Consensual sexting between minors is still not okay in my book and should be considered a form of coercion on part of one or both parties, as well as larger social circles. What can consensual even mean when you are talking about underage people?
Frustratingly unhelpful article, with exception of links provided.
Developing a child's sense of sexual identity is important.
How about being good parents and keeping Carcinogenic, electronic devices as far away from kids as possible.
3
As others have said, there can be very, very dire results from sending sexually explicit images in many parts of the country. Life-changing results. This article doesn't stress address this and any communication with young people needs to stress this risk. And not only that, forwarding a message containing such an image can also be considered a crime. Simple message? Don't do it!! Don't make any. Don't send any. Don't resend any. Period. And keep in mind that photos on one's phone rarely stays there; they are usually uploaded to the cloud as part of backup processes. These cloud systems can be hacked. Again...don't do it.
5
Unfortunately, teenagers' brains just don't develop the requisite planning and understanding for many of their actions. A couple of years ago, a lad in grade 8 (12/13 years old) was convinced by a 16 year old girl that he liked to send a picture of his genitals via text, she then shared it around the school. The courts had to decide whether or not to charge her as an adult distributing child pornography as well as looking at whether the girls who continued to share the picture would face similar charges for possession and/or distribution. There is a whole lot more attention given to the situations when the genders are reversed, but this boy has had a pretty rough time even after changing schools... the whole thing follows him around and he's had to move to another town to finish school.
3
When reading stories like this about teen behavior and mistakes, I am reminded of a line from the famous reformed con artist Frank Abagnale, who was jailed as a young man.
In his speeches, he warns young people that, contrary to the cliche that "life is short", life is in fact "very, very long."
That is, one careless mistake made as a young person can stay with you the rest of your life and can irreparably diminish your life prospects (unless, I guess, you are Donald Trump).
10
If I remember correctly, a minor sending a nude picture of himself/herself, can be declared a sexual predator for life in certain states. Parents can explain this too to their kids.
7
Is it just me or is there something wrong with the photo that accompanies this article? A headline with "teenagers are sexting" is accompanied by a stock photo of an attractive young woman in a reclined position. It seems aimed at generating clicks and undercuts the message of the article itself, which is that sexting among young people is a serious issue about which we should all be concerned.
18
The point of the whole article is to downplay sexting, and normalize it, and tell parents it is just A-OK and to keep giving their teens and pre-teens powerful smartphones to do the sexting with.
1
I wondered the same thing - why a white female? why not photos of both genders? or just a photo of a cell phone?
@Nathan
The person pictured doesn't even look like a teenager but a woman in her 20's about to have some fun time. Terrible choice of image for this article.
Since I teach English at an international university, I often explain to students whose first language is not English that "kid," which originally exclusively meant the offspring of a goat, is an informal way to say "child." From what I can surmise, advertising adopted the term to imply a kind of familiarity with children and their parents, and then the rest of the media has begun to act as if there is no distinction. One sees something similar with "mom" for "mother" and "dad" for "father," and obviously the shift has accelerated in social media. At the least, it seems jarring to see a doctor in The New York Times referring to children repeatedly as "kids." Yes, the term is in the dictionary. However, using "kids" and "children" interchangeably in an article that is supposed to be offering solid professional and scientifically-informed advice signals rhetorically that the piece is akin to gossipy chit-chat.
Let's break it down into two simple, easy-to-remember rules about the internet:
1) Nothing on the internet is private. Anyone and everyone can see anything you post.
2) Nothing can be deleted from the internet. You can't ever take it back.
19
Is this any different than exhibitionism? If someone flashes a child is that not illegal. Now it’s perfectly acceptable for a digital flasher to expose himself to your child? Trump is president and fertility rates are plummeting, just great.
3
I assure you that sexting and sending nude pornographic photos on the internet via smartphones was not invented on January 20th, 2017 but LONG before.
Might as well blame Obama.
Remember, folks: prior to 2007 and the introduction of the iPhone.....smartphones literally did not exist at all.
This whole technology is barely more than 10 years old.
This sentence was troubling in its implication--"We also know that nonconsensual sexting leads to significant stress, leaving teenagers in the same kind of distress they may feel after being sexually harassed or assaulted." Just to be clear, nonconsensual sexting IS sexual harassment. Teenagers should be taught this, without ambivalence.
11
Normal sexual exploration in teens and adults is about personal and physical contact, IN PERSON, in private, without cameras.
There is nothing about the taking and distribution of nude selfies that should ever be normalized.
The conversation should be about the exploitation and sexual harassment, the emotional harm, the permanence online, the legal problems.
