Researchers need to change their opinion, with technology friendships have changed. Many of us travel thousands of miles to meet a friend. Many of those friends become family. I know many men and women marrying people from across the globe, friendships begging on Facebook and other social media.
7
Odd, that a study about friendship characteristics, reflective of reward and attention-focusing brain centers, is devoid of references to sexuality; though, maybe not, since, with consideration, my inclinations toward the closest of my few friends are also devoid of sexual considerations. Does that speak to some sort of sexual destructiveness to more than careers and reputations within relationships and society in the me-too age?
1
My “Bestie” is Malky whom I’ve known since I was 8.5 years old. We are now 65 years old. We loved this article because we always discuss our amazing friendship philosophically, psychologically, emotionally, humorously and here it is right in the NYT!! Everything we’ve said over the years in print. We are the ying and yang, puzzle pieces that fit perfectly. So many dreams together, so many paths we took together and apart and here we are still planning and dreaming and finally living around the corner from each other in NJ and in Florida 6 months. Ok so we planned on Paris and settled in Florida but we will have our Paris some year. Our friendship has sustained us always. Life without my bestie would not be as wonderful.
27
"They plan next to try the experiment in reverse: to scan incoming students who don’t yet know one another and see whether those with the most congruent neural patterns end up becoming good friends."
This seems pretty important as a test of what's the cause and what's the effect here. Could be that having a best friend causes humans, naturally social critters that we are, to adapt to one another and grow more similar.
35
A fascinating and intriguing article. But Natalie, Natalie, Natalie--why is Dr. Parkinson "who is 31, wears large horn-rimmed glasses and has the wholesome look of a young Sally Field" the only person physically described in this article? It is totally irrelevant to the article and smacks of sexism.
119
Astonishing that such relevant topic as friendship, it is dealt through "elle" (she) and that cognitive scientists and philosophers give such profound reductionist comments on friendship by resorting to brain scans (?!). I would like to recommend for the cognitive scientist to take a 101 course on the theory of knowledge in, for ex., Aristotle or Kant. For the philosopher, I will recommend to read some of the philosophers of the Enlightenment, such as Diderot or Voltaire, particularly today, with the social-political upheavals that we all are enduring. Instead of reducing friendship among "besties" to brain scans's results the article and us, its readers, would have benefitted if the article would have dealt with what friendships at all levels do and can accomplish in such dire circumstances as ours. In brief, a mediocre article with some common sense remarks.
4
I wonder if individuals with relatively unique brain response patterns are likely to have fewer friends.
69
I was wondering the same thing.
13
Similar people have brains that react similarly in similar situations. Oh, and they are (shockingly) also more likely to be friends, probably because they are similar.
How is this surprising?
People want to be with others who mirror them and have the same opinions. Narcissism anyone?
9
I wonder what the implications might be for psychotherapists and their clients?
8
They both have money?
8
As half of a long-coupled pair who exchange glances accompanied by minute facial expression in lieu of verbal exchanges much of the time, this is fascinating but not news.
4
I find it interesting that the female researcher is described based on physical attributes (horn rimmed glass, a young Sally Fields) while none of the male researchers are described to us at all. Coincidence? I think not, but I also don't think it's intentional. Perhaps the NYT ought to consider whether the physical attributes of a neuroscientist are an essential part of the story -- but only if she's female.
81
I am sitting here wondering if one explanation for when close friends drift apart might be if one of the pair develops an emotional illness that affects their brain chemistry?
Also recalling how last year, a friend I was extremely close to in grad school 30+ years ago, came to stay from out of town. We were both a bit apprehensive at how it would go since we hadn't seen each other F2F in years. Amazingly, it was like picking up a conversation from a day ago.
28
If you travel with a friend - or a lover - sometimes you discover that you really are not on the same wavelengths at all. Which requires more energy to elicit preferences and be sure both have enjoyable experiences. And sometimes ends relationships if it becomes obvious that what one person loves the other cannot abide . In marriages or budding relationships, it can kill the romance - which is so much about the heady feeling you are one.
3
Back when I was single a hundred years ago before FB and dating aps, I had become frustrated with my social life, and had a bad year or so of messy relationships and failed friendships. So I made up a few guidelines, so that whenever I met someone I was attracted to I would establish three areas of common interest 1. Did she like to read? Didn't matter what. 2. Did she like or have pets? (Dogs earned the person bonus points) 3. Did she have a sense of humor? The last could be a little harder to calibrate and generally took some time to research. It wasn't long after that I met my future wife. She easily met my criteria, and I guess, I was able to meet hers. I've been married to her for almost 40 years now.
I wonder what an fMRI would have revealed?
18
BTW, that "Dartmouth School of Business " is properly The Tuck School of Business at Dartmouth.
5
Seeing the top comments, I confess my initial reaction to this article was to see what all the fuss was about. Turns out, they weren't kidding!
"Dr. Parkinson — who is 31, wears large horn-rimmed glasses and has the wholesome look of a young Sally Field..." [With, importantly, no mention of the physical characteristics of the other, male doctors.]
Talk about a psychology study within a psychology study!
Why would a professional, mature, experienced journalist in this day and age say such a thing! That is simply asking to be eaten alive!
The only non-nefarious conclusion I can come up with is that the author made a strong subconscious connection with Dr. Parkison, so strong that the physical description became the focal aspect of the author's depiction of the doctor within her mind and in her expression of those thoughts. Perhaps the doctor reminder her of a younger self? A sister, cousin, friend of her own? A teacher?
Dr. Parkison, I believe we have a thought for your next research study!
...
Fascinating piece, outside of that.
43
Thank you for your clarity. A certain syntonic reaction was felt and expressed. The other researcher did not elicit it. I guess correctness forbids.
1
I am Latin american, perhaps that explains why my friends are diverse and I enjoy that diversity.
7
Birds of a feather.
Tell me who your friends are and I'll tell you who you are.
I guess old platitudes have survived for a reason.
8
Uhm, friendships don’t necessarily paired you up with your “clone” that would be extremely boring. Vive la diffèrence.
1
One wonders if analagous findings might exist between a person and her or his cat or dog.
