The best thing we can do is get over ourselves. I'm just not that important. It's very freeing...although, to be honest, I'm not quite there yet....I opened this article, after all. (Also...Seeing "Coco" on my birthday this year set me back about about 5 years)
3
My husband and I just started this journey. I recently received the first draft of our will and haven’t had the courage to read it. I know our lawyer is on the same page, but when he told us that we had to contact our major beneficiary directly, it’s been on pause. It is a hard thing to do when you only have cousins (my side) and nephews and cousins (his side). This is something you really have to give a lot of thought to. We start this weekend.
3
This article didn't mention the power of doing a legacy video interview. We did a loving legacy video with my grandparents and with my dad and it was probably one of the most meaningful things that future generations of our family and others outside of our family will have. Granted, that is intergenerational because there were children involved, but that ability exists regardless of whether one has kids or not. I highly recommend it.
2
I'm in the Thomas Jefferson school of: "spend it all and die in debt"
4
I am grateful every day that I never had children. The guilt of bringing a child into this world would be unbearable.
All this climate chaos we are seeing is just the very beginning. Inevitably food supplies will start to be affected.
I sleep all the better for having no "legacy" offspring.
7
NOT having children is a most important legacy to the world. This and kindness.
3
I hope my legacy is having tried to do my very small part by choosing not to have children that add to an already out of control global population. There simply aren't enough resources to support the ballooning number of people on this globe. A monetary legacy will go to effective environmental groups and endangered animal charities, to try to repair some of the destruction we have wreaked on this planet.
8
I met Cyrus Greene when I was a grad student at Stanford. He spent over an hour with me in the lab and he was inspirational. He asked one insightful question after another and made me feel like I was much more than just a lowly grad student. So, I consider myself just one tiny pebble in his mountainous legacy. Every day, each person has the opportunity to leave a legacy by being kind, generous, and supportive of others. Yes, leaving millions or billions to institutions is a huge legacy. But, the biggest legacy often comes from a host of little actions throughout one's life. Be kind. Be generous. Be supportive. Live simply. Give of your time and energy.
11
I couldn't agree more. Kindness is our single greatest contribution.
3
A few years ago, a dear family friend died young, in her 50s. She had no biological children, but my sister and I loved her as a parent and she was a primary source of the values that guide my life. In fact, two years ago, when I had my own child, I used her last name as my daughter's middle name. And just last week, when my sister had her first child, she did the same. Although I decided to have a child myself, I never felt pressure to reproduce to leave a legacy; there are so many other meaningful ways to pass good along to the next generation. The more broadly we define "family," the better we'll all be.
7
If you want to influence the future, invest in it, so that there is one. Seek out an underfunded university—you can bet it will have great buildings, but a dwindling faculty on dwindling salaries able to offer less and less to their students. Invest in the humanities. Faculty and students will carry your legacy forward. They'll even want to remember you.
3
Charity Watch (formerly the American Institute of Philanthropy) is a far more reliable guide to charitable giving. Charity Navigator is simply an uncritical aggregator of the financial reports submitted by charities, taking at face value their claims as to how much it costs them to raise a dollar, and what percentages of their expenditures support “programs.” It is disappointing that your journalists have not taken the trouble to inform themselves of these facts, which should be publicized at every opportunity.
2
While I’m not about to nihilisticly rant about the meaninglessness of life, the longing to leave some kind of lasting impact on the world as if we are dogs marking our favorite tree seems very odd.
The very act of bringing something positive into the world is as meaningful as you’re going to get. It’s also far more fulfilling than the assurance that some grand act of benevolence might be carried out in our names posthumously.
3
The idea of a "legacy" doesn't quite square with the mechanistic picture of the universe that saturates our culture. If we're just meaningless lumps of matter and the self and free will are delusions, what is the point of anything at all ?
My legacy will be not leaving a child who may turn out to be a conservative republican, devoid of empathy, ability to reason and downright greedy and destructive of this planet. How's that?
12
We are a physician couple in our mid 40s. We've lived frugally all our lives and I've burned the midnight oil trying to get ahead. I stay back and give extra attention to sick patients in the ICU, especially those who have no relatives. I try to go out and bat for them, even if that means getting into fights with other physicians who want to do things 'to them, rather than for them'.
I'm 8 thousand miles from my home and culture and we will die alone. I'm not sure if someone will hold my hand when I pass away but I think of every elderly patient as my mother or father and that gives me some satisfaction. I cannot thank my parents enough for this wonderful life.
12
i see so many "trust fund babies" in my clinical practice who are going to have all that their parents worked for just handed to them with nothing in return. this is creating a generation of lazy, selfish and in the cases i see, well heeled drug addicts who have no idea what it is like to get up before 7am and go to work.
the legacy is to start dishing out the money while while you're still here. start with the arts, with the truly vulnerable (not those selfish kids of yours!), and causes that are worthy of your donations.
5
Leaving a legacy? How about making a difference while you are still alive. The greatest gift is your time and not when you reach your "retirement" years.
4
Why should 'legacy' be framed by whether or not one has children? The focus should simply be on how can each of us help one another and the planet... future generations, etc. It should be no different whether childless or not.
2
As a single person I want to leave my money to the many financially strapped friends of mine, whose support in a community of single people has been overwhelming. Let me make their life a little easier, as they have always done for me.
