Why Teenagers Mix Drinking and Sex

Because they are both fun?

There isn't a single woman writing in this line of comments that understands the physical desires of almost all 18 year old males. And there isn't a single male in this line of comments who understands the physical desires of an 18 year old female. Those screamingly real desires are the reason young people used to marry during their late teens. There was a balance that was lost sometime in the last 125 years or so. We call it higher education; everyone is forced to try to get some and it obliterates young peoples ability to establish their own family unit and puts the cabosh on having children at the best physical age for having them. No 16-22 year old adolescent requires alcohol to have desires that need fulfillment. When I, my wife, and my two children went to college, students who were not seniors weren't allowed to have cars on campus. Moreover, schools with those children were considered in loco parentis to the students who were underage at their schools. Stupidity of our legislatures let to those schools being liberated from that rule. 21 should have continued to be the age of majority and 21 the drinking age. Gone alas! Solution; every car has a blow device. If you blow into it while drunk the car won't start. Why not promote earlier marriage. I was married when I was 26 and my wife was 3 years and 7 months younger. We had less sex before that, but we are still married after 44 years.

Josh is right. Raising the drinking age only drove it underground. Do your research also, and you will learn that teen drinking and driving has gone down year over year over the past two decade due primarily to education, enforcement, and cultural awareness — not the one time raise of the legal drinking age 34 years ago. Designated drivers absolutely did not arise from a 21 year old drinking age. Oh ya, one more big factor in reducing drunk driving - Uber.

I am amazed by this article. Alcohol lowers inhibitions and so reduces resistance to sexual impulses. This is well known, and has been since time immemorial. Nothing to see here; move on!

We need to teach our kids and/or grand-kids to avoid STDs and unwanted pregnancy and emphasize to them the importance of taking appropriate steps regardless of whether they are sober or intoxicated. The risk of unprotected intercourse is very significant and can be life changing for anybody regardless of whether you are 14 or 94. We also need to teach our kids and grand-kids to understand that sex requires mutual consent and that "no means no" and if their proposed sexual partner is intoxicated, that means that the person can't give a meaningful "yes", so back off and go home. But let's not get so bogged down in articles like this that we forget or deny that kids ARE going to have sex, and that the best we can do is try to provide valuable safety guidelines. If you want to try to stop kids from having sex, I recommend you begin by trying to stop gravity.

Way back about 6 decades I found a fortune cookie slogan that read "Alcohol is a bad Counselor" helped me a lot ,when the drinking legal age in this country for booze was 18 years of age.

Encourage & Empower them [both boys and girls] is the best ways that need to be encouraged.

Totally. I'm a polyamorous transgender Ponyplayer now, but back then no one told me anything real about sex. I learned everything I know from my peers, and they were often horrible teachers. Getting in touch with my sexuality is an evolving and beautiful thing. I often experience anxiety, heck I was super nervous about full body latex suits. I was super nervous the first time I had sex with a man. I was super nervous about having sex with strangers at a party. But it's all been an adventure. I'll be on the first episode of Slutever this season on Vice in that full body latex suit Haha, and appeared on the cover of Out Front. I quit drinking 6 years ago. I remember all the horrible sex I had in high school and college, and I wish someone had taught me at least something about sex when I was young.

How is this news? Alcohol has always led to intimacy.

They mix alcohol and sex for the same reason I do and I'm 71.

Don’t make alcohol an excuse for rapists. You don’t have a couple of brews and force yourself on a woman who is saying no unless you were perfectly capable of forcing yourself on her stone cold sober. Being drunk doesn’t change who you are, it exacerbates who you are.

Btw, why do adults mix drinking and sex?

The lack of family puts more and more young people into situations that they are unprepared for, which can cause tragic consequences related to pregnancy, drinking, and driving, accidents, and the spike in sexually transmitted diseases. It really isn't that there hasn't been the education in schools, about both alcohol, and sexual activity, as in Minnesota they have educated about all of it for the last 40 years. Parents, however that are uncomfortable, talking about all of it, are probably those who did the same thing, as young people, or are doing similar things in secret. Adults act like adults, because they want to be both responsible, and safe.

Yeah, um, did that. Did it all, actually. 37 years ago. Everyone did. Nothing’s changed, except that now we’re supposed to feel strange about it. The alcohol is mostly a contributing factor. Not the root cause. Being a teenager is. It’s also part of our life path.

