#1: If this is causing you such angst, don’t go. It sounds like a) you’re fishing for reasons not to go; and b) you want someone to validate your decision. You apparently can get into any prestigious school you apply to, and you weren’t accepted to this particular school strictly because you are a legacy — so you have options.
Find a place where you’ll be happy and succeed. If you go to this school and are constantly guilt ridden, you are doing yourself and your parents no favors. True ethical dilemmas will come soon enough in your life — and news flash: Things will not be as cut-and-dried as this decision (to me, at least) is. Most things come with some ethical baggage, outside of a monastery, that is.
1
The education system is unfair and overpriced. But I think the advice given is good. You only hurt yourself by not taking the legacy opportunity offered to you. Refusing it will make precisely 0 difference in changing the system to something fairer. Maybe something fairer would offer some advantage to legacy students, and perhaps also offer advantage to students from diverse or disadvantaged students in a scoring process. I think most admissions processes are like that anyway. You don't get admitted automatically as a legacy. It is just a factor in your favor.
5
I was admitted tas a transfer student to a small liberal arts college where a number of my family members had attended over the generations, and where a few had had significant staff positions. For years I wondered whether it was my legacy status that garnered my admission, or my grades. I consoled myself with the fact that I had also gained admission to Yale that year, though I didn't get the funding to attend--if Yale accepted me, I reasoned, then surely I was good enough for the college I wound up attending. Then I learned more about Yale's regional quotas and began to think I was "graded on a curve," as it were, in the application process there and that I would have been eaten alive if I actually enrolled. Now I've come to realize practically all of us benefit from some kind of preferential treatment in college admissions, in one form or another--we all fall into some category or another some college is looking for, and will give put a figurative thumb on the scales to acquire. Legacy status may solidify an unequal status quo--believe me, having seen it first hand, I'm not arguing otherwise--but it's not like the playing field is perfectly level otherwise.
11
The student says
'...it seems unlikely that my individual decision would impact the overall system.'
You echo him, saying,
"Yet it’s not your job to solve the problem on your own. Turning down this opportunity isn’t going to make a detectable difference to the system,..."
The first step would be contacting the admissions office and inquiring whether the college does take into account family members having attended the school.
But, no matter, neither what the student says, not what you say, as cited above, makes sense. Where else can one make a moral and/or ethical stand except in one's life, and in one's daily actions? How else is change going to happen except if we refuse to participate in systems which are immoral or unethical. If this person wants to make a principled stand, he or she could refuse the acceptance, let the college know why. He or she could also contact various media about this issue. And I wonder if there are organizations that are working to end the legacy system which might support this person, and help give the action of refusal a broader context, and greater exposure.
Individual actions have great moral force. Don't discount them. The accumulated inaction of large numbers of individuals who take the position that one individual cannot change anything, or have an effect, takes us down a very dark road indeed, of which, as the hoary saying goes, history holds many examples.
22
Good reply on the legacy student, but I would add two more points.
1. For over a decade I was an "alumni ambassador" for Cornell to local (South Indiana) students applying for admission. We got plenty of legacies, most of them children of professors at Indiana University. The admissions department told us more than once that although Cornell had a policy favoring legacies, it rarely made any difference in whether someone was admitted - at most one a year in the entire MidWest. I think every legacy I met was an excellent candidate regardless of where the parents went to college. And once you were admitted, financial aid was based on need.
2. Maybe the kid got a legacy advantage. He will definitely get an advantage in the contacts he makes, with faculty and with fellow students. I know I did. Use some of that advantage for good. I do.
6
Re: Unequal inheritance. Trying to balance out what your ex's plans are today could backfire. Someone who is petty enough to base a decision like this on their perception that one child is "better" than the other could easily change their mind and end up reversing the decision and leaving more to today's unfavored child, leaving equal amounts, disinheriting both kids altogether, or not having any assets left to bequeath. Unless your ex dies first and the inheritance is settled, you are aiming at a moving target.
22
The "legacy" student should be careful not to network or make any friends that could end up helping further his or her eventual career. That would be similarly unethical.