How do I do that?
4
You left out how to provide for ones pets.
7
i thought i'd have kids when i was was younger, 4 was my idea, but that didn't happen. i have wondered 'what will happen, who will help me etc. when i get older' but someone astutely pointed out that not all grown children have positive relationships with their parents.
for me it really just comes down to fear. One day a time, let go or get dragged.
5
As a single person without children, I have been making sure that I am not leaving a mess when I leave. By this I am leaving no debt, It makes things easy to close out accounts. Organize items that do not get caught up in probate. Clear cut instructions how to find passwords and other information to my executor. Getting rid of the amount of stuff I do not want or need now. If I bring an item into the house, something has to go.
A major stress for families when a family member passes on is what to do with all the years of accumulation. I learned from when our mom passed. Make sure family members get plenty of death certificates. Try to figure out before hand who gets what physical items. Try not to fight.
I donate to organizations now. Become a volunteer now. By establishing yourself in your community, you can easily see that your contributions effect your community now. Most 501 (c) (3) have annual reports. You can see where your funds and time go. You will have less regret later. For me, I donate time and funds to my library system. I know I can walk off this plain today and I will not look back in regret. I though thought of small amounts for nieces and nephews.
Bottom line, do not leave a mess for someone else to clean up. That is a legacy in of itself.
14
@ROXANNE I'm the exact same way. Single, and trying to make things as easy as possible for family members who will have to tend to my estate and affairs, once I'm gone. I am truly sickened by the stories I so often hear, of people with deceased family members who amassed decades' worth of useless 'stuff', which the overburdened families will then often leave out on the curb front, because no one of today's generations have a use for the stuff (i.e., massive 'curio cabinets', 'entertainment centers', dozens of Waterford crystal, German glass, Lladro, etc.)
I have no debt. All creditors (i.e., Netflix, internet provider), my employer, my landlord contact info, all spelled out. A Will, Living Will, H/C proxy etc., all in order and all family members copied, with my lawyer contact info included. All my worldly possessions are contained in my small 1BR apt. I've nothing in other 'storage' spaces. Nothing in my mom's garage etc. I've labelled all my devices, electronics, USBs, chargers, etc., so it's clear what goes with what. I want everything recycled or donated. Nothing to go into a landfill. Will donate most of my estate to charities, with small % going to each of my family members.
4
Single most important thing I Have done in my "whole long life?" Remained childless. I educated other children, but did not add to the ranks of mentally-ill or alcoholic!
16
Dream on about some extended, likely younger family members wanting to receive and then promising to keep your correspondence and similar ephemera.
My and my husband's family is truly lovely -- but nobody wants any of your stuff, nor will we ask them to. Actually, I did just ask once, recently. Received several polite 'no thank you's,' -- and we're talking tangible goods also -- jewelry, etc.
They are too overwhelmed with the pace of today's tech lifestyle and their own jobs, young families, etc., etc. to take on another. single. thing.
Your recipes or life advice? When they can just Google a larger and more varied sampling? HA! Dream on.
5
@jazz one My mother amassed hundreds and hundreds of recipes, which my brother would have just thrown away. I took the trouble to go through them and saved the ones that were significant in my childhood and, in many cases, were the originals of recipes I had prepared for my kids. My 23 year old son likes to prepare "Grandma's Cornish pasties" when he has time. To say nothing of her cheesecake.
I am a reproductive endocrinologist and I loved this essay. I spend most of my time doing IVF. I see many women who are conflicted about being single and deciding to single parent. Many of them decide to freeze oocytes despite not being sure about being a parent. Parenthood is lovely but being a parent is so much more than genetics. Julia Child is my hero. I have never met her but she influences my daily life. There are so many ways to contribute to the world. Have a child or don't have a child. Give birth, adopt or mentor. We each decide how we can contribute!
16
There are many who don't agree that Howard Hughes didn't leave a will. Just because cousins won their case claiming that the "Mormon will" was a fraud doesn't mean that the verdict was correct. I have always believed Melvin Dummar, and recent evidence has corroborated his story. Rather than being a cautionary tale about the foolishness of dying rich and intestate, it is, I think, a cautionary tale about how riches usually trump truth. (Pun intended.)
2
My wife an I are in the process of dealing with this issue and are considering using a donor-directed trust such as Fidelity Charitable Gift Fund, Vanguard Donor Advised Fund and Schwab Charitable Donor Advised Fund because of the flexibility they offer in choosing charitable recipients as well as providing a mechanism to give in perpetuity to causes we believe in. We would well people's thoughts on this option we are considering.
2
I have had a Fidelity Charitable Gift Fund account since the year they were created. Single best long term planning decision I ever made. I highly recommend this or another vendor, and then put in place a specific plan that reflects your giving and support values.
2
Consider a Fund at your local community foundation, which will ensure that your community will benefit for years to come.
2
Consider a charitable gift annuity to any continuing care retirement community you may move to. They will be the ones taking care of you.
2
For educators, your legacy is seen immediately (annual student progress), at regular intervals (when they return to say hi and thanks), and not at all (those students who you have touched in profound ways that never let your know).
Peace is found in knowing that leaving a legacy is a part of a job well done.
