Thank you for your unsparing account, which is bound to make people aware of this terrifying affliction. Best of luck in your struggle, and please continue to keep us informed. We're rooting for you!
27
Frank-- You are a humane inspiration. Your voice sustains millions of readers. We wish you the best in preventing the worst and in overcoming setbacks. Thank you for your work.
49
Your column resonated, though in minature to be sure, as I continue healing from a successful surgery to correct a macular hole. The initial days after the procedure were similar to the experience you had after waking one morning. My condition, however, continues to improve.
While religion may not be an answer for you, I offered up mass today for your continued grace and strength as demonstrated in your candid and uplifting column. I hope your injections are not placebos and provide an answer for you and anyone else who can benefit from the work being done.
Oh, and having seen you fairly recently on TV,
I can attest that you are not fat.
30
Thank you for a most wonderful story. Faced with so many of the same feelings, I feel very thankful that you have expressed our worst and our best struggles so eloquently! This also reminds me very much of a podcast interview last week with Wendy Mitchell concerning her book "Somebody I Used to Know." She also reiterates that we are up to the challenge!
9
Frank, this happened to me at 37. Like you, a year of weekly monitoring by neuro-ophthamalogists and hematologists who had no clue as to why this happened to me and were full of no good news as far as long-term outcome. But over time (it's been 10 years) my eye sight gradually improved on its own. It's still weaker than my good eye but very close to what it was before. So hang in there. Doctors are so cautious and quick to share worst case scenario. Always appreciate your column and particularly your wise and inspiring perspective today. Thank you
52
I know of a gentleman from England who had a problem similar to yours and had very good results after Ayurvedic treatments in Delhi and Hyderabad, India. His doctor's name is J.R. Raju.
Thank you for sharing and keep in mind that challenges is what makes us grow.
I wish you all the best.
10
I don’t promise this can help, but I’m certain it can’t hurt: an anti-inflammatory paleo diet, plus some herbs like Meriva Curcumin. See: Autoimmune Wellness https://t.co/PDLh9pzVAR and/or Terry Wahls, who has successfully reversed MS. https://t.co/feWbNNLUU7
3
Mr. Bruni, your openess about your life is truly inspiring. I have been following your writing and never miss you guesting on t.v. for a long time. I know you have the positivity and resolve to keep on going. I pray your eyesight will remain as I am sure you will remain a force in journalism.
9
Mr. Bruni- I was 28 years old when I woke up
In 1991 completely blind in my right eye. It by far the most scariest events of my life. They called it Optic Neuritis. Soon after, I was diagnosed with Multiple Sclerosis. The vision took a very long time to come back. I still suffer from some color-blindness in my right eye. My prayer is that this episode will be the last for you. Also, be open to other causes... If you don’t feel satisfied that your “root” problem has been figured out, demand further testing until you are confident you have the right diagnosis.
In 2013, when I began to have other “visual abnormalities, “Optic Neuritis” was immediately put to blame. I kept insisting on further testing.... It turns out my visual disturbances were occipital lobe seizures. They were diagnosed after I began episodes of grand mal seizures. I lost so many brain functions by then. My ability to speak, walk, use of my arms & control of my bodily functions. Stability in my anti seizure medication, months of intense physical, occupational, speach, recreational therapies have brought me back to a full functioning adult.
Always be your own advocate- take the next step, ask the next question. Doctors aren’t gods... Question their thinking & follow your gut. No one knows your body better than you. Fight to get the answers you need.
All the best to you.
37
One night two years ago the sign at Trader Joe's appeared as T de oe . My left eye had a Rorschach blotch. And a moving one at that. My ophthalmologist sadly informed me that there was a pimple on my retina. Whaaaaaat? A lesion. Retina specialist informed me a 'specialist within a specialist' was needed. He in turn suspected syphilis (bachelor, gay = high risk group). After ruling that out and many tests later: Toxoplasmosis. The blot is now more like a cinnamon swirl and yes, the brain can compensate for the vision loss to a certain degree. But it is still debilitating. My advice? Watch much less television and much more outside any window. People moving about reminds us of how finite life really is. Will ask the stars to keep an eye on you, Frankie. Thank You for this.
13
Thank you so much for this essay on the loss of eyesight. My problems are less complex--Fuchs Corneal Dystrophy, or decay of the corneas--but extremely frightening to me. At 65, I am a professor, a writer, and an activist, enjoying the best time in my life until recently. Maybe it will get better. Meanwhile, I wish you the best possible recovery.
9
My daughter, who was born with and lives with a physical disability, is independent, has earned three graduate degrees and leads a full and active life ...with no guarantees.
She lives with more grace and beauty than anyone I know...
I believe that you will learn to do the same.
12
Dear Mr. Bruni:
As a reader, I extend my sincerest wishes for you to recover your presently lost sight in one eye.
My 66 year old friend who has acted in a professional capacity for me on a fee basis, who was like most of the people you mention, diagnosed with an eye disease. However, just within the last ten days, surgery removed his very hardened cataract on one eye and he is now coping with the battle between recovering from surgery and retinitispimentosis. The Retinitispigmentosa was a condition he was born with; it is an inherited disease. He is not seeing well yet.
Don't cross out seeing great vistas. If you have to stay nearer to sea level, there are plenty of opportunities.
My friend whose profession is restricted with the printed and spoken word on page or tape, can see little. He has to hunt for words while reading them on a computer screen. He has never seen the stars in a night sky.
Cheer on.
4
Your timely article caught my attention this morning, because I'm a fellow traveler along this path, right now. My medical problem is a membrane that wrinkled my retina, on my left eye, causing distortion and blurry spots. I had surgery 3 weeks ago to remove the membrane and I MAY get 30-75% of my vision back, but it can take as long as 6 months. At this moment, I am legally blind in that one eye. While I was driving last week, I got something in my right eye. I had to pull over and wait til I was absolutely certain it was gone. That really gave me pause. That really made me think about how that fragility of the remaining good eye. But my biggest struggle is how much my reading has slowed and I have to take big breaks or get headaches. But, that is okay, because I go watch birds and squirrels, while I can.
I am an older lady that lives in a rural two story house, with no transit service and driving is the only way to get to stores and doctors and I am not at all prepared to have to move. However, it is something I have had to consider the past few weeks, knowing my other eye could get this very same thing, at any time. Suddently, I too, have been thinking about the self-driving cars that I have been untrusting of, until now. So, thank you for writing this article, Mr. Bruni, to keep me from feeling like I'm alone. Yes, I know logically, many others around me have struggled with things like this, and much worse, but you don't always get to hear them talk about it. It
14
Scary but you will be fine. I have spent my whole life with extremely limited vision in my right eye. I am a visual artist; a painter and a photographer sucessfully engaged in my creative work. Just keep in mind that with effectively one eye, your depth perception is greatly limited. Hitting a baseball is really hard!
7
Frank, this is a beautiful piece. You've reminded us that control is an illusion, that loss of independence is scary, that every person we meet has a "story" with background difficulty. I suspect that many of your readers think of you as family. We are rooting for you.
23
I really appreciate you and your work, and now your openness to explore the aspects of a finer sense going away and hopefully being restored. I do not remember who coined the terms, but some have named experiences you describe as being in the 'specious present.' Its not daydreaming, but instead it is a conscious reflection on the immediacy of such a malady; the way certain disabilities affect me when I apprehend that I am one injury away from not walking again, one ischemic away from much that is dear to me. Your column helps me know we are not alone in these things, and as you deftly assert here. Thank you so much and look forward to your well being in the future.
4
My wife's aunt who died a few years ago well into her 80s had lived with macular degeneration for many years. She lived alone on a large piece of property with a very long driveway. This disease robs a person of vision through the centre of their eyes so that all that remains is peripheral vision. This woman, of indefatigable optimism and good cheer would daily hop onto her riding lawnmower and motor on to the end of her long drive to collect her mail and her newspaper, staring off to the side while maintaining her awareness of her route peripherally being always aware that to look in her direction of travel would make it obscure. Kind of like not thinking about a pink elephant. I miss her.
7
"Nights were worst"
Blood gets 'thicker' at night, leading to lack of blood flow.
"After the patient underwent phlebotomy, his visual acuity markedly improved and cotton wool spots in the retina disappeared. On follow-up FA, delayed arterial and venous filling, and recirculation time also became normalized. This case suggests that ischemic damage of the retina due to the great viscosity of blood may be a possible mechanism of monocular visual loss"
1
As a person with Lyme Disease & CRPS, I can relate to living in terror of a minor incident crippling you for life. But I wonder if you know about Vision Educators. The founder apparently was born legally blind and taught himself to regain his vision. May not be right for you but worth checking out if you don't know about? (You just Google the term, it's the first result). I would think this, combined with applying neuroplastic concepts, might help?
3
Dear Mr. Bruni,
Like many other readers of The New York Times (I call them Times' groupies) I have come to feel as though I know you well and you are a dear friend.
Your column this morning was definitely worth printing and hanging on my refrigerator. You have inspired and given courage to a lot of people. And I thank you.
9
I understand your anxieties & feelings..I also live daily with that fear of losing what sight I still have..legally blind in left eye all my life & a really messed up right eye from vitreous detachment, retina holes, floaters, halos, etc. I go to see the retina specialist regularly. I'm still raising kids, one is autistic..there's always challenges & I have to stay clear of her flailing arms as that is what caused the detachment. Always stop to see the intricate beauty of nature and art..I do.
6
Frank, I’ll never forget laying in the E.R. when a team of cardiologists asked me in chorus, ‘Do you know you just had a coronary arrest?’ at age 44. No smoking, no drinking, no drugs, no obesity.
Fast forward 18 years and three pacemaker/defibrillators later. I don’t know how, but I’m able to put it on a shelf somewhere in the back of my head. I lead a normal life, I travel a lot with my grown children. I also know I could drop dead suddenly at any time.
I pretend it’s someone else’s affliction.
5
God Bless you, Frank!
Life does throw curveballs. It’s how we cope with them that counts!
2
So sorry to her about the eye. As an admirer of your writing I have a selfish interest in your health and want nothing but the best for you.
6
Thank you for sharing every thing you've written in the column, Mr. Bruni. The specifics are yours; the experience of encountering very real physical limitations and making decisions that will either reduce or enlarge your life in the way you face them is something that so many people share. You've written about this beautifully and inspirationally. Please continue to write about the questions that arise and the answers you find. It helps all of us.
3
Your story moved me. Thank you. My sincere wish for the best the future can bring.
4
Yesterday I went to a celebration of life for the partner of a dear friend. The person we celebrated was diagnosed with angiosarcoma. Initially he was given 3-6 months to live then 6-18 after a second opinion. He made it to 26 months when he died at the age of 55. He lived his last months with courage,grace & dignity. Today I heard a beautiful sermon that focused on grief & death but also on the promise of everlasting life. I listened even though I am Best described as a very conflicted Christian.
And then read your column. What a gift you have put together for us!
You have been able to identify & describe with uncommon elegance what matters in this worldly existence that we have. We don’t have forever. Since I turned 60 (almost 3 years ago) I think of death often. I miss my parents more than I thought was possible given that they both have been gone for over 20 years but also am more present in the here & now than I have ever been. I know that I am blessed with very good health, family & friends who love me, a profession that will keep me employed. But if my health should suffer a setback I will think of this column. I know it will help me.
Thank you, Frank. Thank you.
8
Frank you also have us, your readers, who value your thoughts and writing. Thank you for that and keep pushing on! Vision is not only in your eyes, but in your heart and mind.
13
What a horrible experience! Thank you for sharing it, and the tumult of emotions you are experiencing from it, with all of us here in the pages of the NY Times. Your publication often advocates the greatness of compassion. May we all be able to provide you with an example of this virtue. Stay strong. Stay positive.
3
Thank you, Frank, for this beautiful essay. You're such a wonderful writer. I wish you a good outcome on your treatment.
4
Wow. I am floored by this. Thank you for sharing your struggle, Frank. Your dignity and strength is an inspiration and I wish you the best. Saving this column to favorites so I can revisit when I need to.
7
Mr. Bruni
Thank you for your piece on N.A.I.O.N, I had this happen to me almost five years ago. Today, I live my life normally and try not to dwell on this medical situation. I follow the same routines you outline in your piece and continue to work and play in spite of this and as you note, you cannot live for "what ifs" . I am disappointed this condition gets so little attention and I hope your piece helps to illuminate this condition going forward.
3
Mr. Bruni,
Thank for sharing your story today. Your attitude and strength is inspirational.
I needed to read this, and I will probably share the lessons in it with my high school students.
3
I am a neuro-ophthalmologist of the generation who first tried to understand NAION in the 1960's. Dr. William Hoyt at Johns Hopkins led the efforts. At a meeting where I presented cases of the condition, Dr. Hoyt pointed from the audience to the photo of the healthy optic nerve of the unaffected eye. He had observed the critical factor likely responsible for the blindness: he could tell that the small opening in the back of the eyeball through which the optic neurons and their blood supply passed on their way to the brain was smaller than average. As a result, the wall of the eyeball, the sclera, served as a ligature slowing or impairing the flow in blood vessels and nerves passing through the hole - think three lanes of traffic reduced to two.
So now we know that NAION relates to a stable congenital anatomic peculiarity in the eyeball. Additional variable factors impacting this peculiarity can jeopardize neurons. Factors could include a temporary drop in blood pressure or oxygenation, the same mechanism as an ischemic stroke in the brain. This theory also explains why the NAION tends to happen in both eyes, either simultaneously or sequentially.
We have also known that the loss of vision tends to occur, as yours did, during sleep. I think it would be prudent for you to undergo a sleep study (polysomnogram) to determine whether your blood pressure or oxygenation decreases at night, possibly during an episode of obstructive sleep apnea or for other reasons.
94
"During a run through the park, a gust of wind blew dirt into my left eye, and I panicked: I couldn’t allow any injury to it. I no longer had a spare."
I hope your condition does not worsen. I have glaucoma and thus a minute understanding. But the quoted phrase sends me thinking about economists who probably would not have designed a human with a second eye, a second ear, a second kidney, etc. That would not be an optimal design, too much cost for too little protection. I, for one, am thrilled that human beings were not designed by economists.
5
I feel for your unfortunate change in circumstances. But let me point out that you have health insurance; you can get disability insurance; and luckily you have a job where technology will allow you to work. Others have done so. Be thankful for these benefits and your personal skills.
I was born with many birth defects. At 32 a heat attack due to inherited causes which added more problems and became another preexisting condition. It came with a warning that diabetes lay ahead. It arrived 20-years ago. There could be no individual health insurance for me. No chance to get a disability policy, or life insurance, or get pre-need nursing home insurance. I am now over 65 and on Medicare. I have now been diagnosed with Glaucoma - it is treatable - but more scariness. Even on Medicare my prescription copays are hundreds of dollars monthly.
In all of the trash discussions about the American health care system people with similar long-term problems are never cited by the right-wing as entitled to insurance. Luckily larger employers can not discriminate against unhealthy employees. With this administration that could be over-turned. If I become a burden to the taxpayer I no-longer care. The tax payer has had made me pay for everything and not let me get insurance. Those of us with major medical problems must fend for our selves in this country. So if I become a Medicade burden its not because I didnt try.
7
I so look forward to your columns. I understand the intense fear of losing your vision. It is a very precious gift. Just keep writing. That is a precious gift too.
2
Oh Frank, your writing so aptly describes the human frivolity of believing we are in charge of our lives. But as you have found, there are compensations in the vulnerabilities.
3
Oh dear man, thank you for sharing your story, how sad it made me feel, and how inspiring for all of us who live with painful chronic conditions and all the struggles of life. I can’t imagine what it is to loose your sight and yet gain the rich texture of insight. Grateful for your beautiful and soothing words. Be well!
9
Thank you so much for this essay. A story well told that educates and warms the heart. Best wishes on your health journey. I look forward to reading more of your work.
1
Thank you Mr. Bruno, I have admired your writing for some time now, but never commented. You shared a deeply personal story, but did more than that, you found and described the thread that connects us all, that is what great writer do. I am most grateful to have read your words of insight. I’m wishing you and those who love you the best on your journey.
3
A truly moving and inspirational article. It demonstrates you are still on your game. Thoughts and prayers are with you and don’t let this slow you down.
3
In my repeated examinations of two patients with NAION, I documented improvement in visual acuity between the first visit and the sixth-month follow-up.
1
Over the years, I've come to enjoy your wonderful incisive writing, your insightful thought that always inspires reflection, and your humility. Thank you for sharing your very personal story, Frank. And for your courage. Life can be unfair, but I appreciate your wonder and your grace in always seeing the beauty in it. Best wishes.
8
And you have your health. You have people in your life who care about you. That's more than many people have. You do learn who your true friends are when serious difficulties arise in your life.
Good luck.
3
I am so sorry to read this -- every good wish to you.
3
Frank Bruni, you're a strong person. Thank you for sharing your story.
1
Thank you for sharing your personal ordeal, and what you've learned about yourself. I think it would be challenging to circle back around to a position of gratitude, but you did.
1
While many of us will not be as fortunate as Frank Bruni, yes fortunate, to confer with people undergoing the same or related health issues, he provided a path by sharing his connections with us. Doctors, nurses, friends, colleagues, foundations and others can connect us and refer us to people who have undergone problems similar to ours. Our lives depend on the wisdom, communication, experience and generosity of our fellows. Bruni has provided us with lessons concerning uncertainty, the diminution of function and his journey through illness and illumination. This is a particularly important time to remember each other with respect and generosity. To the many years ahead blessed by Bruni's thoughts and words.
6
Hang on to hope and resources...my father had Stargardt's disease that hit him while he was still an adolescent. In spite of it, he managed to get through law school (his fraternity brothers took turns reading his law books to him--he had an incredible mind and memory) and practiced for a few years in Wyoming before quitting law. He then went into the lumber business, starting as a lumberyard manager and, with sighted partners from college, he eventually came to co-own a plywood mill.
He eventually specialized in hardwood veneers and became a multi-millionaire through smarts and determination. He had some peripheral vision and met people with a sideways glance. He never drove (my mother did, and as we came of age, we often took over) but he always owned a car, even after he and my mother divorced, and took a lot of taxis. He traveled every continent of the world with his late-life girlfriend and continued to succeed in the plywood industry, developing, in his '80s, an African junk wood with a high oil content into a plywood product that could be repeatedly used for concrete forms.
All of this he did while being "legally blind." I've always suspected his drive to succeed was directly attributable to the challenges that he faced that the sighted never do. What he never lost, in spite of the further loss of what sight he had that remained, was absolute engagement with life.
You can prevail in this. There are many stories like my father's that are out there.
5
Outstanding. This is why I read the Times.
4
I, too, am experiencing diminished sight, so this wonderfully written OP-ED helped give me perspective! I have been seeing a psychologist for awhile, but Frank's talking points gave me renewed hope, something I have been unable to achieve up until now. I love reading everything he writes, but this time it hit home. I love The New York Times!
5
Crisp, competent writing, beautiful in spots (though I do think you betray a modern columnist's fear of long paragraphs, a fear that is unwarranted in your case). I wish you the best.
Thank you Frank for this beautiful, moving, courageous and life affirming column. I always enjoy reading your articles. I wish you the very best Sir.
4
Sorry to hear what has happened, but am glad you are using your estimable skills as a writer to show us all how to cope with challenges. I work with people facing physical challenges and I am never not amazed at how humans are able to adapt to change. You do have a lot to be thankful for, as do most of us. Please continue to document you experiences. Peace and love.
3
Thanks for this column. I am going to specialist this week to test against a similar condition to what you described - in my case, blurriness and double vision at certain angles and distances, varying even by time of day, that has been going on for months - referred by my eye doctor, whose reaction was similar to yours "Typically these things go away" - when I set up the appointment the attendant was asking me "Did you have a stroke?" "Have you had a bad concussion?"- alarming questions for sure. But your column captures what happens whenever you are faced with debilitating condition that is not clearly treated. Well done and good luck -
1
Mr. Bruni,
Your piece is totally spot-on. I woke up 6 years ago March 1 feeling like I was looking through an etch-a-sketch. It took months to get diagnosed. I have Birdshot Chorioretinitis, an orphan disease that can result in blindness. I take tons of immunosuppressants to control it. It has changed my perspective on everything.
I was thrilled to know this is not fatal. Some of the other possibilities are. It’s awful, but I will live to know my future grandchildren. We saw our only child (a son) get married in June. I am still a very busy lawyer. I had a big government job when it started, and almost gave up my work, but I won’t do that. I went all-in to fight it, including endowing a professorship for my amazing doctor, Jennifer Thorne, at Hopkins, and raising hundreds of thousands of dollars to fight the disease. I also have met many blind people, including Sandy Greenberg, the chairman of Hopkins’ Wilmer Eye Institute board, which I have also joined. He’s an inspiration; you should meet him.
I can’t pretend this is easy. The drugs make me sick. The appointments are scary-do I have a flare? New “birdshot spots” on my retinas? Only dye tests through injections in my hand every other month by techs in “photography” at Hopkins can tell for sure. But I still see and I have a great life.
I hope you do well. It sounds like you are doing everything possible. That’s all we can do. And be happy and treasure everything good in our lives. And help everyone who we can help,
4
you are amazing...good luck (love your other columns too...first thing I read on Sunday)
3
As so many of your other loyal readers have pointed out your grace and honesty in sharing your sense of vulnerability in the face of this unexpected challenge is immense. We have learned so much from your insight and perspective over the years and hope that the warm wishes, concern and advice from so many followers and friends can help to fortify you. With or without sight from your own eyes, we expect that the vision, insight and clarity you consistently bring to us will be unchanged.
Our warmest wishes.
4
My heart is still pounding from reading your brave and poignant words. My husband went through the same experience 15 years ago, and the anxiety is still visceral. Your words, though, are encouraging and your courage, inspiring. One idea that was suggested to us; going into a hyperbaric chamber, (increased oxygen), we never tried that, but now I understand more clearly our love of scuba diving! Best of luck to you and thank you for sharing.
1
Lovely column. There are, for me, two messages here, which may seem contradictory but which in reality simply exist together, as so many seemingly contradictory things do: first, that disability does not need to be the end of our productive years, that life goes on as long as we go along with it, and that's a very hopeful message. The other message is that, while certainly everyone deals with different things in life, for many of us, our accomplishments, opportunities, possibilities, and pleasures belong to a world of the able and the well. Nothing shows you your limits more than an illness; nothing shows you more quickly how much our accomplishments are partially the results of own efforts, but also partially the result of circumstance, health, and support. That may seem like a less hopeful message, but perhaps it reminds us to be thankful for what we have, to be humble about what we have accomplished, and to not be too hard on ourselves for what we haven't.
5
I'm so moved by this column. This is why I read a newspaper: the unexpected grace of coming across an article that inspires and informs. Thank you.
3
Thank you for this essay. Loss, when it happens to us, seems unfathomable, harsh, and unfair. But then, with time, hopefully we can appreciate the things that remain and keep perspective so we can move forward. You are in the process of doing exactly that. My 95 year old mom lost 80% her hearing years ago. Vanity kept her from acquiring hearing aids, learning to use them and wearing them. So, in social settings, because background noise was very hard to manage, she would just sit there. Finally, after much cajoling and coaxing she began to wear them and her eyes brightened as she could finally hear her granchildren's voices again. Life goes on.
5
Thank you for writing this most moving piece. What a stunning reminder of how lucky we are--not every minute of every single day--but lucky to have our health, the people we love, the beauty around us. In a miasma of bad news that has enveloped us for over a year, I found your piece one of the most thoughtful and optimistic I have ever read. Finally, judging from these comments, your readers (read fan base) simply won't abide by your stopping your wonderful writing.
Again, thank you.
8
Thank you so much for sharing your experience. I was so touched by your honesty and insights.
Our bodies transcend all geographical and ideological lines. Being in a human body isn't easy. I take inspiration and a sense of common humanity from reading your article...thank you again.
6
It’s important for all of us, at every age, to contemplate the reality that life can change in a moment; can be short, and we can wake up one day to a different world. This article should be an inspiration to all to remember to live our best every day and take nothing for granted. Thank you, Frank. I wish you all the best.
