I was surprised by how many of his professors knew him well enough to realize there was a problem and tried to talk to him. My two children go to a large private university where the classes are huge and they're lucky if they're taught by a professor at the sophomore level and not an overworked, underpaid TA or adjunct professor.
23
There should be a more reasonable approach. From personal experience and reading others stories- it seems the first year of college is when a lot( of course not all) of issues arise. Why not a gradual letting go,as the 18 year olds gradually become adults,adjust to college life? Have grades along with with any concerns from the freshman advisor culled from the students professors, sent home for first semester( or at midterms) or two? Then the college, parents and students can sit down, discuss and proceed accordingly. It would help struggling students feel more empowered, instead of pushing things under the rug and progressing to crisis mode. It may indeed help more vulnerable students ultimately take charge, instead of “crashing and burning”.
8
If not at 18 when does a person become responsible for their choices? Will we invent a society where employers of 25 year olds are responsible for calling Mommy when an employee is missing work and deadlines? Is graduate school old enough to free colleges of being an intermediary between parents and their defendants?
7
College students are individuals with individual needs. Not statistics Mr/Ms Administrator.
“Some Hamilton administrators said that they did not want to encourage helicopter parenting, and that parents were sometimes part of the problem.”
In this case these administrators were the problem & are responsible. Hiding behind a law is not an excuse. Sounds a lot like the gun lobby... Jobs before lives.
For my part; 3 through college. 2 graduated Magna, the third leads a team in cancer research. As parents we knew when to turn the rotors on & when to keep the bird landed.
And you Madam/Mssr Admin?
10
There was no "tightrope" here. It was clear to those who knew and saw Graham that he was in trouble, clear enough that his professors went out of their way, took the administrative if not professional risk to be involved and recommend a course of action.
Those further up, those who make the 'responsible' decisions, those who did not know or see Graham made their own decisions on behalf of their employer. And they were plain wrong. Plain, self-preserving, American business wrong.
When a boy is in trouble, when a human being needs help, you help. You may not be legally required to, you may even run some risk, but you help.
If you don't you're in no position to teach "America's future", "America's brightest hope" anything.
21
Unfortunately there isn’t anything such as magic to solve depression.
The two worst experiences I had with this illness had extremely different outcomes in my parents’ behaviors. The first time, in my teens, they didn’t really understand what I was going through: I found myself alone with despair, and were very suicidal by that time. The second time, they seemed to have a better understanding: They came in the town where I was attending college, they brought me back home, they reassured me, and told me to take a break with school.
I was able to recover only after I took some time off my studies. I went back to a different college, where the human dimension was more palpable, and where I took my strength out of myself.
To all the people who are struggling out there, I want to say that you are not alone, and you are not the only one. Life can still be fulfilling, and precious. In many cases, after these experiences, life becomes even better because somehow you understand the value that each day has, and the importance of listening to yourself.
Our society often puts heavy weights on us, to the point that we feel helpless and miserable. I hope everyone can find the way to ask for help, and to share his/her pain with as many people as possible.
By admitting to having a problem, and by seeking support, things will be much easier.
YOU ARE NOT ALONE!
24
As a psychiatrist I have a keen interest in what enables certain people to survive, even to thrive, in the face of severe mental illness. I always ask these amazing patients of mine how they do it.
Sometimes they tell me it's God, or prayer. Sometimes they credit their medication. But often what strikes me is the way that their families are involved in their lives. They have parents who have stuck by them, sought out treatment for them, sent out search and rescue missions when they've gone missing, and given them a secure home. Often they have siblings who do likewise.
Research shows that early intervention in psychosis can significantly lessen the severity of the illness. (Benedict Carey reported on two such early intervention programs in this journal.) One of the four key components of these early intervention programs is family involvement from the beginning.
But when a young adult is most in need of help, and least able to make a reasoned judgment, the parents are warded off. If their son is missing and they call to see if he might be in the hospital, they'll be met with indifference. "We can't tell you if he's here. It would violate his privacy."
We need to revamp our laws, revisit our priorities, and put the welfare of our patients first. We need to stop hiding behind dubious claims for privacy at all costs.
29
Our son was finishing his senior year at Fordham University. Showing signs of stress of final exams and meeting his graduation obligations, he also exhibited social anxiety not unlike what many shy and somewhat awkward students can experience. He decided on his own to go seek counseling at his Bronx campus and expressed that he had thoughts of suicide.
Instead of counseling him and bringing us, his parents, into the solution, the school decided to bar him from the campus with one week left of finals and only days before his graduation.
With no indication of any violence tendencies ever, Fordham was concerned about the safety of the campus and not this scared student's own fragile condition.
He was only permitted to return for final exams with a parent accompanying him. He was only allowed to attend his own graduation ceremonies after we pleaded with the Dean of Students at the time.
Their "counseling" had led to deeper depression and could have led to his own demise were it not for our intervention. Happily, he was treated successfully and we are happy to say he's fully recovered and is a model citizen, no thanks to Fordham University's blatant mistreatment of a student who worked with the schools counseling system, a system which showed total disregard for his well-being.
36
"The law views students as adults." This makes this sound like a special provision. They're adults because they're adults, except for the few who are under 18, which is when adulthood legally begins even when one's parents are still supporting one. If you were 18, moved to your own apartment, and got a full-time job, would you expect your boss to report on your behavior to your parents? I say this not with disregard for the plight of students in dire circumstances, but only to point out that being at school doesn't extend their legal status as minors past the age of 18.
13
When I went to college -- the girls had curfews which were enforced! I think -- looking back -- that this was a good idea. To go from many rules as a high school student, to NO rules in college is a ridiculous transition for young adults to deal with. Particularly in today's society.
6
I'm really confused by all the commenters who ask, "Would you expect a workplace to report someone's mental illness? Why would a school?"
I am my husband's next of kin. I am his emergency contact. You do know what an emergency contact is, right? If my husband had a crisis at work, they would call me. They wouldn't ship him out in an ambulance without giving me a heads up. If he were acting oddly in a way that didn't seem like an immediate emergency but they were concerned they would also let me know. Vice versa at my work. If I ever acted oddly, I fully expect those around me pay attention, call 9-11 if appropriate, and at the same time my husband to let him know what is happening. I had a colleague with a form of epilepsy in which she'd be seemingly awake but not responsive. We would call her family. That's what normal people do.
Young adult children's next of kin is generally their parents. Parents are generally the people who would pick them up at the hospital if they were discharged, the people who would be given instructions to check them every hour if they were extremely depressed but not suicidal enough to be inpatients. They are their children's main caretakers in the event of illness or disability. They are not random strangers. The way commenters are talking about their relationship--as if they are not their children's next of kin, at least until their children form their own families or emancipate themselves--strikes me as frankly bizarre.
39
Anxiety, depression, and addiction are truly becoming epidemics for teens and young adults. We need to begin to help people understand the simple brain science about why.
I teach a very simple model of the brain- simple science, easy to understand and apply. It explains how we are priming the brain for addiction, anxiety and depression and how we can actively teach resilience in order to help prevent mental health issues.
www.centerforresilientleadership.com
I would really wonder about the role of SSRIs in the epidemic of teen and young adult suicides being described here. It is not mentioned in any of the histories. I had thought there was supposed to be a BLACK BOX warning put on those medications with reference to children and teens. I just heard today on the CBC that the USA has the highest consumption of SSRIs on the planet. Canada is No. 4.
6
The photos in this article remind me that I was once an occupant of that same dormitory at Hamilton College. I remember feeling horribly depressed and isolated at that time. I struggled with my grades and the lack of a social life left me despondent. I survived, but not everyone does.
15
Yes, there are laws but common sense must prevail. As a professional who interacts with children and adults, I have reached out to family and friends if a client seemed disoriented, disheveled, or depression. This is basic human kindness and what I would want done for myself and my children.
14
College provides an opportunity to receive an education. Period. It is not the job of a university to care for your child. It is not the job of a university to manage your relationship with your child. It is not high school part 2.
6
The faculty or staff could refer the student to a counselor and suggest that the counselor ask the student sign a consent form so that the parents can be notified. One has to wonder why schools don’t do this. Perhaps they don’t want the scrutiny of parents knowing things aren’t going well.
8
College has become big business. Unfortunately, our kids and their parents know very little about the inner workings of this industry until it is too late. Some how we are too timid, too respecting of Colleges, too worried to offend to do what is needed to help our kids navigate the administrative morass created by Adults. For some kids its an unfair fight.
Most kids in college are mature enough to succeed and deal with what is thrown at them.
In our case, several things helped us with our first two college students. First we were close, about an hour away. Second we would not take no for an answer and third we had our younger son sign a release, something all parents should do if they have doubts.
Never relinquish your role as a parent, never take a schools word, always put yourself in a position to verify what i happening with your child, even if they are an "adult".
14
As a sophomore 40 years ago, I entered a state of depression. Only because of the kindness of another sophomore did I abandon sucidal plans. No one in the faculty helped me. But I still believe it was their moral, if not professional, duty.
My son nearly committed suicide at a small liberal arts college 10 years ago. The college did not alert me to the problem. It was only my sense of the change of his voice that led me to drive 7 hours through the mountains that saved him.
After I got him home and safe I read an email from one
of his professors who, despite knowing he had a learning disability, denigrated him for a spelling error in a request for help in an economics class, adding that it was all very simple if he would just try.
Colleges may not be in loco parents anymore, but they should be kind and aware and should have a protocol for at risk students wherein during orientation everyone agrees on a safety plan and all professors are educated as to the specific challenges their learning and otherwise exceptional students face.
I am lucky; my child is still alive. Others are not so lucky.
If you have an at risk child do not send them to a school so far from home that you can not assess their wellness in person weekly.
25
This is an incredible irresponsible article that treats adults as if they were minors. Parents need to back off.
College is not about you. If your child commits suicide, it's their decision, and their fault.
Back off.
3
You’ve got to be kidding. Parenting is still happening at this stage and parents can sometimes help. Give them a chance to. It’s not the school that will mourn their loss afterward - the parents shoulder that tremendous loss.
39
This is heartbreaking. In the real world if a person is showing signs of being homicidal / suicidal they are forced to get help. They are put on a 72-hour hold (5150) and are seen by a psychiatrist. It seems as though these students are lost in the cracks. If you have any experience with depression you know how difficult it is to deal with. It’s not easy to understand you may need to seek therapy. With so much stigma around mental illness many suffer in silence. Also, at the ages these students are it’s easier to abuse substances. Help should be available and parents should be informed.
17
Why not try an approach similar to DNR orders, in reverse?
Ask students and parents, during orientation, to co-sign a hold harmless agreement that says if we feel you are at risk of harming yourself, you give us permission to contact your family.
The time to have that discussion is before the student is in crisis.
I can hear University officials being squeamish about even raising the issue but I would hope that most parents would be grateful that the school cared.
And if not -- it is still better for a university to err on the side of protecting these vulnerable young people. Many times we are all they have at their moment of desperation.
27
I cannot fathom the anguish of parents who lose a child, particularly this way, and particularly when they feel they could have done something to save the child.
But, no, unless the student is under 18, the institution at which they've chosen to enroll has no place contacting the parents about anything concerning the student's life.
And no, the fact that you may be footing the bill doesn't change anything. It's not a fact relevant to the principle.
6
Too many high-schoolers are conned by their high school and parents to think one just HAS to get a university degree in order to qualify as middle-class. The whole college application and campus tours and parents-and-their-children activities is absolutely ridiculous.
How many of these victims of anxiety, depression, self-loathing, unhappiness, and loneliness shouldn't even be there. How many could have benefited from a wide-ranging discussion about what the high school student herself would like to do.
This mania about getting your student-child into elite schools makes it even worse.
21
Making a decision about how to treat all humans in any age category is a perfect example of gross human error.
You cannot get it right by ignoring the wide range of human experience and behavior.
The people with the most potential for helping disturbed students may (and may not be) their parents. They have the most to lose if their grown up child cannot find their own way out of trouble. They are likely to be the most willing to put in the time and effort necessary to save their own child! Part of the process should be finding out if parents knowing will help that specific person. If so, tell them!
I am horrified and appalled at the hubris, ignorance, stupidity, arrogance, will fullness, stubbornness you fill in the blank here that is being expressed by both the schools and some of the commentators. How dare you make rules or judgements about people who are having trouble when they encounter failure in college?
When will those of you who cannot tolerate variations in life GROW UP and accept that not everyone is like you, “rational” and “mature” and all the great perfect things that you are? It’s like you think that if they cannot handle failure now tough luck that they died!
There is nothing complicated or “thorny” about the situation! Figure out what to do in a case by case basis, with the goal to save lives.
Save lives, screw decorum and propriety.
28
Privacy is not the priority when 65000 people die of drug overdoses and many more die of suicide. In the case of young adults, whats the point of keeping it from the parents? Makes no sense to let addicted and depressed young adults quietly sink into despair and death.
This theoretical protection of privacy in face of death is absurd. Suicidal and addicted persons are not acting on free sound decision making and parents can help and should be notified. Not all theoretical rights make sense all the time.
Absurd priorities.
21
What actually does it mean to "treat students like adults?" Adults with mental illness need help from caring, compassionate people. For most people, above all, that means their family. Unfortunately, they are not going to find that caring and compassion from college professors or deans.
30
Thank you for bringing this horrendous set of rules to the public's attention. Parents pay the bills, co-sign loans and yet when they call the college, they are told nothing about their children's status. Years ago I called my son's college, not sure if he was passing his classes, and they wouldn't give me any information. I never found out if he graduated but, ironically, he did die (accidentally) a few years ago in a horrible mishap. I suppose they would tell me now, but it's too late. It doesn't matter anymore.
8
This bubble of upper middle class white privilege the helicopter parents in these comments live in is positively eye rolling.
Millions of adults are, at the age of 18, raising children, starting careers, and in general, living grown up lives. None of you are worried about their brain development or their propensity in the age range of 18-25 for the development of mental health issues. You are advocating that employers take on the role of babysitter, psychologist, counselor, etc, reporting to their families when they struggle.
You just want colleges to pick up where you left off because you haven't equipped your children with the tools necessary to care for themselves on a basic level. Made them aware of warning signs and what to do if they see them. Assured them it is okay if they struggle or even if they fail. Most of all, you see the college as your ultimate enabler in your desire to not let go.
Stories like these and their accompanying comments make me so grateful I chose to leave academia behind.
20
I find your comment so disheartening and yet so typical of what our country has become in the last year and a half. I'm wondering if you have a child or have ever cared about a child? As a parent and grandparent, and teacher, I can tell you that the worry and concern for our children doesn't end when a they turn 18 or move away. With the enormous pressures students in this country are under, it is no wonder our children become desperate and feel hopeless. And it is the uncaring spirit of people with your mindset who are turning their backs on young adults. It should not just the family or friends who feel the loss after the suicide of a young adult--we should all mourn the loss of the life and potential of these desperate individuals. At least those of us with kind and loving hearts do.
16
"Millions of adults are, at the age of 18, raising children, starting careers, and in general, living grown up lives."
You're kidding/exaggerating, right? An 18-year-old is a teenager, not an adult.
And there are hardly "millions" of them doing what you say they're doing...
6
Sorry, Butterfield 8! I married at 18 and had 4 children by the age of 25, with my 5th born when I was 34. I raised my children to be responsible adults; all five of them have college degrees, including a Masters Degree! There are many, many of us - yes, perhaps millions! Who are you, to make such a derogatory statement?
5
We recently had a suicide on our campus. I did not know the student, but my heart goes out to this student, whose life sadly ended too early as well as the student's family in their grief. What I do know is that our campus, like many others, is stretched to the hilt in counseling staff. Commenter Diane Leach nailed it--we have a crisis on our hands, and higher ed institutions across the nation need more resources to handle the growing number of distressed students daily.
7
I vividly recall being dismayed when, pursuing my degree in the late 90's, my university would send my academic progress information to my parents at their home (I did not live at their home, and I paid for my own education, without loans or their financial support). I thought it was intrusive, given that my parents were completely uninvolved in my education and that I was a completely financially independent adult. But I reasoned that if I ever had a medical need, then perhaps this strange connection would be a good thing.
It turns out, I did eventually have a medical need, but the university wanted nothing to do with my parents then.
I postulate that if a college or university has any remote possibility of a bill collection need in the future, they will not hesitate to reach out to the parents of independent adults, but in health-related matters, they claim ignorance or that their "hands are tied".
21
A perfect storm has arisen in college mental health. College is extraordinarily expensive. Many families save and sacrifice for many years to afford their child's education. They desperately want their child to succeed. More and more students are the first ones in their family to attend college. Many students experience food insecurity on campus. At top colleges, the pressure to stay on the cutting edge socially and academically is immense, as wisely presaged years ago in the David Brooks NYTimes article, "The Organization Kid".
We have a profoundly individualistic and gladiatorial mentality in America, which pervades all spheres of life. That each person must "pull themselves up by their bootstraps" and "win". Parents treat sports games like death matches. You have a problem? Get over it, so does everyone else. SAT , MCAT, LSAT, GMAT, GRE tests are nearly life or death affairs.
We live in a nation where a good number of educational institutions make millions from young people literally bashing skulls on playing fields and millions of educated minds watch such spectacles. Our individualistic and gladiatorial society pumps our lives with immense stress and fear, with ever increasing anxiety as a result. We literally live in an insane world. There is no over-arching, long-view perspective on anything.
In Dostoevsky's "The Idiot" the truly sane person in a truly insane world, is deemed the insane one. What a perfect novel to describe our current society.
25
I'm a college student at Princeton University who has been very suicidal at several points in my life, and I'm immensely grateful for these privacy laws. Most of the comments below do not take into account abusive or manipulative parents who would only make their child's situation worse.
I'm torn because anything to prevent suicide is something I want to get behind, but in this case I cannot because I am aware of the consequences that could have occurred had my school, which knew I was in a rough patch, contacted my parents.
Perhaps there could be some kind of waiver that you could list the person you wanted contacted in a time of distress- I would not put my parents of course, but, rather, my best friends. This could help prevent suicides and also ensure student privacy.
There are really no good answers to the question of suicide until college culture is radically changed. The high-pressure atmosphere and constant stress culture take a toll on students and have led me and many of my friends down the path to serious mental illness.
39
Thanks for your astute comment. That’s the rub- many suicidal college students actually come from abusive households and, in the freedom of university life, have the emotional space to finally feel their wounds- but not the tools, necessarily.
Mental health recovery for these young adults begins when they can break free from the chains of parents who are violent, actively engaged in drug/alcohol addictions or personality disordered. Changing the privacy laws, in these cases, would do far more harm than good.
Hang in there! It can get better- much better.
11
Hard to see this and all the comments on Mother's Day. I think this article provides a "teachable" moment for many campuses, and it could be used in Tabletop Exercises for how to deal with students in crisis. I think we may talk the talk but not walk the walk. FERPA is an easy excuse. We need to train professors and staff about the mental health issues of our students. And, when we see danger, I think sharing with a students that one is sharing with parents makes real sense -- unless the parents are overtly the cause (causing abuse etc.) Campuses need to do better on helping all their students --- and to be candid, I never slept well in 8 years as a college president. I always worried that some student would commit suicide or have a car accident --- and we would have missed the signs. We need to wake up here. Now. Before we lose more students.
13
Similar story for us from Johns Hopkins University, which was far from our home. Our son didn't die at that time, but he withdrew in deep distress. And the university had the audacity to ask for tuition or room or something for the rest of the semester after he left. I entrusted my most precious "possession" to them and they showed utter disregard for his health and my ability to parent, even although they were well aware of the problems. He returned to us a shell of his former self, from which he never recovered. In loco parentis - hardly. Absence of oversight, caring, and moral obligations - absolutely.
23
I am the mother of one college graduate and the mother of another son who will soon graduate. During those years I heard about "Ferpa," but NEVER about the "minor" exception that if a parent claims the child as a dependent on tax forms, the college may contact the parent. When it comes to private schools, a student - especially one under the age of 21 - is almost certainly on his parents' tax return as a dependent. So that covers just about everybody. Colleges can just ask parents to submit the top half of the first page of their tax return when a student enrolls. This wouldn't disclose any information except whether the student is listed as his parents' dependent. That would free the college's hand in contacting the parents. Freshman year can be a big adjustment and some people need help, especially kids who already have mental health challenges known to their parents. The whole administrative apparatus associated with the residence part of a residential college hugely adds to the cost of a college education. It's expensive to be "in loco parentis." These schools really need to get serious about notifying parents when they see evidence of academic and/or emotional struggle. And they need to provide and vigorously promote real counseling by real therapists on campus. Not just "Hi and see you later."
14
HIPPA and FERPA are absolutely the worst legislations! They block parents who love and care for their children and prevent them access! And here we are sitting in the dark wondering what is happening and need to be able to reach our children. Sometimes our children wall us off because of Parental Alienation syndrome, where exs and their new wives/ husbands interfere and sometimes it is the schools and colleges and privacy laws! I also have to say that counselors in general and particularly at colleges, do a lot to create alienation among families and turn our children against us and perpetuate loneliness, by saying,”oh that’s a helicopter parent,” and “oh that’s toxic” etc! We gave birth to our children, we nurtured them, we need access to them!
11
@Imohf: Why do you think you deserve involuntary access to an adult who doesn't wish to talk to you? I'm seeing a lot of parents in these comments who refuse to see that there is another side to the story -- that their children may have good reasons for not wanting their help.
7
By the time my daughter graduated high school, she had struggled with depression for a few years. She was eager to get support so she could be successful when she went to a large state school, so when she got there we registered her at the health center and identified a potential therapist. We went to the counseling center to check out their services. As it turns out, insurance made the therapy difficult to arrange, and the appointments were hard to get. I'm not sure how no one noticed as she slipped into severe anorexia. In October she ended up at the health center for another reason, and her vitals were unstable so they called an ambulance and sent her alone to the ER at an off-campus hospital - and she didn't even have her wallet with her. She had to get back to campus late at night, by herself with no ID or cash. And the school never called me. When I saw her on Columbus Day weekend of her freshman year I convinced her to withdraw. I believe I saved her life.
20
How frightening. I hope things are going well now.
3
America is so screwed up. If a college kid produced guns at school or threatened other kids you’d bet your life those colleges would call the parents. I’m very sorry for this young man. I only wish I could have been there. I would have helped him get back on track. Reorganize. Take fewer classes. Get support.
In this country you have the following problems:
Mass murders carried out for the most part by young men who are unstable.
Mental health issues that have shown up in mostly young men in murders and violent crimes
An opioid crisis affecting mostly young people.
A disaffected youth that grew up in a disconnected culture dependent on technology
Youth that come from broken homes.
Youth on meds. Some as young as 4-7 years on ADHD meds ( nowhere else in the world would do this to their population)
Get a grip people. Your laws really get in the way of common sense. It is well know that young men of 16-24 years of age are more likely to suffer mental breakdown or schizoid breaks.
Colleges are responsible for students. If you can’t take care of them you don’t deserve them.
I know what I talk of. I’m a UCB student where I see unhappy depressed isolated stressed students every day.
Young men commit suicide at alarming rates. Young people in college should have help all the way. That’s your job college admin. Go check out countries that do it right. America can’t keep its children safe in school nor its college students healthy and supported in college.
14
Similar ethical issues relate to both student suicide and school shootings.
As Ellen's top pick comment points out, mental health professionals have a duty to break confidentiality. But therapists have a special relationship with their patients. They are, first, there for the express purpose of treating mental health issues, and second, qualified to do so.
If random university staff are expected to recognize mental health problems and be required to report them, then they are effectively being told to function as therapists, which they are not qualified to do and which is probably illegal for them to do (practicing medicine w/o a license).
Universities are not mental health facilities. If they are going to be asked to take on duties involving mental health they need to be staffed and funded appropriately.
Lastly, university students are adults (for the most part). If universities are required to act as mental health facilities then will EVERY place that employs adults be required to do the same? Why shouldn't EVERY workplace be required to have staff there to recognize mental health issues before they result in suicides or workplace violence?
The ethics of this issue may not be as simple as it seems at first. In these situations, WHO is responsible, and what are their responsibilities?
10
"...mental health professionals have a duty to break confidentiality."
Whoa. Are you sure you want to go there? If so, be aware this "duty" will spread beyond college campuses and beyond mental health professionals. Would you want your employer to know why you are seeing any type of health professional and making judgements about your continued employment based on your physical/mental health? Be careful what you ask for, you may get it.
3
I'm not a mental health professional and not knowledgeable on the law. But in the top Reader Pick comment by Ellen, she says she is a therapist and has a professional duty to break client confidentiality in cases involving potential suicide. I'm assuming she knows what she is talking about and is correct. This is not a matter of opinion, just law. Of course, Ellen could be wrong. I wouldn't know. I was just basing my comment on the assumption that hers could be accepted.
Lynn, that's exactly the ethical minefield we are looking at if we don't proceed carefully through the issues.
It's easy to get caught up in the tragedy of particular cases. But we need to see beyond them.
Depressed students can be difficult to recognize, and often resent the intrusion even when politely done so in an email. Families need to think about these stories when they send their kids 100s of miles away unable to check in with their own kids. So who has the responsibility? The adjunct running between three colleges, the administration, the culture? Maybe at the college age too much is being asked before anyone has a real sense of self.
9
I understand that colleges will not communicate with parents of students 18 or over, although I don’t agree with the restriction when a student’s health or safety is concerned. When I was concerned about my 19 year old daughter’s mental health, and she was 3,000 miles away at a small liberal arts college on the west coast, I thought to call her advisor to let her know and ask her to keep an eye on her. I was only able to leave a message. She never returned my call. Instead, she told me daughter that I had called and assured her she would not speak to me. I had made it clear in my message that I was only calling to express my concern and that I understood she could not provide me with any information. She was not abiding by the spirit of Ferpa; she was treating me like an over-involved, meddling parent. She likely had no idea of my daughter’s mental health history of anxiety and depression. Why couldn’t she call me back just to listen?
9
@Mom of teen in college: Because it wasn't her job? Because she was insanely busy? If you talk with college administrators of all types, they will tell you stories that will make you understand their wariness of over-involved, meddling parents.
6
Mom of teen in college,
If, as an advisor to your student, she is professionally qualified to diagnose and treat mental health issues, then she would probably be required to take some action based on your call.
But if she is not qualified, then she is not the person who should be directly involved.
It seems to me the sensible policy would be for the university to have medically qualified people on their staff for this purpose and your advisor would be required to pass the message along.
But should the university be REQUIRED to provide mental health resources for its adult students? If you believe the answer is yes, then how far do the responsibilities extend? What if the staff doctor thinks a student is a potential school shooter? What actions should they take?
And if universities are required to provide mental health services to adult students, will all employers be required to do so, in order to guarantee a safe workplace?
I know that 18 year old students seem still like children to their parents. But they aren't. We need to understand the implications when we start down this path.
7
Both HIPAA and FERPA should be changed so that the default position is that information can be shared with parents. Students not wishing to share with their parents could opt out. But opting in should be the default. This is a tragic, heartbreaking story.
14
The U.S. Department of Education has used FERPA as a weapon in recent years. In my 36 years as a university professor, I have seen the USDE intimidate universities into strict compliance of FERPA, enforced with the threat of losing all federal funding. The situation is nearly insane. Grades can no longer be posted unless the lists employ anonymous individual id codes and the lists are randomized to destroy alphabetical order. Further, universities routinely post notices about FERPA requirements in many dozens of places through the institution and often stuff the instructors' mailboxes as well. Even more, we must return graded assignments individually, rather than placing them in alphabetical piles or grade boxes. (Imagine how long it takes to individually hand out graded papers in a class of 250 students.) I often canvas my classes and ask if anyone cares to exercise their FERPA rights; once in in the past 20 years, one student asked me for individual return. Otherwise, the students just want their exams and assignment and don't care if they have sort through alphabetical piles on the front table (three minutes versus half an hour of class time.) FERPA has become bureaucratic overreach with no beneficiary. No one cares about FERPA in my experience, except USDE wonks and intimidated university financial officers. It makes me sad to conclude that Graham Burton probably died for the sake of overzealous USDE bureaucrats.
21
Craig,
Thank you for pointing out the absurd consequences of FERPA. I see no one has recommended your post. Well, the NYT ran an article on a school that does not accept Federal Funds and there for was not restricted by these idiotic rules. The upshot was the school was able to work with Parents in a cooperative way, a much better transition for the Student than the current system, thanks for pointing this out.
3
Universities protect themselves. No faculty member, no administrator, certainly no student, is more important. The school WILL be protected. Students MAY be protected.
5
“Colleges can release any student record to parents if the student signs a consent, if the college knows that a parent claims the child as a dependent on tax forms, or in a health or safety emergency.”
On one of their many admissions/enrollment forms, colleges should ask whether the student is claimed as a dependent by parents on tax forms, so they can contact parents without having to assess whether the situation has reached a “healthy or safety emergency.”
5
I don't wish to be insensitive, but so much of this stems from the infantilization of our society. University students should not be in the process of "learning to be adults."
Their peers in boot camp are not "learning to be adults." Nor are their counterparts in trade schools, working jobs, or becoming parents. But we give an absurd degree of latitude to those "pursuing" higher education, even if they are there for subjects like marketing or journalism, which have very little to do with legitimate academics.
Adulthood is conferred when people you just met have expectations of you. If your parents have done their job, you will have constructive mechanisms in place to cope with stress. Universities used to operate under that principle. You get a "who to contact in case of emergency form" and then get to work.
Just compare Stephen Hawking's challenges to those we read about in the papers. yet there was never any doubt that a university was where he belonged.
13
Clearly you don't have teenage/young adult children. These issues are rampant in high school students and often get worse when they're outside their old support networks at home. It isn't as simple as telling them to "suck it buttercup." Universities can't get parents to change how they parent, but they can take common sense approaches to make sure students get the help they need.
10
Of course university is about learning to be an adult. With respect your analogy to the military is absurd. The military is your daddy. You have no choice in the matter. You are not learning to be an adult, you are learning to follow orders including orders to kill.
My goodness. If this isn't clear please join the army.
10
Hawking was 21 (not 18) when he was diagnosed. And as dreadful as that diagnosis was, it was a physical - not a mental - disease. Not to mention that few of us would - in any respect - compare either ourselves or our children to Stephen Hawking.
7
I can tell you that as a college professor myself, much of my time now is spent dealing with students with anxiety and depression. The problems are so many and so heartbreaking:
the fifteen page email I get that was sent at 3:30 a.m detailing
how the writer is suffering and feels like she "is not getting better"
the email that reveals the writer just contracted an std, needs therapy, and can't complete my class
the student who must be hospitalized for a year and wants to know if he will ever have a career
the student who came on on full-tuition scholarship, who is now so hampered by his mental illness that he can't get out of bed. He schedules a time to make up an exam, never shows, and I never see him again, even though I sent repeated emails to "academic support"
the student who was sexually assaulted and wants to move back home--now
the student who was sitting by himself in the library, weeping, no one even bothering to come near him. When I approached him, he said his grandmother had just died, and he didn't know how he was going to get home.
On and on and on and on . . .
I can tell you that after reading this article, I will find some way--any way--to notify the parents, to get the student help, whatever it takes. The web of assistant deans, support services, etc, seems to exist just to find more ways to pass the buck and avoid taking blame.
Better to be a helicopter with a living student than hands-off with a dead one.
79
Glad to know there’s a warm body here!
13
I think we have to free ourselves of the fairly recent conviction that students must go away to school, sometimes far away. The experience of a residential college can be very rewarding, but for some it's just unnecessarily expensive and stressful. There is more than one way to study and get a degree. Even if "everyone" - and it's never everyone - is applying to lots of schools and dreaming of faraway campuses, if it's not for you, it's not for you. Luckily, one thing this country has is many colleges and universities, private and public, in many locations, far away and close to home.
13
Parents know their children better than anyone and it is extremely difficult for a child, even if they are young adults, to hide emotional distress from parents. So are parents not calling their children, I don't mean emailing or texting, to talk with them and listen to get a sense of how their children are faring? It does not make sense that colleges and universities are expected to bear a greater burden than the parents do. If your child has suffered from emotional issues in high school, maybe it isn't a good idea for the child to attend college 3,000 miles away where students are basically left on their own and expected to fend for themselves.
7
This is a truly heartbreaking situation. I do think that thought and attention should be given to accessing these policies. However, just a gentle reminder that some children come from abusive homes with hyper-controlling parents. I am currently in college, having escaped a cult-like upbringing. I have also failed a couple classes due to depression. However, it was very comforting to me to know that I could work things out with the school personally, and my father would not be able to get information from them and try to harasse and pressure me "back into the fold." Obviously, he doesn't support me financially, so I'm sure that is another layer of protection for me. I can definitely see the issue from both sides. I think that maybe students should discuss their situation with their advisor at registration and sign whatever release or non-disclosure forms would be appropriate for their situation.
19
20 U.S.C. § 1161l-4. Guidance on mental health disclosures for student safety
(a) Guidance —
The Secretary shall continue to provide guidance that clarifies the role of institutions of higher education with respect to the disclosure of education records, including to a parent or legal guardian of a dependent student, in the event that such student demonstrates that the student poses a significant risk of harm to himself or herself or to others, including a significant risk of suicide, homicide, or assault. Such guidance shall further clarify that an institution of higher education that, in good faith, discloses education records or other information in accordance with the requirements of this chapter and section 1232g of this title (commonly known as the "Family EducationalRights and Privacy Act of 1974") shall not be liable to any person for that disclosure.
(b) Information to Congress —
The Secretary shall provide an update to the authorizing committees on the Secretary's activities under subsection (a) not later than 180 days after August 14, 2008.
Pub. L. 89-329, title VIII, Sec. 825, as added Pub. L. 110-315, title VIII, Sec. 801, Aug. 14, 2008, 122 Stat. 3412; amended Pub. L. 111-39, title VIII, Sec. 801(8), July 1, 2009, 123 Stat. 1956.
AMENDMENTS
2009—Subsec. (a). Pub. L. 111-39 substituted "commonly known as the "Family EducationalRights and Privacy Act of 1974' " for "the FamilyEducational Rights and Privacy Act of 1974".
2
I'm so happy this article was written and at the same time disgusted by some of the comments. My niece took her life while a grad student at The Scripps Research Institute in 2016. The administration knew she was in a crisis situation and imminently suicidal. The administration chose to leave a message for her therapist instead of calling 911 or my sister who was listed as her emergency contact. College administrators need to be mandated reporters. They don't need to be skilled in identifying mental illness. I don't think anyone is expecting that but If a student is clearly suicidal they need to call 911. I don't care the age of the student. The people commenting that these students are adults and maybe not cut out for college and are the result of helicopter parenting or don't get along with their parents so they shouldn't be contacted are completely missing the point. We are talking about crisis situations. If administrators are aware of a suicidal student do the right thing! Ferpa rules don't apply in these cases.
30
Being enrolled at a college should not "juvenilize" anyone or restrict their rights. Age 18 is a legal adult. Even if parents are paying for college, that still does not grant any kind of guardianship. Paying for college is essentially a financial gift, like a parent buying their adult child a car.
I had an episode of serious suicidal thinking while in college, and am glad my parents were never made aware of it. There is more openness and understanding of mental illness now than 20ish years ago when I was in college, but still, not all parents are gong to be helpful or supportive in this type of situation. Some may think their mentally ill or suicidal kid is a drama queen, or a wimp. Some may think struggling emotionally is beneficial (builds character, part of becoming an adult, etc.) Some may be angry at their kid for their failure to "adjust." For many reasons, mental illness often makes its first major appearance in those of the 18-25 age range. Colleges should certainly be aware of this, and should be equipped to steer students toward the correct resources. But there is no reason to involve parents unless the student has explicitly stated that they want their parents involved.
13
To add: as a faculty member at a college, one of the things I talk to my student about is that it is important to remember that the college is a community. If a student feels that a fellow student or friend, or person in their dorm is in real trouble--drugs, depression, discussing suicide--it is their responsibility AS responsible members of the community to tell someone in authority: a professor, a dean, a member of the administration. I tell them that they do not want to be the friend who thinks--if only I had said something before it was too late. Students often think that they can handle this kind of thing by themselves. They can't. And because of this--as students have come to me and to others to voice concerns--I think some serious incidents may have been averted.
12
I have been in this position as a professor many, many times. I keep track of my students, and if they are absent and do not let me know why, I email. If they have many absences, I alert the adviser and the dean. Most of the students want help, so I walk them to the counselor's office and given extensions if they work at getting well. Some refuse, and I go on high alert. In one case, I sought outside help from a psychiatrist because my student could not get out of bed and the college was doing nothing.
But I am not allowed to call the parents.
I have had a 6'4" inch athlete weeping in my office, determined not to get help and unwilling to let his parents know.
So I could not call them.
I am haunted by the pain of my students every year, and give a sigh of relief when each one passes--safely for now--into summer vacation or life after college.
So far so good. There but for the grace of God...
27
They are lucky you care. I hope you keep it up.
6
God bless you. Thank you.
2
This is an enormous problem that needs to be addressed on a national level. 'Adult' kids go off to college, all of a sudden they have no supervision and safety net at all and the only real adults who could possibly help them - professors - do not have that as part of their duties. Even in small colleges if a student doesn't show up for class very rarely does a professor reach out to that student so see what's going on, even more rarely would take the step to ask a school counselor to approach the student. And the way things are right now, it seems they are almost forbidden from calling the parents. A recipe for disaster, as this article and all the comments demonstrate. We need to institute an automatic release that lets colleges call parents unless the student requests that they do not ( the opposite of the release form as it is now where students opt in to allow parents notifications) - as well as put in place a much more pro-active system from the colleges to check in on students mental health and class attendance, in particular the first couple of years of college
6
When I was a major advisor at a large university, I made certain to spend time with students during appointments, asking about their interests, activities, progress, family etc. I also kept copious notes in their folders. That way I was able to spot issues of concern, some of them psychological or emotional. More than once I contacted parents and/or asked the student to seek professional counseling. I never thought of asking an administrator for permission. It would have only been an impediment. I’ll never forget the phone call I once got from a grateful father who said I saved his daughter’s life.
16
Barry,
You are the rare example of one who takes initiative, making a judgement call, and ignoring the rules when you need to ignore the rules. Your students are lucky.
Pvb
9
In trying to adhere to a rigid-legalistic approach to privacy and failing to use their judgement the school failed the student, the parents and all of the other students at Hamiliton-everyone lost due to their lack of judgment.
10
This is the most bizarre and backwards thinking, behavior and policy of supposedly bastions of higher learning and thinking. They don't inform parents of a potentially life and death scenario because of fears of getting sued!?!? This is America folks, where lawyers and lawsuits rule more than life.
10
FERPA is a disaster. During his freshman year at a private Jesuit university in the Bay Area, our son was so ill with a throat infection that he laid in bed, didn't call home. (His roomate was AWOL). This was after repeated trips to the U. Health Center...by the time we fly down to see him (campus health would give us no information), his throat had swollen to the point that he could barely breathe. NO ONE will call you form campus health about your child.
My wife and I joke that the only time the college calls is when your check hasn't arrived. Your kid might be dying....meh. Our take is: if the college trusts he student to be "independent" of the parents to this preposterous extreme, they can deal with the student over tuition.
17
This story is as important and compelling as it is sad and devastating on so many levels. My heart breaks for all parents, family members and friends who have lost a loved one to suicide.
Thank you for running this article. I only wish it ran on any other day than on Mother's Day, if for no other reason than the reminder compounds the pain and loss every mother who lost a child feels today.
11
As a college student who has struggled with anxiety, depression, and an untreated sleep disorder since a teenager, I believe it needs to be Universities' responsibility to SCREEN students for mental health, pain conditions, and/or sleep disorders before they even step foot on campus. These kids have been struggling for a LONG time before they even get to college and no one seems to notice or care.
This is also a societal failing, as I don't remember my mental health ever being inquired about from my high school teachers, my pediatricians, heck even my parents. As a society we are too focused on appearances and accolades, forgetting that some people are struggling to hold their head above water and they need help and intervention.
17
Why isn't every parent who is paying tuition insisting that their child sign the waiver ????!!! Hello !!
