I wish, oh I wish, I'd had a course like this.
"What about teaching men not to rape? Great idea! But we don’t know how."
Sure we do. It's just not effective with some of us.
3
I’d like a class to find out what’s wrong with men. They are almost 100% of rapists, child molesters, mass shooters, terrorists both foreign and domestic and commit the most violent assaults.
Those are bad numbers.
Women MUST be hyper aware on college campuses just like everywhere else unfortunately. That means avoiding inebriation. It’s incredibly unfair but true. I loved going out drinking and partying with my friends at that age but we left no woman behind.
Until men change, classes can teach to diffuse but it won’t make much of an overall difference.
4
“What about teaching men not to rape? Great idea! But we don’t know how. “By the time they’re in mid- to late adolescence, their sexual scripts and view of masculinity are pretty fixed,””
Baloney.
Equip men.
5
I don't buy the argument that by mid- to late adolescence, boys sexual scripts and view of masculinity are fixed, but college women's attitudes to sexual norms can still be shaped (which seems like a significant part of this program, like getting women to assert themselves and interpret danger signs). Maybe we haven't figured out HOW to shape men's attitudes at that age, but that's a different story. Why is it so hard to address men's behavior? Women have been told to police their bodies, dress, speech, behavior, mobility, literally every aspect of their lives for millennia to not "lead men on," not be vulnerable, not be victims. Men should start spending just a fraction of that effort checking themselves to make sure they're not intimidating, harassing, or assaulting women. And before the "not all men"/"I would never" protests start, that's really not the point. It's not just that you shouldn't actively be intimidating someone, you should constantly be thinking "Might my actions, speech, etc. be perceived as intimidating?" "How can I adjust my actions to accurately convey my good intentions?" " Am I at risk of misinterpreting what this person wants?" "Is my judgment impaired right now?" "Am I making this person uncomfortable?" "Should I remove myself from this situation?" Is it exhausting to constantly second-guess how you are being perceived by others? Yes. But women do it, and so can you.
7
THIS
Feels so right, I am not surprised it works.
I can say from my own experiences with multiple sexual assaults that my own feelings of shame and guilt were the biggest barrier to stopping the perp.
The one time I shouted aggressively at the perp, worked. He fled.
Carry on, women! The scars from assault are long lasting and very very difficult to overcome. I pray that every girl and woman will get access to this training.
4
"If something cuts the risk of rape by nearly half, you’d think universities would be eager to put it to use."
Exactly. Too many people, including college administrators still believe, even if subconsciously, that rape is a woman's fault and/or that it is a result of "stranger danger."
But as the #MeToo movement has clearly shown us, sexual assault is most often perpetrated by people we know, often even trust.
Every high school should be teaching girls with this program and every middle school should use the boys' program. Every parent should be teaching their sons the difference between persuasiveness and assault. This is not about good girls; it's about good boys.
7
I was a victim of campus rape over thirty years ago. Alcohol was involved. I've told my story in these pages before, saying that I regret handing over my power by putting myself in a vulnerable situation. Many people agreed with me, but some were indignant (one typical response was that I should be able to get as drunk as I want and dance on a table in a mini skirt). Yes, and I should also not have to lock my doors so I won't get robbed, or drive defensively because others are driving erratically, or tell my daughter not to walk alone. There are many things we shouldn't have to do if other people would act like decent human beings. But until that happens, it's up to me to control what I can. I'm glad to see that some of the commenters today are acknowledging that we are not selling out the sisterhood by telling women to stay strong and stay alert. If 96% of campus sexual assaults involve alcohol, it's clear that not drinking excessively would be the single most effective way to prevent rape. Why are we loath to endorse the one thing that would drastically reduce sexual assault on campus? Are we going to still keep encouraging women to do shots and dance on the table just so we can stand on principle? Getting falling-down drunk because it is your right as a woman does not make you a feminist. It makes you a target.
12
Could Ms. Felix have defused this situation by saying, firmly, "Good night," and walking away? Was it necessary for her to slap the man and jab her elbow in his stomach?
If you think that it doesn't matter whether it was necessary, how can you consistently think that it matters whether it is necessary to call the police on minorities?
5
As a young woman, I'm at high risk for rape. The young men I attend school with are at high risk for raping me. And you're telling me I have to get "trained" to keep it from happening to me? While the young men do what? Also, the writer did not accurately portray the power of bystander intervention by describing it as people who interrupt sexual violence as it's happening. Good bystander programs (which is not all of them) teach skills for recognizing and responding to the attitudes and behaviors that allow men to rape women with impunity.