3
Coping scoping with disability is hard, Frank. I lost my profession and most of what people take for granted as normal life 16 years ago, at the peak of a highly successful and rewarding legal career, punctuated by many community service activities and a regular gym regimen. Overnight, I became a ear recluse. Thanks to luck and planning, and after some legal battles, my frugal wife and I have lived comfortable if very quiet lives since.
We found other things to do in order to convince ourselves we still had worth. We assist our daughters with advice that they even take sometimes. My wife writes books, and I maintain a lively correspondence via texts and emails with a large group of friends. I stay politically engaged, albeit only virtually. But as my hearing is shot, and my mobility severely limited, I need my poor eyes, and they have been bad since I was 8 years old, to keep life worthwhile.
I love your columns. They are part of the many small things left to me that keep me going. So do all you can to preserve and improve your vision. It matters not only to you and your family, but a lot of strangers who read you and whose lives you enrich with your musings. Best wishes from a fellow traveler. The fight can be hard and very demoralizing at times, but it is worth it. You clearly get that, yet another reason you have my respect and regard. Best wishes, and good luck, an underrated boost in life!
4
An inspiring piece. Completing orbit 72 in a few months. my wife and I see friends all around going through challenges of all kinds. We don't have to look far to find someone who is fighting hard to sustain their mobility or mental capacity. In the end we all lose the fight. In the meantime, we're wringing everything that we can from life. We are thankful for the experiences and friends that we have and looking forward to tomorrow. Thanks!
2
I totally understand your panic. I am an artist and found one day that I had wet macular degeneration in my left eye. Although I am fairly young, it runs in my family so I already had started going to a retina specialist for a baseline exam. There is treatment for the wet kind and a monitoring machine to detect if it starts in my right eye. After a half year of shots in my left eye, it is now stable and has been for 5 years. I watched my mother, grandmother and aunt lose their eyesight to the disease. They coped and didn't complain so I try to follow their example. I have never had to wear glasses so it's quite an adjustment to learn that a major function you have counted on all your life has deteriorated overnight. You will find that your good eye takes over and you will adapt. Thanks for sharing your personal story.
5
My best friend also had a stroke in her eye and I am pleased to say after 4 years the damage has completely healed and the doctor can no longer see any evidence of stroke. She did stop drinking during this time which may have helped because she was a heavy drinker. The human body does have a remarkable ability to heal. I hope the same outcome for you.
4
Frank, I’m so sorry to hear about this new affliction. Even sorrier that you have been told there is no remedy. I have two dear friends who believe deeply in the healing power of vitamins and minerals. Based on similar — but not identical — affiliations, they recommend that you add vitamin B12 and magnesium daily to your diet. The May Clinic has even recommended this regimen for nerve-related issues. It can’t hurt. I wish you well and many productive years of reading and writing.
1
I’m sure that many Times readers like me are devastated today to hear about your loss of sight, Frank. I have enjoyed and been emotionally touched by your work more times than I can count. Now I pray that a viable treatment for your eye disease will soon be found.
2
Dear Frank, I wish you the possibility of healing your eyes. I wondered if you are taking supplements and antioxidant for your eye health? If you are not I strongly recommend taking them. Feel free to contact me if you want more information. DrVickiWeissler.com. Wishing you all the best. Love your articles. We need your voice. Thank you.
1
Thank you for telling your readers and admirers what you are going through. It was a shock to read and then a very moving experience. A reminder of all we can enjoy no matter what the challenge. Like other commenters I am trying not to dwell on what the future is inevitably bringing. The healthy way is to appreciate now and skip the dread, the latter being a terrible waste of time and living.
You are a wonderful writer and I look forward to lots more columns of your wisdom in the Times. I am sure we are all sending you good, healing vibes, as they say!
1
Great column. Applies to so many of us in so many different ways. Wishing you well.
3
Thank you for this column. Thank you for reminding me how fortunate I am despite the things in my life I occasionally feel badly about. And best of luck to you in the future. I have selfish reasons for wishing you that: I love to read your columns.
1
A writer thanks you “for sharing your most vulnerable feelings with the world.” I don’t. I simply applaud you for acknowledging fear without allowing it to control you and for eliciting empathy and genuine attention while avoiding the deprecations of sympathy or the encumbrances of a maudlin disposition.
I say these things from having undergone a similar experience—mine with hearing in my right ear. My condition, too, has funky initials (albeit fewer) and no evident cause and no discovered cure. To cope and prosper, I have taken paths similar to yours. If I appreciate hearing more than I did before the sudden hearing loss (S.S.H.L.), it’s because I pay better attention. Limitations nurture strength—just as the banks of the Hudson abet her magnificence.
1
I had a somewhat similar experience. I had brain surgery for a meningioma (benign tumor, 1" x 1/2") that was compressing the nerve to the muscles around my right eye. I went under anesthesia with relatively normal eyesight; I awoke with double vision and very little peripheral vision on the right. That's because that nerve was destroyed in the surgery and my right eye muscles were no longer controlled.
That was 6 years ago. I had two eye surgeries to freeze the muscles of my right eye in a better position; nevertheless, I still have double vision and almost no peripheral vision on the right. I have glasses with a prism lens that adjust my vision somewhat, but it is far from normal. Thankfully, my brain has adjusted to fill in some of the blanks of what I actually see.
I've adapted my life to this permanent state. I am only 53, but I have given up driving at night because I have decided it is too dangerous. I now understand why elderly people equate driving with independence; for many, it is such an integral part of modern life.
There is an illusion of control we all have that can flip overnight. My answer has been to let go of the illusion of control and learn to be flexible, and, yes optimistic. The grief of what is lost is so tangible sometimes; I try to be fully aware of the many things I still have.
Thank you for sharing your story. Please keep us posted. All the best to you.
3
In 2008, I was 34 weeks pregnant with my first child and my vision was changing. I asked questions of both my doctor and ophthalmologist—both told me it was normal during pregnancy. The more false labor I had, the worse it became. I could no longer read a book, take a walk, or drive. The day I had my son, my father (who’s a physician), said what was happening wasn’t normal. And my ob agreed. One emergency c-section later, my husband and I were welcoming our son Rowan to the world. I could feel his impossibly soft skin, smell his new baby musk and couldn’t see more than his vague shape.
A tumor in my pituitary gland had pressed against and damaged my optic nerve. My vision was so similar to your description—gray, shadowy and other-worldly. I could recognize people by their voices, and was attempting diaper changes and breast feeding in the dark.
For me—miracle and science happened. Five days after giving birth, enough normal edema had receded that when my son’s pediatrician arrived for rounds, I greeted him by name before he spoke and we all cheered in a completely cheesy, “I can SEE!” moment. I was left with what they called permanent loss, my visual fields reduced by half, but I could read, take walks, and see Rowan. Every year when I’m tested, my visual field grows. And I’ll celebrate what I can see for as long as I can.
2
I submitted a comment moments ago and one paragraph was missing—the opener and an important thank you for Frank Bruni.
Thank you, Mr. Bruni, for your honesty, vulnerability, and the painting of your experience that gave words to mine. My own visual loss and recovery has been a series of grayed out fumbles that still have me seeing my world so much more clearly.
3
I love your writing; your style; your subject choices. You are brilliant and I thank whatever higher power for your existence. You have tapped the zeitgeist, once again.
1
Blindness or illness can not stop us from loving. Thank you for your brave enlightened sharing. It can make a difference to others and to you. Please know that you are cherished and loved no matter how you are. A lesson we keep learning, Gay, Disabled,Trans, Black, Person of Color,,Refugee etc.Much love to you Mr. Bruni.
1
I postponed reading this--thinking that this title was just a rhetorical inroad.
I am so very sorry: sorry that I did but sorry to hear this most challenging (now there's a euphemism!) news.
My mother--a devout Christian--taught her children that when we heard of persons in such circumstances it was "on us" to "hold them in the light". I am not a Christian but her lesson has stuck.
My wife and I--we will-- "hold you in the Light".
rjf
frank
your words are our eyes. keep writing!
When I arrived here in rural Georgia near the Alabama line from my Hawaii home it was a “mild” 106 degrees.
There was a black man walking on the side of the bypass. I pulled over to see if he wanted a ride. I forgot to tell him that I had a seatbelted Spaniel in the back seat of my Prius. I got out to open the door for this gentleman and he backed off when my pup moved in his peripheral vision.
I apologized (no idea that some black folks are terrified of dogs) and said he’s a seizure alert dog. Traumatic brain injury and “fits” and blindness in left eye from a mortar in Vietnam 50 yrs ago. I was OK..even got my MD.
He was wearing well worn coveralls and a flannel undershirt and I could tell he was vision impaired. Indeterminate age 25-50?
He had been at welfare office as “I’m goin’ blind.” Said without emotion.
What happened? Problem reading?
Oh no m’aam, cain’t read nor write.
“Why?”
Oh I was oldest of 12 kids in Mississippi and I had to care for the babies. No time for schoolin’.
The entirety of that sentence summing up his life punched me in the gut...hard.
He asked if I had any work?
YEAH! Unloading boxes, clearing out an acre of woods, cutting up dead trees...
“Uhh where do you live?”
I gave the subdivision.
“Oh I cain’t go there! All white folk. They wouldn’t like it.”
I was stunned. Obama stickers on my car meant nothing for this man!
I gave him a few 20s for sodas as I dropped him at a gas station.
I was FURIOUS! He had accepted his life.
Frank.
You’ll be fine
4
Thank you for sharing your personal struggles and insights which most of us getting up in age can relate to in one way or another. While nature takes away some of our natural abilities, this taking away seems to be counter balanced by new insights about life and real priorities which we may have been blind to before.
1
I had the same eye stroke in 2015 wiping out about 50% of the vision in my right eye. For me, I was lucky to be left eye dominant. I recently had my cataracts removed which did wonders for my distance vision while wiping out my near vision. A pair of readers solved the problem.
In that same eye, I suffered an injury to the retina in 1991, so I have been looking through scar tissue since then. While the eye stroke was somewhat debilitating, I had become accustomed to limited vision in the right eye. Adding insult to injury, I recently contacted the shingles virus in the same eye. While there was no further damage to the eye, I am left with nerve pain which may never go away.
But life goes on. Adapt and move forward. I am much better off than many others who suffer from other chronic disease.
2
A stroke is caused by a blockage of a blood vessel. A very low-fat diet rich in fruits and vegetables with little or no animal products can usually prevent a stroke, especially when combined with regular exercise. The writer, apparently a former food writer, is however dismissive of dietary interventions. He would prefer to drink more water and take an aspirin. There is no reason that the strategy of a good diet cannot be combined with aspirin and water, though the aspirin is probably not necessary on a plant-based diet.
1
Dear Frank, I've enjoyed your columns for several years and your wit and elegant writing is always a pleasure. I have used one of your video conversations about higher education in an online course I teach. Thank you for sharing this frightening event in your life with us, your faithful readers and friends. Thank you for helping us understand it. I wish you the very best. Each time I click on the NYT Opinion section I think, "How's Frank doing?" Good luck; we send our support----
3
So beautifully written, so incredibly moving. Thank you sharing your journey. You are, indeed, lucky in many ways, and we, your readers, are lucky to have you. Blessings to you and yours, Frank. Remembering, too, the beautiful column you wrote about your dad’s transformation. You reminded me of him: generous, caring, honest, and full of love. You won’t ever lose your talent, your incredible wit, your ability to synthesize and analyze and illuminate your thoughts in a way that this reader learns something new with each column.
3
Beautifully written Frank. Your article describes the fears and uncertainties that we all (especially those of us of advanced age) live with. So live in the moment and smell the roses.
3
Frank, thank you for sharing your situation with all your faithful readers who so enjoy your column. I, personally, love reading your column and will continue to do so as for as long as you write it! You are an inspiration for all of us. And please keep us informed about where this new challenge takes you. God bless.
1
I’ve been a big fan for years -- with an Irish mother/Italian father, “To Ireland, A Son’s Journey Home” is one of my favorites. I want to thank you for your latest column (“Am I Going Blind”). It is a powerful and deeply moving piece. As the spouse of someone who is experiencing life with a significant disability caused by brief but damaging restriction of blood flow to one of his vestibular nerves, I am particularly grateful to you for putting words to your recent experience. He too has gone through the various stages of anger, fear (that this could happen to the other nerve), and sadness that you described. And, I have seen an incredible resilience – as he continues to work with exercises and therapies to help his brain adapt to the sensory loss, and to accept his limitations. As the Board Chair of a nonprofit organization (Seva Foundation) whose mission is to preserve and restore sight, I have some understanding of the particular difficulties associated with visual impairment. It is my sincere hope that the science continues to evolve to support effective treatment of optic nerve damage. I am deeply sorry that this has become part of your journey. Know that I, like many, appreciate your courage and willingness to share openly about this deeply personal experience.
1
My mother-in-law was a painter who developed full-blown wet macular degeneration in both eyes in the last years of her life, requiring monthly injections into her eyes. In her eighties, she still took painting classes at the nearby university and tried new media regularly. Toward the end, before she died of leukemia, she was painting from pure muscle memory since she could no longer see well enough to tell what her hand was doing. The human spirit is amazing and resilient, and adapts to all kinds of physical circumstances of the body. Thanks for such a thoughtful and sweet column. May you have everything you need as you travel this path...
2
I'll just say that something similar happened to me.
And its okay if you're not able to see any silver linings about the randomness of tragedy...i haven't been able to...it comforts me to stay angry.
2
As the smallest gift of thanks to your most generous and eloquent sharing, I hope your physicians are looking at your vascular health by checking not just your large vessel (blood pressure) function, but also your endothelial health. Disorders of nitric oxide synthetase can reduce NO, impair health of the lining of your smallest blood vessels and wreak havoc in the areas we most treasure. It's been studied a little in your condition: https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/m/pubmed/16633797/
1
Frank, Thanks for sharing. Not sure you need to publish this one......
Based on my own experience and some wise doctors, you might want to go into this more with your cardiologist and neurologist. If you haven't already, you/they might consider a full cardiac workup (including a Holter monitor), and/or an assessment of your blood pressure during sleep and especially during exercise, where it could be far more labile than at rest. Cardiac arrhythmias or high blood pressure can cause the type of injury you sustained. Damage/plaque/platelet accumulation originating in the aorta, for example, can results in infarcts in the kidney, or worse in the brain, and can do far more damage than just taking out an eye. If they go into the middle cerebral artery, they can cause hemiplasia (full paralysis on one side; I know you are left leaning, but you never want to be leaning this far left) or worse. Prophylactic blood thinners, anti-clot meds, blood pressure control and lifestyle modifications are the treatments of choice. A warning stroke should never be ignored. Sort it out. We like your column.
4
expectations are strange things.... the more we expect the more likely we are to suffer the truly debilitating disease of disappointment.
how very fortunate you are, Frank.... now all you need to do is continue to transform your 'affliction' into a blessing....
Best....
1
Frank Bruni you rock no matter what. Good luck and many more articles please...
So beautifully rendered by the great writer Frank Bruni. And so moving. Your vision is so much greater than transmitted with the optical nerve. And your ability to communicate that vision even greater. We are here with you Mr. Bruni through thick and thin grateful for all you have shared with us, especially this.
7
Everybody's crisis is critical and personal. Once you step back and put it in context with the rest of the world, it is easier to breathe. Happily, you are at that point now.
My daughter, now a mother of two, was born with Sturge-Weber syndrome. At 20, she developed multiple sclerosis -- totally separate from the SWS. Her presenting symptom was optic neuritis, which sounds exactly the same as you described. Thank heavens for Wills Eye Hospital in Philadelphia and the neuro-opthalmologist there who quickly got it under control... all four times. Diseases of the eye are frightening, as you can see the damage immediately, It affects your world.
Good luck to you. I hope your trial works and advances the science to help others. Only through trials like this can we make progress in medicine.
4
As you have so elegantly, and insightfully described, the brain is a wonderful, adapting tool. As concerning as your condition is, your article provides consideration and relief, hopefully to you as well.
I look forward to many more of your articles, however they may be written.
3
You have laid out a beautiful description of what spiritual teachers call unnecessary suffering. We cannot avoid injury, death, loss or grief. But our thoughts can make all of those experiences worse. Studying some mindfulness techniques might help you with the anxiety.
2
Thank you for telling your story and giving hope to all of us who are facing the challange of life.
5
It takes courage to admit your vulnerabilities and fears in front of the whole world and I applaud you for that. For it is only in sharing that we truly can connect and support one another in navigating this always confounding and sometimes scary life. My daughter is deaf and her courageous journey through this world is my greatest source of pride, joy and inspiration. Now is your opportunity to inspire and grow in ways you never imagined...a gift you never wanted but one that will bring deep meaning and blessings to your life.
3
What an inspiration your article is! Thank you for having the courage and skill to share your painful experience in such a helpful way. I am a keen admirer of your column, and so, selfishly, hope that you will continue your work for a long time yet. And most of all, that all will go well with your health.
2
About three or four years ago, my regular eye exam noticed something that needed a closer look, a 'discolored area' on my right eye's retina. After the specialist saw and tested and photographed it, there wasn't a clear diagnosis, but speculation that it was 'dry retinal degradation', whatever that is. The manifestation is a reduction in resolution in my right eye, there wasn't any particular treatment offered. At a subsequent annual exam, the discolored area was determined to be unchanged, as is my subjective analysis of my vision. This has been the situation the last couple visits, until the most recent one, where the beginnings of a cataract were found in my right eye. I'm unsure if the retina condition persists, but I felt relief (relief!) that there was a possibility that my right vision could be corrected by cataract treatment (lens replacement) eventually. Relief (!!) that it was 'only cataracts'. Frank, I hope your eye stabilizes, and responds to the experimental treatment. And I hope that funding for research into this and so many other conditions is provided, so research can continue until a way is found to treat your condition. Not even one in ten thousand people should have to suffer through without a chance for a fix. God bless you, and give you health, Frank.
2
From someone who collects fine writing like others collect vintage wine: your articles are always at the top of my list. This piece, so honest and eloquent, resonates especially because in recent years I have been dealing with retinal vein occlusion in both eyes. You really capture that tug-of-war we face, between searching for the optimal treatment and accepting what we cannot change. And after all the input, information and advice, it essentially boils down to an individual decision about what works best for each of us. Thank you, and all best wishes for the journey ahead.
1
Your column really struck a nerve with me, and I mean that in the most double entendres way: during the past year, sophisticated testing turned up an area of peripheral vision in my right eye that shows a pattern of vision loss, due to the thinning of the optic nerve due to higher than normal pressure in that eye: glaucoma.
I didn’t see it: there was no perceivable effect on my visual field.
My first response was classic denial. I’ve been very bad at taking eye drops designed to lower the pressure in my eyes. When I was re-checked months later, doctors found my pressure was way down — even though I had skipped weeks of taking the drops.
Ah ha! Was this real, or in the eye of the beholder?
Reading your column at 2am, I’m no longer feeling so cavalier.
On the internet I found articles hinting that increased eye pressure might be a result of side sleeping: studies have found a correlation between peripheral vision loss and the eye on the side you sleep on — in my case the right eye. Sleeping prone increases pressure on both eyes. I’ve learned to sleep on my back more, and prevent my eyes from pressing into my pillow. A deeply padded eye mask also prevents direct eye contact.
Thanks for your eye-opening column. Because of your vision, you will have helped thousands become aware of the potential of your rare disease and other sight-robbing ailments.
Now off to sleep after I stop the puns and take my eye drops.
1
In 2001 I was on a morning flight to a conference in San Francisco. I noticed that I was having trouble reading and changed my contact but it didn’t make any difference. It wasn’t until we got to the hotel that I realized I had a blob in my eye that distorted my vision and wouldn’t go away. Until returning home and finally visiting my eye doc did I realize I was in serious trouble. My diagnosis came a week later. Same as yours, NAION. I was given a two year wait period for the other eye. In all my years you are only the second person with whom I am familiar who also has the disease. I never had any injections, just the word that after six weeks, what you have left is what you will have!
It’s now just a part of me. I bump into objects and people, my depth perception is off, I see the rim of my glasses, in stores I feel like I’m in a circus but I can read, drive and carry on as relatively normal. I am grateful that I’ve got what I’ve got and can still see this wonderful world. My husband who has suffered from glaucoma has not been so fortunate. He’s totally blind and can’t walk from ataxia. Be blessed. It’s scary but you will adapt.
6
A moving post. Clearly what you're going through now is not easy and yet you have learned quickly that "the best response to weakness is strength." I learned that my son was blind from a genetic condition called Lebers Congenital Amaurosis when he was nine months old. As I was reeling from the news and further distressing myself with thoughts about his future prospects, a friend told me "Why don't you focus on what he will be able to do rather than what he won't." It was like a switch turned on a completely different attitude in me (thankfully). There are many blind people like David Tatel and Peter Wallsten and yes, my now 11-year old son, who don't let their blindness get in the way of them living fulfilling and wonderful lives. But I think you already know that, Frank.
2
Dear Frank:
I read your column regularly and usually disagree with you on most points. I am anything but a liberal. That being said, I am touched by this column...its brutal honesty, its melancholy and yet its optimism. I applaud your bravery and I wish you can conquer this illness and fear associated with it. Thank you for inspiration and strength you are giving to everyone afflicted with one or another grave ailment ...I wish you the very best and I am eagerly waiting for the next column...to disagree with.
90
You have my support and hope that your condition doesn’t worsen. You are lucky to have a wonderful job, a supportive partner and good health care. Keep fighting the good fight so that all of us can have the same health benefits.
3
Thank you Frank for your heartfelt article! I recently had spinal surgery and have been feeling sorry for myself although I'm expected to recover fully. Your thoughts and feelings are an inspiration to me. I know you will persevere!
5
You are a great writer and that can’t be taken away from you. Thank you for sharing and will continue reading your journey.
4
Thank you and bless you for this article. My heart aches for you. I am 77 and in excellent health, and after years of having to wear reading glasses, my eyesight got way better and I do not need reading glasses now! I credit the huge change in my diet...spinach smoothies with fruit, salads every day, more fruits and vegetables and no meat. These foods feed our cells with needed fuel to repair themselves. I gave up sweets, meat and most bread. Please try changing your diet to anti-inflammatory....lots of salads and fruit and veggies, and give up bad food. My husband is 81 and neither of us even has a doctor and we don't get the flu or colds. THIS WORKS! Bless your heart. Try it...what have you got to lose? Also, neither of us takes any medications at all, not even aspirin.
2
Great article about loss and going on, not just surviving but still thriving. An art of living is in realizing how something can be so serious but doesn't have to be victimizing.
3
My father says that if you could trade burdens with others, within moments you would ask for your own back. Lovely article. I will say a havdole for your left eye, and for you.
3
January 16, 2006
You think something is wrong with you and you get confirmation that it is.
I will always remember the phone call that day.
It is kind of like death, in a way. One day a person is there. the next day they are not. One day you are a whole person, and then you are not.
It is a challenge. Embrace it and move ahead as you are able.
4
Dear Mr. Bruni
Thank you for giving voice to the feelings that many of us experience who are aspiring to be cancer survivors . A little over a year ago I was diagnosed with a stomach ulcer that turned out to be caused by a lymphoma. After a course of antibody therapy and a month of radiation I'm in remission and my doctors say I should do well. Most people like me do, except for those who don't. As a neonatologist for 35 years I've seen some very sick babies who thrill their parents and me with how well they do. But, there are some that don't. All these experiences deepen out appreciation of the precariousness of the human condition. I've reached out more to friends and family in the past year, and thev've reached back. The same will happen to you. It's frightening, but you'll come through this stronger.
Please update us periodically on how you progress.
Allen Fischer, MD
3
I, too, am going blind. I have normal pressure glaucoma, and have lost ~25 % of my vision. Three surgeries later, my retinas are stable for now, for which I am very grateful. As an academic (who studies how folks cope w stress) it’s scary how much I rely on my eyes. Two things that have helped. Aph font, which is a low vision great! Also do most of my reading on my my iPad. By making it large font and double column! I can read without having to move my eyes too much, which helps w all the floaters and sludge. Hope the experimental treatment helps,
2
Frank - I’m so sorry for your illness.
I’ve followed your columns for years (back well into your food critic era).
I guess similarities of our italo-American background and parochial education makes me quite comfortable with how you perceive the issues of the day. In fact I credit you with a distinct re-orientation of my view on a range of social/political topics.
While I am also not a religious person I’ll send out a sincere request to...whomever to help you through this.
Whatever happens - don’t stop giving us your take on this crazy world.