10
Because it’s not important enough to the schools to address it and parents don’t realize the need for it till it’s too late. The college will send you multiple emails about your payment that’s due but never mention the waiver till you’ve made an anxious call to the health center or admin. And only then reluctantly. The law should change so that they provide one with every bill and email. And a clear message as to why the parent may need one on file
4
A few observations to add to the myriad fo insightful thoughtful comments
1. Far more students are attending college these days who would never have matriculated say 30 years ago. The reasons are manifold ( more HS students with emotional illness, better drugs sustaining them OK for rigors challenges of HS but inadequate to those in college, more pressure to attend college, etc)
2. Beyond spontaneous onset in the 18-28 age group, Explicitly , and reading between the lines of some parents comments, acknowledges many more kids are being treated/at risk even in high school for emotional illness than in the past.
3. Kids face far more existential stress, and yet have developed far fewer experiences conducive to maturity and emotional resilience than in the past, this despite manifest grade inflation and far greater physical comforts in school.
4. The day of reckoning has arrived for the medication generation. Too many parents were sold on, or sold themselves on, the "benignity " of these drugs long term...and the false sense that they could indefinitely sustain the kids to function an artificially high level medically.
5. Colleges increase enrollment endlessly to add tuition revenues to feed administrators and Empire building. Many at risk students could be identified earlier on by the most selective stressful colleges if they choose to either directly or indirectly. Its not fatuous to suggest a different outcome @MIT vs Middlesex for any student.
10
One more time, because the misinformation just keeps coming thick and fast in this thread. This is the law, and I really, really suggest people read it:
https://www2.ed.gov/policy/gen/guid/fpco/ferpa/index.html
It does NOT say that if the child is on your tax returns, you can see his or her records.
It does NOT say that the school may contact the parents in a medical emergency.
It says the school may contact "appropriate officials in cases of health and safety emergencies" - the parents of college students are not "appropriate officials."
15
from ed.gov
https://www2.ed.gov/policy/gen/guid/fpco/ferpa/students.html
1
You are not correct. Here is what the DOE says in its guidance:
"Another exception permits a school to disclose personally identifiable information from education records without consent when the disclosure is to the parents of a "dependent student" as that term is defined in Section 152 of the Internal Revenue Code. Generally, if either parent has claimed the student as a dependent on the parent's most recent year's income tax statement, the school may non-consensually disclose the eligible student's education records to both parents under this exception.
Postsecondary institutions may also disclose personally identifiable information from education records, without consent, to appropriate parties, including parents of an eligible student, in connection with a health or safety emergency. Under this provision, colleges and universities may notify parents when there is a health or safety emergency involving their son or daughter, even if the parents do not claim the student as a dependent."
https://www2.ed.gov/policy/gen/guid/fpco/ferpa/students.html
Many “top” high school students cannot function in high school without their parents’ constant monitoring, cajoling, intervention, etc. it’s no wonder College seems overwhelming.
12
I’m an American ex-pat who earned all my degrees ‘back home’ and now teach at the U. of Oxford in England.
The U. of Oxford is, by some accounts, one of the best universities in the world. While endowments are important, I believe this university does indeed put students first. The college system, here, has something called ‘pastoral care’ and, I have come to learn that it is a very wonderful way that we work together to care and help guide students who are making their ‘own’ way in the world for the first time.
In college, we work together to keep a close eye on our students and especially our ‘freshers’. Our porters watch them enter and exit college. Our ‘scouts’ — aka housekeepers —- can tell if they’ve been sleeping in their bed. Our tutorials are quite small, often one-on-one, so it’s easier for professors to keep track of students and head off any problems before they get bigger.
Having experienced suicidal thoughts myself many years ago as a university student, I have a great deal of sympathy and empathy for the challenges our young students face and am happy to be working together, with many colleagues, who feel the same way.
Too many universities today are loosing sight what is best for their students and, focusing too much attention and what is best for their bottom line aka endowments.
30
Bravo! Thank you for stating this plainly and so sensibly.
Again another NYT failure to flag as a choice another reply that offers as a suggestion a real attempt at a solution or at least practical help.
8
People read the non-flagged comments, also.
2
Ill second the Bravo. NYT editors are part of the problem here. Thank you for posting about your experience in the UK. More humane, more common sense.
4
Whilst FERPA assumes college-aged students are adults, it certainly does not, from a legal perspective, as mentioned in this article, prevent universities from contacting parents in the event of a health emergency. Severe depression and suicidal thoughts constitute health crises. Universities should notify parents immediately after they have received explicit notice of suicidal tendencies (as was the case with the Kongs’ daughter) OR after at least two different faculty members raise serious concerns about a student’s mental state (as was the case with the Burtons’ son).
My heart cries for the Burtons, the Kongs, and other families that have found themselves members of the worst club in the world.
8
I wonder if a lot of universities do not want to be in the business of monitoring and reporting serious mental health issues to parents because they do not want to be held liable for the students whom they fail to identify in a timely way. Once a law or policy requires the school to identify and report such issues to parents it creates a legal standard, and inevitably the school will be sued for negligence by the parents of a student who escapes the school's notice and is injured or dies as a result.
If a school offers a variety of mental health counseling and treatment services to a student, and the student voluntarily seeks their help, absent the student's consent, it is ultimately up to the mental health professional to determine whether parents/family or law enforcement should be notified about the student's suicidal or homicidal crises, not the administration of the school who employs the professionals.
3
Am i missing something here ? It seems to me the real exposure for the university is they were not aggressive enough about getting this student the mental health care she needed or the referral- its a medical malpractice case if student health mishandled this ....
1
I can see both sides of these arguments. When I began college at Memphis State Univ. in 1964, I lived in a single room in a dormitory because commuting from home was not reasonable. Yet at the age of 14, following the suicide of my mother, I was forced to move from California to South Carolina to live with my father and his 24 year old wife. These people were closed-minded southern racists from Ala and Fla. This was a match made in hell and I endured it for 4 years. I was suicidal every day for 4 years. One Friday when my "parents" were to pick me up for the weekend which I would have spent cleaning their toilets and babysitting their 2 kids, I just became hysterical and went to the university nurse, Ms Haskell, begging for help. Her response was to call
the parents so that they could come for me. After 4 years one day, my friends helped me to just disappear. It took me a few decades to ever trust anyone older than myself again. I believe that the more psychologically sophisticated university personnel are, the better. Confidiantiality is an issue but at the same time a students life may be at stake. In my situation, I believe that university mental health professionals should have been able to override the control of my parents temporarily for my protection. The simple fact of not informing parents shouldnt be legal but university personell should be authorized to act in such an emergency.
9
@Suzanne Wheat: What a nightmare. I'm so glad you made it through.
2
It seems to me the clause located in paragraph five says it all -- "students learning to be adults".
This school's policy of "protecting" a student's privacy goes way too far in cases such as this one. Let's stop worrying about what a litigious society we live in and allow common sense to put our children first.
5
So . . . none of my kids will be applying to Hamilton College. Disgraceful.
7
If I have breakdown, as my next of kin my children would be notified. Why would I not have the same notification for my children as next of kin?
6
The universities are caught between a rock and a hard place. FERPA assumes that college kids are adults and should be treated as such. But being a college professor, I found today's kids of the millennium generation very fragile and needy. A lot of them cannot adjust to college life when they first arrived on campus and afraid to ask for help. This kid unfortunately just fell through the crack. When his advisor talked about "crash and burn" someone at the administration should be alert and do something which they did not follow up sufficiently.
9
Fragile and needy?
With mass shootings in their schools constantly, crazy people in charge of the country, children killed with chemicals in Syria while the world looks on —rising sea levels plus dire predictions for the earth- what kind of children did you think we’d produce ?
My heart breaks for parents who have to hear news like this. Schools should value the lives, welfare, and happiness of their students more than they do their rankings or endowments. And we all should take a step back from the precipice we're standing on to listen to what our kids say, and what they don't say.
I'm an adult learner and a transfer to a state university. I can say absolutely without reservation that a third of my classmates would be better off in a community college, where the only priority is teaching, the instructors are totally engaged with students rather than research, and students set the achievement/pressure quotient for themselves.
13
Academia has decided that $60,000 a year is not enough money to ensure the safety of their customers. Automobile, pharmaceutical, healthcare financial and banking corporations make these decisions all the time. Why do we still hold illusions about the education industry?
8
I went to Penn. I spent the Spring of my senior year in 1977 crying in public restrooms, wandering the streets, and discussing suicide with help lines and with the psychiatrist assigned me by student health. I continually asked him why he wasn't prescribing any medicine for me. I also asked my diagnosis. He told me "labels don't matter". At our last session, he told me he was going on vacation for a month and provided NO followup at all.
Forty one years later, I can wake myself up when sleepy recalling his negligence.
Be aware the highest priority of ALL organizations dealing with troubled people is to help the org'n, not the troubled individual. Parents who think otherwise are severely misguided. Your child, no matter how accomplished, is inconsequential to the org'n. Prestigious schools will go on, your child may not.
In April 1977, I was the only student of 60 to answer a mid term question correctly in real estate finance. I had the smarts, but not the social skills and ego strength to get ahead in the world. My first job was in state civil service. I did not tell my co workers the low stress environment provided an appropriate therapeutic milieu for my recovery. Outside of business hours, I saw a very competent psychiatrist for talk therapy for over five years, took a major tranquilizer for even longer, and got better.
More than a decade after stopping the drug, I remained sun sensitive and burned easily.
15
In researching this it appears there's an exception to the privacy rules, as might be expected, in the case of a health emergency and parents are contemplated as being parties to notify. Google FERPA explained. Also, on the FERPA website there's a release. It appears if your child is a dependent on your tax return you actually don't need one. How many Hamilton kids fall in that category, I wonder? But regardless, everyone who has a teenager that turns 18 needs to get a power of attorney and advanced health care directive. A car wreck, schizophrenia, depression, etc. are absolutely foreseeable reasons for this.
The parents should have been told. What can be depressing is the high bill a young person is left with especially if they flunk out of school. School should be free for everyone . Soon the rich kids will only get education if the GOP keep giving big wellfare help to the rich.
4
Either people have legal rights when they turn 18 or they don't.
Many parents also think they should be told if their 18-year old daughter or son is secretly gay, drinks, votes Republican, smokes, swears, doesn't go to church, or has sex. It's simply not their business, and that goes for their mental health as well.
Should the school should ask the kid if they want the parents told? Yes, of course. But that's entirely different.
24
If a university administrator were to enter a dorm room where a student were in the final stages of hanging him or herself, is there any doubt that the administrator would do everything possible to prevent the hanging? In my years of service as a university administrator, I cannot think of a university administrator (or anyone for that matter) who would do anything but strive to stop a suicide in progress. Yet, in all the points leading to the act itself, we allow FERPA to restrict what the university can do and we allow it places too much responsibility on the one person least equipped to deal with it - the troubled student.
Of course, after a tragedy, the university relies on to FERPA to shield itself from ensuing liability.
FERPA gets it wrong. Amend it. Grant parents a window to the academic performance of their maturing young adult. Use that window as a reason to limit university liability in ensuing lawsuits. Apart from the student, no one has a greater stake in all this than parents. Besides, parents can opt not to look, but the university no longer is forced to stay silent during the critical steps leading to a suicide.
9
"FERPA gets it wrong. Amend it. Grant parents a window to the academic performance of their maturing young adult."
Strongly disagreed. First off, we've gone way overboard on helicopter parenting, the the point where employers are reporting parents showing up at *job interviews*; we need to be pushing back, not expanding it.
Second, yes, part of being a parent is accepting that at some point your offspring leave the nest.
Third, why do you ignore privacy rights of young adults (emphasis on "adults")? Maybe you think parents should be informed -- against their kid's wishes -- if the kid abandons that engineering degree for the humanities? If the kid is gay and in the closet? Why do you assume that the home environment will automatically ameliorate mental illness, as opposed to exacerbate it?
5
As a former college administrator, I must say that this article lacks a clear description of FERPA, a law that is often cited but seldom explained. I would like to hear what the responsible federal official says about the act, what its penalties are, and what is the likelihood that the penalties would be imposed in the case of mental illness or suicide threat. From my experience, FERPA is most often raised by university counsels who fear taking ANY risk under ANY circumstance. This matter should be clarified — or legislatively addressed — to save young lives.
8
This is a very sad story. Most students who find themselves flunking courses do not become suicidal. The common expectation that high school graduates should immediately extend there education at a university is flat out wrong. For so many, they leave home for the first time unprepared and unsure what they want to do. Why the hurry? All three of my children took the five year college plan ie. took an extra year along the way to figure it all out—the youngest taking a gap year before going. All three later got MAs and all three found what they love to do and are doing it. We have no idea what their GPAs were for any of it. They shared what they wanted to share. Parents have to lay off their kids and respect them. If they gave them more autonomy as teenagers, the kids would be better prepared to deal with life’s disappointments because they would have already learned how. While the university would be remiss if they didn’t reach out to a student who was known to be suffering, they should not be expected to inform on them to the parents without the young adults consent, nor should they be blamed for not recognizing a student who is not doing well academically, as being suicidal.
13
This is the same college that put my 19 year old son with a rupturing appendix alone in a cab with cab voucher for transport to an urban ER 15 miles away, and never called us or checked on him to see if he got there. This was after they suggested he try texting some of his friends with cars to leave class to drive him there. We only found out when, after he spent hours alone in the ER , the surgeon called to say he was about to perform surgery on him.
It's a beautiful college, with excellent faculty, but god help your child if they are ill and need help (physically or mentally) while they are there. I am so sorry to hear nothing has improved in this regard.
26
terrible!!!
6
I am very sorry for your son and hope he is okay, but I'm not clear why the college had the responsibility of ensuring medical care for your conscious adult son or contacting you? I don't meant to be insensitive, but I genuinely don't understand why as an adult, your son wasn't capable of acquiring medical treatment or calling 911 to procure an ambulance.
5
I don't know, why did 53-year old Jim Henson not go to the ER earlier, thus preventing to his death from what started as a cold? Is it because his WW2 era parents helicoptered, or is it a perfectly normal human weakness to downplay illness? (Actually not getting help for illness sounds like the opposite of being dependent on others to me--more like having that stiff upper lip--but everyone wants to blame things on young people and their parenting nowadays). Sometimes people think they're fine, or don't want to be a bother. Teens don't have fully formed brains and make bad decisions sometimes. They might worry about causing their parents money, when college is so expensive, and ER trips out of network too!
It was Jim Henson's family that got him to the doctor. Sadly too late. Either colleges need to act like family in times of crisis, or they need to inform family. Period.
There is something wrong with the way young people are being parented.
The job of being a parent is to grow a person into independence; someone who can handle their own ups and downs.
To blame the school for this issue is not fair and further regresses grown adults.
If the numbers indicated that mental health issues were only marginally increased from fifty years ago, we could say this was a fluke. But the fact that the numbers have exploded so dramatically indicates something else is going on.
People need to take a good hard look at how they are contributing to a culture that creates anxiety and depression.
In full disclosure, I am a psychiatrist and have ample experience in student mental health.
I told a young adult the other day to quit social media as she complained she "felt horrible" when she used Facebook.
She gasped (completely taken aback) and said incredulously: "I could never do that! It's social convention!"
21
This seems so generalized.Many kids do just fine. Some do not. The fact that mental health is more openly discussed than 30 years ago is more likely the reason for increased diagnoses. More rapes are reported. Why? More open support of it. I believe these issues always existed. It is thanks to social media kids are getting educated about the fact that these issues don't need to be swept under the rug anymore.
4
If kids are "getting educated through social media" we have a bigger problem on our hands than we think.
And of course, no one wants to discuss the elephant in the room-how parents raise their children!
Just blame everyone else right? Teachers, doctors, everyone is culpable except for parents and of course, the child themselves.
Unbelievable.
2
Yes, nobody ever discusses how parents raise their children. Certainly not psychiatrists, who never blamed "refrigerator mothers" for autism, or parents for schizophrenia or bipolar or OCD before they were determined to be the effect of clear brain differences.
The kind of psychiatry that routinely blames parents for the serious mental illnesses of their children is thankfully out of date. Too much is know about genes and the brain for that nonsense. Too many separated twin studies. There are two causes for the increase in my opinion: assortive mating--everyone I know with mental health issues married someone who also had issues, because fewer people are repressing or hiding these sorts of things, and we expect to marry people with similar life experiences; and greater diagnosis. I knew dozens of kids when I was in high school in the 80s that could have used emotional support, but back then only the most troubled got help. Others failed school and didn't wash their hair and did drugs. They fell through the cracks. Nowadays the high schools are sensitive to changes like these and get the kids help early on. That's good, not bad, and I'm fairly sure the colleges will be following.
I think we may be on the wrong track. Previously we are told that mental illness is a chemical imbalance in the brain that can be mediated with meds. Might be true here too. What I see in my recently graduated son is a strange type of jealousy. He wants immediate success and recognition.
In social media, being an extrovert and successful along with a considerable amount of embellishment makes readers feel diminished and lacking the ability to succeed. My son denied being depressed but admitted to being very angry. He showed all signs of clinical depression, including hating himself and saying life wasn't worth living if he was going to be mediocre. This with a Chemistry degree from a major university.
Our society has become very Darwinian and think only the best should go forward. Less than that, you're a loser. Society's inequality is also passing on the idea anything less than rich means you're a failure and likely cannot escape.
18
I am a psychologist who has worked in various university counseling centers, and have--like all of my colleagues--treated scores of students who have endorsed suicidal ideation or intent. Of course, when a student endorses suicidal intent (a more specified plan than ideation, which may be as vague as "I wish I could fall asleep and not wake up), counselors are trained to take appropriate means to ensure the student's safety, which may include breaking confidentiality. But that doesn't mean the student's parents must or should be notified. Often, college students state that their parents are their biggest sources of stress in their lives. While I routinely check with suicidal students if I may contact their parents, students sometimes indicate that if their parents were to know, that would increase their experience of stress. Having worked with many parents of college students who hold rigidly high academic demands but have not equipped their children with the emotional tools to deal with stress, I'm afraid to say that I believe that these students are probably right that their parents would not be understanding and would only be yet another source of stress for those students. In these cases I am more likely to admit a student to the hospital and leave it up to the student if they would like to tell their parents. More often than not, the student is then appreciative to have me as someone they can trust on campus and more likely to return for the treatment they need.
31
Myriad US privacy laws, like HIPAA & anti-discrimination laws, prohibit US colleges the access to an 18 yr old applicant's lifetime physical & mental health records (unless the 18 yr old asks for special accommodations - many, like troubled VA Tech mass shooter Seung Hui Cho, proudly don't).
US colleges are usually not even told by a proud 18 yr old &/or his/her ashamed/tired parents that the 18 yr old was on some special education K12 track (due to learning disabilities, neurological or personality disorders, etc.).
In contrast, 18 yr old US military recruits & skilled trades apprentices have to sign off 1st on having their prospective on-the-job trainers (OJT)/bosses run extensive checks on the applicant's medical history, civil/criminal background (includes getting fingerprints for FBI check; juvenile records can be unsealed to assess kids fir gang affiliations, etc.), personal & family credit/finance history (can't give broad security clearance or expensive equipment to prospective blackmail targets), and psychological testing. Even after getting in, the random drug/urine tests, physical fitness tests, etc. continues.
Contrast that w/colleges just asking for tuition/room/board/books $$$ & things that can be crammed/skewed by old special accommodations/get tutor help w/: SAT/ACT test scores, HS/GED diploma, transcripts, personal statement, recommendation letters, etc.
College 18 yr olds are just exploited cash cows, while working 18 yr olds are paid to be honest.
8
I'm sure that the professors,deans,staff etc would think differently if their own son or daughter was acting suicidal. There needs to be exceptions to privacy rules. Too many young people committing suicide. What kind of insane world are they being asked to live in? Especially in the US where we have a mentally unstable President. Maybe it looks hopeless to some young people, but they need to be taught that problems are usually temporary and life is worth living. Very sad story.
5
All the people criticizing the colleges don't know what it's like now to be a professor. I've been one since the 80s and the number of psychological problems in students have risen so much in the last two decades that it's hard to imagine.
Colleges have greatly increased the counseling services and still can't keep up (not to mention the huge added costs for these services). We professors were not trained to be therapists and shouldn't be expected to be so.
Something is wrong with our society that this increase has happened and society cannot expect the university to become caretakers of psychologically disturbed students. Many parents know their child's problems but send them away expecting professors to somehow deal with it.
Obviously if someone threatens suicide, we always take action, but I disagree with parents who expect the school to oversee their child's mental health. This is not what academics is about. Society as a whole needs to confront this.
25
The argument is not that college's should take it on. It is that college's should facilitate or at the very least not hide it from the parents who want to. I think the colleges could be more helpful to students and teachers by openly posting health release forms in the same location they post them for writing the big tuition check.
2
As I've seen from experience and others have noted, it is not unusual for the parents to be part of the mental health issues and the students do not want them to be contacted as it makes matters worse. Our laws say these students are adults. If an young adult is in a job we don't expect their employers to contact their parents about problems.
I would like to see more of these parents reflect on what they might be doing to exacerbate the situation instead of criticizing the schools. And if their child has serious mental problems, why are they sending them away, expecting a professor to take on the monitoring of their mental health? And I wonder how the huge increase of mental health facilities in schools contributes to the big tuition increases?
2
this situation is a complete train wreck. When our son had serious mental health issues at UCSC, we finally received a communication from his dorm manager (whom we had met), beginning "I could lose my job for this...". The years 18-22 are crucial in human brain development. No parent should think that they can just cut their child loose at the age of 18. It is irresponsible for colleges to encourage that.
8
Families are often responsible for the emotional difficulties that young people face. One goes into therapy in order to deal with the "crazies" of one's upbringing. Why would one want to throw the student back into the maelstrom by contacting his or her parents? They are not necessarily wise, perspicacious or trustworthy.
Here is a suggestion: a course in mindfulness training and meditation should be the default for entering students. This would allow for emotional difficulties to show up and be observed before they spiral out of control and become deadly.
7
My deceased son Daniel jumped from the GW Bridge October 5th, 2016. Ten days prior, he wrote an English 1010 paper to his Brooklyn College professor, an assignment entitled "Emotional Historians." He wrote the following as the thesis:
"Given that I am the youngest in my family, and my parents are both considerably older than me, wouldn’t it be understandable that I never really bonded with my grandparents? I remember going to plenty of funerals as a child, events that I did not really understand at the time. “Who is that lying in the casket?” I would ask during the funeral of a grandfather that I still do not fully understand my relation to. All I could comprehend was that the family was together, and we were all dressed very sharply. The highlight of that event for me was when we went out to ‘Red Lobster’ after the funeral."
Danny explained to his professor that he lived a life that had no purpose. He was interested in caskets. All of this writing occurred one month after his first unsuccessful attempt at the Verrazano Narrows Bridge.
What if the Brooklyn College professor called me and informed me about Danny's assignment between Danny's two jump attempts? That would have triggered greater awareness that Danny's course of treatment was getting worse not better. What if Danny had additional protections put into place. Wouldn't he have not died at the GW Bridge?
110
Dear lomtevas, I am so very sorry for the loss of your dear son, Danny. My deepest condolences.
45
This a brutal story and my heart goes out to the Burton family. What an immeasurable loss. Increasingly, parents are encouraged to foster independence by letting go of the reins the day they drop their children off at University. Concerned parents are seen as a nuisance - overprotective 'helicopter' parents who can't let go of their children. This isn't limited to university experiences either. Summer 'away' camps also set strict limits on parent-child contact. This unimaginative policy is bolstered by the foggy lens of retrospection in which WE didn't have our parents looking over our shoulders or intervening in our life crises and we were just fine. It's a strange way to shield ourselves from the pain of our own early years when we may have felt frighteningly alone and overwhelmed. Moreover, this demand that parents recede means University officials enjoy less accountability -- No pesky phone calls from intrusive helicopter moms and dads. No two children are alike and policies around communication between schools and parents should reflect this reality.
3
Parents shouldn’t be calling the university. It’s beyond “pesky”, it’s damaging to a young adult to be treated like a child.
9
This is a larger societal issue, that needs to be decided by the public and the laws their representatives make. Colleges are stuck in the middle. Should employers also be responsible for monitoring the mental health of their 18-21 year old employees and calling their parents if they think something is wrong?
In the US you are an adult at age 18. You can vote, make your own choices, and if necessary, be drafted and kill and be killed for your country. Society has decided when you are technically free from your parents, currently that is 18 years old. Do we actually want to change that? Maybe?
Also, by recent statistics only 67% of high school grads went to college at all. Only 84% of kids graduate high school in the US. So what about them?? If they are employed at 18-25 should their employers have the same responsibility to call parents that many posters here are suggesting colleges have?
What about students who have terrible relationships with their parents? Some parents definitely make mental health issues worse. Many parents are compassionate. Many parents might also punish if they heard of bad grades and missed classes. Should colleges call those parents? Do colleges only call if parents are paying? What if they are only paying for 20% of tuition?
Mental health issues are a problem across all of society with tough solutions. Young adults are at a potentially fragile stage, but are technically adults by current law. (So are senior citizens by the way.)
13
Part 2
The other professor was even worse. Nothing I did was be in the class. He constantly lied to me about what we should be studying for the class. I tried to do what I could according to his instructions but nothing I did was ever satisfactory for him. I was in desperate need of guidance. When I explained my problems to my advisor, he told me firmly to "try harder." I found Hamilton to be lacking in empathy of any kind. I was completely lost there and felt suicudal. Out of frustration I transferred to another school the next year. And I remained three years and successfully earned my degree. I fully understand how lost a student may feel his first year away at college.
5
While I cannot imaging the pain this family is experiencing, important questions need to be asked? IS is the colleges and Universities that need to change or the parents?
Why have mental health issues skyrocketed among young adults? Because they are being raising in a state of perpetual infantilism.
When will the generation of parents who have helicoptered their children into incompetence wake up and recognize that the answer is not continued supervision but more independence at an earlier age?
Enabling independence includes young children and adolescents developing age appropriate coping skills and learning to ask for help when needed, not expecting Mommy to be standing right behind you at every hour of every day ready to intervene when you have a crisis.
The job of parents is to prepare or children to cope with the world on their own, not become dependent on us. Everyone tells me my 12 year old daughter is mature beyond her years. yes compare dot her peers, bit not compared to my peers at that age.
We have damaged a generation by trying to protect them form chatter then teaching them to cope with a complex and sometimes daunting world.
.
If an 18 year old is not capable of handling a personal crisis without expecting adults to step in to save the day , they are not ready to go to college.
8
it’s not as simple as it seems when they are young. My daughter was very mature, very responsible straiht through high school. She had a job at 16, played violin in a competitive youth orchestra and was in charge of her own practice and preparation, handled AP classes successfully in a busy schedule, drove herself to school, never got in trouble, shopped and cooked fir the family regularly. Still, she crashed and burned her second semester at a top rated national liberal arts college. Some of the silliest leadt responsible kids in het graduating class did great when they hit college. It’s not always clear who is ready to go at 17 or 18 as you mught think.
9
Not to be glib, but your daughter had the privilege of adjusting to adulthood and it's responsibilities on her own schedule. Millions don't have that luxury.
2
Graham Burton's story could so easily have been mine. Reading this article, I felt like I was looking in a mirror from long ago. I was suicidal in college nearly 40 years ago, feeling like a complete failure, that I could never measure up to all the brilliance around me. I did much research, devised a plan for killing myself, and went over it in my head repeatedly for weeks. It's what helped ease the feeling of failure, that the pain would soon be over. I put the plan into action but, somehow, for some reason, I was able to stop in the middle of it. To this very day, I'm grateful for whatever caused me to stop. However, I still had the hopelessness and the despair and didn't know what to do next. Literally on the way back from my aborted attempt, I miraculously ran into one of the RAs from my dorm. She was a young woman wise beyond her years and I opened up to her and told her everything. She gently directed me to the counseling office on campus. At the time, I had no idea there was such a thing in this world as therapy and counseling, to say nothing of not knowing I was depressed. I got the help I needed. A similar situation happened in grad school, though I wasn't suicidal that time, where an instructor talked with me and recommended counseling. Again, I took the advice and the subsequent help I obtained really helped me. But sometimes kids are so depressed they can't accept or even see the offer of help. How do we help them then? ALL hands on deck, say I.
14
Thank you for this article and for shedding light on the tragedy of suicide at college. This article, and the deeply reflective comments, have probably saved lives. There are probably college students reading this, right now, who suddenly realize that there are people who understand them, and care.
One related issue that I haven't seen addressed and that comes to mind is what happens if a very young adult who is on their own and who isn't in college feels compelled to commit suicide?
3
Reading this article gave me the chill of recognition. When I attended Hamilton during my Freshman Year, my best friend there did not return for the Spring term. I learned later that he had slit his wrists during the winter break. No one in the administration or faculty informed the student body about his absence. I did not even know if he survived his suicide attempt. We had been inseparable at school but I never learned his home address so I did not know how to contact him or his family. The school was no help in tracking him down. We had been so close that people were always confusing the two of us and getting our names mixed up. I still don't know whatever happened to him.
I had my own troubles remaining at Hamilton. Two classes in particular tormented me that year. I was having a terrible time trying to maintain a passing grade in both. I went to one of the professors when he gave me a C on a test where there was absolutely no errors in my answers. When I asked him why he gave me a C when the test was perfect, he said coldly, "You got the grade you deserved." I transferred out of that class before the second semester began. I had no trouble doing well in the new one with a new teacher.
110
Back in 1962 I was a sophomore at a prestigious New England art school. In many ways this college was avant- guardedly in philosophy. When Kennedy was assassinated there was no school closure because as artists we were emoting through our art. But this independent thinking did not extend to the parenting role the college assumed.
These were the days when free love was discovered and girls snuck out of their dorms to spend the night with their boyfriends. I had never done that. But one night after a movie my boyfriend and I went back to his apartment. He asked me to marry him. We woke up at 3 o’clock in the morning and realized we’d unintentionally fallen asleep. It was too late to go back to the dorm. The next day I was told to report to the Dean’s office.
I was asked why I hadn’t come back to the dorm at curfew. To protect my boyfriend I said I had been wandering around the city streets. Before I knew it the college sent me to a private mental hospital, called my parents, and expelled me. And that was how concerned they were about my mental health.
78
There has to be some appropriate middle ground between your experience and the student in this article. What’s lacking is will.
12
Time sure have changed. I often think colleges care more about their endowments than they do students. Our young adults deserve so much more attention when it comes to entering into adulthood and leaving the family 'nest' for the first time.
16
What's lacking is humanity.
4
⭐️ Yes. Colleges and universities need Clinical Deans, Licensed Clinical Social Workers (LCSWs), to review progress reports, grades, attendance, athletic failings, any and all red flags, which indicate their students are even shy of failing. They should get consents for releases and exchanges of information for their students’s parents and doctors, including psychiatrists. Not all college and university students are as developmentally mature as others. Their High Schools hardly do any work helping them in transition, while taking credit for their college snd university acceptance rates. Clinical Deans would have executive authority, and LCSWs would have the clinical skills to help students and save parents money and emotional distress, even lives, if everyone knew what’s happening. Not all students are General Pattons and Toni Morrisons, some are Peter Pans. 18 in age does not always equal 18 in growth and development. Brains do not mature completely until 25 years old. Colleges and universities should get their acts together on this score. Students and parents should not be made to be their own best social workers and advocates.
3
"They should get consents for releases and exchanges of information for their students’s parents and doctors, including psychiatrists"
No.
A consent is supposed to be something you voluntarily give, after due consideration as to whether it's in your interest to do so.
It's most definitely not be something to be processed mechanically, in a check-the-box fashion. That's not consent. It's being compelled to do something.
There is a reason we respect individual rights in this country.
2
I was exactly in this young man's position not too many years ago. I was attending a top ranked college. I had a room on the top story of a dormitory. I opened my window, and stood on the ledge, and stared downward into an abyss of over 50 feet. In biology, proteins become denatured after too much heat. In engineering, machines break if used too often without maintenance, and repair. Everything has its breaking point. And I had reached mine. The academic pressure was truly overwhelming, and like many, my parent's love and affection (despite what they said), was conditional on my performance, not unconditional based on who I am as a person. If performance is everything, and who I am as a person doesn't matter, and I am failing in classes, well, then time to die! My "friends" at college didn't really care about me, and cared far more about their grades and work! No one has time for anyone or anything, or even time to stop and think and talk clearly. Everyone is so breathlessly busy! Such important things to do and people to see! The only thing that kept me from jumping is thinking of an old high school classmate who died a brutal death from cancer in high school, and in my agony, the memory of her vicious fight against death prevented me from jumping. My mental disintegration was due to attending the wrong school at 18 years old, and a toxic culture of perfection at the school.
197
So many parents’ personal identity, social identity, status is wrapped up in their kids’ success. I can’t imagine what kind of pressure that places on kids.
36
This is heartbreaking. I am glad you survived, and figured out the problem is not all of life but the kind of life that batters people without seeming to care. Be well.
25
A great example of why these pleas to "tell the parents" will often backfire.
19
Hamilton College can't exactly be considered Good Samaritans now can they. Hidding behind privacy laws the college saw the red flags, lawyered up, quoted policy to themselves and did ...nothing. Like to see what reputational risk they incur in their effort to mitigate their legal risk.
5
Universities and colleges are not high schools. The are places of higher education for adults. However, children can become students with Parental permission.
The University exists for the purpose of education. They do what they can to keep their student's safe, but they are constrained, by law, to treat students as the adults that they legally are.
If a 21-year old college student finds out that she's pregnant, and the Dr. questions about having an abortion, the Doctor cannot take it upon his/herself to call the student's parents and tell them. The student is legally an adult and the Dr. is bound by Dr. Patient privilege. Confidentiality exists in the therapist-patient relationship as well.
If your child cannot be treated as an adult, do not send them away for college.
8
Again, please remember that the onset of serious mental health issues often happens in this age range, especially in males. Those parents do not have a crystal ball.
5
Thanks. This needed to be said.
4
Again, it's curious that you and others are only concerned about those males privileged enough to be attending institutions of higher learning.
1
Parents need to insist on access to their kids’ information as a condition if paying for college. Everyone talks about what colleges should do or not do. Parents can’t control colleges. But, they can tell their sins and daughters they want their passwords so that they can check grades, bills, holds, conduct problems etc. with the student’s password, the parent doesn’t need the college's cooperation.
1
"Conduct problems?" Another parent mentioned "report cards." The language is telling. Below we have someone who wanted "parent groups." Parent groups - for college students! This is all helicopter parenting at its finest.
4
Yes, drugs and alcohol abuse lead to conduct charges at colleges.
As a parent footing a $30,000 college bill every year, you better believe I check my son’s grades! (Actually, he’s finishing his junior year now, doing well, so I don’t feel the need any more, but certainly did the first and second year). It’s absolutely ridiculous to invest that kind of money in a student who isn’t ready for it. Often, you can’t really know if they are prepared for college until their grades come in.
As someone who graduated from an elite university, I certainly empathize with the immense academic pressure at these institutions. I don’t think you can understand what you are ‘in for’ until you actually get there. I think we need to quit swallowing the kool aid that these institutions are the right place for every student, and give our kids the message that it’s perfectly ok if they want/need to come home, transfer schools, etc. It’s also important to realize that emotional problems and academic problems go hand in hand. Mom knew her son was having emotional problems, but somehow didn’t realize this may be producing academic problems. Parents of students who are having emotional problems need to follow up and ask their son/daughter about their academics.
Though I loved my college experience, I would never send my 18 year old with a history of emotional problems to an elite university. Just WAY too anxiety producing to be surrounded by “the best” students, with every class now graded on a curve. Steep steep learning curve to succeed.
3
One of our kids attended 3 colleges due to his inability to function as an adult (autism spectrum). The first one did not let us know anything was wrong, citing FERPA. We are so lucky that he was able to make the call, and we flew 2000 miles to pull him put after just 6 weeks. Because the college was so incompetent and refused to help him (we were told "We can't go into the dorms" and "As an adult he is expected to get help on his own", etc, etc) he lost his scholarship and was totally humiliated. The community college he attended and the university he ultimately graduated from were equally as opaque, but he was closer to home.
Now, kudos for New York University, whence another child has graduated. From Day 1 they were transparent and helpful. They basically provide a tutorial on having your student give you access to everything. They immediately connected us to a parents' group, which sent monthly newsletters with links to everything you or your student might need. Of course, this was for the neurotypical kid, but it was wonderful anyway.
Tell your kids "We are paying for this. If you don't provide us access to everything, we stop paying. And you are your phone. Stay in touch."
It was the people now hitting their 70s who lobbied so hard to be treated as adults...when I was in college the drinking age was 18...you remember, "You can carry a gun and shoot people and get killed, but you can't get a beer or vote."
6
Tell your kids "We are paying for this. If you don't provide us access to everything, we stop paying. And you are your phone. Stay in touch."
I humbly suggest that this attitude is the cause of mental stress/illness in college students, not the cure.
2
A photo pops out of this article: "Graham Burton was among the Hamilton College students who have died in recent years and are remembered on a wall on campus." First names of other students on a memorial wall with no further explanation. What is the explanation? The school and teachers have gone to verbal lengths to say why it wasn't their responsibility to care. When do we start to care, how, and for whom?
1
Postsecondary schools need to smarten up. Stop letting a well-meaning privacy rule get in the way of proper handling of vulnerable young adults.
2
I am a 30 year-old who has struggled with depression and suicidal thoughts for more than two-thirds of her life, and who’s still acutely struggling.
Unfortunately it took me years to be able to breach the subject with my family. There’s a definite possibility that things would have gone better otherwise, but communication seemed impossible at the time.
It’s already very difficult to admit what is going on your head, to talk about things that make you want to cry, to say how desperate you are feeling. It’s less likely to happen without trust, whether you choose to talk to a teacher, a friend or a mental health professional. Privacy is essential.
I understand parents who want to be told what is going on in their children’s life (I know it’s been very hard for my own parents) but we definitely need space to grow up, make mistakes, and learn how to reach for help. Please try to imagine what your life would have been like if your parents had been made aware of your every move, without your consent, until you were 23 year-old. Besides being oppressing, I think it impedes proper development.
A proper middle ground would be a setup where students are encouraged by the colleges to notify their parents when things are going wrong, with mediation provided if necessary. But young people can have complicated relationship with their family, or be afraid to worry them, etc. I strongly think colleges should respect that and work with those constraints.
12
It appears that much of the risk assessment and decision making is left to the deans. Do they have formal training in mental health evaluation or is it on the job training.
6
Unfortunately, many colleges/universities choose to handle this and other serious issues (including criminal behavior) in-house because they are concerned about their rankings.
2
How is a college responsible for a suicide? I realize it's a difficult time, and as a freshman, you're thrust into this new world. But you can't blame a college for an *adult's* actions. (now when administrations ignore rape, that's a whole 'nother animal.)
What kind of parent was the mom? Was the kid ever taught to ask for help? Or did he grow up in a family where you weren't supposed to talk about your feelings, and issues like mental health were stigmatized? Saying this because I've been there.
I graduated college in the '90s, and I missed plenty of classes, due to depression. Not one teacher ever asked how I was or if I wanted to see someone. I was required to provide documentation for the days I missed (eg, @ a doctor's visit), or they would dock me a whole grade. It would have been nice if someone had asked after me, but at what point do we tell the students to stand on their own feet? When that person gets a job, will their co-workers or boss be responsible for constantly looking for mental health issues?
11
Sophomore year in college my shy but mensa-brilliant friend became severely depressed and reclusive. She didn’t talk overtly about suicide, but an oppressive hopelessness weighed on her. She skipped her classes, saying she didn’t need to attend, which was probably true. I and another close friend – kind of her only friends, at least in that she really talked to us -- knew our sympathy wasn’t enough and were worried and kept urging her to talk to her adviser, favorite prof, someone at the clinic, but she wouldn’t. So we did. We told her advisor that we were worried. We did not go into specifics. Her advisor called her in for a talk, mentioning friends had expressed concern. It wasn’t hard for her to figure out who tattled on her. She was furious. She hissed at us, “How dare you talk to anyone about me?!” A week later her parents came to campus and she left for the semester. Next semester she was back, refusing to associate with us, even though we repeatedly apologized for not respecting her privacy. She stayed asocial and academically brilliant, graduating summa cum laude and PBK. After graduation I heard she worked as a grocery store bagger in her hometown for several years. When the alumni mag arrived recently I learned that she'd died of cancer and that she had been town librarian. It seemed she had found happiness. My other friend and I will never know if we made things worse or better for her. I hope she came to forgive us. I think we’d do the same thing again, though.