4
When I read the statement “one in ten women experience attempted tape” I have to ask how does one compute attempted rape? Is the fellow in the opening paragraph of the story attempting to rape Berti? Rape is a very strong word and needs to be used with specificity. Not so long ago I read the sexual assault policies of a major north east college. According to their Title IX coordinator trying to hold someone’s hand without permission is attempted sexual assault. This article like so many like it use language too loosely to advance and important topic.
3
The hand-wringing here about whether it's "victim blaming" to teach women to protect themselves seems absurd. Do we wring our hands that general self-defense classes are victim-blaming because what we should really be doing is teaching attackers not to attack people? Do we wring our hands that first-aid courses are victim-blaming because we should really be focusing on safety to avoid the need for first aid?
Just seems like proof that when it comes to sex someone somewhere will always be wringing their hands about some way they think that something might not conform to somebody's dogmatic nonsense.
10
What “other women” do or what you think they do or what a man tells you they do has nothing to do with what YOU do.
Where is the course to teach men how not to be coercive, manipulative, and predatory? If we're going to assume all women are potential victims, then by that logic, we must assume all men are potential perpetrators. Training all around.
But here, once again the burden of staying safe relies on women knowing how to wheedle their way out of situations or avoiding social scenarios altogether. It's all her fault and responsibility - until she gets pregnant and then every conservative crawls out from under their rock to personally do her ultrasound and "protect" her from hearing about medically lawful options.
Then she has a daughter and it starts all over again. Junior gets to take the exact same training her mama did. This country has a serious learning curve.
7
"We don't know how" and "view of masculinity is pretty fixed" are awfully lazy reasons to not hold men accountable. Good grief, are they monkeys? I will never understand how/why men are not embarrassed by the popular assumption that they literally just cannot control themselves and there's nothing we as a society can do about it.
The presentation may change (and in this case be relatively empowering), but apparently at the end of the day the burden is ALWAYS on the woman.
5
It shouldn't be womens' responsibility to stop sexual assault. And the story that heads this story could EASILY have followed a far worse path than it did.
I was going to say, "don't drink," but this is good too. Awareness and training and empowerment are always good. You don't have to be "nice" to that guy who is NOT being nice to you. (even if he's Harvey Weinstein or Bill Cosby)
3
I would like to see college women drink lightly and ALWAYS have a designated sober buddy. The idea that women can and should drink heavily, like men, is something fairly recent (hard drinking by women was rare in my college days 40 years ago). Take alcohol out of the equation, at least for women, and I am 100% sure these situations would become less common. The two times I ever found myself in trouble (trapped alone with a guy on the make ) in college were when I had drunk more than I could handle (which was only two drinks, in my case). I have read that alcohol has been aggressively marketed to women in the past decades and now we are seeing what happens when women party like men. (not blaming -- this is just the outcome of a change in social behaviors)
6
This sort of training should be a basic part of high school, not just college. Yeah, it's admittedly a stop-gap measure. But the long-term solution—reforming men—will take a generation to bear fruit. So why should women wait on the sidelines for men to change themselves? Better to see results here and now while we watch the culture change, hopefully for the better.
7
This program sounds good, definitely a step in the right direction, but only two hours of self-defense training doesn't seem enough. As a black belt in Aikido with over forty years experience, I know that in order to make effective self-defense responses, you've got to put in many hours of practice so the moves become part of muscle memory, not to mention staying centered and grounded so you avoid panic or paralysis. I'd vote for girl's self-defense classes starting in grade school
15
Yes, martial arts for girls from grade school to graduation. I've thought that since the women's movement in the '70s along with an 8pm curfew for men so women can walk the streets and be safe outside and inside their homes. Imagine for a moment what it would be like to walk free of fear.
1
With 50% of the HS grads being shunted off to college there's a pretty good chance that the creeps of HS will be around in college. It won't solve the problem completely, but actually requiring intelligence and academic focus as a prerequisite for college will go a long way to making the place safe for women who actually manage to attend.
3
Do you really believe that academic focus is incompatible with stalking, rape, etc?
Have you been following at all the #MeToo movement within American graduate programs? Bad behavior is rampant among among folks pursuing their doctoral degrees.