Best of luck.
1
Dear Mr. Bruni,
I NEVER write letters to newspapers (I was in the business for 30 years), but I am writing to you now to let you know that I've always loved your beautifully written and thought-provoking columns and in particular this one. My heart goes out to you (I know, cliche) as I can only hope your left eye will stand you in good stead for the rest of your life. If I had an ounce of religion in me, I would pray for you.
Sincerely,
Kenton Robinson
4
How terrifying, Mr. Bruni. I hope you and your colleagues are able to do a LOT of research and that you are able to get several more opinions from many other specialists. The Brigham and Women's Hospital site states that once NAION occurs, "the visual loss typically remains fairly stable, without getting markedly better or worse once it has occurred." It seems a lot of PubMed studies require experimental treatments for NAION to occur within 14 - 15 days of onset - not sure why?
It is my own personal experience that diagnoses can be wrong and multiple doctors can be wrong. I encourage you to leave no stone unturned in your search for the return of your vision.
1
Dear Frank,
A great column speaking to the human condition. I have a friend who is blind in his right eye due to a delayed diagnosis of temporal arteritis. Ironically, and cruelly, he has developed macular degeneration in his good eye (the right was spared the disease). He is now barely able to read, but has kept up his legendary sense of humor.
One fact you may not be aware of: airline cabins are depressurized to an equivalent of about 10,000 feet altitude, so make sure you hydrate well before and during a flight.
4
I disagree strongly with people who say "Disabilities are what you make of them." This is true to an extent-- but some disabilities require a lot of money to manage, and time and energy from family members, and the understanding of classmates and co-workers--all things beyond the control of the individual.
4
I love reading your columns Mr. Bruni. This was no exception. As with everything you write, your voice comes through to your readers with the kind of honesty and clarity of thought that I can only describe as coming from a place where intellect and heart are one. This article spoke to me at a moment when I am trying to come to terms with a situation very similar to yours, not affecting me personally, but to a person very close to me. Thank you.
1
Thank you, Frank. You are an amazing person with skills of self-awareness and reflection beyond most people. I'm sending positive energy your way. You have great support and insight and you will get through this.
1
Frank;
every man is an island. Once confronted w/ serious illness, one is presented w/ this realization sooner or later. It is a blessing. Realizing it and learning how to embrace it is what delineate coping (content?) with misery (rebellion). No-one can teach you how to accept it / make the best of it, except time and strength of your will. Good luck and carry on, kind Sir!
1
My husband lived with vision in one eye. It was not apparent to others. Sometimes, though, people did comment on how attentive he was---if you sat on his right side he would turn completely toward you in conversation. Really so he could see you, but it felt like he was giving you the entirety of his attention.
2
Like the myriad other commenters, I thank you for your forthcoming, heart and fear-open piece. I say this as a fellow NAION-challenged person--my particular loss is not being able to play my beloved clarinet, as it risks blood-flow compromising increased venous pressure to the eyes. You didm't mention whether you have sleep apnea findings, and that's another hassle ... BUT I can tell we are both deeply grateful for and appreciative of what we still have!! Thanks and love to you.
1
Best wishes.
A long time ago I heard a radio program by Dr. Dan Gottlieb in Philadelphia who uses a wheelchair since a car crash as a young man. He said when he first had this disability he envied everyone who could walk and he would have traded places with any of them in an instant. But he came to understand that he was more than his legs. Hearing this helped me a lot when a few years later I confronted infertility and I was so jealous of everyone who could get pregnant. They mostly didn't even understand their good fortune. But like Dr. Dan, I realized that I was more than my reproductive system and I really didn't want to swap my life with someone else's. It sounds like you are already aware that sight is a beautiful blessing but you can and will have a wonderful life without it, if that should come to pass.
1
I am very sorry to hear about this and I wish Mr. Bruni all the best. Despite the formidable challenges he is coping with, I know that his penetrating insight into the most pressing issues of the day will continue to enlighten us. He continues to see the world, and the human condition, very clearly.
1
I'm so sorry and yet that's not what you want. I envy you because I'm not so brave, hopeful nor accepting. So many of us commenting are going through life changes. Your message is a powerful one and I, for one, needed to read it. Thank you.
2
Frank, I am a classic soprano who woke up one day having lost the nerve that controls the cartilage that makes the vocal folds adduct and and vibrate. It had been killed while I slept by a virus that never even caused a stuffy nose. I could speak, but only in a gravelly way. After a lifetime of taking my lovely voice for granted, I couldn't even sing Happy Birthday. I was unable to boil water for tea, I was so disoriented. And that was just an ability and identity, not a sense that I counted on to navigate the world. I will tell you what my voice coach said. "If a ballet dancer loses the ability to dance, she is still a dancer. She still knows how to hold her arms and how to hold her feet." You are still Frank Bruni, writer (one of my favorites), friend, thinker, lover, human. This has shaken your world and will continue to. You will settle into a new normal eventually. In the meantime, you will learn to take refuge in the present. I am grateful for your gift of being able to write so clearly and honestly, so that we can share this journey of yours and learn from it. I extend compassion to you! Thank you.
2
Just want to say how much I appreciate your work and your willingness to share the devastating news you received concerning your possible blindness, and even more for your ability to place the news in perspective without diminishing its seriousness. You are a brave and insightful man, Mr. Bruni. Best wishes for some good news on the health front and best wishes in all your enterprises. You help make the world a better place.
1
Dear Mr. Bruni, thank you for sharing your diagnosis and all that it encompasses with us. Though I am not one for much PDA (public display of affection), I am now giving you a big hug. I completely empathized with you when you described those moments of terror. My warmest wishes to you for a successful outcome to the treatment. You’ve already conquered so much of the illness from what I read in today’s column (and I love your column). You are a beautiful cyclops!
Wow...what an odyssey in so short a period of time. Thanks for writing so honestly and with such humor and grace. Best of luck, Mr. Bruni!
1
Thank you for sharing your story with your readers, and keep us posted on your journey.
1
Mr. Bruni: Thank you for writing a very honest and revealing article - though I sort of wish you had not. I hadn't heard of NAION before and now, at age 72, I have one more possible catastrophe to worry about - as if senility, cancer, heart attack. asteroids and global warming weren't enough! I don't actually worry much about any of them. I have already outlived all the male members of the previous generation of my father's family so I'm hoping I take after mother's side. They all lived into their 90s or even 100s and then died abruptly of "nothing serious." whatever - in the meantime the old Romans had the best advice for us; carpe diem. Treasure the clouds, the sunset, the flowers and the faces of those we love today - tomorrow isn't promised to us.
3
Mr. Bruni, You state that you are not good at religion, but your riveting writing has succeeded in confronting this sighted practitioner's spiritual blindness as stunningly and effectively as any biblical prophet or NT parable. I resonate with your observation about the claim of life's disappointments being in one's control to rectify, and Mr. Lovett's statement about spending one's life preparing for future losses. So I will have to return once again to the account of the blind man of Jericho (Mark 10:46-52) to ask for help. And when the Master asks "What do you want me to do for you?" and the blind man says, "Master, let me see again." I will be envisioning over the next few months that you and I are both the recipients of the words "Go, your faith has save you." Indeed, with the insight and courage that you have conveyed in this article, the healing has already begun.
1
I understand your distress. I am 56 and going deaf. You may lose the sight of birds in flight; I will lose their song. You may lose Kandinsky and Klee; I will lose Edith Piaf and the Grateful Dead.
But there is one thing you will keep no matter what that will be extraordinarily difficult for me - and that will be a heartfelt contact with humanity. I will lose the ability to connect with almost everyone. I don't mean this as a competition of suffering, but offer you rather that solace. I know you will lose a great deal, but the love of those who matter will always be with you. And they will be able to tell you so.
1
Thanks for this column Frank. You are an amazing writer and I wish you all the best !
hurts my heart for you - your words lift us all and in so many testy ways ask us to think, to reconsider, to become larger within ourselves. Be well, take heed, do all you can and know how many people truly care. You are one of us.
1
Frank , thank you for another wonderful piece of writing as you face your fears about what the future holds for you. As you go on this journey I'm sure you will hear from many people who have lost their sight. I know of three men, all in their 60's who have lost their sight. One to juvenile glaucoma although he has enjoyed a very successful career and often says his blindness has given him much more than it ever took away. The others lost their sight in to macular degeneration, which I have been diagnosed with, and one to a virus that took his sight away in a matter of days. ( he does see shadows so he gets on his riding lawn mower and mows the lawn. Leaves passers-by rather incredulous). Good luck and enjoy yourself as much as you can. I always look forward to your columns!
That is coping, straight and true. And it broadens your vision, realizing that almost nobody walks in a straight line through life. There is suffering everywhere. And grace. Thank you!
I’m one of the many people who have admired your ability to perceptively convey the foibles of our leaders, the failures of society and the fallacies involved in the college admissions game. But one of your most appealing attributes has been your ability to look inward, and your generosity in sharing your personal experiences.
I truly grieve that you are facing this crisis with your vision. And I know personally from both health and child-rearing crises that fear of the yet-to-come is harder to bear than any current pain. But I also know that each challenge deepens our store of wisdom.
Given that you already possess a super-warehouse full of sagacity, I am quite sure that regardless of what happens to your eyes, you will continue to provide us with a clear vision of our world.
I wish you all the best — both of health and continued success, and the strength to deal with the worst were that to come.
1
Dear Frank,
I am a fan. And I am very sad that you are going through this trial. But you know what - I am convinced that you are not going to go through more pain with this state. I am sure you are going to be served well by the good wishes and yes prayers, of all those who are touched by your writing. Warmly. Sunil
Frank, I have enjoyed reading your publications over the years, ranging from the autobiographical to political - in fact, I initially thought the headline was metaphorical! I started out as a devoted fan of your NYT articles. Your experiences, insights and commentary have always spoken to me, even if I don't always agree with your view, which happens at times. I've dealt with middle-aged health crises, too, including one that has hit my biggest fears and scared me to my core. And I have the same worries when things get in my eyes. I wish you the very best as you deal with managing your ocular health!
1
No worries if you don’t do the religion thing. What often occurs in moments like the one you are experiencing is that people do the religion thing for you, often unawares. Reading your piece and the accompanying comments, we know that you are blessed by the love of a wonderful partner, have faithful friends, family and NYT colleagues pouring out support, and medical professionals providing the diagnosis and information you desperately need to understand what’s been happening. And then there are the people you didn’t know who have appeared spontaneously—the blind judge, the commentators here who know exactly what you’re experiencing, the commenters who don’t but want to hold you up and provide encouragement. This sure looks to me like a heaven-sent host of folks who are channeling God’s grace and love to you and, I predict, will continue to do so for the long haul (because this will be a long haul.) Not only have you’ve penetrated our minds, Frank, you also found a place in our hearts.
1
Dear Mr. Bruni - I have always looked forward to your brilliant columns. Reading your writing is like looking at a beautiful work of art or listening to glorious music.
This article, however, struck a personal note for me. I lost my right eye at the age of 19 months due to an accident (my father never forgave himself for not supervising me more closely).
I have never known what it’s like to see with two eyes. I don’t have stereoscopic vision (I can’t see in 3D) nor can I see anything to the right of me (I have to turn to the right more often).
While I know that ignorance is bliss - I only know what it’s like to see with one eye - for some reason at the tender age of almost 70 I’ve not really panicked at the thought of being fully blind (ok, if I think about it, it’s scary).
I have been blessed with gifted ophthalmologists who have always focused on and stressed the care of my left eye. I wear glasses both to correct my vision and to protect my eye. I see my doctor every four months. I call him at a moment’s notice for the slightest concern. And - not to be dismissed entirely - in Catholic school 60 years ago the nuns were always blessing me with relics!!!
So while I am heartbroken for you and the anxiety you have suffered I want to provide you with encouragement and hope as you proceed through your journey.
Thank you for all the comfort and peace that your writing provides me. I hope that my words can do the same for you.
Sincerely, Anne Rejack
1
A dozen or so years ago I left work early with hundreds of spots in my vision. Went to an eye doctor next morning, too late (as it turned out) to repair the retinal tear that was spewing spots of blood into my vision (the hospital ER doc had failed to diagnose this after leaving work the previous afternoon). Several laser treatments failed to stem the tearing, and I remember breaking down in tears after one of these treatments, realizing that my 20/20 (corrected) vision in that eye was likely gone forever. Sure enough, the retina then detached. Only after five surgeries is it now stable, but vision in that eye is forever compromised. Like you, I am very careful with my “good” eye (it, too, has suffered tearing, but this time I realized what was happening and got laser treatments before detachment and real damage). Who knows what’s next -eyes or otherwise? I too count my blessings every day, especially for the technology and incredible doctors and surgeries that (so far) have kept me this side of total blindness. And I tell my story, for those not too squeamish to hear, to get to a doc as soon as possible when unusual symptoms occur since most eye problems will cause no pain.
2
At 27 (I'm now 45) I started to notice that no matter how many times the optometrist did an eye exam I could not see with whatever glasses they have me out of my right eye. I could read ok with no glasses on and a paper closer but see nothing far away. I went to see my brother, who at the was a beginning ophthalmologist, and he ran more tests and found that I had keratoconus, a rare degenerative eye disease that makes the cornea become the shape of a cone instead of a dome. It causes major astigmatism that can only be corrected by a specially fitted hard contact. But the irony is that the shape of the cornea makes it progressively harder to tolerate the hard contact until eventually one may need a cornea transplant. And even then it may start again in the transplant
I was very lucky that my left eye had only a minor degeneration and could still be corrected by glasses or a soft lens but I was told it to could suffer the same kind of degeneration as my right eye.
Today, at 45, I've been very fortunate that my left eye has not deteriorated. I find it hard to tolerate the hard contact for my right eye especially since I teach at a chalk board and the dust often gets under the lens. I just use soft lens and accept that I see mostly a blue or of my right eye and read with my left. I'm told at this age or is unlikely for my left to get worse because the worst usually happens between puberty and the mid thirties but it possibly still can. Thanks for sharing. Keep strong.
1
This has been an inspiration to me since 2010 - a conversation at the Rubin Museum, between neurologist Oliver Sachs and photographer John Dugdale, on the experience of losing vision, and how it was integrated into their sense of themselves as creative, connected beings:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Fae4UPCMqtA
Thank you for your honest story. Just in case the has not been mentioned in the other 1029 comments, you will never be without audio books. Library of Congress - National Library Service for the Blind & Physically Handicapped is a national network of libraries that provides free audio, Braille books to people who can't read standard print. Books are either physical or downloadable. Check out https://www.loc.gov/nls/braille-audio-reading-materials/find-a-local-lib... to find your library. You qualify now, and don't have to wait until the left eye goes, if it ever does. This is a fabulous service which again is free and I wish more people knew about it.
1
Oh, Frank. I am sorry this has happened to you. What a testament to the power of your words that I and so many others feel this connected to you. I hope you get comfort from knowing how many people are wishing you well.
Mr. Bruni:
If you have no vision in the future, keep a copy of that wonderfully inspirational article beside you always. It is a gift given to you from yourself. Accept our pride and appreciation for being able to hear you and be a part of your future wisdom while you adjust and heal. Thank you.
1
Here's hoping that you can "see for miles and miles" for years to come.
It also helps to remember Joseph Lovett's counsel about realizing that "you cannot spend your life preparing for future losses."
1
Thank you Frank for your honesty and courage and resilience—one day at a time.
At Amherst Cinema (Western MA) there is now a device for visually challenged to enjoy films. I’m not sure how this works but it seems like an astounding breakthrough in “inclusive cinema.”
This is a wonderful column. So many people can relate to a big loss of some kind and you tapped into that in such an intimate way. Don't you just hate the cliche that says this will open you to new strengths, greater compassion and insight (sorry for that) is true? But it is. Wisdom is not the only reward. Appreciation of your loves and friendships, your work, nature, a heightened awareness. It is some compensation for the huge loss. Many of us know this path all too well. I will eagerly watch your journey into this new land.
1
Wonderful essay. I suspect your revelations help a lot of people put life's difficulties into perspective. They did for me.
1
Frank, the future that you see for yourself will shape the future that you live into. The brain’s neural networks are shaped by our stories, our beliefs, the “facts” that take root; neuroplasticity allows us to reshape them. As a coach, one of the first things I always work with my clients on is shaping their story. It is told from the future, from the head, heart, and gut. It involves the senses, and the emotions. They then work to embody it so that when they run into the inevitable challenges, the brain works its way past them. In the early 1990’s I worked at the AIDS Resource Center in NYC (now Bailey House); we provided permanent housing and support services for homeless people with AIDS. I was always amazed at the clients who saw their AIDS diagnosis as a gift...it allowed them, through our support, a second chance at life. Over and over, I saw healthier, longer, and richer lives being lived by them than by those who saw their diagnosis as a death sentence. As my grandfather would say when teaching me to play pinochle, “You can’t determine the hand you are dealt, but it is totally up to you how you chose to play it.” You will win this one!
2
Thank you for this honest, candid, and very vulnerable article on this exceedingly difficult diagnosis. This is what true journalism looks like!
All too often, we sugarcoat the dark and scary side of life. It's useful to pretend that bad things may happen to good people - but not me. It helps us feel more in control. If we all Really Got It, how uncertain and vulnerable we truly are, none of us would get up in the morning!
I am married to a wonderful woman, who also happens to be disabled from birth. From her, I have learned a different way of seeing the world. Rather than seeing Disability as an Oddity, the reality is we will ALL become disabled someday if we live long enough. Age and Wear does it to everyone. The healthiest and most active among us are more likely to be injured or sidelined - at least temporarily. We are all "Temporarily Able-Bodied" at best. It's a jarring thought, but it's reality!
The Disabled are the last, major Minority in this country. They are still largely invisible, with countless forms of discrimination and difficulties to deal with. Our discomfort with them makes it OK to mock them, as our President has so famously shown. Even now, a bill is going through Congress to gut the ADA.
We live longer than ever, with more Old and Disabled coming every year. We all need to fight for their rights and dignity, as we will all one day be one of them - then it will be our turn...
Best wishes to you, sir! May you get the best treatment and outcomes!
3
Am I going blind even in one eye is a worry that millions have around the world.. Modern advances have made the most common cause of blindness or blurriness due to cataracts an easy procedure to deal with. Whenever a doctor says that there is no hope, always get a second opinion. So Frank Bruni keep an open mind not just in exploring solutions beyond Dr. Maozumi but for your reporting spin and future. I can imagine how it must feel as a writer to have anxiety. My father who lives on the other side of the globe lost sight in one eye and had bad falls in his 98th year and his beautiful hand written letters have stopped coming. He can only sign checks now and his determination to reach his century remains unwavering except that the final 2% towards his century is taking 98% of the care has needed in his life time. Hopefully Mr. Bruni you will never go blind but if you do hope you will receive the best care from loved ones.With modern technologies it should be easier to ensure that your mind is open, sharp and independent and that you can speak to the computer and have it do your typing for you. It is not the end of the world. Life goes on albeit with new challenges and chance will favor a prepared mind.
2
Dear Mr. Bruni,
It hurt real hard to hear your description of your eye conditions.
You are one of few whose vision and thoughts always make this reader feel invigorated and inspired.
Please keep carrying on with care and inner strength!
Sincerely,
Your concerned reader
2
I'm so sorry.
I remember when I was ten years old and didn't pass the eye test at school. I was so embarrassed, and then I had to get glasses.
"I’ve learned that the best response to weakness is strength: Prove to yourself what you can still accomplish."
See, that's good. Life does you bad; but go on and on and on, and just try to make it better.
2
I have been following the trends in preventing blindness due to Glaucoma,the research & eyedrops gave hope that the disease could be slowed.
Still there's,no answer as to why Glaucoma occurs.
& now there's another eye disease,N.A.I.O.N. that can progressively rob the sight.
& no reason why this happens.
A degree of utter helplessness and anxiety for the future occurs.Its normal,very human.
Now is the time for good friends,plenty of encouragement & support both emotional & physical,& being in person helps.
Life's a mystery,suddenly the dark clouds lift out as suddenly as it came,a new drug discovery can be a few days ahead.
I'm optimistic that Frank Bruni will be healed.
My humble Prayers & blessings are on Frank Bruni,
I take the Liberty of adding your prayers & blessings to mine.
Our supplications will be a mighty awakener to our Lord to heal Frank Bruni & give him Solace in this times of medical problem.
1
Frank I read your column 'religiously.' In my opinion this is your most touching and best ever. I will from now on take your words "the best response to weakness is strength: prove to yourself what you can still accomplish" as well as those of Joseph Lovett "you cannot spend your life preparing for future losses" to heart and apply them to my own struggles with health. Bravo Frank, bravo.
1
Mr. Bruni, thank you for your perceptive writing about "bumping up against... limits." Your op-ed today should remind all of us that vision is much more than merely seeing physical objects.
1
Your columns are much appreciated Frank Bruni. They continue to provide much needed perspective. I can only empathize with what you are going through as I too have been afflicted with wet macular degeneration in both eyes. My right eye does not function while my left eye survives through injections every 3 months. Regardless, the brain does a wonderful job of compensating for the loss of one eye. One just learns to adore the complex beauty and the miracle the human body is. Thank you for sharing.
1
Thank you Mr. Bruni. You column brought me to tears and I hope to read your columns for years to come.
Thank you for this honest column, which must have been difficult to write - not because your vision is impaired but because you see so clearly.
Wishing you all the best and hope for a turnaround.
3
Dear Frank Bruni... you have a beautiful gift for reaching people where it matters most. A gift not necessarily attached to visual acuity. Thank you for sharing and keep it up!
1
Thanks, Frank for this timely column. Tomorrow, my ophthalmologist will tell me whether I have early stage glaucoma or not. At age 64, I have lived through a lot of eyesight problems.
I've worn thick glasses since age three. In seven grade, I was told that my eyesight would continue to worsen and I would be blind by age thirty. Back then, very few kids wore glasses in any of the four elementary school that I attended.I was initially bullied until I split a few lips. I needed a big prescription change every year. My glasses were held together with tape and paper clips by year's end.
My eyesight stabilized in my twenties and I even started driving.
In my mid-thirties I was told that I was in danger of both of my retinas detaching. I was given a card to carry in my wallet and to present in the emergency room WHEN, not if, my retinas detached. My retinal membranes are fine now.
No matter what I face in the future regarding glaucoma, I figure that I'm way ahead of the game. Thanks again for your support.
1
Mr. Bruni, you have the unfading benefit of the best attribute vision can provide: perspective.
“Although the world is full of suffering, it is full also of the overcoming of it. My optimism, then, does not rest on the absence of evil, but on a glad belief in the preponderance of good and a willing effort always to cooperate with the good, that it may prevail.” - Helen Keller
I am deeply saddened to learn this. You have given your readers great insights and strength to battle the bad guys. As a gay person I see you as a a true friend. Praying for your recovery.
You are in our very best thoughts and dedicated prayers.
You make the world a better place.
1
Thank you for sharing.
It helps all of us dealing with our challenges.
Andy Gerson
1
Mr. Bruni,
I don't want to sound like a new ager, but I do know something, which you may have encountered, that will help in healing and perhaps restoring some level of sight.
It's know as visualization, and together with 24/7/365 entirely positive thinking, you will be pleasantly surprised.
Even if you think it ludicrous, give it a try, at a minimum it will restore your shaken confidence.
Visualization -
http://operationmeditation.com/discover/visualization-techniques/
Apply the thinking described in this website, and visualize the bundle tethering the eye to the brain, end to end; see it and how it works, and literally know you are seeing your own bundle, and simply visualize it performing as it would normally.
Research has shown this truly has benefit, so again, nothing to lose, and keep positive all of the time.
I was diagnosed with amblyopia in my right eye at the age of 7- unfortunately too late for a year of intensive therapy to correct. I am now legally blind in my right eye and about to celebrate my 60th birthday. My visual world is dramatically different than the one experienced by my dual optic friends. They cannot understand why parallel parking is akin to high wire walking and why I turn my head like the woman from the Exorcist when I’m trying to see what’s coming from the right . It’s completely normal for me ,and it’s how I have adjusted to my visual circumstances. I realize . I was born with this defect and didn’t have it suddenly thrust on me a age 53 , but I believe you too will adjust.With some time and patience you will adjust to your “new norm.” As to the fear for the remaining “good eye”? I have one piece of advice as the specter of losing it looms in the shadows of your consciousness. Live in the present. Enjoy every visually opulent detail of the world around you while you are able. Because you will no longer take sight for granted, you will experience life from a heightened sensual perspective and isn’t that really living?
