I suspect that philosophy professors make no better or worse fathers than those from any other profession. Of course, if one focuses on celebrities and the most famous of the famous, one will get the sorts of results that make up a good portion of this essay.
But the rest of us? Boringly normal.
“Or the sexist remarks by Nietzsche: that women needed children and that men were merely a means to that end?”
Nietzsche was not a misogynist, he was a misanthrope. There is a difference, and his views were completely justified.
“God’s first mistake was man. His second mistake was woman.” -Friedrich Nietzsche
4
Another emergent book promotion. Next one may be ‘Best Barbeque Recipes of the Philosophers”. Or how about ‘Does Tenure Change Your Sex Life?’
3
The first day of school is a philosophically problematic one from the moment the teacher calls the roll:
“John Doe?”
“Present.”
“Where?”
“Here.”
There is a Czeslaw Milosz poem that touches on this - Woe! Forgotten philosophers’ works languish in libraries after they missed out on their lives while they lived. “At your home it was the day of making preserves.”
7
"“Before I got married I had six theories about raising children; now I have six children and no theories.”
-- John Wilmot
10
A lot of words to say not much at all.
6
I'm a terrible philosopher and an even worse single-dad. Sure, I've got tenure, and my son is still alive, but I teach at a two-year college at CUNY, and my son is still at home at 22, taking some classes here and there, and working his brains out (literally) at a clothing store in SoHo.
But I must take issue with the final sentence of this interesting (if a bit "free-ranging" essay): "And even if philosophy offers little by way of practical parenting advice..."
The study of philosophy is filled with TONS of practical parenting advice. It's just that most of it isn't very good advice.
I had tons of fun testing out his innate knowledge when he was a baby (Locke was right - babies are idiots). His "Harry Potter" phase led to in-depth ontological discussions. We talked about Plato's theory of forms at an Indian restaurant when he was ten. A lot of people stared at us. I think they were wondering if they should call the cops.
Maybe they should have. My emphasis on caring for others and being a virtuous person did not prepare him well for middle school. Introducing him to Hume's skepticism made his high school teachers mad at me.
When he was little, he would say, "Dad, one of these days, I'm going to win an argument against you." When his argument was, "People tend to be jerks, the world has no `meaning,` existence is absurd, therefore, I should just kill myself," difficult times ensued.
But he is a happy, caring, inquisitive person. He is a philosopher.
15
I would like to know what Carl Cederstrom thinks of the title given to the Times's publication of his article. Was he involved in its selection? I raise the issue because "The Philosopher as Bad Dad" strikes me as deserving better.
1
Let fathers indulge in Hallmark greeting-card sentimentality at least one day out of the year. Especially tenured professors in affluent countries who have the leisure time to get soppy and self-reflective about their good fortunes. But don’t call it philosophy. The institution of fatherhood is a fraught one. Kronos cut off his father’s testicles and then ate his own children. And he was a god! Aristotle was right that only a mother’s pleasure in her children is undiluted. (And the “sexist” remark from Nietzsche that you quote is even more on the nose.) Confucius’s remark about the pleasure of honoring one’s father attempts to patch up some of the holes in the sorry fabric of the fatherhood experience, which is devilishly hard to categorize. In one famous case it even involved a word (Logos) piercing a woman’s tympanum. No man can claim with absolute certainty that his fatherhood even has a biological foundation. So what is it? It is as easy to father a country or a sect as it is to father a child, and in all cases the requirements are the same: wits, resourcefulness—even ruthlessness. All you men out there, know that you are alone. Nature is NOT your ally.
2
Isn’t it funny. When I, a management consultant, seek the best advice to give aspiring leaders, I look to the finest leaders for inspiration and best practices. Young surgeons emulate the most excellent surgeons around. Rookie cops look long and hard at the top notch veteran law officers.
So, to describe the best dads we seek out - philosophers?
Let’s define a great dad by outcomes: great offspring. Then look at the fathers responsible for them. And there you have it. Maybe it’s just too easy.
3
I've often wondered why we (and I) choose to study/follow philosophers/writers who were not very good people. Unlike fashion designers or even poets, philosophers proffer advice about the best, truest way to live. Nietzsche? Great if you're a misanthrope who wants to live alone on a mountain. Sartre? Pompous weirdo with no kids in some sort of open marriage. Rousseau? Well, read the article. Hard to think of a worse group to emulate for a good life.
Only downer of article was Dr. Oliver and her knee jerk blurb about "patriarchy". Such simplistic ideology doesn't really have a place in such a smart, thoughtful article, not to mention a philosophy dept.
5
The best quote by a philosopher on "fatherhood," or lack thereof, in my opinion, is the following -- by the inimitable Arthur Schopenhauer:
“If children were brought into the world by an act of pure reason alone, would the human race continue to exist? Would not a man rather have so much sympathy with the coming generation as to spare it the burden of existence, or at any rate not take it upon himself to impose that burden upon it in cold blood?”
2
When can we expect the next in the series, 'Philosophers As Bad Mothers?' Then as uncles, aunts, cousins, nephews, second cousins twice removed on their mother's side, gardeners, car buyers, and Santas at the departmental Christmas party.
Sampled a few philosophy professors when I split my major. Would not describe any of them as bad mothers; more like boring irrelevancies.
1
This is a fascinating column----and-----makes me appreciate my father even more. I am one lucky son.