Kids should NOT be taught that dangerous and self-destructive behavior is part of normal sexual development and part of growing up.
It isn’t.
9
People seem not quite sufficiently alarmed that they provide all kinds of personal information and data to total strangers, most of whom do not have their best interests in mind.
So what if nudity is the next barrier to fall? Even teen nudity... At what point are people going to get alarmed enough about what's going on with EVERYTHING on the internet?
Because guess what, it is not going to be long before ANYONE with a cell phone can put ANYBODY'S face on a nude body of WHOEVER! Hello!
3
To me, this is easily the biggest takeaway:
“Once you send a photo you can never control it again. That does seem to strike more of a chord with kids."
Many people I have dealt with professionally over the years are floored when I tell them their cell phone company and many messaging services have records of all the messages they have sent (within multi-year time limits); that as soon as a text is sent the recipient can send it literally anywhere they want; and that the same applies for pictures. It is as though everyone expects total privacy in technological communication, yet that expectation is as unreasonable as expecting privacy as you strip naked at your neighborhood bar. ("But online privacy is reasonable," you say. Argue that position if you would like, just know that as the current Facebook scandal has shown, you will lose on practical, and most likely legal, grounds.)
Interpersonal sexual experimentation among teenagers is one thing. Willingly providing everlasting nude pictures and/or risque texts to third parties is something entirely different. Honestly, neither is inherently bad (love letters are nothing new), nor is one inherently worse than the other.
They are simply two very different creatures that need to both be addressed in their own manner.
2
What has apparently not changed is the inability of Americans to talk openly about what people do when they sext. I think that everyone should know what we are talking about,
4
This appears to be part of a series by the Times to normalize today's pathological behaviors. 10 year olds should not have smart phones. 11 year olds should not have smart phones. 12 year olds should not have smart phones. "Sexting" isn't just experimentation; it's part of a culture of exhibitionism and voyeurism that has been propagated by technology and encourages the violation of other people's rights. It may be "normal" in that it has become normalized, but that doesn't mean that it's healthy or good.
12
We didn't learn of our young daughter's behavior until it was too late, and she had sent some nudes of herself to a pedophile initially posing as another teen-ager. I have no doubt that those images were shared by him to others.
Without going into detail about the "risky" things I did when I was younger, I did talk to my children and pointed out that back then, for most risky (or just plain stupid) things that teen-agers did before the Internet, the consequences were local: the police arrived, parents were involved if necessary, the offended party was local, and restitution was local.
These days, though, there is far greater potential that the consequences of a teen-ager's, or anyone's, actions are literally global: A picture gets taken. The image is sent with a text. From that point on, that image can live online forever, regardless of its innocent origin.
About 13 percent of sexters report bad experiences, and another 7 to 8 percent mixed experiences; the negatives are for the most part emotional. How many of the other 80 percent of sexters have any idea that their sexts have been shared?
3
Why does the photo feature an attractive, slim, seemingly carefree young female? This seems to further the norm of sexualizing young girls, and to suggest that young girls happily and willingly sext. Some do, but many girls are pressured to sext, which is a huge problem. Even when girls willingly engage, they often have intense anxiety about how they look.
17
I have no kids and had no idea that this was normal adolescent behavior, So, I guess it was a smart decision to skip parenting in favor of "you sent a picture of your stuff to a boy named Billy and was does "twitter stink" mean?
3
Not a good idea.
Imagine you sent an underage sext and the authorities found out - that could (theoretically) get you labeled as a sex offender!
Not a good idea at all, especially not in the US! Once both of you are of age, it's free speech so it's OK, but while underage, abstinence (of sexting) is the only safe method to prevent being treated as a sex offender.
2
What's with the iStock stock photo on top of the column? C'mon, NYTimes -- don't go the way of most online news these days with stock images. She looks like she's thoroughly enjoying herself, making me wonder why we all aren't sexting.
9
Who picked the sanguine photo for this article? No worries, if that’s what we’re talking about. I suspect it’s not.
Awesome comment by Elsa Kristain, btw.
5
For many years a homosexual could not work for the feds in any important position due to the potential of blackmail of the persons reputation. As society moves on perhaps we can look at sexting like we once looked at the exposure of ones knee in public. Clutch your pearls if you must, or see it a an indiscretion of ones youth and forgetbout
The so-called risky behavior of the past is in no way comparable to this cyber epidemic. There are more people, more connectedness, and more opportunities to engage in electronic misbehavior than swallowing goldfish, or whatever. Peer pressure is far more intense. Being a US teenager today must be the lowest level,of hell.
