To think we.The US ridicule the people in Saudia Arabia, Afghanistan, India, Pakistan...etc for doing exactly the same thing. Just another example of American exceptionalism....
7
This quote sadly rings true all too often,
“A girl child ain’t safe in a family of men,” says Sophia in Alice Walker’s The Color Purple.
7
One more thing to be ashamed of in this “great” country of ours. Let’s fine football players for kneeling during the anthem, but pedophile rapists get no penalty as long as they marry their underage victims. Revolting. What despicable parents to do such a thing to their daughters, the children they are supposed to protect. We do not have the moral grounds to complain about the way other countries treat their women— not with this ugly skeleton hanging in our closet.
12
It's interesting that this pertains only to girls. Can and are underaged boys be married off the same way? Such an idea is idiotic. That the same cannot be said about girl children by law across America is prima faci evidence that, fundamentally, females are objects and men are subjects before the law, families, and society. And it is more deeply ingrained in the DNA of our culture than constructions of race and religion yet more invisible due to the invisibility even to women how deeply they are considered objects, done to, never doing.
14
Dear Illinois Governor Rauner and Speaker Madigan,
How about fixing Illinois' child marriage laws that essentially allows 16-year old girls and even younger girls in some circumstances to be raped through marriage if their parents consent? Why should a 16 year old girl be allowed to marry a 35 year old man? It's fine in Illinois if Mom and Dad agree.
3
The brutality of life under a tin-pot dictatorship.
3
New Jersey could have been first. Instead the bill was scuttled at the last minute due to religious objections. I just wrote to my legislators and included a link to this article. I urged them to pass this law as soon as possible with no exceptions, not religious, not parental and not judicial. There is no excuse. Child marriage is child abuse, pure and simple.
7
Marriage is a state-sanctioned property agreement*. As such it should be illegal to enter into such a legal contract without having attained an adult age of majority, as per state law (usually 18 or 21). That some states make exceptions for religious or cultural (i.e., antiabortion) reasons make those states and their legislators look backward and ignorant, especially when repeated raping precedes the "ceremony."
*if you don't believe me, please notice that the state gets involved in your legal divorce, not your church.
9
Again, thank you Nicholas Kristof. Keep pointing light into darkness.
5
I wonder if there is some way to contact any and all girls impregnated before the age of 13 to find out what happened, how their situations were handled and how their lives and the lives of their children turned out. (I wonder also how many young girls heard that everything was their fault and there was no way they were going to entrap some mother's or father's son into a "shotgun" marriage.) Until we in the USA find a way to compassionately and respectfully treat very young pregnant girls, many if not most of whom are certainly rape or statutory rape victims, the laws in effect and the powers that be will continue to harm the victim to "help" her.
4
It's misogyny, pure and simple . The older man's needs are put first and eclipse the needs of a child, because said child is a girl. No one is forcing their 13 year old son to marry the 30 year old woman down the street. We need to change the language we use to talk about this - instead of "Girl gets pregnant and weds at age thirteen", how about "man rapes girl and faces her to marry him to save himself from prison."
17
It is heartbreaking to even think that this girl, now woman, was raped (repeatedly) and then forced to marry her rapist when she became pregnant. I don't care how God loving and pro-life you are, but this is unethically wrong. I was raped when I was 14 years old by a cousin. It was an extremely traumatic event and unfortunately, it is still not resolved today. His mother even dared become defensive of him saying something to the effect "why is she bringing it up now?" and then his sister recently said something like "maybe you were drunk too?" These are not only women, but God loving women who are obviously distorted about the damage their son/brother did. I honestly think if I had become pregnant and forced to marry him, he would've ended up with a knife in his heart, for real.
13
Women and girls are the property of their fathers until they are married and their husbands afterwards. Waiting for their maturity is irrelevant, because their opinions--whether as children or adults--are irrelevant. At least not relevant if they are different from the man that controls their lives.
This is how a truly Christian family apparently works.
7
I don't really believe this is wide-spread or widely accepted among Americans. I would need more than a few outliers to convince me. It smacks of Kristoff trying to let Middle Eastern community customs off the hook by showing, hey, we are as bad as them. It's the agenda, folks.
8
Nope. Just because you are fixated on (supposed) problematic aspects of other cultures doesn't mean we don't have problems of our own.
7
"Oh, and she was eager to discover sex. “I was a typical horny teenager,” she explained."
I've read material from the 18th and 19th Centuries, long before birth control, that expressed an urgency to get girls married before they got themselves pregnant. That didn't mean aged 11, but it did mean young.
Then again, people did not live much past 40 either. Even "educated" rich men had little formal schooling. Most families relied on the children to work, on farms or as apprentices. As a well known example, Ben Franklin had two years of school and then was apprenticed at age 12; he was on of 17 children his father had, of which 10 were with his own mother.
Life is different now. The laws are not. We have birth control, education, health care, and long lives. Now an early marriage derails a life. It just wasn't that way when the laws were written. They need to catch up; they ought to have a long time ago.
11
I'm not easily shocked, but his takes my breath away. Unbelievable.
4
Hey folks, I'm having a very difficult time tracking down Unchained At Last's raw data on the 248,000 child marriages between 2000 and 2010 claim mentioned in paragraph 6 of Mr. Kristof's piece. I know that the actual number was 167,000 and the other roughly 80,000 was estimated by the organization due unreported data from 12 states (plus DC), but does anyone have the official report or can anyone lead me to where I can read it even if it is behind a paywall? I want to see if I can organize the data to present to a community outreach meeting in my town into age groups: x amount of 13 year olds, x amount of 14 year old etc, an average age of this population, the average age of what the state calls their "spouse" etc.
Where is the photo and name of Dawn Tyree's then 32 year old rapist ? If any shaming is involved this is where it should start. And, of course, instead of shaming it should be prosecution and incarceration.
15
Disgusting ! Dawn I'm sorry this happened to you and that your parents chose the "what will the neighbors say " route . The man was not held accountable and was instead rewarded by this lack of parental interest in their child and this terrible wrong , and their rather benighted way of thinking .The neighbors find out any way and further stigmatizes the child by branding her precocious . A child having a child should be a sign something is very wrong , especially in this day and age . Child abuse is very much alive and sometimes those around choose to ignore what is happening , including the parents .
3
Outrage over outlier cases is a bad basis for legislation. Delaware may seem a wonderfully progressive state on the basis of their hard rule against marriage below 18 years of age, but overlooks that there unquestionably are instances in which younger persons may reasonably marry; it is likely that only a very small fraction of marriages where one participant is under 18 result from coercion.
Many states handle this more intelligently by interposing judicial or quasi-judicial oversight over marriage below the legal age above which license issue is required in the absence of extraordinary circumstances. This is not without risk that those who may grant exceptions will act wrongly or in error, but it probably is a better approach overall than an inflexible minimum age rather higher than the biological capability and sometimes maturity of individuals. It probably is true that many or most people under 18 are not mature enough for marriage, but the divorce rate suggests that may be nearly as true for those 18 and over; as in all cases, applying population statistics to individuals is invalid reasoning.
3
Our society has many laws that have an "inflexible minimum age" ... voting, drinking and consensual sex among them. We don't allow a 12 year old to have sex with an older person or allow a 16 year old to vote by permitting them to convince a judge that they're emotionally or physically mature for their age.
Judicial oversight works only if judges somehow become mind readers. It is all too easy for a minor, eager to please her family, to claim that she wants the marriage even if she doesn't. If there must be an exception to a minimum age (and you haven't explained why there should be), then it should require that two licensed psychologists, selected by the state, concur in the decision.
6
There is absolutely no good reason any person under 18 needs to marry. They can wait. I have never heard a good argument for needing to have children marry. I’ve heard the whole scenario about the girl’s boyfriend is in the army and he dies and she is pregnant etc. So what. This whole “child-born-out-of-wedlock” thing is so 1500s. We should have outgrown that one a long time ago. It is far more important to protect children from insane parents. There is no judicial oversight that will protect these girls. Most young girls will just do as their parents instruct them, put on a happy face for the judicial oversight and die inside.
It should be illegal for anyone under the age of 18 to marry. Marriage is for adults. We have set the age of an adult to 18. It doesn’t need to be more complicated than that.
14
Nick, you are the true "explainer in chief."
Showing us how a clear message, with powerful examples about any topic can move people to a change of thought and attitude.
That's what motivates people to action.
Always give us an action step.
People need to know what to do next.
You should work for the Democrats.
They need a person who can give them plain- spoken, popular, common sense messaging ideas.
The truth is most of us - right and left - are not that far apart on many of the issues facing the nation. In fact, most Americans lean slightly to mostly left on a wide range of issues - from abortion to gun issues to taxing the wealthy more.
Even immigration has a left lean from the public.
Wide support for DACA and path to citizenship combined with common sense guest worker programs that serve the country and better border control and humane procedures.
Trump is sorely out of step except with the radicals.
Here's hoping a Democrat emerges with a common touch and a friendly, clear voice that explains how closely united we are on some major issues.
I'd vote for you Nick.
3
Child marriage is accepted in many immigrant communities.
In some regions of rural Mexico and Central America, females may marry and become pregnant at age 14. Some of these married youngsters then make their way to our country, where they deliver their babies for free in our hospitals and immediately sign up for welfare.
Many mid-eastern cultures also condone child brides. In pre-war Syria, 12% of females married before age 18.
The Guardian had an article on 9/30/16 about migrant communities in Britain who force young girls to marry older men. It was titled "Revealed: the child brides who are forced to marry in Britain: Amelia Hill explores the scandal of ceremonies that lead to marital rape and slavery for girls as young as 12”.
We need to end child marriages in native born and in immigrant communities.
10
Modern America, climate change and science denying America, is a backwards country in so many ways, so many of them justified by a rigorous (as in rigor mortis) grip on stubbornly, superstitiously archaic "religious principles." No genuine religious principle (like the golden rule) could justify this.
7
Conservatives are sick. (All of them? How can anyone be a Republican in the face of such details. Find parity on this one! The one's who are not sick, then, need to start a new party. They will be losers, but they at least will have their souls.)
4
Marrying underage female children to their statutory rapists = female children are property equals not human beings in the USA. There is no sane reason for a sexually abused child to undergo this barbaric situation.
11
Another reason why home schooling may not be a very good idea. It allows these kinds of terrible transgressions against boys and girls to be safely hidden away from the eyes of school personnel. Which is exactly the point: keeping this good conservative Christian malevolency out of sight. Revolting and unacceptable.
Legislators, are you listening? This misogyny must not be tolerated, no matter what religion the perpetrators or enablers call themselves.
14
Note to parents who think this is the right thing to do: Older men who prey on little girls are not marriage material; they are pedophiles. I would feel differently if it were two teenagers, somewhere in the age range of 15,16,17. It would also have to be a consensual sexual act. The pair might even confess their love for each other. It would then be appropriate for the families to sit down and discuss the best options. Marriage with family support or waiting for both to be of legal age to wed.
Clearly what happened to Dawn is a different case. I hope she was able to move onto a happier phase in her life.
9
I can't understand why her parents aren't in prison. They abandoned their daughter to a pedophile. Why weren't they prosecuted?
15
Worse than 13 and pregnant? 13, pregnant, and married.
Worse than being abused? Forced to live with your serial abuser.
Worse than being victimized? Having your victimization sanctioned by the state.
28
A few caveats would permit some flexibility which is you can marry earlier with parental permission so long as child protective services comes to your home an investigative thorougly and the bridegroom isn't more than two years older than you are (and also a minor). Also no dropping out of school and no homeschooling.
4
Why is there a need to marry earlier? We expect young people to wait until a certain age to drive, to vote and to drink. What is so terrible about expecting them to wait until the age when they can legally enter into a contract before they can marry?
6
Hyperbole Mr. Kristof. They are willing partners mostly. Historically, women who are 13 years old always married. After all, because they can produce babies, they are women. Your assertion that this kind of relationship is rape is not correct. It is faux rape ie statutory rape.
2
Stories like these make me want to die.
4
Thank you for bringing attention to this issue. When I read your earlier article, I was shocked at how prevalent this practice is in the United States.
I took the liberty of sharing your earlier article with the Breitbart crowd when they were decrying the practice in Islamic countries and using it as a reason to dehumanize and threaten all Muslims.
Alas, it did not provoke the thoughtful reflection I had anticipated.
I hope we can all follow Delaware's lead and ban this abuse.
4
At a guess, these so-called parents would be horrified at the idea of what they think of as Sharia law in their communities. Why should their fears and fantasies be unpleasant to them? They themselves embody their own nightmares. There ought to be a law; it is shocking that there isn't, and at least Delaware seems to agree.
3
The law did not go far enough. We need to require a gonadectomy for anyone that is having sex with a child. The lawyers can fight over the details but I think if you are over 25 and having sex with someone under 16, you ought to lose your right to reproduce.
12
We consider ourselves to be a nation of civility and a beacon of individual rights. But within us is a subculture of perversion. Individuals who carry out perversions, and an even larger segment that enables it. In this case, the perversion is more than just sexual, it is in essence religion and culturally condoned slavery. And the perversion grows exponentially as the children scarred by this end up in their own cycles of dysfunction, and so on. Legislators and Governors for decades have refused to do anything. Why not. Evidence is clear that the cult of perversions is even within their own ranks. Look how hard it was for Alabama, with much prodding and help from around the nation to keep a pervert out of the Senate.
And lets not forget we made a person Pervert In Chief.
7
My grandmother at 15 fell in love, approached the 23 year old man. Happy marriage for 60 years. Was this perversion?
2
Tyree,
Thank you for being brave enough to step out of the shadows and tell your story and point out the hypocrisy of U.S. laws.
7
The real shame is with a culture that led to her parents belief that it was more shameful to have an abortion or to give the child up for adoption, than to marry their child off to her rapist. Unfortunately, in this country it is not okay to have this discussion in the open, so women and children suffer in the shadows. The woman said her father was conservative and didn't believe in abortion. So do conservatives believe in forcing a child to marry her rapist. I would hope everyone including conservatives would find this appalling.
15
If the parents know their daughter is pregnant by the man they want her to marry, if they don't report it to the police, aren't they guilty of abetting the felony of statutory rape or molestation?
Meantime, we're arresting 17-year-old boys who have consensual sex with 16-year-old girls. Sigh.
9
Home schooling is already a huge red flag and an abuse. Isolate the child from society. Let society not even be aware of the child's existence. What's to hide? What's to protect?
11
Conservatives just have to get over the shame thing and do the right thing: rejoice that a child is to be born and find a good and supporting family if abortions is off-table. There must be a Romeo and Juliet exception but pedophiles should be held accountable and humans will be humans and young people will be that.
3
Romeo and Juliet exist and exemptions vary from state to state. The age difference exemptions usually range from two to four years.
https://legaldictionary.net/romeo-and-juliet-laws/
Terrible, terrible story. The poor girl's rapist and her parents should all be behind bars. I have a 14 year old daughter and if someone raped her repeatedly, the police would be the least of their worries.
14
Trumpy's criminal attorney, Michael Cohen, or is that Michael Cohen, Trumpy's attorney who's committed crimes, has stated on record his one and only client, The Donald, could not have raped Ivana because a husband cannot rape his wife. Do you think, Mr. Kristof, that or anything that spews from either Cohen's or Trumpy's pie-hole makes sense, or has a legal leg to stand on?
Godspeed, Robert Mueller. We highly await your conclusions in this and many matters.
DD
Manhattan
5
People are required to pass a test before being allowed to drive a car. Maybe we should institute some test to allow them to become parents.
5
When I read that "we" allow this in America, I want to vomit. I am not part of that "we." I am constrained by right-wing fundamentalists from immediately ending this outrage.
This whole obscenity stinks to high heaven of religious fundamentalism, of course. In Trump's America, good luck making anything but the anomalous and infrequent dent in that criminal activity. Fundamanetalist religious communities hold their children hostage --- physically, mentally, and sexually. It's an atavism and an obscenity, but there you go. In America, religion remains a sacred cow.
Anybody who molests a young person is a pedophile and has committed sexual battery. Whether they are a family member, friend, stranger, neighbor, teacher --- off to jail they go. They should also be forbidden to approach their victim. If it's a father or breadwinner, we need to oversee their behavior granularly and ensure they do not reoffend, or that the victim is coerced into lying or submitting to the abuse.
Any such coerced "marriage" is a legalized crime. Any parent who puts their child in harm's way like that is complicit in a felony.
I am outvoted in this right-wing country with its anachronistic state laws. This is called injustice. "We" who think this is an outrage must vote, speak out, and work hard to protect s young people and punish those who molest and coerce them.
Calling these factories of pain "families" is a bad joke.
12
And conservative Christians want to lecture others about family values? This is so obscene, I can hardly stand it.
13
Just sick an sad.
9
Long ago I have written a paper why all parents should obtain license before they have kids.
This license should include educational classes.
1. Communications skills
2. treating kids with respect
3. Getting buy in from your kids
4. Dos and don't based on laws protecting children
5. Leading your children to make educated decisions
6. Problem resolution
7. .....
Parents should have continued education every 2 years based on their children age.
Children similarly should have classes teaching them of their rights starting in middle school.
Enough is enough!
Children are abused in schools, at home, by their peers....it needs to stop!!!!
Giving children tools, support, and empowering them based on their age is a key to stop child abuse!!!!!
Our government wastes so much money. We need to make laws more effective and educate children and parents.
www.letsspeakup.org
12
Consider the marriage motive of the child rapist. I am so sick of glorified references to American Rule-of-Law...as if all is well inside the courtrooms and statehouse.
13
A new form of terrorism against women. Disgrace!
11
New?
8
Ms Tyree’s parents are no different than tribal Afghani parents we read so much in the news (apologies to all Afghanis who differ). Religion, shame and family honor come first. There’s no room for decency. There’s no room for justice.
The scariest of all is that the Vice President of the United States is one of those. He himself claimed he’s first a Christian, then a Republican, then an American. Being a parent is a long after thought.
15
"The strongest opposition to a change has come from conservatives who argue that a pregnant girl should be able to marry the unborn child’s father. The idea is that such a marriage will avert an abortion."
This is such disgusting logic and makes me sick to my stomach. It's just one more way pro-life conservatives have ruined lives for so many people (no health care, no food stamps, et. al.). I feel so bad for these kids, and applaud Delaware's stance.
23
Agree with prohibiting marriage before the age of 18 in all 50 states. But, even if a family somehow ‘approves’ of a child bride, what stops a prosecutor from charging and prosecuting the husband for statutory rape in such a relationship? Resources?Cultural deferrence?
14
Great point!
I would imagine that the law cuts both ways... How can a minor consent to her own marriage?
Where are our state prosecutors on this issue?
7
What would you have the prosecutor do about sex between an immigrant couple, aged 16, who were married legally in Scotland?
1
A child cannot legally consent. She may even say, "Yes, I want to marry _______." But a child cannot legally consent to anything! I'm starting to see articles about molestation within evangelical/fundamentalist households. This is just the tip of the iceberg. I hope the media continues to peel the layers back on this. We allow pedophilia in god's name, and it has to stop in god's name.
22
We are such a pious country giving lectures to other countries about how they should act. Look at our marriage laws, look at our criminal justice system, look at our foreign policy and look at our President. We are in no place to be lecturing anyone about anything.
17
Anyone who does not understand the egregiousness of this sexual child abuse should watch the Jennifer Fox HBO true story "The Tale". Laura Dern portrays the adult who as a 13 yr old was groomed for intercourse by her coach. It is gut-wrenching and difficult to watch, but it leaves no one thinking that this answer to child rape is OK!
10
Religious extremism is cultism, whether you label it Islamic Taliban or Christian Evangelical. And, oh yes, let's not forget the tax breaks that bestow credibility; the better to abuse and channel young impressionable minds into submission with. It's time for humanity to grow up and stop ruining young peoples lives.
10
If there is a better example of lack of regard for females than child marriage to their rapists, I'm hard pressed to imagine what it is. The reasons for it are disgusting, religious beliefs, embarrassment for the parents, not valuing young daughters. In Washington, we are governed (so to speak) by an immoral president, a hypocritical uber religious phony Vice President and a Republican Congress of utter cowards and while this is not particularly germane to the child marriage issue, the fact that we are going backward in policy in that realm does not bode well for our future. When Trump ran for president he claimed falsely (as always) that under President Obama's leadership, the country was being laughed at, our approval ratings internationally were terrible. Since then, he has made that lie a reality and still his cult continues to believe him. Suspect if challenged on that point, the cultists would approve, who needs allies? Well cultists, you will find out soon enough what it's like when the nation is isolated and out maneuvered by our allies and our enemies. You have placed your trust is an ignorant egomaniac, turn off Fox and start fact checking Trump.
I wish the best for the former child brides who are still young women and who have shaken off the shackles their parents placed them in.
8
Go figure, this is a situation inflicted upon children by "religious" conservatives. Sharia law has always been here, masquerading as conservative, fundamentalist Christianity.
20
I do not, and never will, understand how the life of a fetus is more important than the life of a young girl. This is heartbreaking.
15
I would think any judge, presented with a petition for exemption for marriage, should order a social service consult and investigation for sexual assault of a minor. And any healthcare professional caring for such a girl (not woman by any means) is a mandated reporter and as such should be held accountable for NOT REPORTING suspected child abuse.
14
It is not enough to be angry, horrified, sarcastic, and shocked. It is more important to take action.
What can we, the educated readers of NYT, do to let our legislators know that this is not the American we envision. I would love some guidance on this!
We have to act against such cruelty in our backyard before we go telling other nations how American will not tolerate human rights violations!
5
Write your state legislators and passionately explain the importance of changing your state laws! Attach a couple articles which speak you you the most - Kristof had another one in the past, I believe, and the Washington Post had an excellent one. With a quick search I could find no pending bills in S.C., but there may be one in committee. And, contact Unchained at Last and Tahirih, and ask what you can do.
7
I am continuously amazed at the definition of a Christianity. It always seems to directly contradict what I learned what it was.
8
You were going along nicely until this paragraph:
“I understand the goal. But in practice, these marriages involving child brides often don’t succeed and frequently lead to marriages between a young girl and her older rapist.”
You had a chance to convey statistics and facts to us but instead you decided to devolve into anecdote. “Often” and “frequently” for all we know could be statistically insignificant numbers. Societal decisions like this should be based on the greater good. You may be right but you are not convincing. Judges are out there for a reason. Give them discretion to handle different situations. Your approach and that of Delaware is as likely to do harm as good.