Let fathers indulge in Hallmark greeting-card sentimentality at least one day out of the year. Especially tenured professors in affluent countries who have the leisure time to get soppy and self-reflective about their good fortunes. But don’t call it philosophy. The institution of fatherhood is a fraught one. Kronos cut off his father’s testicles and then ate his own children. And he was a god! Aristotle was right that only a mother’s pleasure in her children is undiluted. (And the “sexist” remark from Nietzsche that you quote is even more on the nose.) Confucius’s remark about the pleasure of honoring one’s father attempts to patch up some of the holes in the sorry fabric of the fatherhood experience, which is devilishly hard to categorize. In one famous case it even involved a word (Logos) piercing a woman’s tympanum. No man can claim with absolute certainty that his fatherhood even has a biological foundation. So what is it? It is as easy to father a country or a sect as it is to father a child, and in all cases the requirements are the same: wits, resourcefulness—even ruthlessness. All you men out there, know that you are alone. Nature is NOT your ally.
1
Pure, irrelevant psychobabble.
3
If the author had started the essay with the last paragraph and developed the ideas intimated there, he would have written a much better piece. Focusing on major philosophers to make the central points in the essay is not a good way to understand how most philosophers see fatherhood.
3
Interesting article full of odd facts and curious information. But I disagree with the author's thesis that philosophers make bad dads. True, there's widespread disagreement and a broad range of conflicting opinions and insights about fatherhood presented here, but no more so than you'd find among so-called parenting experts. And if you surveyed accountants, lawyers, professional athletes, plumbers, etc., you'd probably get a similar spectrum of views.
The article also has the virtue of validating Cicero's famous observation that there's no view so absurd that some philosopher won't uphold it.
3
My Webster's New World Dictionary dryly and mechanically defines philosophy as: "the study of the principles underlying conduct, thought, and the nature of the universe."
My five year old son does not study the world, does not seek its truths, and does not contemplate its principles. He just embraces life. The kitchen window that opens to a view of the backyard enthralls him for hours. Where I see a yard that needs mowing, he sees birds, rabbits and squirrels. When we play catch with his rainbow ball he just giggles as it bounces off him, laughs as he chases it, and dances as he kicks it. When I toss the ball to him I think of how this helps his eye-hand coordination.
For him life is new, interesting, fun. Through him, I am relearning how to embrace life's wonders.
Is there no better knowledge than this and no better principle to live by?
Maybe most of the fatherless philosophies the author mentions were too involved in discovering nature's laws, man's ethics, and life's principles to be fathers. I fear they missed a lot.
5
Dear Professor Cederstrom,
A true sage rejoices in being proven wrong, for the lover of wisdom seeks ever to improve, ever to discover the good, the true, and the beautiful, and within that sort of wonder how can one not get lost again and again?
Yet that same relentless searching, unless he is of the very dullest and stubborn mind, shall again and again illuminate wonderful ways in which to live, and so a true sage, a humble sage, a loving sage, will find the way to being a better everything.
And the day he becomes a father, his greatest teacher shall have been born, and he shall rejoice yet again in being lost, and if fortune prevails, in being found.
Cordially,
S.A. Traina
4
Childhood is fleeting. Every child deserves unconditional love from his or her parents. If you cannot tear yourself away from your worldly interests for the brief time required to nurture another human being, you should not be a parent.
6
“my love for my sons is partly an expression of my love of wisdom.”
'Philo-sophy' was coined by Pythagoras to distinguish it from the popular view of sophia/sophist/sophistry--wisdom/wiseman--and its Seven Sages/Sophists--reputed to have it.
Philosophers were personified by the mythic Socrates--always searching for it--re-searchers. Wiser only by knowing they didn't know--we can always do better. That's the essence of academia--perpetual critical thinking--fallibilist and anti-dogmatist--but cynical too. Later Sophists were teachers of persuasion; essentially marketing cons, said Plato.
All academia evolved from philo-sophy and all advanced "education" (leading forth)--not to be confused with didactic indoctrination. Early ed--3Rs--and all Intro courses start with "traditional wisdom". But gradually it shifts from didactic to dialectical discourse and critical thinking skills. Those can be practiced at home as well as schools--by fathers too.
Compulsory schooling by professionals--only a century old--is due to community distrust of parents as educators. Physical and mental nurture are the primary duties of parents. The traditional division of labor left basic ed to mothers; good fathers taught their crafts to sons. But ed standards kept going up.
PS: The fathers of JS Mill and CS Peirce were exceptional. Plato's communal parenting was anti-egoistic for political authorities. Aristotle said that would violate Nature's way of teaching kids to care for others.
3
Reminds me of the land owner who tried to sell his undeveloped 5 acre property across the rural road from me. Our neighborhood association told him he’d need to put in a very expensive septic system because his property had a wetlands. So he never built a house. But when he put the property up for sale a year later he first hired a team of bulldozers to destroy the wetland. When the neighborhood association told him he still couldnt put in a normal gravity fed septic system as a selling incentive, he hired a rapacious lawyer who sued each neighbor plus the association to shut us up. We won out of court by sending a “full disclosure” letter to his real estate agent with evidence from a wetlands consultant that his plan for a cheap septic system would pollute 4 ponds downstream. Hat land owner was a professor of ethics at one of our state universities here in the state of Washington.
8
Ironically, Dewey wasn't as devoted to other people's children. He was friends with my great-grandparents and once, when my mother was a child and sitting under the dining room table listening to the adults, Dewey was opining on Something Important. Moving about, my mother touched his foot and without a beat, he kicked her, sharply. So she bit him, hard.
3
I'll tell you one thing. As bad as they are, philosopher fathers couldn't be as bad as poet fathers.
3
You forgot J. S. Mill, who died in the arms of his stepdaughter, Helen; and also Cicero, al-Ghazali, Karl Marx, Epicurus (one child), Camus (twin daughters), Aristotle (one daughter and one son, Nicomachus, who later wrote the Nicomachaean Ethics), and Saint Augustine (one son, Adeodatus, whom he loved exceedingly).