1
So sorry to hear about your eyes. I wonder if there are foods, supplements (besides all the greens and yellow veggies, lutein/zeaxanthin, etc.) that help the eye ward off such afflictions after 50? B vitamins (B6, B12, Folate) have been shown to modestly reduce the risk of stroke (perhaps in the eyes, too?) and I just read an article reporting that B3 can prevent glaucoma (http://www.optometry.org.au/blog-news/2017/3/6/vitamin-could-stop-glauco.... Frank, did your ophthalmologist offer any nutritional advice?
CRANIOSACRAL THERAPY is what you need!!!! (from the school of Osteopathy). And read Dr. Norman Doidge's books on how the brain heals itself and diseases of the nervous system. Traditional doctors generally negate the effectiveness of alternative "healing" because they lack education and knowledge of the brain, the master control system, of our bodies. My brother came out of a coma and his eyes began "tracking" after approximately a dozen 30-60 minute sessions with a craniosacral therapist. In addition, his blood pressure decreased, his heart strengthened as well as his breathing. Do not despair because of what western medicine dictates. They are blind to healing!
I am very sorry to read about your recent vision loss, but am grateful you shared your personal experience (and positive outlook!) with your readers so that the millions of others who are visually impaired know they are not alone in dealing with their loss of vision, often called low vision.
As it turns out, many visually impaired people (like some of those mentioned in your article) are able to continue to accomplish their daily living tasks like reading, writing and watching television with the help of a low vision device—a hand-held or stand magnifier, specialized glasses, monocular or binocular telescope, video magnifier, etc. So even though some eye diseases can’t be cured or treated fully, many visually impaired people can still maintain a high quality of life and remain independent and active thanks to the eye doctors and vision rehab professionals who offer those devices to those affected by irreversible vision loss.
I have arthritis. It's in my shoulders and knees and hands.
I watched - horrified - as each day my knuckles swelled more and my bones started to twist grotesquely, until my pinky pointed in a different direction than the rest of my fingers.
Every few weeks the bulbous swelling on my joints would swell yet again, and the pain was severe.
I could no longer lift my arms up over my head to brush my hair. I couldn't walk very far, with knees swollen and hot to the touch.
I was inside a body I no longer knew - one that was fighting me instead of being me.
Eyesight is a terrible and fearful thing to have in jeopardy. Humans are visual, it is the first sense we turn to for information about our environment. I am so sorry, Frank that this has happened to you.
I write this to let you know that you are not alone in feeling and watching your body do things over which you have no control.
Although I can no longer play frisbee with my dogs, I still walk them, and watch as they run free without leashes in our big yard. My husband now brushes my hair - bringing us an intimacy that is a gift after 35 years of marriage. I can still type with my weird fingers. I treasure these things, maybe as much as I took them for granted before.
We, your readers, are with you as we all experience life, the progression, the good, the bad and the ugly.
I sincerely hope for the best for you.
Most of all I want you to keep writing. You have a gift.
As Gautama Siddhartha found out before becoming the Buddha, no one is unaffected by decline and death. Thank you for this column, and all the best to you.
How devastating, yet how wonderful you are able to see beyond the loss, to cherish your many other blessings, not least among them being your mind, your art, your wisdom.
I don't pray much anymore, but I do now, for you, and I thank you for years of insightful writing. I know you will continue.
What a brave soul; what a courage. I pray you come out alright from your illness, Frank Bruni. I enjoy your humane writing and great skill with the English language.
Abdi.
You've successfully scared the heck out of this hypochondriac, but you've also inspired me with your courageous story. Thank you for sharing.
39
When I read the title of the piece and saw the author I was so sad for you; but as I read the article I realized that your condition only affected one eye and that the other eye is still fine. I am not minimizing what you are going through, I am simply trying to be positive. As the filmmaker Joseph Lovett you quoted said, you cannot live your life preparing for future losses. I feel your pain as I have an eye condition which might someday require a corneal transplant. I had this since I was 15 and I am now in my sixties. I mention this because I went through similar emotional agonies for years. In the end, you will learn to adapt and hopefully your suffering will help you appreciate all the other blessing you have. Un abrazo.
A truly inspiring column has brought many truly inspiring responses. How lovely after reading all the horrible things in the rest of page one.
“you cannot spend your life preparing for future losses.”
I needed to read this, I need to hear this. We should live by this.
I look forward to reading your words, and send all the best thoughts and strength to you.
1
You're lucky you were able to get into that experimental study. Most people can not due to the screwy nature of the US medical industry. A situation this President and GOP has only made worse. Good luck, and I hope it works.
1
Frank, I wish you the best for stable vision in the future!
1
Thank you Mr. Bruni for this wonderful and heart warming article.
1
So sorry to read about your eye issues. I can't imagine how frustrating and scary that must be. as annoyed as I get when my mom says this to me - it's true - it could be worse so try to look on the bright side (which i think you are doing!). Hoping it all works out well for you...
1
I've printed this op-ed, to be read as needed & given to those who might appreciate or need it.
I initially thought this was going to be a political piece about going to sleep feeling secure then awakening the next morning in a nightmare, I realized you were suffering from something far more personal.
You have my admiration & respect for your ability to face this with dignity & courage.
1
Hey, guess what. It happened to me too but consider that had the piece of plaque taken the other fork of the carotid artery you very well might be dead of a stroke. So, be grateful and enjoy your life.
1
Thank you for sharing your travails in your usual excellent way....we so appreciate your work and wish you the best!
1
Frank
I am a huge fan. You are a man of such talent. To go from the food pages to politics is amazing. Was missing you on MSNBC. God Bless you. You are really a treasure.
Mr. Bruni, I don't know how much or whether you were influencing the thoughts and lives of as many souls (like me) as you do today who read your NYT op-ed columns. You've had a huge influence on my thinking on many issues. It's been a good influence even as you rip into the nasty aspects of human nature.
I wish you the best possible outcome for your eye problem. Know that you will adjust and continue doing great work and your life will re-balance itself. I can tell from the pieces you write including this one.
1
Frank,
You are a writer, a professional expresser of thoughts, opinions and feelings that invade your life zones. And you are very good at what you do. One of life's great ironies is that the problem now confronting you will make you even better. You will now look at life's experiences with more, not less vision. Clear and not cloudy.
Thank you for sharing this with us all. I look forward to your added insight on all topics Bruni.
2
thank you for sharing this with us. I have been close to die a couple of times.
I had to think how to face death the 2nd time I did a last will. I was told they did not whether I was going to make it. The first time I was 20 years old.
I am a 65+ yrs woman. I do not know your family situation. I want to say this -- stay positive. I just happen to believe in miracles. I really do not want to bring this in this paper and I wonder whether it will be published--if not I will send you a card. I will pray for you. I love your columns and I read them.
I hope your right eye stays. I am really hopeful that this wont happen with your right side.
Please stay positive--again. And bring this topic about any development there is.
I
I had a silver cloud in the vision of one eye and it was finally treated by a c-pap machine for sleep apnea. Sleep apnea had reduced the blood flow to the eye.
1
I had the same exact thing happen to me, except I didn't notice until I went for an eye exam because I was sure I needed new reading glasses. I couldn't read the single, large letter on the chart when my right eye was covered. I went through numerous tests and saw a neuro-opthamologist. He said he couldn't tell me exactly what happened, but it was permanent. I was also told that there was a 30% chance of the same thing happening to the other eye. That was 8 years ago and the eyesight in my good eye has actually improved. I no longer stay awake worrying about what a game changer losing sight in the other eye would be because I've convinced myself it won't happen and loaded up on insurance. Don't worry, wear eye protection to guard against something stupid happen and blame your inability to make putts(or hit a backhand) on your lack of depth perception.
1
Today's column was typical Frank Bruni...wry, honest, and moving. I admire the way you compared your problems to others' challenges and concluded that you will be able to handle this challenge just fine. You and I probably vote very differently, but I have long admired your willingness to address unpopular issues with facts rather than slogans, while never abandoning your humanity. I am confident that the numbers are on your side to retain your vision. You will be in our prayers.
Digby Solomon
Williamsburg
41
Thank you. I have said a prayer for you and will continue to pray for you.
1
Your Frank-ness is especially inspiring today. I know from experience the reality of impending vision loss you so accurately depict. I also know we have the ability to survive and thrive, as demonstrated by Judge Tatel, and Peter Wallsten. You are a writer and you will continue to be, I am quite sure of that.
Technology is on your side. Visual and speech features are built into the computer on your desk and the mobile device in your hand. It’s a matter of adjusting. Accessibility support is available when you need it from Apple, Microsoft and others. Learn all about Accessibility & Technology at OphthalmicEdge.org for Patients.
Your work is exceptional. I read your column regularly (on the NY Times iPhone app using Voice Over) and fully expect to keep on doing so for years to come. Please keep sharing your gift.
Very sorry to hear this and a very moving Column Mr. Bruni. Maybe the next one could be on comprehensive health care for all? Meanwhile I keep thinking about Marijuana to help u?
I have been reading your work here in the NYT Online for some time now. I don't catch everything you write, but I have read enough to state this is the best I've read of your work here yet.
I hope that this gives some comfort and lends support to Peter Wallsten's astute point that it's not your brain that is affected. This piece you wrote proves his point.
1
As an ophthalmologist myself, my heart goes out to you. I love
and writings and can imagine what losing your sight can mean to you. This past year I heard Craig McFarlane speak -blinded in both eyes at age 2 hwent
on to become a wrestling champion, water-ski jumper, golfer, businessman, musician and writer. To quote the NYTimes, “He’s Blind to Nothing”.
1
Having recently had a [frustrating & frightening] retinal issue involving many visits to several specialists, thank you for sharing. I wish you only the very best fortune.
1
Two close friends, one male, one female had this exact same thing happen 10 years ago. They are still stable. Nothing got worse. Good luck to you too.
2
Frank, I have a friend who has the same condition you do. I play tennis with Garçon on a weekly basis. After it first happened Gar was missing easy shots that he previously would hit with ease. Gar continued to play every Sunday. Nobody said anything. Then as time went on he started to see the ball better. It's been about a year. Gar says he has learned to compensate for his blind spots. I would say he is 75-80% back to where he was before the stroke to his eye.
1
Frank Bruni, since this column first appeared you have received the biggest on line Group Hug in NY Times history.You touched everyone and in a hundred ways made our lives more livable.It must warm your heart to realize that you mean so much to so many.Again we see the power of the written word.
3
Re-read your great column, Frank. We're all going blind, as we can't believe our lying eyes these days. A disability is a purple heart and all of us wear purple hearts in some manner. You are still a young man, and will live with whatever disabilities may inhabit you. Inhabiting isn't the same as inhibiting. Please tell us our lying eyes and ears didn't see and hear the demented poisonous words our President uttered Friday at the CPAC meeting in Maryland Friday. You will always see "for miles and miles", dear Frank!
1
Great column. Thank you for this.
I might not be remembering precisely, but it seems to me that when Erma Bombeck was hosplitalized, perhaps with cancer?, her friend Art Buchwald visited her. Others had commiserated with her woes. Art asked, "Can you get a column out of it?"
Glad you could get a column out of this. Sharing Lovett's advice on not spending one's life preparing for future losses, would, alone, have made this a good read. But wow. That was almost anticlimactic. Wonderful column. Thank you.
3
Not only are you an excellent writer you are a very compelling speaker as I have seen you from time to time on TV .
You are most insightful , articulate and have almost a poetic quality to your writing as I have seen from the articles I have read .
It’s a loss for you , I can only imagine , but you are so uniquely talented that your writing will survive because it HAS to - we need people like you ! Especially during these times when the dolt among us seem to be admired , our society needs intelligent brilliant speakers of truth like you .
3
Hang in -- the brain is so elastic that you may be just fine with just one eye. After a macular hole and seven surgeries, I am basically seeing through only my left eye. Yet, miraculously my brain chooses to listen to it over the terribly impaired, spotty vision of my right eye. Today I'm bad at depth perception, lousy when driving at night or in the rain, but I see pretty well having gotten used to this new view of the world. Remember to add eye jewelry in your state -- protects your good eye. Glasses are hip these days, so win-win.
1
Growing old is not for sissies.
At least you appreciate the things you do have. Enjoy them. No one gets out of here alive and you are about as secure as you can hope to be. I hope your durable relationship is there for you when you can on longer see him. Perhaps he will need your help in a way that you can provide at some point and you two can be there for each other?
Being able to see both up and downstream from some point on the Hudson River is a great thing. The air quality years ago was such that it would have been impossible to do so.
Start working on your sense of smell and hearing (assuming you still have excellent versions of those two senses). My visually impaired friends say those things really matter.
Thank you for this column, Mr. Bruni. The late Damon Chappie, of Roll Call newspaper on Capitol Hill in Washington, D.C., won awards for his reporting after he went blind in his 30s. He didn't leave the office, but worked the phones, and scooped the Washington Post and New York Times more times than I'm sure they liked.
Roll Call established a journalism scholarship in his honor at Penn State, his Alma Mater.
http://www.collegian.psu.edu/archives/article_6ef5a2ae-743b-5bda-b988-e4...
1
Frank, I'm dismayed that you used autism as an example of a tragedy. Autism is a spectrum, and those at the so-called "high functioning" end (Asperger's) often have amazing skills, and they lead fulfilling lives. (I should know; I'm an Aspie.)
It's as if someone wrote a column about possible human misfortunes, and one of the misfortunes was having a gay son. How would you feel if other people considered the fact that you're gay to be a misfortune? As I thought, you wouldn't be very happy about it, would you?
1
Thank you, Frank! I look forward to reading everything you write, so I don’t want to read your epitaph, call me selfish! I respect you & your work!!
1
I am very sorry to hear of your sight challenge. I clearly remember having dinner with a dental student friend at UNC decades ago. I was a grad student in art history and I said that being blind would make that field impossible for me. He pointed out that there was not much use for blind dentists either. My friend and I both had successful careers although mine was not in art history. But while our sight remained intact, we faced other major hurdles that strained both faith and stamina. Major upheavals are a universal condition but everyone's experience of them is unique. Frank, thank you for sharing yours in such a thoughtful and encouraging way.
1
I had my NAION “event” (as they say) 5 1/2 years ago. It was hard to read this article but I am so grateful for it. With the exception of your pinched sensation behind your eye, you have perfectly described my experience - to a T. I had a hard time describing my experience to people, and here have done it. I was 44 and have the same anatomical quirks you do. I also have “narrow” angles and have iridotomies in both eyes to protect them from pressure build up. I also useglaucoma drops to keep my ocular pressure low. My doctor’s theory is that lower ocular pressure makes it easier for the blood supply to fight through and feed the optic nerve. I am five years out, and I would like to reassure you that the fear and uncertainty will greatly decrease over time, and the adjustment your brain makes will surprise you. I am so sorry this happened to you, but thank you for putting your experience into words. I know I will reread this over and over. You have given me insight into my own emotions and experience. Good luck and hang in there.
2
"Harder than this...." no. those are the lessons of/for other people. there is no one else in your shoes, experiencing and feeling and adjusting to what's up with your eye, and you are doing a stupendous job of hoping your optics will restore and taking good care of you no matter what.
xxoo that your nerve comes through.
1
Inspiring! Thank you so very much for your insight and your willingness to self-disclose in order to share it.
Thank you, Frank. First time I've had a real belly laugh after a total hip replacement from which I am not recovering well. Now, there are twinges in the other hip. What!? Go through that again!. Or maybe just learn to live with a cane at my side. Keep it up with the water, and the middle of the night trips to the bathroom (chuckle, chuckle).
Thank-you for sharing this. You have really helped a lot of people.
Meditate to bring down stress levels.
Yes, you are still blessed.
Oh, Frank, know how many positive vibes are going your wy. AND seek other, many other diagnoses. Doctors can be wrong (and often accept their peers' opions). Keep searching for a solution.
1
I’m 47. I have NAION too. Affected my left peripheral vision. I freaked out and then moved on. If it goes, it goes.
1
Would you believe it ... i have recently become an avid true fact NYT reader. (Trump inspired) ... although probably not the first to admit. One of the joys I get out of all this reading, is investigating your Op-Ed column. One thing I can truly say: It ain't over till it's over! You have a long way to go before you get there. Thanks for being my new Op-Ed friend. I will be one of yours by saying a little prayer. That I think can't hurt. All the very best to you and just keep writing as I promise ... I will keep reading.
1
Dear Mr. Bruni,
It is possible that your partner, Tony, is reading some of your readership comments, and this 'squinter' here is feeling tempted to give you a scold.
This is no laughing matter to say the least, and if you care, some of us would like you to keep your anxiety level and stress factor at a manageable level for starters.
Before reading with blurred vision this traumatic essay, I was watching an episode of "Midsomer Murders", while trying to decipher the eye chart in the criminal doctor's office. The first letter was clear and then it was downhill all the way.
Have Tony, or somebody else do the cooking for awhile. I just mistakenly ate a handful of kitty temptations, instead of raw almonds for dinner. Now I am afraid to go to sleep and it's all your fault for this state of affairs.
You will never be 'Blind'. While the loss of one's sight is beyond frightening, you are far more perceptive than a great majority of persons met, and your mental vision will only increase on your life journey.
Let us hear from you and keep us in the loop if you will; let us know how you are 'feeling' above all. You have more readers interested in your views than you realize. And your views, passionate as they are at times, are never black or white, but gray. It helps some of us to go for miles.
'Mrs. Molesworth' is thinking of you and sending best wishes from The Willows.
Frank Bruni can see the truth more clearly with half his vision than Donald Trump can with binoculars.
3
Frank:Your eyes are beautiful and penetrating. Exactly like your writing.
1
I will read you as long as I can see. Thank you.
2
So many long-winded platitudes and diversions. Now six years into NAION myself: sorrowful self-regard is indulgent and useless. Pull up your socks and get on with life.
2
This is a intelligent and courageous column with much wisdom for all the disabled population. I was diagnosed with Stargardts in both eyes at age 33, rather late for that disease. The Air Force immediately grounded me and seven years later medically retired me Fortunately deterioration has been slow over the last 37 years and technology has progressed rapidly. My computer software read Mr. Bruni’s column and I am typing this comment on a large print keyboard. Gene therapy will probably be effective for a generation or two of younger victims. But, like Mr. Bruni, I have great health care and more than adequate means. And I have a loving wife who can be confident I can never see any wrinkles. Living fully is the best response.
2
Once again, the NYT graphics artists show exceptional ability in designs to accompany a article. Highest stand graphic artists in USA newspapers.
1
One of my best friends is blind and she is incredibly adept, walks full speed with no hesitation with me without a cane or dog, by following my body mass. One of the most difficult things? Websites that have no sense of blind viewers and are completely unmanageable. C'mon web developers, think big and make it happen as if YOU were blind and had to "see" where you are on a page without hints. I'm surprised this is so hard or unimportant to achieve.
32
Frank Bruni:
Your profound insights come from what you hear, think as well as what you see.
I have no doubt that you will continue to see the world as it really is, and open minds and eyes.
1
Frank Bruni’s column should be required reading for anyone feeling sorry for himself or herself, as we all do from time to time. The point is not that the self-pity is unjustified. Just unproductive.
I believe Frank Bruni could do us all a service by annually writing about his eye situation and how he is coping.
Just for fun you might read Paul Theroux’s novel “Blinding Light” about a man who goes blind from taking daily doses of an Amazonian hallucinagen while he becomes better and better at understanding people at a deeper level.
1
I was sorry to read about Frank Bruni’s NAION incident. I, too, had an NAION incident in 2015. In my case, I suffered from none of the usual preconditions, but only later discovered that my disc-to-cup ratio is seven percent, not the usual 30. I woke up one morning and discovered that my enviable, uncorrected 20/15 vision in my left eye suddenly became 20/600, leaving me with no central vision.
There is so little literature on NAION that Mr. Bruni and I probably read the same things. However, an corollary to his “20 percent chance of losing the other eye in five years” I learned was that “it will happen to the other eye if you live long enough.” Knowing that, but hoping it is not true, the only rule changes I made to my life since my incident are, “live life as before, if not better” and “prepare for if the other eye goes.” I consider myself lucky that this happened to me in 2015 with the technology around to help today. In fact, one year after my incident, I set out alone a 15,000-mile-plus road camping trip with my dog to the Arctic in Alaska, and hope to do another this year. The only change on this last trip was a plan to get home in case the other eye goes. If it does, I will be prepared, and then get on with my life. In the meantime, I do not focus on my current disability, or the “inevitable” bilateral one.
Like Mr. Bruni, I asked my neuro-ophthalmologist what happens if it happens to my other eye. “You’re screwed,” he said. But I am not counting on that.
Mr. Bruni, thank you for your honesty, courage, and eloquence, and for the reminder that the belief that we are "more or less in control" is an illusion. Perhaps the worst part of the losses we endure is the grief and fear that they can produce -- the very things that can rob us of living most fully, of being fully awake to the beauty and enormity of the moment.
I wish you the best possible outcomes on this journey and look forward to reading your columns for a long time to come.
1
My mother in law, who died a couple of years ago, used to say that everyone has a story. Appreciation of each person's story helps for perspective and knowing that you are not alone, that someone else understands loss, too.
Your story beautifully narrates that, especially as you tell the stories of others who have suffered greater loss of their vision. I feel you fear. I wish you well on your journey in appreciative inquiry and gratitude for all that you do have. And for all of those who shared their stories as comments, I wish the same for you, too. Awe in the manifold beauty of life, rather than the grief of loss, will connect and reconnect us to the miracle of being alive.
1
I adore your writing. I reread not only for the value of the content, but to appreciate your style. There are so many moments of joy. It truly makes me smile -- just how you say what you say.
I have had Chronic Fatigue (an ailment some don't believe exists) for the last 10 years. I join you in how you are rationally thinking about your ailment, and I join you when your feelings take over. I continue to deal with both: it's like paint colors -- optimistic yellow and sorrowful gray -- that swirl around on a canvas but never mix. Unfortunately for me, one color has not overwhelmed the other.
So, I appreciate your story and take to heart that I can do better. And I hope both of us will.
Thank you Frank Bruni. I should have thanked you many times before, because your columns have always highlighted the importance of decency and kindness in everyday acts. With this column you are living up to those values. Please keep writing and inspiring. Your readers are sending best wishes and miles and miles of appreciation.
7
Thank you Frank Bruni. I am reading your words with my morning coffee as have done for the past two decades. So I was sad to read about what is happening to your eyesight. Your words quickly turned my sadness to hope and gratefulness as I continued to read. Thank you for reminding us to respect "the blessings of the here and now."
3
Thank you for sharing this challenge with your readers ( who are legion) with such grace and openness. Hopefully, your sight won't be too compromised, but you will certainly never lose your vision for a society which serves everyone well.
6
So many of these comments are very true an elegant. Just when we think we got everything under control a surprise comes that upsets the best of plans. This article makes it very clear that our best hope is to continue onward and forward no matter what since giving up is not an helpful option. Thank you Bruni,it is a good and useful read!
5
Mr. Bruni, as you're an expert in foods, so many of the issues you mention--NAION, diabetic retinopathy, macular degeneration, are all due to small blood vessels being blocked after a lifetime of eating meats and dairy. They are the canaries in the coal mine showing that a heart attack and/or major stroke is on the way.
The best prevention isn't just medicine, it's a complete change in diet to a plant-based one. Many of the diseases you mention were uniquely western until that western diet got to the rest of the world.
5
Five years ago, when I turned 50, I was diagnosed with an out-of-the-blue disease that at its even moderate presentation could (or will) alter my life significantly. I am, as yet, mostly asymptomatic, but it travels with me daily now and takes up so much psychic room that I wonder how I wasted all that freedom before my diagnosis to not think about it. But it is true, as others have said and you wrote, you do become used to it and perhaps more aware of the very great occasion of just being around to breathe and interact.
But the reason I wanted to write was to say that my husband and I attended a talk you gave on college admissions at our daughter’s school a year or so ago. I cannot tell you how often we still refer to that talk, not just the content but the way that you deflated all the anxiety balloons densely packed in that hall with a one-two punch of fact and humor. Your intellectual gifts and what you are paid to do is to communicate what you know through writing and speech. That skill will not be interrupted by any diminishment in your sight.