2
Oh come on. Tell that to the kids that got sick or worse from drinking bad liquor in the 1910s, who got into terrible car accidents in the 1920s due to poor teenage decision-making, became kids without ambition or drive in the 1930s & in the '40s & 60s got an STD.
Just because sexting wont destroy civilization doesn't mean we shouldn't warn kids of the ill effects. Thanks.
8
Number one rule when parenting teenagers:
Do Not Believe A Word They Say. Ever. They become human again around 19 or 20.
11
I would second what Maureen says but push the age when they become human back to 22 or even 23.
2
Interesting! Of all the experts, not one male expert is referenced! I think objectively speaking, a male expert or Doctor would also bring an appropriate perspective into such an all gender issue! In my opinion, Dr. Klass you dropped the ball in that regard.
9
...and yet for years, all experts were men. White men.
2
The author mentions but brushes off the seriousness of sexting. It was one thing for a guy in the past to proclaim to his friends that he had gotten to second base, but there was no proof. Having a sext is proof that he got to let's say base one and a half. This photo could appear on literally thousands of phones if he chooses to pass it on for fun or revenge. Once a photo is on the internet it is impossible to delete. Most are geotagged which is a danger in itself. Parents cannot emphasize enough that a sext is forever and friendships are not. It is unlike the risky behavior parents entered into in the past.
21
Unlike the risky behavior parents engaged in? Really? Like unprotected sex before the birth control pill era (if you're in your 70s) or during the AIDS era (if you're in your 50s)?
Reacting like that to your child will guarantee that you'll be unable to have effective conversations with them.
The focus of these conversations seems to be encouraging kids (mostly girls) not to send texts, rather than encouraging kids (mostly boys) not to ask for or forward them, as pointed out by this teenage blogger: https://www.instagram.com/p/BgSeazbBXvk/?hl=en&taken-by=genxxrants.
11
Thought this was a useful article for parents. The only thing missing though is the potential for sexting to result in a violation of school policy and/or criminal statutes. Minors sharing nude photos with classmates, eg, can have legal consequences. Kids can also be expellled from school.
24
Crossword ThursdaycRossword
1
Ah, the Left's "willing to consider" all variations on a theme -- which is why we have losers like former Congressman Weiner around.
8
Ah yes, because there are no sexual predators in the GOP...
5
And humpty trumpy
3
I think this article brings to light the important issue of how sexting is effecting young teenagers and adults. Statistically, the article said children whose parents discussed what sexting is, the consequences and how the photos and text messages never go away once they are sent had a lower rate of participating in the activity of sexting.
When I was younger, whenever my parents would tell me not to do something without discussing why, my curiosity would get the best of me and I would inevitably test the waters of whatever they tried to say I was not allowed to do. I know parents saying “no” isn’t the reason why kids are sexting, but it shows how important it is to provide kids with reasoning, consequences, understanding, and the basic how’s and why’s.
Another alarming factor of this issue is that 1 in 9 young adults pass along the sexts and photos they receive. This can be dangerous in high schools, because the age of freshman falls around 14 and the age of seniors falls around 18. If one of the 18-year-olds is caught forwarding or benign in possession of the nude photographs of a teenager who is underage, it’s considered child pornography. This happened at my high school years ago, and neither of the parties expected the consequences of something they deemed harmless.
I agree- yelling, saying no and ignoring the problem won’t help, but addressing the issue is most beneficial to all parties involved.
8
I am left incredulous by the statistic stated in this article that the average age for a Minor's sext is 10 years old. Why does a 10 year old have his own cell phone? Why is one necessary at this age? Perhaps I was born in the Stone Age, but as parents to a 7 yr old who has been denied internet access except for limited and supervised school assignments, our child will only get a cell phone when she can sign her own contract and pays for it herself. It is outrageous to me that parents supply their children and teenagers with unnecessary devices that are used irresponsibly as evidenced by this article no different than giving the keys to the car to a 17 yr old after supplying the child with a beer. If your teenager needs a phone for an emergency give them a prepaid one for calls only. A teenager wants to talk on the phone in private to friends? Compromise and get him/her a landline and skip the cell phone.
15
That's not what the article said. Rather, the 'average age of first cellphone ownership' is 10.3 (although it appears that your child will not have one until the is much older). Your thoughts and your outrage would be more credible if you actually paid attention to what you read.
14
The answer to your question about why children need phones at such a young age is that's around the age when they start doing more activities away from their parents. If they need to call home in an emeregency or for whatever reason, there are no longer pay phones all over the place. Without a cell phone, they can't phote home.
