonies, the third, seventh and ninth), and he is a member of the Romantics. Mary Ann Evans (a.k.a. George Elliot), the author of “Middlemarch” used an alias to avoid being looked on as just a female author, and perhaps to avoid scrutiny of her relationship with George Henry Lewis. Neither of these seem to be just-good-enough.
Part of Buddha’s path to enlightenment is said to have a start as a prince and wound through a period of being an ascetic, neither of which seem to fit just-good-enough.
And, finally, the natural world has its fair share of the “everything must be mine” philosophy. Why else would deer populations, in the absence of wolves and other large predators, expand to the point that they have destroyed their own habitat? Or, ants from one anthill fight ants from another anthill?
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This reminds me of one of my favorite Steinbeck quotes, from East of Eden, “And now that you don't have to be perfect, you can be good.”
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@David
Don't let the perfect be the enemy of the good.
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I recommend the book, "Doughnut Economics" by Rachael Raworth. It dovetails with this essay perfectly.
Buddhist much, Professor Alpert? {But then again Buddhism doesn't recognize the 'Self,' right?}
Well, the article spoke to me. Striving for greatness and leaving rubble behind. Seriously, greatness for who? Leave as little footprint as possible. From littlest creature to greatest mammals - we are all here temporarily; leave the planet as you found it.
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To put away the mindless get-do-race and walk peacefully and mindfully through your day-to-day is a gift...and not by any means a gift only for yourself.
The Earth and we all would feel the relief.
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I used to tell my patients: “Don’t put me on a pedestal! From a pedestal there’s only one place to go: Down!”
TS Eliot said it so well:
“The only wisdom we can hope to acquire
Is the wisdom of humility.
Humility is endless.”
Our nation needs a huge dose of humility. The “good enough mother” is a person of humility. So is the “good enough” therapist. And so on....
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@TheraP
That's what I'm hoping for in 2020.
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The philosophy of Epicurus extended to society?
“Nothing is enough for the man to whom enough is too little.”
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So author wants to be great at being good enough.
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Here's hoping lecturing at Princeton is good enough.
Here's hoping it's heading toward something more secure.
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Enormous damage is done to and by those who abandon the possible in pursuit of perfection.
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Part of the problem is that there is a large sector of society that profits off of people's irrational exceptionalism. Whenever I hear someone say "follow your dreams" or "anything is possible" I look first for what they are advertising.
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It must be frustrating for those, deeply imperfect and yet as Nature made them, to expect perfection in their thoughts, feelings and actions. The good-enough life ought to be plenty, if we consider, with enough humility, the stroke of luck required for any given individual to be alive, and enjoy the 'here and now', as free as possible from being possessed by material things, or afraid and confused for our awareness of serendipity in this world of blind and casual (not causal) opportunities. 'Goldilocked' Earth, in an unending multiverse where we can't even understand, though in awe, of the microworld, where a particle can be in two places at the same time...and survive to tell the story. Why are we always seeking happiness, usually in all the wrong places, something akin to seeking 'greatness', however dismal our chances, when we ought to be content with what we have, who we are, and be able to reflect on it...without taking ourselves too seriously, able to laugh at ourselves with resolve? But then, corruptible as we are, we may fall in the trap of selling ourselves for an unreachable goal, anything to escape our own mortality, thus creating gods to help find an afterlife to resolve our living frustrations. 'Greatness', what an escape into charlatan's territory (Trumpian land), 'snake oil' sale for the willfully credulous, and dogmatic, in an invented fictional life. But, good enough?
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Too many of our stories present outliers as ordinary people when they clearly are not. I wonder if this misrepresentation contributes to the constant desire for greatness. You can't be Steve Jobs or Michael Jordan. They were born with singular talents that allowed them to excel at the national level.
As a society, we accept a heroic, star-based model of validation, where a few over performers get the raises and the good life, while the rest of us look on with envy. Especially in the corporate world, many people put in lots of extra work in a competition to reach the heights that only only have room for a few. Elimination TV shows help reinforce this paradigm, and I'm sure all that free effort helps the corporate bottom line.
