Remember this? Our mothers counseled that it was untoward for women to out men of their abusive behavior because they have careers, families and futures needing protecting. This was the orientation toward Anita Hill that got Clarence Thomas his seat on the bench. No more! It stops here and it stops now!!
74
What happens to a dream deferred?...Does it explode?
I will vote. And we will see.
41
Even though I get that you are using some extreme language to convey the depths of your anger at male sexual harrasers, your words are in turn too extreme.
Real change in male misbehavior happens not when a female victim lives out her revenge fantasy, but rather when society imposes real costs on the male offenders.
So if you believe that Louis C.K. or Matt Lauer should pay higher social prices for their misconduct -- and I believe they should -- then do the lifting needed to make a compelling argument. Your revenge fantasies are irrelevant.
17
More recently, it was credibly confirmed by Yale professors that Kavanaugh kept his judicial hires to gorgeously dressed women. Significantly, his friend--whose name is part of the discussion, wrote a book "Loyola Prep," detailing the boozy debauchery of Kavanaugh's circle. Their high school year book was quite misogynistic.
How was it that a former law clerk to Scalia tweeted google maps of Kavanaugh's classmates who could have been at the party Kavanaugh "doesn't remember?"
And located another classmate to blame instead of Kavanaugh--smearing the man's name by providing it online? Those fortunately were screen-saved by savvy citizen journalists.
Patriarchy indeed.
62
Ever since I heard an administrator at a certain Ivy League college repeatedly use the "boys will be boys" platitude as a lame attempt to excuse sexual harassment and violence against both women and men, and saw friends of mine on the receiving end, I've tended to believe the accusers. Kavanaugh's boilerplate blanket denial — coached by a media team who deny everything on standing orders from the Denier-in-Chief — rings hollow, and demands not only investigation, but full public airing. If Republican senators like Hatch and Grassley persist in their "blame and shame the victim" defense of Kavanaugh in a biased interrogation, retribution at the ballot box and confrontation at public events is more than justified. Will a few moderate Republicans grow a spine, and scuttle this nomination, or will they cave to Trump again?
59
Even though I cannot speak to the sexual harassment of women, and as a male, I am acutely aware of my inability to understand. However, I truly can understand the desire to burn down the frat houses. Anyone who has had to scrape by and work and toil to put oneself through college, can certainly understand the not-so-subtle hatred of the spoiled rich kids in frat houses. Those of us who had to work, and study, didn't have time for drunken baccanals and for lewd commentary. We were just trying to survive, and it infuriated each and every one of us, when you would see the hungover frat boys wandering around campus with privilege written all over them. Yeah I'd like to burn down the frat houses too, so the writer can count on my support, bring on the torches.
62
I am still wondering why some people keep equating Bill Clinton with men who assault and rape women. While being one of the most irresponsible things ever done, Bill did not rape or assault anyone ( but Hillary's trust ). He was one of two willing participants. Stop the nonsense.
We are tired of having our bodies and our souls abused by men and we are tired of asking for the same rights to go about unmolested.
We are tired of the patronization, the rationalizations, the excuses and the lame responses from our fathers, brothers, friends and peers. It is time for you to stand up and do the right thing or shut up and listen.
"Revenge is what you pursue when justice doesn't serve."
58
Women cannot understand men because they cannot understand testosterone.
And so women judge men harshly and men feel the judgement is unfair.
The age-old gender war will escalate, with losers on both sides.
9
Great article. Powerful. I am confronting sexual abuse by my grandfather that happened some 20 years ago. It's painful, it's troubling, it's not easy, but it is necessary. The rage I have felt toward him turned inward, and it made me numb, unable to function at the level I knew I could, yet I didn't know - and still don't know - the full level of this rage, because my self is protecting myself. If I did know it, feel it, I am sure that it would be dangerous. So I let it come slowly, and I have referred the matter to local police, something I thought I would never do. #MeToo
60
Your key line: There aren’t many stories about men righting their wrongs; even fewer about women making men sorry.
It's the enablers, the bystanders, both men, and women but mostly men, that can call out the bully. I wrote a blog exploring how to address this lack of spine and people protecting individuals over policy, mission, and purpose. This happens in boardrooms, churches, governments, and social complexity in general. For those interested, here is the blog: https://www.holisticmanagement.guide/blog/2018/1/11/466ht72fa8i5eu43zqqx...
12
What an overwrought essay. Lets not forget that there was no corroborating evidence in the Anita Hill affair. None. No one supported her testimony and many came forward to flatly reject it. Its the same in the Kavanaugh hearing. The people Blasey-Ford named as being present flatly reject her story.
The similarities between Hill and Blasey-Ford are that there is no corroborating testimony to support the accusation and the left is trying to destroy a conservative nominee in way possible. Its a disgusting spectacle.
27
Yup. The "patriarchy" sure did protect Terence Crutcher and Botham Jean. It's a good thing that their killers were promptly arrested and convicted.
Oh wait. Their killers weren't in frats you say?
Their killers weren't even white men??
Wow, now I AM confused. I thought patriarchy is supposed to protect men and oppress women. It seems to have done precisely the opposite for Mr. Crutcher and Mr. Jean. That doesn't seem to jibe with Weiner's description of the world. I think she might be (deliberately) leaving some very important things out.
11
The best revenge, as well as defense, is not having men in your life. The benefits are limited.
21
Fantasy and novels express the deepest desires of humans. Ms. Weiner fails to understand that most men, probably including her husband, desire and think about sex constantly, want to use and, occasionally, abuse women and don't care about a woman's emotions.
3
I'm a middle aged white man. I grew up in the south. I was in a fraternity. And I agree with every word of this piece. I share Weiner's outrage at how little has changed in the 27 years since Anita Hill. I don't know what to do. I vote. I donate to progressive causes. But the neanderthals just won't budge.
91
Thank you. My family remembers what has happened to its mothers, wives, and daughters. My wife and I cheerfully send our daughter off, but worry and ruminate once she has gone. And for good reason. When will we finally once and for all fix this godforsaken mess?
29
"I am angry. I’m beyond angry. As the spectacle of Judge Kavanaugh’s nomination unfolds, I find myself stuck in a simmer of rage." So do I. But for the sake of a man with unimpeachable character smeared by political assassins. Of the five people Ford says were present at her alleged assault, four have now given sworn statements denying Ford's account. Ford is the only one of those five people who has still refused to make a statement under oath, making her liable to perjury. Reflexive, partisan anger (like yours) is cheap, but if you want to understand why the Democrats lost the last election, and why their influence over the Supreme Court continues to erode, you would do well to realize that, outside the NYT bubble, more than half the country feels the way I do.
20
How many times do women need to witness a spectacle like Thomas, Clinton, and Kavanaugh in their lifetime and hear “maybe this time it will mobilized us to change” or “lead to a new era”?
The reality is that we have been changing the world, but men are stuck. It’s men who need to change. They need to be re-socialized everyday, every generation.
We women are always living within a hairs breathe of loosing our freedoms and rights as we are now.
Just ask the women of 1970’s Iran or 2018 Turkey.
It can happen here and the tragedy is that there seems to be many women who support that lose of freedom.
Trump and the GOP are the ones at the forefront here in the USA of resisting that change. Read Michelle Alexander’s opinion piece in the NYTimes today.
31
I would think that Harvey Weinstein, Bill Cosby, Roger Ailes, Bill O'Reilly, Matt Lauer, Les Moonves, etc. etc. would beg to differ that "The Patriarchy will always have its revenge". The author may not have noticed but these individuals have become social pariahs and several may spend a great deal of time incarcerated. The world is changing beneath our feet but the author's blind rage as expressed in this screed seems to make her incapable of realizing that.
7
Let me suggest Euripides' Medea as well. Although he wrote that tragedy about 2500 years ago, it's right in line with this fiery article of yours. The Ancient Greeks were huge misogynists, yet they gave voice to women's anger. "Medea" is full of quotable lines about privileged men and women's rage.
9
As to fraternities, on the whole, I think we'd be better off if they disappeared tomorrow.
75
For what it's worth, the movies Kill Bill (volumes 1 and 2) are all about a woman (played by Uma Thurman) taking revenge on her would-be assassins. Not a classic like "Little Women," but still.
17
“I want revenge."
“I want power."
“I want money."
“I want to be loved and not love in return.”
That's wanting to be a Man, a He-Man, a monster. Most men don't want or have that. Most men don't get revenge, don't get power, don't get all that much money, and most men dream of loving and being loved in return. Go ahead, burn the frat house of America to the ground, but realize that most men don't live in it. Never did; never wanted to. Frat boys and their spoiled, privileged class made our lives, our adolescence, a torment and humiliation as well. And sorority sisters and their spoiled, privileged class cheered them on, while getting in a few kicks of their own. It's only if one, oneself, belongs to a spoiled, privileged class that one can imagine all the ills and injustice of the world boiled down to men versus women, blind to the rest.
39
Perfectly charming article. Sort of feminist version of Sade.
12
I think women came out in numbers to vote in the 2016 Presidential Election and they mostly voted for Donald J. Trump. I didn't.
13
History teaches that the inevitable outcome of persistent, progressive inequality is revolution. This test holds for income / wealth distribution as well.
Burn indeed. Burn, baby. Burn.
20
Republicans really don’t care
If you do then you must vote for democrats across the board on November 6th
Nothing else you do will matter if democrats don’t route republicans across the senate and House on Nov 6th.
29
@FrancesDrake - vigilantism is indeed not the answer, but for the survival of the spirit, it can make for one heck of a fantasy.
11
How can I help (burn down the frat house, that is)? Remembering my college days, many young men should have been ousted from the university for their behavior toward women. Some should have been arrested!
49
From the moment women are old enough to talk, we are on one hand bombarded with messages about being sexy and thin and desirable, and on the other we are told over and over to not tempt men who apparently can not control themselves. Don’t dress provocatively, don’t get in elevators alone with a man you don’t know, don’t walk alone, don’t drink too much or lose control when in mixed company. Don’t walk like that, don’t talk like that, etc. because if you do and a man attacks you it is your fault, you are to blame, and of course you should be ashamed of whatever you did to cause him to lose control. I have had enough, I don’t want this for my daughter or myself, and we are not willing to go back to the days of shutting up and taking it.
39
Great column! Reminded me why I’ve watched Kill Bill three times...
12
Burn?
What do you want to build?
If you think that in this nihilistic venture, women are your allies, please do think again. Women fully collude, implicitly or explicitly, in the perpetuation of the frat house you speak of, figuratively. But even if we get literal, there would be not one frat house on any campus if women did not regularly sneak in, and leave unworried about walking in shame. If you think men will get in your way, think again.
Call me when you want to build something for my daughters, not when you want to burn anything down.
10
My Mother, rest her soul, was an immigrant to the USA. When I was a young boy she told me about an accountant, Brett Butler in Rochester NY, who hired her as a bookkeeper.
Mr. Butler sexually harassed my Mother, who was only trying to make it in America doing honest work. While my Mother grew to run her own accounting business, she always remembered how Mr. Butler treated her and she devoted many, many hours of volunteer time at battered women’s shelters.
My Mother was sexually harassed by a little man; I’ve never forgotten this and I remember exactly where I was when my Mother told me the story 43 years ago.
31
I don't really believe you have what it takes to burn the frat house of America to the ground. The leaders were selected for office by corporate interests and you are likely not going to do anything about the corporations. Most people are good consumers and thus feed the monsters that select their tormentors. You all believe the stock market is an indication of a strong economy and you believe a strong economy is important. You will do as most people do and complain and expect someone else to do something.
The methods used by politicians to manipulate their bases contains all the racism and sexism that you claim to detest. The corporations may say they want equal rights, but more important is that the GOP, or at least corporate friendly politicians, are in office, giving them favorable laws that allows them larger profits. So, as long as the corporations select the politicians you'll get rule by old white men, because they have no qualms about using others like slaves. They just don't care, and if you thought you might guilt them into doing one small thing to help any other human being, you were dead wrong. It's all about the money. If you don't affect the money you'll get no change at all
21
The phenomenon of Donald Trump has been an education of patriarchy to me. For the first time since Nov 9, 2016, I’m beginning to feel that he is “god’s gift to women” - just not the way he thought of.
19
It needs to come to the point that there are as many if not more women than men that are our representatives at every level in every branch. Until then it will never! change. Vote!
16
A commenter writers "Most men I know support decent, equal treatment for everyone. But the tone and content of this piece is not likely to enlist male allies."
Well, let me tell you something. We're not in this to win "male allies". We're in this to stop being groped, to stop being pawed, to stop being raped. And we've tried "the nice way" that you men seem to think so much of, for centuries. And where has it gotten us? To the point that a would be rapist will be sitting on the U.S. Supreme Court, and "most men" don't seem to have any problem with this at all.
I'm a woman in my sixties, who was in a male dominated profession. I have a daughter in her late twenties, also entering a profession dominated by men, and for the past decade or more, she's come to understand exactly what I told her to watch out for. The disgusting leers. The grabs. The slurs. And if she complains about any of this, she is the problem, not the man.
So I honestly don't care whether I gain any "allies" in this fight. If a man doesn't understand that sexual assault is wrong, I don't want that person as an "ally". He is my enemy. He is my daughter's enemy, and he always will be. Because no matter what, we women will be the victims. And no matter what, the Kavanaugh episode teaches us that men never have to pay the price for their crimes.
75
Senator Collins has said that if Kavanaugh is lying, it is disqualifying. Not only is he lying, he's trying to shift the blame onto someone else. Is this the kind of person you want on the Supreme Court?
In your own life, is this the kind of person you want to work with? Someone who blames someone else so that he can get ahead in the office? If he was a surgeon, is this the kind of person you want operating on you or someone in your family? If he was a cop, is this the kind of person you would want policing your neighborhood?
Remember the cartoon of a hunter pointing a gun at a grizzly, and the grizzly is pointing to another bear?
20
Thank you for this honest, passionate article. As I read the comments, I am sickened to see how many continue to argue that generalizing to all men is not the way to go. They have no problems telling yet another woman that her anger is misplaced, her tone is all wrong, and that she does not know what her feelings are or should be. It is amazing how much women's emotions and opinions are treated as disposable and either irrational or calculating. Ms. Weiner, thank you for giving voice to anger, disgust, and disappointment at this ongoing patriarichal abuse. Everyone deserves better.
25
Thank you for you powerful piece. I'm a Vietnam Era Veteran and I can tell you that 95% of women who serve or have served in the military have experienced Military Sexual Trauma. I too want to throw them out of a helicopter!
Girls should be taught self-defense in kindergarten!
35
Brilliantly said with justified anger and outrage.
18
I’m a member of Weiner’s amen chorus and I’ve had my share of workplace experiences with crude jokes or unwelcome, lips-puckered lunges — mostly from guys I wouldn’t have wanted to come close to without a stick in my hand. But one of the most unfortunate aspects of this whole sexual landscape are women who shrug at these advances and say we should be grateful for the attention.
Kavanaugh has already lied about his position on Roe vs. Wade as “settled law” and Susan Collins decided to buy it and find it charming. And he will hang on for this appointment like grim death because he knows he has his crony elites and venal vote counters like McConnell on his side.
His cavalier answers to the senators questions already disqualify him from the high court just like Thomas’s creepy outrage about a “high-tech lynching” did but it won’t matter. There is no one with the courage or rectitude to stop these guys.
32
So much anger in this opinion piece! We need just as much anger about things like Puerto Rico, family separations, unjustified wars (like Iraq), people without healthcare coverage, people who go hungry needlessly, people languishing years in prison for minor offenses, people burdened by enormous student loans with endless payments etc
14
All assaults on women, from verbal to physical, are a form of bullying. Women are not the only targets of bullies. We have company. Boys, men of color, gays, old people, poor people, disabled people, anyone who is "different" are also bully targets. What is the best way to respond to bullying? First you have to recognize it and women need some education on that. "You're looking good today, Ms. Jones" may not be a compliment. A superior's directive to "stop by my hotel room to go over some papers" may not be a work assignment. Then, women need to confront bullies when and where they act, especially in front of other people, especially the bully's colleagues and friends. Most bullies act when and where there are no witnesses. When that happens, tell about it immediately, not next week, not next year. None of this is easy. It takes a sense of worth, self-esteem and power many women don't have but standing up helps develop that self-esteem. We may have to fake it until we make it.
14
I wish I had written every word of this, for Jennifer’s feelings are my own. Thank you, Jennifer Weiner for sharing my own feelings so brilliantly!
I have been actively trying my entire life to help us all share in this country’s bounty. I called and met with the EEOC, I participated in the class action suits against unfair employers. I have knocked on doors and worked to help others vote. I saw some change and thought, it will only get better. But now I know better. We must fight EVERY day! We must support our sisters when they stand up. We must never rest! Those white men sitting in the Senate on the Republican side of things have demonstrated that absolutely NO progress has been made.
30
I’m sick of hearing generalizations about men. Most men have nothing to do with the boorish behavior being discussed recently. If it were other groups being maligned, painting with such a broad brush would not be tolerated, much less embraced as trendy, as it has become.
22
Everything you are saying about societal attitudes is true.
We just don't know if there is factual, verifiable, undoubtable proof that Mr. Kavanaugh did what he is alleged to have done 40 years ago by one woman's word.
That is the bottom line.
If we throw out all objectivity in our legal system and we just go on whim, instinct, suspicion, sounds real, seems like it could have been, all men are like that, and I want revenge, then we will all descend into a society of barbarism, violence, and madness.
11
Citing Lady Macbeth in this context is curious to me, and a telling choice, since she bullied her (otherwise passively virtuous) husband into committing regicide so that she could become queen. What was left of her conscience drove her into madness.
How we reveal ourselves!
7
I too have felt so angry about this Kavanaugh mess. Thanks for putting my anger into words.
17
Ms Weiner has made and continues to make her name and fortune by writing ( usually fiction) about the bad behavior of men. In her fiction, the heroines “get them back”. In the real world men are not all bad and women have complicated relationships with them. We marry them, we employ them, we give birth to them and nurture them, we report to them, we compete with them and we team with them. It is in no ones best interest to promote gender stereotypes and stoke resentment. I wish the NYT would promote more nuanced voices in this current debate. That is what I would like our daughters to read and emulate.
16
Tired of hearing about the Patriarchy. Women have had the right to vote for almost 100 years now and make up half the population. If you want change, and you clearly do and should, vote for women at every level, from small town school boards to presdential candidates.
14
I’m sorry you have these feelings, but they are unwarranted. Has Judge Thomas or Judge Kavanaugh ever exhibited these tendencies since then? Given what we know about human memory — that is, that it is completely unreliable — should we condemn anyone based on a singie person’s memory with no corroborating evidence? Think about it. it’s a slipper slope.
11
I believe it starts with the parents, with the values and examples that young boys are given at home about how to treat others, including girls. There is no little boy who is born already thinking that he is going to be an abuser of women when he grows up. Children learn by example. When sex gets involved - and it gets involved very, very early, a lot earlier than many parents want to admit - we see the price we pay for not putting in the work of teaching our children better when they were younger. Some parents never get it, will enable and make excuses for the terrible behavior of their sons. Read the recent article in The Washington Post about the 15 yr old girl who was raped by two 17 yr old boys who got away with it in part thanks to the failure of one mother - who wasn't even the mother of the one of the rapists - who declined to call the police when she learned not long after it had occurred what had happened to the girl. She didn't believe her. And the party with underage drinking and drug use occurred at her home with her knowledge. Parents have simply got to step up and do a better job of educating their sons to have fundamental respect for not just girls but all other human beings besides themselves. Period.
17
Exactly. A very precise expression of my rage at this moment...
8
I have to imagine these things aren't near as bad in those "terrible socialist" countries like Denmark.
If so, why is that?
I am guessing it is culture.
Of course, they have universal healthcare and they don't have the poverty we have.
We have parts of the US with infant mortality rates the same as Botswana and we have the highest incarceration rate in the world.
No wonder they are way ahead of the US on the Happiness Index.
Hopefully, we can fix our male privilege problem and all the rest of these things and catch up to the rest of the first world.
On the other hand, we elected Trump. And that was after the Access Hollywood video.
5
Most men resent women being independent , not needing their support to bring the bacon home . It has been ingrained into their pyches , their thinking, and treatment of women . Very biblical . St Paul who advocated women should not be heard , cover her head at worship , walk behind her husband, and be obedient to his every whim . One need not have dark fantasies , but keep holding men accountable for their" locker room talk " and behavior towards women . Anita Hill was treated disgracefully by the "men" of the senate lets not have a repeat . Kavanaugh might have been a teenager but knew right from wrong and therefore would be unfit to sit in the Supreme court . Let's not have a Clarence Thomas repeat .
13
I don’t condone violence of any sort, however, when a child of mine at any age is assaulted, rules don’t apply. Daggers would be out and utilized. I wouldn’t condone it, I’d just implement justice with an immediacy not possible in the Justice system.
My daughter recently gave birth to my first granddaughter. We call her Fierce. She needs to be just that, Fierce.
I never want my granddaughter to experience the disrespect, sexual vulnerability, or intellectual trivialization that both my Daughter and I have. She is Fierce!
13
I can not imagine the pain and suffering of the many women who have been violated. It is terrible, whether you are a perpetrator or aid a perpetrator in avoiding justice.
8
Loved this peace! May your daughters rule the world or at least their world.
4
Let’s start with the premise that “all MEN are created equal.” If an elected official subscribes to that tenet, where does a female go from there. She votes them out.
5
My former husband and father of my two children physically assaulted me multiple times at the end of our marriage. He threatened me with my life if I left him. I had sex with him to keep him calm and protect my children. He also physically attacked his first wife and his teenage son from his first marriage. There were witnesses, a police report, and an injunction.
When I disclosed this to the court-appointed Guardian ad Litem (GAL) after our divorce, the GAL wrote in his first report to the court that I had anger issues and that I provoked my ex-husband to anger - there was absolutely no mention of his history of domestic violence. My attorney subsequently suggested that I no longer bring up my ex-husband’s frightening and threatening rages, because it will only be used against me in court. This is present-day Florida. This is our court system.
Nothing has changed since the first time I was subject to sexual harassment while working as a professional engineer in 1990. Nothing. Only now the patriarchy has MORE power over women and is able to not only maintain it, but enhance it.
I hold my teenage son and teenage daughter to higher standards of self-respect and respect for others than our leaders, our president, and now a SCOTUS candidate. I am beyond dumbfounded, dismayed and disillusioned.
16
Powerful piece. Timely. Entirely justified position, too. And speaking of burning down, a literary recommendation: Naomi Alderman's "The Power." It's electric.
8
Thank you, Jennifer. You expressed my feelings so beautifully. Each time I think I have overcome, I run into another wall of patriarchy. Getting tired now. Watching this Kavanaugh episode is making me angrier and angrier. Why is our word constantly derided and deemed irrelevant over theirs? Can you imagine what would have happened if Hillary Clinton had been accused of something similar?
8
An article such as this always results in me continuing to ask the same question over and over again. Why do Americans, especially some women, vote for those(especially rich old entitled Republican white men)that when it comes to their attitudes and how they perceive women has remained essentially the same since the 1950's? Any wonder why this battle continues to be fought?
I say again, for the umpteenth time, whether it is healthcare, minimum wage, gun control, women's rights and the list goes on an on, for once, vote for someone who cares and will actually do something about it!
12
Thank you Jennifer you made my day! I am beyond angry at where we are 27 years after Anita Hill and now we are about to see a freak show that will make her hearing look normal.
7
When you burn those frat houses, please evacuate them first. Not all within are guilty of crimes. I have friends whose sons joined frats at big state universities when they felt lost in the crowd. Maybe not the best decision, but these guys aren’t monsters either. In this moment, we are rightly focused on the abuse women have long tolerated as the price of being female. The outrage is justified, and the problem is pervasive. But pull the lens back a bit, and think about what we ask, in fact demand, of young men. When my respectful, gentle (myopic, flat-footed, peanut-allergic) sons turned eighteen they each had to register for the draft. Ok, there is no active draft, but still, these kids could be summoned to war, to be killed, and to kill other people’s sons. We have always asked of men that they be ready to make an “other” of human beings at war, so these others can be dehumanized enough to be killable. My kids had friends who served in Afghanistan, and we rightly thank them for their service, but what a terrible sacrifice we ask of them; to be willing to kill others. In a million different ways, we valorize our military, we declare it essential. How do we square this for young men? Non-violence and respect for the individual in every arena of life must be our goal, one we are very far from achieving.
11
“Hard Candy”. I highly recommend it. A visceral tour de force by Ellen Page.
6
Some of the comments here are all the evidence that women need to know that the author is 100% right.
9
"Stories matter tremendously. They’re how we learn about who is real and who’s less consequential; whose pain is important and whose, not so much; who is the hero and who is merely the hero’s reward."
Black men, black women, and children have been victims of violence at far greater rates than privileged white women like yourself. Your pain is important, but theirs has never been been.
6
John Cassidy, the New Yorker columnist, says this is the third time Trump has appointed a graduate of the exclusive and ultra-expensive Georgetown Preparatory School to top government positions -- Gorsuch and Cavanaugh to the Supreme Court and Jerome Powell as Federal Reserve chair.
Surely there are other Americans, women, for example, qualified for these positions.
https://www.newyorker.com/news/our-columnists/how-brett-kavanaughs-hobbl...
9
Julia Sugarbaker would be proud! Keep writing, keep fighting.
6
I agree with many commenters that revenge by women is not the answer and likely will not result in an outcome that we want. But I agree also with the title of of Weiner's piece--the patriarchy will always insist on revenge against women for the crime, the insult to their masculinity, of being female. How dare we demand to be considered fellow human beings? Unforgivable.
5
Revenge is negative energy. I bought a used laptop computer recently from someone who lied 8 ways from Sunday about what it can and can't do. It was old and almost useless and I paid too much for it.
So what do I do? Do I call and harass the seller, (he's not going to answer the phone anyway) Do I spend my time staking him out and them confronting him when I finally see him? Then when I do see him to I risk arrest by beating him up?
If I do all that I lose my time, and the positive things I could have done for myself with it. No I just take the loss an move on with a lesson learned.
4
I'm angry too!I have talked to my sons,the whole time they were growing up,about the inequality.I believe other Moms did too.I think we have a future in the next generation.I think they will be the next "greatest generation",aware of bigotry,misogyny,inequality,and be willing to finally stop it.Hope is eternal.
8
Yes, it's just as the author says it is. Let's try to make things better. And some appropriate revenge would not be out of place, either.
4
Eloquent rage is nice. There's no shortage of this. But while women vote at a higher rate then men (46% vs 40% in 2016 according to a Rutgers study), that 46% is a pretty small number given the times in which we live and the impact women could have in 2018 and 2020. Let's get out the vote!
5
Besides this (enormous) issue, I think about the one million pages of documents that Republicans refuse to let Democrats see, about Kavanaugh's actions during the GW Bush Administration. Bush lied us into a war, justified torture and, like Trump, tried to restrict criticism of his actions. There had to be Kavanaugh decisions supporting all that, and my guess is that the information on that would hurt the judge's reputation even more.
8
This goes far beyond a he said, she said situation. Judge Kavanaugh has nothing to lose by remaining silent and being steadfast in his denial. Dr. Ford has everything to lose by coming forward and testifying in a show trial, exposing the hypocrisy of not having a complete and full investigation of this matter.
7
I found this piece to be brilliant---gave me the chills to read--the burning hot sensation of truth searing my insides. I thank you for being who you are and trusting your instincts and thinking on this world---oh how we need more of what you're putting out there--how this is the medicine and tonic that jolts us into awakening--this is the kind of larger and deeper understanding we need to be guiding us to what needs to come next. Thank you.
12
Ah, if everything was really this simple: "Men bad."
The sad fact is that it is much more complex. Women, too, are active participants in the abuse of other women. Witness the number of women who voted for Trump, knowing his attitudes and treatment of women. They watched him looming over Clinton during the debates, intimidating her with his size, and said 'So what?"
Look at the number of Evangelicals, half of them women, who support Trump. They, of course, don't want anyone messing with their daughters, but if it's someone else's daughter, then "So what?"
Why do actresses in film do nude scenes? They didn't used to, and were stars. It is a completely unnecessary act that debases all women. But they get paid, so it's "So what?"
It is men who engage in these grotesque behaviors, but it is far too many women who enable them.
It is an awful problem for women. But the problem is not just men. If all women, Republicans, Evangelicals, wives of Trump supporters, actresses, etc., would say "no more," then their voices would be added to the many men's voices who are just as sickened by this conduct of some men.
And it would stop.
11
It may come to pass that these shrill cries of revenge will fade away because the millennia-old gender war will be over.
Since 1973 testosterone and sperm count and fertility has decreased by 60% in North America, Europe, Australia and New Zealand. (But not in South America, Asia, or Africa.)
The cause is said to be endocrine-disrupting chemicals in the environment, particularly phthalates, and other toxins.
The trend is accelerating and in 40 years sperm count will be zero so there will be no more men.
Also no more women.
4
I wish men could understand how frightening the world can be for women. What their mothers, wives, sisters and daughters experience daily is very different from what their fathers, brothers and sons experience.
They are not typically the target of a random violent, potentially deadly act of violence. If targeted at all, there is usually a motive that is related to them. For example, sell drugs on my corner, I’ll kill you or sleep with my wife or insult my girlfriend, I’ll kill you. But for women it’s very different. Take a wrong turn, death. Come across a guy who has had a bad day or have the unfortunate circumstance of being caught alone in an isolated place and raped and murdered.
These are real for women and we live our lives with that underlying our existence. We don’t provoke, “lead on” or tempt men and yet we are still in danger.
Most men don’t have near death experiences at the hands of other men and are not typically victims of rape. But if they were, I guarantee it would be a big deal and they’d want justice.
19
Your voice is so true. It satisfies a desire in me to burn down the frat house, almost, but not quite.
5
The power is in the vote. If women continue to vote for theocratic white male Republicans, they will continue to be second class citizens. This election cycle can be a turning point but it depends on the woman's vote. Don't scream and holler, vote and start a new chapter in the history of the United States of American.
Vote against Republicans and for Equal Rights for women.
15
WOW, this woman is full of rage. I fully understand the anger and desire for justice, and we do need change now for the way women are treated. I want to see that change--not raw hatred, "burn down the frat" or abandon-your-children kind of change. This is just too violent for me. Hold men accountable. Don't vote Republican. Take abusers to court. Teach your sons. Pick up the phone and call HR. But don't burn down anything or abandon your family--it's counterproductive.
9
Ms. Weiner writes as though bad things, ugly memories and unfairness only happens to women. I assure her that both genders are targets in a harsh world. But, storming through society full of rage is the most unproductive way of engaging with it, and in the end, just makes one an easy target. Or, can carry you into madness, as we can almost scarily see in this article.
14
Who could have believed that a documented sex offender could become President of the United States?
Until this travesty is legally reversed America is helpless to seriously address these matters.
8
American women, don't you get it? In 2018, we are still 2nd class citizens! Get out and get the ERA passed, start marching every day/every weekend!
9
I'm a man and i'll gladly light the match to burn frat houses to the ground.
9
Wow! Thanks for writing this. I have a granddaughter who is 7 years old. When she was four, an old man made a nasty old man comment to her. From my response, he thought I was going to rip out his lungs as did everyone within ear shot - and I gladly would have - and I am corporate lawyer. I take my granddaughter to Tae Kwon Do classes. She wants to be a black belt - and I want her to be one too. She is my warrior princess. Her mom, dad and I will not always be there to protect her but I will do everything in my power to make sure she is physically and mentally able to protect herself. I am always amazed at how passive American women are when it comes to sexual harassment. Why? Where does this come from? Or was I just lucky to have parents who didn’t say a word if, when I was kid, I hauled off and punched any boy who harassed me. As a young adult, I must have given off some vibe that communicated “Don’t even think about.” And, no, I was not an ugly duckling- I was my university’s homecoming queen. So let’s hear it for women not tolerating that which no person - female or male - should tolerate.