9
Wow, three swings and misses this week. Nice job talking LW#1 OUT of their strongly ethical stand. “Turn a blind eye” is never a solution to anything. You just gave the advice to “let someone else deal with it.” In LW#2’s case, you’re perpetuating equating money with love. Stop it. Tell your kids money is just a tool in life, and to equate it with love is wrong (what Das is doing is wrong). And a kid with autism is getting a little bit of a break. You think the rest of their life is a joy? I can tell you from 30 years experience it’s going to be an incredible uphill battle for that person to get a professional job. Give her one break.
4
Enough brainwashing about how things are supposed to be in a politically correct world easily leads to guilt. Very sad to see such profound confusion...
5
Student using notes on a test. In a public university the student wld be asked to leave all bags etc out of the room and likely wld be in a room that cam be monitored. In this private school, is there an honor code? By not reporting this,both might be in violation.
12
As a former legacy student at a "prestigious private university," I appreciated the response to the first question. Instead of fixating on feeling guilty about the advantage my legacy status gave me in the admissions process, I decided to create a new legacy, committing my academic and professional career to challenging economic and racial injustice. As a student, I stumbled across an organization called Resource Generation — a community of young people with access to wealth who leverage those resources to support progressive social movements. We're focused on using our privilege to change the very systems that made us privileged in the first place. I would highly recommend that incoming legacy students check it out: www.resourcegeneration.org.
14
A young heir to the Keebler fortune, a student at Clark University in Worcester, MA, also did this in the 1970s. Many were like him.
7
There is no "fair" way to get into a college that has many more applications than availability.
There is just a lot of numerical data based on non-numerical judgements, and a resume. (If the numerical grade is based on each individual teacher's skill in test writing, or each state's skill in choosing standardized test providers, the value of the numerical standard can resemble GIGO.) There is also data about financial need. The rest is dumb luck - what the school profile is, who just graduated, whether there is grant given the college that applies to you more than anyone else. Or whether they just graduated a tuba playing female engineering candidate and you fit the bill; or whether they need more urban students or to fill the open North Dakota spot.
Any student who got admitted when 95% of other well qualified candidates did not get admitted had some "unfair" advantage. If you go to a select school that is the norm; it is just the basis of what "unfair" qualification got you noticed that changed.
8
The Ethicist believes that the cheating student is not damaging or wronging the other students very much. She has probably suffered disproportionately; life isn't fair. But consider this scenario: She obtains a higher grade, perhaps the best in the class, and perhaps has the same "cheating" advantage in other classes. She graduates with honors and a higher rank than her non-cheating classmates. Even with her condition, she then ranks above them in job searches, and get a good job they don't, or a better one. So in the worst-case scenario, cheaters do prosper. She may or may not benefit from programs designed to level the playing field for her, but cheating is not supposed to be one of them.
17
LEGACY admissions to colleges is the most blatant outrageous form of discrimination in American education. It simply provides privilege by birth status. Supposedly alien to democratic government and the U.S. Constitution.
The Courts would have struck this destructive practice down decades ago EXCEPT children of Federal judges and important elected officials among other Elites are significant beneficiaries of this corrupt higher education policy. In all such matter before the Court Hypocrisy always rules !
7
On the other hand a private institution can accept anyone they wish and if "Little Jared's" father gave Harvard $10 million then J's acceptance is just a thank-you note. Be careful getting off your high horse. In the real world privilege by birth status is just the way it works sometimes. Did you enjoy the Royal Wedding? I learned Harry was worth $30 million, none of which he worked for. Who can I complain to about this dire destructive state of affairs?
3
Cheating is cheating and it should be reported. Since most grades are on a curve she is cheating everyone in the class. Just the fact that she told you she uses her notes because she is unsupervised tells you she is cheating. Moreover, depending on the profession she enters, would you want her servicing someone when she clearly has no skills?
15
Hi there! Believe it or not, the letter about the student with"acute autism" was also published in Slate Magazine's "Dear Prudence" advice column! I think her response might have been a little different
6
It very well might have been. Or not.
Would you like to share?
In fact, it was also published in the NYT own Social Q's.
LW3 seems intent on getting the answer they want...
1
LW1: I would enroll in a university where you can learn how to think. Probably would be good to take an ethics class while you are there.
LW2: Easiest solution is to transfer all your wealth to your kids before you die. The tax man will take too much if you leave it in a will.
LW3: Your school probably has an honor code and you need to report this immediately.