I taught philosophy at Hofstra University for thirty-five years. I have three daughters, the apples of my eyes, and one adopted daughter, whom I treasure. I have also published many books, which I somewhat fancifully see as my children. I have also taught many students from all over the world, whom I somehow love and cherish as additional children. They all know that I don't believe paternity is entitlement, or possession, but that it is a means for them to have been born to feel the warm kiss of the dawn upon their foreheads.
4
Why is your daughter by adoption counted separately from the three you mention first?
2
Philosophy of fatherhood:
"Before I got married I had six theories about bringing up children; now I have six children and no theories." (Attributed to Lord Rochester; believed apocryphal.)
5
Well that was a depressing way to start the day.
Leon Kass. Start here: https://www.firstthings.com/article/1994/12/educating-father-abraham-the...
Agree or disagree his writings are replete with discussions of parents and children.
Marines have an expression:
There are marines who talk a lot about combat and then there are marines who've seen a lot of combat.
3
Show young children love by holding them, hugging them and playing with them. Always talk WITH them. Answer their questions. Set a good example for them by being a kind, moral person.
7
I'm a philosophy prof and a father. The last conversation I had with my doctoral advisor (he was killed shortly thereafter in a bike accident) was about the birth of our first child. Himself a father, he said, "You will learn the powerlessness of philosophy." I chuckled at the time but think back to the conversation frequently. He was clearly right in one sense: just as one can't argue a cloud into not raining (no matter how clearly stated one's premises or valid one's argument), one cannot argue a child into much. One accepts, nurtures, provides, and -simply- loves the child. In another sense, however, if one thinks of philosophy as pursing wisdom by way of asking fundamental questions, then philosophy is a tremendously powerful parenting ally - for young children ask these questions all the time. It's a blast to be comrades in arms with my kids in asking difficult questions.
As to figures from philosophy who spoke about being a parent, Boethius comes to mind. He speaks passionately about his love and pride for his sons, whom he saw rise jointly to the ranks of 'consul'. Shortly before his execution at the hands of the emperor, as if his own life were not enough to worry about, he turns his thoughts to his boys and worries for their future, saying, "The man who lacks children is happy in his punishment." Also, Augustine had a son and loved him dearly, calling him Adeodatus ('Gift from God') and speaks movingly about their short relationship (Adeodatus died at 17).
5
"Singer, himself the father of three children and four grandchildren..."
I'm sure that all of his children are grandchildren, though hopefully he is not both the father and grandfather of any individual person. Since he is the father of four (of someone else's) grandchildren, he must be the father of those four children; while, if a person has four children, he also has three, it is unusual to understate the number of a person's children.
3
I enjoyed dictionary.com's definition of philosophy as it relates to fatherhood:
"The rational investigation of the truths and principles of being, knowledge, or conduct."
After becoming a father, there was a life-altering change about the way I examined our existence. Every day I learn something not just about my children, but about how they see me, about how they see the world, how I should see the world. It is not so much an alteration of truths and principles, but rather a way to examine them in a new light.
I feel as though the great childless philosopher's of old missed out on one of life's greatest opportunities.
1
Really interesting essay and broadly applicable to women as well as men, with some truths for non-parents as well. Many adults end up as mentors and role models for kids in one way or another - neighborhood kids, nieces and nephews, students, employees. Does the author cover this topic in more detail in his books? I'm interested in reading more.
To parent is to embrace confusion with all your heart.
10
As an existentialist father, the awareness of life's eternal march towards death generates an internal war.
The lens through which I experience my daughters' growing up is fogged through almost daily tears. I savor them in the moment, and mourn the passing of each breath.
My 'fatherly importance' is pulled apart by two disparate thoughts:
* The nihilistic reality of Shelley's Ozymandias: nothing whatsoever will be remembered centuries from now of my family's short life on this planet.
* The deathbed words found in the song "Saturn" by Sleeping at Last: "How rare and beautiful it is to even exist," and "the universe was made just to be seen by my eyes."
My children's mother tends to the matching clothes and time schedules and homework and all things needed for daily life. I continue to marvel a their curiosity and basic existence, and now that they are teens, ask them to look at their brief existence through different perspectives. Took such delight yesterday having them join me in criticizing our culture's competitive consumerism, as they commented on the conformity of country club attire at a posh soiree.
We are dust, and into dust we shall return. Yet ... how can we as finite carbon molecule know and grasp the infinity of time, and space, and yes, even of love?
I only know the questions. In the meantime, we'll be doing missionary work this summer with the destitute poor.
6
Aewsome....
2
Enjoyed your reflections. Fatherhood has been lacking in conviction, and in physical presence and commitment, for far too long. A paradigm is happening, and love shall triumph, hopefully reciprocal. A family unit is the basis of any community. After all, we are social animals, and are interdependent emotional as well as rationally. Let's trust your paternity leave coming to en end is brief...and renewed by a most human feeling of wanting to be part of the whole.
1
The leading philosopher of Oxford's golden age of ordinary-language philosophy, Peter Strawson, had four successful children, including the distinguished philosopher, Galen Strawson. Of course, he also had a happy marriage.
5
I have a nephew who takes philosophy far too seriously.
He spends about 40 % of his day pondering.
Visiting his home with two children under 5 years of age
and his wife at work is an interesting experience.
The child in the crib has talking books next to him that he is
supposed to use to teach himself how to read.
He mainly gnaws on them and occasionaly tosses them
out of the crib before making his escape in order to begin crawling adventures towards lands unknown and any suggestions, good or bad, made to him are usually answered with a very emphatic:
" NO !!! "
The four year old spends most of his time trying to figure out
how to get into the back yard where there is a swing.
