Beautiful.
28
Amazing. Thank you for sharing.
20
This is one of the most profound pieces I've ever read in the NY Times or anywhere...
122
This article highlights the need for social networks.
It also shows the need for being comfortable being alone with oneself.Meditation is 1 tool for this.
Loneliness will be much stronger in people who can't tolerate being alone,wether or not they have networks.
47
This article is timely: not just for those in Japan, but for those of us who--for a host of reasons--find ourselves in a place we did not expect, and at times for reasons beyond our control. I, for one, am a lesbian (a rare term these days)--childfree and divorced--and an only child who remains involuntarily stuck in a cycle of underemployment I'd love nothing more than to break.
This is not just a Japanese generation at risk: this is a global epidemic, right here in America as well. And it does not bode well for those of us who, for financial or familial reasons (so often deeply intertwined), simply will not get a leg up in Trump's America unless we marry, have siblings, have children, or find true, loyal, living friends (a rare find these days).
Wake up America. Your loneliness epidemic is already upon you. Be kind to those who are older. You may find yourselves there some day,
181
A stirring dichotomy of two lives doomed to the same, inescapable fate. What a beautifully haunting story.
37
Very depressing story. Seems the America practice of nursing homes, though not without drawbacks, would be a far superior way for such elderly to live--and die.
13
Thank you Norimitsu for this lovely and moving. It is a silk-gloved indictment of our modern world's isolation, where life for so many is simply a matter of waiting for death.
I am left with the striking and dignified image of Mrs. Ito and her paper screen.
62
A touching but sad article of reality for many. Fortunately, their lives do not appear complicated or exacerbated by poverty as is the case for many of the elderly in the US.
26
Enlightening. Poignant. Sobering. Sad. Frightening.
Thanks for such a well-written piece.
42
Magnificent writing. Beautiful, poignant, and unutterably sad. Thank you NYT for shining a light on this dark, lonely corner of humanity.
47
Thank you for this beautifully written article about the lonely deaths of Japan. Though it’s prose, it reads like poetry. So well-crafted, bittersweet.
37
How incredibly said. Bad idea to adopt the "American" way of life. We don't know anything about anything.
44
All my life, I thought that I was truly lonely. I never took into consideration those that don't actually have any surviving friends or family, something I take for granted all too often, unfortunately. I couldn't imagine living a day in the life of Ms. Ito, where the elderly have nobody visit them. All their friends are dead, and they are pushed to the edge of insanity with their loneliness. This issue has become so severe that even a 69 year old man was found completely rotted, and picked to the bone by maggots and parasites after lying dead for three years. Nobody had any idea about this until the funds from his savings account had run out from paying his bills for his apartment. But how can a problem like this be solved? Is there really a way that these people don't have to truly die alone? The issue has become so severe that people get left dead in their apartments because nobody visits them. I believe that there should be a support group or something to help these people find friends again in life, so that they don't have to die alone. Its unfair to the elderly that they have to live in the fear that if they drop dead in their apartment, nobody could come knocking for what could be months.
35
I am surprised they do not band together and keep each other company. It's sort of crazy to have hundreds of lonely people living side by side and in top of each other. But I guess mobility and mental agility keep them trapped?
22
Can't stop the tears from flowing. Such a sad reality. What a courageous woman Mrs. Ito is.
28
Wow. Such powerful and meaningful writing. Best sentence in the article: ‘Even in uncomfortable moments, she never sought refuge in the vagueness of the Japanese language.’ Impressive cultural insight.
40
This article reminds me of something straight out of the twilight zone. It honestly saddens me to read about how a man can be dead for three years, and have his bank account an savings drained by utilities, only to find his skeleton on the floor being eaten by maggots. In the article, it says " The way we die is a reflection of how we live" and to see that these elderly people die alone and their remains are eaten by bugs must have a reflection of their life. These people deserve more respect than to be forgotten for three years.
21
This story is repeated in every western country. It's the same in the US and if you don't know it is time to explore. It's kind of funny that the big deal is giving all this extra money to the very rich and further impoverishing the poor and old. That's America, Land of the Greedy. I am old now and just take for granted I will die alone. Years ago I volunteered at the early hospices in California. Now of course it is a big business, cold and lonely. These tragic stories are unknown to most Americans. Maybe in small towns where families still have several generations in the neighborhood it is different. Here we are with all our fancy gadgets, electronic garbage but no friends and family. I now go many days without seeing or speaking to another human being but I am not yet lonely. However I know it is coming if I live long enough. I have always been one of the most friendly people I know but now that I am old young people just look as me as if I am daft. I am up to date better than they are about current events and the news but they are not interested and consider talking about the news rude. But my saving factor is the wonderful dog who is my constant companion for the last 11 years. I have food to eat, a dog who loves me and I love and TV to watch if I use the non commercial stations. After all what is life about. You are born, you grow up, get educated and maybe have a family and then die. It's the same for everyone. I suspect it is worse here than in Japan.
85
Intense. The author of this wonderful piece of journalism has given Ms. Ito the gift of immortality.
52
Share you life with an elderly person to enrich both.
27
Wow. A lovely piece, and extremely sad. Others may feel differently, but to my mind there's no point in outliving your health or all the people who were important to you. I hope my body gives out before I have to spend years sick and lonely.
12
A poignantly written essay. While not a new topic, the author brought such humanity to the topic. Thank you.
18
It doesn't take much effort to make eye contact with old people that you see on the street. Acknowledge them. Smile. That simple act can make a huge difference to people who feel overlooked, forgotten, disposable. From their perspective we have become so self-absorbed. We stare at our devices. We practically knock other people over on the sidewalk. We move too fast and get 'impatient' with people who walk slowly, or who need us to repeat information, or who don't seem to understand what we are saying.
I believe in karma, and that good behavior begets more good behavior. We need to start now, in treating our elders with more compassion, if only for our own self-serving interests, as one day we too will be walking in those same shoes.
About a year ago I encountered an old Greek woman in the local laundromat who always had a scowl on her face and seemed 'miserable'. I always saw her alone and she was slightly stooped over. One day she yelled at me in Greek...she thought I 'stole' her dryer. There wasn't anything I could do because I don't speak Greek. ;-) I decided she was bonkers and not very nice. Then a few weeks later I see her again, but it was clear she didn't remember/recognize me. A few weeks after that, and still, no recognition of our prior encounter. So I decided to try a different approach and said 'hello' in Greek. Well you should have seen the smile on her face. Now we greet each other every time we happen to see each other. ;-)
66
This is a beautiful and compelling article about another country and culture. The irony is that Japan is held up as a model because it is the country with the longest life expectancy in the world for men and women. From this article it appears that a very long life is not always a blessing at least not near its end.
26
I really liked reading this. It was nice to hear of someone committed to living even though it seems pointless. I appreciated the two sides and the elements of comparison throughout the piece. Stories like these are good reminders of life elsewhere, and how different things are compared to where you may be. Mrs. Ito seems a beautiful person with a beautiful mind I hope she keeps her comfort in her last years.
13
Beautifully and movingly written. Thank you.
9
This is a spellbinding piece of writing. I was moved to tears - not so much by Mrs. Ito and Mr. Kinoshita's lives themselves, but by the conversation that I had with my father after I read Mr. Onishi's piece. In a half-joking voice, he promised me that he would not let my mother or their parents die alone. I committed to doing the same for both of them. That promise is a heavy burden to bear, but it's one that I will never let go of for as long as I live.
30
This moved me to tears. I don't know if it's because of my own fear of dying alone or just because the article was so beautifully written, but either way it touched me. Thanks, NYT.
23
Lovely. Perfectly lovely.
7
I read this deeply moving article while listening to the ladylike snores of my 87 year old mother from across the hall. We moved her in with us two months ago. Amongst people I know, it was an unusual decision. Reading this brings home to me why it was the right one. Sometimes we can't care for our elderly in our own homes because they are just too sick and proper care just can't be provided. But many times we can, and we should. As a larger society we have a moral obligation to fund programs and services to the weakest and most vulnerable, and I abhor what is happening politically right now. But when it is possible, help from home is the simplest, most direct, and I think the kindest.
54
I see a common thread between the subject of this article and an article which ran in the Times on July 13, 2012: "Friends of a Certain Age? Why is it Hard to Make Friends Over 30?" Japan and the United States seem to have a similar problem: The elevation and isolation of the nuclear family unit above connection to larger family and local community.
For a number of reasons, not everybody is going to end up in a loving, supporting marriage with lots of successful and prosperous children who will look out for them after they can no longer care from themselves. In years past it wasn't such a big deal: There were cousins, nieces and nephews; there were neighborhoods with people who would look out for each other; local spots where men of older age would gather for lawn bowling and horse shoes, older women who would participate in quilting bees and sewing circles; churches, synagogues, other houses of worship; fraternal and civic organizations of various types.
Today, once people get married, if they don't live in cities where they spend 100% of their time on their careers, they move out to exurbs where, after working and commuting unreasonably long distances, they devote their remaining energy to child rearing. The remainder is burned off staring at various screens. They see their extended families on holidays, if at all. There is no sense of a larger community. No wonder our politics today are so bitter, mean, and driven by self-interest.
48
For decades scientists have known that the highest risk people in any community are the elderly who live alone. But we continue to not have systematic ways of knowing who they are and more importantly, where they are. Eric Klinenberg's book "Heat Wave" describes the social, political and economic forces that collectively kill people in natural disasters. My second cousin is 102 and is a BVM Sister who lives with other elderly and single nuns but who form a loving, caring, concerned community. Neighborhoods used to be communities too but no longer. This remarkable piece of reporting shows how clusters of single elderly lose the ability to stay a community and is a warning to us all of what might come to be if we don't consciously look after each other.
18
This was such a great story. Thank you so much.
4
One of the most moving and powerful stories I have read in your paper. I am in my early sixties with friends and family, but I am wondering if this might be my future.
16
Thank you NYT for this piece that is so moving in so many ways. It is beautifully written, a combination of Japanese poetic thought with factual journalism. The combined team of Onishi and Suzuki, with the haunting photographs of Ko Sasaki, have produced what amounts to a work of art.
I grew up in the ambitious atmosphere of Japan in the 1960's. I remember the rush of the commuter trains, the building of the danchi near us in Osaka, the tearing apart of the extended family as Japan rushed towards its goal of being a major player in the international marketplace. I especially remember the cicada, dying by the thousands in our neighborhood. And the crickets in the fall. As a hospice social worker in Michigan I have seen what isolation and loss of meaning can do to diminish and individual and his/her family. The photo of the gathering for a meal, and the description of a community dance are wonderful examples of a much needed effort in all cultures to restore connections among each of us in our isolation. No one wants to die alone. We all need to stay connected.
29
This is why we need great American papers willing to invest the time and money required to produce stories like this. It both exemplifies and elevates the goals of good journalism.
41
Deeply captivating and well-written piece. thank you for sharing Mrs. Ito and other danchi's painful stories. I don't know what to make of the message of their life as I am only 21 now but I think one day, I'll be able to fully understand it.
9
I am so moved by the exquiste journey of this compelling read. This has left me with so much to think about and to care about. There is work to be done, a labor a love, clearly. Thank you for this piece.
10
Thank you for a very touching, sad story. This is a relatively new phenomenon in Japan, as family ties and obligations have always been very strong, with the children looking after their aging parents. In the United States, there are many, many more elderly living out their lives alone, in nursing homes, etc. Yet, in some ways, US has a better infrastructure in helping these old people. There are many volunteer groups and social service groups that visit these folk. Perhaps Japan can implement a similar system. Middle school and high school students should "adopt" a couple of seniors whom they visit once a week. It would be a great benefit for the young and the old.
128
I too was profoundly moved by this beautiful and sad story. Thank you. Please be aware that there is a nation wide accessible Friendship Line available 24/7 at 800-971-0016 that we can tell the elderly about. If you know some one who is vulnerable to loneliness and possibly even at risk of suicide, tell them about this resource. You can also arrange it so that calls are expected and monitored. Many elderly are afraid of dying without anyone noticing. This is their link: https://www.ioaging.org/services/all-inclusive-health-care/friendship-line
39
Telephone doesn't really help... Disabled, isolated and tried it.
2
...to add to an earlier post, I also think that people need to toss aside any 'pride'. Everyone feels lonely at times, and sometimes more often than that, no matter WHAT their Facebook or IG pages may suggest! ;-) This even includes people in relationships/couples.
When I am feeling lonely, I will reach out to others. For I am smart enough to know that if I do not do so, I will not get any better, but worse. Why should any of us 'suffer in silence', or pretend that everything is fine, when it is not? How silly is that? There is nothing wrong with admitting that at times, we may feel lonely, or depressed. Each of us must take an active role in taking care of ourselves, and this starts with admitting when we have a problem, and asking for help, even if that help is simply in the form of 'do you want to go for a walk?....or meet up for coffee?... I'm feeling a bit down....Thank You my Friend!!' ;-)
Also consider that, by thinking this way...being this way...and reaching out to others, we are in essence giving others 'permission' to do the same! In other words, if everyone is so full of pride and afraid to admit they are sad or lonely, then everyone will assume that we are 'not supposed to talk about it' or that 'it's selfish' or that 'we should all just suck it up and suffer in silence'. This is so not true, and, I suspect, part of the problem perhaps in Japan, where people are taught to 'not complain'. We are all human. We all suffer. Let's help each other.