I'm not sure you've identified the heart of the issue, here.
2
Well at least women far outnumber men in college today so that helps. Whether that reflects inequality is another matter.
Please add information to the online article so that readers may financially support Flip the Script’s work and know also where to direct contributions so that students who cannot afford this important course may have scholarships to do so.
Many thanks to Tina Rosenberg for writing this article, to the New York Times for publishing it, to the Solutions Journalism Network, to the Flip the Script creators most of all, and, looking forward, to the many, many, many more colleges that will include in their programs of study Flip the Script’s extraordinarily effective sexual assault-reduction course.
17
Many of the comments here point to why this program is so needed.
Believe the women.
18
If this program can help those who participate, I'm all for it.
Saying "I don't want this" is about as clear as it gets, so I really have no sympathy for the man described at the start of the article.
But rewinding slightly to the part where the man thinks he's out on a date and the woman doesn't - that made me wince. Our gender relations in this country are fractured and dysfunctional. I'm married, 35, love and respect (and admire and adore) my wife, feel lucky, almost feel like somewhere there was a mistake.
Sometimes, I feel like I'm looking out over the ramparts at a horde of savages, all making each other miserable.
I really do.
15
I noticed that this article did not highlight the amount of alcohol that the young woman drinks prior to and while out socializing. Your article mentions that 96 percent of all college sexual assaults involves alcohol. If the woman is not having their judgement impaired or incapacitated they are much more likely to not get into the situation where a sexual assault would happen. There is too much alcohol consumption going on by both genders!
28
This needs to be said over and over and over loudly. Stop the heavy drinking and there will be fewer assaults.
9
I'm in my 60s, and I'm a musician. I constantly worry about being assaulted.
I need this course. Where and how can I take it. (Seriously. I'll pay)
9
Yes! I have 16 and 13 year-old daughters and I want them to be able to take this course too.
1
You can try to Goggle 'self defense for women Cleveland OH'. Best to find a woman who teaches it who has a male staff member to create scenarios. You won't regret it. Good luck to you.
This OP-ED is very important. Any man, whether fueled by alcohol or not, needs to remember that when a beautiful young woman says "NO", then the answer is NO.
When a young man continues, it is not an act of compassion, rather it is an act of violence. Many of these young people who engage in this type of behavior (especially the young men) do not realize the damage done to the young woman.
And depending on where the young woman is in her cycle, a pregnancy not borne of love, but as the direct consequence of an assault, may occur. A thoughtless, alcohol-driven or testosterone-crazed young man may not recognize the consequences of his alleged action. The young woman certainly does.
Any program that enables a young woman to exercise some degree of control is encouraged.
7
"...when a beautiful young woman says "NO", then the answer is NO."
It's also true that when an ordinary or funny looking woman says NO she means NO. (Some guys figure that sexual assault is doing a plain girl a favor.)
34
Undoubtedly, training people to recognize and avoid danger is important. However, as the mother of a teenage boy, I worry about the messages being given to and about men: for example, in this article, women are taught to “recognize and react to danger signs in men”. Most men are not “dangerous”. If young women are told to look for “danger” in men, and young men are taught they are potentially “dangerous”, how are men and women meant to learn to get along and enjoy each other’s company? Shouldn’t part of a course such as this one be to teach young women to talk with men and to express what they wish and don’t wish to do? Shouldn’t it also include teaching women not to be or act “provocatively” if they don’t wish an encounter with a man to evolve in a sexual way? Women need to learn to give the right signals of their own intentions, not only to read the signals of men’s intentions.
13
"Danger signs" are different than implying "all men are dangerous."
Also both men and women can have these conversations rather than making assumptions of intentions (or based on how 'provocatively' one is acting). Just because a women is dressed sexy and dancing sexy doesn't mean she wants to be touched.
15
Why aren't men expected to learn to give the right intentions and read the signals of women's intentions? If people continue to insist that only women need to police their behavior to prevent assault, women are better off assuming that men ARE dangerous. Whether or not they're dangerous or not is another the story, but the risk of wrongly assuming good intentions is too great. Why don't you focus on teaching your teenage son how to talk with women and express what they wish and don't wish to do, and how to ask for and listen to women's wishes, and how to understand that what they consider "provocative" dress or behavior is not an open invitation for a sexual encounter? Men need to learn to give the right signals that they wish to and are able to interact with women in a respectful, considerate way.