Thank you for sharing.
6
I (Normans' wife) also woke up one day with 1 eye blind, mine the result of a hemorrhage (wet macular degeneration). I had the usual injections (Eyelea), changed my diet and did a 3 week juice fast (eyes are very sensitive to toxins), and found a Danish acupuncture protocol for eye diseases call Microacupunture. I've done 2 week-long treatment at Arkansas Acupuncture Center (www.macupuncture.com); one of a handful of acupuncturists in the US who do this protocol and Elizabeth is very experienced with it. I beat the conventional odds in that my eyesight went from 20/200 (legally blind) to 20/40, and haven't needed injections in some time. With this treatment the sooner the better, but I met folks at the clinic who were well advanced in their disease timeline and benefitted. So perhaps for you and others, this maybe a treatment option to check into.
5
did you change your diet to plant - based? did you eliminate animal products and processed foods? congratulations on your recovery!
As an ophthalmologist who has treated a number of patients with NIAON plus other blinding conditions over the years I thank you for being the voice of a others who are not so articulate.
Let me share with you these observations. Somehow people eventually learn to cope with severe loss of vision. I don’t know how they do it but they frequently overcome their disability. And as you pointed out although it is a possibility you are not very likely to have this condition occur the other eye. Think positive.
5
Thank you, Mr. Bruni, for sharing your feelings of vulnerability & the fear that goes along with sensory loss. Although blessed with no visual pathology (other than myopia from childhood), in Sept. 2014 I developed sudden sensorineural hearing loss in one ear with tinnitus & almost complete deafness. A round of steroids brought some hearing back but certain frequencies are gone. I understand your anxiety about losing function in the remaining healthy organ. Although it sounds as though you are adjusting to a new view of the world, there is some mourning for what was lost. I hope you continue to receive very good care & support.
2
Thank you so much, Frank, for such a moving, beautifully written account of what you are wrestling with in your life! The quote of Joseph Lovett ("You cannot spend your life preparing for future losses") and your own comment following it ( ("It disrespects the blessings of the here and now") underscore the precious beauty of human life itself for all of us – magnificent and glorious but certainly fragile at moments. Finally, the loveliest sentence in your column was what you said about your partner – his face and his voice will delight you forever! Saint Paul reminds us that there are three things that last – faith, hope, and love – but the greatest is love. You are joyously experiencing that with him no matter what you must reckon with!
4
Thank you for sharing your insightful story. You have helped me to understand and share in my husband's eye-sight story. He has a rather rare form of glaucoma. He continues to fight and do everything his doctors prescribe in order to retain what he has left. Your struggles, thoughts, dreams and recognition of what is possible is truly inspiring and helpful. Thank you Frank and from reading other comments, you have many people cheering for you.
1
Thank you so much for sharing your victory. It is an inspirational story that is already helping me with my own particular battle. Thanks for opening my eyes.
3
Thank you for a wonderful piece. It reminded me that the present is an amazing gift. Physically sighted or not, your insights and words bring light to me and NYT readers. You are a hero.
5
Loved this piece. Only my left eye ever worked and I am a painter. I can’t park a car to save my life because of the lack of depth in my vision but I can distill a composition like a speed reader. I wish you the best.
4
Frank,
I also suffer from a rare, debilitating condition with no treatment or cure. I was diagnosed last January with Charcot Marie Tooth, a genetic disease that affects peripheral nerves. It is progressive, and so I also live in uncertainty of when or if I will become completely disabled. Your description of the adjustment process was very similar to mine, particularly the fact that you are only partially disabled, but at any time, that could change. And, it’s not fatal, so you know you’ll be living with it for a long time. I hate uncertainty, but it is now my constant companion.
It’s a weird sort of in-between that we inhabit. I look normal, and I can function pretty well for short periods. So to the average person, I don’t seem disabled. It creates a disconnect that is hard to navigate.
I also noticed your comment that there’s no diet or therapy that will help. One of my pet peeves is the barrage of well-meaning advice about vitamins, gluten, exercise, etc. After the third person makes the same recommendation, it’s hard to politely thank them for it, even though they are trying to be helpful.
I see a therapist who works with people with chronic illnesses. She advises against comparing my situation with someone worse off. It is alright to mourn the loss of what you had before. I have adjusted over the last 18 months, but it is still a struggle. I don’t have words of wisdom on how to live with this situation, but maybe it helps to know you aren’t alone.
7
Wonderful article. I could have written it myself 15 years ago. Just substitute multifocal chorioretinitis for N.A.I.O.N. The same fears. The same anxiety. And fortunately the same outcome.
Very informative and my sadness that you are going through this. You are a brilliant writer and even more so, a brilliant thinker. My wishes are that your vision is restored but that you realize how much you have given all of us and how grateful we all are, for your voice and call to reason, in a time of screams and insanity. I can't imagine the fear you must be experiencing but know that you are a vital part of a community who needs your calm and inspiring words. As Geri said, thank you for letting us all in on your struggle. It takes strength to express fear and vulnerability.
4
It's ironic, maybe, or poetic, but definitely wonderful, that you provide countless others, myself included, with so much clarity, particularly through the - if I may - darkness that has descended on our whole country. Thank you.
17
Frank,
Thank you for writing so well about what it's like to live in limbo with this. I am 52, lost the sight in my left eye at 17 due to a congenital condition I never knew I had and treatments that damaged my optic nerve and detached my retina. I was diagnosed at 31 with macular degeneration in my right eye.
I am regularly grateful for what I can see now and working to not focus on how bad things might get. It can be difficult. I comfort myself wit the idea that there is a huge profit motive for whomever finds the cure to AMD but nothing compelling is coming down the pike and I only have one eye to work with.
So mostly I focus, as you have, on what I can focus on: what I have and the only thing I can do (I eat vegetables and take supplements in the way you drink water). I wish you the best - I hope your right eye continues to be well.
thanks again for writing this
3
Frank, I've been a fan for years and years, always appreciate you! Today's editorial is the most important one you have written because it's a life struggle you are living and I thank you for sharing it with us. I'll keep reading, you keep writing, this is very important for both of us.
12
Loved this column...it reminded me to repeat a mantra that someone once told me:
I cried because I had no shoes until I met a man who had no feet.
The trick to being alive, is being able to soldier on ... appreciating what we DO have, fighting for the things we CAN fight for, and accepting the things we can't change and finding the path around them.
Our nation is in trouble. Mr. Bruni and others have continued to try to find the solutions. Keep it up. Bruni will continue to see the light, whether his eyes fail him or not, and hopefully keep sharing it with us lest we give up and do nothing while our nation crumbles. "Sight" is not just within our eyes. It is the INsight within our minds and souls that is the real machine that makes life meaningful. I hope Mr. Bruni will continue to share his with us.
6
Neuro-degenerative diseases are what often pass for aging. In the cerebral hemispheres, they affect cognition(Alzheimers and other dementias) and mobility(Parkinsons, Huntigton choreas and multiple Parkinsons plus disorders). In the eye they take away sight(macular degeneration, etc.). In the ear they take away hearing and balance. In the feet, we lose sensation(Peripheral neuropathy). Some of this degeneration is related to cumulative trauma(NFL players), some to toxins(lead,mecury) and some to circulatory problems(strokes, both large and small) but a lot to just the slow deterioration of our cells. Medicine has little to offer, other than a few minimally helpful medicines and adaptive living. In the meantime practice good health habits, avoid injuries and hope that Science can bring us new understanding on how to avoid and treat the degeneration that accompanies our aging.
3
Dear Mr. Bruni,
Your article today is a big help in putting my situation into perspective. I too am worrying about problems with my right eye (have an appointment in a month), but I am also recovering from a knee-resurfacing implant operation last October and problems with the other knee, and have been worrying about my loss of mobility. I know full well that my problems are minimal compared with those of many other people. But you have helped me come to terms with the present and I truly appreciate that. Please don't ever stop writing, about anything! I am always uplifted by your thoughts and deeply grateful that I am privileged to read them.
Mary Schäfer, Germany
3
Frank Bruno, thank you for writing this wonderful column. I live with a pretty rare eye disorder that I have learned to live with. Sending you my very best wishes.
2
An eloquent, heart-breaking but ultimately heart-warming article. Thank you for sharing it with us. Our thoughts are with you.
5
Thank you for publishing this column. It is gripping. Your willingness to be vulnerable and authentic in expressing what you're going through is bound to help other people cope with their own challenges. For several years I had a housemate who is legally blind, and learned a great deal about the practical aspects of handling the situations that arise; so much of it can indeed be handled--at a cost what is, at first, substantial inconvenience. In time, inconvenience can yield to sustained patient, intelligent, adaptable accommodation of the differences that come with the condition. I do believe there may be hope for your optic nerve. In the second half of my 30s I found myself hobbled by the effects of neurotoxic chemotherapy drugs, which saved my life but left me with gait impairment, peripheral neuropathy, dysfunctional proprioception and (as a measure of the damage sustained) a complete lack of normal spinal reflexes. A decade later, after much self-rehabilitation, attention to nutrition and retraining my brain to compensate for a good amount of the missing proprioception, my spinal reflexes suddenly returned, to the astonishment of my physician, who nearly suffered a direct hit in the chops as he was so used to having nothing happen when he checked for them. You might want to read up on B vitamins and find a good naturopathic practitioner. In any case, my hat's off to you, with best wishes for your well-being.
4
Mr Bruni
Thank you very much for performing a great public service to your readers in sharing your health misfortunes with us.
I also suffered from thrombosis of the main vein to the optic nerve of my left eye over twenty years ago. Worried about the persistent phosphenes (lights) in my field of vision, I paid a visit to the specialist expecting a dignosis of a detached retina. Exorting me to hop on a train to Paris to get an MRI, he repeated the order again after seeing that my optic nerve was under pressure.
Spent two weeks at the venerable Quinze-Vingt eye hospital near Bastille, getting pumped with anticoagulants to eliminate the clot with success.
The moral of our stories -- seek professional advice QUICKLY if something strange and unexpected is noticed in one's vision. I must also observe rather strict measures in quaffing lots of water daily and avoiding excessive exposure to heat and sunlight, aggravating factors in clotting. The rest of my life is just a question of crossing one's fingers AND adopting a bit of resignation towards the unpleasant aspects of the aging process, as I am in my mid-fifties today.
2
Thank you for sharing your story so beautifully. I will remember it every time I whine about having to wear glasses. It truly is a reminder to stop and smell (and look at) the roses while we can. I wish you the best.
1
Thank you for sharing your story and your vulnerability with us. I have been a longtime fan of your column. I can only imagine what a roller-coaster of emotions you must be feeling. I wish you and your family peace and serenity in the days ahead. You are an inspiration.
1
As I imagine you are a passionate reader (as well as writer), Mr. Bruni--so will keep this short. Tank you for sharing your journey, entrusting us fans with your experience and vulnerability. Wishing you strength and courage and ease.
2
First time I've ever commented on an article, but I have always been a fan of your writing, and this beautiful piece moved me to want to send you my hopes that you will be OK and offer my thanks for your work, past, present, and future.
9
When my son was 3, I bought this incredible children's biography on Edgar Degas https://www.amazon.com/Little-Dancer-Anholts-Artists-Children/dp/0764138.... It is incredible for anyone, both children and adult.
We studied the live of Marie, the ballet dancer who w/stood Degas' anger about going blind and had to compensate by sculpting instead of painting.
Lo and behold, about a month after we did this, we learned that Marie, the sculpture we had focused on would be shown at a famous art museum in San Francisco.
I remember taking my 3 yr old son to see Marie (it was a cold day or hail and we had to pull off the road twice to reach our destiny), but it was an intimate day between mother and son which offered a teaching lesson/reminder, that we humans can overcome obstacles no matter what life brings us.
Today, 15 yrs late, a magnet of Marie still holds a prominent place -- and reminder -- of that lesson --- on our refrigerator which we both see several times a day.
Good luck, Frank and take those eye vitamins!!!
4
Wow.
All I can say is I wish you only the best and good luck to you.
What a wonderful story; your optimism is great.
8
Frank, Fear and worry are two of our greatest enemies and also our greatest waste of time. I lost the sight in my dominant right eye due to a detached retina caused by a botched cataract surgery at one of our countries preeminent medical facilities. What did I do? I asked for their opinion. I got a second and third opinion, all of which were, "there is nothing to do about it", and then accepted the reality of it, and moved on with my full life. I have adjusted to the lack of depth perception and given up driving, for the safety of others, and found it a minimal inconvenience. You are fortunate to have physical and mental health. Work at maintaining both with physical activity and a very healthy diet. I do one to two hours of pool and gym six days a week (at five AM) and have followed a diabetic for years and found that to be a good plan. I also liked Brodsky's comment "we are all up to the challenges that life throws at us, and in the process, inspire others". Have at it...
3
Frank, my sincerest sympathy because I have also experienced loss of vision in one eye.
If I were you I would not get locked into anything with any single physician but allow yourself the flexibility to seek additional opinions from other experts across the country.
5
I’m sorry for your situation. I am inspired every day by the youngest of my three older sisters who’s been blind since shortly after her death. Her sense of indepence (a trait we all share) and her sheer determination were the foundation that allows her to have a full life. She’s retired from a 39+ year position with the VA in Manhattan, where she lived for numerous years before moving to the Bronx. The daily subway and bus commute of over an hour each way. She’s navigated the city with her cane very easily and she’s currently irritated by the imposition of a hip replacement surgery. I work in the pharmaceutical industry and, although the clinical trial you’ll join may or may not lead to success, you have to try it. The sense of sight is the one I most fear losing. I always felt sad because my sister had never seen things I take for granted but she told me she wouldn’t change a thing if she was presented with the opportunity to see. I feel for your agony and pray for your success. I get so much enjoyment from your columns. Please do everything possible to be a part of our lives.
2
This piece certainly resonated with me.
I am currently 63 years old. At the age of 38 I was diagnosed with Usher’s syndrome.
One who has Usher’s Syndrome has significant hearing impairment and Retinitis Pigmentosa. Back in the years 2005 and 2006 I received cochlear implants which enabled me to hear unlike I ever had before (I wore hearing aids from the age of 2 years old).
Ironically, shortly after being able to hear do much better, my vision started to decline so much so that I was declared legally blind in 2011.
When one has a hearing disability one expends so much energy to hear, and the energy expended to see what I can see is even more so.
What I have learned through the pain snd frustration of loss is that we adapt to our circumstances and adjust our
sails during our journey of life.
It takes work and energy, but I constantly remind myself of the blessings I do have such as family, ability to still have a career, and a wide network of friends.
I believe that how one looks at life will determine how rich and full your life will be.
7
I so appreciate your sharing this with us. We all need to be part of your world, as we read your thoughts regularly. We have so much hope for you and send you love across the miles. You are a wonderful, kind, loving person with so much to give the world - your columns are amazing. Take care of yourself, and you are in my thoughts often. We love you, Frank.
10
Mr. Bruni,
Did you know that the great naturalist, E. O. Wilson, lost the sight of one eye in a childhood accident? It turned him in the direction of studying small creatures--ants. Look at what he has achieved with vision in one eye. Inspiring. You are inspiring, too, with your ability to capture complex ideas and emotions in clear and brilliant language.
13
Thanks for sharing something so personal and life altering with us, your readers. I am deeply touched by your vulnerability and willingness to share this very difficult part of your life journey. I want you to know that your writing impacts my life.
7
These bodies we inhabit are simultaneously surprisingly robust and fragile. This essay reaffirmed for me that we only get to do this life thing once. I'm going to turn off the computer now and go out and look at interesting things.
11
On the empathetic side I, like all who know you and those who read your column, hope that you retain the vision your have left.
On the selfish side, I hope that, no matter what happens to your sight, you continue to be one of the very best columnists and observers of our community. In simple terms, we will always need you Frank.
13
I love your work. Stay strong. Good Luck.
2
Based on my experience, I can say there's every reason to believe you're not going blind. I suffered an ANION in 2001, when I was in my mid forties. It blacked out the inner lower quadrant of my field of vision, not as bad as yours, it seems. I remember wailing "I won't ever see my children again," which makes me embarrassed in retrospect. I too was told about the risk of the other eye being similarly affected within five years, it was not. I religiously took baby aspirin every night. The eyes (and brain) are remarkable, they can adapt, and do. My husband has been blind in one eye since birth, and you'd never know it. After some time I forgot about the problem. My neuroopthamologist predicted that I'd forget his name, and I did. I've had far more serious problems recently, which have taken me back to him, but they are unrelated to the prior stroke. I'd recommend you be optimistic and believe that you'll eventually forget what the acronym means.
4
Thank you for this beautiful writing. I pray you recover. If not, may you find courage, peace and strength to live a full, joy-filled life.
Your fans are rooting for you!
4
Thank you for sharing - wisdom at its most personal. I wish you the very best.
1
Nothing much to say except that I wish you, Mr. Bruni, a colorful and vivid life in whatever form that takes. Thank you for so beautifully sharing your story with us. I know it’s easier said than done, but please keep your spirits up and always remember that your list of “things that could be worse” is very long and that you are a very lucky and beloved man.
2
Frank, thank you for articulately expressing an experience that we share. My husband read your article to me as I wiped away tears. You and I are both one in 10,000. Or is it two in 20,000? I also woke up with NAION in one eye four months ago and am participating in the same clinical trial. I am a nature writer and photographer. Keeping the lens cap on one side of my binoculars when birding sure gives me a new appreciation of the concept of “binocular vision” — or lack of it. Best of luck to you on this challenging journey.
4
Best wishes for strength and peace of mind.
2
Frank
We are all fans of yours, but most particularly my 88 year old Mom who developed NAION about 20 years ago. She sends her thoughts and best wishes to you. Although her vision has diminished, her spirit has not. And, she still reads your column faithfully -- in large print, or with super glasses, or my Dad reads to her. Our family hopes this new treatment is the magic cure and your eyesight is restored. You are a national treasure!
4
" .. or my Dad reads to her .."
Everyone -- there are computer programs that take text like NYTimes, and turns them into audio ..
http://www.afb.org/prodBrowseCatResults.aspx?CatID=49
Not as fast as reading .. it does get the job done.
Thank you for a stunning and eloquent piece.
I am a longtime aficionado of the NYT, and your writing is essential. When I don't see your column in an edition, it strikes me as a glaring omission. Reading your
article about 'Going Blind' I felt your anguish and your courage. My favorite line: "And despite my eye disorder, I'm in clover:.." A friend reminded me that, "Painful, difficult events seem to engender durable wisdom- or regression."
Thank you for your keen wisdom and
Bravos to you!
2
Thank you for a brave, informative, and frankly uplifting essay on a really difficult condition. I suffered severe damage to my only functional eye twenty years ago during a robbery in Australia. Thanks to some wonderful physicians I can call myself a "recovering blind person" for the moment. I know that it is very likely that I will eventually lose some or all of my vision again, but in the meantime i feel so darn lucky and treasure the visual beauty of everyday life. Bless you and keep you.
1
I only have encouragement to offer.....in reading your columns I have learned that you are such an amazing person. I hope you can remember that during this life altering struggle, there are many of out here that are cheering for you.
1
Ask your Doc about AREDS2. Then ask three more Docs. The major neuron degenerative disease mechanism in humans is Alzheimer's disease neuron pathobiology (by far). A neuron is a neuron, for the most part. The retina is called neural retina. Its neural tissue, part of the brain really. In addition to the NIH eye institute studies on AREDS2 benefits, check out animal studies on antioxidants on Alzheimer mice. Animal studies are so, so much better controlled that they mean something. The mouse subjects live together, eat together and lights out together, and they cannot forget to take any pill. (I hated camp). Vitamins helped significantly. You're young. Its still about prevention as well as preservation. AREDS2 helps.
1
I went through a loss of eyesight in my 30's that no eye doctor could diagnose. After becoming unable to see clearly in both eyes, I too was fortunate to go to a neuro-ophthalmologist (after one year) who quickly deduced that I had a pituitary tumor. It had already worn on the optical nerves but I was fortunate when the surgeon was skilled enough to remove most of the tumor and my eyesight returned to one eye and partially to the other. My brain learned to live with the situation and I can get along except in looking at projected eye charts. Then one day, I had a big headache, loss of vision again, and It was time for an emergency operation of the tumor that had hemorrhaged. The Canadian healthcare system had me in for immediate surgery and I recovered again. I thought about the loss of sight and perspectives for never seeing people again. I feel that the optic nerves began to recover after a few years, not much but enough to feel better. I wish you all the best and I hope that the pathway is bright.
2
Thank you for a beautiful piece. I'm a retired physician, and I would be sharing it with my patients in difficult situations were I still working. Whatever happens with your vision--and I hope nothing more ever does--please continue writing. We all need you now more than ever! To the list of people who have led productive lives in the face of visual loss you can add Richard Bernstein, Justice of the Michigan Supreme Court, who was chosen by our electorate with full knowledge of his blindness. Your former employer, the Detroit Free Press, has reported extensively on his situation and his adjustment. P. S. regarding the religion thing, I think a fair number of your readers will put in good word for you...
4
" .. people who have led productive lives in the face of visual loss you can add Richard Bernstein, Justice of the Michigan Supreme Court, who was chosen by our electorate with full knowledge of his blindness .."
.. rest of story -- his family of millionaire trial lawyers, they advertise on TV non-stop. Not an everyday person, Alan.
Lovely article. I was nine when a hawthorne branch with its needles flew into my face on a nature walk and took the vision in my right eye. I just see jelly shapes all my life with that eye just like you described and they constantly float around. I'm 63 now and do very fine close up work with my good eye as a fine art printer. We adapt and thrive through our limitations. You'll be ok. And I loved your food reviews before I even loved your new columns. Hang tough, one good thing about having one good eye, it stays strong and muscular and sharp from all the use.
4
Great article. Thank you for sharing this. My father suddenly lost his peripheral vision when he was about 45 years old and I was 15 (in 1956). There was a lot anxiety for him and our family as he was also told he might loose vision in his other eye. As the sole bread winner who was the operator of a giant 5 story tin rolling machine with a 5 man crew who need his vision to judge the thickness of the tin, he was devastated.
I remember his (our) anxiety when he went back to work the first day after a couple weeks off. Could he do it? Indeed Dad was able to work again at his same high position. What a relief for all of us! Dad lived successfully, worked until he retired at 65, was able to drive and enjoy his grandchildren and hackers golf. He would be 82 years old when he passed away.
Best of luck, Frank !!
3
Frank, I'm a great fan of your work and wish you all healing, physical and emotional.
My father, later in his life, lost vision in one eye due to a stroke. So did his father before him. Both were avid readers and talented amateur writers.
Dad didn't share details of his fears with me, but I imagine his experience might have been like yours. Thank you for illuminating that for me.
I do remember a few things, though.
My father was very angry about not being allowed to drive. My brother (then a young adult) picked him up every morning and they commuted to work together. Dad lost independence, but his already close relationship with his son deepened.
When sight in Dad's good eye began to deteriorate, like you, he spent much time and money on medical care. A cataract surgery helped somewhat. When Dad got his new glasses for that eye, his joy at being able to read even a little was so profound. He had many challenges in life, so to see him feeling such happiness was really wonderful.
Frank, may your eyes heal, and may you also experience much love and happiness.
2
My mother has optic neuropathy. She lost her first eye when she was 50 and then the other when she was 85. She is now legally blind, but is 96 and still lives on her own ( with help a few days a week and children who come by). But she has magnifying glasses and a reading machine and there are more devices all the time to help improve vision. I hope this was helpful to you.
2
Dear Frank Bruni,
I have been a great fan of your wonderful writing for a very long time, and was so sorry to learn of your recently discovered eye condition. Your way of describing its sudden arrival and the steps that you have taken since that morning are delivered so well, and yet so very hard to read.
I am 72, and about 40 years ago received a glaucoma diagnosis. I thought at the time that I might need glasses for my paralegal work that required hours of reading every day. Not so. No glasses were then required, but I am still thankful for having had that early, shocking diagnosis. As a visual artist (not just a paralegal) my vision was, and is, precious to me.
The early diagnosis allowed doctors to prescribe treatments, and regular exams that have prevented any damage to my optic nerves. Yes, like you, I have seen many images of my own optic nerves.