Why should I be surprised that even in this day and age, parents are not talking to their children about sex and/or booze. I am old. I had sex young with a boyfriend but booze was not part of the experience or really part of my high school years. Our parents that did not necessarily condone our sex but did allow it in a “safe” environment which made a big difference. My/our son, we started teaching him about sex and reproduction when he was about six or seven so it would never be a taboo discussion. No rapes accusations or unwanted pregnancies, sure eventually a drink or two was likely consumed but not as a prerequisite to one of lives little joys.

Why do teenagers mix booze and sex?! Why do ADULTS mix booze and sex?! This is a very old question, as old as Bacchus. The framing of it as a “teenager” question seems to obviate the need to look at the question itself.

Dr. Blasey Ford’s recent, chilling Congressional testimony about her life-altering encounter with the inebriated Brett Kavanaugh and his similarly situated high school buddy should be a teaching moment for today’s teens about the dire possible consequences of alcohol consumption by both those unprepared to handle it and those victimized by it.

The Bible states that alcohol is a brawler and that he or she who is deceived by it is not wise. Proverbs 20:1. As liberals promote more and more intoxication through cannabis legalization and increasing alcohol availability as to create new voters for Democrats, when will moderates and conservatives advocate drug and alcohol screening of those under 21 as to identify those who need intervention early? Are we not tired of paying for unplanned pregnancies and the consequences of chemically induced mood alteration?

If teenagers might be left alone without booze, they'd figure it out in no time. However, that never happens and a lifetime of neurotic consequence follows. Of course, most of us would not change those curious, clumsy years for anything.

The most common factor in sexual assaults is alcohol preceded only by a belief women don't know their own minds. Women who get drunk and dive into a black pool of experience are playing out that role. I am not here considering the illegality of having sex with an inebriated person, just talking of mindful sexuality. They chose not to be. They let another take control as if that is the way the act is performed. Unfortunately, many youthful males are fearful of failing to perform properly, and thus take their tips from other poorly informed males or pornography. Not a good idea unless they catch onto some progressive sexual research.

One serious problem is if teens feel as if they need alcohol to have sexual encounters it may carry on into adulthood. Many people feel as if they require alcohol in order to perform sex. This is a huge negative. A majority of us were lubricated with alcohol before our first sexual experiences. Sadly.

"That adolescents are more likely to combine the two" is nonsense. Sex and booze have always been and probably always will be an inherent part of life for many, if not most, of us - of any age. Its hard to believe that in 2018 sex education remains woefully inadequate and the normalcy of sex remains taboo. I see no reason why any man or woman , old or young, should feel bad or be criticized for loosening up with a drink or two before happily indulging in the pleasures of sex.

THE twin deficits within the heli-co-opting parental style is that kids are rarely alone and have too few conundrums from which they are their only solution. Free-range parenting (though scary as heck) gifts kids the chance at failures both constant and complex. With life brutal, short and solitary, the sooner kids sample the "yang", the earlier they might begin to make better choices and to see the "ying" as theirs for the taking?

We also need to have honest conversations about race and sex. According to Professor Janet Haley of Harvard Law School, black and Latino guys are much more likely to be accused of sexual assault on campus than are white guys, and most of the women accusing those guys are white. I am not inclined to believe that white men are more considerate and respectful toward women than black and Latino men.

Good piece, but leaves out one important point: It’s FUN to drink and have sex. That’s an important part of the answer posed in the headline, and in these noble and important efforts to curb excess and danger, it wouldn’t hurt to acknowledge this (perhaps obvious) point.

Feels like an over-analysis. I'm old, but remember being a teen very well. To put it crudely, it's the horniest time of your life. It's also the stupidest. Being tipsy in a social setting is fun. A few drinks, especially in an inexperienced drinker, not only make you exuberant, they numb your judgment release the brakes. A double whammy, and the whole problem in a nutshell. If anyone can find a cure for being young, desperate to fit in, and impulsive, lots of nervous parent will be buying.

I don't know of any age group that does not mix sex with alcohol. And rape happening with alcohol involved seems to happen in all age groups as well.