14
The complexity of the world has effectively extended the period that can be considered "pre-adulthood" for most college students who often lack the sort of crisis that can bring maturity on at an early age. Not always but often enough the case for it to be considered normal. The flood of information, the insight into other peoples' lives through social media, globalization, economic pressure...all of this contributes in ways that might not be easily seen, provoking stress, anxiety, comparison to others.
Speaking broadly, gone are the days where one could walk out the door at 18 straight out of high school, find a full-time job that has benefits and truly live independently. Our laws need to take this into account.
2
And yet millions have no other choice but to do exactly that. The privilege oozing out of these comments is nauseating.
4
No one can know whether informing the parents would have led to a better short- or long-term outcome for the student in this story. Second guessing all who were involved isn't productive.
What would help is if school administrators would take a serious look at the adequacy of their response protocols in mental health emergencies, and how they communicate these protocols to staff, students, and families.
4
With any suicide, family and friends seek answers and naturally wonder what might have been done differently. i am the father of three twenty-somethings who successfully navigated college and did great. But I recall worrying as I watched them navigate the adjustment to an adult world. My heart goes out to the family as they deal with the unimaginable grief of losing a son, but I don't think blaming the university is right. As a society, we need to put less emphasis on academic success, and more emphasis on learning to become a well-adjusted adult. Suicide is only the extreme example of maladjustment. Why do we expect all 18 year-olds to know what they want to do in life and automatically fit into a new environment? We need to do a lot more work on identifying and measuring ability to adjust socially before packing those bags and shipping kids out.
8
My condolences to the families, first of all.
Secondly, contacting parents assumes a lot of benevolence and empathy on their parts. I was deeply depressed in college - and a horrible student - but if you'd notified my parents, I'd have been punished to the fullest extent allowed by their powers and never would have been allowed to return to higher education. Support needs to be available on campus. Support includes compassion and empathy. It needn't be conflicted with the double edged sword of parenting.
17
How about the following?
1) A student orientation presentation that explains warning signs of common mental health issues, goes over scholastic situations most likely to create stress, and provides options for where to go to get help.
2) An optional "welfare concern" form for students to sign their consent to identify who should be contacted in the event that there are serious concerns about a student's well-being. The contact would not need to be a parent, just anyone over 21 who the student trusted.
3) A concern packet with information on coping skills and how to reach counseling services that any teacher or advisor can obtain and pass along to a troubled student.
4) Regular PSA posters and promotion of seminars where mental health and coping with the stress of university life are addressed.
A number of universities already do some of the above. Would be good if there was more sharing of best practices across educational institutes so that all students would have a solid support network.
Nothing is perfect, but this article makes it clear that we could do better.
12
In most situations in mental health practice, one's legal and ethical obligations are sensible.
In this case, the law is not fully in line with what seems like the "right" thing to do - and may require some adjustment.
My preference would be to have a policy that staff is required to inform the counseling center when concerns are raised. The counseling center licensed staff would then have the responsibility to safeguard the student to the extent possible, including being absolved from legal liability if they break confidentiality by informing the family.
One action that seems to be missing in this story is a staff person asking the student for permission to inform his family. Maybe he'd have given it.
Another thing that seems to be missing is a staff person taking the position that the family needs to be informed to protect this student -- and to worry about the lawsuit afterwards. That may not be a legally reasonable position, but the alternative is worse. Imagine being a staff person who felt that the moral thing to do was to inform the family, but did not, and then felt that he didn't do enough to prevent a suicide.
This law needs some refinement.
5
I am working with a family from China whose daughter allegedly took her life at Brandeis. Today, 13 May, would have been her graduation. I say allegedly because two years after her death, her parents have not received a death certificate, autopsy/toxicology reports, or other treatment reports, campus security reports and so forth. In other words, they remain in the dark about just how or why their daughter died. There was no note. As with this story, the university went through the motions of expressions of condolence, and did in fact assist with family arrangements, but otherwise remains a closed door to information that might help the parents know things that they by right should know, the double-edged sword of FERPA, a well intended but poorly conceived law, not withstanding. This young woman had local family, and, the family structure in China bring what it is, the parents continue to think that had they been informed, they may well have been able, with the help of family, to help their daughter week through any number of difficulties. Of this they will never know. If nothing else, colleges and universities should shout from the mountaintops the reasons why students, international or otherwise, should strongly consider signing statements allowing family members, or anyone outside the school bureaucracy, to be notified when things get hard.
8
My son, 18 years of age, attended a UC campus during his freshman year, 800 miles from home. He became very ill. I called what I thought was the appropriate "health professional" and spoke to nurse on campus. She informed me that--due to privacy issues--she could not help me. I pointed out that my son, a student on their campus, was very ill and an act of courtesy and compassion (sending someone to his dorm room) was called for. It had nothing to do with privacy at this point.
Nurse Rachett reiterated the rules and offered no help. My brother-in-law drove the 100 miles from his home to the campus and cared for my son, eventually helping to get to the student health facility.
8
Why didn’t your son call the health center?
9
Your brother-in-law did exactly what family members should do. You make it seem like driving 100 miles to care for your own son was too much of a burden. Isn't that the point of contacting family member, with the hope that they will move heaven and earth to help their loved one?
5
Joyce - she lived 800 miles away. The brother lived 100 miles away.
1
We have lost our common sense and with it, we have forgotten that we are all connected and that we must extend a hand if we see another life at risk. Even a psychiatrist is legally bound to share information with family if a life is at risk, how could a school, or any institution, not operate under the same, common sense rules.
9
FERPA Is thorny. These days we have a disjunction between who pays for college and who studies/attends.
Students may sign a FERPA waiver. It’s the equivalent of signing a HIPA “you may share medical information in an emergency” form. A waiver can facilitate communication between child and parents, and between college and parents. One needs to have this conversation with a child going off to college. It’s like a HIPA waiver. Our college-bound children signed a waiver and we never needed to use it.
Of course, if there are warring parents, or mistrust between parents and their children, a waiver can exacerbate family problems. Bottom line. Young adults have a right to privacy.
3
We all look for someone to blame when suicide happens... but the truth is suicide is not nearly the preventable disease that we think it is. The human brain is wired at it's most primitive, to survive. To ignore that basic instinct and end the pain someone is suffering is beyond our understanding. If someone really wants to end their life, they won't communicate with you, they will find a way and end the pain. That doesn't mean we shouldn't try and look for signs; use medications and hospitalization, of course we should; but it does mean that no one is to blame. This is the end of a terminal mental illness. Our government tells us that 18 year olds are adults...even when we know they are not.... no matter who is paying the tuition, the college is not culpable, and neither are the parents. Bad things just happen and some times you can fix them and some times you can't. A dear friend of mine just buried her football star, a 20 year old son who suffered from concussions (that have been shown to be the cause of chronic traumatic encephalopathy: CTE, which has led to player suicides). The suicide was probably unavoidable ( the concessions were not). My long point is, with suicide we are fighting a chemistry we rarely understand. My thoughts and prayers go out to all who loved this young man.
13
As much as colleges want kids to be un-helicoptered, it seems to me that parents should be the first in line to hear when something is up--and not just academically. Not because we will interfere with their independence but because, in the majority of cases, we are the people who will know best when external help is needed. Aren't we, after all, the "emergency contact?" Is there not a more important emergency than a suicidal student?
7
18 year olds are adults, and colleges are not responsible for keeping track of the emotional lives of tens of thousands of adults. If a son or daughter is not psychologically ready for going away to college, for goodness sake send them to one that's closer to home.
14
No one is asking them to. Simply, if there is a known issue, please follow through with a contact to the parents. As a parent, you cannot always be privy to the fact that a mental illness is lying in wait for your child.
2
I am very sorry for the families affected. It’s important to understand that all families are different, and the university staff have no way of knowing what a student‘s family situation is or how the family may react. Probably the majority of families are extremely helpful and concerned, but it’s also possible that parents will react in a way that makes the situation worse or that a toxic family life may be a contributing factor in the student’s problems.
4
The expectation that 'parents be notified' no longer applies past K-12. If one's son or daughter is not an adult who is ready for the rigors of college, don't send them away to one. Your son or daughter may not be able to handle it. Deal with that rather than send them off and then find someone to blame when they crack under the pressure. Some of my own students have made me seriously wonder about their parent's motivations. I suspect their insistence that their son or daughter get a degree has more to do with their own egos than with what their sons or daughters are truly capable of.
5
If college tuition is high now, wait until psychological and social service costs are factored in. The world is a sad place and only getting each day. It shouldn’t have to be so hard just to grow up, plenty of time for that later on after the skin has thickened.
6
I suffered from severe anxiety my first two years of college. In 1985 when I was a sophomore at UC Santa Barbara, I had had a panic attack and fainted at my workplace on campus. The paramedics (as we called them back then) took me to the campus medical center, where the doctor said that I was “stressed” and sent me home with nothing but a suggestion to see a counselor on campus.
I went to my first appointment with the counselor, who said she needed to videotape the session, because she was in training. I felt so uncomfortable being videotaped that I never went back after that session (I also didn’t know, at age 19, that I had the right to say no to the videotaping).
Mind you, this was back before the average person knew what anxiety and depression were, but the dismissal of my anxiety disorder by the doctor and the lack of informed consent by the counselor-in-training meant that my anxiety would go untreated until I graduated and returned home.
4
You write of a "veils of confidentiality that colleges say protect the privacy and autonomy of students". The colleges don't say; Congress SAID when it passed FERPA, the law that protects students' confidentiality, even from their parents. Parents seem to think that college's assume responsibility over their children "in loco parentis" upon matriculation, without the slightest foundation. Colleges educate young people; they do not parent them. If the parents don't know the distress of their own children, they might want to ask themselves why not? Then, if they are attentive to their children, they can leave colleges to put their resources into education, not therapy, which is currently draining educational resources.
7
Our children are under more pressure than ever to excel, and they are asked to do so in an environment that lacks the support that we baby boomers enjoyed. The legal argument of not notifying family is simply cover for misplaced priorities. A student that was qualified to attend Hamilton should be able to succeed there, and failure to thrive academically should ring alarm bells at all levels of the administration. With all the “crash and burn” emails flying around it was too much trouble to pick up the phone and call the student’s family? Shame on you, Hamilton...
5
"Our children are under more pressure than ever to excel, and they are asked to do so in an environment that lacks the support that we baby boomers enjoyed".
As a baby boomer, I disagree. I believe the same level of support is still there. Current students never learned to seek support for themselves because they had helicopter parents who took care of all their issues for them.
5
I think students don't often ask because they first don't recognize the severity of their problem, and secondly because they feel shame. Mental illness has a great deal of stigma attached to it.
1
I read this article after reading about how the class at Yale on the psychology of happiness is a huge event and deal on campus. A lot of people had a lot of negative reactions to that article. But THIS is counterpoint to that article, THIS is where our work obsessed culture has lead us. Our ever-on generation has grown up with the teaching that work is everything and pausing or being unavailable is not acceptable.
5
This may sound heretical, but privacy laws need to be violated when necessary. The downside risk of infringing a student’s privacy is far outweighed by the potential benefit to a struggling, depressed or distressed student of parental intervention in their crisis. Such timely intervention could well mean the difference between life or death. We must choose life in these situations, rather than an legalistic inacation on privacy law grounds.
Not all laws should be obeyed at all times. There are exceptions and this is one of them.
8
I don't know if willful violation of FERPA is a criminal offense, whether it would constitute an intentional tort warranting punitive damages (wholly separate of compensatory damages) or even whether there is a private cause of action for money damages. But you should be very careful about intentionally disregarding the law. You could end up deeply harming your own future, which would be its own profound irony.
1
As a parents who had an experience with my two children who attended top tear schools.I came to the conclusion that colleges in general is a very inefficient systems with a lot of waste .for my daughter foe an example she was a philosophy major and premed minor she felt that many of the courses she was forces to take not needed.My son on the other hand was away from home for the first time in his young life away from our supervision and even though I used to call him almost daily checking on his studies I was stunned to find out he was not attending most of his early classes become he was immersed in extracurricular activities wit his newly found friends .In high school we were always alerted to the slightest deviation in our kids and we had a very productive guidance counselors as well as didocatwd teachers as well as smaller classes .I think colleges now are becoming bad high schools which does not qualify a majority of the students for a job in the real world resulting in more money and time spent in grad schools.Athree year colleges with more parental involvement wil
Be more efficient approach for colleges this days
3
Back in the day, we had dorm moms. She wouldn't rat us out to our parents for the usual shenanigans but when she decided that I was too sick to go to class and she felt the college wasn't taking care of me appropriately, she called my parents.
My parents trusted her and I trusted her, too. Colleges need intermediaries like that.
13
This is one of the most cogent comments here. Have an intermediary to whom a student can speak confidentially and discuss needs that can aid a positive outcome or at least avoid a terrible one like this. Why is this comment and its approach not a NYT choice? Too practical? Too old fashioned?
Why not have den moms/dads - adults with some maturity of mind or experience - in this position? Hard to find that kind of person with this nowadays but give kids who have perhaps never been away, or who have demanding parents they maybe can't confide in, or who are not finding the college experience what they expected, a place and person(s) with whom to vent.
Maybe they need a year off, or a smaller milieu or a new major that is closer to what they expected.
The comments like "you should have sent them closer to home" or "you didn't prepare them to be an adult" smack of the self congratulatory. That nothing untoward will ever happen to your child is a foolish assumption.
4
Colleges are not reporting to parents because of their insurance policies, not concerns over the law. You’d have to be a pretty horrible person to not contact parents when you’re convinced their child isnsuicidal because you’re afraid to break the privacy law. After all, who will complain? The suicidal student? The parents? Do you suppose fear of the student committing suicide would not be an absolute defense? And suppose you did lose? What penalty could you expect to pay, and isn’t that offset by the gratitude of the parents and the survival of the student, as well as the reputation you’d gain among the student body?
You’re an even more horrible person if you let your institution prevent you from reporting to parents because they don’t want their insurance coverage pulled. Why does the media not investigate and report on this aspect - the practical, heart of the matter aspect?
This is analogous to the Sandusky horror. Everyone “reported” up the line and at each step higher, responsibility was evaded and denied.
6
Privacy is such an overused term. HIPPA is about allowing your information to be shared and not the opposite. The world before so-called confidentiality, was a better place. Pretending transparency is our current ethic when opacity wins everytime? The name of the game is to keep things hidden and unheard.
1
On one hand we are told that children should have adult rights but then on the other we are told that they do not. Which is it. And for all parents who wish to be notified when their adult child has a drinking or other social problems I can hear the uproar because their kids privacy has been violated or the administration is picking on the children because abberant behavior is progressive and part of the "college experience". If you want your kids to have a babysitter then keep them home and babysit them. Do not send them far from home or away from home at all. And if one is entitled to be privy to another's personal issues merely because they are paying the bill, well we know what path that will lead us down. Get ready for those chip, snap, ssdi, and other social programs being monitored and restricted due to those programs being funded by someone else.
4
This is an example for why Freshman year should be mostly Pass/Fail grades.
4
So sick and tired of parents not equipping their children for challenges and failures. It is NOT the responsibility of any educator to teach coping and communication skills.
13
You seem to miss the scientific fact that many young people (particularly males) develop mental illness precisely in the range of ages they will be away from home attending college. This is so well documented that I am stunned that there are not better protocols in place on campuses. You cannot fault the parents for this cruel stroke.
9
How long in a young person's life would you have the college/ the military/ the working world keep tabs on the young person and inform the parents? AND what if the parents are a huge part of the problem?
FYI: Sitting in my son's freshman year orientation, before he started at a HUGE state university, they told us upfront about FERPA and that without the student's written agreement, we'd never see a grade or anything else.
I don't know if the parents of Graham were told this, but they should have been.
6
Protecting the "privacy" of 18-year old kids at college, whose tuition is most often paid by the parents, has seemed crazy to me ever since our daughter went off to college almost 8 years ago. We couldn't see her grades or pay her tuition without her permission. I get that privacy is important, but what is this rule protecting the students from?
7
Teachers and parents must work together to ensure not just depression being reported and action taken. They should work together to ensure perfect emotional health of every student. Why do we need in New York City a cop on every corner and every around the corner in the most educated city in the world? Why do we have 20% of all New Yorkers living near or below the poverty line?
It is because a huge part of the population in all great and small cities is emotionally challenged. In the majority of cases the fault lies with our leaders in government and our leaders in education. Emotionally challenged students enter the class room at the kindergarten level and they stay in school for many years, most almost till High School. Yet in all this time we make little effort to address their emotional intelligence imbalances. We wrongly label them as failures and we actually set them up to become criminals and dependent members of society. All the harm to society that these students inflict as adults is payback time for having neglected to take care of their emotional shortcomings. We ignorantly create them as liabilities for themselves, their families and for the rest of the country.
Having neglected to take care of the emotionally challenged behavior of our children we pay a heavy price in physical, emotional and financial terms.
3
Would those kids have survived if their parents were notified? We don’t know. I am afraid that professors and other staff would be hesitant to discuss troubled students because they would be accused of nit doing enough or should have notified parents. Parents often are a huge source of stress.
1
18 year olds can join the military and fight for their country as adults and nobody worries about 'those' kids but 18 year old college students are too fragile to survive without their parents and colleges continuing to solve life problems for them?
11
If 18-year olders were mature and act like adults, they wouldn’t call their parents for money, they wouldn’t be on parents health insurance until age 26, they would pay for their mobile phone bills, among many other childhood behaviors.
5
My heart just breaks for these parents who were not informed, and for their beloved children who did not receive the help they so urgently needed. Of course parents should be notified if their child is struggling. If laws or rules restrain this, then change them!
6
I'm confused about the psychiatrist who said "an ER is cheaper than a funeral." I'm a licensed mental health clinician. If I think a patient is suicidal, I tell them to go to the ER, in some cases offer to escort them, or if I have to, I would call 911 (I have never had to call 911, because all of such patients have gone to the ER voluntarily). Once when a 23 year old patient didn't show up for her session and I knew she'd had thoughts of self harm I called her emergency contact--her father. Later, she thanked me. All of my patients must give an emergency contact name when they come to see me. Confidentiality goes out the window in a genuine emergency and the law supports this.
10
Also - I stated this earlier but there are so many comments now it is bound to be lost - EMTALA (the Emergency Medical Treatment and Labor Act) mandates that if you show up at an emergency room with a medical emergency, they have to treat you regardless of your ability to pay. Suicidal impulses are certainly a medical emergency. That's what the psychiatrist should have told the young woman who said her parents couldn't afford the emergency room.
5
My issues with this reporting:
“Every year, parents send their children to college…” Parents do not send their children to college; their children decide to attend college.
“…trusting that they will be well, or that word will come if they are not.” Parents have no right to know how their “adult” children are doing unless their children want them to know. The school does not have a role in the relationship between parents and their children.
“Suicide is the second-leading cause of death…for college-age adults in the United States.” Where did this statistic come from? How many deaths does this equate to? What is the context: i.e., the causes?
“College officials say they are constrained by…Ferpa, a federal law governing student privacy, in reaching out to parents.” They are also bound by HIPAA regulations. These laws and regulations are critically important for protecting privacy, confidentiality, and self-disclosures.
Finally, a policy that tells parents about their children’s issues without the children’s consent might discourage students from reporting, and the policy might alienate the students because the policy sends the message to the students that their statements will not be confidential and will be broadcasted to others. This policy is also antithetical to person-centered planning and treatment; lastly, the policy assumes children have a close and healthy relationship to their parents.
7
"“Suicide is the second-leading cause of death…for college-age adults in the United States.” " - It strikes me as a bit alarmist because of course 18 to 22 year olds are at the peak of health. It makes sense that suicide would be a leading cause, because they're highly unlikely to die of anything else, unless perhaps it's car accidents.
1
It used to be that having a 'college degree' was the passport to a better life. Now it's just a continuation of High School.
As a parent of three kids who went to private school, I look back at their junior years with regret. The school's emphasis was to get into a 'good college'. Then the school would trumpet who went where as a metric to brag about in ads in the Sunday papers.
The game continued with Colleges ranking themselves based on who applied and how many were rejected.
Once in college, students learned little about the real world. No classes on money management, how to sell yourself in the market, relationship advice, setting goals, and especially dealing with stress and anxiety.
Instead they learned 'journalism' or 'photography' with sprinkling of Chinese film classes. All fields unconnected with the reality of a changing world market.
Parents were expected to treat their kids like 'adults', yet take out second mortgages to pay for these 'adult's' education. Yet another life lesson lost on these 'snowflake adult' students.
And we wonder why the suicide and binge drinking and drugs have skyrocketed. Students are treated like cattle from High School thru College. Parents are pressured to account for themselves based on if their kids, oops, 'adults' are going to college.
This is not about whether College Deans should notify parents. This is the tip of a very, very large iceberg !
9
⭐️ Yes. Colleges and universities need Clinical Deans, Licensed Clinical Social Workers (LCSWs), to review progress reports, grades, attendance, athletic failings, any and all red flags, which indicate their students are even shy of failing. They should get consents for releases and exchanges of information for their students’s parents and doctors, including psychiatrists. Not all college and university students are as developmentally mature as others. Their High Schools hardly do any work helping them in transition, while taking credit for their college snd university acceptance rates. Clinical Deans would have executive authority, and LCSWs would have the clinical skills to help students and save parents money and emotional distress, even lives, if everyone knew what’s happening. Not all students are General Pattons and Toni Morrisons, some are Peter Pans. 18 in age does not always equal 18 in growth and development. Brains do not mature completely until 25 years old. Colleges and universities should get their acts together on this score. Students and parents should not be made to be their own best social workers and advocates.
4
My daughter fell apart her second semester of freshman year at a prestigious liberal arts college. She was doing poorly academically, using adderall as a study drug and dating another student who had been charged with a felony. She and the boyfriend were drawing each other deeper and deeper into a joint depression. He was in the college’s radar but she was not. The best thing that happened was that he got stopped for speeding and they both got charged with possession of marijuana. She called me for help with the legal problem and I found out everything. The college put her on probation for the marijuana but did nothing to help a 17 year old they now knew was in a relationship with a 21 year old awaiting trial for a felony. No required counselling despite grades having dropped from B to D; despite her obvious poor choice of friends; despite obvious drug use. We told her she was not going back the next fall. She spent a year at home attending community college and then transferred to a large less prestigious university. Under less stress, more mature and closer to home, she finished college strong. I regret that we encouraged the prestigious college in the first year. Once she started slipping there she felt like a failure. Far from home she waited until things were dire to reach out to parents.
10
OK. Treat students as adults, but wouldn't we help any adult friend in any way we could? When law gets in the way of common sense and humanity, it's bad law.
14
"Colleges can release any student record to parents if the student signs a consent, if the college knows that a parent claims the child as a dependent on tax forms, or in a health or safety emergency. "
This statement sums up the debate in a concise sentence. The student can sign a consent form or not. That's their decision. They are adults. Unless of course the student is a financial dependent. The college will always know if a student is a dependent. That's mandatory information in the student's FAFSA application. In this case, the parents have a right to certain academic information but not necessarily health related information. The student might not visit a doctor on campus or might not seek medical help at all. That leaves a health or safety emergency.
Was the school aware of a health and safety emergency? Did the school fail to act? I would say no. Collegiate crash and burn is common. Especially at elite colleges like Hamilton or Colgate or Cornell. Unless the school had been warned of suicidal tendencies, I don't see any failure in failing to notify the parents. As far as we know, no adviser or teacher ever read Mr. Burton's diary before his death. No friends stepped forward expressing concern for Mr. Burton's mental health. At most, the adviser should have understood the common distress students feel under such academic circumstances and encouraged the student to seek counseling at local campus facilities. Follow up. That's it. End of responsibility.
2
Colleges have to deal with children who are not prepared to cope with living alone and the rigors of school. What is the thin line that divides parental involvement with their children's well being and the college personnel?
3
Wouldn’t ONE of the teachers, advisors, deans etc., referenced in this case or the many other stories of college students who needed help but didn’t get it because they were shackled by privacy laws rather be mentioned as the hero, the ONE who thumbed her nose at the law because she knew it would result in a life being saved. It’s TIME TO FIX THE LAWS. How many children have to die or commit violent acts due to mental illness before someone acknowledges that these young people still need parental support to deal with the major life changes that college brings. It’s well documented that brains aren’t fully formed until the mid 20’s. Laws MUST reflect that.
To the parents of the students in this story, I am so sorry for your loss.
10
I appreciate what you say here, but if someone "thumbs her nose" at the law and gets sued, she puts her entire financial well-being on the line. Mental illness impacts all levels of society, and perhaps our laws have not kept up with its complexities.
3
I understand that but can’t imagine a parent or student saved bc of the intervention suing. But I do understand.
People sue for various reasons, and sometimes professionals who have done the right thing are at risk
I'm a retired media studies professor from a small liberal arts college. I used a lot of class discussion in my classes so I have a good sense of what issues are troubling our college students as I saw anything in media as fair game. As much as we like to think of them as being a coddled generation, they've been through a lot. I had many students whose parents lost jobs or whose careers never recovered from the great recession. I've had students who had siblings deployed to war zones. Even for the students who were not directly impacted by the wars, these wars and acts of terrorism have been a constant presence in their lives. I don't want to seem to get unnecessarily political, but before we start advocating regime change again, we should think about the impact war has on our children.
10
Why do we consider 18 year olds going off to college children, but 18 year olds going off to war adults?
I think there are class issues at play here.
16
You raise an interesting point, but I respectfully disagree. Eighteen year olds are indeed children in some ways, but if you think about it, the military becomes more of a parent than a university. Students are free to fail. The Service tells its people what to do, when and where, and how to dress. The men and women of the military risk their lives - I don't forget that for a moment - but the system guides its people in ways the academic world does not.
9
No one is shooting at you in college.
2
I appreciate that. I don’t think anything compares to combat. I do believe that the military offers a structured environment that can be a comfort to some. I spent two years in practica at a VA, and we had some people who found it difficult to adjust to life outside the military.
3
It would have been pretty tough for my parents to keep tabs on my mental health when I was of student age.
I was at an Ivy. After one year I went off to study at the University of Ceylon for a year. Then back at the Ivy. Then a year at the University of Delhi in India. Back to the Ivy. Then a year at the University of Punjab in Pakistan. Than back to Ivy to graduate (after 6 yrs rather than 4)
My umbilical cord to my parents consisted of infrequent "aerogrammes" --- single sheets of lightweight paper that folder into a sort of envelope and carried prepaid postage.
Despite usually being 10,000 miles from home and with about 4 -6 weeks turnaround for correspondence) it all worked out for the best.
In the end, you send your kids out, cross your fingers, and see what happens.
12
It was a different world. I traveled abroad and my parents didn't hear from me for weeks at a time. I remember the blue aerogrammes well ...
2
Back in the 1970s, when I was in college, I attempted suicide. Had it not been for one of my professors who went to his office on his day off and saw my suicide note, I would not be writing this today.
My biggest fear was my parents finding out what I had tried to do. I was fearful that information would have caused them such distress and pain, they would have suffered a heart attack. I beg and pleaded for my professor to not tell them and in turn, I promised to seek professional counseling. I was 21 at the time and thus was considered a legal adult, which is another reason why I think my professor did not share this information with my folks. He believed that my trust issues were fragile, at best, and felt if he told my parents behind my back, I would have tried another attempt, and would probably have succeeded.
I truly understand and can empathize with both sides of this situation - a school's responsibility to the student vs. the parents. In hind sight, I was/am relieved and grateful that my parents never were aware of my actions. But I also realize the trick bag I placed my professor in when acting him to keep my secret.
I can only hope that any student or individual who is contemplating suicide seeks help via the various suicide hot lines or counselors at school or even a trusted friend - just talk to someone. That episode was the darkest period in my life. I am grateful to my professor and that I am still here, learning from that horrific time.
14
The cause of his suicide seems to be his family's imminent disappointment for failing out of college. The fact that he concealed his academic progress or mounting frustration/stress from his parents may indicate an overbearing relationship that led to his depression in the first place.
This is a broad assumption, I know. But my point is that it's much easier to point the finger at the institution for hesitating to broadcast a student's private matters than it is to understand a growing culture of teenage suicide.
13
Your basis for this allegation is ?
There is no definitive answer to this issue; however, this does not diminish the importance of discussing and understanding what threads are involved.
When older folks (like me) were at university, the university asserted a doctrine of "in loco parentis" and we hated it. My generation fought for the end of "in loco parentis" and we won.
In winning we swapped out one set of issues for another.
Some people are essentially adults at age 14. Others are nowhere near meaningful adulthood at age 22.
So we have created an entirely arbitrary line that says 17 year olds are children and 18 year olds are adults.
Perhaps we should return to the older era when the 18-22 year period was a bit like having a learner's license to drive. Folks in that bracket were "learner's" in the adulthood game.
We expected them to fully take on adult responsibilities after graduation from college, and to gradually assume some adult responsibilities over each of their university years.
Freshmen were pretty much treated as children. Juniors and senior received some, but not all, of the trappings of adulthood.
That system wasn't perfect. It had anomalies. 18 years olds could be drafted to die in Vietnam. But they couldn't cohabit with a person of the opposite sex while at school.
While I was part of the generation that hated "in loco parentis" and helped to destroy it. I can now see some virtues where I only once saw tyranny.
11
In loco parentis is dead and our children are at serious risk. It is not just the despair they are failing to report. It is also the abuse students are enduring while being hazed at fraternities and the obvious signs of alcohol and drug abuse. At frat heavy "party schools" like Lehigh, where hazing drug and alcohol abuse are rampant fraternities put students lives at risk. The faculty and the administrators are well aware of what is going on yet they fail to warn the parents as the kids, as they did in this article, crash and burn. This is an environment where pledges are handed oxycontin to endure the hazing and where a dope sick student, absent from class for weeks, actively using and dealing on campus, going through withdrawal in his dorm room next door to the RA is ignored without parents ever being notified. Student privacy is important and helicoptering by parents should be discouraged but clearly there is now neglect when schools happily grab your tuition payments yet deny you access to actionable information which could save your kids lives.
9
Seriously? The companion article on how to help prevent teen suicide says "They should be careful not to repeat accounts of suicide or to provide explicit descriptions as to how suicide might be attempted or completed. " Yet, this article contains two accounts of suicide, including fairly explicit descriptions of how these tow incidents were completed. Perhaps you need to practice what you preach.
6
Sending our children off to college doesn't absolve us of our responsibility as their parents. If you are truly interested in your child's welfare you will stay close enough to make an assessment and not assign the job to somebody else.
10
Even if you are not a kid or college student we should all count on the love and help of our family members when we are in distress. The idea that you cannot contact parents and the FERPA rules are premised on deeply anti-family, isolating, and individualistic philosophy. There is an ideological underpinning to this which we now need to revisit and reexamine.
5
I wonder that so many parents say that by paying for college they are entitled to all info on their children. There is a privacy waiver available at every application for student aid. Why do these parents not require their own children to sign it by making it a condition of financing? How do they not know how their children (adult children) are getting along? Who do some of them send their emotionally unstable children so far from home to live in a strange environment? We need counseling for parents.
6
Perusing several posts. Very consistent thinking on this. They are still kids, and this time makes them extremely vulnerable for many reasons. Why do we have so many laws related to confidentiality in this country protecting children from their parents? Look at the laws related to treatment for mental health issues of 12 year olds. Must have the kids consent. (Recent story on network news about this). This is ridiculous. It feels good to pass laws that sound so nice and simple. Confidentiality as a concept seems so benign and simple. Who doesn't wan it, right? The legislators that pass these laws need to wake up and think things thru. Can't help thinking that much of our current laws relating to mental health confidentiality came out of soft minded liberal thinking that started int he 60s.
6
Your writers should know that it is the engineer, not conductor, who controls the physical movement of a train. This mistake occurs frequently.
2
Engineer v Conductor.
Must be youngsters who are confused.
Few septuagenarians like me make this mistake.
3
I am sorry for the loss of anyone to suicide. To be in such a hopeless state that death is preferred to life is a truly sad and horrible place to be in.
I, however, disagree with the comments that have colleges being responsible to notify parents about their children, be it their grades or something else.
We, as a country, have decided that 18 is the legal age to be an adult, in spite of the fact the brain doesn't fully grow up until about age 25. We have also agreed that adults have a right to privacy, a right to make their own choices. We have decided that 18 year olds can become police officers, soliders, Marines and other professionals who put their lives in danger.
If we want to continue to protect our teenagers as children then the legal adult age limit needs to move up to 25. Parents can continue to be held accountable for the behaviour of their children until then. We will not accept anyone under 25 into various employment positions that currently require you to be an adult until you are 25.
Sadly adults choose to end their lives frequently, not just at colleges. The whole picture of why people get to that blackest of state needs to be addressed, not blame the college who is treating an adult in a manner that is expected.
6
There's a significant difference between a student undergoing severe mental strain (major depression, anxiety) and some physical ailment and even their academic performance. Even, if the college feels "inhibited" from directly informing the parents, if the student reaches out to either a mental health or educational (professor, ta, ...) staff person, or vice versa they attempt to contact the student, they need to facilitate parental involvement. Regardless of chronological adulthood, most adolescents have nether the emotional or intellectual maturity to deal with their psychic angst.
Hiding behind the FERPA seems disingenuous. Maybe if the student was paying their own way or had expressly noted their desire NOT to contact their parents (as opposed to requesting their consent to contact) the situation would be different.
In the examples cited in the article, the institution was aware of the danger to the student, yet decided to let the person suffer on their own. Maybe they aren't legally culpable, but the behavior is irresponsible.
3
It strikes me that the question we need to be asking isn't whether there was enough communication with the parents, who may be helpful, unhelpful, or totally ineffective. The issue is whether the colleges and universities respond correctly when a student may be falling off the edge. It was hearbreaking to read of the attempts of the professors and advisors at Hamilton to reach out to Mr. Burton, as they were clearly trying to offer help to a student they perceived to be at risk. I can envision a process by which the college counseling service reaches out to such students, pulling in professors and advisors as need to actually solve problems and provide the student with hope that his situation can improve. One of the ironies of depression is that people who need help the most are often the most reluctant to ask for it. Colleges need to deal with problems, and notifying parents, who may be too far away to help, is not necessarily the total solution.
4
suicide never makes sense and there's no one ever to blame
5
Colleges use the privacy 'issue' as a shield!! All they want, public or private, is their money, money money!!!! if not paid on thime, late fees, no registration for classes, nothing!!!! Want to talk about classes or counsellors, or anything, forget about it!!!! Its absurd!!!! Give consent?!!! They are OUR children; CHILDREN!! Not adults, they cant drink but they do, they cant smoke, but they do, they cant do alot of things as minors....... but US knowing about their safety and status and well being SHOULD NOT NEED consent!!! Consent and money, needs to be packed into bags to go to college ????? Really!!!! These professors, counsellors, and provosts are being paid a great deal, and they dont do anything about getting the kids to graduate ON TIME, with good grades, the fraternity party,, drug, sex assault issues?? Really????? One of the forms the CHILDREN SHOULD BE REQUIRED to sign with their student loans, dorm and academic policy and sex assault policy papers is the consent form if necessary. Make it easier for US to get the information we need about OUR children!!!!
5
Most students in college are no longer children under the age of 18. Most are adults, who by the way, can purchase cigarettes and booze and serve in the military and get married and start a family and choose to become a homeless person and choose to stay in school. I understand that they seem like they are still your children. When I think of my 40 year old daughter I think of her as she was at 10. My 80 year old Mom still thinks of me as a child who needs to be protected. It never stops. To the world, your 18 year old, my 40 year old, myself and my mom are all adults and as adults are entitled to certain privileges, including privacy.
4
Strict adherance to confidentiality laws are covers by institutions, whether FERPA at colleges or HIIPA at hospitals, to protect their own interests. It's all about secrecy, CYA: the less information available to those they supposedly serve, the harder it is to be sued. There is no actual confidentiality -- doctors share patients' records across wide networks, talk to each other without patients' permission, while doing all they can to withhold those records from the patients themselves. The laws should be reformed. That will happen some time after campaign finance reform. Meaning never.
3
Up to the part where the student was found dead, this article could have been about my son when he was a freshman in college 250 miles from home. There was a period toward the end when I was on the phone constantly with advisors, administrators, and psychiatric services' offices desperately trying to get any information I could about my son's situation. At every turn I was told the same thing: He's an adult; his records are confidential; he needs to be the one to initiate treatment. I begged to speak with someone, anyone, who would just go to his dorm room, put their hand on my son's shoulder, and tell him they cared. There was no one. Yet, when his tuition bill was due every month, suddenly I was their go-to gal. My son wound up finishing his freshman year and coming home to live, where he continues to struggle with depression. My heart sobs for these blindsided parents who lost their children. How well I know it could have happened to us.
16
I feel sad reading this article/comments and feel deeply for parents with their loved ones having troubles! I can see and recognize the pressures on the students, for whatever reasons; our two sons had some troubles due adjustments, expectations whilst having to grow rather quickly; but not anywhere near what I read in this article and comments. I'm very distressed by the fact we have universities, schools with purpose to train students in whatever using smart and educated people to do so but still there is that "arms length" and more between the school and student. I'm sad to say it all boils down to money and status. Firstly, realizing from our own experience, not all children should have a college degree at least not one that's cramped in to their life at a vulnerable age; for some, growing up is a lengthy endeavor and it doesn't necessary happen at same ages as their friends, classmates or when parents expect or like it to be. Secondly, the educational system is screwed up big time, too rigid, TOO COSTLY, too "statusly". I can understand teachers/professors, or what-not, have trouble with being too close to their students since it would be a great burden realizing they have many in their classes and many classes to teach. However, the schools are all concentrations of learned persons and I have hard to see why they, the well educated ones together, can't come up with a practical and supportive process of protecting their students.
4
Years ago, while attending a Brooklyn college, both my roommates tried to commit suicide in the dorm. One tried to jump out a window. The other was locked in her bedroom for 2 days while overdosing - but survived. I thought she was out of town. She'd taped a note to her wall titled "12 reasons to kill myself". After these incidents I told the dorm advisor, who did nothing. I immediately went to the counseling office & asked them to help my roommates. They refused because my roommates were "adults". In reality, they were 18 & 19. There was another dorm incident when a student continually threatened in writing to murder their roommate. The terrified roommate begged the housing Dean to intervene. The student vowed to the Dean of Housing they would kill the roommate. Nothing was done & that student did try to kill their roommate (a 3rd roommate stopped the assault). The intended murderer wasn't expelled. Me, I spent months "monitoring" my 2 roommates to prevent them committing suicide - something I wasn't equipped to do. I barely functioned under this strain. I once spoke openly to the college president about these situations. He did nothing. His only concern was hushing up 'problems' - I believe because he didn't want it known how dangerous the school was. It was in a violent, crime-ridden neighborhood & the school struggled to downplay the enormous risk to anyone on campus. I firmly believe colleges should be held accountable for student suicides.
10
This is so sad to read.
Parents & teachers should offer and talk about educational ideas other than college for kids. It’s a big world out there. The peer pressure to go to college starts heavily between each other in 11th & 12th grade.
It’s ok to learn a trade. It’s ok to travel and learn to cook. It’s ok to not make 6 figures. Let your kids decide what they want to do. As long as they have some sort of goal to move forward. There are a lot of different careers out there. Maybe they just want to be a car mechanic, work in a hair salon, study gardening or make bread & work in a bakery. Travel and find what makes them tick. From there they might create their own business, teach or write. Who knows?
Some kids take the slower scenic back roads to their careers. Some kids take freeways. Their success and choices in life should be their own. They aren’t failures if they choose not to go to college.
Pay attention parents. Talk to them about this when they are very young, not just towards the end of high school.
This is not your life. It’s theirs. Be honest about money and the consequences they will have when they make these choices. What do they want in life? Big house? No house? Car or bike? College is also very expensive ? Will you have debt? Do you want debt? Everybody has to check their egos at the door and communicate. Especially the parents.
8
"College officials say they are constrained by [FERPA] a federal law ... "
Deaths caused by "privacy" maniacs and their lawyers.
A (coulda been) lawyer solution: all applicants sign a waiver allowing the school to contact the parents.
Applicants who refuse to sign the waiver are not accepted
1
At my large, public university in Australia, there has also been a growing trend of anxiety and depression as well as a decline in overall feeling of wellbeing. It is strongly correlated with how many hours of paid work students have, negatively correlated with parents' income, and affects international students more.