13
As a man, I have not experienced the types of abuse and discouragement that Ms. Weiner describes. Though I dislike Clarence Thomas and believe Anita Hill, I did not "feel" the Anita Hill episode with the same anguish that Ms. Weiner did. I know hers is a common experience for many American women. I realize that I cannot truly understand their pain.
But I also do not identify with the perpetrators. I am not Bill Cosby, or Harvey Weinstein, or Louis CK. I have never knowingly treated any woman colleague or friend in a demeaning way. I would be horrified to discover that any woman thought I had.
There are good men out there. Do we need to be educated about our unconscious biases? Sure, I imagine we do. But please do not label all men as perpetrators. Please do not imagine that none of us "know how to be sorry" and that none of us know "what it would take to repair the damage [we] have wrought."
People are people. We're all capable of good and bad. I am a good man. I am trying. Don't label me as the enemy.
12
As an expatriate American for fifteen years, I marvel at the steady and unrelenting unraveling of the decency of America. Not a year goes by without a new unethical revelation occurring, now accelerating with the election of Trump.
When a democrat was in the White House, Republicans concentrated on stifling all positive contributions by the president. With a republican in the White House, the Republican Congress is accelerating its destruction of any federal program that supports less advantaged citizens.
With Trump’s unleashing of the most narrow minded citizens, he uses his rallies to inflame the worst and least humane instincts of his supporters.
I resent the income taxes I have to pay for Trump’s misguided efforts as I see no reason to be optimistic for America’s future!
11
I didn't vote for Trump. Millions of republican women voted for Trump and support Kavanaugh. Explain these women, because I cannot. Being a woman, surely you understand them, just as I understand the patriarchy because I'm a man, right?
10
Why is the author pessimistic? It looks to me like the "frat house
of America" has been taken over by women, and therefore no arson
is needed. Here's why.
We have had three eras of scandal that rocked the power structure,
spaced more or less 20 years apart. Watergate was entirely a guy
thing. Women had only cameo roles. (Who was that secretary who
erased 18 minutes of tape?) Then came the Clinton era which brought us both Anita Hill and Monica Lewinsky. So the status of women was definitely part of that script. This time around, with the meteoric rise of the #MeToo movement, everything but women's empowerment as been pushed offstage (ask Vladimir Putin). Even the Second Coming wouldn't be able to undo what women have won.
3
Spot on!
I hope significant change will occur by the time two more generations come to puberty. Not much hope, but a few burning embers still reside within.
5
As a university student, I was riveted by Anita Hill's courageous testimony as she spoke truth to power. Now almost 3 decades later, I am still angry after experiencing similar treatment in a male dominated profession. I want things to be different for my daughters. I am not willing to allow these sexual harassers any come back, they seriously damaged many women's lives.
11
The NY Times could lead the way - by having every one of its male employees summarize all of their inter-actions with women over their lifetime - chronicling each instance when they could have behaved better toward women.
And the NY Times could follow up by publishing the results - with names attached - so that the apologies are genuine and meaningful. Investigative reporters could be assigned to situations that called for more serious inquiry. Resignations and/or criminal procedures would follow, as needed. The wives of any culprits would be provided with detailed reports, in case they wished to use the facts in divorce proceedings.
Ms. Weiner should encourage this cathartic initiative at the NY Times, in order to make the patriarchy at the NY Times accountable too. Leading by example is the way to correct the problem.
3
I got the match. Who has the accelerant.
5
Change is the best revenge. The most important thing we women can to is to raise our beloved sons and grandsons to treat women with respect. We need to make sure that they hear our un-whitewashed stories of our own mistreatment, harassment, and abuse so that they believe and understand our pain.
9
Ross Douthat wrote in the NY Times yesterday:
"Even if Kavanaugh is innocent of the charge of a teenage sexual assault, I argued, to give such prominence and power to a man credibly accused would both leave an unnecessary taint on his future rulings (especially given his appointment by our Playboy president) and alienate social conservatives from the persuadable Americans, women especially, whose support any pro-life program ultimately requires."
In other words, as Ms. Weiner similarly argues, let's just burn down one of America's most cherished tenets, the presumption of innocence until proven guilty.
4
The past few weeks have been trying, not the least of which because I was sexually assaulted by a classmate in the 7th grade, and dealt with an administrator who tried to say it was an issue of "boys will be boys," (she was a woman, but the mother of a son very much in the Kavanaugh mold). I have also relieved the pain of a Cyberbullying campaign started against me by male graduate students when I dared stand up to them on issues such as the child care center on campus. Although married to a good husband and raised by a good father, I agree with Weiner. I want to burn down the palaces of male privilege, the sexism that likely handed Trump his victory by electoral college, and the churches where women support Trumps SCOTUS nominee because they want fetuses born, but are ready to cut SNAP or Medicaid that would help the child once living outside the womb. Not to mention Soon-Yi Priven, who dumps on her adoptive sister so she can prop up Woody Allen's languishing career so she can continue to live a privileged life on the upper East Side. Women have got to support one another, and demand the men in their lives treat all women with dignity and respect, if we are ever to make substantive change.
12
Thank you. An insight that is specific and familiar and a call to clearer action that is much needed.
How can we get you sharing it live to millions?
3
I agree with the anger and frustration of this essay, although I'm not sure I agree with the conclusion that I want to teach my ten year old daughter to crave revenge or to have a vicious attitude towards the world, abandoning her children or seeking love in order not to return it. It doesn't sound like a very appealing alternative. Women should be taught to be stronger and to assert and to fight through the preconceptions that are so nefarious in our society- and constantly reinforced in media, to my utter disgust. But I'd like my daughter to be better than the men we see today who treat others without respect, and who hide the truth and don't repent. It is time to rewrite the narrative but I am hoping for characters who can be much better in general, not just getting women to be as bad as the not so great men characters.
2
Not so long ago, most jobs required brute strength, and most women with normal sex lives had lots of babies. Western civilization was created under these conditions.
Neither of those things is true anymore, and Western civilization is adapting. It might not be fast enough for some people, but it is happening. And history shows us that no group gives up power willingly. Diane Feinstein would fight just as hard to protect her seat as would any male politician.
But Diane Feinstein is not facing a group backlash against her type. No one of any stature is saying "let's get the women out of Congress and replace them with men".
It's a work in progress. Culture is catching up with reality, albeit slowly. The old order will pass, but not without a fight. So keep up the pressure, but keep some perspective. Most men are not gropers, rapists, or manipulators. History is on your side.
9
I have been to one extent or another ashamed of being a woman and all the weakness and repression bound up in conforming to society's expectations for much of my life. I have also been burdened by unexpressed anger for most of my life. Most people who have known me never knew that part of me. Even now I can express this only when I am once removed from others' reactions.
I am in awe of the bravery that Dr. Blasey has shown in coming forward and laying bare the trauma and its affect on her life to the rest of the world. No one should say what happened was no big deal because they were only teenagers or she wasn't actually raped because that isn't the point. It was a big deal to her and she had no safe harbor in which to heal at the time.
Whether this ultimately is judged to have a bearing on Judge Kavanaugh's fitness to sit on our highest court is yet to be decided. As a nominee for the SCOTUS his behavior and character are legitimate avenues of inquiry. The men in charge of this process shouldn't be allowed to stack the deck by trying to keep hidden or destroying possible negative testimony, especially by attacking and denigrating a woman who has a right to speak.
Remember, all you misogynists out there, women who are tired of the role assigned to them don't have to be outspoken or superheroes to be heard. They just have to remove you from positions of power.
329
I am a staunch feminist. I believe we need to do everything in our power to root out patriarchy and burn those roots so it can't grow back in the next generation. We absolutely need a societal reckoning where men suffer the consequences of their actions. And- I have to ask myself why. WHY are men this way? My 2 favorite people- my husband and my son- are wonderful human beings. I have seen the struggles they have- dealing with the societal demands that they never show weakness, never show emotion, keep their problems to themselves, never ask for help, be aggressive/like violence. and be a leader. As a culture, we make these demands of men, and if they cooperate, we reward them with power and control from the bottom to the highest levels of society. But, these societal demands of men have consequences- when you demand that a person erase their vulnerability and ability to feel, it seems reasonable that their emotional development would be stunted , and they would seek ever greater forms of power and control, since that is what we reward- and they would act out in all kinds of horrible ways because they have not developed a normal amount of empathy, as a normally developing human would. This IN NO WAY excuses any of the horrible things men do in their quest to hold onto power and control, I think the only way patriarchy goes away completely is if we give up- as a culture- the demand we make, starting in boyhood, that men erase their own vulnerability.
181
@Cyndi Kershner I agree.
6
I understand. I do. But when my dear husband, the father of my daughters, a liberal voter and supporter of women’s rights says about Kavanaugh, “I’m not sure it was really that bad, it could have been a misunderstanding”, and I have to REMIND him that Kavanaugh held her down and put his hand over her mouth to keep her from screaming and there was another man in the room - well, then what? Burn down my own house?
I don’t know the answer. I feel the rage. But we have come so far in such a short period of time. Let’s keep going. In the meantime, let’s silently recognize that so many of the fathers, grandfathers, and even husbands we love grew up in a different time, and that it is going to take work to make them UNDERSTAND and change their views for good. That’s not to say there shouldn’t be horrible consequences for sexual assault - there must be. But let’s appreciate how far we have come, and how far we have to go.
142
@A
Yes. Understanding and compassion, along with will power, courage, and sacrifice will always win out over vengeance.
Thank you.
9
@A
In California,Brock Turner-- stumbling drunk-- attempted to rape a drunk, unconscious young woman, but was interrupted by two grad students who happened by. Their interference prevented him from completing his act. They chased him down when he tried to run(why did he run? Even DRUNK he knew this assault was WRONG). He was brought to trial, convicted of assault, but sentenced only to probation by a white male judge who felt this crime should not ruin his otherwise bright future.
The girl is forever shamed and stigmatized by this tragedy. The 'boy' gets off virtually scott free, moves to another state, and hopes to get his record expunged.
The presiding Judge? In outrage, recalled and off the bench.
The people want fair justice, not whitewashing.
6
How do you or your husband know anything about what happened that day, 36 years ago? Give the benefit of the doubt to your husband and to Kavanaugh, just as much as we should encourage women who feel like they were the victims of sexual abuse the power to speak. Why is it so hard to provide both?
2
Maybe it's not just she said vs. he said. What would we expect a truly mature adult to do in Justice Thomas or Brett Kavanaugh's position? First I would suggest that he would use all of his influence to see to it that his accuser be allowed to testify in any way and at any time she wants and to have any others she desires also testify. Judge Kavanaugh has not done this and this makes me question his attachment to the truth.
Also I would ask whether there have been any analogous episodes in Judge Kavanaugh's life. One recent episode is the case of a pregnant teenage girl in immigration custody in Texas. In that case she applied for an abortion and had completed all the required formalities. Kavanaugh was asked to sign off on the case but rather than doing so he demanded additional processes that were in no way necessary to the point that the girl was desperately close to being too far along to have an abortion. It seems to me perhaps a second instance of Kavanaugh having his way with a teenage girl who was at his mercy. Let's hope this doesn't become a habit with him.
297
Thank you for this great column. I'm very glad that younger women (I'm older; part of the 60s generation) are getting good & angry about the patriarchy! You go, girls! Since I began my professional life, so many more jobs are open to women than in the past; younger women don't know what it was like to have your friends go to Mexico for an illegal (and disastrous) abortion; so many girls had no idea that having your own credit card or home mortgage was a landmark. I am sorry you all are finding out the hard way that these battles must apparently be fought over and over again. In the halls of the business world, I remember being told over & over again by men: "Smile!" It infuriated me for reasons I did not yet understand. When a man at work looks serious, people think he's pondering a business problem. When a woman looks serious, she's not doing her part to decorate the place with her smiley face! I am in awe of CBF for coming forward--- she knew exactly what the consequences would be. The rage and hate that has been directed at her is proof that the savagery of the patriarchy is as virulent as ever.
372
Thank you for writing this piece. I am deeply touched. In the paragraph that begins with "As a woman, as a loving parent..." you articulate my feelings about what happened to one of my daughters. As I reflect on what happened to me several times, I resonate with your sentiment that, "the world has not changed fast enough." My mother is a feminist, I am an activist and yet, exactly as you write, "the joke's on us." Unsuitable candidates are still nominated for and elected to public office. For many reasons, Kavanaugh is an inappropriate candidate. However his response to the accusation, separate from his guilt or innocence, makes him unacceptable. Let's channel our fury, sweat, and wisdom to create the kind of world we want our grandchildren and great-grandchildren to inhabit.
107
I am a man, and I can assure you that governments and institutions governed and run by men are not going to significantly change. If women want change, want respect, want nothing more than personal safety, then vote. Don’t vote for men. Vote for women. If you want women to advance in business, vote for women. Who do you think shareholders will want running their companies when they see that the folks who shape the laws that will largely determine their success are mostly women? Women need to run for office, and they are now doing that in record numbers. But women must also vote, and in record numbers.
330
@John David James
Don't tell women what they "need" to do.
I too remember the Anita Hill hearings, and my disappointment at the way Clarence Thomas was pushed through despite everything she said. It seemed like nothing was accomplished, but it opened a window, even in the small newspaper where I worked. Sexual harassment was well known there, but soon there were lawsuits taking place. A few years later, when the publisher at the paper told me an off-color joke, he stopped to see if I was offended. It meant a lot to me that he asked, and even though I laughed it off, he didn't do it again.
I like the images of revenge in this story, but all I really wanted, and all most women really want, is respect. We want men to respect that no means no. We want our wishes concerning birth control and abortion to be respected. We want our equality in the workplace to be respected. Unfortunately, as this story points out, we have a big fight ahead of us.
152
I think adolescence is tough. I can look back at quite a few coming if age incidents which I'd rather forget, both because I was stupid and fumbling, and boys were stupid and fumbling. But somehow, having a husband and a son, as well as daughters, I'm pretty sure men were also marginalized, tortured by their peers in athletics and in locker rooms, failed to live up to masculine ideals, etc. In other words, life is a process, and we will never "get it right".We wouldn't want to. The columnist, a celebrated author and Princeton graduate, is shaking with rage? This is ludicrous. The business of government is held hostage by completely unsubstantiated accusations about something that might have happened 35 years ago? Insanity. We've given up on the presumption of innocence, and all men are rapists. This will not help our daughters.
44
@Monica:
Wow. So you think sexual assault is okay, too? Especially if it happened in the past?
And nobody, anywhere, is saying all men are rapists. Straw man argument.
33
@Monica, rape is not men (or boys) being "stupid and fumbling." If your daughter were sexually assaulted, would you call her attacker "stupid and fumbling?"
You're entirely correct that men are painfully burdened by the ideals of masculinity -- but that is exactly the problem Jennifer Weiner is raging against. If you think boys suffer when held to toxic ideals of masculinity, you ought to be on her side.
19
I too am angry. We used to live in a society where one is innocent until proven guilty. Where due process is the centerpiece of the legal system. But now a mere unverified accusation can threaten someone career and tarnish his reputation. I don’t know what happened 36 years ago, and, breaking news..,,,neither do you. Your article like so much that the media rants and raves without any evidence. Brett K is a mothers son, a wife’s husband and a daughters father. Do you care one bit? Means justify the end even if there is collateral damage? I don’t know the facts but the mature response is to wait and see where the evidence leads.
28
Thanks - I've been feeling much the same way. If this anger gets channeled into protests and votes, maybe things will change.
On Friday the WaPost had an article about teenagers' reactions to the Kavanaugh debacle, and that was heartening -- they can see through the politics and see the 'boys will be boys' argument as basically endorsing assault on teen girls. So maybe things will change.
132
I think that men, including men that are supportive of gender equality and Me Too, should try being quiet and letting women speak on this issue. The best case scenario would be for men to recuse themselves from taking part in the Kavanaugh hearings so that women could make the decision. I’m not saying that what men have to say is not important or meaningful. What I’m saying is that what women have to say is important and meaningful, and in cases like this even more so, because men generally lack the experience of not having a voice. It would be instructive for men to experience what it feels like to not have a voice in matters that affect their lives.
292
@Dave Hollinden Thank you, Dave for those wise words. They are greatly appreciated.
8
@Dave Hollinden No, no, no! We need to read mens' comments supporting our female citizenry. This male is not going to mutely nod in agreement; my comments add to the fury about the injustices women suffer because of these old white powerful Republican men. I'm eager to mail my write-in ballot with Democrats checked down the line. I participate in the demand for liberty and justice for all.
7
@Dave Hollinden I am a man who also believes that men should recuse themselves in the matter of abortion rights in particular. Have an opinion, certainly, but keep your mouths shut and do not presume to deny a woman the right to claim ownership of her body.
6
I really loved this passion but as a man what I was waiting for was the suggestion to vote.
I understand women in office may actually help sexual harassment but I want them to help on many more issues also, like saving our Democracy.
67
Wow.
Jennifer, you bring the match. I'll bring the gasoline.
It isn't worth much, but please let me say that this old white guy is angry, too. I can't be as angry as a victim. But I am capable of empathy and support - sadly, these are rare qualities among my peers.
I had thought (naively) that Professor Hill would be believed and Thomas would have withdrawn. But he is a typical lying male with no shame or empathy. The fact that he sits on the high court still appalls me.
What flabbergasts me is the fact that every woman doesn't feel entitled to reasonable respectful treatment - that millions of women still accept "frat house" behavior as "just the way it is". That any woman could vote for an admitted sexual abuser is stunning and a total mystery to me.
219
@Bob Bruce Anderson...Your exemplary empathy and support seems to have decided limits. The 52% of white women who did not vote for an enabler appear to disqualify them for your empathy and support.
I don't want revenge. Revenge is easy. I want ***justice*** and we all know Justice is blind. In the case of subverting the rights of certain people, Justice can be deaf and dumb too.
Revenge is what you pursue when justice doesn't serve.
In the case of Kvanaugh, justice is not all that hard. Kavanaugh does not deserve a Court seat simply by existing. Removing his nomination does not take away a sinecure, an inheritance, a right earned solely by him. It will not cause his family to starve, nor will it keep him from being employed. He will have his supporters forever.
Justice is simply slowing down. Investigating, or jettisoning, anything but giving short shrift to a woman's claims, and rushing through a nomination simply to get it done fast.
And that is the justice we will be denied. Kavanaugh will go to a vote simply to achieve the calendar, and not because he is the best candidate. I remember nominees for Cabinet posts from the Clinton Admin jettisoned for having hired immigrant nannies. But we will fast track Kavanaugh. It is the fast tracking that is the travesty of justice.
And then? We notch the national anger up a few degrees, and increase the opportunity for revenge.
130
To all the people scolding Weiner for wanting to "burn the frat house": this is not a call for arson, or a threat, or a prediction. This is an expression of emotion, frankly the only one I've read concerning the whole sordid Kavanaugh affair where a women confesses to anger, rage, and a desire for revenge against generations of abusers and rapists. Were I a woman, I would experience anger and a desire for the Frat House Boy's of the world to suffer some abuse-ending consequences, if only to keep daughters safe. This is a creative, not a destructive impulse, just as generations of revenge movies by and about men were seen as creative and won awards. The reaction is not outrageous or contemptible but human, inevitable, and necessary for maintaining human dignity. When Thane Rosenbaum says that, "There is no justice without revenge," he is expressing a basic human reaction to violence and violation. Our ability to Safely express that reaction and to receive validation for feeling and expressing it--not necessarily performing it--is vital to being and feeling fully human.
372
@ James,
that women have been subject to sick abuse from monsters posing as men is an unquestionable fact. No doubt that there is much justice yet to be dealt to perpetrators.
One should be very cautious before cracking open a fresh pint of vengeance. However deserved the punishment, such action has a historical tendency to foment mob violence.
Much history of victimizers and victims that will not be improved upon through perpetual continuity.
The United States justice system is case in point for the innocent being victimized because "someone has to pay" ecspecially if they are poor and a person of color. Actual guilt becomes a footnote.
Thank you, Ohio James.
2
Exactly. Too add to the rage, the continuing horrendous brutality against women the world over. There is much work to be done to hold men responsible for their proclivities. Men's power must be balanced by women's power if the world is ever to find peace.
In 1968 when I was 12, my mother took me aside and explained that it was my job to keep boys (as she put it) under control. I was baffled. I had no idea what she meant as my career ambition at that point was to become a cowboy and ride the range. Within a few years, I understood what she meant. Young males could not be expected to exert self control. Rather, I would have to learn to say "no" and avoid situations in which I might not be able to escape a raging libido. I became very cautious. Still, that didn't prevent workplace sexual harassment even after I became a professor at a Big Ten university. I applaud the Me Too reckoning but fear that it will not overcome the sexism and tribalism that makes it necessary in the first place.
386
"Still, that didn't prevent workplace sexual harassment even after I became a professor at a Big Ten university."
Give some examples of how saying "no" "didn't prevent workplace sexual harassment".
I would feel that same rage if anyone hurt my son or daughter. It's parental love. It really is all consuming and life changing. As to just general rage against men, I don't feel that. I feel more angry at the way our society accepts and endorses male dominance. Women are complicit, too. Look how many voted for Trump. I know many men who are wonderful husbands, fathers, brothers. They support the women in their lives by validating all of their choices, attending sporting events, art shows, concerts to bare witness to their many talents. Most importantly, they listen when their wives, daughters, sisters explain thier frustrations with the patriarchy and how slowly it has changed. They don't always get it right, but they are open to hearing our side of the story.
134
@MJ Thank you. We need to hear that.
Two women, separated by 27 years, both witnesses to sexual harassment by men racing for a seat on the Supreme Court Bench. Anita Hill and Christine Blasey Ford. Today, we await the Senate hearings of the accuser of Judge Brett Kavanaugh, whose confirmation the G.O.P. will "plow" through the Senate (Mitch McConnell, patriarch) till he is confirmed. We witnessed Anita Hill testifying 27 years ago this month and cringed and wept when Clarence Thomas was confirmed to the Supreme Court (despite Ms. Hill's traumatic testimony in front of her 80 year old parents). Justice Clarence Thomas has remained largely mute on the Supreme Court for the past 27 years. We feel the same corrosive feelings as we await president Trump's conservative Scotus pick -- an alleged violent sexual harasser in his teens -- being plowed onto the Supreme Bench. Anita Hill advised recently that the Kavanaugh/Ford hearings should not be rushed. That human lives are at stake, and that Republican Senators, patriarchs all, as they didn't in 1991, "still just don't get it"! (i.e. male legislators' responses to sexual violence). It is 2018 now, well past time for all senators to "get it". Blessings to law Professor Anita Hill. May Prof. Christine Blasey Ford be as brave and courageous in her testimony next week.
238
When I was 16, my then-boyfriend held me down in bed, strangled me, and raped me.
Did I tell anyone back in 1996? Are you kidding?
I spent 20 years in therapy instead.
I am now the married mother of 3 daughters. I have a graduate degree in mental health and licensure as a counselor. I'm doing somewhat OK. I'm an affluent, white, married lady. Like Christine Blasey Ford I've been told how "bright" I am and encouraged when I was down. I am lucky and privileged to have had the advantages I've had to get out of this hole. I now go to PTA meetings and co-lead our Daisy Troop and am the room-mother at my 4 year old's preschool. You might know me and think what a good, involved, upbeat mom I am.
When I heard family members defending Kavanaugh this weekend, saying "what is the big deal?" I wanted to die all over again.
I will never vote for the GOP again. Ever. I don't care how high my taxes get.
577
Quite simply, yes! to every word written.
Yes, to hearing my own father tell me he doesn't have to pay women as much as men because they have husbands.
Yes, to hearing men in my community declare sympathy for women accusing men of bad conduct but wonder out loud why the fuss since it wasn't that bad (or else a crime would have been filed).
Yes, to hearing in my head the awful laugh of the doctor who molested me when I was 16 yrs. old. It was the moment I understood what power sounded like; and it was when I understood what a lack of power felt like.
"Yes" to all your words, Ms. Weiner. The only way for me to say "No" was to teach my son respect for these words; and to teach my daughter how to mean them. I hope it was enough.
375
In the 1970s I learned that the ERA would not be passed and that I lived in a nation that was unable to say a simple thing like women have equal rights. In 1991 I saw Anita Hill pilloried by a gang of men anxious to keep her in her place. Now I see another gang of men, some of them the same ones from the Hill hearing, torturing another woman who dares to come forward. I believe the world will only change when every woman in it goes on strike and refuses to keep playing the servant's role one way or another. I realize the likelihood of that happening is 0, and therefore nothing is likely to change. I have heard and read remarks to the effect that the GOP has learned nothing, but that is not true. What they have learned is that they can get away with anything.
268
@Georgia Lockwood
We don't have to go on strike, we just need to vote for Democrats, only Democrats
9
@Lynn wasn’t Bill Clinton a Democrat?
I hated the book "Little Women". Jo is one of my least favorite female characters. Perhaps there was a time when women saw her as a role model, but certainly not in the 20th or 21st centuries.
Jennifer Weiner describes experiences and emotions so many women have found forcing their way through our self-protection boundaries because some of the most powerful men of our time have been found to have behaved so badly towards women. We may not have been assaulted at a drunken party by a self-entitled frat-boy whose fraternity of choice during college chanted "No means yes, and yes means anal", but we knew the young women who had been and how it changed their lives.
Too many of us just followed what we thought were the rules for success in a world where men constructed the game. As Jennifer Weiner points out, what we were willing to do in our workplaces to stay employed or to be promoted, we are not willing to allow our daughters to do.
For the old men of the Senate and the old man in the Oval Office to expect us to turn back the clock to when women were routinely disrespected and abused is both wrong and foolish of them. The Republican party has a gender problem as well as a demographic time-bomb on its hands. To survive it will need to change. The Kavanaugh nomination and support of Trump seem to indicate that change has little chance of happening.
151
@Lynda Unfortunately it will just need to find new ways to fix elections, it will find those ways and Democrats will continue to say "Who knew?"
Ms. Weiner, I respect that you hold men responsible for the suffering in your life. You capture the essence of the angry, wronged women in an evocative way--your rage is palpable, visceral, impressive. I'm sure the case against the men in your life is unimpeachable and just. I do not seek to diminish it in any way.
But there's another important principle you seem to ignore. Ultimately, revenge is immoral and never produces true catharsis. Anger hardens to bitterness and hurts only ourselves in the end, not its object. I fear that as you encourage younger women to keep their anger hot as they serve their revenge cold, that you actually contribute to the human misery washing over the land.
Repentance, restitution and yes, forgiveness, is so much better for most people.
39
I feel your anger and pain. I am a 70 year old woman who feels like things have been racing backward ever since Trump became a serious candidate for president. How can this even be? The man only plays to his base and does not care about anyone other than himself and maybe his family.
And now this Kavanaugh business. And our very own congressman who is running for the Senate here in North Dakota thinks that since nothing really happened - just drunken teens and the whole assault attempt never went anywhere - there is no need for a delay or an investigation. Really! And they wonder why women don't come forward.
Trump admitted his assaults and still got elected. Maybe there are no consequences . And boys will be boys even when they are 70+ years old.
518
@Elin
There's good in Trump's election. Our president is so very, very bad that he, practically single handedly (pun alert), has fired us up to finally come forward.
We should name our new war for equality something or other in his name.
3
@Elin Cramer makes me ill too.
1
@Elin. “This can be because of gerrymandering and voter suppression in many forms all paid for since 2010 by the likes of the Kochs and the Mercers and corporate America. What we see now is the result of decades of push by a reactionary right working to undo the New Deal. Hold onto you’re wallet hon. They are coming for your Medicare and Social Security.
2
"stuck in a simmer of rage". Right there with you, sister. About this and so much more. Thank you for your writing.
45
I understand your anger Jennifer but revenge (fantasies or otherwise) is not the answer. The answer is prompt reporting of sexual assaults and use of the voting machine. In the meantime, if you insist on indulging your revenge fantasies go see the movie Peppermint.
12
A) Whose distorting subhead was that? It's going to alienate people who should read this.
B) Plenty of women in classic literature take revenge, from Judith to Clytemnestra to Eurykleia to Medea to Tamora (in Shakespeare).
C) But it's good you want your daughters to learn to be as violent as men.
6
The forgiveness model foisted on women by all religions, Christian, Jewish and Muslim, is a patriarchial tool to allow men to continue to do what they do and never look back.
Justice and restitution is the goal for every woman who has been assaulted, abused, harassed or systemically placed in a position of lower status and pay.
Get it through the law, get it through your own actions, make it the new norm.
60
Thank you, Jennifer Weiner. I appreciated every word.
24
Men assault the Earth the way they assault women.
Without apology.
The Earth will not forgive, but extract the ultimate revenge.
Without apology.
75
Highly suggest reading Behind A Mask, also by Louisa May Alcott under a pseudonym, which was the real life example of Jo's blood and thunder tales. A woman gets her full revenge. It's fantastic and sooo satisfying.
21
Medea.
12
Medea, anyone? Clytemnestra? There have been counter narratives to patriarchy almost since there has been patriarchy. If you choose to view yourself as a little woman, that is what you shall be.
10
Thanks for writing this. I keep hoping another brave soul will come forward. Entitled jerks who do this kind of thing don't generally confine themselves to one victim. Look at Harvey Weinstein, Roy Moore, Bill Cosby, etc.
48
men won't give women justice, we have to take it ourselves.
95
I am so glad Ms. Weiner did not succumb to writing a turn the other cheek article. Burn that frat house down.
95
A friend, over dinner last night, told a personal story that shocked many of us. Through tears, she told us that in the early 70's, she attended a school dance, where a popular guy - an good-looking senior and football star - asked her to dance. Afterward, he guided her out of the gym and into the parking lot, where he pulled a bottle of wine from his car. They drank a bit, and he began to kiss her. It was her first kiss, and she was at first thrilled and then frightened when he began to grope her. He pushed her into the back seat of his car, where he raped her. He was 17, she was 15.
Afterward, he told her to go home, so she did, running six blocks to her house, and ignoring her parents' questions about the evening, she showered and went to bed. She told no one about the attack. She was ashamed, thinking that she, not he, was to blame. She carried that shame through her adolescence, and throughout her first marriage, which, she said, ended because she never enjoyed the sex that went with a happy marriage.
Do I think that this is unusual? No, not at all. I know far too many women who were used in this way by men who probably never gave a thought to the parts they played in destroying the innocence of the girls they attacked. Do I believe that Kavanaugh, in prep school, a heavy drinker and privileged kid, was capable of attacking Dr. Ford in the way she described? Absolutely. Should he be appointed to the Supreme Court? Absolutely not.
198
Weiner's rage is ugly. It is unwarranted. It is simply wrong. I have been deeply moved by women who have been posting essays about attacks and incidents where after they remained silent. This can be an important conversation.
But it if is just misandry, all is lost.
Just as sexist an essay can be written about women being evil, and UVA, Duke Lacross, about the needless death of Emmett Till, about the Groveland Four, about the Scottsboro Boys.
The narrative of believing all women, and shaming anyone who dares to ask questions is just as morally empty as dismissing all women who claim they have been abused.
I was once held down by two 17-year-old girls who force-kissed me, groped my body until I started crying. True story.
I was five and had announced that I thought kissing was icky. I still know one of the women involved, who could not be a nicer person. Was I abused? I can certainly tell the story factually and make it seem that way...until you get to the context.
Brett Kavanaugh has lied under oath about Roe, about receiving stolen documents, about his work on other judicial nominations. No one cared.
Now we are left with this. And with angry, ugly, sexist essays like Weiner's.
Keep it up, and we may just find out that we can get so many more men to vote Republican that it won't matter how many women end up voting Democrat.
37
You could start at the ballot box. Half of all white women voted for Trump when the alternative was a woman.
71
Good book choices for your daughters. But don’t forget Andrea Dworkin’s “Our Blood.”
14
Yes, yes, yes. My anger during this sham of a process is beyond white hot. Professor Ford is not even being given the courtesy of the FBI investigation accorded to Anita Hill, and by the way, shouldn't they be involved already, she's received death threats. She is the one suffering again. And is she really going to be questioned by a group of white men? Where is justice? Where is compassion? Where is caring for those who were wronged?