17
From the title, I was expecting friends' brain waves to sync up, similar to the way women's menstrual cycles do when they live together. Instead, the article suggests we are attracted to people with similar tastes and values. It sounds as if brain waves reveal patterns of responses based on a lifetime of experiences, upbringing, and culture, thus friendships based on having things in common. The result is less influential, connective, electromagnetic, and more like "You like gefilte fish? I do, too!"
3
For several years I was a member of a small, tight-knit group of five buddies. We spent a lot of time together socially, including vacations. I clicked the most with one of the guys in our group, but even that feeling of closeness was eclipsed by the feeling I had when we were all together having a meal or hanging out.
I wonder if there is a way to overlay different fMRIs from members of a group like this to arrive at a group pattern that is somehow more appealing to each member, than the pattern of any one of the members? The Beatles come to mind as a well-known example.
18
Tom, we had a very similar idea and another study, now in progress, is exploring it. Hopefully the NY Times will cover that one too!
5
what a fascinating study. I would love to read more about future results.
Several years ago, I had a bestie who, it turned out, was stealing from me. The jolt of realizing that someone who was that close to me, who shared "blood flow" or "interest flow" was horrific. Friendships have been so much harder for me to establish since that discovery, perhaps because I can no longer trust the synchronicity of thought I once took for granted.
12
I was struck by 2 things: First, the statement, "Why sociability might help block inflammation remains unclear." What about the opposite, i.e., inflammation blocking sociability? Seems obvious but maybe not. Second, at first I expected the notion of sharing brainwaves to mean literally mixing or combining brainwaves. Seems far-fetched but consider the phrase "on the same wavelength." Research on the nature of flow, more commonly thought of as being in the zone, as when superior athletes excel, may yet reveal an exponential effect when flow is achieved in tandem, between athletes. Or between people invoked in deep dialogue. Fascinating stuff in terms of energy, in the quantum sense.
33
Will the increase in digital social interactions lead to a widespread increase in fibrinogen and health problems? This study begs for replication with all strata of humans as well as face to face friends vs FB friends.
4
"The impulse toward homophily, toward bonding with others who are the least other possible, is found among traditional hunter-gatherer groups and advanced capitalist societies alike."
Brain waves aside, this would explain why we tend to gravitate to and away from old friends, based on life experience, especially when we have taken different life paths.
11
Interesting article but the illustration, while beautiful, is a little short-sighted. It shows two women holding hands. I'm an American female and my best friend is a French man, 10 years older than me who speaks very little English. We live on opposite sides of the globe, are married to other people and yet, we share a complicity and incredible bond of friendship. It's an intellectual, social bond, one that is completely platonic. He and I talk every week, about absolutely everything. Our friendship has also permitted me to remain fluent in French, after all these years.
Luckily, our spouses understand it. We met 39 years ago, when I was hitchhiking in the rain with a friend in the Loire Valley. His girlfriend at the time picked us up and then introduced us to him. He drove us back to Paris a few days later. In other words, the chances of our paths ever crossing were one in a million. Serendipity.
38
Great insights. While scrolling through, I wonder if my BFFs are seeing the same ads.
7
"The Dream of Reason" Dr. Parkinson emphasized that the study was a “first pass, a proof of concept,” and that she and her colleagues still don’t know what the neural response patterns mean: what attitudes, opinions, impulses or mental thumb-twiddling the scans may be detecting. Neuro Scientists probing the Brain as if the Atomic/Chemical Nebulae would reveal anything useful about the misery of our lives. Ho Hum science - no more than garbage in garbage out!
Another way of expressing tribalism which is eroding American democracy.
3
What?? How does an article on the importance of friendship justify your comment. Are you suggesting that democracy would work better if we had no friends? Bizarre!
7
I agree with Tacitus. As mentioned, race, religion and socioeconomic status unfortunately still often define whether somebody is considered a friend or a subject. Possible consequences are described in the first three sentences of the article under discussion.
1
Thanks for the thoughtful engagement with our research. I agree that the effect we pick up could be one basis of "echo chambers" in our networks. The key is to be conscious of this danger and actively work to cultivate cognitively diverse relationships. But it won't happen on its own, it requires deliberate effort
Suggestion: instead of all the complicated, distracting, often false information given on sites for dating, mating, and more -- submit an EEG. Maybe hard to read for an amateur -- but probably as reliable as swiping left or right.
1
Another good reason to be a MGTOW. Wives are a huge impediment to male friendship. Maybe that's a factor in why men tend to die earlier than women.
Well now that most women can support themselves, husbands are an impediment to just about everything.
12
I suppose this explains Republican/Democrat.
2
The students were then asked to participate in a brain scanning study and 42 agreed.
___
42. That's the answer.
13
What is this newspaper's justification - other than sheer sexism - for giving us a physical description of Dr. Carolyn Parkinson (female) but NOT of Dr. Kevin N. Ochsner (male)? Please explain.
25
You beat me to it!
2
I’m still on the edge of my seat waiting for the description of the Hollywood star that the male doctor resembles! Kevin Costner? Danny Trejo? Michael Cera?
8
Yeah, really.
1
Did David Brooks read this before writing his NYT column today? This piece and his blend perfectly together.
3
Maybe now, instead of filling out multiple choice "profiles" of ourselves on dating websites, we can just watch some videos with electrodes on our heads and upload the results. I hope Parkinson gets her study's results to dating websites like the ones Dr. Ochsner and his future wife were on. Those sites are overdue for an upgrade just like this.
1
This study would be interesting if compared and contrasted to autism. Additionally, the overlay of dogs' and children's' brains might help provide a "door to discovery" re a starting point for helping these children.
2
Why is the lead researcher’s appearance described? Had she been a man would you have felt the need to evaluate her physically like that? And why wasn’t this caught in editing?
18
I have lived a full and erudite life for 76 years Unlike the Times’ headline writer, I have never encountered the word “bestie,” apparently meaning best friend, before now.
4
A new dating business? Come and get a brain scan and we will be able to match you with 100% accuracy.
2
I’m trying to figure out what on earth THIS adds —
Dr. Parkinson — who is 31, wears large horn-rimmed glasses and has the wholesome look of a young Sally Field — described herself as introverted but said, “I’ve been fortunate with my friends.”