This article reinforces a conclusion that I reached beforehand, that being known as a good and helpful person in your local community, while having enough wealth to live a decent life, is enough. If you can make people laugh and/or smile without being clownish or mean, that's icing on life's cake.
I've never read Winnicott, but I'm sure that some of what I've read has helped me get here. Praise the Goddess, and thanks to Mr. Alpert for the article.
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@mlbex Agreed! We can't all be Steve Jobs--nor would that be a good thing if we all were! He was an amazing person in some ways, a really crappy person in others. Since he was so "great", most people seem willing to look past his substantial personal shortcomings. Imagine a world in which everyone treated everyone else the way Steve Jobs treated people... I appreciate his genius, but thank goodness he truly was an exception and not the norm.
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@Itsy: Thanks. I gave that a passing thought while writing my post but decided it might complicate my message. Stories of troubled genius are legion, but then so are stories of kind genius (eg: Einstein). The troubled variety seem to get more press.
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One of the memorable articles of the 90s was Wolfgang Sachs' "The Virtue of Enoughness," published I forget where but will never forget its wise advice. It also echoes Bruno Latour's fine new essay, Down to Earth - just our in paperback and, perhaps, just in time. "Good enough," "enoughness" and Latour's "Terrestrial attractor" are correctives we desperately need today.
Life works its way with all of us - it is just a matter of when. I watched my father in his 90's begin to let go and embrace his life. For me, I was a "Greatness of Bust" kind of guy until I got neurologic Lyme Disease 11 years ago that left me disabled. That little tap on the shoulder stopped my relentless quest for fame and fortune and has left me strangely satisfied with my life - exactly as it is. As a friend described me, I am "65 going on 85" with the wisdom earned from loss and suffering. Life is good, indeed.
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Interesting essay, but I'm not sure the Romantics were at all heralds of the 'good enough.' If anything, Romanticism created the mythic figure of the artist as a creative genius who single-handedly drives humanity forward - or, as was often the case, drives his nation forward, as the Romantic genius was often a towering national figure. See: Goethe, Hugo, Coleridge, Chateaubriand, Beethoven, Byron, Pushkin.. I could go on.
Further, George Eliot does not belong to England's Romantic movement. In fact, almost all of the great English Romantics (Wordsworth, Keats, Shelley, Coleridge) were dead by the time Eliot published her first novel, Adam Bede, in 1859.
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Alpert's essay should be required reading all over - multiple reading - memorization. And the notion of "good enough" must before long apply to population of humans.
I can't think of an existential problem we all now face that can't be partially traced to the greatness imperative.
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“Great” and it’s many current American corollaries, e.g. “Have a wonderful/great/terrific day,”etc. is deeply imbeded in our thinking.
As a former social worker who was familiar with Winnicott’s “good enough” notion, I used to answer “Good enough” in response to colleagues’ (presumably also familiar with Winnicott) “How are you?” greetings. Without exception, my coworkers thought I was saying I was sub-par or having some sort of difficulty.
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I recognized Winnicott right away in the title! And I love the essay. I hope it’s widely read. And put into practice. Mindfully.
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The great error of our culture is that it allows for greed as its primary ethos. We fail to realize that More Than Enough does not increase happiness but actually diminishes it. We fail to realize that menus are not edible and maps are not actual places, that descriptions are not reality and egoic identities are not what we are.
As the zen master said when robbed of belongings, "I wish I could give them this moon".
The US has run an experiment in the efficacy of greed, the results are in, and it has failed (by the criterion of human happiness).
The so-called "middle way" is likely worth a look when greed and anxiety for "more" has failed.
Children know this without knowing it.
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Social media often gets in the way of good enough. After I left FB a year ago, I no longer spent time reading how great everybody else's lives were. I'm old and know how I process and work. While it is not what "most" do in this society, it's good enough for me, and my wife doesn't often complain. "Should" is helpful when used in the first person; I've expunged the word when I speak in the second.