8
Charities will make you feel very good about yourself, they are professional money-getters. They will do as they please with your money or assets regardless what one individual promises who no longer works there. or what is in your will, because nobody checks up. Consider allotting your money to your friends and relatives with an understanding that it is passed down to their kids as a security umbrella, to be passed down to their kids. Everyone needs a security blanket ($100,000?) to be used in hard times. They are to be custodians of your legacy for future generations. Over time, it will grow to an impressive amount.
4
With rare exception, we all have heirs. An heir is not a child.
11
When you die, you leave two different legacies.
The first is influence. How have you affected the lives of others? There is nothing tangible or physical you can leave; that legacy is established during your lifetime with the actions you have taken.
The second is financial and also includes material things with no intrinsic value, but which are heavy on sentimentality. These are the things that are left in a will. In the absence of natural heirs, they are also the things that let you have some fun.
Organizations and foundations and universities are all fine and dandy, but don't ever forget the people who made your life easier, brighter, and more interesting. Your favorite waitress and auto mechanic. The guy who mowed your lawn for 15 years. The young Gold Star mother up the street who always made sure you were safe after a bad storm. The cute cashier at the grocery store who was always smiling and never forgot how you wanted your bags packed. The clerk at the post office who always took care of you. Your pastor. Your physical therapist.
Your handyman.
These are the people who improved your life. Thank them for it after you die.
40
@Steve Crisp
Excellent, excellent post. Thank you!
I was recently thinking of my best physical therapist of all time, and her three children. I want to bequest to her some funds -- or gift some amount to them before I die. Wondered to myself if this was a weird idea. You just helped me validate it. Thank you.
8
@jazz one: It's not a weird idea at all, and you may never know how much it means to that person to be acknowledged in that way!
BUT good intentions count for very little unless you put it in writing!!
@Steve Crisp LOVE this!
On March 19th of this year, the NYT printed an article about Sheila Minor Huff, the only scientist (female and black) who had gone unidentified in a 1971 photo of 38 scientists (male and white), all prominent experts in marine biology. When she was finally located and identified this year, the NYT wrote that she said she was not too bothered about going unnamed in the photograph: "'It's kind of like, no big deal,' she said. 'When I try to do good, when I try and add back to this wonderful earth we have, when I try to protect it, does it matter that anybody else knows my name?'" This, from someone with every reason to bemoan the lack of personal recognition. What an example of how to properly consider one's legacy.
37
Hmm, I’ve done all the things mentioned in this article - legal, check. Preservation, check. Charity, check. It still feels hollow - and one doesn’t shake the sadness at the thought of ones life, history and legacy simply becoming extinct and rendering your time spent on Earth meaningless.
6
@Mat
There are all kinds of meaning. I hope you will look for what you care about and put more energy into it. I don't know if this is helpful, but I've been there, and I did find my way past it. If work doesn't do it, try play. Looks for hints. You can make your own meaning, if you stick to it.
3
@Mat
I had the same feelings when I found my 95 yo mother slumped in her lift chair. She had been raiding the refrigerator for a slice of tuna sub. But she was not the same person as she was in her hopeful 20's and just married with many, many, adventures awaiting. At 95, life was an increasing burden as she fell apart, burdens that savings could not alleviate. I spent the last year with her at home, cooking etc. Most of the time she watched TCM, endlessly. We spoke every afternoon about family history, sometimes the same stories, over and over, like they happened yesterday. Unfortunately, there is no one to share the stories with when I hit 95. What was so important as I grew up, will evaporate into the ether. Unless you write it down.
3
The only important moment is now. Try not to worry about what others think or thought of you beyond reflecting on your own choices and fulfillment. This IS it...our (hopefully) 70 trips around the sun.
We are but stardust...carpe diem!
2
Legacy, smegacy. We have no interest in being remembered. We've come to terms with the fact that all that made us us will be gone. And objects? For the most part, our lives are all awash in "stuff." What is meaningful to me will be worthless to anyone else.
But as to "stuff". Years ago we had a "No sale garage sale" for the nieces, nephews and cousins. We put out rafts of stuff from our families. After a nice lunch and a bit of wine (very important), they filled a couple of SUVs and several car trunks of stuff. We also gave each a tablet and pen, and told them to walk around the house and if they saw anything they wanted, to write it down. If we stop using things, or when we die, our trust administrator will know who should get what.
As for money, we are giving away as much as we can while we are alive, mostly to charities big and small, but also to young people we know struggling with college expenses. Every little bit helps, and it is more useful now when they are young. We inherited later in life when we had already saved for a secure retirement. The inheritances were welcome, but not critical. It would have been better to receive smaller amounts earlier in our lives. So that's what we are trying to do. If you can afford it, give it now to those who need it when it counts.
33
@soozzie
Bravo Soozzie! My thoughts exactly. It makes for a much fuller life while your here.
5
What childless people must worry about it this: Who will see to my medical needs when I'm old? Who will check that the aides aren't making my arms black and blue and stuffing the silver under their shirts when they change shifts?
That's what's fraught. Not a "legacy."
Childless people do not have to worry about legacies. They can leave their bank accounts in trust to the charities of their choice. They can write air-tight wills -- and hope that their trustees are trustworthy. Or at least as trustworthy as ungrateful offspring.