Huh? Journalism? NYT? Random! What?
27
Thank you, Chris, for posting this comment questioning such a strange, totally irrelevant paragraph describing a young woman scientist—the only description of physical appearance in the piece. Absolutely not acceptable in any publication, much less the NYT.
8
While I don't disagree, and the word "wholesome" is probably not warranted, I think an editorial balance also has to be found in journalism between the facts and also giving a sense of humanness to make the story more interesting to readers who cannot "see" visually, for example, as in a TV interview. I think it would go too far to completely strip out this connection, and sanitize the characters involved.
3
Five years ago I moved from a big city where I had lived for over thirty years. I had one 'best' friend and about five very close friends, all women. We supported each other through divorces, marriages tragedies, low times and high. They were always there for me and I for them. I miss them terribly.
I really have no close female friends in my 'new' environment, I have a great husband but our bond is not the same. My health seems to have suffered, it may be just my age but a whole part of my life seems now to be missing.
22
I totally empathize. In my own experience, being "a city girl" leads to being considered "different" by people who have grown "joined at the hip" in an insular small-town environment. I suggest exploring different groups, to find people of more similar interests and points of view.
7
Fascinating if not surprising. My first question is if these people saw the videos in a group or as individuals? I am very aware that my taste in movies change depending on who I see them with. It is like borrowing what I know of another's way of seeing the world as a lens to see the film. some friends are better comedy buddies for instance. second question is have they tested long term partners or spouses? I find my friends are like me and my spouse quite different.
4
The each watched the same videos, but did so individually
This article immediately brought to mind three sets of friends I have, each group having like attitudes in various, different areas. I immediately emailed two of them but skipped the third, with whom I "hang" because I feel the connection the research described with only a few of them and relate to the others in a different way I hope doesn't show.
I'm surprised at the resistance to the research that some people are experiencing. It strikes me as resentment at being predicted or predictable, as contrasted with delight at having something new possibly discovered.
Different friendship group from me, for sure!
3
I've read that people who get together with their high school or college sweethearts after years apart usually have very happy relationships. Maybe this is why?
2
Bonding with other members of humanity obviously has roots in our ability to survive. Do some people have a large group of casual acquaintances, while others have a few close acquaintances? It has often been observed that the bonds of those in military units who undergo extreme danger are some of the closest that can be experienced. We also hear of a callousness that develops in units that experience severe losses toward forming extreme bonds with replacements. Do common challenges move individuals closer? People's interests and preferences can change over time, so does the desire to bond with like individuals likewise adjust to that? It appears these folks have a formidable challenge ahead sorting all the variables.
2
Ah yes, neurobiology—illustrating that, when, if all you have is a hammer, everything looks like a nail. And, then, with the cult of probability and coincidence and technology that passes for science these days, all nails can be shown to largely look alike, or can at least be sorted into various lookalikes. What’s missing? Marilynne Robinson would call it the absence of mind. So would I.
4
Then why do good friends sometimes fall out and no longer are friends, or couples who were close get divorced? Why do family members who are close don't talk because some are Trump supporters and others can't stand him?
9
You could be a family member and have different brain waves/brain structures. I also don't think the article is positing that brain waves are the ONLY thing you need for friendship. Also, perhaps something changes? I once worked with a financial advisor who said as his clients age, "they become MORE of what they were when they were younger."
2
What's the point of describing Dr. Parkinson's physical appearance?
21
I'd love to have someone check out my 32 year old niece and my 68 year old me. Somehow, she and I just hit it off. She came to my wife and I when she was 2nd grade, stayed thru 4th grade, returned to Caracas (but returned for a few summers) only to return to us from the second half of 11th grade onward. She's in 3rd year of Denver med school now. Throughout this time she maintained her relationship with her dad in Caracas. Now, I'm not saying that she completes sentences for her dad and I, but ...
6
It sounds like these experiments were done with college aged kids.
I have a friend from high school; she moved at age 16-17. We met again in our 70s through email and clicked again. Amazing. Different lives, different ends of the US: California and Florida.
How about checking with aging couples? See if they are on the same wave length. While couples mold each other, my husband and I are still not as close as my high school friend and me. He and I met in our early 30s.
10
What makes these 'researchers' think they have some kind of special access to my friendships or to take the license to form ideas about my friendships at all? Who then gave them permission to go on and measure these ideas on a spreadsheet? Must we reduce everything in our lives to scientific inquiry?
There is always a sense of mystery in the things we hold sacred. Why should we have to stick a needle in them?
6
I agree with you Kevin (will you be my best friend?). Why so much research, time and money spent on 'proving' what should be obvious. "Ah sweet mystery of life at last I've found you...".
3
Kevin, you were not part of the study. There was no 'special access' to your friendships. No permission was needed.
Those involved obviously were intrigued by the idea and happy to be part of the study. Why are you so upset?
5
Thank you for your response. By 'special access' I mean that when analyzing the information from a control group, assumptions are made that my particular situation among friends 'should fit the mold'. In other words, an outside entity has determined for itself that it very likely has a special ability to see inside my friendships too..
It may seem innocent and even fun in 2018, but those fascinating dystopian books and movies we read and see wouldn't be popular if we could not import plausibility into the storyline. What if (constitutional rights notwithstanding) citizens in a far out future needed to take a DNA test to determine what friendships they are entitled to have? You see, when we strip away the uniqueness of ourselves and our relationships in these ways, we are stripped of our very identity. And it all started with a study...We will be as unlikely to know it then as we are now.
1
These results are only surprising to those who think we have souls. To those who realize consciousness, tastes, and even personal styles are products of physical structures in our sensory and nervous systems, this is exactly what would be expected.
But it's important to keep . . . in mind . . . that most of this is learned. Our friendships aren't genetically predetermined. (We'd never rid the world of racism if they were.) We're attracted to those with certain traits because we've enjoyed the company of people with those traits before and been influenced by them to have those traits ourselves.