So every door and window is tested to see if it will open,
and with their speculative father at home, one or more
usually are.
Meanwhile my nephew reads his philosophy books and
stares off into space - pondering the imponderables.
I follow the two natural philosophers out to swing and if not swinging
we roll our bodies down the hills, ponder the clouds
above, the ladybugs in the grass and if I have enough
energy left - spin them around in the air which releases
gales of laughter.
When my visit is over I remind my nephew that
children are not abstract concepts and if Schopenhauer
ever needed an example of "Pure Will" embodied - he
only needed to spend time with two year olds.
19
It's possible that, in some cases at least, an intellectual father grappling with his fears about the direction humanity is heading, seeing in his mind's eye the extrapolated world in which his children or grandchildren would be forced to live, might conclude that the bulk of his time might be best sacrificed attempting to gain a better sense of things and bring his vision to the attention of others in the hope that change might somehow result, and in time.
The philosopher who said, "The philosophers have only interpreted the world, in various ways; the point is to change it", loved his own seven children very much. Yet four of them didn't survive childhood and Marx punished himself severely through the guilt he felt for the life of poverty and want his drive to change the world forced upon his family, and the illnesses it wreaked on his own body.
1
I'm a father and a philosopher. I think/feel I'm good at both. Here's what I have on this topic:
A good father is an engaged father – interested and engaged in the lives of his children.
First, teach kids the importance of personal relationships with an emphasis on obedience and respect for others (and themselves).
Then, teach them anything you can – directly. As a teacher, make the learning process logical and interesting. Encourage them to be curious and ASK (accumulate Abilities, Skills and Knowledge). A capable person is an empowered person is a fulfilled person.
4
The focus on all of humanity, and the belief that ones insights are meaningful is an exercise in EGO. Children eat parental egos for lunch, and are not as controllable or predictable as the esteemed philosophies from these Very Important People. Now, it is a good thing to pursue, but not a surprise that fatherhood is a blind spot.
1
Exodus 20:12 Honor they Father and Mother. In the religious life, fathers come first. Christianity struggled to find a place for women, notably in Mary. The paradox is that Catholics attempted to deny fatherhood to their priests. As we tend to become more secular we need institutions like Fathers' Day to remind people of issues of respect that should be obvious.
1
I’ve got kids and a degree in philosophy and what this essay brought to mind is that Kant is supposed to have said there’s no such thing as “works in theory but not in practice.” I’ve always supposed the idea was that if something doesn’t work in practice then there must be something wrong with the theory. But maybe I’ll suggest to the wife or kids that a copy of Kant’s actual essay on the topic would make a great Father’s Day gift. I became a philosophy major mainly because I read the Groundwork For The Metaphysics of Morals first semester freshman year and the professor who taught the course had a lively interesting mind that she applied with great openness and honesty.
So seeing what Kant actually had to say about theory and practice might be fun and worthwhile. Parenting should be practical, I’d think we’d agree.
If asked to identify practical principles that governed my parenting the first two things that would spring to mind are “pick your battles” and “don’t engage in a battle of wills for the sake of imposing your will.” When I was a kid I think every time any authority figure engaged in a battle of wills with me when it seemed clear there was no point to their action other than demonstrating their authority, they diminished themselves in my view.
4
This couldn't possibly be relevant to me, 58, and never even married, but I found myself rapt. I love the original research and the coalescing of facts far and wide. And how encouraging it is that there are still thoughtful men out there.
4
Philosophic intelligence and professional expertise, research including reading comments by experts will not guarantee "good" parenting and rewarding parenthood.
There was the professor of child psychology whose daughters were a scourge when in school.
Great parenting, like great art, may not be learned from books
because both parents and children are diverse human beings with desires, needs, possibilities and limitations beyond one-size-fits-all.
Fortunately, this Father's Day also brings the arrival of the Fred Rogers documentary film -- arriving at a time when the nation is awash in viciousness, when children are being separated from parents by the grand American democratic republic's determination to be Father Knows Best no matter the terrible consequences.
Good parenting like good teaching may not be taught.
It may depend on instinct, on one's genes, one's experiences, the experience of the baby while in the womb and an unknown number of other factors.
I now am certain at advanced age that my parents were exceptional. They loved me, but they died.
Now what's to become of me?
Doug Giebel, Big Sandy, Montana
1
The question of being a father is really the question of being a good father. Much like the question of being a human being is the question of being a good human being. This is in a sense where philosophy can help. Otherwise it has really nothing to say. I have five daughters one of whom is seriously brain injured. What they have taught me is that they need my love and care and to be a good person myself. Philosophers have written tomes on this topic. The question of being a good person begins with Socrates and is the central issue of philosophy.
3
At it's simplest, philosophy exists in three main areas of focus: Metaphysics/Epistemology; Ethics; and Logic.
Metaphysics/Epistemology - deals with our place in the universe, how we understand who we are how we know the things that we know, how we interpret the world around us.
Ethics - deals with how we interact with the world, other people, our environment, and ourselves.
Logic - deals with how we communicate and how we articulate our thoughts. How we make sense to each other.
Almost all people do every one of these things every single day of their lives.
Every thinking human ponders daily on how they know the things they think they know. Every day we think about right and wrong. Every day we think about how we treat people and want to be treated and every day we use any number of logical concepts to communicate with others.
This is true for all able minded people, people with children and people without, even philosophers... especially philosophers who have chosen not to have children. Because even if you chose not to have children you still have made a choice.
5
There is quite a range of parenting styles described here and changes over the past two millenia shouldn't be surprising.