41
I'm disabled, three seperate chronic & progressive genetically based disorders. Can't get out anymore, no family and only one person in my life who cares (busy with his own life. Once a month contact.) electric friend... In Sweden (has his own problems... Hut and muss.) Yeah, there's a problem. No trouble admitting it. People get tired of it and vanish. Nobody to go out with... Nobody to ask. Telephone services don't help emotionally... It's not sharing your life.
8
Please give Ms. Ito my email address. I'd love to correspond with her and/or some of her neighbors.
33
I do not feel sorry for Mrs. Ito. I am impressed by such a faithful person. She lost her child for goodness sake. Fate did that. Not modern Japan.
18
Bitter sweet & a beautiful memorial to the people. I'll remember them all until my own lonely death. (52yo & a real possibility)
6
This is journalism. Thank you.
27
Thank you Mr. Onishi and NY Times
15
GOP trying to gut Meals on Wheels, sometimes the only source of human contact for elderly.
98
Very moving article. I sometimes get super mad at the NYT, but as long as they keep producing these super deep human interest stories I'll keep paying my $15
42
This article is a terrible sadness and beauty.
12
Is there a way to get a English translated copy of her biography? I would love to read it if it exists.
18
This brought tears to my eyes. The NYTimes should get a Pulitzer Prize for this article, so very well written. An example of the excellent writing is the sentence, "Mrs. Ito, meticulous as ever, had even left behind money to clean out her home once the day arrived."
47
So many wonder why more is not being done to reach out to people like Mrs. Ito and Mr. Kinoshita and help them. The answer is simple, and it is why countless elderly die alone in squalid rooms or alleyways, or virtually alone in musty nursing homes, in this country. These people are not wealthy. Capitalism has no use for them. Japan after WWII copied the US capitalist system. Humans are merely a means of production, and when that productive value is over, no resources are to be expended. No one is going to care for free. Don't bother suggesting immigration to the Japanese -- their culture has abhorred it for centuries -- and don't think it does much good here either. Recent immigrants may settle for low paid caregiver jobs, but many (of course not all) provide minimum care and don't speak English well enough to socialize if they wanted to. For many of us, a lonely death is coming.
28
Is a nurse I care for many elderly... This is hard breaking...
8
Thank you for such a moving piece of journalism.
9
Dear Norimitsu.
I have nothing to add to these comments other than the wish that they be read to Chieko and Yoshikazu. They will now be long remembered. Let us hope that the planet survives the insanity of our rulers.
15
I saw what I fear is in my future: single, no kids, renter, only family member still alive hundreds of miles away and in ill health himself.
42
Perhaps the problem in Japan is that they have one of the longest life expectancies. A diet of American fast food would change that.
10
This story is evocative of a relentlessly clinical documentary from 2003 entitled 'A Certain Kind of Death' which follows the bodies of those who die in Los Angeles county with no next of kin.
7
Loneliness is a social disease and impossibly hard to cure. Before the last stage of life becomes unbearable torture, one should look into the blessings of euthanasia.
11
One of the best NYTimes pieces I've read in a long time. Not just interesting, but very compelling and moving.
12
I wish I had her address! I would gladly be a pen pal to Mrs. Ito. This story tugs at my heart strings because it reminds me of my own aging Japanese grandmother.
Beautiful story
10
This was very depressing to read. A fine piece of work, but it was hard not to cry on the train ride home.
9
I tend to believe that a true measure for a progressive society is how well the young treats the elderly, how well the rich treats the poor, how well the have treats the have not. Every gadget, technology we have are irrelevant if it does not make a society better.
Thank you NYTimes and the author for this reporting. It reminded me to hold on to my believe and take action on it.
25
This is literary journalism of a high order. Mr. Onishi should be commended for an intimate, moving, and evocative piece on the most important social issue now facing Japan (and Germany). This is the best writing I've seen in the Times in decades.
29
A beautiful piece. It contains so much. So respectful.
8
Old folks in the United States face the same isolation for the same reasons as Japan. Our children, if we had any, move away to get better jobs and we are left behind. That is the so-called nuclear family at work.
17
The recent movie "Shin-Godzilla" (directed by Hideaki Anno and Shinji Higuchi) presents the classic movie creature as a metaphor for the kind of serious problems that are festering and becoming a worse threat to Japan over time, while a bumbling bureaucratic government (severely handicapped by age-based hierarchy) trips over its own feet and fails to respond until it is too late. And the only person who can save Japan from total destruction is a young man (Rando Yaguchi)...but only after the senior leadership dies, clearing the way for him to find a novel and creative solution to the problem.
1
As a middle-aged single woman with no children, I think about my life ahead, a lot. I've no reason to think I won't live to my 90s. As such, I feel strongly that my current lifestyle will serve me well in my later years.
I am extremely independent, focused on saving $ in a 401k/Roth IRA (and already I'm in a 'good place'), and I have a wide range of interests. I don't sit on my laurels, and am very outgoing. I often take the 'first step' in making new friends, creating social circles, etc. And while not everyone necessarily responds in kind, well.... what's that expression...'you gotta throw a lot of balls against the wall before one sticks'?? I have to work hard to constantly build-out my social circle, but if I didn't do this, well...then I'd be much more lonely. In a place such as NYC, many residents come and go. Or coupled friends move to another city. Or they have kids and suddenly they disappear from your life and now only socialize with 'other couples with kids'. So I have a roster of steady friends here, that I've had for 10+ years. Then I have a periphery circle of friends that tend to be more fleeting. I also think it very important and advantageous to have friends both older and younger. I keep up with technology. Constantly trying new activities and hobbies. Physically active. Volunteer work. And most importantly, I am capable of enjoying my own company and me-time. This is crucial in order to 'survive' the later years, as those around you die.
26
I think the main thing is to have a purpose, no matter what that is. Victor Frankl more or less distilled it in his book In Man's Search for Meaning. I'm in a similar boat but have some things I want to get done before I leave this planet. As a healthcare professional, I'm very glad that some places, like my state, are moving towards legalizing physician-assisted deaths: I like the idea of being able to control when I go if possible. A major issue for the elderly -- I take care of many -- are disabling health conditions as they age.
8
There was a story a few days ago in the Times about a mother, a delegate in a local prefecture assembly, with a young child who brought the child to an assembly meeting. She did this to show the plight of working mothers in Japan who get very little societal support in trying to have children and still work. The story also included information about another politician with a nursing child, who brought her child to work and who was roundly condemned. The patriarchy is still very much in control in Japan, and many educated young women are refusing to get married because it really makes it difficult to have any kind of career. Japanese society and cultural values really need to change if they want to reverse the demographic decline, and Japan needs to really bring in more immigrants to reboot the economy.
7
Well this was depressing. If social workers are looking in on these folks it doesn't appear they are doing much to try and assure a sanitary living condition, or try to have activities for the residents. Unfortunately I don't think this problem in unique to Japan. Aging populations, smaller families or many people not having children is not peculiar to Japan - it is common here as well. Certainly doesn't make aging appealing.
7
I can relate to loneliness described in this very touching essay. I'm close to 90 years old and live alone. When my wife of almost 60 years passed away a few years ago due to Alzheimer's, I knew I couldn't just sit home and look out the window. I signed up to work as a volunteer at a veteran's home where most of the residents are from the WWII and the Korea era. Many of them are mentally challenged and helping them is great therapy for me. In my other life I had a creative job where I did well... but I now have the best job I could ever wish for.
149
Moving, well written article. Thank you.
Ms. Ito will never know but, from now, she will be unforgettable for some.
17
Some of those described here lived through WW II as children. And now this. Combat veterans and civilian survivors of that terrible time whether in Japan, the rest of Asia, or Europe or the USA should not have to suffer this final indignity. One cosmic catastrophe, perhaps two, is enough in a life. They have endured enough. It shouldn't come to this. There is nothing redemptive about these deaths.
4
While there are many truths here, the subtext is that a growing populations provide some happier alternative. Let's look honestly at the price we pay for 7 billion on the planet, instead.
11
For the sake of our planet, all countries should be following Japan's lead. We can't continue this path of ignorance which calls on increased levels of immigration and population growth ad infinitum to sustain our economic and social welfare network.
We need to develop better health care and support systems for an aging population. Educate families on how to better care for their elder parents and relatives.
Kudos to Japan for sacrificing short term gain for a better long term future.
We don
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2
Pulitzer Prize please. Extraordinary journalism. Thank you.
10
Beautifully written, haunting in its details and treating the subjects with dignity they deserve. One of the best writings about real life I have read in a long time. And a reminder to be kind always and be thoughtful always and look after those living alone. Thanks.
7
Well done Norimitsu-San. It is a great challenge to provide the best lives possible to the aging. An ongoing challenge, in this case as the piece makes clear exacerbated by the social change in Japan following WWII. However, it is wrong to see aging, getting older, even death, as some form of illness. It is not. It is a part of life. Inevitable, however painful, extended or degrading it may be. I intend to celebrate every moment, even thosethat are so very much more horrible! Bring it on, physical laws of the Universe, I am hear to confront you. We all simply need to do the best we can to share life with our own family elderly and others. And when it is our turn, try to age with as much joy and dignity as we can!
3
A very engaging story specially for someone like me who is almost 72 years old. I immigrated from Asia when I was 33 years old and am planning to sell my house in a couple of years and move back to South East Asia , where there are a lot of unemployed relatives and non-relatives willing enough to take care of old people like me, without having a significant impact on my pension.
Japan is an amazing country. Lost the war in 1945, yet in a span of 15 to 20 years was able to rebuild their country to hold the Tokyo Olympics in 1964.
6
What has been described in this story happens here too.
The average age in my community is 63. Of the 14 houses on my street, 5 homes are occupied by 70 to 80 year olds with either no family left or no family within hundreds of miles.
They have no one but the neighbors who take time to check on them and make sure they get to a doctor appointment or do a grocery run for them.
Old age in this country is not respected or appreciated.
I hope I don’t live too long.
9
My mother died earlier this year at 94. Although she was not alone, she was lonely beyond anything that could be described.
This year with both parents gone has been profound. This article touched a deep core within me. Thank you for such a wonderful story about Ito san and her friends.
10
For eons, the prevalent familial unit has been an extended family - generations involved in life and death together. It’s ironic that at the apex of civilization people are living and dying alone, with no one to care for or about them. We have to do better than this.
19
This is one of the saddest stories I've read recently. What I don't understand is why the elderly in this apartment complex don't try to organize some self help. Here in this country I know elderly people living alone who have friends who call each other every day.
After reading about the man who was dead for three years before his bank account was depleted and someone noticed, my husband commented that this is another reason not to have bills automatically deducted from your bank account.
8
A thoughtful piece. It reminds me that Japan also strove, through the past 100 years to stay "pure" - no immigrants allowed to settle in any meaningful way, a very insulated and inward-looking culture. Thus the demographic wave started in the post war era simply moved through the ages, with little or no replacement of young people from other places in the world. Something to be aware of, when we (and Europe) argue against bringing in youth and vibrancy that doesn't look like us.
4
One thing I have noticed with my own elderly relatives and the difference between those who continue to enjoy their lives and those who do not is at some stage some stopped creating new friendships and new interests. And then sadly, many friends died before them and they were left alone. A lesson I have learned is never stop creating new friendships and new interests. Let people in more. Socialize regularly.
17
People want their deaths to reflect the lives that they have lived. It seems a focus on the relentless pursuit of economic prosperity has rendered Japan's population disproportionately old, with not many young to support the aging population. These people do not deserve the deaths they are given.
A break from politics to a profoundly well-written, moving piece. Thankful for the intimate look that the Times takes to Japan's population problem.
6
I am an American who grew up within commuting distance of NYC, but this story got me in the chest. My father would have been one of these people who slips out of life with the shades drawn, only to be discovered by the smell. However I moved in with him when I was 12 (my parents had divorced when I was very young). He lived the life of a hermit and a hoarder, keeping friends & family away and allowing nobody into the apartment.
One day when I was 17 I came home to find his body. He died in bed from obstinance, alcoholism, smoking, and (mostly) self induced isolation. He benefited from my being in the apartment, forcing him to acquire groceries and having someone there every day. I have some feeling of peace knowing that he'd been dead only 12 hours at the most before I came back home. He had the basic dignities of being taken to a funeral home quickly and having an open casket.
I am the other side of the equation though. His lonely life made my own that of an almost-unsupervised kid who had to make his own way to and from jobs, school activities, and friends houses. I was never allowed to reciprocate by having friends over so I was never officially allowed to spend the night at another kids house. Would my father have been better off alone? Probably not. Did I feel enormous relief ripping the dusty shades off of the windows once he died? Absolutely.
There is no easy solution to this situation is what I'm trying to say.
36
This not something new. It goes back a few generations at least. The 1953 Ozu film "Tokyo Story" portrays this so well. What often is not talked about is one of the main reasons other than death of a child or relative to explain why the elderly are often left alone, we tend to forget that child abuse by the parent(s) most often explains why children leave their parents for good with little if any contact. Children remember very well who loved them and who abused them while they were growing up and abuse inflicts deep long lasting pain. Abuse victims never forget and often never forgive.