55
Moira Jayne Walsh, representative of the 3rd district in the Rhode Island legislature, has openly stated that one of her goals is to bring down the patriarchy. Here's a statement on her twitter page:
Moira Jayne Walsh
@RepMoira_Jayne
Jun 21
"Here’s what my revenge will be: to raise my son better. To teach him not to speak over women, not to condescend to 50% of the world, and to do the right thing not because he “has a wife and daughter” but because it’s the right thing. #fairpay"
Did I mention that she has won elections?
73
Regardless the angry article, revenge has been and remains an ugly trait, and it sullies the character of those who call for it from atop the writer's podium. Such a hollow, but all too human complaint.
10
Loved this. And it has obviously flushed out some proudly misogynist readers, whom we should be grateful to for so succinctly making your point!
56
The author wrote exactly what I was thinking. Why shouldn't women want and seek revenge. Burn the frat house to the ground.
48
The comments by so many men, in forums such as this, are what really depress and infuriate me.
61
I have trouble finding words to express my anger and dismay at the rampant misogynogy and frat boy smirking that passes for leadership these days. This article shows me I’m not alone. Thank you.
97
Revenge is not a good thing. You cite the Counte of Monte Cristo as full of revenge, But Edmund Dantes forgives the merchant who could have saved him had he spoke up (he even gave him a valuable diamond). He also did not kill the Lieutenant who helped falsely imprison him, and even let the banker live after he repented, who masterminded the whole affair which cost Dantes those long years. An eye for an eye makes the whole world blind and what not.
13
Similar to Democracy, feminism or having equal rights for women must be constantly fought for or lost. The newer, younger generation(s) has yet to learn this and take their rights for granted and think they're in cement. They are not. You could lose them tomorrow. Especially if BK is put on the SC.
40
For all those commenting "but what about.." or the ones that keep pointing to Bill Clinton or a lack of references to democrats in this article, you are MISSING or IGNORING the point of this piece.
Remove the names, remove the political affiliations, just focus on what she is trying to convey. If you can't even do that then you should check yourself, you are part of the problem.
36
Somehow I don't expect to see a NYT Opinion Piece subtitled-"I want to burn this sorority house to the ground" or "I want to pillage and rape feminists." So much for equality of the sexes. And if women have so little power in America, how is it that they effectively control 75% of household spending, ultimately gain more personal wealth than men, receive better health care than men and also live four years longer?
16
@Rabid Rabbit
Because we are smarter and make better decisions because one body part doesn’t define us?
7
The truth is there are very few females who come into maturity without some sort of sexual assault. Not many are unscathed.
It is so common that many of us have even more than one experience of being sexually aggrieved in our lifetimes. Young females very often lose their virginity to predators.
38
"The truth is there are very few females who come into maturity without some sort of sexual assault."
Why are you excluding the possibility that men and boys could be subjected to violence in some form? Have you never heard of bullying or prison rape or gang violence or war?
5
Gender politics is ripe for criticism but, it's all really about money and power. Who's got it and the heck with anyone who doesn't.
16
Such outrage. But no facts to support Dr. Ford's case except her faulty memory. The clearly partisan, anti white male bias of this article is ridiculous. I wish the times would allow objective people to write op-eds rather who support leftist causes. Yes women have been assaulted in the past. That doesn't mean Ford's accusation is true.
Yes women haven't always had it great in the workplace. But in my work history, the company I worked bent over backwards for women and often promoted unqualified women to higher level jobs to "even things up."
And guess what? Through out my academic and professional career it was quite common for grad (and undergrad) students to eagerly sleep with professors -- and for female employees to willing sleep with higher level males. And to use their sexuality to get their way. It's not as simple as poor women are always and evil men are always taking advantage.
26
Right on sister! I too am unbearably angry at the arrogance that foists men on the courts who believe they are entitled to limit access to contraception and abortion while they covertly and overtly harass and molest the women they target. Enough already!!
53
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/I_Am_Charlotte_Simmons
Tom Wolfe wrote this eye opener.
5
"Passionate" piece signifying stereotypically perceived hyper female emotional reactions, including majority thread reactions.
11
I’m so tired of these liberal whining snowflakes complaining about how they are “victims” of evil white men. You embarrass us true mainstream Democrats.
Women everywhere in America are succeeding financially and socially. Anyone, white, black, man or woman willing to work hard and act responsibly can succeed - in fact with all the whining “victims” devoting their efforts to yoga and self-awareness weekends, it’s pretty darn easy.
My daughters are as tough and capable as any man, and as I watch them climb the ranks of corporate success and business ownership, they repeatedly assure me nobody is discriminating against them in any way.
26
As long as the majority of white women continue voting for a party the extols the sexual harasser in chief and consequently throws women of color under the bus, why are we expecting change?. Women of color can’t do it all.
35
@Sipa111 The disconnect was with white women non-college graduates. Clinton got a majority of white women college graduates (51-45%) but white female non-college graduates voted the other way (34-62%). As a white woman (college educated) who voted for Clinton and campaigned against Trump, I'm not sure what else I was supposed to do.
16
YES Jennifer, yes. Me too, let me pass you the matches.
48
Like Jennifer Weiner, I too lost hope and saw that the U.S. I had thought was heading towards gender equality was not. In fact, far from it once Clarence Thomas was appointed to the Supreme Court and Anita Hill was pillored by the senate committee listening to her story. A bunch of men, white men if I remember correctly, who would rather have another male in the fold than listen to a woman tell her story and maybe try to believe her. Women in this country looked the other way. We should have protested in the streets, but women in the U.S. by this time period had become complacent. Some didn't think that feminism was necessary for they had been raised in a society, thanks to the suffragettes and later feminists of the 60s and 70s, who gave them that opportunity to be seen as equals. We are seeing the same thing again, although this time, hopefully women will make their voices known through the ballot if this time, something isn't done, if this time, Ford is not pillored and Kavanaugh realizes that what happens in the past can have great consequences on the present.
16
A present-day Freud probably would conclude that a desire to “burn the frat house of America to the ground”, in a context that is obvious given what we’ve all been discussing this past week and more, represents an admission that Brett Kavanaugh may be guilty or innocent of the specific allegations against him made by Prof. Christine Blasey Ford … but the very fact that he is a man makes him a fit target for the pent-up female rage and the revenge-lust of ages, regardless of facts and what can be proven. In other words, women should be allowed to set him ablaze and watch him burn even if he were as pure as newly-driven snow, because keeping all that revenge-lust alive and eating away for lifetimes just isn’t good for them – an incendiary outlet is necessary for women to remain as emotionally healthy as they can be. Whoever happens to be set ablaze in this attempt at regaining emotional balance and universal vengeance has only his identity as a man to blame, not any particular act deserving of the pyre.
Fairly, though, the attitudes that enrage Jennifer hardly are limited to the frat set, and she should broaden her horizons to the burning down of double-wides all over America: those attitudes are universal; and, arguably, the women who suffer in those double-wides because they don’t possess the human capital required to achieve some measure of protection and independence, as Jennifer and others have, are more worthy of sympathy than she is.
…
3
…
Being a man myself, I’m a little … concerned … by her Freudian matchbox.
I can see serious potential social blowback. If her worldview is generally accepted, I can see men, in simple self-defense and whether they’re guilty or innocent over a lifetime of participating in the dehumanization of women, ceasing to hire and promote women or otherwise provide them with the resources necessary to buy matches. Even the Nineteenth Amendment might be repealed.
6
@Richard Luettgen
The very fact that he is a target is not because he is a man but because he is a candidate as justice for our nation's highest court. Moreover, there is no such thing as "merely" making an accusation in this context-the amount of abuse, verbal and emotional, that one subjects themselves to in making an accusation can only be withstood by someone who has actually endured the mistreatment she has revealed. If you have ever accused a man of such a thing, you would know what I am talking about. From an early age, girls learn that their experiences of abuse and harassment are met by disbelief, dismissiveness, and even blame by others, including women. To overcome all of that and loudly proclaim the truth in such a hostile environment is heroic, not female hysteria. On a final note, while it is thoughtful of you to point out that the problem is universal among all women, if sexual harassment is tolerated in the highest echelons of our society, then the women in the "doublewides" don't have a prayer.
40
Rage is very very appropriate.
What to do with it seems complex to me.
Let's elect women to office.
Everywhere.
Putting my rage into this work helps me and our sisters, I believe.
Yes to women standing up-- maybe at a certain time all over America, and shouting, ENOUGH.
Can we organize this?
Thank you.
44
Current anger fueling # me too could wind up electing Lorena Bobbit President 2020.
7
I am unsure how to react, save to point out if a man wrote such a piece it would (wisely) not have been published. I hope the author reflects on her words and reconsiders the implications of such a vituperative piece.
11
@Ewg
I can relate. Felt the same way every time I passed a Playboy in the checkout line.
5
‘Counterweights’? ‘Keep it in check’?
NICE left the station long ago. NICE has been embodied by women who moved 3000 miles to escape constant reminders sending them into a PTSD tailspin.
You don’t get to ‘forgiveness’ before you go through rage. The entire patriarchic system propped up by women’s niceness allows Grassley & McConnell to nod &wink to Kavanaugh’s smirky DKE frat boy panty-raid antics.
Just as nations go thru developmental phases, hold onto yr tidy whities because women want REVENGE.
As the Great James Brown said in The Payback: ” I want REVENGE.....I don’t know karate, I know k-razor”
As Michele Wolf, comedienne extroidinaire suggests: ‘Bring on the female assasins.’
You have no idea how seethingly burn down the frat house mad women are.
54
Brilliant!
24
ME TOO!
I am ENRAGED!!!
61
[[Matt Lauer is swanning around Upper East Side steakhouses, reportedly assuring fans that soon he’ll be “back on TV.” ]]
"Reportedly" meaning an anonymous item from Page Six. https://pagesix.com/2018/08/27/matt-lauer-tells-fans-hell-be-back-on-tv/
Wherever he goes, there he'll be. If he's in Manhattan, he's "swanning around." If he's on Long Island, he's "shamelessly hobnobbing." If he's on his New Zealand ranch, he's "using his money to hide from cameras."
He's a creep who got bounced from his overpaid job. I'm good with that.
[[Louis C.K. returned to the stage.]]
So, what? If he didn't return to a stage, he'd return to a screen or a podcast or a producer's chair. If you don't like him, don't give him your money. If he's not being charged with a crime, all that's left of for the marketplace to determine his worth.
[[John Hockenberry is telling his story in Harper’s Magazine.]] Again...so, what? Him "telling his story" isn't some sort of violation. If you don't want to read it, don't read it. If you don't believe what he wrote, write a response.
[[Jian Ghomeshi is telling his in The New York Review of Books.]] He was arrested, tried and acquitted. Now he's published some sort of article. Who cares?
You shouldn't lump these men into one group and imply that none of them should ever been seen or heard from again. You can do what you want...write what you want, support whomever you want. Others are capable of doing the same for themselves.
21
" ... Jian Ghomeshi ... acquitted.'
Weiner should acknowledge that Ghomeshi's accusers were completely discredited by the defense:
"Justice William B. Horkins of the Ontario Court of Justice, who heard the case without a jury, said the three women who testified against Mr. Ghomeshi had undermined their credibility by not disclosing important aspects of their relationships with him to prosecutors and the police."
'“The evidence of each complainant suffered not just from inconsistencies and questionable behavior, but was tainted by outright deception,” read the judge’s decision.'
Jian Ghomeshi, Former Canadian Radio Host, Acquitted of Sexual Assault
By Ian Austen
March 24, 2016
New York Times
4
Can we march again? All women should take to the streets on Wed and raise our voices and demand a new non controversial nominee for a lifetime appt to the Supreme Crt. I’m sure the GOP can find one anti abortion cruel male to do their bidding who doesn’t have skeletons in his closet.
29
Yes. Yes. Yes.
Thank you.
33
This article is exactly what is wrong with the Western world.
When all you want is revenge and all you do is dream of killing your perceived offenders... Well, I don't even want to finish this sentence because of how depressing it all is.
22
A M E N sister!
27
Brett Kavanaugh Belonged to a Frat That Once Chanted 'No Means Yes, And Yes Means Anal'. DKE was eventually banned from campus.
51
As a Princeton undergraduate in the early 1970s, I can attest that not all the students at the time opposed co-education. In fact, many of the men would not have attended Princeton at the time had it remained a single (male) sex institution. Indeed, there was a small contingent who condemned the admission of women, Judge and Fox News commentator Andrew Napolitano ‘72 among them, who frequently railed against the trustees’ decision to go co-ed during student government debates. Also, many of the Old Guard alums quickly changed their opinion of coeducation at Princeton when their daughters and granddaughters were admitted.
17
Lisa Murkowski? Susan Collins? Are you paying attention to your female brain that is sending off alarms all over the place? Or are you instead planning to keep your end of the bargain made with Grassley et al? Because you should know by now these men have no intention of keeping any promise they made with you.
Are you prepared to be a patriot and vote against a person not fit to be on the SC? Are you prepared to act as a shield for the 51% of the public who are women and the 98% of us who don’t own or run big corporations?
And all you male Republicans — what will you say to your grand children when they can’t drink the water or breath the air or see the beauty in Yosemite because these and many other US glories will have been eaten by corporate American in response to the decisions of a male, reactionary and corporate owned Court? It won’t happen overnight, but it will happen.
Bad enough to have an acknowledged sexual predator in the WH for a few years. Having a liar, a rigid religionist, and a man who can’t take a lie detector or stand a few days of FBI inquiry on the SC for 30 years is a catastrophe. Luckily, you won’t be here when the seas overflow and the storms ravage the plains and destroy what your ancestors built in 250 years, but your kids will. What a fab legacy. You could avoid that nightmare by voting NO on Kavanaugh as any truly patriotic and emotionally adult person would.
107
@B. Rothman
Collins and Murkowski voted for the Ryan / McConnell / Trump tax bill.
That bill is taking what was a $600 Billion deficit before the tax bill and turning it into almost double, to a $1 Trillion deficit by 2020.
Over ten years, I expect to get about $7,000 in tax cuts.
Over the same ten years, we will add $12 Trillion to the debt. That is $80,000 per tax payer on our Federal debt credit card.
And we won't get any more jobs for it than we got under Obama starting in 2011.
But the billionaire class will get a few more billions.
All 51 Republican senators voted for it.
Not one Democratic senator voted for it.
So Collins and Murkowski already sold our country out.
Kavanaugh on the Supreme Court and 40 more years of Citizen's United just seems like more of the same.
24
Hair. On. Fire!
22
I think your Editorial Page could use more diversity of opinion, as there seem to be only three or four main threads: (1) all men are evil; (2) all white men are evil; (3) all Trump voters are sub-human;(4) all Republicans are stupid, selfish and evil. Is there a point to reading this ad infinitum?
26
I too was shocked at the homogeneity of views. It's like a bad cheer rally. Or a Salem witch trial. Folks, remember, movements spring up in reaction to other movements, or perhaps "motions" of the cultural current. But let's not fall into the trap of essentializing: Me Tarzan, You Jane... All Women Good, All Men Bad. The Academic Report Card for "nuance" and "criticial thinking" of most of these "RAH RAH REE VOTE WOMEN" posts deserves a "D" at best. Women do very very bad things to each other, to men, to their children. Men are not to blame for all societal ills. Nor whites, nor persons of darker skin tones. The heart cooks up good, and evil. Me Tarzan, You Jane.. Finger pointing Fun... Easy... Dangerous if not curbed by common sense, compassion, a sense of restraint.
3
@Richard. Republican policies and practices are selfish, cruel and evil and fly in the face of literally everything Jesus taught.
Their denial of science may appear to be stupid but IMO it is self serving.
16
The rage IS this big, it should take up a commensurate amount of newsprint. You just don't see how truly big this is even as it is staring you in the face.
17
In the earliest years of coeducation at Princeton, an alum attending his 50th hauled off an spanked me (playfully but hard) because he didn't like women on campus.
I've never been raped or anything close, thank god, but I've been touched in public, porn-called, accosted, whistled at, hit on by a boss, and mercilessly flirted with when I could not be less interested.
Each guy (except maybe the hang-dog one on the subway), especially the flirters, was so pleased with himself, so sure I was thrilled by his behavior. My secret revenge is, guys, as much as you think you're delighting me, I despise you and find you revolting.
64
@midwesterner I am sorry that these low lifes have treated you so badly. Personally, I do not understand the motivation for the behavior.
10
Wow. Just like that dead white guy said: "hell hath no fury . . . ." Abuses of power come in many forms, and men are victims just like women. By all means, confront those injustices, but these self-indulgent reductionist rants are divisive, counterproductive, and frankly, immature. Most men I know support decent, equal treatment for everyone. But the tone and content of this piece is not likely to enlist male allies.
18
@JMM Women are 51% of the population. Remind me again why we need male allies.
12
@JMM Men are not victims "just like women." If you don't know this by now, you haven't been paying attention.
24
@JMM Men's allyship hasn't been super helpful so far, and it doesn't seem to be making much difference right now, either. I guess I'll continue to tune out the "not all mens" and keep listening to women's voices until it does. Maybe a few men will eventually do the same but hold the defensiveness so they can really hear what's being said.
1
C'mon women, stop talking so much and act in an organized manner. I have three words for you.
National. Rifle. Association.
If a subset of men with control issues can exert so much political force just consider what the women of this country could accomplish if they acted rather than complain and wring their hands. Sexism will persist as long as women persist in their traditional role as supplicants. You will never gain full citizenship (which by the way you do not currently enjoy in our world of forced birth medical legislation) until you insist on it. "I am a full citizen regardless of your religious beliefs" is a fundamentally different assertion than the traditional "You should buy me a fur".
Consider the ways sexism works in the larger sense. For example Trump brags about grabbing women by their vulvas and gets elected president. If he had bragged in the same manner about grabbing penises his campaign would have been over in ten minutes. Men would not stand for it. Why do you?
I'm trying to say that it's time to burn down that Frat for real. I'm serious. I am one of the millions, probably a majority, of men that would support you, cheer you on. and darn your socks if that's what you need.
I respect and admire Kavanaugh's accuser/victim. But what she really needs to do is to walk into a Maryland police station and swear out a complaint of attempted rape.
30
@nilootero
It's a mystery to me why 'conservative' white women appear to support those who would restrict their lives. In my own extended family the women who 1) have not gone to college and 2) stay home with children are 'pro-life' and disapproving of those of us who have professional careers, enjoy a childfree lifestyle, and travel.
2
Strong biological impulses, like men's libidos, need strong cultural counterweights to keep them in check. What we do not need is for the culture to look the other way or laugh it off, which is what we've been doing for the last 10,000 years.
Thank you for this honest article.
59
"Strong biological impulses, like men's libidos, ..."
Don't women have "strong biological impulses" and "libidos"?
10
@Gustav. I appreciate your support for a change in the culture, and am confident that you are my ally in all this. However, please reconsider your position that men's libidos need to be managed. Men's libidos have absolutely nothing to do with sexual assault. Only men's violent impulses, desire to humiliate and to exert control play a part in sexual assault. The idea that out of control sexual desire leads to rape is utter nonsense. Men's libidos, like women's, are good things, allowing for pleasure, connection and joy. Some men's sense of entitlement, rage, and desire to humiliate via sexual violence need to be managed through shaming and punishment, especially by other men, whenever they are encountered.
3
To the commenter who compares the #MeToo movement to the sound of car alarms nobody pays attention to ... . The difference between a car alarm being ignored and the return of men who admitted wrongdoing to suffer ... not much ... is that the car alarm often signifies nothing but a bump on the bumper. #MeToo is not wailing. It’s the voice of millions rising up to be heard and discovering it’s the same old boy’s club after all. I can’t wait for the millions of women to become tens of millions of women, all fed up at the status quo.
50
@Laurie Gold, There it goes, again, comparing women to a motor vehicle. Another piece of material possession.
An emotional reaction to both personal and public cases of male abuse of power is understandable. As is the desire for revenge. The way this particular (last minute- and flimsily so) alleged episode involving Kavanaugh is being levered for maximum political advantage smacks of something else, however. It is classic overreach, and will backfire - hurting the #MeToo movement.
12
It's interesting to see how Catholics and evangelicals have thrown in their lot together to get a conservative misogynist on the court at any cost. When I went to Catholic school, the nuns told me that my father--who was Methodist but had to agree to raise us Catholic in order to marry my mother--would be going to hell because he wasn't Catholic.
But in the name of perpetuating a patriarchy with the most immediate goal of denying women--the 51% majority--control over their bodies or lives and silencing them, these good Christian men have conspired to place another Catholic on the high court. With Kavanaugh, the court will have a majority of 6 Catholics (I include Gorsuch though he converted to Catholic-lite Episcopalianism) with only Sonia Sotomayor actually practicing the loving and egalitarian philosophy of true Christianity.*
These men have every reason to be afraid of women. We are waking up and claiming our power.
* It's worth noting that Jimmy Carter left the Southern Baptist Convention after 60 years because of its institutionalized misogyny:
https://www.smh.com.au/politics/federal/losing-my-religion-for-equality-...
69
@Judith
Episcopalianism is hardly "Catholic-lite" these days. The hierarchy, such as it is, of the Episcopal Church is very very different from that of the Roman Catholic Church which was packed with right-wing authoritarians during the pontificates of John Paul II and Benedict XVI. The Episcopal Church USA, in contrast, has been partially ostracized by much of the rest of the Anglican Communion due to its (first) acceptance and (then) embrace of the ordination of female, gay and transgender clergy (including bishops), and of sacramental marriage for gay couples.
Also: Jimmy Carter did not leave the Southern Baptist Church. The congregation to which he has belonged for decades, Maranatha Baptist Church in Plains, GA, left the Southern Baptist Convention, which is a voluntary association of Southern Baptist Churches. Southern Baptist congregations are independent and autonomous and may join or leave the various Baptist conventions without altering their "denominational" status.
1
The patriarchy is losing its grip. Remember the Women's March? I know I felt exhilarated by the huge outpouring of women determined to make Trump and the world reckon with us. The joy of asserting our American freedom to the hilt is a live memory I turn to often and the thrill remains.
Let's keep it going. We have a vision of what the end of patriarchy looks like and we now are exercising our power. Thank you, Dr. Blasey Ford and Senator Feinstein. Let's run with that torch and light the flame of freedom.
Imagine that next week Kavanaugh withdraws. Imagine that on Nov. 6th we sweep away the GOP patriarchy. We can do it. Let's do it. We must.
40
So many of us are simultaneously horrified, furious, and also energized by the story unfolding before our eyes, Christine's story will be heard, Anita's is coming back to haunt the fraternity. Your articulate voice is added to the growing list of stories that your daughters will carry forward. Thank you!
51
I have so many regrets in life sometimes I think I suffer from PTSD. Some of those regrets are due to my failure to speak or act to protect the weak and disadvantaged. I can only resolve to refuse to make the same mistake again. A confident man is not intimated by a strong or outspoken woman. An independent woman is a much more interesting companion than a subservient one.
42
"An independent woman is a much more interesting companion than a subservient one."
Let's get practical. Who should wash the dishes and change the diapers?
1
Ms. Weiner defined the problem well. However, revenge is not the answer. Vigilantism is not the answer. The rule of law and consequences must be put into play, else we devolve into tribalism and chaos. But most of all, a woman should not feel shamed for being the victim. She should not feel that her life is less important than that of her assaulter. It starts with what we teach our children about entitlement and empathy, both boys and girls.
26
"The rule of law and consequences must be put into play, ..."
The only place Weiner uses the word "law" is in a Trump quote. However, Weiner does reference the law:
"Cosby was found guilty. Harvey Weinstein is going to trial."
I can see that you mean well with what you write, but please understand that "should" is a placeholder for finger-wagging, prescriptive moralizing towards the women you are counseling. "Should" only serves to remind females that they need to mind their posture, poise, and makeup all the more, lest onlookers find more reasons to criticize. The only person who determines how I will respond to my abusers is ME.
4
@Frances Drake
"It starts with what we teach our children about entitlement and empathy, both boys and girls."
"The rule of law and consequences must be put into play,..."
You are in Cali. Do you think justice was served in the Brock Turner case? Yes,the judge was recalled.
Unfortunately Brock Turner's "consequences" are far more lenient than those the girl involved will endure-- for <LIFE>
2
In another related column it was reported that some female Republican Senate staffers are upset that Democratic women have weaponized the #MeToo movement.
I cannot say whether or not the alleged weaponization is true, but I will say that if the movement hasn't been weaponized, it should be. The degree and depth of workplace sexual degradation dates back to humanity's origins and it is deeply embedded in a clueless male culture.
Deferential female restraint will not change that culture. As women appear increasingly to understand, they need to fight for their freedom not to be harassed while on the job -- or anywhere else for that matter.
If men work on sharpening their understanding, the battle might not need to be so intense.
50
"In another related column it was reported that some female Republican Senate staffers are upset that Democratic women have weaponized the #MeToo movement."
That OpEd quotes one "senior aide", and the word "weapon" is in a *paraphrase*. A paraphrase in an OpEd should never be trusted as reliable:
'“The whole thing is a little frustrating for me,” said a senior aide to a Republican Judiciary Committee member, describing her sense of being torn between an instinct to believe women and also a conviction that the politics of #MeToo are being used as a weapon.'
The Long Year of #MeToo on Capitol Hill
By Britt Peterson
Sept. 22, 2018
https://www.nytimes.com/2018/09/22/opinion/sunday/the-long-year-of-metoo...
1
Most, but not all, world religions are patriarchal. Since the US is mostly a christian nation those patriarchal beliefs and institutions are embedded into our country's culture. Until those beliefs change (women need to follow the man or god will be mad) then it will be continue to be an uphill climb.
But of the women I know, they are stronger than most men and uphill climbing will not stop them in prevailing.
49
@ZigZag...
There was a time in many parts of the ancient world where matriarchy was the rule of the community...
Times change, and with time, the power structures of society realign in ways that re-establish equilibrium. It is as natural an occurrence as humans coming together to form a society around the family.
Are we in one of those chaotic periods that precedes such realignments? Quite possibly.
Can we foresee what the forces at work will produce? Not really.
But we CAN work together to form a consensus that will best serve all of the competing forces. And our society DOES try to use the institutions and processes of democracy to arbitrate and implement the consensus in our society.
Sadly, there is a large segment of our body politic that sees that ends always justify the means...And that segment unquestionably does not respect party lines.
Ms. Weiner, with her "burn it down" mind set is one for whom consensus is an anathema.
And that places me, one who believes that discussion and debate are far better than destruction, in firm opposition to her position no matter how sympathetic I might be to her message.
3
With a few specific exceptions, organizations for which what happens there stays there need to be weakened, so that when there is something wrong with what happens there, it should not stay there; it should be fixed. Making these structures weaker will do a great deal to dismantle the patriarchy.
Marriage is an example of such an organization. When a marriage is in trouble and does not fix itself with its own resources, outside resources should be available and the partners encouraged to use them. It might even be a good idea to require some counseling before divorces would be granted. But this idea would be opposed by many religious institutions because they would fear that counseling not based on their religious views might strengthen the marriage at the cost of weakening or changing the religious commitment of one or both partners in the marriage. A religion that emphasized patriarchy would be very unhappy if a couple of that religion got practical counseling about how to deal with husband-wife tensions, because the counseling might well involve how to negotiate problems the wife had with patriarchy.
7
You are never going to be able to burn the patriarchy's frat house to the ground until you address the racism of the white population directly and ask why 53% of the white women who voted in 2016 voted for this disgrace of a POTUS. Those women are the key enablers of the white patriarchs who ruin this country. The white patriarchs write the laws and the white women enforce them in domestic life.
Until you address that very nasty problem, you will never rid the country of white patriarchy.
150
This is hands down one of the most insightful comments I have read about this issue. I have been horrified by my white female friends and their absolute support of this racist in chief. A man who says he can grab a woman’s vagina and she will let him! Because he’s wealthy. That’s who white women feel best represents their interests? A man who said that Mexicans are sending their rapists and thieves here? Not a peep out of these white women. I guess sexual assault only offends trump voters if they think a democrat is doing it. If a republican is in charge and acts they way Trump does? Well then you will get their vote. Hypocrites right to the disgusting end.
28
@FurthBurner we have the same problem all over the world...imo Not a matter of race...:-)
1
@FurthBurner
Yes, women have been enablers throughout history, and yes racism is corrosive and wrong. But ask yourself this question. Would a black patriarchy have been any more benevolent toward women than the white patriarchy has been? Based on what I've observed, I'd say no.
3
Every time somebody says women should take over - I think of the scourge of Ann Coulter and her ilk, and contrast them with my Dad - father of 3 women he has urged to shoot for the moon with everything we do (he grocery shopped and did the laundry too - and taught us how to run a mean buttonhook play in the side yard). And I think of my son, who's disgusted that teenaged girls around him, who used to post their sports team wins and season-end celebrations, now post only bikini and tongue shots on Instagram, and send nude photos to boys who ask them to.
We need people in charge who believe in equality and the limitless opportunity of everyone. And we need that message to carry through our families and schools to our children so they can rebuild our society.
My dad turns a strong and healthy 81 on Tuesday - and I want him to see our country vote OUT Trump's power in November and vote IN a strong Democrat in 2020. And for my son, who is watching these elections so closely, wishing he could vote, I hope beyond hope that he will see us make that change, for the better of ALL women and men.
140
"Every time somebody says women should take over - I think of the scourge of Ann Coulter and her ilk, ..."
"Coulter and her ilk" show that women can think for themselves.
2
Dante said, “The hottest places in hell are reserved for those who, in times of great moral crisis, retain their neutrality.”
Have we learned nothing from the spectacle of the Anita Hill hearings? From the fall from grace of men thought to be impervious to the voices and the power of women?
Be the change. Vote. Organize others to vote. Give a neighbor a ride to the polls. Institute term limits and demand limits and transparency on corporate money in our elections. Show the NRA that sneakers are more powerful than guns. Refuse to allow old white men to decide the very fate of our democracy.
Do not remain neutral to the voices of disrespect and demagoguery who want Kavanaugh, a partisan politician and jurist who has refused to say what he so assuredly means, to be elevated to our highest court.
I believe Dr. Blasey Ford, and I still believe Anita Hill.
85
The Princeton old boys have a right to their opinions. In fact, they have the right to express them, according to the Bill of Rights, gross as they may be. Especially, they have the right to express their opinions at their own function. If they dare.
If you find a male gathering too painful, you don't have to attend.
Y'know, even worse, we boys like to get together by ourselves occasionally, no women allowed. Even reporters.
And we say terrible things. About women, for example. And we don't just talk about Princeton. And expressing all of this is legal.
The article instructs us that male swinishness is a problem apparently only on the right: there are no examples of liberals' misbehavior in the piece.
Indeed, there is a defense of an accused presidential liberal swine:
"Kavanaugh is 'a man who, as a young lawyer, worked with Ken Starr to expose President Bill Clinton’s affair with an intern.' "
Do you really want to mention this? Clinton's consensual (thus perfectly ok) affair came up during an investigation of Paula Jones' credible charge that he called her to his room and exposed his penis.
Hey, "Believe the woman!"
Even worse, among the claims against Clinton, is the credible charge that he raped Juanita Broaddrick. Her compelling national TV account of the alleged event was suppressed by the media for weeks, until Clinton was home safe from being convicted by the Senate.
Believe the woman? And where's #MeToo?
7
@alyosha My nephew has a limo business in a big city. He says he absolutely hates it when he is driving old frat boys to reunions because they are always laughing and reminiscing about all the girls they “forced” into having sex with them! In other words, what a great time they had raping women back in the day! These are the guys in power now. The MeToo movement is long overdue and not going away!
20
This, right here, is how angry women are. Plain and simple. Hell hath no fury like a woman scorned? Let's show 'em sisters!
30
@Lisa Merullo-Boaz @Lisa Merullo-Boaz We're not scorned.
We're assaulted, harassed, belittled, ignored . . .
9
Re Princeton and “how women had pushed their way into the school’s most sacred spaces, including the eating clubs, how they were ruining the place.”