Assessment of personality features of those interested in philosophy as a profession would be interesting; assessments have been done with those choosing different branches of medicine, e.g.,
http://www.royalcollege.ca/portal/pls/portal/!PWEB_PORTAL.wwpob_page.show?_docname=947942.PDF
1
I subscribe to the Grinch philosophy of parenting. My wife was an alcoholic, and I was raising four daughters under the age of six and holding down a full time job. One hard day, after work, after changing multiple diapers, breaking up fights, rocking children, I was pretty much done. I just laid there and opened my heart to my family, and I think it grew three sizes on that day. There was enough room for everyone. Today I have four incredible daughters, and the oldest just graduated from an ivy league college.
13
And for the vast pool of non-philosophers who, nevertheless seek literary guidance, I actually enjoyed "Iron John: A Book about Men", by poet Robert Bly.
2
Gareth Matthews was a wonderful philosopher and father who thought and wrote about the minds and inquiry of children. One of his greatest books is Philosophy and the Young Child. He has much to say about the bond between child and fathers.
he had a marvelous intellect and heart that soft the great gift children had for us as adults and fathers.
7
I have some experience, being a son of a philosopher. He was abundantly loving and maintained that love throughout his life. He was flawed, as a father and otherwise, but the flaws were attributable to his distant, rigid, non-philosopher father. His more loving attention was also, in part, a reversal of the stains left by his father.
I think the "bad dad" part of this essay misses the general point of male entitlement and the behavior/misbehavior it bred for centuries. Men neglected childcare and engaged in their own pursuits (philosophy among them) because they could. It has nothing to do with philosophy. I'm quite sure the same research would yield the same results when looking at entitled doctors and lawyers over the same time period.
Also, a note: I know Amy Chua and spent a bit of time with her children. Even she doesn't fully support tiger parenting. Her book was partly tongue in cheek and her actual views are frequently misrepresented.
8
There aren’t a lot of parent philosophers because active parenting does not allow time for philosophy.
I would like a philosopher to battle the question; Why do we have children? The world has more than enough people.
5
I greatly appreciate this essay. I am a philosophy prof and a dad, and I think about the relationship between the two a great deal. Several of the comments seem to suggest that fatherhood is not a legitimate topic for philosophy, but I disagree. I find that parenthood is a joyful, brutal and humbling occasion to do philosophy.
To warrant philosophy's relevance, I often taIk with my students about the idea of tragedy as a conflict between two goods. It is a good for me to be the best philosopher I can be, which would entail spending my time in deep concentration in my study reading, thinking and writing. It is also a good for me to be a good dad to the two kids my partner and I chose to have. That would entail time helping with homework, going for walks and playing legos. I tell my students there is no right answer to solve this tragedy. Obviously you try to balance them (as I did when our first child was a baby and I wrote my book while balancing her asleep on my forearms!) but the nature of a tragedy is that you have to just chose sometimes.
It seems like most of the "great" male philosophers chose to either not be dads or put their work before their kids. I chose to be a better dad. I try to reflect on these choices, not to mention remembering to put my work on par with my wife' work, and trying to figure out what a feminist dad acts like without having had any model to go on from childhood. Dewey and Epictetus are two of my faves. They were also good philosophy dads.
4
TM,
You would/will be a much better and honest
philosopher, that is one who seeks wisdom,
by being a good dad rather than reading the
latest philosophical journals.
1
In a survey of philosophy faculty, Mr. Cederstrom "found that more than 75 percent had children, the same for women as for men. All seven philosophy department heads said that the degree of childlessness was not greater in their departments than in others."
That's interesting, but I wonder what percentage of women graduate students in philosophy have children (while they are graduate students), and what percentage of women graduate students in other fields, e.g., music, have children, and how those percentages compare to one another. The same question can be asked about men.
My own limited observation would suggest that the numbers aren't the same, and may reflect cultural differences between academic disciplines.
3
I was interested in philosophy in my youth, but in college I was drawn more to physics, which I thought posed questions that were more interesting and that demanded empiric verification. I mostly forgot about philosophy after my sophomore year.
I had my two kids in my late thirties, and the only piece of intellectual philosophy I tried to instill in them is the recognition that the world has no obligation to respect our cleverness; that no matter how well constructed an argument appears to be, if it isn't supported by evidence, it's probably wrong.
Much of philosophy, in my observation anyway, is more concerned with arguments and proofs beholden to abstract, axiomatic systems. Unfortunately kids do not come with a clean, consistent set of axioms. They're messy, like life. And if we're really interested in welcoming the unbidden, then we have to be prepared to abandon dearly held axioms, some of which may be critical to our professional and personal survival. That makes parenthood especially difficult.
3
hammond,
Who tickeled your ears with physics and lead you
astray from Philosophy ?
After all Physics is, like life messy, you ignore
many "small factors" in an attempt to come up with
a beautiful formula.
As for empiric verifiction - well that is a matter of
statistics and the interpretation of the means and modes and what to do with "outliers" - which is
really nothing more than applied philosophy.
As for clever and well constructed arguments
I would suggest you go back and study how
certain sub-atomic particles/forces were predicted
and well described long before they were
detected in the empirical manner that you place far
too much trust in.
1
Yes, we should look back and question the wisdom of the past in the light of what we know now. But this seems extreme. To judge Aristotle as an inept father because he affirmed that mothers loved their children more than fathers did (or Confucius for deeming it pleasurable to follow one's father will) is just unfair. It would be shocking if Aristotle had said otherwise given the culture of the times. He did write a book about ethics dedicated to his son even if that was not so common, and I take that as I hint that he might have actually been a good father.
2
What to say. We have a philosopher turning to Socrates or Montaigne, knowing perfectly well that both were childless.