The Times has published a number of stories on this trend in the US but tends to reduce it to a caricature: The overscheduled child of privilege goes to college and wilts under pressure. In fact, social isolation and exclusion, not to mentions the stresses of simply being middle-class influence mental illness. This is a sad story and I think it reflects a truth of US education, which is that it is a psychologically toxic system. But this is not the whole truth. The toxicity of meritocracy is much worse for students of lower income households and with fewer social connections and social capital.
7
Due to life conditions, there are going to be more suicides in The United States of American in 2018 than ever before. Life itself is an enemy of the American people.
4
Oh yes, blame and sue the school, that's this countries answer to everything.
It's never my fault, it must be someone else's.
9
This is a major issue for parents, and it shouldn't take tragedy to bring it into focus. Colleges hide behind the 'student is an adult' privacy shield while they willingly accept payments on the student's account directly from parents. When it suits the colleges, they pierce the shield. This is a big problem also if your child is a victim of harassment, etc on campus. The colleges again try to keep the parents out of the loop using the privacy shield. These institutions naturally block "interference" in the world they seek to control. The shield exacerbates that behavior, often just when openness is what's needed.
5
See my proposed solution up thread.
So the school is responsible?? What if someone told you your son is dead because YOU THE PARENT were responsible? Blame-and-shame doesn't seem so great now, does it? Stop the hypocrisy and foolishness folks. We're turning into children.
8
Only one in five college students with a mental health disorder receives help. This must change. There are tools to help students, peers, faculty/staff, and parents know how to recognize a developing mental health problem or a crisis. Tools to help open the door to communication, hope, and seeking professional help. Mental Health First Aid (www.mentalhealthfirstaid.org) has been called "CPR for the mind"; it is an evidence-based training from the National Council for Behavioral Health that has been documented to increase the number of young adults seeking help. It saves lives by increasing awareness of warning signs, what to do to help those in need, and where to go for help. Every college should make the training mandatory for faculty/advisors/deans/resident advisors/student leaders and make the training widely accessible to all others in the college community. Other tools that every student should have is the health center crisis line and the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline - (800)273-8255 (TALK) - and the National Crisis Textline - 741741 - both with crisis counselors available 24/7. The first signs of 75% of mental illness occur by age 24 during the years that the human brain is not yet fully developed: Leaving legally adult students alone to fend for themselves is more than irresponsible - its unconscionable.
5
Why do some 18 yr olds not sign FERPA waivers?
While others are like Graham & Olivia trying to be adults getting academic adviser help on their own (RIP to them both) . . .
Others, though, don't want their parents to see their campus health files showing their underage drinking, illicit drug use, and STD or unwanted pregnancy-susceptible sexual adventures away from home!
There are also naturally smart, test-cramming, socially charming yet lazy 18 yr olds who largely got through K-12 by cheating in their day/boarding/home schools, w/c may have had either low standards &/or loose test/project question security to begin with.
These con artist kids get either a smart sibling/friend/tutor/even a willing parent to do the tough homework, take-home tests, & projects, while the pupils only crams for oral & written exams.
These kids turn into lazy, entitled 18 yr olds like TX's Bart Whitaker & NY's Chris Porco, who are sent off to pricey, demanding colleges by parents who naively thought they'd mature away from home.
Instead, not only did these image-conscious brats flunk out.
Bart & Chris doctored transcripts to swindle more "school/living expense" cash from their folks - until Bart kills his mom & brother, while Chris kills his dad - to try to get inheritance cash w/o ever working or graduating! They're both now imprisoned for life.
Signed FERPA waivers alert parents to act on college kids' struggles & frauds, to possibly prevent suicides & homicides.
2
Heartbreaking. There is no other word.
4
Has anybody, either in the academic world, or these reporters, or any commenter here, actually READ FERPA?
FERPA does not restrict a college from informing a parent of a student being suicidal:
20 U.S. Code § 1232g - ( b ) ( 1 ):
No funds shall be made available... to any educational... institution which has a... practice of permitting the release of education records... without the written consent of [the student, when over 18]...other than to the following—
( I ): "subject to regulations of the Secretary, in connection with an emergency, appropriate persons if the knowledge of such information is necessary to protect the health or safety of the student or other persons;"
6
My condolences to the parents of this young man and of young students who saw suicide as the only solution. As an educator, I have attended training sessions to deal with 'students at risk'. Yet I feel unprepared to spot trouble. While I completely understand the frustration felt by parents, it is not entirely fair to put all this on colleges. Public institutions (I am not sure if Hamilton College is one) of higher learning are starved of cash by state legislators, forcing educational institutions and educators to do more with less. When a student fails academic work, it is not always mental illness. Getting a student to open up about why he/she is not keeping their end of the bargain on their academic work means walking a fine, almost invisible line between being helpful and trying to intervene, and landing squarely in the middle of violation of FERPA rules and other laws. You need to be in our shoes to understand the many responsibilities that we are required to handle, and those expected of us by those outside our work place, such as parents and others. The society needs to take a good look at their priorities and adequately address them through whatever means necessary, even it has financial cost. For my part, in addition to including information on my syllabus on support services available to students as I do now, I plan to have a rep from the campus counselling center do a short presentation in class. We all need to our part within what is allowed by the law.
2
Universities are now more concerned with protecting themselves from liberals accusing them of bias towards anyone under the sun, than actually taking care of their students.
4
Please don't turn this into a screed against liberals. Parents--whatever their politics--are concerned about sending their children away to live at college during a time of transition from child to adult. Parents whose children enter military service also have questions when a cause of death is suicide or accident or drug overdose just like parents whose children live on a residential college campus hundreds of miles away.
I agree with those parents who say that notification to parents by authorities in a position to know if a child is maintaining class attendance or keeping up grades and personal appearance is appropriate unless the child is legally emancipated.
The laws of the states in the US make it difficult to select one age at which a child is an adult. The age of consent for marriage, the age of legal for alcohol or gun purchases, the age of being able to rent a car or take out a loan varies between 16 to 25 in the majority of states.
A humorous aside to show despite politics, people still have experiences in common. When I was married in 1969, I was required to provide my dermatologist a note from my parents to get my ears pierced because I was just under 21. I was legally able to get married without their consent although all my credit cards from that point on were in the name of my husband who like me was still a senior in college.
4
1100 suicides a year at US colleges! And what are colleges doing about it? Hiding behind Ferpa! This is a national tragedy, with some universities, such as MIT and Cornell, having a larger share of suicides than others. Rather than settling lawsuits and improving mental health opportunities, universities are now digging in their heels. Back when Elizabeth Shin's parents sued MIT, the institute settled and promised to improve mental health solutions. Just recently MIT decided to instead go to the courts and deny liability. Shame!
5
If you can be pregnant and have an abortion without parents being notified what would justify notification of anything else?
2
Colleges and universities should disengage. They need to eliminate psych services and the like and make it absolutely plain that they are not in loco parentis, that their function is a limited one having to do with education, and that they are not responsible for establishing or maintaining some of the personal prerequisites that a student must have in order to be successful.
6
Ferpa is foolish...period. And yes, colleges have a responsibility on all counts...not just collecting tuition payments from parents. Full authorization should be automatic with an opt out ...not the other way around.
A poignant, important article for any parent with a child in college who has known the frustration of trying to help someone whom the world considers an adult but who is still a child, your child. Colleges are in a bind, but there is often someone there who is willing to push to help the child even when it is not easy, and I am grateful to those people.
2
I don't gt this. When my children applied to college they wanted to know my financial status and expected me to bear the burden of paying the school fees. The bills came to me every semester. But when it comes to grades or even the children's health and safety, suddenly they are adults? This is rank hypocrisy.
8
You weren’t expected to pay for your child’s education. That was a choice you made.
8
My point was that the amount of financial aid or loans my children get is based upon their parent's wealth. If the children were truly adults, the colleges would not have asked for that information. When my children apply for a mortgage, the bank does not ask how much wealth their parents have.
Does anyone know the suicide rate of kids before college, during college, and 5 years after college? I just wonder whether parents can do anything besides raising their kids right. The one thing I didn't see in here is why people kill themselves. Usually it's a highly complex path to suicide. So many questions. I someone is willing to kill themselves how does that evolve over time? If you save them today, how do you make sure he/she doesn't fall into the same situation in the future? Are they more likely to have a repeat breakdown? Do suicidal rates tie to how kids were raised, background, social economic status, race, etc.? Have they increased over time? Would be interested to see if people have those stats.
Colleges have amazing services that have only gotten better over time. You can't force people to get help. I think holding a college responsible for a student suicide, unless caused directly by faculty, is like holding a work place responsible for employee suicides for people who received bad reviews and are at risk of getting fired. Given how complex suicide can be, you can't just blame the instituition because that's where/when the suicide happened. There must have been multiple fault points.
Let's not point fingers and figure out the why vs. who. Parents may be as much at fault. They exert a ton of pressure on their kids but then try to shield them from the real world, setting them up for failure, etc. Who knows?
5
MUCH more needs to be understood about suicide. It should be a national research priority. It's a factor in national security, too - I've long thought the most productive approach to the terrorism problem would be understanding suicide better, since the vast majority of terrorists kill themselves as well as others. Instead we take the approach that in the case of suicide attacks, it's "Good riddance," and while that's understandable, perhaps we're missing a key thread that would unravel the problem.
3
Ironically there are roughly 1500 suicides a year for high school age students. So maybe parents do need to look at themselves.
4
Interesting thought. I’m not sure your views have been studied fully. It’s entirely possible that terrorist suicide missions have their genesis in deep depression.
1
Schools are afraid of the bad publicity. A UCLA film professor committed suicide, I am told, over a sexual harassment accusation and the school and everyone else is mum. They’re actually using the sad event to discourage students from coming forward about anything or discussing anything for fear someone else might react similarly. Schools generally hope issues will go away. No transparency. I obviously hope my letter will encourage some media coverage into what happened instead of sweeping it under the rug.
7
This is ridiculous. I’m a licensed psychologist, I know limits to confidentiality and my duty to warn. There is no risk involved by alerting the parents. If I “break” an ethics rule , I am expected to provide my rationale. If my rationale is in the patient’s best interest then I’ve done nothing wrong. Clinicians cannot bow to compliance rules. First, do no harm.
13
I am also a psychologist and had the same reaction. However it appears this boy did not get to a clinician who would have (hopefully) had the training to make the decision to contact his parents. If he was my patient I would have urged him to give consent ( to speak to his parents) first but would have proceeded without it if I had the information about his state and functioning relayed in the article. It appears that administrators and faculty do not have such training.
3
This is of course very tragic . Unfortunately there is an increase in mental health problems also in young adults in employment. Would you expect an employer to contact you if your child showed signs of mental distress ?
2
When our son turned 18, we all sat down with our lawyer and signed Medical Proxy and Durable Power of Attorney papers for him. He's a perfectly competent adult, but now there's no question that we're legally entitled to his information...just in case.
4
As I understand it, you'd only be notified if something has happened to him that requires your medical/legal intervention because he isn't competent to make decisions - a high hurdle to meet in itself, possibly requiring a physician's statement or a judge's ruling. Then you may have the right to make medical or legal decisions for him if he isn't competent to make them. Not before that.
4
Exactly, fast/furious. The parents are in for a shock if they think power of attorney or medical proxy means they can access his medical records any time they like. HIPAA still applies.
2
Why didn't any concerned college faculty or staff ask the troubled students if it would be alright to contact the student's parents?
1
As someone who teaches creative writing (at Fordham) I know more readily than, say, a chemistry prof, when I have a student who is at risk of self-harm. In fact, with the support of our Counseling Center, the Jed Foundation and a psychiatrist collaborator, I designed and taught a writing course called "School Daze." Students in the course knew that they could readily see a counselor. (Me, I concentrated on addressing the writing, the strength that led them to this writing workshop course in the first place). Research shows that writing about one's feelings in the context of a supportive group can lead to clarification of feelings and an improved sense of well-being. Anecdotally, I can say it works. Anyone wanting to know more can contact me.
4
Our son went through a tough time at Oberlin in the early 2000s, having to do with the combination of a relationship that ended and a school environment that was extremely critical of any student who wasn’t performing at an optimal academic level. He started to miss classes in an art class. The teacher sent a couple of demeaning emails. The teacher of another class where he was having trouble keeping up never contacted him. Because I kept in touch with him, I found out that he was having trouble getting out of bed in the morning, a sure sign of depression, not laziness. I contacted a psychotherapist in our city who advised me to intervene. I asked him if he didn’t think that would be intrusive, since our son was 19. The therapist said, “get over there ASAP.” I did. Our son failed that semester, but came home, got himself together and transferred to a college hat was a better fit for him. All we got from the school was a suspension letter with punitive and insulting language and the requirements for getting back in. I’ve always been furious at the fact that not only did the school never pick up on his fragile emotional state, but we lost $20k for that semester. And that’s at a “progressive” school.
12
Colleges also fear violating the Americans With Disabilities Act and the Rehabilitation Act. Both laws forbid disability discrimination, including discrimination on the basis of depression. Department of Justice regulations allow colleges to take action, including sending a student home, only when, by reason of a psychiatric impairment, the student poses a direct threat to the health or safety of others, but not when the student poses a direct threat to his own health or safety. The Office for Civil Rights in the Education Department has taken action against schools that treat depressed students differently, including by threatening suicide, unless they do so in a manner that disrupts the education of other students. By contrast, under Equal Employment Opportunity Commission regulations, an employer can remove from the workplace an employee whose disability makes him a direct threat to himself. Why DoJ regulations require schools to remain passive observers of suicidal students until the student actively begins to attempt at suicide in a disruptive manner is a fair question.
3
A majority of college classes in the US are now taught by “contingent” faculty—that is, by teachers who are not tenure-track, most of whom are part time. I taught in that status for more than twenty-five years. It is “job-endangering” for a teacher at that level to “push,” either students or administration, regarding either academics or the mental health status of students: if you want to keep your job, you keep your head down.
My wife, by way of contrast, is a tenured full professor. On more than one occasion she has physically walked a student to on-campus counseling services, immediately after a class or directly from an office hours consultation.
While college teachers have been turned into a “flexible labor pool,” growth in administration, the biggest line item in college and university budgets, continues unabated. The marginalization and disempowerment of college level teachers has destroyed a generation of scholars; it has reduced the quality of instruction; it has also made students both emotionally and physically less safe.
Donald N.S. Unger, MFA, PhD, Worcester, Mass.
15
The Adult/Child dichotomy with colleges is as ridiculous as some aspects of HIPPA.
Funny, colleges won't send you your kids grades, but also won't let him/her apply for student aid on their own. Parents are still financially liable.
2
Three facts, important ones, are missing from this story.
1) MOST CRITICAL: How old were the students? If they are under 18, the school has the duty to inform parents if their legally-a-child seems about to crash and burn.
If the student is 18 or older, the school and its staff, especially dorm staff, has the duty to speak to the student in a non-academically-threatening way, not ‘you keep this up you’re gonna flunk out, ‘ but hey, what’s up?’.
If a student shows pre-suicidal or anxious /depressive behavior below state threshold for forced treatment, the staff owes it to him/her to offer ‘free’ psychiatric counseling and meds - Question 2) was this system in place (part of tuition should be universal insurance for students and staff who don’t get it through other families -
We will never save everyone, some are like the light bulb no psychiatrist can change - because it really doesn’t want to.
Question 3 takes me back to my student days of the late 1970s, when very few people knew about the near strangulation orgasm kink, and at least one campus incident of this nature became a “suicide” because the campus authorities and ME were far more comfortable saying the guy found dead in his closer was a suicide, not a thrill seeker.
This kind of behavior can be limited by education, not illegally swept under the rug. Suicide by strangulation v a broken neck is known painful and often unsuccessful. Did the belt case belong in the story, or a different one on responsible sex ed?
1
I'm disappointed that The Times has apparently chosen to ignore the disparity in suicide rates for males here. For people ages 15-24 men have a suicide rate 4x higher than women. This means at least twice as many males will kills themselves in college, despite a ridiculous gender gap in enrollment numbers approaching 65f/35m. Research (Rohling, Klibert, William's, 2011) shows sucide among men in college is associated with academic failure ("achievement events"), whereas with women in college it is more often linked to relationships.
Effective suicide prevention depends on a strategy tailored to the audience. If young men have a harder time admitting to the need for help - as in the one kid mentioned who was not even on the schools list of students of concern - than we need to figure how how to solve that. If they feel their life is over because they dont have a 4.0, graduating 1st in their class - how can we convince them otherwise?
More peer groups? Mandatory reporting responsibilities for R.A's? More involved advisors? I dont pretend to know, but I do care. I wish The Times cared more.
4
There is one sentence in this article that was a real shocker: 13 students at Penn have committed suicide since 2013. Wow. I also see that suicide is the second leading cause of death at universities. And seemingly nothing can be done to inform the parents that their child is at risk? It would appear that the law is famously arbitrary. As an "adult" we can't discuss your mental health with your parents, but by the way, you can't drink because you are "too young". It's always sad when the system fails, and it is failing our children here.
6
If a student is a minor and you think there's danger, you call the parents. If not a minor you call the authorities.
3
If the Burtons were concerned enough to consider getting a psychiatric evaluation for their son (I don't know what kind of "brain scans" they thought would detect a mental disorder)
then obviously they were at a high level of concern about him. Apparently they thought they were qualified enough to determine whether or not he was risk to himself and didn't follow through on this, at least according to the article.
As to those comments regarding breaking confidentiality, I would ask where the writers would draw the line. How about a girl getting pregnant at college and considering an abortion? Should her parents being formed to help her make the decision? Or a student using illicit drugs?
3
This is a terrible, tragic story, and the university could have done better in dealing with it. This said, academics, advisors, are not mental health professionals, and are often, understandably, very much out of their depth dealing with such problems (although it does sound as if the Dean could have done more here). I doubt that, even under the best system, all such tragedies could be avoided; they are inherent, alas, to late adolescence and early adulthood.
There is, however, a reason for the wall of confidentiality. Imagine, for example, that a student is having problems dealing with sexual orientation, or, say, comes from a fundamentalist family and is losing religious faith. The student becomes severely depressed. If his/her parents are vicious homophobes or religious fanatics, would it be the right thing to tell them? Students often have complicated relations with their parents and their home lives; home is often far from a safe space. 'Tell the parents' can't always be the right answer.
4
The alarming increase in suicides among youth leads directly back to parents and the post-modern culture in which kids are being raised.
Gender is fungible. Life emanates from a Big Bang and leads...to death and little more. Your college "worth" is measured in salary multiples versus other schools. The West has entered a crisis of confidence in its mission where men are being devalued so that we can help achieve "parity" of outcome for women in all fields. Parents divorce at alarming numbers, pointing to nowhere as their children consider the virtue of pair-bonding and permanence. And any non-White racial group is exhorted to find cause for grievance and seek redress in legal remedies, pitting all against one another in "trigger-warning" sensitivity.
When I look at our kids, I see children who have been told by my wife and I that most of the siren song of the Liberal Left is a lie. It has been their one life line in a sea of social reconstruction and upper middle class mischief, and I know it has been one of the few things that kept them from going crazy in the culture we are systematically destroying.
1
What a terrible question. Isn't it obvious that if one is unable to help, one has at least a responsibility to find someone who can? I know, the laws are very flawed, to the point where it is nearly impossible to get help to a mentally ill adult. That's why we have a Congress and why it is important to vote.
2
Try telling a college that, as an adult, your parents are not responsible for paying the college bills. See how far that gets you.
3
Parents are only responsible for your bills if they choose to be.
4
I am going to be pilloried for this, but blaming the college for not getting the child the appropriate care and/or informing the parents their child has problems is taking away the responsibility away from the family. I attempted suicide twice in college and suffered a succession of nervous breakdowns, and I was once diagnosed a schizophrenic. My parents sent me to several psychiatrists and later, a psychologist, who gave me and my family disastrous counseling and advice, at considerable expense, but primarily frustration of the first magnitude. I was the psychiatrist's guinea pig in terms of what was the hot medication of the moment. It took 20 years for me to earn a bachelor's, a degree most obtain within 4-5 years. I also endured male rape and a catastrophic motor vehicle accident which took away the use of my legs for many years. Two small liberal arts colleges and a well-known highly ranked national university were all very understanding in letting me withdraw from school when necessary. All of us are different, of course, and my deepest sympathy to those parents who have lost their child to suicide, but to point fingers to a college for not knowing their child was floundering and depressed takes away their responsibility.
9
This issue really is a thorny one. On the one hand, I firmly believe that if I, as the parent, am paying the bill, then my kid is not an "adult," and the university better be telling me everything. Including sending me a copy of his grades. THAT is the most ridiculous part of that law. I'm paying for those grades!! Grades are good indicator of life heading in the wrong direction.
On the other hand, why we are dealing with so many depressed and mentally ill young people is certainly an issue worth examining.
As a first generation college graduate back in the 70s, my family had little interaction with my college life. I handled my own problems with classes, alcohol and peers. And worked to support myself (outside of tuition payments which my parents contributed to). What is happening with kids today?
As a parent who had a 19-year-old melting down after a breakup with his first serious girlfriend, I was on the plane within hours to help him process his feelings. Helicoptering? Maybe. But I also think I knew my son best. That was the end of my interference in his budding adulthood. He went on to graduate summa cum laude and on to medical school.
150
I tend to disagree. The fact that my parents gave me the incredibly generous gift of a college education does not mean that I by default made them my legal guardians. If I wanted my parents to know how I was doing, I called and told them.
I’ve known someone who at the age of 40 decended into a drug fuiled madness and our mutual friends contacted his mother insuring he had a bus ticket home so that his family could care for him. He was not a “child” and these 18 and 22 year old young adults experiencing mental health issues are not “children”. They are certainly not treated as children in criminal courts.
This goes to the same thorny question of Liberal Individualism as the Alfie Evans case. At what point do we draw the line between protecting the privacy and independence of an individual versus treating them as a member of their family.
13
Just because a parent pays the bills, for college, cell phone or new tires for the car, doesn't obscure the fact that YES they are an adult. And they should be held accountable for adult decisions. Are employers next in this quest of infantilization of our young adults. Its 18 and boom you are an adult.
I have empathy for the family but we can not hold Universities to task on this. In fact it is detrimental for our society in extending adolescene
28
A lot of parents are saying "if only I knew what they were going though, I could have helped. I would have taken them home." No, you wouldn't have. Why did the student choose not to tell the parent how they felt? Anyone whose parents are paying are probably spending up to $60k a year. At that price, parents aren't going to accept failure. (As the commenter said, "I'm paying for those grades!!") The only time I knew of a depressed student taking time off for mental health was when he had a major breakdown and the school placed him on required medical leave. I understand parents have good intentions, but they don't ensure good outcomes.
If your parents aren't paying (like me), you're taking on a lot of debt. If you decide to "take a break," your loans go into repayment, which you can't afford. So breaks aren't really on option.
With all the hysteria about job loss, (whether you blame it on "Mexicans" or tech) there's a lot of pressure to get the most education you can. On one hand there's my brother, who barely graduated high school, and has a part-time job driving a dumpster truck; and the other, my friend, who's graduating a year early and starting at Google in the fall. Both are depressed college students. Why? Because they've both been pushed to their respective limit.
It's not a coincidence that as costs and pressure to get a degree have soared, so has student depression. At some point, it needs to be asked, "Is what we're doing to our students healthy?"
53
Horrible tragedy all. The problem is that they are adults. Looking for someone to blame, is not the answer. If they were not on campus, but just out on their own, the conversation would be different.
7
I’ve read some commenters who seem to be more concerned with protecting the adulthood of students than they are sympathy for the student.
Don’t we have a moral obligation to alert the police when we see something suspicious at an airport, even though the other people are adults, too? Isn’t that part of our basic social contract, to interfere and to alert in the case of seeing or thinking that something catastrophic is imminent? And isn’t the suicide or a 19-year-old catastrophic?
We’re not talking about reporting the student’s sex lives and social activities; we’re talking about acknowledging that a mental health crisis is an emergency that voids any walls that exist between that person’s expectation to privacy and the rest of us.
4
Can we also inquire as to why so many kids are so depressed and on a knife’s edge constantly?
7
It would appear the easiest way to solve this problem is to get your child to sign whatever consent is necessary to get information, particularly if your child is prone to having issues.
2
If a grade school, biological boy can decide to become a girl with his parents blessings....then certainly a college student can decide to end his own life.
One choice is no crazier than the other.
3
Since my children started kindergarten there is a count down clock in my head to when they become adults. Parents “redshirt” their child after discussing how being older will help them through elementary school. But give no thought they will be 18 before their Senior year in HS which makes them adults with limited recourse for a troubled kid. The amount of involvement keeps going up as they get older in my town and my refrain is in X years they go to college, what will you do then? I am shocked that parents didn’t know they don’t get transcripts and medical information is confidential. They can get married. They can join the armed forces. They will be charged as an adult. Or is that just for those “other” kids?
7
It would interesting to know what is causing a rise in mental health at colleges and High schools.Is it demanding parents , is it students that are pushing themselves , is it environmental , is it that more go to college than ever before and so .. ???
1
I went to an expensive liberal arts college. I was having extreme anxiety and went to the on-site “doctor” who was actually a nurse. I was breaking out in hives from anxiety and having trouble with my courseload. He had no response for me. Just nodded and told me to take Benedryl. I flunked out of college. No one helped me, no one cared.
4
The responsibility for all these suicides falls on us adults. We are the ones who voted for changing the age of majority from 21 to 18.
Here is a success story about my son and one of his coaches at college. My son began posting suicidal ideas on Facebook. I called his coach at the university and asked him to check out the face book postings and then talk with my son about it. He did and got my son into counseling. My son was embarrassed and mad at me (he unfriended me on facebook), but I would do it again. I believe that his coach may have saved my son's life.
3
If these young adults who committed suicide, instead of being college students, were otherwise living on their own rather than with their parents (or even living with the parents), would these bereaved parents consider other people who knew their adult child responsible--and legally responsible--for informing the parent about the not-well-being of their adult child? Friends? Bosses? Co-workers? Roommates? Service providers or professionals, other than mental health providers, that your adult child receives services from? Merchants your adult child frequents or buys good from? Other adults who interact with your adult child in some way? No. It should be no different for adults who are college students, even if the parents are paying tuition.
I see a class issue in some of these lawsuits: Parents with the means to pay for (at least some of) their adult children’s college and to pay for these lawsuits wanting what the less-well-off don’t get: Other adults assuming a legal responsibility for taking care of their adult children’s mental and health well-being.
10
Such tragic deaths. My heart goes out to the parents and friends.
I attended a small liberal arts college in the Midwest, starting in 1967. The philosophy then, at least at private colleges, was the college serving “in loco parentis,” meaning the college acted as parents. Our grades were mailed to our parents, along with notes about progress in class and cringe-worthy infractions, such as being discovered in a boyfriend’s room. While most of us didn’t like these practices, we accepted them as college rules. Did these rules help prevent any suicides? I don’t know, but I don’t remember a single suicide during my four years.
Depression and anxiety run in my family; my mother, my aunt, my cousin, and my fraternal twin all are, or were, afflicted. Consequently, when my younger son, who had sailed through Berkeley (Phi Beta Kappa, summa cum laude) as an undergrad, started showing symptoms when he was in graduate school, there was no hesitation on my part. He sought treatment, took a leave of absence; I helped him pack and brought him home.
I only can offer condolences and not solutions. This article points to the student-as-adult policy as a flawed; colleges, figure this out. And it also raises again the stigma of depression, the awful disease. I claim no expertise, but with family members who suffered, my response was to step in. Having seen his grandmother and aunt suffer, my son told me his symptoms. Mental health awareness should be part of student orientation.
4
If I lost my job because I had saved someone's life...it would be worth it to me.
4
There is increased stress among young people. As one gets older one realizes academic pressures followed by employment pressures are caused by society, really one's parents' generation. The baby boomers and older really have destroyed their luxurious way of life for their children and grand children. Perhaps younger people today are sensing that reality and the most vulnerable suffer. If you are pushing to get into a bank run by psychopaths, or politics run by career criminals, or a big company where you will only progress if you become a slave to its 'values', and you have little chance of getting an offer, it must be depressing. And children must see this coming as they progress through exams.
3
Young people should experience a life outside of school so that they know that bad grades aren't the end of the world. Take a year off to make friends and learn a language in a different country. Go hiking and climbing in a different country.
The way that college is structured in the US is a bit crazy. Pay the university thousands of dollars and they can still fail you. Or if they don't fail you, it makes the university seem corrupt and money grabbing. The pressure of paying thousands of dollars probably doesn't help mental health. You can pay $1,000 and study a foreign language for a semester at universities in many countries, such as France, Mexico, and Brazil. The cost would be so much more in the US.
2
What happened to Mr. Burton is horrifying, I'm so sorry for his parents and friends. I feel that the administration at Hamilton failed him. His professors indicated that they had worries but they weren't able to get in touch with the family, only the administration could do.
There is a big difference between a 25 year old graduate student and a college sophomore. Parents of college age students should have the right to some information especially if it appears that their child is not able/losing the ability to function in the college environment. As another reader pointed out, those college age years are the time when many psychiatric disorders rear their ugly heads.
Some kids just don't develop the necessary social structures that would help support them through a crisis or in the worst case, have a friend who would contact their parents if they were worried. My daughter, a sophomore, has been very fortunate and if there was a turn for the worse, her friends would contact me or their own parents to express concern and get help. That is where the college or university comes into play. They need to take the information from RAs, professors and advisors and stop hiding behind the "right to privacy". Such a "libertarian" attitude is ludicrous. We aren't talking about ratting out a C in Latin but a change in trends or obvious comments from people who interact with or noticed changes with the student.
I wish the Burton family luck in pursuing Hamilton College.
My son never had a history of mental illness when he went to a small extremely well regarded liberal arts college in Vermont. He signed a waiver allowing them to share info with me. He did fine his first year. However, during his sophomore year, his grades began to slip (unbeknownst to me), & he began texting & calling me frequently. He came home at Christmas & expressed that he might want to take a year off, which I said would be OK. When he went back after the holidays he dropped a class, which I was not notified about - he told me himself. His calls & texts continued & he became frantic & almost unrecognizable in tone. I urged him to talk to his RA & a counselor. He didn’t feel he could reach out. He had an appointment with his academic advisor who was a no-show for both their meetings. I called the school to get help & no one would talk to me. My son finally withdrew & came home, thank goodness, & is now doing great. The thing that bothers me so much is that his college never even contacted us to ask why he left. No generic survey, even. This was a small & expensive school which bills itself as a “family” yet they completely let my child slip through the cracks. I’m forever grateful that he had the ability to reach out to me on his own, because I never would’ve known otherwise, & I am certain something tragic could’ve happened. Students are 18, but they are still young & need guidance sometimes. College can’t be all to everyone but they must do better around notification.
13
I think the bigger problem is not the rules of privacy but the lack of of help that many people need when dealing with a mentally ill family member. I do not know the answer but I know that if you have someone in your family who has a complex mental health issue there are not a lot of good resources -especially if you lack money or a good insurance policy. Mental illness can be complex and difficult to treat and for those people there is no safety net.
Someone wrote in an earlier post how they recognized a problem in a student and that student was hospitalized -and presto! was cured.
For difficult cases this is never true. Parents are bankrupted, families are broken apart and the individual doesn't get better.
I don't know the answer but wish someone did.
2
This article is hung up on a side issue. More important are two other issues. What are colleges teaching that makes the experience a meaningless pressure cooker rather than a stimulating introduction to ideas and methodology? What kind of zombies are staffing our schools {especially the supposedly less impersonal small colleges} that they do not respond humanly to students in distress?
5
This article is painful to read. I have taught undergraduates at a small liberal arts college in Texas for 20 years. I don't think my country understands the impact on the educational process of the epidemic of anxiety and especially depression among students today. I am well educated and experienced in writing pedagogy and in the teaching of literature. I have no training at all in diagnosing or treating mental illness, but that kind of illness is now a daily part of my teaching life. Like all faculty and staff at my institution, I am a mandated reported. If I see something, I say something. I now spend ~ 30% of my working hours "saying something." I refer to the office of retention, to the counseling center, to the student's advisor, to the Dean of Students. I write to the student (who often has neither come to class nor responded to previous e-mail), always attempting to strike an elusive balance between the writing teacher who knows that daily writing and prompt, supportive feedback are the very best ways to create stronger writers and the mother/woman who feels for this sad, suffering child. This whole process is exhausting. My sincere, heartfelt condolences to Graham's parents but also to all of the dedicated educators whose very worst nightmare came true with his death. Why are so many of our children so ill? What is making them so sick? This is a national emergency.
7
Perhaps Ms. Hartocollis should have made the article focus on Olivia Kong more than Graham Burton. Ms. Kong did express thoughts of suicide, then followed through with the act, even after her parents visited her. Graham Burton did not express thoughts of suicide, per this article, nor did he ever feel the need to tell his parents about his academic failures. He was legally allowed not to have his parents notified unless he expressly told the school to do so. Should the student privacy laws be changed? I'm guessing most students would not like such changes.
3
Life is more precious than privacy. FERPA needs to be repealed.
4
Ms. Leach...as a mental health professional dealing with college age students, you are clearly aware of the research from Dartmouth College that shows that the brain and the mechanisms of decision-making are not fully developed until age 25.
Hiding behind the law is an easy out. Instead, one would hope that you could use your "professional experience" to fight for the laws to take into account that these students may be "legally adults," but are far from fully-formed adults mentally and emotionally.
The laws need to be on the side of helping and guiding these children--and their parents--through a crucial time in their human development with concern and compassion. How about you stand up for that rather than...Oh, well, people will die...?
1
Your righteous indignation is not well eceived when it cares only for those privileged enough to attend institutions of higher learning. Your lack of concern for the millions in that age range who don't have the luxury of delaying adulthood and it's incumbent responsibilities is duly noted.
1
So many of these comments address legal and institutional responsibilities: “College students are legal adults, so school officials cannot violate their privacy.” “Colleges are educational institutions, not healthcare facilities.”
What about a person’s moral responsibility to care about and care for a fellow human being? If you saw a 19-year-old drowning, would you question whether you had a legal right to pull him from the water? Would you walk away because saving someone’s life is not your job, or because, as an adult, a 19-year-old should be able pull himself out of the water?
How about this: You are an adult with a lot of life experience. If you see someone who is in crisis, care enough to do something, or notify someone who can help.
3
I am a Hamilton Alumnus (84) who constantly struggled academically due to maturity issues. The only thing that got me and many of my classmates through was knowing our parents were keeping an eye on us even from afar. The current set up is insane. They know where to find you to pay the bill, but these 18 year olds who, in many if not most, cases are much less mature than we were are completely cut off from their parents even in the most dangerous of circumstances? Insane!
7
Virtually all college students are legally adults and colleges would be violating privacy laws by telling the parents about thee student's mental state.
1
From what I have read in some of these comments, I think the term “ helicopter parents “ is being misused. My son was born In the age of the Ferber method of letting your baby cry themselves to sleep in desperation , which I never did , staying on top of them at 6 on the playground shouting “ good job !” for going down a slide and constantly making sure every homework assignment and report was done to the parent’s satisfaction , and countless other involvements which I never did . That’s helicopter parents as far as I’m concerned. But when it comes to my kids’ emotional issues and other feelings , I have no qualms in making sure I know how they feel and am on top of it. I’m not a helicopter parent , just trying to a responsible one.
4
I was a college student in the mid-seventes at Cornell and I went there because I could get in and out without much financial hardship, working two part-time jobs with scholarships and loans. Should my parents have been aware that I had a problem with depression and was always suicidal? No, they WERE the problem. Having my school call these two chronically abusive alcoholic, narcissitic sociopaths would not have helped. It would have made things far worse.
A very kind professor found me having an hysterical anxiety attack after a simple family event. He pulled me into his office and after I finally calmed down explained that he would be my teacher advisor and that I would absolutely need to see him in his office twice each week.
I obeyed. He saved my life. I later graduated with an appreciation of simple acts of kindness and humanity.
13
I cannot remember for sure which esteemed psychologist it was when I was getting a Masters in Marriage & Family Therapy, who explained a freshman's psychotic break as the result of not being able to cope independently because he or she had been spoiled by parents, mostly moms. If you sniff hard enough and long enough and in enough places its my bet this attitude is still stinking up this conversation today despite many providers' ability to couch it in other "politically correct" terminology.
2
I was a practicing social worker for a number of years, LCSW in California, and then I got a Ph.D. in musicology and became a college professor. Now I'm retired.
I had my own protocol for situations where I felt a student was severely depressed. First, I would talk to the student, let him or her know of my concern. Then I would refer her or him to student services, and I would follow-up until I was positive the student was working with a mental health professional. If that did not happen, I would get involved personally, and occasionally even talk a student into letting me call his or her parents.
Faculty members are taught to respect all rules and laws respecting student privacy, and to be mindful that students are adults. I would us to know that it is equally OK to breach confidentiality (we are not therapists) and reach out as a friend or as a concerned acquaintance, when we have concerns about a student's well-being.
You might be told otherwise, and you might get a reprimand, but you also might save a life. It is the very fact that one cannot know the outcome that makes it necessary to follow one's gut feeling.
4
For me, college was an escape from a neglectful and psychologically abusive family. I moved out with friends at 18 and never spent another night under my parents' roof. They weren't paying any part of the tuition, but our silly FAFSA process meant that I couldn't leave their names off the record completely.
Thankfully I never needed mental help in college, but I would never, ever, ever have sought it out if I had thought there was a chance my parents might be notified. The cost to me would have far outweighed the benefit.
Adulthood comes with certain rights, and one of them is medical privacy. This is a sad situation, but this person was an adult. Police should have been notified if others suspected he was suicidal, and they would have then notified his next of kin if necessary.
12
Many commentators here are making a mistake: you're assuming everyone has the same relationship to their kid as you do and that parents will always be benevolent. Not so. There is a very good reason for FERPA, and for why colleges do not notify parents of anything going on with a student— especially when that student is over 18 and considered under law to be an adult.
I am a college professor, and I would never assume that a student has a good relationship with their parents. I've seen countless cases where that is not so, and some cases that were downright violent and destructive. If a parent calls and wants to confirm that their child is on campus, we do not confirm it. Yes, the students should be safe on campus, but sometimes that means being safe from the parent. Many students who've turned to me for support are made worse by their family. Sad but true. There are also cases of students being tracked down by abusive parents precisely because a college administrator shared info with a parent.
Those of you who say professors should take suicide prevention training clearly have no inkling of our workload. We work 12-14 hour days, year-round; summers are not off, as many seem to think: we have to produce significant research when we're not teaching, and we already have endless workshops: mental health training, gender sensitivity training, anti-racism training, sexual misconduct training... I do all I can for students I am worried about, but please, get some perspective.
22
I wish I could recommend your comment about a thousand times.
5
This article struck a nerve with both my husband and me (we have children from prior marriages). I became angry and anxious all over again. Your children are struggling, they are too ashamed or overwhelmed to tell you, and you have NO IDEA. All that is needed is to include a FERPA consent form with the intake package - just as many medical practices do with HIPAA. But universities do not do this because they want to hide behind FERPA; its privacy restrictions mean less effort and no responsibility for these institutions, and they like it that way. Thankfully, our children made it through some very upsetting times, earned degrees from other universities, and are now working adults.
Parents of upcoming college freshmen: have your son or daughter request and sign a FERPA form, and keep a copy.
8
Suicide is very hard to prevent without inpatient treatment...even then it sometimes happens. When your child over the age of 18 goes away to school, you need to get an official release of confidential information (medical power of attorney, healthcare proxy) for your now adult child. If you don't, the college cannot share any information with you. Some colleges include this form in their application but it is rare. My daughter had a medical emergency that hospitalized and needed surgery while in college. Fortunately, she was able to direct the doctor to call me. After that incident, I made sure that my children had their health care proxies in order. Many people wait until they are old to get these done. They really should be done for all people over the age of 18 so that a friend or family member can be informed should the need arise. There is no guarantee that all students at a college want their parents involved in their business whether suicidal or not. It must be a right that is officially changed by a consenting adult student not just decide upon by some college official who may or may not be making an informed or good decision to share private information.
4
In all of these cases, the suicide was caused by the students' perception they were failures incapable of succeeding in life - all because of academic struggles. It's bleakly fitting that the colleges have retreated to the defense that students are adults, and college is some microcosm of adulthood.