Waaaay back in college one of my hardest-drinking buddies taught me this valuable lesson, applicable to any given "party night": "You can get drunk, or you can get [horizontal], but you can't do both." Now this is more true from a guy's perspective than from a woman's, but it makes an important point that the two really don't mix all that well (though a bit of a drunken toss can be quite enjoyable every now and then). It should be fairly obvious to most people that a drug that is essentially an anesthetic would not be the best enhancer of a sensory experience (of course, the opposite may be true for some other drugs...). All of that being said, and apropos of the statement that ".... if they 'hook up' with someone when totally sober they are more likely to be slut-shamed...” we have the unstated fact that, in both the college and the "working class" communities, getting completely smashed provides a traditionally accepted excuse to do things you would "never do," just as much for men as for women. What DO you do with a drunken sailor? Most guys (and I do believe it really is MOST guys) will be glad to tell you if you feed them a few drinks. There's an old joke (British, I believe) that goes: "What's the difference between a straight man and a gay man?" -- "About four pints." Until the various stigmata related to "slutty" behavior in women and gay behavior in men have been erased, there will be a fairly powerful motivation to drink before heading out to find love.

It is reassuring to read this article's recommendation to ditch the "boys-on-offense-girls-on-defense" framework, coupled with the recent NYTimes's Sadie Hawkins article (whew, yes, I'll dance ... thought you'd never ask). See Kate Neuman's piece (https://www.nytimes.com/2018/11/15/opinion/sadie-hawkins-women-ask-men-out.html). But everything you say about teenaged anxiety, social awkwardness, fear of embarrassment, reputational fixation also applies to adults. I certainly have complications around intimacy and anxiety as an adult. Being merely male and incapable of fully understanding a woman's perogative, could anxiety be alleviated with the acceptance of a woman's power in a heterosexual relationship (in my case) instead of the typical bias that the guy needs to always initiate and be the leader in intimate encounters? Seems there'd be fewer unwanted advances and turbulence, IMHO. "From her conversations with high school students, Dr. Herbenick has learned that the girls are well aware that if they “hook up with someone when totally sober they are more likely to be slut-shamed or to have people be terrible to them about their sexuality.” That this is contrary to what should be normal behaviors is, unfortunately, rhetorical. And still, what's up is down and what is black is white. There seems to be a lot of that around these days.

Nature designed sexual intercourse for reproduction, not as a recreational activity. And alcohol consumption reduces good judgment. Since the female experiences pregnancy and childbirth and decades of responsibility for a child, while the male can walk away after the act, it behooves females to place high value on our ability to bring new life into the world and not render ourselves drunken co-conspirators in hook-up sex. This is why Nature designed females to take much longer for orgasm than does a male: so we have time to decide, would I want a baby from dallying with this male, and will he stick around to help me nurture a child of our union? Be smart, gals, and just say no to a man who does not respect you.

"Why Teenagers Mix Drinking and Sex" I hereby nominate this article for the 2018 Duh Award. Teens drink because drinking is fun. Teens have sex because sex is fun. Teens mix drinking and sex because, heck, that's a LOT of fun. Sure, kids don't grow actual brains until they're in their early 20s, but let's not mix in too much psychobabble about why they combine drinking and sex. Yes, that can have some disastrous results, and parents need to feel good about themselves by talking with their teen children about the dangers of that. But since when do teens listen to their parents? This is a sink or swim phase the kids are in. Parents need not apply for giving them advice. It's up to your kids to find their own paths through life. Experience is a hard teacher. But, like it or not, parents - teens need to figure things out for themselves. Your guidance, gained through your own years in the school of hard knocks, won't sink into their fragile heads. The best approach is to give your kids a forgiving, safe harbor at home. They will do what they will do, and no consequences you throw at them will change any of that. Let them grow up in their own way. But, most of all, always be there for them when they fall down. Help them back up and get them on their way again. And through that, maybe they'll start to see the light of things, and will find their way to survival in this hard, harsh environment we have brought them into.

When I started reading this piece I had to check to make sure I was actually reading the New York Times. What, suggesting young women should take a little responsibility for protecting themselves by not getting drunk at an alcohol-fueled party or with a date? Good common sense, yes, but doctrinal heresy nevertheless. Getting smashed may not always end in something bad happening, but it sure increases the chances. And if you want to see what idiots people are when they drink too much, volunteer to act as the designated driver at an event where you know there is going to be too much drinking going on. Just the drunken conversations you hear are a horror. Also, there was an article in the NYT the other day about how younger adults are drinking themselves to death in ever increasing numbers, with women apparently trying to catch up to men in that statistical competition.

"Why teenagers mix alcohol and sex" Gee, do ya suppose it just might be the combination of the sex urge with the removal of inhibitions?