How I do wish that your condition could be corrected. How I do admire your strength as you contemplate how to continue to carry on as years go by.
Please accept my apologies for the awkwardness of my own writing, but know that all my words do come from my heart.
All best wishes to you.
2
Thank you for your honest and lovely piece. I have normal pressure glaucoma vision loss and also hope my vision lasts as long as my life. It's a curious and little understood type of glaucoma. More than once I've been congratulated by technicians on my normal eye pressures..... tho in my case it is misleading. I read more slowly, require much more light at home and navigate with more care in the dark, and I have banished dark socks and other clothing and gear that just meld into the background. And while I find applying and holding multiple eyedrops 3x/day trying- I stretch to find meaning in this necessary time with myself.
2
I am so sorry. Thank you for enduring with grace, and finding wisdom to share ..
3
My husband has stage four esophageal cancer. We are trying to enjoy whatever time we have left together. Thank you for your sharing your thoughts about life and the myriad things people are dealing with in their lives. It's just life. We do the best we can and appreciate what we have.
7
Thank you for sharing your experience and feelings. It's the most personally helpful piece I've read on the NYT.
I had an eye stroke when I was 39. I am one of the lucky ones in that it only affected my peripheral vision. It took me almost a year before I could stop constantly thinking about the same thing happening to the other eye. I also share the absolute terror feeling of going to bed at night. I make sure that the phone is nearby, and I recite the voice command for calling for help.
Reading your article reminds me to live each day to the fullest. I'm also looking forward to self-driving cars and all appliances being voice-controlled!
6
Thank you so much for so bravely sharing this Mr Bruni. First I wish you all the best in your health growing forward and ease in your journey.
This was a life changing read for me. I am "of a certain age" and I have a tendency to wait- to wait until I pay off debt, to wait until there is better cash flow, etc. More than once I have waited for a very long time, like 5 years before buying $35 wind chimes which I then enjoyed for about 15 years.
No more. I have a career I much enjoy, which happens to depend on my vision. I am an art director and graphic designer.
My health is good but my financial situation through much of my career has been erratic. Feast or famine like so many in the arts. So I have waited.
No more waiting. I am healthy and still working (albeit often for less than years ago). Thanks to you, I am doing what I want to do now.
I do have an appointment with the ophthalmologist next week because one of my optical nerves needs following, but so far we think it it is a genetic thing and ok.
So for me, no more waiting and for that I thank you with all my heart.
13
Thank you for sharing so transparently and clearly your story and your feelings. Been a doc for going on 32 years, now--and never heard of NAION until a patient quoted me her new diagnosis just last week. Joining Dr. Tanenbaum in placing a copy of your article in each of my exam rooms. (I have a binder for patients to peruse if I am keeping them waiting.) My world needs your voice and your insight. Wishing you continued stable health, sir.
15
Thanks for the insights, and good luck with your journey. A positive outlook, and time, will help get you through. I lost most of my hearing when I was your age, after a lifetime performing and listening to music. It is hard not to be overwhelmed but that reaction only makes things worse. Life is change, and we have to be adaptable to thrive.
10
Dear Mr. Bruni: I was diagnosed with glaucoma 18 years ago when I was 49. It was, to say the least, not the news I wanted to hear. I’ve used the full arsenal of eye drops, one of which makes your eyelashes longer! After the drops stopped lowering my eye pressure and damage to the optic nerves progressed, I had successful surgery in each eye. Now, no more drops and my vision is stable. Life is good. My experience has taught me that humans can adapt to virtually anything. Hang in there.
7
Frank, thank you for this. I can only imagine how this affected you after the diagnosis, but the positive way you are looking at things, and your point that so many people have to cope with challenges took me in one essay of yours from tears to thanking you for showing us all how to meet challenges in life.
8
I woke to a “volcano in my eye” 3 years ago and experienced much of what you describe. What made a difference?
The best retinal surgeon in town. Meeting her in office for an emergency treatment on a Sunday afternoon.
Family love.
A wise disability counselor at the university where I teach. He taught me and several recalcitrant colleagues, including a department chair without empathy, how to accommodate.
Accommodation, love, fervor, tolerance. I recommend this cocktail.
13
Aside from being moved by your description of how it feels, and appreciating the here-and-now, I am most deeply moved by your modest revelation that most people are carrying around some sort of difficulty or tragedy. It often takes a personal challenge to recognize that others are dealing with difficulties, too. Would that we could all remember, and be compassionate.
I love your lessons. What a high price youve paid.
17
So here is the unavoidable cliche: based on your columns I think you see the world and write about it pretty clearly. I am confident you will continue to do so.
20
Hang in there Frank. Praying for you.
6
Frank, I love you.
6
Dear Frank Bruni,
We come to you for your insight.
That is the given.
18
You've got what it takes to pull through whatever may come. Just a fan of yours wanting you to know how much I am rewarded by your writings.
8
OMG! AION hit me in 2005 when I was about to turn 50 years old. I am a bankruptcy attorney and in 2005, the industry was dealing with a massive change in the law that led to a flood of cases to be filed before the 10/17 deadline. Two days after the deadline passed, I was blind. The experts at Yale said they couldn’t help me. A friend who runs a company flying patients out of the Caribbean on medical emergencies referred me up to the Bascom Palmer Institute in Miami. After a month of experimental treatment in their private clinic, I regained 95% of my eyesight. But I didn’t heed their instructions to change my work lifestyle. After a later recurrence and referral to Harvard, I was able to reverse the effects without medication
I know you understand how important eyesight is to someone who works with words. The inability to read renders almost everything we work towards a nullity. We take this gift of eyesight for granted and I now have a greater appreciation for everything we are given in life and h9w short it can be. Even though that was almost 13 years ago, every day is ruled by the memory of that time.
Thanks for posting this. If I can offer any help or assistance from my experience, please do not hesitate to contact me.
Gene Melchionne
Waterbury, Connecticut
Connecticut Bankruptcy
Member of the Board of Directors - National Assoc. of Consumer Bankruptcy Attorneys
Read my articles on Credit.com- http://blog.credit.com/author/gene-melchionne
15
The sculptor Louise Bourgeois said in an interview, maybe with the NYT, about losing her vision: “it’s still life!” I thought then and now, what a wonderful distillation of the fact that life can be experienced in a myriad ways. To the extent we seek new orientations when encountering our limitations, new or lifelong, this seems like a beautiful guide.
10
Thank you Mr Bruni. You're a gem, and I wish you the very best, now and in the years to come.
6
Wonderfully written.. simply wonderful.
Mr. Bruni.. you take my breath away.
5
You rock, Frank Bruni. Thanks for sharing and reminding us of life's many gifts.
6
Thank you. You have given my husband hope.
3
Oh Frank, this was truly heart rendering. Please remember, you have the advantage of vision to relate in the future. You can imagine it any way that you like. I wish you well. More writing please.
5
Jiminy, Frank, good luck and good health.
As a cancer survivor (so far!) I took inspiration from a friend's message the gist of which you are already living: life is ten percent what happens to you and ninety percent how you feel about what happens to you (except in concentration camps where those ratio reverse). Don't let a little thing like reality stop you from staying positive.
2
My daughter was legally blind in one eye from the time she was an infant. No one knew for several years. When her baby teeth came out, a front permanent tooth was missing. In 5 minutes she got an implant and braces. The lazy eye is no big deal and her teeth are perfect. If she had to choose i’m sure she would take a lazy eye over a gap-toothed smile. So brush your teeth often. You can control that. And, hopefully, you are among the 80%who won’t ever again have to see a neuro-ophthalmologist.
4
Beautiful, Frank. Thank you. God bless.
2
Thank you for this Frank. I always enjoy your writing, and it was generous of you to offer something so personal.
3
I woke up one morning about age 40 unable to see anything other than a light grey fog - ;lenty of light but no detail. Despit a lot of blinking and eye rubbing, it didn't go away. So my wife called in to say I wasn't going to show that day and we went back to bed to conjecture about how long it might take to get me up to speed on the piano that I might make some sort of living as Blind John Ferguson. Piano would have been my second instrument after French Horn which I doubted would have been attractive to the bars where I expected to spend my remaining working life - assuming that there was any market for the swing i was sharp at.
.
I concede that this may seem silly and possibly demeaning to Mr. Bruni, but this is exactly what happened. Maybe if it had lasted for a week, it wouldn't have seemed funny to me, but a life which had earlier presented some severe disappointments seemed a good peparation for how to take this problem.
.
About 11:00am, my vision returned, I went to work and never gave it another thought until I was asked on a physical a question whose answer revealed this experience. I was told that it was almost certainly a stoke and asked why I didn't seek help.
.
"It went away" was my answer.
.
That was 35 years ago.
3
Sending love & light to you, Frank. Your words have helped me to see differently for many years. I have a deep appreciation & respect for your insight, honesty & courage.
5
Mr. Bruni, My best friend and I were just discussing why we liked and respected you so much three days ago. It is not just because of your fine writing, your world-wide views or the way you comport yourself. It is because we both agreed we'd love to have you as a friend of ours. Thank you for including us readers and fans in your journey. I wish nothing but goodness and light and more delicious meatloaves in your future. Kat
10
Thank you so much for sharing. You inspire us.
1
Frank, I'm sorry to hear about what you're going through. But no matter what happens to your eyesight, please continue to share your remarkable insight and generous view of the world with your readers. Your writing opens our eyes with every column, and we certainly wouldn't ever want to lose that.
4
Dear Frank i so much have enjoyed your writings they have made me laugh and cry you have made me open up the times ,in anticipation of your words . We are close to the same age .my great uncle opened up the scheie eye institute in university of Pennsylvania . !maybe they can help . My heart goes out to you and your loved ones .....my prayers are directed to you sir i hope they help . New Roots herbal has a supplement called forsight for eyes is loaded with good things for eyes . All our thoughts .
2
It seems to me that Frank can see the path to a rewarding life more clearly now than he could five months ago.
2
Wishing you a continued show of strength. Thank you for sharing with us.
1
I don't get all the applause. I am appalled that you cite other people's horrors as proof of your good fortune. I hope they don't recognize themselves in the misery that buoys your spirits. you should know it is the oldest and cheapest trick in the book to try and make oneself feel better by eating someone else's misery. I hope that you take the good fortune that you hit the reader in the face with and make someone else's load lighter.
You have missed the whole point of Mr. Bruni's article. I'd tell you but part of me has hope you will discover it on your own. Hope springs eternal.
3
This is a magnificent piece of writing. Thank you, Frank.
2
Thank you for embracing your readership with this personal news and your pathway as you adjust to the changes.
As a writer and artist, I have always said I would prefer to lose any of my other senses versus sight and touch. So I can imagine how deeply this struck at the core of your identity.
But the judge is correct: We are blessed to live in an era when technology can make up for some of our deficits.
As long as you breathe, I have no doubt you will find a way to observe life with the unique insights of a good writer. And you will continue to share those insights.
You are a writer we will continue be proud of here in America.
Hugs to you.
3
Thank you for this wonderful essay. You capture perfectly what so many experience just when everything seems okay. And then there’s a jolt to the “new normal.” You describe the journey with amazing honesty. I am so glad your work was not pushed to the “health” section. It is a metaphoric guide to adjusting to the vagaries of life.
3
Wow, Mr. Bruni, you are one loved and respected person!! I am hoping that these 742 plus comments are assuring you of your value to your fellow humans, and that you will continue to contribute to the betterment of our lives through your own for many years to come.
As a devout lover of words and verbal expression, I spend many hours a day reading, and the thought of not being able to do that scares the bejeezus out of me. I know there are books on tape, but it just isn't the same. Not to scare you more, but yes, you will lose a little if and when you have to switch to listening to books in order to read them. But if disability research is correct, your other senses will become sharper and more agile if the day ever comes that your sight is no longer there for you. Sound, smell, touch and taste will intensify. Parts of life you don't pay as much attention to now will burst forth and captivate you as never before.
Imagine multiplying the pleasures of cooking, food, music, and conversation by ten fold; finding nuance and meaning where you had not noticed them before. A lover's voice, his skin, that unique smell that is his alone. Puppy breath and baby scent. Anything recorded by Alan Rickman or Patrick Stewart. Not just hearing a symphony performance but feeling the physical touch of the sound waves that were always there, just not noticed before.
You may, or may not, lose all your sight, but you will always have us, your readers. This lapsed Catholic is praying for you.
5
I have nothing poignant to add or say. I would simply like to thank you for always being one of the Times columnists who shared their humanity the most. I wish you the best and hope you continue to lead an existence you find rewarding and fulfilling.
1
only good bives going your way Frank.
How true - carpe diem. Tomorrow and the day after, and the day after that one.
None of us knows what our future days bring, but your optimism and realism together, a force that can't be beat.
1
Your transparency, humanity, and commitment to family, inclusion and diversity always stand out, whether I listen to your opinions on Morning Joe, or writing for your newspaper. Carry on, Frank Bruni. You are a man filled with many gifts.
1
Thank goodness the Times still curates its reader comments. I cannot imagine the ugliness that would ensue here if it did not.
Mr. Bruni, best wishes, and thank you for your excellent mind and writing.
Frank, sorry for this. Listen, you would benefit from reading the Caroline Myss book, The Creation of Health. She posits there that all illness is very directly related to emotions. There is a biological storyline that is somehow lining up with your life story. Every person's body is like a puzzle - but the pieces all line up and make sense when looking back on them from afar. People think - 'I caught the flu, or I got cancer.' No - the immune system, the body, was the perfect mirror of what was happening on the inside. Has it occurred to you that perhaps the writing gig is unsustainably taxing? Maybe you should consider teaching, or going to work for a think tank or brain trust. I bet that eye problem of yours would go away. Staring into a computer all day is horrible for every atom in your body - somehow, some way, the perfect foil to the problem was going to rear its head. The body always knows what it's doing.
Anybody else find this wouldn't load on their smartphone?
Thank you, Mr. Bruni for this article. You were able to discuss a somber topic with wit and eloquence and overall, hope.
I was also moved by Mr. Wallsten’s statement, “It’s not your brain that’s affected, it’s your eyesight.” This is a good reassurance in times of strife.
Love and hugs (respectfully), Frank, from one “brother” to another. Blessings!
1
The insights you share in your column aren't due to your eye sight (pun intended.) I hope you don't lose your vision; but if you do, please keep writing. We need your voice.
1
amazing. that must be the toughest pieces to write. I wish you the best. as I've tried to impress upon my children, a grateful attitude with whatever is thrown at you is an admirable trait in a person.
I too was recently give bad health news. a test revealed a genetic abnormality that along with a bad coronary calcium score in the 2nd worst place possible means I have a 1:4 chance of dying in the next 5 years. and theres nothing I can really do about it. diet and exercise apparently has gotten me this far as it it werent for that, I might even be writing this. the biggest loser trainer bob harper survived his cardiac event. I hope to survive mine. but it means its not too great an idea to hike backcountry solo like I love to do or even redo the zion narrows which is 16 miles in a stunningly beautiful river in a canyon that involves swimming (or floating) a portion of it most of the year. andto hike all of buckskin gulch, at 62 miles the longest pocket canyon in the world? not now. theres no decent cardiac care for 250 miles in vegas and no way a helo gets me there in time anyway. so I'll settle for continuing crossfit with an instructor who may have to defib me one day in class and is OK with it.
and like you, I'm blessed with ridiculously good health, healthcare (long as I dont change jobs), good finances and nice friends. I just dont to become a burden to family and friends and have set up the kids to do well when I go so I too, am truly blessed.
1
All the best, Frank. Many health bumps are no fault, and this looks like one of yours.
Congratulations on the way you are coping and keep your powder dry.
1
Frank, take heart, manyof us are going through that struggle. Eye shot are a drag. Check out any therapy available. You're still young.
Silver lining, you have everything else. Become a Buddhist and savor each moment. or channel self pity into empathy and service to others.
1
Oh my gosh, I could so relate. I woke up to a macular hole five years ago, which, while ultimately managed through surgery (and a really bizarre recuperative process), has never really resolved. So I, too, obsess about "keeping my good eye" and LOL'd at your lament at not having "a spare." Such a beautiful piece. We all carry so many fears about what Could happen, what Might happen. But it truly does disrespect the sanctity of the here and now. Thank you for this.
1
I read "Borne Round" when it came out. I have regarded you as remarcable sence. Blind, you will be more so.Thanks for inspiring the little folks like me out here in the hinterlands.
No one, absolutely no one, writes with Bruni's flair. Frank, you are in my prayers.
1
My very, very best to you.
The Ray Charles Foundation was founded to benefit hearing-impaired people. Not vision-impaired people, as one might think. Ray Charles said the worst tragedy he might have suffered was deafness rather than blindness. There's some kind of lesson there, but I'm not smart enough to know what it is.
Frank, your wise and candid piece was full of insights. "It's not your brain that's affected, it's your eyesight." "There are things much harder than this." "[S]omeone with a seemingly unbroken stride and unfettered path[,] more often than not, ... is hampered and haunted in ways that you can't imagine." What a model for empathy that last sentence is.
As for continuing to practice your profession, you can take as role models not only Judge Tatel but another greatly admired and award-winning journalist, sportswriter Jim Murray. I had a blind law professor and I've worked with blind attorneys, but the thought of a blind sportswriter is a real stretch. And then there is, of course, the fact that you are not blind. What blessings.
1
Dear Mr Bruni,
so sorry to hear of your troubles and wishing you the best. Reading your typically articulate and evocative narrative about it though, has spurred me to offer my heartfelt thanks for the job you do- as a far away Australian NYT subscriber, I find your work so reassuring and uplifting in the way it confirms definitively that many Americans are not crazy and therefore there is hope for all of us still!!
1
Beautifully written. Thanks.
“Here is my secret. It is very simple. It is only with the heart that one can see rightly; What is essential is invisible to the eye.”
Antoine De Saint Exupery.”
2
Have long admired your work ..and you! And wondered "where you had been" recently. Hoping for the best for you. Other comments here pay tribute to human adaptability...Heartening, i hope.
You have my best wishes, Frank. I too wake up each day wondering if I will be able to see. About seven years ago my retina began to tear away in my dominant eye. I didn’t know then what was happening. I just knew something was wrong because I was seeing what looked like a drop of ink dissipating in water—in my eye. I went to a retina specialist who examined me and told me I’d need surgery. When she left to schedule it, I thought that meant she’d come back and give me a date a few days or weeks from then. Instead, she was rearranging her schedule and I was to have surgery right then. I have had to adjust to that hazy film. I wear contacts and reading glasses, and my vision has never come back completely. But at least I can still see. For now. The fear will ebb eventually, and you will mostly adjust. It does get better. I hope your eyes serve you well for the rest of your life. I want to be able to keep reading your columns. Best of luck.
This near-fifty something, who is also experiencing vision degradation amongst a host of other mostly annoying but non life-threatening ailments of getting older, will now sleep better tonight. Alas, we are not alone in the aging process, and a good sense of humor and perspective, a trick you subscribe to, will somewhat soften this unfair burden (can't we have a choice about our decline?).
1
Very curious as to why you felt going blind would curtail your career as a writer?
I see thru increasingly foggy days with serious floaters. I live my life as a painter, hand quilter, graphic designer, decorator, voracious reader, garden designer. Everything I value comes from sight.
But I have saved your piece because it has calmed me down....and will get me inspired to work even more seriously while I can and to talk in all I can in this beautifully visual world.
1
Thank your also from 171 fellow NAAION patients (part of a Facebook group).
We were happily surprised by the prominent attention you drew for our rather rare disease that is still incurable but will eventually be treatable with optic nerve regeneration techniques.
Meanwhile we try to help each other to get better outcomes if one is still in the first 14 days of the NAAION and can still get oral steroids or QPI1007 (like you have). Time is of the essence to save some vision.
We especially liked how your story matched our own personal experiences.
Make sure to limit or even prevent stressful work, overexertion at exercising, dehydration, lower cholesterol values - even normal ones, use of BP impacting medication, sleep apnea, high BP, flying in non pressurized planes, unadapted anesthesia protocols with surgery, any BP impacting activities at the end of the day, OTC/prescription medication for allergies, etc. to minimize the chance that you get an attack in the other eye.
The minimum risk is about 19% but it can increase to at least 59% with wrong choices.
In theory the first couple of years one runs the greatest recurrence risk, but we have seen fellow patients get it much later.
Prof. Sohan Hayreh of Iowa University wrote the book on NAAION. He even coined such terms as AION, AAION and NAAION. His online pages are recommended literature for patients and clinicians. There is no greater expert around.
He also details what one should do to prevent another NAAION.
1
Dear Frank,
What can I say, we grow older...
It is difficult, but you are loved, by friends, family, and your readers. Take heart, we age with you and love you always.
Wow, it is so nice of you to report on the fear of going blind. I have been making my own adjustments to losing focused vision from one eye and watching for the possibility of losing that from the other eye. I now read my NYT on screen, with at least 200% font size. I missed reading the print version, but I am grateful that I can still read your column. Thank You for sharing the many stories of how others have managed blindness, and Thank God for technologies - the giant fonts, the car cameras that send warning signals, and the audio books. We will slip and slide our ways through the decays of our organs and tissues. I have accepted it as the path of my life.
1
Thank you for the maturity and wisdom you have shared with us in your writing. If I could presume to say, while it is true that you are experiencing aging writ vivid and large, and bumping up against your limits, it is perhaps your experience that makes you able to teach us how to handle adversity.
Beethoven's deafness comes to mind. As does Dylan Thomas urging us to "rage against the dying of the light."
1
Mr. Bruni, my sympathies are sincere. However, as you have since shifted your attention from the rather small world of restaurant criticism to affairs of broader social concern, this reader must consider the fact that you had access a neuro-ophthalmologist, to learn that you had N.A.I.O.N, and that "despite my eye disorder, I’m in clover: economic security; access to good health care”, all good news for you. I have for decades maintained that the most important battle in America's future will not be played out in skirmishes over gun rights, gender rights, religious freedoms, or which party controls the house. Economics, Mr. Bruni, will be the determining factor. In the end, America’s greatest social division will express itself in two overarching areas: access to clean, healthy food, and access to quality healthcare. Succinctly put, the rich will eat well, have access to better health and end of life care, and die older and more comfortably; while the poor will eat cheap, mass-produced, processed poison, and sicken and die sooner and more often alone, victims of the toxins in the food chain, and lack of quality medical care. I offer you my unqualified condolences; but would ask of you what is it that I may now offer the ill-tended, sightless poor, those who have suffered not from lack of exposure to micro gastronomy, but rather basic access to health care, let alone the rarified atmosphere of a neuro-ophthalmologic diagnosis. As you conclude: “Lucky, happy me”.
1
I am beyond words of admiration not just for how you are dealing with what has happened, but also with your incredible writing style that has me crying at its beauty and smiling at all you will write and describe for years to come. I just printed this article and will keep it forever. Thank you.
Mr. Bruni, you write that you are "not good at religion" -- but the wisdom you have shown about your situation sounds a lot like the Hebrew Scripture's Proverbs and Ecclesiastes to me. I've appreciated your columns for many years now, and am now honored to remember you my prayers as you meet both challenges and (I dare to say) blessings in the days ahead.
A documentary I saw years ago featured a mother of a child born with a serious disability. She said, "it's like you're on a plane, expecting to land in Italy, but when they open the plane door, you discover that you've landed in the Netherlands." That has certainly been my experience dealing with cancer: it has taken me to a different country from the one I maybe hoped to visit, but it hasn't been all bad by any means, and I have met some remarkable people whom I never would have met otherwise.. Use your good eye to keep looking at the full half of the glass.
I'm saving this article. I've just gotten serious about photography and have worried myself to anxiety about some of the fuzzy results of my efforts. Am I incompetent or is it my eyesight? Worry, worry, worry! Your article has brought me new perspective...and a good talking-to. I offer you my sincerest "thoughts and prayers" for continued meaningful adjustment to your new reality. Good luck, Frank.
I’m sorry to hear of your diagnosis. Perhaps writing about this for a large audience will help defuse the terror a bit. Already, the comments section is full of fellow travelers. I am an artist, and the thought of losing my vision is terrifying...it would take away the essence of who I am. My first thought upon reading this was of an acquaintance’s daughter who has been legally blind since birth. She is now in her 20’s and competing in the alpine skiing event at the Paralympics. Inspiring stories like hers (and the judge’s that you referenced) can provide hope and redirection of the inevitable negative thoughts we have upon difficult diagnoses.