I'm going to predict, though, that the "wholesome young Sally Field lookalike" (who is also, less saliently (?), a highly qualified scientist) won't find quite as strong a correlation when she tracks incoming students and their forming friendships because, though friendships begin with some level of pre-existing compatibility, friends influence each other over time and become more and more alike.
12
"To those who think we have souls"? What on earth do you mean by this? That we have consciousness beyond the physical brain is so assured, so proven, so experienced, it belies belief that it is still questioned. There have been thousands and thousands of recorded near death experiences, so many of which include spontaneous healings, that any serious meta-analysis of the phenomenon could only conclude it is real. What then is the soul?
5
Resonance is nothing new. And they just confine to besties.
While unscientific, it has been known female roommates very often sync up their menstrual cycles.
One of the readers was curious about male v. female's tendency to "share." Perhaps it could be nature v. nurture thing. Culturally, females are more sharing while males are encouraged to suppress their empathic tendency. Right or wrong is besides the point but that is the frailty of being human. There may even be physical traits differentiate the opposite sex. Again, it is neither good nor bad, so we don't need to get into political correctness dispute.
Perhaps this doesn't confine to just intra-species resonance. If you treat your cats and dogs as a being, maybe similar bonding ability is possible
4
It’s a myth that women’s menstral cycles synch up
1
That "women's cycles sync up" idea has been debunked.
1
The diverse memories of my life experiences is my source of reflection regarding what I call my personal truths. As I age, these truths are not simply likes and dislikes, they are entrenched in my character.
If I were to be tested at the age of say 30 years old and retested at 60, you would find a stark difference as to what I would call a friendship.
Yes, I have a friendship that has lasted the test of time of 43 years. The thread that binds this friendship is trust, honesty and sincere generosity of the heart. 30 years ago I would not have been aware how vary rare this gift of friendship is.
10
“A friend will help you move, goes an old saying, while a good friend will help you move a body.” That says it all. So lucky to have one of those friends. Rare indeed.
6
Oh... oh....oh....I smell satire......
“... demonstrated that people with strong social ties had comparatively low concentrations of fibrinogen, a protein associated with the kind of chronic inflammation thought to be the source of many diseases. Why sociability might help block inflammation remains unclear.”
Or maybe it’s the (high) fibrinogen that is blocking sociability?
6
She runs a farm stand, plays the oboe, manages money admirably, loves drop-in company, dogs, children and chickens, laughs easily, dresses for comfort, is highly educated, honest and generous to all. I'm addicted to literature, writing, dreaming, opera, philosophy, sensitive to the air around me, devoted, not given to physical labor. I'm a stylish dresser, have gift of making people feel strong and confident. We're best friends and agree and disagree about the very same things. She's rich; I'm poor. She has endless energy; I have endless curiosity. If I lost her there would be a big hole in my heart and feeling that no one has my back. If she lost me, she would survive because she attracts many, but her brain waves would be without that paradise of wordless but felt synchronicity that this article explains so well.
44
My impression is that belonging to a clique does not essentially mean true friendship. Having a genuine friend in whom one can confide and find moral support in times of crisis is definitely a gift but meeting such person is as rare as finding a heart of gold in a crowded subway in Delhi. I would not want to say that world has become morally depraved. I also do not attest to the idea of looking desperately for a genuine friendship and thinking that without one life is a tragedy. It is often the desperate people who fall victim to all sorts of phoniness and scheming. Our first duty is to ourselves, i.e., not to buckle in the times of crises. If the help comes from unsought quarters, there is still hope.
10
Gee, I guess I'll have to reassess whether any of my closest friends are really friends. Age? Only those whom I met through school. The rest range from 22-91. Race? I'm biracial and don't have a single close friend from either of my parents' ethnic groups (other than my cousins). Religion? None of my close friends share my committed atheism. Socioeconomic status? Lots of casual acquaintances, yes, but my two best friends are at opposite ends of the spectrum. Educational level? Same two friends--one only finished high school the other has multiple postgraduate degrees. Political leaning? Our dinner parties are rowdy proof that our friends cover the spectrum from liberal to Trumpista. How much fun would a party be with people who all agree? Pulchritude rating? I would never hang out with people as homely as I am. Handgrip strength? Give me a break. I don't shake hands with my friends, we hug each other.
Based on the assumptions behind this article, I've done it all wrong and don't have any real friends. More likely, it seems to me, is that those assumptions are blindingly narrow-minded, in not outright insulting.
25
Any study that finds solutions to social isolation is invaluable. Except for my sisters, I don't recall having a best friend until 7th grade. That didn't last past high school. As a 66-year old adult I've struggled to have a best friend, and only finally found two close friends about 5 years ago. Loneliness is painful and so hard for some of us to overcome.
25
So completely agree! I’m sick of all these studies that show friendship
Is important to health: alright already! Give us decent tools to actual make and keep good friends: now THAT’s a worthwhile endeavor.
8
Yet another case of “Duh, everybody knows that, except for materialistic clueless scientists (evidently).” Just like, wow, dogs have feelings, etc., ad infinitum.
2
This has been known for a long time. Birds of the same feather flock together is a common saying. Show me your friend, and I'll tell you who you are is another.
7
Just try to avoid the narcissistic types if at all possible.
1
I am guessing they have measured empathy, no more, no less. Nice job.
1
Looks like some of us NYT commenters could be great friends .. we all found the note about Dr. Parkinson's "wholesome" looks rather gratuitous.
22
I mean, I'd love to be described as a "young Sally Field"--but only if my fellow scientist husband was also described for his looks. (I'm rooting for a young Burt Reynolds!)
8
lovers, poets, madmen
2
My bestie and I just had about 20 minutes of nonstop laughter after reading this article and Googling its references. (We agreed that the music video wasn’t the *worst* we’d ever seen either!)
4
Dr. Parkinson said “That shared processing could make people click more easily and have the sort of seamless social interaction that can feel so rewarding.”
since the author mentioned moving bodies, on the darker side, gangs and cults and even military groups--semper fi!--need to have some form of shared thinking to function effectively as a group. for better or for worse, not everyone has the mentality to become a marine or a trained killer, although many marines who remain in the group might say that their experiences were rewarding.
even a workplace institution needs to have workers with values and a common understanding that are consistent with with an institutional "mission"--if we expect that institution to function effectively.