You know what is "fraught"? That second cousins and nephews from those distant cousins (lately deceased) will come and claim an inheritance. That they'll look at your house and your possessions and feel like children in a candy shop. Hence the air-tight will and trustworthy trustee.
Do what David Rockefeller did: Sell everything and give it to charity.
On the other hand, one can cultivate a fine attitude: Après moi, le dumpster.
16
There is no guarantee that having children will have you looked after in old age...
9
@B.: As one of my older friends (85+) says, *don't* leave charitable bequests in your will, b/c the organization's goals or mission may change in ways you cannot now anticipate and would not approve.
Or, in the words of a very wise person: "If you give while you live, you know where it goes!"
5
We would appreciate an article on the topic of what to do about leaving physical objects when there are no obvious heirs. Items like family jewelry, valuable and not-so-valuable art, antiques, generations-old “keepsakes,” a family bible, several clothing items with wonderful stories (“this gown danced at President Johnson’s inaugural ball”), even plants that have been with us for several generations (mint from the garden of my great-great-grandmother, a small palm tree from the 1920s) are part of our legacy. It grieves us to picture all these items ending up in an estate yard sale. What should we do?
14
@Doug Hardy
Doug,
We, a purposefully childless couple, will direct which family "heirlooms" will go to the nieces and nephews (all in their 30s, unmarried, and childless at this point), a few pottery pieces may go to a local museum if it wants them, and the rest will be consigned to auction with the profits going to the designated non-profits (Planned Parenthood being one). One assumes that whoever ends up with the objects will appreciate them as we did when we inherited or (mostly) bought them.
10
@Doug Hardy
I agree with Linda Jean and I would make plans for those items now. You might even consider dispersing those items while you are alive so you can appreciate how they are used and loved and see how they make others happy.
Doing this while you are alive, researching who will benefit the most from these items (and it may not family members) and then making plans for them, is actually quite rewarding and it will alleviate some of the anxiety you might have about what will happen to these items if you are not there to do this yourself.
8
@Doug Hardy
I'd advise off-loading it now, get for it what you can.
Expect to get much, MUCH less than you might think it is worth. The Boomer wave has flooded the market with similar stuff from millions and millions of others just like you (and me).
And, I say 'I'd advise' off-loading it ... because I haven't been able to bring myself to do it either, and the thought of the giant dumpster (skip the yard/estate sale, no one wants to waste time on that either) ... it's just darn depressing, isn't it?
The good news is -- when it happens, we're dead! Can't bother us anymore.
7
My brother, childless and a financial planner, made no plans for his sizable estate until he had a late in life stroke. He had been cavalier, shall I say, about his family..not keeping in touch or making himself available. But when it came time to think about his legacy.. his family prevailed: surprising us all. He gave his Estate to his sister's and their children: generously.. and then a substantial amount to the Humane Society .. I ,as his Executor , have spent closing in on 2 years ( even with a Will and Trust) the often detailed review of his expenditures which is an another way of reviewing your Brother's life. At times it has been both hard and sad.
He wasn't able to always give of himself but he gave in the way he knew how… his Estate :which has enriched his family ( some of us in need) and we are grateful.
20
Heirs or no heirs, why leave anything behind to people who can take care of themselves, are making a living, doing well and can be expected to do well in their future? If you want to leave something behind, set up a charitable Trust and have it donate income yearly to institutions that feed hungry American children and provide scholarships to minority students. Or give money while you're alive for specific things, such as a downpayment on a house or tuition for college. Most of us don't have a lot to begin with, I say spend it before you die and if you outlast your money, give it to people who will truly benefit from it - usually NOT your "heirs." Imagine what a different world this would be if Fred Trump had left his money to feed hungry people and address racial discrimination in the United States, and Donald actually had to work for a living...
41
Carefully selected land trusts run by environmental groups are my choice for specifically dedicated current and legacy gifts. Plants and animals are under increasing pressure from climate, our government's current failures, and population. Once slices shore, forest, marsh or the like are gone, it is hard to get them back and the creatures who depended on them if they are under a condo or hotel. These are little Noah's arcs for the unknown future. OK, no I don't believe in Noah but you get it. And I stipulate if the org disappears the land must remain in a trust.
22
From someone who has been personal representative, executor and mediator, some thoughts: Find a trusted friend or attorney as executor and personal representative rather than an immediate relative whether you have progeny or not. I have seen too many families and friendships broken when the squabble breaks out about pulling the plug or division of the estate. Second, make sure your wishes are understood by anyone who is a beneficiary of the estate. Third, for sentimental items, have the interested parties decide in advance which person gets them. Putting a discrete label on the item eliminates the squabbles. Fourth, donate if you are able to do so both while you are alive and after. Our own children and friends know the bulk of our estate is donated to specific causes and so do the recipients. Fifth, always review, amend and update as necessary.
25
@tom
Where are these magical (and trusted/trustworthy) attorneys who will attend to this, even for a fee?
The guy who drafted all our stuff flat out said no.
A friend? Hmmm. Hate to put a friend in the middle of a family situation that involves money ... even when paying appropriate fees for their time and trouble to be administrator. Seems it could be awkward and be more trouble than they want. Hate to destroy what had been a fantastic, lifelong friendship post-demise!
As for your items 2-5, heartily agree. Especially #s2 and 4.