5
I would give the anti-rape training more credence if it included, "Hey! Don't go out and get so plastered that you can't even stay on your feet, much less stay out of harm's way!"
I might add that, if you reject the notion that paying for a woman's dinner, drinks, and entertainment entitles a man to her favors, then reject the entire equation. Not just the second half.
1
For men, the course should be easy. When I asked my mother about this topic when I was about 12 or 13, I phrased my question thus:
"Mom, how do I know if I may kiss a girl?", I asked.
"She will say yes," my mother replied. "And you will know that she means it."
Simplistic, perhaps! But I understood.
17
Not that it would mitigate the situation, but in the belief that every bit of prudent behavior helps, I would suggest that the gals NOT parade around in Six Inch Heels!
13
If by "parade around in six inch heels" you mean that it would be wise for girls and women to wear shoes they can run in, I might agree.
But your use of the term "parade around" suggests that you believe footwear can be an invitation to sexual assault. I hope that is not what you meant!
18
Well, it is harder to run, but perhaps they could be used as a weapon.
5
Why not adapt this for children who are being preyed on by pedophiles? The gymnasts who were victims of Larry Nassar could have used this; ditto those elite equestrians whose coach abused them, per yesterday's cover story...and children abused by the clergy. And many, many more...
25
I have a wife and three daughters - so I am entirely in favor of any program which teaches women to avoid being raped or assaulted. However, look at one of the areas taught as supposed strategies to avoid rape -
"“Like somebody who tries to separate you from the group, who’s very persistent in insisting you get another drink or he drive you somewhere,”
Sure, that can lead to rape. But it can also is very typical in normal behavior - up to a point. Despite our notion of gender neutrality, the reality is that a man is most often the one who initiates. If you offer to buy a woman a drink, is that insisting ? If you ask a woman in a crowded bar if she would like to go somewhere quieter, is that being "persistent in driving you somewhere" ? Even beyond initial interaction, men are usually the ones who attempt to move things physically - whether that's a kiss or something more.
In all of this, the key is obviously a question of degree ... and "reading the signs". If it gets to the point where a woman needs to "jab her elbow in his stomach", things have obviously gone too far. But similarly, the idea of criminalizing or even stigmatizing normal forms of courtship is going too far in the opposite direction. I'm NOT advocating 1950's era "be a good girl" subservience. But just as I am the father of three girls, I am also the father of a son. Why is it so difficult to get human sexuality right ?
7
" If you offer to buy a woman a drink, is that insisting ? If you ask a woman in a crowded bar if she would like to go somewhere quieter, is that being "persistent in driving you somewhere" ? "
It's fine as long as the guy takes 'no' for an answer and doesn't press or persist or insist.
29
The adjective is persistent. That's important. And yes, as a single woman, I'd be extremely suspicious if a guy I'd just met offered to drive me any where. Or even if he's someone I've known. Because I'm vulnerable when I get in his car.
28
I'm a woman, despite the Blonde Guy name. Absolutely every time any man suggested to me that we should go someplace quieter, conversation was not what he had in mind.
14
There are two needs: to education young men and women about vulnerabilities, like the impact of alcohol on judgement and "staying out of harms way"; and, as the article states, equipping women with the tools to protection themselves as a possible rape event is beginning to unfold. These are distinct, but are often confused. Yes, both men and women find themselves in situations in which their faculties are compromised; but rape is assault, even if originating from a drunk friend who might never consider himself a rapist. Force sometimes requires force in response. No woman should feel anything but anger when she punches her "friend" in the gut to make the message clear: back off.
9
I am a dad with two daughters; the oldest about to turn 13. I would pay $250 for my daughter to take this course. I would pay it even at the age of 13, and consider $250 a bargain. I wish these courses were offered in Middle School, and again in High School. I want my daughter to know what she wants, and know how to say, "NO" long before she gets to college!
67
Domestic violence related dynamics also unfortunately take place at the teen level. Kids would benefit from learning red flags of a potential abuser: Wanting to isolate the person, wanting to quickly escalate the relationship, telling the partner what they can and can't (or should and shouldn't wear), etc.
21
The power of the program appears in its name-- teaching women to assert thier power to set the scenario, not the men who have always assumed that privilege.
32
More than 90% of college sexual assault complaints involve excessive consumption of alcohol.
The best way to equip women to stop campus rape is to instill the advice that our mothers gave us to avoid getting drunk or stoned.