4
I found your article entertaining, but I am mostly writing to tell you that I'm right with you on the sloth issue. I did find it comforting that someone had that reaction, even though I don't know you.
7
“Watching TV clips is much more accurate to our everyday life than the times we go to a museum,” he said, and therefore potentially more revealing of who we are and what we hope to find in a friend.
This paragraph really struck me. I have many people I consider true friends, persons I really feel comfortably connected to and enjoy every moment in their company, more so, the ones I’ve known for years and have shared all of my life’s hurdles and celebrations with. However, I don’t watch television. I’m an ardent reader.
When I discuss books with someone that has read a similar novel and got the reflecting organism from same, I immediately feel a bound with them. Books are my highest source of reward and my everyday activity. For most of my friends, this source of mundanity to me isn’t the same for them. So I felt conflicting by the paragraph I used as the introduction to my comment. It’s naive to think that television is a measure of everyday life universally, as friendship is a universal reality. The rest of the world have activities that are more universal in their normalcy and the researchers may want to explore these activities, sensitive to the culture of practice that exemplifies relationalability among true friends from those places.
This is just a thought.
Great study and findings. I eagerly look forward to reading more on this experiment
8
I am a fellow avid reader, though I also watch some t.v. I would imagine they started with videos because they are easily standardized in ways other experiences cannot be. I, too, hope they will investigate the effects of other types of stimuli, though--ones that do not involve screens.
What do you like to read? I mostly stick to contemporary literary novels nowadays, since I need a break from my coursework. I married a fellow reader; he and I "poach" each other's library books!
1
One study is suggestive, but until it is replicated it is only suggestive.
4
The researchers do not claim to have settled the matter. Times articles about medicine and health, etc. usually oversimplify matters, making studies sound more definitive than they actually are intended to be. Things are seldom as black and white as articles in the Science and Health sections make them seem. It's one of the few things I don't care for about the Times. I look to other sources for more objective information about what studies are purporting to investigate, and their outcomes.
I figured this out by myself ages ago. I moved around a lot as a kid and did not have many female friends, but when I finally made a good (great) one, it has been for life. We emphatically do NOT come from similar backgrounds, but I did observe that we often had similar reactions to many situations--not all, but many. Outsiders might miss that about us. We have very different skill sets, histories, even tastes in movies, food, clothing, etc. But we UNDERSTAND one another's gut reactions and that has kept us together for more than 40 years.
29
The title of this piece betrays a concerning misunderstanding of methods in neuroscience and the scientific result at hand. In humans, “brain waves” refers almost exclusively to EEG or ECoG—electrical signals recorded via electrodes placed in or around the skull. This study exclusively used fMRI, a (vastly different) magnetic imaging technique which works by simply measuring blood flow in the brain. fMRI is incapable of measuring neural activity with anything close to the temporal resolution needed to detect brain waves. NYT, please refrain from using “brain waves” as click bait and perpetuating the abuse of this term in simplistic neuroscience reporting: there is no apparent mention of “brain waves”, oscillations, local field potential, or any electrophysiological methods in the body of this piece or in the original research article.
87
Remember: Journalists rarely, if ever, write their own headlines. But I get what you're saying.
1
And we've never heard of empathy before?
10
Like seeks like.
2
Now I just want to know what the Australian mockumentary was.
45
I was wondering if it was a short video I saw (Australian) where a drag queen liked to pretend to be furniture. Lol even it had me fooled while I was watching but I’m pretty sure now it was “mock” style.
1
Dear Friends,
I have just finished reading this article about how we essentially share a brain. I am just so sorry.
(But you knew that already.)
Love, Cath
19
"The impulse toward homophily, toward bonding with others who are the least other possible, is found among traditional hunter-gatherer groups and advanced capitalist societies alike."
I look forward to a follow-up article exploring the implications of this statement and of this research for racial and tribal comity.
6
Absolutely, was thinking the same. It's possibly why each generation starts afresh when learning to resist racism, prejudice, fearful thinking, groupthink, etc.
5
"people choose friends who are much like themselves in a wide array of characteristics: of a similar age, race, religion, socioeconomic status, educational level, political leaning, ..."
Why do we have so much trouble accepting this as the basis of racism and the tendency for people to separate into groups? I'm not saying it's right but...
We hear so much about racism and at least categorizing and grouping others/people is a construct (in this paper repeatedly). I've always responded that even in primitive hunter gatherer groups they are aways wary and unliking of the next group just over in the next valley (who often look like them but not enough like them).
I'm not saying we shouldn't rise above these basic impulses but always could see them as stemming from basic human instincts.
7
To quote Stokely Carmicheal: racism is not a question of attitude, it is a question of power. One group can be wary of another group without labeling that other group inherently inferior -- and then using that label, and the power accumulated from exploitation, to justify the other groups oppression.
Why is this so hard to understand?
3
Cool! Perhaps that's why we know what our friends are thinking and feeling even at a distance.
1
Thank you for taking the time to reply to some of these comments, Dr. Kleinbaum (sorry if I misremembered your name)! Much appreciated.
3
I wonder if close friends we see often influence our brain processing patterns. There's so much we don't know about how our brains work!
1
This is totally fascinating. I'd love to see a similar study of the brains of partners in marriages . . .
26
Most partners in marriage are partially brain-dead. Trust me, I've been married for 29 years and both my husband and I can't think think for ourselves any more ;-)
9
Ha! But is that a matter of being married, or just due to aging brains, Dr. Ged? My husband and I joke around about wanting to add more RAM to each other's brains...
1
Surely, we have only scratched the surface of the many complex ways in which humans interact in synergistic ways, whether chemically or electromagnetically. They just must comport with the laws of physics.
4
I would love to know the names of the phony elephant man music video and the subtle Australian mockumentary!
The bit about the Australian mockumentary reminds me an awful lot of "Kenny" -- https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Kenny_(2006_film)
I don't watch TV. Does this mean I'll die friendless? No, but it might mean the research is quite limited in its applicability.
7
The videos are supposed to determine how the subjects think about the things they see. You're assuming the study's applications are limited due to your own anti-television bias. Similar brain activity while watching videos would correlate to similar ways of thinking about other experiences, i would imagine (to various degrees).