I am of the generation of women who pushed their way into what had always been wholly male territory and ruined things for men who were brought up to think they would always have the right to the best of everything. When Judge Kavanaugh is described as a “constitutionalist” the question is — does that mean he supports the unabridged words of the constitution, “all men are created equal” or the common agreement we have reached in our society that women and men have equal rights to power and protection? A strict interpretation of the Constitution’s wording means the assault described by Dr. Blasey is normal. That fits with the rules that have governed women’s forgiving and non-confrontive behavior towards domineering, misogynistic men in their jobs, at home and almost everywhere except their book clubs for many, many decades — until #MeToo. Do we really want to confirm someone to a lifetime position of power who would take us back to a retro Roger Ailes/“grab them by the pussy” interpretation of the Constitution? Or do we want a society where the talents and perspective unique to women are guaranteed equal power and protection to expand and progress our world view for everyone? The question is so much bigger than one about teenage drinking and hijinks.
62
@Maggie Anderson
I agree, thanks for the post
1
The sexual attraction between men and women (and men and men and women and women) will never end but respect needs to become the overriding principle in all these interactions. For thousands of years men had little or no respect for women, they were considered property. In may cultures that is still true today. Some cultures have moved quite a bit from that position but there has to be continued change until equality and respect are the norm. The current GOP has certainly backtracked quite a bit with the election and continued support of a truly misogynistic creature to the Presidency.
35
"[I] I find out it’s [one of my daughters], too, I can picture myself hunting down the man who hurt them and dismembering him with my fingernails and burning the whole world down."
I am a peace-loving vegetarian. I won't eat a burger because I feel bad for the cow. So it surprises me that my reaction is, "You go girl with that."
We have a P--- Grabber in Chief. Like I can't even type what he is on tape saying. And don't get me started on the stuff Trump said about his own daughter.
Maybe more mothers need to lock and load.
59
@Ann I too am a peaceful vegetarian liberal on the west coast. I am also full of rage at the men, and some women, who still defend and make excuses for this behavior.
I'm tired of feeling like there is something wrong with me for being so upset, it isn't how I was raised, or how any girl is raised, to raise your fist and defend yourself, to feel empowered and fight back.
It is time
4
And of course we have Senator Addison "Mitch" McConnell, giving a speech to a group of evangelicals, promising to "plow through" the opposition and appoint Kavanaugh to the Supreme Court. Addison has always been a truth-teller. Say what you want about the man, and there is plenty to say, but he tells you what he is going to do. He always has. The only difference between McConnell and every other Republican senator on the judiciary committee is that Mitch is being honest about his intentions. And I am including Senators Collins and Murkowski. They are, after all, Republicans. They will always choose party over personal conviction. Always.
33
Rich white men are trained in their Ivy League schools to abuse everyone they believe are less than they are ... to them we are merely a “human resource”. Abusing women is just part of the problem.
26
Mythology tells us that indeed women used to be extremely powerful at the beginning of time. In ancient times, goddesses were as important in the pantheon as other male gods. In the western world, Ancient Greece, ancient Rome, Ancient Egypt, and pre Islam Mecca, all revered goddesses.
In ancient South Asia, "Goddess Durga symbolizes the divine forces (positive energy) known as divine shakti (feminine energy/ power) that is used against the negative forces of evil and wickedness. She protects her devotees from evil powers and safeguards them. It is believed that Goddess Durga is the combined form of powers of Goddesses Lakshmi, Kali and Saraswati. It is also believed that Goddess Durga was created by Lord Vishnu as a warrior goddess to protect good people (devas) for fighting the demon, Mahishasur.. Her divine shakti contains the combined energies of all the gods in the form of weapons and emblems (mudras). Goddess Durga represents the power of the Supreme Being that preserves moral order and righteousness in the creation. The Sanskrit word durga means fort or a place that is protected and thus difficult to reach. Durga, also called Divine Shakti, protects mankind from evil and misery by destroying evil forces (negative energy and vices—arrogance, jealousy, prejudice, hatred, anger, greed and selfishness)."
We simply have to catch up to ancient times. Our time is here, NOW.
(mom here)
8
Despite what the headline says, Weiner never uses the words "patriarchy" and "always". The Times should use the author's *own words* when writing headlines.
10
GOD IS A WOMAN .... the joke is on the GOP
13
@barneyrubble
My favorite quotation of the Judge Moore election loss reporting was, “Well I guess Judge Moore was right - God did decide the election - but what Moore didn’t know was that God was a Black woman.”
6
Ah, but there is a classic about a woman wreaking revenge against the patriarchy.
Read the play, "Medea," written by the Greek dramatist Euripedes. It's a stunner. take heart: Hell hath no fury like a woman scorned.
This, from Wiki:
"Medea (Ancient Greek: Μήδεια, Mēdeia) is an ancient Greek tragedy written by Euripides, based upon the myth of Jason and Medea and first produced in 431 BC. The plot centers on the actions of Medea, a former princess of the "barbarian" kingdom of Colchis, and the wife of Jason; she finds her position in the Greek world threatened as Jason leaves her for a Greek princess of Corinth. Medea takes vengeance on Jason by murdering Jason's new wife as well as her own children, after which she escapes to Athens to start a new life."
6
“Do men know how to be sorry? Do they have any notion of how to fix what they’ve broken, or what it would take to repair the damage they’ve wrought? And could women seek revenge? Do we even know how?”
Shameless. One huneret percent shameless. Make piggishness a gender reality defined by herself—she only has this superpower—while armies of women who know Kavanagh defend him. And armies of white woman and a majority of them voted for the Pig in Chief.
Grow up. That would help. And dithering over revenge yes of no is another sign if someone you can’t trust in a fight. And we got a fight.
She is telling the truth. He knows it and every who has ever been around snotty prep school jocks for fifteen minutes knows exactly who he and his buddy are. They are a type, a cliche. A minority of men who mate up with their minority of female equivalents. Class. Jerks
But the cult claiming to be feminist sees a chance to make it all about they and their cult beliefs. Priorities.
9
There is at least one woman in a high level fed job. Maybe Betsy Devos will stand up for women... oh, never mind.
19
So Thomas should have been denied a seat on the Court because Anita Hill swings in from nowhere at the last minute to allege he told her there was a "pubic hair" on a Coke can--or so the story went?
As Ginsburg has proved so many times, foolishness, bad judgment, and inane remarks are very human and not restricted to those who aren't wearing the "sacred" black robes.
7
Well said, sister!
check out this feminist revenge flick from 1982, A Question of Silence: "What if alliances of ill-treated women lashed out against male supremacy? Infused with dark humor, Dutch writer-director Marleen Gorris's provocative stunner imagines one such scenario, in which three female strangers—a mom, a high-powered secretary and a waitress—all sane and unprovoked, fatally go to town on a shopkeeper. The three women elect to go silent in court, letting their act stand symbolically."—Tomris Laffly
3
"I want to burn the frat house of America to the ground."
I'm pretty low-key about violent metaphors, but I think the NYT should have blue-penciled this call for arson. Nobody remembers, but Sabrina Rubin Erdely's Rolling Stone UVA rape hoax story led to a leftist mob smashing the windows of a UVA fraternity on 11/20/2014. Somebody easily could have been blinded.
The next level of escalation would be fire, which can kill dozens.
12
I get that you are angry. But what I don't understand is why your fists, jaw and teeth only clench or grind for Republicans. Who ever heard of partisan jaws?
If you are truly bothered that "men like that hav[ing] sway over you," and you are not simply joining the partisan witch hunt against Kavanaugh, then how can you mention Bill Clinton without the same clenching and grinding? Or without mentally dismembering him with your fingernails?
But, no, you mention Clinton only to suggest he was a victim! And a victim of Kavanaugh no less! Not a single mention of the "survivor", Paula Jones, who accused Clinton of sexual harassment -- about which Clinton incontrovertibly lied. How do you justify the double standard?
I get the funny feeling that this isn't about sex at all. It's really about power. Tell me it is all contrived. There is your artfully manicured rage. Then you expect us to believe that Clarence Thomas's inartful crude joke induced something like PTSD in Anita Hill. I simply can't take at face value anything you say.
It is all about weaponizing sex as a means to gain your political ends, right? Thomas's real sin wasn't the coke can. It was that he was conservative and might have voted to overturn Roe v Wade. Kavanaugh's case is identical. He has to be destroyed because he is a political threat. And isn't #MeToo genius! When some other pathetic slobbering pathetic guy gets the boot -- there are more jobs for the girls.
Am I warm? Please tell me.
13
@Ian Maitland. You are indeed warm.
3
@Ian Maitland Come back and see us again when it happens to your daughters.
8
@Ian Maitland This is a republican candidate, but ALL men of all nationalities and cultures, political parties and religions, have been abusing women since humans crawled out of caves.
We don't live in caves anymore, guys. Time to evolve. Women have.
Amen.
3
Kavanaugh is a pervert as recorded in his remarks
about Bill Clinton while working for Ken Starr.
26
@jahnay
He was VERY interested in the specific details of Bill Clinton's sexual mistakes.
5
Protest. In the streets. Why do you not do this?
10
@Tina Morris You must not have been paying attention for the last couple of years. The day after Trump was sworn in, millions of concerned Americans marched as one in solidarity against the “pussy-grabber.” And millions more took up the cause in subsequent peaceful protests nationwide. Even more important, scores of female Democrats and Independents have chosen to step forward and run for political office in a bid to level the playing field and chip away at the male stranglehold on our legislative process.
11
@Lucian Fick.
Yep...Millions of women marched in an event that was helped in its organization by Russian agents on Facebook.
How ironic....
@Tina Morris
Protests, that’s what is missing these days
about lot of things going on in this country
With current presidency!
How do you write a piece like this and never once mention Bill Clinton?
13
@John, you address what's happening TODAY, instead of 30 years ago. It's crazy how many men out there look at the man in the White House who has bragged openly about sexual assault (which is against the law), and responded, "but, but, Clinton!" Is there any way to actually motivate you to condemn what is happening NOW?
16
@John: How do you always default to an attempted distraction, and never once directly address the genuine issue that is the subject of this article?
3
Ms. Weiner,
I hope you are ready for an avalanche from Rush Limbaugh & CO. I want you to return his vile bigotry with forceful words that will put him in his place.
19
American as it's currently being conducted is an insult to the intelligence of anyone with half a brain.
13
The Times would have more credibility if its "contributing editors” were not all liberal women and men from NY or California. This is a propaganda campaign, not an exchange of balanced opinion.
13
@Mike Livingston Bret Stephens, Ross Douthat....
3
Of gods and men, who met unfortunate ends:
- Samson with Delilah;
- Hercules with Deianira;
- Jason with Medea.
Circe is kinder, and just turns men into swine on a diet of swill.
Hoping we have read carefully what Anita Hill has advised for those of us planning to watch this all-white panel of males, and our president on the side, sing the praises of Judge Brett Kavanaugh, with Senator Orrin Hatch as his chief supporter.
2
And let's not forget the 19 women who came forward with allegations against the creep sitting in the white house.
42
You know what killed crusade that started after Anita Hill's appearance at the confirmation hearing? Two words: Bill Clinton.
All of the righteous anger vanished with the poo-pooing of Clinton's foibles.
15
@Rocket J Squrriel
Liberals and feminists need to acknowledge the pass they gave Ted Kennedy for Chappaquiddick.
4
@Rocket J Squrriel Dems so 2 faced. Some people have conviently forgotten the Bill Clinton, quote Hilary “ trailer trash” believable women. That’s why many couldn’t vote for Hilary. Just didn’ t Want either, wrote in Bernie!
2
Why?
All Men v All Women: this is pure predujice
8
@Bloom
No, lots of men believe in fairness, justice and respect for women.
But if you haven't noticed, men have already created systems and cultural norms against women and in favor of themselves -this is pure prejudice (and what better way to keep poor men from seeking justice in the larger society than giving them the "right" to rule over women?) And if you truly haven't noticed these systems, then you are a man and maybe you should open your eyes.
1
Great essay and thank you. Even if there had been no attempted rape, most college women know something about the disgusting, misogynistic frat house culture that Brett Kavanaugh was nurtured in. It is where socially and economically entitled young men get together and practice for the corporate and country club game they will play when they graduate with their law degrees, their MBAs and the MDs and perhaps find trophy wives in the sororities down the street. It's a place I don't want MY Supreme Court justice to come from. Some frat boys like Kavanaugh will make the effort to overcome their programming, but when their privilege, which defines their whole life, is challenged, it clicks in in a Senate committee. So what do women do about it all? Become bitter and angry harpies with scowls on our faces and ulcers? Use our sexuality to get what we want from them? Make them drool, then spit in their faces? Beautiful women can do that. Not-so-beautiful women can't. The #Metoo speak-out was a good cleansing exercise, but it is a backward look. Now women need to have a conversation about what our part was in it (yes, we have had a part) and what we need to do as individuals, as families, and friends and co-workers to make real change.
13
Ya'll need to bite the head off of the snake. Until you minimize religion you will go NOWHERE on this (these) issue(s)
28
@Twill
While religion has some of the blame, the larger, most impervious one is............................sex.
Until you eliminate the desire to reproduce, there will always be "the battle of the sexes."
That cuts both ways. Women will use their innate desirability to play men, too.
I was taught by my parents that "..do unto others.." was a sacred commandment that was gender neutral. Never a member of a political party, and always a proud independent, the latest SCOTUS disaster has sent me over the top. Shame on the gutless, immoral GOP, the religious-right hypocrites and all the sympathetic but lazy voters out there. Aux armes, citoyens ! Formez vos batallions des voteurs !
30
The "me-too" movement has begun a revolution. Let us continue to build on it. How? by electing more women to positions of power. Many women, myself included at age 80, have been brain washed. When you see men running the country, the businesses, religion, the NFL,the entertainment business you sometimes forget to question why. This movement woke me up. Let us show the world what we have to offer: brains, hearts, talent, dedication, and the strength to conquer without using weapons and bullying tactics. Let us remind the world of dignity and ethics. I am so grateful to witness and hopefully to contribute in some way to these courageous young women who have given us the spark to light a new fire, one that will eradicate injustice and light the way to progress.
Cheers!
31
My father died at 96 last month. I cannot describe his character because it was so contradictory, but he was incapable of acknowledging any criticism from me about his violence or the damage it did. I need my early teens my mother made an unconditional demand that he stop all (major, it turns out) violence against their children. He responded by literally choking her while he slept. When she tried to talk to him about it, he began choking her while awake, but in a trance-like state. When I saw them, her face was all deep blue except for a spot slightly larger than a silver dollar. When he saw me, he relaxed his hold and she lived. The next several nights the same thing happened except that I walked in earlier.
We absolutely need to change our culture so that criticism of violence by women is not something so humiliating to men, they would kill to stop it.
He tried to convince us we were sinners for not forgetting the wrongs of a man who would not apologise.
My brother belongs to a religion that says babies who are abused chose the abusive parents before they were born.
Even though I had not spoken to him in a some years and he lived about an hour's drive away, I have been surprised at how much calmer I feel, knowing he is dead.
This is not to say he did no good.
18
@Greta: Do not mistake this violence as being what "men do to women". One twisted man did it to his family. I'm sure others do too, and I suspect it happens more than we might think, but it is not normal. Normal men don't do that, and normal society won't tolerate it.
We are not done sorting out how the sexes should interact with each other. It's a work in progress. But no one thinks that the behavior you describe is normal or acceptable.
I'm sorry for your ordeal. Most of the men you see would risk their safety to prevent that from happening to you.
1
"We absolutely need to change our culture so that criticism of violence by women is not something so humiliating to men, ..."
"Our culture" already makes domestic violence a *crime*. Google "domestic violence law california", for example.
In the novel, she gets revenge, yes, but then she goes on to make herself into a more diminished person, getting all kinds of surgeries to create herself in the image of the lovely, simpering woman--romance writer (talk about the importance of stories!)--who first seduced her husband. A distinctly dystopian novel. More proof that patriarchy doesn't die, even when revenge is successful. Loved this piece though.
2
It is all too easy to join the men’s club. You knockout half the competition .... then, bond with the kings, wink at high jinks, casual infidelity, and unethical business practices for personal gain and power.
This is the theater of the men’s club.
But, we get to vote soon on this club and these men.
19
Here we go again, the umpteenth article re this subject from the extreme feminist point of view, a NY Times trademark.
Let's review history.
Sexual harassment/assault etc. has been outlawed in law and practice since app. 1980 before that it was pretty much de facto legal.
Since then countless women have come forward complained, sued etc. and won. I know I saw many in my corporation.
Predators wait. They wait for the Hillarys, the M. Streeps, the Judy Denchs and yes the Jennifer Weiners. They let them condemn present day men for every offense men made in history up to this day and go on a witch hunt against all men but protect those like Harvey who give to their causes and say nothing about women who wait 20 yrs. to complain, only do it when the roles or promotions stop or worse start the sexual action ie become enablers and co dependents.
When this happens you get the continuing cycle of abuse against many people from the extreme against men ie getting fired for looking at a woman the wrong way, banned for life for a minor transgression to the other side where pols. like Trump get away with murder.
When you let the extremes rule like the predators or the feminists you end up with this type trouble.
If you let the moderates rule, ie enforce the law to everybody in a fair, measured way, you give justice to the most number of people and have the greatest success painting the predator into a corner and facing justice.
10
All men are not the same. The overwhelming majority respect, and typically revere women. Only a small number abuse females because they can. To talk about men as a monolithic and immoral group is to be the worst type of bigot.
17
@Ira Brightman The male culture behind the misogyny IS monolithic and immoral.
6
@Ira Brightman My husband is one of the majority. When I talk about the men who have abused women, he KNOWS I don't mean him without my having to specifically say so. If you have committed no transgressions, then let me reassure you for now and for as long as your record is clear -- we don't mean you, either. I would have though that was obvious already...
1
@Ira Brightman
"Respect" and "reverence" are NOT the same, either.
1
I see barely any change at all since 1991. Yes, we have #MeToo, but what really has been accomplished? A few men have been ousted from their jobs. They're all rich men, so a few months sitting at home doesn't hurt them. A vacation. Then, like Matt Lauer they start going out in public again to gauge the reaction, and it's all back slaps and handshakes and "Glad to see you!" Louie CK goes onstage again and gets a standing ovation. They'll be back, I have no doubt. Maybe not Harvey, who is accused of committing a real crime, but the others are coming back. Our culture is not a fair one, and may never be. For thousands of years, men and women have created societies, and inequality has been built into those societies and taught to our children who have carried it on. I am not optimistic that all those thousands of years of inequality will be overcome because a few men have been called out for their actions in 2018. Those with power rarely give it up gently. Inequality between the sexes will probably still exist long after anyone reading this is dead. I do not think we're even beginning to see the time when men and women will truly be on equal footing. Not even close.
11
I too want to burn this frat house to the ground. How can we be back here? Oh wait. We have always been here. The white men have always been in charge and are fighting mightily and on some level even unknowingly to retain that charge.
8
Kavanaugh should not be confirmed for the Supreme Court for multiple reasons - anti-choice, beholden to Trump, his belief in the Infallible Presidency in the face of looming constitutional crisis, and his crude regard for women.
And 53% of white women should not have voted for Trump, but they knew he was a sexual predator and gave him their enthusiastic support, and without doubt these same women raised their sons to be like Trump and Kavanaugh. Let's stop raising boys to be predators.
66
My first job between high school and college (1971) was as the "salad girl" in the kitchen of a local restaurant. You know the kind: dark lighting, lots of surf and turf, a place for business lunches and celebration dinners. All the cooks, waiters, and owners (2 brothers) were male. There was a young cook who harassed me all summer, mostly an immature idiot (sticking some dumb comment on my back when my hands were full) but he grew to be rather scary, at least to me. Crossing the street on foot in front of the restaurant he pretended to run me down. Once he reached through open stairs and grabbed my ankle, and I threw a huge tub of lettuce on him for him to explain. I complained every time, the owners would look sympathetic, but smile ruefully. I needed the job. It wasn't until he was joking around with a carving knife and making stabbing motions and even touching me that I'd simply had it. I ran out into the middle of a full restaurant, and calmly and loudly told the patrons what had been going on all summer (in my small town I was recognized and kind of "persona non grata" having just been valedictorian and delivered an anti-war speech). Everyone was "shocked," the owners said they'd fire the cook, but they didn't as I learned later; he was still exerting his male power in inappropriate ways. No sex, but had I not been outspoken, it's hard to say I eventually wouldn't have been cornered somewhere in the basement. That was my last day.
86
I'm sure the author was equally appalled at Bill Clinton's presence in the oval office, behind a curtain with a powerless 20-year-old intern on her knees. Or Keith Ellison. Then there's Ted Kennedy, who conveniently killed his potential accuser.
14
@Grunt
Assuredly she was.
5
Hey @grunt. A) do you really think the writer was ok with their behavior B) assuming you were not ok, are you ok with Kavanaugh ‘s behavior?
14
@Grunt I’m sorry, but calling Ms Lewinsky “powerless” demeans and diminishes her and suggests naivete’ on your part. She was a witting participant and anything but an unwilling pawn.
3
You express my sentiments precisely! I am tired of being told to "tone it down" and "quit being so bitchy/angry/shrill," you name the adjective. We should be furious! Why would any rational woman risk everything to come forward if she were lying/confused/not quite sure? It's just so galling, and I am hoping, though not expecting, a better outcome than Professor Hill received. Thank you for publishing this!
53
Where in God's name are the brothers, the dads, the husbands? They're men, right? Or not?
28
@RCG: If they try to pull this stuff where someone can see it, the brothers, dads, and husbands will show up immediately and put an end to it.
As a seasoned gentleman, I understand your pain, but I cannot agree to your crying out - however emotionally - for burning down "America's frat house". Instead, may I ask you, as MOTHER, if, knowing of the bad reputation of high-school frat-house behaviour with the drunkenness of boys only 17-years old and already raised - like their fathers and grandfathers - that they, too, possessed the right of "droit du seigneur", would YOU have allowed your 15-year old little girl (afraid for her chastity) to leave your home late in the evening and to proceed totally unprotected to that evil do where the frat-boys were ready to pounce upon her? Please explain to me (and to the millions of men who have highest respect for women) how come Christine Blasey found herself there, for she must already have heard about what might happen to her? Was she allowed by her mother, to go, or perhaps even ordered if only to assert her rights as a woman-in-the-making to go wherever or whenever she felt like? Or did she go on her known, leaving her uninformed mother desperate with fear? How come is it, contrary to the time when I was a young boy, that my 15-year old sister would simply not wish to go - unlike today, when so many 15-year old "little girls" all made up to look lady young women of age. present fake ID cards at the doors of adult sites of night entertainment? How come? With or without approval by their mothers (and even of their fathers) Respectfully submitted, Adalbert Lallier
6
@Adalbert Lallier: Blame the 15 year old. Blame her mother. (If a 15 year old goes to a party she should expect boys will assault her, therefore it is her fault.) Classic. And boring.
The person responsible for the assault is Kavanaugh. Perhaps we should blame him. And his father.
And, if your son were sodomized at a party where drinking was taking place, would you blame him for putting himself in harm's way?
16
@Adalbert Lallier
It is wrong that young girls must be locked down to protect their chastity, when young boys have the freedom to do as they please. Do any parents give permission to binge-drink and behave like idiots? IT's not simply that women should avoid potentially dangerous situations. There shouldn't BE dangerous situations.
13
@Adalbert Lallier
Why shouldn't she be able to?
She must be protected against evil men?
It was her fault for being there. You can't trust boys. Stay home. This is another "Blame the victim".
10
I've hoped all along that pure revenge is what drove Dr. Ford to go public with what Kavanaugh did to her. He scarred her youth with his violent assault and if his pal Judge hadn't intervened I think he (Kavanaugh) would have raped her.
Kavanaugh has coasted all these years with his wealth, white privilege, his smug, smutty questions he wanted to ask Bill Clinton. Now, I can only hope he feels as terrified as Ford did all those years ago.
40
A bitter article born of abuse. Understandable. Requiring reform.
3
It is not clear how JFK and MLK would have measured up in a MeToo world. But it is clear that liberal icons get more leeway qthan ultraconservative blacks. Heck Thomas’s policynot to ask questions during oral argument has been interpreted as a sign of stupidity. And there are those who say that he is not really black and that he is a Republican toady. Thurgood Marshall never broke from liberal dogma. Nobody has called him a Democratic toady.
5
The majority of White women voters voted for Trump.
You might want to burn a few sorority houses to the ground as well, while you're at it.
25
Vote for women.
44
If a sexual predator can become President of the United States, why shouldn’t an attempted rapist become a Supreme Court justice?
35
@Robert Dole
Because both the sexual predator and the attempted rapist are guilty (under the law) only of allegations lodged against them not of convictions for their alleged crimes. Personally, I'm inclined to believe the allegations but I can't profess to be unprejudiced about either one of them.
As a gay man in my 70s I put up with American society, men and women, who dumped in me in so many ways. So what do I think and feel? Every time the patriarchy gets it in the slats I rejoice; every time a woman gets justice after a male predator or oppressor gets sent up the river, I rejoice; every time a homophobic jerk picks on the wrong gay man and gets his front teeth handed him, I rejoice. Every time a man or woman blossoms into a noble, mature, moral, value-laden, human being, I rejoice.
89
@Alexander I'm also a gay man (approaching 70), and I'm right with you, especially the last line of your comment. Enough is definitely enough, as Ms. Weiner's column so brilliantly illustrates. I'll refrain from describing the punishments my husband and I would mete out to the GOP leadership. Suffice it to say, we hope karma is swift and relentless. Thanks for this comment and Ms. Weiner, thanks for speaking the truth.
26
She looks happy and well adjusted in her photo.
2
Thank you and BRAVO!
9
Yes, long past tiem to burn that frat house to the ground.
8
"As the spectacle of Judge Kavanaugh’s nomination unfolds, I find myself caught in the undertow of bad memories, stuck in a simmer of rage." I think sentence captures how a great many women of all ages see this.
71
All of a sudden I'm hearing the fury of women, in my daughters, in the media. It brings back the militancy of the '70s, when women embraced the feminist movement, when they fought to make abortion legal. I hope that this grows into an overwhelming, irresistible force that overwhelms our oppressive, male oriented society. It begins with the ballot box - vote.
68
@Redux
No. No more waiting. It begins with today, tomorrow, this week....
No more talking and hand-wringing. No more depending on the outcome of electorally compromised, gerrymandered, hacked elections.
To the streets! In our millions- young women, old women, and those males who love and respect us.
I'll be there. I've got grand-daughters to fight for.
1
Hang on, women don't want revenge? Have you ever seen "Mean Girls"? Women want revenge as much as men, and we know it. And all those revengist tragedies you mention (yeah, it's actually a genre) feature men wreaking vengeance on other men. There are few cultural archetypes of men who "unman" themselves by using violence against a woman.
There is actually a pretty strong cultural archetype of women exhorting or enticing men to take revenge on the part of the woman or someone close to her - Jack Ryan's wife telling him to "kill them, kill them all" in "Patriot Games" is a handy modern example. It's actually a little hard to discern if Ms Weiner has written this article for a female or male audience.
If this is about telling men that women want revenge as much as men, you don't have to tell us. Typically in human history physically violent revenge hasn't really been an option for women wanting to take revenge on a man. It's partly relative body mass and partly innate (do I dare reference the work of Jordan Peterson on comparative personality trait distribution patterns between men and women?)
Is it really open to argument that women are innately less violent than men? Trust me, I know what Peterson says is correct, some of the most violent people will be women, but the great majority will be men. Again, this is not something that most men relish, as we are much more likely to be called upon to defend others against violent men than the average woman. We don't like it either.
6
Brilliant essay. I am older now and deeply loved by a wonderful man but I had periods of profound anger too. My family is progressive and I want to see everyone member feel powerful to determine the course of their life.
29
I think there's a lot to that in the "resistance." Not equality, though that word is used, it often means advantage or coercion for a individuals in a group once disadvantaged. Certainly not justice, though it is called "social justice." Rather it is for many actually about feelings of group vengeance. A turn to oppress. Whatever it is called, in actuality, it is an end to real progress.
7
Ms. Weiner, the "patriarchy" will only have their revenge as long as WE THE PEOPLE - average women and men across America and around the world - allow it.
WE have the power. Socially Conscious Women across America and around the world are stepping up to take one-half the power to bring balance to OUR world. More need to do the same.
HIStory is one of fear-anger-hate-death-destruction-WAR-rape-pillage-plunder. It is one of using OUR valuable human and natural resources to feed the insatiably greedy for power and control.
They are like bullies on the playground - cowardly and ethically bankrupt. Like all bullies they must be stopped. They are only 1% of the population. 99% of us are the only ones who can/will stop them and NOW is the time.
Please, Good People, call your U.S. Senator, the eleven old white Koch brothers/supposedly "christian" men on OUR U.S. Senate judicial committee and Traitor Mitch McConnell right now, and as often as you can, and tell them NO KAVANUGH!
Here is a link to their phone numbers:
https://www.senate.gov/general/contact%5Finformation/senators%5Fcfm.cfm
37
'Ms. Weiner, the "patriarchy" will only have their revenge ...'
Weiner never uses the word "patriarchy". Once again, the Times has published a deceptive headline. When is the Times going to learn how to write headlines that don't lie?
4
The place to start is to get rid of the Groper in Chief.
Summer Zervos is a bigger hero than most people understand. Her case is moving through the legal system as slowly as Trump's lawyers can manage, but it is going forward, and there's a good chance it will force Trump to answer questions under oath.
28
The Republicans swallowed hard and pulled the lever for Trump, a serial sexual abuser. And now the Republicans swallowed hard and vote for Kavanaugh, who minimally has very little credibility. And all this for what? No not abortion ... they need a fifth corporatist to cement the domination that corporations will have over the individual. The soulless corporation has no morals - they'll take any bargain, and pay those who deliver it.
62
The Senate Judiciary Committee is successfully reducing next week's spectacle of a hearing into a binary "she said - he said" (in that order; ain't that cute?) theatre piece.
Even more spectacular is the depth of fecklessness in the GOP senators' outsourcing of questioning to a hired female courtroom attorney. These decaying white patriarchs are beyond contemptible.
Hey, under this kind of fix, who knows who's telling the truth? Brett gets the last word, just like batting last in the ninth inning. Pitch him a fat juicy apple over the middle of the plate and, bingo, a walk-off home run.
Easy peasy!
35
@John lebaron
Not quite she says/he says. She has corroborative evidence including the lie detector test, and witnesses who might determine who is lying. All he has to do is: take a lie detector test, ask the FBI to investigate, insist that Mark Judge testify under oath.
He won’t.
She only has to convince Susan Collins from Maine and either Senator Jeff Flake or more likely Senator Lisa Murkowski to vote against him.
The sordid “senior salute” tradition at St Paul’s prep school in New England is also part of the patriarchal system which abused young women for the benefit of senior class men. The sordid St Paul’s male seniors seduced or forced themselves on younger naive freshwomen and then reported their conquests to the other male seniors in order to increase their social status and cool factor.
Keg parties and frat house parties are similarly part of the patriarchy’s means of taking advantag of women.
Young women who have been abused by one man are branded “slutty.”
Trump’s suggestion that Dr Ford should have come forward when she was 15 is ridiculous. Look at what happened to Owen Labrie’s victim when she reported her rape.
Like Kavanaugh, Owen Labrie was a popular boy with a bright future. He even planned to attend Harvard Divinity school!
The 15 year old St. Paul’s rape victim was shunned and harassed by everyone at her prep school. She was forced to withdraw from the school. The same thing would have happened to Dr Ford as happened to Labrie’s victim. It would probably even have been worse.
Sadly other teenaged girls’s social status is enhanced by being friends with the popular boys who drink and are sexually active. Girls often join in with the popular boys in attacking girls who speak out against sexual abuse. That is maybe what has changed with the “me too” movement. Maybe women will no longer join in with the male abusers in condemning women who speak ups
118
brilliantly written. thank you.
12
1. Little house in the prairie isn’t nice about Indians. But you overlook that.
2. As a black American I long for the day when racists get treated like she says some of our misogynists are.
11
"#metoo" is a beginning, but it seems feeble.