Yes, I know it is old fashioned and that modern women have the right to do what they want to. But impairing your judgment and reflexes is dumb and significantly increases the chances of you becoming a victim.
Will it eliminate all college sexual assault? No. but it will go a long way.
66
Yes. Keep your wits about you by getting only very slightly buzzed (not DRUNK) and you will be far more likely to have a fun and safe evening. My mother, who went to frat parties at Ivy League schools in the 1940s, told me very explicitly to drink lightly and to avoid drunken men, alone or in groups. She even had a "funny" story about being in a group of girls barricaded in a room fending off a crowd of drunken Cornell men (this was 1945). Then there was a song she remembered that went, "Dartmouth's in town again, run girls run!". You have to understand the effect on liquor and peer pressure on guys and recognize that you can't do much about it except keep your own wits intact.
1
The rate of sexual assault and rape is higher off campus than on. So why do colleges keep getting all the attention?
17
Because campuses are where you have a built-in audience of people in a learning mode. Would you rather they be ignored? And someday, they will NOT be on campus. Gotta start somewhere.
10
because parents are paying $50K plus per year and don't want their daughters to get raped?
Had an allergic reaction to the headline but really appreciated the article...undoing some of the dangerous socialization girls and women endure is an under-utilized tool in rape prevention, this program really gets that.
12
I remembergirls were taught both by their parents and by boy friends/brothers-WARNING: don't drink with men on campus. Preferably, do not drink at all, but, even columbia U had a favorite bar and restaurant-but it was the steam tables which were the real attraction of the West End , a multi Generational bar and restaurant(Jack Kerouac ate there) which,like many places in NYC a good, home cooked, very hearty and nutritious meal was sold for $2 or less. No liquor need be bought!
It had dozens of cramped booths and, though it was possible to buy cheap beer in jugs, the girls came to eat and meet each other and guys. In the years between the 60's and eary 70's-before the idiot disco junk music fad and the idea that students might snort cocaine, smoke pot and drink, all at the same time-polluted sane relations between guys and girls.
Most city colleges don't have serious alcohol problems-they didn't have bad drug problems , back then. City COllege students(N of 125th st & CU) were too busy attending school-even if they were living at home . City COllege kids were far too busy with work . Men and girls wanted to meet and wanted to pair- off and, unlike todays #metoo girls, men and women knew they might have to search for years to find the right pairbond--mate. This was never seen as reason to not look for men-though guys at frats were expected to be cave men. Women were warned to stay out of reach of the Greeks.
What has hapened since then to all this simple information?
7
College sexual assault is a complex problem for which there is no single magic bullet. It's unlikely the problem will ever go away entirely, but each and every victim spared this fraught trauma is a worth celebrating.
It's great to hear that at least one effort to address the problem is achieving statistically significant measurable results.
For those with criticisms of this program, I would suggest that any program that actually prevents rapes is worthy. If you want to help, hop aboard and grab an oar.
15
This sounds great. But why just campus rape? Women don't have to go to college to get raped. Every city and town should have a free session of this every month.
64
This is the best piece I've read on this topic. The other pieces have focused on things like requiring affirmative consent, verbal consent for every "escalation" in sexual contact, etc. - all things that are completely impractical. They have also focused exclusively on the male, based on the belief that the female should be free to drink, act, and behave with impunity. But, of course, that too is unrealistic because it assumes that the male is a "good actor."
In this piece, we see a proposal for common sense - know what you want, maintain your ability to think clearly, and, if the male is escalating beyond what you want, tell him to stop. If he persists, he is a creep and you should tell him so. Push him away if necessary. You should not just go through with it to be "nice" and then accuse him of assault after the fact (e.g., Aziz Ansari). And, what do you know, it works!
15
This all sounds great but especially getting young women to think about their own desires and be ready to stand up for them. Doing this with all adolescent girls would not only help prevent acquaintance rape but also help them with their consensual sex lives. Most young women tend to go along with what their male partner wants and that is rarely satisfying for women, especially these days when scenarios from porn dominate young men’s imaginations.
34
Very interesting article. Many thanks! As an academic adviser, I didn't know what to say to a student who had been date raped. I now have a better idea.
6
Seriously? You say, "I will take you to the police station NOW. I will stand by you and support you while you report being raped."