One of the things I liked best about my husband at first, btw, is that he did not own a television. We own one now, but we don't have it on constantly.
2
You make a lot of assumptions while criticizing a single one made by Chicago.
Maybe so, Marek. I respect your right to read the original comment differently than I did. I grew up with a mother with a virulently anti-television worldview, so that's my "dirty lens."
1
They are not acquainted, these two friends of mine of different nationality and background, and yet they come in on the same day nearly at the same hour; the pragmatic one, on a tour guide to California, responsible and a realist; the other, a free spirit, short of a genius, navigating on imagination with the capability of learning chess in 24 hrs, and winning the match with an online opponent.
Two opposites, they come together with their rich variety of personality traits to make a heavenly friendship. It is silent now. One will not be able to chime in, being in charge of thirty tourists; the other is off to save an abused dog, and it is the perfect time to take a nap, while keeping my soul, and knowing I would be poor in heart and lost without them.
7
huh, yeah, in the paragraph just before that one dr. ochsner isn't given the same treatment. i almost thought the article was going for irony here where two people who are close friends in this field of study have similar looks.
but nope, plain old sexism.
4
My best friend in life was the only person I've known to share my pan- romantic feelings about the world. There was never any sexual attraction but we had a consistent draw to one another and shared delight in the other's company because we shared heart primacy, life's musical score, IQ, variation of pace, curiosity and other appetites, humor, joys, sorrows, etc etc. In short, as the study suggests, we responded to all the world in very similar (and thus fully understandable) ways. As a psychotherapist, I know that being witnessed is a powerful affirmation of life. We witnessed ourselves in one another and one another in ourselves. Our energy bodies vibrated, flowed, and whirled in congruency. This brain wave study rings true to me and helps explain why we felt blessed as soulmates.
21
Exactly as me and my best friend for 38 years were until she had sudden unexpected death. Irreplaceable. It was a joy every occasion to spend time together often greeting one another ‘s knock on the door with oh just you ! Thanks for your post fun to remember.
12
Three questions for researchers: 1. Does brain chemistry/blood flow change as a relationship grows? 2. Do people with diverse friendships (like JanO and P.S. below) have different brain chemistry that might account for this? 3. Most importantly for our society, how do we create an atmosphere that promotes diverse friendships?
8
That last thought was one of mine, too. How can we expand our little circles? How do we set up situations where we might really click with someone from a background really different from our own? Perhaps younger people are managing this . .
Guess I'm an outlier. I've always been friends with people unlike me,mostly foreigners and immigrants. I don't know why. I like hearing their stories and how they got here and thrived. Plus, their food is usually more tasty. :)
112
I, too, seek out people unlike me. I like finding out how people very different from me see the world.
7
I have close friends with whom I share many similarities. But like you I am drawn to people very unlike me, from other cultures and countries. I find them so interesting!
8
And, also from Washington, DC most of my life, foreigners are usually more cultured. Many Americans seem to me chest-thumping Dunning-Kruger prototypes. The hillbillies are not only out living in the sticks.
2
I don't see how one can draw any conclusions from a science that is still in its alchemy stage.
4
The researchers say this is the beginning of their exploration of this phenomenon, not the end.
4
Yikes — isn't it time to stop giving physical descriptions of women in news stories ("Dr. Parkinson — who is 31, wears large horn-rimmed glasses and has the wholesome look of a young Sally Field") while not giving comparable descriptions of men? What are you thinking?
302
Needs a another research on why scientists or writers give description of women but not men in their papers!
18
and why were all the videos by or about men?
4
A "dating" service to match people for friendship would be great, sexuality not required.
93
Like say, Facebook? Only not evil?
4
Good luck with that...
1
Brain scans of siblings and couples would be interesting for future research to see if have similar brain waves.
12
You're writing about facebook friends, right? Not lifelong friends.
Some of mine, from 7th grade to pushing 70, I'd definitely help move a body, questions asked but help forthcoming.
And it's their different tastes, even different values that are of value me.
Likewise, I can trust them to tell me exactly how they see things, broadening my perspectives, yet invariably lend support.
Don't need an echo chamber. Neither do they.
28
I don't see any mention of Facebook or other media(tors). The friendships are in the living and educational situation -- the same dorm, the same classes, frequently seeing and interacting with the people in person.
2
Excellent article. But, here is a question? Assuming random chance is a key part of "meeting" people, how is it that everyone, or almost everyone, always has a "best" friend. It would seem that, with pure random chance, and the very large biodiversity in humans, that finding someone with the same brain scan would be difficult. But, maybe not?
4
Michael,
It is rare but my childhood friend was not my best; she was a 'Laotong' as described in 'Snow flower and the Secret Fan' by Lisa See. I sent the novel to eight friends and they all reacted differently. But my childhood friend wrote in return 'this is about us' and on hearing the news of her death, I put my childhood away. Something in my being and soul have gone forever, and life will never be the same.
7
Maybe the ways our brains process stimuli tend to fall into some general categories, and we are more likely to befriend those in the same processing group?
2
Many of us go decades without a best friend.
4
Fascinating research.
It would be interesting to see if brain scans of siblings produce similar kinds of results and if the scans start to diverge as the siblings age and experience different things.
4
My bet would be they are distinctive from the get-go.
I have the growing feeling that a huge fraction of human behavior is biologically determined.
4
I am thinking similar thoughts.
1
When you write, "Yet when it comes to the depth and complexity of bonds, humans have no peers," this seems like the same kind anthropocentric thinking that has dogged true human mental progress. How do you presume to know the "depth and complexity" of bonds among animals? Better to stick to what you know, not what you presume to know.
107
I agree with that, Name. I doubt that we humans are any more complex, in that respect, than the higher apes. But that extends to many social animals: monkeys, wolves, elephants, even prairie dogs.
10
I guess this spells doom for Republicans and Democrats in Congress ever compromising.
13
And yet this lack of compromising across the aisles is relatively new!
4
Is there any particular reason why the physical appearance of the female scientist whose work was discussed in the article was described, but not the physical appearance of any of the male scientists?