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The "Great Society" was not about making America bigger or more powerful, it was about making it more equitable and raising the quality of life for those were disadvantaged up to the norm. It declared war, not against other countries but against poverty. The objectives were not different from those of the New Deal. But Republicans gained control through support of racism and politics since then has been dominated by their objectives of making the rich richer and maintaining inequality of races.
Patriotism was not extinct through the New Deal/Great Society era. It is not incompatible with an equitable society. But nationalism has often been used to consolidate the control of dictators and plutocrats.
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What a wonderful essay! Thank you! Best thing I’ve read in years.
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This is very interesting - a discussion of human life never explained what is life. The life is the only purpose of our existence in this planet and it is a process and not an object. The process of life is driven by the efficiency of our use of life energy, the success means what are the matrix we use to measure that efficiency. The complexity comes as the diversity of human culture and race use different matrix to measure success. Some use family, some use individual, some use external world, some use internal world - how you define a success in this context. What we need the flexibility - let every one define his or her own success and try to achieve that. At the end that success will only leave a faint mark in the great cosmic timeline and over time that mark also will disappear.
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Living in the moment, stopping to smell the roses, an attitude of thankfulness...remind us that we are spiritual beings living in a material world trying to find a balance that is good enough... Thank you to Mr. Alpert for your thoughts and the NYT for making space. I feel better for having read it...
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“The plain fact is that the planet does not need more successful people. But it does desperately need more peacemakers, healers, restorers, storytellers, and lovers of every kind. It needs people who live well in their places. It needs people of moral courage willing to join the fight to make the world habitable and humane. And these qualities have little to do with success as we have defined it.”
― David W. Orr, Ecological Literacy: Educating Our Children for a Sustainable World
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It's tragic that few, if anyone, at the pinnacle of our civic life can ever achieve a 'good-enough life'.
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@David D
I suspect Elizabeth Warren may be on the way...
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The phrase "good enough" does not resonate with me as much as "enough"; the implication that all of us need just enough to not have an essential need. If I am seeking supper because I am hungry, then 10,000 bowls of soup is too much; a crust of dry bread is insufficient, but a piece of bread and a bowl of soup is "enough."
I agree with the premise of this column, but found the example of the "good enough mother" offensive. I am not surprised the creator of this character is a man...strikes me as a bizarre philosophical examplar (reminds me of Sartre's weird examples reeking of misogyny).
Might not a better example be a school that provides academic instruction, socialization opportunities, and a positive overall experience for students. However, this school does not offer top notch sports programs, and the music program, while sufficient to send its students to college to major in music, is not stellar and astounding; the art program supplies students with the rudiments to pursue their expressive dreams, but is not stupendous; it is simply "enough."
A CEO of a company should make enough to have food, shelter, clothing, health care and security. Enough.
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@Ron Dong Not true. Statistics show more entrepreneurs in Western European nations despite high taxes as their nations' strong safety nets ensure they will not face ruin if their ideas fail to take.
Medical instruction is just as rigorous in nations with national health care as in the US. Yet there is no shortage of doctors compared to the US.
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@Susan
I don't find Winnicott's concept of the "good enough" mother offensive, especially as he discusses it in context. From his perspective, the "good enough mother" (or father) is actually doing the optimal job of helping the infant prepare to flourish in the world. The infant would prefer a "perfect" mother who instantly attends to every need and desire, but because a parent will inevitably fail to do that, the infant learns to cope with a world that does not revolve around her.
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@Susan
The idea of “good enough” mother is to do the job well but not agonize over the fact that one could theoretically always do more. Maybe not the best choice of words but a healthy concept.
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It is written somewhere, "Yet the one who is least in the kingdom of God is greater than he." It is through serving and treating one another with love that we become humble and experience humility and our own humanness. Greatness is found in little deeds that tend to go unnoticed--perhaps a visit to those who may be homebound or helping push a wheelchair through the airport or simply holding the door for someone who has their hands full. One who is truly great is one who does not acknowledge greatness and has never known greatness itself. For those of us who believe in the Christian story, we strive to be good enough in the eyes of a being we deem greater than ourselves.