No. Stop saying that. College life - at least at competitive schools - is a pressure cooker of unparalleled proportions. In the real world, you show up every day to the same place, with the same coworkers, and do work you know how to navigate. You might hate it, and it might be exhausting, but there's familiarity and a routine.
In college, you're constantly juggling at least four distinctly different workloads, with four completely different "bosses" and groups of "coworkers." You only spend a few months in this semester's four workplaces, and then boom, it's time to move on to the next four, where you're doing four new jobs!
For young people with depression or anxiety, that's a ghastly trial by fire. In what other scenario can a person miss a deadline to quit a job they can't do? Of course she was hopeless! Her GPA would tank, she'd lose her shot at top grad schools, and the only actual adults on hand were paid to prop up those flawed priorities. A parent's priority is the person. They're ones who can tell them what they need to hear -- "none of that REALLY matters; you are worth more than any degree; I love you no matter what."
But they never even got the chance.
6
How is this the college's problem. It is the parents job to be nosy, no matter how much the child resents it. It is also the parents' job to ensure that they have created an open environment for the kinds of conversations that allow their children to ask for help when they need it. This job does not belong to an institution which is ill--equipped to take on the challenge -- and whose primary mission is to educate. Yes, this level of depression and the consequences are horrible. Blaming people who are not responsible will not solve the problem.
2
The issue is that the college's put up a legal impediment to being informed. They make it easy for the son or daughter to give permission to pay. Everything else is on the parent to get an attorney basically to explain what the information process is? What happened at Hamilton is dead wrong.
2
This should be simple. If my child is suffering, I want to know. If he's out of college, I want his employer to find me and let me know. I want his friends to find me and let me know.
5
Kids are constantly told by parents and teachers that the are the best, never are told that they may flunk or have to stand on their own feet. But then failure becomes a sudden reality and they just don't know how to handle it. Who is at fold - American upbringing, education, and way of live all are at fold.
4
This is heartbreaking. My son had similar issues about feelings of failure in college for reasons perhaps a little different than from this article . He once was on the phone and calmly told me that his biggest fear was that he wouldn’t be around anymore . I knew what that meant.
I was lucky that he told me, and that he had an academic advisor assigned to him. He was in therapy at the time so that gave me some comfort but I immediately called his advisor to let them know. They were on top of it.
He ended up transferring to a state school in the second semester of his junior year, changed his major and is now thriving.
We are all so vulnerable.... my heart goes out to this mother .
5
I wonder if schools even ask students if they can call family when a situation arises. Or urges the students to call their parents of someone they trust. With medical issues, if serious, I will ask a patient if he or she wants me to call family. If they refuse, then i will not call them and i will document that this was refused. Perhaps this kid was asked by the school if it would be ok to contact someone , but if he was not even asked , I think he should have.
1
This seems to be a very difficult line to draw. I went through a horrible depression when I was in college. Had the school contacted my parents, I'm not sure I would be alive today. I got psychiatric help through the school and, though I've fought depression all of my life, the separation from my parents and my decision to stay fairly separate from them, was a good one. They had no idea how to deal with their "problem" child. I made them nervous and they simply shut down when I tried to talk to them about my feelings. There was a triangle of scapegoating in my family where my father, mother, and sister would always be on one side of an argument, and I would be on the other. They would shake their heads, sigh, tell me not to take things so seriously and it literally drove me mad. My family dynamic was toxic, getting away from it and learning to stand up for myself was enormously helpful.
8
I cant help but notice that Graham's mother seemed totally unaware of what was going on in his life. He was thinking about suicide because he was struggling at school while she thought that school was the best thing that had happened to him. Was she projecting her wishes on him?
Olivia's parents were so aware of her distress that they visited her in the dorm at midnight shortly before her suicide.
Their loss is great. I will never deny or diminish that. But why didn't Graham's mother get more involved with her son and find out what he thought? And why didn't Olivia's parents take action when they became aware of her distress? I ask these questions not to place blame, but to show that it's much more complicated than than even those involved seem to realize. Parents have a lot of responsibility that doesn't end when college begins. Colleges have moral and legal responsibilities for protecting students that have to be balanced, but we can't put the responsibility for the actions of every student on their shoulders. Universities are institutions but those institutions are made up of people. Those people have busy, complex lives at work and in private. They are doing their best and shouldn't be held accountable for everything that goes wrong.
Instead of looking to universities to "protect" our children we should become more aware of their lives and perhaps look into which laws can be improved.
5
As a therapist, when I encounter a potentially suicidal patient, we write a six part safety plan that lists, among other things, people who can help in a crisis. We contact those people, explain their role, and provide copies of the plan, usually given by the patient. If the patient refuses, especially if there is specific intent and/or a plan, I explain my responsibility and call anyway. No therapist to my knowledge has ever been sanctioned for playing it safe. In any case, I would rather risk sanctions than risk feeling responsible for a death. Search "Barbara Stanley safety plan" to learn more. Please.
3
My daughter flunked out of a well-known, respected Big 10 University. Her erratic behavior, induced by alcohol and mental illness meant she started not showing up to class, disengaging, and struggling mightily. Not one person from the (small college within the college) contacted us--professors, advisors, administrators or counselors. Not one human felt it might be helpful to be concerned enough to speak with the people who love her most and are paying her tuition--her parents. Her suicidal tendencies were none of our business. She was 18 after all.
When will we, as a society wake up and understand that the mentally ill cannot make rational decisions alone? Privacy policies have become warped methods of sidestepping responsibility.
8
Even a psychiatrist who has an MD degree with years of experience have some difficulty in diagnosing his/her own personal patients whether they are truly at risk to themselves or not.
While these suicides occurred on campus, they could have just as easily happened at home after receiving a rejection letter from college, failure to get a job, or college requiring a mandatory leave, etc.
Unfortunately deep psychological and significant psychiatric issues often arise during the exact time of college age years, when our children leave the “safety” of home and go away for the first time.
More often than not the mental issues are hereditary.
To expect colleges to “diagnose” and “treat” these issues is an impossible task.
As the article implied, the false expectation that college take responsibility for suicide may cause the college administrators to prematurely send home students showing any signs of significant mental issues, along with a letter informing the parents as such.
I am not sure where the solutions lie, but perhaps all colleges should require a college freshmen week questionnaires designed to shed light on potential mental health issues and assign a counselor to students deemed high risk.
I am still not certain if the parents should be notified of this or not...
3
The loss of life is always tragic, especially the loss of a child. We ask ourselves all the “what-if’s” and how to prevent tragedy in the future. Although I do not claim to have a clear answer, I would like to highlight the concern in the article that contacting a family could make things worse. I suffered a severe mental health crisis when I first attended university, and the worst possible action would have been to contact my family. I was clinging to life with everything I could muster, and my own, dysfunctional, familial involvement would have tipped the balance and I can difinitively say it would have cost me my life. It’s impossible to evaluate all cases by the same standards, and I’m not arguing that contacting families is the wrong choice, but I’m forever grateful my university did not.
2
The article’s depiction of troubled students asking for help and not getting it, while their parents know nothing, is heartbreaking. This has to change. My hats off to the writer, Anemona Hartocollis, for fine writing.
1
I know that college kids are learning to be adults, and parents can be a barrier to that, but.....
Humans sometimes need help from those who love them. I provide that help to my friends when they have crises. My shul has a committee that steps up to assist those in need.
Why are colleges avoiding the human responsibility to provide information to those who could help? This kid reached out enough that the school knew. The school wasn't doing all that much. Couldn't they at least have "passed the buck" and gotten assistance from those who love him?
These are adults. Period. Full stop. The parents are no longer guardians or involved as far as the university or workplace or society is concerned.
5
One has to ask why, in the past two decades, have mental health problems soared among teens and young adults? As usual, in the American culture, we treat the symptoms and not the cause because, often, the causes are too dear to us - electronic devices, helicopter parenting from birth onward, material excess, and entitlement, to name a few. We hope that a “pill” will make most anything go away. The stark and sad reality expressed in many of these posts is that this is not going away.
1
The issue of confidentiality is difficult. If someone confides in you and you promise not to tell anyone else then they may never trust you again if you spill their secrets. If that is someone who is suicidal and you tell the authorities or their parents that you think there is a risk of self-harm, they more than likely would might have got through the crisis anyway without serious harm. BUT they will no longer trust you because you broke their confidence, and with one less pair of ears to listen to them if they feel that bad again, they may end up dying on the next attempt.
What's the answer? The Samaritans counsellors NEVER break the trust, I believe because they recognise that people who become suicidal think about doing it, may even half-heartedly try, many times before they finally hit the exit button. IF the person will talk there may be several opportunities for them to change their minds. So, the Samaritans are always open as a place for where desperate people can go and feel in control, knowing they can talk about their feelings and thoughts without having to fear of unwanted intervention.
Personal tip for dealing with someone who is suicidal: Keep them talking. Ask questions so they have to reply. Try not to talk yourself except to ask questions. It's exhausting to do but so it is for them as well and, in my experience, they generally become too tired to do anything final! It gives more time for them to see things with a fresh mind change it.
1
As heartbreaking as this is, when students go off to college, it is time to become an adult and take care of themselves. The idea of transferring parenting to the college, as is the trend, delays the growing up and taking responsibility for themselves.
It also foists an unacceptable liability upon the college administration to be responsible for students coming in with many issues.
4
Hiding behind FERPA in this case appears an entirely disingenuous excuse on the part of Hamilton. The young man as clearly in crisis and FERPA makes a perfectly clear exception for parent notification when students need health care.
I would be more interested in the mechanisms that inhibited Hamilton to recognize there seriousness of the young man's condition.
College students as adults? Then why does the institution request parents pay tuition? And why do professors bow to phone calls from irate parents whose children's grades are wanting? And why did Hamilton tell the Burtons how fulfilled their son was at the school? Oh, the old adage: Follow the money. (Full disclosure: I have a Hamilton diploma though I proudly graduated from Kirkland College, the coordinate school the all-male Hamilton dissolved.)
One thing that occurred to me since writing my last post a few minutes ago, which might not have been said because it's rather heretical, and that is that the greatest favor college can do for many students is to encourage them to seek alternatives (internships, jobs, even military service). College isn't for everyone, or it can wait until later. You didn't fail college, college failed you. But we're constantly fed the propaganda, particularly in newspaper editorials, that college, despite the insane costs and fewer guarantees for a career at the end of it, is essential for everybody. It isn't, certainly not when a young adult's life is at stake.
5
Of course colleges should inform parents when their child is suicidal, just as parents should be informed when their child is physically ill. Mental illness is a sickness, too, and the secrecy just reinforces the stigma. This "privacy" rule is very disturbing. Parents are usually paying for college and care about their child more than anyone. Kids do not suddenly become adults the first year of college. Transitioning to adulthood is, in fact, one of the most stressful periods of life, when kids need the support of loving family members more than ever. Parents don't send their children to college to suffer and die for the sake of privacy.
2
A college student is considered an adult; the "You'll always be my baby" mentality is more or less a uniquely American phenomenon. Undoubtedly Graham Burton's feelings of failure and despair were compounded by his guilt over those feelings. Parents of college students often take the not unreasonable view of "As long as I'm paying for this, I want to know everything that goes on," and admonish their college-bound offspring "This is costing us a fortune, so you better make the most of this opportunity." College is hard enough without that well-meaning but crass assessment. The pressure to succeed is not unlike being strapped into a theme park ride that's moving too fast for comfort--you'd like to get off and be sick but everybody around you is having fun--only magnified exponentially, particularly in light of the out-of-control costs. If a villain in this sad situation is to be identified, it's the illness suffered by Graham Burton and so many others.
5
With all empathy towards people are grieving, this trend to blame others and demand "others" act in some way is absurd.
The people in question are adults. Period. Full Stop. The law is clear, the parents have no legal right to this information unless the adult student explicitly allows them to have access.
Furthermore, look at the details presented in the named cases in the story. The families knew that their adult kid was having problems, and then handed them off to others and said "you are now responsible for doing what we cannot be bothered to do".
When a shrink at home tells you your child is having mental problems, or your kid changes their behavior and demeanor suddenly, any obligation to monitor their mental health and actions is YOUR obligation, not the administration at a remote school with hundreds if not thousands of other students.
You know your kid, so why did these parents pass off their familial obligations? it was easier to blame others instead of doing the hard work themselves.
One more thing, though many may feel this is callous, once the Universities accept, or seem to accept this foisted-on familial responsibility, they will then be on the hook for massive lawsuits as the grieving families decide to cash in on the choice their kin made to off themselves. Cousins and Aunties will come out of the woodwork to stake their claims to potentially millions in legal settlements over their failing to care for their supposed loved one.
4
Dear Professors, Like you, I was one and when I had a student who was depressed, drunk too often, drugged or just not wanting to be in college I would ask them for their parents address (which they willingly gave me) and write them a letter. I did not offer psychiatric conclusions--I'm not in that field--but simple common sense and humanity allowed me to point out to a parent that they should be in touch with their child for various reasons. I met with parents if they wished. Not once was I told to mind my own business. I did this for the 20 years I taught. Quite a number of students took a leave and later returned. Some just quit. I could not track them, but I can only hope that they received help, or simply adjusted their lives and engaged in more meaningful activities. At least I informed their parents and I hope they provided the children with hope and help. I never told the college. I was a tenured professor, but after 20 years I resigned. The entire system was driven by economics. The business side of college education encourages these divisive policies that then encourage alienation between parents and students. And the Financial Aid folks would 'suspend' aid for students who took a leave of absence without the promise of reinstating the aid when the students returned. Think of how that pitted parents against students, and how students declined to be honest about their failings/depression thinking that they would turn themselves into financial burdens.
4
Part of the problem is cost. In the U.S., college, both public and private (especially private), is absurdly expensive. If your your parents worked full time, were careful with their spending, and had saved up your entire life so they could give you a debt-free college education; or if you had a part time job since you were a tween, a full time one every summer, put every last penny in the bank, and even did a work-study on campus; or if your only option was to take out huge loans, then the financial pressure to not just pass but really succeed can easily become crippling. Expecting an 18-year-old to shoulder that burden—literally hundreds of thousands of dollars in some cases—is... cruel. Somehow, we’ve just accepted it: there are seven days in a week, winter is cold, and college gets more expensive every year. However, I think maybe we’re seeing that it’s costing us in other ways.
4
Kids are under too much pressure. They are also too afraid to fail.
When I was a teen, we had fun. These kids are too structured to cut loose and have fun. I see it in my own college-age daughter who is taking 19 credits this semester and wants a 4.0 in everything. We tell her to go easier on herself, that it is OK to fail or to not have your whole life planned at age 19. I actually wish she could be more of a slacker. It is healthier. We did encourage her to leave a prestigious college she was dying to go to, but once there, not happy and too stressed out. She is now at a state school outside of our state, but it is so much better for her. We need, as parents, to be more flexible with this. To support them no matter what it costs.
5
I’m am saddened to hear of this young man’s death and offer condolences to his family and others who loved him. Having taught at the university level for forty years and having walked students to the counseling center, I’d also note that a grad school housemate took his life, and I found his body. At his funeral, a family member commented, “We’re so glad he didn’t take anyone else with him.”
The situations described here occurred at elite schools. The situation is even more complex at not-so-elite schools. Where I currently teach, some students are enrolled at least partly because doing so gives them access to medication for mental health issues. Faculty are encouraged to contact the campus CARE team when they are concerned about a student, but because of HIPPA, we receive little, if any, information back about the student. Of course, classes are often large, we are not trained as mental health professionals, and negotiating these boundaries is endlessly challenging. The campus counseling center, whose staff continues to grow, can offer only limited assistance to students because the needs are so great.
The stigma attached to mental health issues, though declining, remains very real on campus and in society.
At same time, schools, especially public ones, are criticized because tuition is on the rise even as they are expected to go far beyond being in loco parentis.
Changing this situation is going to require more than criticizing administrators or FERPA.
FERPA places all the value on autonomy for these young adults, but really they are so young and really after all the college faculty and administrators are the adults. Wise, protective paternalism (or maternalism) should be the guiding value.
Mr. Burton called himself "a failure with no life prospects" is what hit me the hardest. It is especially concerning when it seems like he was OK socially. I know this article was focusing on FERPA and the responsibility of the school. However, I would like to better understand the effect of the increased (?) emphasis from a young age on the critical importance of going to and succeding at elite colleges. I feel it is all of our responsibilities together to help expand our views of "Life prospects." Whether it is in ourselves, our partners, our children, our students, our neighbors. Ive grown to feel that life is not easy, it is a struggle to just make it satisfactory. We all need to help and ask for help from eachother. However, when I turned 18 I felt that as an "adult" I needed to be independent and figure out life on my own.
1
As a college health physician for nearly thirty years, and as a mother of three, I grieve for this student's family's loss. Those of us who work clinically with college students experiencing mental health crises are faced with the daily decision of how to best support them to stay in school vs. encouraging them to take a break for some healing time, and how to involve family in that decision.
Studies show that nearly 25% of entering freshmen have already been diagnosed/treated for a mental health disorder and 10% experience suicidal ideation annually. Many students and families hope a move to college will be beneficial, when the increased stress of more strenuous academics, relationship complexities and easy access to alcohol and marijuana often lead to even greater struggles.
Some commenters advocate for a release signed by the student for parents to be notified of any medical or mental health issue the student is dealing with. The release is not a sole answer as the student is able to revoke it at any time, or often avoids it by choosing to see off-campus clinicians to avoid parental notification.
I involve family however I can, by asking the student to call or text from my exam room to ask for clarification of medical history or for insurance information for referral purposes. This can help start the conversation for a student who otherwise prefers not to involve their family.
We want the trust of students in our efforts to keep them safe. And we are parents too.
4
While my son was a college senior, he shared a house with some of his friends. He eventually called the parents of one of the young men, who had quit going to class and started talking somewhat erratically. I was so proud of the responsibility my son showed. He knew his friend was flailing and he took it upon himself to notify the parents- a very difficult call for a 21-year old to make. The parents traveled to the college immediately. The young man had a breakdown.
Now young adults and living in the same region, my son has befriended him and works at getting together and creating comfortable social venues for him. This young man may have ended up dead, had it not been for the early actions of our son.
4
I’m reading a lot of comments criticizing educational institutions. It’s not that simple. I was an English professor at a large Texas university. As such, I saw a lot of student essays, some of which indicated the student was under significant stress. I would call advisors and/or refer students to the counseling center. In one case I walked a student to the center. I felt my hands were tied by FERPA from doing much more. I also am the parent of a daughter who deals with mental health issues. Parents must pay attention and participate in the college decision/transition. Except for schizophrenia, most of the depressive disorders show up in late junior high and high school. Alert and involved parents certainly should be aware of the mental condition and frangibility of their child by the time he or she is 18 or 19. Maybe that child should take a gap year or two. Maybe that child should go to a local community college for a year or two. Not every 18 year old is ready for the intense academic pressure (HS x 100) and unfettered freedom (drugs, alcohol) of the typical college experience. Parents need to think long and hard about their specific student and make a decision that is realistic for that individual child. If you do send your child “away” to college, stay connected and alert: text daily, phone often, read their moods, and don’t take “I’m fine” for an answer. Drive there if something doesn’t feel right. Demand contact. There is no vacation from parenting.
6
I was a dean of students at a small private residential liberal arts college and believe there is room for common sense to prevail over a rigid interpretation of FERPA. My practice was that whenever a student exhibited behaviors that I thought the parents should know about, I invited the student to my office and together we called the parents. My view was that I would rather fight a violation of privacy claim via FERPA than explain a tragedy to parents. Incidentally, I was never challenged with a violation of privacy claim but received many thanks from grateful parents and sometimes students.
It is important to remember that colleges are primarily educational and not mental health institutions and have limited resources to help seriously troubled students. Campus counseling centers are equipped to help healthy kids make adjustments not provide long term psychotherapy.
9
There is an exception under the federal privacy law that allows looping in parents where the student is claimed as a dependent for tax purposes. Since the vast majority of students remain financially (and perhaps emotionally) dependent on their parents during college, the exception should become the rule. Colleges should be allowed to share information with parents unless the student "opts out." This would also align with how the states treat these young "adults" for the purpose of buying a beer. Alternatively, change those liquor laws to align with privacy (and voting, military service) and get the binge drinking out of the shadows.
1
When I attended an introductory meeting for incoming college freshman with my daughter, the head of health services fielded questions from parents. One demanded to know if her daughter asked for birth control since their religion forbad pre-martial sex and birth control. Another demanded to know if her daughter asked about abortion services.
The college official did his best to say that the students were over 18, emancipated, and had the right to make their own health decisions. One of the nurses,
with great compassion, explained that how comfortable your child is with sharing this information was more about your relationship with them than anything else. When the officials responded they were far more concerned about mental health and suicide prevention and strongly suggested releases from the students, there was an uproar. But the college said if their child was suicidal, they did their best to intervene and inform parents by referring to a psychiatrist, who in turn would inform the parents, which was their way to get around any potential confidentiality issues.
I was comforted by the psychiatrist option- more now than then - but did see the merit in the current approach.
From birth control to suicide, no one left that meeting without realizing that their child was in the eyes of the law an adult, and they would see all the results of their parenting plus just what life offers.
8
Wow, this really hit home for me too. Our son attended a big university with what was said to be a wonderful mental health center. When he was having issues with what appeared to be anxiety and possibly depression (for many weeks he simply stopped going to class)...we could not get a therapist right away. The best they could do was to give him a post it note with the next "anxiety" workshop. After many phone calls it was disclosed to me that the counseling center is swamped with students needing help. One therapist told me they have never had so many students with anxiety and other issues and they are not staffed to respond.
But, more to the point...it was very difficult to get members of the university to talk honestly with me. I felt I had to run around working the back doors. He withdrew from school eventually and we are getting private help for him, but I really felt he was left to fend for himself with very little in the way of a safety net or communication from the school.
3
Unfortunately it sounds how any adult deals with depression. Mental health care in the US is abysmal.
2
First, it is rare for kids to suddenly have full blown psychological issues at age 18 without some precursors. Relationships with peers, sleep problems, anxiety, problems coping or erratic behavior are often seen earlier, even if sometimes in subtle forms.
Secondly, do you not see your college kid at home on holidays, during summer break? Call the child on the phone to touch base?
The problem is twofold here. First are parents who helicopter, protecting kids with issues, without actually helping them learn to cope. Second are the parents who just straight up ignore the signs.
Both send their child off ill-prepared to cope, and when tragedy happens, look for others to blame.
As our families get smaller, as we extend financial and emotional dependence and childhood far beyond age 18, parenting has become quite a crucible.
6
College counseling services are in the unique position to see patterns and anticipate outcomes based on their accumulated experience. But they do not know our family, our ability or inability to help. We are part of the students support team and an integral part of the healing process. To assume otherwise is just clinically poor judgement. The colleges don't have sufficient staffing to accurately identify students at high risk for bad outcome. The status quo needs to change. Maybe more resources is best, but better navigation family support needs exploration now.
1
I read this article with tears streaming down my face. I made my own "five hour drive" (actually, four hours) near midnight on a weeknight this past February. I'm endlessly grateful that my son had the capacity left to text us that night that he was crying unstoppably in class, couldn't sleep, etc. He had tried, but couldn't get an appointment with the college mental health counselor for any near time; no slots available.
The next morning, on campus with my son, I insisted that he get seen by a counselor in a "crisis" scenario. The counselor gave us various options for immediate treatment. We went to a local hospital to get an official diagnosis of depression, which led to my son receiving anti-depression medication and, shortly after, I arranged for off-campus therapy (paid for by family insurance; campus had no capacity for one-on-one sessions). He is learning to manage his depression but is back to better sleep and social habits.
From this experience, including the conversations we had with the mental health advisors, I take away the bald fact that this large state university did/does not have the capacity to provide the amount of service and support needed for my son at his time of need.
Some would call what I did helicopter parenting. You can call it anything you want. All I know is that my son is alive and finding mental wellness and happiness again. I can't allow myself to dwell on the road we could have traveled had he not been able to reach out to us.
26
I am so grateful for your family that you were able to get him the help he needed. It is unfortunate though, that he did not arrive on campus with an understanding of how to arrange his own medical care, how his insurance worked, etc. If parents would equip their children with this information, they wouldn't feel they had no choice but to rely on overburdened campus resources. Food for thought.
1
All kids are different, but college/university is a stressful time and I would not want my kids handling it without family. Careers are important, yes, but emphasis should be placed on happiness and balance in life first.
7
Colleges need stronger on-campus intervention programs, but I do not think parents should be contacted without consent from the student. The story in this article is heartbreaking, but anecdotal. It ignores the real possibility that some parents could make the situation worse, or even be a direct cause of the problem.
4
At my son's high school graduation, the speaker reminded all of us that we are parents for life, and I see how true that is now that my children are adults. We help our kids in all kinds of ways. and they help us as well. When my husband collapsed from cardiac arrest a few years ago, my son was with me for a week until we realized our husband and dad would be one of the lucky 5% who survive cardiac arrest pretty much intact. My daughter lives a fair distance, and I told her not to come up. But she did, and snuck into the house in the wee hours to help me and see her dad.
Why would colleges think that parents and kids divorce when the kids turn 18? And what can be more important to an adult child and that child's parents than help in surviving?
10
Going to university is a huge challenge for young adults, many who are away from home for the first time. They are operating without a net. They are changing in many ways and it often becomes a tsunami that overtakes their ability to cope with it all. That schools would not provide mental health care services or hide behind privacy laws is appalling. They are betraying the parents and their students at their most vulnerable time. They must do better.
10
As a camp director and teacher I feel it is important to work with parents as a team in helping young people. I am also a grandmother with a grandchild who is a senior at Barnard/Columbia. She talks with both her Mother and I about school and anxieties even though she is beautiful and successful at school. Knowing what I know, I believe that colleges and schools need to be in touch with parents and families if there are issues as this is a team problem and project. Hamilton and MIT should have informed the parents that there were issues. If my second granddaughter chooses as I think she will to go away to college rather than stay nearby in the city we will have her sign a slip to release her information to her parents. The world is a much more troubling environment today than when I went to both Bryn Mawr Harvard and young people need all the support they can garner both from the school and their family.
4
The antagonistic term "helicopter parents" needs to be banished from collegiate attitudes about the transition from home to college. While over-protection and over- involvement can occur, the model should not be that the school's first job is to "protect" a student by removing all supports.
Many of the comments here are spot-on, especially the idea that 18 yrs. plus one hour isn't a magic moment of transition into competent, independent and complete adulthood, but may instead be a threshhold into serious mental health challenges. And then there are all the moral and legal intricacies of privacy and responsibility that schools all too quickly sidestep with excuses and buck-passing.
Months before college, our son suffered a physical injury that was quickly complicated by emotional disturbances. With his consent, we alerted the freshman dean's office of the situation, giving them some background as well as asking whether they coordinated with student health services. Their response was a stern rebuke, a condescending warning about "helicoptering," and instruction to leave the campus promptly and stay largely out of touch.
We did leave, but in February they called saying "we're in over our head." At least they did that, but five critical months were lost. Not all suffering students have the strength even to survive that.
"See something, say something" applies to an abandoned backpack. Surely humans deserve at least that.
18
A sorority sister took her life my junior year of college in 1996. I was friendly with her but not very close as she was younger than me. Her younger brother had committed suicide two years earlier and she was devastated by it. There were over 100 women in my sorority... We all knew she was depressed and openly talked of suicide. Not all single one of us could really help her. We were young and completely ill equipped. I still carry guilt with me that I didn't try harder to help her; that I didn't know how serious she was when she said she was not happy being on this earth and I simply told her things would get "better." I still don't know what I should have done and I'm 43. I think of her often (probably monthly) and wonder what her life and family would have been like. This is devastating for the family, for friends and acquaintances alike.
9
L--I'm very sorry you went through this experience. I had two (good) friends who completed suicide, and for many years I felt responsible, even though there was nothing I could do beyond being as supportive as possible when they talked of suicide. In their cases, they had heavy-duty psychiatric help--and I realized, finally, if all the hospitalizations, psychiatrists, psychologists, and medications didn't help them in the end(both of them had received psychiatric help for years), there probably was nothing that I could have done to alleviate their pain enough to want to stay alive. I still think of both of them, and wish they were alive, but I was there for them to the fullest I could be when they were alive. It's a sad truth that, no matter how much support/help you give someone, each person has to choose life for themselves--no one can do it for them.
1
My mother's suicide, which occurred when I was a graduate student in Counseling Psychology, led me to think long and hard about the ethical issues surrounding privacy with regard to suicide. It became clear that as soon as any individual informs any other person that they are thinking of suicide, that behavior in itself is a call for help, a call for direct intervention. Someone who is not conflicted about their suicidal thoughts will not let anyone else know. In this regard, students and college administrators are no different than anyone else.
9
More important than contacting the parents would be the existence of real pastoral care on campus. Except for one case, the indifference of the professionals involved is striking. How could the psychiatrist, upon hearing of Ms. Kong's intent to take her own life, have reacted with such indifference?
5
The college should have alerted Graham's parents and been there to offer help, but the problem runs a lot deeper than that. We live in the most stressful western country on earth, where people who simply can't cope are often criticized when they fail and dismissed as weaklings. What else can you expect from a society that fetishizes the individual and practices cutthroat, winner-take-all capitalism?
18
In fact it takes a village. Although technically and legally adults, college students still need guidance and mentoring into adulthood. It seems that freedom of choice can be their blessing or their curse. The two biggest and most controversial social issues on campus are suicide and sexual assault. It seems incumbent upon the seasoned adults in this situation to provide some context and prophylactic guidance in coping with either of these tragedies. As part of the entrance orientation process institutions, students, and families should review policies and recommendations regarding how to handle these situations. How or whether a student’s parents are notified regarding psychiatric warning signs should be discussed and affirmed. Students and families can choose to opt in to an advise and notify profile or not. This would oblige students and parents to, at least, discuss expectations and contingencies. Students would then know beforehand their support resources if college becomes a morbid and overwhelming experience for them. Parents would be notified of any suicidal behavior that arises either from faculty or health service interactions with the student. Precipitous academic failure should be noted as a possible precursor to suicide. Families could also opt out of a notification profile at the beginning of studies. Joint intervention efforts could be specified (ie: mental health care and follow up at home). Without such coordination too many students will be doomed.
4
A few years ago, a student at my university committed suicide. His parents sued and the case was dismissed, because there was no evidence that he was suicidal. But the ruling contained a summary of events, which showed the student's complete mental break. Multiple faculty were contacting administrators and the mental health center about the student. No one did anything. I bet if these faculty knew there was an emergency exemption to FERPA, they would have contacted the parents. Such a tragic sitaution. We may not have a legal obligation, but we certainly failed our ethical obligation in this case.
8
The idea that a parent can get help for a struggling adolescent is flawed. Even if a kid agrees to accept help (a prerequisite for most treatment) programs are full.
5
No. The student is an adult. It would be inappropriate to discuss the student’s performance with any outside party, parent or not. Professors are not babysitters or counselors. People make their own choices. They should encourage him to seek the resources available to him but it’s the student’s life. A lot of people feel lost and depressed st college. Particularly if they’re not performing well. Not everyone can be an A student. I really do sympathize but this smacks of nanny caretaker safe space liberalism and over-involved helicopter parenting.
7
I completely agree. Not all 18 year olds are ready to attend college and it is not the school's responsibility to hold their hand and get them ready. College is for adults and people who attend should be treated as such. Parental failures in readying a child for the adult world should not be turned back on the college admins or staff.
4
For the over 40% of young people who do not enter any sort of higher education one must ask: are their employers responsible for reporting suspicious behaviour to the employees’ parents? Are the employers responsible for anything the employee does off of work? Do employers provide extensive counselling services?
No.
So why do universities have to fill all these roles for their adult students? Today’s undergrads are already shockingly weak and incapable.....calling their parents is going to make matters worse, not better.
As ever the real work needs to be done many, many years before a student ever shows up in a college classroom. 18 and over is way too late to meaningfully intervene.
9
Yikes. Finding accessible and trustworthy mental health help is hard enough without worrying about parents having access to that information. I know I'd stop seeing my therapist immediately if there was any risk of my college notifying my parents.
I crashed and burned the same way and the only reason I hadn't attempted suicide again was because, unlike in high-school, I had someone to go to confidentially. I just happened to get lucky and had an absolutely lovely therapist that was able to help me take a leave of absence instead of dropping out.
Unpopular opinion but maybe the problem is ingrained cultural expectations of college hard work = success, and the inaccessibility and stigma of getting help when individuals fall short of those expectations. I don't think the college or parents are at fault or should be blamed, but I think it's silly to absolve either of them of the responsibility of evaluating why he felt he didn't have any other options. I wouldn't be surprised if the parents had pushed him to be successful because they 'wanted the best' for him and he thought he was a disappointment for not being able to obtain that success.
Again, not blaming them (hindsight 20/20), but let's not pretend college students are dying because colleges aren't telling parents their kids are in crisis. I'm sure it could save some, but it could make others a whole lot worse off. And for what? Parents being comforted by a false sense of control?
6
Though this is terribly sad, it’s interesting to note that faculty knew who he was. I’m an American living in Paris(not a cushy ex pat, BTW) , and my college age children are in the French public college system, the same “free” one Bernie Saunders touted. Or the -sink-or-swim system as I call it. Not only would no one notice if my sons were depressed or suicidal ... no one notices if they come to class. All you have to do is pass midterms and finals . No professors know who my kids are, nor the other 300 in the amphitheater classes. One of the most unsettling discoveries of my 30 years in France.
2
Ah ... I really can't help my personal response to this. I understand your point, really, and in an ideal world it would not be so. I understand why caring parents find this difficult. I'm also the parent of a young adult who has needed parental support well past 18, and I have known excruciating worry for his safety.
But - there are those of us for whom such a total break from parental control represented, finally, freedom and a chance at a life. A vote of confidence: You're on your own now, you can do it. Reach out, take what we have to offer here, no judgment here, no punishments, no restrictions. You're allowed to LIVE now.
I can't help it, when I read about a university where no one in authority paid any attention to me (and this was the case at my university), no one noticed if I came to class, and no one had a set of rigid expectations for my behavior, no one knew what time I came and went or where I spent the night, no one monitored what I ate or drank or wore or smoked or told me who I could be friends with - and most important of all, it would not even occur to anyone to contact my parents about anything, I think .... YESSSSSSS ... there is a God.
2
FERPA requires schools provide a waiver for the student to permit parent access to medical, academic or disciplinary records. I consider college freshmen as kindergarteners with longer legs. However the law states 18 is adult.
Parents should require their child to sign the waiver as a first step (you want me to kick in towards costs then sign the waiver). Then constant communication with your child thereafter. If your kid resists and you back down, provide a copy of your latest 1040 listing the child as a dependent. The school must honor this and implement the waiver. Parents know the law.
Too many parents expect more of others than they do themselves. These comments reflect the sad fact that some parents are not involved enough in the lives of their young adult children.
3
Constant communication with my parents during college would have driven me to suicide. Separation from them was my salvation, my whole sense of a future for myself.
1
Exactly. Each parent and child has established the way their relationship works. However do not expect an academic institution to morph into a parent
What we are not reading here is any mention of the possibility of substance abuse. For me, as long out of my freshman year college experience as I am, the arrows are there. May this tragic story and those similar serve professors, guidance counselors and other professionals in academia. If a red flag results in a false alarm, so be it. And if that red flag saves a young life... with a little luck we'll never know.
5
When multiple professors independently write emails of concern about a student's well being, that should be an absolute indication for the school to notify the student's parents. Really disappointed in my alma mater.
8
I have to say I side with the college on this. I wanted nothing to do with my parents when I left home at 18. Every situation is different but I had no financial support from them and didn't want them having any access to my school records at all. I had had my first major mental problems in high school, but they really kicked in the last half of my first year in college. I went to therapists on my own, and was pretty much dismissed as having normal anxiety or told I needed to go to a Church. A church. I dropped out of school my 2nd semester and have dealt with mental health issues for about 50 years now. If a person is in college they are adult enough to make their own decisions, and if there is a psychological problem it probably had formed in the years while they were still in the hands of their parents. I write this on the anniversary of my own sister's suicide about 25 years ago. So I am not misunderstanding of the repercussions of a suicide. I think in my case, at least, notifying my parents of my thoughts and problems may have made things worse when I was 18 or 19.
9
This is unconscionable. What could be the school's explanation for ignoring faculty's alarm -- except that they are equally indifferent to the school's staff as they are to their students? How good can academic programs be when so many aren't living long enough to graduate?
2
College is not summer camp. Owes no special directive to inform parents of at risk adult children. Analogous to an ER responsible to inform the parent of an adult patient of a mentally at risk situation . Doesn't happen.
Not withstanding the obvious tragedy here it's oftentimes impossible to understand what's going on in someone's mind vis a vis suicide. To have reporting requirements for colleges for these circumstances is regulatory overreaching.
I'm sure there will be a lawsuit here, but it will be very hard to prove that the college was negligent.
5
After being interrogated for 8 hours by the FBI, but before being hauled off (in front of the student body) to the psych ward, my son was allowed to make one phone call home. As a person of interest in relation to hate mail that had circulated through the campus mail system threatening minority students...when I finally arrived at the hospital (flying up from Florida to Chicago), I found my son, stripped of his shoe laces and belt....medicated and baker acted by the leadership of the college. I asked my son if he had known or was in any way involved, he said no, I had no reason not to believe him. I hired a criminal lawyer to defend him, just before my son was to take a practice polygraph test, the person who sent the hate mail confessed, she was a student on the campus. She didn't like the school and wanted her parents to let her leave... so she thought that creating an unsafe school environment would convince her parents to get her out of there. The entire ordeal cost me over $80,000 in legal fees ....did the college leadership apologize, no they did not. I later realized that FERPA supposedly shielded the school from letting me know that there had been previous situations involving my son at the school. I should have been notified of those previous situations, as my son was a typical college student who was involved in food fights and such. Now is the clincher...if I was behind in payments to the college, I would have been sent a payment notice immediately...go figure.
5
Making real friends in some educational systems seem to be pretty tough, as if the reasons why you are here, getting a degree, plus the financial sacrifices implied, could prevent a somewhat natural empathy and curiosity for the other. An untold philosophy is behind this, which contradicts the deepest values of what learning should be really about: sharing and understanding. Suicides in colleges are one of the consequences of a system the main value of which is individual success. Fragile ( that is to say normal) teenagers or young adults are all the more shameful as they are alone.
1
I just attended my daughter's college graduation today and had the opportunity to meet many of her friends and acquaintances.
Beyond their happiness at graduating the overwhelming feeling they expressed was stress. One said, "if all the parents here only knew what we know about each other they wouldn't be smiling so much."
To say that got me thinking about what the colleges know of their students is an understatement - and then I woke up early, unable to sleep, and, lo and behold, this article.
Parents, it's clear to me that some schools are hiding behind their liability worries and faux fears of helicoptering parents. We *think*we know our children best but we have to re-examine that belief when they go away from us.
Yes, the laws need to change but so does the moral posture of those schools who would even think it's ok not to save a life.
4
The modern obsession with privacy is unnatural. Humans have existed for over 200,000 years in relatively small communities where everyone knew everyone else. Only since the industrial revolution have we become mobile, atomized, anonymous, and isolated from each other. Forbidding strangers from sharing information about someone with that person's family is perverse. Rules such as these have nothing whatsoever to do with preventing governments and other institutions from gathering information about us for their own purposes. This is just another example of the non-stop assault on the institution of the family and local communities. The quality of modern life is certainly more comfortable today than it was 200 years ago, but I wonder whether it is truly better.
1
Just damned disgraceful. What a senseless tragedy. An abdication of responsibility that cost that young man his life. Shameful. And this nonsense about kids being "adults" at 18 or 19 is just that: utter nonsense. The university isn't fully to blame; clearly Graham Burton had serious issues. But they weren't insurmountable. At the end of the day a lot of smart people showed a complete lack of common sense.
2
Keep in mind that in the eyes of the law, 18 is an adult. If that same "child" at 18 had a few drinks, got in a car, and killed a pedestrian crossing the road, he would thrown in jail, as would any legal adult.
It's not "nonsense" to expect 18 year old to have the common sense that adults have. They are old enough to vote, old enough to go to war and fight, old enough to drive a car, old enough to serve time in a prison.
Parents need to stop enabling their children and allow them the space and time to grow up so that when the reach 18 they are ready to meet the challenges and responsibilities of adulthood.