6
The writer who asked if it would be ethical for him to take up a legacy based college admission goes on to state that he will still go to a "fancy private college", and then asks whether he has an ethical obligation not to enter "a system that is clearly deeply flawed" even though his decision would not impact the overall system.
Now the system that he refers to as clearly deeply flawed is not that of legacy admissions, but that of the "fancy private college" system as a whole. So if there was an ethical obligation not to enter a system that he believes is deeply flawed even though his decision would not change anything, then his ethical obligation would be not go to a private college at all. And yet the idea of not attending a private college at all is out of the question for him, despite the fact he believes he may have an "ethical obligation" to do so.
The lesson here is that for a great majority of those who claim to go out of their way and make sacrifices because they want to be ethical is limited to such small things that they are more symbolic than paying any real type of cost.
As such we can only question whether their quest to act ethically, even in regard to those things that most good and moral people do not feel obligated to do so, is because they are better than the overwhelming majority of good and decent people. Or is it because they want only to feel and believe they are better than just about any other people on earth.
5
Sarcasm follows...
I think the writer should skip University in protest and grab a job at McDonalds.
Or if they do go to University they should find it with private loans.
Sarcasm ends...
There is no way out of the fact that this person has the intelligence, connections, and money to attend any school. Good for them. Ethically, they need do what was recommended; advocate for others. But it doesn't mean to short change yourself.
6
Unless the writer has a cogent reason for leaving her son more, not connected to her love or the actions of her ex, I would suggest the writer leave money to her children as she originally thought - 50/50. If the disfavored child finds out about his father's unequal split, he will harbor some anger toward his father no matter what the mother's will says.
My dad left more money in his will to me. He also discussed his rationale (it had nothing to do with emotion, but rather my sibling had family he could rely on as he aged while I wa single and would have to pay for any help) and left a letter explaining his rationale. Both my sibling and I knew about his decision before he died and were comfortable with it.
5
Your friend and classmate is cheating, and it would be unethical of you not to report it. Academic integrity is important.
13
If the University has an honor code then she must be reported.
9
I think almost all parents want to treat their children "equally" with their inheritance. The problem is that equal amounts of money can have very different impacts. One example would be if one of your children is a multimillionaire and the other is a single parent struggling to put his/her children through college.
The best thing is to talk to your children and work out a way to maximize the positive impact of your inheritance.
11
Writer one: As far as I've seen in real life, you only get admitted as a legacy if your family actually donates money to the school. A child of a alumni who hasn't donated very much wont get you into the school any more than anyone else. So, if your family hasn't donated, then the legacy thing might not be the reason. But, yes, legacy admits are not fair (frankly, I don't think athletic scholarships are fair either - what does that have to do with academics?)
Writer two: If one has certain learning disabilities, one might need open notes testing. I can see how you might feel it's unfair for your friend to use notes, but yes, you don't really know the reasons behind that.
Writer three: Wills change. What if your ex husband changes his will and you don't know about? Perhaps maybe the other children can talk to him about his concerns and suggest a trust fund for the one who is "bad" with money.
11
Re the trust option for the inheritance. The Ethicist is assuming the bequest is enough to justify paying for a trustee. Lots of people who don't have enough money for that face this issue. Not everyone is wealthy.
13
The student with "acute autism" is cheating and knows it. First of all, someone with "acute autism" would not be having this conversation with you because she would not be in college. Secondly, it is established that because nobody is in the room, she uses her notes, not that she has special permission. Unfortunately, colleges are inundated with people claiming they need special accommodation. What was once rare, is up to 22% in some colleges. It is clear there is a lot of cheating in this regard. Report her to the professor in an anonymous note. It would be up to the professor to set the student straight unless he feels she deserves the extra help because of her disability. It might make him set rules for others who also have special accommodations.
33
I have a similar question: should I go to the college that accepted me because of my high GPA and SAT scores? (I don't think I 'earned' my ability to study and excel on projects and exams and get high grades.)
15
Grades and scores reflect 1) inherited status/wealth 2) inherited abilities and 3) the amount of work done.
3 is the easy one: obviously it is moral to be rewarded for your work.
1 can and should be mitigated wherever possible. It is not moral that those born to rich and influential parents get a leg up.