4
Mr. Kristof that you for continuing to make us aware of these horrors within our country and around the world. You remain our national conscience.
6
Please know that domestic violence shelters in New York admit survivors at age 16. The myth that a survivor of intimate partner violence must be 18 to access services contributes to the high rates of violence among this age group. You can check out Day One here in New York for more info or support.
12
“My dad is conservative, so abortion was not an option,”
This is their excuse... It's always been
I've seen this happen a lot and very few, very few parents have come to their daughter or sons rescue.
In my experience, I see this pattern on puritans and retrogade people, who in the name of God or the church cover the most unspeakable acts. It's all about them and what the people will say, because they have to protect the hypocrite life they live every day.
Anyone who make their daughters to go through such horrific ordeals after already being abuse should be investigated by Child Services and sent to jail for being an accessory for covering the abuse of a minor... No mercy.
12
"She kept the secret until she became pregnant. At that point, her parents were upset — presumably at the rapist, but also at the prospect of scandal. “My dad is conservative, so abortion was not an option,” she recalled, and she said everyone told her that her only path was marriage."
Her "dad" should be prosecuted for child abuse.
20
Very troubling article but are any of us free if one of us is not, chained to a horrible life? It's very sad that pride would cause parents to harm their children in such a way. It's even sadder that the pro-life folks think themselves Christians because how can you be a Christian when you don't do as Christ taught? How can you be a Christian and hate and fear and sacrifice your children for your so called family honor. I don't understand.
7
I don't understand why this is only an issue of when a child is legally able to marry. Here in Washington state, the laws say that it is illegal to have sex with a person 16 and under unless the two are married. Well, if a 20 year old man gets a 13 year old girl pregnant and they get married AFTER that, it would be very clear to anyone who investigated that the man had sex with the underage girl when she was not married. This is very different from a situation where, say, a 17 year old boy marries a 15 year old girl and she gets pregnant after the wedding. All you have to do is look at the date of the wedding and the time the baby is born, or at medical tests that indicate the time of conception. If the time of conception is before the marriage, then it's rape of an underage person. Allowing marriage after a rape to suddenly make the sex legal is like assaulting someone and then expecting to have charges dropped because you offer to pay for the medical treatment. So I am wondering - have any prosecutors followed this line of reasoning? It seems to me to be a very clear-cut way to prosecute a rapist who decides after the fact that becoming a husband means he isn't a rapist.
10
If someone is married at 13, some official has to agree it is legitimate. It is a state issue. There are ways the feds can put pressure on states to change that occurrence and they have done that. But it is still state by state. There is another situation that states control. There are states when a convicted rapist can apply to have visitation rights. Forty-three other states and the District of Columbia have legislation that offers at least some protection but not complete. In some states, a mother must apply for termination of rights when the child is from rape and incest. This should be automatic. Consider the rape and incest victim who think they are safe but one day are confronted by a paper stating the rapist or incest perpetrator has just found a lawyer who will help him have visitation rights. This is also a state issue. My state has very specific laws that absolutely prevents a person who conceived a child from rape or incest from ever have any rights. The feds can put pressure on states but this will have to be a state action. One reason this occurs is that most people can't imagine it could happen and won't if they don't hear about it. When was the last time the NYT ran an article about this horrible situation?
4
Dawn Tyree, you are the definition of a true survivor, and I honor you. My thoughts and prayers go out to you for continued hope and strength.
4
I am not in favor of making teen marriage illegal. North Dakota currently allows 16 year olds to marry with parental permission and outlaws it for those under 16. That seems like a good compromise, especially since it will be a rare parent or judge who will give that permission. It is still quite possible to prosecute for what happened prior to a marriage. I am aware of one 30 something man who was prosecuted and is doing jail time for his relationship with a 17 year old, even though she married him as soon as she turned 18.
The laws in this country are far too confusing. Why do some states prosecute 11 or 12 year olds as adults or assign lifelong consequences for crimes to 14 year olds but want to treat 17 year olds as children when it comes to marriage? I don’t think it’s appropriate to try anyone under 16 as an adult, even for very serious crimes, because of their recognized immaturity. The same should probably apply to marriage.
10
Getting married and not menopausal?
Mandatory pregnancy test.
Positive results?
Counseling to include other choices-like not getting married "because you had to." Such marriages are bad to disastrous.
Since we are now in the evangelical world they need to step up to the plate and either provide abortion or provide meaningful alternatives to the supposed safety net of marriage: housing, education, jobs and childcare for the women and children.
Depending upon the circumstances of the pregnancy, rape, charges against the man involved. Pedophiles married need to be removed from society.
6
If these marriages are an example of pro-life thinking and justification for avoiding abortion, it sickens me. Any one who loves their daughter and wants to help her after the trauma of rape, would see that she had an abortion, not ruin her life by marrying her off at 13 to her rapist. These parents are depraved beyond my understanding.
264
Agreed. The parents of these girls belong in prison.
9
It’s becoming less hard to believe these horrible situations exist in our dystopia of a country. I’m convinced nothing actually matters anymore, so why not. Hillary Clinton had it right, when she said there is a segment of our country that is deplorable. Religion is usually the common thread too. We have to hit a rock bottom before things can get better and these cockroaches go back into their dark corners of society, but we’re not there yet.
209
It should be simple. If you can't vote, you can't get married. If you can't drink legally, you can't get married. This is not a third world country. We should never allow children to get married. Let kids be kids, not raise kids!
141
That should also apply to buying a gun. There should be one age of majority for everything; marriage, voting, gun ownership, alcohol, and everything else. This hybrid system of 18 for some and 21 for others is asinine.
11
It would be valuable in this instance to know what social demographic this girls parents were at the time. Moving to Texas is almost a red flag-I'm a native Californian and we do have the gamut of people here. Including the conservative Southerners who would turn back the clock here if they could.
It happens in all groups, but I can just imagine what a lack of compassion her parents had. They basically ran away from her and her social reality, possibly to retreat to a society where they would not stand out.
36
People should be able to do what they want, no one here is in a position to dictate another's life.
Next.....
10
People are not free to abuse their children. There are laws that dictate how children are to be treated. Obviously, because some parents are so evil they can not or will not protect their children, we need more laws, starting with raising the age at which it's legal to marry. If we cannot depend on parents to do what's right, then the law will have to decide it for them.
165
So in a rape of a 13 year old is the child doing what he/she wants or is the rapist? Whose right takes precedent? By your illogical statement, would you also condone murder as being able to do what you want? Society needs rules to function at even a basic level, and protecting children from sexual predators should without question be one of the rules.
7
The young woman described in the article did not have all that much choice in the matter.
Next...
6
That these things happen is abominable. That any state allows this is nothing short of state sanctioned child abuse. That anyone uses the cloak of religion to do this demeans all religions. That any religion would condone this begs that this " religion " be publicly labeled a criminal cult. That they think a rape can be a absolved by marriage denies the purpose of rape, power and control by the use of mental and physical intimidation to the possible point of death, without responsibility. That anyone including the parents, the court or the Minister condones this puts them on equal footing as the rapist and should be treated accordingly.
80
"My father was a conservative and against abortion", thats all one needs to know to understand.
91
I cannot believe it. Delaware is the 'First'(!!!) to ban child marriages without exceptions? I had thought child marriages in the U.S. were banned. That was the Law. Period. Parents or care-givers are severely penalized even for a disciplinary slap on the bottom. But the parents of a child can marry their child off to child molester who has repeatedly sexually assaulted their child, traumatizing the child forever. The parents decide because the minor cannot.This is absolute abuse of parental rights and responsibilities. Banning child marriage especially to a molester should be Federal Law. It should'nt be left to the states.
And ironically, we are sanctimoniously preaching to the rest of the world with these obnoxious, inhumane practices. I am not saying we should'nt. We do have to speak up. But we also have to put our house in order first!
50
This article makes me sick. We all know (or should know) that we still live in a patriarchal society and it is shameful for this (former because of trump?) first-world country in the 21st century. Laws have always been biased against women (not to mention against people in minority groups). Having been barely a teen in the 60's, I'm saddened by young women's attitudes today that take for granted what previous sisters have fought for and don't seem interested in pushing for more since we are clearly not there yet. Children should not be molested, raped, and impregnated--where is the disgust!
46
This is simply more evidence that "traditionalists" amongst conservative Christians are dangerous to themselves and particularly their daughters. They've fully embraced the Old Testament meme of woman as temptress and I bet that in their heart of hearts they even blame their child and not the rapist. They are as twisted and sick as any group - they need to compare themselves to the Fundamentalist Muslims the rail at so much. How much worse can you be than to to condemn a child to a life with the man who raped her? How twisted can you be to see your child as the villain instead of the criminal? This is a sickness that needs to be stamped out.
73
It seems these stories all include “deeply religious” in the description of the families. That should be a mark of shame for religious people.
50
Believing any of these religions "of the book" should be a mark of shame for anyone who can perform critical thinking, and who understands science and modern reality. Those religions were all created during iron age times, when people weren't sure what caused physical phenomenon. Solution: invisible man in the sky.
1
"Religions of the book" include Judaism, Christianity, and Islam, each with various branches and practices. Condemning them all is a serious overreach.
Why do you call Dawn Tyree's nightmare ordeal "statutory" rape. It was straight out rape with the her parents adding multiple levels of horrors to her ordeal. And multiple variations of these types of crimes happen over and over in this society.
Statutory rape applies even when there is consent, genuine consent, no matter how positive the experience is for the people involved. Of course many people think there is no way for there to be genuine consent or genuine pleasure or anything genuine about it. Or even if they think positive experiences are possible, it applies to such a small number of people that their dignity, freedom and autonomy should be sacrificed for the greater good. I think this position is punitive, authoritarian and criminal.
This reminds me how Nicholas justified the execution of Ricky Ray Rector. In that case he opposed it but thought well it's worth it because it helped get Clinton elected and better him than the alternative.
14
Let's talk about another aspect of older men victimizing children. It's about control. It's about dominance. It's about predation.
These are men who are seeking inexperienced sexual targets, young people who are just beginning to explore their own sexuality. Whether it's because they are so insecure in their own sexual capabilities that they can't deal others on an equal basis, or whether they simply want to be able to completely dominate the relationship, it's inherently impossible for there to be any kind of balance under those circumstances.
43
The horrible situations described here are almost always dictated by religious beliefs. These believers also believe that morals are not possible without religion. Apparently logic is not universal to our species.
41
I cannot find the words to express my anger and frustration at the way we treat our girls and our women.
We like to point our fingers, justifiably, at Muslim countries and how they treat their women.
But in the meantime we did not give women the right to vote until 1920. We allow our politicians to chip away at a woman's legal right to be in charge of her health and have an abortion. Women are still discriminated against in higher education. And 55 years after he Equal Pay Act, American women on average still only earn 80.5 cents for every dollar a man earns.
And as for our girls, we tiptoe around the fact that grade-school girls are raped and forced into marriage with their rapists.
Have we no shame?
67
Mr. Kristoff
I have a general question. It has always stumped me that chemical castration is not used more in the reduction of sex offenses. They always repeat and repeat the offenses. Communities have to constantly monitor the residences of convicted offenders. The root cause for serial killing etc. seems to be a sexual satisfaction (usually male). Medicaid will purchase viagra but not pay for abortions. Just confuses me.
18
Chemical castrations are actually pills they have to take every day. You trust these clowns to actually take them every day? Then you clearly haven’t met one.
2
So what's the condemnation about polygamy about and yet this appalling fact continues? This so reminscent of some past or current culture that is so strongly patriarcal, atavistic and tribal in the present. Yes to the point by one reader who pointed out there should be social workers present at these marriages, and yes to the point about 21 being the age to purchase alcohol. How about entering the armed forces? At least 18 yrs. Or driving? Etc. Some judges in small rural counties do not have to be lawyers but are simply elected. States do not track this, obviously, but perhaps things will change for the better. They should.
9
I recently moderated a discussion group on this very topic including Sheree Johnson’s case , at my senior community, pointing out Florida’s new law with 17 as a minimum for marriage without parental permission , as long as the spouse to be is no more than 2 years older. However , there are exceptions still that allow younger to marry, including pregnancy , but with parental approval and judges approval. Still not good enough, in the groups’s opinion, as social pressures and familys’ willingness to hide shotgun marriages continue . Interestingly many in this group of an earlier generation married at 17, with the primary regret being curtailing of their education.
17
Dios mio. I don't think you should be allowed to get married until at least your 20's! When I think about the arc of my life, and take in the empirical observation of hearing the arc of all my closest's lives, what I hear is that we come into ourselves in our late 20's. The journey continues, but that's where solidification merely begins to happen. Too, studies show that your brain does not finish forming until sometime in your 20's. The idea that any teenager at all should be making, what we hold up to be such a profound commitment and for forever, in her teens should not be allowed by any state.
15
One idea would be to change the status of 'child bride' to 'child'. In that sense, marrying a child means adopting a child, who remains a child under the law, not a 'wife'. The responsibilities to a child are a heavier burden than the duty to a wife. This means the marriage is technically an adoption and subject to strict rules around adoption, including the duty to provide care and education, never to mistreat, never to move to another jurisdiction without permission, periodic State surveillance of progress, etc. Potential husbands and the parents would be clearly informed of the rules, on penalty of annulment. I'd bet 90% will back out of any idea of marrying a child.
10
Perhaps this country isn't as great as it thinks it is after all. We are moving backwards, not forward. All men are created equal? Sure they are.
11
Sometimes you can't take the worst case and present it as the rule rather than the exception. Dawn Tyree was molested and raped. She had an extremely damaging childhood she should have been protected by her parents and courts.
This is just one piece and can't cover the subject from every angle. If a sixteen year old was dating a 19 year old technically the courts could call it rape but most police and prosecuters wouldn't take it to trail. Can I point out a recent best picture nominee involving a 24 and 17 year old . You have to take it case by case before crying rape.
8
Well, this law takes it 'case by case', so what's your beef? In THIS CASE (and thousands of others) it's very clear cut. Why do you have to bring up non-crimes as issues that don't need to be solved, then whine that this doesn't solve them?
25
The law doesn't take it case by case . Delaware just banned marriage unequivocally for anyone under age 18. If nick is good at anything it's at presenting the exception as the rule.
I can hardly belive this
10
All the parents in these stories are Republicans. Good, Christian, Republicans.
26
/an underage girl fleeing an abusive marriage is legally a runaway/ Of all people, Kristof should know better. It's not the abusive "marriage" that she's fleeing. And on that note: can we please retire the creepy expression "her [sic] rapist"? She's not the agent here; she's not responsible for the crime; and I bet money the man who raped her (a bit wordier but far clearer) did rape and went on to rape many others.
12
The rape of the Sabine women is the model for this behavior. Patriarchy never changes.
9
Wow. So conservative Christians will endorse rape and slavery (let's face it, that's what it is) because of embarrassment or abortion.
That's just plain sick. There's no two ways about it.
39
Hey, #MeToo#, there is something worthy of your attention!
How is it even thinkable, let alone legal for authorities, presumably civil and church, to give permission to such sham marriages without raising alarm bells? How come, they don't investigate, how the pregnancy of a teen or even pre-teen came about? They can not possibly be too morally corrupted not to know, that a 12 or 13 years old girl can not have consensual sexual intercourse with a man many years her senior. Why don't they immediately pursue rape charges?
If so-called "christian" parents of these rape victims want to avoid unwanted attention in their "conservative" circles, they should help their daughters arrange for adoption or, even better, for a nice, secure single parent home for their girl and sue the living daylight out of the rapist for child support payments.
16
What the heck kind of people leave an 11 year old girl with a 32 year old male nanny? Defies belief.
37
It makes no sense. There is more to this story.
1
In this country such child sex trafficking is most likely condoned in the name of "Jeeesuuus!" No doubt other countries and cultures have their own religious "bon-vivants" who are somehow always in favor of men having their way with the world. It is a blind and disgusting state of affairs!
6
Somewhere among today’s comments, Erik from Dayton mused “you have to wonder what makes conservative Christians tick”. My response: call them conservative if you would like, but they are really fundamentalists. And they aren't just Christian but permeate every religion on earth. No matter the religious base, fundamentalists are steadfastly literal & never value girls & women beyond their ability to breed & provide pleasure for men.
Fundamentalists practice mind control through inculcation, & one of their main tenets is always female purity. Not only is that purity the goal that a female should strive for, it's her duty to ensure it as a source of pride for her family. Even though a man who rapes & impregnates a teenage girl is clearly a pedophile, it's the girl who is at fault. If she had a pure heart, then the rape would not have happened. For her father & his family to remain unsullied in the eyes of God, she must be married to her rapist to be restored. The marriage then brings relief for her father & more pleasure & control for her rapist-cum-husband.
So you see, there is no way for a girl to win. And, again, fundamentalism isn’t reserved for Christians alone. Fundamentalists are everywhere & they all devalue girls & women. They also sacrifice them at the first suggestion of male discomfort or embarrassment.
54
I’m reminded of the “Purity Ceremony” where young girls promise their fathers to stay pure and virginal until they marry. The fathers promise to protect their daughters virginity for her future husband. Everytime I read about these rites it sickens me anew. As you might suspect there is no corresponding “Purity Ceremony” for boys.
I also hate the entire giving the bride away. It symbolizes one man handing off a woman to another man. When I married I gave myself away.
So many rites that occur in our “modern” American culture are rooted in the misogynistic control of women and girls.
http://www.patheos.com/blogs/progressivesecularhumanist/2014/03/creepy-c...
Make it 21. Then Mia wouldn't have married Francis.
1
If this doesn't break your heart, I don't know what would.
19
Sherry Johnson's parents should be jailed along with her rapist. If Dawn Tyree's parents are not already dead they should be thrown in jail until they are.
27
I shuddered when I read what happened to Dawn Tyree, and I blame her parents; they were so self-involved they did nothing to protect her and put her in a dangerous situation. Yet she, as a child, did everything she could to protect them. When parents are this neglectful, self-invloved, selfish and abusive, a child like Dawn needs other, truly loving and supportive people she can turn to. Better laws can be a start. But overall, our society needs to become less harsh and more nurturing to its children.
14
Note the consistent presence of religion in this abusive exploitation.
Religion supports patriarchy, diminishes women and subjects children to the perverse whims of men.
Just one more reason not to abandon reason in service of manipulative Christianity
16
Actions like this are simply primitive. It is time for all ultra-religious conservatives to modernize their attitudes and live in modern times with updated moral codes. Unfortunately evolution in both physical and cultural realms takes a long time.
7
Wow, talk about blind spots! Thank you for this column. Reporting on ugly situations such as this is certainly more important than the Royal Wedding, for example. Changing the child marriage problem will not happen with Regressive majorities in government, so getting out the vote is critical in yet one more way. This is very upsetting: I had no idea. So, the fix is, no marriages before the age of 18, for anyone. That is still too young for most people these days anyway. Oh, and I look forward to the tortured logic the Regressives will employ to defend the status quo! "Tradition, tradition----tradition!"
4
minimum legal age leads to statutory rape problems despite of consensual sex. That hits boys very hard. They have to go to jail for having consensual sex with their girlfriends
3
There's no such thing as "consensual" sex with a minor.
1
Speaking as someone who was a religiously raised parochial school pre-teen in the 1960's, I can say that it is possible for an 11 year old pregnant girl to not know what sex is, to believe babies are miraculous blessings from God on High and to have been raped or "taken advantage of" and to have not known what happened and to have blocked out the pain of it at the time. Depending on the age difference between the pregnant girl and the likely father and in the absence of trial-worthy testimony, "the system," including church and perhaps social services, generally opted to protect the male at the expense of the girl. Girls were thought to be occasions of sin. (A priest once told me that girls sometimes have to suffer like Christ so boys can keep clean records and support wives and children down the road.) In socially patriarchal religious cultures, child marriage allegedly preserves family - for someone anyway. In the absence of child marriage, the girls were generally exiled from their born flesh and blood sons and daughters. Sometimes interfamilial arrangements were made so the girl could help care for her child, but generally amid stigma, marginalization and lies. What is in the best interest of an 11, or 13 year old pregnant girl? Even today, poor girls, uneducated girls, and girls and women raised religiously are blamed for the biological reactions of males. Many people are nostalgic for the past and Nick Kristof's article suggests the past isn't over. Watch out.
24
It's unbelievable that statutory rape is legal if you force the child to marry and live permanently with the abuser. One more example of how institutionalized support and cover up of sexual assault and abuse is prevalent in ways most of us didn't even realize. States need to follow Delaware's example and close this loophole that allows adults to marry children.
12
"BYHAWS" indeed. Also, "MSGTACTH"...my soul goes to a corner to howl.
The most dispiriting (crushing) thing about being a sentient adult in this decade is having to accommodate the reality that the sexual abuse of children, once thought relatively rare, is so stunningly prevalent.
Men with girls --sometimes their own daughters --imprisoned in basements, sometimes in cages-- and forced to bear children. Priests, teachers, coaches, politicians, actors, bankers, hedge fund managers, movie directors...abusing women and girls just because they can.
How does this happen?
As this article clarifies, sometimes--often-- the rapists have very efficient, handy and eager aiders and abettors in a corrupt patriarchal system designed to safeguard men, even the criminal ones, at all cost.
I have questions for the judges who marry pregnant thirteen-year-olds and the doctors who help deliver their babies...where was your moral compass? Did you have no questions? No concerns? No ability to be shocked by what you were midwiving into being? And I'm not talking about the baby.
These men could not get away with this if we stopped normalizing depravity by making excuses and actively enabling. The onus is on us to be the firewall that stands between the abuser and the abused; the latter's only hope is that other adults will act on concerns.
Congratulations to Deleware. Other states should instantly follow suit and should be ashamed that it took them this long.
13
The problem is not forced marriage; the problem is religious practice that made sense 1,000 years ago but no longer does.
It is not surprising that persons who believe the world was created in six days, or the Ten Commandments on stone tablets were handed to Moses by God, will make sub-optimal decisions -- in this case the failure to terminate a pregnancy by rape.
If your religion ruins your life, find another religion that doesn't.
6
So, at what age does a woman have full agency?
3
So, what does it take for you to recognize the reality of sexual exploitation and abuse of children?
2
I know outrage is part of your M.O., Nicholas, but without knowing more, I'm hard-pressed to share your outrage and respond with a broad-brush approach....