It has always blown my mind that sexual assault and rape is handled by student/school disciplinary bodies. It is a crime. It needs to be reported to the police as soon as absolutely possible so a rape kit can be used. It needs to be prosecuted and punished.
That is what you do if a fellow student, friend, co-worker, relative, or any other woman tells you they have just been raped.
30
Chris: Women (and men) who are sexually assaulted are often traumatized and don;'t always want to report or to go through an invasive forensic exam immediately after assault. Is doing so 'ideal' from a legal perspective? Yes. But even if the person does those those things, often the report goes nowhere and the kit remains unprocessed. You can't (or shouldn't) force someone to report unless they choose to and are ready to do so. It's their choice.
1
Everything you say is true. At the same time, as a person in authority on campus, you support the woman (or man) to the absolute best of your ability. You encourage aggressively pursuing criminal charges.
Rape is a crime. If it is not reported and pursued then it will continue to happen at its current rate. If we don't support those people who have been raped and help them find justice then this will never change. We, as a society, need to stop penalizing the people who are sexually assaulted, and ensure those people who commit rape are held fully accountable.
And yes, I understand that there are false accusations, mistakes, missed signals, etc. Sexual consent in the moment, emotions after the fact, and everything involved with intimacy can be complicated. There will always be mistakes. There will be accusations made in bad faith. But we still need to work together to change this. We cannot stop fighting sexual assault out of fear of false accusations.
The first way for society to send a message that sexual assault is not OK is to aggressively punish the people who commit these acts. Failure to do so sends the opposite message.
FYI: I already told my young son that if he ever sexually assaulted a woman he better pray the police got to him before I did. Every father should be saying the same thing to their sons.
Unfortunately, this sounds like a useful program.
But I'm waiting for the follow-up column:
"Holding men accountable to stop campus rape."
50
Sounds like a good program, but it is hard to believe that no one knows how to design similar training for men. How about counseling young men against heavy drinking? Or against forcing a woman to have sex? Respect for women should be taught at home. Failing that, start with high school boys at school. Common sense for young men would help. Forced sex is surely worse than none at all.
18
@Shirley, I agree with the sentiment, but something bothers me about the notion of teaching young men "respect for women." I taught my son respect for people. It would never occur to me to separate out half the human race from that category. Rather, I believe it would have been counterproductive, casting women as "the other" in his young mind.
3
When are we going to equip men to stop behaving this way?
Why are we not telling men that just because you buy a girl a drink does not entitle him to ANYTHING.
Why is all the burden on "equipping women to stop campus rape"??? The whole premise of this article is just infuriating.
Seems to me we are having the wrong conversation.
16
It's not either/or. It's both.
Rape is bad. No question. But "all" and "never" are not good descriptors for any researcher or trainer to use.
3
Sounds like a great program! Hope more US college campuses engage.
I was troubled about the excuse for teaching men not to rape. Rewlands says "their sexual scripts and view of masculinity are pretty fixed."
But earlier we learn that women are socialized not to resist, and this course helps them examine that thinking, and how that socializing can be a precursor to assault.
So if women can unlearn their "I have to be nice, I don't want to offend" thinking, perhaps men can unlearn their "I need to pursue her, she wants me, she's just playing hard to get."
The more we include everyone in the discussion, the better.
46
I'm skeptical that nothing can be done on the male side. When I started college, way back in the Middle Ages, we received an orientation booklet that contained a sentence to the effect that, notwithstanding social changes, most sex still took place within a structured, romantic relationship. This may seem like a very small thing, but it had a big effect on how I perceived things. Young people are extremely impressionable. If you tell them that they are entitled to sex, they will believe it. If you tell them something different, they are likely to believe that, too.
24
Rape is rape. But not if it’s reported only to the Tittle IX office. An interesting story would be who ever was so foolish to encourage women to report a savage crime to a campus committee with no subpoena power to investigate and no power to put someone in prison. Can you imagine if murder or terrorism went to a campus committee. It would be laughed off as a bad joke. Rape reported to a campus committee should be treated the same.
39
Rape is rape ... except when it isn't. I investigated several rape allegations while serving as a federal agent at a military training facility. I was a key witness at a courts-martial that got a predator sent to prison.