405
"Is there any particular reason why the physical appearance of the female scientist whose work was discussed in the article was described, but not the physical appearance of any of the male scientists?"
Yes, Mel, there certainly is, but there's no reason to pretend you don't know it.
The researcher's appearance struck the author as remarkable, while the others' did not. This reason is aplenty to justify the mentioning.
Stop clobbering mental life and spontaneity with political correctness. This mental genocide is disgusting.
1
The way I see it,you are the one trying to tell people to practice closed-mindedness, al in Boston. Who made you the arbiter of what is and is not appropriate to discuss, anyway?
1
Yes - it is a test to see how hypersensitive the NYT readership is. Apparently very much so.
1
Why does Dr. Parkinson's physical appearance matter? Why is the appearance of her male colleagues not described?
249
For years, sleeping next to the love of my life each night, we would often have the same dream. We felt a sort of Vulcan mind meld when this happened...
14
dp, you might enjoy the Hungarian movie, 'On Body and Soul', where two distant and aloof strangers share the same dream. When a psychiatrist is called in on the workplace to determine the mental hygiene of the workers, she remains baffled and uncertain, and so do 'the reindeer'.
1
"For without friends, no one would choose to live." Aristotle
10
C.S. Lewis, the British author, has a quote about the value of friendship, which you might find of interest.
2
Can't wait for the dating services to offer scanning matchups!
14
Even more reason to choose one's company / friends with great care :-) !
4
Just wondering why the author chose to mention that Dr. Parkinson "wears large horn-rimmed glasses and has the wholesome look of a young Sally Field." This doesn't seem pertinent to Dr. Parkinson's work, and I don't recall reading a NYT Science article that has described a male scientist's appearance along with his provocative results. Here's hoping we will hear more (or nothing) about the eye wear and celebrity resemblance of all researchers moving forward.
348
I wondered that too, since it wasn't a comparison of her pulchritude measure with her husband's. Now, if the article had said "He had the wholesome looks of a young Burt Reynolds," that would be different.
45
"Here's hoping we will hear more (or nothing) about the eye wear and celebrity resemblance of all researchers moving forward.
Here's hoping for juicier descriptions of fellow humans, dudes and dudettes alike.
I also like my steak bloody, wine red, and scotch single malt and plenty. To la joie de vivre, et vive science!
1
Hear, hear. And hear´s hoping ´moving forward´be consigned to the dustbin of fad expressions, fast.
I’ve always bonded with people who are quite different from me (“race, religion, socioeconomic status, educational level, political leaning, pulchritude rating”), but maybe I’m just an outlier. Whatever it is that’s wrong or different about me, though, I can’t help feeling that this theory of shared brain waves misses something complex and important in the structure of friendships. Particularly female friendships. And more specifically that notion of looking for a buddy to match either your “pulchritudinous” or scare-the-horses self. Extremely attractive girls and women often pair with a a BFF who is a little (or a lot) less of everything — less beautiful, less competitive, lower on the social scale. This is true among matriarchal, simian societies as well. Power and status play such a huge part in the forming and maintaining of social alliances. I don’t think that aspect can be ignored.
When I see those sloth videos, I am less concerned about the interruption of the symbiotic moth-sloth cycle (maybe the sloths like being clean and fresh, have you considered that?) than I am about the animals’ exploitation as a tourist draw. It’s a short hop from rescue center to petting zoo. Look at what's happened in Thailand, with “rescue” tigers and elephants.
3
"Researchers have long known that people choose friends who are much like themselves in a wide array of characteristics: of a similar age, race, religion, socioeconomic status, educational level, political leaning"
and then we wonder why we have problems with diversity and tribalism.
41
My group of friends is guity diverse. So, as familiarity certainly has its comforts, I don't believe it is necessary to bonding in friendship. I do believe that the reactions in the brain do account for traits and preferences that a pair of friends shares in terms of values and interests. That kind of connection happens regardless of obvious external similarities. Just look at how diverse groups of contemporary artists or scientists are. They aren't drawn to one another based on any external similarities, but based on their innermost selves.
2
So you think the government should legislate who can be friends with who??
1
"and then we wonder why we have problems with diversity and tribalism."
We don't.
We have a "huge" problem with people telling us who we should befriend and why, what we should think and why, and what we should not say lest we lose our job despite our superior performance.
We have another with people who deem expression of thought or belief 'aggression,' who deem lack of agreement 'micro-aggression,' and who are locked and loaded to punish us for those 'aggressions' with boycotts and layoffs. Note, that for some curious reason, they don't count those boycotts and layoffs as aggression (in fact, those are more akin to terrorizing).
We have yet another with people deeming our voiced disagreement 'hate speech,' while quick on persecuting us on media to the full destruction of our careers, characters, and lives. Curiously, they don't consider such persecution hate but a special liberal kind of love.
3
Do these "shared brain waves" apply to couples? Does it correlate with sexual attraction waves and chemistry? If not, which waves trump which in the case of couples? Does "wave sharing" with friends change later in life (the study is of young adults at a moment in life cycle when friendship is still very important? These are some questions that the study and article elicited.
Another set of questions is more disturbing. What else can these algorithms predict with data fed to them? And how can these be used by commercial and political power players (the latter in the always happy trigger name of "security")? And what kind of justifications can be drawn in political and social discourse from this neural/biological "wave sharing" principle or "fact"?
9
I don't know. Perhaps it is the inflammation that influences friendship and not the other way around. A more likely scenario, but this certainly shows how a confusing essay and "science" are not far apart.
9
I think its equally likely to work in the other direction, this conclusion seems to indicate friendship is destiny, but it is equally likely than on the broad scale, our similarly constructed brains respond similarly to various stimulus, and if our shaping experiences resemble each other, we are likely to use the same areas of our brains.
3
We believe that causality runs in both directions - similarity attracts AND friends grow more similar over time. A follow up study is exploring these mechanisms,so stay tuned! Thanks for your interest in our work
16
A good indicator of how different people respond to stimulus in similar ways, as an indication of friendship, is to see if the friends share a sense of what is funny. Because comedy is all about one person processing the world, the environment, twisting it in such a way as to make it funny, and then connecting with another person who shares that particular twisted view of reality. And the person laughs as a result. In other words, if you find the comedy of George Carlin and Monty Python to be funny, you will probably be my friend.