Perhaps more to the point would be "#strikeback", or "#geteven".
Or "#vendetta".
2
Please, everyone, try to resist going down the path of revenge.
5
"Could women seek revenge? Do we even know how?" I don't even want revenge. I just want crimes against women and the rest of humanity stopped, by any means necessary. And that includes replacing all the Democrats, all of whom voted for the monstrous military budget, along with burning down the rapist safehouse that is the Republican party. (Nukes and the rape of the earth are the greatest threats to our children, and members of both parties and genders are responsible.)
19
I'm beginning to wonder at this point if the Democrats really care about the truth? Is that the real issue? If the FBI were to find strong evidence implicating Kavanaugh in a crime, Democrats would oppose him. If there were a muddled mix of accusations Democrats would oppose him. If Kavanaugh were completely vindicated, Democrats would oppose him. Lets be honest. Everyone's mind...Republicans too... was made up long before these proceedings began. The coming testimony will not matter except as political theater. Because of the passage of time, it will be a he said she said dispute. We will never know the whole truth. It's not possible. We all know that. Isn't this at the end of the day about keeping a conservative jurist off SCOTUS by any means necessary? By the way when did misandry... a person who despises white men become acceptable? When did the various white man-hating stabs, jibes, insults & expectations become part of our culture? Why do our cultural norms protect & celebrate this behavior as “hip” or “sassy”? The difference is that misogynists are decried as evil while misandrists are celebrated. Isn't this a double standard? Misogyny & misandry is unacceptable whether it comes from the left or right? We have enough divisiveness in our country. If you seriously want to tear down the web of institutions that systemically oppress women you will need as many allies as you can get. Telling half the population that you hate them, even in jest, is not the way to do that.
19
It’s about Kavanaugh ‘s character. A person worthy of the Supreme Court would acknowledge he was a drunk in high school , say he doesn’t remember the incident, that if it it happened it was terribly wrong, that if he did it he is terribly sorry, and that he’s worked hard and tried to be a good person. K has not done this and is not therefore of sufficient good character to be worthy of the Supreme Court.
29
@Bill Brown: Perhaps you forgot that Republicans refused to allow any hearings at all when Merrick Garland was nominated by President Obama for a seat on the Supreme Court?
I hope this reminder helps you understand one of the reasons why people are so angry about Brett Kavanaugh.
2
Jennifer Weiner about her daughters: "It’s one thing to say #MeToo, but if I find out it’s them, too, I can picture myself hunting down the man who hurt them and dismembering him with my fingernails and burning the whole world down."
I recently posted that I found myself angry at almost every old white man. She's expanded that to this column. Yes, I would tear my daughter's, my good friend's daughter, Maddie's abuser apart with my nails....thoughts of a Jackie the Ripper type end for him, statting with is self-valued nether parts.
But as good as this column is, it's only about revenge, not about prevention. Just how are we raising our sons to believe that they are the supreme being (no pun intended) and women are nothing? Are over-indulgent parents (mothers?) unknowingly doing this to future young (and old) women.
When does it stop?
How can we stop it?
Do we have to "burn down the frat houses?"
If that's what it takes...
15
You nailed it, Ms. Weiner. Thank you. I'm a man and I'm disgusted by it all. I won't even pretend to know what it's like to experience these truths of our society as a woman.
92
I've got some gasoline and matches. Where shall we meet?
71
Yes, Boudica, queen of the British Celtic Iceni tribe, burnt down Londinium, killing all the Romans there for their rape of her two daughters. Eventually, the revolt was put down and Boudica poisoned herself to deny her enemies the satisfaction of killing her. A defiant statue of her sits in London. Nobody remembers the Roman leader who put down the revolt.
62
You are so right.
15
Ms. Weiner can't still have these raw emotions from the Thomas hearings. Her angry, bitter ranting here is a disservice to women everywhere. Shame.
17
@Q.T. Hit You're telling a woman what emotions she can and can't have?
7
@Q.T. Hit
Oh yes she can. I watched the Thomas hearings with disbelief and rage which is as strong today as it was then. If our government cannot muster any support of women. how can we expect the men in our community to not continue the CONSTANT harassment and disrespect that women have received their entire lives.
2
I’m mad too, and having flashbacks of all the times I was patronized, belittled, man-handled, and taken advantage of because I am a woman. I’m mad that things haven’t changed much at all since Anita Hill testified. I’m furious about what has been said about Dr. Ford. I’m ready to start burning stuff down, tearing stuff down, and kicking these fat old white men out onto the street- because I’m tired of being treated as a second class citizen.
52
Week, after week, after week, after week, after week. Is there any end to this in sight?
This male reader is TIRED.
Judge Kavanaugh has been accused of something. He denies it. That does not make him the devil. The fact that Dr. Basley's story resonates with thousands or even millions of women does not automatically make it true and does not automatically mean that Kavanaugh is lying.
But back to the main point. When does this end? Of course Lauer and Louis CK are back. There is a limit to how many times we can hear the same things, week after week, and not have it eventually become background noise -- JUST LIKE -- when you get so used to car alarms going off ALL THE TIME, eventually you just ignore them. The constructive point to this tirade is, if MeToo cannot grow into something MORE than telling us over and over and over how much women have suffered over the millennia and how terrible men are for causing all of this suffering, then yes, all of that wailing is going to become the wailing of car alarms. And that is the challenge: can MeToo grow into something more, something beyond the wailing? If not, then I believe that I'm not the only one that is simply going to start tuning it all out. To be very frank with you, I already have.
18
@David
Most of us tune out what's not pertinent to us. And that's fine. Look at it from a different angle: how much abuse must there be that women have endured and are enduring that these accounts are pouring out continuously?
Women don't have the luxury of tuning out abusive behavior. It shatters lives and is anything but the background noise of a car alarm.
No one can coerce you into caring and most of these women would love your support but they are not dependent on it. They will tell their stories, whether you listen or not. They are giving strength to other women who now know they are not alone.
These stories are for women who may be surrounded by men who have tuned them out.
64
@David I think I understand your point here and I am sure there are many who have tuned out this particular movement. But those who believe in this way and have felt victimized need to keep their message alive in the same way Trump continually hammers on the topic of "fake news" to keep that message alive. You may not want to live in the #MeToo space, and don't have too, but you have to give them their space to back a cause they feel important whether you choose to listen or not.
12
@David Thanks for telling us when we can stop wailing. We were wondering, and now that you've told us, we can finally shut up. And it's Dr. Christine Blasey Ford, not Dr. Basley.
5
Yes, Jennifer. So much yes.
48
So many of us see your rage and match it with our own, Jennifer. It awoke in me the moment I heard a sexual assaulter had been elected to the White House.
We are with you, we stand beside you. We bare our teeth and growl.
28
@Cate I’m 67 years old and have been furious for many years about sexism, racism and inequality. The Women’s Movement in the 70’s changed me forever and I wish I could say it changed men too. But I’ve had plenty of my own Me Too insults and assaults to think it will ever end. Since law enforcement often protects the abuser, women have no where to turn except to protecting themselves, hopefully with some men stepping along side us. Our thinking needs to turn upside down. I’m ready to do whatever it takes to prevent my daughter and grandaughter from being angry and resentful of the system that treats them as less then!
Yes, Yes and Yes. And many men are bewildered. What did WE do, they wonder. Ask. Ask your mother, ask your sister, ask your girlfriend, ask your wife. Ask them to tell you the stories of how they have been wounded by men. Listen. Don’t make excuses, don’t smile, don’t you DARE say that that’s just what some guys do.
I have been in a rage for over two years. I have despaired about the fact that that hideoous excuse for a man lives in The White House. His stupidity, his ugliness, his coarseness make me want to scream. And now, Dr. Ford. She is an American heroine. I am praying that whatever happens, she knows she did the right thing and is a role model for women everywhere.
And, yet, I have the dearest husband. I try not to let my anger spill over onto him. I guess I had to experience all that wounding in order to learn what a good man looks like. But, boy, those other guys were harsh teachers.
155
Interesting how the majority of reader responses
to this OpEd piece have come from women, while some of the most negative comments have come from men.
21
@B. Granat When you insult half the population for something they ARE, as opposed to something they DO, you probably won't get much support from that sector..
2
@B. Granat: and in the exact same vein, read the Times article this week about the retired NYC policeman who ran brothels, and then check out the number of men who comment about legalizing prostitution because it is a “victimless” crime.
1
Some 60 years ago, I was an indifferent, definitely not rah-rah, member of a fraternity. That chapter was disbanded recently because of a little joke its pledge class played by competing for the record of seducing the most presumably obese coeds.
We shall soon have on the court three snotty little preppies--Roberts, Gorsuch, and Kavanaugh--who live in the bubble of privileged suburban life and an acquired education in self-entitlement. They are the ones who will be deciding how millions of people perceived as unworthies live according to their diktats. I would so much prefer that they were Catholic priests or bishops or archbishops so that they could do less damage
29
Settle down, Jen. Your vehemence clearly needs a channel - I'd suggest watching the female revenge film "I spit on your grave" for some closure. You also might want to focus some of your anger at the major religions, as the power structures they employ are really anti-woman to the core.
20
Never tell a woman to settle down.
13
@Markt
When it happens to your daughters, then lets talk.
6
@Markt,
Even if your order - "Settle down, Jen" - was meant somehow as a "joke," it is a profoundly unwelcome, unfunny, and patronizing one.
10
This level of emotion reminds me of how black people must feel each time a policeman shoots an unarmed black person and then is either not charged with a crime or is not convicted by an all white jury in the rare instance that the case even gets that far. Without justice, we can no longer expect peace.
163
"There aren’t many stories about men righting their wrongs; even fewer about women making men sorry."
If you're talking about movies where the action is physical, it's harder to portray women as physically equal to men because when it comes to brute strength and fighting, most aren't. There are plenty of movies where women end up getting their way using their other strengths. However it's much easier to make 'action' movies where the mostly male protagonists correct their situation by outfighting the antagonists. And in many, the women's actions cause the men's conflict.
The devaluation of physical strength is one of the main drivers of women's rights. It isn't nearly as easy to get away with bullying than it used to be. It still happens but it no longer deemed acceptable. At the large company where I worked, you get caught physically bullying once, and Zap! you're out of there. Rank-based bullying still happened occasionally from both sexes, although a clever operator could work around it.
As for Ruth in the novel, I guess the fantasy of 'going postal' is alive and well in some women. Like the author says, that seldom works out well for people of either sex.
Amen, Sister. Wonderful writing, and fantasies. The BEST revenge is a VOTE. Vote for a straight Democratic ticket, every time, in every election. Even the most stupid will eventually get a clue, when their frat brothers start losing their “ jobs “.
VOTE in November. Start the real revolution.
50
Kavanaugh should be rejected because of his political and rights positions, not because of neurotic hate-man extremism like this.
Militant, mindless fury usually works against its own cause and this is no exception.
I know that Americans would like to ignore a million years of our animal nature, or ignore it, to be something else, but it's not blind rejection that will change our genitalia or the entire physical, social, and mental accessories that come with us; it's building on it.
4
@Anonymot
well, gee, if you accept the "animal nature" of men to act as they do perhaps you must also accept the "militant mindless fury" of women to react thusly. Female lions dominate. The social constraints keeping female humans bound to subservience are becoming threadbare.
By all means, however, let's reject Kavanaugh because he's unworthy due to his political positions and hollow moral core.
Yet the Republicans have been planning this slow-moving coup d'etat for years. It's like trying to throw a pebble in front of a train to stop it. I'm all for throwing pebbles when that's all you've got--however let's get to work on wresting the controls from Snidely Majority Whiplash and his crew of GOP zombie-brain eaters.
5
I hope that tens of millions of women (and men) will share your righteous anger and run for office and vote for progressive candidates who will act to make a more just and equitable society.
40
Remarkable that Bill Clinton doesn't warrant a mention in this article. Weiner would be more credible if she addressed the feminist defense of him. And he certainly hasn't said he's sorry to Lewinsky, Broderick or many others.
15
@Alec
Please, Lewinsky was a participant, not an unwilling victim. Amazing that some men cannot tell the difference.
1
Thank you for this. I have felt a kind of rage and hurt in response to this situation that has surprised me.
I've been telling myself that the #metoo movement must have had *some* impact on the culture, as proven by the fact that Republicans are reluctant to have this hearing. They seem to be aware of the optics of 11 old men grilling a woman about an attempted rape and are less confident in their ability to write Dr. Ford off as a silly, mixed-up woman as they did Anita Hill.
So, the #metoo movement has had an impact. But all Republicans can do is see this and try to find a way to maneuver around it.
It's a slap in the face to all American women. I have to hope it is the death knell for this kind of backwards thinking being in power. That voters of conscience will come out in droves in November.
However, Donald Trump is still in the White House. Clarence Thomas still sits on the Supreme Court. And if Kavanaugh joins him... my anger boils over at the thought.
35
What most white Evangelicals do not understand is the paltry victory they will win if Roe v. Wade is overturned. The massive amounts of abortions that will still be done in this country will be a Pyrrhic victory, and ashes in their mouth. The number of states that will allow unfettered abortions, and their proximity to most of the country will seem almost a defeat to many of them. If one is too many, then they will be heartbroken.
9
When every frat house is burned to the ground and every college fraternity is abolished, America will have a true chance at becoming a civilized country.
32
Wait a minute. In the age of me-too, isn’t it a good thing that “as a young lawyer, (Kavanaugh) worked with Ken Starr to expose President Bill Clinton’s affair with an intern”? You write like that was a bad thing! Perhaps this incoherence is a reason the left can’t win and can’t be trusted with power.
19
@Publius "Irony"
10
@Publius Perhaps the incoherence is that all the apologists for Kavanaugh are in the same frat and covering for each other.
4
@Publius I believe the point was that it was unbelievable that someone who's so historically immersed in policies and generally the so called wellbeing of a young woman (Monica), seeing how it damaged Monica and still being so clueless to the harm being inflicted on Ms. Ford. right now. In fact, he (and the wrinkly out of touch Republicans) ( I mean, who could listen to McConnell's presser Friday? Shivers. He's straight from central Casting as like, Satan's messenger). These guys are using this incident to further leverage their candidate. It's just very, very immoral. They will get their choice. And the 80% of people that believe in a woman's right to choose we don't legally own our bodies. Again. These Republican "leaders" chip away daily at the humanity of the United States. And with Trump. We are losing it worldwide, on hyper overdrive. Other's envy our freedom. But they haven't read the small print. The freedom for white males. IF you are assaulted and report it, your life as you know it is over. That is not freedom. Tearing families apart at the border is actually NOT supposed to be policy. It is not illegal to apply for asylum.Would anyone ever again? Where is the Christian love? Compassion. Gone. This administration still hasn't gotten power to the
"US Citizens" or admit that 3000 people died.The world is upside down.
4
Don't worry, Jennifer. The patriarchy will come down like a house of cards when more women than ever before are elected to Congress this November.
13
The world definitely needs more gender balance. But this rings hollow when Hollywood still portrays women (and actresses portray themselves) as sex kittens and seductive vixens - see the red carpet, see Housewives franchise. And the Playboy Club here in NYC just opened to much acclaim by none other than women who are going there.
Obviously, women aren't on the same page about a lot of things. It's time that gets discussed.
25
I'll bring the matches.
22
Powerful essay. Not so much the headline. "The patriarchy"? Come on, NYT! What this essayists describes is nothing less than an all-encompassing ideology known as male supremacy. Why water it down?
14
"Revenge is a dish best served cold."
--- Variously attributed to many authors and appears in The Godfather, Stars Wars, Kill Bill and many other places.
"Before you embark on a journey of revenge, dig two graves."
--- Old Chinese Proverb
Ah Ms. Weiner, I value your anger, but there are better ways than yours to get this important job done,
10
@A. Stanton
Yes, but there is a footnote. In order to exist as a dish at all, it has to be cooked first. Though it does seem that we should have been finished with the first step back in the early 1990's.
4
Men are not created in a vacuum .
5
Patriarchy is so perverse, Ms. Weiner, that its forces think they need "revenge" for simply being outed for their own wrongdoing. We have a very long way to go. The Matt Lauer "victims" of the world are not going down without a fight. Patriarchy thinks of itself as attractive and entitled when in fact it is pathetic and unnecessary from an evolutionary perspective.
Read Alderman's "The Power" to understand the forms of normative violence we women suffer every day under patriarchy. Every man should read the book.
11
I've got matches!
16
Ms. Weiner: Please know that there are many men, myself included, who detest those men at Princeton who would believe that women such as yourself had “pushed their way into the school’s most sacred spaces.”
17
One Bad Apple” ( re: Roe v. Wade- under assault)
In The Garden of Delight,
She made you take that bite.
And Man, you still hold a grudge.
After thousands of years,
all Her blood and her tears,
now, in Law, She earned Her right.
But still you persist,
using “His name” to assist,
getting even, for just that one bite.
Try as you do, you still don’t have a clue!
For time is quite near,
Her votes will make clear.
that you bit off, more than you can chew.
14
"There aren’t many stories about men righting their wrongs; even fewer about women making men sorry."
Because the literature reflects the reality. Everywhere men are sheltering in place, deflecting the frying pan with hunched up shoulders, knowing that this tantrum too will pass. War is the great un-equalizer. We all know that after the initial trial of the nerds, the next war will still grind away in the trenches, and the body bags from there will be mostly male. If they don't swagger, they won't fight as they say. Then there is the horde of belles (the majority) who still want to be pursued by competing males--who will resort to nature to out-swagger each other. A good start would be to ban football, the worst of the swaggers. What is this but a glorification of male aggression. Fans can't get enough swagger on the football field--and the swagger follows them into the classroom. What are medals on a uniform but a display of violence so attractive to women. Men do not want those medals on the women they wish to marry. The campus is a highly charged jungle of suppressed male violence, and only a naive fool would expect a level playing field for their daughter--unless the men are put in cages. That aggression needs to be kept at a high level for the next war--a huge defense budget is worthless without it. The Pentagon is pure male aggression. Good luck dismantling that.
9
reject the male cultural narrative and be fully and blessedly woman. support each other socially, economically and emotionally and don't support old white men and their nonsense about what they think women can and cannot have or be or think.
fully embrace your power at all times and always always protect your right to be treated with respect and dignity. never ever let some man define you or defile you. stand up for your sisters who have been treated badly and teach your daughters to own their power every hour of every day.
19
So much anger! So much hatred! What an unhappy woman Ms Weiner must be. My late husband was a Yale graduate in the days when it was all male. He also went to an all-male boarding school. But he was a gentle man, who devoted much of his career as a secondary high school math teacher, teaching math a girl's schools.
I'm competitive and do not suffer fools gladly, but my life has never been the one that Ms Weiner described. Do men sometimes talk like teen boys, even when in their 60's? Yes, but then so do women - we can easily revert to being catty girls who are intolerant of other girls/women. I don't spend a lot of time worrying about either. I look at how both behave in their adult lives and what kind of parents they are, if they have children.
If one looks for slights or unfairness in the world, it will be found. If one looks for boorish behavior in men, they will find it. But need we tar an entire sex with the same brush? I have 3 grandsons and 1 granddaughter. Not one of my grandsons looks down on women and have a lot of girls who are friends. They have a very strong mother, as well.
I can see no point in harboring decades old grudges of any kind. Anger hurts the one who is angry, rarely the one that anger is toward. Anita Hill proved to not be credible - not just to men but to many women I know. I will decide whom I believe if witnesses come forth. Surely, if Kavanaugh was a pig and a boor, it was not with just one woman. Where are the others?
15
@India, Anita Hill was, and is, very credible. It is known now, beyond a shadow of a doubt, that Clarence Thomas is porn-obsessed and that the way he harassed women in the workplace was by describing porn to them. Just exactly as Anita Hill described. Many other women have come forward since Anita Hill -- in fact, many were willing to testify during the confirmation hearings, but the Judiciary Committee chose not to call them forward. Please google "Angela Wright," "Moira Smith," and "Sukari Hardnett," for starters.
Just because the "men" and "many women you know" didn't believe Anita Hill, doesn't mean she was lying.
You ask, in regard to Kavanaugh, where are the other accusers? Oh, I don't know -- perhaps they're afraid of being called liars (as you are doing now), or perhaps they're afraid of the rape threats and death threats that have forced Dr. Blasey out of her home? Your question is disingenuous -- Clarence Thomas had multiple accusers, and yet you still don't believe Anita Hill.
It is often (sadly) true that women uphold male privilege as much as men do -- women are just as likely to disbelieve women, because we (well -- you, not me) don't want to acknowledge how dangerous the world is for women. You are part of the problem.
9
@India
It's not just a decade-old grudge. It's the current manifestation of decades, even millennia of horrid treatment of women by the male patriarchy. I'm glad your young male relatives have been educated properly. But millions of other men, including our boorish President, think that women are fair sexual game. And exhibit that behavior in business, in politics, in a wide variety of ways to "keep women in their place". It has to STOP!
I'm guessing there are other women who may have been frightened into silence. And who don't want to submit themselves to the kind of attack that the Republicans are mounting against Dr. Ford. Of course it's true. No one would put themselves through what Dr. Ford is going through unless it was true.
2
The HuffingtonPost just produced a poll (conducted prior to the revelation that Leland Ingham Keyser denies knowing Kavanagh) which has 36% disbelieving her compared to only 31% who do. The Democrats have made a very bad gamble with this little bit of sexual McCarthyism. Few mothers with sons in this country will want them subject to such capricious destruction without corroborating evidence.
14
@Jack Few mothers with sons (I have 2) will want their sons to put themselves into situations where such accusations can be made. Especially since they are seeing over and over again right now that even the president of the United States can simply dismiss such reprehensible behavior and be just fine.
1
@Jack. I have a son. My son attended a Jesuit prep school. He NEVER behaved this way with women. No this will galvanize women!
@Jack
You write, "The Democrats have made a very bad gamble with this little bit of sexual McCarthyism." How are Ms. Ford's accusations a Democratic gamble? She is a person. If this is nothing more than a political plot, then how did the Democrats find Ms. Ford -- someone with a history that could be exploited for this purpose? Or are you saying that Ms. Ford came up the idea to smear Kavanaugh since she knew him in high school -- as if she had nothing better to do? That's quite an assertion. If your mother/aunt/wife/sister/daughter had experienced an assault would it be right to brand her response as nothing more than a political act? Such characterizations express a terrible failure to understand that what happens to individuals matters in the context of morality, not politics.
1
Maybe, just maybe, Dr. Blasey Ford's actions will cause a few teenage Casanovas to think twice this very weekend, before pinning a protesting, unwilling girl to the bed, with friends cheerleading to add to her terror and humiliation.
Maybe a few parents will have talks with their teenage sons this weekend: Appalling behavior as a teenager JUST MIGHT come back to haunt you later, even decades from now. Behave. Oh, and girls count too. What you say and do to them DOES matter.
What happens at __ High School (fill in name of any high school) does NOT necessarily stay at __ High School.
And just possibly, learn some empathy. Kavanaugh famously said that it was "better for all of us" if what happened at Georgetown Prep stayed at Georgetown Prep. Apparently, he now understands that it was NOT better for all of them - he forgot a few people when he said that.
The women.
48
@DW
Unfortunately it's likely Kavanaugh will have no repercussions and will be confirmed as SC justice AND be felt sorry for because the confirmation process victimized HIM.
Thus, the message our current society (including both men and women) is sending is that you can get away with it if you or your friends are rich and powerful and/or if they control a propaganda machine like Fox "News" or Facebook.
1
I remember this line from a Doris Lessing novel,"scratch a woman, find a rage."
39
If Kavanaugh is confirmed, a Women's March on Washington must quickly follow.
21
@Celeste is that for or against?
White women picked Trump. White women give Republicans power. White women are not a reliable voting bloc for Democrats, but they are for Republicans.
Intolerance is as prevalent as it ever was.
12
Ever ask yourself what percentage of all type-A males have committed sexual assault?
Just a hostile takeover, after all.
9
And wash me forever clean.
1
Bravo! You may not speak for us all, but you certainly speak for many of us. Men have no idea what you endure in their presence. Every woman has some tale to tell of male arrogance and rotten behavior. Not every male has done these things, but every women has suffered them.
29
The argument here is one dimensional. Anita Hill predated the MeToo movement and so her testimony was attacked in a cavalier manner that is unacceptable. Oh, BTW, are you aware that Ms Hill is black and was therefore more easily branded by sexual stereotype. Despite MeToo, not all women face the same challenges. Ms. Hill’s challenenge was far more daunting because black women don’t get a voice.
23
@michjas Clarence Thomas was the one who played the race card. His self pitying use of the unjustly persecuted black man trope won over more than a few Democrats, including members of the Congressional Black Caucus.
9
"The argument here is one dimensional."
Weiner has mastered the art of oversimplification. As you suggest, race was a factor in the Thomas hearings, yet Weiner never uses the words "race", "black", or "white".
As someone who leans left of Bernie Sanders, I don't know what to think of Kavanaugh's alleged teenaged sexual transgressions, given Bill Clinton, Al Franken, Les Moonves, Charley Rose, Matt Lauer, Bill Cosby etc.
What I do know is this, the Supreme Court and America's lower courts have rubber stamped gross human rights violations like the executions of Botham Jean and Tamir Rice just to mention a couple examples out of countless thousands if not millions of atrocities committed by state authorities against American citizens since WWII.
Human rights violations and mass incarceration have been ongoing since WWII, primarily against minorities and the impecunious. Kavanaugh should be rejected as a judge not because he was a misbehaving teenaged boy around white girls his age, but because he represents institutional white supremacy, injustice and hypocrisy, the good old white boy entitlement network. Their sexual mistreatment of women is but one of their violations of American justice. They get away with worse behaviour all the time.
12
@EC Speke
I'm with you all the way but would like to point out that attempted rape is not "misbehaving." Let's test that: which would you rather personally endure--misbehavior or attempted rape?
1
I’m in my sixties, no children, yet I’m incensed. Men who plan to put this sex offender on the SC feel only fear that they will somehow be prevented from their goal of permanent President Trump, and permanent Republican domination. They are very close to doing this. They do not fear women. They disdain them. If their wives, daughters, girlfriends, mothers get raped, they don’t care. Grassley doesn’t care. Cruz doesn’t care. Nor does Lee, Hatch, Cornyn. Not McConnell. Evidently not Collins. They want victory over Black people, brown people, people who speak Spanish, women, LGBT, they wish to crush so that they will be rich and powerful. Crush others. Zero sum game. Sociopathy. Greed gone wild. War gone wild.
In your fiction, women drop men out of helicopters and burn down frats. In my fiction, the men wake up one morning to a world devoid of women and girls, down to newborns and including elderly disabled. Just gone. No notes left. No empty dresser drawers. Simply vanished for good.
They should begin to fear, but I don’t think they’re smart enough. No lesson in 10,000 years has worked yet. Is it finally time, since the earth is dying? What is left to lose?
31
@Tsultrim
Yes, it’s that men are afraid of women. This is why they feel the need to control women. Once the warrior queen inside every woman is unleashed...watch out!
1
Pretty powerful stuff. If only...
3
That’s right! Like the lady said - we’re out here, and we’re coming for you - so think twice before trying it and then denying it. Burn, baby, burn!
9
What has surprised me in all the coverage of the Hill/Thomas hearings is any discussion of Thomas’ wholly undistinguished tenure on the court. It seems remarkable that the Grassley, Hatch et.al. debased themselves in support of a Justice who, to the best of my recollection, has asked only one question in 12 years.
While the same cannot, yet, be made for Kavanaugh, I guess they will do anything-then and now-for a reliably, and ultra-Conservative vote.
26
@Michael Rabin
So Thomas doesn't ask questions during the hearings. If I was on the court I would probably do the same thing. What does he say during the conferences the justices have? That's the important time.
@Michael Rabin And to think that the mediocre and wholly unfit Justice Thomas replaced Thurgood Marshall.
"Clarence Thomas is going to surprise a lot of people," declared his principal sponsor, Senator John C. Danforth, a Missouri Republican, in summing up the pro-Thomas case. "He is going to be the people's justice."
https://www.nytimes.com/1991/10/16/us/thomas-confirmation-senate-confirm...
1
@Michael Rabin Unfortunately, yep!
Basically Weiner and most of the rest of the acute feminists deal with some of the edges of social evolution (SE) and therefore experience what any surfer in rough water does. If SE was simple or automatic or easy, there would be not much need for resolute activists. So know that in advance.
I personally find that few people are willing to really drill down into a full picture of the part of the social and biological structures that are involved with how and why males and females relate. If anyone thinks its simple, in 21st century society, they haven't thought about it.
Things are the way they are because humans have settled into it, have erected the matrix in that configuration. Some of it is easily understood, mainly the part about the biology. But beyond that, it gets very, very complex very fast. Activists, of every stripe, probably generally know this -- but tend to severely overlook it as they ply their craft.
8
@Feldman Thoughtful contribution. The fuller picture in fact includes a recognition that the sexual power of women leaves them more than powerless. Not much discussed and it is a power not always up to the task in the modern workplace for a variety of reasons.
@Feldman
Ah yes, another apologist for the overwhelming male refusal to treat women as equals, with respect, and not as possible targets for relief of their sexual urges. Come on . . . this needs to STOP! I am beyond disgusted, beyond furious at the way Grassley et. al are behaving. Can you honestly think that Dr. Ford would have, after months of agonizing reflection, agreed to submit herself and her family to the personal trashing that resulted from her accusation? Of course it’s true. Why else would she put herself through this?
Suppose it had happened to Grassley’s or Graham’s or any of the other Republican’s wives, daughters, granddaughters, sisters, etc. Would they tell their female relatives that they had to shut up because the Republicans wanted to stack the Supreme Court? With a justice that is also under a cloud because of lying in earlier confirmation hearings? AAAAARRGGHH! And before you say "how about false accusations", 80% of sexual assault/rapes of women are NOT reported while the "false accusations" are in the low single digits.
2
Burn down the frat house, YES. Thank you for this. As a mother, I know our girls are the future and this will not be tolerated - change is coming. This last gasp of patriarchy is painful and ugly, but it will change as the youth come up and into positions of power.
29
Thank you for writing this! It is a call to all women to speak out and challenge the patriarchy! All women who are constituents of the male senators on the Judiciary committee must call them, rally outside their offices and demand that women’s voices must be heard. Demand that they be OBJECTIVE on Dr. Ford’s testimony! If not, let them know you will vote them out!! It’s time for these backward old boys club members to go home - women please run for office! It’s time for them to be replaced!
10
"She followed him from one job to another, they’d say."
Which she did - regardless of your rationalizations for her doing so.
" A few jokes about pubic hairs on Coke cans? Couldn’t have been that bad, right?"
It was her word against his as to whether or not those jokes were even told.
"Now that president has picked his own Supreme Court nominee, a man who, as a young lawyer, worked with Ken Starr to expose President Bill Clinton’s affair with an intern."
Clinton also committed perjury. And Hillary took to the airwaves to deny the affair and hence the perjury never happened.
A chief executive has an "affair" with an unpaid intern? Had this involved a Republican and not the daring Clinton duo you wouldn't describe the exec's relationship to the unpaid intern as "an affair". It would be described in much harsher terms.
9
Patriarchy ?
Baloney.
Every case is individual, and different.
Looking for a class of individuals to blame is childish.
Get back to us after you have hit menopause. Then we'll discuss how hormones can rule one's behavior, and overrule reason.
Maybe then, you'll recognize that "boys will be boys" isn't just a trite phrase. It is a tacit recognition of the fundamentals of developmental biology.
A teen groping another teen just isn't newsworthy, and it certainly isn't a valid excuse for ignoring a long and respectable life and career - except maybe for an ideologue, or a despicable senator.
9
@Objectivist
So women should lie back and think of England?
6
@Objectivist
Thank you for your crystal clear reasoning. Well, then, let's put men in cages until they are too old to act on their hormones and turn things over to women.
9
@Ann
Women have remedies available to them, and they can use them if they choose to.
So if thinking of England is your personal choice, go for it, but in most cases I would think someone who is the victim of a crime would call the cops.