One thing this article never mentions is emphasizing to teens that having sex is a perfectly normal, nonembarrasing activity. For example, in the section of the article about sex shaming of girls, the first thing we can tell teens is "If she wants to have consensual sex that's perfectly OK, and none of your business." I suspect one other reason teens often mix drinking and sex is that the few opportunities they have for sex are at parties where there is already drinking. How many parents normalize sex, compared to how many refuse to allow their teen to sleep at home with his or her boyfriend/girlfriend? If parents force teens to hide their sex life, it's no surprise teens will not make the best choices.

Right, only teenagers do this. And funny to suggest that drinking and sex -- both not legal for minors -- are more prevalent than for adults -- when it's legal. Kids drink and kids have sex because these are social behaviors pushed and accepted despite the mild faux protestation of "it's illegal" and "my parents said not to."

From a psychological perspective, these conclusions might be true. From an anthropological perspective, these conclusions seem misleading or false. The reputation point in particular seems imbalanced to me. Men are publicly shamed for their hook ups too. If a man hooks up with someone who is socially rejected by his peers, either in personality or attractiveness, his peers are going to shame him. The humiliation can sometimes reach epic proportions. You are simply unlikely to ever hear about the shaming in a psychologist's office. Alcohol and sexual intimacy is another relationship that seems confused here. I'll agree risk increases with alcohol consumption. However, you're completely missing the interpersonal role alcohol plays when underage teenagers interact. Alcohol, or other illicit substances, is a form of social currency among adolescent adults. The commodity is highly demanded but relatively scare. The ability to procure alcohol therefore becomes a strange status symbol in underage circles. Sexual encounters involving alcohol often have nothing to do with reducing sexual anxiety. The exchange more closely resembles a reciprocal exchange of favors. Even more simply, the ability to freely and publicly bestow generosity on your peers makes you more attractive to the opposite sex. This is true for women too. Everyone loves the person who can throw a good party where people feel safe and comfortable. Sexual intercourse is the natural result.

It seems to me that the campus rape problem is really more a drinking problem than anything else. This is nothing new; as Dorothy Parker famously quipped, "One more drink and I'll be under the host." But teens aren't born with that understanding and, in today's environment, teens aren't protected to the degree that they were before society sanctioned premarital sex. It's absolutely crucial that we educate both girls and boys on the consequences of mixing alcohol and sex, and Parker's quote would be a good place to start.

My three girls are elementary aged and I'm so glad I read this before we get "there." Great read. Wish an adult had addressed this topic with me when I was young. I'll save this for a few years. Thanks for writing.

Thanks for publishing this excellent essay. In the current socio-political climate, it's become very hard to even acknowledge the blatantly obvious fact that all young people should be wary of drunken sex. Suggesting that women as well as men should drink responsibly, and should examine their motivations for excessive drinking, is essential and must not be conflated with victim-shaming. This piece admirably avoids that trap.

This is good advice. Women and men should be responsible for their choices to drink and their choices to have sex. It is also important to give women agency - they must look out for themselves. Make smart decisions. Go to parties with friends. Make a pact to look out for one another. Don't drink drinks from open containers. And don't go into private rooms in frats.

I teach high school biology. For three years now, I teach what I call, "Sex Friday" every Friday. For one thing, ninth graders find it almost impossible not to laugh at the name; but that's a hook. I want them engaged. Our school does not have a health education curriculum which means the most important lessons students need go mostly untaught. Their only hope is if they have a "not too reluctant" biology teacher they may receive a cursory five to seven day round of lessons on mostly the diseases and anatomy of sex and pregnancy. My ninth graders learn on their first Friday of high school about the 28 day (average) menstrual cycle and when a female is most likely to get pregnant. I find the NYT to be a treasure trove of content with resources like this article and, "Teenagers: Stop Asking for Nude Photos". We spend an entire year weaving together Planned Parenthood talks, discussing John Oliver's Last Week Tonight's "Sex Education in America" and many, many more topics. It's my favorite day of the week. We do such a disservice minimizing, underplaying, or ignoring what is realistically the MOST important thing they will learn in high school: Sex Education.

Yes to all of this no to the "my day when people had standards ..." nostalgia. Teens are of course nervous about Intimacy and the best way to deal with that is fostering an open and honest dialogue.

This is such an important conversation to have with young people. I also think it is interesting that as a culture we ignore the fact that alcohol is illegal for anyone under 21. We all know that our teens drink alcohol and we talk about it leading to all sorts of unfortunate outcomes and yet we do not address the consumption of underage alcohol use. It's feels incongruent and I wish we would address it along with all the consequences. And I respect that this article is not about alcohol- thank you Lisa.