But I also investigated claims that were demonstrably false. In one case, the woman lied to avoid expulsion because she had sex with her subordinate. She then claimed that her "yes" was not legally binding because she'd been drinking. Of course, the man was expelled because drunkenness is no excuse for bad behavior. So much for equality.
in another case, a female Marine initiated sex with a guy (witnessed by her roommate) and the next day got mad because he didn't invite her to the beach with the gang. What started as badmouthing escalated into a rape allegation, which literally became a federal case before impeaching witnesses came forward.
Rape certainly should be taken seriously. But rape should actually be rape before an innocent person is branded for life.
31
The campus committee is also accountable to the wrong constituents--university administrators who don't want bad sexual assault statistics.
16
I agree with you, Shamrock. And if campus rapes or other sexual assaults were handled in the proper legal fashion you describe, the "college rape epidemic" would evaporate. Because it doesn't exist.
In esteemed universities like Harvard, unfortunate interactions such as the Aziz Ansari Incident are now defined as "rape," and to merely look at someone in an unwanted sexual manner is one definition of "sexual assault."
Yes, rapes do happen on campus, but not nearly at the rate being claimed by hysterical activists. I'm glad the kinds of training programs described by this article are, nonetheless, out there.
I pray some of the training is not not be so foolish as to report an assault to the Title IX office. It must be reported to law enforcement. This Title IX nonsense has caused so much damage by letting rapists go free.
12
A reason many sexual assaults are not reported to law enforcement agencies is that what occurred is not currently illegal. Rape activists would like it to be, and they are trying to expand the definition of rape beyond forcible rape and rape where someone is clearly incapacitated (as in unconscious or nearly so) to give consent, to situations where a woman is not so clearly incapacitated but where her ability to give consent is impaired. That latter situation is hard to prove in a criminal case.
7
It would have been nice if this article had given credit to the entities that developed the "Our Whole Lives" (OWL) comprehensive sexuality education curriculum, especially in a NYT edition that explores the Southern Baptist Convention's relationship with Trump morality (Russ Douthat's Op-Ed). Two denominations that are quite different from the SBC, the Unitarian Universalist Association and United Church of Christ, cooperated to develop OWL to fill the huge gap between sex ed as taught in schools, and the need for an ethics-based curriculum that teaches respect for everyone. OWL restores individual informed decision-making about sexuality, free from guilt, shame, coercion, and rigid gender-based biases. I believe its approach would do much to equip boys and men, not just those who identify as female, to stop sexual violence.
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The women who lived in my working-class neighborhood in the North of England in the 1950-60s would not have needed this course. Woe betide any man who was fresh or threatened them in anyway. A dig in the ribs would have been a luxury for the men. It may well have been the case in the US too. So along the way women lost something and it’s worth considering why and how that happened. I’m really glad women are getting this help and training. I’ve seen it work effectively in current times. My granddaughter in Norway had a mandatory self-defense in middle school. Her only complaint was that the boys didn’t get it too. She’s a slight girl but I still want her fingers in my eyes.
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I have read the article, and I'm pretty sure that the attitude expressed by -tkf that blaming victims for getting drunk is something you'd learn not to do in Flip the Script, which--as the article helpfully details--is actually supported by empirical results in studies conducted with a fair degree of rigor, including control groups.
Women (and men!) can reduce their odds of being raped, but it's not by trying to shrink from social life and be less-blameworthy. It's by identifying predators early and confronting/disengaging from them. Which you know, if you read the article.
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I don't tkf is blaming the victim, he is pointing out that choosing to be vulnerable, prey, is dangerous....and suggesting that we all use common sense. I prosecuted sex crimes for years and based on what I learned, taught my children that taking responsibility for their own safety did not guarantee their safety, but maximized their ability to actively engage for their own safety.
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As the article details, 96% of sexual assaults on campus involve alcohol. Thus, we can infer that Flip the Script's effectiveness extends to reducing sexual assault where alcohol is present.
But would it be more effective to simply never drink or be around those who are drinking or have drunk? Maybe. But it would be profoundly unfair to women. Drinking, socializing after dark, moving about campus and its environs freely: these are essential elements of the college experience. Friends are made, lessons are learned outside the classroom, personal growth occurs. To tell women to protect themselves by ceding these spaces to men--worse, to the subset of men who are rapists--is no answer at all. It is the abstinence education of rape prevention. It will not work.
Women shouldn't get blackout drunk, sure, but no one should get blackout drunk. Rape is a risk, but so is asphyxiation on one's own vomit, alcohol poisoning, drunkenly crashing your car and an endless parade of horribles. So sure, tell your girls not to binge drink. But it's not their drinking that causes rape, and it's not realistic to tell them to completely avoid alcohol and places where it is being consumed as a rape avoidance technique.