2
When teens are coddled and not taught life skills during their high school years, you end up with 18/19 year olds that can't function as adults. Pretty simple. So instead of teaching these skills during the teen years, it is now customary to wait until college. It is shocking how ill-prepared and ignorant most 18-24 year olds are these days.
Not to dismiss the heartache and tragedy of these situations... but I think the more interesting question is why mental health issues have soared on college campuses. I knew a lot of students that struggled and even flunked out of college, but suicide was never their solution to the situation. There are a number of studies recently that seem to indicate that college-age depression is increasingly tied to helicopter parenting. Resilience, grit, determination and the ability to recover from failure is best learned in childhood. Too many parents today don't want their children to fail -- and even failure is a part of living a full life. Learning to deal with failure is basic life skill that needs to be learned, when you're a child. The role of colleges is to educate - not parent so-called adults. Expecting colleges to monitor the mental health of every student seems a bit unrealistic.
6
Probably because few are ready academically for college-level courses. The high schools are monumental failures and even "honor students" are ill-prepared. Add in helicopter parents and kids who have experienced burn-out by the time they teach adulthood and you have a recipe for disaster.
2
As a college professor for over thirty years who has dealt with my fair share of depressed students (including one who ended up dying from an overdose), I know how horrible it is to have a student who is depressed in your class, and how frustratingly difficult it can be to get that student to seek help.
After the shootings at Virginia Tech, FERPA modified its rules to make clear that when faced with a student harming himself or others, colleges can take action (including calling parents) without being punished.
But the larger question is what do about those students who don't overtly talk about suicide or harming others, but in a general way strikes the untrained observer as depressed. "Seems depressed" means one thing to one person, another to another. Yes, there are signs to look out for, but when to act is a vexing problem.
It would help if colleges and universities broadened their stated mission to include treating the mental health needs of their students, and list their mental health facilities and offerings right alongside their academic offerings.
Yes, this means more money, more counselors, more college focus on the social well being of all students, and not merely attention and money directed toward academics. It's not good, but it's a rational response to the fact that we live in age when more young people than ever suffer from depression.
4
Part of the problem, I believe, is that there are a lot of students in university who don't belong there and don't want to be there. However, society, including their parents, tells them they can't get a decent job without a university degree. Meanwhile, employers demand a university degree for jobs which don't require university-level skills, and, to top it all off, every time they turn on the news, they hear stories about how graduates with university degrees can't find jobs and are loaded down with insurmountable debt for the rest of their lives. No wonder they're stressed!
12
As a high school teacher, I see this story from a different perspective. Competitive parents push their students relentlessly through high school, insisting on straight A's and multiple sports and activities so that their children can be admitted to good colleges. These parents often disregard the quality of the education as well as the child's actual interest in a subject, as well as their child's abilities, affinities, or psychological well-being. They bully teachers to bump up grades and reduce their children's worth to their GPA and SAT scores. Somehow, if Johnny gets a D on a test, it is the teacher's fault, and I need to address it. It can't possibility be Johnny's fault, because he is perfect. When these students arrive in college they are lacking in executive function, academic ability, and perspective. They believe they are expected to be perfect, all the time, at everything.
Today, 50 percent of college students do not complete a 4 year degree. Parents need to demand a more rigorous high school curriculum, stop expecting their children to receive A's on every assignment, and allow them to learn how to fail and manage their own lives while they are still living at home, so that when they go off to college they are ready for the challenges that await them there.
18
My heart breaks for these and other parents. I could easily have been one of them but for my daughter relentlessly sharing her misery. Like so many parents I sent off my smart, talented kid, who was outstanding in high school, away to a college that seemed the best fit for her, with the highest of hopes. Of course I knew there would be an adjustment period but by mid-October I knew there were serious issues (she called crying at all hours, among other things). I contacted the resident hall staff, and encouraged her to get help through the counseling center. By December it was a lost cause and she came home, having failed three of her five classes. I was criticized by family and friends for “letting” her come home. There was no other choice. This was about a year and a half ago and just within the last month or so has she made a recovery, academically and psychologically, where she will be able to return to (a different) school full time this fall. Listen to your kids and trust your gut; life is so unpredictable.
9
I want to make sure I understand this correctly. If a kid goes to college and god forbid contracts meningitis and ends up in a coma in the infirmary, is the school obligated to let the parents know that their child is at imminent risk of death? If so, how does that differ from a situation where the school is aware that a student’s life is at risk due to health issues that are mental in nature rather than physical?
4
Once again, the shame of mental illness complicates logical ways to help the problem. If a student fell down a flight of stairs and suffered a concussion, no one would think twice sbout contacting the parents. Certainly, medical help would be automatic. I speak as someone who took an overdose of pills at 19. My problems were more social than academic and my college didn’t know I existed. The overdose didn’t work, thankfully, and a private physician recognized the problem and steered me into therapy. I am now 67, very happy to be alive and don’t even recognize the sad, desperate boy I once was. Depression is a medical problem. It should be treated like any other medical problem.
7
When I was in college, a good friend pulled me aside and rolled up her sleeve to show me a row of deep cuts she’d made in her arm that were still bleeding. She insisted that I not tell anyone. After speaking about it with my mother, who is a therapist, I notified to my friend’s adviser, who called her parents. Immediately, a meeting was set up with my friend, her parents, her advisor and the school counselor. Mental health treatment was started right away. My friend didn’t speak to me for months, but then left a note under my dorm room door that said, “Thank you for saving my life.”
12
Yes. College and universities need Clinical Deans Licensed Clinical Social Workers (LCSWs), to review progress reports, grades, attendance, athletic failings, any and all red flags, which indicate their students are even shy of failing. They should get consents for releases snd exchanges of information for their students’s parents and doctors, including psychiatrists. Not all college snd university students are as developmentally mature as others. Their High Schools hardly do any work helping them in transition, while taking credit for their college snd University acceptance rates. Clinical Deans would have authority, and LCSWs would have the clinical skills to help students and save parents money and emotional distress, even lives, if everyone knew what’s happening. Not all students are General Pattons and Toni Morrisons, some are Peter Pans. 18 in age does not always equal 18 in growth and development. Brains don’t mature completely until 25 years old. Colleges and universities should get their acts together in this score. Students snd parents shouldn’t be made to be their own best social workers and advocates.
3
Corrected Version: ⭐️ Yes. College and universities need Clinical Deans, Licensed Clinical Social Workers (LCSWs), to review progress reports, grades, attendance, athletic failings, any and all red flags, which indicate their students are even shy of failing. They should get consents for releases snd exchanges of information for their students’s parents and doctors, including psychiatrists. Not all college snd university students are as developmentally mature as others. Their High Schools hardly do any work helping them in transition, while taking credit for their college snd university acceptance rates. Clinical Deans would have executive authority, and LCSWs would have the clinical skills to help students and save parents money and emotional distress, even lives, if everyone knew what’s happening. Not all students are General Pattons and Toni Morrisons, some are Peter Pans. 18 in age does not always equal 18 in growth and development. Brains don’t mature completely until 25 years old. Colleges and universities should get their acts together on this score. Students and parents shouldn’t be made to be their own best social workers and advocates.
⭐️ Yes. College and universities need Clinical Deans, Licensed Clinical Social Workers (LCSWs), to review progress reports, grades, attendance, athletic failings, any and all red flags, which indicate their students are even shy of failing. They should get consents for releases and exchanges of information for their students’s parents and doctors, including psychiatrists. Not all college and university students are as developmentally mature as others. Their High Schools hardly do any work helping them in transition, while taking credit for their college and university acceptance rates. Clinical Deans would have executive authority, and LCSWs would have the clinical skills to help students and save parents money and emotional distress, even lives, if everyone knew what’s happening. Not all students are General Pattons and Toni Morrisons, some are Peter Pans. 18 in age does not always equal 18 in growth and development. Brains don’t mature completely until 25 years old. Colleges and universities should get their acts together on this score. Students and parents shouldn’t be made to be their own best social workers and advocates.
Dr. Paul J. Strassfield, LCSW, PLLC, Retired Clinical School Social Worker
At this point, the lawsuits are important only to the family.
Hamilton is done. Completely done.
2
Years ago the only way I knew that my daughter was hanging out in the cafeteria and not attending any classes was because a professor I had a few years prior called to tell me his concerns. I feel for all these distressed families.
2
Colleges seem to tout their values of community living, and yet take no responsibility for what happens on campus. I still remember my college days where high strung students during finals would come out of their dorms to participate in pet therapy that the college paid for. As we sat petting ponies and puppies, the college PR team would take photos and encourage us to pose. Mental health at college seems like nothing more than gaudy decoration, one time "de-stressing" zumba sessions at college, and brochures of "community."
I think most of us would also agree that persons with severe mental health disorders and suicidal ideation would be deemed "vulnerable" regardless if they are over 18 and legally an adult. It takes people who truly care about the well being of students to do more than just email and state their concerns. Maybe the problem here too is that no one of authority at these institutions feel its their responsibility to take action. With all the loans that we take out for our education, you'd think that these colleges could set aside funding to hire someone whose key role is take these matters seriously so students like Graham don't die.
1
These policies range from college to college. When I was a masters student I was required by the university, under the supervision of the disability service, to attend a psychologist on a weekly basis, because I had aspergers. There was no choice in the matter, if I did not agree, I would not be permitted to complete the program. I hated it, at the time, but on the other side of my degree and now as a successful professional, I am more than grateful. The student loans, on the other hand, that's another matter.
3
As a mental health counselor that has worked with teenagers and college students in similar situations, I don’t get the lack of response. Or for that matter, the lack of policy in place on how to respond. What are they afraid of? A college student suing them for calling their parents in worry over their safety? It would never happen. Err on the side of including as many support people as possible, especially the parents! Even then, the risk is still high for suicide. Kids are under pressures that anyone over 30 cannot comprehend because it is a new terrible world with the constant pressure of social media and expectation of grand success, whatever that means. I work on helping my clients be comfortable in their skin, with learning to be okay with average or good enough and to know how and when to reach out for help. Adults radically underestimate just how hard that is. No one can make it alone.
4
It seems as if parents, as this article states, are 'authorized payers' and nothing more. That's unacceptable.
Where has our sense of morality gone?
2
The educational system is outmoded. Students are being bombarded by more and more knowledge since the beginning of it all. For colleges having some "experienced Dude" standing up in front of 100 students is far cheaper than proper tutorial. Windows in campus multistory libraries have had bars on them for fifty years at least.
I give industry oriented lectures and you can hear the despair (of failure) in the questions ( from those who have time to turn up). The curricula seems oriented to turning students into Albert Einstein. The professors should remember that Einstein was an average student, and then a patent clerk before something clicked
This sad case is a single event, and it is unfair to blame the counseling staffs of all universities for this failure without taking into account the successes as well. Universities take the well being of their students very seriously and offer numerous services and opportunities for students to grow and deal with personal issues. But a story about a student who didn't commit suicide because a university counselor or professor reached out doesn't have the shock value that this story has. Let's see some statistics on the issue rather than generalizing from a single case,
4
The angry desire to assign responsibility to institutions of higher education is understandable, but profoundly wrongheaded.
Mental illness is elusive. There rarely are clear “signs,” and students miss class for many reasons that, as adults, they are not required to divulge.
Whether due to undergraduate partying or work schedules — or both — many students who regularly attend classes are sleep-deprived and academically inert. There are few reliable “signs” of substance abuse and/or depression.
Students approached with offers of mental health support services are often not in need of them, and are deeply offended by the very suggestion.
Professors are not mental health professionals, and no one should wish our young people to be subjected to the “diagnoses” of amateurs.
I
Many of the commenters here naively assume a supportive family as the default situation for any given student. This is not a valid generalization.
Institutions of higher education do not operate in loco parentis. If you imagine that your children are not yet adults, then keep them at home and supply the parenting they need while they are day students nearby.
Institutions of higher education are not social service agencies. If a parent had “no idea” that the student is having mental problems, how is it reasonable to expect a professor — who may see that student for 3 hrs per week — to know? Or an administrator, who may never have had interaction with that particular student at all?
10
I was a college professor and had a situation with a young male student who was in a critical situation. I tried to get him to go to counseling. He refused sat in my office one day and cried for a half hour. I reported him to the counseling center. And I kept emailing him -checking in. He never responded. However, his mother who lived far away had access to his email and read my emails urging him to counseling and expressing concern for his welfare. She called me and wanted to know what was going on. He had given her access to his email but had not signed a release form allowing his parents full access to any info about him. Legally, I could have lost my job by sharing info with him. So I had to tell her, in a round about way- “if I had a kid at school, and if he was struggling and seemed depressed I would go to him right away- whether he liked it or not, and I would take him him out of school and get him professional help. And I would do it right away. ” His family arrived the next day, withdrew him from school and saved his life. I was walking a very thin line. But I’m glad it worked out. The laws are ridiculous when a young persons life is at stake.
6
We hear these stories, but we don't know where this person is now, or how he has fared. Don't get me wrong, you obviously were caring and trying very hard to help the young man, and I applaud that. But most of these stories seem to be told with a "And they lived happily ever after" ending, and we really don't know if that's the case. There's certainly cases where the misery continued from there, and there's no way to know whether the family helped or harmed the student further.
1
Heartbreaking. Every college administrator in the country should read it.
And yet we live in a competitive culture, where students often put more pressure on themselves than parents or teachers.
I wonder what role social media has played in suicide. I dropped out of Facebook because I was sick of all the happy talk. I think it only increases the pressure on young people, to post and project and be out there having “so much fun.” But then again I’m pretty old. Today is my youngest sons 36th birthday.
3
Having worked in student housing over the last 10 years or so, in my anecdotal opinion, today's college students do not posses the coping skills their predecessors of 20-30 years ago did..
6
Can't the concerned parents convince their kids to sign a waiver that will allow the university to share their kid(s) grades and any relevant information ?
1
My heart aches for these parents and the anguish they must feel realizing now that the college or university their child attended did not feel the need to notify them of troubling behavior indicative of mental illness although I am sure that the Bursar’s Office was eagerly awaiting tuition checks and cashing them promptly!
If in fact an exception to the FERPA rules is providing the institution with a copy of the first page of your tax return indicating that you claim your child as a dependent maybe it should become standard practice of every parent to send that page to the President of the school stating that he or she should acknowledge receipt of the same in writing and forward to the appropriate person in their institution so as to make sure the institution knows that issues pertaining to mental health are no longer FERPA protected.
1
This article hit home. When my son was a sophomore in a small liberal arts school in California (I live in NY) he called to say he wasn’t going to class and was missing meals. He had a history of depression dating back to high school. I told him to go to counseling center. I tried calling him numerous times the next day and couldn’t reach him I feared the worst and called his school. A dean was at his dorm door, got him out of bed, into her car and drove him to the counseling center where he was assessed immediately. He has struggled with depression and anxiety over the years. We are grateful for his colleges intervention. If I remember correctly the dean called me later in the day to follow up with me. I believe my son gave consent for the phone call
229
The difference in your situation, which i am glad was successful, was YOUR proactive outreach to the school instead of just packing off your kid that you had medical knowledge was mentally suffering some sort of episode.
Re-read the article, all the parents listed also knew and did not have the courage, backbone or concern you had, nor did they have the will to take the time to make the outreach.
I daresay if the person you contacted had seemed to brush away your concern, you would have done more than go to grocery store or whatever other action was your daily norm. You seem like the parent who would have speed dialed everyone you could and or driven to the school to check on your kid.
The parents listed did nothing after they shipped their kid back to school.
Kudos to you, empathy for them, but I don 't support the idea the college is responsible for the adults choice to commit suicide and absent some form or torture or harassment that was visible and knowable by the administration, the schools should NEVER be put on the hook for the actions of an enrolled adult.
23
I’d love to know what school that was! I’ll be sending a vulnerable kid off in a few years and need to know that the school staff will care enough to go rouse him out of bed if there is a concern. Thanks for sharing; seems that your family was one of the lucky ones who chose the right school for your child.
11
I don't think there's a college anywhere that sends staff to get students out of bed. If your student is vulnerable, it's probably best s/he go to school within driving distance of home.
2
Speaking as someone who experienced massive depression, suicidal thoughts, and a host of other issues during my college years, I can confidently say that contacting my parents would NOT have solved the issue. In fact, it only would have made it worse. I understand the sentiment that parents can take their adult child home and "fix" things, but this is far too simplistic and rosy. I believe that an adult child's privacy is important and that thing should be kept separate from their parents. What we should be talking about is using these warning signs to provide professional help for these adult students. The school does have a responsibility to their students, not the parents. There are many resources to help students and if necessary should be used exhaustively. Please let's not pretend that parents are some magic fix.
9
Why not let each student and parent decide what is best for them as a family? Some students are more emotionally mature than others and will do better treated as full blown adults, others need the help and support of family. Most parents know their own children best. If they have been consistently responsible and balanced as teens in high school, they will generally follow that same path. Most parents finance their children's education and should be able to access their children's grades if they feel the need and especially their children's serious medical conditions. Honestly, I don't think a child is fully an adult if they are not capable of fully supporting themselves. Most parents make financial sacrifices to send kids to college and should be able to get important information from colleges without having to rely on information volunteered by their sometimes immature offspring who may lie to cover up poor outcomes. Sometimes I think colleges profit from retaining poorly performing students while parents are in the dark and feel powerless.
4
It is disturbing that so many parents want to extend adolescence into a person’s mid twenties.
6
Sure, wanting to know that your teenaged young adult is suicidal is the same thing you just said.
Human brains aren't fully baked at that age. It's also when a lot of serious mental illness appears. But hey, if you want to make this a referendum on helicopter parenting, go right ahead.
1
I work at a college health and counseling center and have had some situations when I could not contact parents because emergency contacts numbers where not available. Every document only included the student's cell number. My unit also accepts verbal permission to call parents which is much easier to obtain from a student. I can get permission by phone rather than making them come back to the health center to sign a release.
3
seems to me that every family should be encouraged to sign a waiver that allows the school to directly contact parents in certain circumstances. A simple document that could be part of all the orientation material. Maybe a check list including mental health concerns, attendance and probation issues, etc.
3
I made sure that both my kids signed consent forms. I had issues when my son was 18 in his senior year in high school.
4
My child at 20 was suicidal at a small college outside of NYC that is one of the most expensive this country has to offer. After driving four hours in darkness in a panic my husband and I learned a lot fast about privacy laws and the divide between college administrators and parents. Parents need to be partners in helping their college kids, and college administrators need to work on laws to make this possible. Yes, there are more mental health issues on campuses, and yes we all wish that kids could be resourceful and resilient at the "magic" age of 18. But that is just not the case. If we want to raised a college-educated generation, we need to be there for them and create the systems and policies that support that. Orientation programs should be very clear about what parents can do and should do to help if mental health problems emerge (young adulthood often marks their onset) and colleges should be equally clear about what they will or will not do so that if crisis occurs, all are informed. In these cases, being a helicopter parents is EXACTLY what is needed because they can help.
I am so very sorry for this family's tremendous loss, and those of others as well who have endured this devastation.
21
If the child is working and not at university does the boss call mommy? No. No different here.
Employers do not purport to address the development of all aspects of the individual--social and emotional, as well as intellectual--as many universities and colleges state they do.
The law is very clear. Unless an 18 yo + student consents to release of information to parents, school physicians/therapists cannot divulge this information. School counseling professionals should encourage students to allow their family be informed. But, if the student refuses, the professional cannot share information with the parent/family. In situations of imminent threat of harm to self or others the professional has a responsibility to break confidentiality and inform. But, even under those circumstances, requirement to inform is to school authorities/police, not to the parents/family. An 18 yo + student can be hospitalized for suicidal ideation and refuse consent for parents to be informed. In such cases, mental health professionals' hands are tied. This is the law.
5
Yes, we got that. The article specifically tells us that. Very law-and-order.
"I'm sorry, citizen. It's the law". Slams door.
1
Some schools are better at handling FERPA than others. At my daughter’s orientation, each parent was provided with a full set for waiver forms, to be discussed with and signed by the student, that allowed the college to contact the parents for a variety of reasons. My son’s school did nothing like that. I had to visit each department with my son and state our request. A few departments had forms; others required a custom written request.
4
The FERPA law needs to be changed! As a college professor and mother of a child who attempted suicide several times and later flamed out at college, reading this story and the comments is devastating. At the very least, the laws are unclear and potentially dangerous. At my college everyone has a different view of what's allowed. The idea behind FERPA may be laudable, but experience shows its provisions for dealing with crises need to be changed!
11
As both a professor and a parent, I feel strongly that FERPA needs to be changed. On occasion, I've had to call the relevant office at my university to report aberrant behavior, ask if other instructors have noticed similar actions, inquire what actions can be taken. Often they indicate they know about the problem, but can't comment further because of "privacy issues." I've been told that if the student has passed his/her 18th birthday, I can't even talk to the parents if they call me, unless the student consents in writing. In the name of protecting the student, FERPA harms her/him.
5
My daughter graduated form UNC - Greensboro last May. I remember being shocked to learn, some months after her first semester, that parents had no right to access their children's grades.
As her father and payor of her tuition and living expenses, I was livid. I called the Dean's office and that's how I learned about FERPA.
To me it was simple: I called my daughter and asked for her user name and password so I could access her academic records whenever I wanted. She agreed readily, but had she refused, my reply would have been: "no access, no funds fro college".
I believe strongly that my wife and i needed to know how our daughter was "doing" both academically and emotionally.
Grades are not just an indicator of intelligence and hard work, but the capacity of a college student to cope with their courses and the pressures of a new and, at times, unsettling adjustment to being on their own.
15
Paying for college gives you some say, but it in the end these are adults and you are providing the tools for them to succeed in a way you would like them to. They have the right to pursue their own path, change majors, drop classes, maybe even fail a class .. but you also have the right to stop paying.
Otherwise you may be exasperating the very pressures that are causing intense mental distress.
Suicide is often a fleeting impulse too ..
Mental health issues should be dealt with by professionals who can tease out the appropriate treatment .. including informed consent by the student to inform parents .. if the student and therapist feel that this is likely to help matters. A short term commitment, drug therapy, or avoiding content with parents who may not be helpful .. it is not something that always has the same answer.
All schools should have qualified mental health professionals on staff .. and professors should be encouraged to use them to discuss issues with students, with appropriate privacy protections. Adjunct professors do not have to personally council students ..
I do think if you have a child who is fragile or struggling or prone to excess anxiety, it may be better to keep them closer to home, or even living at home and attending community college for a few years. Geographic distance makes things worse .. not better .. if the family relationships are good.
4
You called the dean? A textbook example of helicopter parenting.
5
Not all parents are as awesome as you, GM. Some parents really really make their kids' lives miserable from home by checking on them daily and pressuring them; sort of threatening to pull funds if their child doesn't meet parental standards.
We weren't 'totally shocked' that we needed our son's permission to view his academic records, cuz we, you know, read the campus policies beforehand.
4
At my alma mater, if we felt ill we could walk to the nearby hospital, which was affiliated through an insurance policy and provided walk-in and emergency services. Clearly there should be a mental-health hub on campus available to all students, staff and so on, that would address what some are calling Mental CPR. I think that is a very good idea for anyone who needs help. Maybe psychology, pre-med and other and health-care majors should work on campus toward this community service program and get tuition discounts from the school, as the services would actually pay for itself in the long run. If there isn't one already, there should be a hotline for anyone to anonymously tip off the need for another's medical help as well as a depression hotline. (Of course there is always 911 and parents could call local police to do an emergency welfare check if they are hours away and can't get to their children sooner.) Think of all the tragedies that occur here in the states because students are despondent or need mental health treatment. I think the main thing here is that we have privacy laws that are mostly protecting institutions from lawsuits, it seems more than not (although students can sign waivers and parents can then be notified) but we worry too much as a nation about liability. Privacy at all costs here can't work. Are we not our brother's keeper?
3
Since adolescence has effectively been extended to age 30, perhaps we should let the law reflect that and raise the age of majority to 30.
5
I too am a faculty member at a small college, not unlike Hamilton. Most of my teaching involves freshman and sophomores (which I love!). Almost a third of our students are first generation college students.
Because we are a small institution, we can respond quickly when we see a student with a problem. We have an alert system if any instructor sees that a student misses more than a couple classes. We even have someone who looks for students who try to remain anonymous and float through college.
But FERPA limits what we can do. Some students desperately need the support of their parents and others seek to establish boundaries to cushion them from their parents' sometimes unreasonable expectations. Some students benefit from helicopter parents, others don't.
The bottom line--college is precarious for many students. It is a transition to adulthood, and good colleges help with it.
I see students who need academic tutoring, emotional support and a gift of common sense. Others, not so much.
If I could offer advice to parents--do the homework to make sure your child's college is right for him or her. Colleges address student needs many ways; in our case, we have a strong community often lacking at large institutions. Some students find it nurturing, others intrusive.
12
When I taught at my alma mater, a state college, I always considered 'In Loco Parentis' to be a very important guiding principle when dealing with undergrads.
It's too bad that universities today have lost sight of that guiding light.
10
Tuition at Hamilton College is $52,000 a year.—no refunds. This is a terrible financial burden that adds to the guilt felt by a kid who's failing.
Administrative overheads are one of the greatest drivers of escalating tuition. 4-year colleges and universities employee 3 non-teaching staff members for every 1 teaching faculty member. Staff perform all kinds of functions, from keeping the buildings heated in winter and cooled in summer, to supporting faculty, and providing students with counseling, health and mental health services. They do a good job, but it's a job—they are not family. Many of the problems they confront are extremely complex, answers aren't easy, and they will get it wrong from time to time.
College instructors are not rewarded for good teaching, or for caring about the kids they teach, although certainly many do care. Tenure is awarded exclusively for research and writing that advances knowledge in the field. Every college and university has stories of great teachers who are nevertheless denied tenure.
Huge financial risks, high administrative costs that drive up those financial burdens, and teachers who are incentivized to be devoted to an academic subject, not students—a vicious circle with no obvious way out.
9
A simple solution is that the University include a revocable authorization with each admissions packet that gives permission to the administration or other professionals to contact parents in the event that they believe the student's psychological or physical well being is in danger. On the other hand, there should be a hold harmless clause for failure to contact, as the authorization should not become a basis to sue universities.
4
This whole matter of student privacy protections seems to be more about the law than university practices. One of countless examples of questionable regulations and laws on the books. I have children in college. I pay for their education because I can and want them to have a start without debt after graduating. They are my dependents although I'm not sure that's relevant. Yet the law says they are adults and the college must protect their privacy. So no disclosure on grades, progress or engagement in their academics, attendance to classes and worse when one considers this story. I have yet to read one story identifying the compelling logic for the privacy laws related to college students. When will our legislators do something about rectifying a really bad law?
7
The reason is that they are adults. Paying for their tuition is a choice YOU make. You should condition that investment on certain information, but why is that not a matter between you and the student whose bill you are footing? Why is it the university's responsibility to be in the middle of a financial rrangement between you and your offspring?
FERPA Is being foisted about as an excuse for not notifying parents, while what seems to be happening is using FERPA as an excuse for saying that kids 18 and older are "adults" and as such, have ultimate responsibility for themselves, as well as in deciding whether to notify parents/family in the case of emergencies. Also, what is brought into sharp focus is the difference in treatment modalities between individual and family therapy. Scientific studies have demonstrated that adults continue to experience brain development into their late 20s. Meaning that while the law may say that they're adults, entitled to assume complete independence (a vestige of the pioneer myth), while the executive functions say something else. Universities can very well introduce voluntary releases of information immediately upon acceptance, so that parents or other designated persons can be notified in case of emergency. A salient double bind with those intent on ending their lives is depression, whose central symptom is isolation. Family support, where available, or social support from others are essential in ending the isolation that invariably accompanies depression. All schools have parent weekends to orient both students and parents to issues such as drinking, substance abuse and sexual assaults. Why not add other safety concerns such as depression and suicidalilty? If it's voluntary, despite strong recommendations, the university is "off the hook." Legally, but NOT ethically.
7
FERPA already clearly allows for exceptions to confidentiality in cases in which students are a danger to themselves or others. College faculty and staff need to apply the exception more liberally. Erring on the side of caution would be the wisest way forward.
10
My child, who has struggled for years with anxiety and depression is a junior Pitt. She has spent so much time learning to navigate a completely broken adolescent metal health care system that it inspired her major which is psychology and social work. She’ll graduate next year and plans to get a MA in social work and open a clinic designed exclusively for adolescent mental health—likely staffed with several classmates who also feel passionately about this.
In our experience, which has included multiple mental health hospitalizations over the last several years, a large university mental health system is not nearly as dysfunctional as their affiliated university hospital system. We (parent and patient included) were so bullied and traumatized by inept doctors at UPMC we have stopped all interactions with any docs system wide.
It seems everyone in institutional leadership roles in higher ed and medicine views the world through a legal compliance lens (except our president). What happened to intellect, common sense and compassion?
15
I ran two large pre-med courses, one for freshmen, at a major university in the midwest. It is common for high-achieving students to come to a large U and suddenly feel lost, afraid, overwhelmed, inadequate under extreme pressue to succeed (often from their parents), and unable to cope. Our school had an extensive network of professionals working with students, the counseling center, the health center, the university disciplinarian, the campus police, and the local police, and faced the full gamut of behavioral and health issues (in my 15 years doing this, two students ended up as murderers, one while enrolled in my course). FERPA protects students' privacy but it certainly puts up a wall between them and their parents. I think the law should be reevaluated. For a few freshmen who have not yet turned 18, we could contact parents and those were good outcomes, we think, often involving the student going back home for constant care. Some kids just can't figure out how to do this right away; others have deeper issues. The full support system should include involving the parents, for undergrads, I think.
9
Parents can insist that their student sign away FERPA rights to privacy. The guidance counselor has the papers. This allows the school and counselor to contact the parents about grades and other issues of concern. It also allows the parent to speak with the guidance counselor. Parents should also have the logon and password of their student's college email address (NOT their personal email address) so that they can see what the college is sending out (grades, warnings about grades, etc.)This is not an invasion of privacy (again, you are not asking for access to their private email, Twitter, Instagram, etc. accounts) but an act of care and concern.
3
There appears to be so many warnings signs here. I believe a parent must be notified in such cases and confidentiality breached. A life is at stake. Mental health counselors must be notified and an evaluation should be a follow up. This does not happen only in college. I had this happen in my elementary teaching career. A cold drew a picture with a blurb of "help". Mental health professionals were notified and the child was hospitalized. A life was saved!
Warning signs are often there. It takes others to take the initiative and assess the lethality in children as well as adults.
The pain of those suicide survivors eases with time but it is a demarcation in the sand. Before and after is never the same.
6
Educators recognize an increase in mental health issues on campus. Commenters here express concern over how best to treat it at college, and whether to notify parents/guardians.
The real question is: WHY ARE YOUNG PEOPLE SO INCREASINGLY FRAGILE? What are we not doing, as a society, as families, to encourage young people to have confidence in themselves?
The rush to medicate could be part of the problem. How can a young person learn resilience when the culture teaches them to take a drug for every discomfort? Case in point, a student witnessed another student's suicidal leap. The student's parents advised her NOT to take the anti-depressants the counselor offered (this was an international student, unfamiliar with our widespread dependence on pharmaceuticals). The student informed me that the counselor had just nodded and asked how she "feels" and that this didn't help at allI recall this when seeking counseling as a college student -- how futile it was. In my own case I resolved to just move on, realizing the only person who could truly help me was myself. Familiar with the culture this student was from, I told her that perhaps her parents had a point -- she would feel bad for a while, but eventually get over it. However, the student was nudged by the administration to get on anti-depressants.
Research shows that anti-depressants inspire suicidal thoughts. It is a lifelong dependence on a drug to ease the discomforts of life, rather than LEARNING RESILIENCE.
12
I am a professor at a small college much like Hamilton. I am also the parent of a teenager coming of age in the world of social media. I routinely am in contact with young people between the ages of 13-23. I can tell you it's a tough age when, as others have pointed out, the first signs of mental illness begin to emerge. But I can tell you from experience that much like the difficulty veterans face in finding mental health care, the situation in adolescent psychiatry it just as tough, if not tougher. In our area, there are wait lists of 3 months or more to get evaluated. As sad as the situation is for the parent in this story, there are many other parents out there trying to avoid this. I don't think it's realistic to expect colleges, with the multitude of roles they are expected to fulfill, to be solely responsible for students in distress. If we had a medical system where mental health was treated like the medical issue it is, with universal access, then students could walk into a clinic themselves (or facilitated by friends or loved ones) and seek treatment. The whole system is messed up; there are lots of young people out there who are hurting; sadly, college is just a microcosm of that reality.
23
Please research Mental Health First Aid (National Council for Behavioral Health) and encourage it on your campus. This evidence-based training increases referrals, self-awareness, tools to help others, and knowledge of resources. As you probably know, only one in five college students with a mental health disorder gets help. Studies show they are more likely to seek help if encouraged by someone they trust. We need to increase mental health literacy and this "CPR for the mind" helps.
Every parent whose child has struggled with mental illness recognizes their family in these stories. Late adolescents are just that: adolescents. There needs to be balance between the students' emerging right to privacy and the parents' right to know when their child is facing a crisis. College professors and administrators cannot be held responsible for students' mental health and well being, but with parents should be responsible for identifying students at risk, and working with the parents, student, and mental health professionals to get the student the help he or she needs.
12
No doubt FERPA was well intentioned and designed to cover problems that are not discussed in this story. But it is the obstacle preventing parents knowing about many things, such as grades, class attendance, even knowing whether there is a bill and if it has been paid. There is a waiver that your child can sign at the beginning of the term that allows you to see these things. Require your child to sign and predicate your financial support on his or her maintaining your access. There is no need to be a helicopter parent but if you are paying the bill, you are entitled to have some idea of what is going on. I am so sorry for these parents' loss and believe that the school should have been more willing to contact them.
19
This is the result of when common sense is thrown out the window because the law is the law. Just because someone turns 18, doesn't mean you cut them lose to figure out life on their own. Like the article says, "students learning to be adults." Those are the keywords that common sense should prevail and "laws" adjusted. As the father of three young men, ages 22-30, I've travailed those college years with similar anxiety for their safety. But their mention that the love and support of their parents is what enabled them to get through those times of stress. Parental nurturing never ends, and our laws should reflect this common sense approach.
17
This'll work nicely for the kids whose parents ARE nurturing. What shall we do for the others?
1
Reading this article, I cannot help but feel that this conversation has not investigated enough into the perspective of the student struggling with depression. As an individual who had depression and suicidal ideation in college and was hospitalized during that time, I feel this article does not seem to consider the question of whether or not the parents are equipped with the capacity, understanding, and acceptance of depression and other mental illnesses to adequately support their child.
At my college, if a student was sent to the hospital for issues pertaining to mental health and suicide, it was mandatory for guardians to be notified. While I was in treatment, there was a fellow student in the same ward being treated for depression. To an outsider like me, it seemed as if the student’s family was very supportive, visiting the ward almost every day. At times I felt almost jealous seeing how incredibly strong their family bond seemed to be. While I was still undergoing treatment, the student was deemed ready to leave and discharged from the hospital. A day later, I learned that the same student had committed suicide in the very home of the parents. While it is not my intention at all to blame the parents for the students’ suicide in the case I detailed above, I think it is necessary to consider that, especially in certain cultures or families, mandatory notification can introduce new challenges, and for some students, the last thing they want is for their parents to know.
20
I will venture a guess the reason why the referenced student was deemed ready for discharge was because the insurance company made that decision. I suspect the students suicide was less to do with ill equipped parents and more to do with inadequate mental health care. The standards of care for mental health are not well established and as such the insurance companies are free to establish their own for reimbursement. Our mental health care system needs a total overhaul.
16
A partial fix for this is not complicated: With the paperwork that colleges send families after admission, include a release of information form for students to sign that would allow colleges to share the student's grades directly with parents. A change in grades is an early indicator of distress. The time to have this sensitive conversation is before the student leaves home.
8
My 10th grade son has been swamped with invitations to visit numerous colleges. Then due both physical and mental health issues, we had a crisis situation on our hands around the middle of this school year. He could no longer handle the daily routine of getting up and making it to school. We took some pretty drastic steps to help him. His father became his strongest advocate. I feel certain that my son would have ended his life had we not stepped in and got help with medication. It took awhile for me to start accepting the insignificance of GPAs, class rankings, and getting into the “best” college. I am just grateful that all if this happened while my son was still under our roof instead of alone at college. Our college search will now focus on institutions that understand and care about the stress that young adults face, have adequate counseling services, provide tutoring services, and employ a caring faculty. It is really a shame that these parents did not have a chance to get the help for their son that he obviously needed,
28
As an undergrad, I struggled with severe depression, missed classes, and made poor grades. My mental state was a consequence of growing up in a home with abuse and dysfunctional parents. Any contact with them would have made the situation much worse, and I would have considered that intrusive and a total violation of my privacy. I had intermittent suicidal thoughts until I was almost 30 and reluctantly began taking medication for depression. I made that decision on my own, and it was life-changing.
Given my history, I am vigilant for signs of depression in my child. She has grown up in a totally different environment, but still feels the stress and pressure that many students do about school. We discuss mental health and self-care frequently, and I will definitely talk with her about this article. As parents, I think the best prevention is helping our children develop the coping skills they need to be independent adults...one of which is to seek help when they need it.
20
From the student's adviser: "... I don’t know what the procedures/rules are for contacting parents ... ."
How is it possible for a college student adviser not to know his employer's policy on such an important matter, and why did he not remedy his ignorance on the same day he recognized it. Perhaps more importantly, why did he even need a policy to make a phone call? He is not (I presume) in a licensed profession governed by privilege. Why not make a phone call to the student's parent in the student's presence? What am I missing here?
8
You are missing the fact that there is a federal law that would under most circumstances forbid the adviser from calling the parents. US higher educational institutions take this law VERY seriously, sometimes with tragic cobsequences. See here for more information:
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Family_Educational_Rights_and_Privacy_Act
1
In honestly, this is a huge issue among all college campuses that needs to be addressed properly. I believe that our education system needs a huge overhaul because there is WAY too much pressure on college students. The ever increasing tuition costs, cost of textbooks, and more importantly the pressure that grades play. It is like a silent issue and I feel that there might be this feeling of shame, which adds to the despair that students feel. I remember a time during my college years that I felt overwhelmed and though there are services available, it is more for the university to say that there is a place to discuss those nerves but is more to cover themselves. I was struggling with my classes and I felt I was in a huge hole with no way out. I tried reaching out to my professors but I was just another number to them among the numerous of students in their classes. I don't want to admit it but I was depressed, though I felt I couldn't express it because things still needed to be done, tests to be taken, classes to pass. Eventually I got through it by myself and passed my classes and got my degree. About 7 years later, I decided to go back to school for a MBA program. I only lasted one semester because I experienced the same issues where I was not getting the support I needed. It is stressful being a student when you also work and want to have a life. Yes there are other people in similar or more difficult situations but I was looking for people to be more understanding.
9
Thank you for this article. As A retired psychotherapist I am both horrified and saddened by these stories that seem to reflect increased stress in our society. Family friends’children have received really helpful assistance in these situations from both public and private colleges/ universities in MN and ND. We are so grateful that these institutions found ways to be of help.
1
Hamilton is not unique by any means, but it is a small quality college where most students probably expect to be "known" in the larger community. There are counselors, dorm resident advisors, study groups, small classes, clubs/activities etc -- ie, a support network.
It is not some huge state university where most students are pretty anonymous and are mostly below anyone's radar.
5
One simple amendment to FERPA would help immensely. If a student appears as a deduction on parental tax forms (and/or is <26 and covered on a parent's health insurance), then FERPA should not apply. Once the student is financially independent of the parent(s), then FERPA can apply. I say this because I have at times been constrained in what and to whom I can say something that I would want to know as a parent. As an educator I have no interest in meddling in students' lives but as an ethical person and a parent I think there are times when a phone call to a student's family from a teacher (in violation of FERPA as it stands) could be of benefit to all involved. I used to think that FERPA was about students' rights and to some extent it is. However, as a cynic, one could see it as a convenient mechanism to shield colleges and universities from liability in cases that previously would have required the institution to act in loco parentis.
10
Sorry, terrible idea--as well-intentioned as you might be. The foundation of the logic of your claim is that privacy rights should be contingent on a person's financial status. I hope you can you see what a bad idea that is for society. Should people on public assistance not have privacy rights? I hope you agree that they should. Not everyone does.