But, I'd argue that they don't need smart phones at that young of an age. A simple phone that is just a phone is sufficient. But my kids first cell phones were phones they purchased for themselves because they were grown by the time cell phones were ubiquitous and pay phones were gone. I'm from the "keep a dime in your shoe so you can call home in an emergency" generation. That colors my thoughts about what's necessary at a particular age. It may be that being able to text is crucial because kids don't call each other on the phone anymore.
6
Even if you don’t think kids should communicate by text/cell phone, the reality is that communications for official high school (and probably younger) activities happen via cell phones. My child would be almost completely out of the loop on a robotics team without a cell phone, and couldn’t have taken a leadership role last year without being in the communications loop. Similar for a sports team: last-minute changes were communicated by text message. Team travel information was kept on a smartphone app.
Making a hard rule when a child is 7 may not be realistic when s/he is, say, 12. Sticking to your guns on this may limit his/her participation in activities in the future, even if you aren’t concerned about him/her being socially isolated.
11
It is surprising that this young generation, so steeped in digital technology, are yet so naive about how anything digitally shared can (and eventually does) take on a life of its own.
It is virtually a biological life form - digital information is created, it procreates, migrates, evolves, and all too rarely goes extinct. These kids need to really come to understand that - loss of control (juicy, digital "Life will find a way." - Dr. Malcolm) can have grave consequences for their futures.
9
The fact that people fear being 'shamed' or 'blackmailed' for what is often a simple 'nude' or partially nude image of themself (and where they are not in an otherwise compromising or suggestive position) is a sad commentary on how warped our society is with all things to do with our natural, not-all-that-unique or special bodies and their various 'parts'. Take away the shame, and you take away other people's power to 'blackmail' you or the chance that you may lose a job, not be accepted into a college, etc.
When we employ silly terms such as 'privates' when talking to children about their genitals...when we get all in a tizzy for children seeing an 'accidentally exposed nipple' on TV, we perpetuate the idea that our bodies and their various parts are something 'bad' or to be ashamed of. Typically, any talk of our bodies being sacred or only to be shown or shared with certain people has veiled undertones of religion and prudishness. In societies that don't have such warped ideas about nakedness...about sex.... sexting does not wield such power, and such potential circumstances, as it does in the US. Quite frankly, men and women's bodies aren't really all that different, one from the other, nor are any one of our bodies all that 'special'. They are just bodies, with parts that serve a variety of functions.
36
I am so glad that my experience has been quite different than yours! Vive la différence!
1
Teens at our house discussing this article are very much in this camp. "Why are my nipples any different from a man's?" "I should be proud of my body and not ashamed to send photos of it." Fuddy duddy parent trying to explain a Catherine MacKinnon world in which women are objectified at work. Teens not buying it. "The only way we can beat the patriarchy is by taking control of our sexuality."
This is not news. I'm 60 years old and even I know this sort of behavior has been going on for years, maybe for eons. Right along with a tendency toward purely sexual hook-ups that have no grounding in relationships with an emotional connection. This makes me sad for the young people especially young girls who will undoubtedly be hurt by the superficiality of their sexual relationships. I was in my 20s when I engaged in similar behavior for a period of time. Maybe most young people do go through times like this while exploring their sexuality. But it seems to be taking place at a younger age, even though parents try to protect their teens. It made me deeply unhappy that my partners valued me as little as I valued myself.
10
While society ponders how to solve the underlying issues involved in sharing nude self-portraits, I suggest we keep in mind a reasonable method of harm-reduction: photograph your body if you must but do not include your face.
7
I’m a bit confused how some of these comments got through the NYT screening process. All sides of an argument deserve to be heard, but many of these comments are cruder than I’ve come to expect on NYT articles.
That said, sexing goes along with the big trend of preferring digital interaction over in-person interaction. We should focus on teaching kids how to interact in person, and I think many issues caused by phones and social media would decrease.
7
"Safety and respect!"
Ha, ha, ha! My afternoon laugh!
Good one, Dr. Klass!
The whole main goal of personal device makers like Apple is to make money by making humans stupider and lazier.
The whole main of social media sites like Facebook is to make change humans back into a troop of baboons.
20
Fifteen year olds sexting is quite a different scenario than twelve year olds sexting.
Once children are given a smartphone, typically in Fifth or Sixth Grade, craziness ensues. Parents intend for their little darlings to use that phone for safety reasons and convenience, but lil' darling is about to fall down the rabbit hole into a lawless world.
A cellphone that will simply make/receive calls and simple texts are far better for youngsters at a time when their hormones have just arrived to the party! Wish there were smartphones for newly minted adolescents smart enough to tell the kid, "No!"
36
I tell the students: "Would you walk down the main road in town naked?" Then don't sext.