67
This is very true. In my case, I've found that liking
"Seinfeld" (a lot!) is a sure fire indicator of someone
that will be a good friend of mine.
6
The reverse is also true. If someone hates "Seinfeld," they will probably be a friend of mine.
7
Vanowen, if you make me laugh in a good way to come out of my shell, I might want to be your friend.
2
I am grateful for the references in this article, and will look to the underlying research, but I am disappointed by the writing that appears to lack focus and discipline necessary in science reporting.
9
If I may, NYT is still a popular press, meaning they desire to reach the largest group of people...understandably and appropriately. When you want pure science, please turn to "Science."
3
Marek, I would love to have a subscription to Science, but it's too pricey for my budget! Would you buy me a gift subscription? *grins*
It would be fascinating to research couples and find out if happy couples really are best friends.
140
For my anecdotal n=1 (or, I guess, 2), the answer is yes.
2
@reader: You are a lucky one. I suspect for many married couples, not so much. Sad.
2
I admire this well written article. And I admire the way the author managed to insert humorous references to both Kevin Bacon and man bun.
Two follow-on thoughts: (1) I probably could be friends with the author, and (2) there is no obvious way to design an additional study to test for friendship resonance as it relates to Kevin Bacon, is there?
23
A friend will help you move, goes an old saying, while a good friend will help you move a body. And why not? Moral qualms aside, that good friend would likely agree the victim was an intolerable jerk who had it coming and, jeez, you shouldn’t have done this but where do you keep the shovel?
[ This is a horrid opening and makes me reluctant to continue reading. I am not interested in friends who will assist me in being criminally immoral. ]
45
Oh aren't we just so pure that we don't deign to laugh at a joke.
18
Now you, for instance, are I am sure a nice person, but very literal.
17
Nancy,
A sensitive soul to be handled with care.
3
Not exactly landmark bulletin.
Those who share friendships are more similar than those that don't, which can be shown in opinions, interests, status, and numerous other parameters which include responses measured in brain waves, a correlate of brain activity.
Now a more interesting use of this sensitive measure is to show how individual's react to breach of norms when surrounded by like minded people or on their own. This would be an objective measure for processes such as Bias Confirmation, which leads to virulent irrational partisanship along with gang violence, which is affirmation of a deep need for affiliation.
21
Perhaps certain species evolved as-yet-undiscovered higher-order sensorimotor signalling capabilities, integrating multiple modalities in subtle and undetectable ways, in order to reciprocally distinguish friend from foe - perhaps based on shared and evolutionarily advantageous neurogenetic signatures - a sort of subconscious handshake protocol with a genetic basis.
A future study could test this hypothesis by combining brain imaging with genomic analysis.
10
Shared brain-waves? This is new scientifically collected biological data that investigates the human experience. It is delightful - like spooky action at a distance - and not surprising. It may unsettle those who believe we are in conscious control of our lives, but there are more things in heaven and earth...
57
The article said nothing of the kind in the text, although the headline implied this. It simply stated that similar to dozens of other parameters, that brain waves are similar among friends.
But so is their taste in movies, cars, politics, food etc etc etc
1
I wonder if this explains the light-headed feeling I had meeting (separately, over the years) two people with whom I shared a real mind-meld. Some sort of alchemy produced a physical sensation.
6
@Rachel: It's surprising to me. I'm not surprised at some congruence but at the magnitude of it.
1
I wonder. Did these animal studies focus on the affluent, social elites of the various species examined? I notice reference to Dartmouth Law School, but nothing about prison wards, or street gangs. The latter groups would be more representative of mainstream society, at least in the modern world.
95
Dartmouth Business School.
1
Don't worry. Out of every class of business school graduates there will be friends who end up in "prison wards."
11
"...but nothing about prison wards, or street gangs."
At least 80% of inmates are assessed as mentally ill. Any study of this population would be a study of psychopathology that would be hard to generalized to the general population. Contrary to your belief, Edward, the mentally ill do not constitute a majority in the modern world, just 10-20%, that's all.
1
This research, like observational studies that pretty consistently show more socially integrated people are healthier mentally and physically than more isolated ones, begs the obvious question. Which is chicken and which is egg?
Does the amount and type of social interaction shape our brain structures and processes? (the answer appears to be "yes") or does the shape of our brain structures and processes influence with whom and how we interact? (the answer to the homophily question also appears to be "yes"). So what are the relationships amongst the variables, which precedes what, and what are the underlying determinants in genetics, environmental factors, social precursors, learning, etc.? So, intriguing, yes, tells us much about the our social world and biology? Not really, not yet.
50
We believe that causality runs in both directions - similarity attracts AND friends grow more similar over time. A follow up study is exploring these mechanisms,so stay tuned! Thanks for your interest in our work
8
"Which is chicken and which is egg?"
This question has consistently been answered in soc psychology with 'neither.'
For the vast majority of soc traits it's a self-perpetuating feedback-forward loop. E.g. you're teeth brace shy-you smile less-you smile less-less people smile at you-you grow even more teeth brace shy - etc...
I have found that among lifelong friends, 60 years long, that because many (most?) of us change our values or political or religious affiliations or lack thereof, especially more so as one of us become more educated, less provincial, that one of us irrevocably drifts apart. Friends seem to depend upon proximity, attractiveness (not physical except for romantic and sex partners) broadly stated, and similarity. Similarity in values, interests, likes and dislikes (those "others"), how much we are equal hypocrites, religious and political ideologies or other belief systems and "faiths."
1
Well....If the initial supposition that very good friends have a very similar, for want of a more clinical term, outlook then the findings are not surprising. Movies, music, cultural eras and many more are part of the winnowing process of taking a person's application to be your best friend!
Like Neil Diamond..cough, cough behind hand and "Gee, I think I have brain surgery that night. Have a good time at wherever".
And as there are only four forces at work (that we no of) in the Universe, there is no telepathy, waves, seances and messages from the dead. Just a mutual admiration society of two.
7