We have another philosopher, Mr. Asma, quoting Nietzsche's eternal recurrence as an parable of "vulnerability," when Nietzsche clearly intended it as the ultimate test of whether a person can say yes to life even in its most problematic and disturbing episodes — a parable of vitality.
Finally, we have an essay distributing parenting advice in the form of an intellectual amuse bouche, apparently unaware that parenting is a personal journey about which advice is rarely useful, relevant or unanimous.
The message continually insinuated by The Stone column, in example if not in premise, is that philosophy is at bottom a trivial amusement for simple minds, a sort of confabulation that can turn bad reasoning or airy hypothesis to almost any quotidien muddle. I regret that premise very much, and the apparent necrosis of philosophy even more.
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Actually, Montaigne fathered 6 daughters with his wife. Only one, Leonore, survived infancy and then to adulthood.
“Apparent necrosis of philosophy...” exactly!
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Some outstanding scientists were also not very successful as parents. The examples of Einstein and Feynman come to mind. Parenting requires sustained commitment and driven men in whatever field (philosophy included) may not have the energy or the aptitude to be parents. It is wiser, as many philosophers demonstrated, not to be a father or family man than be a poor one.
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As a postmodern philosopher, I found this article extremely fascinating. And it really made me think about why so many philosophers of the past never had children.
As a philosopher in his late 40s, I too find myself in league with those philosophers of the past who have no children.
The one area the author of this article left out, and the one I believe to be very influential, is the subject of psychology.
To be a philosopher, you must be of a certain frame of mind. And if you are a true philosopher, one that begins thinking about the world at an early age, philosophy becomes directly linked with your psychological framework early on.
To constantly remain within ones thoughts, constantly writing in ones head or on paper, testing ideas and thoughts against the real world with friends and family, eventually isolates one from ones emotions. This situation eventually brings with it many psychological traits that are not very desirable in later life.
Mood swings, irritability, brashness (sometimes interpreted) as arrogance, all by products of this path, can be a real problem, creating walls between oneself and the world. Certainly not traits that eventually lead to marriage or children.
And the funny thing about this path, is if it is successful in bringing forth ones philosophical perspective, the philosopher is apt to double down in effort and energy to see what else it can produce.
Thus, creating even more distance between oneself and the rest of the world.
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Interesting article. The story of the relationship with the Buddha and his son, Rahula is worth looking into.
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Philosophising is about emotional detachment. It's the opposite of emotional entanglement that fatherhood (or parenting in general) involves.
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Philosophy schmilosophy......Raising a child is about a father's expanding love and life long wonder at who their child is. I am the "sponsor" along with my wife of course, of our child's existence in this world. Instilling love and trust for our family and thus the rest of this wild & mundane world cultivates my children's confidence to lead their lives with their heart.
I am a devout lifelong buddhist which informs my philosophy on life. I never foisted my faith upon them but always tried to demonstrate certain essentials beyond philosophical complexities; That is love, generosity, patience and hope of joyful living.
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Great topic. Thanks for sharing these thoughts and reports.
To add another case: Heidegger and his wife Elfride had two sons. She was responsible for all the child care, while Heidegger wrote and taught and had affairs. But as we learned a few years ago, one of their sons, Hermann, was actually conceived when Elfride had an affair of her own. Heidegger accepted Hermann as his own son, and Hermann eventually became the executor of Heidegger's literary estate. Nowhere in Heidegger's philosophy are there are any reflections on parenthood, as far as I know.
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As a philosopher and a father, I found this piece very enlightening. Philosophers (particularly male ones) tend to engage with the world intellectually first and then only secondarily in emotional ways. This can make parenting very difficult for many of them, and over-intellectualism has to be unlearned to be a father. Having sons whose needs require that I put aside my intellectual modes of thought has made me a better person and ultimately a better philosopher. Having a son who is intellectually disabled, who is a joy to be with but lacks the cognitive capacity to reflect philosophically - has only compounded this.
The line from Hamlet - "There are more things in heaven and earth, Horatio, Than are dreamt of in your philosophy." - always come to my mind when I think of parenting. My children, my love of them, and the challenges they present was never imagined by me when I was a childless philosopher.
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I entered the teaching profession late (age 37) and became a parent even later (age 46). Now as a teacher educator for the last 26 years, I've often noted that those who become parents before they become teachers have an advantage in the classroom insofar as they have experience in a principal challenge of both teaching and parenting: integrating behavioral discipline and unconditional love. An endeavor which is not easy, even for those with the best intentions. Conversely, those who become successful teachers before they become parents, have an advantage over those without the teaching experience.
Whether you're discussing teaching or parenting, motherhood or fatherhood there is one common denominator: they each demand sensible nurturing. Sensible nurturing is less about the what you say and think during your calmer, more reflective moments and more about who you are and how you respond to emotionally charged and volatile human encounters. All the philosophical insights of the most influential philosophers will not help you negotiate these encounters successfully.
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Sometimes the simple evades philosophers. Philosophy is abstract. Child-raising is the opposite. Those with a bent for the abstract and spiritual are seldom interested in the messiness of the concrete "under the net." Virginia Woolf and Iris Murdoch are elegant on this topic (especially Woolf' parodic rendition of the philosopher-type in the character of Mr. Ramsay).
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In effect, I had three fathers - a drunken bronc rider both hero and fool, and two gentle Norwegians - a step dad and a foster father. Each had a profound impact on who I became and what I did not become. None of them were philosophers. I think it is undeniable that fathers have a deep impact on each of us, beginning with genetics of course, but most importantly with how we find our own meaning in life. It seems that fathers are like nautical charts that do not set our course but determine the understanding and context of it. Even if we do not know them, they are influential - not determinative.