Frank, as a physician with a serious health problem I found your article poignant and illuminating. the human mind cannot grasp its own fragility and mortality. People who suffer from a serious illness begin to view the world differently. as Schopenhauer said, suffering leads to compassion..
1
Thank you for your eloquent (as always) piece. You wrote that you are now taking a daily aspirin. Please check out the following article: Low Dose Aspirin Discontinuation and Risk of Cardiovascular Events, Circulation 136, 1183 (2017). The journal is a publication of the American Heart Association. The article points out that long-term users of low dose aspirin have a significantly increased risk of stroke if they should stop taking it. While I am not a physician, I am aware that many physicians are unaware of this finding, especially those that do not have cardiovascular expertise. So keep taking your aspirin.
Mr. Bruni's bravery and creativity seeking out people who have faced similar challenges is powerful. He really is a role model.
It's like to pass on something I read about reducing stroke risk, and I'm wondering if they could have any beneficial effect for this.
In a study published in Stroke: Journal of the American Heart Association - it said apples and pears may lower stroke risk because they are high in dietary fiber and an antioxidant flavonoid called quercetin, the researchers said. Other foods classified in the white category were bananas, cauliflower and cucumbers.
If Mr. Bruni is taking an aspirin a day for potentially keeping blood flowing more freely-I wonder if this white fresh fruits and vegetables could do the same?
Also, on the off chance that there was an episode of transient sleep apnea -would a prophylactic CPAP machine make sense?
Of course these are questions for real-life doctors, not just rabid fans of the diagnostic serial TV show House!
1
Frank,
Good luck to you. Thank you for sharing, we never know what trials people we meet have.
Keep us posted please in the future.
I was sorry to hear of your diagnosis, especially since you are one of my favorite columnists, sort of like a friend whom I look forward to chatting with. But aside from that selfish reaction, two other thIngs occurred to me. One, my late husband was totally blind since infancy, and yet he became a judge, married and had two kids, and loved his wide circle of friends. So if that gives you some encouragement. I’m happy. The second thing is that reading about your attitude has helped me too. I have an incurable disease, which may very well shorten my life, but I feel good right now and realized that, as we get older, everyone has a medical “elephant in the room.” It’s just that, for people like you and me, ours has a name. Good luck to you.
Your loss would only be our loss if you let it stop you. We would loose your incisive thinking, precise insights, illuminated ideas. You bring us sight! A new way to look at things, to observe them even more closely. Your articles radiate clarity. They are crisp. Your voice is distinctive.
There was a very beautiful op-ed or documentary piece from the New York Times on a middle-age man loosing his sight, maybe about 4 years ago. It was about the richness of the senses. It was autobiographical. I have on and off searched for it, for its lyrical beauty, without success. Maybe you can locate it and post it as a related article.
Thank you for this and all your articles.
Good luck, Frank. Thanks for all your insights.
So many hopeful comments. As an academic I studied vision loss called PION because it occurred in the posterior portion of the optic nerve. We were intetested in this as a rare complication of surgery but that as another story.
I am a neurophysiologist Ph.D., now retired, with a long research history in clinical medicine. I am not an M.D., not a physician.
If I woke up with this condition I would see a neuro opthamologist immediately, within hours. I would ask immediately for a high dose injection of erythropoietin, a neuroprotective hormone. As a protective measure I might consider low dose Cialis or Viagra as these are vasodilators affecting the visual vasculature.
Good luck.
2
When I consider how my light is spent
Ere half my days in this dark world and wide,
And that one talent which is death to hide
Lodg'd with me useless, though my soul more bent
To serve therewith my Maker, and present
My true account, lest he returning chide;
"Doth God exact day-labour, light denied?"
I fondly ask. But Patience to prevent
That murmur, soon replies: "God doth not need
Either man's work or his own gifts; who best
Bear his mild yoke, they serve him best. His state
Is kingly. Thousands at his bidding speed
And post o'er land and ocean without rest:
They also serve who only stand and wait."
-John Milton
1
Hi, Mr. Bruni. Thanks for a marvelous column. And thanks for another marvelous column you wrote (Maturity's Victories, Feb 1, 2014), in which you said "Back in college I took a psychology course that I recall absolutely nothing about, except for the professor’s favorite maxim. Life, he repeatedly said, is about learning to deal with loss....But he was wrong, or, at best, only half right. Life is about learning to look
past what’s lost to what’s found in the process...." Lucky, happy us.
1
Dear Mr Bruni
I suffered total loss of vision in my eye due to an ischemic stroke. This happened in 1992 so it has been 26 years now. Rest assured that your body and brain will compensate for your loss. As improbable as it might seem to you right now, your life will return to the way you want it in short order. Good luck to you.
1
Thank for your story. Forgive me for my humble suggestion, I am well aware you don't need readers to give you advice. The Braille Institute is there for you. My late husband was a volunteer at our local branch for 12 years. If you are newly blind, or are on the verge they will give you the support and classes that will enable you to live a good life. Their "gadgets" and time honored information to help you with your daily activities is invaluable.
I hope you won't need them, but I just wanted you to know this is a resource not to be overlooked.
1
I always love your columns but this one resonated with me. What struck me was your inherent optimism and faith which shone through. It's clear that whatever the outcome,you will adjust to continue to live your life as bravely as you are today. Please never stop writing,you help me so much through this fractured time we are living in. Godspeed.
54
I had similar vision loss to my right eye from NAION following two doses of Imitrex, a migraine medicine. It took visits to 4 specialists before I could get anyone to listen to me that the Imitrex was the likely culprit in conjunction with my, also similarly, atypical anatomy. It took someone who was a lead researcher as well as a highly regarded neuro ophthalmologist to recognize the connection. I too, was told any moment it could strike again. It's been 10 + years. It hasn't struck again. Knowing the physiology and potential triggers helped me. That gave me back a sense of control. It took a few years to get to this point, but I did. BTW, except when I am very tired I do not notice my blind spot (big) any more. My brain has completely adjusted. Hope this helps!
2
Thank you for this piece. It gave me peace and perspective. I wish you the best.
7
Thank you for sharing this. I’m so sorry you’re dealing w such a serious vision problem, and so glad you have had enough time to process and work through it a bit. Having a strong support system and healthy attitude definitely helps! I am also a writer and understand all too well some of the panic you feel — a few years ago, a routine visit to my optometrist led to an emergency appointment with a retina specialist and I was diagnosed with vitreo macular traction and macular degeneration. I’m not the hysterical type. I got hysterical. Fortunately, I too have had time to process and, knock on wood (picture me knocking on my head here), the situation has stabilized. Vision and writing are connected, in ways that go far beyond seeing the keyboard or screen. Seeing, reading your column gives me renewed hope. Thank you again, best of luck, here’s to experimental treatment success, and please keep us posted!
3
I don't usually enter my thoughts in the comments field, but I was moved by your column--your honesty, your willingness to show your vulnerabilities--that I must add my gratitude to the other voices in this comment string. I so enjoy reading your columns.
I believe our only hope is to reach out to each other in these difficult times. To show our humanity to each other. To show who we are within our own personal fears and limitations. Thank you, Mr. Bruni.
And may the light continue to shine on and for you.
11
Frank - I suffered a NAION in November 2016. Woke up one morning and had lost of most of the vision in my left eye. After going through much of the same experience - panic, fear, frantic scramble to doctors near and far, anger at their inability to help, etc - I reached the conclusion that life is a risk and we have to enjoy what we have, not what we've lost. My right eye steadily adjusted to the blur in the left eye. I now play tennis twice a week as well, or as badly, as I ever did. I've learned to turn my head more to check for pedestrians etc when I'm driving. I put a few brighter bulbs around the house. Otherwise life goes on. Good luck!
8
May you have the very best of outcomes, Mr. Bruni, and in the meantime deep, sweet, peaceful slumber. Yours is a life rich in purpose and in friends, and that is reason to rejoice.
I was in your shoes when I was very young, facing the prospect of blindness from a rare disease. What terrified me more than the blindness was the loneliness. Perhaps there are scared lonely people today, young or not, who find comfort, connection and hope reading your column.
Thank you for writing this.
13
We live with a non-lethal, debilitating, life altering illness. Take heart. It changes one's expectations and plans, but not necessarily the ability to enjoy one's life. We thrive by enjoying what we can do and ignore what we can't do. For example, we don't travel much anymore, but we have become MLB fans and bought season tickets, which we never would have considered before. We laugh and joke and tease liberally. Laughter is very therapeutic. Life is good, and we are grateful for it, but it is not easy. The mental journey to this attitude and to acceptance of our changes was very long and hard. Mr. Bruni's experiences sound very familiar.
5
When assessing the toll of disabling injury it is important to consider one aspect not mentioned here. The disabling limits are, in ways subtle and obvious, extended to your partner. Simply put, if you can't go to the movies, neither will he.
In describing the changes you will make to compensate for your loss you must consider adequate compensation for your partner. How can his life be closer to whole? He deserves that, though he may not soon complain.
1
Welcome to the world of the precariat. I learned about it 66 years ago when I was paralyzed from polio. Although I largely recovered, I still have aftereffects and, like you, sometimes dwell in the dark place in which I fear a return with "post-polio syndrome".
Whether it's a medical condition, an economic one or other limitation, we all have constraints. And, (literally) in the end, we are all maximally constrained by death.
However, when we recognize our limitations exist, we can delight in what we have left with our relationships and our remaining abilities. I know that hill on the Hudson, too!
5
Frank Bruni, what an uplifting piece of journalism. I have one of those diseases that as of now the medical profession can not cure but rather control the symptoms. In that process I did take prednisone which led to cataracts. I get the vision thing, but luckily I had surgery, but the underlying disease or condition is still there. Strength is working through the fear. Insight is knowing tomorrow everything can be different, so enjoy today.
5
From one bibliophile to another, Frank, I offer you Betsy Trotwood's words from Dickens' David Copperfield: "We must meet our reverses boldly, and not suffer them to frighten us. We shall act the play out, and live misfortune down." Such is my wish for you, good man. Keep your spirit strong and your columns inspiring. I look forward to your byline each week.
14
Powerful article. One of my closest friends is also dealing with a rare eye condition that is inching her slowly closer to total blindness. She has voiced her fears for the future and prepared as best she can to deal with the present and the future. Best wishes and prayers to you.
1
i like you so much and i am sad. my best friend has recently been diagnosed with same. in her case, she does not have a good eye to depend on but weirdly, it strengthened somewhat. i cannot wait to get this article to her. maybe sight will stabilize for the both of you and that will be that.
3
Frank, I'm so sorry. I am a big fan of yours. Your voice is inspires me to be all that I can be as a gay man and human being. Thank you.
5
My mother had the same condition you had. I will never forget the day she went blind in the first eye and then a year to the date, she lost her second eye. It happened overnight as you said, no warning. She was 79 when it happened so her life became quite difficult, I remember her asking her neuro ophthalmologist if he thought anything would be developed that could repair her optic nerve. I was frustrated that she wasn’t accepting her blindness. His response to me was that she would live a long time with her positive attitude. She did live ten more years.
1
This was such a beautiful column. I just wanted to say thank you. You reminded me that I have so much to be happy for and feel extremely lucky about. Also, I wanted to tell you, I think you are going to keep your sight, and you will be fine.
3
I am reading this while in the hospital with my Mom, who lost vision in her left eye overnight last week. As a family we are still dealing with the shock of the situation, and feel this article was a gift to us. My Mom feels you captured the confusion and terror and beautifully explained this scary situation maybe better than she has been able to vocalize. More importantly you have shown us that there is a path through this experience. Thank you.
17
"Sufficient unto the day is the evil thereof." I like the old saying that tells us to prepare for the worst and hope for the best. You are certainly doing that and I admire you so much.
Today you can see the sunset, see your loved ones, find your socks under the bed. Your determination not to allow this to throw you into depression or a form of self-pity that is worse is wonderful.
There are many such as yourself (I am one of them) whose eyesight is only partial and not going to get any better. And you, me and them will have to keep our sense of humor about what we cannot change.
2
Since 1999, I have also been a person of singular vision, resulting from a central vein occlusion in my right eye, which I believe is the same as your condition. I resonate with all comments here and would like to add a few practical tips I've learned. 1. Never try to pour liquid from one container to another without being certain that the two are very near or touching each other. 2. Always use a railing whether going up or down stairs. 3. Always make sure you have reached the bottom step, then the floor or sidewalk 4. Give yourself time to adjust to changing light when going from dark to light, or vice versa, and be careful of your first steps. 5. When shaking hands, extend yours but then let the other person grab your hand first so that you are not inadvertently reaching into his coat pocket. 6. Bright light is your friend when reading or writing. 7. Lack of peripheral vision can lead to tripping and falling; be sure your home is well lit and free of low protruding objects or furnishings. 8. Take advantage of all technology aids: bigger fonts, brighter screens, text to speech when needed.
Good luck. With some time and your open attitude, you will adjust and continue to live a rewarding life.
12
Let me also add, when hiking on even terrain, walking sticks will keep you from stumbling
1
Frank, this is the most devastating and, at the same time, positive column of all your wonderful op-eds. I have glaucoma and it seems to be under control via multiple daily eye drops most of the time. But there are days when it seems a bit like this. I'll be reading or looking at something around me and unexpectedly realize how blurred things are, with no notice. And when I least expect it, it clears up.I suspect I'm more fortunate than most, but reading what you're going through makes me feel not so alone. I wish you nothing but the best outcome. Your attitude and optimism, yes optimism, are amazing. More power to you. And please keep writing, no matter what happens. Your talent is too immense to go to waste.
6
Thank you for sharing. I had a benign brain cyst removed one year ago and during my recovery I had auditory and visual changes that caused me great fear. I recovered completely except for the receding vision of middle age and have experienced similar thoughts of no longer seeing or hearing.... you captured many of my fears in your essay. Best wishes and hang in there, we need you to keep writing for NYT. Your perspective helpful to all....
4
Dear Mr. Bruni,
To answer the piercing question at the top, not only are you not going blind but you could not. The grace and power of your writing -- a reflection of your mind -- prove you always have been, and will always be, able to "see" in a much bigger and more important sense. It's not just in this column but all the preceding ones. I'm not saying it to be facile or slick. It's just true and you can see it the words of every commenters. And remember that for every comment, there's likely to be many more who wanted to.
Like many of the people moved by your situation and words, I also suffered disability and resulting loss, I in my 40s. Gone was my job and much of my world. But now I appreciate not just the few dazzling days but also the ones where someone or something makes me smile and laugh, or learn.
I think we all discover at some point that everyone has something to deal with, almost everyone of a certain age and many much younger than should be possible. I think first of this colleague who seemed blessed with everything good, until one day I looked down at his fingernails, which he'd chewed to the literal quick and raised bits of blood. Years later, he told me of a terrible depression he'd just suffered.
Mr. Bruni, You can indeed "see for miles and miles." Thank you for taking us along with you; we're not stopping if you don't.
12
Thank you for your insightful and wise comments. You have articulated the wide range of feelings that I have felt as I grapple with a similar eye disease.
4
Frank: I must agree with the others who have commented. Your editorial/essay moved me as well. You are a great writer and your positive attitude just jumps off the page. I hope you'll allow your fans to follow your progress. I always thought being very nearsighted since age 6 was a lot to handle (bifocals, coke-bottle glasses, contacts, back to glasses), but....nothing in comparison. Thanks for sharing this part of your life.
5
I know exactly how you feel. I have a chronic liver condition that has only one cure - transplant. I cannot get well unless someone dies. That's hard to wrap your head around.
I, too, have no idea what my body needs and is not getting from my liver on a given day. So I know when I wake up each morning, I have to prepare for the fact something could go terribly wrong. And I do get down every once in a while and angry. But I decided that those feelings just take away from the limited amount of joy I can have in this life.
I don't know if I'll ever be ready or prepared to die. At some point I just need to accept it just as you will have to accept blindness. That doesn't mean I won't be a guinea pig and follow all the doctors' orders and exercise and eat right just in case there is hope for me.
And my bucket list will never be filled. Now that I have seen firsthand how prescious life is, another minute, another day, another chance I have to show my love is all I need.
1
Frank, a beautiful and brave essay. Thank you. What it comes down to is that we are fragile organisms. All the world's gold cannot mask that truth, nor all the AK whatevers overpower it. Were we humans, cursed with knowing that shoe of mortality will drop any time, to accept that truth rather than bluster in denial, we might all find a way to get along.
2
Mr. Bruni,
I understand your anguish. I was diagnosed with normal tension glaucome in both eyes when I was 35. I am now 57. Each optic nerve is 95% dead. If I lose any more of the nerves, I will go blind. My situation is different than yours because it is chronic, not sudden. I cope by not thinking about it and dreading going to the glaucoma specialist. I have many other medical conditions, but this one is the one most pertinent to yours. When I get upset about it, I listen to Brahms's German Requiem, preferably conducted by George Szell. You wouldn't think that it would help, but art can let you transcend anything.
2
Wow! Not much to say to your amazing story of what has happened to you... You have discovered, as I that things happen and you must adjust to make your life worthwhile. I was treated for breast cancer 16 years ago and will never forget the early phases of dealing with the diagnosis and next steps. You will get past this and thrive in happiness again.... Everything feels jittery at first, but then you sort it out. I remember getting to like my body again -- looking at my breasts and allowing myself to recognize ME again. You will have your own experience with that and I hope only the very best for you..
1
This is beautifully written. Going to bed seeing the world one way - and waking up seeing it another - as you write - can happen to anyone. The proverb "Man plans, God laughs" is fitting. I was diagnosed with breast cancer a few months ago. There was no family history and I had no symptoms, it simply turned up in a routine test. The cancer has now been removed, but despite all my treatment, there is the possibility it may return somewhere else in my body in the future. I refuse to dwell on that. I am doing all I can now and I want to embrace the lines: "You cannot spend your life preparing for future losses. It disrespects the blessings of here and now." That's good advice for anyone.
3
Frank, your vision may be cloudy, but your perception is crystal clear. Thanks so much for sharing this story, as well as so much yourself, with your readers. One are one heck of a man, and an inspiration to all.
2
Dear Mr. Bruni, what a timing for your eye illness and most open sharing of your feelings and thoughts. You love your eyes and I love my eyes. I have been thinking many of the same over the past two weeks after suffering terribly from photophobia, dry eye and conjunctivitis. Bright lights, both natural and artificial are like swords stabbing my eyes. I, too, have been drinking lots of water and have added eye supplements, powdered carrots for smoothies, enlarged type on the computer screen, ordered blue light blocking glasses to wear over my regular ones. Every morning I wake up hoping for improvement, dreading opening my eyes.
For most of my adult life, I tried to leave glasses behind after a childhood marked by strabismus, a surgery at age nine to cosmetically correct my severely crossed eyes, therapy, sunglasses indoors and the resulting bullying from classmates. At 13, I took off my glasses and refused to wear them. I got away with this until last year when evening driving glare became painful.
Last night I turned a corner and seem to be slightly less bothered by bright lights. However, my regimen will remain. I know my story pales in comparison to your challenges and suffering but I want you to know I'm rooting for you and I understand some of what you are going through.
I love my eyes and you love your eyes.
3
I wish you well on your journey. About 4 months ago, I woke up with a "purple lace curtain" over my left eye. I have central retinal vein occlusion with hemorrhages. I was terrified of losing the sight in my left eye and possibly my right. I was afraid if I rubbed my left eye that I would injure it further. I had mapping of my carotid arteries, along with an EKG and an echo cardiogram, with no result to explain this. It was probably caused by a tiny blood clot. My only risk factor was hormone therapy that I requested to manage hot flashes that were waking me 5-6 times per night leaving me extremely tired. I was tapering down my dose (because you're not supposed to take it forever and the hot flashes were improving) when this happened and have since stopped. Both my GP and retinal specialist advised me to care for my overall cardiovascular health. I'm already active and at a healthy weight. If all is well at my next appointment, I am "free". The distortions are smaller, they no longer bother me when I read, and, I don't notice them unless I look at vertical blinds lit from behind. I do this every morning as a check. I hope you regain as much vision as possible, that your brain compensates, and that you can see the man you love to the end of your days.
1
Thank you for this intimate revelation about your failing eyesight. As a visual artist losing my eye sight through macular degeneration I appreciate that you showed me a graceful way of acceptance and survival. Reading the comments, I was struck by the number of people who wrote that "our greatest gift is life itself." That's what you have proven in your essay.
3
Readers like me rely on your columns for clarity , direction, sanity in an insane world and inspiration. Not to forget the pure pleasure of enjoying the ways you put words together. Today I was saddened to learn of what you are dealing with but heartened to hear that you have come to an understanding that not only gives you strength but an appreciation for the "clover" you're in. Thank you for sharing this. And please, ever ever stop writing!
6
I hope you read all of these messages-- best wishes!
1
This article made me sad and optimistic at the same time. Since I've been reading you column, that has happened many times! I find your words informative, passionate, and uplifting. So, now I, (20 years older than you) would like to give back some of the good thoughts you have shared with me. First of all, the older you get, the more loss you will see in your friends and in yourself. My mother had MD and, after one good cry, she continued to lead a life that she enjoyed even as she became blind. Both of my brothers have cancer and are facing that with courage and a determination to enjoy as much life as they can. A very close friend has Parkinson's and she has faced many loses, but she does her exercises and keeps a positive attitude. My daughter was diagnosed with MS 11 years ago, she lives with chronic pain but she has found ways to enjoy her better days. Another good friend is blind and very hard of hearing, but he maintains an active life and has a become an expert on technology for the blind & deaf. As for me, I have a severe hearing loss. Hearing aids, though far from perfect, have helped me remain a contributing member of society. These stories are sad, but we keep adapting to losses, and you will keep writing even if you become blind. You will adapt and the NYT will find the equipment you need. Your readers will demand it! Hang in there!
2
I’m sorry you have to experience this, especially because your vision of the world is so accurate and true. I don’t know why bad things happen to good people, but they do.
This is a challenge to you, not because you have lost something, but because you will see even more clearly the important things in life.
I can tell without even knowing you that you are an optimist by nature. We need more people like you, because our country has largely lost its way and us optimists need to restore proper guidance.
Be well.
2
Thanks Frank , I woke up a year ago with the same problem in my Good right eye. Every day is a gift. Take Care and Good luck. Hopefully theywill come up with some sort of treatment
3
You may know this already, but take the aspirin approximately 12 hours before you need it as its efficacy is highest then. So if you're wanting it for overnight I'd suggest taking it about noon, depending on when you go to bed. Good luck and thank you for your vulnerability in sharing this information.
3
Best of luck to you I hope this goes in a good direction.
1
My heart goes out to you. I've always enjoyed your writing. I wish you all the best, whatever comes.
1
Frank, I have a been a great admirer for many, many years from days as food critic forward. I enjoyed your book about you life & weight challenges through the years. Although I have 10 years on you, we have quite a number of things in common. I had the great pleasure of hearing you speak & meeting you at The Center many years ago in the 2000s (can't remember the year), but I enjoyed your presentation & meeting you afterwards.
I cannot begin to express how sorry I am to learn of your ordeal. I can relate because I've worn corrective lenses since 2nd grade & progressed to soft contacts in my early 20s & then jumped at lasik in 1999 & ended up with better than 20/20 for at least a dozen years. I recall I actually got quite emotional being able to see without lenses after my lasik. I was blind as a bat & astigmatic. I can mildly relate to your present situation because my vision has declined in the past 5 years & reading glasses are not completely helpful for reading or distance. My vision is different from one day to the next. I never know if it will be a bad day or a good day. I realize we take so many things relating to our bodies for granted until suddenly problems arise...eyes, knees, feet, hips etc. I hope a miracle for you and that you will not lose any more vision. I always look forward to your editorials. Although it depressed & upset me, I am grateful for your sharing this very personal and difficult chapter of your life. Best wishes to you.
1
I'm going blind in one eye due to glaucoma.
It's not that bad.
It doesn't even count as a disability unless both of your eyes have bad vision or none. I would still be driving.
When I first found out, my thoughts were as they are today:
"Well, I still have one good eye..."
2
Try some pot. It might not help, but it might. It's good for glaucoma. Weird, I know. That said, thanks for sharing.