In this particular case, it would have been a juvenile offender matter and the case files would have been sealed regardless of the outcome.
My personal sense is exactly what I said: that's all very interesting - if it is even true. But it is also entirely insufficient to ask that someone's a long and honorable career and life, and confirmation to the Supreme Court, be denied.
Teenage male hormones in an uproar sometimes have distasteful consequences. But they are a biological reality which angry women cannot deny, and, have had to deal with since bipedal hominids emerged on the planet.
"Could women seek revenge? Do we even know how?" What's needed is not women's revenge, but action going forward to stop crimes against women and the rest of humanity. That means burning down the rapist/racist safehouse that is the Republican party and putting the fear of replacement into the Democrats who just voted, again, for a monstrous military budget. Nuclear weapons, wars like the one Trumpists are pushing for against Iran, and the rape of the earth are the greatest threats to our lives and our children's lives. They go hand in hand with private violence, and members of both parties and genders are responsible.
10
If nothing else, this whole debacle has reminded us that Sen Orrin Hatch should have been run out of the Senate decades ago! It has been 27 years since Anita Hill’s nightmare experience. Enough already - people of Utah - you can do so much better NEXT!
As Canadian singer songwriter says so potently, Fellas, Get Out The Way:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=S3TEPTqVI0A
16
I understand your feelings, because I’ve been there, and felt the same way. Yet the reason that, while allowing victims or their families to testify, we don’t let them impose sentences on convicted criminals, let alone try an accused, is that victims are not unbiased. Of course they want revenge; who wouldn’t?
Revenge, however, is not justice. Revenge is what we want when justice fails, as it failed Professor Hill and is failing Dr. Beasley. Those denied their rights, including due process, seek revenge. Citizens demand justice. We demand revenge only when we have given up all hope. I’m not there yet, and hope I never get there.
I have no objection to Ghomeshi describing death by social media (he was acquitted, BTW) or Hockenberry telling his story. They have the right to do so, just as we have the right to reject their accounts. I also think expressing rage is important, because people need to understand the damage done to victims. Traumatized for years by what happened to me, I fantasized running over the perpetrators with a bus - and then chopping them into little pieces.
Instead, I went to law school; and if you think that didn’t scare the heck out of “them” more than my rage ever did, you are wrong.
Stories matter, but real life is not “The She Devil.” Our way out of this morass is that taken by Dr. Beasley: show that you are following the rules of law and decency, whereas the other side isn’t.
People aren’t stupid. They learn. Mobs are stupid. They burn.
10
Well, Judge Thomas has been on the SCOTUS bench since 1991 and there have been no complaints from the females on the bench, or female staff regards his conduct. So it would appear the senators did the right thing by confirming him!
6
@Moe Def
This is an error in logical thinking.
14
@Moe His wife Ginny has been raising money for Tea Party PACs for years, even while cases that involve the Tea Party and their causes are before the court.
That is unacceptable conduct.
3
Jennifer Weiner, God bless you. You have just said everything I've been feeling in the past week--and a whole lot more brilliantly than I could. Thank you.
18
If you do nothing, then nothing will change. Contribute, raise money, volunteer for candidates who see all people as valid, worthwhile, citizens in their own government.
Then go out and VOTE in EVERY ELECTION for those kinds of candidates.
VOTE, VOTE, VOTE, IN EVERY SINGLE ELECTION
29
Democrats: FDR was right, when dems have the White House and Senate pack the court.
GOP and McConnell deserve it. What goes around comes around
Oh yes, burn down the frat houses.
6
I have a serious question that has been gnawing at me since the disgusting 2016 election, and this seems to be an excellent place to search out an answer: why, oh why did so many women vote for Trump? 52% of white women and around 40% of all women. He should be living under a rock and yet he's in the oval office.
Is it a single-issue reason such as abortion or is it more complicated? I was surprised the percentages were higher than single digits.
12
The few women I know who voted for Trump did so for the same reasons men did—to shake up the establishment, to receive a tax cut, to overturn Roe, and to protect white power through immigration reform (in their view to keep themselves safe). Beneath it all these women (wealthy conservative colleagues and evangelical relatives of mine) have something else in common, and that is the idea of men as head of household. This example might help understand part of their mentality. When an evangelical husband and public figure strayed outside his marriage, my female cousin proclaimed that the wife had not done her duty to support and love “her man” enough. My wealthy conservative colleague has the same attitude, without being evangelical, and regularly posts about her fierce love for “her man” and her admiration of the way he protects and takes care of her. I can’t imagine any woman with a mind of her own voting for the monster in office, but this dominant male ideal is firmly entrenched in a big segment of the female population. They believe in boys will be boys and all the rest, unfortunately not only at their own expense but at the expense of the rest of us.
22
@TR
Fox News is the main reason.
7
@TR A lot of women benefit from the patriarchy.
They get to live a good life on their husband's salary and benefits. The husband man not be as intelligent, educated, or skilled as the women who work for him.
But he gets to stay in high paying positions just because other men support him and "he has a family to support".
It
Interesting to hear all that anger about how terribly you and other women have been treated. To read this, you'd have to believe that all women are just helpless victims at the hands of terrible men and just Republican men at that. You mentioned Ken Starr but you happened to miss
the Olympic-CIass groper President Bill Clinton.
I would assume that you hadn't met my ex-wife who regularly exerted her dominance over everything and ran up $46K in credit card debt before leaving for better shores.
It's a hard world. If every obstacle, every slight causes irreparable emotional damage and righteous anger, how exactly are women supposed to endure infantry combat?
Trust me; that's far, far worse than leering bosses and drunk frat boys.
9
@independent
yeah, except for when women fight in the military they ALSO have to endure leering bosses/commanders and drunk frat boy behavior from their fellow soldiers. Why don't you try THAT sometime?
7
@independent How does running up $46K in credit card debt have anything to do with groping?
1
This is how patriarchy dies. It is a long, agonizing death that lashes out in ugly ways.
The video of Orin Hatch and Chuck Grassley in 1991 and now, still in the Senate and still on the same committee begs for term limits. 11 Republican white men still the only Republicans on the committee says all you need to know about GOP diversity.
More women in Congress and in state government may be on the immediate horizon. You and your daughters and millions like you will make the difference. Let's hope patriarchy loses a battle next week.
38
Given what’s we have recently witnessed relative to the Anita Hill hearings, is there a mechanism for recalling the appointment of Judge Thomas? #Recall Judge Thomas
8
Medea exacts her revenge, against wrongs perpetrated by her father, her husband, her king and society. The costs are staggering--her brother, her sons, her homeland, her alienation. She should never have had to make those choices.
11
The only problem with Anita Hill is the facts. The FBI did investigate and it was inconclusive. So it's not really for sure that what she alleged was actually true. But then again is it really truth we are after here, or something bigger like political advantage? https://www.newsbusters.org/blogs/nb/kyle-drennen/2018/09/20/note-nets-f...
4
@Jason McDonald The FBI rushed through an investigation of Anita Hill's claims THREE DAYS. No wonder it was inconclusive. I would suggest that all women want is basic fairness. Equality. Autonomy.
10
@Jason McDonald You just don't get it.
Women and girls do not misremember these events.
If you had ever had anything like it happen to you, you would remember every single detail.
Just because it cannot be corroborated does not mean it's not true.
2
I'm not entirely convinced that the Patriarchy isn't a feminist conspiracy theory, but I do agree that frat houses are an abomination and encourage the worst in male excesses. Burn 'em down--but get the kids out first.
7
And the "lesson" Marmee gives Jo in Chapter 8 of Little Women:
"You think your temper is the worst in the world, but mine used to be just like it.
Yours, Mother? Why, you are never angry! And for the moment Jo forgot remorse in surprise.
I've been trying to cure it for forty years, and have only succeeded in controlling it. I am angry nearly every day of my life, Jo, but I have learned not to show it, and I still hope to learn not to feel it, though it may take me another forty years to do so."
6
(Mrs. Neal here). Jennifer Weiner asks, "Do men know how to be sorry?" Yes, they do. Here's a recent example of a man who is really sorry.
"I grievously and carelessly wronged the person I identified, and I owe him and his family my deepest apologies. And I of course do not deserve to have him accept my apologies."
That's from Mr. Whelan, directed to the MAN he plucked from obscurity and accused in order to protect his buddy. Because, you know, men are people who can be harmed by the thoughtless actions of others. Women, on the other hand, not so much.
27
@Neal..... the question, Mrs Neal, is: do you BELIEVE his apology? everyday we hear an apology from a politician saying he/she hadn't meant to hurt or offend anyone by what they had said about whatever....do you believe ANY of them? my answer is a resounding NO.... they are saying what the are told they need to say to hopefully make the moment pass.......
4
You may like the movie, "The Visit", where a woman gets
her revenge on an entire town which had mistreated her.
1
@seattle expat
Even better, read the original playscript. Fantastic!
Revenge is a dish best served cold. Don’t burn it down as it will just make them angry. Vote them out of power, if you can find enough women who are willing to publicly repudiate the ‘father knows best’ syndrome.
10
It's all making me sick. At 67, I'm ready for it to end. And I'm ready to burn the house down.
Once I had a very difficult break up with an alcoholic who hurt me both emotionally and physically. One night -a long time ago - I wanted revenge. I drove to his house. It was pouring rain. I started tearing up his garden, destroying it. There was a cop on the corner, 20 feet away from me with his light flashing (stopped car, giving ticket) and I just kept tearing those plants out of the ground.
Not wise. But very, very satisfying.
Women have anger. And we stuff it down and keep things polite and civilized. That night I let it out. Yes, it was vandalism. I didn't care. I wanted revenge. And I got it.
That man moved away and the next thing I knew (via Facebook) he was on the West Coast, living with a woman seemingly happily and then he physically abused her in exactly the way he had hurt me - slamming me up against the bathroom walls, breaking mirrors, so frightened I thought I was going to die.
Oh, yes. Women have anger. We're just not 'allowed' to show it much are we? We're supposed to be 'good little girls'.
26
@sophia:
You were in an evil situation for certain, but it is not a proper analogy for behavior in the broader world, where people are not allowed to beat you up. In the places I've worked and played, women are allowed to show as much or more anger than men, although it is frowned on in either case.
If someone is willing and able to beat you up, what you are 'allowed' to do is simply a function of how much harm you are willing to risk and endure. The only answer is to stop the bullying by whatever means necessary. Usually this involves getting away, unless you are capable of fighting back effectively. That's an entirely different situation.
@sophia If everyone who was hurt in a relationship or was upset somehow started acting as you did then our world would be a much less safe place.
It is not perfect but the price of living in a society is that when people wrong us in an illegal manner we (men AND women) use the justice system. Throwing temper tantrums and harming other people and/or their property means that sooner or later we revert back to the law of the jungle-that might makes right and the strong may always do as they please.
On average, that state of affairs is not one which will be beneficial to most women. Imagine Afghanistan or Pakistan or Somalia or other societies with weak legal mechanisms and very strong traditions of revenge.
Women are having their moment and it's about time. It's also a moment that in a sideways kind of way, validates the nice guy kind of man.
Like all men, nice guys often look at women as objects of desire and that way of seeing women is amplified by alcohol. But, and here's the critical difference, a nice guy hardly even kisses a girl without asking for permission first. Blindingly, stumblingly, slurringly drunk, he would never push a girl down on a bed and begin ripping offer her clothes. It's just not in him. Getting a girl wasted to take advantage of her doesn't even cross his mind. A nice guys wants thing to be mutual.
Wanting things to be mutual sounds normal. Sane. Appropriate. But guys who think this way rarely talk about it and far too often (virtually always) just chuckle uncomfortably if a Donald Trump type of guy brags about grabbing a girl inappropriately.
The sad truth is that it hasn't been manly for a man to stick up for women as equals. I'm hoping this moment changes that. I'm hoping that nice guys begin speaking up.
I am.
116
@Mike Marks
You are sadly deluding yourself. First they come for Kavanaugh..... Protest your innocence all you want, you will find that they have torn up protections like due process, presumption of innocence, and burden of proof.
2
@Mike Marks
Thank you!!
5
male identies are forged not just by men but by women as well... every nice guy has experienced being ignored and passed over for the bad boy, the really good guys survive it, but many succumb and adopt the 'winner' mentality
Your hate for men seems to know no bounds. They are vile creatures capable of no good whatsover. Thanks to your timely article I’m going to stop telling my young son to study. His mother and I are going to stop worrying about trying to help him build esteem or teaching him to be nice to others of every ilk. Instead we are going to see if we can find a cave where he can live out his life. There’s no hope for him.
Substitute any other human for men in your column. Not only would you be charged with threatening hate crimes you would also be roundly shamed and rushed off to Bellevue.
Hate doesn’t stop hate only love stops hate. 5
12
@BigG
what an excellent example of how people respond to women's anger: hysterical, outsized, and almost purposely misinterpretive.
She's allowed to be angry at the tormentors of women and not actually being spouting "hate speech", any more than African Americans who are enraged at the perpetrators of Racism in this country are using "hate speech" to identify the problem and those perpetrators; the two are not the same. When you attempt to make them the same, you participate in the long history of denigrating and dismissing women's anger at injustice and sexism in order to silence them. Just as white people try to make legitimate Black anger appear dangerous and insane.
Just stop it. Love is great, but women get to feel ALL the feelings, thank you very much. That is a sign of true freedom.
2
Fanonism, literary or literal, is not the answer.
I am tired. As many women are of explaining, keeping my tongue, re-directing or ignoring.
No more.
90
The former Mrs. Bobbit certainly got her dramatic, cringe-inducing revenge against an abusive spouse, although in an extra judicial manner. Did this particular response to her personal patriarch change any bad male behaviors in households across America? We shall never conclusively know, although it is reasonable to assume that in at least some dysfunctional families men elected to sleep in separate bedrooms for a while. Women in this country, circa 2018, have a profoundly more compelling, decisive, generational opportunity to seek their “revenge” however. Vote each and every one of these Mad Men era Republicans our of office, at all levels of government.
3
Except Anita Hill was offering false testimony, as even the FBI confirmed after the hearings. Look it up. This is a wonderful example of entirely-made-up leftist mythology which is simply not true.
3
@davedix2006
Look it up where? I can't find the report and have only seen it described as inconclusive. Is that the word for entirely made up? What benefit was there for Anita Hill in making her statements? What benefit for Thomas in denying them?
12
Maybe before I die I will see Clarence Thomas impeached, removed,and disbarred in disgrace.
And if Kavanaugh somehow sneaks himself in, he too is impeached, removed, and disbarred.
I also hope McConnell, Hatch, Graham, Grassley & CO will be around to see it.
That will be the ultimate revenge.
16
If a seventeen year old boy, drunk or not, tried to force himself on one of the male U.S. Senators' daughters or attempted to have sex with one of those Senators themselves, would these normally 'law and order' men be so dismissive of the assault, as they are because it happened only to a woman, and one they don't know, or would they want him charged as an adult and given the most severe punishment?
Would they believe it was their own fault someone tried to force sex on them because they must have been giving off sexual vibes or shouldn't have gone to a party? What if they believed that because everyone was saying it, and if they were 15 years old; would they have reported it to anyone?
Their lack of both empathy and decency is as unfathomable to me as is their totally shameless and undisguised hypocrisy.
And, as usual, President Trump is harsh on immigrants and refugees because they might commit crimes, but praises white males, particularly successful or wealthy ones, accused of actually having committed them and even has bragged about his own sexual harassment of women. It is amazing who he thinks are very fine and decent people and who are not. But then, of course, he thinks he is a very fine person.
White male privilege, insensitivity, and ignorance are on full display here -- basically as much a moral failing as the act of which Judge Kavanaugh is accused.
154
@Rick, there is at least one more possible response: the powerful father might blame the daughter, both for allowing herself to be victimized, and for daring to let anyone know. For disturbing his peace and distracting him from his empire-building. For making a spectacle of herself in front of their friends and enemies. Should anyone else find out - boys do talk - he might blame her for becoming a target of the kind of ridicule he had probably heaped on his own friends and enemies for "allowing" their daughters and wives to be "compromised" and "devalued". He would then punish her for reducing her market value, ("who will want you now?") and diminishing his carefully built social portfolio, which might include his own conquests. Pervasive, evil, a game that demeans all who play.
2
Mitch does not care what happens because he understands the importance of controlling the courts. Look how many rules, laws have been stopped by a judge. Think of what happens with the courts in the hands of ideologues, how will they rule. Will they slant the law in favor of the rich and powerful leaving the average citizen with no recourse, no hope for justice. There are many ways to lose your freedom this is one of them.
23
@K D
To the victor goes the spoils, and Mitch has been at it for a while. They will rewrite history, but they will not stop there. They will write the future too with their judicial picks. The only bright spot is that this is cyclical, and we can only hope that the new wave to remedy all the poison from the present group of swamp parasites will be start this November.
8
How about the following:
For alleged sexual assault crimes committed by a man (or boy) against a woman (or girl) there is a presumption of guilt. It is therefor his burden of proving innocence. Then, if convicted, minimum life imprisonment - any type of crime, any age of the perpetrator. The only evidence admissible to prove innocence is evidence of an alibi or informed consent. Absent that, he is convicted. In other words, if it is a she said-he said, then that is the way it goes.
There may be a few inconveniences all the way, like the first name on the Innocence Project if one types in "rape" (see link), but that is a cost perhaps society may want to make. Various countries impose the death penalty for drug trafficking, and drug trafficking is presumed by possession of a small amount of drugs. This isn't nearly as bad.
https://www.innocenceproject.org/cases/a-b-butler/
I assume Ms. Weiner would support this proposal. I wouldn't but that may be based an antiquated view.
1
@Gobears
80% of sexual assaults on women go unreported. The number of untrue allegations against men is vanishingly small - in the low single digits. Look it up.
People with power and privilege will do anything to keep both.
23
Thanks for putting into words my feelings, which I have so far been able to describe only as "inchoate rage."
14
Ms. Weiner's glorification of violence and revenge is misplaced, if understandable.
I also have two daughters and I want the world to be a welcoming and fair place for them. But I don't think making it a more violent place is the answer for anyone.
A story in this news cycle is about how a man in Texas was shot dead in a dispute over a mattress. One man dead, two in jail. I think we've tried violence and revenge and it doesn't work. Not for men. Not for women.
Instead, call your senators and Congressperson telling them not to confirm Kavanaugh. Vote Blue this November and get your friends to do the same. Get loud, get active.
But don't get violent. It makes for fun fantasy stories, but difficult real life ones.
11
Turn your anger into political action by reforming the constitutional system that gives states two electoral college notes and two Senate seats regardless of population in our so called democracy.
17
There are more women in this country than men. If we all wake up and vote, things can change.
24
I am also a 70 year old woman. I have read every one of Jennifer Weiner's books. She mentions in this Opinion letter waiting on tables at Princeton University's reunion. She does not mention that she entered Princeton University at the age of 17 and received her bachelor of arts summa cum laude in English in 1991. This is no small accomplishment. I know because I received my own bachelor of arts summa cum laude from Harvard University in 1970. I think this Opinion letter is her best writing ever, and I too am totally outraged at what our country has turned into.
44
Brilliant essay, Ms Weiner. Thank you.
I agree that progress is so painfully slow and it will continue to be so until more of us men, and women too, realize rationally that the testosterone addled behavior our president, a young Judge Kavanaugh and many who pursue power over others, is no longer beneficial as it was when testosterone evolved in our physiology tens of thousands of years ago.
Testosterone, a good idea gone bad.
9
Testosterone isn't the problem. An attitude of entitlement is the issue. Teach your sons that girls are people, that no means no, and just because you can do something doesn't mean you should.
13
Let's not continue to rewrite history. Two thirds of the people watching the hearings live (mostly women) believed him, not her.
8
My simmering rage has boiled over. The Kavanaugh story has pushed me to that point. I remember sitting in my car, listening to Anita Hill's testimony live, and screaming -- literally screaming -- at Arlen Specter and other Judiciary Committee members. And now, NOW! It seems we are right back in that time and place.
45
@JenD: Kavanaugh's accuser has less to work with than Anita Hill's. Anita had a long, more recent history and other who attested to his character. Ms. Ford has a single incident long ago, and no similar incidents to corroborate that aspect of his character. Apparently his reputation is clean in that regard. She has a harder row to how, but a more fertile environment to work with.
Please be careful how you direct that rage. Washington is a dirty place where the amount of justice you get is directly proportional to the amount of power you have. Expecting it to be fair is a pipe dream, which speaks to Ms. Ford's character that she has the strength and will to endure what will happen.
In today's environment, Anita Hill would be a slam dunk.
2
I really like this piece. It's extremely honest. There's no politicking or watering down. No attempt at making nice. It is pure emotion. Modern female resentment unfiltered and unapologetic.
Consider some of the premises. The word of female accuser's is to be taken as gospel. No concept of innocent until proven guilty.
Louis CK and Matt Lauer having a livelihood is some sort of injustice. They must apparently become nonpersons exiled and destitute. No concept of people paying their dues and moving on.
Implicit in this piece is the assumption that men and only men are capable of wrong doing, thus women as a class are entitled to "revenge" of some kind. Curiously it also assumes far greater male agency and authority. How else could women have been perpetual victims for thousands of years? How could such creatures then turn around and insist on equal treatment?
The reasoning is so childish and lacking in even a basic understanding of history or human nature that it is hardly worth dissecting. What IS valuable is the nature of the argumentation and its resonance with so many commenters. THIS is what we have become. THIS puerile blather is what passes for intelligent writing worthy of the New York Times. THIS is what the more rational among us must contend with when trying to wrest our society into some sort of sustainable sanity.
Good luck.
4
@The Renegade of Funk: There are certainly some pieces of writing that are not defensible as logic, and good papers will publish them in order to expose the public to all views, even those of Trump supporters. Golly, the NYT has published a lot of those. Have you read any of Marc Theissen’s pieces in the Post? Not raw emotion, just logic tortured beyond pain in support of alt right views. But that is why we have a few decent papers left, they are not Murdochian propaganda.
1
It's a minority of college students who join frats and sororities, but it's a significant minority.
I'm not sure how many, or what proportion, of the non-'Greeks' are repulsed by them, but some large number are. If I were ethnically a Greek, I'd be insulted by frats laying any claim to my culture just because they happen to know three Greek letters. Fraternities are basically introductions to alcoholism and shifty morals.
Not sure how many, but there are plenty of males who would be happy to burn down the frat houses. I know because I'm one of them.
That entire disgusting 'culture' needs to die and its ashes dumped into a cold ocean.
23
Hillary Clinton needed to be the "She Devil". She needed to take revenge. She needed to walk out on Bill and never go back, love or no love. If she had I believe she would have been the first woman President, probably even in 2008. Even if she had lost she would have shown young women and girls how it was done. That would have been a much greater legacy than her hopeful speeches and empty promises.
12
Well, that was splenetic. I hope Ms. Weiner feels better for venting, but if I were a Republican operative (and I'm not), I'd already have sliced, diced, and social media-ed her prose to dismiss her and every other critic of Brett Kavanaugh (because broad-brushing is what they specialize in) as a violent, angry misandrist. I mean, if Ms. Weiner were under 18 and she had posted this to Snapchat or a blog, her NYT op-ed would have triggered a very different reaction by her high school principal. She would be sent to counseling and marked as a potential sociopath who is verily screaming riot and murder. I get the outrage; I share it, but sometimes discretion is still wiser. She should have hit the erase key. This doesn't help in a moment when women need to have one woman in particular regarded as a sober and credible--not angry and destructive--witness.
8
Men are flawed creatures, and nobody should question that fact.
However, the cure for this sin, for this “missing the mark” (the original definition of ‘sin’) is not to feminize men and place a gender-neutral ideal above both men and women.
When men act “manly” now, and try to physically protect the women they could equally crush with strength, they are told they are diminishing women’s achievements and native strength. Surely there is some truth in that statement.
Men once feared retribution or worse at the hands of extended families, if they “had their way” with a woman; but as the St. Paul’s assault case demonstrated, the real crime was teasing apart a level of guilt; because nobody questioned whether two near-strangers went alone to a storage room to strip off their pants on a first-date.
We should have women in roles across our culture, because it is good, not because it is equitable; because equity will not turn back millions of years of evolved attributes that were critical to forming our brains, bodies, and social structures (flawed or not).
My issue with your column is not with your points (old-boy relationships ARE a hard circle to square, viewed only through a lens of power relationships...and a lot of MEN (me) are also outside the Princeton reunions enviously looking IN) but with your remedies.
Social relationships evolve. We no longer conduct public hangings, for instance. And those that endure lodge and take root in changed hearts and not just law books.
2
This was a well-written essay I enjoyed up until the end. If obtaining power and money requires revenge and abuse, then nothing changes at all.
7
Call for mercy and justice, not vengeance. You might wish to recommend that your daughter read Medea by Euripides, Portia's speech in The Merchant of Venice,Alice Walker's the Color Purple, and Shaw's Pygmalion. The horrors unleashed by vengeance are frightfully recounted in the Dickens novel A Tale of Two Cities - recall Madame Defarge and her knitting.
5
@Kate
This IS a call for justice, not vengeance.
2
@Kate
All excellent suggestions.
How many of you still vote for Republicans? They are the ones and people like Trump's brainwashed base of True Believers who put America where it is today. Listen to all the Trump and Republican Party defenders that spout their support on CNN, for example. They openly declare that they don't care about morality, decency or dignity in this age of Trump. All that matters is that they got their man elected.
15
At the age of 60 I thought I was making great progress, finally, recovering from my childhood sexual abuse by a clergy person. Now, at 64, my anger, rage at what happened to me and at the men in power, who no longer even attempt to hide their misogyny, is once again overwhelming. There really is no such thing as "incremental change" for women because for privileged men those changes are only decorative. Women must vote for their true interests in November, and sexual predators need to be put in jail.
24
As Lynn wrote earlier in these comments: "As long as voters don't see the clear difference in how the parties vote, the Republicans will continue to be enabled to get away with their "money is speech" rule"
Republicans refused to allow a sitting President to appoint a Supreme Court justice of his choosing so they could tip the political scales of the court. In other words, they ignored the Constitution they were sworn to uphold so they could enlarge their power. It was a republican who nominated Clarence Thomas and Republicans who pushed him through to his seat on the Court. It was a Republican who started two wars we're still embroiled in. It's Republicans who deny living wages, health care, and a decent education to everyday Americans so their corporate overlords can amass great profits. It's time to throw the Republicans out of power. For good.
28
@Connor Dougherty
Almost every day, some Republican, somewhere, says or does something that makes me not want to vote for any of them.
7
Have the Republicans in the Senate ever heard the term, "Pyrrhic victory?" If they succeed in confirming Kavanaugh, I hope that is their lot come the Mid-Terms. We might still have Kavanaugh on the Supreme Court, but maybe the cost would be extravagant, even for them: they've gotten away with an awful lot, so far.
16
I've been trying for decades to find a local chapter meeting of The Patriarchy and it's coordinated agenda to subjugate women.
Meanwhile, I helped raise three daughters who have attained four STEM degrees. And each will tell you that being a woman in their fields has been to great advantage.
It's only been recently in historical terms that women have escaped the limitations of their bodies. Meaning, a choice in breeding, machines from sewing to elevators to power steering so that the general lesser strength of the gender doesn't matter. All invented, and so much more, by men, BTW, birth control and even tampons.
Life is unfair. It's unfair that only men have gotten drafted and sent to war. It's unfair that men often lose everything in a divorce....and sometimes are legally forced to raise the children of another man.
I'm all for decreasing gender unfairness. Draft women, give men more legal rights in divorces. (Yes, theoretically, they have them. Just not in practice.)
But when a woman pulls out the Patriarchy card, I know that balanced dialogue is impossible.
17
@Jus' Me, NYT
I'm 74. I was raised in a household where my father behaved as if he were a servant to our family of four girls and two boys. He worked very hard and loved us passionately. It seemed quite natural that my bothers were regarded as more "special."
It was a shock to me when I went out into the world and discovered that my academic accomplishments meant little or nothing because I was female. It was a shock that I couldn't get a good job because I was "over-qualified" for the kind of jobs available in the companies that hired women.
The things you mention as being examples of gender unfairness exist because of our history of discriminating against women. Men have more financial resources in most households and had even more in the past. Women were excluded from the military except in very limited support roles.
I agree that we should end the discrimination based on sex and make it about the ability to do a job. I recognize that it has been and continues to be difficult to do that. We were not able to pass the Equal Rights Amendment.
We argue passionately about whether women should be able to determine whether to take the risks associated with pregnancy.
Saying that women should have a high degree of physical autonomy is not "playing the Patriarchy card." Patriarchy is and have been the default for our laws and our mores. It's hard to change. Let's get on with it.
29
@Jus' Me, NYT. Somehow I doubt your daughters would agree with you. If you want to make the world a better place for women, all you and your male friends and colleagues would need to do is call your representatives and tell them no more votes for them until they stop discriminating against women and supporting those who do. It would take five minutes. If even twenty percent of men did this, it would work. But for some reason men won’t do it.
9
@Jus' Me, NYT
Universal service with NO exclusions, both men and women. There should be many ways to serve, military, Peace Cor, bring back the CCC and a new WPA
5
Thank you, Jennifer! That was an invigorating read! Much needed.
30
Thank you for writing this and for eloquently expressing what so many of us think and feel. I wish I felt hopeful that the Senate would do the right thing. I wish I could believe kavanaugh will never be on the Supreme Court. What I do believe is that these events are creating a tsunami of women ready to take leadership positions and/or vote to end this lopsided nightmare we’re in.
33
Thank you for your powerful words, Jennifer. Even though I know revenge is usually counterproductive and bad karma, it loosened a little of the gut tightening anger I’ve been feeling. I’ll vote and send money rather than burn down the house. (But I wouldn’t be averse to seeing a lot of congress reduced to relying on a different grade of welfare from what they’re enjoying right now)
If only.
26
It's natural and healthy to feel anger. It is poisonous to oneself and the world to wreak revenge (though revenge fantasies, in the interim, may contribute to the healing process.). Nevertheless, hatred is never the way to go, though we may seek justice. "An eye for an eye makes the whole world blind." (Ghandi)
22
@Pastor Kim Rapczak Think of it as weeding. Nobody disagrees that weed suppression is a main pillar of healthy, productive crops. So the same with bad people and society.
5
@Pastor Kim Rapczak This is what organized religion has been shoveling at women for centuries. And look where it got us...
8
It sounds to me like you're a warrior woman fighting in the best possible way-- raising your girls to be even more powerful warrior women. Great article; great inspiration.
47
Thank you for this! Every word resonates with me. I'm pondering this part - 'And could women seek revenge? Do we even know how?' I had begun to think that the Women's March was part of the revenge, and the #MeToo movement, and the legions of women running for public office this year, the clarity of mind that can no longer take it, our collective anger. The Kavanaugh hearings seem to be a step or two backwards into a time and mindset that many of us hoped was on the decline. It's pointing out to me that we still have work to do - the fire needs to be big and bold. It's a big old rambling house that's not going to go down easy. But then, we are women. We can do it!
53
@Jeanne Only because of lifetime office holders and octogenarian mindsets. We need to clean house every 20 years or so - including federal judgeships.
7
@Jeanne Yes we can! Thanks for your encouragement.
2
What was really astonishing in 1991 was that Thomas was clearly lying when he denied ever having discussed Roe v. Wade with anyone. Then Hill showed up and was entirely credible, but got smeared even though corroborating evidence of Thomas' "proclivities" had been brought forward. In the current matter, the deck is stacked against Ms. Ford. She too is going to be put through a ringer before the committee and on social media, with the result that Kavanaugh will be confirmed.
Even if the Republicans are severely punished at the polls in November, the greater reality is that America is a messed up place, and that ain't gonna change anytime soon (and maybe never).
77
@Jon Harrison Re: "... America is a messed up place..."
This is a consequence of societal commoditization. Moving power into the hands of the multitudes shapes society to suit the lower common denominators. Did de Tocqueville warn of this?
