What It Really Means to Heal

Thank you for putting into words what I too have struggled with most of my life. Why did so many fellow Catholic church members feel the need to lay hands on me and pray for me to be healed and be able to walk? What was so wrong about the way I was? As a child my mother taught me to be gracious when this happened and then made sure to remind me that having to use a wheelchair was the path God intended for me and I was no more special than my brothers or friends. Her faith in me and the faith she instilled in me has served me quite well through school, college, work, and now declining health and ability. Pray for me if you wish and I will continue to pray that the rest of the world learns to look at the person and not the wheelchair etc.

I appreciate the sentiment here and good points are made. I just wish you had addressed what it really means to heal for the person who is sick or disabled. You don't really get into that. Many who are sick or disabled are isolated a great deal and some advice on what to focus on in healing ourselves would have been nice; advice that helps us be less dependent on others for healing. Isn't that part of the point? A disabled person especially -- independence is everything.

This op-ed will likely bring about a scowl from my more heartless fellow atheists, or scornful laughter from those who preach the gospel to attain great wealth. But I suspect it would surely make Jesus smile. As Jesus would not have much to smile about these days, I am one atheist who happily applaud and welcome the positive message of the op-ed, and thank its author for her willingness to share it. America is indeed in great need of healing from its self-inflicted wounds at its founding. Our nation's history, which most Americans remain ignorant of or willfully blind to, one cannot honestly deny that the treatment of blacks and other minorities by whites has caused deep and still festering wounds. These wounds have resulted in a nation where people of color other than white are still unwelcome, excluded and treated inhospitably, especially by police. And what is worse in my view is the abject failure and refusal of white America to do anything remedial to undo or repair the legacies of 350+ years of slavery, segregation and neglect--at least anything beyond the insignificance of limited affirmative action programs (cosmetic measures at most). Yet even this pittance of a remedial measure has been under attack by white racists and those more concerned about the relatively minuscule unfairness to white students than the residual far more egregious harms blacks have suffered and continue to in segregated, poor schools and communities. I fear they will never heal.

What the author describes has only ever happened once to me. I was approached once in a mall by a stranger who offered to pray for my condition (I use a wheelchair for MS). Because the request was polite and non-judgmental, I agreed (event though I am an atheist). He said a prayer, basically asking God to help me out. I thanked him and we moved on. Was it hypocritical of me (or a waste of time)? Perhaps, but it probably made the guy feel a little better. A tiny gift to a stranger.

Bravo Cyndi Jones! Thank you for turning on the light...

A lovely essay. Healing in itself. Thank you.

Thank you NYT for giving us more than politics today. Perhaps every day could be Christmas eve to be appreciated for things beyond just our ordinary chaos. Cyndi Jones is a Lutheran minister, but it seems her congregation is a welcoming one probably reflecting her own welcoming character. But how far does she and her congregation go in that welcoming? Not a criticism, just a question. In our Unitarian Universalist congregation our minister gave a sermon that gave tips to our atheist on how to survive Christmas when you are not a Christian. A hint make up your mind that it will be a great day and shop early. There are many people in the world that could use healing in the heart and mind ans as you say healing must start with acceptance of the person you find in front of you no matter their creed and, further, acceptance of yourself as valued and worthy of acceptance.

There are two kinds of religionists: zealots and non-zealots. So there should be two separate religions, one for each. That’s the most workable dichotomy, not what the name of your god happens to be. If all zealots would stay in their corner and not interfere with the rest of us poets, what a wonderful world it would be.

I'm not a proponent of snappy comeback responses as a way of expressing disgust or anger. What does it really accomplish? But. . . a few years ago someone approached me -- I'm a wheelchair user -- and asked if he could pray for me. I answered, and purely for my own amusement, "Whatever floats your ark."

Thank you Cyndi Jones for writing this. A few times a year, I really feel my brain stretch when I read an article. This is one of them. This article is making me think about a great many things in a new way. This article is a gift!, and since Cyndi Jones is a Lutheran pastor, I wish her a very merry Christmas!