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My favorite philosopher as father story concerns Bertrand Russel, who strongly felt that all disagreements should be settled by rational discussion, without coercion. He thought his son should learn to swim, so he took him down to the lake, explained why he should go in, the advantages of learning to swim, how many people enjoy swimming, and so on. But his son was having none of it, and after several hours of attempted rational persuasion, Bertrand had had enough, and simply picked the kid up and tossed him off the dock. Raising a kid can test any philosophy, no matter how strongly held....
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With the biblical model providing much of our society’s understanding of fatherhood, Mr. Cederstrom’s inability to find good source material for fathering among Western philosophers is unsurprising.
The Bible’s Abraham was no role model for good fathers. What kind of father is willing to sacrifice his son to prove his love to his father, even one he considers omnipotent? And, speaking of the omnipotent one, what kind of father was the biblical god to demand Abraham sacrifice his own son to prove his faith? Isaac was lucky to have survived. How would such fathers fare society’s assessment today?
Whatever else the biblical god and Abraham may represent, they symbolize the literary genesis of a male-dominated society grounded on male self-adoration. Biblical fathers, god included, define the male narcissism the modern-day #MeToo movement has helped expose. Fathers following the biblical model raise disciples not children.
As a father without a father present during my upbringing, I’ve fumbled through numerous parenting challenges that have led me to embrace two fundamental principles for being a good father: (1) wanting to; and (2) continually making conscious efforts to try. Everything else is up for debate, but I appreciate the efforts of thinkers like Mr. Cederstrom to find better models for us to follow. I propose Atticus Finch with a touch more feminism.
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The biblical father model is completely NOT what you have described. The Abraham-Isaac sacrifice was an aberration, an exception to the model, which made it all that more remarkable and a conundrum to contemplate. Why indeed?
The biblical father model is one of love and intimacy - that is the WHOLE POINT of the bible, that is what it is about: relationship with God, and each other, because God first loved us and acted on our behalf, as any parent does. The model continues with the relationship between Jesus and the Father - intimate, conversant, loving. Again the sacrifice is a conundrum that we meditate upon, and the Abraham/Isaac sacrifice foreshadows the one of Jesus. And it takes place in almost the same spot.
If you aren't aware of these things, my guess its because you have never actually studied the bible, and because the Christian Right (a peculiar American phenomenon that puzzles the rest of Christendom) has spewed so much venom that you might be put off for life. But they hardly represent God. Or the bible's teaching.
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I was raised in a devout Christian household and subjected to church and Bible study regularly until adulthood. Respectfully, it sounds as though you have not read the Old Testament.
Being Jewish, the story of Abraham and Isaac is often discussed at our services, as you can imagine. Of all the many aspects discussed, the one thing that has always stuck with me is that Isaac never spoke to his father again (understandably!). It didn't really hit me until I had kids off my own.
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Thank you for an essay I have wanted to see. As an amateur philosopher father, my experience rearing of three children has broadened my philosophical base considerably. The children I have raised with my spouse represent aspirations, limits, and surprises. We chose no religion, as we are convinced that man has made God in his own image, and the downsides of the trappings of church outweigh the benefits. This worked fine for two of our children, but the third cries, "It would be nice to go to a church and have someone tell you what to believe." I point her to the Dostoevsky poem of "The Grand Inquisitor", and she says, 'Exactly!'
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The Philosopher as Bad Parent would have been the better title. Philosophers should know by now to avoid such gendered presuppositions about their profession. Surely, you must recognize your title as is makes an implicit universalizing assumption. Historically, women were barred from the profession through education, culture, etc but lets keep hoping more and more women will become recognized philosophers.
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The philosophy of fatherhood can best be appreciated with personal perspective of one's past experience as a father. At 66, with three adult daughters and 4 granddaughters I can truly say that a deep humility is my greatest lesson.
Children are a wondrous thing, exploding all expectations with unbidden surprises that expose the fallacy of a father's self-image of strength and of the intrinsic value of discipline. Nothing can prepare a man for being a father, or the tragic tenderness and vulnerability he feels when they leave the nest.
A father's duty is to prepare their children for life, even if that preparation adds a sometimes unavoidable alienation. If a son or daughter becomes more self-sufficient for it, his job has been done. I yearn for the closeness their mother enjoys, which may be in the offing once my silent dedication has fully borne fruit.
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I get the distinct impression that all the fatherly philosophers that chimed in are overthinking fatherhood. The experience my wife and Iquickly found out from raising our two children is that any grand philosophies that you start out with get quickly replaced by improvisation and hand waving. Each child is unpredictably unique, and so obviously a distinct person literally from the day they are born. The only 'philosophy' I can advise is act out of love, do not hide your affection, show them you mean well. They will forgive your parenting foibles and will turn out fine in the end. And 'fine' as defined by them, not by you. The only parenting goal worth shooting for is that they grow up to be happy with the lives they choose to lead. Not rich, not famous, not anything else.
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'Each child is unpredictably unique, and so obviously a distinct person literally from the day they are born."-our experience, x 3.
"The only parenting goal worth shooting for is that they grow up to be happy with the lives they choose to lead. Not rich, not famous, not anything else."-that's our take....these 37 yrs later... as well.
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First, Happy Father's Day to you, sir. As you are experiencing, our children are gifts which make our hearts ever expand and our minds learn the true meaning of unconditional love.
I am neither a man nor a philosopher. So as you write, perhaps it was more the societies of the past or for some being "too lost in their heads" to be truly present for their off-spring. The society I understand. Even to this day our own country remains patriarchal. Unfortunately, however, being overly consumed by our own thoughts is not unique to any profession or calling or to any one sex. For too many people it is part of their psyche which can cripple the ability for compassion, empathy, and, of course, love.