Your approach is a form of cultural colonization, that is woefully inadequate as a problem-solving tool....
4
It should no longer be 'God bless America' but 'God help America'.
11
This story is a clear explanation of why evangelicals voted, and will vote for Trump, they see nothing wrong with grabbing a person by the g........ Birds of a feather flock together, the saying goes, and here is clear proof.
9
In a perfect world (or even just a slightly better one) I would wholeheartedly agree with this editorial. No one under 18 should ever get married. It is almost universally a bad idea. However, it isn't just conservatives that think outlawing all exceptions is wrong. I am as liberal as they come with no ill-conceived illusions about the romance of early marriage or the necessity of two-parent homes, but exceptions clearly have a place. While it is certainly true that many young girls end up marrying their abusers, I am sure nearly as many get married to get away from an abuser, whether it be a father, a mother, or a brother.
You may argue that courts shouldn't promote expediency, but I don't want to be the one telling a young girl that she has to either endure abuse at home for several more years or send a parent to jail with no other possible choice available. In a world of imperfect choices, it isn't hard to imagine that convincing some judge that you should be allowed to marry a random guy as being the least bad option.
What we need isn't necessarily new laws... What we need is a heck of a lot more skepticism.
6
What's wrong with sending an abusive parent to jail?
1
So, you get abused and raped, and your reward is that your rapist gets legal rights to make your life a living nightmare?
Words fail. All you fetus lovers, how's about you spread your love to real live children, women, babies, and families. A fetus is only a life in potential, and only notably so after a few months. A living girl should be treated with love and respect. A baby needs a family. Caring for the family is better for the fetus than only caring about the baby you can't see yet.
27
The truth is that as far as women have come, we haven't come far enough. We are still being treated as property, passed from father to husband.
In today's world marriage is unnecessary. Women can be and are capable of being independent [of men]. Women can have and raise children on their own, they can make their own career and financial decisions. Why marry; where's the gain? Legal documents can be drafted for emergency situations. Parentage can be listed on birth certificates. Marriage is obsolete.
The parents of these young girls are solely at fault in everything and should be prosecuted along with the pedophile/abusers/rapists. The pregnancies should have been aborted.
Despite all safety measures, sexual assault can happen. Pregnancies can happen. How the 'responsible' adult parents respond to those situations is what matters. Marrying off a child--to her rapist--is further abuse. Setting age limits on when a person can legally marry with a parental signature isn't necessarily the answer, as it continues in states with those statutes in place anyway. No, what needs to happen is better, open communication between children and their parents, investigations into every child marriage request, prosecution of the abusers, and access to safe abortions.
7
The NJ Assembly shelved a vote last month on a bill that would make New Jersey the second state in the nation to ban marriages under the age of 18.
The bill (A865/S2528) was scheduled for final legislative approval (the Senate overwhelming approved it) but it was held over by objections from the orthodox religious community. That a religious community would object is deeply disturbing.
26
A highly cohesive community, religious or not, may provide an entirely adequate support environment for marriage and child raising by those younger, maybe a faire amount younger than 18. Similarly, a cosmopolitan and highly diverse community such as many large metropolitan areas and their suburbs offer may provide an inadequate support environment at any age. Liberals worthy of the name should be willing to recognize that, and also that sensible laws may need to provide a framework that takes both extremes into account.
This makes me unspeakably angry. Who can protect these children from their horribly, irresponsibly cowardly parents?!
11
When I read about “deeply Christian” families who condemn their daughters to a life of abuse I wonder what part of Christ's Teaching they are deeply committed to. Is it the one about it being better to have a milestone tied around ones neck . “If anyone should cause one of these little ones to lose his faith in me, it would be better for that person to have a large millstone tied around his neck and be drowned in the deep sea.“
It would appear that these parents need to purchase a few millstones and take a swim....if they are so deeply Christian.
There is no excuse for this abuse. Any state government official or religious leader who supports this abuse should be shamed until he or she resigns.
23
I will start by saying nobody should be forced to marry, I do not care about gender or if you are 13 or 60. The rest of the world recognises the age of consent to be 14-16, except for Bahrain where you have to be 21 (you can marry at 16) and the Asian countries where you must be married to consent to sex. The typical minimum age is 16 for young women to consent to marriage. China does not permit people to marry until they are 22 as a form of population control.
Nick did not get/give the full story here, which is likely to be far more sinister. Who leaves a 6th grader behind? I could understand a high school jr or sr. Cases like this should be prosecuted.
Nobody should ever be forced into marriage, ever, at any age.
13
Unchained at Last considers 17 year olds "Child brides". Since Mr. Kristoff waved this flag in this paper, there have been editorials here advocating lowering the voting age to 16. How do you reconcile that?
Don't 16 and 17 year olds have the right to consent to sex with their male peers and to get pregnant and then don't they have the legal right to perfect autonomy in whether they bear or abort that child? Why should they have the right to choose to marry and not have it marked as illegitimate?
Isn't 18 or 21 both just arbitrary ages to set? Frontal lobes don't mature until well after 21. If mental maturity is the criterion shouldn't we prohibit marriage and all other contractual engagements, military enlistment, driving and even sexual consent until 25? What objective criterion does nature offer for the age of appropriate mate pairing other than the age of fertility? If we were to apply traditional standards which involved mating soon after becoming fertile wouldn't we move the age of consent lower instead of higher?
Given the inability of the educated class to find time and money to reproduce before becoming infertile, shouldn't we allow people the freedom to marry at 14, bear and raise children, and THEN go to college and build a career in their 30's if that is their choice? Are we a people free to live by our own conscience or must we shape our lives to the sentiments of the NYT staff?
6
I am in favor of the age of 25 for all of the reasons that you mentioned. There are far too many people in the world and anything we can do to decrease reproduction is a good thing. My late mother who married when she was 15 years old because she was pregnant with me once said that it should be much harder to get married and much easier to get divorced. And she was a conservative but not a raging “Christian”. Finally not everyone wants to reproduce. I made a conscious decision not to have children and it is a decision that I, now 63 years old, have never regretted for one day.
6
KBronson
Why should there be a problem with different age restrictions for different things.
I favor no marriage until 19; no smoking and no weapons until age 25; drinking at 16 only at restaurants with food served and parent present, otherwise drinking at 19; no driving until 18; unless parent in car (in which case at 15); and voting at whatever age you can do it without assistance (with time limit of 5 minutes)!
2
I get so upset when western media adopt a patronizing attitude towards similar issues occurring in South Asia and Africa; they should first address the skeletons in their own cupboard. And I am sorry to say, the NYT (which otherwise is a favorite of mine) has had one of the most patronizing attitudes.
4
Why pointing out wrongs about a inhuman behaviour would be patronizing?
7
It is horrible being a child bride. But what about being a child mother? Pregnancy and childbearing are physically and psychologically difficult even for an adult woman. How can a 13-year-old be subjected to thus wrenching experience? Just because one part of her organism - her ovaries - is mature enough, doesn’t mean the same for the rest of her body and mind.I know that had I accidentally become pregnant at that age, my mother would have stolen, begged or borrowed enough money (we were poor then) to pay for my abortion. A mother who is willing to let her child undergo nine months of hell and then force her to give away her baby or to abandon all hopes of normal life is not a mother but a monster.
19
Thank you for bringing attention to this form of child abuse. It is abuse by both the man involved and the parents or authority figure who coerces the young girl. It is especially dangerous for the girl to have a child at such a young age when her body is not mature enough for birth.
This is morally repugnant in the same way that pedophiles try to mask their abuse with concepts about "love" between a man and boy. There is no such thing. This is sexual abuse, and it is child abuse. A girl does not have the emotional or psychological maturity for this kind of decision, and despite what perverts think, her body is not mature enough either.
Age of consent laws are critical. Young people have all kinds of age laws about drinking or going to war. Marriage needs maturity.
12
...we’re finally ending this relic from a sexist past that is destroying girls’ lives,”
Also the lives of children born to parents who didn't want them.
This disgrace is called "prolife" --confusing mere biology-life with biography life.
As if mere life is all that counts, regardless of how miserable.
The prolifers should be held liable for costs of such damage--as well as therapy, education, health care--on and on.
It's as though they get paid by the number of births.
5
Thank you for this story. It shows that patriarchy is well and alive in the judicary of one of the most developed countries of the world. But doctors and hospitals, where the girls were treated and their babies delivered, also failed them by not reporting it as child molestation case. Unfortunatelyl the system works perfectly protecting predators rather than victims.
11
“The marriage was a way to cover up the rape. The marriage was a way to keep me from being an unwed teen mother. The marriage was a way to avoid any child services investigation. The marriage was a way to avoid child neglect charges against my parents. The marriage was a way to keep my husband out of prison.”
Clearly, none of these decisions were made by women.
11
A pair of 17-year-olds have sex and get pregnant. They and their families believe that they are in love, and want them to marry before the baby comes, so the child will be legitimate, which means before they turn 18.
This sort of thing has been going on forever. Both of my grandmothers were pregnant under-age brides who married to ensure that their children were born "legitimate." (Neither marriage was successful.) In colonial times, pregnant brides were very common, and often they were underage by modern standards.
But in the 21st Century, can we agree that, at the very least, they should be required to wait until they are 18 before they marry, the "legitimacy" of the baby notwithstanding? That someone too young in law to leave home, have sex, drink, or vote, is too young to get married?
That's the easy part. But according to current law, the boy is a rapist, as a 17-year-old cannot give consent. Should the love-struck boy go to jail for rape? The law does not specify gender, so the girl is a rapist too, since a 17-year-old boy cannot give consent either. Should they both go to jail?
We generally don't want to treat a 17-year-old who has sex with his 17-year-old girlfriend as a rapist. But what if she is 17, and he is 18? Or 24? Or 30? Where do we draw that line? And if we are going to give the 17-year-old boy having sex with his 17-year-old girlfriend a pass, what if she is 16? 14? Where do we draw THAT line?
5
I would like to know what is wrong with an 11 year old girl terminating the pregnancy from her rapist. I say that this is the correct course of action.
17
We need more women and minorities in state houses. Old white men have little reason to change these laws as they often receive benefits from the status quo. Kudos to Delaware and I am ashamed that New York allows such practices.
14
You say that shelters will not take underage youth. Is that in the past or now? Vancouver has Covenant House which I thought originated in the US. It is for street youth. I think a teen single mother would go into the foster care system. I think they are funded to live independently. Of course Vancouver BC has the same housing crisis that all the big West Coast cities are experiencing.
4
Tell me what you would have done.
A few years ago while teaching at an international school in Saudi Arabia, I had a chirpy, curious tiny 14 year old girl from Pakistan in my 9th grade class. (She dressed conservatively, but was well accepted by the diverse student population.)
Mysteriously she was absent for a couple of weeks, and when she came back I asked innocently what had happened. She told us all matter of factly that her father had just married her off to a man, a pharmacist who was 48. And now she was back to finish school.
A long moment of stunned silence followed. I thought I was ready to handle most anything that came down the pike after multiple stints teaching in different countries. But awkwardness fell across us all, and I couldn't seem to break through it.
After a week or two of her attempting to carry on as normal with High School classes, she vanished. I am still haunted by this moment. Somehow I failed to make it possible for this dear young girl/woman(?) to at least finish High School, but I confess that it was simply beyond me - and my students - to bridge this gap.
Where is she now? What is her life like? This was a cold blast from an obdurate past constructed by and for those who owned it. My God, what a waste.
19
I'm not sure you could have done anything. At least you gave her a good educational experience to remember.
One of the aspects of this type of child abuse here also is that it interrupts education, the gateway for future jobs and opportunities. Early marriage and especially early pregnancies take the girl's time and attention away, and it does create a barrier with the other children and young people.
She has moved outside her peer group into a prematurely adult role. We can only hope she/they can return to school later or get a GED.
6
I am finding it strange how the government somehow finds a way to treat a minor as a child and an adult at the exact same time.
A 13 year old is a child and therefore must be protected. Get a signature on a marriage license and POOF, she's instantly an adult.
It reminds me of something that happened in New Jersey 25 years ago in which the courts treated and sentenced a 14 year old boy as an adult, but then treated him as a child in another criminal case that was linked to the first.
9
We have to make it so that the shame of having an underage daughter who is married is worse than the shame of having a daughter who is an unwed mother.
Also, this is not India or Afghanistan! Whose opinion would shame anyone enough to hand their daughter (whom they supposedly love) over to a criminal/rapist? Are these people living in cults or maybe religious fanatics?
Any parents who arrange or consent to such a marriage should be hit with child abuse charges. All 50 states need to put laws in place to protect these young girls who belong in school and not in a rapist's bed.
20
We have spent this week watching the harsh condemnation of Roseanne Barr for her viciously ugly racist tweet about Valerie Jarrett. But how many people savaging Barr know that she was raised in a conservative Mormon home in Utah where she says she was physically and sexually abused by both her parents, and gave birth as a teenager to a baby she gave up for adoption? After that, at 18, her parents committed her to a psych ward where she lived for a year. Barr spoke candidly about all this in an interview in Vanity Fair back in the 1990s. I condemn Barr's horrific racism and agreed her show should have been cancelled. But vilifying Roseanne Barr and casting her out of society is also further punishment and a refusal to extend any compassion to a woman who apparently grew up without a safe place to live - her childhood home. The lasting results of such a traumatic childhood are visible in Barr's life and behavior now in her 60s. Many people have said this week that Barr used to be a decent person and not the weird conspiracy-supporting bigot she appears to be now. They ask "what happened to Roseanne?" The answer is very likely: her childhood.
17
From Pew report: "Two states, Massachusetts and New Hampshire, allow 12- and 13-year-old girls respectively and 14-year-old boys to marry with parental and judicial permission." Gross.
19
So, pro-life people, do you really believe a teen should be married to her rapist to prevent an abortion? REALLY? Protect the fetus and throw the existing kid to her rapist?
And you say liberals who are pro-choice lack a conscience. Good lord, this makes me ill.
75
These parents and molesters must be among the most callous, selfish people in the world, to subject a child to this abuse, followed by "marriage" so their lives can seem respectable and they don't get into trouble.
In fact, it's so callous and selfish it reminds me of the NRA who won't even give up assault rifles and large ammo clips because they're fun, even though they're meant for assaulting human beings, like kids in schools.
Well, I hope there's more than "hopes and prayers" for kids who are raped and married off to their rapists.
18
Why does America allow this abuse of children?? Sadly, child rape is common in this country, but rarely spoken about in the open.
“Epidemic: America’s Trade in Child Rape" by Lori Handrahan provides an in-depth expose of this horrific problem.
11
I recently read somewhere else that child marriage was available in 49 states and wondered what state was the outlier, and now Mr. Kristof fills in the details for me. I applaud Delaware for finally doing what should have been done decades ago, but I remain deeply disturbed by yet one more sign of the brutality that lies beneath the surface of America's conceit as the last great hope of civilized nations.
14
Wow. Wow. Kudos for shining light on this (again), Mr Kristof! When was a bill to outlaw this last tried in each of the states that allow it, and how did the votes go down? I imagine there is sexual child abuse behind the majority of the marriages, yet courts allow them. I wonder what those in their twenties think.
I live in California, which, I've just discovered, considered banning the practice last year: http://www.sacbee.com/news/politics-government/capitol-alert/article1390... reports on SB 273. The ACLU opposed it. A much watered-down version of the bill was then proposed. It died when a single Assembly Member, Calderon was allowed to kill it: Ian Charles Calderon, the Assembly Majority Leader.
If there is sexual child abuse behind the majority of the marriages, why do courts actively allow them? Surely such a license application should trigger an automatic referral to Child Welfare Services, yet I don't see that being on the books!
Perhaps the concept of a shotgun marriage made some sense when marriage was taken as a very serious commitment - when divorce was more widely frowned upon. But today the man the country apparently selected to occupy the White House is on his THIRD marriage! I just can't see the benefits of this exception being defensible today (except on religious grounds).
9
Sad thanks to St. Nicholas for this reporting.
There is only one mistake in this. “I understand the goal. But...” There is nothing to understand and there should be no buts. This is abhorrent, plain and simple and parents who do this should go to jail with the rapists.
12
You need a license to drive a car. Perhaps people need a license to be parents. Lots of parents foist choices on their kids for the convenience of said parents. If you are not old enough to vote, you should not be old enough to marry, even if you are a part of some religious cult.
8
Though it's obviously appalling that sexual abuse happens, I can't "get my head around" (as they say) that evolutionary reality that a girl can become pregnant at 11 (or 12—in pubescence; i.e., that pubescence happens so young). What's going on here? How is that clear immorality is "natural"? I'm sorry to ask the question, but it's fair anthropological question. Academically, it's fair to need to understand this.
3
This is just so reprehensible, and so out of tune with what our own government extols for other nations (yet again our example is do as I say not as I do). I just read another article that stated that there is a self professed white supremacist, rapist-pedophile running for Congress in VA. How can we let this stuff go on here? It is so wrong on so many levels and it just seems to be getting worse. I find it totally crazy that we have archaic laws that let children marry. It’s insane.
8
The Kansas City Star did a series on this in March. Our outraged General Assembly managed to raise the minimum age all the way up to--16.
For some reason I cannot post the links. Google Teen Marriages + KC Star
The Seal-in-Chief just signed 77 bills ahead of his 5:30 PM CDT departure--probably didn't make time to read what he was signing, just whatever his donors dictated. Not sure if this is the end of him, since Jackson County Prosecutor Jean Peters Baker (in Kansas City) was appointed as Special Prosecutor after the mess St. Louis Prosecutor Kim Gardner.
9
You can't buy a beer until you are 21. But you can get legally raped at the tender age of 14 and that's A-okay.
If this is what conservatism stands for, and it has as its foundation supposedly in religion, then this is nothing less than a cult. No moral compass, no empathy, no sense of right or wrong. How is this any better than the Taliban? (Oh, right, the girl is allowed to "live.")
As a mother of three daughters, my heart breaks while reading these stories....
Call me paranoid but I have a sneaking suspicion that we have right now somebody poised to take on the reigns of our government should Trump be impeached, who would sanction, or at least be comfortable, with this type of crime against humanity.
This is all beyond appalling.
21
For goodness sake !!
This is the USA. Its nor Afghanistan or Pakistan or a New Guinea Sepic River tribe. How can this be permitted to happen in a modern 21st Century country. Just appaling.
18
The parents leave a young girl with an unmarried man and are embarrassed by HER? They should be arrested for child endangerment.
49
This practise of Child Marriage is prevalent in Niger, Chad, Mali, Bangladesh, Guinea and the Central African Republic. I guess we are try to copy our "advanced neighbors". We think of ourselves as an advanced enlightened country. A uniquely free nation based on democratic ideals and personal liberty. This may be true of some aspects of American life but this practise suggests that we stop spreading the "American Way" around the world and bring ourselves up to practise in more civilized countries like France, Germany or Sweden. Nicholas Kristof does not say this but regrettably child marriage of this type is commonplace around the world.
7
It seems like this poor girls parents are almost as morally bankrupt as the pedophile rapist.
They chose a lifetime of hell for their daughter and possibly her children too.
There are better choices they could have made if they put their daughters well being first, as every parent should.
17
I’m a single 30-something teacher and completing my PhD. I’m perfectly happy to pursue my goals and remain independent until the right person comes along. While I do desire marriage and motherhood, I learned early that being sufficient and comfortable with myself was very important first. In the family generation preceding my own, marriage right after finishing school was advocated. My own mother was 17 when she married my father and often regrets her decision saying she was too young and wanted to finish her education (she eventually got her BS/MS in her 40s)!!) After becoming a single mom, she always told me “go to college, get a career, and be happy before you start a life with someone!” I followed her advice abd hope I can convey the same to my future children one day, should that be in the cards.
9
I have donated money to Unchained at Last. I'm glad to hear more about their work. It's so horrible what these young girls are forced to endure when older people, parents and rapists, are legally able to overrule them. It's sickening. I was fortunate enough to run away from home at age 16 and escape such a fate...
15
What's even more outrageous than the sexism of this practice is the view that children are possessions. Parents do not own their children; nor do judges have the right (or expertise) to make these 'exceptions' to the law; while a 13 year-old surely lacks the judgement to commit to marriage, even if voluntary!
We don't legally let parents otherwise abuse their daughters, but we do allow parents (and courts) to facilitate their rape?
15
While we're protecting children from marrying to young (a good thing) how about we ditch our hypocritical approach to all things sexual for minors. That means a child who is too young to marry at 11, 12, 13, etc. should also be too young to be taught 'safe sex' techniques and get contraception, which is an implicit permission and acknowledgement that they are making their own decisions about having sex. It seems that getting married too young is a much bigger problem than having sex and getting pregnant too young. This is why progressive policies often make no sense, are inconsistent, and create more problems than they solve - they are inherently emotional, illogical, and false beyond some narrow, relative focus for which they get implemented.
1
You have missed some important points- we’re not talking about 12 year olds marrying 12 year olds but grown men marrying very young girls. And in particular this article focuses on the fact that such lax marriage laws provide cover for molesters and rapists who are exploiting young girls. It also points out how marriage for the young is problematic bec marriage requires autonomous adults and so married children are in a weird legal terrain- not allowed to do many things that are essential to a healthy life or a married adult- like have a credit card or be able to rent a car or vote.
Progressives support healthy sex education for those young teens who are preparing to engage in typical behavior with their peers- boyfriends and girlfriends. That’s not abuse and exploitation and this is the key difference you completely ignore
19
Please check www.guttmacher.org or the Pew Research Center.
The % of 11, 12, and 13 year old girls having sex today is close to zero. About 5% of 13 year old boys have sex. Before that, their percentages are slightly higher than girls’, but close to zero also. There is plenty of factual information and reputable research from nonpartisan sources which proves that age-appropriate sex education does not encourage sex and reduces unwanted pregnancies and abortion. No political group is always right, but keeping kids dumb is truly the “inherently emotional, illogical, and false beyond some narrow focus” non-solution. We’d rather formulate and test new solutions, and prove or disprove them with evidence. We’d rather reduce harm than force failed ideas on and perpetrate harm to the next generation. Join us when you want to do the same.
5
A very young girl is 5 or 6, not 12. Forced marriage and early marriage is bad enough, it doesn't need to be sensationalized to further increase outrage.
Married minors become emancipated minors which does give them adult rights in most regards.
1
Why do domestic violence shelters refuse to take women under 18? That seems like an enormous blind spot - where are these teenage brides to go if they flee their horrendous marriages?