15
It was the last article I wanted to read. Sooner or later ( more sooner) my husband and have to face our inevitable decline and the unwanted changes in how we will live. All of us will need help, even those of us who are in great health. There is no forestalling, just perhaps postponing the ravages and infirmities of old age. We are lucky, we have financial options so we won't be a burden to our family- as we have no children we are on our own anyway. What we have access to (we hope) will not be available to those without substantial wherewithal. Who will change Grandma's diapers? People must be paid to do that and unless you can afford decent care, Grandma or old Uncle Bill or Aunt Edna will land in your spare room or on a couch in your care. In Massachusetts, because Trump may not renew the Haitians special immigration status, there will be a severe shortage of nursing home workers as these are the bulk of the low cost personnel that staff their nursing homes. I am sure that this story is repeated over and over again in different states with different immigrant groups who are willing to do these thankless jobs.
As safety nets ( after tax reform comes attacks on Medicare and Social Security) are peeled away in the name of corporate profits and reducing the debt only the luckiest of our elderly will have the compassionate care of the compassionate conservatives.
9
Poignant - and so sad.
This, unfortunately, is not dissimilar to the fate many of us in the baby boomer generation will be facing here in America. Yet, our fate will be worse as we will most likely die in cold, heartless nursing homes surrounded by the half-living but still so terribly alone.
3
What a brilliant piece of writing. Informative and moving.
2
Living in Japan, it is really meaningful to learn about a segment of the population that I don't have the chance to interact with on a regular basis. The photos in this story really make the situation real. With that in mind, I have planned to team-teach a English lesson for third year junior high school students next week using the photos of Mr. Kinoshita and his apartment as a discussion topic.
8
All you have to do is look at a graph of the declining birthrate in Japan that only started at the end of WWII. It has declined ever since. Not coincidentally, that was when women were given the right to vote... and all sorts of other "agencies." The final outcome? Oh, so predictable.
Stories like these... snippets of real life in places I've visited in the distant past... bring us up to date on cultures with which we have lost touch. Far from the din of daily domestic or global politics, even far from the intensity of reports like a recent NYT piece on cleanup progress at the tsunami nuclear site, are sweet reminders of the people whose lives make up the fabric of daily life. Thank you, Normitsu Onishi, for introducing us to Mrs. Ito and her aging friends. You have made an immense contribution to the body of work of contemporary journalism, and you should know it IS appreciated.
4
Happens here too. That’s because we really don’t care generationally about our elders like we should.
3
I must have missed it - why don't these poor humans have little dogs or cats for friends? If you have a dog, you have to go out, and you will talk to other dog owners. Is it the apartment rules, or something? Little dogs can do one a world of good, and where I live, many old people use their little dogs as their excercize and interaction..
106
I absolutely agree, however it may just be that people have grown so accustomed to living alone that they have not put thought into a companion such as a cat or dog. Despite this people all together should make an effort to incorporate these people into their lives.
Other species don't exist to be owned by us. The level and scope of privilege is astounding. White privilege. Male privilege. Human privilege. It never stops.
3
I think in Japan, they are very strict about noise, including barking dogs.
Thank you for the article; I'm now looking for lonely people to say hello to.
58
This is one of the worst fears I face: to die lonely. My Dad who's 70 has worked with the elderly for 40 yrs and says it's a massive unspoken thing. Please don't let me did lonely.
1
The thing is, it's something many people don't want to face/talk about/whatever. It's an " unpleasant" topic and in some places (like NY) the current generation of elderly, boomers especially, are resented by younger generations for purportedly "having it easy," had a chance to "make a ton in real estate," or hogging rent stabilized apartments (this is peculiar to New York City) Almost every time the New York TImes does a piece that in some way involves rent control, you see comments from younger people saying the problem is old people. I once had a much younger colleague at work -- she was just out of uni -- who complained that there were too many old people in her Upper East Side building (the one where she had a $3000 a month apt. subsidized by her parents) and that too many of them were dying and creating traffic jams in the elevators when their bodies were removed by the medical examiner's office!
4
There was another story today of a murder suicide of an elderly couple who could no longer afford their medications after a budget cut in Delaware.
While the Japanese story is poignant what does it tell us about us Americans?
Our most vulnerable aren't even entitled to a dignified end it seems.
65
Do you think assisted suicide by medical professionals would be cheaper.
I do not know that particular story, but elderly people -- I assume over age 65 -- get all their health care in the USA from MEDICARE -- true single payer health care -- every lefty libs DREAM come true! and Medicare has Part D drug coverage! and it is NOT paid for by state funds AT ALL but from a Federal program for Medicare. So how could an elderly couple in Delaware have "lost coverage for all their medications"???
4
Brilliant haunting article. Well done
54
Thank you for sharing this sad story with us. I'm old enough to be part of the generation whose fathers served in World War II, often fighting the Japanese. Yet these same fathers -- and mothers -- imbued us with the idea that the Japanese revered their elders and took care of them until death claimed them. Our parents either misled us or the Japanese have drastically changed their outlook.
How good and how sad that this obviously vibrant woman continues with her narrowed frame of life and that she appears to work at finding some reason to keep going. At least she is trying to stay vibrant.
As our parents aged, my wife and I made sure to keep in touch with my father who refused to move closer to us and with my wife's mother who did live close to us. Visits and calls were made several times a week to keep them in our lives and to ensure they had a reason to get up every day. Unfortunately, my father's dementia made it difficult to communicate with him in later years. We still tried.
My second career was as a patient advocate in a three-hospital system. All too often, I saw older patients abandoned at the hospital by their families. As patient advocates, we tried to visit every patient every day. Too many times, we were the only visitors.
I hope this story will change something in Japan.
34
It is a sad story. But Ms. Ito is not the victim of uncaring members of the younger generations. Both her daughter and her step-daughter are dead.
Her stepdaughter is still alive.
2
seems to be an effective method to dispose of your elderly. Not a novel tradition in JP
3
I wish to add to my previous post that these individuals chose to age in place. There are numerous eldercare options in Japan where you will not die alone. Other posts have the naïve suggestion to just open the doors to immigration and all will be solved. They have little understanding of Japan.
12
Sitting in a bar with a bunch of losers. They’re no doubt wondering why I have tears from this incredible story. The best thing I’ve read in years.
77
Excellent, illuminating piece. In many aspects, Japan doesn't have it right, like America doesn't.
11
This is one of the most moving pieces of journalism I have ever read.
And I continue to be enraged that elders are not viewed as persons of value and offered meaningful roles in American society.
First, for many in their 60's and 70's, what a shocker to retire in the midst of one's vigor and at the height of one's intelligence and be sent the message that there is no longer anyone who needs or wants anything you have to offer, you are no longer of interest. I don't like to speak in economic terms, but this is a massive neglect of human capital, although it is, more importantly, a road to cultural suicide.
Second, even the oldest elders continue to have much to offer others --- or at least they would before their health and minds are allowed to atrophied from utter isolation and from the physical inertia that comes with depression and hopelessness.
Younger people could benefit from having elders involved in their lives, and there are many roles elders could inhabit well. Segregation and ageism is hurting all of us.
Young people: It is your turn next!
44
Liberals like you seem to always fall back on some kind of gov't-enforced plan
to "value" the elderly. Through the ages, the elderly have been "valued" by their extended families. But there are no families anymore in Japan. The birthrate has declined every year since 1945. Women who value the workplace over having children have nobody to blame but themselves.
2
Articles like this are why I read the Times. So much to think over - and to fear.
27
I have decided to attach another beautifully written article on the Japanese elder from NY Times.
https://www.nytimes.com/video/opinion/100000004692849/taller-than-the-tr...
7
I was quite sad to read that Mrs. Ito still had family who seldom reach out to her. Although her daughter passed away, her step daughter appears to be well. It's a good reminder to all of us to consider those in our own families who would love a call or visit. My family is of Asian descent and it was always clearly understood that my sister and I would never put our mother into a nursing home, but would bring her in to live with one (or alternate both) of us when she is older, the same way my grandfather lived with us when we were children. The tragedy of lonely old age is not just the absence of social interactions, but absence of any productive role to play in life. People thrive on having purpose.
34
She does not talk much about the stepdaughter, but it is not hard to imagine that a stepdaughter represents divorce or widowhood, and remarriage (by her late husband) and so that stepdaughter might well have resented both Mrs. Ito taking the place of her mother -- and the younger daughter, who displaced the stepdaughter in the affections of her father.
It is not unusual in such situations for the stepchildren to feel coldly towards their stepmother, and only have very sporadic connections and few visits.
Mrs. Ito -- though a lovely and brave lady, with a sad life -- is unusual in that her DAUGHTER pre-desceased her, and at only 29! and without having had children of her own. Where her daughter alive, and if she had had children....Mrs. Ito would likely have a full life, surrounded by her adult children and grandchildren. She is alone due to an incredibly unlucky twist of fate.
2
I am 78 and blessed with a caring family & good health. Because of your article, I've signed up just now to volunteer with Somerville-Cambridge (MA) Elder Services.
Thank you !
86
Thank you for telling this heartbreaking story of isolation. My grandparents are in their 90s and for as long as I could remember they stayed constantly busy, with infinite friends and groups, going on river cruises in Europe and visiting old army friends in Japan. In the last year, their health has declined rapidly as dementia set in and two strokes changed their decades-long routine. They don't remember how to go to the store three blocks away and are terrified of getting lost so they don't leave the house often, but are even more terrified of going into a nursing home or retirement center - what they say is 'the last stop before death.' It's sobering and upsetting to watch them go through this, but after reading Ms. Ito & Mr. Kinoshita's stories I realize how fortunate my family is to still care for one another. Without a doubt, my grandparents are lonely as almost all of their friends and siblings are dead. They have obituaries taped to their refrigerator, new ones added every time I go back home. I teared up reading this story, hearing about their pain and aching loneliness. Thank you for sharing it with us all, and for reminding us to hold our families a little bit closer. I hope they find peace and comfort in the days and years to come.
25
Kathyrn: your grandparents -- sad as their situation is, and I fear it myself -- ARE CORRECT. Nursing homes and Assisted Living homes are generally terrible places -- not only lonely but demeaning, treating residents like small children and robbing them of their dignity and any last remaining shreds of personal autonomy.
If they can manage, perhaps with some family help, in their own home until they die -- I hope they do. It is better to die in your own home, than to live several additional years in the sterile confines of a nursing home or AL facility.
2
This article offers another perspective on human existence and pursuit of longevity. A few weeks ago, I read an article, also by New York Times, about the active efforts of scientists to identify the secret to a long life by exhaustively analyzing the genomes of more than 100-year-old people. Some people desire to live a long life without realizing the grim reality that could possibly await them at the near end of their existence. This article unflinchingly laid out that grim reality and will make you ask if this quest for longer life is worth pursuing.
33
I agree -- the pursuit of old age simply to be as old as humanly possible is futile.
But in fairness, the seniors in that article (about those who live past 100) were outstanding examples of old age -- being without dementia or serious illnesses -- the IDEAL of how one MIGHT grow old, if things like dementia were curable.
2
Amazing article. As someone with first-hand knowledge of Japan, I appreciate both universality of the story, as well as the very Japanese characteristics.
13
Heartbreaking.
My mother lives alone in a senior's apartment complex, and while I see her regularly, and she gets out to see some friends and family, she still complains of deep loneliness, depression, and a fear of death - in addition to the physical pain of aging.
It seem so unfair for a generation, especially this one that grew up with WWII and the Cold War, and so many other transformative societal changes, to have to suffer in old age.
Getting out, keeping oneself busy - those are things that help a bit, but what I really think the elderly are missing is a sense of purpose. Maybe there is a way we can help them find that again.
21
I hope building management, or regulators, will create some community spaces for residents to come out and mingle - maybe play games, get acquainted with neighbors, have a medical expert do a quick check on them, and maybe have an on-site psychologist. Being old shouldn't have to be lonely - society, community and building management can find ways to make getting old more graceful.
15
Ahh, life. We're all here on Planet Earth destined to depart. Nothingness awakens with life, declines to death, then back to nothingness. How prescious is life when we have a zest for it. As a septuagenarian, I pray for the continued ability to move about, be curious about everything, be engaged actively with other of all ages, esp children, be positive, happy, regret nothing and smile at everyone.
21
Affecting. Poignant. The images and sounds linger; a paper screen pushed aside each morning, cicadas singing out the summer as crickets announce autumn, footsteps near an empty pool, a name in red on a dark headstone. I call my elderly, widowed mother every day; I wonder who will talk with me when I am her age?
27
Well, if you had had kids, you could answer your own question. If you have questions, you probably didn't. DA
The author deserves to be recognized for the poignant story of the lonely elderly people in Japan. Hope this is read by more people in the world, and raise their awareness to integrate the elderly with the society at large. My deepest respect and sympathies for the aged people of Japan and elsewhere. One day we all may reach that stage.
23
Nobody had to worry about "integrating the elderly" when women actually had
children and families. You can trace the origins of this problem to the "modern women" who valued a career over a family... and giving women the right to vote
in Japan after WWII. The birth rate declined there every year since... and you are now reading obituary and denouement
My wife's mother and aunts are 96, 97 and 92 years of age, respectively. The three women's longevity is literally destroying their respective families.
We used to talk about teen pregnancy as "children having children." Now we have elderly people caring for elderly people. The entire house of cards has to collapse (I'm not talking Kevin Spacey). And probably pretty soon.