2
@jazz one I have an attorney who will do this for no fee at all. As to friends, both as a representative myself and ones I have recommended to others, none of us take an administrator fee. Further, the person selected is known and respected by all direct and potential beneficiaries of an estate. Of the half dozen estates I have been involved with settling, all transitions have gone smoothly.
Acting as my parent’s executor is hands down the worst experience of my adult life. I would wish it on no one and have specified in our wills that a public executor be appointed.
2
Good advice, even if you have heirs and want to make some legacy donations. I am in the process of nailing down some legacy donations in my will, including agreements with the universities I will endow. My partner gets the rest, as much via "transfer on death" instead of probate as possible. My siblings, some of whom may still be alive when I go, have done well enough that they and their offspring don't need a boost.
Some other considerations--Nail down who will be primary and secondary will executors; Make sure all beneficiaries are aware of your intentions, with (perhaps partial) copies of the will to them; Get your lawyer to ensure that your will stands up in the face of challenges by those left out (avarice happens in those you may least suspect).
10
Thanks for the reminders. It's important to review and update all the paperwork on a regular basis, too. Revisit and amend for the changes and needs in one's life.
2
My legacy will likely be whatever scientific contributions I have made, the students I have taught / mentor, and the patients I have helped.
But, being a geriatrician who is around death a lot, I have to say it really doesn't worry me. People should keep in mind that probably only something like 0.00001% of all the people who have ever lived - no matter how rich, intelligent, beautiful, or kind -- are still remembered today. And yet they probably were important to the people around them during their lives. "You may be only one person in the world but to one person, you may be the world."
32
I've always thought that the concept of a "legacy" is a hoax. It's driven by insecurity. It wastes people's life possibilities (you know, WHILE they are alive.) And it often has no real results into the future (except for rich, famous people who often get to manipulate the resulting story.
5
After my veteran father passed away two years ago at 87, I set up endowments in his name at the ROTC program of my alma mater and a community college to provide for a two year education leading to an associates degree for high school seniors administered by a local nonprofit charity. I was inspired by an elderly woman who had set up scholarships for aspiring college students during her life. My only regret is that I didn't encourage my father to do this during his life time. It has been very rewarding to take part in ceremonies and activities where deserving students are recognized for their hard work and receive scholarships. These students are our future leaders and there is no better way to honor my father's legacy. I started small and gradually increased my financial commitment to get a feel for the process - i.e., is the school, nonprofit making good decisions re selection of awardees, how do they interact with donors, do they keep us informed, are they open to our suggestions, answer our questions. etc. My gradual approach has been possible because I started early at 61. An elderly friend is leaving a very large bequest to be used by his alma mater after his death - I prefer mine to be used to help those in need today. Everyone is different and it has been a learning experience. One last suggestion I would offer is that while national charities are fine, my legacy is local - it keeps me and my father connected with our community. Like politics, everything is local.
14
Sigh. It's not "childless" it's child-free.
59
@atb - You're assuming everyone has a choice. If you wanted to have children but never could, sadly it's still "childless".
4
Article doesn’t address the unfair “death tax” discrimination faced by people who live in the 6-states (NJ. MD. PA, KY, NE, IA) that still carry an INHERITANCE TAX. (Not an estate tax based on the VALUE of a decedent’s estate) but based on WHO you leave your money to). The heir pays the tax.
The NJ Inheritance Tax of 1892 allows NJ decedents’s to transfer their financial legacy TAX FREE to lineal family heirs, i.e. children; grandchildren. However, if a NJ decedent does not have lineal family heirs and they leave their financial legacy to their non-lineal family heirs (i.e. brother sister, niece, nephew) their hard earned money at death is taxed on bequests starting at $500 and at essentially a flat tax of 16%.
Under the NJ Inheritance Tax of 1892, NJ residents with lineal family heirs can transfer great wealth (BILLIONS) tax-free. BUT, wealthy NJ residents who don’t have family in a lineal blood-line can’t transfer their BILLIONS tax free. This is unfair, outrageous and a double standard.
Note: because the tax is triggered starting at $500, not only are the wealthily without lineal family heirs “discriminated against” based on who their family members are—so are the poorest of the NJ’s poor: class warfare.
The NJ Inheritance Tax of 1892 must be repealed.
13
@S. Barbey
My mother died before George W. Bush's estate tax cuts went into effect. I wrote out checks the size of which I'd never before thought possible.
My mother, a lifelong Republican, would have had it no other way. She lived her childhood during the Depression, and every boy she knew went into the Armed Forces during World War II. She knew what taxes could buy us.
Today's GOP has lost sight of that fact -- that we won World War II in part because people were being taxed to pay to win it.
And those taxes remained in effect for another couple of decades, long enough for us to build an interstate highway system, keep up our schools, fund the GI bill, rebuild Germany and Japan and make them our allies instead of our foes . . . . One can go on.
No new taxes? Read my lips? Compared with Donald Trump, George H.W. Bush was a magnificent president, but our national decline began with tax cuts.
17
Anyone who leaves enough to trigger inheritance taxes
should feel lucky to be that wealthy and stop worrying about it. But I don't live in New Jersey. At the very least states should conform to the federal tax structure. Well, I personally believe that childless persons should receive an extra tax deduction because for example, one less child equals one less driver on a public road, one less person to be a burden in old age, etc.