15
Why the surprise? If US women would wake up, they'd see they are 2nd class citizens, same as the 3rd world... And if you disagree, where's equal pay, family leave, the ERA (just passed in Illinois 38 YEARS later!), control of our bodies/health, etc.etc. etc.
24
Are these the" Family Values" we talk about so freely in America?
13
Spot on.
2
Raping a woman, including a child, did not even make it into the Ten Comandments. Yet one man coveting another man's wife did. This speaks volumes about America's Biblical "pro-life" culture. The raped woman or girl is always pays the consequences, and in many cases, she is considered to be the guily party. In fact, the Catholic Church teaches it is better to stay married to a wife- or child-abuser than it is for the woman to divorce the man. "Pro-life", indeed!
16
We need to hear more about who is running things in Maryland.
1
I mean Delaware.
I'm so sorry Dawn Tyree. This should never has happened to you.
17
Hats off to Dawn Tyree. To take on the world alone, at 16, to protect her kids, when nobody had protected her. Wow.
26
This has always been the face of what it means to be female in America, be it 1983, 1953, 1776 - or 2018. While its encouraging this nation is somewhat waking to find how hideously that females of all ages in the U.S. have been held hostage to molestation, harassment, rape and a range of patriarchal-religious beat downs, it remains to be seen if those chains will lift or just be another fleeting moment in time followed by more and worse blowback misogyny from the male powers that will resist change at all costs. Few things surprise me anymore about America, sadly. The U.S. finally passing the Equal Rights Amendment after a century might make some inroads in what a low opinion many females rightly have of the constant head patting, jingoism and lousy quality of life that males purposefully ignore. That asnd FINALLY getting evangelicals and Catholics out of policy and personal decisions regarding women's health and reproductive imperatives.
9
I am shocked. This is horrific.
4
This story makes me sick to my stomach. We need a Greta Rideout for this issue - any 11-year-olds out there with access to an attorney? Or who have a driver's license? Or who have even a debit card so you can escape your sick family? Visions of the movie, "A Coal Miner's Daughter" are all coming back to me...
6
"[T]he strongest opposition to a change has come from conservatives who argue that a pregnant girl should be able to marry the unborn child’s father. The idea is that such a marriage will avert an abortion..."
Unbelievable. We're not even talking about a young woman who is sexually active by choice and who, conservatives argue, should be made to bear the consequences of her choice. (I don't agree, but that's another conversation.) We're talking about a young girl who is FORCIBLY RAPED. She didn't make a choice; her rapist did! He should bear the consequence of THAT choice, which is prosecution. Forcing the girl to bear his child punishes her for nothing more than being female. It is hard to escape the conclusion that conservatives see that as the greater crime.
23
I think this should remain a state issue because states will be more responsive to the needs of minority groups among them. Amish and Chasidic couples marry young.
4
I don’t know about Chasidic families, but the Amish in my area are at least 18 when they get married, usually after joining the church when their “Rumspringa” period is over. In the marriage licenses for Amish couples their ages after often in the early to mid twenties.
8
Romeo and Juliet’s courtship did not work out so well? Maybe not, but then why is it such popular and powerful play.
1
The death by suicide of both Romeo and Juliet would indicate it was not exactly the positive,life affirming relationship that most people want for thermselves and their children. It resonates
2
It is called a tragedy for a reason- people are drawn to tragedy as much as happy endings. Popularity doesn’t mean a good outcome for the story
5
You have used the term “statutory rape” incorrectly. The cases you describe are rapes, period. Before states changed their terminology to “sexual assault,” statutory rape referred to sex between a consenting minor and an adult. However, below a particular age, such as 13 or 14, a child could not be considered to have consented and thus the act would be a rape, not a statutory rape. Today most if not all state penal codes include a defense to a charge of sexual assault that recognizes a window for sexual experimentation, wherein (a) the behavior was consensual and (b) one party is no older than a couple of years of the minor. Still, this window only applies to teens over the age of 14 (the actual minimum will depend on the state.) In some states the accused may use as a defense his or her belief (presuming the facts support it) that the minor convincingly lied about his/her age.
8
The definition of statutory rape used is correct. You can be a willing participant to sex at any age, but the law does not recognize consent when you are below the legal age of consent, hence statutory rape, which is legally different from rape.
Interesting that of this week there is but one state that has legally rejected child marriage in the US at the same time there is but 1 vote left to ratify the Equal Rights Amendment.
What a difference 1 can make.
8
Jerry Lee Lewis’ career was derailed by the revelation he had married his 13 year old cousin. That was over 50 years ago. Our legal system is kept at glacial progress by conservatives who claim to have moral high ground. Preserving the patriarchy is the real priority.
15
The US has plenty of laws that fall into the "Do as we say, not as we do" category. Child marriages are just one example, but a particularly egregious one at that. Dawn Tyree deserves our recognition as a survivor and also for her intelligence; she saw her husband as a threat to their children and left. It could not have been easy at the "old age" of sixteen.
I am heartened that Delaware has taken this much-needed step. Every state should jump to follow their humanitarian lead, but children's needs are sorely neglected by legislators, and their consideration of the needs and welfare of pregnant girls - and these marriages mostly affect this group - are simply beyond the pale.
11
I know two couple who married in their middle teens. Both marriages were successful, but neither involved rape or violence, and there was a lot of parental support involved.
One husband used to enjoy the disbelief of people who met their kids, because the whole family looked like children. When queried, he admitted they married at 15 and 17, and got the inevitable question: "Was the bride pregnant?" His answer? "Absolutely not! The baby was three months old."
8
Apples and oranges. In the examples you cite, perhaps both teen marriages were successful because 1) the kids were in love and 2) they were not forced to and most importantly 3) the young bride was not raped. Mr. Kristof is writing about the crime of rape wherein the victims’ parents allowed their respective daughters to marry at 13 and 14 to avoid scandal, shame and without regard to the fact that the girls were now legally bound to their tormentors — their rapists. Heinous.
12
NG, I specified that these marriages involved teen couples who dated, were in love, and got pregnant. They received a lot of help to finish their educations and succeed. These were not cases where young girls were victimized my older men or forced into marriage by their parents or churches.
Not every case is the same. I went to school with a girl who was in foster care because she had a child by her father, but he never faced charges. A sickening crime.
1
This story is horrifying and an affront to human decency.
The fact that this has happened once means that there's a systemic problem that needs to be changed.
24
Another great fail of religion and conservatism. And who is failed? Certainly not the white male conservatives.
23
Like the ultra conservative and religuous state of California?
Isn't religion wonderful. Without it where could we find such rich examples of hypocrisy and gullibility.
40
You say it well. Beyond time for the rot to be eradicated from civil society here in the 21st century.
The destructive practice of child marriage originates in our rabidly patriarchal Old Testament religion. Deuteronomy 22: 28-29 says that the punishment for raping a virgin is that the rapist must marry her and pay her father “fifty shekels of silver.” In Numbers 31—Moses orders the killings of all boys, men and non-virgin women. He then gives the virginal girls to his men to marry, rape or otherwise do what they please.
Even though most reasonable people see this as heinous, this kind of degrading thinking of women and girls permeates our culture and has led to these kinds of laws being written in the first place. Old Testament thinking on women affects everything in modern times from child marriage to abuses exposed in the Me Too movement. We need a new myth where the feminine and masculine within and outside each of us are viewed as equal and to understand that too much imbalance between the two leads only to heartache and chaos.
21
If the "destructive practice of child marriage originates in our rabidly patriarchal Old Testament religion" then why is it also pervasive in societies where polytheistic religions are the norm? Case in point, India.
In point of fact, child marriage was the historic norm throughout much of recorded history insofar as women were considered marriageable once they were "sexually mature", which is to say, menstruating and showing evidence of biological readiness to bear children. That has nothing to do with the Old Testament that you seem happy to condemn as history's primary source of oppressive, "rabid patriarchy."
6
It's all about power and control. When men stop feeling entitled to ownership of their spouse things perhaps will change. Until then we might as well be living in the Dark Ages. Feel free not to print this comment.
34
I lobbied my state legislators in California on this issue last fall without any success. Worse, not a single one would explain why they blocked the proposed legislation’s mandate to study the extent and effects of child marriage.
But what I found most dispiriting is that both the Northern Californian offices of the ACLU and Planned Parenthood opposed age limits on marriage. When contacted, neither organization would explain why they thought age limits were unnecessary. I am a lifelong member of both groups and felt betrayed.
(Someone told me it had something to do with the Supreme Court arguments made on behalf of same sex marriage, but I never could get anyone to address this angle, so maybe it’s false. I just am baffled.)
22
It’s hard to remain a member in the face of such blatant disregard of their own statues.
You write: (..."In) the face of such blatant disregard of their own statues." To which statues do you refer?
Abraham Lincoln (Patigian), Admission Day Monument, Ashurbanipal (sculpture), Benjamin Franklin (Washington Square), California Volunteers (sculpture),
Dewey Monument, Goddess of Democracy (San Francisco), Guardians of the Gate, Holocaust Memorial at California Palace of the Legion of Honor, Ludwig van Beethoven (Baerer), Mechanics Monument, Robert Emmet (Connor),
Roman Gladiator (sculpture), Simón Bolívar (Tadolini), Sun Yat-sen (Bufano), West Coast Memorial to the Missing of World War II.
The nature of the human animal is to procreate. The fact that females have only had options, and access to birth control, abortion, and the morning after pill starting 5 decades ago, hasn't moved the needle on teenage pregnancy much at all. Men have had condoms much longer. Most of child brides are the result of the deeply religious hold that Mormons, Evangelicals, the Catholic Church, Orthodox Judaism, and now those coming here from African and middle eastern religious backgrounds have, and made marriage, that when one gets pregnant, usually the only, and forced option, so there isn't the stain of pregnancy outside of marriage, is that the pregnant girl marries the father of the child, as soon as possible. Until, there is no religion anymore, and all girls are on some kind of birth control at the age of puberty, we will be having this same conversation 50 years from now. I am 70 but could live to be 100, as my mom is 97, so I won't be around for that conversation. in 50 years!
12
FYI, the Catholic Church refuses to marry minors and couples when the woman is pregnant as it is considered a kind of undue force that may not be present after the baby is born. The Church takes marriage much more seriously than the law or the larger population does and it insists that both men and women need to be free of any impediment to making a free decision and to understand the lifelong commitment.
17
Sadly, the church also then handled some if not many of those pregnant girls as sinful and fallen women. Ireland is still discovering horrors related to the flip side of that coin.
Actually, in places that provide honest sexual health education and access to birth control, the number of teenage pregnancies goes down. Whoda thunk it?
6
"...come from conservatives who argue that a pregnant girl should be able to marry the unborn child’s father."
In the above reference does " a pregnant girl should be able to marry..." mean in regards to the girl's wishes? Or is it the her Parents decision to make for her, or the Judge ruling on behalf of the State?
If it is the Girl's decision (which I doubt it would be) she would be too young to be able to decide for herself and no doubt anyway , would be under her parents influence/control.
Even conservatives I think, would balk at marrying off a child to the person who raped her and if they thought such a thing was acceptable, then they are (in thought and attitude if not deed) aiding and abetting a serious Felony and an obnoxious crime and completely unacceptable in any civilised country and their legal statute books.
As for any fundamental Christian parents who think to allow their daughters rapist to marry her without fear but with favor...so as to avoid their feelings and shame they wish to avoid...They are NOT Christians or follow the teachings of ANY God, they are utterly selfish, unfit parents who obviously care little for their daughter, her feelings, life and security...and should be jailed for such behaviour and evil toward another person , let alone the daughter they supposedly love.
10
I find it interesting that nobody is questioning that these marriages are solely about girls. Would the "law" still be on the books if an older person (man or woman these days) wanted to marry an underage boy? I'm guessing things would change rather quickly!
24
How many underage boys, do you estimate, might be forced into marriage because they were pregnant?
6
Blood...boiling..can't ...breathe. I've known/read/been aware of this and so many other similar atrocities for so long- but it never gets "easier" to read these personal accounts of this injustice.
It is not "avoiding embarrassment", it is being an accessory to a crime and grave child abuse. When the law catches up, I hope these families and communities will see their malfeasance and understand the crimes they have committed along with the adult men who raped their daughters.
44
RE: "Blood...boiling..can't ...breathe." Add to that the fact that in Missouri once a teen is married (and the consent of only one parent is required, the teen *cannot* get a divorce without parental consent.
5
We are more regressive than the rest of the world.
At the very least men who marry children in this country should be put in jail for rape. The child's parents should be put in jail for child endangerment.
Every state legislator who votes against removing the laws that allow this, should be jailed as well.
The 49 States that allow this too continue do not deserve to govern the rest us. This is slavery all over again.
28
Even in Germany there is some kind of Laissez-faire when it comes to Arab immigrants and under age marriage - since their traditions supposedly differ. Terrible. Girls don’t need customs or traditions. They need protection from rapists and parents.
4
Most people don't realize Massachusetts has no minimum age for marriage by technical law, and if you believe common law is still in effect , which was written hundreds of years ago, then girls can get married at 12 with the governments permission.
10
Common law marriage is, like regular marriages, legal at 18 in S.C. The age exceptions here are 16 for the usual parental approval, and no age limit at all (except puberty) on "bride is pregnant/already had the baby, and here's the paternity test" marriages.
Just more confirmation that our devoted "pro-life" crowd (many of whom, by the way, are among those tolerating if not encouraging these atrocities being forced on adolescent girls) is not in any way concerned with quality of life.
Requiring both parties to be 18 to legally marry does nothing to prevent pregnancies. But it does give the female, in particular, the legal wherewithal to refuse to comply with coercive parents and religious figures. If there is at the time of legal maturity a bond between the man and the woman, then fine, marry.
As a society, we are long past the days when early marriages were "necessary" to allow for the birthing of many offspring for the purpose of having "free" labor to keep the homestead viable. Childhood marriages today are more appropriately viewed as religiously approved punishment for the outcome of consensual relations or, when rape is involved, more proof that religion is not the friend of Woman.
17
So the fifth grader was raped for years by a family "friend" and then had to marry the rapist and have the rape baby (!) because the father "didn't believe" in abortion.
How is that moral or legal ?
What price did Father of the Year ever pay?
Another example of the handcuffs and yoke created to enslave women by a society that somehow turned the notion of 'god' into a white man.
69
Are immigrant Muslims willing to give up this archaic marriage to older men thing or will our government bend to their custom in the name of freedom of religion and this travesty continue?
5
What does that have to do with this article? Out government is already allowing it for Christians, so custom what would they be bending? In this country it should be disallowed for all.
15
Why should they have to, if Christians don't? This is a common thing in many Christian US Citizen households.
9
Really? This is a "common thing in many Christian US Citizen households"?
Roughly 65% of the US identifies as Christian, broadly speaking. How is it that if this is a common practice in the US, practiced by many of the country's 200 million Christians, the average age at marriage for women in the US is 27?
I agree that there should be an age under which marriage is not allowed, even with parental consent.
My parents were 16 and 18, respectively, when they married. My mom was pregnant with me, which was a contributing (but not overriding) reason for the marriage.
That was 42 years ago and they are still married. I understand that they may be statistical outliers. My husband of 20 years was 19 when we married (I was 21) and my sister and her husband of 20 years were both 20 when they married. (Note: neither my sister or I were pregnant.)
I understand that there's a world of difference between someone who is 15 or younger and someone who is a later-stage adolescent, but in a day and age where delayed adulthood rules the roost and marriage is on the decline, state laws must still balance the need to protect vulnerable minors with reasonable provisions for young couples who truly desire marriage.
7
My mother married at 14; father was 18. I was born two years later, the first of five before mother was 21. My childhood was extremely unstable and traumatic for reasons I can't discuss here. My life was a struggle, and a great part of the reason for being brought up by young parents (they divorced when I was five). They were too young/ignorant to provide good parenting.
40
I'm sorry to hear about your challenging upbringing. My parents were 16 and 18, and although life wasn't perfect (who's is?), they are still married after 42 years and, despite some financial struggles growing up, my sisters and I all earned advanced degrees (PhD, MD, and MA, respectively). Two of us married young also and have been married for 20 years. The third is single and runs a hospital in West Africa.
Yes, they and we aren't "typical," but if we can give space to outlier situations like those described in this article I think we should also highlight success stories on the other end.
7
What kind of a family leaves an 11 year old daughter behind, in the care of a male "friend", while they move to another state? Marriage laws need to be change, to be sure, but as this story illustrates, there is a lot more going on that also needs to be fixed.
63
So true! Why wasn't Child Protective Services called! Absurd!
21
This is the ugliness that ensues when religion and reputation become more important than your child.
27
Society sometimes reflects a contempt for the well being of children and women because it cannot control violent and perverted men. When this happens, it’s the victims who are simply eliminated or treated as problematic rather than the perpetrators. We see it in honor murders of rape victims and in child’s marriages to rapists. It’s sick but we must remember that humans are the most dangerous and frequent killers of members of their own species amongst the great apes. The chimpanzees routinely kill one another and the offspring of sexual rivals, but mankind is just more prone to find more reasons to kill people than chimpanzees. Victimizing the victims of male predatory humans avoids much more deadly feuding. It makes one dubious about man having been made in the image of God.
6
Thank you, Mr. Kristof, for pointing out glaring injustices that we can actually do something about rather than just focusing on the latest Trump outrage like many of your colleagues.
I knew 16-17 year olds could marry in some states, but had no idea it happened to 11-year-olds. It's particularly insane that it's possible to marry at a younger age than the age of consent, and that there are judges who will allow this. Is there some sort of perverse exemption in age of consent laws for having sex with an underage wife?
Also, it seems like this mostly happens when a rapist impregnates his victim. The obvious question: why isn't the "groom" charged with statutory rape? The proof is right there!
14
There's also the practice of letting children die when they're ill.
It's called "God's will" by the parents who won't take the children to a doctor, and rely on prayer.
That the authorities allow this , is evil.
Blame the superstition and delusion of religion.
18
Thanks, Kristof, for reminding me that the Texas Taliban is alive and well here in my home state. But believe me, a growing minority is trying to change it!
16
Not a word here about the forced marriages of girls within the Muslim religion. Typical. Make it seem as if it's just a Christian thing. This 'custom' is also VERY common in India and throughout Africa.
14
I think plenty is written about Muslim marriages of young girls in foreign countries. That is NOT what this article was about. It was about what has happened in our own country that one would not expect and an issue that has been under the radar - to my mind, making it even more appalling given our self-righteousness as a nation. Time for us to look at our own mess for a change!
22
Everyone knows child marriages happen in certain developing countries the Middle East, Africa, and South Asia. What is not known -- until now -- is that they are also occurring in the United States. That's the whole point! It's shocking.
And by the way, the practice isn't limited to Islam and Christianity. It occurs in other religions, too. Wherever you find fundamentalists, of any stripe, you'll find barbaric practices.
5
BM: But what can the U.S. do about that. This article is articulating the problem in the U.S., although you would prefer they not relate it to Christians, which is where it is most common in the States.
12
These deeply Christian families seem to be the ones with the darkest secrets and worst child abuse.
These girls are born into a trap by family, by our legal system, by a warped and closed culture.
36
Welcome to the patriarchy.
15
It makes no sense to invoke the defense of Romeo's and Juliet's ages as 13 an 16, as proponents of early marriage often do, when life expectancy was about 40.
17
. . . and Romeo and Juliet are fictional characters.
1
So you think we should either force a pregnant young girl to abort or be a single-mother??? Wow. Wow just wow.
1
@David: Please reconsider. No one said anything about "forcing" a pregnant girl to have an abortion. No one said anything about "forcing" a pregnant girl to be a single mother either. How could you possibly have come to that conclusion? The ONLY force applied to Tyree came from the rapist and, subsequently, her parents. She had options, but they abused their relationship with her to take those choices from her. As she herself points out, their actions were less about her and more about their own embarrassment and desire to escape legal jeopardy.
Perhaps Tyree would have chosen to marry someone OTHER than her rapist, who is (no matter how you might like to spin it), the absolute last person she needs in her life. Alternatively, yes, Tyree may have decided to continue the pregnancy and either raise the child with the help of her parents (it'd be the least they could do considering the facts of her situation) or give it up for adoption.
And finally, Tyree might have chosen to terminate her pregnancy; to have an abortion. That's her call, not yours, mine, her parents' and certainly not her rapist's.
It is only anti-abortion/pro-life advocates who would force a woman to do anything.
29
Yes, we absolutely should force her to abort. Pregnancy and childbirth are difficult even for a grown woman; I can’t even imagine the trauma to a 13 or 14 year old. Parents who allow this to happen to their child are monsters and should be held legally liable for any damage done to her. Abortion is nothing compared to childbirth in terms of its physical and psychological consequences. And asking a child to go through the wrenching process of giving birth and then taking the baby away for adoption is an equivalent of torture. Abortion is not ideal but at least it leaves no permanent scars.
12
She shouldn't be forced to marry her rapist. Which is far more harmful to her.
19
Child bride marriages protect pedophiles.
If you are pro child bride, you are pro pedophile.
Any church that allows this is complicit.
Any clergy that preside are accomplices.
47
Hence, any governmental organization which participated in this behavior, by sanctioning marriage between a child and its rapist, is also complicit.
This is not a tangled line of logic and easily followed.
2
Figures Republicans would find a loophole for pedophilia. 49 states is not enough, they want Moore!
18
My grandmother's mother forced her to get married to a man twenty years her senior (who was a family friend) when she was 15. It didn't work out well.
9
Appalling. Why is not so difficult for States and the Federal government to just put a stop to this and change law? Why does male dominance over women extend to children? Why is Delaware alone here?
13
I was 16 and pregnant when I married a man 9 years older than me. My parents gave their permission although they said they did not like the man. I later realized he was a pedophile. He abused our daughter as well as at least one other girl that I know of. When I asked my parents at age 17 if my child and I could live with them, my mother refused saying that I had created my own situation. It was another 11 years and 2 children later before I was able to escape this abusive marriage.
I feel the repercussions of that twelve years of my life to this very day. Girls under 18 should not be allowed to get married even if the parents are willing to permit it.
39
You were 16 years old, pregnant, and nine years younger than a man whom your parents DID NOT like. Correct? They did not force you to marry him. CORRECT? The idea was yours and you married him. CORRECT? The details you offer are "interesting" but off the point. Yes. You had an abusive marriage. But: You were not forced into it. One may sympathize with the repercussions of your nfortunate choice. Nonetheless: Your unhappiness and "prescription" for age-of-consent-for-marriage are tangential to the article.