25
"just let me wear some flip-flops."
6
Abstinence programs rarely work. Better to discuss options, context, and protection strategies. These devices are part of their lives and they need to know how best to use them; how to balance the risks with the benefits.
1
Great! Now parents hafta teach kids about safe sext. Don't have unencrypted sext!
9
When I was a young teenager in the 1950s,zealous critics declared that sexually suggestive rock and roll music would be the moral ruination of the young. In the 1910s,it was alcohol; in the1920s,it was the automobile;in the 1930s,it was marijuana; in the 1940s,it was loose, wartime morality;in the 1960s,it was the sexual revolution. Today,it's sexting. Calm down. We will survive.
33
A lot of people didn't survive. Millions of people have died from alcoholism, from reckless driving, and from sexually transmitted diseases.
4
Boy oh boy the world sure has changed for teens. In my day all we thought about in high school was good old fashion sex, good old drugs like pot and LSD and as much hard rock n roll as your turntable could spin.
21
The danger is that images get out there and you can't get them back. A young person can be haunted and hobbled by this for the rest of their lives. It's a different world.
Protect your kids. Take away their devices.
15
Asking adult to protect their kids is a bit weird when it's the adults that have issues. Did you read the article on tipping? Kids by-in-large behave more responsibly than grown-ups.
4
Oh, come now! Just because the world is filled with creeps who go too far with waitresses doesn’t abrogate the responsibility of parents. The fact it’s on a digital device doesn’t change the basic premise: sex is complicated, fraught with difficult emotions, dangerous (rape, STDs), and not without consequences (children, reputations, statutory rape provisions). Sexting has some unique aspects but it’s still incumbent on parents to make sure kids understand the whole picture and dissuade them from doing it until they are old enough to make reasoned judgments.
3
Easy to say until your kid goes for a job or a security clearance and has damaging content out on the internet. I believe we are going to discover the damage to kids via devices is far greater than we imagined.
4
Who in their right mind would give a teenager a smartphone?
24
Do you live in a hole? Teens have phones already. If anything it is the adults you should be worried about.
10
"Who in their right mind would give a teenager a smartphone?"
The parents of teenagers in 2018. They are out there, they are ubiquitous, and the clock cannot be turned back as with all technologies. No one can reasonably or justifiably rear his or her child by standards applicable to a bygone era, unless you live in an Amish community. Like it or not, it will simply have to be dealt with.
6
Articles like this are so stupid and these phony "experts" have no idea what is really happening in school. I get harassed every single day for nudes and insulted when i refuse to give them. Is this a "normal part of teenage sexuality"?
It's like sexual harassment doesn't exist because the attention seeking girls and predatory guys in school get to "express their sexuality" by intimidating and harassing others. Do you how many girls give out pictures just to stop the harassment? That is hardly consensual.
118
That's depressing. While I have never been a teenage girl and don't pretend to understand them, I would think those are last type of person they would want to have a naked picture of them. And, just to be clear I am not blaming the girl for getting harassed. That bad behavior is squarely on the harasser.
2
Elsa Kristian, I was thinking the same thing. I work with a lot of teenagers and they are constantly getting harassed. They prey hard on Freshmen in the evenings after the first week of school, because the rest of the school already knows their MO. A lot of girls have told me that after getting tricked once, they basically just started sending their pix to anyone who asked. They figured everyone had already seen them anyway, so if they said no next time, everyone would see how betrayed, rejected, and humiliated they felt
10
It isn't just the guys but the attention seeking girls are sending nudes all over school, most unsolicited. And of course the guys pass them around and I heard even sell them. And then expect all girls to give them nudes. If the guys are doing this now it makes me wonder what they will be like five years from now. Everybody is NOT doing it and everyone doesn't want to do it but these "experts" makes it sounds like sending nudes is so great and normal.
And don't think kids are being arrested, nobody gets arrested and everyone knows there are no real consequences, just talk.
The adults on here that say it's the "puritanical society" that's the probelm or garbage like that are ridiculous. Do they really think a 10 year old sending out porn is healthy? i suspect the adults that are encouraging teen and tween nudes have their own, not so nice reasons. Many girls today feel like they are forced to go to school to be porn stars, and not for an education.
9
Unfortunately the only way they will learn that this is a bad idea, is when their pictures get leaked out and published or resurface later in their lives.
When that happens they will have the "aha" moment.
None of this is OK and the huge problem is that you have no control over your information and images once they get out there, and they will remain out there forever written in stone impossible to delete.
Also a pity is the fact that the article doesn't mention the fact that kids sometimes don't even know who they are sexting with - could be a 50 year old pervert who create a fake profile of a 17 year old boy.