7
You are absolutely right about this. Right now the GOP appears to bent on eliminating important programs that only effect those who are not multi-millionaires. I have never been angry over being taxed as I figure it helps all Americans and immigrants in some way. I don't resent supporting schools, paying for so-called entitlement programs, roads, etc. I think we should be taxed more for such things as single payer, clean water and myriad other things. In our daily lives we all have pay for such things privately. Together we can do more for everyone.
Awhile back at the local grocery store they were collecting donations for veterans in little cans. It made me so angry that after all they have done and suffered, all the assistance they need is not provided even by the military itself. It's a travesty.
1
I thought the great pianist Glenn Gould -- who never married -- got things exactly right when he left the bulk of his estate to the Salvation Army and the SPCA.
35
How fascinating that a grant at Barnard was set up for stenography. That treasurable skill is in the news today. A former White House stenographer writes that our present POTUS discourages the keeping of a written record by ignoring the stenography staff. This is not to mention the importance of the forefinger-brain connection, for which is now substituted the opposable thumb. We're leaving our money to HMML, which digitizes manuscripts all over the world.
14
My wife and I have this discussion frequently. We don't have kids, both come from small families and I'm mostly estranged from mine. We know our estate will go to charity or possibly set up a scholarship, just need to decide which one. I want to make sure we don't goof around and have our estate wind up in probate and potentially going to my deadbeat relatives. I also like one of our friends' suggestions that we just blow it all though!
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@JB If you don't want to goof around, go see an attorney this week. Some plan is better than zero plan, and it can always be revisited and changed in the future.
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@JB
"I also like one of our friends' suggestions that we just blow it all though!"
My aunt has outlived her carefully husbanded, once sizable savings, and her monthly Social Security won't cut it. Now unless her relatives pitch in, and there are only two of us left, she might have to leave her home and go into a facility.
Have you ever visited one?
Unless you and your wife do not mind euthanizing yourselves, I'd hesitate to "just blow it all."
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Don't worry about legacy. We won't be here then, and in the long run the Earth and all on it is going to be blasted to cosmic dust anyway when the Sun supernovas. So get up off your duff, pry open your pocket book, work for a cause, and make a difference now while you are still alive to enjoy it.
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@RiverLily9 The Earth will be loooong gone before the Sun gives out. We'll either cook it ourselves from all the greenhouse gasses running amok or an asteroid will take us out. It's also possible that aliens will wipe us out to make way for their interstellar bypass - thanks Mr. Adams! =P
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@Marty, Earth won't be gone, but mankind may well be. Big difference - and the animals will thank us for our self-murder of our own species.
With 7.2 billion (and growing exponentially) humans on a finite planet, I don't think we should necessarily consider children as the ultimate legacy. Being child-free and volunteering with multiple education and environmental non-profits as well as fostering abused animals is my legacy. Yes, making decisions about how my financial assets will be dispensed upon my death is part of my legacy, but I choose to spend my more valuable assets--time, emotional and sustainability intelligence, and love--generating more benefits and fewer costs while I am alive. The Anthropocene is a different time that requires us to re-frame the conversation about parenting and legacy.
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Extended family first, and the humane society is plan B, poker playing dogs aren't........are they?
4
Agree with all the generous, conscientious comments. How about a tiny suggestion, one that I have just begun in my own 60 plus years...give now while you're able to see the wonderful things your support will do. I donated to an animal shelter and they treat me like a King when I visit and there are no words to describe the heartwarming joy I experience when,I see the happy cats and dogs my donation helps support. In addition to doing good stuff when you're gone, give generously now. That horse rescue spot needs you now.
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When I die all my stuff including a mortgage free house goes to animal charities. I could care less about a legacy. I had my turn at being alive and comfortable, that’s enough.
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Legacy? People having children is the "legacy" that has brought the planet to the environmental crisis it is currently in. In the current environment having children is the biggest genuflection to narcissism and comsumerism possible. It's not selfless it's the very epitome of self-absorption as evident in the pretty accurate phrase "mini mes" and the oft-repeated rationale for children "they will take care of you when you are old and 'love' you". There are already far too many people on the planet. Over population and the resultant scarcity of resources is the root cause of current increasing tension and unrest and pending environmental collapse. The planet doesn't don't need anymore people. There is a tidal wave of humanity forming building in the poorest most overpopulated, least educated, resource starved countries in the world that is going to crash down on the developed world. Arguably, successfully combating your own inherent selfishness and not having children and moreover using your own resources to deal with the damage other people's reckless breeding has engendered is the biggest contribution hence "legacy" anyone can make.
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@Belasco I agree with you, wholeheartedly. But there is little room left for hope, optimism, and faith within our world view, and now, in my later 60s, with no children, I find that hope, optimism, and faith (not religiosity) are currencies the world needs more of as its problems mount. I will not be remembered by the next generation, but the kind deeds done today, the smiles given to friends and strangers alike, gifts shared, joy received with grace and thanks...these little things are like small stones tossed into a lake, and where the ripples take them will not be mine to know. That is my desired legacy.