José Saramago portrays it well in his novel "Death with Interruptions." But it's pretty bleak reading.
I'm glad only one of my director ancestors lived longer than 82 years, and that my parents, whom I loved, died in their 70s.
However, my sister-in-law's 80-year-old parents have already lost their oldest son to suicide after developing early onset dementia. And their youngest son has Stage 4 Liver Cancer.
10
I sympathize. It is difficult to be responsible -- emotionally and physically -- for elders. The woman in the story is lonely, but also relatively independent, getting around on the bus and doing her own housekeeping. When people in old age need more and more help, it can become exhausting for the helpers.
2
That's very sad, but yes -- if you live into your 90s, it is likely you are being cared for by adult children who are in their late 60s or 70s.
Instead of a nice enjoyable retirement these 60-70 year olds are having to care for difficult senior parents with dementia and hip fractures. It is no picnic.
My two sisters-in-law -- ages 60 and 62 -- are today sharing the care of my elderly mother-in-law who is 84 and has dementia. It is getting harder and harder, and one of the SILs told me recently "when mom breaks a hip...it's all over and she must go into a nursing home, because neither of us can pick her up or manage her care if she cannot walk or toilet herself".
It is worth thinking about the fact that one of the reasons that seniors now routinely live THIS LONG -- long enough to get dementia and spend years in nursing homes at ruinous cost -- is that they no longer smoke cigarettes.
You might wish to consider taking up smoking.
3
What a delight this was to read even though it brings to fore the essence of human frailty. I travel to Japan quite often for work - some of the engineers I have worked with have retired. Work defined their lives and they are very proud of their accomplishments - a bit like Mr. Kinoshita.
8
This is beautifully observed and written and brought tears to my eyes. Thank you.
10
I wonder how much the storied introversion of the Japanese plays a role in the difficulties elderly people face.
In the US it is natural for people living in the same place to stop and chat, maybe watch TV or go shopping together.
It seems even those simple interactions are not taking place.
12
In my personal observations of my relatives and experiences (as a first-generation Japanese-American who spent a lot of time in Japan growing up), Japanese people are their own worst enemies when it comes to meeting personal emotional/mental desires and needs. From a very young age, we are taught that self-restraint - to an extreme -is a virtue ("gaman") - at the expense of being open to basic human needs like love and emotional support. Take a look at the photo of the family who is supposedly "happy" - they are hardly smiling. So much restraint, so stoic. All for the good of the whole.
Despite a country obsessed with "Westernizing" and doing it so rapidly and so well - Japan really missed that whole thing about mental and emotional health. As a culture, they still remain quite repressed when it comes to physical affection or display. People get embarrassed. Mental illness - still stigmatized (esp. among these elderly folks). And the language itself is so limited in direct emotional expressiveness - one ultimately does end up just sighing a lot. Or ignoring each other. Or hiding under nuances. It is no wonder that these people are so lonely in their old age.
Research after research shows that at the end of the day, people realize that it is relationships, human connection and love that matters most. Hopefully, Japanese society will recognize that and acknowledge that moving forward.
32
No, the origins of the problem are the post-WWII modern Japanese women being given the vote and various other agencies and not having children. Increased life expectancy plays a role, but not as much as not having a family members around. The situation in Italy is similar. Liberals virtue-signaling lip service to articles like this because they don't want to admit that "agency" for women is what is destroying advanced civilizations. No people, no civilization-- bottom line.
1
Beautifully written. Working as a social worker in a skilled nursing facility, I advocate for residents on Medicaid and SSI with mental health diagnoses and substance abuse histories, aged in their 50's and early 60's, who are under court-appointed guardianship, estranged from their children and without family support. Nursing staff take the place of family. We're working to place these "young old" back in the community with services, but outcomes aren't great. Many American boomers will die "lonely deaths." It's a terrible indictment of this country's governmental policies over the years on every level.
16
Wonderful piece. Is there a way to send cards to Mrs. Ito?
87
Surely a lovely, arranged assisted-suicide would be better than this?
9
What a heartless thing to say.
5
What a heartless comment. Did you get nothing out of this article?
6
Thank you, Norimitsu Onishi for this beautifully written and moving story. You have drawn such skilled and tender portraits of your subjects.
We throw around the adage (sometimes an admonishment) that you reap what you sow in life. But here we see that as death approaches, the impeccable, generous and open-hearted Mrs. Ito is as marooned as the less giving, burning-burning Mr. Kinoshita. Having cleaned up after a death, and been present when a loved one passed, I have always seen death as a solitary experience. It’s the lead-up to the departure that’s painful. All we can hope for is to die with some degree of dignity.
On that subject, I must voice my disagreement with the paper’s editorial choice to run photos of Mr. Kinoshita’s wretched apartment. I think that was overkill, and disrespectful.
I am now about to embark on a thorough house cleaning and clearout of excess possessions.
The loveliest thing in this piece is Mrs. Ito’s daughter’s epitaph, “She has become a flower and rests here.” That is what I want to leave the world. Flowers.
44
Apologies, “burning-burning” should be “bridge-burning.”
1
Can some smart person tell me what the word is to which the author refers when writing "ghosts and ciphers, a Japanese word that, phonetically, means both"? I found 幽霊【ゆうれい】ghost, but that does not seem to be it. Thanks!
3
A great, and, depressing article. This is what we will be facing here in the US. Nothing more than public warehousing of the elderly.
13
At least they have a place to live, and food. Just think what it will be like for our own elderly population.
66
Compelling and telling for us all.
5
The silly "Tiny house" movement advocated by radicals will have us living like Mr. Kinoshita, buried in garbage and enshrining our only possession, a 40 year pin.
4
I'm not aware of anybody who advocates living in tiny houses who also advocates forcing everyone else to live on one too. I'm not sure why some people get so upset by the idea of others choosing different lifestyles.
10
Well in actuality a major part of the Tiny House movement is minimalism. Having garbage and excessive amounts of possessions is entirely in opposition to the movement.
14
People only 'live in garbage' if they choose to do so (and usually it stems from some type of mental illness, depression, etc.). The great thing about living in a small space is that, so long as you don't like living in squalid conditions, it forces you to live simply and to choose every one of your possessions with thought and intent. American as a whole, are way too focused on 'accumulation' of stuff, as a supposed means to 'happiness'. But all this accummulating does is provide a temporary high with each purchase that you make. In the large scheme of things, all this stuff actually weighs us down, and haunts us in the back of our minds. Usually the happiest people have chosen to live simply, and those who are deep down unhappy, try to surround themselves with lots of stuff (distractions) so they won't have time to think about or consider how unhappy they actually are.
6
very fine photojournalism, memento mori...thank you
16
Well, keep in mind that all those cultures praised for their reverence and care for the elderly were only able to do so because of the servitude of women.
In all Asian societies, wives were compelled to care for their husband*s parents. No son to get married and bring a daughter-in-law home? Better have a spare daughter to keep single to do the job. A bachelor son was likely useless, in the scheme of things.
66
Really important observation. My relatives in India lament about the loss of the old ways, including the care old people used to receive when the extended family all lived together, but those old ways were entirely dependent on the servitude of women.
31
THANK YOU. So much "emotional labor", primarily done by women, has been unrecognized, unvalued, and uncompensated. These things are services that require mental and physical energy, and are not the natural product of someone's biology.
12
That is not my experience with friends in India. Perhaps my experience is limited, but my friends there take old people into their homes, and there is no sign that I can see of the servitude of anyone. My friends are retired, and both sons and daughters in law take care of the elderly.
1
I think a lot about what will happen to all the stuff my parents have collected over the years once they die.
I’m sure there’s going to be lots off offers (and hopefully some from people who speak Japanesse) but can the reporter who worked on this story make sure that Mrs. Ito’s autobiography and photo ablums pass to somebody who will keep them?
15
This story held me. I could hear the cicadas, feel the heat of Tokyo in the summer and even smell the sweet stench of life abandoned. This is not a sad story. It represents an evolution of modern day, Japan and life itself. The loneliness of Mrs Itoh chronicling her journey and Mr Kinoshita clinging tight to his key holder captured the bold last song of the cicada.
213
No, it IS a sad story. How you can come to ANY other conclusion is just part and parcel of the death cult that is progressive "liberalism."
5
If you don't think this story is sad perhaps you won't mind ending up like these people. This is a very sad story. Beautifully told but sad nevertheless.
7
Mr Onishi's reporting and story-telling was deeply affecting and spare. Despite the cultural differences between Japan and the US, I found the story very relatable. I have known too many lonely elders, and because I have always been single, I worry that I may suffer the same fate in the not too distant future. But I promised my mother, who is 88 now, that she would never have to be alone, so I am taking care of her. I also worry that with the trends in our country and the increase in the population of us baby-boomers, life might be become even more dire. In Japan, it sounds like there are efforts to change the situation around for the lonely elders in their midst. More than ever, we live in a world that desperately needs unity.
20
Senior life is already cheap and is increasingly devalued in the US. The modern value system values only the young and beautiful/athletic. And NYT runs regular columns tacitly endorsing the seniors' "duty to die" once they need a wheelchair or oxygen tank.
2
A beautifully written, moving story, Norimitsu Onishi. This is what makes the New York Times a cut above.
13
I recall the NYT story The Lonely Death of George Bell from 2015; it's not about money, it's a post-modern reality as both religion and family values are no longer a necessity for surviving and or prospering in society.
18
Yes, I also remember that piece from 2015.
2
Odd that you would bring "religion" into this..... my parents were lifelong Catholics, and after my father's passing a "representative" from the church called my Mother.... she, a bit foolishly thought it was a condolence call.... nope, she had forgotten to send her quarterly donation, and they were looking for a check. Religion is the LAST place the elderly should look for solace and comfort, unless of course, they come checkbook in hand....
5
It has nothing to do with a loss of 'religion', as none of us need religion to tell us how or what it means, to be good. I also don't like the term 'family values', as it smacks of the Far Right. One can be single (no family) and agnostic, and be the most generous person on the planet. Conversely, one can be a 'family man', a 'person of faith' (blech), and a closet pedophile at the same time.
Rather, the problem is simply that since the late 50s, Americans have bought into the idea that the accumulation of stuff is the key to happiness:...everyone having their own home, their own apartment, their own car, electronics, etc. To live with other family members and/or multi-generational family living, is considered 'uncool'. If you want to be seen as 'mature' and independent, you should have your own place.
People now move half-way across the country, or the world, for their 'dream job'. The internet has made it possible to maintain 'friendships' with people that you might see once a year if you are lucky. Many people no longer live with or near immediate family members. Neighbors don't know their neighbors anymore. People are more transient.
Neighborhood shopping areas, and the small businesses owned and run by people from the neighborhood, are being decimated by greedy landlords, who'd rather rent to big chain banks and drugstores, thereby selling out the souls of neighborhoods across America.
We value youth over age, but yet, we should not buy into this.
8
A special article, BRAVO to all at the NYTimes who made it happen. I share the emotions of sadness as mentioned by others who've posted before me.
This situation is similar across Europe, the USA and China where smaller family sizes have hollowed out the family experience. Birth rates are well below replacement levels and population totals either shrink or will soon enough.
At age 70 I've seen my older generations pass, often painfully from cancer, and often alone in hospitals or nursing homes where technology prolonged their suffering before inevitably passing.
The American way of death has been horrid way too long. And expensive. A third of all Medicare spending is done in the last 3 weeks of life; this cannot be afforded in the future.
I plan to die in a state having a 'death with dignity' law in effect so that when my health declines beyond a certain point I'll be able to take a pill and check out. I won't suffer the tubes and machines of my elders and I won't let doctors and medical facilities milk Medicare on my behalf.
I wonder if these issues are present in agrarian societies or just the nations "enjoying" industrial capitalism?
17
Agreed, the medical industrial complex is set up to extract the last dollar by inflicting ineffective treatments on dying patients until they run out of time or money.
1
Sad, former GOP: sorry but it doesn't work that way for most of us.
LOTS of people SAY they will just take a pill, or shoot themselves (or move to Denmark or Oregon) when they feel their lives have no meaning.
But there is no clear bright line between simple old age (with its aches & pains) and truly being in the last stages of life.
Half of us will get dementia...meaning that before our lives "have no meaning", our brains have atrophied, and we are no longer competent (no, not even in Denmark or Oregon) to be euthanized by a doctor. A dementia patient cannot ask for assisted suicide, you must be competent to do so.
Dementia comes on people very suddenly, as do things like strokes. My 93 year old grandmother -- otherwise healthy for her age -- had a massive stroke, which left her partially paralyzed and in a dementia-like state where she could not speak nor care for herself. I have no doubt her life was not happy at that point, but she could not direct anyone to do anything, even if it were legal in her state to euthanize her.
You think you have total control over such things, because RIGHT NOW you are young and healthy and able to act in your behalf -- but that is precisely why old age is so hard. You LOSE all that independence and self actualization and become dependent on others. And then it is TOO LATE.
5
Deeply sad, but an eye opening reality that we all must reflect on.
As we live our lives rushing to comply with goals and "needs" that make us forget the importance of taking care of ourselves and those around us.
Harsh as it seems, we harvest what we have sown.
Thank you Onishi san for this beautiful piece of journalism.
11
Perfect and beautiful piece of writing.
2
This is an extremely touching article.
