Can a Self-Help Book a Month Yield a Year’s Worth of Life Changes?

As a society we Americans have become more lonely the last 20-30 years and self help books seem to have grown in popularity during this same time. If there are so many self help books yet the problems remain, maybe folks are not looking in the right place? Makes me wonder if loneliness and self help books are missing an important fact which is that people no longer have the close knit family or community where a having actual security combined with attitude of right and wrong create less loneliness. Am blessed to have grown up in and still live in a good environment surrounded with family, friends, neighbors who were/are my anchor so I didn't drift into dangerous waters.

I knew I had no intention of reading this book. But, one paragraph into Judith Newman's review, I was hooked -- on the review! It embodied everything I love in a good book review: an overview of the contents, explanation of the context, and vivid critical insight. Plus it was laugh-out-loud funny. What a great way to spend part of my Sunday! Thank you, Ms. Newman. And thank you NY Times Book section!

She should have read a lot of feminist books, especially Doris Lessing,.

Another 12 Step saying, “ self knowledge avails is nothing.” While I don’t entirely agree, from experience I can say that as an over-analytical person with practically a lifetime of therapy, “actions speak louder than words,” is apt. I’m an autodidact, a bibliophile, a searcher, writer and constantly pondering. I related to imagining what could be verses making actual changes. Ultimately, Nike’s old slogan remains true, “ Just do it.”

"For our light affliction, which is but for a moment, worketh for us a far more exceeding and eternal weight of glory" 2 Cor. 4:17

I hope that after some time has passed the book review will look back at their choice, ie, to review this checkout-counter novelty book, as a low point.

"The contradiction at the heart of many self-help books is that you’re supposed to accept yourself more while simultaneously changing to create a better you. I say: Pick one. If you’re making daily vision boards and writing yourself fake checks, then the chances of embracing the life you have are kind of slim. If you’re doing daily affirmations to yourself in the mirror, naked, learning to love your cottage cheese thighs, that’s great; but the chances of losing those thighs aren’t so great." Despite its apparent logic, this argument is exactly wrong. Carl Rogers, father of client-centered therapy, taught us almost 70 years ago that acceptance facilitates change, while pressure to change generates resistance to change. More recently, Marsha Linehan built her dialectical behavior therapy model around the dialectic of acceptance and change, and Bill Miller and Steve Rollnick's motivational interviewing is founded upon the same insight. All three approaches are supported by large bodies of empirical research and are widely taught to counselors and psychotherapists.

The best self help book I ever read was "Catch 22". All kinds of useful human insight.

Somebody once said that if self-help books really work, you'd only need one. In other words, what they're best for is making money for authors.

The more we recognize and limit ourselves to simply this physical body, the more we will struggle with its imperfections. We all desire unlimited happiness but struggle to find it through the limited body and mind. Each of these self help books will give a modicum of relief, even temporary joy. Draw your circle ever wider than your physical self and the anxiety will melt away.

Money: You need two credit cards, one for your daily expenses that you pay off in full at the end of the month and a second card (with no annual fee) that is strictly for emergencies. Also, pay yourself first...401K or even a basic recurring transfer from checking into a savings account. Twenty dollars a week adds up to a thousand dollars a year. Drinking: Doing the math on how much you spend on booze is the first step towards cutting back. The same applies to coffee. Relationships: Figure out what it is you really want and then go get it. The idea of a "serious relationship" is probably a fantasy, as most people in those relationships appear to be miserable. She'd probably be better off just dating more and experiencing people on their best behavior. Emotions: She should increase her physical activity. Not the mindless repetition of the gym but something where you can see the results of your effort. Maybe yard work or feeding the homeless.

Here’s the Secret...Self help books are basically like talk therapy, you have to do Your Work. You have to look inward, question your thinking and your paradigms, then make the personal changes necessary to live the life you want and practice and apply and live them, every day, in good times and bad. If you don’t do this, then you just have a pile of books collecting dust, or the therapy is just an expensive study of being in the vortex of blame, self pity and complaint. But usually you can find what you need in one book, but you must apply what you have read. The Work never stops, and everyone has Work that is unique to them...

I've always had a weak spot for self-help books and internet sites, so I enjoyed this review. They can be addictive when you know something is wrong in your life but don't know how to fix it. The problem is that so many of those books and websites are written by people with little to no credentials, who went through a bad breakup, say, or got tired of being taunted for being single and 40, or who cleaned their house and decided to make a whole lot of cash by converting the world to their system. I came to realize that the mountain of inconsistent, contradictory, slightly or even overtly shaming advice was toxic to my self-esteem. That said, though, the very last self-help book I read by Peter Michaelson - an actual psychiatrist - actually did work for me. I since put down the self-help books and stopped tormenting myself with all that pseudo-psychological babble.

Next time you use a wonderful expression, please just use it without telling people that you are going to use it before you use it.

I have a self-help shelf and I revisit these books periodically for advice and comfort -- like a religious person might go to his Bible to be uplifted. I've never found a "cure-all" or a "permanent cure" for my human angst, faults, and foibles, but the books help me when I feel like I'm stuck in some sort of negative behavior pattern or thought process. I get reminded of things -- some mental, like to be more in the moment, or some practical, like to make lists or get outside more -- and this gets me unstuck for a while. Self-help for me is not one and done -- it's an ongoing process. But without some of the things I've learned and relearned from self-help books, I'd probably be a basket case.