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@Belasco, it's a fallacy that we have "too many people in the world," you know. Sold to us by a certain type of politician controlled by a certain type of "cream" at the top. We have more than enough resources and space in the United States alone to house 2 to 3 times our current population comfortably. But those at the top are selfish, greedy and short-sighted. They don't understand that wiping out most of the worker bees in the colony through hoarding of resources to a "mighty" few won't feed them or keep them alive in the long run when the worker bees are all dead, and they won't have a clue how to do it for themselves. What do they think will happen when billions are moving en masse to find fresh water, land and food, as global warming continues to wipe out coastal areas, marginal "farming" regions, and animals and potable water disappear...
I feel like this article was fairly biased against those that don’t choose to have children. Why does thinking about one’s legacy have to be “fraught” just because one doesn’t choose to procreate? While the advice was sound, people who don’t have children have plenty of meaningful impact on the world absent scattering genetic detritus among future generations.
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@KR Exactly! I have a nephew, I have charities I like...And I don't think "legacy" has anything to do with how I should live.
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The best way we can leave a legacy is to treat other people well, and leave them with pleasant memories of us. We make our marks on the world every day, with every interaction.
There's no need to think that people who choose not to, or are unable to, bring children into the world must try to find another way to tell the universe, "I am here. I matter."
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I'm leaving everything to my cat.
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@Bill, how will (s)he spend the money?
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Ugh. Consider Leona Helmsley:
"Owner: Leona Helmsley
Bequest: $12 million
Upon her death in 2007, the real estate mogul left Trouble more than she did two of her grandchildren, whom she deliberately left out of her will entirely. But even after death threats issued against the pup required adding a security guard to her list of expenses, a judge who was clearly ignorant of the cost of a good groomer these days determined that she could get by on $2 million. Six million were given to the two grandkids and the rest went to charity."
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@Bill. Cat toys for everyone!
Can we please bring our vocabulary choices up to date, so we don’t overdetermine our legacy of insensitivity?
Child-free instead of Childless. Please?
Some of us lucky enough to have interesting careers, as well as influence on extended family and mentoring others, are not singular in legacy.
Likewise, even for people with children, legacy is not limited to biology.
—— more than just a mom
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I am leaving everything to Planned Parenthood....if it is still around when I join the choir invisible.
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I’ve basically willed most things to my Venezuelan niece who I help raise 2nd, 3rd, 4th, 11th, 12th grade and many summer trips in between. Also through junior college, university and now in med school. The bedtime stories, carrying on shoulders, school recitals and talks when she was sad. I’ve resented family members saying she’s not “blood”. I always wanted to her the voice of a little girl to say to me “Oh daddy”. Guess not. But to me, she’s “the kid”, and I always felt lucky for my parenting by chance.
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@MB She is a lucky young lady.
11
@MB, she is your niece, therefore she is your "blood," because you share common ancestors (unless she was adopted). My siblings are all able to care for themselves and their own children, my nieces, nephews, great-nieces and great-nephews, and while none of us are millionaires, we've done well for ourselves, thanks to our parents instilling in us a strong work ethic and passing on determination and "stubborness." I remained childless and chose not to marry for various reasons, none of which matters to anyone but myself. I have a special "adopted" family of people of like mind and interests, and have taken much joy in being able to take myself and my adopted family that used to be 4 of us (one of our dear companions passed away unexpectedly in 2012) on many vacations in the US and Europe over the years, and to teach an "adopted niece" how to invest through hands-on learning with her own custodial investment account that yearly birthday money went into, and by example and her listening in on our adult conversations over many years how to think for herself, stand up for herself, how to fight and work hard for what she wants and to never let anyone tell her she "can't" do something because she is or is not a particular gender, color, religion or political persuasion.
3
Thinking about and discussing legacy is a kind of religious activity given that one is dealing with meaning in one’s life, particularly as it relates to dying.
Perhaps, more important than planning for one’s legacy is the challenge of the pursuit of sustainable living and dying, particularly sustainable dying.
Sustainable dying is dying that is socially, economically and ecologically strong. While environmentalists have pointed to the environmental impacts of the various ways of burial, people with an integrated view on sustainability have raised questions on the economic dimensions of dying and the expenses of not only lavish funerals but of prolonging one’s life for a view months or years by using expensive medical treatments while at the same time millions of fellow humans lack basic resources to lead dignified lives. Planning for sustainable living also includes thinking of friends and family who will celebrate a good life lived, the third challenge or dimension of sustainable dying.
16
Although I was pregnant eight times, I was unable to have a child. I suffered through life threatening ectopic pregnancies time and time again always thinking I must procreate to leave a legacy, and be a part of my family's heritage. All the while, I was teaching in a poor urban school district not realizing those students and their successes would be my legacy.
There was the student who invited me to his college graduation. While there, he took me by the hand, pulling me aside, to tell me he wrote on all his medical school applications the source for his love of science was me and being in my class in fourth and fifth grades. He told he even if he did not get into medical school it didn't matter because he loved his job at a local research lab. Every day, he told me, was like being in my class conducting experiments during science time except now he was getting paid.
I did not know his fate until ten years later when his sister, also a former student who had just finished her master's degree in athletic training, found me at my new school so she could tell me how well they both were doing. Knowing about their successes made me realize I have touched lives, and I did make a difference. My name is not on the hands of my former student, now an emergency surgeon, yet each time he saves a life I have my legacy. It is intangible, but it is real.
This is not an isolated story. After close to thirty years in education, I have a handful, but that handful is all I need.