2
We, as parents, have first hand experience college not sharing what was going on with our daughter when she was in college (a respected Women college in MA). As a consequence she didn't manage to complete her undergrad degree and now lost and struggling with her life goal. Colleges should need to review and revise their confidentiality clause, so that family could partner with college administration in helping students succeed. Both college admin and parents goal is same and it should be a strong partnership. Nothing else more important for than helping students in time of need.
11
Colleges don't want to have to deal with the waiver of FERPA's but they would be providing better service to parents if they discussed waivers. If you are supporting your child financially have your kids sign the release form when they enroll. If the child doesn't want to sign the waiver then they can figure out a way to pay for schooling themselves.
13
Records should remain confidential. In many cases concerned parents may be able to help. In many others they may be part of the problem and conflict. It is a lottery. The parents of this child should not think that they would have been able to save their child. The issue is how when warning signs are on can the student be sent to a mental health counselor. Other staff and faculty will not know how to handle a difficult case. They are not professionals. These are very challenging issues. Blame should not be placed on Hamilton College. No one is really responsible. My condolences to the young man's parents and family.
13
I knew my son was struggling his freshman year. He was supposed to be seen weekly by the college health service , but this never happened. He was missing classes, isolating in his dorm, and was at a dangerously low weight. I called the health service, and said that I knew they couldn’t tell me anything , but that they had to listen to me. Within an hour, someone was sent to his dorm, and I received a call that he had been put on medical leave. We picked him up the next day. If I had not been proactive we could easily have lost him. Colleges and Universities do have an obligation to notify parents. If my son had pneumonia or measles I would have been notified,but somehow young adults are left to struggle through serious mental health crises when the people who love and know them best could intervene, and prevent these unnecessary deaths.
39
I am a parent of a college student and I know of two of his peers at two different colleges who were using the school's counseling services. Both kids were institutionalized when they made comments about killing themselves, which I thought was very responsive on the part of the schools. However, both kids and their parents were furious and blamed the school for overreacting to a dramatic statement, even though the kids were depressed and stressed at the time. I think it's easy when things go wrong to say the schools should do more, but forcing colleges to inform parents will drive many kids away using the services offered.
13
The students are not "learning to be adults."
They are adults.
Other people the same age serve in our military, work for corporations, etc., and are adults. Being a grown student does not change one from an adult to a child.
31
it is now known that the human brain is not fully developed until age 25. these are issues related to mental illness and brain development and health. depression is a serious mental illness that leads to suicide.
Life comes first. Period. No parent should lose a child. Colleges have full responsibility to address the issue to prevent future incidents. Parents have to kept in the loop. Colleges can not just collect money and refuse to accept any responsibility.
19
Even adults of far greater years need help sometimes. Family are often the only ones who can help guide a person in distress to appropriate help. It is shocking that colleges turn their backs on these students and do not notify family members of the situation. Administrators and professors should be human beings first and help their students.
13
Confidentiality or age notwithstanding, aren't we all our brothers' keepers? The university may be a hothouse but it isn't unique - we suffer from mental health issues and extreme stress, depression, PTSD in the workplace too - and it's incumbent upon people to watch out for each other.
Personally I think the university, because it's dealing primarily with young people who are still developing and who are perhaps uniquely vulnerable given their age and the newness of the experience, does have a positive duty to intervene if possible. At the very least qualified counselors and ideally, medical professionals should be available and students should be taught how to watch out for each other.
I remember those years like yesterday and there were times I almost jumped into the lake. I was lucky because my professors were so caring, my folks though distant were loving and concerned - but a couple of girls my age didn't make it - they committed suicide before their 20th birthdays.
It's an awful waste.
Meanwhile I wonder what we can do to make life a bit easier - not just for students but for all of us? We are we, in a rich and advanced country, so often on the verge of disaster? That fear of failure, of falling through the cracks, must be driving a great deal of this angst. We can fix this if we want to.
18
Don't miss Sophia's point about the pressures on young college students to succeed. The hyper-competitive culture we have created in the US (and we are not alone) leaves little room for failure and leaves many people behind. Committing suicide because of the inability to drop a class one was failing (another case mentioned in the article) is absurd. Lets look at ways to stop the escalation of "performance expectation" and let people grow at a more natural pace.
In ten years of teaching university classes and advising graduate and undergraduate students, I’ve called the psychological services on campus three times. Once, I bypassed them altogether and called the police for a wellness check. Sadly, our community has experienced its share of suicide attempts, but I’ve not been directly involved.
I do think that professors, especially those who are approachable and strongly empathetic, are de facto social workers. I’m one of the first people to hear about death, love, new life, and strife of any other kind. I’m often the first person to see these young adults cry. Faculty could use a lot more training and support.
However, my opinion is that the local police and local professionals in mental health care are the best next step in care. Involving the university adds an additional and unnecessary player to an already murky stage. If we are to treat students as adults, then they should have full care by local healthcare systems, not overworked and understaffed (underfunded) psychological services on campuses, where FERPA and other layers of university rules protect the average student, but also protect the institution, and may delay help for those in greatest need.
Likewise, I believe universities have no business investigating crimes like rape and abuse. Universities exist in communities, they claim to make large societal and economic additions to the local community. They should be supported by those municipalities.
28
This is an interesting take. I tend to agree with you about universities investigating sexual abuse, which I think they have demonstrated themselves woefully unequipped to do. Thinking through the counterarguments, though—doesn’t the local healthcare system also have layers of rules? Isn’t it underfunded, too? If properly resourced, could the university services be better tailored to the unique situation of the college student? Could the experience of getting help have fewer hurdles if undergone on campus? Would it be somehow gentler for the student in need?
I am a recent college graduate who has struggled with depression since high school. During college, I was finally able to seek out help and eventually medication. Throughout the entire process, I never told my parents. I never wanted to, and the thought that they would find out nearly prevented me from seeking treatment. Informing parents of mental distress of students, without their permission, is not the answer. College students are adults, they have the right to expect the privacy of an adult. If they choose not to share their experiences with their parents, they ought to be allowed to do so. If a college is aware of an imminently suicidal student, of course they have an obligation to intervene; but to inform a parent on the grounds of general "concern" would expose too many students.
50
Can the parents sue if the university is not acting to take responsibility, even though the student is an adult?
5
This story resonated with me.
I graduated a few years ago from a similar school named Colgate University, only about an hour from Hamilton. Both schools are in an isolated, freezing county in New York. The winters are long and depressing. I struggled to adjust to the new academic pressures, frat culture, and found myself isolated in a school I didn’t feel I belonged to or wanted me as a member.
In my junior year, I was living in a dorm by myself. I hadn’t returned my parents phone calls. Eventually they grew worried and I received a knock on the door by some security officers. I’ll never forget the look of relief on their faces when a live person answered the door.
I had a long awkward car ride in the back of a campus security car to my academic advisor who I had never met before and seemed like he didn’t want to meet again.
They put me in touch with a psychiatrist that my school shared with Hamilton who was so overbooked I don’t remember if I even got a sentence out to him before his nurse handed me a Lexapro prescription and sent me on my way.
My heart goes out to Graham and his family.
74
While I sympathize with this family, based on the reporting in this article, it seems like they were notified about their son's mental health, by their son himself. It was worrying enough for his parents to schedule a medical exam, but I suppose based on their own knowledge, not worrying enough to see it as an emergency. In that sense, both the parents and the college reacted the same way.
10
I got the impression that the mother mistakenly thought college was the one good thing going on in his life. She was initially telling school officials that coming to that school had been wonderful for him, etc. Learning that officials there were just as concerned, and he was lapsing into severe despondent episodes that made him "fall off the radar," would have been a vital piece of information.
10
Likewise, his insomnia and the possibility of an underlying medical problem would have been valuable information for his academic advisors. This article could easily be rewritten from the college's point of view. It would be grossly insensitive to do so but the college could have exercised whatever duty of care it does have to students more effectively if it had more information. The assumption in many comments criticizing the school is that the school knows everything about students. That's their marketing. Yes, small liberal arts colleges are like villages, but no, teachers and advisors are not psychologists, or relatives and friends for that matter.
Maybe people's outrage at the college is itself a symptom of their own worry over the lack of care and concern for the depressed. I also want society and each of us as members of that society to take care of vulnerable people. I don't want colleges to exercise authority over students in loco parentis. What's next? No male guests after 7 p.m. in the women's dorms? Random drug and alcohol tests? No political protests?
1
I find it totally unacceptable that colleges and universities should be saddled with the responsibility for students’ mental health. This is not what they are for. They should be centers of education and research where adults come to acquire knowledge, not glorified babysitting facilities. When I taught at a university, I made it clear to my students that I am here to inform, help develop critical thinking and teach a discipline. I am not here to be your best friend, substitute mother or therapist. I never asked my students any remotely personal questions, and if they wanted to confide in me, I’d terminate the conversation. Nevertheless, I had a group of very smart, dedicated students who would come to my classes just to audit, share their projects with me and tell me about their ideas. Many of them went on to graduate school, and all of them are keeping in touch. Bad students? I don’t know what happened to them and I don’t care. How about the emotional toll on me from listening to stories of depression or threats of suicide? If I wanted to be a therapist, I’d study psychology. I did not because I am not suitable for this type of work. If a student is depressed, they should be expelled for a time and sent back to their parents to recuperate. Academic institutions cannot take any responsibility for them.
30
That is a very heartless thing to say. I think the key is that we are saying that the academic institution should notify the right professionals and / or the parents.
2
I find the attitude you’re representing highly distressing and, frankly, a part of the problem. University educators don’t just instruct on their subject areas; they are tasked with preparing students for success in life. As Harvard College describes its General Education program, the mission is to “help students to understand the deep relationship of scholarly work to some of the most important aspects of life beyond college.” “Life beyond college.” Jesuit colleges are even more explicit about educating the “whole person”: attempting to “cultivate students’ social, emotional, physical, and ethical development and to foster creativity, promote psychological well-being, stimulate a rich and thoughtful interior life, explore core beliefs, encourage social engagement, and cultivate empathy and an ethic of service and caring.”
Regardless of your educational philosophy, the statistics surrounding college students’ suicide rates should stir something inside you beyond concern for the “emotional toll” “listening to stories” takes on you. The data show that these young adults are at high-risk stages in their lives and if you can’t bring yourself to care, perhaps you should find another line of work.
2
A comment about the various comments which say that when they were in college, their reports of mental health problems were blown off.
I have no doubt they believe that they are stating what they believe occurred. However, it is worth noting that there have been studies examining this. A researcher wondered why so many student health mental health professionals, according to the recall of students who had sought help from them, had discounted these students' concerns. What they found was that the notes from the students' visits to those professionals reported something very different. In the vast majority of cases, the mental health professionals were highly concerned about the students and recommended further evaluation and possible treatment.
7
This article addresses something so important. In my first semester away at college I stopped going to classes and became depressed, and subsequently got expelled. From the very beginning, from homesickness and what I suspect was the beginnings of the depression, I did not attend class. I think even in the second week. My parents at home thought everything was fine until they got a letter in the mail during Christmas. I never once got a message from a professor, a counselor, or an administrator. And neither did my parents. Those 5 months have affected my life for the past 13 years. I became depressed, failed college classes for 8 years before graduating, and now cannot get into any Master's program because of that time in my life. Depression and anxiety affect me every day. I was not an adult and needed help and no real adults around me helped me.
19
I had difficulties in early adulthood, too, and I left college because of it. However, if you were 18 or older, you are an adult. It doesn't mean you were ready for life as an adult, as I wasn't either. Many of us as young adults didn't have anyone to take care of us, but we were adults nonetheless.
My college was neither responsible for my issues nor responsible for taking care of me or my issues. They were there to provide me with an education if I were able to avail myself of one. I went back years later when I was ready to be a student and get that education. and I was extremely successful at it then.
Never in my wildest dreams would I think to blame my college for "not taking care of me." They took care of me as they were supposed to when it came to serving my needs as a student, which is what I paid them tuition to do for me.
2
Amy,
I hope you are NOW seeking professional treatment. There is still the future that has potential, and does not need to be marred by this. Take this first step for yourself.
I attended Hamilton College in the 90s, and I'm sorely sad to read this article. It seems that we may place too much faith in kids (kids!) who have only recently left their parents' homes, to take care of themselves and thrive in a very intense and high-pressured setting.
I felt extremely anxious and lonely at college, and my emotional issues manifested into a sleep disorder that I still deal with today. I remember visiting the college psychologist, but I don't remember feeling very supported. I do think that schools have realized the importance, in recent years, of having more supports in place for students. But we also know that college students are not quite adults, not quite fully-formed, and prone to mental health issues that may not have manifested, when they were at home.
It's an exciting time, but a very different and very intense time, at college. I'm not quite sure of the line that should be drawn, but as the young man's advisor said, the parents would have wanted to know. This is a matter of life and death.
29
I am not certain that student privacy is a new concept. I attended a small liberal arts college in an urban area in the late 1960's. I don't recall my parents being notified of my grades or given updates on how well I was adjusting to college life.
Faculty communication with students at Hamilton and all other colleges and universities is aided considerably by the advances in email since my college days. The type of faculty coordination and oversight for students judged to be vulnerable and even the creation of a list of students of concern may also be aided by technology. I doubt that discussion of individual student problems --especially mental illness related--would have been on a departmental meeting agenda in the late 60's.
Rules about student privacy seem to be in place because privacy rules important are demanded of businesses so colleges like other businesses have developed policies which may or may not be suitable for all student situations. Deciding whether 18, 19 or 21 is the age of adulthood is difficult since the activities of adulthood are legally spread among different ages.
Fewer and fewer colleges or universities use the old model of a residential campus and even those that do often allow juniors or seniors to live "off campus"where safety and personal conduct cannot be monitored. Finally, colleges and universities don't want to be responsible for anything except certain restricted educational activities of students.
2
My husband has taught college for 20 years. One semester he had a student who vanished after a few weeks. Not unusual, in his experience - a lot of students don't figure out the whole time-management skill set until it's too late, or they get subsumed by the fraterity/sorority experience. In this case, however, the student's roommate came to him to request an incomplete grade. Upon further questioning, it seemed that the student was severely depressed and hadn't left her dorm room in weeks - the roommate brought food back to the room. Husband went over to the dorm and managed to get her over to the counseling center. To this day he's not sure whether she finished her studies, but he's thankful he was able to do something.
20
Colleges hide behind the federal privacy laws, but waste no time letting parents know when the next tuition payment is due. They should not have it both ways.
37
So, what then? Eighteen year olds should cough up college tuition?
1
As a college professor, it's a hard article to read. In my experience, faculty are given very clear messages about not communicating private information to parents. And I'll note most comments assume the parents will be helpful. I've had students thrown out for telling their parents they're gay, making them homeless when the dorms are closed. Also, several years ago I had a student I thought had all the signs of serious depression. I notified the dean as well as asked him to meet with me about his class performance. While I am also not allowed to suggest a student see a counselor, during our conversation he did said that his parents were very explicit that they would disown him if he were diagnosed with depression and might stop paying his tuition if he as much as talked with a counselor. So, there is a rationale for the FERPA rules.
56
I cannot agree that just because there are parents that are like what is described in the comment, parents of students who are in a similar situation as the young man featured or the young woman mentioned in the article should never be informed about what caused the great concerns of university staff members. I totally agree with the advisor's view that the parents would want to know (about how Mr Burton was behaving before his tragic death). IF it turns out that Mr Burton's or Miss Kong's parents are like those described in the comment, then too bad for the young man and the young woman, but at least the universities would gave done the right thing.
When I was a college senior, at a small liberal arts school like Hamilton, I suffered a pretty significant injury that made it difficult to complete my coursework. I had battled depression and suicidal ideation for a long time—with a few significant incidents in middle and high school—and the injury pushed me into my darkest period yet. I would sometimes go out in the snow and lie there, planning one night to freeze to death. I loved my college; it was the first place I'd ever felt truly happy. But my personal history made it difficult for me to believe things would improve in time.
The article mentions briefly that one of the reasons why colleges do not inform parents is that the parents themselves may be part of the problem. This was true for me. My parents' cruelty about my injury (they believed I was faking it), their emotional abuse throughout my childhood, and their desire to control every aspect of my life was what I had gone to college to escape. Not only were they the worst possible confidants for me in times of distress, they were likely to threaten me with their own deaths.
I think many of the changes suggested in these comments need to be made. But I do want to add that if my professors and mentors had reached out to my parents instead of simply reminding me through their own generosity, warmth, and respect that I had so much to live for, I might not be here today. It was their mentorship, coupled with their discretion, that saved my life.
130
Let's get rid of the idiotic, so-called "privacy" rules that colleges use to avoid telling parents about their children. Colleges should go back to sending a copy of all report cards and other similar materials to parents, and should generally try to keep parents informed about what their kids are up to. If a child is financially emancipated and no longer living at home, I suppose in that case, the parents can be cut off.
20
College students don't get "report cards."
1
My daughter had a teaching job at a UC for a semester and discovered a student who was suicidal. She called his parents who were very grateful. And then---she was disciplined for betraying his privacy ---but she was not fired. How can there ever be a curtain drawn on suicidal behavior---?
20
I also teach at a UC. I feel for your daughter and for the parents of her student, but the truth is that we as instructors are not equipped to stand in for psychiatric professionals. The UCs have strong policies in place for reporting concern and guiding students to seek appropriate treatment that are designed to protect instructors and students alike. It's actually part of our hiring contract to understand and follow these policies. If the student gave your daughter permission to contact his parents, that's one thing. But if she went behind his back to tell them, it's understandable why the university put her through a disciplinary protocol.
I've had students suffering from severe depression and, as someone who has suffered similarly myself, I think it's important to understand and acknowledge how deeply complex the contexts for suicide can be. Parents might feel they have a right to know (and would do the right or best thing possible in response), but we have mental health professionals for a reason. Getting students the help they need is not always synonymous with informing their parents. Similarly, not informing parents does not have to be synonymous with drawing a curtain on suicidal behavior.
15
She was right to call the parents and she knows it. There are times when what is right is against the rules. We all know that.
2
Brown University was alerted by my son that he was having psychological difficulties. We the parents were aware too, we tried to make contact with appropriate Brown Medical services. They were not cooperative, letting it get tied up in privacy rules and similar irrationality - in sum: not helping him. They did punish him by refusing him re-admittance without proving he had "recovered". His roommate, a heavy drug user and dealer known as such to Brown was readmitted without difficulty.
I would agree with anyone who thought this unbelievable. For a parent, and a child, it runs deeper than that.
25
I ran into something similar at a small but prestigious liberal arts college. Depression and anxiety are both literal disabilities - if a student has been diagnosed with them, universities have a legal obligation to work with them and decide on "reasonable accommodations" that enable them to do their work and not be penalized for whatever issues would normally impede that. It's part of the Americans With Disabilities Act.
But good luck making that to translate into actual help for your kid at a name brand schooln! The outcome seems to inevitably be getting the condescending, dismissive run-around from biased employees and administrators who feel comfortable deciding that mental health issues aren't real disabilities. It's just terrible.
1
Numerous comments have sighted the statistical increase in these types of mental health issues in the last few years. For starters, I would ask the question, why? before blaming any one entity...
5
I know two students who committed suicides in college and the college was in no way, shape, or form, responsible. Drink was involved, so to try to blame all college suicides on the dean not contacting the parents is ridiculous. Not all kids are cut out for college and parents might be pushing them toward that. Parents need to quit helicoptering and quit having schools be the parent. Maybe then their kids will be better equipped to handle the real world. Commenters have said that the numbers have skyrocketed in the past decade or two and I suspect the changes in parenting styles have a lot to do with it.
15
As an ex-teacher, I totally agree, sir...!
I told my son you have to say that you are "in crisis" now. An appointment in two weeks at the counseling center is not good enough. Even if you're presenting as ok.
8
Whether or not the university is held responsible by the courts, it clearly failed the student and his family.
We have a family member who declined into schizophrenia in an Eastern university; its psychiatrist notified us of her situation and, with his help, she was hospitalized, possibly saving her life and surely saving her from a total breakdown.
That was how a responsible university should behave, doing the right thing instead of running for cover.
19
I respect this article and am so glad that more awareness is being brought to mental health. Having said that, reporting about the suicides in this manner is extremely dangerous. The press has a duty to inform, but handling the reporting of suicide is tricky.
In general: 1) please include a number for people to call if the person or anyone they know is experiencing thoughts of death (800-273-8255). 2) Do not provide details of methods used. Not only one, but two plans with accessible means are highlighted here. This encourages copycats. 3) Avoid over identifying with thoughts of pain that led to the suicide. There are ways to cope with pain that don’t end in death.
I am speaking not only as a clinician but as someone with lived experience with the struggle of suicide. Please be responsible. When I was a younger woman, this article would have potentially influenced me to want to be recognized the same way that these students are, and I may have seen suicide as a way to get my message across. We can avoid that by using honest and responsible dialogue without glorifying a choice with such permanent consequences.
30
It’s not unusual for people to want to place blame upon others when a loved one commits suicide, but with all due respect to Mr. Burton’s grieving parents, the fact that they wanted him to get a brain scan at the Amen Clinic suggests that they strongly suspected that he was struggling with a serious mental illness; and not just dealing with insomnia.
The Burtons, who have my condolences, also knew their child, as well as their family dynamics, far better than did his harried professors who, incidentally, were not mental health professionals.
Universities should strive to do much more in looking after students’ psychological concerns through the provision of greater campus mental health outreach, and competent care provided by seasoned clinicians, but it’s unrealistic to expect professors to act as mental health experts.
20
When something bad happens peoples' natural inclination is to look for someone to blame.
A college is a place for adults., not minors. As a former therapist and former college counselor, if someone is a danger to themselves or others then I act---I notify authorities who will detain the person for an evaluation. But I don't, and never would, contact parents. Why do that? They don't know how to deal with the issue. And they can't provide treatment. And, in the eyes of the law, that would be violating the confidentiality act.
Parents also need to realize that if they would try to change the law so that colleges could act in loco parentis, that this would not necessarily lead to any better outcomes. If students knew that their parents would be contacted they would take appropriate steps to make sure that didn't happen. In other words, many would not seek help. And even more would die from suicide for this reason.
If parents want to keep tabs on the mental health of their college age children, then visit them regularly. and see for yourself. But even if you do see for yourself there is a limited amount you can do. You can petition the court to have your child detained pending an evaluation. But eventually the person will be released from the mental health system and will be free to act.
Colleges are not parents. And college students are not children.
42
Dan is absolutely right that a natural inclination is to redirect blame, e.g. his inclination to blame the student and the parents. Whose fault it is, if anyone's, and if it is useful know, is not a question of philosophy but a question of fact in a particular case.
Introspection is essential in someone passing judgments of this sort, but of little importance in comparison to acting to help those in difficulty.
1
My concern is why, in particular the psychiatrist at Penn, none of the people aware the students' issues contacted authorities for a psychiatric hold? My goodness does my heart break for these families, and I hope colleges provide training to their staff on dialing 911 when a student is in imminent danger.
In a high-pressure environment, most dorms employ a student on every dorm hall as a “friend” of the frightened adult- a good thing since ny fellow Boomers, many of whom went to school 100% paid for by either the state, or their real Middle Class parents’ success, have deprived their own children of the same support, voting for anti-tax policies and office holders.
The New Gilded Age success stories don’t care as king as tax policies are regressive, dumping the burden on the sub-middle-class, who cannot help making their kids take 60-hour-a-week jobs as students, olus whatever jobs they can get on or near-campus.
We gave robbed our own of the programs that made student political involvement, in both national and campus politics impossible, because concerned students are bound by long-term debts.
The 2% or fewer Americans controlling 99% of the nation’s wealth must again be forced to give up a second, third, fifth billion dollars for the common good, and wages for the middle class must again make it possible for all the kids to have at least 4 years’ higher ed if they want it.
And the poor should have a free ride.
And lets give free advanced degrees to those who end up in positions of service ro the people. If they become lawyers or physicians, they owe a lifetime of a month a year of pro bono service.
Those with liberal arts free PhDs should be working a month a year back on campus, teaching wharf they know.
Give them the same shot we got at the brass rung.
I am a professor at a health science university where we are saddled with both FERPA and HIPAA. Both are well-intentioned sets of regulations that unfortunately have a number of negative unintended consequences. Both need major revisions, yet I see no movement by anyone to do anything about them. In general, when I mention regulations that have negative consequences most of the people I work with just brush me off and say its above their pay grade and that we just have to follow them. The end result is that nothing changes and we, and more importantly our students, patients, and country, continue to suffer. Leading up is important is important in these cases, so I expect university leaders to do so, yet I see little evidence of this. Perhaps they are doing it quietly. As a parent, I do expect universities to inform me. They could easily do this by having parents and students enter into a legal disclosure agreement upon admission. Why don't they do this? Perhaps they feel it is above their pay grade.
13
this could have been my son. I am heartbroken for the family. my son made it through college by a stroke of luck. many late night phone calls, suggestions for counseling etc. what a vulnerable age these young adults/children are in when they go off to college. I pleaded with my son not to give up but one never knows.
14
I went to college in the 80’s and the parents received transcripts were definitely made aware of major issues regarding the student. What is the point of the law that prevents this?
7
The point of the law is that college students are autonomous adults, and as adults they are no longer saddled with being controlled by their parents. Parental control is for children, not adults.
10
It's not about control so much as being in the general loop. Consider this: your child is attending college and is the victim of a crime on campus. The university is aware of the crime, but "handles" it internally since your child chooses not to press charges. Suddenly, everything is handled under the guise of university governance and your child has no legal representation and the entire matter is swept under the carpet. This happens Every Single Year and it is not right.
1
Except that many college students are not adults emotionally and certainly not financially. Evidence is clear that the brain is not fully developed until the late 20's.
1
Parents should not send kids off to college without reassuring them that they are still available for help and counsel in times of excessive worry and distress. We place too many expectations on our children to be skilled enough to overcome the stresses of college.
4
Fairly well-researched article, but it would have been nice to know how old the kid was.
2
Yes, indeed a careless oversight be the author. He was 19.
1
One thing, you can tell your child that you won’t pay for college unless they give permission for you to see their transcripts. This is perfectly fair. If they are motivated enough to fund college without any parental help then they probably are already quite independent and mature and ?maybe? a bit less at risk.
18
From the sound of it, "more pressure to perform well" is the last thing young people like this need, and that's what a rule like that would essentially become in their minds.
1
Because that can be abused. I already know parents who demand their child's username and password and berate them for getting anything less than an A. I'm not kidding. Is THAT healthy? Might THAT promote suicidal thinking?
1
This sounds like a case of Incompetence. Whoever allowed such a law was incompetent and the College is Incompetent for following it! Another example of Complacency.
4
What is the origin of FERPA? When I was in college in the late 70’s/ early 80’s, it didn’t exist. When I was in danger of failing a class freshman year, the college contacted my parents and I got a telegram from my father: “Signal from flag: More study, less party. I love you very much. Commander Chief Dad.” I fail to see how that was an offense against my “autonomy” as an “adult.” On the contrary, I showed that telegram around to my friends, and they all exclaimed what a cool Dad I had. 18-to-22 year olds are NOT adults, their brains are not fully developed, they still need an undergirding of support as they learn to become adults. I don’t know where FERPA came from, but I tend to think it was instigated because admins didn’t want to be “in the middle” between students and parents, having to send notices of poor grades so that parents would know to send telegrams. It is no service to these young people at all.
23
Some dads are cool. Some dads are completely uninvolved, distant, critical or abusive. Some dads will disown their kids for not living up to expectations (as several commenters right here have said). Some dads will tell you not to come home again if you tell them you're gay, or you have an abortion. Not everyone has a cool dad.
3
Sad cases of school officials knowing and ignoring, but I fear that NOT knowing is more common.
Why? In large classes, the prof may not know of repeated absences. A prof may see that some course-registrants are failing, but would have no way of knowing how they were faring in other courses. A dean may oversee thousands of students and not be told by faculty about concerns. A mental-health professional at the school, if consulted by a student, has been trained to maintain confidentiality.
One letter-writer here mentioned a school's "phone-me" psychiatrist. That sounds a good idea, if publicized to the students.
2
As a university professor with over 10 years teaching experience at several different colleges and universities, each institution is different with it's support network and notification systems. This article is quite slanted against the University system, making the college professors and deans out as inept communicators. The article briefly mentions FERPA, and has scant contextual information about it. Mandated by FERPA, faculty and staff can not disclose personal information about the student to parents, unless there student signs off on it. Many times we want to. And the parents want the information. But our hands are limited due to the student not signing off. Students have their rights. No doubt this is a murky area that desperately needs to be resolved. But making the facility and staff look inept, is unfair in light of following the law.
18
Setting aside the interesting and complex moral dilemma at the heart of this article - does a parent deserve the right to try to resolve a kid's mental health struggles before they come to a head? - is the question that must come first - is it possible for a parent's intervention alone to deter suicide, when everything else is unchanged?
I don't know if it is possible to answer that question definitively, but if the answer is "no," then this article is interesting but completely theoretical. Only if the answer is "yes" is this debate important.
4
from a retired attorney:
Most state laws make the closest family member/adult, e.g., parent or spouse, the legally authorized person to be notified and to consent or not consent to get a person-in-trouble into competent care/professionals.
"Yes" is the answer to your question.
7
There is ooh much emphasis on privacy and giving young adults ownership of their own issues. This rationale has overtaken common sense. Of course you must notify parents if you observe alarmingly or even somewhat troubling behavior in their children. Parents are generally far away from the colleges colleges. THeir children attend and phone calls can be sporadic and obviously not very revealing of matters beneath the surface. Put privacy issues to the back burner—these are the parents’ children, for God’s sake—and display some human sense. How often have we been told the young adult mind continues forming well into the 20s? College is such a roller coaster experience on top of that. Kids would do well to have the support of parents which isn’t possible if parents are kept in the dark about crucial mental health issues.
16
They’re not children.
1
The broader question here is - who should go to college
Is the teenager academically, emotionally, and intellectually ready?
is she/he going because they want to go or because their parents expect them to go?
Does she/he understand there are other good choices that can lead to a happy and rewarding life?
13
Since when is a freshman or sophomore in college considered an adult?
7
If they are 18 or older they are legally adults. Most kids are either 18 when they start college or turn 18 during their freshman year.
14
Is this comment intended as a joke, to mean that some college students act immature? Everyone should know that the moment of entering adulthood in the USA is when a person turns 18 years old. Yes, it is a social construct, but it is black and white as a legal status.
2
My brother killed himself three months ago. I understand he spoke to a rabbi and the rabbi knew he was depressed. I am not blaming anyone--- I dont know sometimes if therapists and rabbi can catch everyone anyway, if this makes sense. So sorry for anyone's loss of a family suicide. So horrible.
16
SAHM posted this - as a response - in regards to students having/signing consent forms so that their parents can be informed of any mental health concerns. This needs to be shared:
Here's your consent form. https://www.nami.org/collegeguide/download
9
It is not at all clear that this document has any legal standing.
For good or ill, college is a stepping stone to the independence of true adulthood. Parents expect it to be a safe harbor for their fledglings. A place where our children are often away from home for the first time and learning to cope with the responsibilities and sometimes social loneliness of being on their own. If colleges are not legally allowed to share information with us it makes them all that more responsible for the health and safety of the students in their charge. They do stand in our stead as advisors and protectors of these very young new adults.
8
I experienced a rather severe depression as an undergraduate at a private New England university. With the exception of one grad student in clinical psych at the university health center, I'd say the support I got from the faculty and staff was tepid at best.
The fully licensed psychologists on staff were some of the least empathetic professionals I've ever met, and they were teaching the grad students at an APA approved clinical program, heaven help us. My faculty advisor was somewhat aloof and distant.
I recall my father writing to the dean of the college about some matter and getting a reply that said that they didn't act in "loco parentis," the dean's exact choice of words. The dean never made any attempt to contact me. I doubt if he knew who I was. My freshman class was about 300 in size.
With the exception of their favorite or star students, the bulk of undergraduates are the necessary evils that professors have to contend with to keep the university system going, at least in schools with graduate programs that occupy the faculty. Maybe small colleges are more hospitable.
I was in college fifty years ago before the legal framework of today, but little seems to have changed. To parents, I'd say stay in close touch with your kids. To college students, I'd say stay in close touch with your parents. In my situation, we managed to do that, however imperfectly, and it likely saved me.
13
The college is there to educate you. They should not have counselors or psychologists on staff. That is for you to seek out, as an adult, if you desire or need medical care.
If you weren’t ready by age 18 to be an adult, you have your parents to blame. If you weren’t ready to live on your own and needed remediation, you should have stayed at home, living under the care of your parents, until you were ready.
The dean was exactly right to say that they do not act in place of your parents.
3
"Doctor," if you read to the end of my comments, ultimately it was my parents that supported me and pulled me through. Regarding the university, as far as I know, they still have the psychological clinic, which is available free to undergraduates.
My father died 50 years ago while a grad student at Penn, under very similar circumstances as Ms. Kong. My brother also suffered a psychotic break in graduate school, however by then the immediate family was perfectly positioned to help,
being all health care/mental health professionals. He has done very well, largely due to his own perseverance in managing his illness. The interplay of the educational setting itself I had always felt to be incidental, but the article raises new questions about that factor.
4
The legal question before us is "Do we want to chip away at the privacy and autonomy of individuals legally considered adults?"
Before you answer, consider that does include you, not just adults between certain ages or under certain circumstances because that would be discriminating against certain groups or classes.
To date Americans have been very wary of intrusions into what we hold most dear which is our freedoms. Why so? Fear of potential intrusions into those freedoms being used in ways we aren't going to like or by people in power we don't agree with.
How can people be worked up about Facebook collecting information about what movies they like but on the other hand imagining it would be great if some random counselor (say at your job) or even a trained psychologist could pass a judgement on you which would infringe on your freedom to do as you please and live your own life as you see fit?
How would you like it if your boss had a legal duty to contact your 75 year old mother to tell her you're drinking too much or you seem "suicidal"?
Particularly in areas pertaining to mental health, it's way too easy to imagine the horrible abuses which could and would occur if we started being legally responsible for others' mental health or allowing who-knows-who to make legal judgements about our own.
The first thing that will happen is kids struggling will be expelled from school in order for schools to avoid legal responsibility for them. Won't that be great?
16
Bravo. Excellent insight in this comment.
from retired attorney:
"expelled" trumps "dead by suicide" every day that we mortals agree to pay attention.
1
One of the biggest drivers of college suicide is that students are so anxious about maintaining a happy-seeming life even though they are not really happy. The problem is college culture where students do not feel like adults capable of dealing with their issues. Getting worried (often helicopter) parents involved exacerbates, rather than helps, this problem.
15
“I don’t know what the procedures/rules are for contacting parents” is not something an advisor should be saying. One, the advisor ought to know and two, should tbe advisor not know, expressing uncertainty about the process adds nothing. “The parents ought to be contacted immediately. Please authorize me to do so,” seems would have been an understandable action for an advisor.
3
In response to the title of this article: yes, yes, and yes. With graduation underway for so many college seniors, these celebrations bring back the memories of the lives that were lost that could have been saved. Finals week consists of perhaps the most stressful few days for a college student. Lack of sleep, poor food choices, and anxiety are at an ultimate high during this difficult time. If colleges refuse to interfere with a student’s health throughout the entire year, this would be the one week where I would urge college administrators to step in and check on their students. Check the subreddit for any college on Reddit and you’ll see that there are many Graham Burtons out there. Just last week, a student jumped out of his dormitory window and fell to his death at my university. Why do we as college students have officials watching our every move in regards to plagiarism and academic integrity, yet no red flags are raised when we begin skipping classes and exhibiting signs of depression?
19
It is very easy for people who do not deal with such student issues on a daily basis to make judgements here. This student should have been referred to counseling.
I recently retired after 33 years in higher ed. There is a national crisis on college campuses with so many students in mental health crisis. Too many of them come from high school already on medications. My dean of students office would have one or two students per week taken out for psych evaluations. Many students would sign themselves in hospitals on their own. I never heard the word “bipolar” until I became a dean of students. And there were regular suicide attempts and a few suicides during my tenure.
Yes, colleges are in a tough position. I am still in touch with a young woman who I talked out of jumping off the 8th floor level of a parking deck. She was pregnant, homeless, and living in her car in mid-winter. She had no family in this country. She ultimately graduated with honors and went on to graduate school. There are many other stories like this that I can tell. And these are routine for many college officials. But they are confidential. My colleagues tell me that I can write a book about the side of higher ed. that no one knows.
Most student suicides happen without anyone having a clue about the pain that the poor student is going through. If college officials notified parents or guardians of every student who is depressed and failing courses, the sheer numbers would overwhelm their offices.
16
from retired medical attorney:
there is one immediate response to the overwhelming numbers you describe: truth-in-advertising!
Federal Trade Commission rules say that implicit or explicit messages intended to be "relied upon" by consumers of information, here kids+parents, must be truthful. Here is what colleges may lawfully say to these consumers of their services: "Beautiful campus. Cool Teachers."
If applicable: "Problems with too-much-alcohol on this campus? Bring your own meds+docs if diagnosed with mental illness. . . .and schizophrenia FIRST develops in late teens and early 20s so DO SIGN consent-to-contact your spouse or parents if we "see something" dangerous . . ."
I feel very lucky. My daughter was one of those with anxiety in college. The counselor said "take this one home." We did. She went back a few years later, when ready, and is doing great today. I am grateful that college got her the help she needed, AND got us.
31
The 26th amendment was a mistake. These young people are not adults, and those who move from home to college for the first time face a very jarring new situation with little emotional experience to deal with it. FERPA needs to be changed so that parents can be involved in students' lives, at least until they turn 21.
15
The idea that students learn to be adults by studying away from their parents home is not much of a consideration in poor countries, or in poor families. One who is not affluent tends to live at home while going to school and, independently of the school location, equally learns how to be an adult. The difference resides on the return home after a day in school and, granted family life is healthy enough, the familial support received on a daily basis.
Leaving on your own as a perceived developmental advantage is a marketing strategy with the objective to increase revenue. The business of schools is education and students are key performance drivers of profitability. Such privacy policies are to the legal protection of schools and minimally to the benefit of students.
Why would the faculty perceive that an adult in formation can be treated as a full adult, particularly relating to mental health? Who benefits from such isolationist approach?
“Workshops on empathy” can be effective if schools suspend their point of view to see reality from the perspective of each student, and counsel students accordingly. Otherwise such workshops will be just another corporate response used as damage control.
7
If my child is showing signs of despair while at college, I would fully expect anyone who comes in contact with him - friends, college administrators, professors, resident advisers, acquaintances - to inform me. I will deal with my child's anger at this breach of privacy later, when he is safe.
10
As a university instructor, I wish it were so easy. I have had several of these situations but I don’t KNOW how to reach the family and your child is NOT going to give me that information. Instead, I contact someone in advising and/or counseling and let them know what I have observed. Occasionally, a student in “trouble” will confirm my suspicions, but more often they do not want to admit it. When receptive, I do my best to show compassion and guide him/her to help and then follow up in a caring manner, following the student’s lead.
As for signing waivers, we paid for a good portion of our children’s education. Given that, they were expected to sign a waiver for us to access grades, medical records, etc., IF it should become necessary. We also made it clear that we could be trusted NOT to interfere if at all possible. I believe too many parents are afraid of confronting their children about things like this. The student needs to understand that this is a co-dependent relationship where they need you to provide information for the FAFSA forms, and for that you require a signed waiver. PERIOD.
8
The word "know" is overworked and used mostly in hindsight. Seldom do we really know, and I would never fault those who don't report. Some things are just unknown and just happen. Our society always wants an explanation and wants to blame someone else. Mandatory reporting laws are generally very wrong and pernicious, leading to lots of ill effects. Penn State was handled so very wrong. It was just a story of a disturbed and evil man, until Maureen Dodd insisted that others be blamed. The fact is Paterno and the others did not really "know". Media driven law at its worst.
I wish the staff at Hamilton who saw this young man struggling had taken time to speak with him in person and make an appointment that day with a mental health professional. Would it have saved his life? I don’t know but had that happened he would have been asked directly about suicide or thoughts of death which could have made a huge difference. Suicidal or homicidal ideation are considered emergencies and notification is not considered a breech of privacy.
As for the psychiatrist who did not act on the information given him by the Penn student, I consider that a dereliction of duty.