I'm amazed, though, by all the comments that say 'see what happens when you don't have an open immigration policy"?
Do you think, for example, if 50 million Americans emigrated to Japan it would help the two people profiled in this piece?
Here's what would happen with an open immigration policy -- all these people would die alone anyway, and then in two generations their country would cease to be Japanese. Not only would they and all trace of them disappear from the earth, but so would their entire culture.
When your culture ceases to reproduce, the solution is not to import other people who will reproduce. It's to make your culture more pro-natal.
12
Society benefits from multiculturalism, countries atrophy mentally and physically when they remain insular, which unfortunately will happen here if the current "leaders" have their way. Anti immigration bias stems from the fear of "other", and a stubborn ignorance and resolute defiance to open oneself up to learning about anyone unlike oneself....
3
Very well stated.
1
Japanese don't perceive benefits from multiculturalism because they have no history of it. Also, in the two centuries that Japan was insular, the country did not atrophy, in fact, it blossomed.
1
Beautiful article.
7
my mother lived to 101. she was a pitiless person, including about herself. her only advice was, "don't get old, everyone you know dies." she passed at home with her son (yours truly) and a neighborhood friend with her at least. it's a hell of a thing to watch your parent actually take the last breath.
the author perhaps misses one avenue in this otherwise elegiac article though. "A single-minded focus on economic growth, followed by painful economic stagnation over the past generation, had frayed families and communities..." so the root cause is stated there. perhaps that's the subject for another article.
9
This beautifully written story brought to my memory a song verse and a poem.
“Quando si muore/si muore soli”
[When we die/ we die alone]
(Fabrizio De André, Il testamento, 1963)
“Ognuno sta solo sul cuor della terra
trafitto da un raggio di sole:
ed è subito sera.”
[we all stand on the earth’s heart
pierced by a sun ray:
and it’s suddenly night.]
(Salvatore Quasimodo, Ed è subito sera, 1942)
3
Beautifully written. Thank you.
5
Are you sure America is any better for this ?
2
Very well written. Better than reading about Trump every day.
23
This story is also relevant for the USA and will get more common as the government decides to cut Social Security and Medicare to pay for tax cuts for the rich.
I know it's my future if I live that long...I'm 60 and see it coming....
16
A beautiful piece, poignant, but giving dignity to Mrs. Ito and her gentleman neighbor, a study in contrasts. I hope the article wins the writer a Pulitzer Prize for journalism.
12
Seldom does a journalistic piece put my mind in such a poetic moment like this piece. It beautifully and dramatically captures the vicissitudes of life, the moments of plenitude and joy and the cold, uncolored moments of sadness and loneliness. I need to go call my parents.
18
My wife and sold our house and moved into my Parents house. Mom is 87 with dementia and Dad is 86 with kidney disease and high blood pressure. The House is very large and accommodated us and our two children easily. Now they have someone around to help and do the things they can't anymore. We cook and clean for Mom and Dad and keep the house in repair. We are one big family.
No one should have to die alone.
92
Another fantastic, sensitive piece about the prospects of growing old and dying alone. This piece reminds me of the wonderful 2015 NYT article, The Lonely Death of George Bell. In both, we see the potential of anonymous death in large housing complexes - the housing complexes themselves signifying anonymity, with one unit being not much different from another, and with only the smell of death nudging investigation behind one of many identical doors. The concept of dying alone, I think, would be more shocking to Japanese than George Bell's would be to Americans - Japanese traditional culture being so focused on harmony, family and group cohesion, all of which has come under enormous pressure in the post-war years and, more recently, the years of Japanese economic stagnation. I lived for a year in Japan, working for Toyota, living in the Toyota dormitories, which, even in the late 90s, were gender-segregated, and with women subject to curfew and men not. Many of the dorm's residents were married men, on assignment far from their families. But even then, the social obligation of corporations to their workers, the promise of lifetime employment, was slowly unraveling. As Japan veers toward Western-style capitalism, and Japanese adopt Western individualism, I'm afraid that what's depicted in the story will become more common.
6
If you can do it, give your dying parent hospice care in your home. My mother was very grateful for it. So was I. My father and all her other relatives and best friends had died before her. Though she was ill at the end of life, she was not lonely because I was there every morning and night. And during my work days, Medicare covered visiting nurses and home health aides who gave her medication and respectful understanding. They told me when they thought she had only days to live, so I could be there. We were lucky to have such wonderful care. I hope for the same for myself. I am afraid that Congress' tax bill will lead to cuts in Medicare making in-home hospice care too expensive to undertake. What will happen to all of us then when we reach the ends of our lives?
9
The Japanese have had very strong policies preventing immigration into the country for many decades. This plus the often discussed "social" environment in Japan has led to the modern age where Japanese young people have relationships with software/robots to replace people. An interesting and sad way for a country to go. We in the US are in no way the same. We value family connectivity still, even though our families take many forms.
2
Is there a way to connect isolated elders to younger pen pals? I can only think of the treasure trove of stories, history and wisdom that would be shared on all sides. I know that I would enjoy corresponding with a pen pal like Mrs. Ito very much.
6
Very touching story. Thanks for writing it Ms. Onishi.
Sadly not an uncommon occurrence all over world.
1
This poignant article was difficult to read and a sad indictment of the tragic neglect and isolation of the elderly in Japan and closer to home.
5
“A Lonely Death” is not only happening to older people. It happened to my cousin who was in her later 40’s. She died of a lonely death two months before she was found. Her mother passed away, only sister is in a group home because of her mental capacity. Estranged from her step siblings so they kept away from her. We never know how she died. After two months there was not much is left. She works independently so no co-worker missed her present. So it can happen to younger generation, as we all so together yet isolated from people. It is part of cultural problem. We all so busy on social media but no time to reach out and meet family and friends face to face.
Japanese government should rehab those buildings and bring in younger families so the older generation can watch the younger generation living and playing. Make the swimming pool and playground alive again.
13
Amazing work of literary journalism. Clearly, the problem of lonely death among the elderly is complicated, but for those of us foreigners who spent some time in Japan, I can't help but think the culture of privacy, loneliness, and isolation in Japan itself is a major contribution to the problem. All advanced, industrialized countries went through rapid periods of industrialization where the pursuit of economic growth left extended family units and tight-knit communities in the dust. For most foreigners who have lived in Japan, it's not the industrialization nor the urbanization that strikes us as different, but the ways in which so many ordinary Japanese live alone in tiny apartments and without substantial and overlapping networks of friends and family. I can't recall any single Japanese who had roommates. In the U.S. and in South Korea, close friends see each other almost on a daily basis, but not in Japan. Walk around train stations, even in suburbs, reveals many Japanese dining, drinking, and shopping alone. Japanese seem to cherish privacy and loath imposing on others. Even within the family, very few Japanese I know ever discuss issues such as parent's will or the child's income where privacy might be impinged. I wonder if the lonely death at the end of life is the price of this way of living that values privacy and being left alone. Directly and openly confronting this culture seems to me to be the first logical step in addressing this tragic problem.
22
Chrysanthemum is NOT associated with death in the Japanese culture. In fact, chrysanthemum is the symble of the exact opposite. It's a blossom revered and loved by the imperial and the commoner alike, and it's seen everywhere including Japanese passport.
3
In 1876, when William Clark, an American advisor to the Japanese government, uttered these words to his students, “Boys, be ambitious!” the country was already on a tear to rapid modernization as its national creed. Dehumanization, sadly, is an inevitable consequence when human labor is equated to financial numbers. What good is an economic miracle if one forgets the basic human pursuit of happiness?
3
Beautifully written. But it's important to remember that Japanese life has long been marked by strict hierarchies of roles, from the Emperor down, and a lack of genuine intimacy between men and women. These acted against the development of nurturing communities and supportive relationships. Once people no longer had to live together in intergenerational families, there wasn't much to fill the void. A reminder of how much our lives and our deaths are shaped by culture.
6
The fact that that Mrs Ito is from a family of storytellers hit me especially hard, because I have often wondered of my own shrinking family's history, "where will all the stories go?". That her story is shared here is somehow gratifying.
3
Why just monthly luncheons? There need to be daily activities, run by professionals, cleaning services when necessary, etc. In other words, a retirement community should be developed. If there are not enough social workers, geriatric caregivers, and cleaning staff available for this, immigration would help, but Japan is too closed to immigration. It is the stubborn opposition to immigration that ends up denying these people a more pleasant life.
7
What a beautiful piece. I think this issue of "lonely deaths" is a reality in Japan with an aging population, but will become more common in the US as families, by economic necessity, are separated by large distances.
When my parents retired ~10 years ago, they moved to a state with low taxes; however, they are over 3 hours from the closest airport and there are no direct flights from my city to theirs. The last time I visited them, I had to route through Mexico to get there. I would love to see them more frequently, but time and money don't allow for it. As they get older, they are less and less able to make the trip to visit me. They are the youngest of all of their friends. Yet they will not consider moving closer to me or my brother, or at least moving into some sort of "community". I spend a lot of time worrying about them.
11
I'm sorry for your separation and worry on this matter. I've always felt so fortunate that my parents were "snowbirds" here in Phoenix w/me my entire adult life, I can't tell you the anticipation myself and my husband had each new year as we readied their condo for their arrival. We spent so much wonderful time w/them visiting, traveling together and just "being", it was truly wonderful and even though I still miss them terribly, I'm comforted by all the time we were together.... I'll keep a good thought for you....
3
I was just enthralled with the eloquent writing which beautifully described the loneliness of Mrs. Ito and her compatriots. They are the remnants of the fraying of a long standing cultural model that had expectations for the care of their elders that had existed for generations but is now unsustainable. While I know better, deep down I hope someone is there for each of them so that they don't have to experience that lonely death that's become the standard that they never expected or planned for.
2
Beautifully written piece. Really touches the heart and makes us think about the realities of modern day life.
1
What a beautiful beautiful article. I enjoyed it tremendously, even though it's terribly sad. the changes in Japanese life are a metaphor for the changes and losses that are happening worldwide now.
2
What a lovely haunting story.
1
I'm truly moved by this story. Mr. Onishi did an amazing job capturing this moment in time. I'm sad and at the same time inspired to live life to its fullest right now!
Thank you.
Maria
2
This makes me think of my grandmother, who passed away at 92 in her sleep a few years ago. She was much loved by family but none of us lived close by, but tried to visit every few weeks. In her 90's, she had outlived her spouse, many of her friends, and although physically intact had eyesight issues which prevented her from playing cards, which was her main social activity. It also made it difficult to read books. I know she was horribly lonely in the end.
Sometimes in our quest for longetivity, we place all the emphasis on quantity and not quality. I think the primary person in this piece will live to be well over 100, but count the days as one would do in a prison.
6
Excellent article and the reason I subscribe to the NYT. Full of detail about life outside of the USA. Something I would never think about on my own. I loved the pictures and focus on a couple of people to illustrate what life is like for some aging Japanese men and women. Sad and lonely, probably not unlike some people here in the USA. Thank you NYT.
7
I'm so glad that Mrs. Ito was interviewed by this compassionate and beautiful writer. Please convey to her that she will be remembered by many of us who have read about her and her neighbors. Her lovely presence and life will not be forgotten.
I am curious to understand how a society that so values beauty, nuance and tradition has found itself in the midst of this lonely problem. Yes, there are many more aging than not; cities of flats created in the late 50's and 60's don't provide an easy path to community as their populations shrink and age; and social services are strained. Perhaps there should be a reverse sustained and economically supported effort to attend to the latter lives of these citizens who achieved the goal of modernizing and revitalizing the country after the war? Mrs Ito should not have to worry about her neighbor remembering the exact floor or location of her window, to mark and notice her passing...
4
This is a powerful and moving piece of writing that manages to be both achingly sad and oddly beautiful.
I wish the NYT included more such stories.
7
Congratulations to Mr. Onishi. It is refreshing to get thoughtful journalism from E. Asia to go with the hysteria about North Korea and the resentment of China. I have three comments. Mr. Onishi describes postwar Japan as having a "single-minded focus on economic growth." Perhaps, but it also built a stable democracy that enjoys vastly lower crime and incarceration rates, better physical and social welfare infrastructure, more broadly diffused educational attainment, and much more equal distribution of both income and wealth than the US. He also references "Japan's rapid decline." I agree but with a qualification. I have been traveling and living in Japan for decades, and the demoralization outside of Tokyo, which remains a vital, engaging cosmopolitan city, is sad. But Japan remains the world's 3rd largest economy with a fraction of American's population and with the social, political, and economic characteristics listed above, all of which makes it still one of the world’s most successful societies. My third comment references what Mr. Onishi did not mention – the lack of immigration. Lonely Americans don’t die alone (at least ones with money) because they have low paid immigrant women caring for them. It does not replace family but at least Ms. Ito would not have to worry about her neighbor not noticing whether the paper screen was there or not.
4
I don't see the point. I had expected something about the consequences of Japan's birthrate, its experiment with family planning, but the article just describes the sad process of getting old after one's family members have passed away. That could happen to anyone, anywhere. It could not have happened a century ago when people lived in one-room hovels in tiny villages where loneliness was never a problem. But that's the trade-off with Mrs Ito's 3K apartment, which gave her lots of pleasure years ago.
2
It is one thing to read about Japan's aging population, but another to see it.