I worked at a bookstore during the Law Of Attraction craze. People, mostly middle-aged women, would wide-eyed and excitedly ask me if I had “The Secret.” I told them the secret was saving their money, as I handed them the book, the DVD, or sometimes both. I guess they thought I was kidding. It was sad to see such gullibility.

"The trick to reading these books is to heed one of the primary tenets of the recovery movement: “Take what you need and leave the rest.” First of all -- it's "Take what you like, and leave the rest" -- Also -- there's another saying from the 12-step rooms which promises that - "Self-seeking will slip away" -- Which is bad for business if you make your living selling self-help books to the self-seeking -- "She hated her drinking and debt; she hated the fact that she was in her mid-30s and still didn’t have a serious relationship." And - or course - reading a few books - written by authors with the dollar signs in their eyes for the tremendous market - consisting of women just like this - will get you to that magical place where you can finally sit back and say to yourself -- "Ah -- everything is going to be okay now" -- Sorry - it doesn't work like that -- Remember - "Today is the tomorrow you were obsessing about yesterday" ...

Τhis reminded me of Carlin's line about self-help books 'written by somebody else'....and seriously, avoiding washing your hair (or self) may be a sign of depression.

The only one that has worked for me is The Power of Now. That's because the only thing it asks of you is to try to be in the moment and to accept it as it is, even if it is unpleasant, and also to stop ruminating on the past and future - yesterday is finished and tomorrow does not exist. Be in the present - that's the message. It's done a lot for me and I recommend it.

Reading a self help book is not enough. There are usually excersizes to be practiced, lists to be made and many other things the authors prescribe. These may or may not work but unless one tries the regimens offered reading self help books is of little value.

Self-help books have always been ridiculed, and I suspect it's because many of their readers and buyers are women (kind of like sci fi is cool in a nerdy way but romance novels are always looked down upon). Sure, many readers miss the key points to self-help books: You have to stop reading the action plan and exercises and actually do them. If you work at maintaining a reasonably positive attitude toward yourself and your life as it is now you'll find yourself eager to make it even better. Think about what you're grateful for, express gratitude, and you'll be more aware that your life is pretty good already so you'll be happier overall. If all you got out of The Secret is that you can wish your way to prosperity, you brought a very distorted lens to the book. Change on the inside and you'll be more apt to recognize opportunities that were there all along but that you were blind to. You'll attract people who like being around you and will probably be willing to help you out a bit. You'll reframe your past, have more creative ideas about your present and future, and stop wasting energy loathing and criticizing yourself. That's really what self-help books are all about. No bodice-ripper cover necessary--those of us who love them will find them, read them, and really enjoy them.

Great review! I have to say, I feel like I want to wash my hair...

I’ve been on a self help book binge for about three years now. I do feel more empowered having gained more tools and processes by which to thrive. Though, it’s important to realize that no matter how good the advice, no matter how slick the system or profound the realizations are one may have a long their self-help journey, it takes willpower and hard work to change yourself for the better. It’s the same with dating. You could probably pick the worst diet out there, but if you actually followed it, you would be losing weight. Most people are more concerned with finding the best diet but still not putting in the effort and following the system. You have to know not only what you want to change but why and see yourself changing and will it so and then do the hard work.

Good one Judith.

What a silly book.

"Can a Self-Help Book a Month Yield a Year’s Worth of Life Changes?" No. https://emcphd.wordpress.com

As the son of an engineer and salesman (boiler systems, nuclear reactors), I grew up with the shared wisdom of Dale Carnegie. After Dad took the Dale Carnegie Course, we were encouraged to read "How to Win Friends and Influence People" and then "How to Stop Worrying and Start Living." The advice seemed down-to-earth and often impossible ("Never criticize, condemn or complain"), but I haven't seen anything better since. Sometimes it's better to stop talking and take positive action...which is easy to say and tough to navigate. Maybe the palliative is to think more about others and less about ouselves.

Just one small thought that may not work for others but definitely works for my wife. She is always happiest when she is thinking of others instead of herself. Yes, we all should adopt healthy habits, but kindness and purpose and noticing all those beautiful little things in life(sunsets, busy squirrels, etc.) sometimes help those with a more pessimistic view of the world situation. Agree with those last few sentences..it really does work for some.

Like the latest diet craze that promises to help you shed weight fast and never feel deprived, most self-help books seem to cater to readers who desperately want to believe that there's an easy way to obtain everything they desire. The truth is that it takes hard work and there are (usually) no shortcuts. Losing weight means committing to a healthy diet and exercise routine - forever. Achieving success at work means constantly learning new skills and putting in a lot of effort to set yourself apart from others. Great interpersonal skills and a healthy dose of luck help, too. Financial health means living within your budget - whatever that budget may be. While some self-help books do contain some nuggets of advice that are worth mulling over, the ones that advocate visualizing what you want and it will come to you or affirming how wonderful you are without actually doing any work to get what you want are best left on the bookstore shelf.