6
In an age where we now know that our brains are not fully developed until our mid 20s or even 30, perhaps it's time to revisit FERPA. Parents may indeed often be "part of the problem" with the levels of anxiety and depression that some students are experiencing, but that does not mean that they should not be notified when their adolescent child (they are NOT adults) is telling college staff that they have a plan to kill themselves, or even exhibiting very worrisome change in habits. I would not be able to live with myself if a college student disclosed this to me and I did not notify the parents. I would much rather be sued for a FERPA violation by a live student than fail to do all I could to warn the family of a potential suicide. How these people sleep at night is a mystery to me.
7
Whatever the privacy concerns and rules, there is one facts that should overrule any other: suicidal depression is a medical emergency. A student of adult age who appears to be suicidal does should not have a firewall. Just as if a 20-year old was hit by a car, and getting medical attention, the school would alert the family, they should do he same in any other emergency situation including a person who is a threat to themselves or others.
21
I am a college professor who has raised the alarm with university officials several times about students I was really concerned about. We do have a centralized campus-wide system for dealing with these cases, with very well qualified people who meet weekly and respond almost instantly to an email from faculty, too. I have attended workshops for faculty on campus about signs that someone is suicidal. But you know what? It's actually pretty common for a student to just stop coming to class, and that in itself is not cause for a red alert. Usually someone just has decided they don't like college after all, or their boss has been calling them to work and they don't feel like they can say no. And I have had so many students whose parents were the main reason for their mental health problems (including one who'd been sexually abused by her father) that I'd really hesitate to call parents unless I knew the situation well enough to know it wouldn't make things worse to have a parent involved. I wouldn't call a parent at all, actually. I'd pass my concerns along to this campus body. But I bet they'd have the same reservation about bringing a parent into the situation without knowing a lot about the family situation. So often the parents are the problem in the first place.
31
Thank you for this article.
My son died by suicide just two months before he was scheduled to graduate from college. He did very well academically but was deeply unhappy.
The grief is impossible to describe. Suicide grips a family by the throat and threatens to take everyone down. Three years later, I am still extra-vigilant with his three sisters.
Every child is different and some need help. We need to find a way to help them. Conversations about what age we should back off and let them flounder are not productive. Not every child is sturdy at 18 or even 22 and thank goodness we now have the science to back that up.
We do need to reexamine the balance between privacy issues and mental health law. It is not working. I could not monitor my son's care or convince him to get additional care. He did not want to worry anyone when he was not feeling well. And at 21, he was simply not experienced and wise enough to know how to tackle his depression in a methodical way.
In retrospect, he needed my involvement and advocacy, but I was blocked.
All of us need to educate ourselves and speak up about mental health. Families, friends, teachers: speak up. Silence is the greater sin here.
25
I am so sorry for the loss of your son.
This is an old problem and yet not enough has changed.
I was a student 20+ years ago at a top-15 university. A friend of mine was suicidal and told me the only reason he didn't kill himself was how much he knew it hurt me. I told the counseling office-- it was too much pressure for me-- and they said that I, newly 18, should decide whether he was suicidal enough to come into counseling. This was a medical decision that they let be made by a college freshman. I thought that this and other advice from the counseling service was lacking; when I asked him to go he begged me not to make him and I acquiesced. Ten minutes after our first fight he killed himself. His parents had no clue there were any issues. I was surprised that they did not sue.
I checked in with this school more recently and none of their policies had changed. I feel for Mr. Phillips; losing a friend to suicide at that age-- especially when one has regrets-- can leave deep scars. Universities can and should do more.
16
College age is exactly when many problems with mental health kick in--paranoid schizophrenia being one of them. If colleges can't discuss these problems with the parents of their students--who are NOT fully fledged adults, but learning to be that, and still developing, usually at least with some financial support from their parents--then I just don't know how smart the people who run them can possibly be. It's so obviously a tough transition period for kids that of course they need support. And it's so not helicopter parenting to expect that, and expect the school to communicate with the parents if their kid seems to be in distress. This is a minor beef compared to what the parents of the children who committed suicide must feel, but I remember being so aggravated when the school my son went to prescribed, and billed us for, psychiatric drugs that they would not name. Our son was basically using them as study aids, as were many other students, I suspect.
253
But they ARE adults. And as adults, they DO have privacy rights. As sad as it is, those are the facts.
41
What if a student comes from an abusive home, and telling the parents about the student's issues could make matters worse?
61
The reason why colleges don't communicate with the parents is that federal law prohibits them from doing so. Perhaps federal law needs to be changed--but one can't fault college faculty and administrators for following confidentiality law.
47
“There is an ethos of maintaining privacy and confidentiality — which sometimes is very beneficial,” Mr. Sokolow said. “But when somebody’s dead, do you wish you’d worked to maintain their privacy, or do you wish you’d worked to keep them alive?”
I agree. But it’s not concern about student privacy that drives administrators’ decisions; it’s concern about FERPA violations and the funding penalty that accompanies those violations.
I wish schools, legislators and students could come to a reasonable agreement that protects student privacy, but also allows schools to sound the alarm bells if they have a student who is suicidal or behaving erratically. Every student has an emergency contact; doesn’t a mental health crisis constitute a health emergency in the same way a burst appendix does? I fear schools are interpreting FERPA too rigidly, and it’s students and their loved ones who often suffer.
6
However you assess this, is a complicated matter. Looking at the pros and cons of privacy laws is not the answer, in my view. My thoughts are that the very culture of college needs to be rethought, from classroom through administration. More wisdom is needed throughout.
First, rather than this overly individualistic approach of powerpoint lectures and all-or-nothing exams, classes need to be involved in more collaborative learning environments. Students need to feel part of team in class, where they get to meet and work with their classmates. In this context, students learn more, enjoy learning more, and make friends -- the best "antidepressant" available (see Johann Hari's research on "lost connections" and depression.)
Second, asking teachers or advisors to spot and report students battling depression might be helpful, but it will be difficult. They just don't see the students on a day-to-day basis. Instead, the first outlet needs to be the students themselves; they know each other better than their teachers or advisors. Plus, they will often feel more comfortable talking to a fellow student rather than an older adult about their depression.
Lastly, kudos to bstar from Baltimore, who is spot-on: college administrators need to put a stop to their pointless meetings, assessments, and data dumps for faculty -- all of which are a façade for "work gettin' done" --, and instead start worrying about these students' educations and personal growth as young adults.
8
It’s always got to be someone’s fault - or someone else’s fault.
Americans never allow their kids, themselves, or their friends be responsible.
8
Was this young man legally an adult? Should the college, dealing with thousands of students, be to blame? or should it be his parents?
4
My son went to NYU - I'm naming names. As he started his second year, he plunged into depression. He'd been seeing a great psychiatrist at home but getting one in NY was impossible. He tried going to student health but they were horrible, too busy to see him for a month; then when he saw them, they barely spoke, didn't suggest meds, & scheduled him in a month. He was suicidal. I tried to find a therapist for him privately but that was impossible,$300/hour.
Thankfully, he remained communicative with me. We had an agreement that if I called him he had to answer just to connect (I didn't call during class).
One day I called & he didn't answer. I knew something was wrong. I waited an hour, called again & no answer. I called his dorm. The RA asked when I'd last called & literally laughed at me when I said an hour. He then lectured me about being overprotective & to let him 'use his wings." I hung up & called again & talked to his supervisor & said my son was suicidal. When they forced open his door, he was covered in blood in the shower.
They then forced him to go home, that day. No one talked to me or him. We were left with $10K loans that had to be repaid because if you end semester early, federal loans don't apply. They gave him a medical leave but no one reached out or talked to us at any point.
He did recover after several years & returned to a new college, clark, far more caring about medical health.
Different colleges are very different. Do your research.
22
The NYT prints these stories as if every college student living away from home is on the brink of suicide. Yes- this was an unfortunate situation and my heart goes out to the parents. But somewhere a line needs to be drawn. Yes- Parents are paying thousands of dollars each year to universities to educate their kids- but how responsible should a university be held if the student is afflicted with severe emotional distress or illness? If the parents can't figure something is wrong - then why should the university be held accountable?
12
I am in complete agreement with Karen Leach. One can easily see from the responses of college professors that this is a common problem.
Starting about 15 years ago, faculty members such as myself began to see a remarkable change in the maturity level of our students. It's no exaggeration to say that nearly a quarter of them lack sufficient maturity to get themselves out of bed and to class on time.
My colleagues and I have often wondered what went through the minds of parents to send kids who exhibit this level of immaturity to college.
This issue is not the responsibility of faculty who are already encumbered with their teaching loads and assorted bureaucratic obligations.I often taught 60 students per semester and felt lucky to remember their names.The University is not "in loco parentis" and should not be expected to be.
Altho I know myself to be a humane and sensitive person, I have no training as a therapist. I don't feel it's ever been my responsibility to judge my students' stability; this is solely a parent's responsibility. The professor knows the students as people who perform well or not in class, who show up or not at office hours, not as people with whom they have a close, familial relationship.
Parents need to do the job they are uniquely equipped to do - monitor their children and take steps to ensure they are not having emotional problems. If they are, they have to take the initiative to deal with it. It's too serious an issue to be left to faculty.
33
Well taken comments, but I would not shift the responsibility onto the parents, particularly for an adult. The responsibility is, sadly, just the individual. Bad stuff sometimes happens.
3
An 18 or 20 year old is not fully an adult. The law recognizes this when it forbids them from drinking alcohol. The environment in which they live while in college is a bubble, different from the rest of the world where adults live and see people of all ages, from all walks of life, etc. Instead, these young people are usually on their own for the first time, having to deal with the practicalities of life, tremendous pressure from the academics, adolescent-style peer and social pressures, and now social media where everybody appears to be successful except for them. A child may not have had a diagnosed mental illness or even episodes of depression or nor being able to cope so parents would have no idea their child is at risk. The universities' stance is simply unethical, not only because common sense tells us these young people are not yet equipped to handle life on their own, but because parents are more often than not footing the bill!
4
My heart aches for these parents. Losing a child or any age, by any means is horrible; losing one to suicide is a pain beyond comprehension.
But I do understand where Hamilton is coming from on this issue. When I took my two children to college in 1988 and 1991, before I left them, I insisted that we go to the Bursar's office and that they sign a waiver of the right to privacy so I could receive their grades and talk to their professors if necessary. No, I am very much NOT a helicopter parent but I've had friends who have had some unpleasant surprises due to the FERPA law. They had a choice; pay the tuition themselves or sign the waiver. They signed.
Having a child 18 or over with a mental illness is very, very difficult as the parent has no legal rights at all. To them, this is a child who is not able to function well but the law sees the person as an independent adult and the parents are out of the equation. It's frankly really very dreadful as many who are mentally ill are incapable of making good decisions or caring for themselves. They law makes no distinction unless they are deemed by law to be a danger to themselves or others, and the burden of proof of this is very high.
I was never told that if the child is a dependent on tax forms, the school FERPA is waived. In fact, I know of many schools who have specifically said this is not so and refused. Most traditional college students today are still a dependent on tax forms.
16
This article is thoughtful and well written but like too many, instead of placing the problem within society, it writes as if college/campus is separate then the rest of the world. It abstracts out the adults, whether students, faculty or staff, as if they are different both in terms of problems faced and options available.
If there is a problem with young adults it happens across economic and educational class. It happens to those who, at any given point, may be a student or an employee.
Do you think it's appropriate for an employer to call someone's parents if they feel their employee is in trouble? If not than why should a college?
For decades those of us with mentally ill family members and friends have been saying the mentally ill are "dying with their rights on". Those the include right to privacy, the right to refuse/not take treatment, and intervention only when a danger to self or others.
5
These colleges, despite the concerns about "helicopter parents", are playing parents, themselves. That's not their job. They're educators, period.
2
With all of our children, a contingent of us paying their tuition was that they provide us with their log-in and password to the university portal so we could see for ourselves what their grades were. Two of our sons were only 17 when they started college. The youngest went across the country to Berkeley, where the dean of students in his college told me that even though he was only 17 she would not be able to provide me with any info about his well-being. It seems as though it should be so obvious that these are very young adults, at a time of major transition, and thus are potentially vulnerable to so many pressures.
11
This is heart breaking. My sons story: six weeks into his freshman year he was evicted from his dorm for smoking pot under a zero tolerance policy. The school provided him with information like the location of the nearest greyhound station so he could get a bus ticket home even though he was not expelled, just kicked out of the dorms. He called us in extreme distress saying he felt like walking into traffic on the nearby freeway. We came and picked him up. He attempted to finish the year living in a rented room near campus but ended up leaving school that year because he was too lonely and alienated. He also was not allowed to enter any campus eatery or visit students in the dorms for a year. Fortunately he communicated fully with us or I hate to think what could have happened. These schools do shirk their responsibility toward the emotional life of students. It is outrageous.
20
This worked for me: I had a student who greatly concerned me, but FERPA made me wary of contacting her parents. Instead I reached out to her roommate who was also concerned. I asked the roommate to contact the student's parents. She did, they came to campus and got her the help she needed to continue and graduate.
19
Twenty-five years ago, my young husband, who'd recently received a PhD in psychology from a prestigious university and was in his first year as therapist and professor at a small college in the mid-West, committed suicide. We had been married 5 years and had an 18 month-old child. The only warning had come a year before, as he was finishing his dissertation. He fell into silence for weeks, not responding to anyone. We didn't turn to families, who were hardly sympathetic to emotional problems ("grow up, for heaven's sakes"), but my husband's old advisor put him on the drug lithium, which we know today one goes off of gradually. Lithium wasn't well studied as an antidepressant, then, and my husband was taken off it abruptly after he finished his thesis. Six months later, my husband was dead. My father, a doctor, came to help me settle our affairs in the college town, and said, without much feeling, "Well, I knew nothing of any depressions." True. In those days, if you were emotionally unbalanced, you were on your own, even when your chosen field was psychology. It never occurred to me to sue the university. I wouldn't sue if it happened today. Yes, the treatment of my husband's depression was mishandled, but not deliberately. And my own subsequent despair and depression remained untreated for many years. I went into therapy after the failure of a third marriage, and slowly pieced together a bearable life. Attitudes are different now, but alas people are much the same.
14
I lost my son to an opioid overdose in his dorm room when he was a freshman in college. I know the pain this family is going through. You send them off with hopes and dreams for their future and it’s inconceivable that they are gone. His college actually did contact us the night before that he was having problems. I was on the phone with him, trying to encourage him, telling him I’d be there at the end of the week— with the dog to bring him home for the weekend and we could talk. I thought he was ok. His math teacher called the administration to say that he didn’t make it to class that day ( he had never missed a class) but no one checked on him until 5 pm and it was too late. I admonish myself constantly for not driving the 4 hours the night before to bring him home immediately. I didn’t know. I didn’t know he was addicted to opioids. I still don’t know if the overdose was an accident or on purpose. He was so young. His brain wasn’t fully developed to understand consequences. It’s just a tragedy that we all have to live with. I certainly think the college has a responsibility to contact the parents if they have serious concerns about a student. That’s just common sense. Parents deserve the right to save their child’s life if they can.
580
I am so deeply sorry for your loss. A neighbor just lost her adult son to an overdose, also not knowing if it was accidental or not, 18 months after losing her husband to cancer. I don't know how she will go on. I wish her, and you, all the comfort and peace you can find.
91
Carol I cried reading your post. I am sorry that your son was in so much pain and now you must live without him. You are right that common sense should prevail in these situations. Without question our children need support until they can make important decisions about their lives. That support could come from many sources: family, friends, mental/health professionals and some children mature early others on the later side. I hope that you can recall your son’s happy times. Life is long and death Is but an instant. I wish you peace.
62
I am so sorry for your loss. I agree with you.
20
HS for me was all about getting into the highest possible US news and world report school possible. What was I going to do there when I actually got there? Don’t know. Why was I going there? To get rich I guess because only rich and important people deserve love and happiness in our society and a top class college was the best and possibly only route to that goal. Or at least that’s the message I got loud and clear from my educators and parents.
No wonder people get to college and off themselves. Not a healthy society.
In HS we learned nonstop abstract facts about math and conjugation of verbs in the subjunctive. We definitely learned strategies to game the SAT and the admission process. We learned next to nothing about caring for yourself and others who are facing difficult times and strategies for handling difficult emotions. We learned nothing about planning a life trajectory that makes sense for the individual’s spiritual goals and ideals. There’s always this goading to make more and more money and medicate away unpleasant feelings.
I wouldn’t have a child in this society. It would be unspeakably cruel.
38
You have so eloquently written what the underlying problem is. Young people are under a tremendous amount of pressure to be perfect.
15
It’s not really perfectionism. That’s part of the problem because they are told if you don’t get into Harvard you’re going to be messed up for life and unless you have a hook like being the only water polo goalie and you satisfy the college’s requirement for being a token North Dakotan or whatever, you have to be perfect to get into these joints.
But it’s more just chasing after shadows. Who gets money in our society and why they get it is so arbitrary. It will drive you nuts chasing after it. Then when you get there it isn’t Nirvana Shangrila anyway. Plenty of lotto winners and people born with gold spoons in their mouths are totally miserable.
Living a life that’s meaningful to you emotionally and working towards surrounding yourself with a society that reflects that effort is a happy life but a life that’s hard to construct in our society.
When I was a young kid we still even had politicians talking about “A thousand points of light”. But that seems quaint and was already really deader than disco by the late 90s when I was becoming an adult.
4
If certain symptoms are already present in high school, why not try going to college from home, commuting to a school nearby or a community college? This is commonplace in many countries. The pressure to attend prestigious colleges is partly to blame. Is your child's college an extension of your collection of status symbols?
27
The life of a student extends well beyond simply attending their weekly classes. There is no way of controlling their lives at school and in private to prevent tragedies from happening to some. And sometimes people who commit suicide manage to do so despite our efforts to prevent them. It's a sad aspect of life. That said, tuitions in the US are so prohibitively high I cannot imagine the stress placed on an 18 year old whose parents have re-mortgaged their house to cover the costs. A university education should be easily accessible to all, and you should demand this from your government representatives.
15
FERPA is a disaster and needs to be repealed and buried six feet under. It creates a fog of secrecy and leads to stupid tragedies such as this one.
For the very few students who are protected because they will be shielded from parents who may be abusive there are hundreds of thousands at risk because these students are left isolated and often in danger. The Buckley Act which established privacy and now FERPA are well intentioned disasters whose time is over.
6
It is very unfortunate that students are cut off from parents. Education has to be a team work between schools, Universities, parents and si, peers and siblings. Communication is key to detected early signs of despair and getting professional help or taking a break or changing to a new program. Life is more valuable than education and more malleable than death. At the same time the option to die with dignity should always be available to everyone after due diligence and efforts to convince a person to avoid death, make changes, withdraw from unbearable situations and make every effort to change a person's mind. There is no need for the incidence of suicide to be so alarming in the USA.
9
We found out our daughter was failing all her classes when the university did not cash our check for the following semester. She was 18 and returned home weighing 94 pounds and a complete wreck. She repeatedly told us she was "fine". Universities need to encourage parents to get access to student records and measures of performance. When I contacted the school they told me they were not allowed to communicate with me about her school performance unless my daughter filled out some forms that we didn't know about. They were 100% capable of sending us tuition bills, but could not talk to us about her performance of well being. Colleges need to see parents as partners in working towards student success, not annoying interlopers.
21
Sands7:
Nothing is as insufferable as a university taking my money and in the next breath telling me my child is independent.
3
"Nothing is as insufferable as a university taking my money and in the next breath telling me my child is independent."
Well … that’s the crux of parenting, isn’t it? We raise them to eventually become independent, but it’s a process. It’s not suddenly over one day; on the other hand, there has to be a line drawn somewhere. Seems to me when we made 18 the age of legal majority, we decided that’s where that line would be.
The question paying for college really is separate. There’s no conceivable way the average 18 year old could pay for college on his or her own. It’s a complex issue, but baldly announcing that as long as you’re paying (or contributing), your child has to answer to you – well, that’s not helpful. Nor realistic.
Although it has been some years since I left academia, I also noticed, over time, that there seemed to be more students with mental health, substance abuse problems, and chronic physical health problems on campus. I don't know the reason for it. Maybe with the trend in k-12 education toward mainstreaming, parents are more likely to feel their kids, no matter their physical or emotional health, will do OK away at school. Too often it isn't so. With the uptick that you've observed in students arriving with mental health problems, maybe it's time for colleges and universities to require a mental health exam in addition to the physical exam required before enrolling. At the minimum, if a student has a history or severe depression, schizophrenia, bi-polar disorder, or substance abuse, the health services should be aware of that and of any medication they may be taking or routine treatment/therapy they're undergoing. And perhaps young people who are emotionally fragile would do better to live at home while they pursue a degree. There's only so much the school should be expected to take on.
10
Our society has increasingly started to resemble a hunger games style contest where there are outsized rewards for those at the very top and scraps for everyone else. On top of that, social media has made everyone hyper aware of where they stand in the pecking order, as well as impossible to escape from the pressure to compete with peers for status. Students are forced to enter a savage rat-race, and not everyone is built for that kind of thing, especially at age 18, and even many who could be are not prepared for it.
I feel really bad for anyone being born these days, because these trends are only going to get worse.
10
a retired medical attorney:
I'm horrified by the lack of common sense and common decency among the so-called adults on these campuses. While Gina Haskell, CIA Dir nominee, is being eviscerated by many for not setting aside her personal "moral" obligations and refusing to torture. For not disregarding HER President's now over-ruled legal opinion that "torture is legal," we have college Boards hiding behind "risk managers" rules for their boundaries with these very young human beings. For those "schools" that choose to glue themselves to this bottom line, change your promotional materials to: "Beautiful campus. Nice housing Cool teachers. Bring your own meds!"
Three considerations are every "teacher's" obligation -- no exceptions: (1) Know that two-of-three (2/3) of clinically depressed teens in this country have not been diagnosed (AAP 2017). As the alarmed 30-yr old professor here noted, because she is closest in age to this student/cohort, "stress" remains the number one trigger for "being dangerous to onself or others." (2) Many "teachers" ARE now "mandated reporters" under State law, placing immutable obligations on each to contact emergency services . . .not walk a kid to the campus infirmary. (3) Any ambiguity about a bottom line should be settled by an adult answer to this question: "What would I risk if this were my kid?"
Figure out a better balance that errs on the side of sick kids - before the Parkland HS kids and I write new tough rules for you.
9
I don't understand why the solution here is to involve the parents, a second-degree set of family members, in the equation.
Why isn't the solution for the college psychiatrists to have a clear protocol in the case of actively suicidal students? Why doesn't the college student health insurance cover trips to the ER, psychiatric ward admissions, and counselling care for students experiencing severe mental breakdowns?
For example, in one example, the student told the psychiatrist flat-out that not only was she planning to complete suicide, but she had a actual plan. That's an emergency. That's grounds for involuntary admission to hospital, at least in my country (I don't know about yours). Literally anyone can call 911 for that, and most people with any position of authority or care have a duty to do so. Given the fact that latest-teens to early-twenties is a risk-group for emerging mental health issues, why isn't there a clear-cut protocol for dealing with mental health emergencies?
I don't agree with notifying parents. Aren't college students legal adults? They have a right to private health care. There will be a reluctance to seek care if they believe their parents will be informed.
If there was an under-reaction by the professionals involved, then that is an area for blame. However, the parents should realize that this isn't their own fault. Tragically, mental health illnesses can be fatal.
20
Hamilton College, just down the road, has been for the past 20 years or so, a stew pot for right wing types who believe a life is held in its own hands - the usual conservative ideology that can turn away easily from empathy and compassion.
8
Sorry, this is the policy on all college campuses, most of which are liberal.
3
Hamilton dealt very well with two close relatives who had serious issues during their time at the college. The academic advising office showed empathy and compassion in both instances.
2
I am a psychologist who clarifies complex ethical issues by consulting colleagues and legal guidelines then asking myself one simple question: if this patient was my son or daughter what would I want a psychologist to do?
The answer is obvious in this case: do whatever it takes to get the boy's parents involved.
18
You're a psychologist who is unfamiliar with the fact that some patients' parents are part of the problem, and that to automatically involve the parents would be seriously destructive for some of your patients?
13
DW--many, if not most, psychological disorders are now thought to be inherited, biological illnesses not caused by family issues. They are diseases of the brain. Bipolar is strongly genetic, OCD, schizophrenia--the list goes on. Parent blaming doesn't help; and not only doesn't it help, it hurts. Unless the family is abusive, parents are likely the strongest available support for young adults in the throes of mental illness. If the family is abusive, certainly the young adult should inform his mental health care providers, and the university as well. But that is not the norm, and should not be treated as if it were. Many parents may need help themselves in learning how to best support their young adult children who are suffering from mental illness--but the solution is to provide them with that help.
1
Sometimes the parents are part of the problem, not the solution, and this is simply not debatable, it's fact. It's not a question of whether mental illnesses are at least partially genetic - I know that - everyone knows that. But there is also the question of the environment. The parents may be concerned and loving, but make things worse with their interventions. Or, the parents may be abusive. Sorry, fact.
For many children, going away to college is the first time they are on their own for an extended period of time. By the time they enter their freshman year, they have passed--at least legally--that threshold between childhood and adulthood. There was little I would have asked my son about his social life or even his academic life--but the two months between his high school graduation and his beginning his first year of college did not automatically bestow adulthood on him. There needs to be a clearer way to inform incoming students of their need to still be their parents' children when it comes to their health, mental and physical. The law is one thing, the emotional and moral ethics of family responsibility is something else entirely. My child did run into mental health issues by the end of his first year of college. Fortunately, he knew enough, to on his own, call his mother and father for help. My condolences to the family in this article--they had a right to know their son was struggling. They could have saved him long enough to help him understand that failing some college courses is not the worse thing in the world. Losing a loved one is.
6
A nephew of mine committed suicide two years ago and I am a college professor, so I see this issue from both sides. Parents often assume that they would be more attentive, sensitive and responsive if their child had been home but this is a large assumption. The truth of the matter is that suicidality is stealthy and does not make itself apparent to others. It is entirely possible that this student would have taken his life no matter where he was living. And on the other hand, colleges and universities are not rampant with mental health professionals and to assume that we can differentiate between students who just can't get to class and students who are suicidal when we see them only for short windows of time is blind to reality. Our culture and society at large places way too many stressors on young people - did any of you go into debt just to get a bachelor's degree?? - and these things are the result. Our young people are the canary in the coal mine.
49
If an 18-year old is working in a factory or in a restaurant, do they have any disclosure obligation to their employee's parents??
I am reading these comments and find them absurd. We have turned university into some sort of extended adolescence--but only for those in education. Our young working class gets the full burden of young adulthood with none of its privileges. University students are young adults in a serious apprenticeship (Their failure to act the part should have no weight on the rules of adulthood).
Their parents are completely irrelevant to that process. If parents are footing the bill, that is between the student and the parent. Just like if your parent helps you with your first home, do you get your boss involved?
35
Yes, in fact, I'd argue that students on college campuses have *more* access to mental health services than students who are not.
14
This article happens to be about a college and a law called FERPA, but your assertion that college students are coddled is not supported by this particular example. (I think there are many other ways to illustrate the coddling, but not here.)
Most institutions have some form of emergency contact data on each employee or student. Whether the young adult is a silver spoon college legacy or a welder’s apprentice, one hopes an older/wiser person is observing the 18 or 20 year old and would intervene if alarmed.
3
The same generation of parents who now want colleges to act like in loco parentis helicopters demanded that they be treated as adults when they were in school.
16
Considering the age group, it's hardly surprising that suicide is the second-leading cause of death. But if you look at the actual statistics, it's 7.5 per 100,000 students — hardly an epidemic.
6
It's so hard to understand how we've gotten here. Suicide, addiction, mass shootings - there is something desperately wrong and all anyone seems to focus on is whose fault it is or isn't.
11
“Obviously what’s happening here is a complete crash and burn. I don’t know what the procedures/rules are for contacting parents but if this was my kid, I’d want to know.”
If this statement isn’t a tacit admission that at least one individual whose function as a school official should have led them to alert the parents of this poor child, then of what use are these faculty members? It’s wonderful that college professors and administrators do the bare minimum required to fill the needs of their tenured positions. It’s perplexing that this can’t be done while also putting in some effort to prevent students from committing suicide.
1
I have never understood a college's position that students are adults and that their private information can't (or won't) be shared with parents.
If that's the case, then the student should be viewed as an independent adult with respect to finances as well. But of course, virtually none of them could afford to pay tuition if they did that.
I'm not saying that a college needs a full-time mental health staff. But this tragedy might have been avoided by a simple phone call home, since the administrative apparently knew that something was wrong.
5
It's not the college's "position" - it is the law. If the student is 18 he has all the rights to privacy that you do.
14
Seven years ago tomorrow, my 19 yr old son took his own life when he was a sophomore at a large university in upstate New York. He had obtained a prescription for Adderall from a neurologist and as his texts later showed -- he had told friends about not being able to sleep for days on end and about how depressed he felt, but their responses showed they thought he was talking about the same run-of-the-mill college stress they too were experiencing. His roommate had moved out, so my son was in an empty dorm room with no one to observe his agony or alert him or others to what was going on. He stopped going to classes and was unable to finish his papers. He mentioned that he had tried numerous times to get his doctor on the phone, but was unable to. After he died we suspected the Adderall had changed him. When we had a meeting with several deans we asked if they knew that many of the students were taking Adderall, to which they responded "yes, but there is not much we can do about it". One of his professors wrote us saying he wished he had done something, because he could see something was wrong. Due to the "protection" given to my son by the HIPAA laws, it took us over 3 years to get copies of the paperwork from our insurance company showing the prescriptions and visits to the doctor. Colleges make concerted and intentional effort to make parents feel that their child is entering into a safe, secure, and caring environment. This could not be further from the TRUTH.
15
I'm afraid that your access to his mental health care would not have been any better if he'd been living either in your house or on his own. This is not an issue specific to colleges and universities.
8
According to my son's professor, he was one of the brightest in his class and the student who always led the class discussions. The professor acknowledged that his absences were a red flag. The deans we spoke to acknowledged a situation of rampant Adderall use. And yet they chose to do nothing. The issue here is that students who board at colleges are left to fend for themselves when they have a life threatening problem.
I'm a clinical psychologist and have treated patients across a number of settings: Veterans Hospital, academic medical centers, private clinic, community mental health centers, refugee clinics.... Many of the patients I dealt with across these settings were also college students, and many of them had severe psychological conditions of one kind or another. The college counseling centers where these students were attending school were frequently not staffed or equipped to deal with such complex or acute patients. Many of the college counseling centers were still following the old model of service provision, seeing students for brief amounts of time during the semester for stress or grief or other uncomfortable conditions falling within the normal range of psychological experience. They were not prepared to handle the recent veteran with PTSD or the severely depressed student with a history of complex trauma or the student with High Functioning Autism and severe anxiety. This is not a criticism of college counseling centers, but it is an expression of concern that campuses are under-prepared for the current student population and its complex psychological needs. Either we invest more resources in psychological health, on campuses and off, (and then, of course, hold professional psychologists and psychiatrists and others accountable for that added investment) or we will continue to see the dire consequences of not doing so, like the story in this article.
17
The unfortunate truth is that this young man could have taken his life even if he'd been living at home. Parents assume they'd be more sensitive and reactive and would have saved his life, but this is a huge assumption. My nephew committed suicide and the cause wasn't a lack of attention on our parts but a failure of the mental health system and a depth of depression beyond our understanding. I don't diminish the responsibility of universities and colleges, but as a faculty member I can see that our contact with and insights about students are limited. My sympathies are with the families.
14
I received my Ph.D. degree from Indiana University and lived in their graduate dorm which was a 14-story residence hall. At least 3 people during my time jumped to their deaths from this building and I happened upon one of the scenes with the body under a tarp until the iU campus police had finished their work. For the next several months, I always looked up leaving the building because someone falling on you would kill you as well. Colleges must notify parents if they believe suicide is being contemplated!
5
This is a complex topic and there is no one easy answer. A great organization is Active Minds (activeminds.org) which is a nation wide organization of college students aimed at fighting stigma against psychiatric illness and encouraging folks to get help. Too many young folks suffer in silence and are afraid to reach out for help. This group is fighting that.
7
no doubt someone has made this comment - but why, don't students - when entering college, just sign a waiver, allowing the college to share mental and physical health concerns with the parents. I think most parents would want to be the first - not the last to know.
13
Reading this all I can think of is (and this from an agnostic at best, likely an atheist), "What would Jesus do?"
Or let's cite the Golden Rule -- do unto others as they would do unto you.
Those who cite a student who is suicidal as an "adult" whose "privacy" should not be "violated," need to answer only this, "what if it was your child"? Do you really think you would write and pontificate about not violating the law? That you would find solace that the life of your child was lost but, hey, at least his/her privacy was honored? It's absurd on the face of it.
Honestly, this world has gone mad on some issues. Not helping someone who is suicidal -- a student, anyone -- with caring, compassion, and ACTION has no justification in any moral universe. The law in this case provides clean cover for those who simply don't want to stick their necks out to help someone -- not even someone facing the most dire peril there is.
3
Why do we expect colleges to do everything for students? They provide an education and possibly room and board for a fee. In addition, they provide some things on campus that you would expect to find in the town you live in like a doctor, a mental health professional and a gym. It is quite easy for a student to not interact with anyone on a larger campus, at least in the early years of 300 person lectures. It is not humanly possible for large institutions to monitor all students to the extent that we would wish they had after the latest bad thing happens. 18 year olds are legally adults, and colleges should not be expected to act as parents. Yes, this can result in tragedy, but I equate it to the same young person moving to another town for a job which would be considered a reasonable alternative to college. I don't think we'd expect their employer or their landlord to call their parents if they seemed distressed or deal with the situation if they got assaulted by their significant other.
Once again, the college in the article has hired a new administrator to handle the issue. This is on top of administrators hired to handle last year's issue and the issue of the year before that. While there are numerous reasons why college has gotten ridiculously expensive, one of those reasons is an explosion of administrators which shows no signs of abating. Unfortunately, it's still not going to keep every student safe from the issues that can occur.
24
One reason this is the college's responsible is because a residential college like Hamilton is what Erving Goffman called a "Total Institution": People live there, eat there, work there, have their friends there, all within that single institutional bubble. If such an institution is going to have that kind of dominion over a person's life, then it better also take responsibility for that person if he or she becomes ill. That includes psychological illness. I'm curious whether you would excuse the college from responsibility if this student, rather than being in psychological distress, had collapsed a few times on campus with an undiagnosed seizure disorder, or staff infection? Would the response still be "It's not possible to monitor everyone"?
9
Suicide is not some minor concern, especially when young adults (who are someone’s children) are placed in a foreign setting that exponentially increases the likelihood of suicide, even among the bourgeois darlings who never caused a problem in their lives.
2
By law the psychiatrist is required to report suicidal ideation to the family. When a patient expresses suicidal and homicidal thoughts, confidentiality can be broken. If the patient’s or student’s mental health is unstable I would contact the parents or family member if I were school staff. So much more could have been done in this situation.
6
I have read in several scientific articles that the human brain doesn’t reach full development until around age twenty-six. That would mean that we don’t reach adulthood until that age even though we are considered “of age” much sooner. We act like teen-angers until full development is reached. Please get help to those who appear to need it during those vulnerable years.
5
If parents pay the bills they should have more knowledge of their child's behavior. Otherwise, student take for granted they can behave badly or refuse to take responsibility for themselves. All parents need to know is that there has been a significant change in their child's behavior and that others are concerned, be they deans, professors, or classmates. To many people turn their heads away and won't adequately discuss the matter with the student who seems to be teetering. Many students will make their way to the mental health resource center because someone tells them they care about them and will go with them to their appointments. Far too many young people for because they fear the stigma of admitting they are not perfect and because they are ashamed that they can't cope. College, all adolescence, is very stressful and so many do not have good coping skills.
Yes parents can be part of the problem. They can be in denial or they can be heavy handed. Most parents don't even know the signs of mental illness so they cannot get behind the child early on, when treatments are so much more successful.
Anyone who says they are thinking of suicide should be taken seriously. Many have figured out how they plan to do it. It just takes a moment of despair or fear of the future and impulsively we lose someone who should have been able to contribute a lot to society.
Schools should not hide behind the whole privacy excuse
3
First, FERPA is abused by colleges, and used as an excuse not to share any information, other than tuition bills, with parents. The exception in FERPA for students who are listed as dependents on their parent tax returns likely covers the large majority of American students. The fact is, college students are in the transistion between childhood and adulthood, and both colleges and parents need to work together in helping to guide the way. Colleges, as a rule, need to involve parents much more than they do. They need to change their mindset.
Depression is a serious and difficult problem to manage. It rarely appears out of the blue; parents have known their children since birth. Colleges must help such students, but parents must be proactive as well. If your child has issues, choose a school withing driving distance of home, visit frequently, and insure that necessary counseling is provided. Filing a lawsuit after the fact (as in the case at MIT) accomplishes nothing useful, and may simply discourage colleges from granting admission to those with mental illness, the ADA not withstanding.
We must do all we can to prevent suicide, at all ages, but perhaps especially in the young. Usually, such efforts can and will be successful. But, very unfortunately, it can sometimes be hard to prevent someone who has their mind set on doing themselves harm from carrying out their intentions.
6
"The exception in FERPA for students who are listed as dependents on their parent tax returns likely covers the large majority of American students." ***********
This is one major exception and was news to me. Most parents insist their children remain dependents (versus file their own returns claiming themselves) because it's a requirement to get the American Opportunity Tax Credit (college tuition credit). It's hard to believe that colleges aren't aware of this exception, which leads me to believe they prefer the veil of privacy.
The “Adult” label in the US is a mixed message.
You can go to war and get killed at 18 because Congress needs young, fit bodies to carry out their overseas missions (and by 21 they may be too rational to sign up), but you can not buy a beer.
Which situation is more harmful to a young person?
The legal/medical/human development establishment has worked out that Americans under the age of 21 can not enjoy a beer responsibly, so of course University Administrations with all their academics in these fields ought to be able to clearly make
a diagnosis that a person under the age of 21 can not act responsibly if they are becoming a danger to themselves and that intervention is imperative.
How is it different if Beer is involved?
Otherwise, assuming the University will not call the parents under any circumstance due to FERPA rules, it must be entirely up to the academic and student body to look after each other, because the Admistration’s duty-of-care role will only go so far, just not far enough.
The university needs to include a
“Who do we call” box on their stack of forms that would be similar to the SHIP opt in or out out declaration that students must update every year for Health Insurance, listing a trusted adult for exactly these situations. It could even be another student,
because they’re adults, right?
5
I always wonder when I read so many comments about how people this age aren't fully formed adults, the trauma of being away from home for the first time, of living independently, etc., why no one is similarly concerned about the many people the same age who enter the military. The answer, I think, is that the Times and its readers don't share that experience the way they do sending their kids to college, and hence, it flies under their radar.
15
A fair point but from what I can tell, the military doesn’t do a stellar job either. It teaches that vulnerability is weakness while giving lip service to the idea that they are concerned with the mental health of service members.
1
I teach at an open-admissions institution, and many of our students are emotionally fragile, suffer from chronic physical or psychological illnesses, have social and/or cognitive learning impairments, and the burden on faculty and staff to ensure that these students learn and thrive is, at times, nearly insurmountable.
I regularly support students who are in crisis, but I am faculty, not a mental health professional, and sometimes the wait to see a therapist on campus is several weeks.
We are a public institution and shamefully underfunded.
I am particularly worried about the current generation of students who appear to suffer from anxiety and depression at rates I've not witnessed before during my 25 years of teaching at the college level.
22
If there is not an express threat/risk there is little that one can do with all of the privacy laws. I too was very worried when my daughter went off to college. All I could do was visit her regularly.
5
I'm a college professor and I regularly encounter anxious and depressed students. I could write a book about all the awful situations my students have experienced. I've had some students sit in my office and become so upset confiding their stories to me that I personally walk them to on-campus counseling. We have a special team at my university that can sweep in to help any student who's having difficulty, whether physical, psychological, social, or academic. The team is made up of reps from medical, counseling, dean of students, and campus security departments. Since I teach primarily freshmen, I spend the first week of ćlass every semester making sure they know they can ask any faculty member or administrator for help. We know they are away from home for the first time and if they have a problem, I tell them to raise their hands and we'll help. People entrust their children to us and we must do everything possible to help these kids! As far as I'm concerned, there's no other option here. If I knew a student was at high risk, I would lobby the student and my administration to contact the parents.
18