Hiding My Cancer Under the Hijab

Thank you for sharing such a personal story, and I hope you are in good health now. I'm sorry to be tangential to the topic, but I stumbled across this story as I was attempting to learn more. I'm wondering, is a Muslim woman expected to wear a hijab if she has no hair? (If, of course, they interpret the Quran to say they're expected to wear one to begin with.)

I did my breast cancer treatment 12 years ago. I did not bother putting anything on my bald head at home, and usually wore a little hat out in public, not because I was embarrassed but because there are so many people who have lost someone to cancer and I did not want to be a reminder to them of that loss. Of course they could probably tell anyway, as I had no eylashes or eyebrows. We were invited to a party, and while I usually did not wear a wig - I found them scratchy and generally bothersome - I decided to start the party with one of the borrowed wigs, the one that was most like my own brown hair. Halfway through the party, I repaired to the bathroom and switched it for the very blonde one. The consensus among the men at the party was that they preferred me as a blonde! And I had more fun!

May Allah SWAT grant you recovery with His magical power and lead you back to a normal life. The appeal of a long life for you will always in my prayers! Be strong, the world needs an ideal women like you!

I love this article. Thank you for sharing.

Beautifully written. I wish you the very best through your treatment. ❤️

This is a brave story filled with hope, love and honesty, and I thank you for this. My wish for you is good health plus joy and peace as you recover from your ordeal. I do not pray but I do have thoughts of optimism for you and I will keep you in my optimistic thoughts.

I'm so happy and grateful for you and your family that you were able to come out the other side to be together, and I'm sorry for the loss of your mom. My dear friend's birthday would have been yesterday, so I felt extra emotional reading this today, and especially glad that you're recovering. She loved singing happy birthday at the American cancer society's Making Strides Walk in Westport ever year - and she was the number one fundraiser, which drove me crazy because I worried about her draining her energy. But she pushed so hard because she believed, with everything she had, that a world with more birthdays had to be made possible for every woman. Reading about you and your family, I'm so glad that you will celebrate so many more birthdays together. Here's to a world with MANY, MANY more birthdays for all women with breast cancer and survivors of breast cancer. And please - monthly self exams everyone. Please.

Thank you for sharing. Sending my prayers to you and best wishes.

I was initially devastated when I started to lose my hair about a week after my first of 6 chemo treatments for ovarian cancer. I had cut my long hair short, to about 6 inches, before treatment started. When it began to fall out in 6-inch long itchy clumps, I went to Fantastic Sam's and had it buzzed to a quarter inch. There I experienced just one of the many kindnesses done to me during treatment. The sweet young hairdresser wouldn't take my money. She said "we don't charge cancer patients!" When the quarter inch stubble began to fall out, my husband shaved the rest of it off with his electric shaver. The appearance of my head became one of the few things I could control. I could shave the stubble that grew back in the 3 weeks between each round of chemo. When my head became totally shiny and smooth, I got a henna tattoo on my scalp, with another cancer friend. I could walk around cueball bald in Boulder, where literally no one noticed me. Showers were a snap! No shampoo, no conditioner needed! Just a quick wash with my favorite bar soap and I was good to go. Being bald in public became a way for other cancer patients to bond with me, to share their stories of hair and healing. How we manage the loss of our hair during cancer treatment is a profound experience. I wish the good doctor the best of health and celebrate the return of her lovely crown!

Dr. Khandakar, I, too, lost my hair but wore a wig. I was uncomfortable being bald in front of others. But as your husband said, it’s just hair. Since my cancer experience, I have never complained about a “ bad hair day” and never taken my health for granted. I know each experience with cancer is so different but you are indeed brave. I know the true meaning of that word. I am sending you my most positive wishes for your recovery and continued good health.

"it's just hair". This line of your husband is superb. Thank you for sharing your story. It sends into us a wave of bravery and courage.

My sister, how you react (or don't) and why you do as you do or don't are matters for yourself. Only try to be as kind to yourself as you are to your family. G_d bless.

When my mother was dying of cancer in her 60s, the burden that most upset her was losing her hair. So here are strong wishes for a quick recovery--including a healthy head of hair.