I’m so sad that you and your children had to go through this horrendous cruelty. It doesn’t surprise me any more what people do to their children, but to chose to abandon your grandkids to punish your daughter is a whole new level of evil. No words can take away your pain, but I didn’t want your story to go unacknowledged. If I were your mother, I would have protected you and your children like a ferocious mama bear.
6
You were 16 years old, pregnant, and nine years younger than a man whom your parents DID NOT like. Correct? They did not force you to marry him. CORRECT? The idea was yours and you married him. CORRECT? The details you offer are "interesting" but off the point. Yes. You had an abusive marriage. But: You were not forced into it. One may sympathize with the repercussions of your unfortunate choice. Nonetheless: Your unhappiness and "prescription" for age-of-consent-for-marriage are tangential to the article.
1
Please do not forget from all the way up in New York that there are cultural differences sometimes with our neighbors to the south. I have known and represented 15 and 16 year old females that are first generation American from Latin America and they are pregnant and in a relationship sometimes with a 19 or 20 year old man who is working a good trade and trying to provide for his new family. These are people that love each other, care for each other, support each other and are actually living a lifestyle much closer to “Leave it to Beaver” than most multi-generational American millennials. But because the ages don’t align with our culture (even though they do in their originating culture) I have had to defend these people often from charges of statutory rape and truancy. Oftentimes underage marriage by these individuals is the only way to avoid an over eager prosecutor intent on imposing their own personal mores.
8
There is a huge difference from being forced into marriage with your rapist than being willing to marry for love.
And this is a cultural issue in the US, rape is the most common violent crime and the most underreported crime in the US. We shame women who are raped and/or abused.
This has nothing to do with love, it's about men able to take advantage of young females because society allows it.
9
the united states belont to the developing countries - not only for this reason.
2
This is just another instance of how much we in the US value children. This is just as indicative of our love for our children as our high infant mortality rates, high rates of other forms of child neglect.
1
I thought statutory rape meant an adult has sex with a minor; since the minor is too young to make sound judgments, it is considered rape even though he or she consented.
10
Yes, this is tragic and in many cases just plain wrong and immoral. However, according to Pew Research, the marriage rate amoung 15-17 year old is 5 in 1000 as of 2016. Should we save the 57,000 who marry each year? Yes. But, this is not the public crisis that it is being made out to be.
3
As the article says we denounce other nations for child marriage but it happens right under our own noses. Look at the notorious case right here in AZ/UT of the break away sect of the Mormon Church where it still happens in Hilldale, Colorado City. It's simply unacceptable that they get away with it. These men are legally married to one woman but have "spiritual" wives. It is right here in the USA. There's been some change such as their leader Warren Jeffs is in jail but the community still exists and girls are still married off like cattle. Shame on us.
12
As a lifelong liberal Democrat, I note with interest that the examples in this column concern families whose members are described as "conservative" or "deeply Christian".
Reading this column made me feel as though this entire country needs a shower. Conservative indeed. Deeply Christian indeed!
How about backward and evil? I think that's a better fit.
16
The article would lead you to believe that all these underage girls were marrying men who are 10 or 20 years older them. There is no mention at all about young boys, under 18, who are forced to marry because they got a girl pregnant. What of them?
5
When discussing the plight of underaged boys forced to marry underaged girls in shotgun weddings, there is enough guilt for both sets of parents. Our lenient culture that accepts and even promotes child sexual behavior should also be questioned.
As a teenager, I just wasn’t allowed to do the same things socially as girls at my convent school: no dating without a chaperone, no sitting in cars with boys, no disappearing into rooms alone. A healthy emphasis was placed on education and self development. I hated it but I survived intact and whole and grew up well. With my own teen daughter, those rules remain. Parents have to govern themselves correctly, as well as take the responsibility to act sensibly and protectively towards their children, to ensure that they will reach their age of majority in the best shape possible. A bit of gentle chaperonage as well as teaching about self-respect and respect from and for others, is the least a parent can do.
1
"Got a girl pregnant," Joe, gives us leeway to hold off on feeling sorry for these guys.
Got data on the number of teen aged boys being forced to marry?
The vast majority of minors who get married are marrying their high school sweethearts, not their rapists. For millennia, until the very recent past, it was the norm for people to marry at age 16 or 17 and start a family. Was it wrong then? It's hard to claim that it was, since everyone did it. For some young couples, espeically ones whose parents didn't approve of their union, their only hope was to run away from home and get married, so that society would have to consider their relationship legitimate. Times have changed, but I'm not sure we should be so quick to throw away such a longstanding cultural practice. Not allowing young people to marry is taking away their rights, and it seems ironically cruel in a time when we're expanding marrriage rights for others.
7
I'm not sure we read the same article - "Marriage often ends a girl’s education, and when something goes wrong, a 16- or 17-year-old wife faces particular difficulties: She cannot flee to a domestic violence shelter, which typically will not take anyone under 18, and in some states, an underage girl fleeing an abusive marriage is legally a runaway." - Not all longstanding cultural practices are good. 16 & 17 year olds can wait a year or two to get married. At 16/17 they can't vote, buy cigarettes, buy alcohol, rent a car, rent an apartment, buy a handgun, etc. but marriage is ok?
12
Mr. Russell -
You make some very strong claims in your post about what was the norm regarding the age of marriage in this country. The problem is you have no supporting evidence, and your assertion goes against what I saw when I was growing up. I'm sixty-five, and never saw anyone get married before at least graduating from high school.
Just what is your evidence to support what you claim was a "longstanding cultural practice"?
11
“The vast majority of minors who get married are marrying their high school sweethearts, not their rapists.”
What is the source of this data and how is it captured? Do they ask “Are You marrying your sweetheart or your rapist?”
4
There is, generally, a lack of good education in this nation. To protect us against the consequences of poor education, we have laws, but, in general, people are free to pursue their perverse beliefs and resulting behavior. Childhood marriage is one of those terribly destructive acts.
There is only one state with a law to prevent the travesty of childhood marriage. If citizens are going to continue to accept it, then there has to be a law to prevent it. Childhood marriage is servitude.
9
A century ago the world was a very different place. Why after so much work for equal rights are we still allowing our daughters to be seen as a potential wife first and a woman who has hopes and dreams second. There's no reason why we should allow under age marriage.
Prior to 18 it's the adults who are making the most intimate decisions for these young girls who will have to live with the consequences of a choice they barely understand. If a judge has to sign off on it perhaps that's a sign that it shouldn't be allowed to happen to begin with. Nothing not even religion justifies child marriages.
14
This, on top of the fact that children are ripped from their mothers' arms at the border, makes me ashamed to be an American. I've never felt that way before.
Thank you so much Mr Kristof, for bringing this appalling situation to light. Americans need to take a good hard look in the mirror and be honest about who we really are, as opposed to our fantasy self image. We are not the good guys we fancy ourselves to be.
We pay lip service to valuing life. But that includes the lives of these terribly young women. I can't imagine that the abuse ends at the altar. And what of the children born to these child brides? Children shouldn't be raising children. And they certainly shouldn't be raised in the homes of child molesters. This situation is horrific for almost everyone involved. Sometimes it seems as if the only life we actually care about is that of adult white men.
This should be yet another reason to get to the ballot box in 2018. That is the best place to assuage the intense collective guilt we should all share now that the scales have been lifted from our eyes.
36
Its not just the marriage laws, its also the rape laws that make explicit exceptions allowing a pedophile to molest a child bride. For example from the New York State Penal Code:
S 130.10 P 4: "In any prosecution under this article in which the victim's lack of consent is based solely on his or her incapacity to consent because he or she was less than seventeen years old
...
it shall be a defense that the defendant was married to the victim"
10
Force is not addressed in this Section; it speaks of whether or not the victim is old enough to consent. The male will be guilty of rape if the child is not married to him, whether or not she consents. If she is married to the male, then her consent is neither here nor there. But he still may be found guilty of rape if it's proven he forced her against her wishes.
Anyone who would coerce a child to become a bride to prevent embarrassment or legal trouble for a rapist is an unfit parent.
39
This seems to be a landmark issue. Why is Hollywood and people like Megyn Kelly and social drivers like the Democratic party and shows like 60 minutes not picking this up, there is where the meat exists to get this needed social change rolling?
Sounds like NYT Magazine would be a perfect start.
6
I am no churchist but I know my holy books, and I have my opinions. One of my favorite is that Jesus was probably not very stupid.
So how on earth can a Christian, so called, explain this: "...her parents began talking to her about marrying her future husband when she was 15, partly for her to avoid teenage wildness"?
I mean marrying the man who rapes you strikes me as serious wildness. Living in a family that forces you to marry their good friend who rapes you strikes me as the opposite of anything Jesus would countenance.
"Christian", today, has become a synonym for pathologically paranoid and egocentric behavior.
The way things are going, if there are any 'good' Christians remaining, its time for them to rebrand; maybe with a happy/catchy little name and a new logo, because that cross has been co-opted, desecrated by your much louder peers.
19
There is one Puritan Nation left and sadly it is the one i live in. Always trying to regulate sex, but that never works. yuk
11
If a child, of any gender, is able to be married at an age under 21 then the age of adult rights should go hand-and-hand with that marriage at whatever age it occurred. The minute the marriage papers have been signed by the judge or the pastor, then that child must be considered an adult in all things. That would include the right to vote, the right to drive, the right to consume alcohol, etc..
I know there is this fun philosophy gaining adherents daily about how we never really grow up. What began as a joke seems to have taken root. Just as trauma of violence or war can cause a child to seemingly achieve some adult traits far earlier than expected so does pregnancy, birth, motherhood, and wife. So if a girl is going to be married off before she is 21 then her parents and her predator as well as the organization they call their 'church', should all undergo an investigation for child endangerment and engaging in human trafficking. Becoming pregnant doesn't mean a child is an adult. It is a bodily function not unlike penile erection. It is our brains which become adults and that is long after the body did.
8
This column in the Anchorage Daily News by Charles Wohlforth highlights a childhood of sexual abuse with a glimmer of hope due to the caring of a remarkable woman Laura Ingham, who adopted Navaeh Ingham, the victim, after she had been hospitalized for years in a mental facility. Navaeh isseems to have recovered from her childhood abuse with the help and care of her adoptive mother and has just gotten married. https://www.adn.com/opinions/2018/05/31/how-a-strangers-caring-healed-a-...
2
Like so many others commenting here, I too was unaware that such practices are still permitted in the United States. These laws are clearly archaic, a throwback to preindustrial times when life for most people was nasty, brutish, and short. That it's still happening today, in 2018, is unconscionable and truly barbaric.
How can we call ourselves civilized? And how can we possibly lecture certain developing countries on the evils of child marriage, when it turns out we're doing the very same thing ourselves? It's mind boggling!
12
Chris Christie prevent New Jersey from being the first state to outlaw this horror. Bravo to Delaware! I hope our legislators reintroduce the bill Christie vetoed last year, so Gov. Murphy can sign it and make us #2.
24
New York's new law allows a 17-year-old to marry only with the court's permission (not easy to get.) Otherwise, the minimum age is 18.
". . . the strongest opposition has come from conservatives who argue that a pregnant girl should be able to marry the unborn child’s father. The idea is that such a marriage will avert an abortion, or at least increase the prospect that the child is raised in a married household. . . ."
This fact only proves to me that the so-called "pro-lifers" are NOT pro the life of a woman. Her life, her control of her own body, her physical and emotional health, her future, and her happiness do not matter to them. She is just a thing with no rights at all. And the fetus (not even a baby yet) they can't stand to see aborted will lose have not rights after it's born if it turns out to be female. Women in this country are fourth-class citizens, coming after men, fetuses, and guns. Where is the Christianity in that?
16
Fascinating but sickening story Mr. Kristof. I certainly believe the statistics about Texas, too many uneducated people putting their children in this situation. This is a role for child protective services to save these girls.
11
Congratulations, Delaware. May your decision to make child marriage illegal serve as inspiration to other states to do the same.
14
Sure, Juliet was 13, but what was life expectancy in 14th C Verona?
6
Also she didn't live to see 14.
We should correctly call this "girl marriage," not "child marriage." No one is marrying 13 year old boys to 32 year old women. This phenomenon is uniquely gendered. The term "child" marriage obfuscates that reality.
64
There have been dozens of cases of female teachers having relations with their male students. Seems like a new one hits the news about every other month. The student of one of the most famous, Mary Kay Letourneau, was 12 or 13 when it started. My recollection is they did get married.
3
Sadly some 32 year old women in positions of authority are taking teenage male minors as their lovers. It's no longer just scandal sheet news. And having their children. The parents usually don't allow marriage.
2
I did not mean to suggest that older women do not sexually abuse young boys. However, when that happens, our society does condone celebrating that abuse with a wedding. Yes, girl marriage is a uniquely gendered phenomenon. It's not just a few bad male apples raping girls, it's a rotten barrel normalizing it. It's the difference between a few people killing others (murder) and a state condoning it (genocide).
Since marriage is controlled by the states, they could try for a constitutional amendment to put pressure on the states or use the courts like same sex advocates did.
3
I had no idea.
This is from the Dark Ages. Women and girls deserve better. And we all need to take a good look at our own country before we go out again and moralize, especially if it's at the point of a gun.
12
This is really a great argument for making abortion on demand legal in all fifty states, and, in the case of minors, without requiring the consent of a parent or legal guardian.
15
Tyree's parents abandoned her when she was in the fifth grade, leaving her in the care of a family friend, male friend. What were they thinking? They should have been prosecuted for child endangerment.
38
At age 16, my best friend started dating a sailor about eight years older than herself. By 17, she was pregnant and standing next to him at the altar. I was the maid of honor. I was thrilled for her! 30 years later and still married to the same man, she never finished high school, never went to college, made a career working at McDonalds, lives in a doublewide, and is herself already a grandmother. I, on the other hand, have a PhD, am a tenured professor at an Ivy League university making nearly $200k a year. I am also ten years into a second marriage that came on the heels of a string of spectacularly bad relationships. We took different paths but are both happy in our lives. And as I look back now, I feel a lot of resentment toward a community that looked the other way when a 24 year old man started sleeping with a 16 year old girl. An early marriage certainly didn’t ruin my friend’s life, but it sure as hell limited her possibilities and arrested her potential.
16
What is wrong with America? Is it that our country is so very sexist that making sex slaves is more important than the girls themselves? Is it that adult men are in charge of our our little girl and adult bodies? Who gave these men ownership of girls and women? Could it be the Nazi-like politicians--who enjoy a little baby rape on the side--who created these little girl sex slave laws under the guise of marriage? Child marriage = legal slavery. And it continues...
5
Jerry Lee Lewis of Rock Hall of Fame - Fame married his 13 year old cousin: "Great Balls Of Fire!'
7
Sometimes its really hard to tell the difference between conservatives and the taliban.
40
Taliban is Muslim conservatives, a conservative is a conservative whatever their religion.
5
Very common in Utah. I guess it's a Mormon philosophy.
6
And I bet 99% of these families who coerces their raped daughter into marriage with her rapist vote for Donald J. Trump, who was also accused of rape, charges later dropped ($$$).
"Deplorable" is too diplomatic of an adjective.
19
Lots to say on child brides but still nothing on the racism of the odious Charles Murray
2
Where's the outrage about this? When these thing happen in India or the Middle East people are on their high horses damning Islam or arranged marriages because they are in more "fundamentalist" religious countries. Everyone on Fox News would be frothing at the mouth in the race to condemn this practice, but here it is, happening in America, allegedly the shining example of the West and the upholder of the world's morals. Young girls forced into marrying their RAPISTS. In America. Shame on you and your false morals. Do something about this, or stop moralising about the rest of the world. America is no better.
16
It was the Roman government that outlawed polygamy, not the Christians. Perhaps now it will be the American government which intervenes to finally outlaw pedophilia.
14
Patriarchy has always held the females are the property of white men. It is not difficult to understand that many white men also lust after younger, pure females. They want virgins who are innocent, ignorant and malleable. They want control and they want easy access. What better way than to marry into what you want most. No matter how corrupt, damaging and disgraceful that may be.
10
Patriarchy holds that all age females, infant to granny and of EVERY race are the property of males of EVERY race.
2
Marry female children to their rapists. We can thank our "Family Values" legislators and Fundamentalism - Christian, Jewish, Muslim, Mormon ...
21
Another exemple of the sanctimonious foreign policy of the USA which protest the child mariage in Africa but will not clean up his own house.
I hope that Nicholas Kristof will write more about those abuse girls until the 50 States put an end to this very patriarchal practice which allow child abusers to get away with statutory rape.
Keep on the good work.
14
Time for a federal ban on child marriages.
14
Absolutely shameful. Yet again, the bible thumping, anti-abortion zealots destroying lives.
15
This is also what the Taliban and Isis do, force young girls to marry their rapists. American exceptionalism indeed.
22
Time for women to break the yoke of slavery from white men. Get in line, but where's the end?
6
America's storyline is coming apart at the seams in so many areas, this included.
It's no wonder Judge Moore came within an eyelash of winning a senate seat in spite of credible allegations of child molestation.
Plus, our own POTUS is a predator who apparently has the right to act with impunity.
15
Perhaps the "Me, Too" can somehow have an influence on getting these laws changed! The mentality against females is unbelievable and to think it starts with the parents is horrible!
4
Oh Dear, I hate to break you the news, but Romeo did not either rape or marry Giulietta. Not even in the play.
6
They marry at the end of Act 2.
You can't legally drink alcohol until you are 21 but you can get married and really mess up your life. It's is abhorrent to me that parents can push their underage daughters into marriage before they are 18. There are a lot of other things you can't do until you are 18 that are less serious so it is just some relic of the fundamentalist religious past. It would seem that they believe that if a man can manage to impregnate a young girl (or even a young woman) that he then owns her. Doesn't seem to matter if he has raped her to do it. Weird.
5
Other cultures allow this all of the time. The American public hates these cultures for these types of practices. I’m not surprised that children in Texas can be raped and forced to marry the rapist but it’s sick to think some of the most forward thinking states are no better than the backwoods. Why do Americans dare sit in judgement of any other country? We have leaders and lawmakers who exchange rapes for money, who feel women up, who degrade women in any way possible. Why not protect those who do no better.
3
Wouldn't it be better if the parents and the rapist get arrested and the child bride get a social worker and an order of protection at these "hearings"?
18
What parent would choose forcing his child to marry an adult over the "embarrassment" of people knowing she was raped? Religion fuels this, for the most part. Yet another Bronze-age reason to walk away from religion, yet the people with the most 'faith' seem to be the ones who allow their 13 year-old daughters to marry the adult who raped them. And then the "marriage ended" three years later and the girl was a single mother of 2 at age 16. Gee -- who could have seen that coming. Rubes, one and all --.
8
It's not like they stop getting raped when they are married either. So they are doubly victimized.
17
Hey! We are trying here too! From the Tennessean MAY 2018
"Gov. Bill Haslam signs law banning Tennessee marriage of minors under 17"
10
Further Proof that Americans consider Women to be Second Class Citizens!
10
Nooo, first gross injustice that incarcerates innocent people or destroys lives, now I am being made aware of primitive laws that trap young girls as sex slaves, all because of religion.
Please do make me more aware of exactly what our nation seems to artfully cover up in the name of evolved democracy. I am sure any nasty old fashioned, chauvinistic, patriarchal terrorists will be astounded that we think so alike. Perhaps they may change and celebrate America as a role model.
California, you too?
3
Absolutely insane! I would have thought by now that Congress would have outlawed this travesty.
4
Why weren’t some of these parents prosecuted for child endangerment?
9
I live in Texas. Dawn’s parents need to be spending life in one of our infamous prisons so they can reflect year after year for how they willingly destroyed their daughter’s life.
12
What a terrible incentive to all pedophiles of America: to rape a child and get away with it with the parent's blessings. This is trafficking of a minor directly into their predator's hands by the child's own parents. How depraved is that!
More conservative family values at play here sanctioning and performing marriages between rapists and their victims and thereby allowing the raping to continue on. This is worse than priest pedophiles who have to stay hidden.
Furthermore, conservatives who share trump's values also believe that forced sex with a spouse - a child in this case - is not rape.
I wonder how many of the stolen children from asylum seekers will be forced into marriage with a predator? Sessions would likely dismiss it by claiming the children are getting what was coming to them for having dared come to this country asking for asylum.
So the definition of marriage for conservatives is the coerced union under God between an old man and a young little girl. Of course, conservatives parents are not embarrassed by that. How perverse is that!
8
Americans exceptionalism. Our country certainly had its moments of leadership, morality and pride. But overall we are just as despicable as the Taliban.
6
No, we are no way comparable to the Taliban. Life in America is far better for women than it is in Afghanistan. Your hyperbole and exaggeration are inappropriate here.
Strong praise for Delaware! Which will be the next State(s) to step up and protect girls under 18 from forced marriages?
6
"Life in America is far better for women than it is in Afghanistan. "
Not for fifth grader Dawn Tyree it wasn't.
1
Right in our own backyard? This is unbelievable, and so infuriating? Parents marrying off their daughters in order to avoid 'embarrassment'?? Embarrassment about what? And where is the embarrassment about marrying a 13-year old to a 32-year old? Talk about a backwards, ignorant uneducated mentality!
Yeah, who cares about the additional damage done to these young girls by way of their own parents turning against them, and marrying them off! All that matters is that the rest of the family avoid ... 'embarrassment'??
How is this still legal? To me, such parents should be brought up on child abuse charges, because imho, that's what this is...a form of child abuse, especially in instances where the child is being married off to their rapist.
10
The parents in this story left their daughter in California while they moved to Texas. Really? Sounds like child abandonment to me, especially since the guy the child was left with decided to make her his personal sex slave. Is there no law against that? Shouldn't the parents have been prosecuted? There are lots of stupid decisions in this story. Sadly, the young girl seems to be the only one to pay any price.
17
So, I just don't seem to get this. Voluntarily giving away your daughter to a child rapist somehow protects the "family honor"?
So much for worshipping the sanctity of life an children. Appalling.
12
Sentencing a child to a life of rape and sexual slavery is the most heinous of crimes.
However, this column is a surprisingly lazy example of research. With so many states currently permitting this crime, examples should have been provided from within the past few years, not from a few decades ago (with names changed).