Frank Bruni wrote a lovely column a few weeks ago stating how disheartening it is that too many of our universities are down-playing the importance of courses in philosophy in particular as well as literature and the Arts. Philosophy specifically is needed in every walk of life. We need to think. There is no other way to put it. The mind and the heart are wedded, interdependent, the Yin and Yang of our very essence.
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Great philosophers are bad fathers if they are fathers at all?
To be intellectually brilliant, and this goes for not just philosophers but all types of talented, such as artists, musicians and writers and scientists, is to struggle with the average of humanity, to be placed in a To Be or Not To Be situation, one of either pursuing a private, dimly if at all seen by others, calling or falling back into the common pattern of humanity, the obvious and socially sanctioned choices of occupation and the raising of a family, which of course means automatically one is psychologically compromised with living with other people.
Society to this day provides little support for people who pursue private callings, which is to say to this day society sets up a conflict whereby the more gifted mind must essentially choose between pursuing a calling, struggling bravely alone, or sacrificing the calling for a common occupation and the raising of a family. You can have one or the other, but rarely both. Needless to say this means we have a clear historical record that the more gifted members of humanity are less likely to pass on their genes.
Where is the justice in that? But alas society says if you want to pass on your genes you must become a father, get involved in the raising of your progeny, yourself. If you are not directly involved, helping with the raising, you cannot be a father not to mention a good one. Philosophers bad fathers? More like heroes struggling alone.
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Philosophers ought then to father children without raising them. Let someone interested in that sort of thing raise the kids. Why would anyone want to raise kids anyway? No wonder philosophers don't have kids: too wise to buy into that nonsense.
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Just as "extraordinary claims require extraordinary evidence", perhaps extraordinary ideas and people really should pass a higher bar of validation. The great power of great Genius can also make it greatly dangerous. The Hero can turn into the Tyrant. Perhaps all the impediments to Genius you note function (intentionally or not) as a societal self-dampening, preventing the world from spinning out of control. If such "natural" impediments did not exist, perhaps we would have to invent them.
I won't speak to the philosophical question of whether all this is just. But merely note that it may be prudent.
One problem, which I extract from my own upbringing by a father who was not a professional philosopher but nevertheless, considered himself one, is that philosophy depends upon discourse with a supposedly rational counterpart. Any such discourse is wasted on a child and a child is not considered a worthy recipient until they have outgrown childhood; until then, they are a sort of amorphous protoplasm upon which no idea can take hold. Father and child will be talking at cross-purposes during most of the child's development, neither of them learning anything.
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Fatherhood is a human patriarchal concept. There is no consciousness of fatherhood (or philosophy) in Nature. Both fatherhood and philosophy are human male conceits. And both are extremely fragile ideas, subject to all sorts of arguments and counter opinions. Do such divisions exist within the species in Nature? Does Motherhood argue with herself? Why is this conversation even necessary?
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As the daughter of a very loving philosopher, David Hawkins, who taught at the University of Colorado for many years, I have to say how lucky I was. He was absolutely central to my intellectual and moral development. He died in his sleep in 2002 at age 89. Although I think of him every day I am just now beginning to re-read or read his books on the philosophy of science.
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I've come to think that there’s real difference between fathering sons and fathering daughters. When she was younger, my daughter would occasionally ask me if I wouldn't rather have had a son. My reply was always the same: NO.
In raising my daughter I was always conscious of a central principle: When I was in doubt about what to do, which wasn’t all that often, I would reflect on what my father had done with me, and then do just the opposite. People think that’s a joke, but it’s not. I’m not at all sure, though, that I could have avoided replicating my own experiences with my father nearly as well as I did if I’d been raising a son.
Two more thoughts, briefly. I have difficulty fully grasping my daughter’s affection for me, precisely because I felt little or none of it toward my own father (or mother for that matter). I know, intellectually, how much she cares for me, but I’m not at all sure I can get hold of it emotionally, and I miss feeling that.
Second, I believe that in conscientiously raising my daughter I've become a much better teacher. Little girls play with dolls from the outset, learning the basics of parenting. Little boys (in American society, at least) mostly want to shoot guns and blow stuff up. I had to work hard at learning how to figure out what someone else’s needs are, and at putting them ahead of my own. But learning this has made me an infinitely better teacher. Or so I like to believe.
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Philosophers tend to live in the realm of ideas, and children live in the moment. If you are a parent and are staring out the window, pondering the universe, your child is likely to tip over a can of paint in the background, or fall into the fire, or run into the street. This means that parents have to be radically and constantly present -- or hand off that job to someone else. Children also demand this presence: "Look at this! Look at that! Look what I made!" This may be why philosophers historically chose to have no children or to remain uninvolved with them, and it explains why women with children have always had to struggle to carve out time for reflection.
The most important thing a parent can do is to be there, and to be present, and to accept that this will mean a tradeoff -- if you are a philosopher, your attention will be demanded by your child -- which may not be the thing you find most interesting at the time.
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Interesting, thank you.
I understand this is about fatherhood among philosophers, but I do wonder if a comparative glance or two might add some perspective.
Composers, painters, poets, historians, scientists (etc.) over the past several hundred years (thousands, really), to say nothing of distinguished businessmen, statesmen, generals, and so on, might look pretty similar to philosophers when it comes to fatherhood. Maybe not, but plenty of anecdotes spring to mind.
So it may be less about the patriarchal control over mind and body uniquely sought by philosophers, and more about patriarchal control period.
P. S. There could be another reason why Foucault, Wittgenstein and some others weren't fathers (as I'm sure you're aware).
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