15
We are happy to talk about the pitfalls kids face with cell phones and digital media. But in my psychiatric practice I see adults--well educated, successful, "mature" professionals--who get into terrible trouble with the same technology when it comes to sex and romance. We are not necessarily more savvy or sophisticated about navigating in the digital community than kids are. If we adults tend to trust the wrong people, think with our sex organs, and do stupid things that "seemed like a good idea a the time," how in heck do we expect teens to be more responsible?
43
Most parents buy their kids cell phones and computers, so perhaps instead of the illusion of privacy that can lead to sexting, parents can opt for a notification or review system, and let their kids know that they will be able to see their photos, Facebook, Twitter, and Instagram feeds, and that the purpose of the phone isn't to send naked photos, body shaming messages, or to avoid school work or face-to-face relationships, but to communicate and stay safe. Adolescents think they're independent and rational, but they rarely are. My child didn't get the cheapest cell phone until tenth grade, and we also talked a lot and often about never posting a naked photo or anything that she, I, or a potential job interviewer would be embarrassed to see later, never to participate in or be the victim of online bullying, and to share her online life with me. It wasn't perfect, but I believe parents or guardians have to have oversight over online life in the same way that you would monitor at home. You wouldn't typically leave your teenagers and their love interests alone in the house overnight with a full liquor cabinet at their disposal, even if they were the most responsible kids on earth. We should think of the cell phone as an opportunity with many side temptations. And be explicit. No sexting, no bullying, no shaming, no going where you don't belong, or no phone.
35
Thank you for your sound commentary. I suspect only a select few will recommend it and, in that case, it will speak to the soundness of your advice.
What you promote is something far too few adults who refer to themselves as parents are willing to do. It would demand a raw degree of honesty about their conduct, past and present, and an owning of the responsibility of guiding and directing the path of a young person whom they may or may not have chosen to bring into this world. To do this in a spirit of love where their own insecurities, fears and desires will be set aside for the sake of protecting this son or daughter appears, from my observations of the average "parent", too high a price.
But I'm grateful for your perspective and remain hopeful for that rare person who might take it on.
6
"You wouldn't typically leave your teenagers and their love interests alone in the house overnight with a full liquor cabinet at their disposal"
I'd actually prefer that to:
EITHER
A) the backseat of a car, later being driven by someone who may be intoxicated
OR
B) underage sexting with the looming danger of felony/sex offender status.
I'd embarrass them though by leaving condoms all over the place ;) (Also: C) If you puke you clean up before I return home and D) either (drinking) or (sex), it's best to keep the two separate)
Excellent comment, but I think we are not taking bullying seriously enough.
1
I do wonder about a correlation between teens who are sexting and their parents. We find that the teens who drink excessively, smoke pot, often have parents who do the same. Those same parents rarely convey the true dangers of these activities and limit their admonitions to "don't get caught." I imagine the same correlation and reactions can be found with sexting teens.
9
There is no correlation
Try again
12
I think you just made that “correlation” up, right?
4
And your correlation is based on what study or survey?
3
Boys in particular need to understand that their receiving as well as sending nude photos will be treated in most jurisdictions as child pornography, resulting in arrest and criminal charges and quite possibly being listed as a sex offender for life.
52
You know nothing about the development phases of young brains.
1
The issue Frank raises is not really related to the development phases of young brains but rather the potential legal consequences of the possession and/or dissemination of what might be determined to be child pornography. The fact the person doing the delimitation is not always considered a mitigating factor depending upon legal jurisdiction.
4
This article seems to use the word "sexting" to suggest photographic messages rather than purely textual messages (but it's not really clear). Sexting sometimes means that, but not always. Lack of clarity on that isn't helping. (Also, of course, there are sexually suggestive images that are not nude.)
Please define your terms.
4
What exactly is so wrong with sexting? It sounds like something I would have enjoyed as a teen.
4
As in you are a male who would have enjoyed receiving nude photos of girls? Because I seriously doubt that you are suggesting you'd have liked someone distributing nude photos of you to everyone in your school so that they could humiliate you and call you a "slut".
5
This is a useful article for parents, teachers, and therapists working with teens and families on a very challenging subject. The issue is certainly larger than this article; there is a need for more information and discussion, but I welcome this article as a foundation for helping parents keep children and teens safe. I’ve forwarded it to colleagues. I look forward to checking out the various links to see what additional info might be available.
As an educator of 35 years (mostly elementary/middle, now retired),my major worry is parents' overreaction and fear that sexting somehow denotes moral depravity and a kind of un-understandable dark sexual communication their developing son or daughter is having that they didn't. I get it. It's new, scary, and nakedly fraught.