1
Jennifer, there’s a seething mass of us out here feeling the same anger and desire to burn it down. I can’t even read/watch the news right now, I’m so angry. I’ve turned to mystery books and films just to get away for awhile while peeking to see the latest but not being able to stand the discussion. Thomas sitting on that Court enrages me every day, as I will be apoplectic if we have to see Kavanaugh join him. The rage of this machine is growing and firing more than ever before. We can’t take this any more. We can’t “hope” any more; we must burn it down.
234
@Citizen of the Earth - Where do I sign up?
1
@Citizen of the Earth: And many among that seething mass are men, fathers and grandfathers, who were socialized -- yes, even in past generations of all-male colleges -- very differently. Such abusive behavior of women was not condoned or laughed about in the world in which most of us functioned. We truly loved our college year girl friends -- who most often became our lifetime marriage partners. We respected the girl friends and wives of our friends.
True, things were not equal, in terms of employment opportunity, in the vocational world. It was a different time, and we felt it our responsibility to be the family breadwinners so that our wives could focus on making the home and community life which we valued so highly. It was a kind of partnership that now is outdated, but then was in vogue. Hard for younger people to believe, I know.
We are shocked when we hear now from our daughters and nieces that they had such experiences that never were revealed to us. The malefactors perhaps had no idea of what might have happened to them had we been told. Then again, I suppose that type knew well enough that their victims would not tell out of of fear and shame.
It is best that there be no secrecy and for all to be open to scrutiny. Absolutely!
1
Far more pervasive is the influence of corporate money in our government. To the point that it's immaterial who is sitting on the Supreme Court or elsehwere in the judiciary, who is seated in Congress or the White House. Just as the Slave Power was discussed as an autonomous entity during the antebellum period, we need to discuss Big Money. The real challenge is that Big Money invariably prevails in the courtrooms and legislative processes and laughs at the superficial casting changes in those parts of the government, secure in its own rule at our expense.
45
@Tournachonadar
"the influence of corporate money"
not immaterial who is in power
All Democrats on the Supreme Court voted against Citizens United; all Republicans voted to expand the impact of the ruling.
All Democrats in Congress voted to overturn Citizens United; all Republicans voted to obstruct them.
As long as voters don't see the clear difference in how the parties vote, the Republicans will continue to be enabled to get away with their "money is speech" rule
55
@Lynn as the Marquise of Merteuil says, "Illusions are by their nature sweet..." both parties stand in the way of the People because both have been irreparably corrupted by Big Money. Big Money is laughing at the sideshow we call representative government, as is Vladimir Putin. It's immaterial which "party" one chooses. Both have to go now.
Wow. Beautifully written. And don't we all feel the same way!
131
@Deborah
Of course, we don't all feel the same way. This article makes me think how unaware some women are that men are basically different and that the real world is complicated. Perhaps women who feel like the author should consider putting a plaque on their front doors that says in the case of fire, they want to be rescued only by female firewomen. After all they don't seem to think that men have anything to offer.
5
Excellent! Thank you for this wonderful piece. We sit here reading all of this each day and can not believe we have learned nothing as a society. It baffles me that we see so many men younger than us who have horrific attitudes towards women. We thought progress was being made, and maybe on the surface it looked like it in some arenas, but in actuality we have learned nothing. So much more work to do. It's truly sad you even had to write this, but it is so important. Please keep it going!
108
Powerful. Thank you. For every action there is a reaction. Trump "winning" has had the reaction of thousands of women running (and often winning) public office. There will be a consequence for this as well, assuming K is confirmed. Women's voices will be heard!!
69
To those, including our utterly disgraceful president, who raise the question of why Dr. Ford waited thirty years to come forward, just look at how she's being treated, the outrageous cost to her and her family. That is precisely why she hesitated, and why we all owe her a huge debt of gratitude for doing so now. Her courage is exemplary, as is her obviously selfless commitment to all women.
The whole Kavanaugh fiasco is doubly nauseating in that not only has it come to demonstrate still-entrenched male chauvinism and misogyny, but that it is doing so in the context of a charade of hearings intended from the outset to ram through a nominee chosen in the first place largely because it is known with certainty that he will cooperate in setting women's rights back a generation.
345
@Michael Thank you, Michael for those powerful words!
1
@Michael. DT does nothing that doesn’t benefit himself. Kavanaugh was chosen because he is on the record as also being opposed to putting a President on trial for a civil offense or bringing him to account for anything. If you want to bring him to account the nation will need to impeach him. DTis counting on an impotent Congress. Kavanugh will make Catholic number five on a Court that is supposed to represent a nation that is overwhelmingly Protestant. Where are the Protestant objections? Not all Christians think alike.
2
I totally understand and agree with everything you've so passionately expressed. I also truly believe that there are now more men than ever before who feel the same way. And that that number will surely grow sooner rather than later.
74
@Guido Malsh
I agree, but what a long difficult journey it has been and continues to be. Truth to power will always require the ultimate courage.
17
Many, many women support Brett Kavanaugh. They do so because they want him to overturn Roe. They do so because they want religion in public life. They do so because they want a patriarchal society. (Those are the ones with the Women for Trump signs). They do so because they want to stop the dreaded socialist agenda. You know, stuff like universal healthcare.
Politics allows the Kavanaughs and the Trumps of the world to get away with this kind of abuse. The abusers do it because they know they can get away with it. Abuse is just as much as a political act as it is a moral failing.
The anger expressed here is understandable, but there is a highly unfortunate unintended consequence to it. Guys like me are scared to death to ask anyone out on a date. That reduces the field of "nice guys" to go out with and leaves the more predatory males that are doing the pursuing. This much widespread and unfocused anger is only going to make the problem worse, along with the politics of patriarchy. My fear is just as real as your anger. You never know how anyone is going to react to anything. Life has taught me that the knives come from the most unexpected sources. If there is one constant in human behavior it is that is totally inconsistent and unpredictable.
32
@Bruce Rozenblit I do feel for you. You could start by just being a good friend to a woman. Listen to her. Talk to her, about everything, including this sensitive topic. There are women out there who are looking for a "good, nice" man. I know many of these men. Having said this, there are no guarantees in life for any of us, male of female. Life is always a risk.
44
The good men, those with character like yourself, must continue to interact with women.
That seems to be the best way to demonstrate that good guys do exist. You can be a model to women, and younger girls who see you acting with respect to all.
7
@Bruce Rozenblit I hear the sincerity and earnestness in your comment. It might be helpful to you to do some research on (ie, Google) the problem of demographically-dominant voices centering themselves when marginalized people attempt to discuss their marginalization. Simply put, you feeling scared to ask women out is not and should not be the focus here. What you're basically saying, in classically "nice" and polite terms, is: shut up or no one's going to date you. Be quiet or we "nice guys" will take our ball(s) and go home and you'll be stuck with the predators and then whose fault will it be?
If women expressing our angry, rage, and righteous fury scares you, I suggest staying away from places where we're expressing that, rather than implying that we should stay silent.
12
Revenge can come with a vote. I would hope every angry women votes in November and again in November 2020. Ms Ford biggest contribution might be getting women (and the men who are equally appalled) to vote and shift the balance of power in Washington.
40
Was lucky enough to see phenomenal performances of "Merchant" and "Othello" this summer. Emilia's monologue came to mind, speaking of Shakespearean women and revenge:
But I do think it is their husbands' faults
If wives do fall: say that they slack their duties,
And pour our treasures into foreign laps,
Or else break out in peevish jealousies,
Throwing restraint upon us; or say they strike us,
Or scant our former having in despite;
Why, we have galls, and though we have some grace,
Yet have we some revenge. Let husbands know
Their wives have sense like them. They see and smell
And have their palates both for sweet and sour,
As husbands have. What is it that they do
When they change us for others? Is it sport?
I think it is. And doth affection breed it?
I think it doth. Is ’t frailty that thus errs?
It is so too. And have not we affections,
Desires for sport, and frailty, as men have?
Then let them use us well, else let them know,
The ills we do, their ills instruct us so.
7
@Charly
Written by the man who wrote "The Taming of the Shrew."
And, did you understand the lines here, "Then let them use us well, else let them know, The ills we do, their ills instruct us so."
Men on top, women on bottom. Per Shakespeare.
2
No court in this or any other country would convict Kavanaugh. Evidence, not emotion.
Didn't we learn this in the Enlightenment a couple hundred years ago?
6
@vbering
Yup. But there's no court here, no trial and no criminal proceeding, and no one's trying to convict him of anything. Try to follow.
13
@vbering
The standard for finding him unfit for a seat on the Supreme Court is not the same as the standard for convicting him and sending him to jail.
But I wholeheartedly support a thorough investigation by disinterested law enforcement experts. I want to know the truth. Do you?
17
@vbering He is not on trial for this. The standard he is being held to is not beyond a reasonable doubt. This goes to his character and suitability for office which appears to be lacking as he has already lied under oath. He also obviously knew this information about the attack was going to come out (65 women conveniently lined up, women behind him at the hearings, his buddy searching the accuser's name before he could get the name publicly). Kavanaugh knew what he did.
Had this come out in the 90s, its likely he would not have met the qualifications of character and fitness for the bar. Now people want to put him on the highest court in the country?
Also, the Enlightenment was about reason, science, religious tolerance, freedom, pursuit of happiness etc. Liberal ideas for the times.
10
I look at the generation of the men who stand for the patriarchy in this case, and I look at their politics, and I think: We're witnessing their Twilight of the Gods.
There's no guarantee that it's so, but it's at least a reasonable hope that generational and political change will soon tip such men and their barbaric assumptions into the abyss.
15
Not sure what this column is getting at other than some self-indulgent fantasies about women killing men and "desexing" themselves to show men...something?
The patriarchy will always have its revenge because men generally want power, authority more than women do. Or, at the very least, they're no inclined to use violence and aggression to acquire them more than women are.
And that's not written in fiction. That's the way of the world, of biology and has been since we came down from the trees.
6
Excuse me,
You want young girls to read stories about revenge ?
What hurt Ms. Hill is that she followed Thomas
to his new job and she asked his help in gaining
a new position. That created doubts in people's
minds.
Perhaps we have fooled ourselves in thinking that
Men and Women can be around each other day in and
day out and that sexual desires won't make themselves
known, either shyly or forcibly.
An Anthropology Professor I knew used to ask his
classes what would happen if you put ten male adolescent primates together with ten female adolescent primates.
" It would not be pretty" he said
- "as Nature always wins out. "
How can we make the workplace more safer,
how do we identify the predators, how do we not
allow teenagers to host drinking parties...
1
@John Brown
So we should just lie back and think of England, then?
1
@Rea Tarr
Are you idealogical by nature ?
Do you believe human nature can be
thoroughly changed to meet your expectations and demands ?
The last part of my comment asks
what can be done, given the nature of
Mammals.
If you put teenage boys and teenage girls
and alcohol in the same room you are going
to have trouble.
Where were the parents when the gathering , that Ms. Ford speaks of,
took place ?
Why was she there with boys -
two or more years older than her ?
Did Kavanaugh and Judge lure here there ?
It is not her fault,
but why go looking
for trouble -
when there is more than enough
in the world ?
By all means, re-write the Laws to make
it easier to prosecute for assault
and for sexual harassment.
Just remember that nature
is not so easily deflected
or defeated -
so take precautions.
I hope there is a fund and a support group for women and girls who experience abuse and rape. Low income females have an even harder life than the privileged. They need personal, social and financial help through the process of speaking up and bringing charges in cases of sexual assault. We need to protect all our women and girls.
17
We have been able to revisit the Anita Hill/Clarence Thomas "hearings." One of the problems then was that the committee was unable to "hear" Anita Hill. Listen to Joe Biden's aggressive and bullying tone, and his imperious body language. How he truncated Ms. Hills answers, but gave Justice Thomas all the time he needed. Do you think a female Senator would ever get away with that kind of behavior? Joe Biden has apologized for his tactics, in retrospect, but it's still an abhorrent show. And now we are set to repeat it all over again, but with Senators Grassley and Hatch, who lack Joe Biden's fundamental decency.
35
Incidentally, my mother had just remarked to me that perhaps it's a disservice to read children fairy tales, if it instills a false sense of hope for fairness to prevail and endings to be happy. Those stories are how we wish life were, not how we know it to be.
You got quite an education from the condescension you heard from the Princeton men towards women. An infuriating, arrogant perspective, but one which is in no way limited to the Ivy League or to academia. It's everywhere and it exists to this day.
Stories of female rage and vengeance? Well, that is certainly no less satisfying and no more likely than any Disney tale. By all means, encourage any reading and explore all possible stances. But wouldn't it be wonderful to have more literature in which female protagonists met with adversity, proved their doubters wrong, found their own way to a dignified triumph? And wouldn't it be best of all if that narrative weren't limited to fiction?
13
If anyone wants to escape (during this coming week of attacks on women) into a movie of female revenge, I highly recommend "The Dressmaker," a 2015 Australian film starring Kate Winslet.
The writer/director (a woman) describes the movie as Clint Eastwood's "Unforgiven" with a sewing machine.
19
@Marilyn
Heterosexual White males have movie revenge options too: In the Company of Men (1997).
1
I really hope that right now that those who privately embarrass Brett Kavanaugh the very most are his very own daughters.
19
I bet there are many men shocked -- yes SHOCKED -- at how the Kavanaugh confirmation fiasco so quickly brought the Anita Hill/Clarence Thomas debacle back to the forefront for so many of us. Obviously that outcome has not sat well for us all these years later, and here we seem to be on the brink of witnessing it happening all over again.
Watching Orrin Hatch in 1991 -- clueless, stupefyingly shameless Orin Hatch of yesteryear IS STILL IN POWER. How can this be? Who keeps voting for him when he proved then -- and proves again now -- that he is unfit to hold any position of power in our government? How does Clarence Thomas go to work every day in the field of justice knowing it was a travesty of justice that secured his lifetime appointment?
Do Republicans actually think they can get away with this again? Could we really have TWO Supreme Court Justices who get to make decisions for the rest of us when their behavior shows a clear lack of respect for the female half of the population?
Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice, shame on all of us, both sides of the aisle.
Evil can only take root when good people sit back and do nothing. Step up, good men and women. Your children deserve better.
213
Jennifer, women make up at least 50% of the electorate. When women decide, collectively, to vote out these Neanderthals, they will be gone.
But I must also point out that Trump got 40% of the female vote. I interpret that to mean 40% of women want a tax cut for the rich, climate change denial, global trade wars, the dismantlement of the federal law enforcement and intelligence communities and the repeal of the ACA, more than they want respect for women who claim they were sexually assaulted. These 40% were also willing to overlook all the rancid stuff that came out about Trump and his relationship with women during the campaign.
If you would have “burned the frat house” it seems that 40% of women would have turned a hose on the fire and called the fire department.
One can only conclude, sadly, that 40% of women don’t seem to see this as a major issue.
40
@Jack Sonville
We can agree, I'm sure, that there are a lot of women who are not not fighting for equality because they are only equal to the men who voted for Trump.
And not to the rest of us.
6
@Jack Sonville
Please do the math. Even if your claim is true that 40% of (white) women voted for Trump, at least 60% did NOT vote for him. And virtually no women of color voted for Trump. Please be aware that a huge number of women in this country are NOT white.
And please take some responsibility. How about the 80% or more of (white) men who voted for Trump? That indicates a huge majority of (white) men "want a tax cut for the rich, climate change denial, global trade wars, etc". Men need to clean their own house before criticizing anybody else.
Revenge? No. Blessed, or cursed, with a brain that snaps into the Fight response, I have usually just gone with instant physical retaliation where it will stop the immediate problem. Two exceptions: One was a groping older family member who was inebriated and stopped by the grace of a withering glare, the other a boy of 19 who realized in the second he groped that it was time to stop. The others got it where it hurt. The would-be rapist who trapped me almost paid for it with his life (his own hindbrain turned out to be into Flight, fortunately for us both; it would have been messy.) It's often not possible to deal with the problem on the spot, but for me it's been effective. Nobody has ever tried twice.
8
@mrkee
When a laugh in his face didn't work for me, a punch in his mouth usually did. Sometimes, a kick or two, too.
My grandmother wielded a nasty hatpin.
1
Now that you have got all that out of your system can we return to the issue at hand:accusations, denials, interrogations and confirmation questions before congressional elections?
Should Kavanagh be confirmed, it will ramp up #MeToo and whirl feminism into its fourth and perhaps decisive wave. It's going to be huge.
If I were those male Republicans, I'd be shaking in my boots at the thought of such retribution.
P.S. The Count of Monte Cristo remains my favorite book of all time. I never read Little Women.
36
@Celeste,
When a friend in Paris asked for a profile of a male predator, I sent her 'A Long Fatal Love Chase' by the author of Little Women. Louisa May Alcott on occasion would spin off a 'Bodice Ripper' to meet her family responsibilities.
'The Patriarchy Will Always Have Its Revenge' might be contested by Theodore Dreiser, a realist, where his portrait of Carrie, a simple country girl, proceeds to bankrupt an eminent man, a pillar of honorable society, where a fatal error of judgement on his part leads to his destruction, without Carrie lifting a pinkie, and his wife comes in for revenge.
4
I doubt it. White women went for Trump at 55% . . . after seeing the Access Hollywood tape. Much of the power behind overturning Roe is coming from evangelical women. Women. Many women in America, even most women (as evidenced by voting data) simply do not agree with the sentiments expressed here.
8
I remember where I was during the Clarence Thomas hearings. In an elevator at a company in mid-town, cowering from the abusive comments of a couple of company executives who found it really important to tell me just what they thought of Anita Hill. As a 20 something secretary struggling to pay rent and a mound of student loans, I took a lot of that kind of abuse.
Count me among the legions who are sick and tired of being sick and tired. The year of the Woman won’t cut it anymore. This must be the Century of the Woman.
237
"Do men know how to be sorry?"
I'll ask, "How should men be sorry?"
Over a long, long male life, I know that I am not only "sorry " for too many mistakes, and I seem to remember just about every one. The remorse intensifies. It never ends.
So what can one do? Try not to make more mistakes? Apologize? Not enough?
While I might welcome forgiveness or "don't worry about it" from those I may have offended, I know I can never escape the conscience. Many seem able to break free of remorse, anguish -- name your poison.
Is "revenge" the answer? Instead of "Let's kill all the lawyers" is it now "Let's kill all anyone for anything we find offensive"? A world of endless retaliation? That's better? I don't know. I'm asking.
Storytime: Years ago, while an undergraduate in San Francisco, a woman grad student visited my apartment to describe a weekend party with other students. "I was raped," she told me, told me who led the attack, and it may have been more than one.
I knew her attacker, someone I'd disliked even before I knew of the rape. But -- and here's the "I'm sorry" part -- I didn't know what to do except express sympathy, and I doubt it was sufficiently comforting. Yes, I learned from that experience, and from so many other experiences that fill me with profound regret. Can't go back Only forward. My personal agenda: to do "Good Works" in the short time remaining.
Know thyself? Compassion? Where do you start?
Doug Giebel, Big Sandy, Montana
7
I remember vividly how those senators crucified Ms. Hill. Their names go down in infamy. Their actions allowed a LIFETIME seat in the highest court of the land. The anger came back strongly with Ms. Ford's experience. How could anyone think that this woman would choose to undergo what she is going through now if it was not true? WHO would want to go through an experience fearing for your family & having them move? I strongly believe she is doing a tremendous public service if it prevents an unqualified person for a lifetime Supreme Court appointment. As a btw, no job should ever be a lifetime guarantee, especially one with such grave consequences.
65
This is completely right about the messages that men get in movies vs. the messages that women get. My then-boyfriend inadvertently pointed this out after he and I watched the wonderful move Rambling Rose. The character played by Robert Duvall decides that his servant girl, who is too promiscuous (Laura Dern), should be given a total hysterectomy to curb her sexual desires. His wife talks him out of it and there is a scene where he apologizes, expressing sincere regret for having wanted to do such a thing without the girl's permission.
I might not have even noticed this scene, but my boyfriend did. He said he had never seen a movie where a man apologized before. Never. Probably never since, either, because he wouldn't choose to watch that kind of movie (if it exists!).
Ms. Weiner is onto something.
19
Dr. Ford will be a great hero and patriot if she derails this nomination. The voters will be ordinarily dutiful to vote in a Blue Wave this November. We will then be sitting in the catbird seat, deconstructing the madhouse Washington has become in a mere two years. No revenge, no “violence,” — as tRump warns at his rallies —coming from Dems. At this sad point, just digging ourselves out from under the insanity that 53% of white women voters helped the country descend into will be heavy lifting enough.
But if the author’s daughters don’t remember how pernicious male entitlement can be, we will revert to it just as we had since the last feminist uprising.
Memory first and always. I hope we are relentless. It will be the best revenge.
5
Great piece. To add to the mentions of (few) books in which women get revenge: the must-read The Power, by Naomi Alderman.
6
Nothing has been proven -- as regards Anita Hill or Christine Ford -- and I object to the revenge of knee capping judge of integrity by charges unsubstantiated and probably unprovable. Move On!
7
@JOHN, so..."Move On" means what? Does being a good citizen mean preservation of the status quo at the cost of integrity? Do you measure integrity only in terms of how well you preserve that status quo? Anita Hill's testimony was credible. Other women have since come forward to share their own experience of harassment by Thomas.
29
@JOHN -- MOVE ON? Does that mean women must move out of your way? Make way for men? A parade of men marching off together and leaving women in their dust? Should abused women just forget about the abuse because speaking out slows down the parade? Move on? Move out of your way? No way!
6
Wow, love these sentiments. Women are the 51%, technically capable of matriarchal ambitions by their sheer numbers and their levels of education (currently 56% college students are female).
Is there any longer a reason to subject the world to the testosterone addled disaster of atavistic patriarchy, with its gory history of conquest, chaos and crime? If women actually got out and voted for the things that matter to them, we wouldn't be in the mess we're in.
24
I remember the stunning clarity of Anita Hill's testimony. I remember the all male Congressional committee looking at her in stunned silence. How could you not believe her. But the murmurings were "we can't ruin this black man's career", but they could disregard his behavior toward this highly intelligent and eloquent black woman. On the Court, Thomas became a mere echo of Scalia. After Scalia's death, he dissented, and the rest of the judges had to explain to Thomas why they didn't apply. Now he is Gorsuch's echo.
132
I am almost to tears reading this. This reflects my agony too over this assault on one of my most favorite institutions...the Supreme Court. It was meant to be populated by great minds who could understand the Constitution and American law and use its great belief in liberty to protect American society. No longer...now corporations are egual to people and can give millions without restrain, companies can come in and destroy our great wilderness for more profits, children can be taken from their parents because they are fleeing danger and poverty and men in power can use their old boy network to lie their way into a Court seat and oh yes deny those highjinks that happened while they were drunk. I hope all the women of this country will stand beside Dr. Blasey and vote in November to throw out all of these Republican slackers who seem incapable of doing anything that is good for the country.
40
Bullies run the world. Oprah's show noted years ago that almost two thirds of our grade school children's worst fears were of bullies. "Only" 10% had actually been bullied, but they'd seen school administrators did little. This is more than an example.
Truth to power is the only way between revenge and demoralization. The power of truth is based on our ability to look ourselves in the mirror and act collectively and individually against the threat of violence that bullies embody.
13
I have two wonderful, caring, respectful sons. They are better than some women I know. Please do not make all men feel like they have to answer for abusers. My sons are not them. Please do not raise women who feel they are superior to my sons. Please do not pity me for not having daughters. I have been blessed with two wonderful human beings who respect women.
19
@MLE53. Thank you for raising your sons correctly. Please ask them to put some pressure on their peers when they see bad behavior. Unfortunately your sons are in the minority when it comes to male behavior.
12
@MLE53 we can't make "all men" feel anything. They will choose to acknowledge that they are not who is being pilloried and they will choose to acknowledge that the women (and some men) that are choosing to speak out have the awareness to understand that. Why are you more concerned that your sons might be held to account for things they have not done, than you are for the women that have been violated against their will?
5
@MLE53
They should not feel disrespected. They should JOIN with the women they respect in calling for an end to disrespecting women - and that's what you should be telling them.
Women have no problem with men who respect them. We do have a problem with wagon circling, defensiveness, and lack of empathy. Men who "get it" need to ACT like they get it and not act like they're somehow the ones being victimized in this.
10
It may seem of little solace to you now, but when you stand in front of the frat house with the gasoline and the matches, ready to burn it down, there will be millions of men standing there with you. There are millions of men and boys who have always abhorred predators. There are millions more who probably never got it, but are getting it now. Many of them have themselves been victims of the frat house boys, in different ways from you, perhaps, but in very real ways, and they are starting to make the connection. The battle will never be fully won, because there will be predators in every generation, but we can change the rules to give them less oxygen. Don't ever be apologetic for you anger!
444
@charles - Are there really "millions of men" ready to stand by the angry women? From where I sit the silence of good men is deafening.
1
@charles My cousin, who is gay, attended an all boys school in New Jersey back in the 1960s. Because of who he was, he faced bullying and abuse. He survived to be a well respected attorney, but it's sad that he had to go through what he did. You are right, abuse happens to both boys and girls.
3
@charles,
When my brother attended Harvard in the tradition of his family, much as he has an affinity for the fairer sex, he never was to be found in a frat house, and on graduating, he joined the Marines on Parris Island for a two-year boot camp course.
What he thinks of this latest allegation of male predator behavior is none of my business, but it would come as no surprise if he and his 'trophy wife', as he likes to call her, is dumb behavior and in tune with this impoverished G.O.P. and its supporters.
Wow, just wow--I couldn't have said it any better. Required reading for the Republican membership of the Senate Judiciary Committee.
19
Thank you for your thoughts. I too feel that the past two weeks have torn a scab off a wound that just won't heal. I have thought a lot about how my own traumas has shaped the messages I convey to my daughter.
I remember a conversation over 35 years ago with my boss at the time. I had come back from an egregious meeting with a senior manager and I blurted out my frustration to my boss who had been born in an internment camp. I screamed at him that I wanted this to stop before my daughter was grown.
He took a deep breadth and said "you will be lucky if it stops for your grandchildren." I've thought about that sentiment this week. Its truism and the fact that it doesn't heal the wound. I too am angry!
24
I am angry to read of the callous casual treatment handed out to Professor Ford by the white entitled male GOP. They see no need to accomodate the “women and other marginalized people” referred to by Georgetown Prep. I understand that a 17 year old male is capable of fathering a child. But, let’s not forget, boys will be boys and should be allowed to move on. For girls, it is a different story. A poor pregnant Irish girl, would, until recently, be sent to the Magdalene Laundries, while her offspring, if lucky, would be adopted. If not, would be interred in the churchyard by the kind male church hierarchy.
I was terrified, at the age of 7 in 1948, at the thought of being sent to Australia like the poor “orphans” whose pictures I saw in the daily newspapers. Only years later, did we learn of the abuses heaped on these poor, illegitimate, throwaway children. My fears were correct.
We need comprehensive sexual education for both genders to learn about the consequences of out of control sexual behavior. And we desperately need an administration that is aware of the sanctity of human life, male or female, rich or poor, white or colored.
14
Thank you, thank you, Jennifer Weiner. "There's no such place," indeed. Your eloquent, truth-telling opinion pieces may have a place in the venerable New York Times, but I notice the Times Book Review has "no such place" to review your wise, funny and beloved novels. Joke's on us again.
17
Women need to put their foot down. Sadly so many women in 2016 preferred Trump or Clinton, despite the conclusive evidence of his boorish behavior.
I am angry that times have not changed. I am angry that men refuse to change. But that anger has to be translated into political power. Women need to vote, run for office and become more politically active than ever. That is how we will affect change. It may take a generation, but it will happen.
41
Brilliant piece! Absolutely nails it.
29
As a transgender woman I've spent only a portion of my life as female. And while I've experienced some small amount of pain due to mistreatment by men, I feel much more the ache of the pain of my sisters whose stories have shocked me no end. It is beyond deplorable that so much abuse is visited upon so many while so much of the culture is so dismissive. I weep for my sisters and am furious at my previous gender. So many men terrorize and traumatize women and girls and so many more are complicit enablers. Burning down the frat house of America is the least we should do.
81
@Jamila Kisses Transgender women can help. They can explain to women what it was like to be a man, what pressures were on them to be a certain way, so we can better understand and be better moms and better at influencing men. And they can help by speaking out and validating our pain. Thank you for being supportive of your sisters. We are lucky to have you as one of us, Jamila.
4
It’s all about power. Who has it, who doesn’t.
26
@Larry Roth
Exactly. Men have it. Don't want women to have it.
10
Of course sexual assault and rape are crimes and of course many women have not reported such crimes or even spoken of them because of the shame and self-blame that societal mores have dictated for a very long time. At the end of this Op-Ed though, are some edifying comments - and this is why many men have trouble with this movement. It seems like to many women, the entire point of #metoo is existential revenge for past griefs and even gender itself. There is no reason that men who are not convicted of any crime, or found liable civilly should be permanently shunned and prevented from living out their lives and careers. This will not end well.
7
@CL. If these “blameless good guys” you describe had supported women with their votes we would not be in this mess now. The fact that they didn’t tells it all.
2
@CL So revenge is a male prerogative?
2
Correct.
1
there is no he said she said when the charge is holding down someone younger and smaller with your hand over her mouth to stop her from screaming -- it is violence, it is predatory, and it happens all the time. time's up.
30
Weiner: "... even fewer [stories] about women making men sorry."
That's just asking to be rebutted. Here are four movies that center on female revenge or have an element of it:
1. Carrie (1976)
2. Sudden Impact (1983)
3. Thelma & Louise (1991)
4. Ex Machina (2015)
7
@NKL
1) Wow. Four movies. That changes everything.
2) In two of the movies, the women "win" by dying. That's a really common way for women to be allowed to "win" in fiction, by the way. Not a great option in real life.
3) In Ex Machina, the woman is not actually a woman, but the literal creation of men.
4) I don't know where you fall on the gender spectrum, NKL, but that you have just explained the plots of four movies about women to a woman whose career is novelist with 15 million copies of her work in print in 36 countries, and journalist focused on gender and culture in the paper of record, gives us a strong clue.
27
@NKL Hmmm... so you named four....from 1976 to 2015. You named four?!
Can you name all the hundreds (thousands?) in that same period of time where the avenger is male? Of course you can't.
I would expect the ratio to be somewhere in the neighborhood of 4: 400 (Using an average of 10 male-revenge films per year for 40 years. I'm being generous.) Which makes it about 1%.... Sound balanced to you? (As balanced as the economy, maybe...)
5
@NKL
Hey NKL, at least don't mix your cinematic metaphors. For a more focused film: Hard Candy (2005) with Ellen Page and Patrick Wilson.
Ms. Weiner's article reads like a piece of violently militant feminism, if not as a call to absolute patriarchy. There is no question that women and men must be socially equal, but there are anatomical and physiological differences between these two genders that make each more suitable for certain functions. The historical examples of women warriors, state rulers, or prominent mathematicians to the contrary notwithstanding.
3
@Tuvw Xyz
Who rapes whom is function difference that comes to mind.
I loved Little Women - until Jo turns down Laurie - and then my beloved novel lost me because I was disappointed and disbelieving that my beloved heroine would make such foolish choices - and the biggest betrayal of all - marrying the professor. The media keep talking about the Anita Hill hearings as if it was a different era - as if we were talking about the 50s - when in fact - not much has changed - and we girls and women were pretty "woke" then. We believed Ms. Hill - we embraced Hillary Clinton and those old enough to vote voted for all the qualified women candidates on the ballot. The real disgrace is how little has changed since then. #metoo - is so empty to me. A more public discourse - but little meaningful change. The 2016 election cycle polling showed us in poll after poll how little millennial women valued the feminist ideals of Ms. Clinton - or anyone they deemed older than them. Hard to have a movement if you only care about a narrow set of issues that affect your personal experience. Anyway, I pray things change - for both my sons and daughters. A healthy society treats both sexes equally - and respects both equally. What sort of people are we to expect less?
49
Literature may inspire women to some degree but it is only going to the ballot box that things will truly start to change in the United States. Ladies, please remember that we still have no Equal Rights Amendment in the United States and that a woman, ow deceased, helped make sure it never passed.