2 is less clear, but in the end it is very difficult to justify mitigating advantages such as great intelligence, height, or, yes, sex and race. Only in cases where it is clear that it is social constructs that are creating advantages should we seek to mitigate advantage here.
Clearly having great height is a real advantage for certain jobs and should not be mitigated just because it is unfair that some are born taller than others. Same goes for intelligence.
But race, sex, sexuality—these can have advantages in that are pervasive but socially constructed, and thus are immoral to perpetuate and participate in.
So your situation really isn’t in the same category as the OP—you have an unearned advantage, true, but it is moral to mitigate at least part of their advantage, and not moral to mitigate yours. Go to the school. And use your unearned gifts to protect and help those that are being hurt by others with unearned gifts.
2
In re autism: Every college now has to have an "Office of Accessibility" to which students with documented learning disabilities or conditions need to register. If they require special conditions to take exams (taking an exam by themself, e.g) the office has the student bring a form for the professor to sign off on. The form has the professor sign off on what conditions are allowed (open book, calculator, extra time, etc). The office then monitors the student to ensure that these conditions are complied with. The professor gives the exam in advance to the office and arranges for delivery afterward.
Seems to me that the fault lies with the professor not following the rules.
15
It’s the professor’s fault the student is cheating?
3
The first part of letter 3 is almost identical to one covered in the New York Times Social Q's column. This makes me wonder if it is a genuine letter. Also, the writer refers to the friend's "acute autism" . I think he or she means something else since acute means of short duration.
42
I noticed that, too
1
Nope. The definition of acute includes severity and/or urgency. So you are wrong. And pedantic.
4
ACUTE "present or experienced to a severe or intense degree"
3
Legacy Student: yes, attend. You and your family has earned it.
5
If people come first, then shouldn't the young man take advantage of his admission to the elite university? After all, isn't he a "people" too?
Can you get into a better university than your Legacy College? I know that you think of your legacy university as "elite" "prestigious" but I should let you know that universities who do legacy, are lowering themselves. Try to get into an elite prestigious School that does not do legacy.
As a legacy, the non-legacy all academic students will see you as someone who is not as intelligent as they are. That you are no competition. Do you care?
Last, the undergraduate degree is the first higher education degree, that really does not have that much "power" to it. For Graduate School, you will have to get there on your own, especially in the best highly ranked programs. ---- There are 52 Grades in the School System. That takes a Student past the Post Doctorate degree. Eventually, to be on top, you will have to do it as an individual, as yourself. Testing is anonymous, so the standardized test graders do not know your name. The legacy issue goes away on its own, as the Student rises in the Education System. Good Luck, and Go For Brilliance!
3
LW2: Unfortunately, two wrongs don't make a right. Divide your estate evenly. But--while you live--consider also giving your son a useful and expensive gift: 10 hours with a money coach or financial advisor, for instance.
12
LW2: I recommend writing your will so your estate is evenly divided between your children. Your ex may not leave any money, may leave less than expected or change his will to leave all his money to a new wife or even his dog. His heirs can't count on anything. If he pre-deceases you and one child gets more, you may decide to revisit your arrangements or the favored child may decide to share with her brother. Whatever you do, be candid with your children about your arrangements and the reasons behind them. You don't want leave your children any surprises or a feeling of unfairness - that will harm their relationship and leave a legacy of bitterness.
31
THank you. That was exactly what I wanted to say!
3
LW1 - How about discussing this with your parents rather than polling a bunch of strangers? LW2 what are you and your ex going to do? check in once a year to compare Wills? His Will is his business and your Will is your business. It is not ethical to put children (even adult) in the middle . How do you know you're even getting the true story on your ex's Will?
15
To the college senior, please choose the college that is right for you. Do not get caught up in fancy names, where your parents want you to go, etc. Choose the college you want to be at for the next four years.
To the friend of the autistic student: she may, unbeknownst to you, have an ed plan or accommodations allowing her use her notes. I'm not saying it is right or defending her, just be aware of this possibility.
8
Dear Legacy,
The fight for equality does not require you to surrender your privilege: treat it as the gift it is. If you're concerned about moral responsibility, you may use your gifts to help those less fortunate. There is a subset of the enlightened privileged that would write a letter like this to absolve them of their guilt in benefiting from such an abominable system, then journey onward after a moral authority told them it was okay. Please don't belong to that group. It's not enough to open your eyes. The world needs your actions too.