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@Carhy R, thank you for sharing your story. You may think there are only a handful of students (those are the ones you "know" about) ... but I suspect there are scores! I never had the chance to tell her, but my high school physics teacher (40 years ago) -- Mrs. Warburton -- has had an enormous impact on my life.
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Carhy, you have touched your students' lives, and with your comment you have touched mine.
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@Carhy R That's beautiful. I hope people everywhere take the time to thank their teachers. I've had the pleasure of doing this. When I was accepted into college, I visited my 3rd grade teacher and when I co-authored an important scientific report a few years ago, I sent a thank you note and copy to my undergrad research mentor from 15 years ago. I could not have had the successes I enjoy today without them.
9
The title of this article suggests that those without children are somehow at a loss. Not true. I, for one, have plenty of ideas how to make my potentially leftover resources serve meaningful, good purposes. In fact, my ability to leave significant amounts to worthy causes is increased by NOT having children.
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@CPS The purpose of this article is to inspire other people to follow your example.
10
"To laugh often and much; To win the respect of intelligent people and the affection of children; To earn the appreciation of honest critics and endure the betrayal of false friends; To appreciate beauty, to find the best in others; To leave the world a bit better, whether by a healthy child, a garden patch, or a redeemed social condition; To know even one life has breathed easier because you have lived. This is to have succeeded" - Ralph Waldo Emerson
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Once you have children, you can’t choose your legacy.
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You think having kids precludes meaningful work, community involvement, or leaving an indelible impression on the lives of the people around you? That says more about your own parents than it does parenthood in general.
12
@Ed Yeah, look at Trump.
4
Better question: how to leave a legacy when you only have children?
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No doubt your parents worry about that constantly.
7
@Mr. Grieves good one! But for all you know they are nobel prize winners. Kids are not a legacy, darling.
@BBB: By raising those children well. That's a marvelous legacy.
5
I can't believe it! I have been fretting about this. I decided I wanted to leave a bequest to a thoroughbred rescue. There are well funded rescues and smaller shoestring ones. Finally found one. Now I have to fret if this one will be around in 20-25 years. More research. Plan B is an environmental group.
8
I have children, but I couldn't ever imagine that they would be my legacy. Their lives are very, very different from mine.
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@Suzy, you taught them to be independent thinkers! Take pride in that.
The parents who mold their children into newer versions of themselves are often not-so-great parents.
10
My wife and I are childless, although we do have extended family. Not sure how interesting anyone will find our stuff beyond the modest collector value of some items. There is material that may be of interest to different groups we've been involved in.
Another example of a place that may have interests in some materials you may have are university archives. Often, they cover academic employees, alumni, and others associated with the institution. Sometimes they are looking to increase coverage of local, national or international issues of interest to various units of the school. In my case, I have an extensive collection of papers, documents, pictures, and publications from local activists, mostly associated with the university but including community members like myself, that was quite active back in the 1980s, so I now have a small special collection there named after me.
Another aspect of this is supporting organizations whose causes you favor. You have choices about exactly where your money goes. You could give to the national ACLU with unrestricted funds to generally advance their work. But you can, like with scholarships, give to support specific organizing work. Or you could give to a state or local ACLU chapter.
Institutions that need support often get money to build something, but nothing to staff or maintain that asset. Inquire about how that will work or specify how you would like to see it distributed, say, if you want to see more staff in that new building.
18
@Mike One of my fellow former activists (we had been active in the '70's, '80's, and more) had suggested that I donate my collection of organization (501c4) records and memorabilia to a local university library. When I contacted the librarian, he was thrilled and put me in touch with a student who was doing a thesis on the history of this sort of activism in our municipality. I am looking forward to the publication.
26
You may not have children, but you do not have any surviving family? A nephew, niece or cousin? They are your blood. I know that can happen when someone lives to advanced age, outliving every family member with whom he had intact. If younger, fix the situation. Instead of working on a foundation, spend the time to re-establish connections with family, however now worn. In the end, they are likely the ones on which to rely.
19
@Michael Blazin
"They are your blood."
But do you like them?
Because if one hasn't seen them in a few dozen years, and they have only come around lately, like predators smelling a dying animal, I'd say leave the money to a good charity. And make sure the household goods are sold off to the same or another good charity.
The rest can go to 1-800-GOT-JUNK.
Forget the distant cousins and nephews. They are probably just scavengers.
9
@Michael Blazin I have no children, no siblings, my whole extended family lives half a world away, and I haven't seen most of them for many years. I see no reason why I should leave them anything. My executor knows that when I die, he should call a local auction house to take everything from the house to be sold to the highest bidder.
In the meantime, I'm spending my money traveling, and hope to have just enough money left to pay for my very inexpensive cremation.
7
@Michael Blazin
It's an interesting question. I think you're right that family is more likely to step in, for good or for ill. I'm caring for my parents in their 90s and no matter how difficult our earlier relationship or how difficult their care, I'm there for them. It happens like that more often than not, I think. Who will be me when I get to that point, it's a good question.
But there are plenty of stories of greed as well.
2
What perfect timing! I met with my lawyer last week to discuss this very issue and start the process. It's so easy to put off, and difficult to address these questions, when there is no immediate heir to what few earthly possessions I have. But I certainly don't want the State to decide these matters.
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