But as the article states well, talk of the unanxious kind has to happen, and happen earlier rather than later. Kids will believe their boy- or girlfriend won't forward a picture -- they will. Friends in adolescent speak so much more loudly than parents, which is why conversations (of the appropriate sort) have to start in elementary school. Trust, candor, love, openness, and talking so your child can hear -- not scary lectures, threatening disciplines, or horror stories. Kids are basically smart -- if they feel you're on their side from the start, usually they'll make decent decisions. And when they don't -- they'll come to you for support.
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You are seriously off base. Kids will not usually make good decisions because they lack the experience and wisdom to resist peer pressure and pressure from people they respect or who they want to be with. They lack the self-esteem and resilience to say "no" when they should. They trust others and find the trust misplaced. I have seen many students get into serious trouble or be seriously harmed because i a moment of weakness (or the first time they got high or drunk) they took a photo that they thought wouldn't be shared.
When they come to the adults for support, it is too late. The genie won't go back in the bottle.
2
Personally, I believe a good first step would be to decriminalize sexting between teenagers above the age of consent in their respective state. If you’re old enough to have sex, it’s implied that you’re old enough to have someone see you unclothed.
Secondly, it’s absolutely true that once you send out that picture, you don’t control it anymore. But the best way to deal with this in my opinion is not to prevent teenagers from sexting. As the article notes, teenagers tend to seek risky and sexually experimental behavior because they’re adolescents and that’s a part of maturing. They’re probably going to sext no matter what lecture they get about it. I think we need to have far more conversations with teenagers about what a healthy relationship looks like. A teen in a healthy relationship is probably going to have far fewer regrets about any sexual behaviors they engage in, from sexting up to actual sex.
Unfortunately, teens today get little to no information about what a healthy relationship looks like, how to create one, how to maintain one, and how to walk away if they feel their current relationship is unhealthy or toxic. Generally, when a healthy relationship ends, one shouldn’t fear what will happen to any explicit photos they share, because in a healthy relationship between two relatively mature individuals, an agreement can be reached to delete anything still in one’s possession. (I realize we’re dealing with teens, but I am a teen, and I’ve seen this happen)
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I realize it's extremely difficult, but internet is effectively FOREVER so be a broken record and remind your kids.
If criminals can defeat millions of dollars of security they can break into some kids phone.
Kids can be cruel, adults can victimize as well and tend to have greater resources to do so.
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The internet is a treasure trove for pervs, who are enabled by web site owners who have refused to take responsibilities for how their sites influence children.
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I think it is very important to talk to your wife after having sex. Especially if your cell phone is handy.
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Just asking. Are sexting photos of underage students Kiddie porn?
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Technically yes, and teenagers have faced felony charges as a result
4
Yes. Unfortunately, when the relationship goes sour, one of the teens will often humiliate the other by posting the pictures online all over school. One of the ways that high schools can crack down and remove all the photos from social media is the fact that it is child pornography.
I can't believe that experts call this behavior "normative." No, it's immoral and dangerous, and another reason not to give your children access to technology, especially over night when they are alone in their bedrooms. This is why the American public has lost respect for experts.
3
I know that a fourteen year old teenage girl in Minnesota was indicted last December. She snap-chatted nude pictures of herself, and the recipient was able to circumvent the automatic deletion and forwarded the picture among his peers.
I have not information regarding the current status of the indictment.
In New Mexico a law was passed recently that allows the sending of nudes among consenting minors.
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Unfortunately the one size fits all prosecutors offices in this puritanical country as prosecutors handle child pornography and the non-consensual forwarding of sexts, distributing and possession of child pornography is the biggest problem. Uploading and dissemination of child sexts could be prosecuted federally, depending on the age of the sender. This fact and criminal culpability should be openly discussed and almost utilized as a scare tactic to get your child to delete any received photographs so they can not forward them,
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In many states, sexting can be considered a FELONY. As in it is considered the possession and distribution of child pornography. Through my work, I have been able to show them examples of young men and women who have had college acceptances revoked after being charged when a relationship went bad and someone decided to widely distribute what was once a romantic gesture.
Just as we have discussed the legal implications of underage drinking, driving while impaired and other things that teens are likely to do, we have discussed the legal implications of this. I also make it clear that because I pay for the cell phone bills, internet bills, etc., I have the ultimate right to review anything on their phones and computers at any time.
I haven't done it yet, but they don't know that.