The Roman Catholic Nicene creed expresses belief in the "seen and unseen." Healing, wellness and states of being are a function of physical, as in physics-based, connections. The neurochemicals and physical energy many of us hear about from televised drug advertisements were a mystery to Jairus and Jesus of Nazareth. Our anxiety as well as our faith, are functions of feeling and thought. Greek healers such as Galen and Hippocrates, called upon to treat suddenly deviant irrational behavior are said to have quizzed the patient's friends and neighbors to find out about any head injuries or falls. Through modern oracles such as Netflix, many of us are just learning the ramifications of practices such as male circumcision, a particular religious practice for some groups and a meaningless procedure for many others. Each of us has internal and external worlds governed by patterned learning and patterned neural activity. Our religious and faith practices benefit us when learned approaches to life pay off in some improved skillset. Learning is lifelong which means that healing is also lifelong. As Cyndi Jones suggests, whatever we hope for, life exists in the present moment.

There are many states, types, levels and qualities of healing. As there are of wellbeing. Disease and being dis-eased. And recovery. And perhaps one source, all too often not considered, or overlooked, is the semantic either/or trap of perceiving. Assessing. Either one is or is not disabled.Physically,Psychologically. Socially. Economically. Spiritually. The process of "healing"-and it is a non-linear process, entailing continua of ups and downs, each "failure," hopefully a better one, can also be experienced as an Identity. A self-created and maintained Identity. "I am disabled ( with and without a !). Or a valenced + -/+ - Identity created by others and projected onto him/her. And all too often, in both of these scenarios Identity, particularly when negatively labeled is mixed up/in with targeted, selected behaviors.The WHO becomes the WHAT. Paradoxically WHAT is then used to explain the WHO, as if s/he needed to legitimize their BE ing. This article introduces "faith" into the complex reality of humaness. WE, as a species, are inherently limited. Flawed. In a range of ways. Areas. WHO and WHAT one IS, is not, can not BE as well as may yet BE come exists in an ever-present reality of uncertainties. Unpredictabilities. Randomness. Lack of total control no matter what we plan to do. Carry out In a timely fashion or not. Ourselves as well as with others. As each one lives with limitations and/or disabilities consider: faith is necessary optimism in the face of uncertainty

Is health care a privilege to be granted or denied by bureaucrats, or a human right that everyone who needs should be able to get? Religious conservatives tend to vote for the former, and secular liberals overwhelmingly support the latter. Other developed countries, which are more secular than the US, have national health care systems and better health outcomes. What does this mean for and about people of faith? When will they accept that prayers comfort but do not heal? When will they live up to their professed belief and obligation to help others, "love thy neighbor", etc?

I developed a partial disability this year and I became amazed at the assumptions people make. Because my disability isn't immediately visible, people just assumed I could climb stairs. I had to leave New York City and move 3,000 miles away because fewer than a third of the subway stops have elevators or escalators. This is never a topic of public debate. "Friends" on Facebook post selfies of themselves hiking, and although I enjoy seeing pictures of the wilderness, their need to put themselves in the photo is insensitive and exhibitionistic. I'm glad The New York Times published this essay and I hope to read more from the disabled community in the future.

So good I read it twice. Merry Xmas, Rev Jones.

There is a dark side to some of those healing wishes. It is usually implied but is at times overt. It is the assumption that if you were right with God you would already have been healed.

Thank you. My son Jeremiah and I have only been stopped once for prayers for him... but I still remember how awful it felt. And I am clergy. Peace be with you this advent.

Beautiful! So much of our culture emphasizes unattainable physical (and psychological) perfection. Unfortunately, this includes a profoundly condescending and disempowering attitude towards anyone who is judged to be "imperfect", and by definition, must be "healed". True healers don't imagine themselves to be on one side of a perfect/imperfect equation. We are always in need of healing, throughout our lives, and our true wounds are most often invisible.

Thank you for expressing such lovely truths. We truly touch glimpse the divine when we act with the kind of community that your church members demonstrated with Beth.

This was such a beautiful story. I have a dear friend from my church who at age 50 was left paralyzed from the waist down and must rely on others. She is a woman of vast faith and courage. It is what has carried her though her dark times. She finds the love and support in her religion, in her family and friends and her little dog Zoe. We are all blessed to know her. We see Jackie not her wheel chair. We see her hoisting herself into her van and setting out alone for the long drive to OK to visit a friend. It is the kindness of strangers who fill her tank with gas, help her in ways she needs that make her large life possible. We were born 3 months apart in very different places and we are both 73 doing our best to carry on with smiles and laughter and faith.

Thank you for this beautiful piece of writing. I will remember this.

What a generous and thought-provoking essay! I especially appreciate the recognition that we all need to feel ourselves to be whole before we can begin to be more.

