This Article has really open my eyes to the estrangement that’s happening around me. Family estrangement is much more common then I originally thought. I didn’t even realize that’s it is happening in my own family between my dad and his mother. This article has also allowed me to make connections to my life, such as the book we are reading in English. “Unwind” by Neal Shuesterman also deals with this idea but in a more underlying theme.
Previous to reading this article, I reflected on my own personal experiences with people in my life who have been through a similar situation. I couldn’t really think of something specific until I began to read the article. Family enstrangement is much more common than it may seem. In school, we are reading “Unwind” by Neal Shuesterman where children are dealing the the same situations, resenting and being disowned by their own families.
After reading this I have realized that estrangement is much more common than I thought. I personally know that there are people in my own family who I have never met due to others in my family not wanting to talk or see each other. I think that many people would probably see this as something that doesn’t happen often but in reality most people probably know someone who has been separated from their family.
It seems estrangement happens because one party doesn’t feel reconciliation is possible or worth the effort. I think it depends on the situation, but it is possible to reconcile. But not on your own. A therapist would need to be working with either one or both involved. Family dynamics and our past make things so sticky and complex. We often don’t even know why we treat people we love the way we do. Reconciliation can take years of hard work. In my case, it was worth it. I have a great relationship with my parents and a better relationship with myself after reconciliation with them. I had a lot of loving and wise people helping me along the way.
You ask "Do you think reconnection and reconciliation should be a goal in cases of family estrangement? If so, why? If not, why not?"
6 months ago after I e-mailed him to arrange a time to "catch up" by phone, my brother responded he wished to " stop communication" noting we've had a "difficult relationship". He ended politely. "I hope you understand."
I was enraged, responded that I felt punched in the stomach. We have not communicated since. I've communicated with his wife for the last 6 months. Nothing from him.
I have gone from rage to resignation. My brother was accurate that our relationship had problems, but I worked to maintain a connection.
I am now resigning. Whatever reasons prompted him ("difficult" does not explain it), he chose not to discuss it....for 6 months.
I find the challenge is to not take it personally, but instead as some problem he has he cannot cope with.
I now feel very sad, but the anger is abating.
I am open to communicating should he contact me, but to have done this for 6 months has forever damaged trust.
I love him. I care about him. Reconciliation in some fashion? Possible. Trust as before? Never. How could I?
3
This is COOL - first time I've seen anything on "teaching activities" in the NYT. As a retired teacher, I know how daunting it can be to bring difficult issues into a classroom - and this seems like a good amount of support for a teacher. Not too many questions, lots of resources, etc.
2