Thank you so much Dr. Khandakar. Your story is so powerful because it was not written mostly from a physician's perspective , but rather more from a daughter, a sister and lastly from a patient point of view. Your husband's minimal concern about your loss of your hair but focusing rather on the challenges/complexity of the battle ahead clearlly highlights the fact that men/husbands also goes through the process .With the right guidance and willingness to be proactive, they can a be a great source of strength.

Thank you for sharing your story. You have a wonderful way with words -- so honest and forthright. While I am not going through anything as difficult as cancer, your description of not wanting your family to feel fear or distress really rang true with me. Hiding one's thoughts or fears is a real burden. I am sending you positive energy to overcome your challenges.

Brave and moving. Thank you for sharing your story with us.

Women, in most cultures including Western culture, are conditioned to put everyone else's needs ahead of their own, conditioned not to take up too much space with their problems or needs. In healthy and rich North America, we often lack the skills to discuss death or illness. Both of these sad truths underscore this article.

Thank you for sharing your beautiful story, Saema. Wishing you good health.

Saema, Alhamdolillah, I'm very glad, MashaAllah you recovered from such disease. It is truly an inspiring story for cancer patients. How you handle your immediate family members during such challenging circumstances is remarkable. Defiantly your story will help millions of cancer patients. My recommendation your story should be translated & published in many languages and distributed to cancer clinics. MashaAllah you have God gifted ability to express, please continue writing. Thank you,

Beautifully insightful and very touching.

Sending many good wishes, much love, and good thoughts toward you and your wonderful supportative family. Your essay brought me to tears for its honesty, courage, and humor in the wake of a very difficult disease. Thank you for sharing your experience with us.

Dear Friends of all Faiths and even those of no faith, It is pure horror to my very core to watch so many people do damage to themselves in the name of their faith. We have a young hospice live-in worker of Islamic faith but we can't teach her certain things for her job of elder terminal care for fear that it might breach her faith. Many friends suffer with weight faith caused problems but none dare utter words on this, especially to females. Men, not related, can't touch skin or even say things that would be crucial for good health and longevity so the only thing I do is cry in my heart. Equally sad, less than 1% of the US Muslim women will read this excellent and most needed article but the greater sadness is that, of over 600,000,00, yes 6 hundred million Muslim females, less than 30, 000 will read it originally so I ask that less than 30,000, PLEASE share it with your sisters. They need it so badly. Share it internationally, send it to every country with Muslim people. Spread the words and save lives. Ask men to share it with relatives, just get the news out to all. Thank you.

This is beautifully written and so inspiring. Thank you for sharing it, Dr. Khandakar.

Your story is a gift to its readers. Thank you. I wish you the best of health.

Thank you. Tears. Thank you.

Cancer is very painful. I am glad that God has given you enough courage to face it. Your hijab is a blessing in disguise for you. Your anxiety to cover head in front of your children is very much understood and appreciated. I wish you and your family members bright future.

As I type this, I have tears in my eyes. Your courage and spirit are admirable. May you live a long and healthy life, and pass your steadfastness onto your daughters.

Your fervour is simply breathtaking. Tapping into those emotions in such a raw and vulnerable manner definitely takes a lot of courage and makes you even stronger! Thank you for sharing. Sending lots of love your way.

Thank you for sharing your inspiring story.

This was so beautiful to read. Your strength is inspiring! So many people go through struggles that are unseen. A reminder to display empathy and kindness always.

Brave and beautiful words. I am touched by the intersection of what you know as a physician and what you feel as a mother/sister/daughter as you faced a monumental challenge. The hope you get to us inspiring. All the best to you!

Thank you for writing this.

Thank you.

Familial breast cancer is possible. Has Dr. Khandakar been tested, and if positive, will she share the info with her family?

Wonderful essay, I hope to read more of your writing!

Beautiful — thank you for sharing!

Thank you for your beautiful essay!

What a beautiful narrative by a talented writer! I hope to read more of her story. This young mother retells a story of trauma into a story of resilience, humor and bravery. Thank you for this gift.