We will not win with sloppiness. Let's step it up.
#VOTE2018 to get the child rape ignorers out of office.
7
Of course child marriages should be banned! There is, however, something else that is not being considered and, I believe, society should be aware of this and discuss it openly. Nature prepares human beings to mate and bear children at puberty. Society (our society) wants both boys and girls, not only to finish high school, but to go on to college and even go on to post graduate work if possible before any mating takes place.
During all this time, according to certain Bible thumpers, both boys and girls are to remain chaste and forego all sexual activities (at least with each other). This is not only against nature it is just plain stupid! The male of the species, in fact, is at his sexual peak in his late teens! ( Thank God for birth control!)
Both church and state must take nature into consideration when it comes to human sexuality. There must be some way we can be our natural selves without having to deal with "child marriage", unwanted teen-age pregnancies and other abuses.
6
Wow! We really ARE Just Like those Theocratic Countries we keep sneering at!
Why not a Federal Law protecting children from having to marry their rapists - ever?
Why not a Law that Jails Rapists - without a “Wed to cover it up” option?
I can’t believe an American Parent would abandon their child to the clutches of a Rapist, thereby forever destroying their future, because of “Christian Social Shame.” You would rather have a Rapist as a Son-In-Law? I guess so...
What Would Jesus Do? He would condemn the sacrifice of children!
19
Imagine if the perpetrators were women and boy grooms were the victims... would this have been allowed to go on for so long? I think not.
5
Since Trump fully endorsed Moore, I am fairly sure that he will do nothing to help this type of legislation. Hopefully intelligence rather than ignorance will guide the rest of our nation.
8
Lots of blaming, as usual, on "conservatives" (apparently code for White Christians) and the GOP for all of this mess, yet while there are undeniably such instances, the quite uncomfortable reality is sometimes different - even in uber Democratic states like California hard and fast laws banning child marriage have not passed and feminists have not been storming state capitols to demand it. Why? Perhaps because they would then be seen as being xenophobic or racist and all the host of usual condemnations, for such practices are often in the province of certain ethnic and religious (non-Christian) communities. Child brides, honor killing, genital mutilation, all practices of certain imported groups. Better to remain silent in general, the think seems to go, than be seen as some for of -ist.
2
We need more problems to solve. Mr. Kristof notes what he indicates is a common occurrence and his only example is of an event occurring over 30 years ago.
Is it wise to get married before age ??? Probably not. If the human brain does not mature until one is in their mid twenties then perhaps it would be wise to not get married until the brain fully matures. And being all wise we should make it illegal to be married before then.
But we always need exceptions. And since this article and comments seem to relate to females only or at least primarily.
1. What if the girl's brain matures faster than the average?
2. What if the girl is not in a coerced relationship? And who gets to define a coerced relationship?
4. What if the girl is only one year, or one month from the cut off date and is adamant about her wanting to marry?
3. What if we do not have a monopoly on the right and wrong? What if we "know it alls" should not set the parameters for everyone to the point where people who do what we disagree with makes them criminals?
What if we control our need to regulate and legislate when our guidance (no matter how brilliant that guidance) is unheeded?
2
Alas, even with some kind of laws establishing an age for marriage, that in itself won't stop young girls from being preyed upon.
5
Do these states also allow Child Husbands?
8
South Carolina does. You might want to check your own state's marriage laws.
Our exceptional country is exceptional in so many terrible ways. It is getting worse, not better.
1
Actually, in this case (of 30 years ago) brought to light, Delaware has stepped up to lead the rest of the Nation—that is progress, not regression. And as despicable as this story is, and child-marriage is, too, we are talking about it here, so let’s all now pressure our state governments to follow Delaware’s lead. Take action.
3
I hope some enterprising social psychologist will now take the trouble to discover who these girls' parents voted for in the last election. I doubt there were many Clinton supporters among them.
3
We have secret ballots, for just this reason.
1
Good job Delaware- The First State!
6
Given the delayed onset of adulthood sensibilities so prevalent in our society, and the poor likelihood of marital success when marrying at a young age, why not set the minimum age for marriage at 24?
Jasper
3
Unfortunately, changing the law will bring down accusations that this will encourage abortions. Pro Life extremists have no limits.
There are still sects where marriages are business transactions between families. The bride is bought or sold for a price. Christianity did not involve itself in marriage for its first 1,000 years or so and civil weddings were the norm. Many are in total ignorance of this.
3
"Pro Life extremists have no limits."
Actually, they do... once a baby is born, it is on its own...no help from the so-called 'pro-life' folks then.
5
This is an example of hard cases making bad op-eds. 16 and 17 year olds are not children. In many cultures (aren't we supposed to respect the values of other cultures?) that is a usual age for women to marry. It's probably not a good idea in modern America, but that doesn't it mean it should be illegal. Eugene Field (the author of Wynken, Blynken and Nod, and other children's rhymes), a St. Louis figure (his house is now a museum) met his wife when she was 14 and they married, with her parents' approval, when she was 16 and lived "happily ever after" (or at least normal life spans), with a family of several children. Don't generalize from a few abusive examples.
6
The marriage laws are a small issue. The real issue is the willingness of society, parents, and law enforcement to allow for rape of underage girls to go unprosecuted. While technically laws exist to protect minors. In practice, they are seldom upheld often succumbing to the views that restrictions on sex like prohibition simply drives underground the inevitable. Instead, we simply ignore the 32 year old having sex with the 13 year. If it ends up in marriage that is a tragedy but I would hasten a guess that the problem is multiple orders of magnitude worse than an underage marriage issue
Report from Utah's legislature:
At age 16 or 17, a Utahn can marry with the consent of a parent or guardian. Earlier this year, the Utah Legislature made forced marriage a form of sexual abuse. The bill was meant to address concerns that polygamous groups pressure or coerce teens into marriage — legal or plural.May 17, 2018 (SLTribune.)
5
Parents ratchet the abuse up several notches when they try to force rape victims to marry the rapist.
Under-age minors being subjected to abuse often will not tell authorities--including judges--that they object to " solutions" proposed by parents. It simply is too dangerous if they will then have to live with the parents again after stating objections to authorities.
All child marriages should be illegal in the USA. And all who impregnated minors should be charged automatically with rape.
Parents who impede justice for the daughters should be charged with child abuse.
9
I left a comment but do not know if it went thru.
I have a problem with this article.
By making it illegal to marry you would not have stopped Dawn Tyree from having sex with this man.
It was statutory rape.
He did not force her to have sex.
He convinced her it was normal.
If her parents had not found out it most likely would have continued.
Making it illegal will not stop this.
Something else has to be done if this is your goal.
In my opinion she shouldn't be having sex at the age she was when she had sex with this man
I believe giving girls of her age birth control pills is like encouraging them to be sexually active.
I believe you can not encourage a girl to be sexually active and then tell her not to be active with a man.
They are both very wrong.
If they were both 13 years old she would still become pregnant
and she would have all the other problems that are mentioned in this article.
So I have a question.
This law to make it illegal before a predetermined age.
Would it apply if they were the same age.
I think it should.
2
You seem overly concerned with blaming the girl. It’s the same old misogynist garbage.
Here are some rules for you:
Men should not rape women or children (or men.)
Men should not explain women’s experiences and feelings to women ever.
Men definitely should not explain things they never experience and know nothing about.
Men should not explain the crime to the victim.
Men should not decide what age women use birth control or what kind they use.
Men should not decide whether abortion is legal.
Men should use condoms if they don’t want to father & help support children.
Men should be held equally responsible for a pregnancy.
Men should ask what women need and listen to the answer.
Men should not tell women what they need or should need.
Men should not touch women without permission.
Men should mind their own business when they have no new constructive ideas.
Men should keep their misogyny to themselves.
3
I have seen so many life-long marriages of 16 year olds that I was shocked to learn, upon migrating to urban centers for college that so many "children" of the upper middle classes were treated as infants until they were in their middle 30's.
People raised to be responsible starting at the age of perception of cause and effect (around age 6), and who have experiences of dangerous machinery (factories or tractors, etc.) or around dangerous animals (e.g., horses) are very mature by 7th and 8th grade.
People whose desire for adulthood in the middle school years is instead re-directed to their peer group, and who are treated as infants appear to regress into something very stupid and helpless for another two decades (if not for life).
People in the first group are competent to marry at 16. People in the second group are lucky to become competent at all.
So....where do we go from here? I understand that the upper middle class norms of the 20th century are being imposed on the rest of the society. I understand that it is going to happen, but I cannot share the outrage nor see it as an improvement. Infantilization certainly means incompetence, and I do not want the incompetent to choose marriage to choose marriage. But, has this extension of childhood by two decades really helped our society overall?
6
Craig: I think the issue that Mr Kristof is highlighting is the rape of young girls by men in their 30's and 40's and then the family forces the girl to marry the rapist. It is not talking about late teens who are the same general age.
8
To be fair to Florida, currently the only exception to the "must be 18 to marry" restriction is if one or more of the parties is seventeen and the other party is no older than nineteen, and the minor(s) have parental consent. It seems to me like Kristof wanted to throw Florida under the bus and use it as a foil to Delaware, but the difference isn't so stark as the article implies. Another eleven-year-old in Sherry Johnson's position would be protected in Florida today just as well as in Delaware, at least where marriage is concerned.
Source: http://www.leg.state.fl.us/statutes/index.cfm?App_mode=Display_Statute&a...
4
Please explain to me why it is that conservatives support child marriages.
I thought they were the God and family folks.
How does it "help" a family to have 13-year-old girls pregnant and married?
This whole thing is just madness. We're all becoming Mormons!!!
3
I would like to think that my parents would not have done this to me but I am not completely sure. My mother's biggest fear, and she had many, seemed to be that one of her three daughters would become pregnant as an unmarried teen. They might not have forced us to marry a rapist but they probably would have sent us away somewhere to have the baby alone among strangers, made up one of those ridiculous stories about going to visit a relative, etc. Fortunately, when we had serious boyfriends we were all savvy enough about birth control to prevent an unwanted pregnancy and blessedly, none of us became pregnant from an abuser. Just some of the lucky ones.
Some might long for the days when marriage always came before baby but with the relaxing of those mores also has come some relaxing of the pressure to marry inappropriately or detrimentally. I think it's a good trade off.
9
There should be a test for parenthood. How could anyone do this to their child? This is repugnant in just about every way possible.
What are we, the third world?
3
Any patriarchal marriage is a crime against nature, older men claiming underage girls is just the most obvious example.
What would natural human marriage look like?
Any union blessed by grandmothers who control family names. Too simple to understand.
I was expecting to see some current examples of this, not examples from the past. Is this actually a problem? Is it just in immigrant circles?
Did I miss something?
7
It's also time to put our judicial system in the spot light - often times judges in these matters side with the parents (see in NY Times 2015 "America's Child-Marriage Problem"). In that article the author states that in NJ alone, between 1995-2012, 163 girls between the ages of 13 and 15 were married when a judge approved the marriage.
The only thing that can save these girls/children is for the law to change and there should not be religious exceptions.
5
"Some say that they oppose marriages at 13 but not at 17"
At 17? They can't wait a year? Sure there are some exceptional circumstances that have been mentioned below (e.g. wartime) but the default should just be wait 'till you're 18, kid.
3
I did not know child marriage was legal in Oregon but I encourage all people who read this article to forward to your state governor or your legislator with a request to change the law.
I’d like to meet the legislator who would argue against a bill to change this antiquated law and I might the suggest the FBI check his (or her) computer for illegal content.
9
So you advocate that law enforcement conduct searches of people's computers based on where they stand on a legislative matter? Really?!?
2
I had no idea that child marriage was still allowed in my state and have just now written to my California state Senator Pat Bates asking her to introduce legislation to ban child marriage in California. Thank you Mr. Kristof for bringing this to our attention.
17
https://www.sfchronicle.com/bayarea/article/Effort-to-bar-juvenile-marri...
1
Assigning 18 as an age of consent for marriage signifies first world privilege, Elitist form of Cultural Relativism.
Most of the third world notions of childhood unexisting, early marriage means securing labor hands ensuring survival.
3
"Most of the third world notions of childhood unexisting, early marriage means securing labor hands ensuring survival." Survival of whom? Because it is not the child bride - there is high corollary between being a child bride and early mortality or to quote the UN's Unicef: "Child Marriage is a Death Sentence for Many Young Girls".
10
I actually am having trouble wrapping my head around this. It would be beyond belief if events over the last couple of decades had not shown just how truly little we as a people have progressed in so many other ways.
28
I will always find it impossible to understand that a child cannot enter a legal, financial contract until age 18--and a parent cannot enter a contract for a child before age 18. A child would have to ratify any contact entered before age 18, after he/she turned 18. BUT, a child can enter a marriage contract, arguably one of the more important contracts to our society, at very young ages in some states because the parents consent. It defies logic that a child is not mature enough to enter a financial contract under the law, but they can get married--one of the most important life decisions. Our country does have a long way to go with child marriages.
40
I was allowed to enter a financial contract at almost 17. It was student loans. I graduated high school at 17. My birthday is January 3rd and the FAFSA was/is due January 1st of one's senior year of high school. My parents cosigned everything. We should consider why bright but inexperienced 17 year olds are signing student loans, even with parental cosigners.
1
Marriage is, first, last and always, a contract. How can a state permit a marriage when one party is not competent to form a contract?
80
Horrible, truly horrible. I actually had no idea that this was a practice still being widely tolerated. What chance really do girls
have growing up with parents whose idea of helping them when they get into trouble is to marry them up to the source of the trouble? The question that really begs answering here is why parents are tolerating their daughters' rapists and why current laws are allowing them to.
18
This is an abomination! Thank you once again, Mr. Kristof, for bringing into the sunshine, abuse against females. Would that the "Right-To-Lifers" would take this up as a cause, defending the lives of these children against abuse (and that IS what this is) instead of fighting adult women's medical choices. Where is the outcry? Where is the moral majority outrage? And where is the support that these child-women need? I hope that this message that many even educated and well-read Americans have little knowledge, spurs some legislative action. Kids can smoke at 18, drink at 21, drive at 16, yet girls can have their childhood stolen from them -- first by the sexual aggression and further insulted by becoming the chattel of a slave-holder? Again, I say, an abomination.
27
I would like to know how Dawn Tyree feels today about her parents actions. Not only did they cause unimaginable emotional distress forcing her to wed her rapist but they deprived her of an education and, frankly, a self-determined life. And to come full circle with our present administration, is that what Pious Pence would consider just for this rape-impregnated teen?
23
You can't be totally dogmatic about something like this. I can still remember at my high school prom in 1956 there were six or seven couples whose engagements or impending marriages were announced from the podium that night (some of the boys almost certainly to 16 year olds from the same or other schools who were not graduating that year). Everybody seemed thrilled by these announcements. including our 'chaperone' teachers. Rape certainly didn't enter into it, just raging hormones. Most people would be horrified today as times have changed, but I would bet my next Social Security check that most, if not all of these marriages worked out very well, maybe because 16 and 17 year olds were better grounded and had a more mature sense of commitment back then than do our iPod-obsessed kids today. It's interesting, though, because most of the kids and parents I knew back then all seemed to think that early marriage was, on average, a good thing, but that the voting and drinking age should be 21. But boys in that era were subject to military draft at 18, so maybe youth in general just grew up a bit earlier back then.
4
They worked out because it was more shameful to be divorced in your days. I can't imagine how many folks stayed married (officially) but were not really committed to one another back in the "good ole days." Whether they stayed married for the sake of the kids, or just to avoid their own embarrassment at "failing marriage," those same folks would be divorced today. Marrying early in life is most often a poor choice. I was only engaged for 3 months before I got married, but I was nearly 32 years old - and that was 38 years ago.
6
It's nice to see that we Americans share some family values in common with the Taliban and ISIS. The Vatican City has the lowest age of consent in the world: Sex is legal at age 12.
13
I had no idea. Thank you for sharing this shocking fact. If what you disclose is accurate as stated, the Vatican must be bombarded with objections from ethical people everywhere, until they adopt the necessary statutory reforms.
5
At one time that was true, but it was changed years ago to 18, which is now the highest in Europe, where the majority of countries set it around 14-16.
10
Of course child marriages should be banned! There is, however, something else that is not being considered and, I believe, society should be aware of this and discuss it openly. Nature prepares human beings to mate and bear children at puberty. Society (our society) wants both boys and girls, not only to finish highschool, but to go on to college and even go on to post graduate work if possible before any mating takes place. During all this time, according to certain Bible thumpers, both boys and girls are to remain chaste and forego all sexual activities (at least with each other). This is not only against nature it is just plain stupid! The male of the species, in fact, is at his sexual peak in his late teens! ( Thank God for birth control!) Both church and state must take nature into consideration when it comes to human sexuality. There must be some way we can be our natural selves without having to deal with "child marriage", unwanted teen-age pregnancies and other abuses. "Growing up in Samoa" comes to mind - what a wonderful world, however fictional, that must have been!
5
"Nature [physically] prepares human beings to mate and bear children at puberty." Biologically what you say is true, but the real world, modern day consequences are beyond mere biological considerations. There is a reason most societies have imposed are related restrictions either legally or through societal demands - those fertile 13-year olds may be able to procreate but that doesn't mean they should for they are generally unable to tend to the consequences due to a lack of maturity, financial means, etc.
Demanding or expecting chastity, while recognizing such nature, is also part of learning that one is the master one's own fate...all of us have to learn to control our impulse, whether related to sex or diet or any host of issues we all deal with.
7
Demanding that people don't have sex is sick and perverted. It is ludicrous. It does not work. It just leads to repression and violence. Sex is normal and healthy behavior. Instead of trying to suppress the unsuppressable, we should teach our young people to enjoy sex responsibly, to protect themselves from disease and pregnancy, to be honest. As a responsible single father I told all of this to my daughter on her sixteenth birthday - the legal age of consent in our state. That she waited until later was her choice, as it should have been.
1
Legalized Rape, as their God allegedly allows. THIS is one of the myriad reasons I loathe organized " religion ". ANY religion. How is this not like child "brides" in Islamic Countries ? Religion is most often an excuse for Men to behave in deplorable, even criminal fashion, and evade detection and/or consequences. ENOUGH. We desperately need a Federal Law, absolutely NO Marriages under age 16, and permission required from a Federal Judge for ages 16 and 17. Women, WE can stop this, in only a few years, if WE work together and DEMAND change. I'm ready, jump on board. Do it for all our Daughters and Granddaughters. Please.
28
You are certainly correct in pointing out mans' failure in religious institutions. The Mormon church seemed to be a way for dominant males to collect large harems, as was also the practice in early "Biblical" times. But don't throw out the baby with the bath water when it comes to religion vs. churches. Mankind is flawed and we too often yield to the temptations of satisfying our desires. But there is a better way and Jesus tried to show us. It is not always easy and many fail, but with God's help it is possible to do better. Thank God for the people who voted in favor of this law in Delaware. It is not just up to women.
1
"Juliet was 13 when Romeo courted her (although that didn’t work out so well). " Yes, but that wasn't THEIR fault was it?
I think that comment in parenthesis is deliberately misleading, for the 90% of Americans who have never seen the play.
But do see the recent Indian version of Romeo and Juliet.
Goliyon Ki Raasleela Ram-Leela. Juliet is played by Deepika Padukone who played Mastani in Bajirao Mastani.
1
That movie has become quite popular in Eastern Europe. Here are some Russian girls of the dance group Mayuri in Petrozavodsk dancing (very very well) to one of the tunes.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IMT1gbZd6cw
Could it be that romance will find its refuge in India and Eastern Europe whereas Kristof's America will start thinking of love as simply an excuse to harass women?
I know Kristof does not intend this but then neither did Marx intend Stalin.
2
So to prevent an abortion, the child is forced to marry her rapist? The religious right never fail to surprise me. I really feel sorry for the underage girls of these so called religious people. What is a 12 year old to do when everything is forced on her? She has no options and can only look forward to a life of poverty and abuse.
58
In a magical land everyone will pick a partner who is caring, loving and mature enough to have the responsibilities of adulthood. These poor child-girls in no way are ready for marriage. Why would any responsible parent allow a rapist or pediphile into the family? In my opinion this family is extremely dysfunctional. Love and marriage should go together, not domination and fear of reprisals from a 'religious' parent who cares not about the health and future of their little girl. The fact that their education is permanently destroyed should be a warning signal to these parents who consider themselves 'much holier than thou'. Shame on them.
9
Pushing one's daughter to marry her rapist and still allowed to retain the label of parenting? Doesn't fit my definition of parenting but rather criminal. I hope her supposed parents and their neighbors read this article.
23
Vote for Democrats in your local and state elections, from the bottom to the top, and they will stop this immoral, life crushing practice. Support the young women in your communities. They don't deserve this. Stamp out patrimony.
36
And the reason the solid blue states have not already accomplished this is____? It isn't just Republicans who are resisting this change.
260
Name the"blue" states that have not.
I'll help you: California -- theoretically there is no minimum age given both parental and approval of a superior court judge. Show me the approval of a CA judge to a seriously underage marriage.
MA -- same as CA, comment ditto
NY has 17 minimum, and that is with judicial consent, 18 otherwise.
I agree that 18 should be the minimum age, and would support that with no exceptions.
I would be curious to see the stats.
Having a law "on the books" does not mean people act an accordance with it (it may still be a misdemeanor to spit on the sidewalk in Mass. (a holdover from TB epidemics)
My educated guess is that deep red rural districts are where the incidence of child brides prevails. In contrast, access to quality education and healthcare will yield an opposite result (autonomous young women who are confident and not likely to be enslaved by men.)
Child brides, legal? What an abuse on children, defenseless when confronted with devious minds. This is immoral, as anybody with a conscience (the ability to 'know' right from wrong) is aware of. So, why are we obeying unjust laws, unless we may be complicit? Are our politicians at fault, or 'we the people' by not demanding a change and protect those that cannot defend themselves?
8
There's too big of a voting bloc that believe this egregious practice makes sense. The unfortunate part is that they're needed by politicians with broken moral compasses who would never get elected otherwise.
1
C’mon, Massachusetts - we’re supposed to be first in the nation at all this stuff! This is an easy one — let’s do something!
23
I grew up in Somerville and remember a girl in elementary school whose parents were from Jordan. After elementary school I heard that she had taken a trip to Jordan with her family (at 14/15 years old) and there married a guy who was in his 40's...