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Although I agree with Mr. Alpert's sentiments regarding personal life and experience, I do not believe this approach works well when projected onto a nation's moral life.
The "Great Society" - an uplifting image of the common good - and "Make America Great Again" - which is nothing more than a divisive trope - do share an assumption that greatness ought to be a national goal. I accept this assumption.
A nation cannot be built out of the sum of individual experiences of complexity and frustration. Any nation, especially America, has meaning only as a shared idea of the good. The "middle path" is presumably good in any community and no doubt the kind of good that sustains a community but it is not the sort of good that unites a community. For that, an individual must be inspired to come out of themselves somewhat and find a sense of solidarity with their neighbors. The desire for solidarity is so widely spread that it must be innate.
We all know how easily solidarity can turn to hate so our task, it seems to me, is to cultivate a middle path in ourselves as we seek to advance the greatness of the common good of all people in our nation.
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Following Shaw's advice -- "Do not do unto others as you would that they should do unto you, their tastes may not be the same" -- has kept me feeling great for about 81 years, now. That's good enough.
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This so goes against the MAGA philosophy. Also the part of capitalism encouraging competition toward a zero-sum outcome.
What have I lost if I gain the whole world but lose my soul? I know the concept of soul is suspect in the modern world. Religion has become even more of a tug of war. But at the level of the individual, a helping hand (a smile even) cuts through this material world to the realization that we are all one in essence.
Much suffering has happened and continues because of the striving for ultimate gain by one or another group at the expense of the whole.
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We might all take a moment to reflect on the "enough" in the "good enough" life. Like many middle-class people, I catch myself chasing after more even though I certainly have "enough" already.
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@Katrin
The ground rules are constantly changing - cost of living, education, health care, retirement etc. Hence, it is practically impossible to estimate need. When you are unable to estimate need, 'more' becomes the default.
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"Good enough" for whom? The working or middle class?
From the looks of Mr. Alpert's CV, he has lived a life comfortably ensconced in the ivory towers of academia.
Apart from the Buddhists and (patently misread Romantics) consider the source of this wisdom before settling for anything less than true equality for all. That would include quality education and healthcare, rectifying cruel income disparity, and perhaps clean water for the good folks of Flint, Michigan.
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@Daniel
They're not his towers, they just happen to be on campus. We can't say he's lived his whole life there either, that's most likely a stretch.
Maybe part of a Good-Enough life is also not attacking people for things out of their control (Ivory tower buildings?) and instead make reasoned arguments with the point that's being made.
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@Daniel
The trouble of having a society of winners and losers is that most people end up as 'losers'. Mr. Alpert is saying something important, worth listening to and considering,
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@Daniel I spent thirty years or so in academia. In general, academics are miserable, and it is precisely because they are so driven by competition for prestige that nothing is ever good enough. Einstein, ever bohemian in spirit, once characterized Princeton professors as “little gods on stilts.”
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In the country that aspires to greatness, the majority of us are enabled to live the good enough life. Thank God for those who aspire to greatness, and thank God for the rest of us also.
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'Observers of the Tao do not seek fulfillment'. Lao Tzu
We are children of long-ago stars. We are immaculate light. We are great beings of love and kindness and laughter and honor. We are. All of us.
Racing for riches devalues this. Inequality, billionaires, poverty devalues, destroys this. Let us create the best world to live in, which requires the respect of equality. Basic human right, it is.
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@ttrumbo - Aye! Also:
"Success is as dangerous as failure.
Hope is as hollow as fear.
What does it mean that success is a dangerous as failure?
Whether you go up the ladder or down it,
your position is shaky.
When you stand with your two feet on the ground,
you will always keep your balance.
What does it mean that hope is as hollow as fear?
Hope and fear are both phantoms
that arise from thinking of the self.
When we don't see the self as self,
what do we have to fear?"
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@Miss Anne Thrope
Oh, I do love me some Tao Te Ching:
'not collecting precious things prevents stealing'
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A tad esoteric for me.
My Philosophy? Live life in a basic health way, not perfect, in trying to find happiness and in the process advance civilization.
History, the great leaders and my brain taught me that.
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