When I was in Osaka last year for two days, I had a great time. It's an amazing, huge, sprawling megalopolis. I rode the trains all over town, but one thing I did not see was children. Looking back on my trip I do not remember seeing a single child less than 15 years old the whole two days I was there. In Dotonbori, I noticed that more people seemed to be over 50 than under. Perhaps I am exaggerating, but those are some of my recollections.
I did meet a couple high school kids in the train station who were practicing their English, and then produced a report card and asked me to "grade" them on their language skills.
I wish the Japanese would have more children.
3
This tale was poetic and stirring. I’m afraid the fate of its principals awaits many of us.
1
People really should be able to decide for themselves when enough is enough and not be forced to stay simply as a formality.
2
A beautiful cautionary tale. Our lives are only memorable to ourselves. Almost all of the precious memorabilia from my lifetime has virtually no meaning to others; I am under no illusions of where it all will end up, Goodwill or the dump.
Yet that is all okay. This is the process of re-generation. The memories will always be mine...
4
The video view of Tokiwadaira Danchi reminded me of numbers of gray uniform apartment buildings of communist era near Moscow airport. The quietly narrated story of the people has spooked me so much. I wonder why so many old people in Japan live and die so isolated. I don't see smiles at the monthly lunch gathering or in any photos. An yet Mrs. Ito, who lived alone since 65 years old to current 91 years old, looks a typical urban old woman I have seen in Tokyo or in Kyoto. I have also seen many happy older couples walking shoulder to shoulder in many cities. These lonely people In Japan need friends. Is it so difficult?
4
What a well written article. Made me feel sad, like I was Ms. Ito. I am surprised that there are not business models that would check in on them daily, but it is probably expensive and don't know what social mores that may break for this older generation. Having lived with an elderly grandmother and father I find that they want the social aspect but they also want to be left alone.Old age often times diminishes what positive attributes we have and enhances the negative. With the lack of fresh blood from immigration and low birthrates the US will also have this problem.
1
Great article, I hope they both can enjoy whatever time they have left.
And so it goes - the youth and vibrancy where anything is possible - gone and remaining only in memories. So once was our United States of America - young and progressive. So now is our country - imploding and depressive.
3
Thank you for this beautiful work.
4
This made me weep. I pulled myself together after a few minutes, then I started to cry all over again. What sadness, what loss, what tragedy! My heart aches and my eyes sting.
3
After 20 years of doing crisis and suicide prevention work, I have learned that one of the major causes of suicide is loneliness. Mother Teresa knew this empirically as she traveled the world and quoted: "The most terrible poverty is loneliness and the feeling of being unloved." As our culture continues to prioritize products over people, a paradigm shift will need to occur and to recognize we have a serious epidemic that is growing worldwide - the fragmentation of the family and it's devaluing of caring, close and personal relationships. Loneliness and suicide rates are increasing as a result of a culture too materialistic, busy and self-centered to care about another living human being.
Thank-you N.Y.T. for this timely and critical essay. It is truly illuminating and profoundly sad while unnecessary that anyone should die a lonely death!
269
I completely agree with you, having known two family friends who have committed suicide, loneliness and lack of human interaction does play a major role. Many social norms are the reason for the fragmentation of families and lack of human interaction. Especially with kids starting to become much more progressive they leave parents behind especially if they have more radical views. Two of my neighbors, both elderly kids never come home as they aren't necessarily the most progressive people.
This article brings up many sad sentiments for me as my grandfather actually died at his house and wasn't found for two weeks. I hope some change happens to where these "lonely deaths" don't ever occur in any countries. I also would like to thank the NYT for this very refreshing article that was eyeopening to other peoples struggles and sadnesses.
1
Thank you for publishing this article. It has haunted me all day. I would love to buy Madame Ito's autobiography if she is able to get it published. Our old people have become orphans, homeless, without families who care in many cases. Nursing homes have become orphanages for the old ( Not denying there are many excellent ones.) it is frightening to be old now, with frail health, no family near by and high medical bills. There is much to learn from Madame Ito. Have a routine, a timetable for each day. Friends are our treasures but when they begin to die it is hard to replace them. Us old fogies need help from society. Meantime we can make efforts to visit the house bound. Visit those in nursing homes and try to keep in contact with those who live on their own. If you are connected to a community, there maybe events on but no transport So certain supports will need to be examined. Exploring Community and the older person's role in it is vital for an inclusive society.
Meantime there is much for each of us to do in little ways. Invite someone to tea, Phone on a regular basis. Drop a card to an older friend or relative you don't see.
, phone people on their own and send cards to those living long distance whom we can't visit. Small stuff but if most people make an effort it leads to change. We need all of Society to confront this alarming crisis. Thank you NYT for publishing this beautiful article
4
Anything that I read that makes me ponder the world and reflect upon our finite lives is a good thing, sad as it is.
4
Haunting. Why not have daily communal lunches? Monthly is ridiculously infrequent.
7
This broke my heart.
8
No one can have it all
1
I hope this story was translated into Japanese and shared with Ito-san and the other residents of the danchi. You've immortalized their stories and helped them reach more people than they could have ever imagined. To not be forgotten and to find genuine human contact. If only it didn't take a NYT article to afford our elderly these very basic human desires.
16
Thank you. Sad story.
1
This article does not make me sad. My grandfather was a missionary to Japan 1873-1885. I am United States Agent for a Japanese company now 20+ yrs. I speak some Japanese and have traveled extensively in Japan. I love the people the culture the country. I feel at home there. This article seems to want to expose a wrong when it exposes the resilience and kindness of the Japanese.
8
Moving and profound.
11
wow.. powerful, elegant, packs quite a punch
13
Absolutely phenomenal article!
12
A beautiful article about the joy and frailty of life in this universe of ours. If I go to Japan, I would not mind dropping in on Ito san to say hello.
And hopefully it will be on her birthday.
19
Thank you for this story, both beautiful and sad. And even a little humor - I loved the Three Sacred Treasures! Great layout, for those who read the print edition. Amazing accomplishment.
9
The Times currently has some of
the most outstanding writers of the
day. I applaud and encourage their
work. For readers looking to
understand more about postwar
life in Japan, I recommend Yasujiro
Ozu’s film masterpiece, “Tokyo Story”. Also the novel, “The Makioka
Sisters” is a modern classic of
postwar life.
Many thanks to the Times for their
willingness to print important stories
hidden in the corners of the globe.
22
An amazing, beautiful, poignant story. Thank you for printing this.
10
Capitalism.
5
There are many definitions of "sob sister" but I like this one the best, from the Free Dictionary online: "A sentimental, ineffective person who seeks to do good." To me, this is what the NY Times has become: always bringing up sad problems from around the world, which, what are we supposed to do with this information? Start a GoFundMe page for lonely aged Japanese women? It's like how the Olympics coverage now has to get "up close and personal" with every athlete, instead of focusing on the events themselves. Jeez, give us a break! My hankie is already drenched with tears!
3
I think you're supposed to do with the information whatever you want, including nothing. Sometimes stories directly call us to action, sometimes they illuminate the human condition without necessarily requiring action, but giving us valuable insight that could inform our actions at a later time. If knowledge is indeed power then every story that informs gives us a little more power.
12
It's not a solution but I wonder if having a cat or even a bird or hamster would help these lonely people.
It's been proven that pets are good for well-being. Just having another creature around can do wonders.
16
Japan has done some pioneering work in this respect. Read about the Aibo:
https://www.theverge.com/circuitbreaker/2017/10/31/16588878/sony-aibo-20...
There are medical studies which have shown that electronic pets, which require less maintenance, have positive effects on mood, function, health, etc. in the elderly.
1
We need to stop using phrases like "dying alone". It has no meaning. Everyone comes into this world and leaves it.... alone. Billions of people have lived and died on this planet, and billions have yet to. You are not special. It is your unconscious ego that feels "sad" and "happy" at various periods of your life. The moment you stop thinking of yourself as something "worthy" is the moment you will be free from the earthly grains that makes you up.
19
Yeah, I have talked like this in the past ... and was called "so cold." Reading your comments, I understand.
1
I can see both sides. I'd like to have 'someone' with me when it's my time to go. But at the same time, I often consider how lucky we humans are as a whole, as compared to animals in the wild. We have hospitals, pain meds, hospice, etc. What do animals have? When they are gravely ill, or suffering, do other animals tend to them...rub their head...hold their hand (paw)...stay by their side...help to relieve their suffering? No. That animal goes to a large shrub or tree, tries to lay quietly, alone and somewhat hidden, and simply endures the pain and discomfort, until such time as it dies. Think of the trillions of living beings that have come and gone before us, both human and animal. They all 'made it' to the other side. And so too will each of us. ;-) When I think of it in those terms, much as I'd like to think I can more or less 'try' to have a certain type of death, and experience, no matter what lays ahead, I know that I have no choice..and that I will get through it!
4
What a beautiful and moving article. Thank you!
11
I have always thought that those that live a long life have to deal with such unimaginable loneliness and fear as they outlive their peers and face death alone. However the dignity shown by the individuals in this beautifully written piece moved me more than I ever expected. I hope I can be as graceful as they are.
21
I hope I can be as brave as Mrs. Ito when my time approaches.
47
Fantastic article, thank you! Fascinating!
14
This piece is beautiful. Thank you.
69
This deeply moving article highlights for me two paths at the end of life. Prepare or leave a mess. The sad thing is that Mrs. Ito's well organized life will likely end up in the same place as Mr. Kinoshita's filth.
My elderly friend of 30 years had his mail delivered to my address, as, after his divorce, he didn't want anyone to know his true address, including various creditors. When mail arrived, I would call, but leaving a voicemail rarely got a call back; I had to get him on the phone. A day or two later, he would drop by to chat for awhile.
Last month, after a week of no return call, I decided I would drive over to drop off the mail. He had been dead for about a week when I found him.
This well-educated, witty, urbane man, formerly of addresses in upper-crust areas of his city, had been living in indescribable squalor, much worse than the photos in this article.
He took pride in his appearance and one would never suspect this dapper dresser had such a life. He was too proud to ask for help or seek some assistance.
I doubt I will get as organized as Mrs. Ito, but have begun the process.
213
A dignified relative of mine ended that way, too. The reasons older people fall into this trap are many. Mental health can be a factor, from depression to more complicated pathologies. But often it begins slowly, with declining eyesight and reduced mobility, a long illness that allows squalor to build, a monetary crisis that necessitates the dropping of a house cleaning service. Untidiness reaches a tipping point where cleaning is futile, so the cleaning stops. Or perhaps just the front room is tidied, in case someone drops by. Eventually, visitors are discouraged from coming by at all.
How much should we pry into the business of others who put us off when we inquire? My relative had regular visitors who took no notice of the red-flag signs all,over the house. Visitors said they didn’t want to pry, or insult. I say put your nose right into their business and help clean up. No ome should die in squalor.
9
"Prepare or leave a mess"
What difference does it make that your friend left a messy place? He's not ashamed of it, rather it's you who are casting aspersions on him.
If it makes you feel better, more in control, to make lists and put together paperwork: fine. You should make a will, find a home for your cat. But "prepare or leave a mess" aren't anything as grand as being the important 'paths' at death, and what happens to Mrs. Ito's writings upon her passing certainly isn't important and this concern wasn't the point of the article.
1
Such a great story! Very well written
16
Great writing, so many topics to think about. Such as architecture and urban planning - imagine if instead of the danchi there were detached "single family" houses and Mrs. Ito and Mr. Kinoshita had to be housemates to save money. Yes having housemates would be very annoying, but there would be no paper screen signals or maggots in leftover instant curry.
16
Indeed, physical design helps create, or solve, many problems in our modes of living.
I can envision several patterns that would serve single elders better than huge blocks of individual apartments--not necessarily detached structures, not necessarily just housemate pairs. Among other things, we ought to exert much more effort to age-integrate ordinary neighborhoods, and to support "middle housing" complexes* within them. Both elder and younger folk benefit from each other's casual proximity. We need not exile our elders, either to large institutions or to lonely boxes.
* Middle housing is all those forms between detached houses on the one hand and apartment towers on the other.
8
This was a beautiful read. But the saddest part was not reading about the pervasive loneliness which Mrs. Ito and Mr. Kinoshita deal with daily. It's reading that "an entire industry has emerged around it, specializing in cleaning out apartments where decomposing remains are found."
I'm a bit gobsmacked by this notion (yet keeping in mind the nuances of Japanese socializing rules) that no one has created an "industry" to offer a compassionate business model which offers substitute family-like services.
This isolation and loneliness that this vunerablity population faces might be alleviated by a supportive immigration policy.
61
Who would pay for the "substitute family."? It's clear these people don't have a lot of money themselves and no family either. The "cleaning out the apartments" is paid for by presumably whoever owns the apartment.
1
Please, talk to any funeral home director in your area and they will recommend a service to clean the dwelling of the those who have past and were not found for some time. They do not advertise, no need for that.
3
Thank you, so much for this. In the midst of days when we realize we are being overrun by our most mendacious and heartless tendencies, this is a beautiful reminder of what matters, how ephemeral it is...and maybe how little it would take to make a meaningful difference. The roots of actually honoring and valuing life are found in this story, I am grateful for the pointer....I won't forget, I WILL act.