I still wonder about her and how that worked out. (Btw, the Jordanian marriage was supposedly a "surprise" to her, I don't believe she had any idea her parents had arranged the trip "home" for that reason.) Sad.
10
This is completely maddening. How can this exist? Have even our most liberal states like California and New York not seen fit to draw the line? Shameful. Thank you for publicizing this issue.
23
As long as the country and the world are dominated by unscrupulous men who objectify girls and women and others who simply do not care, laws will not protect the most vulnerable among us.
49 states still allow child brides? Wake up, American leadership. It's 2018!
27
"Wake up, American leadership. It's 2018!"
I felt the same way about America in the 1960's. A time when liberal thought was finally emerging as a power to change things.
Since then I've witnessed too many disheartening elections.
Boy, was I wrong.
1
This is outrageous. The lengths people will go to avoid "a scandal". I understand the logic involved, truly. I also have not been in this situation, from any viewpoint; however, it is possible I could be as a parent. The thought frightens me, but this article does help with one's counsel.
1
Wow. Whatever happened to the notion of informed consent, or even of prioritizing the child's well-being?
Seems the "Me Too" movement has a long way to go. This is a disgrace.
8
Maybe Kristof can include research into the Somali diaspora in Minnesota, before laying all of this blame on fundamental Christians. The chances that the incidence of abuse is higher are very good. But Kristof doesn't want to talk about that, I am sure. He could check on the private clinics doing FGM also, and the girls being sent home to Somalia for the summer to undergo this disgusting ritual.
6
From the article "Marriage laws are mostly a matter for the states, but there is room for federal action. American girls in immigrant families are sometimes pressured to marry a distant relative abroad as a way of bringing him to the United States, and it should be a simple matter to ban spouse visas unless both parties were 18 at the time of the marriage."
8
So much of what we take for granted is LIES. The lying, which destroys lives, must stop. The myths that folks believe are mostly made up of lies. American exceptionalism? Made up of lots of lies. Child brides to save face? Another lie.
7
" Child marriage is a violation of human rights, but is all too common. Marriage before the age of 18 is a fundamental violation of human rights. ..."
Sounds familiar?
This is UNICEFs take on child marriage in Third World countries.
Like the US of A.
31
We have deemed people under 18 to be "children". Along with getting special protections, we've determined these people are too young to make decisions regarding voting, serving in the military, buying cigarettes, etc. Isn't marriage just as sacred as these acts?
4
I am surprised to be only the second commenter on this piece. The option of the first commenter leaves me almost in tears. Does michjas have a daughter, a sister, a niece, a granddaughter ? How by any measure is marrying an underage child to an older man a solution to an abusive home? And be assured it is most always a girl child married to an older man. Rarely, 2 underage children of about the same age and almost never an older woman marrying an underage boy. I believe Connecticut currently has a bill wending its way through the legislature to end this foul practice.
10
"... the strongest opposition has come from conservatives who argue that a pregnant girl should be able to marry the unborn child’s father."
I didn't have to read any further after that slap in the face.
It seems it's always "conservatives" who oppose the means to free young girls from the oppression of child-bride "marriages."
I don't suppose any "conservative" has ever thought about how a young girl views her sexual predator. Rape is never about sex; it's always about power. How do they not understand this basic psychological arrow through a young girl's heart, mind and soul?
Conservatives, regardless of party, have neither the time nor the patience for a child born of rape to see it through the early stages of its life. How does a girl, barely past puberty and, against her will, sexually active, find refuge in education or wholesome, positive activities?
So, to turn away from a potentially-embarrassing domestic situation, a "mother" or a "father," or both, will give away their daughter to a man who savaged her, who robbed her of her innocence and her self-esteem, her very future. Sounds very "conservative" to me.
A rape victim isn't likely to emerge from the experience as a trusting and loving and giving person. Children born from such assaults struggle to find acceptance from either parent (or grand-parent). They're left like bones in a desert, picked clean by the next guy who comes along.
Forty-nine out of 50, eh? Wow! That's progress!
Tell that to the victim.
23
Important information. Thank you for investigating and writing about this. I'm calling my state legislators this morning.
6
Slowly but surely, more than half of the world's population is gaining their full human rights' status.
No longer are they going to be victimized or abused, or placed in a pact (sanctioned by the state ) to legally condone said abuse. No longer are they going to be assaulted and raped and have it swept under the carpet as them being powerless to do something about it. No longer will they not have complete dominion over their own bodies. No longer will they not be in all levels of power for government or business.
No longer will we treat mothers, daughters and sisters as mere chattel. They are equals.
7
While not the point of the article, it still might be worth noting the author's use of sexist language regarding fertilization: [he] made her pregnant. Enough already. Females become pregnant.
I don't think his language was sexist at all. His point is correct - she did not get pregnant by herself. She, a child unable to consent, was impregnated by a grown man. What happened was the result of his actions, not hers.
51
Enough already. Females become pregnant.
----
Not without a "he" they don't.
9
Please check out teen pregnancy and health/ disability in children and mothers. Haven't read anything recently but the figures used to be dismaying. We have had a poor record in infant and maternal mortality.
1
Sorry, but the facts simply don't match this article. Kristof talks about 13 year olds getting married and how that is awful and I would agree. But the Delaware law requires both parties to be at least 18, with no exceptions. As any parent knows, there is a world of difference between 13 and 17. Even calling a 17 year old a "child bride" seems way off. True, in the social circles that Kristof and I inhabit we discourage 17 year olds from marrying -- but Delaware has made a LAW which applies to all cultures.
5
"Sadly, the facts were right. Yes, states set a minimum age of 18, but they also allow exceptions, such as with approval of parents or a court, or when a girl is pregnant. Indeed, 20 states don’t set any minimum statutory age for marriage, according to the Tahirih Justice Center’s Forced Marriage Initiative."
1
From the article:
"Last year I wrote about Sherry Johnson, a Florida woman who had been married at the age of 11 to her rapist. After that article, many readers wrote me saying that my facts were wrong and that their state had a minimum age for marriage of 18.
Sadly, the facts were right. Yes, states set a minimum age of 18, but they also allow exceptions, such as with approval of parents or a court, or when a girl is pregnant. Indeed, 20 states don’t set any minimum statutory age for marriage, according to the Tahirih Justice Center’s Forced Marriage Initiative."
2
Read the article. That’s exactly what the author is celebrating. The fact that Delaware has passed this law.
5
Mr. Kristof, I want to sincerely thank you for your continued focus on issues such as this. Whether it be sex trafficking and modern slavery in America, overseas sex tourism, or child abuse masquerading as marriage, your body of work at the New York Times is an impressive contribution to the paper. It also lends clear insight into your overall decency and humanity. Keep up the good work.
10
It almost seems like a joke: a thirteen-year-old can be married, but won't be accepted at a shelter for battered women because she's not old enough. She's considered a runaway child if she flees! Apparently her husband is her guardian! It also makes me wonder: how many thirteen-year-old boys marry thirty-year-old women? Or is it only girls that are treated as property? ...rhetorical question; I know.
44
There are dozens of cases of female teachers who have relations with their male students. Seems like a new one hits the news about every other month. The boy was 12 or 13 in one of the more famous, Mary Kay Letourneau, and, yes, they did get married.
2
How can domestic violence shelters possibly justify turning a girl away just for being underage? That should be outlawed. This is an arbitrary rule of the cruelest imaginable sort. I am outraged!
8
I don't disagree with the overall point of the article, Nick. But if you are going to set a minimum age for marriage, there should be a minimum age for abortion. You cannot logically say a pregnant teenager is a woman with a woman's right to choose abortion ... but not marriage.
4
Abortion is a one-off. Marrriage is a continuing situation. I speak as one who has done both.
14
It is a fact that our nation, our society, has agreed to agree that the age of 18 is the age of maturity.
For voting, buying cigarettes, auto and health plan coverage, credit cards, joining the military, etc.
Therefore it seems reasonable to apply this generally agreed upon standard to marriage as well, so that girls in, oh say Middle School, have a chance to finish their education.
By the way, how many 11 year old BOYS are being married off? Oh no, THAT would be disgusting now wouldn’t it.
24
An issue of tremendous importance, and kudos to Nick Kristof for shining a light on it. But can we please stop using possessives in relation to the victims of rape? A 13 year-old girl does not have "her" rapist. Women do not have "their" rapists. A rapist is not a thing that someone possesses. Besides, the use of the possessive in this context recalls another common possessive formulation -- "her husband" -- when that is precisely the mindset that we're trying to change.
Similar to the use of the passive voice, the use of a possessive in this context draws attention away from the act of violence being discussed. We should refer instead to "the man who raped her" or some other formulation that makes clear that a specific person committed an act of sexual violence. I don't mean to imply that words can solve this problem -- laws and law enforcement are required for that -- but words do affect how we think about an issue.
27
Yes Matthew. And when you get a national column you may put what you wish in your pieces. Until then...
2
No, 13 year olds, male or female, should not be allowed to be married, by a judge or anyone.
Yet our country has such a bizarre relationship with the concept of age and maturity...somehow a 16-year old is not mature and wise enough to marry or drink alcohol or smoke or sign a contract, but we have lots of noise about how that age cohort should be looked to for supposed political savvy and some even advocate allowing them to vote! A 25-year old can be called a "child" and carried on their parents' health insurance. Teenagers are supposed to know on their own if it's okay to engage in sex with another teen, but if one turns 18 then it's wrong under the law, sending yet another mixed message. A 14-year old girl is supposed to be smart enough to make decisions "about her own body" without parental interference and have an abortion is she so desires, yet she can't go out and get a tattoo.
Well, which is it, America? If they're too young, they're too young for adult privileges and rights, even if you hope to score political points with a "youth vote" for instance. Insane.
7
It is painfully immoral that girls in our country are still being married to their rapists to save their families from religious and social embarrassment. We need new laws to prevent this old crime.
When parents try to convince a judge that their girl (age 17 or younger) needs special permission to get married at that age, the law should require a pregnancy test to determine if the crime of statutory rape is being covered up, before a marriage license is granted.
11
@ Burtie Brilliant! Should be mandatory for girls (under 18) and she must be accompanied by her parents (both!) and the husband to be!
Kristoff is correct in his argument, but not so correct in is headline. He should have done more research (which isn't exactly hard to do). Namely: https://family.findlaw.com/marriage/state-by-state-marriage-age-of-conse...
So his notion of "child bride" is pretty widely variable from state to state and not all states are as benighted as some.
2
Only a handful of states require both parental and judicial consent and very few reasonably restrict the age at which parental consent allows the marriage to occur.
Also, the irony of this should blow your mind: "With parental consent and/or the consent of a judge, males can marry at fourteen years of age and females can marry at the age of twelve. On May 17, 2004, Massachusetts became the first state to recognize same-sex marriage. Common law marriage is not recognized."
5
This article focuses on conservatives, Christians as if this problem doesn't exist in other communities as it actually does today...another way to game immigration laws.
2
From the article:
"Marriage laws are mostly a matter for the states, but there is room for federal action. American girls in immigrant families are sometimes pressured to marry a distant relative abroad as a way of bringing him to the United States, and it should be a simple matter to ban spouse visas unless both parties were 18 at the time of the marriage."
6
Yes but America claims to be the land of the free and the home of the brave where all are divinely naturally created equal with certain unalienable rights including life, liberty and the pursuit of happiness.
In addition to child brides America has 25% of the world's prisoners with 5 % of humanity.
29
If there's a silver lining to the Trump era, it's that we're being forced to look in the mirror. It was easy to revel in the hagiography of The City on a Hill, or in the hopefulness of President Obama's election, but now we're confronting racism, misogyny, xenophobia and religious bigotry along with hypocrisy and it's all coming from us. And it hurts - but facing it all squarely is the only way forward. Maybe someday we'll deserve to called America the Beautiful. I hope so.
4
notwithstanding the ridiculous example of Romeo and Juliet -- the average life expectancy in Italy in the time the play takes place was 31 -- this is another example of the rarefied hypocrisy of Americans. Not just conservatives. Not just Christians. All the while we preach our "values" to the rest of the world.
It's amazing the rest of the world doesn't build a wall around us.
8
As it comes to light that these men actually raped these children, are any charges being pressed? Are they facing any consequences for their actions whatsoever? I understand they didn't initially because of the marriage, but now, for instance, it is being reported in leading newspapers like this one that specific men raped specific women when they were children. Independent of whether they later got married or not, shouldn't these men be prosecuted now?
7
Presuming that the parents consented to the marriage, it seems pretty unlikely that they would cooperate with a prosecution. Additionally, spousal privilege in the court system can prevent one spouse from being forced to testify about there other spouse (different than wanting to testify). I know there are exceptions to it, but it seems highly unlikely a prosecutor would pursue a case where the parents implicitly consent to the action by consenting to the marriage.
Statute of limitations?
This problem arises because a large segment of our population still strongly does not condone sex outside of marriage. I write as someone who married in 1969 at 20 to a 22-year-old because my mother was threatening to use the power of the state to force me (considered a minor in the relevant states) to leave school and return home. Marriage gave me a claim to be an emancipated minor. Her threat was based on having found out that I had had an abortion (the impregnator was a previous longterm boyfriend). That marriage lasted 13 years and I will always be grateful to him for protecting me the best we knew how, but we probably would have better off just living together a while longer without the interference of the "morality" police.
There is a vast difference between young people having consensual sex - who also need to not be cajoled into marriage but just left to be together - and a woman of any age being prayed on by a sexual predator who usually gets away with it because of community mores about any extramarital sex.
7
The last phrase of my last sentence is confusing at best. I meant that when he does get away with it that is usually because of community mores condoning any extramarital sex.
Alabama Holy Roller Roy Moore in 2017:
"There are communities under (Muslim) Sharia law right now in our country. Up in Illinois. Christian communities; I don’t know if they may be Muslim communities. But (Muslim) Sharia law is a little different from American law. It is founded on religious concepts......Well, there’s Sharia law, as I understand it, in Illinois, Indiana -- up there. I don't know...... Sharia law incorporates Muslim law into the law. That’s not what we do. We do not punish people according to the Christian precepts of our faith -- so there’s a difference."
Wrong, Roy Moore.
America is littered with Christian Shariah Law in almost every state, forcing medieval religious patriarchy and superstition on women and other people all across America.
This is a country, not a church.
We should act like it, and persecute all the religious kooks, crazies, pedophiles and perverted patriarchs with the full extent of common law.
Free the women; imprison the medieval religious rapists.
95
...and get rid of the church's tax exempt status while we're at it.
59
Easy there. I think you meant "Prosecute", not "persecute." Given the context of the subject, it's a critical difference.
12
Jim....persecuting with legal law is prosecution, although I understand your point.
I had no idea that underage marriages were legal. This has to change, and quickly. The fastest way would be a federal law but that can't happen with the GOP in power. So I plan to write to my state representatives to ask them to change the law because I don't want to live in a state that allows this.
8
There isn't a federal law not because of the GOP but because of the constitution - nothing therein gives the federal government any authority over marriage laws in that fashion. Your idea of writing to your state rep, on the other hand, is precisely what should happen, for it is up to them to act properly in this instance and end this ridiculous practice.
7
I have mixed emotions about this. My family history includes my very scared 17 years old grandfather marrying my 15 years old grandmother and beginning a military career as he left the hills of western Virginia to fight Pancho Villa for Black Jack Pershing. That marriage survived that war, two world wars, and produced six children.
Yet, as the father and grandfather of girls, the thoughts of them throwing away their educations and other economic and social opportunities to enter teenage marriages turns my stomach.
What may have made sense for my grandparents 100 years ago makes no sense in a modern, secular, humanist society. Better backstopping of young, single Moms, better approaches to sexual and emotional abuse by social and government services, and better law enforcement needs to be combined with new laws that reserve marriage for adults.
Thanks, Mr. Kristof, for an excellent column.
57
Ralph, you don't have 'mixed emotions'.
Your grandparents story was 100 years ago...and was somewhat normal for that era.
Time have changed.
So have you and most evolved human beings.
Modernity demands more evolved behavior, and zero deference to religious depravity, insanity and perversion.
22
Here's the thing-- your grandparents were super close in age (just a two-year difference), and were both minors. They got together consensually, it sounds like, with no R-word involved. That is not what this article is addressing. It is addressing much younger girls being married off to much older men who raped them. Apples and oranges.
14
I think there's some room for a Romeo and Juliet exception similar to the one for statutory rape, where two older teens can marry; perhaps with some mandatory marriage counseling by a state-approved therapist and an easier path to divorce for the first couple years.
4
There are so many reasons that it has become obsolete for state legislatures which easily give into special interest pressures to make laws such as the age of consent for marriage. The United States of America needs one policy, clearly stated, with possible judicial exemptions for rare cases.
Here in Florida, the opportunity for local control by cities or counties for gun policies, smoking on beaches, and discrimination against LBGTQ communities has been removed by Gov. Scott (R) and the Republican state legislature. One reason given: Visitors to Florida would be confused by different policies so one state-wide gun carry, purchase, use policy is better than local control according to the FL Republican party.
5
The US may or may not need one policy on marriage but here again many fail to see the legal issue - marriage laws are not something the federal government was given jurisdiction over under the constitution. Frankly, as with a lot of other areas in which it tries to interfere, the feds should stick to what they are supposed to do (and often fail at) rather than trying to solve every state issue.
3
How about the fact that the federal government is supposed to "promote the general welfare" of its citizens? Surely the protection of children are included that statement. I cannot think of a more important role for the federal government. They get involved in all matters pertaining to money, banking and corporate welfare. Please re-consider your position.
1
The Constitution is an old document, meant to evolve. It didn't specify voting rights for women and blacks. Didn't specify Child Labor Laws. But it did specify equal protection. Equal Rights. And the federal gov't funds many child protection agencies, anti-trafficking, abuse, neglect directives and legislated activities. Has done so, legally, for many decades.
George, if a person is a child, someone has to accept responsibility for standards of protection. Or else we find, as we do, families and adult men preying on girls. Denying them their right to an education, to a childhood, to protection from abuse and neglect. The USA has a record to match the most repressive, patriarchal societies we claim to abhor.
1
We now have scientific information that confirms when our brains finish their development. It is in the early to mid 20s of our lives. Anyone in their early to mid teens is far from being mature, physically and mentally. We need to let children be children.
61
Who says that brains have to be "mature". The flip side: if you can get pregnant you can mate.
I find your position is chilling because it suggests that sexual consent cannot be given until brain maturity and a possible conclusion that most women, in fact, have been raped.
5
We need to expose and prosecute people who prey on children and commit illegal acts. No sweeping it under the carpet, or forcing the child to marry to protect...what exactly? the family name? the facade of wholesomeness for the family and child? All that was destroyed when a man decided to force himself on a child by whatever means (physically, psychological)
It doesn't help when men are given a slap on the wrist (like Brock Turner) after raping/sexually assaulting someone. That's not much of a deterrent to other would-be rapists.
5
Trump is over 70. What happened to his brain. Is it still a work in progress? I'm sure he's just fine with these childhood marriages. What a jerk.
Some 40 years after the fact I still remember crying with my best friend as we said our goodbyes. She was just 16, being sent, choiceless, by her parents to marry some much older distant relative far from home. That was how "her people" did it. I'll find her someday. That is, if she survived the trauma.
74
Tennessee passed legislation this year, that while not perfect, goes a long way towards ending human trafficking and child brides. No one under 17 is allowed to married and 17 year olds can only marry with permission so long as there is no more than a 4 year age difference.
40
That sounds reasonable. Plenty of 17-year-olds date 19-, 20-, or 21-year-old men. It might technically be statutory rape, but consider that when they are all younger, then the 17-year-old is 14 when the 21-year-old is 17-- meaning they are in high school together. My brother was in a relationship like this; everything was legal when it started, but eventually there came a time when it was illegal. But they were in love, and didn't want to break up just because my brother had a birthday.
8
New York's law has similarly changed recently. It used to allow for marriage at age 16 with parental permission and at age 14 with parental + judicial permission. The age 14 portion I found particularly disturbing, since we don't trust kids that age to drive or work a regular job.
16
Correction from previous reply- the 20-year-old would be 17. The 21-year-old would be 18, which may or may not put him still in high school, depending on when the birthday is. But my point is that when there is a small age different, perfectly innocent, non-coercive high school relationships often become illegal after they've started. Still, though, all things being equal, these people could also just date each other rather than marrying...But if some 17-year-old girl wants to marry her high school sweetheart who just happens to now be 20, I don't see anything wrong with that.
4
Here in Queensland before WW2, it was very common for girls in rural communities, especially those whose parents were Roman Catholics from Sicily or Calabria, to get married at the age of twelve. It's not well documented, and present-day Australian feminists don't like to highlight the issues.
Early pregnancy, in or out of wedlock, is strongly linked to adherence to the organised religions, to ignorance and poverty, to low levels of formal schooling, to low levels of formal qualifications and to low levels of measured intelligence.
Some girls like my mother are desperate to leave home and will do anything to achieve this outcome. In my mother's case, it meant marrying my father, a man totally unsuited to marriage and to fatherhood. Given that my mother was also totally unsuited to marriage and to motherhood, the main sufferers were my sister and me – especially me.
119
Colenso,
yes, those types of practises were common ages ago and are now extinct in developed countries.
And yes, there is an influence of religious beliefs.
After all, child marriage is common in underdeveloped countries with predominantly Muslim countries as there is a history of Ā'ischa bint Abī Bakr the bride of Muhammad which was 9 years of when he married her, he was much older than her.
But those are Third World underdeveloped countries and their culture.
They are certainly not acceptable in a developed nation of the 21st century.
6
But the so-called develop world still allow their kids to have sex as young as 12 and then point fingers at other people. The developed world think it is cute for 12 year olds to be having sex and promiscuous but have a fit when they get married?
In situations like divorces it is common for the court to appoint a guardian ad litem to provide a neutral adult third party trusted by the court to represent the child’s interests. Seems like that principle could be applied here - allow under-18 marriage only with court approval upon recommendation by a GAL.
12
Why not just ban it, since no GAL should approve such a thing?
If you think there are cases child marriage should still be allowed, I'd suggest that allowing for these few cases doesn't seem worth the risk that some of the GALs will be deceived or negligent, and wrongly give their permission.
21
Thank you for again enlightening us!
13
Is another view allowed here? Of course 13 is too young. But what about my Grandparents who were married at 17 and 16, and whose marriage lasted 64 years? That was common practice, and the divorce rate was a fraction of what it currently is.