When the Women’s March took place after the election there was lots of screaming and cursing and anger but few cool heads to even mention this issue. In this election cycle it seems politically astute not to bring this up, including by the former presidential candidate Hillary Clinton.
The political circus going on in Washington is rather clear to everyone. But where are the determined men and women, on either side of the aisle, who want to put a final nail in the coffin of outdated patriarchy which has brought us needless and unjust wars, destroyed and maimed our children, and created sickening and dangerous conditions in the schools, in the workplace and in the home? Ladies, it is up to us to throw off our shackles of sexism and sexist behavior, and raise our voices in unison against this outdated misogyny. If we pay half the nation’s taxes and do more than half the nation’s work (if you throw in childcare and domestic chores) isn’t it about time we take a stand and get on with it?
30
It bears repeating:
"Before you embark on a journey of revenge, dig two graves"
Confucius
12
Men generally don’t want to seem vulnerable. So they don’t complain about the mean things that women do and say. MeToo makes it seem like women are the good guys and men are the bad guys. I don’t buy it.
2
@michjas "mean things" = physical violence in your equation......
1
Now that Kavanaugh has been publicly humiliated, if Republicans use their power to force him onto the court, like Clarence Thomas, he will spend his lifetime appointment making all women pay for the degradation caused by the revelation of his own drunken misconduct.
71
I do hope that Jennifer Weiner will give her daughters (and sons if she has any) some books that are deep and nuanced rather than violent and simplistic. How about Sophie's Choice, in which the witness narrator, a privileged white male from Virgina, has the utmost respect and sympathy for the horrors that other men have inflicted on Sophie? Or To Kill a Mocking Bird, in which a false rape accusation sends a black man to prison and death? Serious readers could make a long list of novels that show both men and women wrestling with questions of sex and power without reducing the charters to two-dimensional stereo types.
8
I, too, feel rage, Ms. Weiner. As does every woman I know.
Just remember the saying, "Revenge is a dish best served cold."
It's long overdue. And it's coming.
62
Unfortunately, this type of view and the women who perpetrated it are extremely sexist. Women, like men, must be held accountable for their actions. That does not mean burning down their houses.
10
@photospeaker "Burning down the house" is a metaphor for ridding ourselves of infested places in our world, for change, for revolution, for starting over. Nothing sexist about it; just wanting a new playing field.
5
@photospeaker
I agree that burning down houses is wrong. That's why I generally broke noses of my abusers.
5
@Dennis Maher
I know the metaphor. There is no need to start over. Ask most husbands who is boss at home (and beyond). And why is this so? Inversion of sex roles is not the answer to perceived indiscretions by either men or women. This article (opinion, uniformed opinion) is the perfect example of reverse sexism. No doubt about it.
We have not solved the racial issue yet in over 400 years. We have not solved the women issue in over thousands of years.
The opportunity is now before us.
Solving the women issue will enable the racial issue to be solved as well.
Women get it! It is way past time for many men to get it as well.
Years ago there was published a survey.
The question was "What percent of a man's time is spent thinking about sex?"
The survey said 60%. I asked a woman colleague about that. Her answer was simple. "That's low!"
17
I hope Kavanaugh gets voted down, but would be shocked if that happens. It irks me that Thomas, for the anxiousness to get him on the court, is useless. No ideas, does what ever the right wing wants, and is anything but an asset to the Supreme Court. In addition this debacle clearly demonstrates the need for term limits. These old buzzards have to go. They have poisoned the well of our democracy. It is no wonder there is so much voter apathy. The system is rigged and it won't survive unless drastic changes are made.
45
The worst travesty about the ordeal that Professor
Hill went through was that, in the end, those
senators knew Clarence Thomas was lying.
But they put him on the court anyway.
The message to women was clear:
A man's word had more power than yours .
And they wonder why women are loathe to come forward.
91
During the period in World War Ii and the decade following women were able to secure jobs as secretaries, teachers and social workers. Then they began to emerge. Now they are in nearly every occupation and every form of profession, and excelling.
Yet in some areas they are questioned without reasoning being behind the question.
Why does it remain so difficult for many men to understand the full nature of women and the significance of balancing passion with reason?
9
Thanks for writing this, you are right about all you said. Particularly that many of the perpetrators are already slipping back into their life/work/public after having been persecuted by their accusers.
28
@judy
Two wrongs do not make a right. Even if you are correct, that does not exonerate Justice Thomas. He later made a material omission on his Form 278 for the year 2000, when he omitted his wife's position from the form. She was employed by right wing Republican groups opposing Gore and was a member of the Bush transition team.
In essence, he "selected" Bush when at a minimum, he should have recused, and moreover should have been charged regarding the 278.
18
All too true....
I have seen it though, the way mother's protect their sons and allow their daughters to take on the consequences of their actions. I have seen father's abandon their responsibility to teach equality and allow the "boys will be boys" thinking to flourish. Until we come to terms with the importance of the power of good parenting, or the lack thereof, we will struggle as our children go off into institutions that will surely guide them if we don't.
I have no doubt that Kavanaugh did what he is accused of doing and I have not doubt that it doesn't matter AT ALL to the Republicans.
Women are to be held accountable for what they do and what they cause boys/men to do......it has been ever thus.
51
@Mary
"Women are to be held accountable for what they do and what they cause boys/men to do......it has been ever thus."
So true. That's why rabid Islam requires women to be covered so that the lesser men won't be tempted to assault them. It's why our own vice president can't be alone with a woman that is not his wife. It's why christian religion revolves around the domination of women, This fear of sexuality and the inability to control it lives on in so many men, whether priests, privileged frat boys. It's an evil legacy handed down from father to son.
3
I do not cast this as only a Republican issue. Read a little bit about Juanita Broaddrick.
9
@Talbot
Seriously? This is a woman who claimed many times that nothing happened- under oath. Once she was paid her story changed. Her times were off, he wasn't in town, etc. It was so ridiculous that even Ken Starr wouldn't use her. And he'd have used just about anyone to get BC on that "real estate" investigation.
11
There is a reason something like 93% of sexual assault allegations are true: the risks for victims for coming forward are huge and sure to be enforced while the rewards are minimal and highly unlikely to be realized. In a situation like this, it is irrational to doubt the accuser, even when there is not enough evidence for a criminal conviction. Fortunately for us, that high standard is not required for a Supreme Court confirmation hearing and we can easily do the right thing. Will we?
68
"I can picture myself hunting down the man who hurt them"
I'm sure you would. But that is a big change too.
When I was young, a woman I love very much was hurt that way. Her mother did not believe her. Nothing.
My father believed her. He was then a senior cop, and knew exactly what to do, and did it. But her mother never believed it.
I'd hope your husband would be there right beside you for your daughters. But the difference compared to my life experiences is that you'd be there, you'd believe her, you would not be first in line with excuses.
That is what it was. Women made those excuses, as much or more than did men.
36
@Mark Thomason
So right, women are not always kind to other women. We have accepted that other women are the competition . It is as if there is a limited supply of men who can support us and we want ours. Men operate this way too. it is not a lot better than when people believed Thomas .
14
@Carol -- Maybe some believed Thomas. Many others just gave him a pass.
1
The idea persists that women who are sexually assaulted will ignore the historic stigma that follows, personally, in the family, and in the community for reporting an assault. Not only here but globally.
Women are revictimized when sexual assaults are reported. Many are shamed and shunned by their communities--as we happening in the snug delusion and expressions of certainty about reporting that run counter to women's long history of not reporting sexual attacks--yet some men and women insist, in the face of overwhelming evidence to the contrary, that rape is reported as if it were no more than a personal fender bender. Once viewed as sluts-to-be-blamed, the shift to viewing claims as doubtful and dismissive is a new form of denial.
Does anyone remember the victim statement read in court by the young woman from California, later read on the House floor women in Congress from both parties? Do we recall the stories of the #metoo movement? Have any of those saying surely she would report read the heartfelt, deeply honest words of women (and men) who are opening up and sharing the reasons personal and social why they didn't report?
Have we become a nation of reflex reactions and doubts without truly listening--for we cannot see women's lives until we listen and believe their words. Until we know and acknowledge the truth, it seems too many of us still are seeking simple excuses!
44
We can start with revenge at the ballot box on Nov. 6.
396
It is not just Princeton. Kavanagh studied at Yale, where he belonged to DKE. No one joined a fraternity at Yale, much less that fraternity, who was interested in equality for women. As a woman I chose Yale because it did not have frats, but DKE came back with out of purgatory just in time for Kavanagh to join it.
179
@kate
Oh. DKE. I see.
DKE is infamous everywhere.
I believed Blasey Ford already, but had there been any doubt remaining in my mind, it would now be gone.
DKE. Plenty of us remember.
21
Sexual assault is a crime and must not be tolerated.
All allegations of sexual assault should be taken seriously and thoroughly investigated and if warranted prosecuted thru the legal system.
But taking the victim seriously does not always mean the accuser is correct or truthful.
I don't know Anita Hill was truthful.
Neither does Ms. Weiner or anyone else beside Hill or Thomas.
She was treated shabbily by the Judiciary Committee but that does not mean she was truthful.
She did follow Thomas to a new position AFTER being abused at the previous job working under Thomas.
I don't know if Blasey is truthful.
Neither does Ms. Weiner or anyone else besides Blasey and Kavenaugh.
There was a case at Columbia University in which a female student accused a male student of rape.
The couple had been having VOLUNTARY vaginal intercourse .
The male then wanted a different sex act, anal sex.. The dispute was whether this new act [which occurred] was voluntary or forced.
Columbia investigated and ruled that the female did not have a valid complaint.
The female carried a mattress around the campus for the rest of the year in protest.
I understand we are all [female AND male] outraged by sexual assault.
But that does not mean we must disregard legal protections for the accused.
We can not blindly ALWAYS assume the victim is correct if there is no other evidence but the accuser's word.
Should we punish the accused if there is no other evidence.
12
Whether or not Blasey's assertions are true I think Kavanaugh should be denied confirmation because:
He believes a sitting president can not be indicted and prosecuted thru the legal system. Since a GOP controlled House will not impeach a GOP president that means Trump is above the law.
He is against regulating AR15 type weapons. These weapons have been used in many mass killings.
What other gun safety measures would K oppose.
He has been less than candid about Roe.
His views on these issues have no bearing as to the truthfulness of Blasey's assertions.
In the desire to deny K's confirmation, we should not automatically [in the absence of other evidence] assume Blasey is accurate.
Of course if Blasey is shown by other evidence to be accurate, her assertions are sufficient by themselves to deny confirmation.
92
@david
Not so fast David. Concerning the Clarence Thomas hearings, a few friends of Anita Hill testified that she had complained to them at the time about the ongoing harassment. Three other work colleagues were prepared to testify that Clarence Thomas had harassed them at work as well, but they were not permitted to testify.
As for Dr. Christine Blasey, she has been reluctant to come forward, to put it mildly, no doubt worried over the upheavel to her life and the life of her family, including receiving death threats and being forced to leave their home and go into hiding.
Just like Anita Hill, Christine Blasey Ford is very well-respected and highly educated. A graduate of Stanford and other top universities, she is a research scientist with everything to lose, and nothing to gain, from coming forth at this time. Moreover, she has taken and passed a polygraph test.
There is a very simple reason why sexual assault survivors so rarely come forward. So many in power and authority will doubt them.
So David, I’ll leave you with something to ponder. After decades of silence over the horrors they experienced at the hands of Catholic priests, do you doubt the male accusers? And if only one male victim came forward, years later, would you doubt him?
621
Please do not distort my position.
I did not say the assertions of either Hill or Blasey should not be taken seriously..
I said all allegations of sexual assault should be taken seriously and thoroughly investigated.
The essential question is this:
Suppose there is no other evidence is the testimony of the accuser sufficient to judge the accused guilty,
With the cases of abuse by Catholic priests, there have been numerous [not just one but numerous] allegations against a given priest.
Polygraph tests are not admissible in a court of law.
Blasey's passing a polygraph does give credence to her assertions but the polygraph result is not sufficient.
Being male, I can only imagine the rage felt by women who have seen and experienced this injustice all their lives. Having to deal with it is probably why the toughest people I have met in my life have been women.
Although I also hoped for a daughter, I later became almost thankful fate gave us only sons - it would have broken my heart to know that no matter how brilliant, hard-working and talented my daughter was, she would never be given an equal chance by so many simply because of her gender.
144
@BP Thank you for even trying to imagine our rage. Thank you for bearing witness to our toughness. Thank you for recognizing that it will take more than one girl child's lifetime to make this better. I won't be around to see, but I hope that it will not be never.
73
One of the things that has struck and angered me about recent events is how prominent men were enabled to go on for decades, entire careers (Cosby, Weinstein), engaging in abuse, without ever facing consequences.
If there is one positive change, it is that women's allegations of abuse are being taken more seriously now (not enough but better than before). I'm hoping that girls and young women who are growing up in this new environment will feel that society supports them to the extent that they can come forward with their allegations of abuse SOON after they occur. The sooner abusive behavior is exposed the more effectively it can be addressed. Also, the abusers will be stopped sooner and thus fewer women will face abuse.
65
Cosby and Weinstein both had wives. Why didn’t the wives speak up?
@Dave Smith Yeah, I'm sure they told their wives all about their "activities."
The thing about being consumed with revenge is that, at least in literature, it doesn't end well - Hamlet and the Illiad don't have happy endings.
17
@David
Sad for men. Because if this doesn't end happily for women, it won't end well for men, either.
We're all in this boat together. Yet, rather than right the ship, most men seem to want to protect the bad apples among them who are taking it down.
What's that about, anyway?
31
@Pauline
The only way to right the ship is to organize and vote. If you look at politics in America right now, it's become purely a power game. The right will exercise power regardless. But hollow rage gets us nowhere: we need practical efforts to get out the vote and change institutions.
It's really not complicated: don't get angry. Get powerful.
The Ancients saw plagues between harvests. Plagues have only two causes. One, from the environment--viruses, climate change, cosmic collisions, coal tar spills, tempests.
Two, are plagues people cause. People think, act, and feel in ways that create impasses and impossible problems. Their motivation is usually profit or power. Their weapons are threats and blame, hate, and fear. The fear of being derailed by women seems to threatens men who are insufficiently formed to be sensitive to the pack mentality of their cruelty and sex demands.
In our present impasse, where does power lay? Where does profit lay? With Dr. Blasey? Or the Republican majority on the Senate?
21
The generous Senator Grassley
Interrupting his rush to a vote
To get Kavanaugh approved fastly
Makes a courteous offer of note.
Though grudging, a day more is offered,
But Dr Blasey goes on first,
A lawyer of his choice is proffered
Who’ll preside, in fairness immersed.
But Mitch,who would not let Obama
Nominate his own Judicial pick,
Sees the vote as a fixed panorama
Kavanaugh’s nomination will stick.
So statesmanly- like, the charade,
The Senate, Justice will uphold,
Just because a rape attempt was made
The bait and switch model ain’t cold.
105
Amen, Sister. And thank you for this. I was on pregnancy bed rest with my daughter during the Anita Hill hearings and watched the whole thing, absolutely horrified at how she was treated. I believed her then, and I believe her now. I was enraged for her and all women. To this day I am disgusted me every time I think of Thomas on the court. I cannot believe we are here again, 27 years later. Dr. Blasey Ford is telling the truth.
392
@Midwestern Gal How do you know Dr. Ford is telling the truth? Were you there? You might want it to be true, but in fact, only Ford and Kavanaugh know for sure, and they don't agree. Other witnesses that Ford has identified have denied any knowledge of this, with one woman, a lifelong friend of Ford, even denying that there was a party. It is truly unfortunate that many women have suffered abuse over the years, but projection of their misfortune onto the current Ford vs. Kavanaugh situation does not make it true, or false.
4
@Midwestern Gal
"Dr. Blasey Ford is telling the truth."
No doubt. But is the truth enough with an entire party gauged to broadcast slanders on hate radio & TV, suppress the vote, shut the polling stations, cancel registrations, cover for the president's lies and treason, relentlessly scapegoat one group after another, and promote the dangerous idea that truth no longer matters? November 6 may be the last chance to pull this country from a darkening abyss.
5
Anita Hill's heroic testimony against Clarence Thomas was so brave, and the result was heartbreaking to those of us who imagined that things were getting better (I was 40 at the time, the mother of young children including a daughter). She was so obviously telling the truth.
It's my contention that one reason that one reason that so many men are silent about the awfulness of the current situation is that they know there are so, so many who have something they'd prefer remain hidden. We are going back to high school now. Maybe the difference between the reactions of the sexes is that we know better than to trust men before it's all out there, and maybe, as in Thomas's case, even after.
186
@Cromulent There were other women who accused Thomas of similar behavior who were not allowed to testify publicly.
@Susan
If only Thomas had been worth it. He’s added nothing to American jurisprudence and due to his bitterness and resentment, has hurt the advance of civil rights more than any Klansman or skinhead. Of course that why he was selected.
2
Thank you. I've been thinking all week about those hearings when Anita Hill was so ill-treated, and how angry I felt watching them. I can't bear that it's happening all over again. It's exhausting to be a woman in this country, or someone who cares about women.
403
@teacher
Yes, although at least this time there will be Democratic women on the Judiciary Committee in a position to question Kavanaugh.
There were no women there to question the perjurer Clarence Thomas, Every day Thomas remains on the Court is a reward for perjury and an insult to women
9
isn't it interesting how quickly Ms.Weiner
glosses over Clinton's "affair with an intern"
while feigning outrage at Clarence Thomas
and Bret Kavananugh? at the time I am
writing this,four out of five people who
Professor Ford claims were at the party
have denied it.she also did not mention
them.I am a lifelong Democrat and am
open to hearing Ford's testimony,but
this left wing selective outrage does
much more harm than good.
32
@Frank I'm sorry, but it's not about Clinton versus Thomas or Kavanaugh, or Democrat versus Republican.
It's about waking up to what women have a right to expect in this day and age. If the way Dr. Ford has been treated thus far by old men like Trump, McConnell and Grassley haven't convinced you, I'm afraid you have to ask yourself whether you're not part of the problem.
788
A false equivalency. Clinton was impeached without any chance to convict in a Republican led Senate and not even a majority and done with the approval ratings in the mid 60s. Kavanaugh has continued to take positions that threaten women’s roles to the extreme and did not show Sen Harris the respect she deserved. The uproar should have started then even before the scandal. It’s a two week process, not the shameful year the Republicans put the country through.
31
@Frank Wow, they've figured out which party it was and that Kavanaugh, the Judge fellow, and Ford were all together at the same time? I thought Ford didn't recall when and where exactly it happened, but there are 4/5 people who were at the same party have denied it? Really?
I understand your point. I agree Ms. Weiner glosses over the comment about Clinton far too soon. I would've said, "which also is an instructive lesson about the patriarchy" but other than that, I think you should think hard about what you wrote: how can it make sense?
I think the biggest thing Clinton did wrong was lie about the affair. The other thing is about the power dynamics of the affair. He shouldn't have allowed himself to be put in that position. I understand however Monica Lewinsky continues to claim it was consensual. But he should've known better. Nonetheless, I don't think he abused his position until it came to light. I think Thomas and Trump have abused their positions. Not sure about Kavanaugh yet - not enough smoke IMO but I do think Ford is credible. The problem is that Kavanaugh might be so much of a drunk that he may not remember esp. if it only happened once. People do stupid things when they black out.
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What can I say? It explains a lot. I always wondered why the world held so many opportunities for me, but they always seemed just out of reach. Now I get it. Be quiet when things don’t go your way or you are abused. And women of my generation always faced abuse, almost daily. But I just thought I needed to be tougher and start taking my place in the world. I, too, have a PHD. I have held so many jobs and achieved so much, but why did it always feel three steps forward and two back. I get it. I can see it all so clearly now. It never was fair, never. Not even for a minute. The men in my life who “loved” me still conspired to hold me back where they wanted me as a wife, a daughter, etcetera. I couldn’t possibly have ever been all they asked of me at once. It has been exhausting. We all have these stories. It was called being a woman. It was actually being oppressed and controlled.
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This is actually ignorant and stupid. It taunts. It ignores a million honest voices. It is a part of the problem. It persist in denial. It ignores the facts. It brings to mind the doctor in Michigan's athletics who said, after hundreds of women spoke out, it wasn't his fault.
Some men simply have no shame.
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@Uofcenglish
I have someone very close in my life who could have written your comment. To me freedom will come from rejecting the existing institutions and hierarchies and redefining what is success on our own terms. Stop playing by their rules and waiting for their approval. We'll never get it!
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@Uofcenglish And the way to get around that is by getting as much education under one's belt as one can, getting a really decent-paying job, paying one's bills on time so that one has excellent credit, buying one's own home, dating gay men (for restaurants, theaters, weddings and such), not dating straight men, not getting married, not having kids, and by hiring men to do the heavy lifting. Taking oneself out of the game is so much easier than waiting for the men to change.
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Sorry, but feminism as an ideology stands in contradiction to biological reality. The Patriarchy will always triumph because that is how men and women are made. Always. Best make peace with the design.
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@Andrew--An uncivil and uncivilized point of view, but not uncommon. Hence the unending problems.
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@Andrew Yes, there are many aspects of our biology that stand in contradiction to ideology. But we are granted the power of reason, should we choose to employ it, and so are not condemned to live all our days as scorpions.
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@Andrew
Any anthropologist will tell you that not all societies and cultures around the world in the past were maintained as patriarchies. Period.
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I have a hard time imagining that this spectacle isn't incredibly distressing to every woman in this country. Surely it's not lost on anyone that Trump won primarily because of this appointment and the potential to overturn Roe. Nobody actually believes that the push to deny reproductive freedom to women has anything to do with respect for life. This is purely about slowing the (already slow) change that has given women the noton that they might some day become full participants in public life.
I know that there is little left to sustain hope but the collective anger that the following weeks is likely to provoke will not dissipate any time soon. We can and must put it to work.
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@Carla In fact, the Republican party is not only actively mobilizing to shut down access to abortion, but to any sort of contraception other than the Pope-approved "rhythm method." It is entirely about exerting control over women and their lives.
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@Carla
I agree. If/when this nomination goes through there will be a backlash from women in this country the likes of which has never been seen.
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I support Roe.
However I believe equal percentages of women and men support the right to abortion and equal percentages of women and men oppose abortion.
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I am beyond angry to the point that there is not much I could write here that is fit for public consumption. I think it’s true that people get angry when they feel so helpless to the point of giving up. However, since the day I heard the Access Hollywood tape, the only way to manage my anger is to turn it into action. I have never been so politically active, never volunteered as many hours, and never given so many small donations to Democratic candidates all over the country as I have in the last 20 months. I encourage everyone to do the same and I believe we can actually make a difference.
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@KFC, thank you so much. This anger is transformative, it will make the world a better place, because it will invoke consciousness, wakefulness in our beings, like never before. I have talked to men who feel the same anger, because they have sisters mothers wife aunts and daughters.
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@KFCThank you, KFC, I totally agree. All I think of is that voting booth where I’ll be able to vote my anger at all that has happened since the degusting man “won” the election.
This is what is important: all people who care for our democracy must VOTE!
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@KFC
No, you won't make any difference but then, that's the real issue undergirding all of this political malarkey.
Not quite every western ever -- the most recent True Grit and The Unforgiven both come to mind among others (as do Clytemnestra and Medea back in the Greek cycles)
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It took over 100 years for women to obtain the right to vote. Lives were lost, women's lives. I wonder if we are still fighting for that one simple thing. Perhaps it goes back to the Apple in the Garden of Eden, and that myth about it all being "Eve's fault". Of course, that is also a myth made by men, but how many women just accept it an go on putting up with sexual innuendo's at work and 20% less pay? If our genders were truly equal under the law there would not doubt about a thorough investigation of this SCOTUS nominee. If we had true equality, the whole Roe v. Wade issue would be moot, too, and HRC would be sitting in the WH.
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Thank you, Jennifer, for a moving and eloquent piece.
"... who is the hero and who is merely the hero’s reward."
For me as a woman, that statement is visceral. We're even expected to feel honored.
I am horrified at where we are today. Welcome to the new millennium. It's the same as the old millennium.
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Thank you for this article. I am beyond angry seeing the world that I had to navigate change so little for my granddaughter.
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Thank you for this article. My head has felt like it is exploding since this began. I am furious. Thank you for giving voice to the extreme distress and helplessness so many women (and some men) are feeling about the minimization of the harm to Professor Ford, and the assumption that if she makes her claim and Kavanaugh denies it, we go with his denial. Her testimony is good and sufficient evidence of the event, and we must all speak out to make sure that our legislators hear this, even if we can't (yet) get them to respond. Register and vote in November, get all of your friends to register and vote. Get more women at the table.
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There is always the option, unusual in this case, of bringing criminal charges. Nothing about Kavanaugh sitting on the bench that prevents this. No statute of limitations in MD for assault on a minor.
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@pbh51 Oh yes! In some states the DA’s office brings the charges so the victim cannot be blamed for that.
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What a wonderful idea.
@pbh51
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@pbh51this is ridiculous. No one is looking for criminal prosecution, we just do not want to reward him with a lifetime of influence on the highest court in the land.
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Hear, hear! Thank you for this wonderful column and for your wonderful novels. Enjoying the foray into kid stuff but also can't wait for the next adult book. You are a deft writer with a keen eye for telling detail. I am so grateful for your work.
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Literature is one way that society communicates a woman/girl's role. Consider the much loved "The Giving Tree." The boy loves the tree, swings on its branches, climbs it, sits in its shade. The tree is female. The tree provides apples for him to eat. Then as he grows, the boy goes off and has adventures. At some point the tree's wood is used (I think to build him a boat). By the end of the story, the tree is only a stump (the now grown boy comes & sits on it/her). The boy has played, grown, had adventures - the tree has sacrificed everything including her self for him.
Or, when I was even younger, I loved a book called "Katie the Snow Plow." Much of the book is about Katie & her driver Mike plowing snow (he sits, she plows). However, at the end there is a lovely warm picture of the retired Mike sitting in a rocker reading a paper, warmed by the lovely wood burning stove, which Katie has been made into so that she can keep him warm (he's retired, she's lost her identity completely & is still working to take care of him).
It's not so much that parents/teachers should not read such books with kids, but we must be more aware of the messages that children's books give about gender roles & the unspoken lessons they teach.
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@Anne-Marie Hislop--As a teacher for 35 years I was always creeped out by The Giving Tree. Never got a decent answer about the justification for it.
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@Anne-Marie Hislop,
I HATE the Giving Tree for exactly the reasons you describe. Amen!
9
@Anne-Marie Hislop — Mike Mulligan’s steam shovel, Mary Anne, is at risk of being left behind by new technology. But Mike believes she can dig as much as 100 men in a day — and she does, and the whole village of Popperville turn out to root for her to win a bet against a not very nice man who tried to get the town hall basement dug for free. And she does. When Mike and Mary Anne find themselves “dug in,” Mike stays with Mary Anne in the basement (yes, as a furnace!) so the friends can stay together in a dignified reward. In Katy and the Big Snow, Katy, a “very big and very strong” crawler tractor, plows out the paralyzed city of Geoppolis, allowing everyone else to do their jobs. At the end, when the work is done, she rests — presumably until the next big job. Cheers to Virginia Lee Burton for writing about strong, heroic female working vehicles over 75 years ago!
8
Thank you. I'm sitting here reading about the latest Kavanaugh. Ford, sexual harassers-new and trying to come back- and my stomach is clenched, as are my teeth. Listening to the Republican responses to Ford, it is obvious these men neither understand nor care, yet they are responsible for creating and adopting our laws. They see everything from a single perspective : that of a white entitled male. More than half of our nation is female, a large percentage is minorities, and a substantial number are both.
The Reps could simply have said: thank for bringing this to our attention. We will proceed with an investigation and a hearing. And then they probably would still discount Dr. Ford, but it would be harder to go after them. Instead, they choose to demean the complainant, create bizarre alternative stories, show their minds are made up before they proceed, and deny anything that looks like a fair process. They decry her lack of evidence and her 'delays', but refuse to provide a forum for that info to be aired.
On a related note, I strongly recommend Charles Blow's explanation on CNN about the difficulty and pain preventing a child victim from coming forward. It is amazing and affecting.
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Kavanaugh represents a conservative majority for the first time since the 1940’s. Republicans may not have this chance again if the They lose their Congressional majorities. It’s not male privilege that motivates these men to oppose Dr. Ford’s testimony affecting the confirmation but prioritizing conservative majority in the Supreme Court over rejecting the nominee for any reason.
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Of course that's part of the motivation. They won't go after Trump as long as he keeps moving their agenda forward. Nevertheless, the tools they use are important to call out. This is not a political, theory driven exercise - it's using their power and devaluing others not of their caste to achieve their goals. These goals and their general view are now inextricably tied up with seeing women and minorities as of less consequence and easy and useful to ignore.
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@Beth I'll make a guess that men who are registered Democrats are more likely to sympathize with Dr. Ford than do men who are registered Republicans. Witnessing the current fiasco, all the more reason I want to see a Democratic majority in House and Senate, local school boards, county commissions, state houses and, if not in my lifetime, the Supreme Court.
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Gradually, nations that need people with good minds and are resourceful are appreciating that women and men are equally able and must be enabled to succeed on their merits. The risk of these nations disappearing for lack of succeeding generations is perceived to be low and having a lot of children to support aging parents is rarely a concern. In these countries women being treated as equals with men and men accepting some formerly traditional women’s roles is becoming the norm.
Concerns about such fears as male privilege and toxic masculinity are more aspiration for revenge for past injustices than any real sources of gender injustices. They will persist but it’s important that they be understood as just the human instinct to return hurt with hurting.
7
@Casual Observer Say this again when Roe v Wade is overturned and birth control outlawed. It’s just revenge that women are angry? How about those stolen immigrant children? Are we just feeling sour grapes? Does anyone have a heart anymore? Anyone?
8
People getting away with doing harm or taking why belongs to others or receiving rewards or authority in an institution without deserving either because of favoritism or cheating are all outrageous. Changing what produces injustices can be very difficult. The unfair treatment of women in favor of men has a lot of dimensions and the solutions are not just a recalcitrant insistence that it be eliminated by any means that might work.
There are a lot of sources for male dominance of societies.
The key reason is the need to birth and raise the next generation of the family or tribe or nation. Men and women have mostly the same intelligence and resourcefulness but unless women devote most of their lives to child bearing and raising the survival of human groups can become problematic. Women needed to accept limited personal choices to serve the persistence of the group.
Secondly, patriarchies are linear minded and rule based, and better able to solve problems that require conformity and strict cooperation and work focused to accomplish specific purposes. Patriarchies replaced matriarchies in the Middle East about three thousand years ago and they deliberately suppressed women’s roles in societies and made men dominant and to keep that way. These societies needed human muscle more than human brains to succeed.
Today the real social advantages of male domination are defunct. All they do is deprive society of half of their potential. Some women do want to see men humiliated.
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@Casual Observer. Anyone can see that with over 7.5 billion humans on the planet, there is no urgent need for any woman to have children if she does not want to. Additionally, fewer jobs require muscle and therefore can be filled by either men or women. Finally, IMO marriage as an institution is in decline. Neither male nor female Millennials seem to be in any rush to the altar. Although these factors all work against a patriarchal society, organized religion is fighting very hard to keep the old hierarchies in place.
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@Casual Observer Your comment that "3 thousand years ago particarchies replaced matriarchies in the Middle East" is factually incorrect. There is no evidence whatsoever that a matriarchy ever existed anywhere on our planet. On the other hand partrachy has flourished for at least 10,000 years.
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Uh, no. To both of you. While children require nurturing to grow to healthy adults, it's nonsense to say only their mothers--or women--are the ones who must do that. And dumping the patriarchy entirely on religion is equally as absurd. While most religions do have roots in patriarchal cultures, the liberal branches of many have--as with secular culture--become more egalitarian.
Patriarchy runs deep and trying to justify it by essentializing women's roles on the one hand or blaming one aspect of society on the other just doesn't help.
10