33
What a lovingly told, though mostly sad, story of these long lives. As we seek to live very long lives, we need to pay attention to the outcomes. Pay attention to the needs and desires of elderly folks and learn what helps and what does not. Your turn will come.
29
What a beautiful story. Felix and Oscar (The Odd Couple) dealing with aloneness and death. I thought of two soldiers in a foxhole (one rich and white, the other poor and black). I thought of all the little things we spend a lifetime using to make judgements about others suddenly disappear in aloneness and death. I thought of Cavafy's poem. Ithaca.
https://www.poetryfoundation.org/poems/51296/ithaka-56d22eef917ec
10
A poem of wisdom...
Very moving and beautifully written piece. It is so important to really see each other and acknowledge our shared humanity, especially the elders. I am going to put down my elderly dog tomorrow and the notion that her death will be better than many humans deeply saddens me.
40
I loved every word of this story. Yes it mad me sad - but it also took me deep into the life of their community, culture.
The journalist writes with grace and in perfect tempo to the story. Thank you!
30
As beautiful, powerful and painful a thing as I've read in a long, long while. Thank you.
592
And this is the result of granting "agency" to women. They stop having children.
Women-- unchecked-- destroy nations... this one, Japan
2
@R ramsey
Wow! So in your mind the decline of Eastern Civilization is due to the emancipation of women?! Does this concept also apply to the West?
I would rather not have had you share this, as well as any other "interesting" ideas you may have.
12
Beautiful and unforgettable.
18
My mom lives in the same city by herself but not Danchi, it's condominium where there are more less interactions with their neighbors. She is 70's and she told her neighbors that if the newspaper didn't pick up at her front door for a couple days, it means somethings happen to her.
23
"somethings happen to her"... Hasn't having to rely on strangers to notice newspapers, despite having a living child already happened to your elderly mother? How much worse would dying be? Yes, I am being judgemental.
4
While this is a sad commentary of what ‘modern life’ demands can do to erode real quality of life, it is pleasing to see that Mrs. Ito’s life work of recording has been used so a large audience can learn from her. What Japan needed to do to come back from the loses of WWII, combined with the cultural norms that its corporations could use to leverage expectations of its employees was unique. However, there are lessons to be learned by all on where our real focus should be in life, and especially as many of us will live much longer than any previous generations; and thus new forms of integration will be needed. Hopefully, because of this brilliantly poignant article Mrs. Ito’s autobiographies will not be incinerated but instead go into the collection of the National Library.
56
This was a beautifully written piece. I keep thinking about recent articles about the Netherlands and preschools inside nursing homes or subsidized housing for students living in senior communities. I think both the US and Japan can take a page from that book. Every indication points to better health and mental well-being among seniors when they socialize with others, amazingly even more important than exercising or eating right according to recent studies.
122
Sadly, I worry that would be more difficult in the USA, given the ethnic differences between toddlers and elders in our society.
1
In so many ways, the Dutch are simply the coolest, smartest people on the planet! ;-) Another thing I'd heard about in the Netherlands...that I thought was genius....there are some towns in the Netherlands that are intended and designed solely for people with Alz/Dementia. The towns are secure (walls and gates) but large enough that the residents likely don't realize they are in an enclosed 'institution'. The towns are designed to be more or less self-sufficient, complete with homes and/or apartment buildings, hospital, post office, food shops, clothing shops, movie theatre, etc. The only thing is, all the 'workers' in the town are in on the secret...almost like The Truman Show. It's just the 'residents' there who don't really know the deal. So the idea is that, with towns like this, the residents can live more or less normal lives, while at the same time they are fully protected and surrounded by workers who understand the special needs of the residents. Genius!
2
What does THAT mean??? Are you intimating that because a toddler doesn't LOOK the same as the elderly their not worthy of interaction??? I sincerely hope I'm misinterpreting your comment otherwise it's EXACTLY what's wrong w/our (US) society....
2
I spent a few months of my life in Japan over the course of the '90s, as well as studied it extensively in college. I was always amazed by the "Meiji Miracle," the economic recovery of post-war Japan. Here, it seemed, was a society that had it all figured out. Why, I wondered, could America not be more like this?
Even then, however, I noticed the miracle had a dark side. Between my visit in 1991, and my return in 2000, things were changing. There was much the miracle was leaving behind, and it's become more clear to me what that is as the years progress: people.
In a nation as bound by tradition as Japan has historically been, one that has traditionally been know for respecting and caring for the elderly, this is especially tragic. It's also a cautionary tale about societies and the actual lives that live within them. One I'm glad the Times saw fit to dedicate so much time and space to. Thank you Norimitsu Onishi and Ko Sasaki for doing so.
63
The hugeness of this apartment complex is contributing mightily to this problem, but if you want to talk about just "seniors with no family or children"....the US is not much better in this regard, and neither are most industrialized nations.
Part of "progress" -- much lauded by lefty liberals in their big blue cities -- is about leaving your home (that boring, provincial place!) and moving to a hip modern city with amenities -- and leaving the boring, provincial "old folks" behind.
Except this is what happens to "the old folks" and it's pretty sad & harsh.
This was beautiful, and sad.
Thanks for writing it.
12
Cicadas. Evocative of childhood memories, living in Japan at ages seven and eight.
Cicadas. The distinct two-part pulses rising into cascades of shimmering unity, growing louder then drowned out by a returning wave of rising pulses.
The old and aged I most remember now. Their manner and speech and serenely patient faces, waiting, all wait.
I am here now, seven decades later, but taken there by this story.
どうもありがとうございました
Thank you very much Norimitsu Onishi, Ko Sasaki, Jiro Akiba.
どうもありがとうございました
Chieko Ito and Yoshikazu Kinoshita
35
Wonderfully written and poignant, and I would echo what others of said about the writer wisely focusing on two individuals. But this is not a Japanese problem. Over 40 years ago, John Prine recognized this problem in America even then, and captured in his timeless song "Hello in There".
So if you're walking down the street some time
And spot some hollow, ancient eyes
Please don't just pass em by and stare
As if you didn't care...
Say "Hello in There"
This is why I subscribe to the NYT.
Best wishes to all.
134
I have read most of the comments associated with this very haunting article. We are the people who are to busy and insensitive to check on our seniors, to build recreational centers that they can attend because of our countless budget cuts. We are the managers of supermarket's who don't do free home delivery to the elderly because it might cut into their shareholders money. We must please wall street for everything while we give the richest people in America tax breaks We are the society that lets elderly people sleep in the streets and pretend we don't see them. We are the society that allows seniors from all walks of life to waste away in front of our eyes. Lets look in the mirror ,its never to late to change.
11
I've always loved that song! This article was achingly beautiful.
1
Wow. Reading those words made tears spring to my eyes. Thank you.
A well written beautiful but sad story, it truly is a shame how most communities neglect their elderly population.
I truly wish all countries would make a better effort of making sure their last years are not lived like this.
12
This is not limited to Japan alone, this is also happening in our country too.
The largest and fastest growing segment of those going into poverty and homeless shelters are people over 60. It is only going to get much worse.
33
Heartbreaking yet beautiful article. Made me want to volunteer as a visitor with the elderly. Does anybody know some good organizations that do something like that (particularly in the New York City area)?
34
Hi, what a lovely thought. Please check out: https://www.citymeals.org/get-involved/friendly-visiting.
You might want to check out www.volunteermatch.org they have volunteer opportunities for homebound seniors or organizations.
Try Dorot.
dorotusa.org
What happened to Kinoshita san and Ito san after the end of this article ?
26
That's me in 60 years if I ever live for that long.
10
Death hurts more than I think is appropriate. So does life.
30
This is an outstanding work of journalism.
352
Yes, tragic - but what about all the lonely old people in this country? My generation created many narcissistic children. They move far away, leading selfish lives. In a culture that is obsessed with youth, old people are often
denigrated, and at best, tolerated. Shame!
37
People go where the jobs are; that's the nature of our economy. It's self-preservation, not selfishness. My immigrant grandparents came here for job opportunities. My parents had to move for their jobs, and so did I.
32
You reap what you sow. Ones generation should look at how they groomed the next before laying the blame at another’s feet.
5
It's the same in both countries.
3
Beautiful.
10
Thank you for this poignant glimpse into others' lives.
12
This morning I was complaining about my job. After thankfully taking the time to read this hauntingly well-written piece, I just want to cry and pray for all of these lonely people.
I vow to honor the elderly I already know and the ones I will reach out to.
Thank you.
744
Yes .. and IMHO, I do not understand why the Japanese government does not have devices that signal "OK" .. like the Amazon "re-order buttons." That is, every day, a person signals in, they're OK .. or the EMTs visit.
In USA senior apt complexes, they have "emergency pull cords" that signal to local mgt or 9-1-1.
Brad, I cried too and I thank you for that noble vow.
4
this deserves a prize.
154
I enjoyed this story very much. Haunted with thoughts of my own parents inevitable passing your story helped to paint the idea of death and life in a meaningful way. As Mrs. Ito states 'it's important to catalog all memories, good and bad, for once they fade they are gone for good'. I wish to read Mrs. Ito's autobiography, viewing the albums of flowers she has kept in her daughter's memory, the shared stories of pain and sadness. As one comment below states it's all haunting and beautiful. Hopefully a few if not all of Mrs. Ito's stories will be published.
282
@Danielle.
I find your reaction to the article about aging in Japan somewhat glib. You're rather ham-handed in your attempt to connect by exclaiming your desire to read Mrs. Ito's autobiography or view her albums. These are just the type of cheap platitudes that are so easily and widely thrown out on these comments sections. To me, I roll my eyes since I read them for an empty gestures that does nothing more than make the writers feel good about themselves.
Now, if you had stated this article inspired you to volunteer at a senior center or a nursing home, that would be more genuine (though, still, none of us reading your comment would ever know if you followed through!).
1
Beautiful. Melancholy. Spellbinding. Thank you for an extraordinary story. Mrs. Ito's great-grandfather and grandfather would approve.
156
Several of my students are in the process of studying the period of time post WWII. as
When I inadvertently came upon this article, I was struck by a product of war that I find a ringing wake up to the totality of loss that extends long after the treaties are signed the heroes honored. My issue is in regard to those who survive the war and the efforts of society to move beyond the traumas of wartime. For too many relief will never come.
9
This is one of the most heartbreaking things I have read in a long time.
53
I enjoyed this essay on multiple levels. In a good sense, I'm left with no wisdom--or, at least, no comforting wisdom--except the need to keep on going and see what happens. I suppose too it confirms that, contrary to romantic speculations, no culture has a fail-safe way of dealing with its aging population.
9
What a sad story, and poetically told.
21
Thank you for sharing this story with us. It was very beautiful and sad at the same time. Hopefully, the spirit of Mrs. Ito will live on through her writings.
10
I'm 73 and read this with tears in my eyes.
43
This was utterly shattering to read. Thank you for recording these men and women's stories.
13
Beautifully done - this is the kind of journalism that makes the NYT so valuable.
207
Mr. Onishi, Mr. Suzuki and Mr. Sasaki,
Thank you.
8
I share Mrs. Ito's fear of dying unnoticed, unmourned. This is perhaps the ultimate insult of life, to die and no one cares.
15
“The way we die is a mirror of the way we live,” said Takumi Nakazawa...
I hate to think about what this says about modern American society!
24
THIS is why I read and subscribe to the NYT.
Great reporting but unutterably sad.
333
Did I see the prime minister of Japan golfing in Florida with Trump? Is there no money in Japan to put together a crew that goes into each apartment at least monthly to clean and provide smiles? "How are you this beautiful day, Mrs. Ito?" would light up hearts during final days.
122
there aren't any people to do the work
2
Does that happen here? Mr. Abe was on a state visit.
Japan is a socialist nation with universal health care -- single payer, I believe -- and a lot of social services, so I am not at all sure why they have nothing like this. There seem to be NO SOCIAL WORKERS here -- no visiting nurses -- no meals on wheels -- few community centers --- no adult day care -- no cleaning services for elderly residents -- no monthly Bingo (or whatever the Japanese play in the form of such games) -- no movies -- no mini buses to take seniors on shopping trips.
There is more available in my small Rustbelt inner ring suburb of this sort, than in Japan? that is quite surprising to me.
Also: a few posters here dissed "churches" -- probably because they blame the religious right for Trump -- but it is CHURCH GROUPS that do things like outreach to the elderly & shut-ins, deliver meals on wheels or have activities for seniors going on.
First, I want to thank Mr. Onishi for narrowing the scope of this story to two figures. It seems to me that the problem he narrates is precisely the depersonalization of these people. His article therefore signifies a better way of describing the problem, moving beyond methods like statistics.
Second, I am struck that the Japanese form of Americanism has not simply rested on the autonomy of individuals. In breaking from their traditional family structures, they created the more mobile, transient nuclear family. Thus one (albeit smaller) family unit replaced another. What strikes me about the outcome of this shift is that it mirrors our own (American) trouble over what to do with the elderly. During my undergrad years, I spent some time working as a home care aide. I saw a gentler version of the very problem described in this piece. Our elders, no longer in the fabric of family groups, also die alone; even if their care is well outsourced to various centers, the lonely death of nuclear family members seems inevitable. The Japanese state of things sheds light on our current anthropological and economic beliefs.