10
Yes, what about your grandparents? I'm glad to hear that they (apparently) had a long and happy marriage. But we need to drop this whataboutism and anecdotal citations. Minors should not be allowed to marry, period. They're not old enough to make good decisions about such important matters, and it's obviously that many parents who allow it are all-too-often motivated by toxic religiosity or a desire to cover up embarrassing family secrets.
85
Congratulations to your grandparents. One story does not make for good law, however. With all of the peer-reviewed studies that the brains of teenagers are not fully capable of making competent decisions, I believe state legislators would be well-advised to let the evidence and the science back-up the laws.
81
What about the science of sociology that clearly shows the generation who married young was successful? That can only be based on making those competent decisions.
1
I teach at a community college, and I have seen the unfortunate effects of child marriage. A couple of semesters ago, I had a student who had married as a young teen. She was abused by her ex-husband, and she could not read or write because her education had been interrupted. California was going to pass legislation prohibiting child marriage but the ACLU lobbied against it. In general I support the ACLU, but they are wrong about this.
235
ACLU sticking their nose in when they should have stood down. The result, the ACLU (in this case) basically perpetuated sexual abuse, child rape, parental abuse and neglect and predatory behavior. Not good.
20
I agree. Hey, ACLU, our family are card-carrying members but underaged marriage is not a civil right! please change your stance!
25
As you may know, Rachel, California is in the process of cutting off higher education to abused women like your student. They are calling it "acceleration" but it's thinly disguised discrimination. It ends all Math and English remediation. If you aren't already college ready, you are welcome to apply so we can take your money and flunk you after a few weeks.
11
We have decided in other instances that protecting a child's rights is more important than respecting religious beliefs, an example being providing medical care that may go against the parents' religious beliefs. Is child marriage still allowed because in most cases the child in the situation is female?
196
I don't care if a young girl (or her parents) thinks she is mature enough to marry before she turns 18 years old. She is not.
As a society, we must protect these girls and say no - no exceptions. If there are problems in the home, marriage is not the answer. If she is pregnant, marriage is still not the answer (and likely it is a crime).
204
Should it be a crime for her to have sex before 18,
If not and you say she can not get married then she will have no reason to have sex with only one man.
You are encouraging her to have sex with multiple partners which will give her a STD even if she uses protection.
1
Children shouldn’t be permitted to marry under any circumstances. Period.
That being said; this article doesn’t speak to the nuanced laws that have passed across the nation in many states over the last year, at least beginning to limit child marriage.
Texas has outlawed marriage for children under 18 as of 2017, unless the child is a legally emancipated minor. It’s not perfect, but it is a start.
36
The point is that these laws allow a judge and/or the parents to get around them. Delaware has the first that stops it it completely.
14
It is always interesting that these unfortunate events often occur in religious conservative households. The moral compass seems to be missing.
840
Social conservatives have a hierarchical view of the world in which females are a lower form of life than males. This lack of respect is reflected in the kinds of laws Red State Republicans like to pass--laws that block access to reproductive health services as well as laws that allow young girls to be married before they're capable of consent. We need to vote socially conservative Republicans out. Until we do, they will continue to inflict their sick, twisted beliefs on our country. The cure for the disease of misogyny is feminism. And the Democratic party is the feminist party.
135
They happened in militantly atheist Moscow, too, during the Soviet era. I know two people personally who were forced by their parents to marry. In one family, the girl who was married off was 13 and pregnant. Her father, though an atheist, came from a family of Muslim heritage albeit very secular. When his only child got pregnant from her 1st sexual experience, he insisted she marry. It did not last, needless to say. In another family of my acquaintance, a 15 year old boy was forced to marry his 14 year old girlfriend, whose grandparents came from Central Asia. Even though all these families were living in Moscow, prominent & by the standards of that society well-off, the "old rules" were still being imposed on docile, talented, studious children. This also happened to two 15 y.o. girls in my San Francisco high school, from very American, not at all observant families. Tribal habits die hard. Too many parents view their offspring as only slightly more entitled to human rights than pets. For as long as we continue to stigmatize pregnancy as some kind of "failure" & not the natural biological consequence of a maturing body, we are going to have people looking at baby-making as some kind of "embarrassing tragic calamity." It isn't. No way should any rapist or inconsiderate lout ever be dragged into a legal obligation that will provide further occasions to harm another human being!
21
This is what you get when superstition and delusion is used to distort reality.
I blame religion.
66
No mention is made as to Dawn Tyree's present relationship with her parents. I sincerely hope there isn't any. What they put her through is inexcusable and they do not deserve the title of "parents." As to the supposed husband (rapist,) he should be put away and forgotten about.
330
I hope she sued them civilly - for intentional infliction of emotional distress.
And if the statute of limitations didn't bar it- filed criminal charges for accessory to rape of a child.
Smart girl to dump the pedophile husband.
I wish she has published his name.
16
As do I r mackinnon.
NJ recently tried to pass such a law, but the religious leaders wanted an exception for their religion. As a result the law failed to pass. The religious leaders were Jewish.
388
and in Utah, they'd be Mormons. There's no shortage of conservative religions that see girls as little more than a vessel. They can hang as many pretty poems around it as they like- but they still see girls as a liability and want them wearing a wedding ring as early as possible before they get pregnant and embarrass the family!
73
I'd bet that they weren't secular, reform, or conservative Jews.
54
I'm sure you don't mean just any Jewish leaders - it's specifically the Hasidics who want their girls pumping out babies as soon as possible, and as many as possible.
71
Delaware has always been, "The First State."
46
Last year Cuomo sign legislation to ban child marriage. Is this article up-to-date?
15
The new law still allows 17-year-olds to marry if a judge gives consent. The judge is supposed to be convinced that the girl (sorry—a 17-year-old is not a grown woman) is entering into the marriage of her own free will and that the marriage will not jeopardize her physical, mental or emotional health. No doubt some marriages work out for girls of this age, but I’d prefer a ban on marriages for people under 18.
41
The bill signed in June 2017 dramatically reduces the circumstances under which children can marry; abolishing marriage for 14- to 16-year-olds and allowing 17-year-olds to wed only with both judicial and parental consent.
12
Hmm. I think maybe it is time to rethink the whole child marriage thing. How can a parent legally say that you can marry and then have sex with my underage child? Having sex with a child should be illegal even if you are married. If a girl is 12 or 13 and the man is in his 30s or 40s married or not that still sounds like molestation or rape. That should not be allowed. What judge can hear a 13 year old girl saying that she wants to marry some man in his 30s?
422
Exactly! NYTimes should find out who the proceeding Judge in the Tyree marriage was and ask him/her what the justification was. Shame on that judge.
44
This is one reason why laws requiring girls to get parental consent to use birth control can be problematic. When the purpose of "parental control" is to perpetrate or cover up abuse, children need to be empowered to take any measure they can to protect themselves.
38
One really does wonder who this judge was and what their thinking was. Appalling!
3
This article fails to mention that some of the strongest opposition to these bills also comes from Planned Parenthood. It's not as simple as blaming conservatives for this terrible practice being allowed to exist in the US.
13
Source for your claim, please!
Because I did a quick google search and it turned out that PP's position is exactly the opposite of what you claim. In fact, they are leading the fight against child marriage worldwide.
https://www.unfpa.org/sites/default/files/pub-pdf/endchildmarriage.pdf
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Why is Planned Parenthood against these bills? I don’t understand. Could somebody who knows more about this issue help me out here?
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IPP strongly opposes child marriage. I have not seen a US PP position paper on this issue. Was it someone in CA going rogue? I can't seem to find any credible in=depth journalism on this issue, just a bunch of references to a position without any supporting evidence or quotes.
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Some people might enter the army at age 13 and do well, but we, sensibly, don't permit enlistment until age 18. Some might handle alcohol just fine at age 13, but the law says wait till you are 21.
And because some child marriages work out, child marriage is still a mean, sexist relic of an age when girls were glibly handed from male to male to preserve an oppressive social order.
Right to Life conservatives cannot be trusted to protect their own daughters, much less legislate for the rest of us. Elected politicians claim a rape-pregmnancy is a "gift from God," as if the Lord (a male, I guess) blesses abuse and rape. Anti-abortion activists call the pregnant woman a "host," the fetus a child deserving of full citizenship.
Of course attitudes like these would countenance child marriages. To many, the girl is already nothing more than a possession in these circumstances, the man her potential owner.
When Roy Moore's allies defended his uprightness, they often dismissed his alarming attraction to underage girls by calling his behavior consensual wooing.
Once again, the adults with a shred of moral clarity and belief in the equality and dignity of girls and women must step in and do what the adults in Delaware did. Shut down the child bride trade, now!
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"When Roy Moore's allies defended his uprightness, they often dismissed his alarming attraction to underage girls by calling his behavior consensual wooing." Yes, the mental contortions these so-called "Christians" put themselves through to justify their medieval viewpoints about girls is truly astounding.
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Good for Delaware, I hope the rest of the states act soon to prevent these awful marriages.
And I have to say I was stunned, stunned, to see that Mr. Kristof had not found a way to use this article to bash President Trump--surely there must have been some way to blame Trump or his family or his associates for this terrible practice.
2
Clearly, Mon Ray, Skepticrat, Mr. Kristof COULD have blamed Donald for his dismissive attitude for this outcome and attitude toward women and girls but this issue is beyond the Trump Gang's ugly purview and Kristof wanted a clear, fact laden understanding of the ugliness going on. Thank God for Nicholas. The Trumps are absolutely nothing in this issue and most others.
I had to pinch my arm and read it again to believe this - child brides in Pakistan or some such place, yes, but the US and in 49 states!? Well, whaddaya know ...
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The law in Pakistan (as I understand it) is that the bride must be at least 16 and the groom must be at least 18. Sure, the laws may not be enforced, or the ages may be debatable, but they do have a law in Pakistan and many other countries against child marriage.
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Marriage as a union of mature true love is as rare as our country willingly giving up misogyny.
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"True love" is a bit like the mythical True Scotsman; purely subjective and impossible to define.
4
Once again, institutional religion shows itself to be a great source of misery and oppression for humanity. And the reality is that it will require much more suffering before H. sapiens finally and universally drops these archaic, destructive, Iron-Age beliefs.
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Religion precedes the Iron Age; it is one of the earliest things that defines humanity--that is not to condone it in what is supposed to be the Enlightenment! Of course human beings looked for explanations of natural phenomena when their lies were affected in extreme ways, but what’s the excuse now that we know what these things are?
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Thank you for enlightening me. I have an anti-Muslim relative who claims this is one of the reasons we should be vigilant against a lot of Mideast policies. Wretched, but good to know what happens around town too.
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Yes, but the truth is, Islam encourages and promotes child marriages as PART of its ideology. Christians and Jews may sometimes, ( though not in statistical relevancy) have teens marry but it is not part of the very doctrine of the faith. These parents were doing this not out following their faith but of fear of scandal. Shameful but not at all like Islam.
3
It is not correct to say that Christians do not have teens marry as a part of the doctrine of their faith. Some Evangelicals defended Roy Moore on the grounds that older men should marry girls to "train them up" into good Christian women. They referred to the Bible for examples.
The constants are conservatism and misogyny. Those are found in all societies, but especially among religious fundamentalists. Certain American Christians would be at home with the Taliban if only the Taliban espoused Christianity.
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Fascinating that Delaware made this change. Delaware lowered the age of consent to seven in the 19th Century when all other States had it set at ten. Yes, that's right, our country set consent at ten years old in the 19th and into the 20th century.
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The literature tells of many underage marriages designed to escape parental abuse. The marriage may or may not be a ruse but it is welcome by the young girl as an excuse to leave her abusive home. Before passing legislation regarding child marriages state legislators need to know whether they are helping or harming young girls.
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I think it's incredibly sad that we seem to be viewing marriage as a refuge against abuse. How about stopping the abuse itself? No child should have to marry to flee abuse.
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Your point is well taken, altho I'd bet my 401k that such girls, like my sister, will leave abusive parents to arrive at an abusive husband.
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There should be much better ways to escape parental abuse than running into the arms of a pedophile. No parent should be able to “consent” to having their child raped. If the child is below the legal age of consent, marriage should be against the law. Period. And unwed mothers under 18 should be able to receive the same care as those over 18. The focus should be on helping the children - both the child mother and her baby - not the abuser or the parents. This is another example of women and children being treated as property. Shameful!
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It is hard to get my head around ruining a child’s life and destroying her future to avoid embarrassment to the family and potential incarceration of a criminal. There are more humane ways, such as adoption at birth, that would allow these victims to finish their education and move on to become valuable contributors to society and not just domestic slaves.
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There are more humane ways, like not forcing a young girl to have a baby, period.
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Yeah, I for one am truly horrified that there are parents out there who react to learning that their child has been raped, not by seeking justice against the rapist, but by marrying their child off to them. They should be embarrassed by their own lack of moral decency.
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Exactly, Mary A.
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Child marriage is very common in my country, India.
It's very sad to learn that such bad customs exist in a superpower like America.
Parents are accountble for their daughter's safety.
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This, in part, would explain the population explosion in the indian subcontinent in the past 70 or 80 years. From the independance from Britain in 1947 and before the partition, India had a population of about 350 million. Today, 70 years later, the population of India alone passes the 1 billion 400 million, Pakistan has 170-180 millions. An explosion of 1 billion plus in 70 years!
12
Actually child marriage in India has become more and more rare. The population growth is a complex tangle. Issues like wanting a son, wanting more children to help in agricultural families, having more children as a way to ensure you have at least one son grow up (considering infant mortality rates), lack of availability of contraception and a culture that avoided sterilization as a stigma - the complexity of the issue is worth exploring.
1
While it is true that there are child marriages still happening in India, please note that these are illegal. Unlike the US we've had a law passed against it. Also while it is unlawful, the poor who do this are trying to secure the future of the daughter, not handing her to her rapist
10
Why is it less embarrassing to have a 13-yr-old daughter who is married as opposed to a 13-yr-old daughter who has been raped by her babysitter?
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I think Nick said it: Parents wanted to avoid investigation of their neglect. As a public health nurse, I saw parents do all sorts of shameful things like this to their daughters and my experiences were entirely in NYS. I like what Delaware is doing.
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This is a great follow-up to Kristoff's first horrifying opinion piece. Like so many others, I was shocked to read this.
First, let me say any that marriage that would constitute statutory rape needs to be immediately federally banned in the US. It's disgusting, pedophilia-serving, misogynistic, and hypocritical that our country allows this.
But I also want to present a counterpoint to the idea of 16-18 year old teens marrying each other. My grandmother was 17, my grandfather was 18. He was going to be deployed. Their families did not approve of their union, so they eloped in North Carolina where they could wed without parental permission at the time. Apart from the emotional considerations (they wanted their relationship to be validated before he was deployed), my grandmother and her daughter (my mother) would not have received any surviving family benefit if my grandfather had been killed in combat if they had not been married.
Thankfully, my grandfather returned home safely and they lived out the rest of their lives together, happily married for over 60 years and very much in love.
But I'm sure their situation is not unique, especially among military families, even today. How do we protect these individuals without sacrificing a hard-line stance on the horrifying practices cited in the article?
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Allow emancipated minors to marry. To become an emancipated minor, you need to apply to the courts to demonstrate financial independence, among other things. This allows the younger spouse to prove that they are mature enough and ready to be legally treated as an adult (which it sounds like a 17 year old woman with a committed military boyfriend and a child would certainly be ready for), and thus can marry as an adult. However, for all non emancipated minors, the hard line stance endures.
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Sounds like we need to change many of our laws to make 18 the legal age for virtually everything. I say virtually because there is a need for giving a driver's license to those 16 and older but I see no good reason to make the claim that anyone under 18 is old enough to make adult decisions. We do allow voting at 18 so it makes good sense to make that the absolute legal age.
Amazing to me that little Delaware has the sense to pass such legislation. Good for them!
1
One way might be to stop sending 18 year olds, male or female, off to war. They're not considered, in general, to be mature enough to drink alcohol in this country but they can lay down their life for its interests?
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This practice seems to be America's version of honor killings. The girl is still alive, but under the control of an older man, possibly a pedophile. She is educationally and economically disadvantaged. But her family is not "shamed." We can, and must, do better for our children.
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I agree, Elizabeth; there is no difference to honor killings.
While the young girl may not be killed, her life is over and surely to survive is a nightmare, no young girl should have to experience.
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Very well said, and a fully valid comparison. Be careful who and what you criticize in others until you examine the "board in your own eye."
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Agreed. The local police, school guidance counselors, social workers and local outreach organizations should be focusing on the areas and communities that this is happening in. Let's use big data to narrow down the most vulnerable communities to the extent possible. The States should pickup of the tab for prenatal paternity tests which can be done as early as 7 weeks. The statutory rapists should be immediately held on one million dollar bail pending trial. The parents should be liable for child abuse if they are complicite in any cover up. The abortion pill should be made available to the child and the parents complicit in any cover up should be denied any say in the decision.
22
The idea that a young girl should be married off to avoid embarrassment to a family is actually abuse by the very parents who should have protected her, and I hope some new thinking will result in protection for these young girls, as much a prisoner and victim of their parents as they would be to a cult or gang they joined. Just as it is dawning on people, for instance, that many prostitutes are victims themselves, and not criminals, it should be dawning on us that if we think a person is too young to consent to sex, they are too young to enter into a committed relationship. Now that I think of it, I know someone it happened to myself, and, though we can't really discern what events triggers what behaviors in a person, it definitely her hurt a lot.
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The parents are protecting themselves and their antediluvian views. The child is not part of the consideration.
2
So a "family friend" rapes your 11-year-old daughter, she becomes pregnant, and so she is married off to her pedophile rapist?
Since the rape of children and young teens is against the law, how about pressing charges against the pedophile rapist and sending him off to jail before he does this again and again to other youngsters? Talk about looking out for the welfare of children and parental decision making skills!!
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And how about ongoing investigation and some penalties for the parents who allowed this criminal assault on their daughter? At the very least they should be required to accept mandatory counselling and frequent home inspections to make sure their daughters are no longer
in danger of such abuse.
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What I don't understand is why didn't they take their children with them when they moved? Have you ever heard of a normal family just leaving a daughter behind with an older male who is not family during a move? I wish that part of the story was included as it just seems unreal to me. I don't know if I've ever heard of an American family just leaving a very young girl behind with an older male "caretaker" just because. Background into the reasons this happened would be really helpful in making sure such families are appropriately punished in the future.
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The “reasons” are laid out well in the article. The question is: what are we, as a culture, going to do about it?
19
Allowing men to avoid prosecution if they marry the young woman they rape is universal in spite of multiple efforts to abolish this barbaric practice. Rape is the only crime where the victim, not the perpetrator is shamed by society. Misogyny is alive and well around the world.
It might be possible to change the mindset of so many if this issue were addressed aggressively in our high schools. But our society must first recognize the injustice of blaming the victim, and then take affirmative action to rectify the situation. And the Christian right must acknowledge that preaching the dominance of males over females is not consistent with current mores.
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"And the Christian right must acknowledge that preaching the dominance of males over females is not consistent with current mores."
Good luck with that. In case you haven't noticed, the Christian Right has launched an unrelenting, hyperfunded, all out and dirty war on "current mores". To them it's either turn the US into Gilead or utterly destroy it if unsuccessful. The only answer is to out-organize, out-fund, out-wit, and out-vote them into irrelevance. The future of the women of America is at stake.
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How is it that a child is not capable of giving consent to a sexual relationship, yet is capable of consenting to a marriage that by definition will memorialize that relationship. Elizabeth is right, this is born of misogyny.
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The future of America is at stake. Not to mention, turning America into Gilead *is* the destruction of a freely democratic America.
1
This is appalling. And I also find appalling that any of the doctors that cared for the underage mothers did not have a social worker present to assess the psychological state of the underage mother which, to me, is a red flag for possible abuse. These victims, had they been under medical care with their first pregnancies, could've been freed from the burden of forced marriage to their rapists.
Marriage should be like alcohol laws: 21 and over.
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Even more so if the doctor was aware of it before one of these "marriages." Doctors are mandated reporters.
2
What medical professional would not question pregnancy in any girl under 16, at least. At what age are girls considered able to consent to a sexual relationship with a member of her immediate family? Why should a raped child be forced to marry her rapist? States which mandate such marriages, or even condone them without a psychiatric examination of the minor girl, should be listed on the front pages of every major newspaper in the U.S. Put some good investigative reporters on this, and do an in depth report. We are an "advanced" Western country; however we allow sexual abuse of female children.
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You become a legal adult with full rights in the US at age 18. Instead you wish to further restrict the rights of adults in the US. What other rights do you wish to restrict? How about we restrict the right to join the US military until age 30 because the brain will be "fully" developed then allowing the person to make a good decision. Better yet, we should just make 30 the age when you become a legal adult.
5
I married at 19 when I was a second-semester college junior and thought I was quite grown-up. I was not pregnant, but I was pressured by my then-26 year old boyfriend to get married. Couple that pressure with parental abuse and it's easy to see why I married when I did.
It is true that I was very responsible for my age. It's also true that I was not ready to make a lifelong commitment, nor was my much older husband. He grew tired of me, the marriage and our two sons and pushed me to ask for a divorce when he kept losing teaching jobs.
I found myself divorced at 26 with two pre-school sons. One was sickly. The only answer was to move back to my hometown where those same parents could give babysitting support if a child was ill so that I could work.
Fortunately, I had completed my bachelor's degree and later completed a master's degree. Most women are not as well equipped. Still my income was small and child support only paid for daycare. I don't recommend this path to anyone, despite the fact that my sons became fine men.
There is no shame in being pregnant by a rapist. The shame belongs to the rapist. Any parent that pushes a girl into a child marriage due to pregnancy under any circumstances is putting their emotions ahead of their daughter's well being. Better to be an unwed mother than an abused wife.
8
This should be considered a national disgrace. It's also another reason for Americans to be considered hypocrites in the eyes of the world. We're often caught doing the very things that we condemn in countries that aren't our allies.
I hope that every state follows Delaware's lead. This article should be widely shared because most people are probably not aware that this is still happening here. We have a lot of problems but I'm sure that most Americans won't condone this type of child abuse once they find out about it!
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Add this disgrace to the enormous heap of other national disgraces. The country is mired in sickness of various types and I see none of it getting better anytime soon.
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