The most telling passage in this piece: "Over the years my personal understanding of disability has opened a place, a path through their struggles, for many people by providing a new perspective."

Lovely piece. Your writing embodies the message you convey: our voices are the key to healing, but they must be kind and true.

Hear Hear!!

It would be wonderful if we could focus more on stories of love and perspective like this one, rather than the hate and shallowness that Donald Trump exudes on a daily basis.

Praying is to stop willing healing and let Life does its miracles.

Now that is a Christmas story. Thank you.

Seeing everyone as an essential part of creation even when we can't understand them at the time. Instead of focusing on the scars see people as they are with everything that has brought them to this moment. This goes beyond physical and mental disability to the root of common decency. I was put beside a person at Thanksgiving for whom the "basket of deplorables" was scientifically verified as 30% of the population. These deplorables were to be only to be resisted because they were beyond redemption. When I said, "I have a problem with such generalization and dehumanization" they declared, "You are calling me a liar and you believe in fake news!" It took long discussion, calm assurance that was not the case and interest in the other person to regain decorum at the table. Individuals are complicated. Each has a history that deserves to be heard and counted even when that history is fraught. Dignity and agency were the first things Jesus healed in Bartimaeus. With a touch dignity and a bit of agency people unlike ourselves may surprise even the most jaded among us.

Thank you very much for this beautiful oped and perspectives. Change the world one person at a time.

“If you had faith, you would be healed.” As Émile Zola once remarked: “The road to Lourdes is littered with crutches,but not one wooden leg.”

Locating these fine stories within a religious context constrain gracious behavior, rather than expand it, and lead to condescending replies like Lonnie ("pity those without faith"!). When a blind student asked for my help in taking a college biology course, I simply said, "sure, we can make this work for you". But our institutional office for students with disabilities (full of the pieties of the churchy) had emphatically told her she shouldn't even try -- after all, she couldn't see. That student is now a successful physical therapist, thanks to simple, helpful effort by a small group of caring educators who respected the student's own wishes. No thanks at all to self-righteous officials who viewed themselves as the arbiters of what's possible. Cyndi Jones's good points can occur outside religious communities as well as, or better than, within them.

Truth and beauty shine through your writing. You have given me something profound and good to ponder on this Christmas Eve, and I thank you.

Don't pity the sick , pity those without faith. Today as you go about buying things you really don't need, walking through shopping malls devoid of cheer and happiness, look around for a moment and truly see the world, truly try to understand the wonder and the miracle of life and understand that the only gift anyone needs is true caring and caring has a tendency to spread beyond borders and walls. It has been said that the best things in life are free, and a hug means so much more, than any store bought present. Hug someone you love today because they may not be here tomorrow. And of all the priceless gifts, the gift of faith is the most priceless. Make your house into a house of worship, the greatest miracle is the miracle of life and the greatest present is the gift of love. To look around and truly see everything around us, to see not just what is before us, but also alongside and past we must first stop.

Thank you. Sharing your story in such a gracious way is healing itself--a spacious embrace for what is and all that remains mystery. Merry Christmas!

fairy tales are useful for some but not necessary for all made up stories are often comforting for children, but adults should be strong enough to deal with reality

Thank you! I am struck by your graciousness in regards to the mall encounter for to me that individual seems to blaming you for your disability in addition to assuming that healing is just a matter of having certain beliefs. As a Presbyterian minister and a life-long Christian I have always found the belief that our struggles and problems in life are solved solely have having the right kind of faith infuriating and destructive. It is destructive because such claims cause even more distress for the already struggling (or suffering) by making them feel that they are to blame for what life has thrown in their path. In a way, I think the idea that suffering, illness, or disability is the result of lack of faith is one of several factors which makes people of faith uncomfortable with those facing such trials. The reason is twofold: people are uncomfortable with those who by implication don't have enough faith and, more importantly, believers themselves likely fear that their own faith is "not strong enough" to protect them from such a fate. They are right with the latter, of course, because faith does not protect us from the exigencies of this life - it sustains us through them.

Thank you Cyndi Jones, beautifully written. Wishing you a Very Happy Holiday.

Beautifully presented op-ed, especially the closing thoughts on what our prayers ought to be.

Your op-ed is a gift to the community. Thank you for this help on the road to better understanding where we all are.

To me history suggests that societies heal and transform (however incompletely) only after periods of collective suffering which lead to a heart changing realization of our shared reality.

Thank you for this wonderful new view. It will help me be a better member of the community.