437
"...even if their care is well outsourced to various centers"
It's more complicated than that. There seems to be a wistfulness for when we all died at home. But caring for the elderly and infirm is a full-time job, from which the carer gets no rest. This job has always fallen to women. Now those women need to work outside the home to make ends meet. Which does grant them more freedom. And those who do leave the workforce early to care for aging parents are often left in poverty, with no one to care for them. So "outsourcing" the care of the elderly may not be ideal, but saddling women with their uncompensated care isn't, either.
16
It is spreading to India too as younger children from villages move to the cities and children from cities move overseas. More and more elderly live alone, the only saving grace being that the neighbors in India's large apartment buildings, still talk to each other. The modern way of life isn't worth the riches it's brought.
3
There was a retiree complex in D.C. years ago when I lived there. A fireman friend told me that they were often called to collect bodies from apartments where a resident had died alone. The complex dated back to an earlier time. There were many old, retired civil servants in D.C. who lived in that complex without families to visit or care for them. There are old people in Chico who do not have families nearby. Nuclear families do not have extended support systems; constant moving for job relocations leaves families further fractured. I grew up on my grandfather's ranch, surrounded by immediate family who lived in homes he built for them. My best friend came from a large extended Mexican family whose father worked for the railroad. We are still close, even though we went off to different schools. Bonds formed when we are young can remain strong. Will young children form those bonds when they are forever moving to a different place?
3
What a fantastic article. Thank you for sharing such an intimate look into their lives. It's sad how even when living in such a large community one can be so lonely.
51
Beautiful and haunting.
36
Painful. Surprising. I couldn't stop reading. Loved how you weaved together the rise and fall of Danchi and the life of cicadas. I love the poignant details like Mrs. Ito's reaction to going to the dance and Kinoshita's facing away from the jazz singer. Please write more articles like this confront and explore loss without turning away.
1
Outstanding story. Thank you for noticing these people who no one notices anymore.
137
This is a gem of an essay. The photos and gifs come as glistening additions. The hero Mrs Ito is revealed as a most lovable and admirable person. Thank you!
63
A remarkable story and certainly very familiar to Americans as well. These stories remind me of the importance of staying connected to a greater community such as a church or social group. My UU church is a lifeline to many older and infirm members who are deeply cared about and included, and honored upon their deaths.
15
Churches (religion) love to prey on those who are alone or 'lost', so that they can say 'we are here to help you' (when the truth is that religions simply want more bodies to increase their fold, ergo power and political inflluence).
There are many ways to try and connect with people outside of churches. Volunteer work, taking the first move to reach out to others and make friends with people of all ages (esp younger than you), take a class, learn a musical instrument, go to a class for yoga, tai chi, etc. Join a gym. Join a travel group. Meetup.com. Etc.
13
What a profoundly moving piece. There is considerably beauty in the discussion of death that is largely absent in American culture. At the same time profound sadness in the loneliness of it as depicted in this particular view of Japanese culture.
This piece is a reminder of the importance of family and friends as we go through our life journeys and that we have to continue to grow our relationships so that at the end people are there to bear witness to the lives we lived rather than just being witnesses to their remains.
Fantastic writing.
313
As well as continue to make new ones. Meetup if a wonderful resource for this.
1
Michele: I think you are referring to the meetup.com website for social networking. Thanks for the tip.
2
Unfortunately, not everyone has family (or family of contemporary or younger age) or the close friends that they might wish they were able to make. I don't see much to look forward to about old age if I don't have those people in my life.
2
Same thing happening in China now. Millions of kids have left for coastal cities in search of jobs and opportunities, with only elderly people left in many inland cities and towns. It's the story of humanity.
37
It is no different than the young people of West Virginia or Kentucky or Michigan picking up and leaving....for good jobs in big cities....but leaving the old, the infirm, parents & grandparents back in the old towns, villages and rural areas. People who are too old to start over, or who cannot afford to pick up and leave for more prosperous areas where the rents are 10 times higher.
The difference is....this article is very compassionate towards Mrs. Ito and the others. When it is the poor of Appalachia or the Rustbelt in the USA -- the snobbery and snark here just reeks of liberal elitist smug superiority.
1
Beautifully written piece, about such forlorn subjects who continue to live their lives of quiet dignity in heart-breaking solitude. Thank you for this writing. It gives me a sense of perspective as I go about my routine cubicle work and countless busy errands, the life of a young busy mother much as Ms. Ito had been. Now I realize, nothing is forever, and perhaps one day, too, I will see a lonely death.
43
I really enjoyed this article: evolution of the Japanese society, and how this coincided with the trials and tribulations of the individuals within this piece. I anticipated it would be depressing given the subject matter, but was rather uplifting. Thank you Mr. Onishi.
12
This problem will only get worse given the severe aging of the population in Japan. Many prefer to remain single and married couples often have but one or no children. Schools and even colleges have been closing for lack of students. Indeed, train lines have ceased to operate because the villages they served lost their residents. People that complain about immigration show look at conditions in Japan and Europe where there is a shrinking population.
285
Had to get the immigration dig in right? No one complains about "immigration" ... it is "how much" immigration and "who" is immigrating.
With that said, this was a powerful read.
5
The US just has a shrinking iq numbers...
3
But the alternative is a constantly growing population -- OVER population -- crowds, destruction of the environment, pollution.
In a few decades, the oldest generation of Japanese will die off and the population will "rebalance" with a higher percentage of young people -- as it should. But continual growth is not and cannot be the answer.
With all the things you mention closing or being torn down .... the Japanese environment can begin to recover from overindustrialization and sprawl!
The alternative would be crowded complexes like this, and roads -- from border to border! Remember Japan is a small ISLAND nation!
7
Thank you for this moving portrait of a troubling moment for Japan. It rings true—My family recently lived in a small Japanese town for three years. Across the street from us was a row of six single apartments for seniors, a row that extended to the local park. Just as described here, my wife and I would become concerned when we hadn't seen a neighbor for some time, and one neighbor did have a cleaning company come to wrap up the apartment. By the time we moved three had died or moved on to serious assisted living, and the apartments remained vacant, the street slowly growing more quiet. In the winter, the neighbors were responsible for shoveling the street, and during the past three years each of us were responsible for shoveling larger portions as the neighbors moved on.
11
Man this is one of the saddest pieces I've ever read - great writing!
141
Growing older than your children is a blunt fact no one should have to bear, but many of us do. The hopeful futility of old age among the single is like a warm ocean wave that breaks on no shore. We were so many things and are now place keepers.
14
So beautifully written -- thank you for this poignant description of lonely deaths in Japan. A universal story for our modern times.
17
Beautiful story, a beacon illuminating a common and tragic situation. I hope somehow it helps someone....thank you
11
Nicely done. Unfortunately, this is a preview of life in the United States for many. Congress is getting ready to rob from the “salary men” to give to corporations that have no loyalty to their workers present, past or future. The social safety net will be next on the chopping block as people who sacrificed much for the economy get little in return.
189
Really, this has absolutely nothing to do with Trump or the GOP tax bill. It's a situation that has existed in Japan for some time now. It has far more to do with the breakdown of families -- low birth rates -- the way young people move away from their parents and grandparents, and then neglect them while pursuing careers. It existed long before Trump.
It is also worth remembering that Japan has the kind of social safety net that liberals want -- including universal health care -- but it has apparently not helped this situation.
2
Thank you for this beautiful and sad story. I am 68, and this seems a future entirely imaginable, with slightly different details. Here in America we do not watch the cicadas fall, but our own government. it seems infinitely sadder. I think I would prefer the stench of my neighbors dying to the stench emanating from Washington. And the greater sadness is that the stench is not from one American city, but from the country itself.
70
What about a twenty minute shower with a full size bar of Irish Spring? There, good as new, clean, and smelling great!
As a medical student, I remember speaking with a nursing home resident who had just received a terminal diagnosis. At first I thought that she did not understand that she was dying because she didn't seem at all concerned about it. But then I realized that death was no longer something to fear for her, after having outlived everyone she'd ever loved.
I hope I don't die young. But I also hope that I don't die too old.
230
It is not so different here, is it? Only we do not dignify it by naming it. We pretend the old are not living in loneliness, dying alone and forgotten.
96
It can certainly happen in the US and I've seen it. However, it is rare anywhere in the US that I know of, for there to be a massive apartment complex like this one, with thousands of units in one compact location -- apparently VERY FEW senior services (like community centers or social workers) -- and where the elderly live in such isolation.
1
depressing story. I lived in the kansai area of japan off and on for 19 years. this piece reminded me of the scam a number of years ago with Japanese adult children failing to report their parents' deaths so they could continue to collect their pensions--which weren't that much.
one of the surprises I discovered in japan was that families often were not that close. the father, i'm talking of families with school age children, was often apart from the others.
the cliché of the Japanese family structure is closer than westerners' wasn't true more often than not, it seemed.
17
It is not surprising in a family where the dad works for a willful supervisor in an authoritarian workplace for very long hours, the mom does chores to the perfection, and the children are subject to brutal competition at school and study for long hours. Sometimes they have grandparents including a grumpy grandpa who misses fatherly authority and is bored because he had no time to develop some hobby before retirement. More families there have elderly grandparents under the same roof than here, which could be good when things do work.
1
This was a really touching and well-written article. Thank you for publishing it.
16
Just Japan? It seems Western culture has done a good job of breaking up the extended family. We evolved with the extended family for hundreds of thousands, if not millions of years. Only in the last few hundred years has that changed. Has it led to more divorce, cages, drugs, more loneliness?
16
The inside of the buildings (shot of the hallway) looks like a mental institution. Paint the hallways. Make the lighting more attractive. Add 'fake plants'. Anything, to make those hallways less depressing.
Monthly dinners. Why only monthly...are there no other communal activities being arranged throughout the week? Get rid of impersonal, long rectangular tables and replace them with round tables (softer lines, promotes conversattion, you can see other people's faces).
Culture needs to change. Nothing 'shameful' about feeling alone. It's ok to reach out, ok to ask for help. No need to suffer alone and in silence. Young people should not hold back or be 'fearful' of insulting or hurting these older peopele's feelings, by offering to help or visit them. (I suspect part of Japanese culture makes people afraid to be 'bold' and take the first step, without first being 'asked'.) Young people: don't wait to be asked by these people for a visit etc. You should assume they may want or need help or company. Start volunteer groups to help such folks as you may be next.
35
While our American system is not ideal either....for seniors like these (in their right minds, not demented and not in wheelchairs), in my community there are senior apartments (55+) with services like social workers, home health aides and mini-buses that take the seniors to community centers for things like weekly bingo games, lunches and shopping trips.
I am honestly amazed nothing like this exists in Japan! and this complex is so large, such things could be facilitated easily. The harder job is in places like rural America -- where seniors can be isolated by distance and low population. To do this in a crowded city is relatively easy.
I am also amazed to see the traditionally neat & clean Japanese living in such filth. It seems atypical for their culture. And why can't the apartment management clean up properly after such a gruesome death? There are proper ways of cleaning and sterilizing an apartment or home, after a death -- involving deodorizing cleaners -- it is really shocking they would leave rotting corpses, insects and the sickening smell of decomposition like this. There is no reason for it!
5
So poignant. Beautifully written.
16
This story is so touching.
A cry, but not far, from so many nursing homes that exist to warehouse the elderly in the United States. Wheelchairs are lined up in the hallway as the occupants nod out. At least here they are housed together. There is some sense of community.
These people are isolated, living a life out in solitary confinement.
A horror and a tragedy.
28
The people described in this story do live by themselves— but they are in what have been their own homes for decades. They have not had to get rid of most of their possessions in order to suddenly squeeze into one sterile new room as is typical in so many instances in the U.S.
It seems to me that a sense of community depends not only on architecture, but on individuals' concerted efforts to reach out to each other. Reaching out requires effort, and that becomes more difficult as we age. Nevertheless, it is critical to force oneself to do so. And we should not forget that people living primarily through their electronic devices, whatever their ages, also live isolated from other humans, even as they appear well connected. I do not suggest that we can erase life's heartbreaks, but we have to extend ourselves despite the evolving challenges of doing so.
12
I think this is where cell phones and things like Facebook could be beneficial. It is better than exchanging cards with their alienated children for holidays. They can also find people online to share stories or hobbies or old photos. Hear a Happy Birthday song from an online group at the least. Cell phones and internet can be addictive, which is bad for young people but works for these elderly people.
1
This was so very sad. I could acutely feel the woman’s terror that her friend was watching the wrong window. It was very well written but I couldn’t help wondering about their health care system. Also, if the birth rate is low in a society, wouldn’t immigration be a good thing- to fill the pools back up with laughing children and maybe hire a work force of old age helpers?
17
Japan supposedly has a superb health system, with a form of single payer universal care. It's a very prosperous nation, and the low birth rate is VOLUNTARY -- it is not a product of anything like China's "one child" policy.
It's worth noting we are maybe one generation behind Japan in this regard. Many American women choose to have no children, and one child families are very common. Amongst my husband's family, in the current young generation (young adults ages 30-40)...only two out of eight have had children. 4 of them claim they never want ANY children, ever. One has adopted the two children of his wife's by her first marriage.
The situations of lonely seniors here is terribly sad, but it is not unique to Japan. I've known Americans seniors -- WITH ADULT CHILDREN -- and grandchildren -- in the same fix, because their family is scattered due to jobs and other obligations, and the elderly senior ends up all alone.
5