Dear Divorced,
Dividing your will unevenly to correct your ex's mistake isn't necessary to help your children. As the Ethicist pointed out, the favored child can redistribute the assets accordingly. The only statement you're making is that you are still responsible for cleaning up your ex's messes. His will is his business, however misguided his intentions are. Please free yourself from that obligation.
6
RE: leaving money to your children. It seems so many of us feel obligated to leave money to our children. And, of course, the amount is equal among them. It is your money. Do whatever you want with it. You don't have to explain anything - anyway you are dead so you can't. Instead leave it to a charitable cause.
4
“I love my children equally...” doesn’t mean the ex husband doesn’t either just because he is leaving more $ to one child. He has a reason, and the mom’s comment that he doesn’t like his son as much as the daughter just fuels the flames from the divorce.
Mom isn’t married to dad anymore and she needs to stay out of the ex’s relationships with his kids. What he does w his money is his business. Her thoughts of making things equal ( in her eyes), and discussing it w the kids seems to me her way of continuing the conflicts of the marriage by extending it into the divorce with the kids as hostages in the fight.
11
This isn't an answer, though, it's a dilemma. The husband may have his reasons, but she may equally have her own for wanting to gave her own money to go where it will do the most good. Giving money to someone who already has money often won't help that person significantly, while giving the same to someone with less can make all the difference in the world. This is generally something a testator may take into account. It's not *necessarily* clear that this situation is so fraught that the mother must give up her own ideas as to how she wants her money used to keep the peace.
1
One of the questions seems to be a repeat: the autistic person cheating on the tests?
The legacy? A no-brainer. Always go to the best school you can get into. (Help a poor kid who can't afford the extras that rich kids take for granted.)
The will? No suggestions.
2
Yes. Skipping the school your parents can afford only because someone else hasn't the same advantages is like that thing parents used to say about eating everything on your plate because children are hungry somewhere else. Good to be aware of hunger and to take what action you may be able to take to help others-- but pointless to "be a clean-plater" for some distant other.
3
The autism question appeared in "Social Q's " last month (see above), and appears to have been asked by the same writer.
4
Re: Legacy Student, isn't it much more likely that this student will forget about thier social justice aspirations and melt effortlessly into the status quo? Isn't forgoing the advantages of one's upbringing an interesting experiment? Isn't this choice something to learn from? Is the point of an education to "make a difference"? Is this a column on ethics or (neo)liberal values? The suggested course of action reeks of the same kinds of justification wealthy folks use to justify thier lifestyles, that they are doing the world a favor by eating organic food.
Some alternative advice: go to another school, or even better, take a few years off and work or volunteer before going to college. Trust your instincts. Make mistakes. Take risks. Live a little before worrying about your legacy.
8
You have an obligation to yourself to take advantage of whatever fine educational experience comes your way. Then you have an obligation to use that education to make a positive contribution to the society in which you live. That is about as ethical as anyone needs to be.
9
I have a daughter who has ADD, and is on the autism spectrum who also gets As in math, Cs in other classes. I have a law degree, and attended uni and community colleges in the US and Canada.
I've never heard of a college that doesn't have an Honor Code. My daughter understands what plagiarism is, when she is allowed to bring notes, and when she cannot use them. I think the real question is did she confess to using notes knowing she should not, or did she confess she is given an accommodation to use said notes? If it is the latter, then there is no breach. But if she confessed to knowingly cheating, the questioner is now in the unfortunate position of violating the college's honor code by inaction.
I typed term papers in college and law school for money. While researching my own paper in the college library of a nearby university, I realized I was reading word for word a paper I had typed. I copied the article, went to the student and showed it to him. I gave him time to confess. He refused, instead corralling mutual friends into defending him bc he was desperate to stay on his scholarship. I went to my advisor, gave him the article and the computer disk from my hard drive. I was admonished for not turning him in immediately but nothing in writing went on my records. He was expelled.
I think your advice completely ignored the mandates of educational Honor Codes. Your writer needs to clarify if she was confessing to cheating and if so, go with her to help address it.
8
For years I provided college counseling to a host of students. Let me do a little something to put your mind at ease.