4
I was first diagnosed with glaucoma about ten years ago. I will never forget how the ophthalmologist, while peering at my optic nerves-- this was at a teaching hospital-- called over one of his residents and said, "Take a look at this-- it's worth the price of admission." It didn't feel great. Since then, I seem to have experienced a gradual loss in vision-- but not as much as I had feared. However, over Christmas I suddenly experienced floaters and streaks of light and had to go to the ER. As it turns out, it was a retinal problem-- again though, the scare was greater than the actual outcome. I suppose I've become rather philosophical about it-- realizing that it is a great gift that I can still read and perceive the world around me, if in somewhat diminished and distorted fashion. The positive thing is that I think I've become more empathetic toward those who have much more severe challenges than me. I went to a family dinner over Chinese New Year's and sat across a 2 year old girl with Down Syndrome. She smiled at me and broke my heart.
7
I'm sorry for your loss and the fear that goes with it. Thank you for sharing your experience and newfound knowledge. You have informed and inspired readers for years; I hope you'll reserve much of your generous, intelligent spirit to healing yourself whatever that comes to mean. Meanwhile, don't waste time worrying, unfortunately it won't help. But writing will--and we need your insights.
10
Thank you, Frank, for showing us how to deal, and live, with adversity. I’m deeply moved.
12
Reading your account of your vision loss, told with feeling as well as objective reporting, was enlightening and painful for me. I feel for you on this journey. I experienced nearly identical circumstances 23 years ago. Then, age 42, I even had the thought that there was something wrong with my new glasses or contact lenses when I abruptly lost vision. zi earned my living writing in Hollywood. When I told my boss (chairman of a major studio) of my initial confusion she wondered aloud if my vision troubles might not be because I used "dime store" reading glasses like she did. I experienced virtually every thought and fear and reaction you describe here. A gifted neuro-opthamologist at USC, Tim Stout, finally discovered my blindness was being caused by strokes in the optic region of the brain infected by herpes zoster (shingles). He and his team had never seen another case like mine. After months of infusing medications and surgeries on my right eye, I was still legally blind in that eye. But I had, and still have, full use of my left eye. I worked 20 more years before retiring to the Hudson River Valley. I still write. I became a pretty good painter. I read. My brush with blindness was a gift. I appreciate beauty in the world and observe things more carefully. A sense of humor helps me overcome my limitations. My nurturing husband lovingly calls me "Magoo." Thank you for sharing your experience, fears, emotions, and insights, Frank. Beautifully done.
19
I am writing this with vision in only one eye. I was in Africa on a safari and woke up one morning with no vision in my right eye. I arrived home 4 days later and saw an ophthalmologist. on the way home from the airport. He was sure that my vision would not return. Saw a retina specialist and he confirmed diagnosis. Had a routine blood test and ended up in the hospital due to liver damage and problem with my red blood cells and anemia. The outcome of this long story is that I had a reaction to the anti-malarial medicine which caused wide spread inflammation and severe anemia. This is most likely what caused my loss of vision.
At times, I do not realize that I am not seeing with my right eye. At other times, I am very aware. Mostly, I am accepting what I can’t change. My brain is adjusting very, very slowly. I lost my vision at the end of May.
Thank you for your honesty.
14
Sorry, Kathleen and all others relating damage that was often not one bit their own fault or lifestyle choice. It isn't like you did it to yourself by poor eating choices, which so many of us know all too well. However, God is still in the miracle business.
What a beautiful article. Your writing has given me such pleasure over the years, and your kindness in throwing open your vulnerability is much appreciated. May karma come back to grant you dividends as you battle this - I think you will do it with aplomb.
12
Thank you for another wonderful article. Your book "Where You Go Is Not Who You'll Be: An Antidote to the College Admissions Mania" affirmed to our children that public universities should continue to be a family tradition. I cannot thank you enough for writing that book and so many thoughtful articles. I hope that this is your most 'exciting' health experience for many, many years. However, if not, Learning Ally (http://www.learningally.org) may be a source of audiobooks. Plus, it's an impressive example of how supportive a community can be. Wishing you all the best.
2
Thanks for sharing your loss of vision with honesty and heart in the face of something so frightening. You are one of the reasons I read the NYT, and this piece reminded me why. All my best wishes to you Mr. Bruni.
10
Thank you, Mr. Bruni for this inspiring article. I’m sorry for your affliction but very much appreciate your insight and attitude to keep things in perspective while also pursuing what you can, while you can and then find new ways or other means to keep going. May love and luck help as well!
3
Joseph Lovett was wrong.
Our lives are temporary, however much we don't like that. Youth believe it will endure forever in it's perfection. That is why our species tended to believe that birth deformities indicated that the parents, usually the mother, was at fault. Somehow she had sin which caused her child to be born malformed. It was an easy way of social climbing, I think. I don't how many, even now, think of the child who is a person. Instead they usually blame the mother for 'her indulgences'.
If we don't understand ourselves; if we don't pass that information on to our children, then we can't know ourselves. Living in the moment is extremely difficult anyway but even while achieving that goal, even temporarily, does not and must not deny the person is the sum total of their being and life so far nor does it negate the same person of their future self will not appear. Rather it is a knowing of oneself. Its wisdom is that each of us will live through our lives and whatever happens will influence us.
Consider, I was never beautiful but I had youth which has its own glamour. But as with all of our lives, time changes us. If we deny that, if we don't teach our children that great truth, then much is lost. I know this is true because I never suspected how difficult life would be as my aged body began to fail. It is the fate of most of us.
2
I guess I can relate as well as most as I lost the sight in my right eye while driving four years ago. I understand fog and dizzy and understand my ophthalmologist's efforts to make sure my left eye doesn't suffer a similar fate. I remember six hours on the operating table without anaesthetic and the excruciating pain as my doctor tried removing the scar tissue to no avail.
I spend more time with my oversized multicolour keyboard but still can't type yet somehow the middle finger of my right hand seems simpler than the dictation program that understands and spells correctly every word.
I am big tall and fat and clumsy but that is not something I had to get used to but being stuck in the house because the danger of slipping on the ice is not easy to reconcile. I too often walk away from the computer with my short distance glasses and feel like I am in a strange world. I am often unnerved by my wife's constant attention to prevent my. doing damage to myself.
I am however like the op-ed writer very lucky. I am retired and enjoy my own company, and others also seem to enjoy my company, i am surrounded by love and affection. The food is fantastic, I no longer worry about the minor chores that require good eyesight and nobody asks me to take pictures which was my occupation for many years.
However I often wonder as a man of seventy years whether the smiles from the women are because of the smile on my face or the wink of my right eye.
6
Thank you. I have had a similar experience, which you described so well. I am going to save this column to read when I am a little down.
Like you, I write for a living. Last May, during a heavy workweek, I woke with a black, foggy cloud over much of the vision in my right eye. I thought that it was just eyestrain from too many hours peering at the computer. I furiously cleaned my reading glasses and went to the store to buy some more. Then I began seeing little twirling "Ferris Wheels" in my right eye. Finally, I called my HMO for a new eyeglass prescription. It was sobering to hear that I would be given an immediate appointment.
Days of testing followed, and then I was given the scary news: i have a retinal disease that is basically a form of wet macular degeneration. The disease appears suddenly, and there are no guarantees that it will improve with treatment, or even stabilize.
My kindly doctor did put my predicament in perspective, though. He noted that ten years ago he would only have been able to tell me, "I'm sorry." Now, he can offer three experimental treatments.
Fortunately, my left eye is making up for my right. Often, I don't even notice my vision, except when I am in the week following my regular treatment shots, which I will always have.
I have always been blessed with good health. One morning I awakened, and that had suddenly changed. What do people do who do not have health coverage? Do they just go blind?
8
What a wonderful, heartfelt read. I have enjoyed Bruni for years but this gave me such a window into him and his looming “disability”. I worked with a gentleman for nearly a dozen years who is severely digit impaired. He was one of the most delightful, talented individuals I’ve ever worked with. He gave me appreciation for sight and a reduced fear of losing it. I will cheer for Frank from the Midwest.
2
Thank you for this. I had my first attack of optic neuritis at age 37; it turned out I have multiple sclerosis. Now, at 56, I have strabismus and convergence deficiency -- double vision, and trouble resolving binocular images. 3-D movies are a nightmare, and my depth perception, I have discovered, is very different than a normal person's. I have no idea what three dimensions really look like, but I have learned to judge distance, etc., quite well. (I have had some degree of the problem with convergence since childhood.)
My last eye exam, just a week ago, resulted in startling changes in my prescription for glasses, and yet another referral to the neuro-opthamologist and the orthoptist, too. The latter will adjust the prisms in my lenses that make the world "one" again. Every day that I can see, I am hugely grateful. So much so that I have taken up drawing and painting - the art I love, and wish I had majored in when I was a college student! There truly is no time like the present.
11
Frank. Have followed your column for as long as you've written for the Times. Oddly, of course, we all start to develop a sense that we "know" the columnists. So your piece today pierces that veneer. We clearly don't know you, or the personal struggles you are going through. Thank you so much for sharing this. I can only hope that you and your partner find a way to live a long, happy and insightful life together...
18
Love you, Frank. Thank you for sharing your very personal and challenging experience. I have a dear friend with the same condition, and yet she's become one of the happiest people I know. She too has some "clover" - but it's relationships in the end that make our lives. Thank you again for sharing. This is a beautiful article.
4
About 20 years ago, I saw a museum exhibition on Monet's cataract problems and its large effects on his art. I'm thankful that cataract surgery has become a routine matter.
And I finally got to visit his waterlilies at the Orangerie. I'm at an age when it seems best to grab bucket list opportunities.
3
You have described this quiet affliction -- just about exactly as the rest of us have (that now have NAION). Including the "aftermath, emotional recovery and moving forward." The most saddest part for me was the possibility of not seeing my young son's face as it, and he, matured. However, always believing myself a survivor (but possibly and curiously all of us with NAION?) I agreed with myself that I could indeed see most of the world, and this, I finally realized, did not change. We all too have panicked moments of possible "game over." Should I wear glasses that don't fracture to protect that remaining "link" to the visual world -- my remaining eye? I decided not. I make the decisions, not NAION. (I continue to wear and enjoy contacts.) It is just about past 5 years now and many more things have happened in life as it does that require much more focus and thought. -- The more enjoyable of which is watching my handsome son move into adulthood.
1
What a moving, honest piece about your terrifying medical ordeal and the feelings it engendered. Thank you for the courage to share your experiences and vulnerability. I am deeply touched, and somehow personally helped by your self-aware and fearlessly self-examining reflections on the human condition. I have read almost all your writings, from food criticism, to your memoir, to political op-eds, and have enjoyed all. But this piece is at another level entirely. Such a pleasure to encounter the insights of what sadly, seems to be a rarity these days: a mature human being. Thank you.
3
Dear Frank,
I am regularly in awe of your expressive writing and keen insights. The many comments shared are a testament to you as a human being and a writer. I especially noted the post from WorkingGuy who says that he doesn’t often agree with your opinions but appreciates your columns — they make him think. Could there be any greater tribute to a writer in these contentious times?! Be well and keep writing. You got this.
7
I wonder if N.A.I.O.N. is related to,my macular edema in my right eye. That eye is effective only as a day-night indicator. There is no known cure. Best of luck.
3
Thank you for this column. Frank, you spin words into gold. I love your writing, your insights. I just read this piece, a few hours after my 96-year-old mother died. I will miss her and the world of Calabria that she lived in, even after she came to the US. Your words are such a comfort to me. They are about taking life back into our hands.
10
Dear Mr Bruni, thank you for your beautiful essay. I am blessed to not have any major health disasters afflicting me now but a family history of stroke and heart attacks has made me guard my health since my 30's. I am now in my 60's. I know something will happen some day; I hope I can accept it with the same grace you have shown.
4
Thank you Frank, for the great spirit with which you wrote about almost the exact same thing that has just happened to me, only I am 86. I'm trying to learn how to live with it as well as you have done and with as much optimism. I will think of you often and wish the very best for you.
6
your essay moved me; the writing is honest and elegant.
I luckily sought help to have a cerebral aneurysm diagnosed prior to bursting. it was quite large and it would have been fatal. however, i lost complete vision in one eye. at first, i was terrified but i have adjusted wonderfully. this occurred several years ago. i appreciate and am grateful for many things and people in my life. best wishes to you and i look forward to continue reading your column.
6
Thank you from me too. Your story will go on the other side of the world where the human condition and spirit struggle too, to a number of friends of mine. Music can be a great joy when the dark closes in. Good luck.
4
It is strange how I can barely commiserate with you because you clearly have the right attitude about this loss amid the rest of your blessings. Every year, I share you "Gift of Siblings" article with my siblings and friends. Now this is the article I will pick up, and share with my loved ones, when I or they are blinded by life's vicissitudes. Thank you for the inspiration.
6
Mr. Bruni, empathy is the emotion of the better angels of our nature. It's makes us feel what you feel. You have experienced the most fearful part of existence, which is randomness.
You go to bed fine, the plans you've made intact, you wake up and realize that you have no more protection from the randomness of life than the students at Parkland High.
I'm 64 and I have been lucky to avoid the worst of life's randomness. But I'm married, have a great wife, have two sons, a brother, his family, my wife's family, friends, their families, on and on and that makes all of them part of my circle of randomness. What happens to them affects me, if I'm at all empathetic.
It's good to have plans for the future. But it is important to stay in the present and be aware that plans will collide with life's randomness. Always be aware of that, not to be constantly fearful, but to be constantly thankful.
Frank, best of luck.
4
I I had a blood clot in one eye due to trauma, with similar symptoms. It took a while for the docs to figure out what was wrong, but they were able to fix it. Medical advances and technology are wonderful things. Good luck to you. I look forward to reading your columns for years to come.
1
Dear Mr. Bruni, I'm convinced that you *see* very well indeed. Better than many of us. Thank you for sharing this part of your life with us -- and best wishes to you.
18
Mr. Bruni, Frank, I am so sorry that you are going through this difficult time. But I want you to know there is life after vision loss.
Three stories: My father had a "stroke" in his eye when he was 90. That eye was functionally blind, though he could see shadows. Yet he lived on to 97 1/2, mostly active and in good health. His other eye never had a stroke.
A friend started becoming blind at least 25 years ago. I believe that he has retinitis pigmentosa. He has a limited field of vision, carries a cane, sits on the board of the local transit authority and rides buses all over our mostly-rural county. He is still able to do woodworking.
Finally, my own story: I suffered a torn retina. A few years later, I suffered an epiretinal membrane in the same eye, right over the macula. Due to fast, expert care, my vision in that eye (following later cataract surgery) is about 20/30, whereas before it was 20/400+. Though my vision in that eye is slightly blurry and always will be, I am able to see well enough to write, drive, sew, and everything else I wish to do. Needlework is a little more difficult, but a magnifying lens solves the problem. I have also had prophylactic laser retinal surgery in my other eye to prevent a tear. Several times, I have abraded and/or cut my cornea due to contact lenses. It has always healed without incident.
I understand all the fears, but you are resourceful and will cope with whatever comes your way. Thank you for sharing your story.
6
My mother loved to read. When Houston still had three newspapers, she subscribed to them, reading the, front to back. She read books to us in the evenings before bedtime, and read books for herself while we were in school. I watched as her macular degeneration robbed her of all that, and shared all the fears you have so eloquently described. I wore lenses at the age of five; when contact lenses became available for far-sighted eyes, I switched to them and could see better than I had with lenses. Then a few years ago, retinal detachment terrified me; naturally, it was in my “good eye.” But I can still see, and technology is a great blessing. Thank you for putting words to all of our hopes and fears.
7
Thank you for your heartfelt story of your initial terror and eventual hope when faced with sudden vision loss. Three years ago I experienced sudden vision loss due to a central retinal vein occlusion. Your vivid and honest portrayal of what happened to you took me right back to that terrifying moment. Initially I was filled with a fear of the future and an overwhelming concern for my other eye. I am now relieved to be in a place of gratitude for what “is” rather than what might be. Thank you for sharing your story.
I am a retired ophthalmologist and I too have lost vision in one eye in the same manner as Mr. Bruni. It’s OK. I have adapted to using my formerly nondominent eye and have few limitations, none significant. I have seen the same optimistic outcome in many patients over the years. Stay positive.
18
What a great article. I suffer from Glaucoma which was caught early enough that i am able to treat it. I have a brother who was not so lucky as is now totally blind. Being able to appreciate what one has versus agonizing over what may never be takes time. Hats off to the judge and the newspaper man who have made the choice to be happy and productive. Best of luck to you.
5
Really really sorry to hear that Frank. I can certainly identify with where you're at on the matter of mortal humbling. Once, ten foot tall and bullet proof, we slowly but surely come to know our limitations. Thanks Clint Eastwood.
1
Please look up Chris Downey, an SF architect that turned blind in his 40s and kept designing.
http://mentalfloss.com/article/66360/how-blind-architect-changing-design
1
Frank, you have always been a hero to me. Your essay is truly inspiring!
1
Godspeed, Frank Bruni. And please keep writing.
8
Brave fella. Keep at it. The world cheers for you ...
8
Frank, you continue to make me smile, laugh out loud and now, bring tears to my eyes. I wish you well.
I always enjoy readying your Opinions. I receive the digital version of the NYT. About 3 weeks ago, I really wanted to send you a direct comment. I know you are on Facebook and Twitter, but I would never be on either. I contacted the Paper, but do no avail...I was hoping you had email. At this point, I don't know what I thought was so urgent, but...
I am retired. I was a Registered Nurse for over 40 years. I primarily worked inpatient Oncology and felt such gratitude to be in that place. I always felt that what was given to me by my patient's, was always greater that what I gave them. We take so much for granted. As I am aging, I try to keep focused on what is in front of me...I do not always succeed, but keep trying.
Thank you for sharing this aspect of your life...very generous....Oh, and I will pray for you. ([email protected] in case you read this)
8
Wishing you the best outcomes for the future.
4
What a wonderful, hearatful article. Thanks you so much. My thoughts are with you.
2
I am a faithful reader of your work. I too wish you well and a left eye that stays completely well. I have never read so many beautiful letters of sympathy and concern. You are a treasure.
7
There are worse things than NAION, sure, and there are much better things. Curve balls come with the contract we all sign as we exit the birth canal. There really is nothing else than to make the best of things because making the worst is a very heavily self-inflicted drag.
I wish you well, Mr. Bruni, knowing that you'll make the best of things and look forward to my continued reading of your always thought-provoking columns.
2
I'm sure in the 736 comments already shared there's one likely to be similar to mine, but I'm not reading all 736!
My husband and I have a 19 year-old daughter who was born blind. Will she be an airline pilot? No, but neither are most of us! Will she someday be a wife, mother, teacher and/or WRITER - all things in which she has an interest in becoming? Most definitely! Her sight doesn't define her (something my wise MIL told her son and me when Liv was born). And your sight, or lack thereof, won't define you, Mr. Bruni.
Many blind or visually impaired people have accomplished great things in their lives, and scored more have done the normal things we all do - become parents, spouses, good employees, etc,
Living and working as you do in NYC, it saddens me a little to think you've spent your adult life not recognizing that people who are blind or have some other challenge contribute in meaningful ways to society. And that you thought just because you might be blind someday would equate itself with you being unable to continue contributing.
4
If you have someone you love walking with you through life, you will never fall off the cliff you fear. And neither will he.
7
Were I your partner, I would still love you because of joy you bring to me--through your writings. And as an undergrad English major who taught high school English (AP) for 20 years, my first thoughts evoke literary expressions of my desires or concerns. So my thoughts went immediately to Milton's Sonnet 19:
When I consider how my light is spent,
Ere half my days, in this dark world and wide,
And that one Talent which is death to hide
Lodged with me useless, though my Soul more bent
To serve therewith my Maker, and present
My true account, lest he returning chide;
“Doth God exact day-labour, light denied?”
I fondly ask. But patience, to prevent
That murmur, soon replies, “God doth not need
Either man’s work or his own gifts; who best
Bear his mild yoke, they serve him best. His state
Is Kingly. Thousands at his bidding speed
And post o’er Land and Ocean without rest:
They also serve who only stand and wait.”
Neither you nor I is religious but I feel confident that you will
continue to serve us, your faithful readers, in spite of limited
vision. And I am confident there are thousands of us who will
hold you in our thoughts and hearts for the best possible outcomes.
3
Frank, Thank you for sharing this momentous occurrence in your life. I love your writing and have been reading you since your restaurant reviews days. Wishing you the very best in the future. Looking forward to many more years of insightful, humorous and compelling commentary. You’re the bomb.
2
I've been drawn to your writing because of your joie de vivre. May it not be diminished by this malady. Godspeed!
3
I've had Relapsing-Remitting Multiple Sclerosis for more than twenty years, but for all the slings and arrows which I've suffered, I know many MS patients who have suffered them far worse than I.
I have reason for optimism;
I have reason for pessimism.
I choose optimism every time, and I urge the same for you, Mr. Bruni. Pax.
10
I particularly appreciated this column, having spent a year and a half in total terror from two eye doctors preaching what MIGHT happen. Finally I found another ophthalmologist who, armed with the records from the first two, could find nothing to corroborate what they said.
It is a waste of precious life not to enjoy the moment while living in some future no-man's land of health problems that may never happen. While it is certainly good to be aware, to know the risks, the doomsday manner of some doctors creates tremendous stress and can only be overcome by a truly empathic practitioner devoted to educating and healing traumatic fear.
So far my eyes are absolutely perfect. I could, however, walk in front of a bus tomorrow and be killed. I choose not to worry about either.
1
I highly recommend you joining a support group for others with your eye disease. I have Retinitis Pigmentosa (RP) and am legally blind (small visual field), however I have excellent visual acuity, so still work etc. Once I joined a support group for RP and found out that people who were totally blind lived happy lives I was okay with my diagnosis. People who are blind say it is not scary, it is your new normal. Focus on what you can do, not what you can't do.
4
“you cannot spend your life preparing for future losses.”
Yes indeed! I too have developed vision problems over the last 5 or 6 years (vitreous separation). Not uncommon in people over 60 they tell me.
It's amazing how the brain directs the dominance from one eye to another.
But, no, it's not the worst thing that could happen by far.
1
Frank, your naked, emotional honesty about something so unexpected, so potentially devastating and so delicately mortal, is appreciated. I turned 60 last year, and I've become a bit of an Alvie Singer, fearing that every pulled muscle in my back portends cancer of an internal organ. It's a whiny side of myself I wish I didn't have but, knowing that something's gonna get all of us at some point, I can't help wondering what. You have voiced what many of us who are aging feel: Will he still love me? Can I can on him for empathy? Will I be able to cope as I lose my grip on my independence? Yet, as my stoic father always reminded me when I was a child whenever I was sick: Remember, there's always someone out there who feels worse than you. Thank you for reminding us to count our blessings. Having you in my life a couple times a week Frank Bruni is indeed a blessing. Eyesight or not, your essays, commentaries and reflections mean a lot to me. You won't suffer alone.
2
Sorry to read about your eye problems Frank. You might find it interesting to read the book, "A Leg to Stand On" by Oliver Sacks. It deals with how he dealt with medical rehabilitation for a serious physical problem. Good luck to you Frank and keep on writing.
4
Thanks for mentioning "A leg to stand on", which I didn't read yet but now will.
Also written by Oliver Sacks is the wonderful "The mind's eye", which shows how people with all kinds of sense impairments manage to reinvent themselves and lead a new and meaningful life - including Sacks himself after he got eye cancer and lost sight in one eye.
To live life fully means to constantly engage and adapt to new, unexpected obstacles, knowing that no life is ever without serious obstacles. Hoping to avoid them is the only way to live in constant fear and as a consequence, to lack the skills needed to truly connect to other people - those you love, or perfect "strangers" ...
1
You say you are not good at religion.
I am and I will send many prayers your way.
2
Beautiful!
1
Mr. Bruni, you're one of my favorite NYTimes writers, and this one is probably the best I've read from you. From the heart, obviously.
Stay positive, and seek out others who are positive. My Pop lost sight in one eye years ago due to glaucoma. He's 82 and still beats me in golf.
2
Thank you, Frank Bruni, for speaking so cogently for all those of us who face one vulnerability or another. Thank you for showing us how important it is to be brave an to rejoice in the here and now.
2