I haven’t read the article. I do, however, know well the what can be the tragedy of alcohol. It’s abuse, it’s addiction, it’s tendency to destroy.
That said, how can any one expect to be safe under its influence? Twenty years ago (at age 47) I got drunk at a retirement party. So drunk that I could barely walk, much less talk. I was so incapacitated that I passed out on the floor of the hotel lobby.
In other words, I was prey. Had I been harmed, would I not have been responsible?
The empowerment of women begins with common sense.
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Exactly tkf. Yes the rapist is always at fault but common sense comes into play. You don't walk down the street with a roll of twenty dollar bills in your hand. You don't go out at night in a deserted bad area.
Same with young women, you don't dress half naked, get wasted at a party, go home to the guy's house half wasted, and/or don't report anything when a sexual assault takes place.
The rapist will always be here so will the co dependent and enabler.
Rapists live for them.
The best way to greatly limit rape is to follow the above rules. It is not a 100% guarantee but would greatly cut down on the problem.
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Had you been harmed, the perpetrator would have been responsible. There is no attack without an attacker, whether or not alcohol or any other substance is involved.
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No, if you were assaulted the person who assaulted you would be responsible. Getting drunk may be dumb, but it's not a crime. Assaulting someone is a crime and the perpetrator is responsible.
What' you're saying is like: I drove my nice car into a 'bad' area and was ca-jacked. It's my fault, not the car-jacker's fault. Or I deserved to be mugged because i was wearing expensive clothes. Sexual assault is the only crime where we continually blame the victim.
2
Sounds like a solid and empowering program. Perhaps an online delivery program would allow greater audiences and inclusion as required pre attendance material for colleges.
Also, should be considered for HS level participants of all genders.
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This should be taught to males and females beginning at about the 8th grade level and continued each academic year. As mentioned in the article, the author took the course more than once and learned more each time. 8th grade is about when it begins to be a problem with boys.
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There are a number of steps that women can take to protect themselves against rape. The kind of physical resistance described in this article is one of them, and is legitimate.
The single most prudent precaution that women can take to protect themselves against the risk of being raped on campus, however, is to be moderate in their use of alcohol, and to avoid becoming intoxicated in social situations. The fact that a woman is drunk does not make a rape her fault, and is no defense to an accusation of rape. It may, however, mean that she is no longer capable of making decisions about whether to grant or withhold consent to sex, and that she is no longer capable of defending herself physically if she refuses consent but a man persists in attempting to have sex against her will. Remaining sober in social situations is a good way for women to make sure that they are able to say no, and able to defend themselves if men refuse to take no for an answer.
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I told my teenage daughters that if you get drunk enough so you can't control your body and make decisions for yourself, you effectively cede that control to someone else. And they might do something criminal and abusive, like sexually assault you or take pictures of you naked or being assaulted or humiliated by someone else. My message was: Stay in control of your body at all times.
That said, I like this program because it sends a clear message that women ARE in control of their bodies, and they need to assert that control when someone tries to override it.
22
This sounds like a fantastic training program. It's really about women tapping into their warrior spirit. The learning to breathe and yell? Straight out of martial arts training.
While this is about fore-arming women to short-circuit a developing rape, surely this would help develop poise and self confidence in all areas of life. I would not be surprised if the women who go through this training are more confident and assertive - and happier - in work and other areas of their lives.
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I’ve read in the Times only men have a warrior spirit and it is always put in a negative light and must be conditioned out of men. Interesting.
6
I'm glad these programs exist - wish we had them when I was in college. But when are we going to teach young men that they don't "deserve" a woman's body and women don't "owe" them anything? When will we teach young men to respect a woman when she speaks, and listen to her and honor that "no"?
I'd love to see the headline "Equipping Men to Stop Assaulting."
12
Why aren't we teaching young men that rape is not acceptable? That they don't have the right to touch/kiss/penetrate someone just because they bought her a drink? When will we teach mean not to rape and not have to teach women how to avoid rape? Why must we teach women how to stop being raped? We were doing this 35 years ago when I was an undergrad. Why hasn't this changed? Why am I still telling my daughters, one who just completed her freshman year at college, how to avoid being raped? Where are the classes for the men?
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