One year I provided recommendations for a student who had reasonable expectations of gaining entrance to a highly selective college. His grades were stellar....valedictorian. His SAT scores were 1590 out of 1600. He applied early admission to an Ivy where both his parents had been graduated. He was wait listed to general admission. He then applied to Harvard, Stanford, Columbia and Yale. He was accepted to each of them, but not to the school where he was a legacy. The sole, obvious difference twixt him and an average applicant....he was 16. We will never know, but Stanford undergraduate and law school proved a good choice.
1
Nobody is owed an inheritance. If you get one it doesn't have to be equal to what anybody else gets.
5
I disagree with advice given to LW 2 — divide your will evenly. Don’t try to compensate for your ex’s shortfalls. I have seen this exact situation now in multiple cases and it only leads to hurt feelings. Be responsible for your own actions and choices, not his!
8
LW3: Well, as a prof, I would definitely want to know if someone in my class were cheating in this way (assuming that it is cheating--if it's not, then no harm done). Cheating isn't just unfair to other students; it's dishonest to the prof, and long-term, it hurts the cheater. So a prof's learning about its occurrence is usually a win-win.
On the other hand, in this particular case the info might not really be actionable without implicating your role in its having come to light; the prof will have no grounds for calling your friend on anything other than your testimony. Are you willing to be named? (Or identified by your friend by a process of elimination, if your friend works out that there's no other way prof could have found out?)
3
Philip Galanes (Social Qs) answered the acute autism question recently, too: https://www.nytimes.com/2018/04/19/style/is-extra-help-hurting-my-friend...
5
Hasn't the final question already been addressed in Social Q's?
6
Yes, and just a little over a month ago, too. Seemingly the same LW.
5
Autistic Student : privately, explore this further, get ALL the facts. Then, if you feel she is cheating, explain your reasoning to Her. Do NOT tattle. If she's caught later, that's on HER. Period.
5
LW2, it is also worth noting - though some will blanch at the thought - that adult children are not entitled to their parents estate, equally divided or otherwise. Parents may give all of their money to one child out of two or many, to charity or third parties or their cat - once the children are adults they lose any claim to the residue of their parents' estate.
"Fair", as with much in life, is in the eye of the beholder.
12
If "fair is in the eye of the beholder," then obviously there can be no objection to the mother doing her best to achieve what is equity in her eyes. Or maybe that's your point?
"It does sound as if she’s abusing the system, but — even if the class is graded on a curve — it’s not damaging you and the other students very much."
How can you say that with any confidence? That student very well could be wrecking the curve for everyone (let's ignore any issue with grading on a curve in the first place). Some people with autism have excellent minds; in specific fields, they can be quite impressive. Maybe acing the exams wouldn't raise eyebrows (or eyebrows would be afraid to raise).
12
The Ethicist may be reflecting current grading norms in the liberal arts. Grades are somewhat subjective in the liberal arts (versus say accounting or engineering), and also average college grades are now quite inflated from a generation ago. Nearly all students get As or Bs, with As often more common than Bs. Thus, one (more) student getting an A (by cheating) won't dramatically change the class average. This is far different than when I was in engineering college a generation ago. At that time, average test scores often fell in the 60s and then the class was curved. In that scenario, if one student got a 99, it would indeed seriously affect the curve and everyone else's grades.
It is rarely a good idea for one to announce their bequest plans to the recipients. If the mother alters her will to nullify the inequity in the father's and publicizes that fact, the father may try to alter his will again in order for his choices to be effective. It doesn't seem like a great idea to have competing wills.
50
The inheritance question seems more suited for Social Q's (also a good read) or another advice column.
Ethically speaking, it is perfectly fine to adjust one's will in response to one's ex's will. It's also perfectly ethical to ignore the ex, or to do something else entirely. The only thing it's not ethical to do is tell beneficiaries they're going to get more than they will.
Practically speaking, it will be very hard to adjust one will to make up for the other, and could only be done if the father dies first (unless there is a state difference in value rather than a stated difference in portion). This all assumes two children, but it is not important. If the father was dividing his estate 60/40, the mother could divide her's 40/60. Looks good in theory, except that the estates may be different. Is the mother going to adjust her distribution based on the final size of the father's estate? Depending on the size and distribution of each parent's estate, the mother might not even be able to make up the difference or the difference might be negligible.