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I'm not aware of college acceptances being revoked over the sharing of intimate photos (I just searched, some people have had acceptances revoked over the sharing of inappropriate memes, which is different). Are you implying that the person sharing photos of others (which as you say can be a felony) is the one having the acceptance revoked (this kind of makes sense, I guess a university can use a criminal record as a reason to revoke), or the person whose photos were shared (I can't see any situation where a person who had their intimate photos shared unintentionally would have their college acceptance revoked; that doesn't make sense under any law or moral code in the US).
2
We made this very clear with our teenager. And implications should be discussed.
1
A rather amazing feature of this article is its lack of attention to promoting good senses of relationship—senses of good relationship: friendship in romance, genuine affection in sexual desire, options for expressing sexual interest without risk, and so on.
Also sorely lacking is attention to what I call the magic potion of school success: home/school partnership. Support age-appropriate RELATIONSHIP education in one's school by caring and candid teachers. Sex education is less about sex than it is about making and managing healthy relationships.
Have enough counselors in schools. School districts cut budgets by ditching the counselors first. Teens need to feel free to talk to someone authoritative when they can't talk to their parents (or otherwise talk to each other's "cluelessness" when they have no adult that they feel they can go to).
But most important all around: Make defensive approaches (which is this article's important manner) clearly framed in POSITIVE approaches to learning about friendship, intimacy, and partnership.
The best education is a child feeling, day after day, the healthy marriage of their parents that values open communication, shows good ways to address stress and conflict, and never forgets the profound point that learning never ends.
.
53
Tell the kids it will cause blindness.
42
That won't stop them.
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HA! Then, of course, the youngsters will think, "Well, I'll just do it until I need glasses."
But seriously - I'm glad someone referenced that old ypu'll-go-blind myth about the dangers of masturbation because the same panicky grownup dynamic of talking to youngsters about sex will surely play out here.
In this case there are indeed some truly bad potentials -- especially Teen A thinking she/he is privately sexting to Teen B who then forwards it to his/her friends Teens C, D, E and F, who then ... But, alas, there are probably as few parents today truly capable of having a calm, non-judgementsl talk with their children about sexting as there were able to wisely discuss sex in general with kids in the 1900s.
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Did it stop you?
1
The most common fantasy, common even to adults, common to both men and women, is that two people who are basically strangers will simply by looking at each other understand each other perfectly, almost without saying a word, when they are right for each other—“destined” for each other. In other words, communication is seen as an imposition, and so not only as an interposition to true love, but proof of its absence. In real life, communication is everything. You may know within 10 minutes that someone is NOT right for you, but it will take a lot longer to know someone IS right for you. And you want the conversation you started before you married to go on forever.
22
Kids shouldn't have cellphones to early. That in the USA sending nude photos over media underage is a crime, this just begs the prisons to be full of kids breaking FCC rules and other issues, so No phones for the kids. and here I feel like a prude. But there has to be a sensible solution.
19
Children often have to have cell phones. In our failing economy, in which at least two parents need to work full-time to support their family, parents have to be able to reach their children and children have to be able to reach their parents. If we had a strong economy that allowed one parent to be home all day, it might be different but we don't. Also, cell phones provide independence. We bemoan helicopter parents, and we (hopefully) want our children to explore on their own, so phones are a must. Cell phones are tools, and they can be used for good or for ill. Let's educate our children about the proper and safe use of their phones. I hope that they would be concerned about the loss of control over their images once they are sent, but then again, today's young people are less concerned with privacy than my generation was. I tell all young people that admissions committees and HR departments will be searching their social media info, and that what they find can have an impact on whether they are accepted or hired.
2
Let's bottom line it gang. Use common sense.
When a picture goes farther than posing sexy ie no clothes covering the private parts parents and the law since prevent, outlaw it.
However don't become the nazi police and start throwing 11 yrs olds in jail for kiddie porn.
Also don't go to the extreme and outlaw all attractive pics kids take of each other and force them to wear muslim garb.
3
You didn’t need to throw in an anti-Muslim comment to make your point.
42
Thank you for your reply Raindrop. It was not an anti-Muslim comment.
I meant it as an obvious reverse of sexting in the nude since traditional Muslim garb is very conservative and covers almost all.
I think what is more telling is what you did, ie bait and switch, ie get away from my comment with something totally unrelated to my point, ie being anti-Muslim.
On conservative sites, conservative do the same thing to me.
Therein lies the nature of our problem today in America, both sides ideologically dug in.
10
Oh come on!
Trump is our leader.
We need to stink to Trump's level whenever possible.
God will reward you in Heaven if you do.
The Evangelical Christian supporters of the Wholemonger-in-Chief say so.
Always remember, What would Jesus do?
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