5
NYT - Can you design your site so the comment box doesn't cover the text of the article while leaving a whole bunch of white space on the other side? It's nice to be able to read both at the same time. I know, not ethics, but maybe someone will read it and eventually something will be done.
30
Absolutely agree, especially if one wants to refer back to the article while reading the comments or, for that matter, in preparing one's own comments. I'd really like to ensure I am representing accurately what the article said, and to understand how accurate commenters have been in their analyses.
19
IF you believe that a system is wrong or unethical, it is at least hypocritical, if not wrong, to perpetuate that system. The "I'll benefit from it, then work to change it" idea is not likely to amount to much. Maybe there are some out there who would work to change it, but for most, life or self-interest would get in the way.
Turning down the opportunity would open up a spot for someone else, and that someone else has a better chance of being a non-legacy/privileged applicant. So it may make a difference.
9
I don't see it that way Dave. The spot would go to the next in line Legacy. The die for Admissions has been cast; the composition of the Class has been established.
8
How do you know who is next on the list?
Also, even if the next one would be a legacy/privileged applicant, the concerned acceptee should follow his or her conscience. This is a column on ethics/morality, not convenience, right?
3
My college has a quota of 10% legacies. (If you are considering that particular one) if you decline, they will just give it to another legacy kid.
I would go.
You might not appreciate this, but you are not the only one benefiting: the college also gets more loyalty and contributions from your whole family this way.
You yourself will benefit from the whole alumni-networking thing, and so you will be able to use that to give anybody a leg up, who you feel needs it. For example, (once you are high-achieving & famous alum) you can write recommendations on college applications, job recommendations, etc to support whatever cause you like. Good luck!
2
LW2 with the will only has two children. Which one told her about the ex’s plans? And how did the child find this out, and what is the motivation for telling the mother?
I suspect it is the son, who may have a very different take on the conversation and the overall situation than his father does. I’m envisioning reasons why the son would be asking his father about his will. It sounds like the parents are not on speaking terms, or the mother would simply pick up the phone and have a conversation with her ex about it. If the mother is not speaking with the father, she should stay out of it. It sounds like the children are adults. It’s not a mother’s role to manage her ex’s relationship with their adult children when the parents aren’t even speaking to each other. Also, the father may not actually be planning what the son believes he is planning. Or he could change his mind later, and the mother would never know.
19
Legacy student: go to the best school that is the best fit. There are so many legacy’s now that acceptance is based mostly on merit. All of these top schools have wait lists that are thousands of people - more than there are places - so if a legacy gets in - you can be sure it was earned - unless of course you are Jared Kushner whose father gave $2M to Harvard. He did not earn it - but you probably did.
17
One could argue the question LW2 puts forth from either side and both would be ethical. However, I think it would be most prudent to divide the assets so as to compensate for the ex dividing his estate unevenly.
On the other hand, once you yourself start down the road of dividing the estate unequally, then other considerations come into play. For example, why not divide your estate so as to leave your children with an equal net worth, or as close to that as possible, taking into account their own assets and the ex's estate plan?
I don't think ethics play into that question at all. As long as you don't tell people they're going to get something and then re-allocate it without notification, it's perfectly ethical to do whatever you want with it (as long as the use itself is ethical).
2
LW #1 could consider leaving home, getting a job and attending a Community College, and later attending a local state university. Or, one can use the advantages one has acquired (like, among other possible ones, intelligence, drive, etc.) to lead a productive life. Or do something else. These all seem likely to be ethical.
2
Noted, but if LW does that, he may be taking a space at the community college from someone else- for whom that may have been the only option.
2
Until there is equal distribution of all wealth, goods and services, we are all taking a space from someone else. I think all the choices are equally ethical. Both Kurt Vonnegut, in a short story from the '50s, and Bernard Shaw, in his preface to Andolocles and the Lion, had interesting takes on this.
The uneven Will : Divide YOUR Estate exactly evenly, in a Trust. Your EX may eventually change his mind, or even leave his money to a new Family.
Make your own plans, not based on what HE might do. Seriously.
75
I concur! Anything else would be speculative and based on hearsay from the child.
7
Legacy student : yes, attend the School. While you do so, volunteer to help other students, especially the less privileged. Tutor in your best subject, act as a mentor and friend when you can. And yes, as an alumni you will have power to make changes. Good luck.
29
On the legacy-admission matter, might one have found a less pragmatic, status quo approach? The answer seems as old as the problem.
3
In the case of the lopsided will, family members--or the disaffected spouses, anyway--seem to know a lot about amounts and arrangements. In a fraught family situation, that seems to be asking for conflict. I'd suggest making arrangements that are fair in your own sight and keeping them to yourself. There's nothing wrong with telling the kids, and surely the ex, that these are your private legal decisions. They'll find out in due course, whenever that may be.
11
Re: Legacy College
It may well be that the individual has all the right credentials to earn the college acceptance.
If that college seems like the best fit, the applicant should use the opportunity to be a catalyst for good/fair/right. In any decision, what program and campus environment seem as a good fit is the wisest choice overall. Especially if the financial factor is not a burden.
Good luck!
6
LW3: I proctor exams for students needing accommodations at a higher ed institution and there are strict guidelines to make sure the students that need accommodations are also not receiving unwarranted advantages. Student Services co-ordinates the proctoring and makes sure to communicate what the students can take into the testing room, how much (if any) extra time they get, and that they are consistently monitored. Our students have a range of issues including ASD, ADHD, and sensory processing disorders. The LW should take their concern that there is inadequate oversight of accommodations students to the Dean or Student Services. They will handle it discretely and the friend won’t know they specifically were outed, as I’m sure there are others taking advantage.
28
I'm was a legacy at the University of Michigan. My grandmother, a librarian, sent in a small check to Michigan every year for 50 years. I was not a gifted student and part of my acceptance was based on what was called "regional athletic distinction" -- I was all-league in two sports, football and wrestling. This was part of the complicated point system that the U.S. Supreme Court later voted down over Affirmative Action. Inner city black kids were granted extra points, just as I was granted extra points for being a legacy and for sports. As it was explained to me by admissions officials, they factored in sports because they figured athletes would not wilt in the face of challenge and competition, and Michigan is a very challenging academic environment. Anyway, with solid SAT scores and a very modest 3.0 high school GPA, Michigan let me in. I graduated with honors and later sent two of my own children there. Both performed at the top end of the scale and are doing very well in their careers, making much more money in their 20s than their parents ever did. So the legacy thing is very strong with us. It's not all about wealthy families and the Ivy League, which will never change because it has been bought and paid for by the ultra rich. I know this because my youngest went to Princeton, where she also graduated with high honors. You ask her now and she says if she had to go back and do it again, she'd probably choose Michigan. Mgoblue.
36
Letter writer 1 does not explain why he/she thinks the legacy status was the reason for admission.
It may be that this student qualified on his/her own and would have been admitted even with no family connection.
23
First letter: I don't know if every school processes legacy applications the same way, but I do know that an applicant's legacy status is the very last thing that is considered at many universities. It's essentially used as a tie-breaker, primarily because the legacy applicant is more likely to accept the offer and to graduate (I've worked in higher education administration for the past ten years, though never in admissions). Being a legacy does not guarantee acceptance.
But an applicant never has to tell admissions that they are a legacy: if they're uncomfortable with the process, and some are, they can elect to say no. Admissions should never be in communication with alumni relations or the development office. I know people like to insist that many schools do go back and forth between these offices, but this has never been my experience--and I have heard from some very angry alumni whose family were not accepted. So, unless LW 1 has a very prominent family name, his or her legacy status likely had little to do with being accepted.
17
Applicants DO tell where their parents went to college. It's in the family demographic section of the Common Application, which is used for all the selective private schools, plus others. In addition, some colleges ask very detailed questions about whether others connected with the applicant attended the college. These are not optional questions.
7
Re LW2: The Ex is entitled to make choices about who should benefit from his will. Likewise, LW2 can make her own choices. It would be more gracious, especially if LW2 elects to distribute disparate benefits as well, to not press the issue about the Ex's choice. It would be good to hear the Ex's view - he may be right that the son does not handle finances well (indeed, it might be egregious); perhaps he does not dislike the son, but does have a not unnatural affinity for his daughter; perhaps the daughter has grandchildren for whom the Ex wants to provide; perhaps many other things are not revealed by LW2.
9